Ikr? I was the last to know when my ex-husband cheated. It hurt more knowing that literally everyone in our circle hadn't spoken up. AP's husband once called to say my husband was cheating with his wife (no shit). He was so despondent that he took his own life.
that’s so very sad, I can forgive a one time thing (even tho I would’t stay in the relationship) because people do make mistakes, but serial premeditated cheating says a lot about a persons lack of good character
keep me updated on your decision and, if you decide to do it, be mindful of your safety
People saying let it slide have never been in our position of being deeply betrayed and cheated on. I would expose cheaters like this, 💯. Wish people told me.
He wouldn't be saying "I'll handle" if he was poly.
This dummy got caught, wife is a stranger that may or may not also be a drag but I always give strangers the benefit of the doubt over someone who has exposed themselves already as a dbag. And I do the right thing when it comes to helping strangers.
I understand both sides. It's a lot to ask someone to be the barer of bad news to a stranger, especially when you don't know how they'll react.
I've been cheated on, after the first time I said don't tell me just break up or take it to your grave if you stay. I've always known, it's never been a surprise. But the disclosure leaves me with having to forgive/thank someone when I don't want to. When I was approached by one other woman I was so loved bombed, I believed it was just a jealous ex.
A few times I've found out I was the other party. Or I was a wanted to be other party by former friends partners. I say former friends, as when I told them, or they discovered their partner was interested in me, I was cut off, but the relationship persisted. When I found out I was the other party the first time I told, I was harassed so much I kept my mouth shut the next couple of times and cut off the guy.
All that is to say I get why some choose to stay silent and cut the cheater off, it sucks when you're the messenger who gets shot. But also it's important for people to tell so the affected party knows, as long as you understand it might not be news that is met with grace.
You are a hypocrite who brought literally nothing to the conversation. And are the type of person who thinks all her friends men want you. You constantly need praise and attention and validation. Who tf goes up to a friend and says, “I can have your man any time I want.” Maybe you’re very attractive? Maybe you’re delusional and just think you are? Idk? You sound like someone who everyone has known? And nobody wants any part of. Like the kind of person who rambles on in great and unnecessary detail about they WOULD NOT WANT TO KNOW. And in the very next breath, l just can’t wait to tell everyone else. God… People like you are such a drain on the rest of us. GO WORK ON YOURSELF. Start by learning how to be honest with yourself.
You're projecting hard there, no where have I said everyone wants me or that I think I'm all that.
I said I've had to tell a few friends that the person they're dating has hit on me, it's weird for me and my friends, as I won't do it, and the guy is a dick.
I find it funny as well that you ignored most of my reply talking about being cheated on. Do you think I'd be that egotistical and admit I'd been cheated on repeatedly?
Maybe you should look in the mirror before throwing stones. Or just reread things and take it all in, rather than focussing on the bit you don't like and creating a story that wasn't there.
I don’t think you know what egotistical means is the first thing that jumped out at me in this response. I’m currently on the fence regarding whether or not you understand what projecting is? And, I actually re-read what you wrote more than once. I had to because your sentences barely make coherent sense at times. Kind of like your response here. You did not say your friend was currently dating these people. And the way it was scribbled? Made it seem as though while that may have been the case some of the time? Other times they were not currently dating them and you decided you were just going to let them know. So if that’s not the case? Then I can man up about that part and take it back. You are however, still a hypocrite. Making it explicitly clear that would not want to know. But still would be sure to tell everyone else. Putting them through the hell that you would seemingly avoid for yourself at all costs.
You think what I wrote is difficult to understand? Pot meet kettle.
I was pretty clear with it, it's a discussion about cheating you butted in on, why on earth would I be talking about non-cheating situations?
I'm also not being hypocritical there, I have been very clear that I would not want my *partner* to tell me if they cheated. A *friend* telling me a partner hit on them, same as myself telling a friend the person they're dating hit on me, is a different situation as you're dealing with different relationships. Different relationships come with different expectations.
I have had these conversations with friends, around cheating and disclosure. And many would want to know. Similarly they know I'd expect them to tell me if someone I was dating hit on them. Because I need to know if I'm bringing someone around who is putting my friend in an uncomfortable position.
Your inability to grasp these are not equivalent situations is on you.
I grasped enough. I butted in? 😂 Jesus Christ… It’s a Reddit board. That is literally what everyone here is doing according to and including, you. And you not understanding something? Is not the same as it being incomprehensible. But I have little doubt that concept is lost on you. As for the rest? I don’t care enough to argue. I forgot about this interaction fifteen minutes after I had it. All good. You do you. Have a good night.
I've literally been cheated on while I was in Afghanistan. Like a dude was over my house giving my ex wife the business while I was fighting over seas and I still say let it go and move on. I personally choose my own peace.
Women who cheat on their deployed partner? Are literally the shittiest scum in the entire female dating pool. They are right up there with men who cheat on their pregnant girl. Only, these women are even worse. I have a special place in my heart for those POS. Such disgusting cowards. The most selfish of the selfish. (And no I was not cheated on while I was deployed. I’ve never been in the military other than ROTC. Which is nothing. I just recognize how shitty one has to be to do that to someone. And the level of ME! ME! ME! involved.)
No. You literally don’t know a single damned thing about him or his wife or their situation. And some people do say that. To people THEY BARELY KNOW from some internet dating site. You’re jumping to all kinds of conclusions based on very little.
It sounds like you're speaking from a personal experience of a person who was cheated on and wished they didn't know.. or you were the cheater, and either way, a home was wrecked. Maybe perhaps you were the child? 😅 anyway.. most people would like to know, and it's not OP fault a married man left out the fact that he's married. I would want a clear conscious, too.
I wasn’t replying to you - I was more surprised that others were giving advice without asking pretty major questions like whether they had children. Personally, I’d put the position of children ahead of my own conscience in a situation like this. It’s obviously not cut and dry or you wouldn’t even be asking the question.
We can agree to disagree 😘. My take is he wasn't thinking of his children when he hmu. I wasn't in this position as a child so idk what it would be like. But I've heard that no dad is better than a shitty dad.
You’re saying she should be told - when you haven’t asked any questions about the situation at all. You know nothing about him, what he’s done, how often, if they have children to consider or anything at all. It’s irresponsible advice imo.
That's the wife's info to do with what she wants. I love how you not only invented a hypothetical child in this situation, but somehow molded this PoS of a man as an amazing father. Lol
Well yeah - a hypothetical scenario is a good way to givie an example of why it’s good to ask questions before giving advice. But quite how you came to the conclusion I was suggesting he was an amazing father only you know. Or were you being intentionally ironic?
If you decide to tell her, share this story with her. Regardless of their situationship it’ll help show your sincerity and that you’re not just attempting to be a jerk or anything like it. Good luck and as someone else said, be safe above all!!! ♥️
Awe sorry that happened. It was 2 years everyone knew my wife was cheating on me and I had no clue . I had a name in the streets . After that I felt so like a outsider ,I tried to commit suicide. It's not worth it
If he was ethically non monogamous, the only thing to tell was that he didn't have it in his profile. (Poly is one form of ENM and not the most common form). From the 'I'll handle' comment, he isn't poly, and at best is "don't ask don't tell"
My suggestion is keep everyone else’s drama out of your life. Ditch him and move on.
