There was something he did to upset me, I cant even remember now but it was one of those "it's a little thing, but now I feel disrespected because you *just wont do it*" like leaving cups out of the washer or shoes strewn about.
I knew I needed to have a conversation with him about it, and I was just so ready for it to go bad. I like to think Im a fairly even tempered person but I am stubborn and so when my partners and I had this conversation in the past (the "this is a dumb small thing, but the fact that it matters to me means that you dismissing it is hurtful" conversation) my partners and I had all either argued because they thought it was dumb, which I fought back about, or they started off fighting and it would cause resentment.
So I'm spending *days* hyping myself up for a hard conversation. I'm mentally preparing for being dismissed, fighting, and breaking up over some dumb shit. I worked myself into a tizzy about it because I really love him, and so when I do talk with him I'm even *more* overworked, because I think I'm going to lose this great guy.
And instead he goes "I'm so sorry I never meant to make you feel that way, I'll change how I do that. It's not dumb, it was silly of me not to do such a simple thing when I knew it would make you happy." and he did!
It was the purest example in my mind of "it's not you vs. me. It's you and me vs. the problem" and I think about it every time I start to work myself up again, as a reminder to calm down and talk to my awesome husband who will support me and is my teammate, not my enemy.
Reminds me of this story: I’m also super stubborn and we had not been married long. One of the household chores I had taken responsibility for was laundry. As we hadn’t been married long, I was still accustomed to mainly putting away feminine clothing and knew the right ways to do certain things. Do my husband asked me one day if I could button the top collar button of his polos when I hang them (they hang better and don’t wrinkle). My young, knee jerk reaction would have been to say, do your own damn laundry then! But, I stopped and thought, ok, 1) you don’t wear the polos, he does, so the they should be put away the way he likes them and 2) he asked really nicely, wasn’t complaining at all, just a simple request.
Stupid example, but it sticks in my mind as not working actively against each other. Anyone else and I may have still flown off the handle.
It's hard! My mother, who I love and who I think did an awesome job, taught me all I know about being stubborn and fighting for what I needed. For her it was survival, she watched her mom suffer through abuse and stay (out of necessity) and grew up herself in an era where people were *just barely starting* to talk about how maybe it's not cool to smack your lady around and dads should change diapers too *sometimes*.
So she raised me with a shiny spine and both the confidence and will to stand my ground in relationships. Which is awesome! It literally saved me from being trapped by an abuser, and it saved me infinite times from being trapped in mediocre relationships.
But it also has false alarms. I found myself hyper-vigilant, and it took some time and therapy to re-calibrate those instincts. It's also always a risk but as I grow I've found peace in the fact that I just have to accept that love will always be inherently risky, because love is inherently vulnerable.
I’ve always known about this person, but this has happened to me several times in the last couple of weeks and I’m floored every time. It’s such a great reminder of what it’s like to be with the right person. I’m so happy for you!!!
While I fully agree with this, your example only works with someone who is logical. Your request of say only leaves shoes by the front door is reasonable. But someone else might throw a fit because you put Cokes on the second shelf of the fridge when then go on the bottom shelf. Ok, again, small thing, but then they start demanding you fold your socks vs throw them in your sock drawer. Then they start demanding you leave your car keys on the table by the door and now your dresser. Then they start telling you that you're putting dishes in the dishwasher the wrong way. At some point BOTH parties need to realize small things don't have to be done THEIR way.
Source: dated someone who basically told me I was wrong 90% of the time.
All due respect, this has nothing to do with my story about me and my husband.
Like, *obviously* my anecdote wont work for a situation where one of us is an abuser. My anecdote also wouldnt work if we both spoke different languages or if my husband had no legs. But not every story needs a paragraph long disclaimer of *wont work for ABCD...XYZ outlier situations.*
After all we could also go comment on the cute story about the Mcdonalds order about how it wont work if the person has chronic health conditions and is eating themselves to an early grave. Or maybe on the ones about how people "just knew" when they first met about how that wont work for when one person is Ted Bundy 2.0.
But that would be silly because reasonable people understand that personal anecdotes are not necessarily going to be flawless instructions designed for universal application.
Honestly that's ok. My desire to respond at all mostly came from the fact that I also used to be "that guy" that couldn't help but inject my opinion, often negative, into any place I could find the space for it. It's a fairly common character trait, and I understand the instinct.
But I think I'm better, both to be around and in terms of internal peace, due to the fact that people called me out on it.
I'm a dork, and I knew within about 10 minutes into our 1st date that she was the one for me.
I had to bide my time though for 7 years until I "popped the question."
4 years of getting through out-of-state undergrad "long distance" and then starting careers, moving in, getting a dog, etc.
It worked though... going on 17 years married now. I'm still into her today like I was back then.
Happy for you OP.
Same with me and my (now) husband. Clicked instantly.
Never planned on being with the same person from 19yo but here we are nearly 2 decades later. It just sort of happened.
(A caveat, even if someone is your best friend & you have the exact same humour & you're crazy attracted to them, it still takes WORK. As others have said, it's about being on the same team)
Very true. So happy for you both. We had 13 glorious years together until that same passion went unchecked became something ugly and drove us apart. Testament to the fact the most important time to fight together is when things are their worst. 🫶🏻
I miss him every day. We have two lovely children. But we can’t be together anymore…
Sorry to hear that, it really sucks.
It's so easy to fall into that. We've been there too. 17 years, some shit's gonna come up. We just as easily could have broken up and honestly, at times that might have been for the best.
We worked out the hard way that just because you get along, it doesn't mean you're gonna be on the same page about big life stuff (having kids etc). We probably wouldn't be together now if it was anyone else, if that makes sense. Like I would choose kids over a relationship if it was someone who isn't him. There's pros & cons.
(Edited a couple of times because rambling 😅)
Weirdly, I knew because of how he responded when I broke up with him. We had met on a dating site & had a whirlwind 3 months. He whisked me off on a couple of trips & we were spending so much time together. But it was too much & I felt under way too much pressure. His family were planning out the rest of our lives for us, including what breeds of dog we should have… So I broke up with him, fully expecting him to at the very least disappear, if not get aggressive about me breaking up with him.
Instead he was respectful, accepted my decision and made it clear that he would value being friends if that was on offer. So we kept in touch and kept talking. He was respectful of my boundaries while continuing to invest in our friendship. It gave us the space to get to know each other properly and I felt safe with him. So much so that when I had a health scare and did not want to be on my own, I asked if I could stay at his for a few days. We hung out on his sofa in our jammies, he made sure I had what I needed and we just enjoyed each other’s company. Most importantly, he did not try to make any moves - he was invested in being a good friend and in making sure I was ok.
At the end of my stay, we drove out to my favourite beach and by the end of the walk we were a couple again. A year later we were engaged, and now he is my husband. He is still the kindest, sweetest man I have ever met, as well as being both deeply impressive and a massive goofball.
But yes, I knew he was the One by the way he responded to me dumping him!
Yeah, that's a keeper.
Me & my (now) husband broke up briefly when we were younger and we were still there for each other. That kind of respect & connection is worth holding on to (as long as the bigger problem can be resolved)
The description of your dude also fits mine to a tee. Sweet impressive goofball, does it get any better lol
When my now husband and I were dating, he said something that hurt me. I can’t even remember what it was, but it was unkind. I was frantically apologizing trying to smooth everything over when he suddenly stopped me and said “this isn’t right. I’m the one who messed up and I should be apologizing to you. Don’t sweep this under the rug.”
It was so shocking to me. That had quite literally never happened in any previous relationship of mine. I remember that day feeling like I could spend the rest of my life with this man. He held himself accountable for his mistakes, he stood up for me when I didn’t know to do so myself, and he was willing to work through the emotional burden to solve our problems together.
Early. There wasn't an exact moment but rather a slow realisation that (almost) everything I wanted to do, I'd rather do together. Up to that point people used to annoy me so much. Now, ten ish years later, I still have the same feelings.
I knew immediately. It was literally the first thought that ran through my head when I saw her for the first time. "I am going to marry this woman." My second thought was "Woah there slow down, play it cool or you're gonna spook her."
