Same. 34, feel 28 at best, which is the age before my second round of trauma. People are starting to comment that i don’t dress my age or look my age, and I’m scared people will think I’m some kind of sad Peter Pan. It’s not that I want to be younger or do it consciously. I wake up and have to remember I’m 34 bc it doesn’t feel like time is real at all. The bad stuff feels like yesterday
I'm 30 this year and feel much younger but kind of wiser. I definitely am not doing what my school mates of my same age are doing. When I see huge career moves and engagement and wedding and pregnancy posts it's like I have to remind myself this is what people our age do normally. I feel completely disconnected from their experiences. I'm taking care of a younger me while in an older body. I'm imagining a life where I'm not in survival mode but actually just free and happy and at ease. I can't imagine being a mother any time soon and likely might never be one. I'm in medical school and have at least 6 more years left before I can even settle in the career.
I know I'm privileged to be able to have this chance to take my time, bt I've also actively made sacrifices myself to buy time. To me the capitalist-informed way of growing people up quickly and diving into massive adult responsibilities contributes to the continuation of intergenerational trauma. When there is no time to pause and reflect most people don't even acknowledge they have any trauma or the extent to which it's shaped them and all of a sudden they have to take care of kids and work constantly to afford to live and the next thing you know a new generation of traumatized people is here and so it continues.
I just want to experience another way of being.
Yes, we are all kind of thrown into adulthood and expected to have a spouse, kids, house, fultimel time job - boom, make it happen fast - also look happy while you are doing it.
Pausing and reflecting are so essential. I have had periods of time to do so after the past few years. These periods helped me realize that I hated my job, needed to cut off my family, needed to try a different type of therapy - the list goes on.
I'm a 42 year old woman and while I'm happily married, we don't have ea house kids or pets, we just want our own time without all these responsibilties that would affecet our already fragile mental health. We also don't have the money bc we didn't take on managerial jobs when they were presented to us.
>I'm a 42 year old woman and while I'm happily married, we don't have ea house kids or pets, we just want our own time without all these responsibilties
I understand completely. I see how girls and women are also assumed to be default caregivers so much so that it becomes etched into our sense of self. When women denounce motherhood they always add "but I'm a dog mom!". I simply don't want the caregiving role and do my best daily to care for myself and that alone is a task. I hope you are able to keep prioritizing your peace and well being.
Yes, I come from a family of 4 girls (i was the older one) and we were the default caregives for sure. I agree with you in that I really don't want the caregiving role, which is why I don't have kids or pets. It's enough to care for myself and my husband. Since I quit my teaching job a year and a half ago I've been able to priortize my health much more and I've learned so much about myself and my past. I actually have the time now to reflect and try to heal what I can.
Wow couldn't imagine being the oldest daughter I've heard about it. Very interesting how so many I know go into caregiving and self-sacrificing roles if not at home then professionally. It's good to hear you are reflecting away from those roles and caring for you.
Hello. I feel you. I feel stuck in my late teenage years. Soon I will turn 23. Please know that 21 is very young. You will have many more years to explore the sexual and romantic aspect of life. I had my first kiss at 21.
For now, focus on finishing college and becoming financially independent. Take care of your mental and physical health. When you focus on these things, life will have a ground, a sense of stability and genuine connections will follow in upcoming years.
>Please know that 21 is very young. You will have many more years to explore the sexual and romantic aspect of life. I had my first kiss at 21.
No worries, I know. I have a 60yo friend and she already said I look like a baby in her eyes. In general, being an adult is not about having "milestones" checked off like that.
The way I meant it, was more in the...well, dissonant way. Like I'm always sociologically trapped between two spaces. For example: As a teen, my bullying included being literally treated like a leper. Nobody was "allowed" to be nice to me. Good guys would stay away from me -shitty guys would beat me up as "prove" to other guys/girls how they did not like me. With my family being already full of violent "insane" men, I never got the experience of "discovering guys".
Sadly, most people -even friends - don't really "get" my reality. At 20yo, I e.g. asked my friend "How do you talk to guys". Tbf I didn't know how to phrase it better myself then. My friend just laughed and said "Like people? They're men, not aliens". As if I just need to hear some logical truth. Other than that, people nevertheless still treat me as "cute" and "innocent". Again. I know there's no shame in being "vanilla". But often it also kinda hurts. Like my aunt literally *swerved* on the road, cause I said "fuck". Why? "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to even know that word."
at 21 i was surrounded by a peer group that really didn't get me. It took a long time to find my people. I feel like this - more than romantic stuff is much more important. Even just having one close friend.
Very much agreed!! OP I feel that the friend was misguided in your situation! Honestly I don’t even know how to talk to guys and it is a very fair question!
Hello superheroes!
Same for me. I am 47 and feel like I'm barely 30. But it's not just a personal feeling, other people view me as much younger than my actual age: when I was 40, a friend told me he was shocked to learn that my gf was 40... because he thought I was barely 25-ish. And at one point I was traveling abroad, alone at age 22, and a local told me he was surprised to see me traveling alone, because to him, I looked like a 14 year old. cPTSD, this is well known, comes with a form of "arrest in development": trauma (when we are in an moment of life that feels or is unsafe) can get us stuck back at the age or era when we experienced trauma or most of it. We get stuck in that moment. Now for some good news and a positive note: when our lives become fulfilling again, when we experience thrive... we can be percieved as much older and more mature. A year ago when having a good life and a good professional experience, I remember talking with the HR of the organization I was working for, and the agent had never seen me in person... at one point that person realizes my "real" age (defined as today minus date of birth - as even our biological age can differ from that) and told me: "WOWZERS you are "so" young actually... from our former verbal interactions I had perceived you as much older, much more mature and wise than your "real" age might suggest!"
Take-away lessons:
1- we are "age-fluid". Which we can use to our own advantage maybe: my close friends (with cPTSD or not) have ages ranging from 20 to 60! We can relate with people old and young just in the same way, just because our trauma pushed us a great deal to think about our inner maturing process and what influenced that, and how we proactively influenced it! And also we might be "age chameleons" as a consequence, that too we can use to our advantage.
2- as soon as you get "in a safe place" (without triggers but also with physical, emotional, cognitive, relational, financial safety) and with a life full of meaning, we are instantly (or very quickly AND if cPTSD-aware) much more mature and whole than the average person.
3- our "felt" age when we are well: I'll speculate that we could calculate it roughly as a form of average between our "real" (as defined above) age (47 in my case) and the age when the worst of the trauma happened (between 14 and 21 years old in my case, say...17). In my case the calculation yields... 32, pretty much in line with my feeling (30ish) when I am well. When I am unwell, either I can't have any feeling of my age or can feel like I am "all my ages at the same time" but mostly 17, which corresponds to the worst time in my life.
Well I hope that was informative and slightly constructive :-)
I like this calculation! That would put me at roughly, 29. A coworker did tell me last year that she refuses to believe I'm older than 30. So it tracks!
I also really like this:
...without triggers but also with physical, emotional, cognitive, relational, financial safety)
alllll of the safety's, listed. :)
Thanks a lot for your feedback! That's really kind of you to take the time. My observation and theory is also in line with discussions I've had with a very close friend who has cPTSD and went thu horrible abuse as a kid, teenager and young adult. Regarding "age-fuidity", it's just a personal observation, and speculation that it might apply to other people with cPTSD... as well as from observation of cPTSDer friends and their great capability to relate with people well irrespective of age.
