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33M and no kids. I always said that if I was going to have any kids that I would have to have an amazing partner for the journey. Have not found anyone who fits that criteria for me. So no kids.
I found the right partner and if it came down to it, they would 1000% be the person I'd raise kids with. But we both don't want kids and frankly that's part of the reason they're the right person for me ❤️
Are you my partner? I was going to type basically this same paragraph! He’d make a great dad, but neither of us want that journey, and we’d come to that decision as single people before ever meeting each other. I’m 38
I feel like the reason my partner and I will not have children (33&39) is because we understand how inconceivably important, difficult, and sacred it is to raise children. You have to do it right. You’re making a human being that the rest of society will have to deal with, and whom didn’t ask to be born. So you bet your ass you better be in the position to do it right, it’s incredibly serious. And we’re never at the right time in our lives to give fully to a child.
So many people just have children in this world and then don’t do what they ought to to raise them right. I meet Millenials who’s parents couldn’t get the most basic “give them agency and love them for who they are” part down right. Let alone any of the other stuff.
My partner would be a fantastic and involved father… which is why he would feel guilt having a child. I worry enough about the kind of world that will be left for my niece and nephew who are currently toddlers.
I love that all the people that think like you aren’t having kids, and the people who don’t give a shit are reproducing like mice.
Watching the future pan out is going to be great.
Not judging you, I’m in the same boat. Just gunna sit and watch it all burn.
It was very freeing to realize its not my responsibility, and I'd rather use my time on earth concentrating on what I can control, and not passing the buck to my offspring.. hoping *they* solve 'X,Y,Z,' because I was too busy procreating to bother changing myself instead. There is so much to learn and explore that gets difficult to do after kids, especially for women. Your life force gets transferred to them instead of yourself. We love to tell women they can 'do it all'.. but a very small percentage actually can successfully, it's not fair to expect that and then have so many women feeling like failures for not meeting the ideal.
I'm 43F.. and the uncertainty if I made the right choice is totally gone, and I'm actually enjoying my life.. while many of my peers with children are *tired*, complain a lot and look a decade older.
I've seen too many people just do it because they are bored and want companionship without the work required in friendships. Making a whole ass person so you won't be lonely, has always felt socially lazy (with 10x more work) and manipulative to me.
Ha! That's us too. Like if I had to raise a child there's no one else in the world I'd rather do it with than my husband but quite frankly, I very much want a lifetime of him all to myself.
This is us, too 😂 that wording is so precious and perfect! Friends of ours had kids their second year of marriage. We’ve been married almost 7 years and I learn new things about him daily! I love it. I also have seen him wiped out and me as well. A kid would do that to us 100%. I want us to both be our best selves and while kids may bring something out in you, they also take a lot out of you!
Same.
I think about the caveman shit, like who will carry on my legacy. Then I think, what legacy? We are just trying to hang in there.
Add in the fact that my wife and I feel like we barely see eachother. We leave the house at 7 am, get home at 5:30pm, go to bed at 9:00pm. We have 3.5 hours a day to see each other outside of weekends.
I don't know that our(my wife and I's) world has room for kids to live a fun life.
Same. My partner and I are 39. We're educated and financially okay and would make great parents but we have no desire to raise a kid in this world. I'm glad those of us that found a good partner are on the same page with being Child Free. Often times you always hear how usually one partner wants it and the other doesn't but goes along with it anyway. That sounds like a nightmare.
My wife and I (also a lady) took an injured stray cat to the emergency vet a few weeks ago. Someone was there with a 6 day old puppy. It was making the cutest little noises and I just started crying. Something about that sound just made me want to snuggle the hell out of that thing and just cry. Through tears I said to her, “is this what wanting to have kids feels like for other people??” I’m 42 (so on the far end of the millennial range) but I’ve always planned to be child free. I just never felt the urge. Puppies though…
A really close friend of ours is a veterinarian, and they don’t want kids either.
Her - “have one of you considered getting spayed or neutered?”
Her husband “ (name), you can’t say that about people!”
Her - “yes I can, I’m a doctor!”
We still laugh about it.
Same boat, but female. The only downside is, I truly feel a developmental part of me is lacking… it’s almost like I never grew up, bc in a way I never “had” to.. it’s a bittersweet thing
Also 33 and this is my outlook. Haven’t met the right one, and kids are only worth it if the partner is there to go along with it. I’m also not going to hinge my happiness in life on something that may or may not happen. It would be nice if it does, but if it doesn’t, I’ll enjoy life in other ways.
Same, 31 and looking to have kids if (and only) the right person comes along. Not looking to have kids before 34, but the chances of the meeting the right person does seem slimmer and slimmer.
When I was 31 I was so single I wasn’t even trying to date, and truly thought there was no way to get married besides just picking someone you could tolerate most of the time and working really, really hard to live together. Definitely bought into the whole “relationships are incredibly hard work” thing and was ready to take a pass on all of it.
Met my husband at 35, married at 37, baby at 40, incredibly happy with all of it. Turns out some relationships are easy, who knew? You just have to find someone who isn’t hard work to be around.
I’ve always thought the “incredibly hard work” is a scam! It’s not and it’s not supposed to be. Sure it takes humility and introspection, compromise, some effort put in to be mindful of your partner, all of that. But if those things aren’t hard for you to do, it’s not hard. A partnership of two non-assholes is quite easy.
Relationships should be easy that have moments that are hard. They shouldn’t be hard that home moments that are easy.
I divorced at 30. Met someone at 31. Baby at 34. I thought all was lost, but it wasn’t. :)
I didn't meet someone decent until 36 - 37. You still have time. I know people who are 36 - 42 having their first child. I'm childfree by choice, but happily partnered.
I just thought I’d be able to have a lot of relationship before having kids. Now it’s looking like if I want to have kids, I’ll need to have them pretty much right away with that hypothetical partner, and there won’t be space for us to just enjoy each other for years before having a child.
There’s still time, but it’s not what I wanted. The way things are turning out isn’t how I thought they would.
Same here. I was married but knew if I had kids with him, I would hate my life because I was already taking care of him as a child. I'm 35 now and feel like I might be too old to keep up with a kid, so I love the kiddos in my life and focus on caring for community and animals.
34 and same! We (he) are officially sterile. Granted, I would have remained childfree even if I had fallen pregnant. I always leaned childfree, but even in my “well maybe…” moments I had some very serious concerns (my own capability/losing autonomy, cost/risk/availability of childcare, political climate, literal climate, health risks due to pregnancy, risks to my wonderful relationship, risk of a disability I couldn’t handle). Despite the occasional “aww, baby” moment, I’ve never regretted my choice. If it isn’t an enthusiastic yes then it’s a no imo.
Just got mine done on Friday.
GO TO A UROLOGIST THAT IS OLD. My urologist had the personality of a dead cat, but has been practicing for 30 years. I was out of the office within 30 minutes of walking in, the procedure took maybe 5 minutes, and my recovery has been a breeze with barely even needing ibuprofen.
My buddy went to a urologist that had only been practicing for a handful of years, procedure took 30 full minutes and his recovery was over a week of major discomfort.
I was curious and calculated how many nuts my doc had snipped based off of what he told me, and he's seen over 10,000 vas deferns. That's what you want in a doctor, one that can do the procedure in his sleep with as few steps in the procedure as possible.
It took me 3 tries before a doc agreed to give me a vasectomy. I have never had a regret, even a little bit and it is glorious.
Why wouldn't they do this for me at 18? At 25? Why did I have to wait until my 30s to get healthcare?
YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND LOLOLOLOLOLOL
It's just a bullshit injection of personal belief. My doctor didn't give a damn about my existing family status, just explained all the details and had me sign paperwork affirming that I understood it all. Consultation and paperwork should be the end of any such thing.
I'm just a slight bit younger and also did mine last year.
No regrets. Especially as I was just recently lounging in a nice hotel hot tub and listening to some little kids shrieking while playing in the adjacent pool, making the same sounds that I imagine people would make while being dismembered with a chainsaw.
That’s crazy it has the opposite effect on my sister she raised us 3 younger kids and she had kids late like 37 or so but she is an amazing mother !! Loves being a mom
Fascinating! I’m much older than you, but the main and only reason I’m childless by choice is because of being responsible for my sister’s kids for a while at a early age
My brother’s ex and her kid lived in our house and I helped with him (now my adopted nephew) so same! Not to mention eldest daughter with a younger brother so I was his “second mom.”
