I do not know if I will ever be able to be in a relationship again.
However - I do still love fiercely. I love my kids, I love my friends, and I love every living being.
Romance? Not for me. I would probably either burst out laughing, or run and hide.
You have to retrain your brain to connect dopamine with positive reinforcement.
When you're with a narc your dopamine hit's get released for the wrong reasons.
Here's a blog I found that explains [The biochemical bonds of narcissistic abuse.](https://www.kierstenhathcock.com/blog/addiction-biochemical-bonds-of-narcissistic-abuse)
It's hard. I was addicted to cortisol/adrenaline and always anxious and in 'fight or flight' mode because I never knew whether I was saying the right thing or even whether the expression on my face was 'right' (according to my nex). I walked on eggshells every day in fear of another arguement and as a result I got addicted to my own cortisol. When I left my nex and everything was calm, my body went haywire craving drama to get its cortisol/adrenaline fix. It takes a long time for that to pass. I ended up on medication for ptsd.
That blog also explains the hormonal reasons for bonding and why we believe that 'we'll never find that kind of spark again'. It's really interesting.
Dude it's absolutely possible, it just takes patience and time. You sound like you're not ready for it yet, so just be patient with yourself and take the time. If it takes you another two years to find true love, isn't that absolutely worth it??? Small steps, lead to big achievements yanno.
I took a 6 year break before accepting love again, and I stayed with that person for 7 years before they were revealed as another monster. Time doesn't stop you falling prey again, sadly.
I still think about my ex frequently. I'm worried that I might get too obsessive with my thoughts sometimes. I'm also worried that it might ruin any future relationship I get into, but I also tell myself that with the boundaries and standards I have now, the next person will always be better than my ex.
100% true! My current partner is WAY better - and very understanding. He knows how I feel about my ex and that I do therapy to focus on this problem. I feel my thoughts are very obsessive too, it is like we are addicted to drugs, but it is a person. Insane to think how they do thatā¦
all of the ways they made us obsessed with them like breadcrumbing and lovebombing. I remember I talked about this a couple days ago but I asked about 'pavlov conditioning' because my ex would sometimes talk about conditioning me when I react affectionately. I think about it now and it's a disgusting way to think. your partner is not a dog or a pet and that's exactly how I felt sometimes.
I am so sorry you went through this. They really treat us like an animal. Mine always used to say āgood girlā when I gave up on an argument for example.
We broke up in 2017. It is been a long time, we stayed without contact until 2020, when we started emailing again and having some conversations. I started missing him. I found someone else, love him, but always had my ex in the back of my mind.
we didnāt get back together, I tried closure, honestly I still try. Unfortunately, it feels like he got his power back on me. It is like he got me when he said āI know we need to talk about what happened, but I am not readyā and here I am, years later, still suffering. I know we wonāt be together, I donāt know if I can say I still love him or if that is really just trauma bond, but I feel I wanted to talk to him through all that happened (fyi our break up was very cruel and he blocked me and I got no words/explanation). However, Iām just stuck back in his cycle, even if we are not in a relationship, I keep waiting for him to get back to me, so we could at least talk. But maybe I am just dumb. Sorry for venting tho.
He approached me saying he was going through all he made me feel. Asked me if we could chat. He didnāt apologize directly, but kinda acted as if he was sorry and showed he was finally suffering (even mentioned that I could be happy because he got his karma back š). So at first, yes, I thought he changed. But as we kept talkingā¦ I saw that he was the same. He was telling me things about his gf (now ex as well) the same way he talked about me, so he didnāt change. I regret ever replying, because I am stuck on his cycle once again, and canāt leave it. Even if I get nothing from him, sometimes I feel āhappyā that we still talk sometimes (oh well, most of the times I am ignored). Rationally, I donāt believe they change. But our trauma makes us think they do. š
I am not sure. At least we need to change our definition of what we thought love is, to more of whether or not this person makes me feel feel and peaceful in the relationship. Narcissists have a way of killing the idealism of romantic love. I mourned it, but now I can detect manipulation a mile away, and it does sadden me because I still hope above it all. So to answer your question will you love again? Yes, but it will be different and in that, there will always be a sense of loss. Good luck
i can help you with what love is not
Loving someone is not the same as loving the way he loves you.