Regarding additional "advantages" of a healed cPTSDer in a situation of safety, Patrick Teahan mentioned it in one of his videos: "we are great coaches, instructors, educators and can even be great psychotherapists and social workers"... and once again I know real life examples (from me and other people) that highlight that...
So em.. (cough) I replied from my other account by mistake. I try to keep cptsd to this one.
Reposting so you know it's me:
I appreciate that you've taken so much time to think about it, I just get to learn from you lol, but yes I feel that in my own life as well, I have never related it to cptsd, it just, seemed, odd, but cool. I've had to stop myself from being friends with people who were too young because they can't tell that I am older, so I don't automatically get filtered out. Actually maybe even if they knew, I wouldn't get filtered out. One 20 year old when we were parting ways after bonding at a hostel we both stayed at, I decided not to give my contact details to and to just let her go and it BROKE my heart. I cried. But too much of what she said about her mother sounded like my mother and I thought no no I don't want to develop a friendship where she bonds to me because I basically reflect the dynamic she has at home. I have to be the mature one and look out for her, by letting her go, and understand that she needs to bond with people her own age.
But it hurt like HELL and in hindsight I don't know if I was being too righteous about it. I just thought, she would be 30 years old in TEN years. She has so much growing up to do. Under normal circumstances there is no way we would be friends. I would be her mentor, not her friend.
I'll look up that Patrick Teahan video. I like listening to him.
Hey Dosha!
Thanks a lot for all the feedback! There are so many things you mention here that I feel like digging into, debate about, and will certainly do later :-) You are absolutely right to have an account segmentation. There are other topics than cPTSD that I fel like debating about, but they require me to create a separate account - environmentalism, politics, sociology, economics, engineering... Segmentation will make it safer and preserve my anonymity, and is recommendable.
I am not sure if Patrick Teahan did a separate dedicated video on the "advantage" of being a healed cPTSDer, but... maybe he actually did! Otherwise, I'll try to remember in which video he mentioned the "benefits"... because at one point at least, he did.
Oh, and yes, Patrick Teahan is a lovely person to listen to!
I'm 27 and feel like I'm 19. The pandemic skip didn't help at all. My peers are getting married and having kids and I'm still learning how to stay on top of chores while working full time.
When I was younger, I felt older than my age due to being parentified - having to take care of myself and my siblings, then navigating young adulthood alone. I navigated homelessness as a teen. I survived poverty. I put myself through college alone.
Now I'm in my 40s and feel younger than my age or behind others my age, because there are so many ways in which I missed out on major life benchmarks. I went to college much later than others my age. I have had a string of failed relationships as an adult. I'm not married/partnered, I don't have a family or children. I'm trapped in poverty, chronically underemployed (in part because I'm not good at negotiating, setting boundaries, advocating for myself, or recognizing problematic behavior). I'll never own a home - I can't even afford to live by myself without a roommate, and even that's becoming tougher because of the costs of living. I feel clueless and behind in many ways.
On the plus side, people who meet me tend to think I'm younger than I am because I don't look or dress/present as someone in my age group
I can relate to this so hard. I was parentified and feel behind everyone in my age bracket (I'm 42). THey have full time jobs, houses and kids.
*I'm not good at negotiating, setting boundaries, advocating for myself, or recognizing problematic behavior*
I struggle with this too, big time.
I have nothing really to add, but just to say that I hear you and I've had similar experiences.
I hear you. I moved out at 17, after I was simultaneously expected to be an adult (so that my parents could continue to be children) and also "kept young" and isolated/restricted by my parents. So I blew through a lot of my teens and 20's wanting to be a kid and acting like a child and wanting someone to rescue me, and also having to support myself and survive.
My advice to you: eyes on the prize. Think long term, even while you're treating yourself to things. It's so common for abuse survivors to ignore the future because we're focused on survival. Hang in there and try to build "chosen family" when you can.
I got locked into a child like state of about 5-6. On the plus side when I go to all the nieces and nephews birthday parties, all the activities are to my taste. On the downside I've never been able to function properly, and my life is in shambles.
I chose to not have kids, because kids shouldn't be raising kids. And I'm still a kid, even if my birth certificate says I'm 40.
I feel the same! I’m about to turn 25 next month and I still feel like I’m in my teen years developmentally because of autism and severe trauma. I try and not worry about it and just be myself but my family and peers make me feel very insecure unfortunately. I get along with Neurodivergent people the best but it seems we don’t go out much lol.
I'm 42 and until everything for me went to shit 4 months ago and started to work on my mental health (that I candidly thought was super fine) I never understood why I constantly felt like a kid, not being able to take care of my stuff or having to restart my life again and again stuck in a fight or flight mechanism. I kept blaming everything but me being in denial. Now I feel like almost 30 years of my life are missing.
I understand how you feel completely. Im 18 but I still feel physically like I’m 14 due to my developmental ages being during lockdown. I just feel really distanced from my body and I just seem to not be able to connect with those who are my age. Everyone my age seems to want to party but I still enjoy things that are meant for 14 year olds. I did have a pretty traumatic childhood so that explains it. You are definitely not alone though and just take care of yourself and your mental health. Set small goals for you to help achieve.
i went through some of the worst traumas of my life around 13-14. not only do *i* feel stuck at that age, but everyone around me feels stuck at the age they were at that time as well. my brother and i are both young adults now and i still see him as 10-11 years old
Yes, I read somewhere that the event that traumatized you the most in your formative years is the one your inner child stops growing at. We have to go back and help our inner child feel safe.
CPTSD on the outside: "WTF is wrong with them? I swear, they're so childish."
CPTSD on the inside: "This is me. I am a child. And this is also me. The adult who has to raise that child."
35, I feel anywhere between 13 to 21 depending on what I happen to be doing and only feel my age when doing certain specific philosophical, financial, or engineering related things.
For politics...stay away from it. Just vote if you want. But don't get all politically extreme to one side or the other like 90% of Americans. Can't control it.
Hey OP, my trauma also happened when I was a teenager and I had a relatively stable childhood. I'm 25 now and am a very late bloomer, and feel like an 18 year old college freshman. My therapist explained to me that trauma often stagnates our development and we can end up "stuck" at a certain age. My trauma started at 14 so I believe I was stuck at 14 for most of my adolescence until I moved out and began to heal five years ago. So it makes sense to me that I only feel 18 now.
I do but in a weird way. I’ve always been more mature than the average person my age so at 13 my mental age was more like 17. Now that I’m 21 I feel 17. So it’s like I was ahead as a kid but behind as an adult. People used to think I was in college but now they assume I’m in high school. It’s really weird and idk if that even makes sense 😭
No that sounds perfectly normal. As a young teen (13-14) I was often confused for an adult/older teen. To the point I once joked this to my martial art instructor. He replied "Well, it makes sense. Other teenager (girls) have much more energy. They smile constantly. You never do. You have the energy of someone who has already been hit by life's harshness."
His phrasing was a bit odd maybe -but ironically he was pretty spot on. While teenagehood can be a confusing time (I heard, idk), most teens I see on the street walk happy or at least chill. This is because they're mostly from good/fine homes. (Severly) Abused kids don't have said priviliege. We are forced to grow up: Parent our parents, parent our siblings, care for our own needs, lick our own wounds etc. We already got ripped the "delusion" of how easy life is, for how tough life actually is. In adulthood, this often turns: Once abused kids get freedom, they "learn" of how easy life actually is. Sure. You need to pay bills now. But you can buy what you want without getting screamed at. You have to abide to (sometimes confusing) laws -but others do too. Just leaving a toxic environement takes 70kg of stress from you. Meanwhile, other teens get slowly weighed by the stress of life.
