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He realises. He's in denial because he's worried if he admits that she doesn't love him, there won't be another after her who will.
You have to love yourself enough to realise that rejection by one person or ten people doesn't mean you're undesirable in general, and there are always things you can do to make yourself more attractive overall, while preserving your true personality - which might still turn off some people no matter how much you improve yourself, but why would you think you'd even enjoy being with those people...
Agree completely. Pack her shit, drop it at the place she works, change the locks and then block her everywhere.
Basically, take the trash to the curb. You can do better.
I would also add that you should consider yourself lucky that you discovered this before you married her. You've dodged a big bullet my friend
No literally the flag is beyond red. These two people are not compatible. If OP even wanted to TRY to be ok with it, he made a huge mistake ever going to the club at all.
52 yo female. No, you're not imagining it, this sucks and frankly sounds like you'd be setting yourself up for future hurt if you stay. I hold no prejudice towards dancers but your person is something else.
I feel like this is karma farming. You just made this account and posted it in 8 different groups. Maybe you’re a guy who desperately needs help, but the whole “I even gave money to other guys to get a dance from her” just sounds unbelievable.
That's the reddest flag I've ever seen in my life.
She WANTS to do this? Get out. You deserve better. She's craving the attention of others and it's going to end badly no matter what. Do it on your terms and have some dignity.
I was trying to make myself comfortable with the situation because she was doing it no matter what I said so I wanted to see if I could even handle her being in a dance
Sounds like you could have figured that out without paying for another guy, sounds like there's others paying on their own just fine, then u get a job there to do what ? Get yourself used to it even more ? Idk , ur actions are as weird as hers....
Self-prescribed exposure therapy doesn’t work in this case …
Don’t try to fit in some place when your body, mind and spirit are screaming at you to leave … I understand it’s a shock and it’s a painful realization that you just have different values and you’re not headed in the same direction in life. It really is sad but betraying yourself will make you sick.
Sounds like you’ve tried everything you can think of to make things work and it’s not getting better. You need to let her know and be ready to walk away if she chooses stripping. If you’re not happy in a relationship and put in the effort to fix it and you’re still unhappy then something has got to give! She might choose stripping but you have to choose you!
Yeah honestly this is creepy as fuck now that I think about it lol it’s one thing to try to visit her at work (also a mistake) but getting a job there…. Like what….
Leave the relationship. If she wants you she'll come get you. What she wants is money and excitement. If you leave, and she quits and comes home you know you're important. If she doesn't, you'll know she's not what you need. Never torture yourself for love. That breeds resentment
Getting a job there was a mistake but not a terrible one, you just have to move on from her, you will meet someone better, she will want you to stick around for her own stability but will probably do nothing for you but cause you mental insecurity.
>We had quite a few arguments over it and eventually she told me that I either deal with it or she is gone.
Honestly she gave you the options here, you're not able to get comfortable with it (no shame, I wouldn't either) so it's time to move on.
pretty obvious you should leave. I have a feeling you don’t think you’re very desirable and you’re sticking around because you’re enamored by her.
don’t do this to yourself and have some dignity and self respect and leave her
If you can't cope and she doesn't want to stop, there is no other answer but to break up. She gave you the ultimatum. Take her up on it and end the relationship.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with a woman who gives you shitty ultimatums?
This is fucking brutal man, you put yourself through wayyy too much to make yourself uncomfortable for her, when she's not gonna budge an inch for you. This is only the beginning of the havoc she's gonna wreck your life and your emotional well-being. I'm sure she's probably smoking hot, but no sex is worth demeaning yourself like that. Best cut your losses before she can cause any more damage.
if you're too insecure to date a stripper.. then don't date a stripper. plenty of other guys will accept her as she is, feel secure enough to let her do her job, and enjoy having a partner who brings home good money. if that lifestyle isn't for you, then don't live it.
Imma play devils advocate here.
Why don't you trust her? It's just a job. I've bartended in strip clubs, and no club I worked at let men TOUCH the strippers. If they even tried, they got bounced. And the ladies were limited in where they could touch the guys as well.
Do you have a reason to feel insecure? Has she cheated?
Ok. I'll give you the best relationship advice I ever got.
When your relationship is over, don't stay for the children. In doing so, you teach them that's how relationships work. That they don't deserve better, to be happy. Would you want your daughter to stay in a loveless marriage?
