Do they not think of the future at all? The same way they don't think of the last or revisit their actions? I didn't think about that but this must be it?
Soooo accurate.
My ex used to throw away stuff as soon as there was any effort required. For example, if he couldn’t squeeze the toothpaste out with zero effort, it was in the garbage. Squeezing from the bottom wasn’t something he was willing to do, but he also wouldn’t spend his money on stuff like toothpaste. That was for me to do.
Eventually, I started taking the tube he was gonna throw out and I’d usually be able to use it for another 1-2 weeks. And that’s just one insignificant thing.
We’d be paycheck to paycheck because of his frivolous spending so having to drop $3-4 on toothpaste (or anything) just added to the pile of outgoing money that we didn’t have. He wouldn’t consider that being wasteful could easily add up each week.
Mine goes through shower gel/shampoo like crazy because he dumps an excessive amount in his hands then it ends up in big blobs all over the shower walls. Every. Single. Day. I tried changing those items to pump tops but no surprise he hates those lol
Mine would go through ridiculous amounts of bar soap because he would stand under the water like a normal person would, just feeling the nice water, except he would also be holding the soap between his palms up by his face directly under the stream of water. I told him we were going through way too much soap and asked him to stop bathing the bar as well as himself and he got furious and denied doing it.
Once we separate I imagine I'm going to be shocked at how underwhelming the reduction in combined income will feel. So much of it disappears into waste.
Yes this!!! I was married to a covert narc with a severe spending addiction. 1.5 years since the split and the financial peace has been unreal! I am better off just with my income alone because I don't have to support his spending habits.
Mine would not take care of things. Like not return things til past the time of refund. Buy multiples because he couldn’t find originals. Not clean or maintain anything. It was like if it broke or what not just throw it away it.
He doesn’t pay for anything, so it’s not his shit he’s wasting. After about the thousandth half empty Mountain Dew I dumped, I refused to buy his soda anymore.
Many ways to answer this: they are energy vampires by nature, they do nothing except deplete others’ resources (i.e. time, money, effort, loyalty, etc.), they’d much rather waste *your* stuff rather than their own.
They’re ungrateful, thoughtless, & emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, spiritually unwell. They’ve almost always been poor with managing money, never taught useful skills earlier in life that’d prevent them from being a narcissist in the first place, and they selfishly & unapologetically rely on others to mend their f*ck-ups. Real nice of them…real caring and selfless, huh?
Whatever they little do give back unto others is very minuscule and they got to document every single act on social media for clicks, validation from others, and likes- much like my nex did for a brief period when she’d act genuine and pretend to be sooo deeply involved with her local homeless shelter.
She really had some capability of being a master-manipulator for the camera for her mindless, negative fifty followers whenever she needed to be.. She didn’t even buy most of the things she dropped off at the shelter, she clearly asked the dollar store manager in her video if he’d be willing to give anything for free in the back… 🙄.
And side note; how f’ing pathetic must one be to crowdfund online for a new car which most of us adults have to earn and work our asses off for? She’s only earned like $100 of her $5000 goal. And what kind of beater would she expect to buy with 5k? Either way, I hope she has or finds a good therapist by now… because I’d be here all night explaining all the crap I had to hear and deal with from her. I was her free therapist and human punching bag who had to listen about her harp on & on about the past, her endless woes, her “d*ckhead” brother, etc. for TOO long…
The narcs have a double standard wherein they want others like family, friends, romantic partners to put in the effort FOR them completely unreciprocated and unappreciated. She’d lean on the gas pedal of financial abuse as hard as possible w/ me (maybe not *exclusively* with you, but you & your precious resources were most likely taken for a wild ride to the cleaners by the narcissist who most likely, unbeknownst to you, has/had other sources of supply).
I could keep going but I think I’ve made my point..they’re moochers and parasites, like blood-sucking and disease-spreading ticks.
Certainly not mother or father of the year despite their delusion/s saying otherwise. If they cared about the kids, they wouldn’t willingly subject them to even more broken and toxic home environments. She’s unfit to care for herself, let alone herself— and the narcissist can’t love anybody period anyway.
THIS.....
double standard wherein they want others like family, friends, romantic partners to put in the effort FOR them completely unreciprocated and unappreciated.
Why didn't I ever connect the dots?! Yes, they never plan ahead, never invest money or find ways to cut costs. I even get told I'm a miser because I'm responsible with our savings. He hates me for it, yet he greatly benefits from me being frugal. He was even able to retire seven years earlier than most, but he still hates me for being careful with our finances.
Literally they future fake themselves if it’s a covert they never take action then cry about their situation. They have a failure to launch. They dig their own graves then complain about having too lay in it.
OMG 😱- So Incredibly True- this is how my dad is and was 1,000%. We, even as children, always had to clean up/Fix a Grown Man’s Self-Created Disasters/ Messes- All of Our Lives (Myself & My Brother)!!!
Yes and they still think they are better then everyone when they live in the gutter. They have no humility to better themselves then they play the victim and martyr. They want others to save them and they rage at those who do better their own lives. They think they are perfect, superior and entitled by default when they ain’t nothing special, they don’t live in reality!
