Every generation goes through this.
I'm old.
People think that tinder and other dating apps revolutionized dating and hookup culture.
What people forget is that back in the 1990s, what do you think teens and 20-somethings used AOL messenger for?
We used it to meet strangers and hook up.
Generally, a lot of people in their 20s want sex, sex, sex. Sometimes without a lot of commitment. It's how they're wired, and it's been pretty acceptable since the 1970s to go out and hook up.
People in their 30s generally want to settle down. It's not the universal rule, but that's what happens.
Just wait for some of you to get to your 40s and 50s, when you see your friends begin to get divorced or get sick of their marriages and everyday lives.
It's like the flood gates open again and hookup culture returns.
>Just wait for some of you to get to your 40s and 50s, when you see your friends begin to get divorced or get sick of their marriages and everyday lives.
This is one thing that admittedly terrifies me about relationships. All I want in life is to get married to a man who genuinely loves me and we live happily ever after, but I'm starting to think that's just a fantasy and it will never happen for me....because it seems like it almost never happens for anyone. I've known or heard about so many people who are just plain miserable in their long term relationship/marriage. It seems like most couples hate each other after a few years, the spark goes out and the relationship just becomes one problem after another no matter how hard they try to make it work. It's depressing as fuck, and sometimes makes me think I'd rather be kinda lonely as a single woman instead of miserable in a loveless marriage.
It really is hard and takes effort to maintain any healthy relationship. I'm not talking about the normal level of difficulty/work that comes with every marriage though. I'm talking about all the people I've known who are genuinely just flat out unhappy with their marriage. Like...guys who make dead wife jokes but you can tell they're not entirely 100% joking, women who never have anything to say about their husband except venting about how awful and useless he is, couples who cheat on each other all the time because they're so dissatisfied with their sex life and want out, couples who get into screaming matches every day and threaten divorce at every turn...all of them seemed like they had healthy loving relationships in the beginning, yet several years later they appear to be two people who absolutely despise each other. It's so sad. Maybe it's just the people I've known, but very few of them have been genuinely happy with their spouse through thick and thin.
Some people are really boring. Some people are willing to make the effort and try new things, some are not. Nothing to do with marriage. More to do with human nature.
It’s possible. My parents have been married 30 + years. It just seems that newer generations tend to be more flighty and willing to dip out of a relationship if things go south.
My parents were married for 35 years until my dad's death and their relationship was good, albeit passionless. They loved each other for sure, but they were more like two friends raising kids together. I rarely ever saw them kiss or even hold hands. I feel like a boring and sexless but emotionally stable union is the best outcome my generation can hope for with a long term relationship/marriage, but like you said most people now just bail when things get rough, so I don't have much hope.
Not necessarily true. I'm 42M, just separated, but I have no desire to just hookup. I want an emotional as well as physical connection, and a longterm commitment.
>Just wait for some of you to get to your 40s and 50s, when you see your friends begin to get divorced or get sick of their marriages and everyday lives.
>It's like the flood gates open again and hookup culture returns.
I'm a 35-year-old, soon-to-be-divorced woman after six years of marriage. My ex and I are blessed with a 6-year-old son who is the king of my heart.
I've always wondered what the dating world would look like for someone with my profile, and honestly, I haven't felt very optimistic but would love to be wrong.
> What people forget is that back in the 1990s, what do you think teens and 20-somethings used AOL messenger for?
> We used it to meet strangers and hook up.
I mean this happened to me a couple times in the MySpace era but it was definitely not normal like today
I'm in my early 30s. Was blindside dumped a month ago via text after being stonewalled. We were together 3 years. I was ring shopping for the girl. Before her an ex left me for a coworker. Before that one another ex left me for a friend.
Getting hurt over and over is just... Tiring. I don't know about you but the will to find someone just isn't there anymore. I can't trust a soul.
>Getting hurt over and over is just... Tiring. I don't know about you but the will to find someone just isn't there anymore. I can't trust a soul.
Same. This is exactly how I feel now. I'm exhausted. I have no desire to find someone new. If *they* find *me* and sweep me off my feet and make me believe in love again, then that's awesome. But I'm not seeking it out anymore. Right now I truly believe if I don't get back together with my ex, then I'm done for good and just destined to be single for the rest of my life. I'm only 32 btw. That's how badly love, relationships, and heartbreak have exhausted and traumatized me.
>Same. This is exactly how I feel now. I'm exhausted. I have no desire to find someone new. If they find me and sweep me off my feet and make me believe in love again, then that's awesome. But I'm not seeking it out anymore.