Loving someone is not the same as loving to be in love.
Loving someone is not the same as merging with your partner.
Loving someone is not the same as hating loneliness or desperation.
Loving someone never involves fantasy or idealization.
Loving someone is not about assuming a parental role.
Coming up on 1 year and this is my concern as well. Itās not even about being able to trust, itās mostly that Iām not attracted to other men and they all seem boring & unfulfilling.
YES!!!!
Happily married for over 4 years š
My husband is the opposite of narcissistic. Heās still a man, and heās not perfect, but heās a fundamentally loving person. Heās accepted me through surgical complications and weight gain, and heās encouraged me to do things that make me happy.
I *know for a fact* that you can have a healthy, loving relationship. It wonāt be easy, but itās infinitely possible šāļø
Edit: I didnāt date for several years after my abuse. Just an fyi. Itās ok if youāre not ready, but one day youāll heal and you might want a truly loving relationship. Everyone deserves that, especially after being with the monsters we have.
Just wondering how you felt dating your husband in the early days?
Did you find yourself ever missing the excitement from the previous narc relationships, or find him boring in comparison?
Thank you for sharing your story, gives me hope š
Experiencing true, intimate, safe, mutual love is eye opening and life changing. Itās full of hope and gratitude. It puts relationships with a narc to shame. Everything narcs do is the inverse and corrupted opposite version of authentic love. A loving relationship will be anything but boring!
Thatās an interesting take! Thank you for replying ā¤ļø How long into dating him did you realise you had a connection with your now, husband?
Iām dating again and finding myself talking to men who seem nice - but boring and Iām questioning if Iām subconsciously seeking the excitement of narcissist vs genuinely not compatible. Hope that makes sense hahaha
I feel like despite giving my love to the wrong person for over 25 years (!) that I still have so much love to give and want to have a normal healthy relationship! I actually really really deserve that! Unfortunately I have serious doubts that I will be able to meet anyone now at this stage in my life.
For me I just got out of a marriage and I am 25 but I feel like years will pass by so pass and I'm still mentally stuck at the time he left me...even fizically I keep moving I stay shocked. And I find what keeps me stuck is still thinking he is the one for me..and he does miss me and love me...but it was Me, I was the problem. So he left
I don't know how to. I'm weird around people. I stutter. My hands shaking. People think I'm abnormal. I constantly feel like people avoid me. So i don't bother anymore.
I want to believe that I can. I want to believe that one of these days, Iāll meet someone who sparks all of those great things about life again.
I know for me, I use to want kids. I use to want a wife. I use to want to be a dad and a husband and buy the house and all of that stuff. These days however, it seems like all I really want is peace in my life and to not feel owned by anyone.
I often wonder if itās possible to find someone to truly care about me and not feel like Iām constantly a slave to them. That probably sounds weird, but all I can remember is how unsettling I felt so often and how talking to/being with someone felt like I was under a microscope and always having to do the right thing, say the right thing or make sure Iām available for whatever.
These days, Iād be perfectly happy with someone who wanted to spend time just being okay in life. Home, work, sleep, dinner, movies.. just a super simple life.
I donāt know. I think Iām just bound to be alone. Probably have some casual sex but nothing more. I canāt think of investing everything into another person again. š
Absolutely. It takes time, but yes, definitely.
Don't worry about trusting others. Trust Yourself, that's the secret. If your gut screams Bad News Run Away, listen. Look for consistency and kindness, stability and partners who never treat you with malice.
Never lose hope! Something else that really helped was, looking for red flags and if something immediately didnāt feel right, Iād end it, instead of dismissing it.