Glad you're doing well now. It's really hard when a couple are totally opposite in their thinking.
I've always been of the mindset that savings brings security but he thinks you only live once and you should enjoy it.
You couldn't be more correct!!!! I was raised to handle money carefully and always save as much as I can by living beneath my means. I live debt-free. He was of the mindset that he had to "purchase" his self-worth and that the more money he blew, the more worth he had as a person. It was insane the amount of debt he racked up for no reason. Most of the crap he bought he didn't even use.
It's pretty infuriating seeing brand new things in boxes that never get used.
Once I wanted a $50 hand held shower nozzle so I could wash our dog more easily, but he really tried to convince me we didn't need it. He never washes the dog so why would we need one!
Yet he needed a $300 pair of astro binoculars that he's never used. I totally understand how frustrated you're feeling, but keep saving to secure your own future.
Mine was so bad. She’d get mad at me for having extra money when she was always broke. Assumed I was hiding money, when in reality I just didn’t piss it all away
I’ll always remember one specific time
She came home from shopping. Bought some jewelry and a purse. Spent a couple hundred dollars.
I look at she has a bubble of the side of her car tire. I ask her if she knows it there. She said yeah, it’s been there for a few weeks.
I tell her that’s really unsafe and she needs new tires. she tells me she can’t afford tires. I ask her what does she mean she can’t afford tires. She starts screaming at me and saying this is why I’m such a horrible husband. A real man would just buy her tires.
I say I don’t understand how she can say she can’t afford tires when she knows she needs them but just spent a couple hundred dollars on earrings and a purse. She starts screaming at me about how I am never to tell her how she can or can’t spend her money.
Then she went out the next day and bought shoes
I feel for you OP. Mine bought a three hundred dollar pair of astro binoculars and they're still in the box unopened since Christmas.
I don't mind if he buys stuff he actually uses, but why buy something you don't even use. Just got to have shiny new toys.
mine bought a $4000 gucci belt she's worn twice in the last 3 years, $1500 for a pair of shoes she wore for 10 minutes because they hurt her feet and $5000 for a watch that she doesn't wear because she likes her apple watch
My wife? 12K boob job. 72K new car. 20K custody battle with her ex. Not to mention the countless shopping trips adding into the tens, maybe hundreds of thousands.
Then there’s dumb old me thinking I’m just being a good husband taking care of my wife, meanwhile I’m being completely used and manipulated. Unfortunately I saw it after the fact. Now I’m divorcing her and that’s going to cause my net worth to go down a few hundred thousand.
What a fucking nightmare.
Wow, you've obviously done well in life to be able to afford so much.
You're not dumb spending money on someone you love...she was your wife.
Just be careful in future, don't tell people you're well off too soon or you'll never know if they love you or love your money.
Good luck for the future.
They're so useless and lazy but have to pull us down because there's no way they can measure up to us. They know it too.
Sometimes I wish he'd just leave and find a woman just like himself, and he could live in poverty and squalor for the rest of his life.
Maybe keep your man happy by leaving all his dirty clothes wherever they fall and let him eat off dirty plates for a while. No don't... he'll just make life hell for you if you do. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
Ya she took away many things that make me feel comfortable. I was curious one day and saw her knock a pencil off her desk. Left it that's okay was busy, but they next day okay maybe, 4 weeks later I go how can you not take a millisecond to bend over and grab that?
Never cleaned the toilets and told me I couldn't tell her son to try and aim better. She made it worst and told him it was okay to pee all over.
She once stole my child's toys and gave them to her son to take to his dads. We found out from her son and she threw him under the bus wasn't her fault. 6 years of crazy and I go re read text thinking wtf was I staying around for.
Edit: I don't get why I stayed with her. massive waves of emotion. I just want it to all go away.
I feel for you. They leave a trail of unfinished business everywhere. It's someone else's duty to clean up after them. Very entitled VIP's in their own opinion.
That’s part of his abuse/disorder imo… he does this so if you “dare” complain in his head he still provides for you so *how dare you!*. It’s sick. It’s leverage of “how you complain buying us food when the toilet paper you wipe with comes from me?!”
Not to dump but I say this bc my dad would kinda do that to my mom a *lot* growing up. They divorced when I was young but it was always “you complain about not full child support but I paid for them to do xyz this year!” Like… we need this money so we can have school clothes! He only paid full child support one year while claiming to be broke until the literal *day* I turned 18. Guess who’s already done two big vacations this year?
Trust me- you look hard enough you will always find the manipulation in the things they do.
My abuser was like this to some degree. He would only spend money on food and sex toys. If he had to buy me anything he would make sure to leave the receipt in the bag, the price sticker on, and the cost in the screenshot.
So accurate! I feel like they don’t value anything. Like he just breaks and throws away and loses things like a child (3 wallets this year…convenient haha)
But if you break or lose something? All hell breaks loose
Oh yes! When I left him, he had no one to do his laundry, so he just bought new socks and underwear every week. And plates and cups because he didn’t know how to handle the dishwasher 😒
One of the last straws in my relationship with him was when he smoked cigarettes in my brand new car (that was a huge thing for me; buying my own car) and despite me begging him to at least not smoke in it.