Turning 35 this year, married, and childfree. There are rare days that I wonder if I’m missing out and then I see our friends and family with theirs. That effectively cements my childfree status. I was parentified as a child and honestly, I would rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
We have two kids, but from friends that don’t, I have a suggestion. If no one in your immediate family has kids (you’re not an aunt, uncle, or older cousin), plan a party with fellow non-parents on Christmas Day. It seems to the day the “I wish I had kids” feeling creeps in even if the other 364 you are completely ambivalent.
We had kids slightly older than many, so we have experience with both situations
29F here, I’m a fence sitter. There’s something in me that really does want to have a kid but I also like the idea of having the money and freedom to travel and have other experiences that kids can kind of hinder. But then, there’s that nagging feeling that when I’m old I’ll regret it if I don’t have one. And I look at the amazing relationship my mom and I have and want that for myself with my own child, too.
I dunno man. Shit’s hard
Fwiw, our perspective is that you can 100% parent "correctly" and there is zero guarantee that your children will still be 1) living near you in old age, 2) have a close relationship with you in old age, 3) develop into adults that share interests & commonalities with you.
Being real about it being a crap shoot of having a close relationship with children later in life helped us make our decision about no kids (along with additional considerations).
This is 100% correct and if an expectation about outcomes like those are motivating someone to have kids, I’d say “wise up.”
You’re creating a human with all of the agency and variability that comes along with humanity. There are no guarantees. Do it for the unique experience of being a parent or don’t do it at all, IMO.
This is me too. Seeing how my sister treated our parents (not going to Dad's funeral either) really brought home the fact that having kids is a gamble and you have to fully let go of control and expectations. They will become adults and you may or may not like each other. None of us by their bedsides because we lived in different countries, couldn't make it in time.
I used to be so into becoming a parent eventually but did a complete 180 when I thought about what I can offer to a kid, family genetics including mental health, state of the world, finances, etc. It seemed to me that I could not even summon the optimism for a better future for ourselves let alone a kid. Thankfully my husband was ok either way and has been great. In-laws, not so much when they realized no grandkids. But again, life doesn't turn out the way you want it to, and there's no guarantees. We'll do our best to be there for them and that'll have to be enough.
Growing up, I didn’t think I wanted kids. I just never thought I could do it. Part of me imagined just sort of playing video games perpetually and doing whatever I wanted.
Now I’m 35 with a 3 year old and 2 month old. The one thing I miss is the ability to completely “turn off” and not have to worry about anything. That is gone, but you do get breaks.
And kids can be fun. Also a pain in the ass. But I like dragging my 3 year old with me when I go places. She is always interested and learning. Even just going to the playground and getting some ice cream after is awesome. Today she looked at me coming down the slide and said, “dada, I’m just really happy” and hugged my leg. I don’t think I’d trade it for anything now.
I know this is a childfree post, so I want to just say I respect people’s decisions to not have kids for WHATEVER reason. It is hard and expensive, and you do give up a large chunk of your life. But I do think Reddit forgets that kids do get older…
My kids are close in age and that toddler/baby combo is rough. I think when my youngest was under 2 was the hardest time of my life. Once you hit 5/2 yr old things get way easier in my opinion. Mine are 7 and 9 now and it’s awesome. They are more autonomous and enjoy hanging out together. I am actually at that kind of sad place where I realized my kids will not need me as much anymore and now I miss it. Who knew?
Yeah I’m 31, had a child last year. Up until that point I was so sure I would be okay being child-free, I’ve got lots of hobbies I enjoy, and having money to go on vacations is nice, my wife and I used to go on 2 big vacations a year. But after deciding to go for it (she’s 38 so I guess you could say she was kind of running out of time) I freaking love this kid and it’s hard to imagine my life without him.
I do agree though, sometimes I’ll leave work a little early and leave him at daycare til my usual pick up time, just so I can relax and have that feeling of turning off. When I’m with him I feel like some part of me is always dialed in and paying attention. There is no time where I feel no immediate responsibility.
Yeah, people act like you can't have kids late in life if you change your mind, but you can--just not biological ones. So many existing kids out there need homes.
This does not get said enough.
I am ambivalent toward having kids, and my partner doesn't want them (so it's pretty easy for us). *But* we have both talked about opening our home to kids in the future via fostering/adoption or just continuing spending that energy on volunteering with kids in the community who could use a stable adult role model - even just for short periods.
I was pretty sure I wanted to be a mom, but was never like. Really wrapped up in it as an identity for me. But I love my husband and knew he’d be a great dad and thought we would see how one went, maybe be one and done. I’m only 4 months in but man, I’m so happy. We love to travel, but if someone burned my passport forever tomorrow, it would be okay (sad, but okay). Idk if this sounds pathetic or inspirational, hahah. I’m 33, we got married at 29. There’s a great essay by Cheryl Strayed that may help you find clarity, search for Dear Sugar ‘the ghost ship’.
I appreciate the perspective! And it’s funny because I know if I do decide to go for it, I want to be one and done and I decided 33 or 34 is the perfect age to do it haha. I’m not married yet but have had this convo with my boyfriend who’s also on the fence about it. Will check the essay out for sure
28 here. Same. On the fence. I think I want them for a few weeks and then I’m reminded of how selfish I still am and wonder if that would go away with kids or would it just make me a bad parent. It’s hard. I can barely stand myself sometimes. I think about how my mom already had two kids by the time she was 28. Life.
Met wife when she was 29 and I was 31. She was set on not having kids. Before I met her, I knew I wanted to be a dad. But I loved her and I accepted her position.
I had a heartfelt conversation with my mom around Christmas where we both cried and I told her she would have to rely on grandkids from my siblings. My mom and I later talked about that conversation and she said she wasn’t crying because she wanted grandkids. She was crying because she knew how much I wanted to be a dad.
Anyways, my wife and I got married at 31 and 33 years old. I was the most happy I had ever been. The topic comes back up and my wife says she wanted to have *my* babies. I was floored. She said seeing me with her nieces and nephews and the way I treated her made her reconsider raising kids together.
We agreed to enjoy married life together for a whole year and then start trying and we did. We 34F and 36M just got back from a weekend in Myrtle Beach with our 1 year old son and we’ll be TTC over the summer to give him a sibling. Every day I am grateful for my wife and the family we have made together. Seeing her in her role as a mother has made me love her more than I’ve loved anything before.
Anyways, I write this not to influence your decision one way or the other. Just wanted to share that my wife was on the fence and that she is now a full on stay-at-home super mom and we’re enjoying parenthood together.
I love this. I dated so many men and on the first date I always was very clear that I did not want children and kids were a dealbreaker for me. They’d always say, “oh great! I don’t want kids either!” And they’d continue to date me and lead me on and then after a while and after I was attached, end it because “they realized they’d never change my mind about having kids and they want a family.” I was so hurt every time and asked why they’d do that. Every one of them always said “well I figured I’d be able to change your mind eventually or convince you to have them.”
So then I had to start adding that in on dates to— that they won’t change my mind or convince me later. The lack of respect for me and my stance was what hurt the most.
I ended up marrying a middle-school sweetheart in my 30’s. We had known each other since 8th grade and life took us across the world from each other but we stayed in touch, sometimes everyday, sometimes things would fade as we got serious with partners, but we always found each other again. He doesn’t want kids at all.
Anyway, my point is, thank you for respecting your wife’s feelings about it.. not pressuring her, and making the choice to accept that about her without an ulterior motive. Things always work out the way they should!!! Congratulations on your happy marriage and child!!!
I’m in the same boat as you I have firmly decided I never want to be pregnant and if I am interested in parenthood someday I would go the foster or adoption route
Ive volunteered with lots of teenagers waiting for adoption and I’ve always wondered why they get overlooked. They’re honestly just as charming as the little kids. I really love the teens lol
For us the issue is space, we live in one of the most expensive cities in the US. We're looking at moving away to a house where we have room to foster.
I'm 41 and I think I missed my chance to be a mom. I'm devastated. But life happens. So. Single. No kids. Just me and my dog in the house I bought...so my freaking dog could have a yard. Lol
Sending hugs! Im in the same situation as you. I try really hard not to think about it though. My cats are great but not quite the life I wanted. Life apparently had other plans.
Hugs back. I completely get this. I thought I had it all. It fell apart. Now I'm starting over. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted a husband. Same. I try to not think about it as well. Unfortunately my pup is 15 and I'm terrified to think what will happen without him.