Also, many adults are generally shit at guessing ages, I heard. Doesn't help the internal struggle, but hey.
omg all of this is sooo true! and multiple of my teachers have said similar things to me. one time a nurse even said “you aren’t talkative like teenage girls normally are. you’re calm. you must be feeling bad!”. I was like “who’s going to tell her that I’m always like that” LOL
but yeah I was sooo rigid and serious for a child and now I can just be normal. like you said I have bills and life is hard but there’s nobody around to yell at me or criticize me for every little thing.
1000000% feel u on this. I'm also 21, it rly does feel like a huge mindfuck. I've honestly found the most internal peace when I just remind myself to stop comparing. Your circumstances were unique to you, so why would you be like everyone else? Your goals are valid. At the end of the day, you're still here and that's rly all that matters fr.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh yep - I’m 35 and in like only the last three years have I started to feel alive. Like in The Little Mermaid (yeah in childhood I only had Disney) - I feel naked and on unsteady legs much of the time. Moved to this place three years ago, and have been making some friends. I’ve gone out to clubs and danced. My spirit says go but my body says no lol. I also have a strong Hot Topic streak and lunchables in the fridge :)
I'm 42 but don't see myself above my mid 20s. I have younger friends but do have some my age as well.
I think it's the age when I realized that abuse was going on in my life, but wasn't ready to address it all. I still made a lot of excuses for my abusers.
Yes, I am disjointed from my biological age.
For a few reasons:
The first one was my trauma. (I do believe it stunted me to a certain degree because I developed severe anxiety, dissociation, and over time developed a Schizoid adaptation to survive.)
Secondly, I was not encouraged to separate, individuate, and to grow up. (It was the opposite: “Don’t worry about life.” “You don’t need to think about it.” “Life is pointless because the only thing that matters is dying and going to heaven.” “You can’t do it anyway so there’s no need to pursue a life.” etc.)
Thirdly, as a result of my trauma stunting me and because I also had a learning disability called Dyscalculia; I ended up being held back in school. (I was older than my peers and I never felt like I belonged.) And as a result I don’t remember much of my school years because of this psychological and personal discrepancy.
And even now people can’t really gauge me. I seem really young while also simultaneously seemingly kind of old. I’m often mistaken for someone younger than my biological age. But there are some times when people realize I’m older. (I’m 35 but I get mistaken for someone who is 15 or 20. It’s only when I start having a discussion that people gradually realize I’m older.)
I’m 43 and I think I stalled somewhere around 14. There was ALOT of trauma around that time so I think it’s my emotional maturity that has stunted. I hope it’s something I can learn
Yes. I am 40 and realized that emotionally, I’m stuck in my late teens/early 20s, but also a bit stuck in prepubescent need of love and anticipation of needs. I’ve been putting in the work lately and now I’m noticing a lot more about myself and the world so I’m hoping that is me “growing up” inside. I frequently wish I had someone to adopt me, to teach me like one would a toddler.
I just turned 50. I generally feel 35, but there are parts of me who are 6 and others who are 60.
So I dance like no one is watching but I need to be in bed by 8 when they are in charge.
Gen X here..yep I dont dress like i should bc I cant afford it.
The styles out there for me don't at all match how I feel inside- they never did.
I think I'm stuck at different timelines.
Definitely dont feel connected to community so isolate alot. If i go to a get together and folks start talking about stocks, or investments or adulty convos on morgage, car payments ect, I kinda go blank.🫥😶🌫️
I just nod, but have no idea what it all means. 😳
Yeah i feel I'm behind in alot of ways, I'm always learning stuff but dont feel i fit in.
🎶Im hoping this song sums up, how I feel sometimes; Enjoy! ✖️🖤
https://youtu.be/JUEe85e2QnI?si=1-jEzk5I3dLAoWxw
43, feels like I go between being mentally 10 and late twenties some days. Maturity is there, but the emotions are ragged and raw, as are some of the thought patterns. At the very least, I catch myself on some things now.
Very much so. Also came from a very abusive upbringing (but also autistic, so that doesn't help) I agree with all of this. Physically I'm in my 30s, but mentally I range from 6-8, or 12-14. But I've also got a dissociative disorder (all this is diagnosed, I won't say which one, but feel free to guess) I very much am in love with pastel goth.
I feel older and younger than my age at the same time, and kind of always have. I felt a lot older than I was in my teens and early twenties, because I'd had so much more 'life experience' than my peers and found it hard to relate to them due to it. The things that mattered to them always felt kind of immature and trivial to me. But now I'm 28, and sometimes I feel about 17. Its like I was ahead of everyone around me at an early age, but then I kind of got stuck there, and at some point in the past 5 years everybody else started catching up to and taking over me. I feel younger in some ways than I did as a kid, because I'm only as an adult getting to have a lot of 'childish' experiences, and I'm making up for lost time. But at the same time, I feel 'wiser' than the other adults I know in some ways, because my experiences give me a sense of perspective that I think most people lack. I don't know, its complicated, and for me honestly sort of depends on the day.
I am 34 but feel more like a teenager. It's like I never progressed past that age. I haven't had "normal" developmental experiences, like relationships and dating. I can't really relate to other people my age as a result. I also feel very naive and innocent, and it's led to being taken advantage of at times. I'm learning how to set boundaries and listen to my intuition and be more protective of myself.
I’m turning 27 this year. I don’t actually know how being 27 is supposed to feel, but I feel like there’s gaps in my ”age development timeline” so to say. My teenage years (16 to 19) were not normal at all, and I haven’t had the same experiences that most teenagers had. No house parties, no teenage boyfriends - instead I went to raves I was not actually old enough to attend to, and messed around with adult men. You get the idea. My early 20’s were also not normal, because I was living in survival mode and after the horrors were over in reality, I kept living through it in my mind and body.
I have no fun stories from my teenage years or early 20’s. I can make them sound like that, but the reality is that they were situations I shouldn’t have been in in the first place. I do often wonder if maybe I missed out on some important ”natural” events, and how maybe that has affected me.
So yeah, maybe I do feel like I’m 27, but it feels like everyone else got there through the ”official path” and I went off road and somehow ended up in the same place.
I’m 37 but rarely feel that age. Sometimes I feel much older while at other times I feel like a toddler. Some psychologist did an emotional development assessment on me several years ago and said I function like a baby or toddler (6 to 18-months-old) in most areas, including differentiating emotions, fears, etc. Then in other areas, like how to handle materials such as toys or electronics, I function like a 12-year-old. I obviously don’t have a clue about adulting such as work or independent living (I live in a care facility) and even though I’m married I’m clueless about relationships (thankfully my partner understands). All this isn’t exclusively due to C-PTSD as I’m also autistic and multiply-disabled.
46 and stuck at 13... When my mother decided she was leaving my father and took me and left my brother there. I got handed off to mother's new boyfriend and was SA'd for four years.
It is like I just cannot get past that age. I work hard, start to get there, and then something happens to put me right back there again.
CSA/SA fucks with you the most, I swear. People who know me in RL often find it "adorable" and "innocent" that I seem to put so much importance in just holding hands. "Aww, smol hopeless romantic bean!"
