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Right? I always feel gross FOR the OP in these scenarios. Like as a guy, I can't imagine being intimate with my wife and just sticking it in with no foreplay, no attention, not touching her at all?
It makes my skin crawl thinking about being that way with a partner. I like video games too, but you'd never catch me dead choosing games over intimacy with my wife.
Just nasty to think about. I hope she can find someone who actually appreciates her and takes her feedback and feelings seriously. Blows my mind reading posts like these, I'd have gone insane by now.
I lived like this 15 yrs. As a xtian, I felt stuck. Don't wait as long as I did. I was so hungry for sex, I had a great time dating. Been settled now w a guy that has to have me every morning! So glad I left a sad and lonely relationship.
I've been baffled here, the number of women who say they're in a dead bedroom AND the sex is terrible when they get it. Religion is one reason to stick it out, I guess. I mean, it's a huge part of why I won't ever leave or be unfaithful to my husband. But then again, when we *do* have sex, he makes sure I orgasm multiple times, sometimes so intensely I have hallucinations. Sex is a minimum of 15 minutes when we have to be sneaky, or upwards of hours when we don't. And during the long dry stretches between sex, we cuddle, we flirt, we do things together we know the other person enjoys, and it basically amounts to weeks or months of foreplay before the stars align again.
He has clinical depression, PTSD and a sleep disorder, and that is what makes sex so infrequent. But he pushes through it to make feel important to him at all times, even if it can't go so far as sex nearly often enough.
Oh this is fascinating. I’ve also had hallucinations, sometimes I see tunnels and beautiful Aurora patterns, other times my partner has put me to sleep. Would you be able to further elaborate on the hallucinations? Thank you
For me it is like those old cartoons that inserted footage of flowers blooming, fireworks and rockets launching to indicate the characters had sex. I literally see fireworks, or the world turns into neon 80's folder cover art, bright Lisa Frank like colors. Sometimes it is a whole field of flowers, etc. maybe I'm having mini-seizures or something *lol* I've read about it happening to other people, but it seems really rare and is even incredibly rare for me.
I feel so bad for you, reading all of this. You are an absolute saint, if my partner said “rub my hog” I’d get up and put my clothes back on, shortly followed by “the fuck is wrong with you?!?”
This made me lol if this wasn’t a DB situation, I don’t think she’d be getting the ick from those words tho. It’s funny for me but I was in a DB situation for a while and it would not be funny at that time.
I got the ick from reading this so much it almost made *me* low-libido for the month.
No advice, as tagged, but I'm really sorry he's such an immature man-child, unable to comprehend that **he** is actually missing out by not making sure your pleasure is taken care of. What a travesty.
Are we married to the same man?? My husband doesn’t say things like that but there is no build up.. he sticks it in dry.. there’s no flirting.. ass grabbing.. it’s 5 minutes and then he apologizes for finishing too fast and either goes to sleep or plays video games.
He tried to initiate yesterday.. and by initiating he goes “You wanna?” And just places his hand on my thigh. We walked to the bedroom. There was no kissing. Not touching. No rubbing. Nothing. He started to move the pillows off the bed like we were just going to sleep. I told him I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want it to be another chore for me to do.
At this point.. scrubbing the shower and plucking my eyebrows is more satisfying than my sex life. I’d rather do those than fake an orgasm and wipe cum off my leg.
That’s how my ex boyfriend was…no sincere attempt at foreplay, just figured him getting off must be the way. He wasn’t interested in whether it was good for me or not and at the same time was intimidated by my use of sex toys. I used one in front of him once and he complained that I had a stronger orgasm with that toy than I did with him (ummm, actually, I never had an orgasm from him). I asked him to masturbate in front of me once and he acted like that was just a ridiculous request. It was disappointing as I was completely attracted to him and wanted to please him, he was a great kisser in the beginning and because of that I was so hopeful. He just ended up being a selfish man generally, both in and out of the bedroom. Looking back, I see how he had really just stopped touching me altogether but there was never any sincere effort in getting to know my body, what turned me on. I would massage him every night we were together to which he reciprocated, maybe once…anyways…ex for a reason.
Mine is also intimidated by toys. He gets so offended at the thought that I may need to help myself when he won't. Like he's some gatekeeper of my orgasms, which never happen from him anyway.
Don't lose hope there are guys out there that put effort into turning their woman on. I caress my wife's thighs, kiss her neck, massage her ass softly only for her to turn around and give me the 'no sex' look... Its been 3 months since we last did anything...
Ha! Random neck kisses are the weirdest sensation in the world for me, but my husband keeps doing them because HE thinks it's sexy. I can't tell you how many times I've told this adult man that I don't want that to happen. I say that because I've definitely given him looks after he does that and I wonder if he's interpreted them as no sex looks. The look is truly saying "why don't you remember how much I don't like that? I DON'T LIKE THAT!"
Do you know if she enjoys those actions? The thigh caressing and neck kissing? If she's ever mentioned not liking it and you keep doing it, I can imagine why she pulled the face!