Be a mentor! There are so many youth focused organizations that need your personality to help guide older kids. Just a few hours a week and you get to leave it all behind whenever life gets too much.
One woman I used to know was in this boat too. She decided to adopt a beautiful baby girl when she was around 45. She was a single mom for a long time, but they live a very happy and wonderful life. There’s still ways you can be a human mom if you want to! But fur mama is valid too!
Don't say never especially if you are devastated. My mom and dad had me at 40 and 47. You could always adopt humans or more dogs. Even foster parent maybe :]
I know a woman who always wanted to be a mom but her partner of like 15 years up and left her with no warning for another woman. She decided to just go for it and do it alone with a donor embryo at 42. If you really wanted to be a mom, you probably still could.
Not to give false hope, but my mom had me at 44 naturally, and I know I had so many stats against me. But I’m 29 now, healthy, graduated with my masters, and pretty dang athletic. And I’m so thankful she didn’t give up. I am SO pro choice and i understand all decisions. But it’s given me in a way a relief to not procreate so fast
My boss recently underwent IVF with a sperm donor at 44 years old. If you want to be a mom, don't let age stop you! Even if IVF is out of the question, adoption is always possible.
I actually currently have friends that are expecting their first kid. They tried for years with IVF and had no luck. A couple of embryos implanted but failed to develop further. Eventually they gave up. A year later they naturally got pregnant as a complete surprise. They weren't trying because they didn't even think it was possible. The mom is almost 44. They just passed their 20 anatomy scan and so far the baby is healthy and thriving. So, anything is possible.
I know someone who had 3 children, and in between they adopted 2 boys. Both were different races. It’s so wonderful to see them all together, and so happy. I’ve never seen them unhappy.
You can make a family if you truly want one. OR make a bigger one!
EDIT: Typos and stuff
So I know a lot of people are telling you to not lose hope or whatever but I’m in my early 40’s and have resigned to the fact I likely won’t have kids despite being married. Life happened to me as well.
I also saw my sister go through tons of IVF and pregnancy at 44. It was rough. It made me realize I did not want to do that to my body at my age.
While some people adopt while single, it’s incredibly challenging and not for everyone. So here’s some things I’ve been looking into aside from adopting.
- Fostering, it can be pretty long-term and you get to give kids some stability in an uncertain time.
- Advocate, I’m not sure how it works everywhere but in my state it’s a conflict of interest for the parents or state to represent a child’s interest in court. There is a volunteer system where an independent third-party (the volunteers) get to know the case, the child, and the child’s opinion to help advocate for the child’s interests during parental rights hearings. It seems really great to give a child in bad circumstances a voice and some autonomy.
- Therapy dog, This is different from a service dog or an emotional support dog. Therapy dogs are specially trained to visit schools, hospitals, nursing homes, crisis centers, etc to interact with folks that may be experiencing loneliness or extreme stress. My hope is to train my dog so I can bring her to children’s care homes to visit kids who may be struggling with their emotions and receiving/giving affection.
All these are ways to interact with and/or help children. There are plenty of children out there who don’t receive the love they deserve and these are all ways you can help give them some of the love they need. I give as much as I can each year to my local children’s care home.
I’m 38 and child free. Happily. In my late 20’s, I kept waiting for that maternal drive to kick in. It never did. By 32, I knew it was never going to happen. I’ve embraced it and couldn’t be happier. I have dogs. My life is fulfilling as is.
I’ve settled into being a SINK over the past decade. I’m 99% sure I won’t have kids. I’m pretty much at the point where I don’t think I’ll have another long term relationship or get married. I’m in a bit of a mourning period over it. At 42, I feel like I’m a bit old and certainly too tired to get back on the dating wheel of chaos. Too much emotional and mental energy.
Answered by another poster, but just also pointing out its origin is from a popular acronym 'DINK' for double income, no kids. It's a common phrase in VHCOL areas. Lots of couples who live together, even get married, but have no desire in having kids. People use the acronyms a lot on dating sites to describe what kind of lifestyle they're looking for.
The key I discovered around your age that eventually led to me finding my wife...
Don't look for dates. Look for friends. Those dating sites and singles events and all that stuff is filled with desperate lonely and horny people. They're just not great for finding good dates.
The best partners come from your friend group. If your friend group doesn't have great options, try to find new friend groups. Join local social media groups. Get involved in your community. Find organizations and clubs around your interests and join up with them.
I found my wife looking for local board gamers. She responded to my online post looking for people to play. And we hit it off over board games. I didn't seek her out as a date. I just was looking for a game partner and found a really good one.
Can confirm! Very similar to your story. Met my husband at a LAN party. Started dating after 8 years of friendship. Just wanted more friends to play MMPOs with.
41 and feel the same. Dating sucks, apps suck. I have a great little dog, lots of friends, fun hobbies, and call my own shots. If someone great crossed my path I’m open to it, but I’m not going to settle just to settle.
Just remember that's it a choice and you're allowed to change your mind.
Also, in the grand scheme of things you're still roughly two decades out away from retirement (when you're officially old).
I’m almost 42 and no kids. I have two dogs that are my children. I have a niece that’s almost 13 and I enjoy being an aunt. The state of the world would be too much for me, I worry what type of world my niece will have as an adult.
I don't have to worry what life will look like for my cats, dog, and horse. I can make sure they are provided for, and they are treated better than probably 90% of the world's children. High quality food, best medical care, luxury bedding, never any insecurity, good caring family, good social connections (Yes, even my cat loves visiting extended family and her dog cousins)...
36 and my husband had a vasectomy. We're also dealing with declining parents and have no idea how people deal with kids and parents at the same time.
Same, my pups are well cared for and loved. My mom was diagnosed with a terminal cancer when I was 29, I was 35 when she passed. It’s tough and takes an emotional toll caring for aging or sick parents. My sister didn’t have the flexibility to be there for our mom like I was because she had a child. My grief process has been very different than my siblings, which it should be but I worked through the heavier emotions early on because I was able to prioritize healing.
We’re dinks! Dual income, no kids! It’s funny because on mine/my husband’s 5th wedding anniversary, we opened a box from our ceremony where we wrote letters to each other that were sealed away for years. I said in my letter I’d have had a baby with him by now. We both laugh into our champagne. [*sigh*]
Still happily childfree. I’ve often pondered how parenthood would go for me and there was always the chance that it could happen or it wouldn’t, and either outcome would not bother me. By now, nearing 33, I am happy to say we shall remain childfree. He feels the same way.
Feels great to have a partner with the same vision of life ❤️ my partner agrees that a life without children could be just as fulfilling. We’ll have energy to peruse personal and professional growth and we will parent many fur babies throughout the years and life will still be good 😊
Same situation here. The other factor for us is that my single mom passed away 5 years ago and my in laws are very difficult opinionated people. Even though I have a very supportive husband, I can’t imagine being a mom not having a mom of my own for support and advice while dealing with difficult in laws.
Yeah, similar journey here for me and my husband. We originally wanted one kid, but once we got into our house and started living the dink lifestyle we determined that there was no way in hell we could possibly afford a kid and a house. And the house was a prerequisite for a kid sooo...yeah. Got rid of all the hand me down stuff we had stashed from my brother and have just happily invested in fixing our house to be exactly what we want and enjoyed our hobbies and life in general.
Eta: both 36 here :)
32F. Child free. I have multiple friends with kids, I'm a godparent and for 8 years I was a stepparent with my ex husband. Ive never wanted kids at any point or age and I don't see that changing at all. I'm currently doing the dual income no kids lifestyle with my partner.
Yep. In a perfect world I probably wouldn’t be, but unfortunately I don’t think I’d be a good enough parent. Even if I felt I could be I find life very sad and I don’t think it’s fair to create life when I’m not so sure I like being here myself.
Yeah looking around at the state of the world is a huge factor in my choice to remain childfree sadly. 😥 I think I could make a great parent in a better world but ultimately the burden of a child right now would be too much. I can barely support myself.
Exactly how I feel my dude.
On top of that though I’m actually at a point in my life where I’m not so stressed all the time and I’m happy in myself, and I don’t want that to change.
I’m lucky that I don’t have parents that are pushing me to have children. I was actually talking to my dad the other day about my child free stance and he actually said to me ‘you’re happy, why would you ruin that with kids?’