Now. While I am a romantic...that's not fully the case. In general, most touch in my life was violent. However, all bullying aside, it was the CSA by my Ma + one adult ex"friend" that fucked me up well. Now, while not touch-repulsed, I basically am stuck somewhere between "Want touch, need touch" and "Panic attack at more than 3sec of touch". Shit like a random makeout, or even random kisses make me shiver. Even cuddling with good friends can suddenly drain overwhelming and spark thoughts of "this is inappropriate".
Somehow, I found a loophole though: Like a beaten dog, I can get slowly used to someone's touch over time. My body has to register it as "safe" though. In other words: Stuff needs to start very small. Y'know. Like holding hands. And even that is something that I'd like to prepare for.
I was literally just thinking this and logged onto Reddit to see if anybody else felt the same way. It was the first post that popped up. I simultaneously feel ancient and worn out and at the same time I feel incredibly immature.
I was working with some older colleagues this weekend and noticed how the cadence said my voice and the way that I expressed myself sounded so young and comparison. Although they were older, I felt so much younger than them. I want to know how to sound more mature and to lower my speaking voice. I feel like I’m stuck in the age that I experienced the most trauma in, somewhere around my teen years.
Hey, that's a coincidence! Btw. I have the voice-thing as well. My voice gets unbelievably high and pitched. the only times it gets "normal" is when I'm annoyed, drained or angry. My interpretation is that I'm too tired/pissed to focus on anything, including trauma. So it just defaults to basic settings. I legit startled some people with said change
I feel you 💔
I'm also 21 feeling mentally stuck in the age of 16.
I feel too young and too old at the same time, so I can't fully relate to anyone. It's like some parts of me stagnated, and I've always been behind other people of my age in life, but some parts aged too fast and I feel... Out of place pretty much everywhere and with everyone. I'm boring and sad for kids and too childish and unorganized for adults, so I'm wandering between those two parts. I have a younger sister and her friend couldn't believe that I'm actually that old, becaude I don't look or act like I am. I feel closer to their age (around 16) than to my own, and I can't believe my mom already had a kid when she was my age.
Also everyone in uni seems to have it all figured out, while I'm just here, and honestly I'm not happy about it. Professors expect me to have some cool and stable job and a plan for life, and I feel so much pressure.
Yeah, this is normal for CPTSD. But as i healed and did IFs, i started feeling older. there's also this subjective assumption of what being older must look like, especially with our school system grouping people together by age and saying that you must be at a certain place by a certain age. Which is... totally a social construction and there are other valid ways outside of this.
There's also the validation that i know for myself, i didn't receive until i was 27 in an MMA class where the coach said "you're an adult" which was a shock to my system. Growing up, my family never considered me ready for anything. So i had to fight to learn to drive, use public transportation, learn about sex, have a phone, etc. And everytime i hit whatever benchmark they set, they moved the goal post. So i was stuck in a perpetual state of im never ready, im never old enough. So now, i am learning to take the time to integrate and validate, update my self-concept and how i see myself.
38, mentally 28. But Asian don’t raisin so when I signed up at a new gym last week the instructor said he thought I was 18 / 19.
It’s ok now but when I was 18, I looked 12. Makes me wonder about boyfriends I had in my teens and early 20s :(
I just remembered that when I was in Uni, I used to joke that I attracted pedos who’d try to groom me, but I’d say “Haha! The jokes on you! I’m actually 22!” And then they’d lose interest in me.
I lived in Ireland. Pedo jokes were a thing. Collective trauma I suppose.
This is a problem I've had my entire life.
I feel simultaneously 54 and 12 but I turned 20 this year and I've consistently been told throughout my life that I seem much older than I am to the point of being viewed as 30 when I was 16
Yes. But it can get better. CPTSD tends to leave us stuck emotionally at the age the trauma happened so even though you’re technically an adult now, it makes sense that you still feel like a teen. There’s nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with your plans. In fact, I believe it could be very healing for you to take care of your inner child by following through on all your “teenage” dreams. It sucks that you didn’t get the safe and healthy environment you deserved to experience your teenage years, but you can create that for yourself now by being the supportive adult that your teenage self needed. So you do you and don’t worry about the other stuff! Comparing yourself to others is pointless. You will find your people, and believe me there are MANY people at a similar stage in life to you out there. You’ll probably meet them once you start living the life you want. So go make that inner teenager happy 🩵
My age just doesn't really exist in my brain if that makes sense?? But sometimes I'll get a crisis about being 23 and an adult, while I can't even function as a human being/feel behind in life compared to my peers
35, felt like 9-11 when I woke up. Worked hard and now feel early 30s at my age of 39. When I was a teenager, I felt like I was 50. I felt like I was aging like Benjamin Button
Honestly, almost everyone I know feels like this and I just turned 40. It just keeps getting weirder as you get older. I still feel like I'm playing dress-ups if I wear high heels. I know highly accomplished women in positions of power who still suffer from imposter syndrome. I'm saying this to normalise your experience. There is no universal, right way to do things. Give yourself permission to work things out in your own time.
I’m 23 and I feel like I’m 8-13, was told multiple times that I look like a teenager, naive and childish, as a child I remember being praised by adults around me for being mature for my age but now it’s the opposite.
I honestly feel like I'm just an 8 year old or a toddler. I've been told I come across as fairly mature, but I don't feel it. A lot of my outfits are just how I wished I could dress like as a kid who wanted to be like a Bratz so bad. I flop at basic life skills stuff like budgeting and handling my emotions. Growing up socially isolated did me no favors
I'm turning 65 in 11 days and on a good day I about 13. I can top out at 22 and go as low as 5 years old. Especially if my feelings are hurt. Then I shut down completely. I have learned to recognize it and try to stay open to communicating. My kids lovingly call me out and don't let me shut down. They're amazing adults.
Yes. I usually feel like a young teenager, and it's kinda causing issues for me socially. I find it hard to make friends with people my age because of it, and obviously as an adult I'm not going to try to make friends with children like that.
I'm almost 23. When I'm triggered, I feel like I'm 19 or like a teenager.
I also feel like I'm walking on adult shoes when I don't have the preparation or experience to be one. It's awful.
No matter how much I age, will l always be 3-5 years old inside. My very soul will never stop screaming and crying for a mom, and I will never grow up.
Well yes I’m 41 and I feel like I’m 25 mentally, I’m also told that I don’t look my age due to how I act and dress
I recently turned 41 and I feel like I’m 21
I'm about to be 41 and feel like I'm 13
I’m 30 and feel 7 🤠
I feel simultaneously 5 and 85.
And no place in between 😂😂
Same. 34, feel 28 at best, which is the age before my second round of trauma. People are starting to comment that i don’t dress my age or look my age, and I’m scared people will think I’m some kind of sad Peter Pan. It’s not that I want to be younger or do it consciously. I wake up and have to remember I’m 34 bc it doesn’t feel like time is real at all. The bad stuff feels like yesterday
I'm the same, at age 45. Ugh.