All of this. Hugs.
I feel like there will be a future where people won’t have intimate relationships with other people anymore. The feeling that there’s always something better out there, that us younger generations generally practice, will tear us apart and eventually would rather grow humans and become intimate with AI bots instead because it’s more reliable
28 M here and I am feeling like this too right now. Its just tiring looking for somebody and having been hurt massively in the past I have severe trust issues. One part of me tells me I want to find that girl who will always be with me and love me and have a family with. Then the other side of me that has been burned and stabbed in the back while having that dagger twisted too tells me that there is no such thing as love and that its impossible for me to find such a thing.
This really helped me just now thank you! It does give me hope and I’m happy that things are working out for you! I don’t know if this happens to everybody but its like most of the time you are fine and function normally then randomly on some day you start feeling depressed and resentful. Kinda like “the blues” if you will. It creeps up on me once in a while and the day I posted that was just one of those days haha. But some good did come from it in the form of learning you are doing well so I’m happy. I hope you have a most excellent day and I hope it works out for you!
Right there with you.
Dumped over and over, and even recently, might have had a chance with someone I have carried a torch for, for years....and then come to find out, they got into a relationship!
So sick of being tired, so tired of being sick
Same here. 41 now, blindsided again after 3,5 years with the woman who couldnt wait to be my wife ... over it. The pain is not worth it anymore.
Love is pain and one day the pain just is enough.
Same boat (early 30s and blindsided break up) - I am finding it really hard to every trust again. Thank goodness my best friends are all the support I need right now.
Feeling exactly the same way. Dumped after 11 years together, after the roughest last few months of the relationship with him treating me like I didn't exist and turning out he was chasing 24 year old women and blames it on his stupid undiagnosed BPD and now I'm having to deal with the mental stresses of having to try to find a new place on my own,my friends still talking to him which I know I cannot control but I'm finding it very difficult to be friends with people who stay on the fence so to speak.
I was thinking of just moving away and starting from scratch and attempting to make new friends.
I just never saw myself with anyone else, and now I think I'll just be on my own forever.
Sorry but
>another ex left me for a friend
Is not a friend. I hope this is an ex-friend of yours because I struggle to see how that person was even a real friend.
Ahh I see. Yeah sorry to blurt like that.
I rage when I see posts saying 'my husband slept with my sister' or the like. Like yes but your sister/friend slept with your husband..!
I'm man however I understand where your coming from. All I ever wanted to was love and make my girlfriend happy. She was the most beautiful most amazing person to me and I overlooked all her flaws and any of her problems because I thought none of them where worth losing her over. Whenever we argued I still felt nothing but love for her because leaving was never an option for me. She left me and I wish she communicated what she wanted from me because then I could've tried to fix it, but she didn't and she didn't want to stay through the hard parts of relationships. In the end I just as I assume you do want someone to love you as unconditionally as you love them.
I’m done after my last situationship. I can’t take it anymore. Even when I’m straight up with people at the beginning that I don’t want casual, they lie and deceive me into getting it anyways. It’s just exhausting. I’ve hit my limit.
Yep yep yep. This guy went and told someone that he was scared because the last girlfriend he had wouldn’t move for his job (that requires moving sometimes). He didn’t have the decency to even tell me this though. So I was sitting here thinking I did something wrong. This man is 5 years older than me and he has horrible communication skills. Probably not something I’d want in a partner anyways. Just sucks dude. It’s like you try to be vulnerable with people for the same thing to keep happening. I’m out. I’m sorry you went through that too. It’s like they don’t respect us or our time and I’m over it.
I'm a man and I'm not interested in random hook-ups. I want someone to talk to, I want companionship, a partner, someone I can actually love, not just bone.
Sure, hooking up is nice and all, but that's not on my list of priorities. I feel like I'd also have a hard time finding what I seek when I get back in the dating market.
Yes everyone I’ve met is weak and goes about life thinking that “walking away” from someone or something difficult is always an option but notice how these same people are never happy.. Ever.
Yup. They run into new problems in these new relationships again and again, and instead of genuinely working with their partner that they experience happiness with to heal and change the patterns, they move onto the next short term relationship.
There’s also the other side of this - where being ‘strong’ means putting up with bullshit because ‘it’s what you should do : compromise sacrifice etc in love’. I’d rather walk away from something which isn’t suitable than invest in a dynamic that won’t or can’t change.
Yup, recently got dumped for asking for more effort from a guy. He claimed to be interested, but clearly wasn’t and kept stringing me along until I made my needs known. I was last priority and it hurt.