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I'll say one more thing on this and it will sound horrible etc, but she's trading up and there's pretty much no better way to do it. She's done her homework and is now putting it into practice.
Mutual understanding and respect is a must. But that can be taken advantage of. "Be ok with it or I'm gone" translates to "I'm going to do it, I don't care if it bothers you, I'm only thinking of myself, keep your bad emotions away from my selfish decision." Bro, how is she going to deal with things in the future? Are you ok with these behaviors constantly happening? Are you ok with being on the back burner? You've allowed this behavior to be ok, even though you've expressed not being ok with it. Is the mutual respect she's showing you something you can say is a good partner traight? Being alone/single is not that scary. Having and waiting for a partner who will reciprocate your feelings is not a bad thing. Respect yourself dude, cus she won't.
Your girlfriend has decided to become a sex worker and given you the ultimatum to accept it or end the relationship. Plain and simple you need to break up. This is a deal breaker if ever there was one. And she is a lousy girlfriend.
You shouldn't have to force yourself to be ok with this. It's obviously a deal breaker for you and that's fair. Some people would be fine with it but you're not one of them and you made that very clear to her and she still went through with it. You seem to have no other choice other than leaving the relationship.
I once had class with a girl who was a waitress at a “nice” strip club in Dallas. Said all the dancers were sweet as candy, nice people but every one of them had drug or alcohol problems. Run away, my friend.
These comments are ridiculous.
She's allowed to do what she wants.
Yeah, she's over those guys because they give her MONEY. It's transactional.
That doesn't mean you don't have a connection because your connection isn't transactional.
You were okay with it to the point where you got a JOB there, and now you're upset?
Why didn't you say this earlier?
"We had quite a few arguments over it and eventually she told me that I either deal with it or she is gone. I have literally tried everything I can think of in order to be able to try to be okay with it."
You're victim blaming.
Exactly. Double standards always with some people. It's one thing if you start dating a stripper and try to be controlling. It's another to be in OP's situation.
Just leave her. You should be giving her the ultimatum, not her. She doesn't care anymore, why even stay. Oh wait, you must love her, well that fixes everything.
If you stay that means she wears the pants in the relationship. If she wears the pants then she pays the bills while you stay at home eating bon bons and sometimes cleaning for her. If you are going to be the simp why have a real job.
I’m gonna say maybe she isn’t in a good place for a healthy relationship. Girls don’t work at strip clubs to pay for their college tuition. It’s a drug culture. I hope the best for you.
My ex wife started stripping mid way into our relationship. She was stripping before we dated. She had stop while we were dating but for some reason she wanted to do it again. For the income she says. Long story short. The lies started, then I couldn’t trust her so I left.
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>she told me that I either deal with it or she is gone You can't deal with it. Break up.
Bro, I couldn't do it. I'd leave.
[удалено]
He realises. He's in denial because he's worried if he admits that she doesn't love him, there won't be another after her who will. You have to love yourself enough to realise that rejection by one person or ten people doesn't mean you're undesirable in general, and there are always things you can do to make yourself more attractive overall, while preserving your true personality - which might still turn off some people no matter how much you improve yourself, but why would you think you'd even enjoy being with those people...
This 👆
Agree completely. Pack her shit, drop it at the place she works, change the locks and then block her everywhere. Basically, take the trash to the curb. You can do better. I would also add that you should consider yourself lucky that you discovered this before you married her. You've dodged a big bullet my friend
Run my man
[удалено]
Its probably REALLY good money.
Bro the flag is soo red its like the Chinese flag
Soviet union wants its flag taken of the poll
No literally the flag is beyond red. These two people are not compatible. If OP even wanted to TRY to be ok with it, he made a huge mistake ever going to the club at all.
And getting a job there?? Like maaan
Like the circle in the Japan flag. Bleeding
52 yo female. No, you're not imagining it, this sucks and frankly sounds like you'd be setting yourself up for future hurt if you stay. I hold no prejudice towards dancers but your person is something else.
Time to move on
I feel like this is karma farming. You just made this account and posted it in 8 different groups. Maybe you’re a guy who desperately needs help, but the whole “I even gave money to other guys to get a dance from her” just sounds unbelievable.
This sounds crazy like i would have just dumped her dude.