54. I feel like I'm 12.
This 51 still 12 and say it every day
[удалено]
I'm 30 this year and feel much younger but kind of wiser. I definitely am not doing what my school mates of my same age are doing. When I see huge career moves and engagement and wedding and pregnancy posts it's like I have to remind myself this is what people our age do normally. I feel completely disconnected from their experiences. I'm taking care of a younger me while in an older body. I'm imagining a life where I'm not in survival mode but actually just free and happy and at ease. I can't imagine being a mother any time soon and likely might never be one. I'm in medical school and have at least 6 more years left before I can even settle in the career. I know I'm privileged to be able to have this chance to take my time, bt I've also actively made sacrifices myself to buy time. To me the capitalist-informed way of growing people up quickly and diving into massive adult responsibilities contributes to the continuation of intergenerational trauma. When there is no time to pause and reflect most people don't even acknowledge they have any trauma or the extent to which it's shaped them and all of a sudden they have to take care of kids and work constantly to afford to live and the next thing you know a new generation of traumatized people is here and so it continues. I just want to experience another way of being.
Yes, we are all kind of thrown into adulthood and expected to have a spouse, kids, house, fultimel time job - boom, make it happen fast - also look happy while you are doing it. Pausing and reflecting are so essential. I have had periods of time to do so after the past few years. These periods helped me realize that I hated my job, needed to cut off my family, needed to try a different type of therapy - the list goes on. I'm a 42 year old woman and while I'm happily married, we don't have ea house kids or pets, we just want our own time without all these responsibilties that would affecet our already fragile mental health. We also don't have the money bc we didn't take on managerial jobs when they were presented to us.
>I'm a 42 year old woman and while I'm happily married, we don't have ea house kids or pets, we just want our own time without all these responsibilties I understand completely. I see how girls and women are also assumed to be default caregivers so much so that it becomes etched into our sense of self. When women denounce motherhood they always add "but I'm a dog mom!". I simply don't want the caregiving role and do my best daily to care for myself and that alone is a task. I hope you are able to keep prioritizing your peace and well being.
Yes, I come from a family of 4 girls (i was the older one) and we were the default caregives for sure. I agree with you in that I really don't want the caregiving role, which is why I don't have kids or pets. It's enough to care for myself and my husband. Since I quit my teaching job a year and a half ago I've been able to priortize my health much more and I've learned so much about myself and my past. I actually have the time now to reflect and try to heal what I can.
Wow couldn't imagine being the oldest daughter I've heard about it. Very interesting how so many I know go into caregiving and self-sacrificing roles if not at home then professionally. It's good to hear you are reflecting away from those roles and caring for you.
thank you for this
This makes so much sense, I absolutely agree.
Hello. I feel you. I feel stuck in my late teenage years. Soon I will turn 23. Please know that 21 is very young. You will have many more years to explore the sexual and romantic aspect of life. I had my first kiss at 21. For now, focus on finishing college and becoming financially independent. Take care of your mental and physical health. When you focus on these things, life will have a ground, a sense of stability and genuine connections will follow in upcoming years.
>Please know that 21 is very young. You will have many more years to explore the sexual and romantic aspect of life. I had my first kiss at 21. No worries, I know. I have a 60yo friend and she already said I look like a baby in her eyes. In general, being an adult is not about having "milestones" checked off like that. The way I meant it, was more in the...well, dissonant way. Like I'm always sociologically trapped between two spaces. For example: As a teen, my bullying included being literally treated like a leper. Nobody was "allowed" to be nice to me. Good guys would stay away from me -shitty guys would beat me up as "prove" to other guys/girls how they did not like me. With my family being already full of violent "insane" men, I never got the experience of "discovering guys". Sadly, most people -even friends - don't really "get" my reality. At 20yo, I e.g. asked my friend "How do you talk to guys". Tbf I didn't know how to phrase it better myself then. My friend just laughed and said "Like people? They're men, not aliens". As if I just need to hear some logical truth. Other than that, people nevertheless still treat me as "cute" and "innocent". Again. I know there's no shame in being "vanilla". But often it also kinda hurts. Like my aunt literally *swerved* on the road, cause I said "fuck". Why? "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to even know that word."
at 21 i was surrounded by a peer group that really didn't get me. It took a long time to find my people. I feel like this - more than romantic stuff is much more important. Even just having one close friend.
Very much agreed!! OP I feel that the friend was misguided in your situation! Honestly I don’t even know how to talk to guys and it is a very fair question!
Hello superheroes! Same for me. I am 47 and feel like I'm barely 30. But it's not just a personal feeling, other people view me as much younger than my actual age: when I was 40, a friend told me he was shocked to learn that my gf was 40... because he thought I was barely 25-ish. And at one point I was traveling abroad, alone at age 22, and a local told me he was surprised to see me traveling alone, because to him, I looked like a 14 year old. cPTSD, this is well known, comes with a form of "arrest in development": trauma (when we are in an moment of life that feels or is unsafe) can get us stuck back at the age or era when we experienced trauma or most of it. We get stuck in that moment. Now for some good news and a positive note: when our lives become fulfilling again, when we experience thrive... we can be percieved as much older and more mature. A year ago when having a good life and a good professional experience, I remember talking with the HR of the organization I was working for, and the agent had never seen me in person... at one point that person realizes my "real" age (defined as today minus date of birth - as even our biological age can differ from that) and told me: "WOWZERS you are "so" young actually... from our former verbal interactions I had perceived you as much older, much more mature and wise than your "real" age might suggest!" Take-away lessons: 1- we are "age-fluid". Which we can use to our own advantage maybe: my close friends (with cPTSD or not) have ages ranging from 20 to 60! We can relate with people old and young just in the same way, just because our trauma pushed us a great deal to think about our inner maturing process and what influenced that, and how we proactively influenced it! And also we might be "age chameleons" as a consequence, that too we can use to our advantage. 2- as soon as you get "in a safe place" (without triggers but also with physical, emotional, cognitive, relational, financial safety) and with a life full of meaning, we are instantly (or very quickly AND if cPTSD-aware) much more mature and whole than the average person. 3- our "felt" age when we are well: I'll speculate that we could calculate it roughly as a form of average between our "real" (as defined above) age (47 in my case) and the age when the worst of the trauma happened (between 14 and 21 years old in my case, say...17). In my case the calculation yields... 32, pretty much in line with my feeling (30ish) when I am well. When I am unwell, either I can't have any feeling of my age or can feel like I am "all my ages at the same time" but mostly 17, which corresponds to the worst time in my life. Well I hope that was informative and slightly constructive :-)
I like this calculation! That would put me at roughly, 29. A coworker did tell me last year that she refuses to believe I'm older than 30. So it tracks! I also really like this: ...without triggers but also with physical, emotional, cognitive, relational, financial safety) alllll of the safety's, listed. :)
Thanks a lot for your feedback! That's really kind of you to take the time. My observation and theory is also in line with discussions I've had with a very close friend who has cPTSD and went thu horrible abuse as a kid, teenager and young adult. Regarding "age-fuidity", it's just a personal observation, and speculation that it might apply to other people with cPTSD... as well as from observation of cPTSDer friends and their great capability to relate with people well irrespective of age. Regarding additional "advantages" of a healed cPTSDer in a situation of safety, Patrick Teahan mentioned it in one of his videos: "we are great coaches, instructors, educators and can even be great psychotherapists and social workers"... and once again I know real life examples (from me and other people) that highlight that...