Then after a couple of weeks he accidentally burned a hole in the front seat 😫 Till this day I curse him, whenever I get in my car and look at that hole 😠
Their lack of respect is astounding.
This just reminded me of when I bought my first brand new expensive bed (when I was a lot younger) it was so exciting for me to have bought something that pricey after I saved so long to get it. I would put all clean bedding on and get in my pj's and spend all damn weekend in it. Within a month, my narc passed out with a cigarette on my bed while I was at work and burnt a crater in the centre of the mattress. When I found out, I burst into tears, I was so upset about it, I just slept in the lounge while he said nothing. A few days later I come home from work to discover him again passed out in my bed where he has filled the hole with a massive overflowing ashtray. WTF??? He never understood what the big deal was.
Are these bastards even real human beings?
YES OMG, my nex was SO wasteful with everything! And ofc I was the only one buying groceries with my own money. Once I was alone I was stunned how much money I saved not buying his junk food and sodas anymore (he went through like 3 12 packs of Dr Pepper within a few days!).
I really think a lot of times it’s because they’re not spending their own money and get catered to. I was the only one working whilst he sat on the computer all day (he got VA benefits as income)
You have to care about something to conserve it, and they care about nothing, hence the waste.
Their entire life is one big shortcut; constantly using people while giving nothing back. It pops up in their daily life. Their part of the sink is a mess, their computer is littered with icons all over the desktop. Their car is full of trash. Anything that no one else will clean for them stays a mess.
Yep mine would bitch about how he'd lost everything and never has any clothes etc or how I supposedly threw away all his stuff (I didnt) and then would pack up his stuff and tell me I'm horrible, how fine he is, and call me names etc when he got mad at me but would leave half his junk here. No matter how many times I would try to get him to tell me where to take his stuff he just would leave me on read. Like bro maybe if you need this stuff so much supposedly then probably take care of it
We (thankfully) did not join bank accounts. His reasoning was that he didn't want me bothering him over what he spent money on. He would literally buy new socks every week and throw out the other socks because he couldn't be bothered to wash them or match them...as one example. He was SO bad with money. He had no loans (didn't go to college and the house was much). He made 150k and when we got divorced his $200 check to the lawyer bounced 🤷♀️
I think it’s cause part of the criteria is impulsivity along with grandiose along with over concern of others perception.
So if you’re impulsive along with those, instead of saving money for something meaningful or even needs, you’ll buy Coachella tickets and book a flight so you can look good and feel cool and brag online.
Or instead of cooking a good meal you’ll eat at a fancy restaurant and maybe even take it as far as shaming what another person orders that’s cheaper or that’s not as healthy.
Or you’ll impulsively plan something with someone and spend all that money and just cancel because they hurt your ego, so many examples.
And usually when the complaining begins, ask yourself this: is it *really* because they don’t have these things or because maybe a hardship with them, your relationship, or your own personal struggle was brought up? Narcissistic people tend to not only want to be *better* then you, then want to be better then you while having it worse, going thru worse, and even *being worse off*. Yet they’ll always find a way still to be better in that.
It is easy to be wasteful when it is other people’s time, money and emotions. Narcissists consume everything until it is all gone. Money, time, love, grace, all of it.
They dispose and are wasteful to humans as well. Never valued the time of others. I wasted 6 good years of my life with this demonic being. They don’t care! It’s like a child only an evil, possessed child that doesn’t understand the values of anything but find outs out wasting things hurt others so they’ll keep doing it out of spite and evil intent.
Example soda. I used to buy these no sugar cases of soda like 10cans, they would be gone by the next day. Now that I’m in my own place, I bought a case of no sugar soda and last night I finished them after 3.5wks.
I used to do all of the grocery shopping myself. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t have any food. But when I did the groceries, he would only eat the snacks like foods, never cook anything or consider the whole foods that I purchased. If he ever did any groceries, usually during the silent treatment, it would be as if a kid was left to shop for themselves.
It’s not even funny it’s sad. There would be sugary cereal, milk, candy, energy drinks, frozen pizza or 2, chips, and other junk, never a single produce or food to actually make a meal. Never any water.
Mine confuses me with money. He doesn't work, hasn't since I've known him. But has expensive hobbies. So he will choose to not eat during the day when I'm at work, or when he's out for his hobbies in the evenings he won't get himself more than a drink and a snack. He expects me to have a plate made for him and left in the fridge from the dinner I make for our kid and I. I don't do that lol he's grown, I feel like he can feed himself. But he will choose to starve and then ask me for fast food as soon as I'm off work or on the way to his hobbies. So I see he's just using it as a way to spend more of my money while acting like he freaking cares about our finances. He always makes a big deal out of me wanting to get take out but it's always fine for him. Argh!!! Why are they like this??!
I used to get so frustrated with how delusional he was regarding money. I had to use savings most months to make ends meet, he had nothing saved up, and he kept talking about getting a sleeve tattoo in a few months… Where in the hell would that money come from?
Mine would whine and complain about how they never had any money, and yet at the same breath would talk to me about expensive beauty treatments that they were doing every two weeks.