Some people may be offended by that I guess but I appreciate his honestly lmao
I feel similar too, I wish I could find more beauty in life but I simply don’t. I can’t see myself raising a healthy kid when I feel shrouded in sadness.
36 here and my IUD expires this summer. Just made an appointment with my Dr to discuss getting my tubes tied.
I asked about permanent sterilization in my mid 20s, but they told me I had to be 35 or have 3 kids first, so a copper IUD was the second best option.
SOOO excited to decommission the baby factory. I've never wanted kids and it's ridiculous that I wasn't given autonomy of my own body
Got the snip in 2017. 33 now and still no regrets. I don’t mind kids but it’s just not for me. Ironic because I’m told all the time I’d make a great parent but not by people that really know my tendency to anger and impatience because I have worked on it a lot. I imagine having a kid would break me, and I don’t know how I’d react so it’s irresponsible to have a kid.
Same here, some people just snap under the stress of screaming, crying, no-sleep-for-days exhaustion, just general chaos of body and mind… I’m fairly positive I’d be one of them so it’s better to just avoid that situation. Contrary to the other reply, I would not like to consider it a challenge since I know my anger quite well.
I have lots of reasons for being childfree, but this is near the top.
42 no kids, no regrets. I like my life without the responsibility of a child. I’m so glad I never was pregnant. It was always something that seems overwhelming and painful. It looks very stressful to raise kids.
I've been with my partner for 15 years and we both have other goals. We were both teachers for a while, and we agree that kids can be fun, but we don't want them living with us.
Been with my partner for a decade, and we wanted kids earlier on, but felt like we just enjoy watching our baby nieces and nephews. Just having our niece/nephew over for the weekend, the house is trashed in one day. Also thinking about the headaches when they grow up, didn’t seem like something we wanted to do.
https://preview.redd.it/wttarc91jh1d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=73f41b9d8640933b2afa172d3b7ee3b9ac09a45a
From Professor Scott Galloway's Ted Talk:
[https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=vnAjJVkW1Ze8kc3p](https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=vnAjJVkW1Ze8kc3p)
(slide at 14:03)
36 and I cannot have a kid because I am a child. I am still trying to raise myself and be a whole person, and I barely have time for that let alone a whole new human.
40M and wife of 14 years are child free, not completely by choice, as I feel if we were in a better financial situation we would have had them by now. We met in college, have worked almost every single day of our lives but have always been pretty much stuck at working poor level (I manage a hotel and she is a preschool teacher). We have 4 cats, and do try to enjoy the benefits of being child free as much as possible but without a bunch of extra disposable income, we can't be the world traveling jet setters like we always hear childless couples are able to be.
I am in the same boat as you. I am living with my partner and his mom right now because we can’t afford life I can’t imagine bringing another life into this financial situations
I make 19/hr and he makes 17/hr both are honestly barely livable with current rent rates in my area.
35. Single. No kids. I think my one chance was in my mid 20’s. Boyfriend was killed in an accident. Half heartedly tried to date a few times but just don’t have the heart for it. No desire for kiddos. In a weird way, though, I sort of enjoy being single! My dream is to have one dog and a cat and call it a day.
38, no kids. I was married to someone with a kid for my entire 20s. Being a stepmom was hard enough, I knew I didn’t want to have a biological child as well.
39, married, and no kids. Quite happy with the situation. Never wanted to be a mom, and at this point I'll never even have a puppy again! Adult dogs forevermore! Current pup is a year and a half 😅
Yup, DINK life. Its crazy yo, I dropped 3k on some geckos I liked, and the people I know with kids are juggling 3 maxed out CC to buy diapers. Shits wild.
35 and married and childfree. We are sort of DINKs. My friend is one year older and just announced she is preggers with baby #3. I feel so sorry for her. Her husband is military and she is on food stamps already to pay for the 2 kids they have now. It's tragic.
Now that I'm settled as a 40 year old with a good job and a house with a little too much space and a yard, I do sort of regret not just going for it and having one and roughing it a few years. I didn't know that I would end up being this responsible, when I was 30 and starting to make these decisions I was giving myself B12 deprivation from doing like 2 cases of whippits a night and spending significant amounts on random internet drugs. I don't yearn for a child or anything, being childless makes things a lot less complicated and gives me more free time, but I underestimated how much further I was going to grow and I probably would have been an okay parent.
40 years old here and have never wanted children. I'm still completely happy with my choice. We're living a comfortable life where we have just enough. We can set aside money for retirement and finally bought a house a couple of years ago. We're not flying off to different locales every year, but also don't have a ton of worries. It's a good life.
Yeah Im turning 32 tomorrow and so no children. Mostly financially related, but also stress related.
I've been an uncle since I was 6 years old and I think I'm tired of the screaming and crying children. If I ever get kids, they will be adopted post age 4.
37F no kids, never wanted them and never had that maternal instinct kick in. I have 2 pets who I love more than life itself, family (including 2 nephews who I adore), and an amazing social life. I’ve been through the wringer because of an autoimmune disease and just being an unlucky person, but I cannot imagine having kids in my life. I’d love to meet a man to share my CF life with but you’d be surprised at how many men in their late 30s, 40s, and 50s still want kids
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33M and no kids. I always said that if I was going to have any kids that I would have to have an amazing partner for the journey. Have not found anyone who fits that criteria for me. So no kids.
I have an amazing partner... but I just don't feel the urge or the pull? I'm 34...
I found the right partner and if it came down to it, they would 1000% be the person I'd raise kids with. But we both don't want kids and frankly that's part of the reason they're the right person for me ❤️
Are you my partner? I was going to type basically this same paragraph! He’d make a great dad, but neither of us want that journey, and we’d come to that decision as single people before ever meeting each other. I’m 38
I feel like the reason my partner and I will not have children (33&39) is because we understand how inconceivably important, difficult, and sacred it is to raise children. You have to do it right. You’re making a human being that the rest of society will have to deal with, and whom didn’t ask to be born. So you bet your ass you better be in the position to do it right, it’s incredibly serious. And we’re never at the right time in our lives to give fully to a child. So many people just have children in this world and then don’t do what they ought to to raise them right. I meet Millenials who’s parents couldn’t get the most basic “give them agency and love them for who they are” part down right. Let alone any of the other stuff. My partner would be a fantastic and involved father… which is why he would feel guilt having a child. I worry enough about the kind of world that will be left for my niece and nephew who are currently toddlers.
I love that all the people that think like you aren’t having kids, and the people who don’t give a shit are reproducing like mice. Watching the future pan out is going to be great.  Not judging you, I’m in the same boat. Just gunna sit and watch it all burn.
It was very freeing to realize its not my responsibility, and I'd rather use my time on earth concentrating on what I can control, and not passing the buck to my offspring.. hoping *they* solve 'X,Y,Z,' because I was too busy procreating to bother changing myself instead. There is so much to learn and explore that gets difficult to do after kids, especially for women. Your life force gets transferred to them instead of yourself. We love to tell women they can 'do it all'.. but a very small percentage actually can successfully, it's not fair to expect that and then have so many women feeling like failures for not meeting the ideal. I'm 43F.. and the uncertainty if I made the right choice is totally gone, and I'm actually enjoying my life.. while many of my peers with children are *tired*, complain a lot and look a decade older. I've seen too many people just do it because they are bored and want companionship without the work required in friendships. Making a whole ass person so you won't be lonely, has always felt socially lazy (with 10x more work) and manipulative to me.
Ha! That's us too. Like if I had to raise a child there's no one else in the world I'd rather do it with than my husband but quite frankly, I very much want a lifetime of him all to myself.
This is us, too 😂 that wording is so precious and perfect! Friends of ours had kids their second year of marriage. We’ve been married almost 7 years and I learn new things about him daily! I love it. I also have seen him wiped out and me as well. A kid would do that to us 100%. I want us to both be our best selves and while kids may bring something out in you, they also take a lot out of you!
Same boat. Kids?! In this economy??
Same. I think about the caveman shit, like who will carry on my legacy. Then I think, what legacy? We are just trying to hang in there. Add in the fact that my wife and I feel like we barely see eachother. We leave the house at 7 am, get home at 5:30pm, go to bed at 9:00pm. We have 3.5 hours a day to see each other outside of weekends. I don't know that our(my wife and I's) world has room for kids to live a fun life.
