She’s gonna need a first responder after those piercings get ripped out during some shoplifting altercation

It’s all fun and games til back up finds you zip tied to a shopping cart.

Rent a cops. I hate rent-a-cops too! Edit: Since no one gets my obscure reference since yall didn't waste your life watching HBO like I did https://youtu.be/5t32txuj6PA?si=qZObrQ_KzU-gRGJP

I see your Men At Work reference and approve. "You will swing for this James! I shit you NOT!".

Golf clap


Why does everyone on here have to be so mean?!?! I think this handsome young man will find a straight girl to settle down with!!! I have faith in you sir👍🏼😎

He’s gay AF

Back in Fubai, he would have been killed the second he knocked on that door. I would have snapped his neck like a twig. And he never would have seen it coming either.......the commie bastard gets no food! I also watched HBO late at night as a kid.

I got the reference

Awww, looks like someone threw away a perfectly good white boy. And thanks. I was worried there was no one else of culture around here.

At that point I think I would just quit. Being called Ziptie everyday for the next however many years wouldnt work for me.

your ear ziptied to a shopping cart...

You win the fuckin Internet today

I thought the joke was that he's a dude who gets mistaken for a lesbian?

Holy shit same dude, I had no idea what they were on about.

Is it a "she"? Not being funny, I legit can't tell

I'm fucking dead

😂😂😂👌👌👌👌

But but but… Jenna Ortega is bi

Used to be a dude who worked security at a couple local strip clubs with like twelve captives in each ear and a dozen or so piercings in his face. I always hoped I’d be there the night that shit got ripped out (he was a bit of a dick).

Bouncer at a strip club was a dick? Psshhh. Stop making up such far-fetched lies.

fr tho, what happens to piercings if you get tazed?

Aww. Official Officer Emery’s got a little sister!

I think the word we’re looking for is androgynous.

I thought this was Zuul from the first Ghostbusters movie for a second


There is no Dana, only Zuul.

You are thinking of Gozer the Gozerian

You're absolutely right

Aim for the flattop

She sleeps above her covers

FOUR FEET above her covers!

you win

No anadromous

You mean Gozer the Gozerian. Zuul is the gatekeeper, i think.

It's Pat!

She's really handsome, I'll give her that.

She's a better looking guy than 98% of guys lol.

This made me cackle so hard 🤣 Also its true.

Heavy filter.

Every blue eyed person on TikTok uses the same filter called "BAHAMA BRYANT" & it gets on my nerves so bad 😅 I have hazel eyes & the filter made them look kinda bluish. When blue eyed people use it, they look like they can shoot lasers out of their eyes.

It's almost as if, a "straight" girl asking for a lesbians number might actually not be straight sooooo

Right? I don’t get it. She is a lesbian that only dates straight girls?

She just wants to either believe that who she dates is straight because she's biphobic or she wants someone inexperienced with dating women which is weird

Just like some gay men do to straight men, some gay women like to ‘turn’ straight women gay and believe that the straight woman is only straight because the straight woman hasn’t been with them. Straight guys do this to gay women as well, that woman is only gay because she hasn’t had sex with him. Basically it’s just shitty people being shitty people and not respecting other people’s sexuality

Exactly. It gives me the ick.

As a lesbian I’m going to hazard a guess at it being a joke on how lesbians are always falling for the straight girls in their lives even though they know it goes nowhere and there are actual valid options available.

The people willing to go through with it most likely aren't as straight as they're saying, but it's definitely a thing for both gay guys and lesbians

Also, this gives me "I bet I could turn you" vibes. I had an old boss who was gay and his friends would make passes at me and it pissed me off because I repeatedly told them I was straight.

Or just friends? But I guess straights girls can’t be friends with lesbians anymore.

Are they singing the lyrics or just randomly mumbling? If it’s the lyrics, learn the damn lyrics

The shit song with cringe lyrics is perfect for this shitty cringe security guard lol

I have to ask as I genuinely can’t tell, is this a dude or a chick?

Yes.

Bahahah thank you. That clears it up then. 😂

Steven Anita Smith!