I don't know how I could possibly have known she was the one. I knew nothing about her. But I knew all the same. We've been married for 5 years now and I am still madly in love with her.
It's funny, I had that same experience with someone and they ended up ghosting me a few months later. I'm glad it worked out for you though, bud. Keep on keepin' on.
I heard her order fries at McDonald's and she was just really nice and polite and kind to the cashier.
She has such a good heart. She makes me wanna be a better person. I legitimately admire her many good qualities and aspire to do better.
We're just so comfortable together that no matter what, it feels easy? We never even fight, but we do tease each other relentlessly and talk shit.
Also, and I can't stress this enough, she has some big ol' titties
When their name is Neo and they begin to believe.
Jokes aside, I haven’t found the one yet, but I have found friends that are basically soulmates. I can confidently say we sincerely love and care for each other and we want nothing but the best.
I had been in a relationship for 3 years and was never treated like a priority. His friends/roommates (all female) made me feel very unwelcome and talked shit behind my back. He never did anything to make me feel better or stick up for me, and we hung out with those people so much that the only time I felt like his gf was when we had sex. He also told me he had more fun with his friends when I wasn't around, and he would rather hang out with them without me. I didn't feel welcome or special, and I felt like he was just coasting while I put in all the effort.
Four years later, I started dating a guy I met online, and we clicked immediately. It was just so easy and fun, and we spent the entire weekend of our first date together. The first morning I woke up at his place, I drove up the street to Starbucks to get coffee because he didn't have any at his apartment, and I'm addicted. No big deal.
Two weeks later, I went to stay at his place again, and he had bought a Keurig and a bunch of k-cups in different flavors so I wouldn't have to "go out into the cold snow for coffee when you're here." I was stunned. His attention to my needs and his desire for me to feel comfortable and welcome in his apartment were something I'd wanted for so long in my previous relationship. I'd begged for it for 3 years, couldn't have made what I needed more obvious, and I never got it. This new guy did it without even having to be asked. I knew right then that he was The One. This continued, we quickly became each other's favorite person, and he never put anyone else before me. We've been married almost 11 years, and we're still crazy about each other. Find the person who makes you their #1.
I don't think you find "the one".
I think you find ,"the one that you will not let go of."
"The one you communicate with".
"The one that you can have conflict resolution with"
"The one that cares for you and respects you as much as you would sacrifice for them".
You find the one that you put your ego aside just to feel them more deeply.
You find the one you fight FOR, INSTEAD of fighting against..
Everyone will let you down....it's up to YOU how much grace and compassion you can muster.
Communication and truth are the only glues that work.
When we had very real struggles and survived. When we had very real fights and both of us approached each other with empathy, patience and accountability. When we both learned we could bring our problems *with* each other *to* each other and still be safe and accepted.
It's easy to feel good when things are good. It's when shit gets real that you learn how well you work together.
I loved and cared for my now husband, then boyfriend and we lived together and everything. It was when I had a serious medical issue and was hospitalized for a week that I knew. He came everyday twice a day, took care of everything in our home and took care of our animals without even asking what he should do. he was constantly checking in. day 2 I knew I had to marry him. Before that I never even considered marrying anyone. I'm really glad I did
It was a gradual realization for me. When I first met my now husband, I still loved someone else. In fact, I had promised that “someone else” (we were broken up due to circumstance, not choice), that if, in a years time, we still hadn’t found anyone else, then we’d date again. But then, I met my (now) husband. I knew that if I dated him, it would mean leaving the man I loved. I knew deep down it would be permanent. I struggled with the idea, but eventually I just realized that I liked this guy too much to not give it a try, even if it meant letting the previous guy go. Even having a shot at dating this new guy eventually was more worth it than giving up my love from back home.
6.5 years later and I am so happy I made that decision. Me and my husband are newly married (just last week!), and it has been a lot to get to this point. Funnily enough, it wasn’t even that past relationship that made the most impact on our relationship, it’s the fact that I struggle with OCD and anxiety, and it took a toll on our relationship. But I knew he was the One because I fought every day to marry him, even when my anxiety was really bad. I finally got on meds, went to therapy, and did the “hard work” to help myself so that I could marry him. It’s because, even though my mental health was so terrible, I didn’t want to do life without him. He is the best man I know. I admire everything about him: he has the qualities i find so inspiring and beautiful, and I want to be a better person when I’m around him. Our relationship is effortless: we barely fight or have disagreements, but most importantly, when we DO, we handle it with love and respect, honesty and kindness. It’s truly because we want each other to be happy, more than we want to be “right”. So he is the One because he is not only the best human I’ve ever met, but he makes me a better human, treats me better than I can imagine, and I’d fight for him, for our love, over and over again.
He never lets me carry my groceries or heavy bags, always walks on the left side of the sidewalk, listens to me deeply when I have a problem or just need someone to talk to, always apologizes and takes accountability, and it so thoughtful about the little things that make me happy. I am super lucky.
I had just turned 40. My last two relationships were long term and ended very poorly. My self esteem was in the toilet. Then I started living for me. Making healthier choices, and finally realizing I am 100% okay being single and on my own forever.
Then she walked in to my bar. Literally. I was playing on stage and this cute as hell, confident, bad ass woman hit the dance floor and I was smitten. Within about a month, we had talked a bunch, started dating, and started to talk about marriage. Like, right away. That was almost five years ago. We’ve accomplished some serious goals, like moving across the country (Canada, so, a big one), buying a house, and oh yeah. We got married.
We are so alike it should be annoying but it’s not. We’ve spent almost all day, everyday together. She’s out of town tonight which is probably why I’m sitting here telling this story. She’s the love of my life.
Super easy. One day I woke up next to her and for no reason at all thoughts about her being with someone else were in my head. And those thoughts made me horribly angry. A short while later I proposed. I couldn’t stand the thought of her with anyone else. I know it sounds selfish and self centered, but it’s the truth. 👍
I love reading all of these other stories, but yours is the one I relate to the most. I don’t know that I would trust myself feeling that way because it never lasts. And one time it lasted for four years.. until it didn’t. And I have no regrets that leaving that relationship was the right thing for me. But now I am older. I don’t have years and years to wait to see if my heart changes. I don’t want to end up settling. I’m not scared of ending up alone and that’s the only thing that gives me peace, romantically.
She found good in me when I couldn’t find it.
I knew I liked her because she was kind, smart and the funniest person I’ve ever met.
When she told me she liked the person I was when I felt I had nothing to offer her as a partner or as a person, it let me feel like we could build a life together.
I knew I loved her when I realized I would sacrifice my own ambitions to see her achieve hers. She means that much and I think that’s what it means to love. All the good emotions all at once aimed at another person.
Sometimes it takes more time than you'd think.
Also, there are no explicit rules for a relationship—it's what you make of it. Everyone treats relationships in a unique manner, so as long as you feel comfortable/safe/loved in the relationship, then I think you're okay
Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Maybe he *does* feel that about you but he's just not expressive about it
I think iam, compatible with a lot of people. But when i met my wife i had a strong connection pretty early on, we spend so much time together and iam happy everyday to see her.
I'm glad you have this wonderful experience :) Part of the reason I read reddit is because of posts like this, so I can live vicariously through your lives :) It's been a long time, but I do remember at least one bolt-from-the-blue, but not the one I ended up marrying.
In every previous relationships I needed some space from time to time, but when I found my now-wife, noticed that could share all and everything with her. 15 years now and still she’s a keeper.
Our first date since matching online. I was running late due to work, and he was already at the restaurant so we wouldn’t lose the table. It was a busy evening, so the place was packed (live music happening too). When I walked up to him, he looked at me as though I was the only one in the room and as though I was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. I’ve never been looked at that way 🥹 and so far three years later, he still looks at me the same exact way. On top of a million other things that make him amazing.
For me I've always had an idea in my head of what a dream relationship would be like and most relationships I have been in weren't that. But my current one very much is. I have never once had an argument with my girlfriend in 4 years of dating her and I find her more beautiful everyday and she sees me in a way that other people don't making me feel so validated in a world where I more often have felt like an alien or the outsider. After dating dozens of women I can easily say that she is far and away my favorite for what I am looking for.