I don’t care whether someone is ethical/non-monogamous; I’m not interested in being their 3rd person.
How can you just assume infidelity on his end? Op yourself dont know the inner workings of their marriage why take on that drama? Whats rationale other than making hour shitty sel-concept whole again?
I'm sure if he was poly he would have said that in his profile. Most people do. I think he is a cheater nonetheless so yeah I would just tell her yourself.
I feel like if it were an open relationship, he would’ve mentioned it early on, or at least in response instead of “I’ll handle it”. If he’s already unfaithful and lying/cheating, the odds of him actually handling it if he was in fact looking outside the marriage is nil. I like the idea mentioned here in the comments to let her know anonymously. I’d want to know if it were me.
But you’re you and she’s her. You have no idea the logistics of the relationship or anything. You don’t owe loyalty to either of them. For all you know she’s a POS herself and he’s looking to end the relationship.
Stop having these vicarious delusions of being a hero. Whatever happens these people have to deal with it for the rest of their lives. You don’t
I think society should normalize calling out cheaters when they see it or suspect it. I know if my girlfriend was cheating, I'd want a guy to let me know.
I don't think she's trying to be a hero either. It's just the right thing to do. Being cheated on and wasting a bunch of time is one of the worst things that can happen to someone.
So if there's a man actively looking to date where there is a strong possibility of him cheating on his wife, it's best to let it go? If you're putting yourself out into the dating field, you're opening yourself up to being investigated as a potential partner.
Essentially it's best in your opinion to let a cheater be out there wasting people's time and more important their partners?
I'm definitely going to blow their cover every time. Worst case scenario it wasn't even an issue and the other partner is ok with it and shrug it off. Best case scenario the person now knows their partner is a cheater. What they do with that info isn't my issue.
>So if there's a man actively looking to date where there is a strong possibility of him cheating on his wife, it's best to let it go?
Yes. You don’t know them and should mind you business.
>Essentially it's best in your opinion to let a cheater be out there wasting people's time and more important their partners?
Yes
>Worst case scenario the other partner is ok with it and shrug it off.
No. Worst case scenario it leads to someone being further abused, killed or ripping apart a family. But I guess it’s worth it for you to be able to grandstand
Eventually most cheaters get caught, by not saying anything you are delaying the inevitable. Someone's going to be a lot more pissed off if they found out 4 years later rather than sooner.
I'm not trying to prove anything, just don't like cheaters. Pretty easy.
Nothing gives me the right. They are the ones out dating and I figured I'd let the potential spouse know. I'm not out there seeking out cheaters. They were the ones putting themselves out there looking to date.
If you're a cheater, it's quite risky going out in public meeting strangers. Maybe they shouldn't do that. If they have nothing to hide they shouldn't worry.
“If you see something, you say something” we all want to live in a society of honest people, yet by not calling out dishonest people they remain in control of the narrative. Why let cheaters cheat, when you have a way to call them out and stop their sh!t behavior???
Except you don’t know if he’s actually cheating. Maybe he’s bored and is just on bumble for the fantasy. Maybe she’s cheating too and he’s doing it to get back at her. There’s a ton of factors you can’t possibly know but also you don’t care. You’re placing yourself in a situation that you shouldn’t and regardless of whether I would want to know or not it’s not your life. It’s very easy to make decision when you don’t have to deal with the aftermath
I mean you piss the guy off and he thinks you ruined his life. Like for all you know you could entice him to take revenge on the girl that ratted on him.
Is that really worth the risk?
If they were poly he would have said that instead of saying he’ll handle it. The rest of this is 100% your conscious either way do what’s going to make you feel the best about it because he’s the one that drug you into this potential situation.
Well just him saying “I’ll handle,” if that’s what he said, sounds like they’re not open.
Like that’s communicated within the first day of chatting with someone, if it’s not literally plastered on their profile.
I would ask him whether their relationship is open, and share on here as an update what he says, we’ll tell you whether he’s a bull shitter or not. If he’s a bullshitter you’d be doing her a solid, she’s already a lawyer and knows how to rectify that situation.
It’s not your job to tell anyone anything and it’s extremely dangerous to cause problems for people you don’t know … let her find out elsewhere… be safe.
If you want that she knows about it, you will have to tell her about it by yourself. Of course you can wait two weeks, but after this time I would write her a letter.
But me, personally, I wouldn't do anything at all.
The problem there is he also has your number. And maybe enough info to find you too. The last thing you want is a pissed guy getting taken to the cleaners in a divorce with his attorney ex-wife who blames you for his problems.
I recommend staying out of it and moving on with your life.
She probably already knows. Him having his face and name on a popular dating site. Means he’s not scared of getting caught and the way he reacted to you. It’s not his first time getting found out.
They might even cheat on each other. Maybe it's a kink thing even. But I agree, she knows if he's not trying to hide it. If she doesn't know, a friend who sees his profile will clue her in and it's better to come from them than the woman he's cheating or trying to cheat with.
it's got nothing to do with you.
just don't date him if you don't want to.
don't involve yourself in it because their relationship is none of your business
You do not know enough about either of them to relay this information. This shit can get really messy and you don't want to be in the middle of that. People get killed over this. I get people saying they'd want someone to tell them but you have no way of knowing what the wife wants, how she feels about hearing this from a stranger, or how she's going to react. Tell him he's a piece of shit and block him.
No, you should stay out of it. You don't know their situation, so why would you out yourself in the middle of what could.be nothing, or could be a whole lot of drama?
You can tell him he appears to be married, and you are not into it, but other than that, you would be making a whole lot of assumptions.
Gotta expose him, don’t you? My ex tried to cheat on her bf w me a few years after we had split. Never met the guy but all I could think of was the fact that I was literally in the same spot as him years before. All it took was 1 screen shot. Eskimo brothers for life.
Ty for a nuanced answer. Too many of the guy responses have read like direct attacks on Me Too. It's possible to want to do the right thing without being a toxic feminist would-be hero.
So you've just been talking to him but haven't met him? If say just unmatch and move on. If he's a cheater he will just say someone stole his pictures. I've been in this mess before and I just moved past it
Ooof… 😬
If you do tell her, please be careful, and try to do it anonymously if possible. I doubt he’s ENM, or he would’ve disclosed that off the bat.
One never knows, really. I have an acquaintance on Bumble who I knew for a fact was married/had kids, and debated in telling his spouse. I forgot about the whole thing, and months later saw on his profile that they were divorced/divorcing. So that explained that situation, but in this case I’m not sure.
I did because I forgot lol, and it ended up coming to light anyway.
But even if I’d notified the wife, my acquaintance had no idea that I knew. In your case, I’m asking you to please be careful and use discretion if you decide to go that route (especially if you have personal info like workplace listed), because the dude may become suspicious that you were the one to tell her. Idk, maybe it’s just over precaution on my part, but still.