Absolutely you can! It is smart to take distance while healing. They say the hardest relationship is the healthy one after an abusive one. Take your time. But at someone point you do have to allow yourself to try again.
Yes, im gradually falling for someone now actually ā¤ļø crazy that when I joined this community 1.5 years ago saying the same thing as you, Iāve gotten to this point now.
Itāll happen for you, just focus on healing.
Yes you absolutely can love again. I left my narc ex of 4 1/2 years and now engaged to the love of my life. Heās absolutely amazing, but Iām not going to lie there are days where I pull back, feel smothered or not emotionally connected or physically connected or some days I want my space and donāt wanna be touched or bothered. But I think that happens regardless sometimes, we are human.. but it is possible to love again, just need time and healing.
I donāt know. Iād rather not risk going thru something like this ever again. First time was bad enough and the only thing I walked away with was trauma.
I broke off with my nex last year, and I took around 6-7 months to heal 90%. Now I am with a person who is beautiful from inside as well and I should say this that I didn't trust girls after the relationship with my nex but this person turned everything upside down. It's easy to fall in love when you are with a person who is a diamond. I was running far from love, and it just attacked me in between and needless to say I am very very happy with this person as she values me and loves me unlike the last relationship where you are loved till you provide supply.
I can feel that I have love to give. But then again I'm borderline and passionate AF. But I also have fearful avoidant attachment on top of this trauma and my own
I don't know if I'll ever really feel love. I'm like super hypervigilant
I am exactly going trough the same as you. I found this abusive person so special he had good qualities, and I am scared I will never love again. I am not someone who gets easily bounded unless I really love someone. I just feel Itās done and over and that I will close myself foreverā¦
Thank you so much to each of you for taking the time to share your story.
Above that, thank you for the wisdom, advice, encouragement and hope. I appreciate you all, and I wish you the best in your healing. ā¤ļø
Mastery of Selfā¦
Adult children of emotionally immature parents
Two books I recommend to read.
Focus on books that help you with self love. Focus on therapy that does the same. Investigate what childhood wounds led you to attract narcissists.
I was just about to start on a journey of working on myself when mine swept in. She was privy to all my thoughts and feelings regarding the person Iād had a crush on before her. She used all of that against me eventually. She said to me āYou are enoughā when I felt like I was not for the other person. And then proceeded to tell me I didnāt care, never did enough, and so on.
So now, I feel done. I have never had an interest in selling myself, donāt plan to now or ever. If it happens it happens but I really think I might be better off alone.
Are you sure they were so wonderful? Maybe you were seeing subtle red flags and you acted subconsciously in rejecting them. Real love takes time anyway. Maybe you're just not ready to invest yet after the big loss.
I would definitely not be able to love in the romantic sense, but I feel different types of love like for my family, pets, friends etc. I love life in general. But would not have an interest in experiencing relationship type love again.
Yes. I had a lot to work through after my ex wife detonated our home. And then there was my narc roommate, whom CLAIMED to be trying to "hook me up" with other women, but EVERY FUCKING TIME, I ended up looking like an absolute twat, with him OPENLY joking & flirting with said women.
I just can't be bothered. It just feels like there's no one worth the risk. It's not the rejection that bothers me, it's being made to look like an ass.
Yes. And I had to go to therapy to untangle that mess. Narcissists leave a disaster wherever they go, and they hurt the few people that were actually good to them.
I think that it can take a lot of time. But if some one loves you, in time you will understand that this real love is so different to what you had before that you learn to trust again.
Yes you can but you need to first accept the fact that it was not about you but him or her. Also come into terms that people like your ex exist. Now that you know what you donāt want in a relationship use it as a guide to help you navigate to dating. It will take time since you do need to find someone who is genuine about his emotions towards you. Unfortunately in dating it takes time to get there
No. I have guys I trust for hookups and we'll have fun pretending for a night, then they go home. I will never give anyone the chance to hurt me like that. Plus, I've seen it all, my best friends are fboys and that's who I tend to fall for.