Also, I'm getting a little fat and happy being with her. I call it my victory belly.
Just over 2 years into our relationship I got blood cancer at 20 years old, a year later now I'm mostly recovered after nearly dying multiple times and losing all of my muscle strength. On top of that I'm covered in ugly stretch marks now, but not once was I scared that I would lose my girlfriend. She stayed by my side all the way through and was the best support I could've ever hoped for. I'm eternally grateful to have her.
The day that I met her, we both felt as though we had met before. The universe stopped. Everything just felt focused in on her. It was kind of dizzying. She told me later that she felt the same. Our dumb asses didn't know we were in love until a year later. She confessed to me. When we did eventually get together, it was kind of overwhelming... in a good way? I was in my late twenties, had been dating for over ten years, and realized I had never actually been in love before. Also realized I'm a lesbian I guess! I somehow love her even more now than I did then.
you can’t. that phase will conclude on its own naturally unless you commit to cultivating it. even when it’s shitty and you’ve changed.
you decide someone is the one not realize. some people just make it easier.
My old dad said you gotta put way more into the relationship than you should ever expect to get out. I did, and it's given me everything. 42 years in August.
About 6 weeks after meeting him I knew, it wasn’t a lightbulb moment it was just the most obvious thing in the world to me - of COURSE this is your person! Literally never had a single doubt.
I knew after my first date with my wife that she was the one. Started saving for a ring right away. Now, I didn't propose until we had been together for over a year. And I knew her a little before we dated.
But I knew right away that she was the one. We have been married 10 years this year.
How did I know? I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life without her. She hates when I tell them stories, too. So only our family knows and tens of internet strangers.
It’s been many many things. It’s the fact that I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and it hasn’t changed since we got together. Yes we fight, we’ve had issues. But his kindness and his heart are what makes him special to me. We just have this connection that makes us both feel drawn to each other. It’s only been 6 years but I can honestly say I love him more today than I did yesterday. He’s my best friend. I love our time together. I just genuinely really like spending time doing just about anything with him.
Context: I was in several dogshit relationships, the last one ending when I was pregnant and the guy legit told me to my face that he wanted to hit me. Followed quickly by, "I'm not threatening you, just cOmMuNiCaTiNg."
Fast forward two years, one cesarian, one adoption, and many lonely nights with my first child, and this man just ... appeared. My first thought was, "Huh, he looks ridiculously familiar." We went on a couple dates, and on the third one, he said something to me that made everything fall into place. I cannot remember what it was for the LIFE of me (really wanted to put it in my vows 😭) but it was very no-nonsense. Massive green flag. Moved in with him and his kiddo two weeks later and got married last week (been living together for two years).
It took some serious self-reflection, time, and healing for me to get to the point where I was comfortable being a single mom. I hate to say it, but it's really when you stop looking that the right person walks into your life.
Last week, him and i had this argument over something he did that upset me a lot. At first, he didnt fully grasp what i was upset about so he followed me out of my room and explained things in his defence, and when i explained the full thing to him he immediately stopped getting defensive and took full accountability for how i feel. He said, “I understand why you feel this way completely, and I made a mistake so I’m sorry to have made you feel this way. I promise you, as long as you’re with me, you will never feel this way again” and in that moment i just sort of knew.
When I was emotional and upset and expected her to be annoyed or argue with me but she just put her arms around me, told me she's sorry I feel so down, and to tell her if there's anything she can do to help me.
I bawled like a baby and held her tight and when i calmed down I asked her why she was being so nice to me. She said why wouldn't I be nice to you? I love you.
I knew then I would spend my life making that woman happy.
My GF moved in after we’d know each other for 4 weeks. It was move her in or risk never seeing her again because she lost her job during Covid and was going to have to move 1100 miles away to her home town. I was terrified. I hadn’t lived with a woman since my ex wife and that was honestly kind of a nightmare. That first morning I couldn’t have been more scared, but throughout the day I just started to realize that her being there made my home feel so much more like home. I can’t really put it to words but I knew right then that I never wanted her to leave, and I’m happy to say she never has. I’m proposing next month, and we’re planning on trying for a baby right after the honeymoon.
We were pretty much inseparable for my second year (her first year) at uni. When I went to Moscow for a year, the pain of separation was such that I went to Interflora, ordered some flowers and then went to the Central Telegraph office, queued for an hour, dialled her number about twenty times (bear in mind, this was on a rotary phone and used a fifteen digit number) and when finally she answered I proposed.
We’ve been married now for 29 years and together for 32.
Maybe not a long love story but I just knew it. I could feel this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
You know it when you feel it I guess. Cliché but true.
The night I met him, I just had this overwhelming feeling that I just knew he would be in my life forever. I wasn’t sure at the time if that meant as friends or something more. The only way I can describe it is I knew I met a kindred spirit of the Anne of Green Gables definition.
Our first date he invited me to the rock climbing place where he worked. I hadn’t really ever been before. After reaching me a little he had me climb the tallest column. It was more difficult than I thought so I said I was giving up. He was belaying me and wouldn’t let me down. He set a goal for me and told me I had to reach that point. I ended up climbing all the way to the top. He still pushes me to do better and achieve more while being my main support.
After we’d been dating for a little while, something came up in conversation where he said mentioned I was ambitious and driven but what I really wanted was to be quiet and left alone to read my books and enjoy a slow life…and yeah that was me. It just struck me because I had been trying to hard for so long to be the type of person who was always grinding and climbing to a new career. The fact that he saw through that and really knew me was the moment I realized I loved him.
We’ve been together five years now, married for two 🥰
I knew he was the one when he started checking in on me while I was working, I usually deal with customers that are not very kind and he knows I'm sensitive and so he always stands by my stall to make sure I'm ok and he knows I'm very shy but I knew he was the one once we started hanging out more 🩷, he respects me to where I feel like it's a joke but he's so genuine and he also makes sure I'm ok mentally and physically, he knows what Ice cream I like, he got me roses and a necklace with a butterfly (he knows how much I love bunnies and butterflies) but yea..he's a sweetheart 🩷
My old dad said you gotta put way more into the relationship than you should ever expect to get out. I did, and it's given me everything. 42 years in August.
It felt like we were made of the same stardust. Like some part of me had known some part of him for eons. Our first night, we just kept looking at each other and saying "hi," and smiling. Because it felt like we'd finally found each other. It was like nothing I can describe.
I feel so lucky everyday to have him, to be his love and his wife.
I already knew he was much different than any guy I've been into. We clicked so quickly, got comfortable with one another in no time, and instead of feeling hesitant and logical like I normally do prior to getting into a relationship, I really just said "F*ck it" and asked him to be my boyfriend just two weeks after meeting.
The day after we got together, I made a joke about him being my husband, and he was dead serious about promising to marry me one day. I asked him again a few hours later if he was serious, and he said yes. Instead of feeling weirded out, rushed, or anything like that, I just realized that... yeah. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him.
We met at a Friendsgiving, had a one night stand, and continued to talk to each other. Have been together for 8 years, married 6 years. Have a rambunctious 18 month old boy now.
I don't believe in a "One" because that has not been my experience but I have a few life partners (both romantic and platonic) and it was the same with each of them. I'm polyamorous, I have 3 long-term committed partners, we all live together and share a home and everything, I've been with them 12 years, 9 years, and 7 years respectively.
When I meet new people sometimes there's a spark, that's the best way I can describe it, something in me connects with them immediately, it's like lightening. I feel like I NEED them to like me because I like them SO MUCH I can't handle it, it's like I have this explosion of emotion towards them that I can only barely contain. It's a little bit obsessive, it's giddy, a joyful excitement, it's a little scary but in a good way, I feel very drawn to them, like I must be a part of their life somehow and they must be a part of mine.
It's the same every time and when I feel that feeling I pursue those people actively and on purpose. With my husband we agreed to get married after 6 weeks of dating (we met online and zoomed through everything, went from talking nonstop online to spending as much time as possible together in person, to yes we should get married and build a life together for real in just a few weeks). We're still going strong 12 years later (anniversary is the end of this month).