“Damn Steve”

It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!

I’m getting more Roger vibes….

I was specifically thinking about the roller derby episode.

I thought I was a boyyyyyy🎶

You’re freaking me out, you look like the cashier at CVS.

AU on an FPS contract… yikes. I’ve seen their guards get fried for less than this video.

Rent a cops aren’t first responders

as much as some of my industry like to think they are, you are correct, we Guards are not first responders, if anythign we're first informants as I've got dispatch's non-emergency number on speed dial, but that's the bulk of it for most of us. But then there's every failed police officer who thinks rent-a-cop means I'm-a-cop. I've encountered so many people like that, who buy body armor out of pocket to be a guard in a rural part of the 2nd safest state in the country, who harass random passerbys, and then fail to actually pay attention to the things that matter

These comments 💀 they’re clearly lesbian

We live in a world full of cosplayers

What the fuck did I just watch? lmfao Beautiful eyes tho!

Thanks bro.

Holy shit!

Thinks dudes have super tight traps and acts that way. Being stiff Isn’t a thing anymore.

Tbf, my traps are always super tight. I get pretty stiff, help.

I’m picking up serious Bieber vibes from this one.

That is a handsome woman. I have to admit.

What is happening…

Lmao Allied Universal

Rent a cop with a bunch of metal shit all over his face. Chicks don’t want you or your $11 per hour income

I thought bro was a dude rejecting lesbians because they thought he was a lesbian too, but bro *is* actually a lesbian and he is a she (or they - we stan inclusivity). Yooooo I’m shooketh 💀💀💀

I don’t want to burst Piercy McPearsons balloon here but his number is super easy- 911. You’re welcome Le$bians and Bi Girls!! *flies away*

If this is a lesbian girl this is next level asshole behavior 😂😂

Matt Rife needs to stick to stand-up comedy and stop it with these kinds of videos...

what is this weird ass almost lip sync? shit makes me uncomfortable

Cringey on so many levels

This person is full of themselves...

Let’s be real here. If a female is in law enforcement, you want her to look like this.

Allied Universal? You don't say?

What a douche bag

That shirt fit is crisp.

Top flight security of the world, Craig!

I see her in a fentanyl addicts headlock soon.

Bruh you know she is one of the most dickhead fuck ass too, because she’s got something to prove to all those men. This is far and away the last type of cop I wanna get hemmed up by.

Ugh

My friends are in love with her 🤣

That’s a girl?

What the actual fawk….

Embarrassing, yikes

Dude looks like he was waiting for a guy to ask for his number

And that was the first time she got suspended

Yeah.. that's cringe.

More like *blind girl*

Sorry but Allied Universal does not qualify as first responder.

Classic security shenanigans

That’s a she?

Of course it’s allied…

I mean..... she gets a pass because she's cute.

Just goes to show you don’t necessarily have to be a boy to be a fuckboy.

Well I think it's just neat how unisex everyone is looking these days

Is this a dude or a chick?

Nobody has ever said “yes get your neck tattoos and boxy body in my bed now”.

I beg to differ. That fuckboi is bedbait.

Another one of the people that want to follow a trend and can't stick with one so do all the trends at once and end up like a Mr potato head.

Allied Universal for the Cringe Win as always!!!

I want her and that one fuckboy lesbian tiktok girl with the jeep to collab. It will be cringe and it will be amazing.

Justine Bieber

STRAIGHT 100% (of course)

lol nice allied universal uniform.

Is this jennagray88? They could be twins almost except for the tats.

It’s time for androgyny!

ok pinocchio

When did 2008 Justin Bieber become a security guard?

I always wanted to see a huge magnet vs. someone’s face like that

Creepy.

Drug screen

At first glance I thought it was Mahomes.

Is this skibity

Paul Blart looks different but acts the same

Channing?

Rent a Cops= Too many felonies and violent past to be a real police officer

Justine No-Weiner needs to chill

I didn’t know Channing Taint-yum was a lesbian. That’s awesome!

How I act when Officer Hensley asks for my number

Moving like their vertebrae have been partially fused.

