I got back into running, been doing longer 5-10 mile runs on the weekend! Also getting pretty fast too. I started doing yoga once a week! Also stopped drinking, currently 44 days sober🙌🏼 Not gonna lie NC sucks and miss the shit outta my ex but I’m grateful for all the progress and healing I’ve made in the last 2-months. I wish she could see some of the changes I’ve made and hard work I’ve put in to grow and learn from my mistakes.
The coolest part is you’re seeing it first hand, best seat in the house 🤩
Have you ever done any races?! I’ve been thinking of doing one myself and that’s fantastic about being sober, I haven’t smoked since going NC!
True, good mentality to have!!
Yes I’m actually running a 10k this Saturday in Charleston, SC. Running the Cooper River Bridge Run with my parents!! Good for you!! That can be just as difficult as not drinking for some. Keep it up👏🏼
What is your plan for
No contact?? Did you guys agree on a time that you plan to reconvene and try to mend the relationship? Really just asking because I’m not sure how people are making it through this no contact phase without letting the fear of the other person moving on in the meantime eat them up.
I understand your fear from personal experience. Unfortunately for me it happened before we even actually broke up. My ex of 8 years calls me up monthly now. What it took for this to happen for was me to completely let go and move on. I kept trying to contact and make things work after her and I broke up but it just pushed her further and further away. We talk and I'm kind to her but I got to the point to where I can live without her now. She will never say it but every time we talk she's expecting me to try and spur things up and get back together with her but I don't.
Unfortunately I fell in love with somebody else at this point and she kind of ghosted me. So now I'm in a new no contact stage with someone else. But the only way for them to truthfully come back is for you to get in the state of mind that they are never coming back. And even if they never do you win in the end because it forces you to better yourself and overcome yourself. I know it sucks to hear right now but I promise it does get better. As of the 26th of this month it's been a year since we had broken up. I still have my bad days with it but I've grown so much from no contact.
Yup I'm with you on this! I have come to accept that we may never actually get back together, let alone talk or see to each other again. Hope you continue to feel the progress and growth on your journey.
The plan for no contact is to detach from the situation and better yourself. The fact of the matter is if you were a good partner, and you tried your best throughout the relationship all the way to the end, no contact will help you tremendously. I say this because if they get with someone else, they’ll absolutely be comparing between the two. And that never works with a rebound relationship.
Another thing is, I view the situation as disrespectful towards me and my worth. If they truly think the decision to kick me out of their life is best for them, then open the door for them and show them it’s not by bettering yourself and taking care of yourself right now, don’t wait.
No contact is a time where you can truly feel like you’re bettering yourself so if they do come back you’ll have one hell of a decision whether you’d like to continue it or not. And if you don’t hear from them again, you’re a much better person for taking this time to better yourself and you’ll find someone who will make you feel what your ex did and way much more.
Also remember, in most break up situations, reaching out to them will only push them away more and make them feel like they made the right decision if all you’re doing is trying to get ahold of them. So as far as right now goes, show them you’re independent and happy on your own by not talking to them.
I have wanted and thought about reaching out but I have refrained, I don't plan to reach out anytime soon. We had a talk 2 weeks after the BU (mid-Jan) and it was mostly centered around closure. We agreed our relationship was probably just meant to be a lesson for both of us, as much as that sucks to admit. I have apologized for my mistakes and the part I took in the break up. She (the dumper) knows I am going to therapy and working through unlearning the toxic habits and behaviors that lead to us splitting ways. I really don't have anything else to say or prove to her at this point. I'm of focusing all my energy on myself, my healing, my personal growth, and becoming more self aware and emotionally available for whatever is next for me. I do fear that she might move on with another person, maybe she already has but I can't control that so I don't let it take up the mental space and energy I want to put towards that things that move the needle for me and my growth!
I have started to build furniture again. I have started to enjoy cooking again and playing guitar again. Today I felt hatred towards my ex, is that positive?
Tables, end tables, coffee tables, garden benches, cutting boards.
After my cancer surgery, I needed a new hobby, and I came across this YouTube video where this guy was building, a garden bench, and I was like “ I want to do that”, never built anything in my life. Now all I want to do is build furniture. I find it really tranquil and calming. It’s something that I can completely focus on and not think about any bullshit especially break up bullshit.
Also curious, what a crazy skill to have 😂 I can barely make dinner let alone furniture!
Also, think about your emotions, redirect them. Play the hell out of that guitar if you feel that, I just started playing guitar as well! How long have you been playing?!
I have played guitar for 26 years now. When I was 18 I was supposed to go to music school, I was accepted to the school of my dreams, and I chose my girlfriend over school. She ended up having an affair with someone in another country.🤣🤣🤣🤣 literally can’t make this shit up
I can't play any instruments, ex played bass and drums. He left me for someone he could discuss guitar pickups with. In the 4.5 years he never voiced the need to talk about them with me.
I’m sorry to hear that! And it is not fair he didn’t share his hobby with you. I never shy’d away from talking to my exs about guitar. It wasn’t their thing but I wanted to include them, as they did with me regarding their hobbies
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. If you're feeling hate, you're still feeling... keep doing what you're doing to occupy yourself. It'll be ok. 🙂
I don’t see feelings as a disease. I see being in love with someone who doesn’t give a single fuck about you and being tortured on a daily basis a disease. I’m just completely spent and at my wits end with all of this. Totally feeling sorry for myself and totally playing the victim card and I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole. It’s been constant hurt for almost 8 months and I didn’t ask for any of this. And the person who blindsided Me Doesn’t care that I love her children and doesn’t care that I would literally do anything in this world for her and her children
I’ve been going to the gym all week and started playing more basketball. It helps me escape or get my mind off everything right now. I’m starting to get my confidence back piece by piece.
Hell yeah, the gym has been such a crazy escape for me as well and I keep wanting to get back to playing basketball. Who’s winning the NCAAM championship?!
I took 20 years of clutter and too much stuff (financial irresponsibility) and have been cleaning a little bit at a time for over three months. Most of it was built up due to depression. All of his stuff was nicely packed and put out of sight (the boxes are in the crawlspace). Things that need to bounce are donated or sold on Mercari.
I just finished going through the closet/upper bath and shoes yesterday and had so much space I could stretch my legs out and do a few simple exercises. Holy crap.
My kitties don't live in what I deemed squalor back in January. They race around like they're at the Indy 500 and seeing them happy has sparked a change in me as well. When I come home from a 12h hospital shift, they both greet me at the door and immediately want cuddles. They're patient enough to let me sit my things down and know they'll be fed as soon as I can.
Honestly, they are the standard I'll measure the next one (not ready yet) by - patience, true love, excited to see me and can't keep their hands off me. 😆
My sister has some cats and she swears they’re actually a man’s best friend 😂 that’s awesome though, good for you to be clearing up some necessary responsibilities and bettering yourself at this time!
My creativity. I paint for fun and when I was with her It was such a constant time sucking drama I never made anything anymore. I was like circling around this black hole and any energy I had went into her. Ever since I ended it I am finally able to paint again I’m even starting to sell a few pieces.
😮💨 what an awesome thing for you to get back, your creativity. What I’d do to have a creative bone in my body 😂 great for you though, finally taking the time to work something back into your life that you love and are good at, what’s the longest time you’ve spent painting a piece? My moms a big Bob Ross fan!