With one of my other partners we met at a board game night that my then boyfriend was hosting (he's not my boyfriend anymore, that relationship was temporary on purpose, it was very functional for both of us, meeting specific needs, and we're still friends). She was married at the time but the relationship was actively crumbling and miserable for both of them. I sort of helped her through her divorce and I played the really long game with her. She was (and still is) a painfully shy person who has a hard time believing other people like her and an even harder time trusting that anyone will continue to like her long-term. Knowing how shy and scared she is I decided to sort of slowly court her. I knew for sure that first night that I wanted too but she's not the kind of person who can move fast and I was happy to take it slow. I created a regular gaming group to meet up every other week or maybe once a month (it was almost a decade ago so I don't remember exactly). Having the regular gaming together meant we spent time together on purpose in a low stress low stakes kind of way. I kept that going for about 6mos and very slowly started flirting with her, first in really subtle barely noticeable ways, and then I slowly turned up the intensity overtime. Eventually she had a party at her house and was a bit looser than normal because she'd been drinking (which she used to use to manage social anxiety) and I did an incredibly obvious can't miss Flirt. She was confused and skeptical so the next day I explicitly said yes I was flirting with you, I've been flirting with you for months, I really like you a lot and would like to date you. She was in and we had the most awkward first date in history and here we are 9 years later having built a fantastic life together.
The last of my 3 partners I met at a queer brunch meetup with some other friends. My step-dad had just died and I was in my home town supporting my mom which was very far from home for me. I still had a few friends in my home town and the brunch meetup was kinda the only time I got out of the house between caring for my grieving mother and also my 3yo child who was with me at the time. He was a recently out trans man who was trying to figure out how to exist in the world in this new way and the queer brunch meetup was part of that for him. I was instantly drawn to him, it felt like kismet. We hung out while I was in town and I flirted a bit but he didn't pick up on any of it so when I got back home I just came right out and said it explicitly, he reciprocated, eventually moved up here, and now we've got 7 years together.
With each one of them I just Knew that this person was Special and Important from the very first meeting. I really enjoy listening to that feeling and it's worked out pretty well for me I think. I don't pursue everyone I have that feeling for, the world is full of others who I felt the Spark with who I didn't pursue, but it's always the same feeling and it's always instant.
Love that strongly. Like I care for people but never in like a “this is the love of my life” kinda way. Like NTs feel emotions at a 10/10 while we feel them at like a 3/10. It’s like an indifferent perspective on life. The way we typically care for people are through actions and being present with the person, Quality Time and Gift Giving are typically the love languages. Whether it be finding a rock that’s cool and giving it to them or doing a chore they don’t like. We express love in a different way. Almost logically if that makes sense. I’m also not speaking for all NDs but generally that’s how we are.
That's really insightful! Do you think there's anyone you are always reminded of or constantly have on your mind? Maybe you're not as physically or verbally expressive, but I don't think that means you don't truly "feel" love to the level NTs do. Also keep in mind that every thread on reddit has serious confirmation bias, and not necessarily the majority of NTs feel love like this!
I wouldn't describe love necessarily as an emotion, but it's a drive to an emotion. Kinda like how gravity is an acceleration, but not a force? It precedes emotion—emotion is just a way of feeling love?
Sorry if this isn't making sense or if I'm being absent-minded at all. Not trying to be offensive, just trying to share my two cents. I think I'm NT, but I don't know lol (which project means I am haha)
I don't know about THE moment but I got my first inkling when we had some petty fight at my apartment while we were getting ready to leave somewhere. She walked out as I was getting my shoes on and I took my time because I don't see myself as the type of guy to go chasing after people. Anyway I met her outside and she has cooled down a bit and we talked it out and at the end I said "I hope you didn't expect me to run after you when you stormed off." And she said something like "oh no, I don't want to lead you around, I just needed some space." I've just been around so many melodramatic people that seeing her act logically even in a tense situation, instead of fucking with me, made me feel confident that I had made the right choice.
nobody had ever taken the time to understand me because i'm mentally disabled, and nobody had ever taken the time to accomodate for him because he's disabled physically. as soon as we met it was like the pieces all fit together for the first time. i hate the phrase "they complete me", but he did give me the foundation to find that i was whole all along, and ive been doing the same for him.
i knew the instant i had my tenth episode around him and he was just as calm and patient and assuring as he was the first one that he was the one. i think he knows because i used to get ten hours of sleep every night (it's important to me) but now i sleep for usually four, drive him to work, and then finish my rest around seven hours total. we both sit in discomfort to make life easier for the other, and literally nobody else had ever done that for either of us.
In this thread: a laundry list of reasons why my ex was probably "the one".
Also in this thread: reminders for how to be a better partner for someone else.
Life is growth. Dont let your ego ruin good shit. It didn't this time for once, I actually learned a lot of these lessons right before I met her, but it was really shit timing because she was in the process of getting divorced still, as well as handling her two children, so I became a tertiary concern which I can't fault her for but she was also clearly sensitive to any perceived stress or negativity due to the stress in the rest of her life and new relationships inherently have stress. One of the stresses for her actually became my calm demeanor to some extent.
We were on good terms but she was showing signs of unease in life and with even dating. We would swap back and forth between her saying she felt bad for dating me because she couldn't concentrate on her kids or divorce as much as she wanted, then me trying to respect that but still getting an emphatic "Yes" anytime I asked to come hangout. As soon as we were in one another's presence all questions about what we thought we needed sorta went out the window. But afterwards I would feel like I had wronged her by "not respecting her wishes" and she'd assure me that it was a mutual problem and to not blame only myself, but I was worried about there being a path forward so I consumed THC on a day off to unwind (I don't consume THC very often) and then vegged out. Well part of that anxiety when I was stoned morphed into me being terrified of letting her know I was stoned, even though she had said she didn't care if I occasionally consumed weed. So for about half a day I was no contact due to that. Then she started to ask why I wasn't talking to her and I was doing my best in my stoned mined to try and find a way to make her put the conversation on hold but instead I witnessed her spiral and then the stress from spiraling gave her guilt because she felt like her children should be her priority and then she ended it right there. So...that's how weed can be bad folks.
Met my husband in the AF; he was my CO. Lots of politics at the time (Viet Nam era). He refused pressure from senior command about policy/preparation if our unit was to be activated. His argument was if an experienced outfit knew how to do A/B/C they didn't need to do more A/B/C. He was already in the administrative pipeline for promotion; they threatened to pull it if he didn't comply. He didn't and they did.
I figured anyone with that much integrity was a keeper. Married 48 yrs.
There was something he did to upset me, I cant even remember now but it was one of those "it's a little thing, but now I feel disrespected because you *just wont do it*" like leaving cups out of the washer or shoes strewn about. I knew I needed to have a conversation with him about it, and I was just so ready for it to go bad. I like to think Im a fairly even tempered person but I am stubborn and so when my partners and I had this conversation in the past (the "this is a dumb small thing, but the fact that it matters to me means that you dismissing it is hurtful" conversation) my partners and I had all either argued because they thought it was dumb, which I fought back about, or they started off fighting and it would cause resentment. So I'm spending *days* hyping myself up for a hard conversation. I'm mentally preparing for being dismissed, fighting, and breaking up over some dumb shit. I worked myself into a tizzy about it because I really love him, and so when I do talk with him I'm even *more* overworked, because I think I'm going to lose this great guy. And instead he goes "I'm so sorry I never meant to make you feel that way, I'll change how I do that. It's not dumb, it was silly of me not to do such a simple thing when I knew it would make you happy." and he did! It was the purest example in my mind of "it's not you vs. me. It's you and me vs. the problem" and I think about it every time I start to work myself up again, as a reminder to calm down and talk to my awesome husband who will support me and is my teammate, not my enemy.
Great text! So true - you are teammates, not enemies! You should work together against the Problem! :)
Reminds me of this story: I’m also super stubborn and we had not been married long. One of the household chores I had taken responsibility for was laundry. As we hadn’t been married long, I was still accustomed to mainly putting away feminine clothing and knew the right ways to do certain things. Do my husband asked me one day if I could button the top collar button of his polos when I hang them (they hang better and don’t wrinkle). My young, knee jerk reaction would have been to say, do your own damn laundry then! But, I stopped and thought, ok, 1) you don’t wear the polos, he does, so the they should be put away the way he likes them and 2) he asked really nicely, wasn’t complaining at all, just a simple request. Stupid example, but it sticks in my mind as not working actively against each other. Anyone else and I may have still flown off the handle.