I was once in a similar situation. I thought to myself that I would want someone to tell me… and I still stand by that. So, I sent his girlfriend an anonymous email. She wanted to know all the details and I let her see the messages. And then they got married! The end.
Exactly give her the evidence and then whatever happens on their end isn’t your business but at least it’s off your conscience and he’s held accountable for his actions
I guess I just care about helping strangers the way I would have liked to have been helped. If yall wanna be shrinking violets every time you're faced with a moral delimma, then you do you.
I respect your intentions, truly. But I don't see this as a moral dilemma, especially since there's no guarantee that my actions will be appreciated or help anyone - and, in fact, may do harm. I've seen lives ruined, and I've seen people go rotten and do ruining after the fact. My position would be to offer my story/experience if asked, but inserting myself into some strangers' intimate lives and inviting trouble into mine because I think I'm being righteous or performing justice isn't my jam.
“Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject.”
She's subjecting herself to possible violence/retribution by doing that. She doesn't know these people. It'd be one thing if they were dating and she found out he was married. But they were texting on a dating app. Who knows if he even had intentions to meet her. Doesn't make it right but exactly nothing happened, not worth her risking her personal safety.
Get receipts and then send. Particularly if you met him in person already. If not, meet in person first. The account may be impersonating the person in the picture.
“I’ll handle” means stay the heck away, I don’t want my wife to ever find out.
But she should find out.
I’d take screen shots of his profile and your discussion with him, blur out your name and anything that might reveal your identity, and send it anonymously in a letter to her workplace (where he can’t intercept). He deceived you, didn’t he? Of course he’s going to deceive her too, he has much more to lose there. I’d want to know the truth.
Are you familiar with the term “shooting the messenger “?
She likely won’t react well. If you’re okay with that I would tell her and show her all the evidence.
If not, just block him and walk away.
That’s why you send it anonymously and put the rest on karma and the universe - maybe she’s got a case built up on him already bc she has her suspicions and this is the nail in the coffin evidence she needs to move on?? Whether it will help or harm isn’t the point, she should be able to make an informed decision based on the evidence
I am poly. If he was poly and fair to you, poly would be in his profile.
He also should have told you when you asked.
Most people are monogamous.
There are other forms of non monogamy, including don't ask don't tell. I am not a fan of this form, but it happens. Again though, to be fair to you, he should have told you up front that he only had intimacy without commitment to offer you.
You personally do not owe either of them anything. I am not at all sure that you will make the wife happier by confronting her with proof of an attempted affair. Many people remain happy by willful self-delusion.
Other people are happy to use an affair as socially acceptable justification for divorce.
Affairs are incredibly common in monogamous relationships. https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/infidelity-rates-by-country has some stat's, including some countries likelihood of divorce after discovery.
I recommend that you do what would help you sleep at night in 6 months. Telling her might involve anything from her being thankful to you, to yelling and screaming at you.
Normalize scandalizing poor behavior. This guy shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it, it just makes it ok for other scumbags. Tell her with screenshots- she’s an attorney who can do better than having a cheating husband.
Two neighbors of mine in a high-rise had boyfriends that were on Bumble and both of them liked my profile.
I told one of them, because they were casually dating, the other I didn’t tell because they were living together. She seemed so happy I didn’t have the heart to burst her bubble. We had played tennis together with him (before I knew who he was). Eventually, they split up anyway, but it was so uncool to see these men who were committed to someone else at least the one that was living together with my neighbor, putting themselves out there on a dating websites. Strange dating in this era of so much deception.
It's a thankless situation to be in; if he wanted to cheat he could have gone about it less publicly. My former husband's AP was also married. Her husband was so distraught he took his own life. Cheating is a crap shoot bc the ripple effect can have unintended consequences.
Of course! I really was evenly split about the issue. Then I got a notification from Patreon that a fave content creator was coming online. She is absolutely brilliant so I decided to ask her and do whatever she says. She recommended not telling the wife as it's not my problem. She also suggested I keep the guy in suspense about what I was going to do, leading to a cash grab for my silence. #savage
If you enjoy being petty and letting someone have their suffering dragged out while you get yours over a cheating ex, then please, by all means don't tell the wife because it's "not your problem."
Here's the thing; people sit pretty happily behind the idea of "not my problem" until it is their problem. Sure, you shouldn't tattle like a child, but as an adult, don't you think that we have developed better ideas about morality to know the difference?
Put yourself in her shoes; would you be happy with AP/AP's partner if they could have told you and given you the ability to make an informed decision to protect yourself, but didn't because it wasn't their problem?
I understand that you will do what you feel you must, and that's perfectly okay. I cannot tell you how to grieve or how to be hurt, that's your journey. Just make sure that you still like the person that you see in the mirror because they ARE your problem.
I think the whole “block and move on” is the bystander effect. No you don’t owe her anything, but I would want to know if my partner was unfaithful. He dug his grave already. Actions have consequences. You can only share screenshots. You can’t control what happens next. If she stays or leaves 🤷🏻♀️ but I think it’s important to tell her.
Its always a sad situation but in my opinion, having been a less than faithful partner, i would say just give her whatever platform u using to talk to him and if she chooses to do her own investigating she can. If she chooses to blow it off and deny she can do that too. Leave option completely up to her but give her info for her to decide. I know our job should not be a factor but the fact that she is an attorney as opposed to say a housewife makes a big diff imo too. In my own experience i was young and didnt handle things they way i should have, and looking back now am glad it was forced upon me. Dont beat urself up whatever u decide, u didnt ask to be in situation. Take care.
If you haven’t done anything but talk to the guy on Bumble? Then mindya. You know absolutely fu**all about this man or his relationship. You don’t know their boundaries. You don’t know their situation. You know nothing. And you’re about to insert yourself into someone else’s business. And for what? Having a bumble profile apparently. Maybe his wife is bi? Maybe he gets girls for both of them this way. I mean you no disrespect when ai say this, as I get where you’re coming from and it’s not a place of bad intent. So don’t take this wrong. But you need to mind your damn business until there is actually something worth discussing. If you’re really into him? Then hire a PI. Otherwise make a date and see what happens. Or? Just tell him the truth. Say I’m not a home wrecker. And I see that you are married. So please explain to me what the current situation is with you two? Or I would not line to continue on with this correspondence. Crazy right? Just…. Asking a straight forward question. Like an adult.
I don’t know what to tell ya other than ask whether you read Dan Savage and/or have looked into his response(s) to people in your situation…? Between the spectrum of DADT/tolyamory to “kitchen table” ENM, it’s a veritable minefield out here on the apps!
I need to remember to ask everyone I interact with, “Is there anyone who thinks they’re in a relationship with you?” (Suggestions for further refinement welcomed!)
I had similar situation. Guy I had met unconventionally and ended up in a relationship with. Knew him for almost a year before we started dating. Had been to his house, texted, called All different hours and then out of nowhere he was gone. I honestly got really worried about him. Through some investigation over a course of 5 hours I found out he was younger by a significant amount and was in a LTR. I ended up posting him anonymously on FB and her sister told her. She and I spoke at length a few days later. I told her to tell him that if he ever contacted me again I would contact the bar for unethical behavior. Haven’t heard from him once and he’s been 6 months.