Same. My partner and I are 39. We're educated and financially okay and would make great parents but we have no desire to raise a kid in this world. I'm glad those of us that found a good partner are on the same page with being Child Free. Often times you always hear how usually one partner wants it and the other doesn't but goes along with it anyway. That sounds like a nightmare.
My wife and I (also a lady) took an injured stray cat to the emergency vet a few weeks ago. Someone was there with a 6 day old puppy. It was making the cutest little noises and I just started crying. Something about that sound just made me want to snuggle the hell out of that thing and just cry. Through tears I said to her, “is this what wanting to have kids feels like for other people??” I’m 42 (so on the far end of the millennial range) but I’ve always planned to be child free. I just never felt the urge. Puppies though…
I'm 43 and spayed. I can be stable for one person, but not two.
Remember to spay and neuter your over 40s people
Especially if they are outdoor over 40’s
The hiking/camping crowd in shambles
I don’t know this hit me so hard but I just snort laughed at the ice cream stand, lol
A really close friend of ours is a veterinarian, and they don’t want kids either. Her - “have one of you considered getting spayed or neutered?” Her husband “ (name), you can’t say that about people!” Her - “yes I can, I’m a doctor!” We still laugh about it.
😭😭😭
Same. 39 here, never found the right partner to build a life with. And not interested in being a baby-daddy. So childless I am!
Same boat, but female. The only downside is, I truly feel a developmental part of me is lacking… it’s almost like I never grew up, bc in a way I never “had” to.. it’s a bittersweet thing
Also 33 and this is my outlook. Haven’t met the right one, and kids are only worth it if the partner is there to go along with it. I’m also not going to hinge my happiness in life on something that may or may not happen. It would be nice if it does, but if it doesn’t, I’ll enjoy life in other ways.
Same, 31 and looking to have kids if (and only) the right person comes along. Not looking to have kids before 34, but the chances of the meeting the right person does seem slimmer and slimmer.
When I was 31 I was so single I wasn’t even trying to date, and truly thought there was no way to get married besides just picking someone you could tolerate most of the time and working really, really hard to live together. Definitely bought into the whole “relationships are incredibly hard work” thing and was ready to take a pass on all of it. Met my husband at 35, married at 37, baby at 40, incredibly happy with all of it. Turns out some relationships are easy, who knew? You just have to find someone who isn’t hard work to be around.
I’ve always thought the “incredibly hard work” is a scam! It’s not and it’s not supposed to be. Sure it takes humility and introspection, compromise, some effort put in to be mindful of your partner, all of that. But if those things aren’t hard for you to do, it’s not hard. A partnership of two non-assholes is quite easy.
All of this. 👏
Relationships should be easy that have moments that are hard. They shouldn’t be hard that home moments that are easy. I divorced at 30. Met someone at 31. Baby at 34. I thought all was lost, but it wasn’t. :)
I didn't meet someone decent until 36 - 37. You still have time. I know people who are 36 - 42 having their first child. I'm childfree by choice, but happily partnered.
I just thought I’d be able to have a lot of relationship before having kids. Now it’s looking like if I want to have kids, I’ll need to have them pretty much right away with that hypothetical partner, and there won’t be space for us to just enjoy each other for years before having a child. There’s still time, but it’s not what I wanted. The way things are turning out isn’t how I thought they would.
I definitely get that. My life absolutely has not panned out how I expected, either. That's not always a bad thing. Wishing you all the best !
Same here. I was married but knew if I had kids with him, I would hate my life because I was already taking care of him as a child. I'm 35 now and feel like I might be too old to keep up with a kid, so I love the kiddos in my life and focus on caring for community and animals.
Yep. 35 and had my vasectomy done last year. No kids for me.
36 and my husband is getting his this year too!
34 and same! We (he) are officially sterile. Granted, I would have remained childfree even if I had fallen pregnant. I always leaned childfree, but even in my “well maybe…” moments I had some very serious concerns (my own capability/losing autonomy, cost/risk/availability of childcare, political climate, literal climate, health risks due to pregnancy, risks to my wonderful relationship, risk of a disability I couldn’t handle). Despite the occasional “aww, baby” moment, I’ve never regretted my choice. If it isn’t an enthusiastic yes then it’s a no imo.
This hits the nail on the head for me, if it’s not an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a no.
Just got mine done on Friday. GO TO A UROLOGIST THAT IS OLD. My urologist had the personality of a dead cat, but has been practicing for 30 years. I was out of the office within 30 minutes of walking in, the procedure took maybe 5 minutes, and my recovery has been a breeze with barely even needing ibuprofen. My buddy went to a urologist that had only been practicing for a handful of years, procedure took 30 full minutes and his recovery was over a week of major discomfort. I was curious and calculated how many nuts my doc had snipped based off of what he told me, and he's seen over 10,000 vas deferns. That's what you want in a doctor, one that can do the procedure in his sleep with as few steps in the procedure as possible.
33 and living that ✂️✂️ life as well!
It took me 3 tries before a doc agreed to give me a vasectomy. I have never had a regret, even a little bit and it is glorious. Why wouldn't they do this for me at 18? At 25? Why did I have to wait until my 30s to get healthcare?
YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND LOLOLOLOLOLOL It's just a bullshit injection of personal belief. My doctor didn't give a damn about my existing family status, just explained all the details and had me sign paperwork affirming that I understood it all. Consultation and paperwork should be the end of any such thing.
I'm just a slight bit younger and also did mine last year. No regrets. Especially as I was just recently lounging in a nice hotel hot tub and listening to some little kids shrieking while playing in the adjacent pool, making the same sounds that I imagine people would make while being dismembered with a chainsaw.
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Snip snap snip snap snip snap
36 here and no kids. I helped raise my sister’s kids while I was a teen and knew then that I didn’t want any of my own.
40 and did the same in my early 20s
36 here as well, I had to help raise my brother's kids when I was 16 or so. That was enough for me.
That’s crazy it has the opposite effect on my sister she raised us 3 younger kids and she had kids late like 37 or so but she is an amazing mother !! Loves being a mom
Fascinating! I’m much older than you, but the main and only reason I’m childless by choice is because of being responsible for my sister’s kids for a while at a early age
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My brother’s ex and her kid lived in our house and I helped with him (now my adopted nephew) so same! Not to mention eldest daughter with a younger brother so I was his “second mom.”
Nothing like having to raise kids to make you sure you don't want any
I find that going to any major grocery store on a Saturday morning is a powerful incentive to not have children.
Same here. Also *gestures at everything*
37, come from a large mexican family and my teen years were watching my cousins with their kids and helping babysit....no thank you.
36 as well. Helped raise my triplet cousins as a teen and that made it clear I am not cut out for it.
SAME. Was getting up early to change diapers when i was 10. Had enough of that to last me a lifetime after 12 nephews and nieces.
Turning 35 this year, married, and childfree. There are rare days that I wonder if I’m missing out and then I see our friends and family with theirs. That effectively cements my childfree status. I was parentified as a child and honestly, I would rather regret not having kids than regret having them.
So well said. I agree.
We have two kids, but from friends that don’t, I have a suggestion. If no one in your immediate family has kids (you’re not an aunt, uncle, or older cousin), plan a party with fellow non-parents on Christmas Day. It seems to the day the “I wish I had kids” feeling creeps in even if the other 364 you are completely ambivalent. We had kids slightly older than many, so we have experience with both situations
29F here, I’m a fence sitter. There’s something in me that really does want to have a kid but I also like the idea of having the money and freedom to travel and have other experiences that kids can kind of hinder. But then, there’s that nagging feeling that when I’m old I’ll regret it if I don’t have one. And I look at the amazing relationship my mom and I have and want that for myself with my own child, too. I dunno man. Shit’s hard
Fwiw, our perspective is that you can 100% parent "correctly" and there is zero guarantee that your children will still be 1) living near you in old age, 2) have a close relationship with you in old age, 3) develop into adults that share interests & commonalities with you. Being real about it being a crap shoot of having a close relationship with children later in life helped us make our decision about no kids (along with additional considerations).
This is 100% correct and if an expectation about outcomes like those are motivating someone to have kids, I’d say “wise up.” You’re creating a human with all of the agency and variability that comes along with humanity. There are no guarantees. Do it for the unique experience of being a parent or don’t do it at all, IMO.