I want to give up. I’m sick and tired of the games and the manipulation. People rarely have the same heart as you. Finding a healthy, compatible partner is like finding a needle in a haystack.
I feel like many people settle down in their 20s…at least the mentally stable ones. The abusive or mentally unstable (me) stay single. I finally feel better in my 30s and all that is left is those who haven’t worked on their trauma or also into the hookup culture.
Probably many of us. I feel like this is not hapenning for me for a long time. And also that I have a clingy attachment style with puts people off. That's why people that I dont like are crazy about me and people I like are not...
I gave it up. Have been in relationships since 2011 and everytime I [F27] just got hurt. I thought with time I might find the right one, but in the last 4 years I just kept going back to a very toxic guy. Especially since I am partially in a wheelchair, my chances are equal to 0.
same, I’m just so tired so men always just wanting sex and then a relationship is a maybe thing after. I was all into last year and slept around for a whole year and got into a loving wholesome relationship and ever since then I can’t even look at men or think about sex because after experiencing such pure love how can I go back to one night stands and men who don’t care if I’m okay or not. Ugh it’s so frustrating so I’m just taking a break and focusing on myself. I do miss relationship things so much though.
Yup. I was with someone for 4.5 years. We bought a house together. He broke up with me 2.5 months ago for what he claimed to be a change in what he wanted in life - marriage, kids, living in the country were in. Also general happiness in life - he felt lost. I ended up finding out he was talking/hanging out with someone else behind my back. I confronted him and he tried to tell me nothing physical happened before we broke up. Now they are going on vacation together and we still own a home together.
I just turned 30 and I feel my whole future has been changed. I feel so hopeless, I fought so hard for him not to do this to us. But he doesn’t care. He is a different person.
I would have rather tried to fix things with him though then have to start over with someone new in an already scarce dating world.
After thinking I found "the one" and then for him to be the same as the rest of my cheating exes, I've lost all hope of even finding anyone else. Dating scares me, I need to now work on myself and try to get myself together.
I have family and friends saying I'm such a catch for someone, but how can I be when all that happens is they find someone prettier, younger, and thinner?
My self-confidence is completely shot, and I'm sick of being hurt over and over again.
I don't even want to think about being intimate with someone again, I was only ever intimate with my now ex, and the thought of someone else frightens me to death. Maybe that will change, but I know that I wouldn't want to sleep with someone else without being in a committed relationship.
I'm in therapy at the moment for the amount of shit he put me through, so I'm not even seeking out anyone else as it would be unfair on them.
Everything just sucks atm.
Simple answer is yes. Just want someone who accepts me as I can accept them. Hard to get deep with anyone. I long for that. I want to just find someone who also drops all the bs and is real with me.
Could be deeper issues.
A lot of what we do with regards to attraction is driven by instinct, and our instincts and intuition are very much governed by how connected we are to ourselves.
Do we feel all of our feelings? Are we willing to be emotionally honest and listen to our own thoughts and feelings? Do we live by our values? Do we even know what our needs, expectations, and desires are and how to step up for most of these as well as how to healthily seek them in others? Are we responsible and accountable, or do we tend to look for external solutions to internal problems? Do we, for instance, blame it all on qualities or characteristics of our ex when our relationships break down or even claim that all of our exes are ‘psychos’? Do we act first, think later? Do we get carried away and place too much stock in our intentions and so end up Future Faking and Fast Forwarding? Do we edge or even dive out of relationships claiming that we don’t want a relationship and aren’t up for commitment and then have our ex’s feeling more than a tad confused when they see us prancing around with a new partner claiming that they’re the ‘love of our life’ in two shakes of a lamb’s tail?
You may recognise flip-flapping, hot and cold blowing exes who you’ve probably lost some sleep over wondering why they’re with someone else and not you. You may be blaming you when actually, it’s not about you.
If we’re disconnected from aspects of ourselves, our instincts will be off base and this means that until we’re aware of the patterns of thinking and behaviour that result from us running off what we believe to be the ‘correct’ information from our instincts, we’ll be driven primarily by feelings that we may not be aware of the origins of or may even be mislabeling them. The less we truly know about ourselves and the trickier we find it to have an honest conversation with us and be willing to look within, is the more muddled our intuition will be, which in turn will mess with our instincts, which will not only affect our fight or flight response, but also who we’re attracted to.
This means that not only do we have to stop owning other people’s behaviour to the extent that we do but that we also have to recognise that we ourselves are going to be making some unhealthy ‘instinctive’ decisions if we don’t know ourselves either and have our own emotional unavailability issues to deal with.