I’m personally a fan of telling. I would want to know. The only advice I’ll give is next time don’t tell him. Just send the stuff to his wife. It doesn’t give him time to scramble and you’ll feel better. Block him once you’ve sent it and be done.
I would want to know if I was being cheated on.
I wouldn't have told him I know he's married.
Either call her from a payphone or make an anonymous account and ask her if they're poly/enm. Send screenshots
Also report him to bumble saying that he's married.
It’s telling that the guys are saying to just move on and the women are saying they’d wanna know 😂😂😂😂. I don’t think it matters what their relationship dynamic is or if she’s a “shitty person”. I would personally reach out to her anonymously. Then block everyone, and move on.
Gee, I wonder why? Do most men just want the option to be able to cheat in order to get out of a relationship vs being an actual man and adult and communicating the problems within their relationships with the person they’re supposed to be in the relationship with?
What kind of toxic mentality is this? Is this your idea of women sticking together? What gives you the right to play God with anyone’s relationship especially over just infedilty? Immoral sure but for you to unleash that on that a woman like that and think you’re doing good is surely a backward way of thinking and an empty-calorie equivalent of virtue signaling. Despite him being wrong you don't got all the facts on their relationship to feel compelled to intervene. You’re better than that.
“Just” infidelity puts the wife at non-consensual risk of sti’s, assuming he is actively hooking up with people. OP doesn’t have an obligation, but they have every right to share their story and communicate if they know someone is putting someone else at risk.
So STIs are OP’s fight now? Especially if he hasnt infected her, why would you do all mental gymnastics to justify such calous and self centered view point? I get men have hurt yall in past but doing things like will not avenge what the men of yesterday did to yall.
If someone is callously and non-consensually risking someone else’s health, anyone with that information has an ethical invitation to intervene as a fellow human. Not a compulsion, but the majority of humans agree that this is ethically sound behavior.
So now you are on an STI crusade?
The only people who consider this sound behavior are women that hate men or toxic feminists.
I'm not buying your story, women like yall feel powerless when you finally meet a guy you like and it turns out he's a scumbag cheater and so yall feel compelled to reclaim your power under the guise of “looking out” for his wife. It's not about her feelings or the risk of STI, deep down it's about your shitty self-concept and overcoming not feeling dumb about a guy running game. You tell on him and so you feel vindicated. Let's face it telling on him is doing more harm than good, considering you don’t know her or how faithful she's been as well. There are a lot of assumptions you're making in order to justify and risk destroying a marriage just to make your tiny ego feel better.
You introduced a personal challenge, I was responding in kind. My response was a meme, you were the one who guessed my gender and history and motivations. Be well.
Women look out for other women bc men like this act the way they do. It isn’t about “avenging our personal problems”….women at their core care about one another’s wellbeing…I would want to know whether or not someone was wasting my time on this precious green earth asap…
It’s great that women lookout for each other. What’s ironic is the assumption, how do you know what there relationship is like? How do you know she’s not neglecting his needs? Thus why he might be cheating or trying too? He might be a scumbag he might not but you don’t know the lady personally it’s NOT your business in my opinion. It’s actually classless and reeks of drama and ego-inflation. Now if the lady is your bff or sister or whatever yea go for it look out for your “sis”. Be well.
I dated a good guy once and then I went psycho at him cos this happened.
Fast forward and I had a mate who was really good friends with him and told me the ex was crazy and controlling and toxic and they were still finalising the divorce at that moment or whatever. I guess sometimes people want to just slowly transition , especially if he has a high powered wife who wants to be in control.
Maybe if u keep dating him he will be this thoughtful and generous in protecting your dignity too if something happens
Well it happened to me, so it’s definitely a possibility. I actually “invoiced” him $1800 for sexual services I provided and told him if he didn’t pay up I would tell his wife. But yeah I regret that because was kind of blackmail and my friend is really close with him and told me the whole story. Would have been nice to not do that and communicate with him and now be married to a millionaire lol
I would like someone to tell me if my partner cheated on me
Ikr? I was the last to know when my ex-husband cheated. It hurt more knowing that literally everyone in our circle hadn't spoken up. AP's husband once called to say my husband was cheating with his wife (no shit). He was so despondent that he took his own life.
that’s so very sad, I can forgive a one time thing (even tho I would’t stay in the relationship) because people do make mistakes, but serial premeditated cheating says a lot about a persons lack of good character keep me updated on your decision and, if you decide to do it, be mindful of your safety
People saying let it slide have never been in our position of being deeply betrayed and cheated on. I would expose cheaters like this, 💯. Wish people told me. He wouldn't be saying "I'll handle" if he was poly. This dummy got caught, wife is a stranger that may or may not also be a drag but I always give strangers the benefit of the doubt over someone who has exposed themselves already as a dbag. And I do the right thing when it comes to helping strangers.
I understand both sides. It's a lot to ask someone to be the barer of bad news to a stranger, especially when you don't know how they'll react. I've been cheated on, after the first time I said don't tell me just break up or take it to your grave if you stay. I've always known, it's never been a surprise. But the disclosure leaves me with having to forgive/thank someone when I don't want to. When I was approached by one other woman I was so loved bombed, I believed it was just a jealous ex. A few times I've found out I was the other party. Or I was a wanted to be other party by former friends partners. I say former friends, as when I told them, or they discovered their partner was interested in me, I was cut off, but the relationship persisted. When I found out I was the other party the first time I told, I was harassed so much I kept my mouth shut the next couple of times and cut off the guy. All that is to say I get why some choose to stay silent and cut the cheater off, it sucks when you're the messenger who gets shot. But also it's important for people to tell so the affected party knows, as long as you understand it might not be news that is met with grace.
You are a hypocrite who brought literally nothing to the conversation. And are the type of person who thinks all her friends men want you. You constantly need praise and attention and validation. Who tf goes up to a friend and says, “I can have your man any time I want.” Maybe you’re very attractive? Maybe you’re delusional and just think you are? Idk? You sound like someone who everyone has known? And nobody wants any part of. Like the kind of person who rambles on in great and unnecessary detail about they WOULD NOT WANT TO KNOW. And in the very next breath, l just can’t wait to tell everyone else. God… People like you are such a drain on the rest of us. GO WORK ON YOURSELF. Start by learning how to be honest with yourself.
You're projecting hard there, no where have I said everyone wants me or that I think I'm all that. I said I've had to tell a few friends that the person they're dating has hit on me, it's weird for me and my friends, as I won't do it, and the guy is a dick. I find it funny as well that you ignored most of my reply talking about being cheated on. Do you think I'd be that egotistical and admit I'd been cheated on repeatedly? Maybe you should look in the mirror before throwing stones. Or just reread things and take it all in, rather than focussing on the bit you don't like and creating a story that wasn't there.