It makes no sense and it especially made no sense when they would eventually get around to start hinting from me that I should give them money, of course, in between telling me about their expensive beauty treatments and tattoos that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars.
Well they also have this weird abundance mindset when it comes to people. They usually pick out nice looking, smart, successful victims and then leave them like it’s nothing. It’s probably a cluster B trait like all their other lovely traits
YES! Exactly like my mom!! Spoiled rotten vegetables in the fridge, leftover food everywhere in the fridge, places a plate of raw meat on the shelf above the cooked food eventhough I told her about cross contamination, over buys sometimes unnecessary things then complains when I go buy food to feed the cat. It's like if they want it even if overpriced they get it, but if I buy basic food items I get scolded.
Sometimes it is deliberate, an act of rage.
My narc bought a "big gas guzzling truck" for the explicit reason because it burns more gas and creates more smoke ...therefore pissing off a greater number of people.
That's the reason he selected it. He stated that this was his main reason. He thought it would irritate others.
I don't think it worked. I'm pretty sure that nobody even noticed, or cared.
He was well on his way toward sadistic psychopathy and it did not end well. It really wasn't pretty.
My nex had TERRIBLE spending habits and it’s devastated our lives. He was never satisfied. Wasted his money on so much crap. And I mean CRAP.
Things that would impress very selected people. Collectibles, electronics, cars, clothes, outings. Just so wasteful. Tens of thousands of dollars on just ***stuff***
I didn’t even recognize it for what it was at the time but now that I’m out of the relationship, oh god my resentment towards him and how much he deprived me and the kids?? I really fucking hate him for that sometimes.
Then he had the goddamn audacity to *blame me* that he doesn’t have **MORE**
Just like his mom. So excessively materialistic and only cares about money and obtaining things. Thinking people are jealous of them when they’re not.
It is so embarrassing to see them for the truth of who they are when I tried to justify it all these years.
Now kids and I are really struggling financially and he’s going to concerts, huge events, getting new tattoos.
Excessively materialistic and just a fundamentally disgusting human being. Just like his wicked mother.
Omg 😳- Did we date the same person?? Lol. Mine was a Narc or at Least Had Very, Very Narcissistic Traits, and his Mom was also a Narcissistic, self-Absorbed, Superficial Psychopath, just like her “boy”. His poor Dad though- He was Always so Kind and so Sweet- I Don’t KNOW HOW He could stand his Evil, Narc Wife for so many decades???!! 👿😭- It was So Sad to Me, cuz the Dad genuinely Seemed like a Really GOOD Person.
Omg same!!! Apparently my ex FIL was abusive when nex and his siblings were young. But I never saw it at all. I always felt so bad for him being stuck with such a garbage wife. She had affairs too and I lost respect for him for staying ***and then I stayed too when Nex cheated on me***. God I hate that family so much. They’re so disgusting. Absolute disgusting excuses for humans.
I’ve lost more respect for exFIL for tolerating the bs even more. I hope he’s jealous that I got out. He should be.
For mine, I am a client. We wanted to be closer friends (nothing romantic). I'm a paying client. I helped out in his business out of love. He wrecked things with me and didn't care about what he'd be losing in terms of money, free labor and overall involvement. Hell yeah they're wasteful and reckless.
My mother just turned down 50,000 to "stick it to me". Told me Im not allowed to work but she wont pay for my meds and she's gonna try and claim me as dependent because Im trapped here . My suffering is worth money to her but I don't even have food if I rely on her.
It's not waste to them.
Mine was definitely a moocher, rarely worked but he never wasted food. In fact, he once made burgers for us then told me a few days later that the baps he'd fed me were mouldy and he just picked off the green bits. He knew full well that I hated food that had gone bad in any way. He clearly did it deliberately and revelled in telling me what he'd done. Reactive abuse 101.
No investment = No value. Easy come, easy go. Money, time, energy means nothing to them. Because they can siphon it off of the next sap.
Yeah they “ believe “ it’s owed to them.
“Look at how much you have. It’s not fair that I don’t have that much. You owe me. Don’t be a selfish jerk, give it to me now.”
Do they not think of the future at all? The same way they don't think of the last or revisit their actions? I didn't think about that but this must be it?
Soooo accurate. My ex used to throw away stuff as soon as there was any effort required. For example, if he couldn’t squeeze the toothpaste out with zero effort, it was in the garbage. Squeezing from the bottom wasn’t something he was willing to do, but he also wouldn’t spend his money on stuff like toothpaste. That was for me to do. Eventually, I started taking the tube he was gonna throw out and I’d usually be able to use it for another 1-2 weeks. And that’s just one insignificant thing. We’d be paycheck to paycheck because of his frivolous spending so having to drop $3-4 on toothpaste (or anything) just added to the pile of outgoing money that we didn’t have. He wouldn’t consider that being wasteful could easily add up each week.
They feel entitled and think things should just come to them. They have no humility.
This is so metaphorical. I can think of something else they throw out when it requires any effort on their part lol!