I got back into taking care of myself mentally. I got back into the gym. I smashed PRs I haven’t hit since my mid 20s. I developed and honed new skills, became a home owner, learned how to grout, build, landscape, do car shit, work on my Subaru, smashed out certs, got a better job that pays twice as much as my last one, and actually started making friends and finding my way.
All because I wasn’t worried about walking on egg shells or trying to keep the peace or trying to constantly accommodate and compensate and just exist. I got to flourish. All of this happened in about 18 months flat.
I got to sift through feelings and grow. Still am.
Wow! Landscaping is definitely on my list. Did you do youtube or diy books? My STBXH planted fruit trees on our property 8y ago but never fertilized them so they're a bit stunted. I went out and did that, but don't know much about retaining wall/mulch and all that.
I did a lot of YouTube and a huge ass DIY book that literally covers everything on DIY house work. YouTube was good for learning technique or deviations.
My first landscaping project was me ripping out a dozen railroad ties (that sucked) and building a 65 foot linear retaining wall with a cement foundation and split face blocks. This summer I will basically overhaul my backyard and front and do some crush and desert plants, flagstones, lighting, etc.
I also have some stunted trees I’d like to either replace or fix. They ain’t too old yet. Thankfully the pine is strong hahaha! Home Depot and Lowe’s have that really cool DIY book I was telling you about. Literally covers everything haha
Been trying to bulk up in the gym and I bought a Spider-Man cosplay lol! He’s my hero and I’m still obsessed with him to this day so it’s really cool getting to wear his suit. I’ve got pictures of it on my profile!
Gyms always a favorite response of mine, also, have you ever played any of the Spider-Man games on ps2?! I just bought the Spider-Man 2 game for my ps2, remembered loving it from my childhood and am really looking forward to playing it again! So much fun
Holy cow 😳 not only does that sound time consuming, you sound like a smart person as well! Sounds really interesting. How much time do you spend on that a week?
Thank you so much. Your comment made my day 😊 yes it can be very time consuming. I have spent 12 hours this past week working on it so that I can start building scenes for my story. So far I have just been setting up parts of the webpage. Yes it’s been fun. I love storytelling. So I wanted to do something unique.
😂 No problem. I’ll tell you. It’s about these six friends from Nigeria that visit this underground Village named Asiri Village. There are rumors that the Village curses outsiders that do not obey their rules. The friends ignore the warnings and still visit and even stay the night. A farmer tells them rules that they should follow. They forget and strange things begin to happen to them based on their fears.
My second story it’s kind of dumb but it’s based on a memory I had with this person I’m in no contact with. It’s my own form of closure lol.
I got back into reading as well, a lot of Matthew Kelly books to be exact, if you haven’t already read “Life is Messy” truly turned my head around a couple months ago.
I will add it to my list The last three books I've read is how not to die alone,Attached, and how to un**** your brain. And I'm rereading fight club. But felt like I should work on my mental with my body. But I've walked 65 mi in the last 2 months just being out in the woods.
Hiking is an amazingly good cardio. I got heavily into hiking when my previous ex left me. Unfortunately, my current ex was also into hiking so it's a challenge to go into the woods without him.
Hm I can see how that would be a thing I'm sorry but I would look at things that made me happy growing up and do them. I had a ex not the last one but the one before told me I could not buy a kayak because I'd never use it well when we broke up guess what I got? Turns out I love kayaking.
This didn't start after NC since it's only been a month of it, but rather right after we broke up 3 months ago:
I became a gym rat, lol. I'm starting to get obsessed with working out and taking care of myself in all senses.
I started to appreciate myself more - appreciate my appearance, my dedication, my bravery and even my love for my ex.
I know for a fact that I did everything I could to be with her and be the best partner she can have, and I'm still working towards it. I've never let the breakup bring me down and stop me from fighting for myself. In fact, it fueled my drive to become better.
Something that I also know for a fact, is that I AM the best partner she can have, and ever will. So good luck to her if she decides to find someone else, lol.
Hell of a mindset my man, I sound like a broken record on this sub by saying it - but the gym is such an amazing place to pour misplaced emotions into something so positive and the endorphins you receive from a really good workout/pump is a feeling way better than anything else at this time.
Therapies and group therapy has been very eye opening. Working out a lot more! But best thing so far, bought a new Toyota Tacoma and slowly but surely building it up and upgrading it is a hugely fun hands on goal and task. Plus actually makes me wanna work more at my job so I can have a little extra money to put into the truck haha
Tacomas are solid trucks and putting time and effort into something like a car/truck/van is therapeutic. What have you added?!
Therapy! Therapy has really helped me clear my mental space, it’s allowed me to be open and honest with myself and has really paved the path to a newer me so I love that answer
I started posting to my art Instagram finally! I'm finally out of the self blame stage and so I'm just so happy to look at myself and be happy, know I'm good and I did what I could. I'm excited to snack and have a good time doing nothing but leisure. For what felt like forever after the breakup, nothing I did was fun. Not TV, not eating, just nothing. I just feel a little excited about life again, and a little is all I need rn :)
I got back into exercising after the initial hellish couple of months. Now I’m going running 3 times a week. I just did a week of yoga every day where I tried a different class each night. I also bought myself a sketchbook and started drawing again. I love making abstract doodles that take me hours to complete, it’s very meditative. I took up playing the ukulele again as well. Cleaned out my closet and am changing my wardrobe away from the things my ex knows.
Other than that, I am also trying to challenge myself to have new experiences. Just things I have never done before. I am planning a holiday in a few months with a colleague of mine. I tried a reiki massage. A weekend workshop on personal development. Hopefully one day I can do all these things without ever thinking of him.
Still early days, week 5, and I started walking every day. Sometime for an hour, sometimes just for 10 mins. I started this so I wouldn't go mad thinking about my ex. Crying while walking was not fun, thinking of her constantly to the beat of my stride wasn't fun.
But slowly, I am thinking of her less on my walks.
I went on hike, camp, shopping, having fun changing hair colors, trying dance classes, enjoying meditation/yoga session, and soooo much more. I don’t always have to make myself available anymore in case he wanted me to come over or spend time with him. I’m totally freeeeee
Believing that you’re totally free as well as feeling it is such an awesome feeling. Changing your look is fun too! I grew out a mustache 😂 definitely a weird look but who cares!
As an AI, I don't have personal preferences or hobbies, but I can tell you that self-reflection and practicing self-care can be incredibly healing during the no contact period. Taking the time to focus on your own personal growth, learning a new skill or hobby, or just taking some time to relax and unwind, can help you feel more centered and grounded.
Remember to be kind to yourself as you explore this new chapter of your life. Pat yourself on the back for trying new things, celebrating the steps you take towards healing, and acknowledge the progress you’ve made thus far.
You are worthy of love and happiness, and there is no rush to move on. Take all the time you need to heal and grow, and remember that you'll come out the other side stronger and more resilient than ever before.
Note: This comment was written by an AI, but the love and encouragement are real <3. PM this account if Breakup Buddy says something insane, or visit this profile to learn more.