It's hard! My mother, who I love and who I think did an awesome job, taught me all I know about being stubborn and fighting for what I needed. For her it was survival, she watched her mom suffer through abuse and stay (out of necessity) and grew up herself in an era where people were *just barely starting* to talk about how maybe it's not cool to smack your lady around and dads should change diapers too *sometimes*. So she raised me with a shiny spine and both the confidence and will to stand my ground in relationships. Which is awesome! It literally saved me from being trapped by an abuser, and it saved me infinite times from being trapped in mediocre relationships. But it also has false alarms. I found myself hyper-vigilant, and it took some time and therapy to re-calibrate those instincts. It's also always a risk but as I grow I've found peace in the fact that I just have to accept that love will always be inherently risky, because love is inherently vulnerable.
I’ve always known about this person, but this has happened to me several times in the last couple of weeks and I’m floored every time. It’s such a great reminder of what it’s like to be with the right person. I’m so happy for you!!!
i love this and i love that you found someone who will support you and work alongside you when needed
While I fully agree with this, your example only works with someone who is logical. Your request of say only leaves shoes by the front door is reasonable. But someone else might throw a fit because you put Cokes on the second shelf of the fridge when then go on the bottom shelf. Ok, again, small thing, but then they start demanding you fold your socks vs throw them in your sock drawer. Then they start demanding you leave your car keys on the table by the door and now your dresser. Then they start telling you that you're putting dishes in the dishwasher the wrong way. At some point BOTH parties need to realize small things don't have to be done THEIR way. Source: dated someone who basically told me I was wrong 90% of the time.
All due respect, this has nothing to do with my story about me and my husband. Like, *obviously* my anecdote wont work for a situation where one of us is an abuser. My anecdote also wouldnt work if we both spoke different languages or if my husband had no legs. But not every story needs a paragraph long disclaimer of *wont work for ABCD...XYZ outlier situations.* After all we could also go comment on the cute story about the Mcdonalds order about how it wont work if the person has chronic health conditions and is eating themselves to an early grave. Or maybe on the ones about how people "just knew" when they first met about how that wont work for when one person is Ted Bundy 2.0. But that would be silly because reasonable people understand that personal anecdotes are not necessarily going to be flawless instructions designed for universal application.
Lol don't think you're gonna get a response to this
Honestly that's ok. My desire to respond at all mostly came from the fact that I also used to be "that guy" that couldn't help but inject my opinion, often negative, into any place I could find the space for it. It's a fairly common character trait, and I understand the instinct. But I think I'm better, both to be around and in terms of internal peace, due to the fact that people called me out on it.
I'm a dork, and I knew within about 10 minutes into our 1st date that she was the one for me. I had to bide my time though for 7 years until I "popped the question." 4 years of getting through out-of-state undergrad "long distance" and then starting careers, moving in, getting a dog, etc. It worked though... going on 17 years married now. I'm still into her today like I was back then. Happy for you OP.
thank you, i’m happy for you too. i’m waiting for some time too, but i would like to marry her
We had one date and just never left each others side.
Same with me and my (now) husband. Clicked instantly. Never planned on being with the same person from 19yo but here we are nearly 2 decades later. It just sort of happened. (A caveat, even if someone is your best friend & you have the exact same humour & you're crazy attracted to them, it still takes WORK. As others have said, it's about being on the same team)
Very true. So happy for you both. We had 13 glorious years together until that same passion went unchecked became something ugly and drove us apart. Testament to the fact the most important time to fight together is when things are their worst. 🫶🏻 I miss him every day. We have two lovely children. But we can’t be together anymore…
Sorry to hear that, it really sucks. It's so easy to fall into that. We've been there too. 17 years, some shit's gonna come up. We just as easily could have broken up and honestly, at times that might have been for the best. We worked out the hard way that just because you get along, it doesn't mean you're gonna be on the same page about big life stuff (having kids etc). We probably wouldn't be together now if it was anyone else, if that makes sense. Like I would choose kids over a relationship if it was someone who isn't him. There's pros & cons. (Edited a couple of times because rambling 😅)
Same here.
Weirdly, I knew because of how he responded when I broke up with him. We had met on a dating site & had a whirlwind 3 months. He whisked me off on a couple of trips & we were spending so much time together. But it was too much & I felt under way too much pressure. His family were planning out the rest of our lives for us, including what breeds of dog we should have… So I broke up with him, fully expecting him to at the very least disappear, if not get aggressive about me breaking up with him. Instead he was respectful, accepted my decision and made it clear that he would value being friends if that was on offer. So we kept in touch and kept talking. He was respectful of my boundaries while continuing to invest in our friendship. It gave us the space to get to know each other properly and I felt safe with him. So much so that when I had a health scare and did not want to be on my own, I asked if I could stay at his for a few days. We hung out on his sofa in our jammies, he made sure I had what I needed and we just enjoyed each other’s company. Most importantly, he did not try to make any moves - he was invested in being a good friend and in making sure I was ok. At the end of my stay, we drove out to my favourite beach and by the end of the walk we were a couple again. A year later we were engaged, and now he is my husband. He is still the kindest, sweetest man I have ever met, as well as being both deeply impressive and a massive goofball. But yes, I knew he was the One by the way he responded to me dumping him!
That's a crazy story
Yeah, that's a keeper. Me & my (now) husband broke up briefly when we were younger and we were still there for each other. That kind of respect & connection is worth holding on to (as long as the bigger problem can be resolved) The description of your dude also fits mine to a tee. Sweet impressive goofball, does it get any better lol
When my now husband and I were dating, he said something that hurt me. I can’t even remember what it was, but it was unkind. I was frantically apologizing trying to smooth everything over when he suddenly stopped me and said “this isn’t right. I’m the one who messed up and I should be apologizing to you. Don’t sweep this under the rug.” It was so shocking to me. That had quite literally never happened in any previous relationship of mine. I remember that day feeling like I could spend the rest of my life with this man. He held himself accountable for his mistakes, he stood up for me when I didn’t know to do so myself, and he was willing to work through the emotional burden to solve our problems together.
(-1)🚩 (there's no green flag emoji)
Early. There wasn't an exact moment but rather a slow realisation that (almost) everything I wanted to do, I'd rather do together. Up to that point people used to annoy me so much. Now, ten ish years later, I still have the same feelings.
I knew immediately. It was literally the first thought that ran through my head when I saw her for the first time. "I am going to marry this woman." My second thought was "Woah there slow down, play it cool or you're gonna spook her." I don't know how I could possibly have known she was the one. I knew nothing about her. But I knew all the same. We've been married for 5 years now and I am still madly in love with her.
Was it something in the way she moved you?
I suppose so!
Attracted you like no other lover? ☺️
Like no other lover?
Something in the way she woos…
It's funny, I had that same experience with someone and they ended up ghosting me a few months later. I'm glad it worked out for you though, bud. Keep on keepin' on.
I heard her order fries at McDonald's and she was just really nice and polite and kind to the cashier. She has such a good heart. She makes me wanna be a better person. I legitimately admire her many good qualities and aspire to do better. We're just so comfortable together that no matter what, it feels easy? We never even fight, but we do tease each other relentlessly and talk shit. Also, and I can't stress this enough, she has some big ol' titties
No wonder you don't stress in your relationship when you have the best stress balls available
So you found the *two*, then?
When their name is Neo and they begin to believe. Jokes aside, I haven’t found the one yet, but I have found friends that are basically soulmates. I can confidently say we sincerely love and care for each other and we want nothing but the best.
I'm in the same boat. Good luck though for finding that one.