Well she looks like a guy so

Is that a woman or man? I can’t quite tell these days

He’s hot

No chick is getting excited for a rent a cop. Don't matter how you look, you are just a dork with a plastic badge. If she was a legit cop, she can at least play the game.

He ain’t even law enforcement. 💀

Sorry, but would

r/wordchewing

He/she whatever- they are deducting that card cost from your check And taxing you for being a dipshit Allied Security…. “We don’t care and it shows”

Someone thinks they are hot shit.

The minor lip moving/talking is weird

This is creepy. Why would a lesbian like lesbians? Is it like the thrill of untouched fruit or something?

Dude prolly trained the hawk tuah girl how to give good gob

She should find a foundation that fits her complexion better.

That is one handsome lady, good for her.

Name is for sure Bobbi

This dude is lying.

All I see with septum piercings is a bull nose ring. That’s a way to be led around peacefully. They’re a bottom all the way. Now way I fuck they’re changing a straight girl.

This guys got some balls on him

Honestly, I’ll still take her over most the allied employees I’ve seen.

Women CAN be Chads 🤣


The absurd lip movement to act like it's talking is the worst part😩😩

What a handsome fella!

https://preview.redd.it/3ef33vnplb9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=79b7c34d84863b6a77f98c63a4a4f6f6bc9fb21c

Shit that never happens for 100.

Fuckin allied lol

God can we keep evil people out of the government for fucks sake? All the rich, homo, old, sexual deviant, chomos are really screwing up our world.

If a girl asks out a girl, she isn't straight. Soooo

Sometimes I wanna actually tell these people to stop nothing else, night and day be wherever they are, every time I see them I just seem more sad. And more awkward. Just like a greasy 5 year old covered in a mix of chocolate, tears and faeces. Hey you wanna hookup with that straight girl, guess who's outside blasting tiptoe through the goddamn window wearing nothing but a life preserver and snot

She's pretty hot.

she would be so much hotter if she wasn't cringe 😩

Is a security guard really a "first responder?"

I can see why someone would be confused. I can’t tell if this is a guy or a girl

Honestly looks like a 16 year old boy…

Male or female?

Wait is the security guard the lesbian? I’m confused

🤢🤮

The worst part? They thought, "Say...I'VE got a GREAT idea for a video!!!"

Looks like the hot topic security section

I sure hope Allied folks see this and can this pos.

He's gonna be the gayest looking dude at the construction site for sure. Enjoy your 40s

I love the lil can't get my pocket open then straightens it down 🤡

Wait that’s a chic? Lol

Man fuck these type of lesbians, dumb shit. What does that even mean, straight girls only? You are a woman, you might have been idolizing Justin Bieber a little too much but it doesn’t change that. Why is toxic masculinity fine when it is from a woman acting like a man? So you’re either tricking straight women or you’re dating another lesbian or bi person. In denial much? Get over yourself. And people think this is handsome, gross. So sleazy looking, typical blonde hair blue eyed guy and what you would expect them to look like. Surprised she doesn’t have a puka shell necklace to complete the douche bag vibe. Jesus christ if I was gay I wouldn’t even bother. You people have some low ass standards. Far from handsome.

To specifically go after people who are not sexually attracted to you is predatory behavior.

Her bio literally says it's satire don't take it seriously 🤣

I'm so confused!!!!

I don’t know what it is, I’m a straight white lady and lesbians go banana-sammich when they see me! I’m flattered but I don’t get it? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Corey Haim.

Stop making videos in uniform you weirdos

What is it?

Gross

Fucking cringe

Woah! Save some for the rest of us, bro!

Is that Justin Bieber?

Is it cringe, yes. Would I ask for her number, also yes. But I think she's saying Jenna Ortega specifically? A couple other of her TTs are abt her crush on Jenna. https://preview.redd.it/cgb4yysbrw9d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6acf6981f106d6e68065c0f4f4799cb62bb652ad

I went to the TikTok, it’s a self described dedicated 18+ satire account. It has 250k followers lol

Sir this is a Wendy’s