I literally lived off my ex wife’s toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner etc haha
Mine goes through shower gel/shampoo like crazy because he dumps an excessive amount in his hands then it ends up in big blobs all over the shower walls. Every. Single. Day. I tried changing those items to pump tops but no surprise he hates those lol
Mine would go through ridiculous amounts of bar soap because he would stand under the water like a normal person would, just feeling the nice water, except he would also be holding the soap between his palms up by his face directly under the stream of water. I told him we were going through way too much soap and asked him to stop bathing the bar as well as himself and he got furious and denied doing it.
He started using one of those blend away the grays shampoos so now it regularly looks like several pens have exploded in our shower 😬
Lol 😂
I use Every. Single. Day. exactly like you do! I hope all is well and wish you the best!
Once we separate I imagine I'm going to be shocked at how underwhelming the reduction in combined income will feel. So much of it disappears into waste.
Yes this!!! I was married to a covert narc with a severe spending addiction. 1.5 years since the split and the financial peace has been unreal! I am better off just with my income alone because I don't have to support his spending habits.
Mine would not take care of things. Like not return things til past the time of refund. Buy multiples because he couldn’t find originals. Not clean or maintain anything. It was like if it broke or what not just throw it away it.
It was like if it broke or what not just throw it away it. That’s the same way they treat people. It makes sense, they see use like objects as well.
True dat
He doesn’t pay for anything, so it’s not his shit he’s wasting. After about the thousandth half empty Mountain Dew I dumped, I refused to buy his soda anymore.
Good for you they feel entitled so too them it’s no big deal. Money grows on trees in narcism land.
mountain dew..gross!
Many ways to answer this: they are energy vampires by nature, they do nothing except deplete others’ resources (i.e. time, money, effort, loyalty, etc.), they’d much rather waste *your* stuff rather than their own. They’re ungrateful, thoughtless, & emotionally, financially, mentally, physically, spiritually unwell. They’ve almost always been poor with managing money, never taught useful skills earlier in life that’d prevent them from being a narcissist in the first place, and they selfishly & unapologetically rely on others to mend their f*ck-ups. Real nice of them…real caring and selfless, huh? Whatever they little do give back unto others is very minuscule and they got to document every single act on social media for clicks, validation from others, and likes- much like my nex did for a brief period when she’d act genuine and pretend to be sooo deeply involved with her local homeless shelter. She really had some capability of being a master-manipulator for the camera for her mindless, negative fifty followers whenever she needed to be.. She didn’t even buy most of the things she dropped off at the shelter, she clearly asked the dollar store manager in her video if he’d be willing to give anything for free in the back… 🙄. And side note; how f’ing pathetic must one be to crowdfund online for a new car which most of us adults have to earn and work our asses off for? She’s only earned like $100 of her $5000 goal. And what kind of beater would she expect to buy with 5k? Either way, I hope she has or finds a good therapist by now… because I’d be here all night explaining all the crap I had to hear and deal with from her. I was her free therapist and human punching bag who had to listen about her harp on & on about the past, her endless woes, her “d*ckhead” brother, etc. for TOO long… The narcs have a double standard wherein they want others like family, friends, romantic partners to put in the effort FOR them completely unreciprocated and unappreciated. She’d lean on the gas pedal of financial abuse as hard as possible w/ me (maybe not *exclusively* with you, but you & your precious resources were most likely taken for a wild ride to the cleaners by the narcissist who most likely, unbeknownst to you, has/had other sources of supply). I could keep going but I think I’ve made my point..they’re moochers and parasites, like blood-sucking and disease-spreading ticks.
They are terrible parents, friends and people.
Certainly not mother or father of the year despite their delusion/s saying otherwise. If they cared about the kids, they wouldn’t willingly subject them to even more broken and toxic home environments. She’s unfit to care for herself, let alone herself— and the narcissist can’t love anybody period anyway.
This!
THIS..... double standard wherein they want others like family, friends, romantic partners to put in the effort FOR them completely unreciprocated and unappreciated.
Why didn't I ever connect the dots?! Yes, they never plan ahead, never invest money or find ways to cut costs. I even get told I'm a miser because I'm responsible with our savings. He hates me for it, yet he greatly benefits from me being frugal. He was even able to retire seven years earlier than most, but he still hates me for being careful with our finances.
[удалено]
Literally they future fake themselves if it’s a covert they never take action then cry about their situation. They have a failure to launch. They dig their own graves then complain about having too lay in it.
Omg yes!!!!!! My covert narc to a T
OMG 😱- So Incredibly True- this is how my dad is and was 1,000%. We, even as children, always had to clean up/Fix a Grown Man’s Self-Created Disasters/ Messes- All of Our Lives (Myself & My Brother)!!!
Yes and they still think they are better then everyone when they live in the gutter. They have no humility to better themselves then they play the victim and martyr. They want others to save them and they rage at those who do better their own lives. They think they are perfect, superior and entitled by default when they ain’t nothing special, they don’t live in reality!
I feel like I could have written this myself. Get out of your marriage if you can. I am so glad I left mine.
Glad you're doing well now. It's really hard when a couple are totally opposite in their thinking. I've always been of the mindset that savings brings security but he thinks you only live once and you should enjoy it.