So em.. (cough) I replied from my other account by mistake. I try to keep cptsd to this one. Reposting so you know it's me: I appreciate that you've taken so much time to think about it, I just get to learn from you lol, but yes I feel that in my own life as well, I have never related it to cptsd, it just, seemed, odd, but cool. I've had to stop myself from being friends with people who were too young because they can't tell that I am older, so I don't automatically get filtered out. Actually maybe even if they knew, I wouldn't get filtered out. One 20 year old when we were parting ways after bonding at a hostel we both stayed at, I decided not to give my contact details to and to just let her go and it BROKE my heart. I cried. But too much of what she said about her mother sounded like my mother and I thought no no I don't want to develop a friendship where she bonds to me because I basically reflect the dynamic she has at home. I have to be the mature one and look out for her, by letting her go, and understand that she needs to bond with people her own age. But it hurt like HELL and in hindsight I don't know if I was being too righteous about it. I just thought, she would be 30 years old in TEN years. She has so much growing up to do. Under normal circumstances there is no way we would be friends. I would be her mentor, not her friend. I'll look up that Patrick Teahan video. I like listening to him.
Hey Dosha! Thanks a lot for all the feedback! There are so many things you mention here that I feel like digging into, debate about, and will certainly do later :-) You are absolutely right to have an account segmentation. There are other topics than cPTSD that I fel like debating about, but they require me to create a separate account - environmentalism, politics, sociology, economics, engineering... Segmentation will make it safer and preserve my anonymity, and is recommendable. I am not sure if Patrick Teahan did a separate dedicated video on the "advantage" of being a healed cPTSDer, but... maybe he actually did! Otherwise, I'll try to remember in which video he mentioned the "benefits"... because at one point at least, he did. Oh, and yes, Patrick Teahan is a lovely person to listen to!
I’m 31 and feel 15.
I'm 27 and feel like I'm 19. The pandemic skip didn't help at all. My peers are getting married and having kids and I'm still learning how to stay on top of chores while working full time.
28 and feel 14
When I was younger, I felt older than my age due to being parentified - having to take care of myself and my siblings, then navigating young adulthood alone. I navigated homelessness as a teen. I survived poverty. I put myself through college alone. Now I'm in my 40s and feel younger than my age or behind others my age, because there are so many ways in which I missed out on major life benchmarks. I went to college much later than others my age. I have had a string of failed relationships as an adult. I'm not married/partnered, I don't have a family or children. I'm trapped in poverty, chronically underemployed (in part because I'm not good at negotiating, setting boundaries, advocating for myself, or recognizing problematic behavior). I'll never own a home - I can't even afford to live by myself without a roommate, and even that's becoming tougher because of the costs of living. I feel clueless and behind in many ways. On the plus side, people who meet me tend to think I'm younger than I am because I don't look or dress/present as someone in my age group
I can relate to this so hard. I was parentified and feel behind everyone in my age bracket (I'm 42). THey have full time jobs, houses and kids. *I'm not good at negotiating, setting boundaries, advocating for myself, or recognizing problematic behavior* I struggle with this too, big time. I have nothing really to add, but just to say that I hear you and I've had similar experiences.
I hear you. I moved out at 17, after I was simultaneously expected to be an adult (so that my parents could continue to be children) and also "kept young" and isolated/restricted by my parents. So I blew through a lot of my teens and 20's wanting to be a kid and acting like a child and wanting someone to rescue me, and also having to support myself and survive. My advice to you: eyes on the prize. Think long term, even while you're treating yourself to things. It's so common for abuse survivors to ignore the future because we're focused on survival. Hang in there and try to build "chosen family" when you can.
I always say this. I'm 22, but I'm stuck at 17 years old.
27, feel like 21-22
I got locked into a child like state of about 5-6. On the plus side when I go to all the nieces and nephews birthday parties, all the activities are to my taste. On the downside I've never been able to function properly, and my life is in shambles. I chose to not have kids, because kids shouldn't be raising kids. And I'm still a kid, even if my birth certificate says I'm 40.
I’m 43 and feel 26.
I feel the same! I’m about to turn 25 next month and I still feel like I’m in my teen years developmentally because of autism and severe trauma. I try and not worry about it and just be myself but my family and peers make me feel very insecure unfortunately. I get along with Neurodivergent people the best but it seems we don’t go out much lol.
I'm 42 and until everything for me went to shit 4 months ago and started to work on my mental health (that I candidly thought was super fine) I never understood why I constantly felt like a kid, not being able to take care of my stuff or having to restart my life again and again stuck in a fight or flight mechanism. I kept blaming everything but me being in denial. Now I feel like almost 30 years of my life are missing.
I understand how you feel completely. Im 18 but I still feel physically like I’m 14 due to my developmental ages being during lockdown. I just feel really distanced from my body and I just seem to not be able to connect with those who are my age. Everyone my age seems to want to party but I still enjoy things that are meant for 14 year olds. I did have a pretty traumatic childhood so that explains it. You are definitely not alone though and just take care of yourself and your mental health. Set small goals for you to help achieve.
i went through some of the worst traumas of my life around 13-14. not only do *i* feel stuck at that age, but everyone around me feels stuck at the age they were at that time as well. my brother and i are both young adults now and i still see him as 10-11 years old
Yes, I read somewhere that the event that traumatized you the most in your formative years is the one your inner child stops growing at. We have to go back and help our inner child feel safe.
CPTSD on the outside: "WTF is wrong with them? I swear, they're so childish." CPTSD on the inside: "This is me. I am a child. And this is also me. The adult who has to raise that child."
For real!
35, I feel anywhere between 13 to 21 depending on what I happen to be doing and only feel my age when doing certain specific philosophical, financial, or engineering related things.
For politics...stay away from it. Just vote if you want. But don't get all politically extreme to one side or the other like 90% of Americans. Can't control it.
Hey OP, my trauma also happened when I was a teenager and I had a relatively stable childhood. I'm 25 now and am a very late bloomer, and feel like an 18 year old college freshman. My therapist explained to me that trauma often stagnates our development and we can end up "stuck" at a certain age. My trauma started at 14 so I believe I was stuck at 14 for most of my adolescence until I moved out and began to heal five years ago. So it makes sense to me that I only feel 18 now.
60 yo. All my friends, musical tastes, pop culture references, etc.? Are 10 years younger than my physical age.
I do but in a weird way. I’ve always been more mature than the average person my age so at 13 my mental age was more like 17. Now that I’m 21 I feel 17. So it’s like I was ahead as a kid but behind as an adult. People used to think I was in college but now they assume I’m in high school. It’s really weird and idk if that even makes sense 😭
No that sounds perfectly normal. As a young teen (13-14) I was often confused for an adult/older teen. To the point I once joked this to my martial art instructor. He replied "Well, it makes sense. Other teenager (girls) have much more energy. They smile constantly. You never do. You have the energy of someone who has already been hit by life's harshness." His phrasing was a bit odd maybe -but ironically he was pretty spot on. While teenagehood can be a confusing time (I heard, idk), most teens I see on the street walk happy or at least chill. This is because they're mostly from good/fine homes. (Severly) Abused kids don't have said priviliege. We are forced to grow up: Parent our parents, parent our siblings, care for our own needs, lick our own wounds etc. We already got ripped the "delusion" of how easy life is, for how tough life actually is. In adulthood, this often turns: Once abused kids get freedom, they "learn" of how easy life actually is. Sure. You need to pay bills now. But you can buy what you want without getting screamed at. You have to abide to (sometimes confusing) laws -but others do too. Just leaving a toxic environement takes 70kg of stress from you. Meanwhile, other teens get slowly weighed by the stress of life. Also, many adults are generally shit at guessing ages, I heard. Doesn't help the internal struggle, but hey.
omg all of this is sooo true! and multiple of my teachers have said similar things to me. one time a nurse even said “you aren’t talkative like teenage girls normally are. you’re calm. you must be feeling bad!”. I was like “who’s going to tell her that I’m always like that” LOL but yeah I was sooo rigid and serious for a child and now I can just be normal. like you said I have bills and life is hard but there’s nobody around to yell at me or criticize me for every little thing.