There is the love of my life who I did trust, he just needed to get stupid girls out of his system and he tried to get together and i thought, no, there's no way he's ready. I thought we'll be OLD together, but he is like this social force that everyone loves and I hardly speak unless Im partying. He was my best friend. He was killed. Wonder if I would have ever been able to be with him but I will never know now. He was a close friend, that's the only reason he was close enough for me to love him.
But yeah who needs love? I have my dogs . Im in a terrible living situation, and getting out of that is more important than having someone to waste all my time on.
I do not know if I will ever be able to be in a relationship again. However - I do still love fiercely. I love my kids, I love my friends, and I love every living being. Romance? Not for me. I would probably either burst out laughing, or run and hide.
I think you got out pretty healthy š¤
You have to retrain your brain to connect dopamine with positive reinforcement. When you're with a narc your dopamine hit's get released for the wrong reasons. Here's a blog I found that explains [The biochemical bonds of narcissistic abuse.](https://www.kierstenhathcock.com/blog/addiction-biochemical-bonds-of-narcissistic-abuse) It's hard. I was addicted to cortisol/adrenaline and always anxious and in 'fight or flight' mode because I never knew whether I was saying the right thing or even whether the expression on my face was 'right' (according to my nex). I walked on eggshells every day in fear of another arguement and as a result I got addicted to my own cortisol. When I left my nex and everything was calm, my body went haywire craving drama to get its cortisol/adrenaline fix. It takes a long time for that to pass. I ended up on medication for ptsd. That blog also explains the hormonal reasons for bonding and why we believe that 'we'll never find that kind of spark again'. It's really interesting.
thanks for the link. Good information to know.
Thank you for that blogpost. A lot of which you described resonated with me.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I feel too scared to trust someone again too. I'm so sorry for the pain you went through.
Dude it's absolutely possible, it just takes patience and time. You sound like you're not ready for it yet, so just be patient with yourself and take the time. If it takes you another two years to find true love, isn't that absolutely worth it??? Small steps, lead to big achievements yanno.
I took a 6 year break before accepting love again, and I stayed with that person for 7 years before they were revealed as another monster. Time doesn't stop you falling prey again, sadly.
Love this !
Yes, I do love someone else, but I am still addicted to my ex.
I still think about my ex frequently. I'm worried that I might get too obsessive with my thoughts sometimes. I'm also worried that it might ruin any future relationship I get into, but I also tell myself that with the boundaries and standards I have now, the next person will always be better than my ex.
100% true! My current partner is WAY better - and very understanding. He knows how I feel about my ex and that I do therapy to focus on this problem. I feel my thoughts are very obsessive too, it is like we are addicted to drugs, but it is a person. Insane to think how they do thatā¦
all of the ways they made us obsessed with them like breadcrumbing and lovebombing. I remember I talked about this a couple days ago but I asked about 'pavlov conditioning' because my ex would sometimes talk about conditioning me when I react affectionately. I think about it now and it's a disgusting way to think. your partner is not a dog or a pet and that's exactly how I felt sometimes.
I am so sorry you went through this. They really treat us like an animal. Mine always used to say āgood girlā when I gave up on an argument for example.
that is honestly disgusting behavior. im very glad that you have found someone that loves you the right way
Very brave of you to say out loud. I appreciate you for this as I think many of us feel this way. Thanks.
š©·āØ
I fear this will be me. Thank you for your response. How long have you been apart from your ex?
We broke up in 2017. It is been a long time, we stayed without contact until 2020, when we started emailing again and having some conversations. I started missing him. I found someone else, love him, but always had my ex in the back of my mind.
Did ur ex want to get back together? Or was it for "closure" purposes?
we didnāt get back together, I tried closure, honestly I still try. Unfortunately, it feels like he got his power back on me. It is like he got me when he said āI know we need to talk about what happened, but I am not readyā and here I am, years later, still suffering. I know we wonāt be together, I donāt know if I can say I still love him or if that is really just trauma bond, but I feel I wanted to talk to him through all that happened (fyi our break up was very cruel and he blocked me and I got no words/explanation). However, Iām just stuck back in his cycle, even if we are not in a relationship, I keep waiting for him to get back to me, so we could at least talk. But maybe I am just dumb. Sorry for venting tho.