I finally have started to feel good about my photography skills. I spend sometime on it after I come back home from my office. Earlier that time was something I used to spend with my ex gf, and right after breakup I felt anxiety about the
Sudden void, but now I’m happy that I don’t feel
That way.
I’ve been getting back into the gym. Nearly 5 days a week. I’m seeing my friends more. I’m getting focused back on my work goals. Best of all, I’m loving myself again.
Got back to a nice routine (exercise, healthy diet, etc.), started making plans of my own, and for the first time in my life, I genuinely feel happy to be single. I'm ready to have fun and spend time with myself and my friends, I want to do everything I didn't get to when I was in this relationship. I know it's not gonna last and a few months from now I'll probably start looking again for a partner, but for now, it feels great!
For me it’s that time to reflect and have another perspective on life, trying to figure out what I want and where I want to go in life. Trying to find inner peace and come to terms with the lose but also figure me out. I’m back in the gym, booked myself a holiday and enjoy more time with family and friends. She is on my mind a lot but hopefully soon I’ll be thinking more about myself and people still in my life more.
I’m more focused on my studies during my final year of university. Coding, web development and programming has given me the time to concentrate and learn much better knowing that I have a whole future ahead of me in doing the things that I enjoy.
Will get back into the gym soon after!
Gym will take you to another level of feeling good about yourself! Good for you to take the time to focus on school, I know that can be difficult at times like this, so kudos, and keep going 🤩
Definitely more than one thing but I have time to pursue my own passions instead of focusing on someone else! Photography, vlogging, shoot even finally fixing up a project car. She didn’t like his much I was into cars, saying I focused too much of my time and future dreams on cars. I was a former college athlete but I’m in the best shape of my life, 6 months really does wonders physically and mentally (also thanks therapy). Graduating with bachelors and taking a year off before masters program, but doing a automotive tech certificate between degrees. Also became business partners with a group of content creators, life is growing faster than I ever expected.
I found out that I love piercings and tattoos, I already had regular piercings on each ear but I got 4 on one ear now, 2 on the other, a nose ring, and bouta finally do my tattoo sleeve lol.
I hate to say it, but I drink alcohol now lol. I never smoked or drank while I was with her (I was a depressed party animal prior to her) but she “saved me” and made me really calm down. I’ve also spent a lot on clothes and shoes since the breakup (plus the piercings), with my shoe collection stacking up to the point I had to rent out a storage unit to hold a couple hundred pairs. A lot has changed lol.
Bachelors masters and automotive tech certificate along with content creation?! Holy shit 😂😂 You sound like a busy busy person, but so happy for you to see all the changes since then!
I've joined a yoga class and I go twice a week. Ive also started running again (I ran cross country at one time in my life), which im starting to love. Ive started creating ART again!! I think that has been the biggest sign that I'm starting to heal. I miss him so much, but im starting to miss the new/old me even more.
Oh, and ive been taking myself on dates (out to eat, to the movies, etc)
Thank you for this!! You're right, we never think about the progress we are making while it's happening. It's refreshing to see 😊
Starting to miss the old you >>> that shows growth within itself. And I am nervous to do that stuff (like go on a date by myself), is it weird or do you just go with it?!?
And I know I wanted people to see the light in a world that seems so dark at this time, glad people have bought in and are engaging. I love seeing everyone’s comments 😊
Oh, the first time I did it, I was so uncomfortable. At the end, I was really glad I did it. I went and watched a movie. I purposely picked a day I knew wouldn't be busy, I think that made it so much easier! Im here to support you in any way! If you wanna dm and talk about it, just let me know!
Gaining back my light!
Hobbies I’ve taken on are cycle and hot yoga. I have never felt so empowered. I’ve realized it’s always been in me.
To feel strong, determined, and tackle the challenge of cycle (something new).
To slowing down, being more mindful, appreciating who I am with hot yoga. I feel happiness and peace within myself and I’ve realized how much of myself I lost even before the break up. Sure, it’s hard and was very heartbreaking, but I have accepted so much love and support within myself and friends and family after. I’m not healed yet but it’s ok!
And you’re right! That is okay! You’ll get there when you feel like you’ve got your light back. Hot yoga makes me cramp so I’ve stayed away 😂 but sounds like you’re doing well 😌
Things have been brilliant. I’m far more social now, have started volunteering with birds and have taken up hot yoga. After my 6 year relationship ended I thought my world was crumbling, but it turns out only the stuff I didn’t need was trimmed away!
Went back to playing my bass guitar, been really into hardcore punk and going to underground shows. Been trying to get into a band, hopefully it works out.
I have learned to do things myself. Become bolder.. and independent, started problem solving myself and am slowly learning to enjoy my single hood. It's pretty neat I would say. Surprisingly, I don't miss him. I have bitch days when I'm depressed and brainstorm abt why he dumped me etc.. but then.. I miss him at times, but I don't want him back anymore for how he left. I understand now when they say, you can miss a person and not want to be with them. In all, I'm doing pretty well.
I love to hear that for you, rewiring your brain to think opposite of what you’ve felt for such a long time is one hell of a process, don’t forget to allow yourself to feel otherwise those emotions will come back down the road (advice from my therapist) (that’ll be $5) 😂😂😂
I’ve really started to focus on my trauma and doing the emotional work. As well as trying to be more mindful of when my body is triggered. I feel so much more connected with my physical self as well as psyche. It’s brought me so much more peace and ability to show true love to myself and to others.
I’m currently writing gratitude letters to every person I can think of who have helped shaped me into the person I’ve become. Including a letter to myself. I guess my mindset shift. Feeling so warm and grateful.
What a genuinely wholesome response, writing letters allows you to take the time to properly work through any lingering emotions. Getting them on paper alone feels freeing enough, I’ve also had been telling myself to compliment people more, I know it makes them feel good and it honestly makes me feel better knowing I made them feel good. Also getting, and staying, in touch with your mind and body is such a healthy way to take this time to work on yourself, keep it up and don’t stop writing!!
Mmmmh... Good question. I always thought I was a no good idiot saved by luck in everything I did right. I truly believed that. Like graduating top of my class in my master's degree? Luck. Getting a job? Luck, nobody probably applied to it. Being liked by other people? There's probably something wrong with them. Being loved by her? She's probably with me out of pity. I was literally bringing myself hate every single moment of my life. I hated the reflection in the mirror, even when she told me I was worth, and that there was a reason she was with me. I didn't see that worth. All I did see was a fat, no good, lazy, unmotivated, jobless, stupid motherfucker who landed something in his life just because of luck.
And then she left me.