We cannot expect to be in a mutually fulfilling relationship with the landmarks – consistency, commitment, balance, progression and intimacy plus shared values – if we lack the self-knowledge that stems from knowing our own needs, expectations, wishes, feelings, and opinions. Not knowing these is why we wake up knee-deep in a relationship feeling hungry and recognising that there are issues around compatible values.
When we are willing to know ourselves more, we change not only who we’re attracted to (and why) but are also happier with the results of who we’re attracted to, instead of carrying the same baggage, beliefs, behaviours and attitudes and choosing similar people and then wondering why we’re getting the same results, and then lather, rinse, repeat.
Until we’re willing to recognise and represent ourselves, not only will we struggle to have self-trust, but we’ll be living off of our feelings and lamenting why we can’t make a healthy relationship with an unhealthy attraction. The two things don’t match! We won’t have the instincts to assert our boundaries, because we won’t have the self-awareness to use reasoning and knowledge to back us up. The way we treat our feelings will keep leading us astray.
Change doesn’t come without change. The most radical change you may have to make is being willing to know yourself more. That can only be a good thing.
N.Lue
Others might be, but not for my case
I enjoy my peace, my own company (friends and family as well). I'm in no rush since there's no age qualification for a love.
I hope you guys find your peace and happiness, too.
I have 21 and I’m hopeless, I know that I’m young but it’s hard to me to think that I can have a healthy relationship with someone, I know that I’m pretty and that I have a good mentality for this but looks like everyone after a time will just look at me just as a friend, I had someone that I thought that I would had a strong relationship but I was deceived, we had a really good relationship and a good connection but he broke up with me saying that now he looks at me just as a friend and that he hopes that we can still be friends bc he likes our dynamic, I’m hopeless and sad about everything related to relationship
As a child free woman in her 30s (with a hysterectomy to boot), I essentially get told that my two options are settle for something that I don't want (kids) and that would make me deeply unhappy, or be alone. Definitely choosing alone over miserable, but knowing that I don't even really have much of a choice and just won't ever have the right love is sad for me. I feel like a failure for not being lovable and worthy, and frustrated that being true to myself means being alone. Other child free people found people, but I am already in my *thirties*.
Finding a compatible man who does not have or want kids, my age (or older but preferably closer to my age because older has gone very badly for me), who would actually love me faithfully, treat me right, not take away everything that I love and have worked for, and who would find me appealing just isn't possible, no matter how much I work on myself.
On the bright side, I do have plenty of interests, and would much rather be alone than with the wrong person. And I get scared of the bad stuff: having everything taken away from me, being cheated on/abused/controlled, injury, catastrophe, etc. But I still have that human part of me that longs for connection.
Generally, I do have it pretty good, but not being loved, and having no possibility of ever having the right, lasting, forever type of love just sucks sometimes and that's that.
Welp, after my ex it's just one nighters for me, I don't ever want a relationship again, or at least not from materialistic woman. I work to hard to just give it all away to show love, it doesn't ever work for me cause I have a line and self respect. We all want what we want you just gotta find someone who wants the same.
Every generation goes through this. I'm old. People think that tinder and other dating apps revolutionized dating and hookup culture. What people forget is that back in the 1990s, what do you think teens and 20-somethings used AOL messenger for? We used it to meet strangers and hook up. Generally, a lot of people in their 20s want sex, sex, sex. Sometimes without a lot of commitment. It's how they're wired, and it's been pretty acceptable since the 1970s to go out and hook up. People in their 30s generally want to settle down. It's not the universal rule, but that's what happens. Just wait for some of you to get to your 40s and 50s, when you see your friends begin to get divorced or get sick of their marriages and everyday lives. It's like the flood gates open again and hookup culture returns.
Lol. Fuck
Fuck is right
We’re all fucked
I wish...
Us moment
>Just wait for some of you to get to your 40s and 50s, when you see your friends begin to get divorced or get sick of their marriages and everyday lives. This is one thing that admittedly terrifies me about relationships. All I want in life is to get married to a man who genuinely loves me and we live happily ever after, but I'm starting to think that's just a fantasy and it will never happen for me....because it seems like it almost never happens for anyone. I've known or heard about so many people who are just plain miserable in their long term relationship/marriage. It seems like most couples hate each other after a few years, the spark goes out and the relationship just becomes one problem after another no matter how hard they try to make it work. It's depressing as fuck, and sometimes makes me think I'd rather be kinda lonely as a single woman instead of miserable in a loveless marriage.