She definitely likes them, she makes sexy noises when I do it and has a smile on her face. Until she realises that I'm horny then just gives me a look like "I see what you're doing and it's not happening"
This post AND especially the comments from other women , provides great insight to men. It’s so much more than just PIV for us. The childish awkward jokes, or the “rub ma hoggg” euphemisms are so cringy it makes us want to run away. Seriously I’ve never heard a grosser come-on. Virtually 0 women would want to F after that.
Men, we aren’t expecting perfection here. Or hours long sex sessions. Even awkwardness is ok as long as you’re sensitive, open, trying. If you don’t know what to say or how to say it, come up behind her when she’s standing , put your arms around her waist and give a kiss on the neck. Touch her hair. Give a wink followed by “come to daddy” eyebrow raise- heck, you’d have to be intentionally being gross to get worse than “rub my hog” 
The other key is to try to meet her needs. It’s so selfish to just grind her for 30 seconds and then roll over, leave her the wet spot and start snoring. Sex makes men tired. We get it! That’s why it feels better to warm her up FIRST so you both have a good time.
Remember. She may let you do the 30 second special , but it’s not a win in the long run. Because if she does that it means she’s getting nothing from the experience, which means she going to get sick of doing it. Pleasurable for her = she will be more likely to want to do it more often.
Yep! To make matters worse, I had a full hysterectomy in December of '22 and am post-menopausal. So if there is any self-lubrication left to be had, he does a good job of making sure there is none.
>But whenever he's finally in the mood, he's so awkward with it and says shit like "rub my hog" or "tug on my *whistle sound*"
I'm sorry for the situation but holy shit, that made me laugh out loud
We have one. Which oddly enough he was super eager to fuck me everyday for a week straight while we tried for a baby. Cant say there was much intimacy involved with the act, but still.
He sounds like a really mechanical awkward sexual being.
No finesse.
No heat.
Like... "play with ma wahoo baby"
It's like shagging a dead fish. No. Thanks.
Just don't let him touch you. If you want sex, initiate the type of sex you want. Get it going in your head.. redirect him. Put his hands where you want them, have sex like a man.
Don't. Let. Him. Put. Anything. In. Anywhere. Dry.
Two minutes of dry hump peeny sex, get lost.
I can't be bothered with crap sex anymore. Ask nice twice, third time let it rip, no more gentle talks, get thing together or you go get a lover. Marriage isn't dating, youre past that. Sex is expected in marriage. It's everyone's personal responsibility to at least make sure some of their partners needs are met, as well as their own.
Sorry but you're freshly married... this is gonna suck for you in years to come. He will get lazier, more hapless, you will have sex. He will moan you don't want sex. You won't even want to be in the same room as him. Resentment will follow if it's not there ready.
Thank you. The resentment is definitely building. It's getting harder for me to enjoy spending time with him. He still likes cuddling sometimes, holding hands, and kissing (never making out though), but it's just not always enough for me. I enjoy those things too, but I want passion and true intimacy and to feel my partner against me and inside me, not just BEside me. But it just never escalates and leaves me to feel so undesirable. To the point now that I have to almost force myself to kiss him back when he brings his lips to mine.
It's heartbreaking. My husband isn't rude like this, he's actually quite tender and apologetic about the whole situation and it still breaks me sometimes just because he's LL though it still trips me out that he's so awkward about dirty talk and everything is so clinical. I think if he was LL and a total dick about it, then I'd be actively turned off and repulsed. I can't stand the thought of someone just cracking jokes and being crass when you're trying to be intimate and vulnerable. You deserve to feel desired. I'm so sorry you don't.
Is this man child of yours for real?! I’m wondering if he’s saying those unsavory words to spite you. I think you are too young to have to deal with his bullshit. He’s being childish and disrespectful. I wish you all the happiness and adoration without him.
Thank you. Somewhere in there, I do know it's not me, though sometimes it's hard to feel like it's not. But I often reminisce on times from my past relationships when I never had to want for sex or intimacy, it was happily wanted and given at any time. Not to mention it was enjoyable.
I feel so bad for women (seems like it’s always women) who got into relationships with man children. I don’t have the faintest fucking idea how to do dirty talk. So I don’t. Let actions and touch do your talking.
I’m going to have to talk to my grandsons in the not too distant future about how not to be dipshits in bed.
You don’t have kids right? Just divorce!
If he can’t initiate in a serious way it’s because he can’t bring himself to be real and vulnerable with you. It’s always an act. You can’t get anywhere like that.
This sounds so much like my ex. I firmly believe he is asexual and just can't face it. I remember him mentioning it twice and then never again. Read up on asexual feelings and behaviors. You may notice some similarities.
I never really considered that, but honestly it makes sense. He's told me he didn't have a lot of sex partners (I'm #6) because he doesn't like "meaningless" sex and needs an emotional connection. I didn't think much about it, thought it was refreshing actually at first. But now, not so much because it still doesn't happen even with an emotional connection.
But every time I show my frustration, he makes me feel like I just want it too much and he says it "doesn't always need to be about sex." He's made it very apparent by mentioning sex isn't important to him and that it also doesn't need to be that important in a relationship.
He'll tell me I'm not being sexy enough to put him in the mood. But it doesn't matter what I do, I could stand in front of him butt naked and he'd probably just look around me. I even spent $3k on boudoir photos for this man hoping it may spark something in him. He looked at the album ONCE, because I forced him to, and now it sits collecting dust. I think sex just repulses him at this point. Not necessarily sex with me, just sex in general. That, or he really is just incredibly lazy.
