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Hi, I know the feelings you are going through. I just went through this with the end of a 9 year relationship 6 months ago. It really comes and goes. I know it’s annoying to hear that and cliche sounding. The first several months for me were panic, soul crushing pain. Something in the back of my mind told me to focus that my feet are on the ground and I’ll keep riding the waves of thoughts and feelings. It’s brutal when you’re a highly sensitive, emotionally driven person. I am too. I’ve gone through serious existential dread and fatalistic thinking since. Also, crippling self esteem issues as she was with someone soon after separating. If you ever need to talk, let me know. I’m still going through things. Realize you lost a huge part of yourself, your identity, but it does not define the entirety of who you are. It’s your mind and heart not knowing how to keep up with your reality. We let people into our lives in deep ways and they can leave us. For some reason, I’m trying to find solace in knowing everything is temporary because that notion has kind of inhabited my life since the person I love most is no longer in my life. This has made me try to be a better person on a daily basis. I’ve never taken relationships lightly or people lightly and I realized that maybe who I dated for many years was more detached than me. Take care of yourself. Realize you’re going through changes and have the patience and resolve to go through it. This will be a process that varies, one day to the next. Keep socializing and finding things you personally enjoy, even if it’s just for a little bit it helps.


How are you doing now? I am really struggling with the feelings you described.


How are you doing now?


Doing much better and at peace with it now. I’m in a new relationship which is great, but I still feel a bit trepidatious towards relationships at this time. Dealing with normal life problems now like work, house issues, etc. however life is pretty good. I’m happy my prior relationship ended - it was the right decision. I’m still trying to figure out what is next in life and what I truly want, but overall it is night and day difference with how much pain I was in after the breakup.


How long did it take for you?


It’s been almost a year, but YMMV. The 2 things that were really helpful for me were going to therapy and forcing myself to start dating again. I’m still dealing with a lot of stress in other areas of my life but things are overall good. There are times where I’ve felt like I’ve completely moved on, and other times where it has been hard. For example, her birthday is on the same day that my brother was murdered. During this anniversary, my best friend called me to ask if it was cool with me if he and his gf went to my exes birthday party. That was really tough and a new dynamic that hadn’t considered - my best/closest friends still having friendships with my ex. It’s a lot of work but give it some time and try to go through it vs. numbing or avoiding the hard feelings. The body and mind goes through a huge chemical shock and its similar to a withdrawal from a serious drug addiction. You have to give yourself some time for the emotions to calm down.


Wow, I m absolutely you...


Odds are you won't feel better until at least the three month mark with no contact and allowing yourself to feel the negative emotions. If you suppress them too much you won't process the grief well. This is not to say you shouldn't do the stiff upper lip routine, just realize you're going through some stuff and that the feelings will come in waves. While that is going on, take care of yourself. Try to come up with a routine and stick to it. Mediation, exercise and reading really helped me. Strength training is excellent as you will need your complete focus for technical lifts. Doesn't need to be Olympic lifts, you can use kettlebells, just don't hurt yourself (kettlebells are surprisingly technical). Don't isolate yourself if at all possible. Either go out with friends or lose yourself in a crowd. Some days you won't want to even get out of bed. On those days just aim low and get a small win; shave, cook your favorite meal, or work out, whatever it is. Stack up the small wins then aim higher. Good luck, rooting for you.


I’ve had no history of mental heath illness and can tell you that I have had the same thoughts and feelings after my breakup. It’s totally normal. I’m starting to have a lot of social anxiety due to the fear of having to tell people about the breakup or of people asking me about it. But I force myself to go out and do things lately even if I don’t feel like it and I never regret the decision to socialize because I end up always having a good time. Just trust that things will get better and hold onto that hope.


how are you doing now? im going through the same thing and it's a total mind fuck...i am questioning EVERYTHING and not in a good way!