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It really is hard and takes effort to maintain any healthy relationship. I'm not talking about the normal level of difficulty/work that comes with every marriage though. I'm talking about all the people I've known who are genuinely just flat out unhappy with their marriage. Like...guys who make dead wife jokes but you can tell they're not entirely 100% joking, women who never have anything to say about their husband except venting about how awful and useless he is, couples who cheat on each other all the time because they're so dissatisfied with their sex life and want out, couples who get into screaming matches every day and threaten divorce at every turn...all of them seemed like they had healthy loving relationships in the beginning, yet several years later they appear to be two people who absolutely despise each other. It's so sad. Maybe it's just the people I've known, but very few of them have been genuinely happy with their spouse through thick and thin.
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You are wise.
Some people are really boring. Some people are willing to make the effort and try new things, some are not. Nothing to do with marriage. More to do with human nature.
How spot on are you..?!
It’s possible. My parents have been married 30 + years. It just seems that newer generations tend to be more flighty and willing to dip out of a relationship if things go south.
My parents were married for 35 years until my dad's death and their relationship was good, albeit passionless. They loved each other for sure, but they were more like two friends raising kids together. I rarely ever saw them kiss or even hold hands. I feel like a boring and sexless but emotionally stable union is the best outcome my generation can hope for with a long term relationship/marriage, but like you said most people now just bail when things get rough, so I don't have much hope.
Isn't it strange, though, this longing we continue to hold onto? I wish for anything to just take it away.
Same here. 😔
Same thoughts.
So, its hopeless?
Def sounds hopeless 😳😩😭
Not necessarily true. I'm 42M, just separated, but I have no desire to just hookup. I want an emotional as well as physical connection, and a longterm commitment.
I’m 32 and it seems like everyone has already settled down by their late 20s. Like I missed the train bc it whizzed by while I blinked
>Just wait for some of you to get to your 40s and 50s, when you see your friends begin to get divorced or get sick of their marriages and everyday lives. >It's like the flood gates open again and hookup culture returns. I'm a 35-year-old, soon-to-be-divorced woman after six years of marriage. My ex and I are blessed with a 6-year-old son who is the king of my heart. I've always wondered what the dating world would look like for someone with my profile, and honestly, I haven't felt very optimistic but would love to be wrong.
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Thank you. That's encouraging
That makes me kind of sad.
> What people forget is that back in the 1990s, what do you think teens and 20-somethings used AOL messenger for? > We used it to meet strangers and hook up. I mean this happened to me a couple times in the MySpace era but it was definitely not normal like today
Let us hopeless romantics dream! \*sigh\* You're right.
You r so right....
I'm in my early 30s. Was blindside dumped a month ago via text after being stonewalled. We were together 3 years. I was ring shopping for the girl. Before her an ex left me for a coworker. Before that one another ex left me for a friend. Getting hurt over and over is just... Tiring. I don't know about you but the will to find someone just isn't there anymore. I can't trust a soul.
>Getting hurt over and over is just... Tiring. I don't know about you but the will to find someone just isn't there anymore. I can't trust a soul. Same. This is exactly how I feel now. I'm exhausted. I have no desire to find someone new. If *they* find *me* and sweep me off my feet and make me believe in love again, then that's awesome. But I'm not seeking it out anymore. Right now I truly believe if I don't get back together with my ex, then I'm done for good and just destined to be single for the rest of my life. I'm only 32 btw. That's how badly love, relationships, and heartbreak have exhausted and traumatized me.
>Same. This is exactly how I feel now. I'm exhausted. I have no desire to find someone new. If they find me and sweep me off my feet and make me believe in love again, then that's awesome. But I'm not seeking it out anymore. All of this. Hugs.
Thank you, sending hugs to you too. ❤️
I feel like there will be a future where people won’t have intimate relationships with other people anymore. The feeling that there’s always something better out there, that us younger generations generally practice, will tear us apart and eventually would rather grow humans and become intimate with AI bots instead because it’s more reliable
Indeed, society seems to be eating itself alive - ironically, in the "pursuit" of something better. LOL
I have to agree with you. I feel like society is heading in that direction.
28 M here and I am feeling like this too right now. Its just tiring looking for somebody and having been hurt massively in the past I have severe trust issues. One part of me tells me I want to find that girl who will always be with me and love me and have a family with. Then the other side of me that has been burned and stabbed in the back while having that dagger twisted too tells me that there is no such thing as love and that its impossible for me to find such a thing.