And I discovered so many things about myself. I discovered that I can go running consistently (never did because I thought I hated it, guess what? I love it), that I can go to the gym consistently (hell, I'm doing upper body excercises every day because I sprained my knee - not gym related - and I'm not stopping), that I can get in shape, that I can land jobs because people see my worth, that I can talk to people and not being awkward, that I can do all types of housework and not procrastinate it, that I want to take a motorcycle license and get one (and I was so scared of motorcycles lol), that I can do everything I want to if I just don't limit myself. That's what I enjoyed the most: not putting a cap to myself and telling me everyday that I can be better. That's power. And there's another thing I'm enjoying: failing. All my life I failed while trying to be perfect. Guess what? I can't be because I'm human. The only thing I can do is steady improving in every aspect of my life, one fail at a time. And I'm learning so much about myself, so much. I thought I had it all with her and I was so afraid of losing her, I thought I was going to kill myself. Then I took therapy a bit before she left me, and I think that's what saved me because it made me see my self-worth and that I could only count on myself because, sadly, we're born alone and we'll die alone. All the people - the ones we meet, the ones we love, the ones we hate - they're not going to be with us forever. So, before putting all of our self-worth into someone else - which I did - let's put it in ourselves first. Then, when we are at the top of our game, we can start to really connect with some other. I fucked up on so many emotional levels with her, just like she did with me. But I'm focuse on my slef now. I'm focused on what I can improve about me, and that's a lot - trust me. And if we ever meet again she'll see what I've become. She'll see another me. She'll see that what she thought about me was not wrong: that I was worthy of something.
I'm making my own luck this time.
That last line gave me goosebumps. I’m so proud of you man, you need to be nicer to yourself! You sound like a hell of a human, and you should be proud of all your progress and accolades! Keep on pushing and stay motivated. Remember that there is not “best” versions of ourselves there’s only ever a better one, and every day you can choose to work in that direction and it sounds like you are. Keep up the good fucking work and keep on going, because if you don’t, who will?!
My therapist told me the same exactly thing: to be more gentle to myself. I wasn't and a lot of times it was because I was afraid of the judgment of others. So I either avoided any type of interaction or I tried to be perfect at any moment. Thing is that when you fail trying to be perfect you spiral into the "I'm not good enough, I'll always fail" mentality. And a thing my ex told me a lot was that I had this victim mentality, but I never fixed it. I'm starting to do it now and it's amazing how being kinder to yourself and how accepting that failure is a part of winning are both powerful.
Tom Platz said it best: "Failure has been achieved. Thank God! Now the only places to go from failure is to win".
Absolutely is, I think what it does is flip a switch in our heads that we need to be better in general. And pouring love into ourselves is exactly what we need to do
I’ve always been a cyclist, so it’s not new, but I’ve been rediscovering my love for it and training my ass off to get back to race form.
One of the worst things about my relationship ending was that it devastated me and I couldn’t find the motivation to ride for a couple of months. So starting to train again has made me feel like the old, badass me that existed before I met my ex.
It also really helps with not thinking about her too, as I tend to empty my mind on the bike and just focus on my breathing and holding a set amount of power.
😮💨😮💨😮💨 when you tap into that badass side of yourself and can work off of that is such a great feeling regardless of what you’re doing with it. And that’s a great hobby to have! Healthy and fun for you!
Hey, steps in the right direction! Progress is defined by the eye of the beholder, sleeping can become a chore if you’re having a hard time with overthinking as well!
I’ve been practicing Spanish everyday, being active (exercising or skateboarding daily), and trying to draw or do something creative. Sometimes I don’t get to accomplish everything I want, but I’m still making progress and being productive. Besides that I’m just trying to take better care of myself. Eat and gain some weight, and take care of my skin etc C:
Proud of you, and do you long board by chance?! Just broke mine back out for spring! And tell me a funny thing to say in Spanish so I can start using it at work.
At least you’re being honest 😂 the gym is absolutely fantastic or maybe you could find a hobby or something you feel like you never had the time to do. So many things out there you could gain a stronger attachment to! You’ve got this!!
Also! It takes two weeks of making something a habit for your brain to get attached to it. So, try that gym back out!
I've lost weight, got pretty good at my job that my ex got me actually many of my coworkers prefer me as my ex was someone who cut corners, I have been going out more. Socialing and cured my social anxiety and actually had a lot of dates.
I started walking more , saving more ,I let myself cry without any apology or feeling of being pathetic.
I went from a size 20 UK to a size 12 UK in just 10 months.
Holy cow!! Great for you, yeah that break up weight has shed! I lost 30 pounds with dieting and the gym in 2 months, sprinkle in a little bit of depression and it’s a great way to take care of yourself 😉😂 worst part is spending all the money to buy new clothes
I also ran into that problem too lol are I lost the weight I gained the confidence I lost.
I was buying clothes that I would NEVER have bought I am talking crop jackets, shorts. Dresses,skirts and tank tops.
I feel a lot more confident now than I did in that relationship.
I never realised how many people were actually interested in me and not my friend beside me, it was a lot to take in tbh. I went from the fat girl in a relationship with my teenage sweetheart who was an actual jerk but perfect to everyone else to a completely different person in under a year after break up.
I am stress free and liberated. I quit smoking, and taking care of my personal business that I continued to push off so that I could take care of my man child of an ex.
Well, I’m moving out tomorrow. My plan in my new place is to stop drinking, get decent sleep, journal and paint again, go for runs everyday, and start meditation. I also want to start sewing again. We’ll see how it goes!
It’s better to have a grocery list of things you’d like to change, I think it’s fun to see what I can and can’t do. Something as simple as getting decent sleep is something we’ve always taken for granted but something that can be difficult during these times. Best of luck you to you on the drinking as well, I hope this motivates you to better yourself and use this time to stick to what you want to do!
I've gone through 2 sets of 100 assorted color gel pens coloring.
As far as what I've started to enjoy about myself during no contact...eesh. Hard to say.
I'm still funny AF thank God.
I started Salsa dancing, producing prismacolor artwork, hiking our local trails (found some awesome meditation spots), did a fitness transformation contest (still waiting on winner results, but I got abs back), and trying to give my all to my small business. I also stopped smoking weed all day every day, and am sober from weed and alcohol since November. Sometimes I wish I was this person sooner, and during the relationship, but if I didn’t come from that dark place, I don’t know if I would appreciate the now as much.
Honestly during NC, I went a bit crazy and slept with too many people which did nothing for my (already very low) self-esteem. Could think of nothing else. I was completely consumed by grief. Did nothing, thought nothing.
I'm doing much better now. I have moved on, but looking back still hurts more than it should.
I got back into running, been doing longer 5-10 mile runs on the weekend! Also getting pretty fast too. I started doing yoga once a week! Also stopped drinking, currently 44 days sober🙌🏼 Not gonna lie NC sucks and miss the shit outta my ex but I’m grateful for all the progress and healing I’ve made in the last 2-months. I wish she could see some of the changes I’ve made and hard work I’ve put in to grow and learn from my mistakes.
The coolest part is you’re seeing it first hand, best seat in the house 🤩 Have you ever done any races?! I’ve been thinking of doing one myself and that’s fantastic about being sober, I haven’t smoked since going NC!
True, good mentality to have!! Yes I’m actually running a 10k this Saturday in Charleston, SC. Running the Cooper River Bridge Run with my parents!! Good for you!! That can be just as difficult as not drinking for some. Keep it up👏🏼
What is your plan for No contact?? Did you guys agree on a time that you plan to reconvene and try to mend the relationship? Really just asking because I’m not sure how people are making it through this no contact phase without letting the fear of the other person moving on in the meantime eat them up.