I don’t think you know what egotistical means is the first thing that jumped out at me in this response. I’m currently on the fence regarding whether or not you understand what projecting is? And, I actually re-read what you wrote more than once. I had to because your sentences barely make coherent sense at times. Kind of like your response here. You did not say your friend was currently dating these people. And the way it was scribbled? Made it seem as though while that may have been the case some of the time? Other times they were not currently dating them and you decided you were just going to let them know. So if that’s not the case? Then I can man up about that part and take it back. You are however, still a hypocrite. Making it explicitly clear that would not want to know. But still would be sure to tell everyone else. Putting them through the hell that you would seemingly avoid for yourself at all costs.
You think what I wrote is difficult to understand? Pot meet kettle. I was pretty clear with it, it's a discussion about cheating you butted in on, why on earth would I be talking about non-cheating situations? I'm also not being hypocritical there, I have been very clear that I would not want my *partner* to tell me if they cheated. A *friend* telling me a partner hit on them, same as myself telling a friend the person they're dating hit on me, is a different situation as you're dealing with different relationships. Different relationships come with different expectations. I have had these conversations with friends, around cheating and disclosure. And many would want to know. Similarly they know I'd expect them to tell me if someone I was dating hit on them. Because I need to know if I'm bringing someone around who is putting my friend in an uncomfortable position. Your inability to grasp these are not equivalent situations is on you.
I grasped enough. I butted in? 😂 Jesus Christ… It’s a Reddit board. That is literally what everyone here is doing according to and including, you. And you not understanding something? Is not the same as it being incomprehensible. But I have little doubt that concept is lost on you. As for the rest? I don’t care enough to argue. I forgot about this interaction fifteen minutes after I had it. All good. You do you. Have a good night.
Yet more dribble from you. Ta ta and good riddance
I've literally been cheated on while I was in Afghanistan. Like a dude was over my house giving my ex wife the business while I was fighting over seas and I still say let it go and move on. I personally choose my own peace.
Women who cheat on their deployed partner? Are literally the shittiest scum in the entire female dating pool. They are right up there with men who cheat on their pregnant girl. Only, these women are even worse. I have a special place in my heart for those POS. Such disgusting cowards. The most selfish of the selfish. (And no I was not cheated on while I was deployed. I’ve never been in the military other than ROTC. Which is nothing. I just recognize how shitty one has to be to do that to someone. And the level of ME! ME! ME! involved.)
No. You literally don’t know a single damned thing about him or his wife or their situation. And some people do say that. To people THEY BARELY KNOW from some internet dating site. You’re jumping to all kinds of conclusions based on very little.
So you think it’s OK to have a child’s world torn apart without knowing any details at all, purely based on your own experience. Wow.
It sounds like you're speaking from a personal experience of a person who was cheated on and wished they didn't know.. or you were the cheater, and either way, a home was wrecked. Maybe perhaps you were the child? 😅 anyway.. most people would like to know, and it's not OP fault a married man left out the fact that he's married. I would want a clear conscious, too.
You don't think I had details? What do you want - a sex tape?
I wasn’t replying to you - I was more surprised that others were giving advice without asking pretty major questions like whether they had children. Personally, I’d put the position of children ahead of my own conscience in a situation like this. It’s obviously not cut and dry or you wouldn’t even be asking the question.
We can agree to disagree 😘. My take is he wasn't thinking of his children when he hmu. I wasn't in this position as a child so idk what it would be like. But I've heard that no dad is better than a shitty dad.
Huh?
I could not love your user name any harder.
You’re saying she should be told - when you haven’t asked any questions about the situation at all. You know nothing about him, what he’s done, how often, if they have children to consider or anything at all. It’s irresponsible advice imo.
That's the wife's info to do with what she wants. I love how you not only invented a hypothetical child in this situation, but somehow molded this PoS of a man as an amazing father. Lol
Well yeah - a hypothetical scenario is a good way to givie an example of why it’s good to ask questions before giving advice. But quite how you came to the conclusion I was suggesting he was an amazing father only you know. Or were you being intentionally ironic?
I know more than enough about him and what he's done. Do you believe all parents deserve a pass?
If you decide to tell her, share this story with her. Regardless of their situationship it’ll help show your sincerity and that you’re not just attempting to be a jerk or anything like it. Good luck and as someone else said, be safe above all!!! ♥️
That's a great suggestion. You sound like a stand up guy 💪
Awe sorry that happened. It was 2 years everyone knew my wife was cheating on me and I had no clue . I had a name in the streets . After that I felt so like a outsider ,I tried to commit suicide. It's not worth it
It's definitely humiliating to be the last to know. I'm glad your attempt wasn't successful and hope you've moved on.
That was not your circle, they were there for the entertainment. I hope you flushed that crowd out of your life!
Yes, absolutely. I've moved across the country to leave it all behind.
But you’ve been in love with another man, a married man for the last nearly 24 years! Classic mixup!
What
Haaaaaa I’m thinking he’s not poly 🫣 do it anonymously.
If he was ethically non monogamous, the only thing to tell was that he didn't have it in his profile. (Poly is one form of ENM and not the most common form). From the 'I'll handle' comment, he isn't poly, and at best is "don't ask don't tell"
If he's poly he would have told you already. Unless he fears revealing it might put off a lot of women, but that's still bad.
yes, poly people love talking about it. i've never met a poly person that didn't bring it up super quick (and mostly for no reason)
They probably just think you're attractive and want to let you know they're open to dating
i am and i have a juicy booty. i don't blame them.
At least he's not vegan.
From what other person says, it loks like poly people are vegans of relationship types.
Maybe CrossFit too.
If you find a poly, CrossFit, vegan you’ve hit the trifecta. And you get a special badge 🤗
I would want to know personally.
My suggestion is keep everyone else’s drama out of your life. Ditch him and move on. I don’t care whether someone is ethical/non-monogamous; I’m not interested in being their 3rd person.
Also - this person could be opening themselves up to potential danger. You never know what people are capable of early on like that
Maybe i could be a unicorn!
So why are you asking for suggestions ? Just karma farming?
You mean it like the "single woman going out/getting laid with a pair"? I also read that on swinger actions, solo girls are called unicorns.
I would want to know! Tell her. She's being exposed to his only knows what stds.
Great point.
How can you just assume infidelity on his end? Op yourself dont know the inner workings of their marriage why take on that drama? Whats rationale other than making hour shitty sel-concept whole again?
Just block and move on.
If there are kids involved, block and move on. If there aren’t kids involved, tell her.
Tell. Cheaters f*ing suck.
I'm sure if he was poly he would have said that in his profile. Most people do. I think he is a cheater nonetheless so yeah I would just tell her yourself.
I feel like if it were an open relationship, he would’ve mentioned it early on, or at least in response instead of “I’ll handle it”. If he’s already unfaithful and lying/cheating, the odds of him actually handling it if he was in fact looking outside the marriage is nil. I like the idea mentioned here in the comments to let her know anonymously. I’d want to know if it were me.
No, cut him off. Move on. mind your business
Why involve yourself at all?
In that position, I would want to know. My loyalty is to her, not her POS husband.