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This really helped me just now thank you! It does give me hope and I’m happy that things are working out for you! I don’t know if this happens to everybody but its like most of the time you are fine and function normally then randomly on some day you start feeling depressed and resentful. Kinda like “the blues” if you will. It creeps up on me once in a while and the day I posted that was just one of those days haha. But some good did come from it in the form of learning you are doing well so I’m happy. I hope you have a most excellent day and I hope it works out for you!
It sure seems like some people are destined to never find love, to be alone, not by choice
fuck
I feel the tired 😞 hugs to you.
Right there with you. Dumped over and over, and even recently, might have had a chance with someone I have carried a torch for, for years....and then come to find out, they got into a relationship! So sick of being tired, so tired of being sick
Same here. 41 now, blindsided again after 3,5 years with the woman who couldnt wait to be my wife ... over it. The pain is not worth it anymore. Love is pain and one day the pain just is enough.
Same boat (early 30s and blindsided break up) - I am finding it really hard to every trust again. Thank goodness my best friends are all the support I need right now.
Feeling exactly the same way. Dumped after 11 years together, after the roughest last few months of the relationship with him treating me like I didn't exist and turning out he was chasing 24 year old women and blames it on his stupid undiagnosed BPD and now I'm having to deal with the mental stresses of having to try to find a new place on my own,my friends still talking to him which I know I cannot control but I'm finding it very difficult to be friends with people who stay on the fence so to speak. I was thinking of just moving away and starting from scratch and attempting to make new friends. I just never saw myself with anyone else, and now I think I'll just be on my own forever.
Sorry but >another ex left me for a friend Is not a friend. I hope this is an ex-friend of yours because I struggle to see how that person was even a real friend.
A friend of hers. Not mine. That would must certainly be an ex friend had it been mine.
Ahh I see. Yeah sorry to blurt like that. I rage when I see posts saying 'my husband slept with my sister' or the like. Like yes but your sister/friend slept with your husband..!
I'm man however I understand where your coming from. All I ever wanted to was love and make my girlfriend happy. She was the most beautiful most amazing person to me and I overlooked all her flaws and any of her problems because I thought none of them where worth losing her over. Whenever we argued I still felt nothing but love for her because leaving was never an option for me. She left me and I wish she communicated what she wanted from me because then I could've tried to fix it, but she didn't and she didn't want to stay through the hard parts of relationships. In the end I just as I assume you do want someone to love you as unconditionally as you love them.
Woah. This is word for word exactly what happened to me.
That just hit home.
bingo
I’m done after my last situationship. I can’t take it anymore. Even when I’m straight up with people at the beginning that I don’t want casual, they lie and deceive me into getting it anyways. It’s just exhausting. I’ve hit my limit.
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Yep yep yep. This guy went and told someone that he was scared because the last girlfriend he had wouldn’t move for his job (that requires moving sometimes). He didn’t have the decency to even tell me this though. So I was sitting here thinking I did something wrong. This man is 5 years older than me and he has horrible communication skills. Probably not something I’d want in a partner anyways. Just sucks dude. It’s like you try to be vulnerable with people for the same thing to keep happening. I’m out. I’m sorry you went through that too. It’s like they don’t respect us or our time and I’m over it.
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I love this attitude, I’m sure he will!
I'm a man and I'm not interested in random hook-ups. I want someone to talk to, I want companionship, a partner, someone I can actually love, not just bone. Sure, hooking up is nice and all, but that's not on my list of priorities. I feel like I'd also have a hard time finding what I seek when I get back in the dating market.
Yes everyone I’ve met is weak and goes about life thinking that “walking away” from someone or something difficult is always an option but notice how these same people are never happy.. Ever.
Yup. They run into new problems in these new relationships again and again, and instead of genuinely working with their partner that they experience happiness with to heal and change the patterns, they move onto the next short term relationship.
I guess some people are just a little slower than others when figuring that out. The only thing about them that changes is the girl lol
There’s also the other side of this - where being ‘strong’ means putting up with bullshit because ‘it’s what you should do : compromise sacrifice etc in love’. I’d rather walk away from something which isn’t suitable than invest in a dynamic that won’t or can’t change.
In the end we gotta find that middle ground. Very hard to see the line tho!
Totally agree.
Yup, recently got dumped for asking for more effort from a guy. He claimed to be interested, but clearly wasn’t and kept stringing me along until I made my needs known. I was last priority and it hurt. I want to give up. I’m sick and tired of the games and the manipulation. People rarely have the same heart as you. Finding a healthy, compatible partner is like finding a needle in a haystack.
It seems at 30 my choices are to bear children for someone or just rotate through endless hookups. Kind of sucks.
Child free woman in her 30s here and I feel this in my soul.