My husband is pretty similar. Not with the gross sayings, but he will turn my flirting or sexual advances into an awkward joke to deflect or kill the mood. And when we do have sex, it’s very one sided. He just started touching my vagina at all in the last 6 months. He has no idea what he’s doing tho and the few times I’ve tried to direct him, he just gives up and stops touching me. He will twist my nipples off tho bc that he does for him. Not me. He doesn’t know Jack shit about my body or what gets me off. Part of that is my fault, but damn. These guys won’t even try. It’s exhausting. Like I fight and fight to get laid and then it’s not even enjoyable. That and I spend most of it now lost in asking myself which Reddit girl he’s pretending I am so he can get off and it takes me right out of enjoying any of it.
I hope things get better but he sounds like a whole mess. “Rub my hawg” would have had me packing a bag in front of him.
Stop having sex you aren’t enjoying. Just STOP. He isn’t listening to you and your needs whatsoever. What a mess. I don’t see how you deal with this AT ALL.
Yeah. She’s been having sex with me only once every 2-3 months now… I even bought a toy for her, to try and help our sex life, she said “it feels good, but, I can’t finish.” Then. I ask to eat her out, she doesn’t want me to, then, I ask to rub her, she said “it’s too sensitive.” Then, if I try to penetrate, she says “it hurts too bad” so, I figure, that’s okay! Maybe some oral? She hates giving blowjobs, always denies it … so, constantly, stuck jerking off…. I love her, but, this just hurts, it’s constant rejection… and, she won’t do the things I suggest to improve her sex life…. Feels hopeless sometimes. Feels just like having something you want constantly dangled in your face, but, it’s just out of reach.
There are numbing lubricants which might help with some of the sensitivity, but pain during sex is a real thing that they are just now recognizing. It might just be a case of needing to relax--often if there has been pain in the past people clench up in anticipation, making it even worse. Or there could be something medically wrong. I hope she is open to discussing this with her doctor, because sex should be enjoyable for both of you.
When you have constant bad/painful sex as a woman, your body starts to tense up more overtime because it's so horrible.
And who wants to blow some man who can't even make you feel good as a woman?
Men need to step up their bedroom game....
I agree with the others and I have the ick on your behalf. Wtf?
If you're like me every time he touches you or even seems like he's about to touch you, you'll recoil. It only took me a few months after I left my ex-husband to realize my libido wasn't the problem my partner was. My desire shot through the roof when I found a partner who put my pleasure first.
If he's this childish in bed I wonder what he's like the rest of the time
I agree with what you're saying and understand that communication and effort is part of a relationship, so I just want to preface this by saying I'm not arguing. But let me tell you how this *feels*. There is so much information out there about women's bodies, there are so many different ways that he could ask her what she likes or what she wants. He could tell her to show him what she wants. He could try something new and actually listen to her body, but nah. She's got to do all the work and then some.
He finally must understand two things:
1. Fulfilling your needs is a must have and otherwise you are out for the sake of mental health.
2. How to do it. Send him links about the physical stuff.
But he sounds either insecure or weird. Try to evaluate what leaving would mean for you.
Wow so sorry hun , your husband sounds very selfish. I know people will say that therapy and all that but I think someone needs to want to change in other for therapy to work . I’ll be honest in my opinion he is using P*rn or doing something secretly. I would confront him about bc if it is p*rn then he needs to stop that. That way he will pay attention to you. That or his sexual fantasies are well too extreme that he may find sex just ordinary.
There is no way he speaks like that lol. If this is really how he talks dirty I can't for the life of me understand how you get turned on by this. The "PUSS on my CAWK" sent me rolling lmfao
I wiiiish I was making it up. Under no circumstances do I get turned on by this. And to be honest, I'm pretty hard pressed to believe he's doing so unintentionally. By now he absolutely knows it turns me way off, so it may be safe to bet he deliberately says this shit knowing he'll be off the hook for another night.
Wow. What a man child you have there. I don’t blame you for not being in the mood after those stupid comments. You told him to stop and it is a turn off he still does it. He sounds very immature. Sorry I have no good advise to give you. Divorce? Because you two are not compatable.
That sounds nearly exactly how my sex life is. Only differences are that it has been 19 years of marriage and my husband uses different words for his dick. Our last 6 week stretch was it for me. We had a good talk, sex a few times, he was more receptive to me, and then back to nothing. I have stopped coming on to him because I'm tired of the rejection. I feel like I HAVE to do it when he actually is in the mood or I will miss out or be a hypocrite, even if he had done nothing to put me in the mood. After so long of marriage he has finally learned a little of what to do for foreplay. Just touch me, basically, and it's still few and far in between. I just don't think he has much of a sex drive. It sucks. He says we have a great marriage and if we can just get this one thing right, then we would be perfect. Okay, so work on it......it's exhausting. If you find something that works , let me know lol.
Why do some guys cock block themselves just to say something they think is funny? Like I don’t mean poor attempts at dirty talk but saying stuff like OPs described, when they know you don’t think it’s funny and in fact find it repulsive? Making themselves laugh for two seconds is more important to them than having good sex, I guess?