Did you see any changes? How did the contact begin again after so long?
He approached me saying he was going through all he made me feel. Asked me if we could chat. He didnāt apologize directly, but kinda acted as if he was sorry and showed he was finally suffering (even mentioned that I could be happy because he got his karma back š). So at first, yes, I thought he changed. But as we kept talkingā¦ I saw that he was the same. He was telling me things about his gf (now ex as well) the same way he talked about me, so he didnāt change. I regret ever replying, because I am stuck on his cycle once again, and canāt leave it. Even if I get nothing from him, sometimes I feel āhappyā that we still talk sometimes (oh well, most of the times I am ignored). Rationally, I donāt believe they change. But our trauma makes us think they do. š
I am not sure. At least we need to change our definition of what we thought love is, to more of whether or not this person makes me feel feel and peaceful in the relationship. Narcissists have a way of killing the idealism of romantic love. I mourned it, but now I can detect manipulation a mile away, and it does sadden me because I still hope above it all. So to answer your question will you love again? Yes, but it will be different and in that, there will always be a sense of loss. Good luck
i can help you with what love is not Loving someone is not the same as loving the way he loves you. Loving someone is not the same as loving to be in love. Loving someone is not the same as merging with your partner. Loving someone is not the same as hating loneliness or desperation. Loving someone never involves fantasy or idealization. Loving someone is not about assuming a parental role.
Spot on, would you be able to list what Love is? There are so many of us who want Love but seem to end up with the incompatible match.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response.
Coming up on 1 year and this is my concern as well. Itās not even about being able to trust, itās mostly that Iām not attracted to other men and they all seem boring & unfulfilling.
YES!!!! Happily married for over 4 years š My husband is the opposite of narcissistic. Heās still a man, and heās not perfect, but heās a fundamentally loving person. Heās accepted me through surgical complications and weight gain, and heās encouraged me to do things that make me happy. I *know for a fact* that you can have a healthy, loving relationship. It wonāt be easy, but itās infinitely possible šāļø Edit: I didnāt date for several years after my abuse. Just an fyi. Itās ok if youāre not ready, but one day youāll heal and you might want a truly loving relationship. Everyone deserves that, especially after being with the monsters we have.
Just wondering how you felt dating your husband in the early days? Did you find yourself ever missing the excitement from the previous narc relationships, or find him boring in comparison? Thank you for sharing your story, gives me hope š
Experiencing true, intimate, safe, mutual love is eye opening and life changing. Itās full of hope and gratitude. It puts relationships with a narc to shame. Everything narcs do is the inverse and corrupted opposite version of authentic love. A loving relationship will be anything but boring!
Thatās an interesting take! Thank you for replying ā¤ļø How long into dating him did you realise you had a connection with your now, husband? Iām dating again and finding myself talking to men who seem nice - but boring and Iām questioning if Iām subconsciously seeking the excitement of narcissist vs genuinely not compatible. Hope that makes sense hahaha
I feel like despite giving my love to the wrong person for over 25 years (!) that I still have so much love to give and want to have a normal healthy relationship! I actually really really deserve that! Unfortunately I have serious doubts that I will be able to meet anyone now at this stage in my life.
Me, too. I wish I'd left him in my twenties. I had a 25 year marriage
For me I just got out of a marriage and I am 25 but I feel like years will pass by so pass and I'm still mentally stuck at the time he left me...even fizically I keep moving I stay shocked. And I find what keeps me stuck is still thinking he is the one for me..and he does miss me and love me...but it was Me, I was the problem. So he left
I'm sorry š
Never say never!