But you’re you and she’s her. You have no idea the logistics of the relationship or anything. You don’t owe loyalty to either of them. For all you know she’s a POS herself and he’s looking to end the relationship. Stop having these vicarious delusions of being a hero. Whatever happens these people have to deal with it for the rest of their lives. You don’t
I think society should normalize calling out cheaters when they see it or suspect it. I know if my girlfriend was cheating, I'd want a guy to let me know. I don't think she's trying to be a hero either. It's just the right thing to do. Being cheated on and wasting a bunch of time is one of the worst things that can happen to someone.
I'm very far from a hero. Just trying to determine what's the "right" thing to do.
Society should normalize staying out of peoples relationships unless they’re in actual danger
So if there's a man actively looking to date where there is a strong possibility of him cheating on his wife, it's best to let it go? If you're putting yourself out into the dating field, you're opening yourself up to being investigated as a potential partner. Essentially it's best in your opinion to let a cheater be out there wasting people's time and more important their partners? I'm definitely going to blow their cover every time. Worst case scenario it wasn't even an issue and the other partner is ok with it and shrug it off. Best case scenario the person now knows their partner is a cheater. What they do with that info isn't my issue.
>So if there's a man actively looking to date where there is a strong possibility of him cheating on his wife, it's best to let it go? Yes. You don’t know them and should mind you business. >Essentially it's best in your opinion to let a cheater be out there wasting people's time and more important their partners? Yes >Worst case scenario the other partner is ok with it and shrug it off. No. Worst case scenario it leads to someone being further abused, killed or ripping apart a family. But I guess it’s worth it for you to be able to grandstand
Eventually most cheaters get caught, by not saying anything you are delaying the inevitable. Someone's going to be a lot more pissed off if they found out 4 years later rather than sooner. I'm not trying to prove anything, just don't like cheaters. Pretty easy.
What gives you the right to make that decision? And no one likes cheaters
Nothing gives me the right. They are the ones out dating and I figured I'd let the potential spouse know. I'm not out there seeking out cheaters. They were the ones putting themselves out there looking to date. If you're a cheater, it's quite risky going out in public meeting strangers. Maybe they shouldn't do that. If they have nothing to hide they shouldn't worry.
“If you see something, you say something” we all want to live in a society of honest people, yet by not calling out dishonest people they remain in control of the narrative. Why let cheaters cheat, when you have a way to call them out and stop their sh!t behavior???
You do understand, that the one ripping apart the family is the one that cheats?
Quick question - if your SO was cheating (in this hypothetical, that's all we know), you wouldn't want to know?
No, s/he doesn't want her/his to know s/he is cheating.
Except you don’t know if he’s actually cheating. Maybe he’s bored and is just on bumble for the fantasy. Maybe she’s cheating too and he’s doing it to get back at her. There’s a ton of factors you can’t possibly know but also you don’t care. You’re placing yourself in a situation that you shouldn’t and regardless of whether I would want to know or not it’s not your life. It’s very easy to make decision when you don’t have to deal with the aftermath
Sooo... You are defending someone who is probably cheating? That sounds like redflag.
I mean you piss the guy off and he thinks you ruined his life. Like for all you know you could entice him to take revenge on the girl that ratted on him. Is that really worth the risk?
She probably wasn't his only target tho.
I’m not defending a cheater. I’m defending it get in involved in random people lives because you want to take down moral high ground
This is what people in China think to themselves when they see someone injured in public.
Have you ever even been to china?
Do you know who Peng Yu is?
If they were poly he would have said that instead of saying he’ll handle it. The rest of this is 100% your conscious either way do what’s going to make you feel the best about it because he’s the one that drug you into this potential situation.
Well just him saying “I’ll handle,” if that’s what he said, sounds like they’re not open. Like that’s communicated within the first day of chatting with someone, if it’s not literally plastered on their profile. I would ask him whether their relationship is open, and share on here as an update what he says, we’ll tell you whether he’s a bull shitter or not. If he’s a bullshitter you’d be doing her a solid, she’s already a lawyer and knows how to rectify that situation.
If they were poly in any way anyone would want to get involved with, you wouldn’t have found out this way
It’s not your job to tell anyone anything and it’s extremely dangerous to cause problems for people you don’t know … let her find out elsewhere… be safe.
If you want that she knows about it, you will have to tell her about it by yourself. Of course you can wait two weeks, but after this time I would write her a letter. But me, personally, I wouldn't do anything at all.
Have you confirmed it’s him? Did you guys text or only on the app? As he could just say someone is using his profile to catfish him.
Thankfully we texted, so I have some incriminating stuff after his dirty deleted.
The problem there is he also has your number. And maybe enough info to find you too. The last thing you want is a pissed guy getting taken to the cleaners in a divorce with his attorney ex-wife who blames you for his problems. I recommend staying out of it and moving on with your life.
They're both attorneys and could easily make life more difficult.
Haha oh damn. Even more reason to keep your distance then!
She probably already knows. Him having his face and name on a popular dating site. Means he’s not scared of getting caught and the way he reacted to you. It’s not his first time getting found out.
They might even cheat on each other. Maybe it's a kink thing even. But I agree, she knows if he's not trying to hide it. If she doesn't know, a friend who sees his profile will clue her in and it's better to come from them than the woman he's cheating or trying to cheat with.
She knows. You’d only be humiliating her more by telling her she wants to hear it….again
Why not just move on, use that energy in a positive way to find a better much. That’s what I’d do. Good luck
it's got nothing to do with you. just don't date him if you don't want to. don't involve yourself in it because their relationship is none of your business
How is this your biz? You wanna do it to feel great - like a particularly righteous person ? You better move on...
Not interested in feeling righteous; just want to be a decent human being. Whatever that means.
You do not know enough about either of them to relay this information. This shit can get really messy and you don't want to be in the middle of that. People get killed over this. I get people saying they'd want someone to tell them but you have no way of knowing what the wife wants, how she feels about hearing this from a stranger, or how she's going to react. Tell him he's a piece of shit and block him.
No, you should stay out of it. You don't know their situation, so why would you out yourself in the middle of what could.be nothing, or could be a whole lot of drama? You can tell him he appears to be married, and you are not into it, but other than that, you would be making a whole lot of assumptions.
I personally would move on. It's excess drama in your life.
i think tell her
I wouldnt say anything but probably because i expect no decency from others, do what feels right to you.
I would always appreciate the person telling me about my cheating partner. The "idiot wife" is not something anyone would wanna be
Gotta expose him, don’t you? My ex tried to cheat on her bf w me a few years after we had split. Never met the guy but all I could think of was the fact that I was literally in the same spot as him years before. All it took was 1 screen shot. Eskimo brothers for life.
Ty for a nuanced answer. Too many of the guy responses have read like direct attacks on Me Too. It's possible to want to do the right thing without being a toxic feminist would-be hero.
You don’t know if he is a violent person or not, stay out of it and protect yourself.
Or she ?….
So you've just been talking to him but haven't met him? If say just unmatch and move on. If he's a cheater he will just say someone stole his pictures. I've been in this mess before and I just moved past it
Care to elaborate?
