I think it’s not a good idea. If they left you they may be over you already. It will most likely end in your suffering more.
There is that very small chance that they will take you back or tell you something that will make you happy, but it’s unlikely.
I generally wouldn't do it that soon after a breakup, when my last partner and I split it was rough because we both ghosted each other, we were both going through some shit at the time in our personal lives.
Anyway I reached out over text about 2 months after everything went down and did not get a response, then I reached out again about 4 months after we split on a social media, and we shot the shit for like 10 messages before she stopped responding to me. I felt so anxious the entire time I was corresponding with her, and I definitely wasn't over the heartbreak of the breakup, so I decided to stop pursuing her. Maybe in the future we will try again.
Anyway for you OP, I think it's too soon. You may want to reach out for closure like I did, but I found no closure by doing so. I wouldn't recommend it
Thanks for sharing. I am so scared of putting myself out there to just be sent into an even worse heartbreak. I do feel like I need something though. I am so baffled by how things ended
You're welcome! I thought it would be helpful to share.
I mean ultimately the choice is yours, if you do want to contact your ex there's nothing I can do to stop you, but I just simply do not think it's a good idea based on experience from my past
I think that contacting your ex ultimately will harm you, when you should be focusing on healing you.
Have you talked to a therapist or people you trust about your feelings regarding this situation?
When I contacted my ex, I literally felt fucking terrified and really bad about it the second I sent the message. It took me building up the courage for days to even do that. I was a fucking hot mess when I tried reaching out the first time, less so the second time but I still wasn't over it. I still don't think I'm 100% over her, I'm in a better place now than I was, but does anyone ever 100% get over it?
With regards to me, I wanted closure that I never got. My last relationship ended abruptly and I still don't know why she withdrew from me. I know why I left the relationship, I have my theories about why she did, but we never had a conversation about it. And I think it wouldn't help either of us to know now, despite my curiosity. Also I still occasionally run into her posts on social media so it's not like I've forgotten or completely cut each other out of our respective lives, it's just that we're not together anymore for our own separate reasons. I wish it was easy man. We're both lonely as fuck, I just really wanted to explore the connection we had and have fun, but instead I got emotionally hurt for months, and fell into depression.
Yes it helps hearing others’ experiences. So the breakup pushed you into depression? I am feeling emotionally fraught. Yes, I have asked friends and family and they all say contact him. But they say that because they think he is over it and they want me to see that. I kind of understand it but not really…it’s like we are human so we need to make the same mistake 3x to finally learn (I.e. reaching out to get hurt again to realize it’s over)
Well I had a milder form of depression the entire time but the break made it way worse. My biggest complaint was emotional numbness, I couldn't feel anything, sadness, happiness, anxiety, pleasure, anything. I was laying in bed most of the day, I stopped my daily routines, when I ate it was not enough or too much food, I failed one of my courses, so yeah you could say it but me hard.
I think that if you are reaching out to your ex, to confirm that they don't have feelings for you anymore, then you already know the answer, you don't need to contact your ex to see it or figure it out for yourself. Again, this is your decision, but I just don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, thanks. The expectations is so tricky. I know what I want and getting anything less than that is a negative in my book. So hard to recenter that expectations piece. Any advice?
It’s so surprising that everyone says don’t reach out! My closest friends think maybe reaching out will hurt worse but that it will good for me to do so I can move on …I’m just not sure I can handle hurting worse but I also want the comfort of talking to him and answers if there are any. I want to reconcile
My friend told me to unblock and let him reach out as well. So I unblocked and opened a window. Guess what, his messages continued as normal, like nothing happened. We never broke up and were never in a relationship.. and as for me. I was distraught cos all the feelings started to resurface again. Which means I hadn't moved on.. so I think you should unblock when you don't remember they existed and you don't care. One find day you are cleaning up the closet and you think, why is this here.. oh this.. lemme unblock it and leave it, it doesn't serve any purpose. Cos sometimes even the garbage needs to be cleaned from the garbage area. Cos by then everyone is moved on and even if you unblock they don't remember you and you don't remember them.. I think. How much time does it take. I don't know. I'm still figuring it out. It takes as long as you stumble upon the garbage I suppose and have an OCD of cleaning shit up.
Yes.. its a gradual process to let go. I mean, for the dumper, they have already used you as a crutch, debated and allowed it to process.. but when they leave you, it's all upto you.
The thing is, there is so much he said, she said, I mean that and you mean that.. it not how it happened, this is how I feel and both try to justify themselves etc.. .. that you will never find closure. The events and ppl become too distorted.. only a lot of feelings and emotions remain. And the ego won't allow cos there is hurt and a wanting to be heard... and correcting each other. It can only work if both parties agree and actually work on it, allowing the discomfort to resurface because they have made a conscious decision to work it out. Otherwise. It better not to flog a dead goat. Just leave it where it is and if there were certain issues with yourself, get help and work on yourself, your self esteem etc. Become better for you. That's all you can do. You can only face your feelings and reality and make peace with yourself.. work on your reality and if you have done something wrong to correct it in your own behaviour. When you are ready from yourself, you will move on. I think.