I understand your fear from personal experience. Unfortunately for me it happened before we even actually broke up. My ex of 8 years calls me up monthly now. What it took for this to happen for was me to completely let go and move on. I kept trying to contact and make things work after her and I broke up but it just pushed her further and further away. We talk and I'm kind to her but I got to the point to where I can live without her now. She will never say it but every time we talk she's expecting me to try and spur things up and get back together with her but I don't. Unfortunately I fell in love with somebody else at this point and she kind of ghosted me. So now I'm in a new no contact stage with someone else. But the only way for them to truthfully come back is for you to get in the state of mind that they are never coming back. And even if they never do you win in the end because it forces you to better yourself and overcome yourself. I know it sucks to hear right now but I promise it does get better. As of the 26th of this month it's been a year since we had broken up. I still have my bad days with it but I've grown so much from no contact.
Yup I'm with you on this! I have come to accept that we may never actually get back together, let alone talk or see to each other again. Hope you continue to feel the progress and growth on your journey.
The plan for no contact is to detach from the situation and better yourself. The fact of the matter is if you were a good partner, and you tried your best throughout the relationship all the way to the end, no contact will help you tremendously. I say this because if they get with someone else, they’ll absolutely be comparing between the two. And that never works with a rebound relationship. Another thing is, I view the situation as disrespectful towards me and my worth. If they truly think the decision to kick me out of their life is best for them, then open the door for them and show them it’s not by bettering yourself and taking care of yourself right now, don’t wait. No contact is a time where you can truly feel like you’re bettering yourself so if they do come back you’ll have one hell of a decision whether you’d like to continue it or not. And if you don’t hear from them again, you’re a much better person for taking this time to better yourself and you’ll find someone who will make you feel what your ex did and way much more. Also remember, in most break up situations, reaching out to them will only push them away more and make them feel like they made the right decision if all you’re doing is trying to get ahold of them. So as far as right now goes, show them you’re independent and happy on your own by not talking to them.
This^^^
I have wanted and thought about reaching out but I have refrained, I don't plan to reach out anytime soon. We had a talk 2 weeks after the BU (mid-Jan) and it was mostly centered around closure. We agreed our relationship was probably just meant to be a lesson for both of us, as much as that sucks to admit. I have apologized for my mistakes and the part I took in the break up. She (the dumper) knows I am going to therapy and working through unlearning the toxic habits and behaviors that lead to us splitting ways. I really don't have anything else to say or prove to her at this point. I'm of focusing all my energy on myself, my healing, my personal growth, and becoming more self aware and emotionally available for whatever is next for me. I do fear that she might move on with another person, maybe she already has but I can't control that so I don't let it take up the mental space and energy I want to put towards that things that move the needle for me and my growth!
I have started to build furniture again. I have started to enjoy cooking again and playing guitar again. Today I felt hatred towards my ex, is that positive?
What kind of furniture do you make?
Tables, end tables, coffee tables, garden benches, cutting boards. After my cancer surgery, I needed a new hobby, and I came across this YouTube video where this guy was building, a garden bench, and I was like “ I want to do that”, never built anything in my life. Now all I want to do is build furniture. I find it really tranquil and calming. It’s something that I can completely focus on and not think about any bullshit especially break up bullshit.
That’s incredible, keep at it man. It feels so good to pick something new up and succeed at it, such a fun thing to think about as well
That’s dope!! Such a cool hobby to get into.
Also curious, what a crazy skill to have 😂 I can barely make dinner let alone furniture! Also, think about your emotions, redirect them. Play the hell out of that guitar if you feel that, I just started playing guitar as well! How long have you been playing?!
I have played guitar for 26 years now. When I was 18 I was supposed to go to music school, I was accepted to the school of my dreams, and I chose my girlfriend over school. She ended up having an affair with someone in another country.🤣🤣🤣🤣 literally can’t make this shit up
I can't play any instruments, ex played bass and drums. He left me for someone he could discuss guitar pickups with. In the 4.5 years he never voiced the need to talk about them with me.
I’m sorry to hear that! And it is not fair he didn’t share his hobby with you. I never shy’d away from talking to my exs about guitar. It wasn’t their thing but I wanted to include them, as they did with me regarding their hobbies
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. If you're feeling hate, you're still feeling... keep doing what you're doing to occupy yourself. It'll be ok. 🙂
I am 100 still feeling and I’m struggling. I feel like I can’t break free from this trap, this disease
Having feelings isn't a disease. We are emotional creatures. It's completely normal. Be easy on yourself. Breakups are hard.
I don’t see feelings as a disease. I see being in love with someone who doesn’t give a single fuck about you and being tortured on a daily basis a disease. I’m just completely spent and at my wits end with all of this. Totally feeling sorry for myself and totally playing the victim card and I don’t know how to dig myself out of this hole. It’s been constant hurt for almost 8 months and I didn’t ask for any of this. And the person who blindsided Me Doesn’t care that I love her children and doesn’t care that I would literally do anything in this world for her and her children
[удалено]
💪🏼 Love that. What type of art do you post?!
I’ve been going to the gym all week and started playing more basketball. It helps me escape or get my mind off everything right now. I’m starting to get my confidence back piece by piece.
Hell yeah, the gym has been such a crazy escape for me as well and I keep wanting to get back to playing basketball. Who’s winning the NCAAM championship?!
I took 20 years of clutter and too much stuff (financial irresponsibility) and have been cleaning a little bit at a time for over three months. Most of it was built up due to depression. All of his stuff was nicely packed and put out of sight (the boxes are in the crawlspace). Things that need to bounce are donated or sold on Mercari. I just finished going through the closet/upper bath and shoes yesterday and had so much space I could stretch my legs out and do a few simple exercises. Holy crap. My kitties don't live in what I deemed squalor back in January. They race around like they're at the Indy 500 and seeing them happy has sparked a change in me as well. When I come home from a 12h hospital shift, they both greet me at the door and immediately want cuddles. They're patient enough to let me sit my things down and know they'll be fed as soon as I can. Honestly, they are the standard I'll measure the next one (not ready yet) by - patience, true love, excited to see me and can't keep their hands off me. 😆
My sister has some cats and she swears they’re actually a man’s best friend 😂 that’s awesome though, good for you to be clearing up some necessary responsibilities and bettering yourself at this time!
My creativity. I paint for fun and when I was with her It was such a constant time sucking drama I never made anything anymore. I was like circling around this black hole and any energy I had went into her. Ever since I ended it I am finally able to paint again I’m even starting to sell a few pieces.
😮💨 what an awesome thing for you to get back, your creativity. What I’d do to have a creative bone in my body 😂 great for you though, finally taking the time to work something back into your life that you love and are good at, what’s the longest time you’ve spent painting a piece? My moms a big Bob Ross fan!
Shane Pat, you are the coolest. Thanks for creating this thread.
Everyone needs a little love sometimes, I love seeing people get excited to talk about themselves especially during a time like this 😌🙏🏼
I got back into taking care of myself mentally. I got back into the gym. I smashed PRs I haven’t hit since my mid 20s. I developed and honed new skills, became a home owner, learned how to grout, build, landscape, do car shit, work on my Subaru, smashed out certs, got a better job that pays twice as much as my last one, and actually started making friends and finding my way. All because I wasn’t worried about walking on egg shells or trying to keep the peace or trying to constantly accommodate and compensate and just exist. I got to flourish. All of this happened in about 18 months flat. I got to sift through feelings and grow. Still am.