(Anyone is welcome to chime in with examples of women doing this, I’ve just never come across any anecdotes of it)
Lotta LLs are avoidant. The puerile jokes and voices and making everything into a bit deflect the intimacy that he is ill-equipped for and finds threatening. Puts his wife on notice: "if you take the sex I'm offering, know that there will be no real intimacy or care"
I agree in this instance but friends have also told me about guys doing this kinda thing who didn’t seem to be LL. Maybe they just weren’t telling me the full picture
I told him it would be equivalent to me asking him to "come over here tickle my tutu" or "lick my meow meow" and he very clearly physically cringed. Then I explained that's how these words make me feel too. The first time he said it, we both laughed because it was just so stupid. But then it continued even after me requesting he not attempt to "get me in the mood" using those choices of words because it turns me off incredibly. He thinks he's so funny, and he laughs about it to himself every time still. He just doesn't get it.
Hahahhaha lick my meow meow
Honestly whatever he’s doing and you’re doing isn’t working
Unfortunately telling him what to do or what not to do isn’t working either - it’s called the righting reflex and a core tenant of motivational interviewing for substance use disorders - where ambivalence and telling people what to do never works.
Honestly if you or him doesn’t want this to end in divorce there needs to be therapy taken seriously - whether he’s up for that is uncertain.
Communication needs to be improved. It’s not your fault. But if the approach you’ve already taken hasn’t worked you need to find a different way.
>But then it continued even after me requesting
Because the cringe is the point. He doesn't actually want sex, he wants you to feel like he's "trying" so you'll stop being mad at him, so he initiates in a way that he knows will make you want to say no.
I was wondering if he’s really into dudes. Wonder that about a lot of the LLM I read about in here.
My wife would also laugh if I told her ‘come rub my hawg’, call me an idiot, kiss me to shut me up, then… do what I asked.
I suspect that my LL husband is into dudes but isn’t comfortable with it. He did finally admit that he has some bi tendencies and he certainly likes to suck my fingers (dude has no gag reflex so it’s super fun) while I tell him to suck me and take it all, and we’ve done a few things where it’s very vague role reversal stuff and he has responded to it very eagerly in the moment. I don’t think he’s fully comfortable with that aspect of himself. Which is a shame. I’m fully willing to explore that or allow him to explore it if need be. But that’s something he has to come to terms with.
Have you tried sitting down with him for half an hour, told him to fucking shut up and grin and bear it, and directly explained what your language of love looks like, sounds like, feels like? How your dream sexy husband would act and behave to delight you. That it would make a world of difference if he could make any small steps to be like that and make you a happier couple. And ask him if he has any requests of his own.
'Cus it sounds like he has absolutely no idea. Now if he is too immature to listen to his wife and fobs you off then sure that's fucked, RIP, but maybe it's worth a try once
Oh we don't get to talk about it. He just gets angry and accuses me of nagging. Or better yet, complains that he'd be doing all of the work if he spent time trying to turn me on. Nope, I just have to be ready to go when he wants it. We usually just go to bed angry whenever I try to have an adult conversation about it.
Op, does he have a motorcycle, more specifically a Harley Davidson? If so, next time he says "rub my hog" you could either start to get up and go to where his bike is, and if not, you could tell him "how can I do that when you don't have a Harley"?
I'm sorry to hear that he's being so crass and uncaring. I hope that you come to terms with all of this and take whatever action you deem appropriate.
Y’all both sound incredibly sexually awkward to be honest. It sounds like a scene from Superbad when Mclovin is trying to get laid. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It hate that feeling when you used to be super sexually compatible and then something changes.
Not every man is romantic. I suspect he has no clue. Be blunt and tell him how you fell and you’re getting the ick. Otherwise nothing changes. My wife sure would not hold back.
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You’re catching the ick. Soon everything he says and does is gonna be a turn off. Probably for the best though
I caught the ick FOR op. Full recoil
Girl, same. I’d spend 💯 of my time working on myself and avoiding him. He’s yucky.
Right? I always feel gross FOR the OP in these scenarios. Like as a guy, I can't imagine being intimate with my wife and just sticking it in with no foreplay, no attention, not touching her at all? It makes my skin crawl thinking about being that way with a partner. I like video games too, but you'd never catch me dead choosing games over intimacy with my wife. Just nasty to think about. I hope she can find someone who actually appreciates her and takes her feedback and feelings seriously. Blows my mind reading posts like these, I'd have gone insane by now.
I'm a guy and caught the ick, yuck.
I’m following all of this. The way my face turned up after reading. Absolutely not
Thats the best way to describe what happened to me that I've ever heard, lol
This was like the ick of all icks for me
I lived like this 15 yrs. As a xtian, I felt stuck. Don't wait as long as I did. I was so hungry for sex, I had a great time dating. Been settled now w a guy that has to have me every morning! So glad I left a sad and lonely relationship.