This is me too. Seeing how my sister treated our parents (not going to Dad's funeral either) really brought home the fact that having kids is a gamble and you have to fully let go of control and expectations. They will become adults and you may or may not like each other. None of us by their bedsides because we lived in different countries, couldn't make it in time. I used to be so into becoming a parent eventually but did a complete 180 when I thought about what I can offer to a kid, family genetics including mental health, state of the world, finances, etc. It seemed to me that I could not even summon the optimism for a better future for ourselves let alone a kid. Thankfully my husband was ok either way and has been great. In-laws, not so much when they realized no grandkids. But again, life doesn't turn out the way you want it to, and there's no guarantees. We'll do our best to be there for them and that'll have to be enough.
Growing up, I didn’t think I wanted kids. I just never thought I could do it. Part of me imagined just sort of playing video games perpetually and doing whatever I wanted. Now I’m 35 with a 3 year old and 2 month old. The one thing I miss is the ability to completely “turn off” and not have to worry about anything. That is gone, but you do get breaks. And kids can be fun. Also a pain in the ass. But I like dragging my 3 year old with me when I go places. She is always interested and learning. Even just going to the playground and getting some ice cream after is awesome. Today she looked at me coming down the slide and said, “dada, I’m just really happy” and hugged my leg. I don’t think I’d trade it for anything now. I know this is a childfree post, so I want to just say I respect people’s decisions to not have kids for WHATEVER reason. It is hard and expensive, and you do give up a large chunk of your life. But I do think Reddit forgets that kids do get older…
My kids are close in age and that toddler/baby combo is rough. I think when my youngest was under 2 was the hardest time of my life. Once you hit 5/2 yr old things get way easier in my opinion. Mine are 7 and 9 now and it’s awesome. They are more autonomous and enjoy hanging out together. I am actually at that kind of sad place where I realized my kids will not need me as much anymore and now I miss it. Who knew?
Yeah I’m 31, had a child last year. Up until that point I was so sure I would be okay being child-free, I’ve got lots of hobbies I enjoy, and having money to go on vacations is nice, my wife and I used to go on 2 big vacations a year. But after deciding to go for it (she’s 38 so I guess you could say she was kind of running out of time) I freaking love this kid and it’s hard to imagine my life without him. I do agree though, sometimes I’ll leave work a little early and leave him at daycare til my usual pick up time, just so I can relax and have that feeling of turning off. When I’m with him I feel like some part of me is always dialed in and paying attention. There is no time where I feel no immediate responsibility.
I would rather regret not having children than regret having them🤷
Yeah, people act like you can't have kids late in life if you change your mind, but you can--just not biological ones. So many existing kids out there need homes.
This does not get said enough. I am ambivalent toward having kids, and my partner doesn't want them (so it's pretty easy for us). *But* we have both talked about opening our home to kids in the future via fostering/adoption or just continuing spending that energy on volunteering with kids in the community who could use a stable adult role model - even just for short periods.
I was pretty sure I wanted to be a mom, but was never like. Really wrapped up in it as an identity for me. But I love my husband and knew he’d be a great dad and thought we would see how one went, maybe be one and done. I’m only 4 months in but man, I’m so happy. We love to travel, but if someone burned my passport forever tomorrow, it would be okay (sad, but okay). Idk if this sounds pathetic or inspirational, hahah. I’m 33, we got married at 29. There’s a great essay by Cheryl Strayed that may help you find clarity, search for Dear Sugar ‘the ghost ship’.
I appreciate the perspective! And it’s funny because I know if I do decide to go for it, I want to be one and done and I decided 33 or 34 is the perfect age to do it haha. I’m not married yet but have had this convo with my boyfriend who’s also on the fence about it. Will check the essay out for sure
I love Cheryl Strayed! Dear Sugar was sooo relatable
28 here. Same. On the fence. I think I want them for a few weeks and then I’m reminded of how selfish I still am and wonder if that would go away with kids or would it just make me a bad parent. It’s hard. I can barely stand myself sometimes. I think about how my mom already had two kids by the time she was 28. Life.
Met wife when she was 29 and I was 31. She was set on not having kids. Before I met her, I knew I wanted to be a dad. But I loved her and I accepted her position. I had a heartfelt conversation with my mom around Christmas where we both cried and I told her she would have to rely on grandkids from my siblings. My mom and I later talked about that conversation and she said she wasn’t crying because she wanted grandkids. She was crying because she knew how much I wanted to be a dad. Anyways, my wife and I got married at 31 and 33 years old. I was the most happy I had ever been. The topic comes back up and my wife says she wanted to have *my* babies. I was floored. She said seeing me with her nieces and nephews and the way I treated her made her reconsider raising kids together. We agreed to enjoy married life together for a whole year and then start trying and we did. We 34F and 36M just got back from a weekend in Myrtle Beach with our 1 year old son and we’ll be TTC over the summer to give him a sibling. Every day I am grateful for my wife and the family we have made together. Seeing her in her role as a mother has made me love her more than I’ve loved anything before. Anyways, I write this not to influence your decision one way or the other. Just wanted to share that my wife was on the fence and that she is now a full on stay-at-home super mom and we’re enjoying parenthood together.
I love this. I dated so many men and on the first date I always was very clear that I did not want children and kids were a dealbreaker for me. They’d always say, “oh great! I don’t want kids either!” And they’d continue to date me and lead me on and then after a while and after I was attached, end it because “they realized they’d never change my mind about having kids and they want a family.” I was so hurt every time and asked why they’d do that. Every one of them always said “well I figured I’d be able to change your mind eventually or convince you to have them.” So then I had to start adding that in on dates to— that they won’t change my mind or convince me later. The lack of respect for me and my stance was what hurt the most. I ended up marrying a middle-school sweetheart in my 30’s. We had known each other since 8th grade and life took us across the world from each other but we stayed in touch, sometimes everyday, sometimes things would fade as we got serious with partners, but we always found each other again. He doesn’t want kids at all. Anyway, my point is, thank you for respecting your wife’s feelings about it.. not pressuring her, and making the choice to accept that about her without an ulterior motive. Things always work out the way they should!!! Congratulations on your happy marriage and child!!!
36 married F, no desire to have kids. If finances permit I would love to foster and/or adopt someday
I’m in the same boat as you I have firmly decided I never want to be pregnant and if I am interested in parenthood someday I would go the foster or adoption route
Same, I’d personally like to foster teenagers if I could.
Ive volunteered with lots of teenagers waiting for adoption and I’ve always wondered why they get overlooked. They’re honestly just as charming as the little kids. I really love the teens lol
Same! I really really don't want to go through pregnancy or having an infant, but I'd love to give a teen a chance to get out of the system.
Fostering comes with a small stipend to help offset the cost.
For us the issue is space, we live in one of the most expensive cities in the US. We're looking at moving away to a house where we have room to foster.
🤍 Thank you for being good people.
I'm 41 and I think I missed my chance to be a mom. I'm devastated. But life happens. So. Single. No kids. Just me and my dog in the house I bought...so my freaking dog could have a yard. Lol
Sending hugs! Im in the same situation as you. I try really hard not to think about it though. My cats are great but not quite the life I wanted. Life apparently had other plans.
Hugs back. I completely get this. I thought I had it all. It fell apart. Now I'm starting over. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted a husband. Same. I try to not think about it as well. Unfortunately my pup is 15 and I'm terrified to think what will happen without him.
Be a mentor! There are so many youth focused organizations that need your personality to help guide older kids. Just a few hours a week and you get to leave it all behind whenever life gets too much.
One woman I used to know was in this boat too. She decided to adopt a beautiful baby girl when she was around 45. She was a single mom for a long time, but they live a very happy and wonderful life. There’s still ways you can be a human mom if you want to! But fur mama is valid too!
All these responses have made me cry. Everyone is so sweet and supportive. Thanks guys.
I just naturally had my son at 42 with no complications. It’s fine to not have kids,but if you want them you can still have them 🩷
The best mother in the world I know did the same at 46. She’s legit SuperMom. It’s definitely not impossible!! :)
Don't say never especially if you are devastated. My mom and dad had me at 40 and 47. You could always adopt humans or more dogs. Even foster parent maybe :]
You are only 41 and you got your own house. You can be a mom if you want.
Yeah having a house is actually a good accomplishment these days.
I know a woman who always wanted to be a mom but her partner of like 15 years up and left her with no warning for another woman. She decided to just go for it and do it alone with a donor embryo at 42. If you really wanted to be a mom, you probably still could.