Wow! Landscaping is definitely on my list. Did you do youtube or diy books? My STBXH planted fruit trees on our property 8y ago but never fertilized them so they're a bit stunted. I went out and did that, but don't know much about retaining wall/mulch and all that.
I did a lot of YouTube and a huge ass DIY book that literally covers everything on DIY house work. YouTube was good for learning technique or deviations. My first landscaping project was me ripping out a dozen railroad ties (that sucked) and building a 65 foot linear retaining wall with a cement foundation and split face blocks. This summer I will basically overhaul my backyard and front and do some crush and desert plants, flagstones, lighting, etc. I also have some stunted trees I’d like to either replace or fix. They ain’t too old yet. Thankfully the pine is strong hahaha! Home Depot and Lowe’s have that really cool DIY book I was telling you about. Literally covers everything haha
Will definitely check out!! Thank you for your reply!
Been trying to bulk up in the gym and I bought a Spider-Man cosplay lol! He’s my hero and I’m still obsessed with him to this day so it’s really cool getting to wear his suit. I’ve got pictures of it on my profile!
Gyms always a favorite response of mine, also, have you ever played any of the Spider-Man games on ps2?! I just bought the Spider-Man 2 game for my ps2, remembered loving it from my childhood and am really looking forward to playing it again! So much fun
Hell yes! They are my childhood too. I'm so hyped for the new Spider-Man game coming out! I hope it doesn't get delayed.
Me either 😂 those Spider-Man games were GTA before GTA.
Coding. I’m working on an African Folklore web page to make visual novels. It’s been fun.
Holy cow 😳 not only does that sound time consuming, you sound like a smart person as well! Sounds really interesting. How much time do you spend on that a week?
Thank you so much. Your comment made my day 😊 yes it can be very time consuming. I have spent 12 hours this past week working on it so that I can start building scenes for my story. So far I have just been setting up parts of the webpage. Yes it’s been fun. I love storytelling. So I wanted to do something unique.
Then tell me about it! I’m interested now 😂 what’s a story you’re working on!?
😂 No problem. I’ll tell you. It’s about these six friends from Nigeria that visit this underground Village named Asiri Village. There are rumors that the Village curses outsiders that do not obey their rules. The friends ignore the warnings and still visit and even stay the night. A farmer tells them rules that they should follow. They forget and strange things begin to happen to them based on their fears. My second story it’s kind of dumb but it’s based on a memory I had with this person I’m in no contact with. It’s my own form of closure lol.
I got back into hiking and working out also reading I basically tried to think back to what made me happy as a kid and just picked all that back up.
I got back into reading as well, a lot of Matthew Kelly books to be exact, if you haven’t already read “Life is Messy” truly turned my head around a couple months ago.
I will add it to my list The last three books I've read is how not to die alone,Attached, and how to un**** your brain. And I'm rereading fight club. But felt like I should work on my mental with my body. But I've walked 65 mi in the last 2 months just being out in the woods.
Hiking is an amazingly good cardio. I got heavily into hiking when my previous ex left me. Unfortunately, my current ex was also into hiking so it's a challenge to go into the woods without him.
Hm I can see how that would be a thing I'm sorry but I would look at things that made me happy growing up and do them. I had a ex not the last one but the one before told me I could not buy a kayak because I'd never use it well when we broke up guess what I got? Turns out I love kayaking.
This didn't start after NC since it's only been a month of it, but rather right after we broke up 3 months ago: I became a gym rat, lol. I'm starting to get obsessed with working out and taking care of myself in all senses. I started to appreciate myself more - appreciate my appearance, my dedication, my bravery and even my love for my ex. I know for a fact that I did everything I could to be with her and be the best partner she can have, and I'm still working towards it. I've never let the breakup bring me down and stop me from fighting for myself. In fact, it fueled my drive to become better. Something that I also know for a fact, is that I AM the best partner she can have, and ever will. So good luck to her if she decides to find someone else, lol.
Hell of a mindset my man, I sound like a broken record on this sub by saying it - but the gym is such an amazing place to pour misplaced emotions into something so positive and the endorphins you receive from a really good workout/pump is a feeling way better than anything else at this time.
Therapies and group therapy has been very eye opening. Working out a lot more! But best thing so far, bought a new Toyota Tacoma and slowly but surely building it up and upgrading it is a hugely fun hands on goal and task. Plus actually makes me wanna work more at my job so I can have a little extra money to put into the truck haha
Tacomas are solid trucks and putting time and effort into something like a car/truck/van is therapeutic. What have you added?! Therapy! Therapy has really helped me clear my mental space, it’s allowed me to be open and honest with myself and has really paved the path to a newer me so I love that answer
I started posting to my art Instagram finally! I'm finally out of the self blame stage and so I'm just so happy to look at myself and be happy, know I'm good and I did what I could. I'm excited to snack and have a good time doing nothing but leisure. For what felt like forever after the breakup, nothing I did was fun. Not TV, not eating, just nothing. I just feel a little excited about life again, and a little is all I need rn :)
By making my life more hellish and having a mid life crisis at 20
I feel like we’ve all had a mid life crisis at 20, but love that for you, enjoy the hell out of this time, you’re still incredibly young 😎
I’ve starting journaling and doing things for myself, and also really trying to be more kind and understanding of people
I got back into exercising after the initial hellish couple of months. Now I’m going running 3 times a week. I just did a week of yoga every day where I tried a different class each night. I also bought myself a sketchbook and started drawing again. I love making abstract doodles that take me hours to complete, it’s very meditative. I took up playing the ukulele again as well. Cleaned out my closet and am changing my wardrobe away from the things my ex knows. Other than that, I am also trying to challenge myself to have new experiences. Just things I have never done before. I am planning a holiday in a few months with a colleague of mine. I tried a reiki massage. A weekend workshop on personal development. Hopefully one day I can do all these things without ever thinking of him.
Still early days, week 5, and I started walking every day. Sometime for an hour, sometimes just for 10 mins. I started this so I wouldn't go mad thinking about my ex. Crying while walking was not fun, thinking of her constantly to the beat of my stride wasn't fun. But slowly, I am thinking of her less on my walks.
I went on hike, camp, shopping, having fun changing hair colors, trying dance classes, enjoying meditation/yoga session, and soooo much more. I don’t always have to make myself available anymore in case he wanted me to come over or spend time with him. I’m totally freeeeee
Believing that you’re totally free as well as feeling it is such an awesome feeling. Changing your look is fun too! I grew out a mustache 😂 definitely a weird look but who cares!
As an AI, I don't have personal preferences or hobbies, but I can tell you that self-reflection and practicing self-care can be incredibly healing during the no contact period. Taking the time to focus on your own personal growth, learning a new skill or hobby, or just taking some time to relax and unwind, can help you feel more centered and grounded. Remember to be kind to yourself as you explore this new chapter of your life. Pat yourself on the back for trying new things, celebrating the steps you take towards healing, and acknowledge the progress you’ve made thus far. You are worthy of love and happiness, and there is no rush to move on. Take all the time you need to heal and grow, and remember that you'll come out the other side stronger and more resilient than ever before. Note: This comment was written by an AI, but the love and encouragement are real <3. PM this account if Breakup Buddy says something insane, or visit this profile to learn more.