I've been baffled here, the number of women who say they're in a dead bedroom AND the sex is terrible when they get it. Religion is one reason to stick it out, I guess. I mean, it's a huge part of why I won't ever leave or be unfaithful to my husband. But then again, when we *do* have sex, he makes sure I orgasm multiple times, sometimes so intensely I have hallucinations. Sex is a minimum of 15 minutes when we have to be sneaky, or upwards of hours when we don't. And during the long dry stretches between sex, we cuddle, we flirt, we do things together we know the other person enjoys, and it basically amounts to weeks or months of foreplay before the stars align again. He has clinical depression, PTSD and a sleep disorder, and that is what makes sex so infrequent. But he pushes through it to make feel important to him at all times, even if it can't go so far as sex nearly often enough.
Oh this is fascinating. I’ve also had hallucinations, sometimes I see tunnels and beautiful Aurora patterns, other times my partner has put me to sleep. Would you be able to further elaborate on the hallucinations? Thank you
For me it is like those old cartoons that inserted footage of flowers blooming, fireworks and rockets launching to indicate the characters had sex. I literally see fireworks, or the world turns into neon 80's folder cover art, bright Lisa Frank like colors. Sometimes it is a whole field of flowers, etc. maybe I'm having mini-seizures or something *lol* I've read about it happening to other people, but it seems really rare and is even incredibly rare for me.
That’s so cool’
I feel so bad for you, reading all of this. You are an absolute saint, if my partner said “rub my hog” I’d get up and put my clothes back on, shortly followed by “the fuck is wrong with you?!?”
This made me lol if this wasn’t a DB situation, I don’t think she’d be getting the ick from those words tho. It’s funny for me but I was in a DB situation for a while and it would not be funny at that time.
I got the ick from reading this so much it almost made *me* low-libido for the month. No advice, as tagged, but I'm really sorry he's such an immature man-child, unable to comprehend that **he** is actually missing out by not making sure your pleasure is taken care of. What a travesty.
Yeah like wtf. Does he not get what sex… is? 😂
Are we married to the same man?? My husband doesn’t say things like that but there is no build up.. he sticks it in dry.. there’s no flirting.. ass grabbing.. it’s 5 minutes and then he apologizes for finishing too fast and either goes to sleep or plays video games. He tried to initiate yesterday.. and by initiating he goes “You wanna?” And just places his hand on my thigh. We walked to the bedroom. There was no kissing. Not touching. No rubbing. Nothing. He started to move the pillows off the bed like we were just going to sleep. I told him I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want it to be another chore for me to do. At this point.. scrubbing the shower and plucking my eyebrows is more satisfying than my sex life. I’d rather do those than fake an orgasm and wipe cum off my leg.
That’s how my ex boyfriend was…no sincere attempt at foreplay, just figured him getting off must be the way. He wasn’t interested in whether it was good for me or not and at the same time was intimidated by my use of sex toys. I used one in front of him once and he complained that I had a stronger orgasm with that toy than I did with him (ummm, actually, I never had an orgasm from him). I asked him to masturbate in front of me once and he acted like that was just a ridiculous request. It was disappointing as I was completely attracted to him and wanted to please him, he was a great kisser in the beginning and because of that I was so hopeful. He just ended up being a selfish man generally, both in and out of the bedroom. Looking back, I see how he had really just stopped touching me altogether but there was never any sincere effort in getting to know my body, what turned me on. I would massage him every night we were together to which he reciprocated, maybe once…anyways…ex for a reason.
Mine is also intimidated by toys. He gets so offended at the thought that I may need to help myself when he won't. Like he's some gatekeeper of my orgasms, which never happen from him anyway.
Idk why guys get intimidated by toys. I hooked my wife up with half the wevibe catalog in her nightstand.
Just — “sticks it in dry” — so much ICK lol. I’m so sorry!! D: that sounds near painful! At the least so far from pleasant!
Don't lose hope there are guys out there that put effort into turning their woman on. I caress my wife's thighs, kiss her neck, massage her ass softly only for her to turn around and give me the 'no sex' look... Its been 3 months since we last did anything...
Ha! Random neck kisses are the weirdest sensation in the world for me, but my husband keeps doing them because HE thinks it's sexy. I can't tell you how many times I've told this adult man that I don't want that to happen. I say that because I've definitely given him looks after he does that and I wonder if he's interpreted them as no sex looks. The look is truly saying "why don't you remember how much I don't like that? I DON'T LIKE THAT!" Do you know if she enjoys those actions? The thigh caressing and neck kissing? If she's ever mentioned not liking it and you keep doing it, I can imagine why she pulled the face!
She definitely likes them, she makes sexy noises when I do it and has a smile on her face. Until she realises that I'm horny then just gives me a look like "I see what you're doing and it's not happening"
[удалено]
As infrequent as sex is, my wife always cums first so ye I'm pretty bad...
Reminds me of that scene in super troopers **“You boys like mexicooooo?!?”** You ready to fuck today?!?
And oof the fake orgasm..