You couldn't be more correct!!!! I was raised to handle money carefully and always save as much as I can by living beneath my means. I live debt-free. He was of the mindset that he had to "purchase" his self-worth and that the more money he blew, the more worth he had as a person. It was insane the amount of debt he racked up for no reason. Most of the crap he bought he didn't even use.
It's pretty infuriating seeing brand new things in boxes that never get used. Once I wanted a $50 hand held shower nozzle so I could wash our dog more easily, but he really tried to convince me we didn't need it. He never washes the dog so why would we need one! Yet he needed a $300 pair of astro binoculars that he's never used. I totally understand how frustrated you're feeling, but keep saving to secure your own future.
You as well!!!!!! It gets easier when you leave them!
Mine was so bad. She’d get mad at me for having extra money when she was always broke. Assumed I was hiding money, when in reality I just didn’t piss it all away I’ll always remember one specific time She came home from shopping. Bought some jewelry and a purse. Spent a couple hundred dollars. I look at she has a bubble of the side of her car tire. I ask her if she knows it there. She said yeah, it’s been there for a few weeks. I tell her that’s really unsafe and she needs new tires. she tells me she can’t afford tires. I ask her what does she mean she can’t afford tires. She starts screaming at me and saying this is why I’m such a horrible husband. A real man would just buy her tires. I say I don’t understand how she can say she can’t afford tires when she knows she needs them but just spent a couple hundred dollars on earrings and a purse. She starts screaming at me about how I am never to tell her how she can or can’t spend her money. Then she went out the next day and bought shoes
I feel for you OP. Mine bought a three hundred dollar pair of astro binoculars and they're still in the box unopened since Christmas. I don't mind if he buys stuff he actually uses, but why buy something you don't even use. Just got to have shiny new toys.
mine bought a $4000 gucci belt she's worn twice in the last 3 years, $1500 for a pair of shoes she wore for 10 minutes because they hurt her feet and $5000 for a watch that she doesn't wear because she likes her apple watch
My wife? 12K boob job. 72K new car. 20K custody battle with her ex. Not to mention the countless shopping trips adding into the tens, maybe hundreds of thousands. Then there’s dumb old me thinking I’m just being a good husband taking care of my wife, meanwhile I’m being completely used and manipulated. Unfortunately I saw it after the fact. Now I’m divorcing her and that’s going to cause my net worth to go down a few hundred thousand. What a fucking nightmare.
Wow, you've obviously done well in life to be able to afford so much. You're not dumb spending money on someone you love...she was your wife. Just be careful in future, don't tell people you're well off too soon or you'll never know if they love you or love your money. Good luck for the future.
I started earning more money when I was with my wife so it was hard to hide. Moving forward, agree 100%. Not telling anyone anything!
Mum's the word. 🤫 Good luck.
Ouch!!! Hurts me hearing your story! Last belt I bought $10. Last pair of shoes $30. I use the clock on my phone. $10,500 vs $40 😵💫
Mine was kind of dirty. I'm not and would get chastised for cleaning to well.
They're so useless and lazy but have to pull us down because there's no way they can measure up to us. They know it too. Sometimes I wish he'd just leave and find a woman just like himself, and he could live in poverty and squalor for the rest of his life. Maybe keep your man happy by leaving all his dirty clothes wherever they fall and let him eat off dirty plates for a while. No don't... he'll just make life hell for you if you do. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
Ya she took away many things that make me feel comfortable. I was curious one day and saw her knock a pencil off her desk. Left it that's okay was busy, but they next day okay maybe, 4 weeks later I go how can you not take a millisecond to bend over and grab that? Never cleaned the toilets and told me I couldn't tell her son to try and aim better. She made it worst and told him it was okay to pee all over. She once stole my child's toys and gave them to her son to take to his dads. We found out from her son and she threw him under the bus wasn't her fault. 6 years of crazy and I go re read text thinking wtf was I staying around for. Edit: I don't get why I stayed with her. massive waves of emotion. I just want it to all go away.
I feel for you. They leave a trail of unfinished business everywhere. It's someone else's duty to clean up after them. Very entitled VIP's in their own opinion.
Welp here’s another box my nex checked.
My narc is opposite though....he won't spend any money on absolutely anything but the necessities...but expects me to spend on every thing
entitlement at it finest they want others to care for them they think you owe it to them.
That’s part of his abuse/disorder imo… he does this so if you “dare” complain in his head he still provides for you so *how dare you!*. It’s sick. It’s leverage of “how you complain buying us food when the toilet paper you wipe with comes from me?!” Not to dump but I say this bc my dad would kinda do that to my mom a *lot* growing up. They divorced when I was young but it was always “you complain about not full child support but I paid for them to do xyz this year!” Like… we need this money so we can have school clothes! He only paid full child support one year while claiming to be broke until the literal *day* I turned 18. Guess who’s already done two big vacations this year? Trust me- you look hard enough you will always find the manipulation in the things they do.
My abuser was like this to some degree. He would only spend money on food and sex toys. If he had to buy me anything he would make sure to leave the receipt in the bag, the price sticker on, and the cost in the screenshot.