I think an AI WhatsApp bot would be really helpful for people going through a heartbreak. Some of us don't have anyone to talk to
I finally have started to feel good about my photography skills. I spend sometime on it after I come back home from my office. Earlier that time was something I used to spend with my ex gf, and right after breakup I felt anxiety about the Sudden void, but now I’m happy that I don’t feel That way.
I’ve been getting back into the gym. Nearly 5 days a week. I’m seeing my friends more. I’m getting focused back on my work goals. Best of all, I’m loving myself again.
Got back to a nice routine (exercise, healthy diet, etc.), started making plans of my own, and for the first time in my life, I genuinely feel happy to be single. I'm ready to have fun and spend time with myself and my friends, I want to do everything I didn't get to when I was in this relationship. I know it's not gonna last and a few months from now I'll probably start looking again for a partner, but for now, it feels great!
For me it’s that time to reflect and have another perspective on life, trying to figure out what I want and where I want to go in life. Trying to find inner peace and come to terms with the lose but also figure me out. I’m back in the gym, booked myself a holiday and enjoy more time with family and friends. She is on my mind a lot but hopefully soon I’ll be thinking more about myself and people still in my life more.
I’m more focused on my studies during my final year of university. Coding, web development and programming has given me the time to concentrate and learn much better knowing that I have a whole future ahead of me in doing the things that I enjoy. Will get back into the gym soon after!
Gym will take you to another level of feeling good about yourself! Good for you to take the time to focus on school, I know that can be difficult at times like this, so kudos, and keep going 🤩
Definitely more than one thing but I have time to pursue my own passions instead of focusing on someone else! Photography, vlogging, shoot even finally fixing up a project car. She didn’t like his much I was into cars, saying I focused too much of my time and future dreams on cars. I was a former college athlete but I’m in the best shape of my life, 6 months really does wonders physically and mentally (also thanks therapy). Graduating with bachelors and taking a year off before masters program, but doing a automotive tech certificate between degrees. Also became business partners with a group of content creators, life is growing faster than I ever expected. I found out that I love piercings and tattoos, I already had regular piercings on each ear but I got 4 on one ear now, 2 on the other, a nose ring, and bouta finally do my tattoo sleeve lol. I hate to say it, but I drink alcohol now lol. I never smoked or drank while I was with her (I was a depressed party animal prior to her) but she “saved me” and made me really calm down. I’ve also spent a lot on clothes and shoes since the breakup (plus the piercings), with my shoe collection stacking up to the point I had to rent out a storage unit to hold a couple hundred pairs. A lot has changed lol.
Bachelors masters and automotive tech certificate along with content creation?! Holy shit 😂😂 You sound like a busy busy person, but so happy for you to see all the changes since then!
Getting back to the gym 🤩
What’re your goals with the gym!?!
Getting fit
I’ve started going to the gym, oil painting and got back into horseback riding, much more free and happier now
Love that, the gym is such an awesome place. And oil painting is so difficult to do but so fun and beautiful to work on
I've joined a yoga class and I go twice a week. Ive also started running again (I ran cross country at one time in my life), which im starting to love. Ive started creating ART again!! I think that has been the biggest sign that I'm starting to heal. I miss him so much, but im starting to miss the new/old me even more. Oh, and ive been taking myself on dates (out to eat, to the movies, etc) Thank you for this!! You're right, we never think about the progress we are making while it's happening. It's refreshing to see 😊
Starting to miss the old you >>> that shows growth within itself. And I am nervous to do that stuff (like go on a date by myself), is it weird or do you just go with it?!? And I know I wanted people to see the light in a world that seems so dark at this time, glad people have bought in and are engaging. I love seeing everyone’s comments 😊
Oh, the first time I did it, I was so uncomfortable. At the end, I was really glad I did it. I went and watched a movie. I purposely picked a day I knew wouldn't be busy, I think that made it so much easier! Im here to support you in any way! If you wanna dm and talk about it, just let me know!
Gaining back my light! Hobbies I’ve taken on are cycle and hot yoga. I have never felt so empowered. I’ve realized it’s always been in me. To feel strong, determined, and tackle the challenge of cycle (something new). To slowing down, being more mindful, appreciating who I am with hot yoga. I feel happiness and peace within myself and I’ve realized how much of myself I lost even before the break up. Sure, it’s hard and was very heartbreaking, but I have accepted so much love and support within myself and friends and family after. I’m not healed yet but it’s ok!
And you’re right! That is okay! You’ll get there when you feel like you’ve got your light back. Hot yoga makes me cramp so I’ve stayed away 😂 but sounds like you’re doing well 😌
Things have been brilliant. I’m far more social now, have started volunteering with birds and have taken up hot yoga. After my 6 year relationship ended I thought my world was crumbling, but it turns out only the stuff I didn’t need was trimmed away!
Love that, keep on working and volunteering! I do want to volunteer as well, I just haven’t gotten myself to do it!
Went back to playing my bass guitar, been really into hardcore punk and going to underground shows. Been trying to get into a band, hopefully it works out.
😮💨 jealous of you, I’m just getting started learning cords on the acoustic guitar!
Keep at it! I promise you'll get there, we all start as beginners. 😌😌
I have learned to do things myself. Become bolder.. and independent, started problem solving myself and am slowly learning to enjoy my single hood. It's pretty neat I would say. Surprisingly, I don't miss him. I have bitch days when I'm depressed and brainstorm abt why he dumped me etc.. but then.. I miss him at times, but I don't want him back anymore for how he left. I understand now when they say, you can miss a person and not want to be with them. In all, I'm doing pretty well.
I love to hear that for you, rewiring your brain to think opposite of what you’ve felt for such a long time is one hell of a process, don’t forget to allow yourself to feel otherwise those emotions will come back down the road (advice from my therapist) (that’ll be $5) 😂😂😂
I’ve really started to focus on my trauma and doing the emotional work. As well as trying to be more mindful of when my body is triggered. I feel so much more connected with my physical self as well as psyche. It’s brought me so much more peace and ability to show true love to myself and to others. I’m currently writing gratitude letters to every person I can think of who have helped shaped me into the person I’ve become. Including a letter to myself. I guess my mindset shift. Feeling so warm and grateful.
What a genuinely wholesome response, writing letters allows you to take the time to properly work through any lingering emotions. Getting them on paper alone feels freeing enough, I’ve also had been telling myself to compliment people more, I know it makes them feel good and it honestly makes me feel better knowing I made them feel good. Also getting, and staying, in touch with your mind and body is such a healthy way to take this time to work on yourself, keep it up and don’t stop writing!!