This post AND especially the comments from other women , provides great insight to men. It’s so much more than just PIV for us. The childish awkward jokes, or the “rub ma hoggg” euphemisms are so cringy it makes us want to run away. Seriously I’ve never heard a grosser come-on. Virtually 0 women would want to F after that. Men, we aren’t expecting perfection here. Or hours long sex sessions. Even awkwardness is ok as long as you’re sensitive, open, trying. If you don’t know what to say or how to say it, come up behind her when she’s standing , put your arms around her waist and give a kiss on the neck. Touch her hair. Give a wink followed by “come to daddy” eyebrow raise- heck, you’d have to be intentionally being gross to get worse than “rub my hog”  The other key is to try to meet her needs. It’s so selfish to just grind her for 30 seconds and then roll over, leave her the wet spot and start snoring. Sex makes men tired. We get it! That’s why it feels better to warm her up FIRST so you both have a good time. Remember. She may let you do the 30 second special , but it’s not a win in the long run. Because if she does that it means she’s getting nothing from the experience, which means she going to get sick of doing it. Pleasurable for her = she will be more likely to want to do it more often.
👏 👏 👏
Straight up leave, sounds like a moody 12yr old
Hearing crap like that would make me cease to self lubricate ever again my goodness
Yep! To make matters worse, I had a full hysterectomy in December of '22 and am post-menopausal. So if there is any self-lubrication left to be had, he does a good job of making sure there is none.
>But whenever he's finally in the mood, he's so awkward with it and says shit like "rub my hog" or "tug on my *whistle sound*" I'm sorry for the situation but holy shit, that made me laugh out loud
If you don't have kids yet, I'd cut and run
We have one. Which oddly enough he was super eager to fuck me everyday for a week straight while we tried for a baby. Cant say there was much intimacy involved with the act, but still.
He sounds like a really mechanical awkward sexual being. No finesse. No heat. Like... "play with ma wahoo baby" It's like shagging a dead fish. No. Thanks. Just don't let him touch you. If you want sex, initiate the type of sex you want. Get it going in your head.. redirect him. Put his hands where you want them, have sex like a man. Don't. Let. Him. Put. Anything. In. Anywhere. Dry. Two minutes of dry hump peeny sex, get lost. I can't be bothered with crap sex anymore. Ask nice twice, third time let it rip, no more gentle talks, get thing together or you go get a lover. Marriage isn't dating, youre past that. Sex is expected in marriage. It's everyone's personal responsibility to at least make sure some of their partners needs are met, as well as their own. Sorry but you're freshly married... this is gonna suck for you in years to come. He will get lazier, more hapless, you will have sex. He will moan you don't want sex. You won't even want to be in the same room as him. Resentment will follow if it's not there ready.
Thank you. The resentment is definitely building. It's getting harder for me to enjoy spending time with him. He still likes cuddling sometimes, holding hands, and kissing (never making out though), but it's just not always enough for me. I enjoy those things too, but I want passion and true intimacy and to feel my partner against me and inside me, not just BEside me. But it just never escalates and leaves me to feel so undesirable. To the point now that I have to almost force myself to kiss him back when he brings his lips to mine.
It's heartbreaking. My husband isn't rude like this, he's actually quite tender and apologetic about the whole situation and it still breaks me sometimes just because he's LL though it still trips me out that he's so awkward about dirty talk and everything is so clinical. I think if he was LL and a total dick about it, then I'd be actively turned off and repulsed. I can't stand the thought of someone just cracking jokes and being crass when you're trying to be intimate and vulnerable. You deserve to feel desired. I'm so sorry you don't.
Is this man child of yours for real?! I’m wondering if he’s saying those unsavory words to spite you. I think you are too young to have to deal with his bullshit. He’s being childish and disrespectful. I wish you all the happiness and adoration without him.
I’m really really sorry you’re going through this but this is somehow hilarious. “Rub my hog” like what the helllll
Sorry OP…just don’t put any blame on yourself for something that is out of your control 🫶🏽
Thank you. Somewhere in there, I do know it's not me, though sometimes it's hard to feel like it's not. But I often reminisce on times from my past relationships when I never had to want for sex or intimacy, it was happily wanted and given at any time. Not to mention it was enjoyable.
Yes it’s always nice to reminisce the past 😊. Thanks for sharing and hope your situation turns around 🫶🏽
I feel so bad for women (seems like it’s always women) who got into relationships with man children. I don’t have the faintest fucking idea how to do dirty talk. So I don’t. Let actions and touch do your talking. I’m going to have to talk to my grandsons in the not too distant future about how not to be dipshits in bed.
This is not the way you should be treated.
Look I'm sorry but he will never change, you need to move on, just for your own sanity.
You don’t have kids right? Just divorce! If he can’t initiate in a serious way it’s because he can’t bring himself to be real and vulnerable with you. It’s always an act. You can’t get anywhere like that.
Oh, honey. I read this and can't shake the cringe. I feel so bad for you. I saw "CAWK" and almost had to quit reading.
This sounds so much like my ex. I firmly believe he is asexual and just can't face it. I remember him mentioning it twice and then never again. Read up on asexual feelings and behaviors. You may notice some similarities.