I had been in a relationship for 3 years and was never treated like a priority. His friends/roommates (all female) made me feel very unwelcome and talked shit behind my back. He never did anything to make me feel better or stick up for me, and we hung out with those people so much that the only time I felt like his gf was when we had sex. He also told me he had more fun with his friends when I wasn't around, and he would rather hang out with them without me. I didn't feel welcome or special, and I felt like he was just coasting while I put in all the effort. Four years later, I started dating a guy I met online, and we clicked immediately. It was just so easy and fun, and we spent the entire weekend of our first date together. The first morning I woke up at his place, I drove up the street to Starbucks to get coffee because he didn't have any at his apartment, and I'm addicted. No big deal. Two weeks later, I went to stay at his place again, and he had bought a Keurig and a bunch of k-cups in different flavors so I wouldn't have to "go out into the cold snow for coffee when you're here." I was stunned. His attention to my needs and his desire for me to feel comfortable and welcome in his apartment were something I'd wanted for so long in my previous relationship. I'd begged for it for 3 years, couldn't have made what I needed more obvious, and I never got it. This new guy did it without even having to be asked. I knew right then that he was The One. This continued, we quickly became each other's favorite person, and he never put anyone else before me. We've been married almost 11 years, and we're still crazy about each other. Find the person who makes you their #1.
This is a really pretty story. Thanks for sharing!
I don't think you find "the one". I think you find ,"the one that you will not let go of." "The one you communicate with". "The one that you can have conflict resolution with" "The one that cares for you and respects you as much as you would sacrifice for them". You find the one that you put your ego aside just to feel them more deeply. You find the one you fight FOR, INSTEAD of fighting against.. Everyone will let you down....it's up to YOU how much grace and compassion you can muster. Communication and truth are the only glues that work.
Yes! and that it's mutual.
I was taking a dump and she walked in and I yelled get out and she told me to get over myself. I knew then I found a keeper.
I can’t wait for someone to feel this way about me 🥺💖
And—for you to feel this way about someone else… mutually ☺️
It would genuinely be so surreal haha hope we do have it in our lives 🙌
When we had very real struggles and survived. When we had very real fights and both of us approached each other with empathy, patience and accountability. When we both learned we could bring our problems *with* each other *to* each other and still be safe and accepted. It's easy to feel good when things are good. It's when shit gets real that you learn how well you work together.
I wish I could explain but when you know you know. He’s just perfect
I loved and cared for my now husband, then boyfriend and we lived together and everything. It was when I had a serious medical issue and was hospitalized for a week that I knew. He came everyday twice a day, took care of everything in our home and took care of our animals without even asking what he should do. he was constantly checking in. day 2 I knew I had to marry him. Before that I never even considered marrying anyone. I'm really glad I did
He gave me the middle of the cinnamon bun.
It was a gradual realization for me. When I first met my now husband, I still loved someone else. In fact, I had promised that “someone else” (we were broken up due to circumstance, not choice), that if, in a years time, we still hadn’t found anyone else, then we’d date again. But then, I met my (now) husband. I knew that if I dated him, it would mean leaving the man I loved. I knew deep down it would be permanent. I struggled with the idea, but eventually I just realized that I liked this guy too much to not give it a try, even if it meant letting the previous guy go. Even having a shot at dating this new guy eventually was more worth it than giving up my love from back home. 6.5 years later and I am so happy I made that decision. Me and my husband are newly married (just last week!), and it has been a lot to get to this point. Funnily enough, it wasn’t even that past relationship that made the most impact on our relationship, it’s the fact that I struggle with OCD and anxiety, and it took a toll on our relationship. But I knew he was the One because I fought every day to marry him, even when my anxiety was really bad. I finally got on meds, went to therapy, and did the “hard work” to help myself so that I could marry him. It’s because, even though my mental health was so terrible, I didn’t want to do life without him. He is the best man I know. I admire everything about him: he has the qualities i find so inspiring and beautiful, and I want to be a better person when I’m around him. Our relationship is effortless: we barely fight or have disagreements, but most importantly, when we DO, we handle it with love and respect, honesty and kindness. It’s truly because we want each other to be happy, more than we want to be “right”. So he is the One because he is not only the best human I’ve ever met, but he makes me a better human, treats me better than I can imagine, and I’d fight for him, for our love, over and over again.
He never lets me carry my groceries or heavy bags, always walks on the left side of the sidewalk, listens to me deeply when I have a problem or just need someone to talk to, always apologizes and takes accountability, and it so thoughtful about the little things that make me happy. I am super lucky.
I stood in my kitchen making tea, and had the sudden, fairly calm realisation of 'huh, I like Chris.' And then I went about my day.
I had just turned 40. My last two relationships were long term and ended very poorly. My self esteem was in the toilet. Then I started living for me. Making healthier choices, and finally realizing I am 100% okay being single and on my own forever. Then she walked in to my bar. Literally. I was playing on stage and this cute as hell, confident, bad ass woman hit the dance floor and I was smitten. Within about a month, we had talked a bunch, started dating, and started to talk about marriage. Like, right away. That was almost five years ago. We’ve accomplished some serious goals, like moving across the country (Canada, so, a big one), buying a house, and oh yeah. We got married. We are so alike it should be annoying but it’s not. We’ve spent almost all day, everyday together. She’s out of town tonight which is probably why I’m sitting here telling this story. She’s the love of my life.
Super easy. One day I woke up next to her and for no reason at all thoughts about her being with someone else were in my head. And those thoughts made me horribly angry. A short while later I proposed. I couldn’t stand the thought of her with anyone else. I know it sounds selfish and self centered, but it’s the truth. 👍
I never knew. I’ve felt what you described with more than one person until it slowly faded. So no, I don’t believe in “the one”
Same. And I feel like those feelings fade because I’m not being treated like they believe I am “the one”.
Have you ever thought someone was the one? Maybe do you think your right person hasn’t come yet…
I did on more than one occasion. It’s not a feeling I would trust ever again
I love reading all of these other stories, but yours is the one I relate to the most. I don’t know that I would trust myself feeling that way because it never lasts. And one time it lasted for four years.. until it didn’t. And I have no regrets that leaving that relationship was the right thing for me. But now I am older. I don’t have years and years to wait to see if my heart changes. I don’t want to end up settling. I’m not scared of ending up alone and that’s the only thing that gives me peace, romantically.
She found good in me when I couldn’t find it. I knew I liked her because she was kind, smart and the funniest person I’ve ever met. When she told me she liked the person I was when I felt I had nothing to offer her as a partner or as a person, it let me feel like we could build a life together. I knew I loved her when I realized I would sacrifice my own ambitions to see her achieve hers. She means that much and I think that’s what it means to love. All the good emotions all at once aimed at another person.
He feels like home.
Is this what my boyfriend is supposed to feel about me cus he sure as hell doesn’t
Sometimes it takes more time than you'd think. Also, there are no explicit rules for a relationship—it's what you make of it. Everyone treats relationships in a unique manner, so as long as you feel comfortable/safe/loved in the relationship, then I think you're okay Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Maybe he *does* feel that about you but he's just not expressive about it
word 😔
Was summoned to Rivendell by lord Elrond himself. The weapon of the enemy had been found. It was a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor.
I think iam, compatible with a lot of people. But when i met my wife i had a strong connection pretty early on, we spend so much time together and iam happy everyday to see her.
I'm glad you have this wonderful experience :) Part of the reason I read reddit is because of posts like this, so I can live vicariously through your lives :) It's been a long time, but I do remember at least one bolt-from-the-blue, but not the one I ended up marrying.
In every previous relationships I needed some space from time to time, but when I found my now-wife, noticed that could share all and everything with her. 15 years now and still she’s a keeper.
Our first date since matching online. I was running late due to work, and he was already at the restaurant so we wouldn’t lose the table. It was a busy evening, so the place was packed (live music happening too). When I walked up to him, he looked at me as though I was the only one in the room and as though I was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. I’ve never been looked at that way 🥹 and so far three years later, he still looks at me the same exact way. On top of a million other things that make him amazing.
For me I've always had an idea in my head of what a dream relationship would be like and most relationships I have been in weren't that. But my current one very much is. I have never once had an argument with my girlfriend in 4 years of dating her and I find her more beautiful everyday and she sees me in a way that other people don't making me feel so validated in a world where I more often have felt like an alien or the outsider. After dating dozens of women I can easily say that she is far and away my favorite for what I am looking for. Also, I'm getting a little fat and happy being with her. I call it my victory belly.