Mmmmh... Good question. I always thought I was a no good idiot saved by luck in everything I did right. I truly believed that. Like graduating top of my class in my master's degree? Luck. Getting a job? Luck, nobody probably applied to it. Being liked by other people? There's probably something wrong with them. Being loved by her? She's probably with me out of pity. I was literally bringing myself hate every single moment of my life. I hated the reflection in the mirror, even when she told me I was worth, and that there was a reason she was with me. I didn't see that worth. All I did see was a fat, no good, lazy, unmotivated, jobless, stupid motherfucker who landed something in his life just because of luck. And then she left me. And I discovered so many things about myself. I discovered that I can go running consistently (never did because I thought I hated it, guess what? I love it), that I can go to the gym consistently (hell, I'm doing upper body excercises every day because I sprained my knee - not gym related - and I'm not stopping), that I can get in shape, that I can land jobs because people see my worth, that I can talk to people and not being awkward, that I can do all types of housework and not procrastinate it, that I want to take a motorcycle license and get one (and I was so scared of motorcycles lol), that I can do everything I want to if I just don't limit myself. That's what I enjoyed the most: not putting a cap to myself and telling me everyday that I can be better. That's power. And there's another thing I'm enjoying: failing. All my life I failed while trying to be perfect. Guess what? I can't be because I'm human. The only thing I can do is steady improving in every aspect of my life, one fail at a time. And I'm learning so much about myself, so much. I thought I had it all with her and I was so afraid of losing her, I thought I was going to kill myself. Then I took therapy a bit before she left me, and I think that's what saved me because it made me see my self-worth and that I could only count on myself because, sadly, we're born alone and we'll die alone. All the people - the ones we meet, the ones we love, the ones we hate - they're not going to be with us forever. So, before putting all of our self-worth into someone else - which I did - let's put it in ourselves first. Then, when we are at the top of our game, we can start to really connect with some other. I fucked up on so many emotional levels with her, just like she did with me. But I'm focuse on my slef now. I'm focused on what I can improve about me, and that's a lot - trust me. And if we ever meet again she'll see what I've become. She'll see another me. She'll see that what she thought about me was not wrong: that I was worthy of something. I'm making my own luck this time.
That last line gave me goosebumps. I’m so proud of you man, you need to be nicer to yourself! You sound like a hell of a human, and you should be proud of all your progress and accolades! Keep on pushing and stay motivated. Remember that there is not “best” versions of ourselves there’s only ever a better one, and every day you can choose to work in that direction and it sounds like you are. Keep up the good fucking work and keep on going, because if you don’t, who will?!
My therapist told me the same exactly thing: to be more gentle to myself. I wasn't and a lot of times it was because I was afraid of the judgment of others. So I either avoided any type of interaction or I tried to be perfect at any moment. Thing is that when you fail trying to be perfect you spiral into the "I'm not good enough, I'll always fail" mentality. And a thing my ex told me a lot was that I had this victim mentality, but I never fixed it. I'm starting to do it now and it's amazing how being kinder to yourself and how accepting that failure is a part of winning are both powerful. Tom Platz said it best: "Failure has been achieved. Thank God! Now the only places to go from failure is to win".
I am pouring love into myself. Took some time off work and traveling. Rejection is blessing in disguise
Absolutely is, I think what it does is flip a switch in our heads that we need to be better in general. And pouring love into ourselves is exactly what we need to do
I’ve always been a cyclist, so it’s not new, but I’ve been rediscovering my love for it and training my ass off to get back to race form. One of the worst things about my relationship ending was that it devastated me and I couldn’t find the motivation to ride for a couple of months. So starting to train again has made me feel like the old, badass me that existed before I met my ex. It also really helps with not thinking about her too, as I tend to empty my mind on the bike and just focus on my breathing and holding a set amount of power.
😮💨😮💨😮💨 when you tap into that badass side of yourself and can work off of that is such a great feeling regardless of what you’re doing with it. And that’s a great hobby to have! Healthy and fun for you!
I work as a Flight Attendant, but I don’t know where to fly to. 😭🤣
I’m loosing my mind but I sleep through the night for once
Hey, steps in the right direction! Progress is defined by the eye of the beholder, sleeping can become a chore if you’re having a hard time with overthinking as well!
I’ve been practicing Spanish everyday, being active (exercising or skateboarding daily), and trying to draw or do something creative. Sometimes I don’t get to accomplish everything I want, but I’m still making progress and being productive. Besides that I’m just trying to take better care of myself. Eat and gain some weight, and take care of my skin etc C:
Proud of you, and do you long board by chance?! Just broke mine back out for spring! And tell me a funny thing to say in Spanish so I can start using it at work.
[удалено]
Mind sharing?! I am a sucker for a good poem
I tried going to the gym but currently my hobby is daydreaming about my ex, reading old texts and crying 😂
At least you’re being honest 😂 the gym is absolutely fantastic or maybe you could find a hobby or something you feel like you never had the time to do. So many things out there you could gain a stronger attachment to! You’ve got this!! Also! It takes two weeks of making something a habit for your brain to get attached to it. So, try that gym back out!
I will try 🥲
You can do it 😁😁
I've lost weight, got pretty good at my job that my ex got me actually many of my coworkers prefer me as my ex was someone who cut corners, I have been going out more. Socialing and cured my social anxiety and actually had a lot of dates. I started walking more , saving more ,I let myself cry without any apology or feeling of being pathetic. I went from a size 20 UK to a size 12 UK in just 10 months.
Holy cow!! Great for you, yeah that break up weight has shed! I lost 30 pounds with dieting and the gym in 2 months, sprinkle in a little bit of depression and it’s a great way to take care of yourself 😉😂 worst part is spending all the money to buy new clothes
I also ran into that problem too lol are I lost the weight I gained the confidence I lost. I was buying clothes that I would NEVER have bought I am talking crop jackets, shorts. Dresses,skirts and tank tops. I feel a lot more confident now than I did in that relationship. I never realised how many people were actually interested in me and not my friend beside me, it was a lot to take in tbh. I went from the fat girl in a relationship with my teenage sweetheart who was an actual jerk but perfect to everyone else to a completely different person in under a year after break up.
Loooooove that - fantastic for you! 😌
Thank you 💗
I am stress free and liberated. I quit smoking, and taking care of my personal business that I continued to push off so that I could take care of my man child of an ex.
I also quit smoking (weed) I wanted to be able to think clearly and not rely on any substances to keep my mind off of things, very happy I did!
Well, I’m moving out tomorrow. My plan in my new place is to stop drinking, get decent sleep, journal and paint again, go for runs everyday, and start meditation. I also want to start sewing again. We’ll see how it goes!
It’s better to have a grocery list of things you’d like to change, I think it’s fun to see what I can and can’t do. Something as simple as getting decent sleep is something we’ve always taken for granted but something that can be difficult during these times. Best of luck you to you on the drinking as well, I hope this motivates you to better yourself and use this time to stick to what you want to do!
Producing music! Finally exploring my creative side after not having the motivation to do so for so long.
I got back into reading again
What books have you been getting into!?
Non-fiction history books. I'm a history nerd lol
I've gone through 2 sets of 100 assorted color gel pens coloring. As far as what I've started to enjoy about myself during no contact...eesh. Hard to say. I'm still funny AF thank God.
I started Salsa dancing, producing prismacolor artwork, hiking our local trails (found some awesome meditation spots), did a fitness transformation contest (still waiting on winner results, but I got abs back), and trying to give my all to my small business. I also stopped smoking weed all day every day, and am sober from weed and alcohol since November. Sometimes I wish I was this person sooner, and during the relationship, but if I didn’t come from that dark place, I don’t know if I would appreciate the now as much.
Honestly during NC, I went a bit crazy and slept with too many people which did nothing for my (already very low) self-esteem. Could think of nothing else. I was completely consumed by grief. Did nothing, thought nothing. I'm doing much better now. I have moved on, but looking back still hurts more than it should.
Working out! I have a newfound love for the gym!