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Mominator369

Imagine you and your daughter are living with him and you have to deal with this all the time. Because you will. No going back to your place where only your rules apply. If thinking that makes you uncomfortable, then it seems pretty clear what you need to do.


Flowergirrl2

Yeah... I think we would argue over a lot regarding how I'm parenting and him being a clean freak with her.


Mominator369

It's sounds like you are arguing now. It's not going to get better because even kids who always eat in the kitchen make messes. It's part of being a kid.


Flowergirrl2

I agree. I was definitely raised in a chill environment regarding food. Lol I'm definitely not the type to have a spotless house and I wouldn't leave her unattended with messy food in his living room but a cracker or goldfish... Like seriously.


Mominator369

My friend had this poem posted in her house: Cleaning house while kids are growing Is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing. My house is clean - as in, free from dirt, but I never seem to have everything picked up unless they're at school or asleep.


Flowergirrl2

You could never get a break if you did. It'd be constant. That's a good poem. Lol


F_the_UniParty

You aren't compatible. The other guy isn't compatible either. You are the mom. When looking for a partner, you need to go slowly. Accepting incompatibility is a huge mistake. Also, be careful of a guy who has no boundaries or rules, because pedos target single moms. They know you don't want to be single, so the shower you and your child with guys, cash, etc., so you feel relieved, and drop your guard. You already don't like his he treats her, so clearly the relationship is over. You are also entering toddler years. That mashed a relationship with a child free partner very challenging. You need to decide if you want a boyfriend to be a parent, then look for someone who raises their kids like you do. Please take your time. You honestly sound rushed.


OpeningSort4826

You do not sound compatible. He has a right not to want a child eating in his living room and you have the right to parent how you see fit.


Mindless-Weather-858

This is hard, because as a parent, we are the first defenders of our kids and parenting styles. Also, the saying, “the best parents are the ones without kids” is so true. I definitely was served a dose of humility having my own kids and half the stuff I said I’d never do as a parent I do. My SIL loves her nieces and nephews, but the amount she says no and corrects them over every small thing drives me nuts, and annoyed me before I even had kids. So I understand your side some as well as him judging you for holding her too much is bullshit. However, somethings on his end our valid. It drives me nuts that my husband allows our toddlers to eat crackers and snacks in the living room and on furniture. And I’m not a clean freak. I’ve given in because I work and I’m not around 24/7. But the amount of crumbs is gross and we had ants once from it. Growing up, we were only allowed to eat at the table except for special movie nights or until we got older. I didn’t feel like I had strict parents. I think, gently, that’s lazy parenting (I think all parents have lazy parenting sometimes so not judging) that you don’t want to have to watch her in the kitchen. Also my own kids’ spit doesn’t faze me, but seeing my niece get slobbering spit with half the time snot all over, does gross me out (I know it’s mean and I don’t say anything). My husband hates when the kids play in the cupboards while I don’t care as long it’s stuff that won’t hurt them. But before kids, I don’t know if I’d love kids going through my stuff. So if he’s not used to kids and not a parent himself you need to remember to respect his space and belongings. However, if he’s truly mean to your kid or if you want more kids in the future and your parenting styles don’t match up at all, it could be time to end it.


Flowergirrl2

I totally understand where you're coming from. It's impossible not to be a little lazy in some areas as a parent, especially a single one. It's so tiring to be perfect and clean. Everyone just has their own limits. I have respected his also.


Shropormit

Uh... well, my view is that right now, he would be on his best behavior with her because it's still early days. If this is his best, I would be extremely concerned about his worst.


Flowergirrl2

Thank you. I can't deal with strict parenting styles and all this trying to parent my daughter with the no's.


This_Statistician_39

I don't know how old he is but he needs to realize toddlers are messy. If you want to date a mom of a toddler you need to throw away the perfect and clean house lol. I live with 2 roommates I wish they where clean I'm always cleaning up after them 😂. But I'm also not super anal about it. If I can't get grown adults to listen and not make messes I don't think a 18 months old will understand. I dont think you two are compatible not saying he's awful but he's just not realistic. He's upset a toddler is doing toddler things. Also your parenting styles don't mesh and I don't think your in that part of the relationship where she can parent/ discipline.


Flowergirrl2

Thank you. Lol I don't think he's being realistic either and it's not his fault. But I wanna enjoy this toddler time, not have added pressure and stress.


CombinationOne5899

I say run for the hills and don’t look back if he’s this bold now heaven knows what he might pull


Flowergirrl2

Thank you.