Ooof… 😬 If you do tell her, please be careful, and try to do it anonymously if possible. I doubt he’s ENM, or he would’ve disclosed that off the bat. One never knows, really. I have an acquaintance on Bumble who I knew for a fact was married/had kids, and debated in telling his spouse. I forgot about the whole thing, and months later saw on his profile that they were divorced/divorcing. So that explained that situation, but in this case I’m not sure.
So you ultimately chose to stay out of it?
I did because I forgot lol, and it ended up coming to light anyway. But even if I’d notified the wife, my acquaintance had no idea that I knew. In your case, I’m asking you to please be careful and use discretion if you decide to go that route (especially if you have personal info like workplace listed), because the dude may become suspicious that you were the one to tell her. Idk, maybe it’s just over precaution on my part, but still.
I was once in a similar situation. I thought to myself that I would want someone to tell me… and I still stand by that. So, I sent his girlfriend an anonymous email. She wanted to know all the details and I let her see the messages. And then they got married! The end.
Exactly give her the evidence and then whatever happens on their end isn’t your business but at least it’s off your conscience and he’s held accountable for his actions
No. Stay out of it.
Coward.
Feels brave until people make your life hell because you got involved
I guess I just care about helping strangers the way I would have liked to have been helped. If yall wanna be shrinking violets every time you're faced with a moral delimma, then you do you.
I respect your intentions, truly. But I don't see this as a moral dilemma, especially since there's no guarantee that my actions will be appreciated or help anyone - and, in fact, may do harm. I've seen lives ruined, and I've seen people go rotten and do ruining after the fact. My position would be to offer my story/experience if asked, but inserting myself into some strangers' intimate lives and inviting trouble into mine because I think I'm being righteous or performing justice isn't my jam.
She's never even met the guy, why get involved in their drama?
“Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject.”
She's subjecting herself to possible violence/retribution by doing that. She doesn't know these people. It'd be one thing if they were dating and she found out he was married. But they were texting on a dating app. Who knows if he even had intentions to meet her. Doesn't make it right but exactly nothing happened, not worth her risking her personal safety.
Get receipts and then send. Particularly if you met him in person already. If not, meet in person first. The account may be impersonating the person in the picture.
“I’ll handle” means stay the heck away, I don’t want my wife to ever find out. But she should find out. I’d take screen shots of his profile and your discussion with him, blur out your name and anything that might reveal your identity, and send it anonymously in a letter to her workplace (where he can’t intercept). He deceived you, didn’t he? Of course he’s going to deceive her too, he has much more to lose there. I’d want to know the truth.
This. Esp since she’s an attorney she’d probably want to know
Your imagining you understand what his I’ll handle it means. Nobody knows that’s the truth, except for him.
He plays fast and loose with the truth. His credibility is shot. Who cares what he means?
Report him on bumble. Don’t contact the wife or him ever again.
I don’t think Bumble cares. They just care about their bottom line. These dating apps make it very simple for people to cheat.
Lol, it's not your problem. Just move on.
Are you familiar with the term “shooting the messenger “? She likely won’t react well. If you’re okay with that I would tell her and show her all the evidence. If not, just block him and walk away.
That’s why you send it anonymously and put the rest on karma and the universe - maybe she’s got a case built up on him already bc she has her suspicions and this is the nail in the coffin evidence she needs to move on?? Whether it will help or harm isn’t the point, she should be able to make an informed decision based on the evidence
I would tell her, because if I were in her shoes I would want to know.
I am poly. If he was poly and fair to you, poly would be in his profile. He also should have told you when you asked. Most people are monogamous. There are other forms of non monogamy, including don't ask don't tell. I am not a fan of this form, but it happens. Again though, to be fair to you, he should have told you up front that he only had intimacy without commitment to offer you. You personally do not owe either of them anything. I am not at all sure that you will make the wife happier by confronting her with proof of an attempted affair. Many people remain happy by willful self-delusion. Other people are happy to use an affair as socially acceptable justification for divorce. Affairs are incredibly common in monogamous relationships. https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/infidelity-rates-by-country has some stat's, including some countries likelihood of divorce after discovery. I recommend that you do what would help you sleep at night in 6 months. Telling her might involve anything from her being thankful to you, to yelling and screaming at you.
Exactly. We lean hard on the ETHICAL part of ENM.
YES!
Normalize scandalizing poor behavior. This guy shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it, it just makes it ok for other scumbags. Tell her with screenshots- she’s an attorney who can do better than having a cheating husband.
You have to be careful getting to involved, have you watched the show cheaters? Don’t use your real name or phone number
Yes, I loved Cheaters! RIP Clark Gable III or III. Idr
Two neighbors of mine in a high-rise had boyfriends that were on Bumble and both of them liked my profile. I told one of them, because they were casually dating, the other I didn’t tell because they were living together. She seemed so happy I didn’t have the heart to burst her bubble. We had played tennis together with him (before I knew who he was). Eventually, they split up anyway, but it was so uncool to see these men who were committed to someone else at least the one that was living together with my neighbor, putting themselves out there on a dating websites. Strange dating in this era of so much deception.
I think it adds a milestone to a relationship - when (or if) to delete dating profiles.
He had moved in with her…
It's a thankless situation to be in; if he wanted to cheat he could have gone about it less publicly. My former husband's AP was also married. Her husband was so distraught he took his own life. Cheating is a crap shoot bc the ripple effect can have unintended consequences.
Tell her and post update! 
Of course! I really was evenly split about the issue. Then I got a notification from Patreon that a fave content creator was coming online. She is absolutely brilliant so I decided to ask her and do whatever she says. She recommended not telling the wife as it's not my problem. She also suggested I keep the guy in suspense about what I was going to do, leading to a cash grab for my silence. #savage
If you enjoy being petty and letting someone have their suffering dragged out while you get yours over a cheating ex, then please, by all means don't tell the wife because it's "not your problem." Here's the thing; people sit pretty happily behind the idea of "not my problem" until it is their problem. Sure, you shouldn't tattle like a child, but as an adult, don't you think that we have developed better ideas about morality to know the difference? Put yourself in her shoes; would you be happy with AP/AP's partner if they could have told you and given you the ability to make an informed decision to protect yourself, but didn't because it wasn't their problem? I understand that you will do what you feel you must, and that's perfectly okay. I cannot tell you how to grieve or how to be hurt, that's your journey. Just make sure that you still like the person that you see in the mirror because they ARE your problem.
I think the whole “block and move on” is the bystander effect. No you don’t owe her anything, but I would want to know if my partner was unfaithful. He dug his grave already. Actions have consequences. You can only share screenshots. You can’t control what happens next. If she stays or leaves 🤷🏻♀️ but I think it’s important to tell her.
Such an interesting twist on a yes or no question
Ikr? It's telling how many comments are just straight up attacks. I suspect it's a combination of transference and misogyny.