This is me also. We shall see what the future holds but who knows. Iām at least happy with my life currently so thatās something
hitting 4 years in August
I don't know how to. I'm weird around people. I stutter. My hands shaking. People think I'm abnormal. I constantly feel like people avoid me. So i don't bother anymore.
I feel that. It feels like people are soulless animatronics. I don't feel a connection with anyone and conversing feels like pulling teeth.
I want to believe that I can. I want to believe that one of these days, Iāll meet someone who sparks all of those great things about life again. I know for me, I use to want kids. I use to want a wife. I use to want to be a dad and a husband and buy the house and all of that stuff. These days however, it seems like all I really want is peace in my life and to not feel owned by anyone. I often wonder if itās possible to find someone to truly care about me and not feel like Iām constantly a slave to them. That probably sounds weird, but all I can remember is how unsettling I felt so often and how talking to/being with someone felt like I was under a microscope and always having to do the right thing, say the right thing or make sure Iām available for whatever. These days, Iād be perfectly happy with someone who wanted to spend time just being okay in life. Home, work, sleep, dinner, movies.. just a super simple life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep. I just want to be at home and relaxed. A nice quiet evening. No yelling. No feeling like Iām tensed up. Just relaxed.
I donāt know. I think Iām just bound to be alone. Probably have some casual sex but nothing more. I canāt think of investing everything into another person again. š
Absolutely. It takes time, but yes, definitely. Don't worry about trusting others. Trust Yourself, that's the secret. If your gut screams Bad News Run Away, listen. Look for consistency and kindness, stability and partners who never treat you with malice.
I didnāt date during our separation, I worked on myself, traveled, and did things I thought I could never do. After our divorce literally within days, I met my now fiancĆ©. (We are Indian engaged, our families know, we will still have a proposal too) When I started online dating, told myself to not have expectations, and to keep an open mind. I met the LOML, he is everything my NEX could never be. He is disciplined, has strict boundaries, doesnāt drink, respects me, protective of me, roots for me and my dreams, believes in me and my dreams, doesnāt let anyone disrespect me, puts us first while making time for his friends and family too, is sweet, tender, never is angry at me for me a long time, doesnāt give me the silent treatment. He will move heaven and hell for me. He is giving, sends my mom flowers, wants to get to know my family. When weāre intimate he wants to know what I like and dislike, and asks for consent, and ensures Iām also enjoying it too. You can love again! There are good men out there!
Thank you for writing and explaining...gives hope. š¤
Never lose hope! Something else that really helped was, looking for red flags and if something immediately didnāt feel right, Iād end it, instead of dismissing it.
I'm afraid to love again too. I don't ever want to be backstabbed and hurt again like I was. I hope you can love again one day too.
Absolutely you can! It is smart to take distance while healing. They say the hardest relationship is the healthy one after an abusive one. Take your time. But at someone point you do have to allow yourself to try again.
Yes, im gradually falling for someone now actually ā¤ļø crazy that when I joined this community 1.5 years ago saying the same thing as you, Iāve gotten to this point now. Itāll happen for you, just focus on healing.
I got married and loved my husband very much. But I have never loved like I loved the nex again.
I feel the same, but the truth is, the āloveā we feel for narcs isnāt really love. It is pure adrenaline, addiction. It is a crazy feeling.
Yes you absolutely can love again. I left my narc ex of 4 1/2 years and now engaged to the love of my life. Heās absolutely amazing, but Iām not going to lie there are days where I pull back, feel smothered or not emotionally connected or physically connected or some days I want my space and donāt wanna be touched or bothered. But I think that happens regardless sometimes, we are human.. but it is possible to love again, just need time and healing.
I donāt know. Iād rather not risk going thru something like this ever again. First time was bad enough and the only thing I walked away with was trauma.
I broke off with my nex last year, and I took around 6-7 months to heal 90%. Now I am with a person who is beautiful from inside as well and I should say this that I didn't trust girls after the relationship with my nex but this person turned everything upside down. It's easy to fall in love when you are with a person who is a diamond. I was running far from love, and it just attacked me in between and needless to say I am very very happy with this person as she values me and loves me unlike the last relationship where you are loved till you provide supply.