Not to give false hope, but my mom had me at 44 naturally, and I know I had so many stats against me. But I’m 29 now, healthy, graduated with my masters, and pretty dang athletic. And I’m so thankful she didn’t give up. I am SO pro choice and i understand all decisions. But it’s given me in a way a relief to not procreate so fast
I used to work in fetal monitor sales and 44 is actually not that unusual. Women can have children quite easily up to like 45.
My boss recently underwent IVF with a sperm donor at 44 years old. If you want to be a mom, don't let age stop you! Even if IVF is out of the question, adoption is always possible.
I actually currently have friends that are expecting their first kid. They tried for years with IVF and had no luck. A couple of embryos implanted but failed to develop further. Eventually they gave up. A year later they naturally got pregnant as a complete surprise. They weren't trying because they didn't even think it was possible. The mom is almost 44. They just passed their 20 anatomy scan and so far the baby is healthy and thriving. So, anything is possible.
I know someone who had 3 children, and in between they adopted 2 boys. Both were different races. It’s so wonderful to see them all together, and so happy. I’ve never seen them unhappy. You can make a family if you truly want one. OR make a bigger one! EDIT: Typos and stuff
You, your dog, and your own house! 🍻
So I know a lot of people are telling you to not lose hope or whatever but I’m in my early 40’s and have resigned to the fact I likely won’t have kids despite being married. Life happened to me as well. I also saw my sister go through tons of IVF and pregnancy at 44. It was rough. It made me realize I did not want to do that to my body at my age. While some people adopt while single, it’s incredibly challenging and not for everyone. So here’s some things I’ve been looking into aside from adopting. - Fostering, it can be pretty long-term and you get to give kids some stability in an uncertain time. - Advocate, I’m not sure how it works everywhere but in my state it’s a conflict of interest for the parents or state to represent a child’s interest in court. There is a volunteer system where an independent third-party (the volunteers) get to know the case, the child, and the child’s opinion to help advocate for the child’s interests during parental rights hearings. It seems really great to give a child in bad circumstances a voice and some autonomy. - Therapy dog, This is different from a service dog or an emotional support dog. Therapy dogs are specially trained to visit schools, hospitals, nursing homes, crisis centers, etc to interact with folks that may be experiencing loneliness or extreme stress. My hope is to train my dog so I can bring her to children’s care homes to visit kids who may be struggling with their emotions and receiving/giving affection. All these are ways to interact with and/or help children. There are plenty of children out there who don’t receive the love they deserve and these are all ways you can help give them some of the love they need. I give as much as I can each year to my local children’s care home.
Fur babies are real babies. I’m my eyes a mom is anyone that can nurture another being that is completely dependent on them to survive.
I’m 38 and child free. Happily. In my late 20’s, I kept waiting for that maternal drive to kick in. It never did. By 32, I knew it was never going to happen. I’ve embraced it and couldn’t be happier. I have dogs. My life is fulfilling as is.
Thank you 🥹 he's my love.
I’ve settled into being a SINK over the past decade. I’m 99% sure I won’t have kids. I’m pretty much at the point where I don’t think I’ll have another long term relationship or get married. I’m in a bit of a mourning period over it. At 42, I feel like I’m a bit old and certainly too tired to get back on the dating wheel of chaos. Too much emotional and mental energy.
Yoo we made SINK happen! You're the first person using this term outside of me! Also, I'm forty and emphatically, same.
I’ve also used OINK (one income no kids) cuz it makes me giggle. 39 here, def no kids in my future
That… is adorable. I guess I like SINK because it's so emo haha but OINK is a strong contender.
I like OINKWAD- one income no kids with a dog 🐷 🐶
I said SINK a couple years ago lol Edit: I also see OINK, and the unfortunate NINK.
What does SINK mean?
Single Income No Kids
Answered by another poster, but just also pointing out its origin is from a popular acronym 'DINK' for double income, no kids. It's a common phrase in VHCOL areas. Lots of couples who live together, even get married, but have no desire in having kids. People use the acronyms a lot on dating sites to describe what kind of lifestyle they're looking for.
Ohh there's more of us!
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The key I discovered around your age that eventually led to me finding my wife... Don't look for dates. Look for friends. Those dating sites and singles events and all that stuff is filled with desperate lonely and horny people. They're just not great for finding good dates. The best partners come from your friend group. If your friend group doesn't have great options, try to find new friend groups. Join local social media groups. Get involved in your community. Find organizations and clubs around your interests and join up with them. I found my wife looking for local board gamers. She responded to my online post looking for people to play. And we hit it off over board games. I didn't seek her out as a date. I just was looking for a game partner and found a really good one.
Can confirm! Very similar to your story. Met my husband at a LAN party. Started dating after 8 years of friendship. Just wanted more friends to play MMPOs with.
41 and feel the same. Dating sucks, apps suck. I have a great little dog, lots of friends, fun hobbies, and call my own shots. If someone great crossed my path I’m open to it, but I’m not going to settle just to settle.
Just remember that's it a choice and you're allowed to change your mind. Also, in the grand scheme of things you're still roughly two decades out away from retirement (when you're officially old).
I’m almost 42 and no kids. I have two dogs that are my children. I have a niece that’s almost 13 and I enjoy being an aunt. The state of the world would be too much for me, I worry what type of world my niece will have as an adult.
I don't have to worry what life will look like for my cats, dog, and horse. I can make sure they are provided for, and they are treated better than probably 90% of the world's children. High quality food, best medical care, luxury bedding, never any insecurity, good caring family, good social connections (Yes, even my cat loves visiting extended family and her dog cousins)... 36 and my husband had a vasectomy. We're also dealing with declining parents and have no idea how people deal with kids and parents at the same time.
Same, my pups are well cared for and loved. My mom was diagnosed with a terminal cancer when I was 29, I was 35 when she passed. It’s tough and takes an emotional toll caring for aging or sick parents. My sister didn’t have the flexibility to be there for our mom like I was because she had a child. My grief process has been very different than my siblings, which it should be but I worked through the heavier emotions early on because I was able to prioritize healing.
A niece shares the same amount of DNA with you as a grandkid. A winning move, you skipped the hard part.
Yep. We don’t see biological and/or foster kids in our future.
We’re dinks! Dual income, no kids! It’s funny because on mine/my husband’s 5th wedding anniversary, we opened a box from our ceremony where we wrote letters to each other that were sealed away for years. I said in my letter I’d have had a baby with him by now. We both laugh into our champagne. [*sigh*] Still happily childfree. I’ve often pondered how parenthood would go for me and there was always the chance that it could happen or it wouldn’t, and either outcome would not bother me. By now, nearing 33, I am happy to say we shall remain childfree. He feels the same way.
Feels great to have a partner with the same vision of life ❤️ my partner agrees that a life without children could be just as fulfilling. We’ll have energy to peruse personal and professional growth and we will parent many fur babies throughout the years and life will still be good 😊
Same situation here. The other factor for us is that my single mom passed away 5 years ago and my in laws are very difficult opinionated people. Even though I have a very supportive husband, I can’t imagine being a mom not having a mom of my own for support and advice while dealing with difficult in laws.
Yeah, similar journey here for me and my husband. We originally wanted one kid, but once we got into our house and started living the dink lifestyle we determined that there was no way in hell we could possibly afford a kid and a house. And the house was a prerequisite for a kid sooo...yeah. Got rid of all the hand me down stuff we had stashed from my brother and have just happily invested in fixing our house to be exactly what we want and enjoyed our hobbies and life in general. Eta: both 36 here :)
32F. Child free. I have multiple friends with kids, I'm a godparent and for 8 years I was a stepparent with my ex husband. Ive never wanted kids at any point or age and I don't see that changing at all. I'm currently doing the dual income no kids lifestyle with my partner.
Yep. In a perfect world I probably wouldn’t be, but unfortunately I don’t think I’d be a good enough parent. Even if I felt I could be I find life very sad and I don’t think it’s fair to create life when I’m not so sure I like being here myself.
Yeah looking around at the state of the world is a huge factor in my choice to remain childfree sadly. 😥 I think I could make a great parent in a better world but ultimately the burden of a child right now would be too much. I can barely support myself.
Exactly how I feel my dude. On top of that though I’m actually at a point in my life where I’m not so stressed all the time and I’m happy in myself, and I don’t want that to change. I’m lucky that I don’t have parents that are pushing me to have children. I was actually talking to my dad the other day about my child free stance and he actually said to me ‘you’re happy, why would you ruin that with kids?’ Some people may be offended by that I guess but I appreciate his honestly lmao
Dang. Deep.