So accurate! I feel like they don’t value anything. Like he just breaks and throws away and loses things like a child (3 wallets this year…convenient haha) But if you break or lose something? All hell breaks loose
Like a toddler.
1000000000% Complained about money nonstop. Would go buy a new blender before washing his out after one use. Insanity.
Entitlement
100%
Oh yes! When I left him, he had no one to do his laundry, so he just bought new socks and underwear every week. And plates and cups because he didn’t know how to handle the dishwasher 😒 One of the last straws in my relationship with him was when he smoked cigarettes in my brand new car (that was a huge thing for me; buying my own car) and despite me begging him to at least not smoke in it. Then after a couple of weeks he accidentally burned a hole in the front seat 😫 Till this day I curse him, whenever I get in my car and look at that hole 😠 Their lack of respect is astounding.
This just reminded me of when I bought my first brand new expensive bed (when I was a lot younger) it was so exciting for me to have bought something that pricey after I saved so long to get it. I would put all clean bedding on and get in my pj's and spend all damn weekend in it. Within a month, my narc passed out with a cigarette on my bed while I was at work and burnt a crater in the centre of the mattress. When I found out, I burst into tears, I was so upset about it, I just slept in the lounge while he said nothing. A few days later I come home from work to discover him again passed out in my bed where he has filled the hole with a massive overflowing ashtray. WTF??? He never understood what the big deal was. Are these bastards even real human beings?
It’s like they just take pride in hurting other people’s feelings… I’m so thankful I left him. I hope you got away as well - we deserve better ❤️🩹
YES OMG, my nex was SO wasteful with everything! And ofc I was the only one buying groceries with my own money. Once I was alone I was stunned how much money I saved not buying his junk food and sodas anymore (he went through like 3 12 packs of Dr Pepper within a few days!). I really think a lot of times it’s because they’re not spending their own money and get catered to. I was the only one working whilst he sat on the computer all day (he got VA benefits as income)
You have to care about something to conserve it, and they care about nothing, hence the waste. Their entire life is one big shortcut; constantly using people while giving nothing back. It pops up in their daily life. Their part of the sink is a mess, their computer is littered with icons all over the desktop. Their car is full of trash. Anything that no one else will clean for them stays a mess.
Omg the car... Mine had bugs in his
Omg 😱!
Yep mine would bitch about how he'd lost everything and never has any clothes etc or how I supposedly threw away all his stuff (I didnt) and then would pack up his stuff and tell me I'm horrible, how fine he is, and call me names etc when he got mad at me but would leave half his junk here. No matter how many times I would try to get him to tell me where to take his stuff he just would leave me on read. Like bro maybe if you need this stuff so much supposedly then probably take care of it
We (thankfully) did not join bank accounts. His reasoning was that he didn't want me bothering him over what he spent money on. He would literally buy new socks every week and throw out the other socks because he couldn't be bothered to wash them or match them...as one example. He was SO bad with money. He had no loans (didn't go to college and the house was much). He made 150k and when we got divorced his $200 check to the lawyer bounced 🤷♀️
I think it’s cause part of the criteria is impulsivity along with grandiose along with over concern of others perception. So if you’re impulsive along with those, instead of saving money for something meaningful or even needs, you’ll buy Coachella tickets and book a flight so you can look good and feel cool and brag online. Or instead of cooking a good meal you’ll eat at a fancy restaurant and maybe even take it as far as shaming what another person orders that’s cheaper or that’s not as healthy. Or you’ll impulsively plan something with someone and spend all that money and just cancel because they hurt your ego, so many examples. And usually when the complaining begins, ask yourself this: is it *really* because they don’t have these things or because maybe a hardship with them, your relationship, or your own personal struggle was brought up? Narcissistic people tend to not only want to be *better* then you, then want to be better then you while having it worse, going thru worse, and even *being worse off*. Yet they’ll always find a way still to be better in that.
They don't value anything outside of themselves. This is why they feel they can waste things - like other people's time.
It is easy to be wasteful when it is other people’s time, money and emotions. Narcissists consume everything until it is all gone. Money, time, love, grace, all of it.
They dispose and are wasteful to humans as well. Never valued the time of others. I wasted 6 good years of my life with this demonic being. They don’t care! It’s like a child only an evil, possessed child that doesn’t understand the values of anything but find outs out wasting things hurt others so they’ll keep doing it out of spite and evil intent. Example soda. I used to buy these no sugar cases of soda like 10cans, they would be gone by the next day. Now that I’m in my own place, I bought a case of no sugar soda and last night I finished them after 3.5wks. I used to do all of the grocery shopping myself. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t have any food. But when I did the groceries, he would only eat the snacks like foods, never cook anything or consider the whole foods that I purchased. If he ever did any groceries, usually during the silent treatment, it would be as if a kid was left to shop for themselves. It’s not even funny it’s sad. There would be sugary cereal, milk, candy, energy drinks, frozen pizza or 2, chips, and other junk, never a single produce or food to actually make a meal. Never any water.