39 and I feel early or mid 20s
God yes. Mentally I feel like I'm about 17, physically I feel about 55.
1000000% feel u on this. I'm also 21, it rly does feel like a huge mindfuck. I've honestly found the most internal peace when I just remind myself to stop comparing. Your circumstances were unique to you, so why would you be like everyone else? Your goals are valid. At the end of the day, you're still here and that's rly all that matters fr.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I Feel similarly to you in this way as well, just know you’re not alone.
Oh yep - I’m 35 and in like only the last three years have I started to feel alive. Like in The Little Mermaid (yeah in childhood I only had Disney) - I feel naked and on unsteady legs much of the time. Moved to this place three years ago, and have been making some friends. I’ve gone out to clubs and danced. My spirit says go but my body says no lol. I also have a strong Hot Topic streak and lunchables in the fridge :)
I'm 42 but don't see myself above my mid 20s. I have younger friends but do have some my age as well. I think it's the age when I realized that abuse was going on in my life, but wasn't ready to address it all. I still made a lot of excuses for my abusers.
Yes, I am disjointed from my biological age. For a few reasons: The first one was my trauma. (I do believe it stunted me to a certain degree because I developed severe anxiety, dissociation, and over time developed a Schizoid adaptation to survive.) Secondly, I was not encouraged to separate, individuate, and to grow up. (It was the opposite: “Don’t worry about life.” “You don’t need to think about it.” “Life is pointless because the only thing that matters is dying and going to heaven.” “You can’t do it anyway so there’s no need to pursue a life.” etc.) Thirdly, as a result of my trauma stunting me and because I also had a learning disability called Dyscalculia; I ended up being held back in school. (I was older than my peers and I never felt like I belonged.) And as a result I don’t remember much of my school years because of this psychological and personal discrepancy. And even now people can’t really gauge me. I seem really young while also simultaneously seemingly kind of old. I’m often mistaken for someone younger than my biological age. But there are some times when people realize I’m older. (I’m 35 but I get mistaken for someone who is 15 or 20. It’s only when I start having a discussion that people gradually realize I’m older.)
I’m 43 and I think I stalled somewhere around 14. There was ALOT of trauma around that time so I think it’s my emotional maturity that has stunted. I hope it’s something I can learn
Yes. I am 40 and realized that emotionally, I’m stuck in my late teens/early 20s, but also a bit stuck in prepubescent need of love and anticipation of needs. I’ve been putting in the work lately and now I’m noticing a lot more about myself and the world so I’m hoping that is me “growing up” inside. I frequently wish I had someone to adopt me, to teach me like one would a toddler.
Yes. I turn 21 son and I feel like a teen still. I think I have improved a bit when it comes to socializing though.
I just turned 50. I generally feel 35, but there are parts of me who are 6 and others who are 60. So I dance like no one is watching but I need to be in bed by 8 when they are in charge.
I feel both younger and older, but not my age at all.
Im almost 18, i swear i feel as im still 13
I’m 37 and feel perpetually 19
I'm 34. I was 9 until my dad died and now I'm 14. I grew up a little!
Gen X here..yep I dont dress like i should bc I cant afford it. The styles out there for me don't at all match how I feel inside- they never did. I think I'm stuck at different timelines. Definitely dont feel connected to community so isolate alot. If i go to a get together and folks start talking about stocks, or investments or adulty convos on morgage, car payments ect, I kinda go blank.🫥😶🌫️ I just nod, but have no idea what it all means. 😳 Yeah i feel I'm behind in alot of ways, I'm always learning stuff but dont feel i fit in. 🎶Im hoping this song sums up, how I feel sometimes; Enjoy! ✖️🖤 https://youtu.be/JUEe85e2QnI?si=1-jEzk5I3dLAoWxw
44 and feel 14 so…
43, feels like I go between being mentally 10 and late twenties some days. Maturity is there, but the emotions are ragged and raw, as are some of the thought patterns. At the very least, I catch myself on some things now.
Very much so. Also came from a very abusive upbringing (but also autistic, so that doesn't help) I agree with all of this. Physically I'm in my 30s, but mentally I range from 6-8, or 12-14. But I've also got a dissociative disorder (all this is diagnosed, I won't say which one, but feel free to guess) I very much am in love with pastel goth.
I'm in my 20s. I don't feel older than 8.
27 but socially i’ve gotten worse in the last year or two so i feel maybe 14 again. maybe even younger but that feels embarrassing to say
I feel older and younger than my age at the same time, and kind of always have. I felt a lot older than I was in my teens and early twenties, because I'd had so much more 'life experience' than my peers and found it hard to relate to them due to it. The things that mattered to them always felt kind of immature and trivial to me. But now I'm 28, and sometimes I feel about 17. Its like I was ahead of everyone around me at an early age, but then I kind of got stuck there, and at some point in the past 5 years everybody else started catching up to and taking over me. I feel younger in some ways than I did as a kid, because I'm only as an adult getting to have a lot of 'childish' experiences, and I'm making up for lost time. But at the same time, I feel 'wiser' than the other adults I know in some ways, because my experiences give me a sense of perspective that I think most people lack. I don't know, its complicated, and for me honestly sort of depends on the day.
I am 34 but feel more like a teenager. It's like I never progressed past that age. I haven't had "normal" developmental experiences, like relationships and dating. I can't really relate to other people my age as a result. I also feel very naive and innocent, and it's led to being taken advantage of at times. I'm learning how to set boundaries and listen to my intuition and be more protective of myself.
I’m turning 27 this year. I don’t actually know how being 27 is supposed to feel, but I feel like there’s gaps in my ”age development timeline” so to say. My teenage years (16 to 19) were not normal at all, and I haven’t had the same experiences that most teenagers had. No house parties, no teenage boyfriends - instead I went to raves I was not actually old enough to attend to, and messed around with adult men. You get the idea. My early 20’s were also not normal, because I was living in survival mode and after the horrors were over in reality, I kept living through it in my mind and body. I have no fun stories from my teenage years or early 20’s. I can make them sound like that, but the reality is that they were situations I shouldn’t have been in in the first place. I do often wonder if maybe I missed out on some important ”natural” events, and how maybe that has affected me. So yeah, maybe I do feel like I’m 27, but it feels like everyone else got there through the ”official path” and I went off road and somehow ended up in the same place.
I’m 37 but rarely feel that age. Sometimes I feel much older while at other times I feel like a toddler. Some psychologist did an emotional development assessment on me several years ago and said I function like a baby or toddler (6 to 18-months-old) in most areas, including differentiating emotions, fears, etc. Then in other areas, like how to handle materials such as toys or electronics, I function like a 12-year-old. I obviously don’t have a clue about adulting such as work or independent living (I live in a care facility) and even though I’m married I’m clueless about relationships (thankfully my partner understands). All this isn’t exclusively due to C-PTSD as I’m also autistic and multiply-disabled.
46 and stuck at 13... When my mother decided she was leaving my father and took me and left my brother there. I got handed off to mother's new boyfriend and was SA'd for four years. It is like I just cannot get past that age. I work hard, start to get there, and then something happens to put me right back there again.