Also a woman who doesn't want kids and yeah. My ex had an epiphany and decided he wanted kids after all, which is why I am here. It just sucks.
Well, finding the right person for youself isn't easy but those compatible people are out there. I don't feel hopeless.
I’m just looking for someone to give me comfort. I don’t want sex anymore. It only ruined my life.
I’m right there with you. I’ve gotten good at cutting off guys that immediately don’t meet my standards, but then it’s just back to the drawing board.
I feel like many people settle down in their 20s…at least the mentally stable ones. The abusive or mentally unstable (me) stay single. I finally feel better in my 30s and all that is left is those who haven’t worked on their trauma or also into the hookup culture.
Probably many of us. I feel like this is not hapenning for me for a long time. And also that I have a clingy attachment style with puts people off. That's why people that I dont like are crazy about me and people I like are not...
🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️ cheated on by the 3 ex I have after I give them everything. I don't know already. 😣
I just want a respectful woman. All the women I talk to just want hook-ups. I want a genuine love.
I gave it up. Have been in relationships since 2011 and everytime I [F27] just got hurt. I thought with time I might find the right one, but in the last 4 years I just kept going back to a very toxic guy. Especially since I am partially in a wheelchair, my chances are equal to 0.
As a man, I have the same problem. Obviously we who want real relationships exist, since we're here, we just can't seem to find each other
same, I’m just so tired so men always just wanting sex and then a relationship is a maybe thing after. I was all into last year and slept around for a whole year and got into a loving wholesome relationship and ever since then I can’t even look at men or think about sex because after experiencing such pure love how can I go back to one night stands and men who don’t care if I’m okay or not. Ugh it’s so frustrating so I’m just taking a break and focusing on myself. I do miss relationship things so much though.
Yeah i know the feeling. Only got 1 ex right now, too much pain, hurt, suffer, sadness. I'm having a break right now to heal. Love will find me anyway
Yup. I was with someone for 4.5 years. We bought a house together. He broke up with me 2.5 months ago for what he claimed to be a change in what he wanted in life - marriage, kids, living in the country were in. Also general happiness in life - he felt lost. I ended up finding out he was talking/hanging out with someone else behind my back. I confronted him and he tried to tell me nothing physical happened before we broke up. Now they are going on vacation together and we still own a home together. I just turned 30 and I feel my whole future has been changed. I feel so hopeless, I fought so hard for him not to do this to us. But he doesn’t care. He is a different person. I would have rather tried to fix things with him though then have to start over with someone new in an already scarce dating world.
Hopeless. Tired.
Nah. I just know that it will take a lot of time and patience to find someone special.
I want genuine love myself. Why is it so hard?
Yes. I dont think I’ll ever find anyone. Makes me very sad.
After thinking I found "the one" and then for him to be the same as the rest of my cheating exes, I've lost all hope of even finding anyone else. Dating scares me, I need to now work on myself and try to get myself together. I have family and friends saying I'm such a catch for someone, but how can I be when all that happens is they find someone prettier, younger, and thinner? My self-confidence is completely shot, and I'm sick of being hurt over and over again. I don't even want to think about being intimate with someone again, I was only ever intimate with my now ex, and the thought of someone else frightens me to death. Maybe that will change, but I know that I wouldn't want to sleep with someone else without being in a committed relationship. I'm in therapy at the moment for the amount of shit he put me through, so I'm not even seeking out anyone else as it would be unfair on them. Everything just sucks atm.
Simple answer is yes. Just want someone who accepts me as I can accept them. Hard to get deep with anyone. I long for that. I want to just find someone who also drops all the bs and is real with me.