Just over 2 years into our relationship I got blood cancer at 20 years old, a year later now I'm mostly recovered after nearly dying multiple times and losing all of my muscle strength. On top of that I'm covered in ugly stretch marks now, but not once was I scared that I would lose my girlfriend. She stayed by my side all the way through and was the best support I could've ever hoped for. I'm eternally grateful to have her.
Time will tell
Damn right you're lucky
Because when shit hits the fan we clean it together.
I have a great girl for 39 years.
Beats me. Just washed over me one evening.
The day that I met her, we both felt as though we had met before. The universe stopped. Everything just felt focused in on her. It was kind of dizzying. She told me later that she felt the same. Our dumb asses didn't know we were in love until a year later. She confessed to me. When we did eventually get together, it was kind of overwhelming... in a good way? I was in my late twenties, had been dating for over ten years, and realized I had never actually been in love before. Also realized I'm a lesbian I guess! I somehow love her even more now than I did then.
that sounds similar to what we went through too lmao. i’m really happy for you and your lady
I felt very safe and relaxed the first time when I met my husband, which was a super rare experience for me.
you can’t. that phase will conclude on its own naturally unless you commit to cultivating it. even when it’s shitty and you’ve changed. you decide someone is the one not realize. some people just make it easier.
My old dad said you gotta put way more into the relationship than you should ever expect to get out. I did, and it's given me everything. 42 years in August.
When I saw him stop bullets
About 6 weeks after meeting him I knew, it wasn’t a lightbulb moment it was just the most obvious thing in the world to me - of COURSE this is your person! Literally never had a single doubt.
When we were trying to decide what to do with our evening and she suggested eating shrooms and playing Viva Pinata all night.
Of all the people I have dated. He was the only one I saw a future with and I found comfort in that. He also makes me laugh so hard every day.
i tried the rest and found the best
Real
I will let you know when and if it ever happens.
It had a message on the band that only fire could reveal.
That I find more to love every day. How they have grown as a person in the last few years.
Signs and portents and then the evil emperor sent troops led by the Number Three villain came to burn our village.
He drove by where I was standing at school and fell in love.
I haven't and I doubt I will
Us moment
When I threw it in the fire and saw the Elvish script.
I knew after my first date with my wife that she was the one. Started saving for a ring right away. Now, I didn't propose until we had been together for over a year. And I knew her a little before we dated. But I knew right away that she was the one. We have been married 10 years this year. How did I know? I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life without her. She hates when I tell them stories, too. So only our family knows and tens of internet strangers.
It's not one big thing, but all the small things that add up... and you slowly realize that you are perfect together
She had the black speech of mordor written on her
It’s been many many things. It’s the fact that I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and it hasn’t changed since we got together. Yes we fight, we’ve had issues. But his kindness and his heart are what makes him special to me. We just have this connection that makes us both feel drawn to each other. It’s only been 6 years but I can honestly say I love him more today than I did yesterday. He’s my best friend. I love our time together. I just genuinely really like spending time doing just about anything with him.
Context: I was in several dogshit relationships, the last one ending when I was pregnant and the guy legit told me to my face that he wanted to hit me. Followed quickly by, "I'm not threatening you, just cOmMuNiCaTiNg." Fast forward two years, one cesarian, one adoption, and many lonely nights with my first child, and this man just ... appeared. My first thought was, "Huh, he looks ridiculously familiar." We went on a couple dates, and on the third one, he said something to me that made everything fall into place. I cannot remember what it was for the LIFE of me (really wanted to put it in my vows 😭) but it was very no-nonsense. Massive green flag. Moved in with him and his kiddo two weeks later and got married last week (been living together for two years). It took some serious self-reflection, time, and healing for me to get to the point where I was comfortable being a single mom. I hate to say it, but it's really when you stop looking that the right person walks into your life.
Last week, him and i had this argument over something he did that upset me a lot. At first, he didnt fully grasp what i was upset about so he followed me out of my room and explained things in his defence, and when i explained the full thing to him he immediately stopped getting defensive and took full accountability for how i feel. He said, “I understand why you feel this way completely, and I made a mistake so I’m sorry to have made you feel this way. I promise you, as long as you’re with me, you will never feel this way again” and in that moment i just sort of knew.
When I was emotional and upset and expected her to be annoyed or argue with me but she just put her arms around me, told me she's sorry I feel so down, and to tell her if there's anything she can do to help me. I bawled like a baby and held her tight and when i calmed down I asked her why she was being so nice to me. She said why wouldn't I be nice to you? I love you. I knew then I would spend my life making that woman happy.
My GF moved in after we’d know each other for 4 weeks. It was move her in or risk never seeing her again because she lost her job during Covid and was going to have to move 1100 miles away to her home town. I was terrified. I hadn’t lived with a woman since my ex wife and that was honestly kind of a nightmare. That first morning I couldn’t have been more scared, but throughout the day I just started to realize that her being there made my home feel so much more like home. I can’t really put it to words but I knew right then that I never wanted her to leave, and I’m happy to say she never has. I’m proposing next month, and we’re planning on trying for a baby right after the honeymoon.
We were pretty much inseparable for my second year (her first year) at uni. When I went to Moscow for a year, the pain of separation was such that I went to Interflora, ordered some flowers and then went to the Central Telegraph office, queued for an hour, dialled her number about twenty times (bear in mind, this was on a rotary phone and used a fifteen digit number) and when finally she answered I proposed. We’ve been married now for 29 years and together for 32.
Simple I could not see nothing in my future without her I mean nothing
Maybe not a long love story but I just knew it. I could feel this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You know it when you feel it I guess. Cliché but true.
The night I met him, I just had this overwhelming feeling that I just knew he would be in my life forever. I wasn’t sure at the time if that meant as friends or something more. The only way I can describe it is I knew I met a kindred spirit of the Anne of Green Gables definition. Our first date he invited me to the rock climbing place where he worked. I hadn’t really ever been before. After reaching me a little he had me climb the tallest column. It was more difficult than I thought so I said I was giving up. He was belaying me and wouldn’t let me down. He set a goal for me and told me I had to reach that point. I ended up climbing all the way to the top. He still pushes me to do better and achieve more while being my main support. After we’d been dating for a little while, something came up in conversation where he said mentioned I was ambitious and driven but what I really wanted was to be quiet and left alone to read my books and enjoy a slow life…and yeah that was me. It just struck me because I had been trying to hard for so long to be the type of person who was always grinding and climbing to a new career. The fact that he saw through that and really knew me was the moment I realized I loved him. We’ve been together five years now, married for two 🥰
Just like the song says…it’s in the kiss
I knew he was the one when he started checking in on me while I was working, I usually deal with customers that are not very kind and he knows I'm sensitive and so he always stands by my stall to make sure I'm ok and he knows I'm very shy but I knew he was the one once we started hanging out more 🩷, he respects me to where I feel like it's a joke but he's so genuine and he also makes sure I'm ok mentally and physically, he knows what Ice cream I like, he got me roses and a necklace with a butterfly (he knows how much I love bunnies and butterflies) but yea..he's a sweetheart 🩷
My old dad said you gotta put way more into the relationship than you should ever expect to get out. I did, and it's given me everything. 42 years in August.
It felt like we were made of the same stardust. Like some part of me had known some part of him for eons. Our first night, we just kept looking at each other and saying "hi," and smiling. Because it felt like we'd finally found each other. It was like nothing I can describe. I feel so lucky everyday to have him, to be his love and his wife.
I feel that "the One" found another. Or possibly I missed my chance?
I sure wish my boyfriend said such things to/about me... Oh well, maybe some day!
I already knew he was much different than any guy I've been into. We clicked so quickly, got comfortable with one another in no time, and instead of feeling hesitant and logical like I normally do prior to getting into a relationship, I really just said "F*ck it" and asked him to be my boyfriend just two weeks after meeting. The day after we got together, I made a joke about him being my husband, and he was dead serious about promising to marry me one day. I asked him again a few hours later if he was serious, and he said yes. Instead of feeling weirded out, rushed, or anything like that, I just realized that... yeah. I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him.