Mariana612

The only thing that actually bothers me about what he’s doing is telling you she “needs to learn to not always be held”. That’s none of his business and would be enough for me to end things. It sounds like overall you are really not compatible. But I also see nothing wrong with him wanting to wash his chip clips with slobber all over them. I also think it’s gross to eat in bed, let alone allow a toddler to. Crumbs everywhere. My kids only eat at the kitchen table because I don’t have time to clean cracker crumbs all over the house. What you do in your own home is your own business, but I think a lot of people- even parents- would not like that in their own home. Toddlers are messy- yes. And if he wants to be with you he needs to accept that. But that doesn’t mean you let your kid leave crumbs all over his house. I think it’s just not going to work out here.


theboosty

Y'all sounds very different so at least sir down and talk it out. Some places you may be able to be flexible and he may meet you half way. As long as it's respectful, I wouldn't throw it all away over crumbs. Ngl I have two kids under 3 and they eat in a few places, once the routine was set up it wasn't that hard to maintain. And eating in bed is a big no no for me.


Flowergirrl2

I spoke with him about it and he said he would try to relax a bit more. He's still very new with my daughter and I understand. I don't really want to throw it away because he does treat me so amazing and he hasn't ever been mean to her. He just doesn't understand the toddler age yet. I told him if he's going to tell her no, atleast talk to her in complete sentences. He has praised her also but I said I would like to see more of the praising and playing with her. And honestly I am a bit slobbish as others have mentioned. It could be good for me to tidy up a bit more, as long as it's not uptight and perfectionism. I couldn't handle that but he has been understanding. I know he really really likes me..


theboosty

Relationships are always work but it's worth it when the communication is going well. When it feels like it's going well, that's the best time to check in and see if both of you are on the same page. Good luck to you three


concernedomma

From my point of view, I think being with this guy will only bring stress. Doesn’t sound like he likes children (just by judging from reading your situation). He likes you obviously but I think it ends there. A man who loves you will love what you love. I have two children (now older), but they still make a lot of mess. Kids are going to be kids, they make messes and learn to clean after themselves but 18 month old is going to be an 18 month old! He’s going to have to get used to having crumbs and spills.


GluecklichesSchaf

I think the both of you may not be compatible. He's not entirely in the wrong here, but of course you're not either. You can parent your child however you please, as long as you don't hurt her. I am a gentle parenting style person myself (don't have my own kids, but I am partly raising my niece and nephew). Before we moved, I let them eat in the living room, too. So I really get it, I do. However, I also get the other side. My husband is a bit like your boyfriend. When we moved to a new place, he said how uncomfortable he felt with kids eating in the living room. We, as adults, eat there often (even whole meals while watching TV). But yound kids spill a lot and it's hard to clean couches and everything. He was worried about insects coming in. A kitchen table and kitchen floor are much easier to clean, plus when I eat in front of the TV I do feel more sluggish than in the kitchen, so if there were crumbs I'd be like "oh I'll get it another time" whereas in the kitchen I would probably clean it up earlier. He explained all of this to me and it seemed sensible. So I agreed, and now when the kids are here they can only eat in the kitchen (and we don't show ourselves eating in the living room either when they are there). We will keep this rule until they are older. He told me the same about putting things in their mouth. He hated when the little one put our remote in their mouth. So I put it out of the way and we communicated about what they COULD put in their mouth, and laid out those things for them. Like in your case, that may be a few clips instead of the whole package and afterwards you clean the clips. I know it's more work. I know it may seem exaggerated. But this is not his child, and honestly other kids' spit is gross to most people. Babies that age touch literally everything. I ate cat poop once as a baby. So it is okay that he sets those boundaries. You, of course, have your own choice as well. If this is all too much for you and he won't budge either, then it clearly does not work. If you both agree to meet in the middle somewhere, it may still work.


whynotbecause88

This guy isn't going to be a good fit, period. The other guy wasn't as well, so maybe you need to just concentrate on you and your little girl and making the two of you your priority.


Sad_Description358

I would cut ties and stop introducing her to who you are dating - see how things go with just you and them for a good amount of time — get all those hard conversations out of the way before introducing her to them.


Flowergirrl2

We had been dating for a while enough that I felt comfortable but I have to know how he would interact with my child first... Even though I should make sure I ask these questions. I really didn't expect him to be like that with her. Thank you


Sad_Description358

I’m sure it had to be surprising and disappointing especially since you felt like he was worthy of meeting her.