Its always a sad situation but in my opinion, having been a less than faithful partner, i would say just give her whatever platform u using to talk to him and if she chooses to do her own investigating she can. If she chooses to blow it off and deny she can do that too. Leave option completely up to her but give her info for her to decide. I know our job should not be a factor but the fact that she is an attorney as opposed to say a housewife makes a big diff imo too. In my own experience i was young and didnt handle things they way i should have, and looking back now am glad it was forced upon me. Dont beat urself up whatever u decide, u didnt ask to be in situation. Take care.
You are just aching to be a self-righteous drama queen. Block him and move on.
How did you come to this conclusion?
Reading your faint damning protestations. Thats how.
Yawn
If you haven’t done anything but talk to the guy on Bumble? Then mindya. You know absolutely fu**all about this man or his relationship. You don’t know their boundaries. You don’t know their situation. You know nothing. And you’re about to insert yourself into someone else’s business. And for what? Having a bumble profile apparently. Maybe his wife is bi? Maybe he gets girls for both of them this way. I mean you no disrespect when ai say this, as I get where you’re coming from and it’s not a place of bad intent. So don’t take this wrong. But you need to mind your damn business until there is actually something worth discussing. If you’re really into him? Then hire a PI. Otherwise make a date and see what happens. Or? Just tell him the truth. Say I’m not a home wrecker. And I see that you are married. So please explain to me what the current situation is with you two? Or I would not line to continue on with this correspondence. Crazy right? Just…. Asking a straight forward question. Like an adult.
I would never understand human. It would be enough for me to find that a woman is married. That’s it. I would want to be the one that wrecks a house.
I don’t know what to tell ya other than ask whether you read Dan Savage and/or have looked into his response(s) to people in your situation…? Between the spectrum of DADT/tolyamory to “kitchen table” ENM, it’s a veritable minefield out here on the apps! I need to remember to ask everyone I interact with, “Is there anyone who thinks they’re in a relationship with you?” (Suggestions for further refinement welcomed!)
I had similar situation. Guy I had met unconventionally and ended up in a relationship with. Knew him for almost a year before we started dating. Had been to his house, texted, called All different hours and then out of nowhere he was gone. I honestly got really worried about him. Through some investigation over a course of 5 hours I found out he was younger by a significant amount and was in a LTR. I ended up posting him anonymously on FB and her sister told her. She and I spoke at length a few days later. I told her to tell him that if he ever contacted me again I would contact the bar for unethical behavior. Haven’t heard from him once and he’s been 6 months. I’m personally a fan of telling. I would want to know. The only advice I’ll give is next time don’t tell him. Just send the stuff to his wife. It doesn’t give him time to scramble and you’ll feel better. Block him once you’ve sent it and be done.
I would want to know if I was being cheated on. I wouldn't have told him I know he's married. Either call her from a payphone or make an anonymous account and ask her if they're poly/enm. Send screenshots Also report him to bumble saying that he's married.
It’s telling that the guys are saying to just move on and the women are saying they’d wanna know 😂😂😂😂. I don’t think it matters what their relationship dynamic is or if she’s a “shitty person”. I would personally reach out to her anonymously. Then block everyone, and move on.
It does seem to be split by gender lol
Gee, I wonder why? Do most men just want the option to be able to cheat in order to get out of a relationship vs being an actual man and adult and communicating the problems within their relationships with the person they’re supposed to be in the relationship with?
Not sure if I'd rather be cheated on or ghosted.
What kind of toxic mentality is this? Is this your idea of women sticking together? What gives you the right to play God with anyone’s relationship especially over just infedilty? Immoral sure but for you to unleash that on that a woman like that and think you’re doing good is surely a backward way of thinking and an empty-calorie equivalent of virtue signaling. Despite him being wrong you don't got all the facts on their relationship to feel compelled to intervene. You’re better than that.
“Just” infidelity puts the wife at non-consensual risk of sti’s, assuming he is actively hooking up with people. OP doesn’t have an obligation, but they have every right to share their story and communicate if they know someone is putting someone else at risk.
So STIs are OP’s fight now? Especially if he hasnt infected her, why would you do all mental gymnastics to justify such calous and self centered view point? I get men have hurt yall in past but doing things like will not avenge what the men of yesterday did to yall.
If someone is callously and non-consensually risking someone else’s health, anyone with that information has an ethical invitation to intervene as a fellow human. Not a compulsion, but the majority of humans agree that this is ethically sound behavior.
So now you are on an STI crusade? The only people who consider this sound behavior are women that hate men or toxic feminists. I'm not buying your story, women like yall feel powerless when you finally meet a guy you like and it turns out he's a scumbag cheater and so yall feel compelled to reclaim your power under the guise of “looking out” for his wife. It's not about her feelings or the risk of STI, deep down it's about your shitty self-concept and overcoming not feeling dumb about a guy running game. You tell on him and so you feel vindicated. Let's face it telling on him is doing more harm than good, considering you don’t know her or how faithful she's been as well. There are a lot of assumptions you're making in order to justify and risk destroying a marriage just to make your tiny ego feel better.
Tell me you’re a serial cheater with an STI without telling me you’re a serial cheater with an STI.
Not at all but I love how you’re deflecting now and trying to make this about me. Be well.
You introduced a personal challenge, I was responding in kind. My response was a meme, you were the one who guessed my gender and history and motivations. Be well.
Ok if that helps feel better, go for it. I’m sure the universe will reward your STI crusade.
Tell me you hate women without telling me you hate women. Does this subject hit too close to home? Btw, I'm Tiny Ego, not STI Crusader.
Wut?
The way you spell “wut” I’m guessing you don’t read much?
Lmaoooooooo are you new here?!
Busted! Ty for mansplaining the error of my ways.
Np love im just copying your style and making assumptions 🙌
Whew. I was afraid your response wouldn't be as misogynistic and petty as the others.
Women look out for other women bc men like this act the way they do. It isn’t about “avenging our personal problems”….women at their core care about one another’s wellbeing…I would want to know whether or not someone was wasting my time on this precious green earth asap…
It’s great that women lookout for each other. What’s ironic is the assumption, how do you know what there relationship is like? How do you know she’s not neglecting his needs? Thus why he might be cheating or trying too? He might be a scumbag he might not but you don’t know the lady personally it’s NOT your business in my opinion. It’s actually classless and reeks of drama and ego-inflation. Now if the lady is your bff or sister or whatever yea go for it look out for your “sis”. Be well.
Lady someone will love you someday. Let this go.
Super helpful; thanks.
Do it anonymously and block him before you do it.
I dated a good guy once and then I went psycho at him cos this happened. Fast forward and I had a mate who was really good friends with him and told me the ex was crazy and controlling and toxic and they were still finalising the divorce at that moment or whatever. I guess sometimes people want to just slowly transition , especially if he has a high powered wife who wants to be in control. Maybe if u keep dating him he will be this thoughtful and generous in protecting your dignity too if something happens
lol doubtful but ok
Well it happened to me, so it’s definitely a possibility. I actually “invoiced” him $1800 for sexual services I provided and told him if he didn’t pay up I would tell his wife. But yeah I regret that because was kind of blackmail and my friend is really close with him and told me the whole story. Would have been nice to not do that and communicate with him and now be married to a millionaire lol