We met at a Friendsgiving, had a one night stand, and continued to talk to each other. Have been together for 8 years, married 6 years. Have a rambunctious 18 month old boy now.
I don't believe in a "One" because that has not been my experience but I have a few life partners (both romantic and platonic) and it was the same with each of them. I'm polyamorous, I have 3 long-term committed partners, we all live together and share a home and everything, I've been with them 12 years, 9 years, and 7 years respectively. When I meet new people sometimes there's a spark, that's the best way I can describe it, something in me connects with them immediately, it's like lightening. I feel like I NEED them to like me because I like them SO MUCH I can't handle it, it's like I have this explosion of emotion towards them that I can only barely contain. It's a little bit obsessive, it's giddy, a joyful excitement, it's a little scary but in a good way, I feel very drawn to them, like I must be a part of their life somehow and they must be a part of mine. It's the same every time and when I feel that feeling I pursue those people actively and on purpose. With my husband we agreed to get married after 6 weeks of dating (we met online and zoomed through everything, went from talking nonstop online to spending as much time as possible together in person, to yes we should get married and build a life together for real in just a few weeks). We're still going strong 12 years later (anniversary is the end of this month). With one of my other partners we met at a board game night that my then boyfriend was hosting (he's not my boyfriend anymore, that relationship was temporary on purpose, it was very functional for both of us, meeting specific needs, and we're still friends). She was married at the time but the relationship was actively crumbling and miserable for both of them. I sort of helped her through her divorce and I played the really long game with her. She was (and still is) a painfully shy person who has a hard time believing other people like her and an even harder time trusting that anyone will continue to like her long-term. Knowing how shy and scared she is I decided to sort of slowly court her. I knew for sure that first night that I wanted too but she's not the kind of person who can move fast and I was happy to take it slow. I created a regular gaming group to meet up every other week or maybe once a month (it was almost a decade ago so I don't remember exactly). Having the regular gaming together meant we spent time together on purpose in a low stress low stakes kind of way. I kept that going for about 6mos and very slowly started flirting with her, first in really subtle barely noticeable ways, and then I slowly turned up the intensity overtime. Eventually she had a party at her house and was a bit looser than normal because she'd been drinking (which she used to use to manage social anxiety) and I did an incredibly obvious can't miss Flirt. She was confused and skeptical so the next day I explicitly said yes I was flirting with you, I've been flirting with you for months, I really like you a lot and would like to date you. She was in and we had the most awkward first date in history and here we are 9 years later having built a fantastic life together. The last of my 3 partners I met at a queer brunch meetup with some other friends. My step-dad had just died and I was in my home town supporting my mom which was very far from home for me. I still had a few friends in my home town and the brunch meetup was kinda the only time I got out of the house between caring for my grieving mother and also my 3yo child who was with me at the time. He was a recently out trans man who was trying to figure out how to exist in the world in this new way and the queer brunch meetup was part of that for him. I was instantly drawn to him, it felt like kismet. We hung out while I was in town and I flirted a bit but he didn't pick up on any of it so when I got back home I just came right out and said it explicitly, he reciprocated, eventually moved up here, and now we've got 7 years together. With each one of them I just Knew that this person was Special and Important from the very first meeting. I really enjoy listening to that feeling and it's worked out pretty well for me I think. I don't pursue everyone I have that feeling for, the world is full of others who I felt the Spark with who I didn't pursue, but it's always the same feeling and it's always instant.
She’s the only one that agreed to have sex with me
I'm so jealous of Neurotypicals ;-;
neither of us are neurotypical
Wtffffff lmao
You might just be emotionally stunted dawg
Well I am autistic lol
Why? (I'm pretty sure I'm neurotypical so I'd just like the perspective of someone who's not)
Well what do you wanna know? XD
I'm curious why you made the above comment—what do neurotypicals have that neurodivergent people don't?
Love that strongly. Like I care for people but never in like a “this is the love of my life” kinda way. Like NTs feel emotions at a 10/10 while we feel them at like a 3/10. It’s like an indifferent perspective on life. The way we typically care for people are through actions and being present with the person, Quality Time and Gift Giving are typically the love languages. Whether it be finding a rock that’s cool and giving it to them or doing a chore they don’t like. We express love in a different way. Almost logically if that makes sense. I’m also not speaking for all NDs but generally that’s how we are.
That's really insightful! Do you think there's anyone you are always reminded of or constantly have on your mind? Maybe you're not as physically or verbally expressive, but I don't think that means you don't truly "feel" love to the level NTs do. Also keep in mind that every thread on reddit has serious confirmation bias, and not necessarily the majority of NTs feel love like this! I wouldn't describe love necessarily as an emotion, but it's a drive to an emotion. Kinda like how gravity is an acceleration, but not a force? It precedes emotion—emotion is just a way of feeling love? Sorry if this isn't making sense or if I'm being absent-minded at all. Not trying to be offensive, just trying to share my two cents. I think I'm NT, but I don't know lol (which project means I am haha)
I don't know about THE moment but I got my first inkling when we had some petty fight at my apartment while we were getting ready to leave somewhere. She walked out as I was getting my shoes on and I took my time because I don't see myself as the type of guy to go chasing after people. Anyway I met her outside and she has cooled down a bit and we talked it out and at the end I said "I hope you didn't expect me to run after you when you stormed off." And she said something like "oh no, I don't want to lead you around, I just needed some space." I've just been around so many melodramatic people that seeing her act logically even in a tense situation, instead of fucking with me, made me feel confident that I had made the right choice.
nobody had ever taken the time to understand me because i'm mentally disabled, and nobody had ever taken the time to accomodate for him because he's disabled physically. as soon as we met it was like the pieces all fit together for the first time. i hate the phrase "they complete me", but he did give me the foundation to find that i was whole all along, and ive been doing the same for him. i knew the instant i had my tenth episode around him and he was just as calm and patient and assuring as he was the first one that he was the one. i think he knows because i used to get ten hours of sleep every night (it's important to me) but now i sleep for usually four, drive him to work, and then finish my rest around seven hours total. we both sit in discomfort to make life easier for the other, and literally nobody else had ever done that for either of us.
In this thread: a laundry list of reasons why my ex was probably "the one". Also in this thread: reminders for how to be a better partner for someone else. Life is growth. Dont let your ego ruin good shit. It didn't this time for once, I actually learned a lot of these lessons right before I met her, but it was really shit timing because she was in the process of getting divorced still, as well as handling her two children, so I became a tertiary concern which I can't fault her for but she was also clearly sensitive to any perceived stress or negativity due to the stress in the rest of her life and new relationships inherently have stress. One of the stresses for her actually became my calm demeanor to some extent. We were on good terms but she was showing signs of unease in life and with even dating. We would swap back and forth between her saying she felt bad for dating me because she couldn't concentrate on her kids or divorce as much as she wanted, then me trying to respect that but still getting an emphatic "Yes" anytime I asked to come hangout. As soon as we were in one another's presence all questions about what we thought we needed sorta went out the window. But afterwards I would feel like I had wronged her by "not respecting her wishes" and she'd assure me that it was a mutual problem and to not blame only myself, but I was worried about there being a path forward so I consumed THC on a day off to unwind (I don't consume THC very often) and then vegged out. Well part of that anxiety when I was stoned morphed into me being terrified of letting her know I was stoned, even though she had said she didn't care if I occasionally consumed weed. So for about half a day I was no contact due to that. Then she started to ask why I wasn't talking to her and I was doing my best in my stoned mined to try and find a way to make her put the conversation on hold but instead I witnessed her spiral and then the stress from spiraling gave her guilt because she felt like her children should be her priority and then she ended it right there. So...that's how weed can be bad folks.
Met my husband in the AF; he was my CO. Lots of politics at the time (Viet Nam era). He refused pressure from senior command about policy/preparation if our unit was to be activated. His argument was if an experienced outfit knew how to do A/B/C they didn't need to do more A/B/C. He was already in the administrative pipeline for promotion; they threatened to pull it if he didn't comply. He didn't and they did. I figured anyone with that much integrity was a keeper. Married 48 yrs.
What does she look like? Is she really pretty?
she is the most gorgeous woman i’ve ever seen