Flowergirrl2

Yeah, it's very disappointing. He is very good to me. I mean I just don't want to feel so uptight and it's more than the snack issue, it's mostly the constant worrying about if he's going to tell my daughter no or me having to watch her like a hawk. It's already hard enough for me.


DoubleDragonsAllDown

You sound slobbish honestly. Food belongs in the kitchen, nowhere else, or you’re courting your local vermin.


thejimbo56

That’s insane.


Flowergirrl2

What's insane?


thejimbo56

Dude calling you slobbish for allowing your kid to eat food outside the kitchen.


Flowergirrl2

Phew, I thought I was being called a pig again. Haha lol I think it's crazy too.


Flowergirrl2

So you never watch a movie and eat popcorn? Lol seriously


Cheebs84

An adult eating in the living room is very different than a toddler eating there. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but even I have to agree that you sound a bit slobbish.


Flowergirrl2

Okay lol.


BranWafr

Found the boyfriend's Reddit account.


Flowergirrl2

Lol okay. Cool


Bizzarosmoon

How is no ones first reaction that you literally introduced your new boyfriend that you've basically just met to your 18 month old child? And it isnt even the first time it has happened it sounds like. Get a grip of yourself. Start to realize you have another human to take care of as well as yourself. Stop being so selfish.


No-Grapefruit-1202

you’re being a bit of a dick about it but i do kind of agree. idk why a toddler needs to have met two boyfriends. if mom is waiting 3 months before introduction which seems minimum than accounting for beginnings and developing relationship it’s like 6-8 months a relationship? seems a quick timeline for this amount of involvement


Flowergirrl2

I've been single basically since my daughter was born. Her Dad was abusive to me, so we were off and on. I don't think it's an issue to introduce my child. I'm not leaving her alone with strangers and there isn't harm in introducing as friends. I also waited a few months, which I think is reasonable. I don't get this wait til she's grown. She deserves a good role model and I deserve to be happy too.


Flowergirrl2

K will do. Thanks


[deleted]

[удалено]


Flowergirrl2

That's the most hilarious thing I've heard today. Thank you for the laugh.


[deleted]

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Parenting-ModTeam

Your **post** or **comment** was removed for violating the rule “Be Decent & Civil”. **Remember the human.** Disagree but remain respectful. Don’t insult users/their children, name-call, or be intentionally rude. Bullying, including baiting/antagonizing, will not be tolerated. Consider blocking users you don’t get along with. Report posts that violate the rules. For questions about this moderation reach out [through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FParenting). Moderators rely on the community to help illuminate posts and comments that do not meet r/Parenting standards – please report posts and comments you feel don’t contribute to the spirit of the community. **Your content may have been automatically removed through auto-moderation or manually removed by a human moderator. It may have been removed as a direct result of your rule violation, or simply as part of a larger sweep of content that no longer contributed to the original topic.**


GluecklichesSchaf

Wait, I don't understand. How is it selfish that the baby has met the boyfriend? Like why would they need to be separated?


HappyCoincidences

Don't get that part either and why you were downvoted. I have the same question. It may be a cultural difference. Where I live it's completely normal that the child knows everyone that their parents are frequently around. It would even be a little weird otherwise.


Lybbchels

Once you have a kid, how they treat your kid is the most important thing. He treats you like a queen but doesn’t seem to treat your little one like a princess. I don’t see this being a compatible long term relationship


Flowergirrl2

I feel that. I couldn't allow my daughter to feel any less. She's my world.


Emotional_Wedge

You made the wrong choice from the sound of it. Shit girl. 🤦🏻‍♀️


treemanswife

If I were the boyfriend I’d be out like trout. I have three kids and we only eat in the kitchen (or outside). I wouldn’t get near a bed someone ate in. Toddlers aren’t dogs but they do require training. Clearly you two aren’t compatible, but that doesn’t make him wrong.


Cute_Phase_6768

stop dating until your Daughter is older.Just wait and focus on her first.He has Rights to say no its his house his place.its time to let him go..


MasterLandscape649

how many men have you introduced to your daughter she's only 18mo. like my son is 18mo and I can't imagine already introducing him to not one but 2 diff, that aren't even his daddy. how confusing. that's the real issue here is introducing her t9 ppl u are unsure about and then removing them from her life. she's gonna end up with some attachment issues


Flowergirrl2

Gonna have attachment issues? Seriously. She's not even 2. She can't even remember and I introduced them as friends to her. She's a very happy and confident baby. Idc if you wanna raise your child alone but I don't. It's better when they are little before they can understand.