I made the mistake of reaching out on Thanksgiving. It didn’t go well. But it also did help me realize that she doesn’t want me. I heard she is seeing someone. She was polite about it, but it hurt and I made a fool of myself. This is 4 months since our final split and since I last saw her in person. 1-2 months post breakup were great for me. Then things went downhill in 3rd month. I’m hoping 4th month (which just started) is better.
Thanks for sharing. Yeah I was definitely hoping he would reach out but he didn’t. I didn’t know if I should reach out so I didn’t. Can I ask you, do you feel like you will be able to move on with having reached out at least? Or just more hurt
Help to move on? I really don’t know, but it’s a process and at the time I felt helpless against contacting her. I was doing well but November was a bad month for me. I was alone on Thanksgiving, I couldn’t stop thinking about her and I can’t describe it but I just needed to hear from her, for better or worse. It’s hard for me to hear her say she loves me when she doesn’t want to be with me. And that what she does when we speak.
I did feel better for a few days afterward because it removed any doubt that she was waiting for me to contact her. It was clear to me that reconciliation is not in the cards anytime soon. I don’t know how to move on and I don’t know if contacting… or not… helps.
I can only take it day by day and distract myself with things I have some control over, like physical fitness, hobbies and trying to expand my social circle. Moving on or changing things with her I don’t have control over.
these are questions that you need to let go. i know it must be killing u but he broke up with you, if he wants you back he will reach out . if ur concerned that he might want to reach out but is unsure how, if he doesn’t then he clearly doesn’t care about you enough to make things right or express his feelings , he’s fine with leaving things the way he left them🤷🏼♀️
If you block, basically you are doing a no contact and not waiting to see if you writes back or not. That you are moving forward and learning to be by yourself. Once you are ready mentally than unblock if you want to
I think it’s not a good idea. If they left you they may be over you already. It will most likely end in your suffering more. There is that very small chance that they will take you back or tell you something that will make you happy, but it’s unlikely.
Yes I am fearful of reaching out for those very reasons
Does it help healing or hurt it? When I ask myself why I want to reach out it’s because I want comfort
I generally wouldn't do it that soon after a breakup, when my last partner and I split it was rough because we both ghosted each other, we were both going through some shit at the time in our personal lives. Anyway I reached out over text about 2 months after everything went down and did not get a response, then I reached out again about 4 months after we split on a social media, and we shot the shit for like 10 messages before she stopped responding to me. I felt so anxious the entire time I was corresponding with her, and I definitely wasn't over the heartbreak of the breakup, so I decided to stop pursuing her. Maybe in the future we will try again. Anyway for you OP, I think it's too soon. You may want to reach out for closure like I did, but I found no closure by doing so. I wouldn't recommend it
Thanks for sharing. I am so scared of putting myself out there to just be sent into an even worse heartbreak. I do feel like I need something though. I am so baffled by how things ended
You're welcome! I thought it would be helpful to share. I mean ultimately the choice is yours, if you do want to contact your ex there's nothing I can do to stop you, but I just simply do not think it's a good idea based on experience from my past I think that contacting your ex ultimately will harm you, when you should be focusing on healing you. Have you talked to a therapist or people you trust about your feelings regarding this situation? When I contacted my ex, I literally felt fucking terrified and really bad about it the second I sent the message. It took me building up the courage for days to even do that. I was a fucking hot mess when I tried reaching out the first time, less so the second time but I still wasn't over it. I still don't think I'm 100% over her, I'm in a better place now than I was, but does anyone ever 100% get over it? With regards to me, I wanted closure that I never got. My last relationship ended abruptly and I still don't know why she withdrew from me. I know why I left the relationship, I have my theories about why she did, but we never had a conversation about it. And I think it wouldn't help either of us to know now, despite my curiosity. Also I still occasionally run into her posts on social media so it's not like I've forgotten or completely cut each other out of our respective lives, it's just that we're not together anymore for our own separate reasons. I wish it was easy man. We're both lonely as fuck, I just really wanted to explore the connection we had and have fun, but instead I got emotionally hurt for months, and fell into depression.
Yes it helps hearing others’ experiences. So the breakup pushed you into depression? I am feeling emotionally fraught. Yes, I have asked friends and family and they all say contact him. But they say that because they think he is over it and they want me to see that. I kind of understand it but not really…it’s like we are human so we need to make the same mistake 3x to finally learn (I.e. reaching out to get hurt again to realize it’s over)
Well I had a milder form of depression the entire time but the break made it way worse. My biggest complaint was emotional numbness, I couldn't feel anything, sadness, happiness, anxiety, pleasure, anything. I was laying in bed most of the day, I stopped my daily routines, when I ate it was not enough or too much food, I failed one of my courses, so yeah you could say it but me hard. I think that if you are reaching out to your ex, to confirm that they don't have feelings for you anymore, then you already know the answer, you don't need to contact your ex to see it or figure it out for yourself. Again, this is your decision, but I just don't think it's a good idea.