I can feel that I have love to give. But then again I'm borderline and passionate AF. But I also have fearful avoidant attachment on top of this trauma and my own I don't know if I'll ever really feel love. I'm like super hypervigilant
I am exactly going trough the same as you. I found this abusive person so special he had good qualities, and I am scared I will never love again. I am not someone who gets easily bounded unless I really love someone. I just feel Itās done and over and that I will close myself foreverā¦
Yes. I did. Took a few tries after the narc but I got through it! Now I have a perfect fiancƩ who cares for me like I deserve and appreciates my love.
Thank you so much to each of you for taking the time to share your story. Above that, thank you for the wisdom, advice, encouragement and hope. I appreciate you all, and I wish you the best in your healing. ā¤ļø
Mastery of Selfā¦ Adult children of emotionally immature parents Two books I recommend to read. Focus on books that help you with self love. Focus on therapy that does the same. Investigate what childhood wounds led you to attract narcissists.
I was just about to start on a journey of working on myself when mine swept in. She was privy to all my thoughts and feelings regarding the person Iād had a crush on before her. She used all of that against me eventually. She said to me āYou are enoughā when I felt like I was not for the other person. And then proceeded to tell me I didnāt care, never did enough, and so on. So now, I feel done. I have never had an interest in selling myself, donāt plan to now or ever. If it happens it happens but I really think I might be better off alone.
With caution, yes.
Are you sure they were so wonderful? Maybe you were seeing subtle red flags and you acted subconsciously in rejecting them. Real love takes time anyway. Maybe you're just not ready to invest yet after the big loss.
I would definitely not be able to love in the romantic sense, but I feel different types of love like for my family, pets, friends etc. I love life in general. But would not have an interest in experiencing relationship type love again.
Yes. I had a lot to work through after my ex wife detonated our home. And then there was my narc roommate, whom CLAIMED to be trying to "hook me up" with other women, but EVERY FUCKING TIME, I ended up looking like an absolute twat, with him OPENLY joking & flirting with said women. I just can't be bothered. It just feels like there's no one worth the risk. It's not the rejection that bothers me, it's being made to look like an ass.
Yes. And I had to go to therapy to untangle that mess. Narcissists leave a disaster wherever they go, and they hurt the few people that were actually good to them.
I donāt think so. You canāt love after a narc. They do great damage
It all comes down to knowing yourself when your ready you'll know your not broken just a little bruised but you'll be ok
I think that it can take a lot of time. But if some one loves you, in time you will understand that this real love is so different to what you had before that you learn to trust again.
Honestly I donāt know. I want to have hope Iāll find a spark in someone again, but I just havenāt.
I don't think it will be possible for me.
Iām 2.5 years in and I feel the same way. I think itās probably for the best.
Yes you can but you need to first accept the fact that it was not about you but him or her. Also come into terms that people like your ex exist. Now that you know what you donāt want in a relationship use it as a guide to help you navigate to dating. It will take time since you do need to find someone who is genuine about his emotions towards you. Unfortunately in dating it takes time to get there
No. I have guys I trust for hookups and we'll have fun pretending for a night, then they go home. I will never give anyone the chance to hurt me like that. Plus, I've seen it all, my best friends are fboys and that's who I tend to fall for. There is the love of my life who I did trust, he just needed to get stupid girls out of his system and he tried to get together and i thought, no, there's no way he's ready. I thought we'll be OLD together, but he is like this social force that everyone loves and I hardly speak unless Im partying. He was my best friend. He was killed. Wonder if I would have ever been able to be with him but I will never know now. He was a close friend, that's the only reason he was close enough for me to love him. But yeah who needs love? I have my dogs . Im in a terrible living situation, and getting out of that is more important than having someone to waste all my time on.
Absolutely!