I never really considered that, but honestly it makes sense. He's told me he didn't have a lot of sex partners (I'm #6) because he doesn't like "meaningless" sex and needs an emotional connection. I didn't think much about it, thought it was refreshing actually at first. But now, not so much because it still doesn't happen even with an emotional connection. But every time I show my frustration, he makes me feel like I just want it too much and he says it "doesn't always need to be about sex." He's made it very apparent by mentioning sex isn't important to him and that it also doesn't need to be that important in a relationship. He'll tell me I'm not being sexy enough to put him in the mood. But it doesn't matter what I do, I could stand in front of him butt naked and he'd probably just look around me. I even spent $3k on boudoir photos for this man hoping it may spark something in him. He looked at the album ONCE, because I forced him to, and now it sits collecting dust. I think sex just repulses him at this point. Not necessarily sex with me, just sex in general. That, or he really is just incredibly lazy.
My husband is pretty similar. Not with the gross sayings, but he will turn my flirting or sexual advances into an awkward joke to deflect or kill the mood. And when we do have sex, it’s very one sided. He just started touching my vagina at all in the last 6 months. He has no idea what he’s doing tho and the few times I’ve tried to direct him, he just gives up and stops touching me. He will twist my nipples off tho bc that he does for him. Not me. He doesn’t know Jack shit about my body or what gets me off. Part of that is my fault, but damn. These guys won’t even try. It’s exhausting. Like I fight and fight to get laid and then it’s not even enjoyable. That and I spend most of it now lost in asking myself which Reddit girl he’s pretending I am so he can get off and it takes me right out of enjoying any of it. I hope things get better but he sounds like a whole mess. “Rub my hawg” would have had me packing a bag in front of him.
Stop having sex you aren’t enjoying. Just STOP. He isn’t listening to you and your needs whatsoever. What a mess. I don’t see how you deal with this AT ALL.
Ew. Run. 🙏 please
Yeah. She’s been having sex with me only once every 2-3 months now… I even bought a toy for her, to try and help our sex life, she said “it feels good, but, I can’t finish.” Then. I ask to eat her out, she doesn’t want me to, then, I ask to rub her, she said “it’s too sensitive.” Then, if I try to penetrate, she says “it hurts too bad” so, I figure, that’s okay! Maybe some oral? She hates giving blowjobs, always denies it … so, constantly, stuck jerking off…. I love her, but, this just hurts, it’s constant rejection… and, she won’t do the things I suggest to improve her sex life…. Feels hopeless sometimes. Feels just like having something you want constantly dangled in your face, but, it’s just out of reach.
There are numbing lubricants which might help with some of the sensitivity, but pain during sex is a real thing that they are just now recognizing. It might just be a case of needing to relax--often if there has been pain in the past people clench up in anticipation, making it even worse. Or there could be something medically wrong. I hope she is open to discussing this with her doctor, because sex should be enjoyable for both of you.
When you have constant bad/painful sex as a woman, your body starts to tense up more overtime because it's so horrible. And who wants to blow some man who can't even make you feel good as a woman? Men need to step up their bedroom game....
I agree with the others and I have the ick on your behalf. Wtf? If you're like me every time he touches you or even seems like he's about to touch you, you'll recoil. It only took me a few months after I left my ex-husband to realize my libido wasn't the problem my partner was. My desire shot through the roof when I found a partner who put my pleasure first. If he's this childish in bed I wonder what he's like the rest of the time
Give him a video. Find some good ones that you like and send them to him. Like a step by step. Hey, this is what I want. See?? Now he has an example.
I agree with what you're saying and understand that communication and effort is part of a relationship, so I just want to preface this by saying I'm not arguing. But let me tell you how this *feels*. There is so much information out there about women's bodies, there are so many different ways that he could ask her what she likes or what she wants. He could tell her to show him what she wants. He could try something new and actually listen to her body, but nah. She's got to do all the work and then some.
He finally must understand two things: 1. Fulfilling your needs is a must have and otherwise you are out for the sake of mental health. 2. How to do it. Send him links about the physical stuff. But he sounds either insecure or weird. Try to evaluate what leaving would mean for you.
Eeeewww
Wow so sorry hun , your husband sounds very selfish. I know people will say that therapy and all that but I think someone needs to want to change in other for therapy to work . I’ll be honest in my opinion he is using P*rn or doing something secretly. I would confront him about bc if it is p*rn then he needs to stop that. That way he will pay attention to you. That or his sexual fantasies are well too extreme that he may find sex just ordinary.
I also think it's pretty likely that he's overusing porn.... it absolutely messes with people's ability to be intimate.
There is no way he speaks like that lol. If this is really how he talks dirty I can't for the life of me understand how you get turned on by this. The "PUSS on my CAWK" sent me rolling lmfao
I wiiiish I was making it up. Under no circumstances do I get turned on by this. And to be honest, I'm pretty hard pressed to believe he's doing so unintentionally. By now he absolutely knows it turns me way off, so it may be safe to bet he deliberately says this shit knowing he'll be off the hook for another night.
He has given you the ick. No going back
Wow. What a man child you have there. I don’t blame you for not being in the mood after those stupid comments. You told him to stop and it is a turn off he still does it. He sounds very immature. Sorry I have no good advise to give you. Divorce? Because you two are not compatable.