CSA/SA fucks with you the most, I swear. People who know me in RL often find it "adorable" and "innocent" that I seem to put so much importance in just holding hands. "Aww, smol hopeless romantic bean!" Now. While I am a romantic...that's not fully the case. In general, most touch in my life was violent. However, all bullying aside, it was the CSA by my Ma + one adult ex"friend" that fucked me up well. Now, while not touch-repulsed, I basically am stuck somewhere between "Want touch, need touch" and "Panic attack at more than 3sec of touch". Shit like a random makeout, or even random kisses make me shiver. Even cuddling with good friends can suddenly drain overwhelming and spark thoughts of "this is inappropriate". Somehow, I found a loophole though: Like a beaten dog, I can get slowly used to someone's touch over time. My body has to register it as "safe" though. In other words: Stuff needs to start very small. Y'know. Like holding hands. And even that is something that I'd like to prepare for.
I was literally just thinking this and logged onto Reddit to see if anybody else felt the same way. It was the first post that popped up. I simultaneously feel ancient and worn out and at the same time I feel incredibly immature. I was working with some older colleagues this weekend and noticed how the cadence said my voice and the way that I expressed myself sounded so young and comparison. Although they were older, I felt so much younger than them. I want to know how to sound more mature and to lower my speaking voice. I feel like I’m stuck in the age that I experienced the most trauma in, somewhere around my teen years.
Hey, that's a coincidence! Btw. I have the voice-thing as well. My voice gets unbelievably high and pitched. the only times it gets "normal" is when I'm annoyed, drained or angry. My interpretation is that I'm too tired/pissed to focus on anything, including trauma. So it just defaults to basic settings. I legit startled some people with said change
Yes! I feel like a I sound like an actual child when I’m speaking sometimes and it’s hard at work. I don’t think people often take me seriously.
I feel you 💔 I'm also 21 feeling mentally stuck in the age of 16. I feel too young and too old at the same time, so I can't fully relate to anyone. It's like some parts of me stagnated, and I've always been behind other people of my age in life, but some parts aged too fast and I feel... Out of place pretty much everywhere and with everyone. I'm boring and sad for kids and too childish and unorganized for adults, so I'm wandering between those two parts. I have a younger sister and her friend couldn't believe that I'm actually that old, becaude I don't look or act like I am. I feel closer to their age (around 16) than to my own, and I can't believe my mom already had a kid when she was my age. Also everyone in uni seems to have it all figured out, while I'm just here, and honestly I'm not happy about it. Professors expect me to have some cool and stable job and a plan for life, and I feel so much pressure.
47 and I feel 23-26 most days. Or, I feel ancient. Depends on how heavy things are emotionally.
God yeah. I have the social experience of a middle schooler 💀
Yeah, this is normal for CPTSD. But as i healed and did IFs, i started feeling older. there's also this subjective assumption of what being older must look like, especially with our school system grouping people together by age and saying that you must be at a certain place by a certain age. Which is... totally a social construction and there are other valid ways outside of this. There's also the validation that i know for myself, i didn't receive until i was 27 in an MMA class where the coach said "you're an adult" which was a shock to my system. Growing up, my family never considered me ready for anything. So i had to fight to learn to drive, use public transportation, learn about sex, have a phone, etc. And everytime i hit whatever benchmark they set, they moved the goal post. So i was stuck in a perpetual state of im never ready, im never old enough. So now, i am learning to take the time to integrate and validate, update my self-concept and how i see myself.
38, mentally 28. But Asian don’t raisin so when I signed up at a new gym last week the instructor said he thought I was 18 / 19. It’s ok now but when I was 18, I looked 12. Makes me wonder about boyfriends I had in my teens and early 20s :(
I just remembered that when I was in Uni, I used to joke that I attracted pedos who’d try to groom me, but I’d say “Haha! The jokes on you! I’m actually 22!” And then they’d lose interest in me. I lived in Ireland. Pedo jokes were a thing. Collective trauma I suppose.
This is a problem I've had my entire life. I feel simultaneously 54 and 12 but I turned 20 this year and I've consistently been told throughout my life that I seem much older than I am to the point of being viewed as 30 when I was 16
Yes. But it can get better. CPTSD tends to leave us stuck emotionally at the age the trauma happened so even though you’re technically an adult now, it makes sense that you still feel like a teen. There’s nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with your plans. In fact, I believe it could be very healing for you to take care of your inner child by following through on all your “teenage” dreams. It sucks that you didn’t get the safe and healthy environment you deserved to experience your teenage years, but you can create that for yourself now by being the supportive adult that your teenage self needed. So you do you and don’t worry about the other stuff! Comparing yourself to others is pointless. You will find your people, and believe me there are MANY people at a similar stage in life to you out there. You’ll probably meet them once you start living the life you want. So go make that inner teenager happy 🩵
My age just doesn't really exist in my brain if that makes sense?? But sometimes I'll get a crisis about being 23 and an adult, while I can't even function as a human being/feel behind in life compared to my peers
Uh yeab
In my 30s but I often feel like 12 and 62 simultaneously.
Dude, this is me, but I'm 27.
im 29, looking like 19. you not alone i struggling so much, forever alone
35, felt like 9-11 when I woke up. Worked hard and now feel early 30s at my age of 39. When I was a teenager, I felt like I was 50. I felt like I was aging like Benjamin Button
Honestly, almost everyone I know feels like this and I just turned 40. It just keeps getting weirder as you get older. I still feel like I'm playing dress-ups if I wear high heels. I know highly accomplished women in positions of power who still suffer from imposter syndrome. I'm saying this to normalise your experience. There is no universal, right way to do things. Give yourself permission to work things out in your own time.
I’m 23 and I feel like I’m 8-13, was told multiple times that I look like a teenager, naive and childish, as a child I remember being praised by adults around me for being mature for my age but now it’s the opposite.
I'm 24 and I feel like I'm 14
I've felt 84 since I was 10, till I was 21.
I honestly feel like I'm just an 8 year old or a toddler. I've been told I come across as fairly mature, but I don't feel it. A lot of my outfits are just how I wished I could dress like as a kid who wanted to be like a Bratz so bad. I flop at basic life skills stuff like budgeting and handling my emotions. Growing up socially isolated did me no favors
I'm turning 65 in 11 days and on a good day I about 13. I can top out at 22 and go as low as 5 years old. Especially if my feelings are hurt. Then I shut down completely. I have learned to recognize it and try to stay open to communicating. My kids lovingly call me out and don't let me shut down. They're amazing adults.
I'm 31 and still feel like a 20 year old mentally.
I alternate between feeling 45 and 18 (I’m 22)
We get stuck at the age of our trauma until we can heal.
I’m the opposite, I’m 21 but I feel like I’m 40-50 yrs old
50 and pretty much around 12 to 15 still 🎂
Yes. I have my whole life.
Yes. I usually feel like a young teenager, and it's kinda causing issues for me socially. I find it hard to make friends with people my age because of it, and obviously as an adult I'm not going to try to make friends with children like that.
I'm almost 23. When I'm triggered, I feel like I'm 19 or like a teenager. I also feel like I'm walking on adult shoes when I don't have the preparation or experience to be one. It's awful.
YES I feel this with those exact ages and I've really been noticing it lately
No matter how much I age, will l always be 3-5 years old inside. My very soul will never stop screaming and crying for a mom, and I will never grow up.
Every day. I feel like 14 years old and sometimes I’m sure I act about that age. I’m 42 with two children and In a minute where all be the same age.