Could be deeper issues. A lot of what we do with regards to attraction is driven by instinct, and our instincts and intuition are very much governed by how connected we are to ourselves. Do we feel all of our feelings? Are we willing to be emotionally honest and listen to our own thoughts and feelings? Do we live by our values? Do we even know what our needs, expectations, and desires are and how to step up for most of these as well as how to healthily seek them in others? Are we responsible and accountable, or do we tend to look for external solutions to internal problems? Do we, for instance, blame it all on qualities or characteristics of our ex when our relationships break down or even claim that all of our exes are ‘psychos’? Do we act first, think later? Do we get carried away and place too much stock in our intentions and so end up Future Faking and Fast Forwarding? Do we edge or even dive out of relationships claiming that we don’t want a relationship and aren’t up for commitment and then have our ex’s feeling more than a tad confused when they see us prancing around with a new partner claiming that they’re the ‘love of our life’ in two shakes of a lamb’s tail? You may recognise flip-flapping, hot and cold blowing exes who you’ve probably lost some sleep over wondering why they’re with someone else and not you. You may be blaming you when actually, it’s not about you. If we’re disconnected from aspects of ourselves, our instincts will be off base and this means that until we’re aware of the patterns of thinking and behaviour that result from us running off what we believe to be the ‘correct’ information from our instincts, we’ll be driven primarily by feelings that we may not be aware of the origins of or may even be mislabeling them. The less we truly know about ourselves and the trickier we find it to have an honest conversation with us and be willing to look within, is the more muddled our intuition will be, which in turn will mess with our instincts, which will not only affect our fight or flight response, but also who we’re attracted to. This means that not only do we have to stop owning other people’s behaviour to the extent that we do but that we also have to recognise that we ourselves are going to be making some unhealthy ‘instinctive’ decisions if we don’t know ourselves either and have our own emotional unavailability issues to deal with. We cannot expect to be in a mutually fulfilling relationship with the landmarks – consistency, commitment, balance, progression and intimacy plus shared values – if we lack the self-knowledge that stems from knowing our own needs, expectations, wishes, feelings, and opinions. Not knowing these is why we wake up knee-deep in a relationship feeling hungry and recognising that there are issues around compatible values. When we are willing to know ourselves more, we change not only who we’re attracted to (and why) but are also happier with the results of who we’re attracted to, instead of carrying the same baggage, beliefs, behaviours and attitudes and choosing similar people and then wondering why we’re getting the same results, and then lather, rinse, repeat. Until we’re willing to recognise and represent ourselves, not only will we struggle to have self-trust, but we’ll be living off of our feelings and lamenting why we can’t make a healthy relationship with an unhealthy attraction. The two things don’t match! We won’t have the instincts to assert our boundaries, because we won’t have the self-awareness to use reasoning and knowledge to back us up. The way we treat our feelings will keep leading us astray. Change doesn’t come without change. The most radical change you may have to make is being willing to know yourself more. That can only be a good thing. N.Lue
Others might be, but not for my case I enjoy my peace, my own company (friends and family as well). I'm in no rush since there's no age qualification for a love. I hope you guys find your peace and happiness, too.
Yes, sadly
Lowkey, yea
Yes I'm gonna wait for the next..
I have 21 and I’m hopeless, I know that I’m young but it’s hard to me to think that I can have a healthy relationship with someone, I know that I’m pretty and that I have a good mentality for this but looks like everyone after a time will just look at me just as a friend, I had someone that I thought that I would had a strong relationship but I was deceived, we had a really good relationship and a good connection but he broke up with me saying that now he looks at me just as a friend and that he hopes that we can still be friends bc he likes our dynamic, I’m hopeless and sad about everything related to relationship
I do I will never find someone like my ex
Same, honestly.
exactlyyy
If you’d asked me six months ago I’d have told you it was more than possible… but now I’m kind of in the same boat. Good luck
As a child free woman in her 30s (with a hysterectomy to boot), I essentially get told that my two options are settle for something that I don't want (kids) and that would make me deeply unhappy, or be alone. Definitely choosing alone over miserable, but knowing that I don't even really have much of a choice and just won't ever have the right love is sad for me. I feel like a failure for not being lovable and worthy, and frustrated that being true to myself means being alone. Other child free people found people, but I am already in my *thirties*. Finding a compatible man who does not have or want kids, my age (or older but preferably closer to my age because older has gone very badly for me), who would actually love me faithfully, treat me right, not take away everything that I love and have worked for, and who would find me appealing just isn't possible, no matter how much I work on myself. On the bright side, I do have plenty of interests, and would much rather be alone than with the wrong person. And I get scared of the bad stuff: having everything taken away from me, being cheated on/abused/controlled, injury, catastrophe, etc. But I still have that human part of me that longs for connection. Generally, I do have it pretty good, but not being loved, and having no possibility of ever having the right, lasting, forever type of love just sucks sometimes and that's that.
Being single for fours years, it terrifies the shit outta me.
Don't find love. It does not exist. Work on yourself and everything will follow.
Welp, after my ex it's just one nighters for me, I don't ever want a relationship again, or at least not from materialistic woman. I work to hard to just give it all away to show love, it doesn't ever work for me cause I have a line and self respect. We all want what we want you just gotta find someone who wants the same.
I’m a man. I hate hook up culture and just want someone I could spend my life with, have kids, genuine family. I got cheated on🤷♂️
Yes I’m 32 I had a girlfriend for 5 years unfortunately I did something stupid in the past I been single ever since