I feel similar too, I wish I could find more beauty in life but I simply don’t. I can’t see myself raising a healthy kid when I feel shrouded in sadness.
Yep and it’s staying that way.
36 here and my IUD expires this summer. Just made an appointment with my Dr to discuss getting my tubes tied. I asked about permanent sterilization in my mid 20s, but they told me I had to be 35 or have 3 kids first, so a copper IUD was the second best option. SOOO excited to decommission the baby factory. I've never wanted kids and it's ridiculous that I wasn't given autonomy of my own body
32 no kids. I’d like to have kids, but I’m not too interested in getting married. I have no plans of having kids without being married.
37 no kids, got my tubes removed.
38, me too, got it done when I was 30 🤜🤛 always knew kids were not for me
Got the snip in 2017. 33 now and still no regrets. I don’t mind kids but it’s just not for me. Ironic because I’m told all the time I’d make a great parent but not by people that really know my tendency to anger and impatience because I have worked on it a lot. I imagine having a kid would break me, and I don’t know how I’d react so it’s irresponsible to have a kid.
Same here, some people just snap under the stress of screaming, crying, no-sleep-for-days exhaustion, just general chaos of body and mind… I’m fairly positive I’d be one of them so it’s better to just avoid that situation. Contrary to the other reply, I would not like to consider it a challenge since I know my anger quite well. I have lots of reasons for being childfree, but this is near the top.
I feel this. I get annoyed by my cat repeatedly climbing on my lap when I don’t want him there. I can’t imagine that with a kid constantly.
41 and knew from the time I was about 10 that I never wanted kids. Don't get me wrong, I like kids and stuff, I just like my freedom more.
42 no kids, no regrets. I like my life without the responsibility of a child. I’m so glad I never was pregnant. It was always something that seems overwhelming and painful. It looks very stressful to raise kids.
35 child free and no kids for foreseeable future
I've been with my partner for 15 years and we both have other goals. We were both teachers for a while, and we agree that kids can be fun, but we don't want them living with us.
Been with my partner for a decade, and we wanted kids earlier on, but felt like we just enjoy watching our baby nieces and nephews. Just having our niece/nephew over for the weekend, the house is trashed in one day. Also thinking about the headaches when they grow up, didn’t seem like something we wanted to do.
Almost 40 year old woman. I’m smoking pot in the hot tub again. Maybe not the life for some ppl. But I find it to be peaceful and fulfilling.
35 and i grow weed. no hot tub
You got that right. My wife is 36, I’m 34, and we wake and bake every morning with our dogs. It’s nice to be stoned instead of sleep deprived 🤣
Yeah 35 year old with two kids under 2. I just do this after they go to sleep.
I’m 34 with no kids, but still considering. I feel like time is flying. 🥺
37 and plan to stay that way
>37 and plan to stay that way Ohh. I had a *massive* brain fart reading this. "Huh? They're planning on staying 37???"
https://preview.redd.it/wttarc91jh1d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=73f41b9d8640933b2afa172d3b7ee3b9ac09a45a From Professor Scott Galloway's Ted Talk: [https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=vnAjJVkW1Ze8kc3p](https://youtu.be/qEJ4hkpQW8E?si=vnAjJVkW1Ze8kc3p) (slide at 14:03)
36 and I cannot have a kid because I am a child. I am still trying to raise myself and be a whole person, and I barely have time for that let alone a whole new human.
40M and wife of 14 years are child free, not completely by choice, as I feel if we were in a better financial situation we would have had them by now. We met in college, have worked almost every single day of our lives but have always been pretty much stuck at working poor level (I manage a hotel and she is a preschool teacher). We have 4 cats, and do try to enjoy the benefits of being child free as much as possible but without a bunch of extra disposable income, we can't be the world traveling jet setters like we always hear childless couples are able to be.
I am in the same boat as you. I am living with my partner and his mom right now because we can’t afford life I can’t imagine bringing another life into this financial situations I make 19/hr and he makes 17/hr both are honestly barely livable with current rent rates in my area.
I wouldn’t worry, most people are in debt over those travels. 95% of Dink couples aren’t circumnavigating the world every 6 months.
Indeed! 38. Vasectomy over a year ago. No kids. Never want them. They're not for me. My life is mine.
31, married and no kids! Have a sick ass orange cat and husband though :)
41, married, and my husband and I are loving being DINKs.
I decided long ago that I would be a bad mom, & I don't regret my decision to not have kids at all. Couldn't afford em even if I did.
35. Single. No kids. I think my one chance was in my mid 20’s. Boyfriend was killed in an accident. Half heartedly tried to date a few times but just don’t have the heart for it. No desire for kiddos. In a weird way, though, I sort of enjoy being single! My dream is to have one dog and a cat and call it a day.
Yep, and will be for years to come. Becoming an uncle multiple times for the past 25 years has made me kinda sick of kids.
Yess 37 no kids, dont want kids
38, no kids. I was married to someone with a kid for my entire 20s. Being a stepmom was hard enough, I knew I didn’t want to have a biological child as well.
Yup. 35 F married to a 40 M. Both happily childfree. We like kids, just no interest in parenthood.
30F no kids. Don't plan on it. Life's stressful enough without kids. Plus now I can buy a house maybe
I will be 40 this year and have no desire to have kids. I have a dog and that is enough.
41 and no kids thank goodness
36 this year. no kids. chose a house instead.
39, married, and no kids. Quite happy with the situation. Never wanted to be a mom, and at this point I'll never even have a puppy again! Adult dogs forevermore! Current pup is a year and a half 😅
Yup, DINK life. Its crazy yo, I dropped 3k on some geckos I liked, and the people I know with kids are juggling 3 maxed out CC to buy diapers. Shits wild.
They was broke before hand, I have 3 kids, maybe $120 a month is the peak I’ve spent on diapers.
38 and proudly child-free. I have 2 jobs and couldn't afford a kid anyway.
We literally have this thread once a week
35 and married and childfree. We are sort of DINKs. My friend is one year older and just announced she is preggers with baby #3. I feel so sorry for her. Her husband is military and she is on food stamps already to pay for the 2 kids they have now. It's tragic.
Yes and I love not having kids!
Now that I'm settled as a 40 year old with a good job and a house with a little too much space and a yard, I do sort of regret not just going for it and having one and roughing it a few years. I didn't know that I would end up being this responsible, when I was 30 and starting to make these decisions I was giving myself B12 deprivation from doing like 2 cases of whippits a night and spending significant amounts on random internet drugs. I don't yearn for a child or anything, being childless makes things a lot less complicated and gives me more free time, but I underestimated how much further I was going to grow and I probably would have been an okay parent.
40 years old here and have never wanted children. I'm still completely happy with my choice. We're living a comfortable life where we have just enough. We can set aside money for retirement and finally bought a house a couple of years ago. We're not flying off to different locales every year, but also don't have a ton of worries. It's a good life.
My wife and I aren’t having any. Who the hell could afford to, let alone everything else going on in the world. We chose to spoil our dog…
Yeah I don’t even want to be around minors
Yes, happily childfree!
38f and childfree. would have at least liked to have found a partner, but i live in the south and couples pair off early.
33 and child free. I’ve never wanted kids. Never have, never will.
I’m 29, no plans for kiddies. Even when I see babies around.. I have no desire to hold/interact.
36 here and no kids. Never really had the desire to be a parent and haven't met someone who changed my mind. Biologically or to be a step parent.
Yeah Im turning 32 tomorrow and so no children. Mostly financially related, but also stress related. I've been an uncle since I was 6 years old and I think I'm tired of the screaming and crying children. If I ever get kids, they will be adopted post age 4.
33F and childfree.
36, partner is 38, we are high school sweethearts & are child free by choice and enjoy every minute of it (:
I'm 33 and no kids, with 8 nephews and 3 nieces I don't see a need to have kids myself.
38 no kids. Very happy with my decision. Got a tubal ligation done a couple years ago
Oh ya. I decided late 20s I never wanted kids. I'm 40
37F no kids, never wanted them and never had that maternal instinct kick in. I have 2 pets who I love more than life itself, family (including 2 nephews who I adore), and an amazing social life. I’ve been through the wringer because of an autoimmune disease and just being an unlucky person, but I cannot imagine having kids in my life. I’d love to meet a man to share my CF life with but you’d be surprised at how many men in their late 30s, 40s, and 50s still want kids