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Yes, thanks. The expectations is so tricky. I know what I want and getting anything less than that is a negative in my book. So hard to recenter that expectations piece. Any advice?
That's the best. Keep your expectations low.
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It’s so surprising that everyone says don’t reach out! My closest friends think maybe reaching out will hurt worse but that it will good for me to do so I can move on …I’m just not sure I can handle hurting worse but I also want the comfort of talking to him and answers if there are any. I want to reconcile
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Thank you for sharing that. Yes, I am very fearful of what will happen if I were to reach out
My friend told me to unblock and let him reach out as well. So I unblocked and opened a window. Guess what, his messages continued as normal, like nothing happened. We never broke up and were never in a relationship.. and as for me. I was distraught cos all the feelings started to resurface again. Which means I hadn't moved on.. so I think you should unblock when you don't remember they existed and you don't care. One find day you are cleaning up the closet and you think, why is this here.. oh this.. lemme unblock it and leave it, it doesn't serve any purpose. Cos sometimes even the garbage needs to be cleaned from the garbage area. Cos by then everyone is moved on and even if you unblock they don't remember you and you don't remember them.. I think. How much time does it take. I don't know. I'm still figuring it out. It takes as long as you stumble upon the garbage I suppose and have an OCD of cleaning shit up.
Yeah it’s interesting how many pieces of them still linger even when you think you’ve brushed them aside
Yes.. its a gradual process to let go. I mean, for the dumper, they have already used you as a crutch, debated and allowed it to process.. but when they leave you, it's all upto you.
The thing is, there is so much he said, she said, I mean that and you mean that.. it not how it happened, this is how I feel and both try to justify themselves etc.. .. that you will never find closure. The events and ppl become too distorted.. only a lot of feelings and emotions remain. And the ego won't allow cos there is hurt and a wanting to be heard... and correcting each other. It can only work if both parties agree and actually work on it, allowing the discomfort to resurface because they have made a conscious decision to work it out. Otherwise. It better not to flog a dead goat. Just leave it where it is and if there were certain issues with yourself, get help and work on yourself, your self esteem etc. Become better for you. That's all you can do. You can only face your feelings and reality and make peace with yourself.. work on your reality and if you have done something wrong to correct it in your own behaviour. When you are ready from yourself, you will move on. I think.
I made the mistake of reaching out on Thanksgiving. It didn’t go well. But it also did help me realize that she doesn’t want me. I heard she is seeing someone. She was polite about it, but it hurt and I made a fool of myself. This is 4 months since our final split and since I last saw her in person. 1-2 months post breakup were great for me. Then things went downhill in 3rd month. I’m hoping 4th month (which just started) is better.
Thanks for sharing. Yeah I was definitely hoping he would reach out but he didn’t. I didn’t know if I should reach out so I didn’t. Can I ask you, do you feel like you will be able to move on with having reached out at least? Or just more hurt
Help to move on? I really don’t know, but it’s a process and at the time I felt helpless against contacting her. I was doing well but November was a bad month for me. I was alone on Thanksgiving, I couldn’t stop thinking about her and I can’t describe it but I just needed to hear from her, for better or worse. It’s hard for me to hear her say she loves me when she doesn’t want to be with me. And that what she does when we speak. I did feel better for a few days afterward because it removed any doubt that she was waiting for me to contact her. It was clear to me that reconciliation is not in the cards anytime soon. I don’t know how to move on and I don’t know if contacting… or not… helps. I can only take it day by day and distract myself with things I have some control over, like physical fitness, hobbies and trying to expand my social circle. Moving on or changing things with her I don’t have control over.
Thank you. It helps hearing this
Let him reach out to you because the phone works both ways
But what if he is saying the same about me? Or what if he is staying away because he doesn’t know what to do?
Why did he break up with you
I’m not sure why
He didn’t tell you why ?
these are questions that you need to let go. i know it must be killing u but he broke up with you, if he wants you back he will reach out . if ur concerned that he might want to reach out but is unsure how, if he doesn’t then he clearly doesn’t care about you enough to make things right or express his feelings , he’s fine with leaving things the way he left them🤷🏼♀️
How will they reach out if you blocked them everywhere..
If you block, basically you are doing a no contact and not waiting to see if you writes back or not. That you are moving forward and learning to be by yourself. Once you are ready mentally than unblock if you want to
Makes sense.
It will make you feel worse not better op, stay strong ❤️
Thanks
How are you a year later?