100% unless they are aware they are looking wasteful
Mine confuses me with money. He doesn't work, hasn't since I've known him. But has expensive hobbies. So he will choose to not eat during the day when I'm at work, or when he's out for his hobbies in the evenings he won't get himself more than a drink and a snack. He expects me to have a plate made for him and left in the fridge from the dinner I make for our kid and I. I don't do that lol he's grown, I feel like he can feed himself. But he will choose to starve and then ask me for fast food as soon as I'm off work or on the way to his hobbies. So I see he's just using it as a way to spend more of my money while acting like he freaking cares about our finances. He always makes a big deal out of me wanting to get take out but it's always fine for him. Argh!!! Why are they like this??!
Wow I thought it was just mine. He would throw BRAND NEW things away instead of returning them to the store or donating them.
[удалено]
Never learned to value things, thats also why they constantly break stuff.
I used to get so frustrated with how delusional he was regarding money. I had to use savings most months to make ends meet, he had nothing saved up, and he kept talking about getting a sleeve tattoo in a few months… Where in the hell would that money come from?
Mine would whine and complain about how they never had any money, and yet at the same breath would talk to me about expensive beauty treatments that they were doing every two weeks. It makes no sense and it especially made no sense when they would eventually get around to start hinting from me that I should give them money, of course, in between telling me about their expensive beauty treatments and tattoos that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars.
Well they also have this weird abundance mindset when it comes to people. They usually pick out nice looking, smart, successful victims and then leave them like it’s nothing. It’s probably a cluster B trait like all their other lovely traits
Because they're emotional toddlers.
YES! Exactly like my mom!! Spoiled rotten vegetables in the fridge, leftover food everywhere in the fridge, places a plate of raw meat on the shelf above the cooked food eventhough I told her about cross contamination, over buys sometimes unnecessary things then complains when I go buy food to feed the cat. It's like if they want it even if overpriced they get it, but if I buy basic food items I get scolded.
Sometimes it is deliberate, an act of rage. My narc bought a "big gas guzzling truck" for the explicit reason because it burns more gas and creates more smoke ...therefore pissing off a greater number of people. That's the reason he selected it. He stated that this was his main reason. He thought it would irritate others. I don't think it worked. I'm pretty sure that nobody even noticed, or cared. He was well on his way toward sadistic psychopathy and it did not end well. It really wasn't pretty.
My nex had TERRIBLE spending habits and it’s devastated our lives. He was never satisfied. Wasted his money on so much crap. And I mean CRAP. Things that would impress very selected people. Collectibles, electronics, cars, clothes, outings. Just so wasteful. Tens of thousands of dollars on just ***stuff*** I didn’t even recognize it for what it was at the time but now that I’m out of the relationship, oh god my resentment towards him and how much he deprived me and the kids?? I really fucking hate him for that sometimes. Then he had the goddamn audacity to *blame me* that he doesn’t have **MORE** Just like his mom. So excessively materialistic and only cares about money and obtaining things. Thinking people are jealous of them when they’re not. It is so embarrassing to see them for the truth of who they are when I tried to justify it all these years. Now kids and I are really struggling financially and he’s going to concerts, huge events, getting new tattoos. Excessively materialistic and just a fundamentally disgusting human being. Just like his wicked mother.
Omg 😳- Did we date the same person?? Lol. Mine was a Narc or at Least Had Very, Very Narcissistic Traits, and his Mom was also a Narcissistic, self-Absorbed, Superficial Psychopath, just like her “boy”. His poor Dad though- He was Always so Kind and so Sweet- I Don’t KNOW HOW He could stand his Evil, Narc Wife for so many decades???!! 👿😭- It was So Sad to Me, cuz the Dad genuinely Seemed like a Really GOOD Person.
Omg same!!! Apparently my ex FIL was abusive when nex and his siblings were young. But I never saw it at all. I always felt so bad for him being stuck with such a garbage wife. She had affairs too and I lost respect for him for staying ***and then I stayed too when Nex cheated on me***. God I hate that family so much. They’re so disgusting. Absolute disgusting excuses for humans. I’ve lost more respect for exFIL for tolerating the bs even more. I hope he’s jealous that I got out. He should be.
Omg spot on!!
For mine, I am a client. We wanted to be closer friends (nothing romantic). I'm a paying client. I helped out in his business out of love. He wrecked things with me and didn't care about what he'd be losing in terms of money, free labor and overall involvement. Hell yeah they're wasteful and reckless.
Wow, I didn't realize that this was a thing and I spent yesterday annoyed at one spending way over his budget
My mother just turned down 50,000 to "stick it to me". Told me Im not allowed to work but she wont pay for my meds and she's gonna try and claim me as dependent because Im trapped here . My suffering is worth money to her but I don't even have food if I rely on her. It's not waste to them.
Mine was definitely a moocher, rarely worked but he never wasted food. In fact, he once made burgers for us then told me a few days later that the baps he'd fed me were mouldy and he just picked off the green bits. He knew full well that I hated food that had gone bad in any way. He clearly did it deliberately and revelled in telling me what he'd done. Reactive abuse 101.
My abuser cut out ordering take out for 2 months and saved 2 grand. That to me is fucking insane