That's the reddest flag I've ever seen in my life. She WANTS to do this? Get out. You deserve better. She's craving the attention of others and it's going to end badly no matter what. Do it on your terms and have some dignity.
My dude, stand up for yourself. This is insane.
You gave other men money to give your fiance to take her clothes off??
I was trying to make myself comfortable with the situation because she was doing it no matter what I said so I wanted to see if I could even handle her being in a dance
Sounds like you could have figured that out without paying for another guy, sounds like there's others paying on their own just fine, then u get a job there to do what ? Get yourself used to it even more ? Idk , ur actions are as weird as hers....
Self-prescribed exposure therapy doesn’t work in this case … Don’t try to fit in some place when your body, mind and spirit are screaming at you to leave … I understand it’s a shock and it’s a painful realization that you just have different values and you’re not headed in the same direction in life. It really is sad but betraying yourself will make you sick.
Sounds like you’ve tried everything you can think of to make things work and it’s not getting better. You need to let her know and be ready to walk away if she chooses stripping. If you’re not happy in a relationship and put in the effort to fix it and you’re still unhappy then something has got to give! She might choose stripping but you have to choose you!
Dude, you are torturing yourself. You got a job with her so you can watch this in real time? Just move on.
Yeah honestly this is creepy as fuck now that I think about it lol it’s one thing to try to visit her at work (also a mistake) but getting a job there…. Like what….
Exactly what I thought. Who does that. Creepy is right!
Leave the relationship. If she wants you she'll come get you. What she wants is money and excitement. If you leave, and she quits and comes home you know you're important. If she doesn't, you'll know she's not what you need. Never torture yourself for love. That breeds resentment
Getting a job there was a mistake but not a terrible one, you just have to move on from her, you will meet someone better, she will want you to stick around for her own stability but will probably do nothing for you but cause you mental insecurity.
You’re the square peg in her round hole…
>We had quite a few arguments over it and eventually she told me that I either deal with it or she is gone. Honestly she gave you the options here, you're not able to get comfortable with it (no shame, I wouldn't either) so it's time to move on.
pretty obvious you should leave. I have a feeling you don’t think you’re very desirable and you’re sticking around because you’re enamored by her. don’t do this to yourself and have some dignity and self respect and leave her
THIS. NEVER. HAPPENED. 0/10
Everyone else in here is spot on. There are too many red flags. It’s time to move on.
Yeah, you should just move on.
If you can't cope and she doesn't want to stop, there is no other answer but to break up. She gave you the ultimatum. Take her up on it and end the relationship. Do you really want to be in a relationship with a woman who gives you shitty ultimatums?
This is fucking brutal man, you put yourself through wayyy too much to make yourself uncomfortable for her, when she's not gonna budge an inch for you. This is only the beginning of the havoc she's gonna wreck your life and your emotional well-being. I'm sure she's probably smoking hot, but no sex is worth demeaning yourself like that. Best cut your losses before she can cause any more damage.
if you're too insecure to date a stripper.. then don't date a stripper. plenty of other guys will accept her as she is, feel secure enough to let her do her job, and enjoy having a partner who brings home good money. if that lifestyle isn't for you, then don't live it.
Imma play devils advocate here. Why don't you trust her? It's just a job. I've bartended in strip clubs, and no club I worked at let men TOUCH the strippers. If they even tried, they got bounced. And the ladies were limited in where they could touch the guys as well. Do you have a reason to feel insecure? Has she cheated?
The guys touch all over her and she's literally hanging off them rubbing on them. And I caught her trying to cheat one time before.
That's weird. And cringy. So my next question is, why are you staying?
We have a daughter
Ok. I'll give you the best relationship advice I ever got. When your relationship is over, don't stay for the children. In doing so, you teach them that's how relationships work. That they don't deserve better, to be happy. Would you want your daughter to stay in a loveless marriage?
Oh wow great example for the child
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Do the right thing and move on bruh
Erm…LEAVE
You should have been gone a long time ago NEXT her
Relationship is dead. End it now. Or waste a few more years and end it then. Your choice.
Time to move on, brah. You have different goals and priorities.
Did your 2 years of bugging her for a strip tease influence her choice to become a stripper?
No
get out now. I've seen this play out literally 1000 times. She's mostly out already.
7.5 billion people in world. You’ll find you’re person
You should have left the moment the ultimatum was made. You will thank yourself a month down the road.