That sounds nearly exactly how my sex life is. Only differences are that it has been 19 years of marriage and my husband uses different words for his dick. Our last 6 week stretch was it for me. We had a good talk, sex a few times, he was more receptive to me, and then back to nothing. I have stopped coming on to him because I'm tired of the rejection. I feel like I HAVE to do it when he actually is in the mood or I will miss out or be a hypocrite, even if he had done nothing to put me in the mood. After so long of marriage he has finally learned a little of what to do for foreplay. Just touch me, basically, and it's still few and far in between. I just don't think he has much of a sex drive. It sucks. He says we have a great marriage and if we can just get this one thing right, then we would be perfect. Okay, so work on it......it's exhausting. If you find something that works , let me know lol.
I know you’re being serious But from a guy he sounds fucking hilarious Maybe he’s into dudes
Why do some guys cock block themselves just to say something they think is funny? Like I don’t mean poor attempts at dirty talk but saying stuff like OPs described, when they know you don’t think it’s funny and in fact find it repulsive? Making themselves laugh for two seconds is more important to them than having good sex, I guess? (Anyone is welcome to chime in with examples of women doing this, I’ve just never come across any anecdotes of it)
Lotta LLs are avoidant. The puerile jokes and voices and making everything into a bit deflect the intimacy that he is ill-equipped for and finds threatening. Puts his wife on notice: "if you take the sex I'm offering, know that there will be no real intimacy or care"
I agree in this instance but friends have also told me about guys doing this kinda thing who didn’t seem to be LL. Maybe they just weren’t telling me the full picture
You just put into words what’s taken me nearly 18 years of marriage to figure out about my husband.
I told him it would be equivalent to me asking him to "come over here tickle my tutu" or "lick my meow meow" and he very clearly physically cringed. Then I explained that's how these words make me feel too. The first time he said it, we both laughed because it was just so stupid. But then it continued even after me requesting he not attempt to "get me in the mood" using those choices of words because it turns me off incredibly. He thinks he's so funny, and he laughs about it to himself every time still. He just doesn't get it.
Hahahhaha lick my meow meow Honestly whatever he’s doing and you’re doing isn’t working Unfortunately telling him what to do or what not to do isn’t working either - it’s called the righting reflex and a core tenant of motivational interviewing for substance use disorders - where ambivalence and telling people what to do never works. Honestly if you or him doesn’t want this to end in divorce there needs to be therapy taken seriously - whether he’s up for that is uncertain. Communication needs to be improved. It’s not your fault. But if the approach you’ve already taken hasn’t worked you need to find a different way.
>But then it continued even after me requesting Because the cringe is the point. He doesn't actually want sex, he wants you to feel like he's "trying" so you'll stop being mad at him, so he initiates in a way that he knows will make you want to say no.
I was wondering if he’s really into dudes. Wonder that about a lot of the LLM I read about in here. My wife would also laugh if I told her ‘come rub my hawg’, call me an idiot, kiss me to shut me up, then… do what I asked.
I suspect that my LL husband is into dudes but isn’t comfortable with it. He did finally admit that he has some bi tendencies and he certainly likes to suck my fingers (dude has no gag reflex so it’s super fun) while I tell him to suck me and take it all, and we’ve done a few things where it’s very vague role reversal stuff and he has responded to it very eagerly in the moment. I don’t think he’s fully comfortable with that aspect of himself. Which is a shame. I’m fully willing to explore that or allow him to explore it if need be. But that’s something he has to come to terms with.
So your option is divorce or counseling.
Have you tried sitting down with him for half an hour, told him to fucking shut up and grin and bear it, and directly explained what your language of love looks like, sounds like, feels like? How your dream sexy husband would act and behave to delight you. That it would make a world of difference if he could make any small steps to be like that and make you a happier couple. And ask him if he has any requests of his own. 'Cus it sounds like he has absolutely no idea. Now if he is too immature to listen to his wife and fobs you off then sure that's fucked, RIP, but maybe it's worth a try once
Oh we don't get to talk about it. He just gets angry and accuses me of nagging. Or better yet, complains that he'd be doing all of the work if he spent time trying to turn me on. Nope, I just have to be ready to go when he wants it. We usually just go to bed angry whenever I try to have an adult conversation about it.
Sad. Therapy? That or imagine if you still want to be living this life in 10 years...
Well this is what you get for marrying Duke Nukem /s (In all seriousness I'm sorry you're dealing with this - this is terrible and so cringey)
Op, does he have a motorcycle, more specifically a Harley Davidson? If so, next time he says "rub my hog" you could either start to get up and go to where his bike is, and if not, you could tell him "how can I do that when you don't have a Harley"? I'm sorry to hear that he's being so crass and uncaring. I hope that you come to terms with all of this and take whatever action you deem appropriate.
Y’all both sound incredibly sexually awkward to be honest. It sounds like a scene from Superbad when Mclovin is trying to get laid. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It hate that feeling when you used to be super sexually compatible and then something changes.
Jesus Christ. Straight people…
How is that helpful?
You could ask him to try omgyes, but it sounds like it might be too far gone...
This sounds like actual torture. Divorce.
😂😂you're married to a child. You know what I mean. Feel bad for you op.
The way he talks, sounds like he's way into porn.
Not every man is romantic. I suspect he has no clue. Be blunt and tell him how you fell and you’re getting the ick. Otherwise nothing changes. My wife sure would not hold back.
Sorry but the things he is saying to you made me LOL