I'll say one more thing on this and it will sound horrible etc, but she's trading up and there's pretty much no better way to do it. She's done her homework and is now putting it into practice.
Mutual understanding and respect is a must. But that can be taken advantage of. "Be ok with it or I'm gone" translates to "I'm going to do it, I don't care if it bothers you, I'm only thinking of myself, keep your bad emotions away from my selfish decision." Bro, how is she going to deal with things in the future? Are you ok with these behaviors constantly happening? Are you ok with being on the back burner? You've allowed this behavior to be ok, even though you've expressed not being ok with it. Is the mutual respect she's showing you something you can say is a good partner traight? Being alone/single is not that scary. Having and waiting for a partner who will reciprocate your feelings is not a bad thing. Respect yourself dude, cus she won't.
✌🏻 tell her deuces brother….!!
If you run now you’ll evade so much pain
Run
Omg, way time to move on already.
Be done with this relationship NOW!
Your girlfriend has decided to become a sex worker and given you the ultimatum to accept it or end the relationship. Plain and simple you need to break up. This is a deal breaker if ever there was one. And she is a lousy girlfriend.
You shouldn't have to force yourself to be ok with this. It's obviously a deal breaker for you and that's fair. Some people would be fine with it but you're not one of them and you made that very clear to her and she still went through with it. You seem to have no other choice other than leaving the relationship.
Dude, wtf? Break up with her.
Her boots were are for walking…
Bruh, have some self decency. You don’t deserve this, it’s time you realize that
dump her
Then leave
Respect yourself and leave. If you’re so miserable and she is unwilling to stop just go your separate way.
Dude. Leave. You are free! You will be okay. It will hurt. Someday it won’t hurt anymore. You will meet someone else!
Deal with it by leaving
I couldn’t handle that, sorry bro
Runnnn leav e
You guys aren’t compatible with the lifestyles that you want…just move on !
It’s very simple. Sprint away fast
Why the hell are you continuing to stay with her? Dude…
Lmfao you're crazy if you thought working at the same club was gonna solve your insecurities about it. Sounds obsessive to me.
I once had class with a girl who was a waitress at a “nice” strip club in Dallas. Said all the dancers were sweet as candy, nice people but every one of them had drug or alcohol problems. Run away, my friend.
These comments are ridiculous. She's allowed to do what she wants. Yeah, she's over those guys because they give her MONEY. It's transactional. That doesn't mean you don't have a connection because your connection isn't transactional. You were okay with it to the point where you got a JOB there, and now you're upset? Why didn't you say this earlier?
Clearly they were upset the whole time and were just trying to cope and respect their partners self determination.
Then he should have communicated that
"We had quite a few arguments over it and eventually she told me that I either deal with it or she is gone. I have literally tried everything I can think of in order to be able to try to be okay with it." You're victim blaming.
Exactly. Double standards always with some people. It's one thing if you start dating a stripper and try to be controlling. It's another to be in OP's situation.
His girl found the post ABORT MISSION!!
Just leave her. You should be giving her the ultimatum, not her. She doesn't care anymore, why even stay. Oh wait, you must love her, well that fixes everything.
Why should anyone be giving anyone an ultimatum? If he can't handle it, he is fully within his right to graciously end the relationship.
Have some self respect man. You want this to be your wife?
I have known a couple dancers in my life. None of them had happy relationships.
Run dude this thing is not for you! Go get yourself a decent girl and not a hoe
Let her buy you stuff then run 💀💀
If you stay that means she wears the pants in the relationship. If she wears the pants then she pays the bills while you stay at home eating bon bons and sometimes cleaning for her. If you are going to be the simp why have a real job.
She’s obviously not wifey material and she doesn’t give af. Leave her bro
I’m gonna say maybe she isn’t in a good place for a healthy relationship. Girls don’t work at strip clubs to pay for their college tuition. It’s a drug culture. I hope the best for you.
My ex wife started stripping mid way into our relationship. She was stripping before we dated. She had stop while we were dating but for some reason she wanted to do it again. For the income she says. Long story short. The lies started, then I couldn’t trust her so I left.
She needs the attention and sexual validation of other men. Get out. Do not pass go, do not collect $200… GTFO. No other advice is needed.
I know it’s a serious matter but she’s screaming “I WANT TO FOCK OTHER MEN” Is this all of a sudden? & is she having fun?