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My love language is baking. My partner’s love language is eating too much of the cake I made and then complaining that he was on a diet :)
Then he’ll probably ask for some other sweet stuff. I bake again and our circle of love cakes is an eternal loop.
Spoiler: it’s easy to go from love cakes to love handles
I recently learned that's called pebbling.
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/always-sending-memes-to-your-loved-ones-its-called-pebbling-heres-why-experts-say-the-trend-has-its-pros-and-cons-100021620.html
Everyone has all 5, technically speaking. It's more of a question of which do you prioritize, and which makes you feel the most loved in return.
For me, for example, I'm an Acts of Service girly. I still buy people small gifts to show them I was thinking of them. I love spending time with those I care about. And I know their words are heartfelt. But if someone vacuumed my car or did the dishes, it's like a wave of relief and feeling cared for that washes over me and makes me all butterflies.
4 - gifting and being kind to the loved ones. i would do so much for them. sometimes i do more for them than i do for myself. i know it might not be the healthiest things ever, but my heart won’t let me be other than this…
A quick Google search will show how the whole concept of love languages is problematic.
Edit to add a couple examples of why the whole concept of love languages can be problematic-
A husband says his love language is physical touch so he needs to have sex everyday or else he doesn't feel loved. That puts the responsibility on the wife to have sex with him everyday- even if she doesn't want to.
A wife says her love language is gifts, and if she doesn't get gifts regularly then she doesn't feel loved. That then puts the responsibility on the husband to spend money that they may or may not have.
Obviously things are typically more nuanced than that, but the whole concept of love languages weaponizes personal preferences and desires, and ignores the fact that most people appreciate any combination of 'love languages'.
A quick actual read of the latest edition of the book will show there's nothing wrong with using these "concepts" to start exploring your relationship and communication.
Yes, it's problematic in many ways. There's no science behind most of it and the author (a priest, of course) will not discuss divorce, even when it seems obvious.
But that's not what the book is about. It is definitely not gospel or a manual but I wouldn't call it useless or overall problematic in itself.
Yeah I think the concept overall makes sense. I couldn’t get why some people are soooo uncomfortable with compliments and hugs until I realized words of affirmation is my top love language, lol (with touch as a close second). Knowing someone’s love language helps me show up for them how they prefer. The only issue is not that many people know their own love languages - I’ve asked quite a few men I’ve dated and most of them have never heard of love languages. When I list them they’re like “idk I guess they all sound alright” 😂
Thank you! I came here to say this very same thing. And the man who came up with them used them as justification for why he only wanted sex from his wife. He wanted to guilt her into it by disguising his lust as a "love language."
I've had this thought for ages.
There's nothing wrong with expressing your needs.
My fiance really likes when I touch her. Even just a hand on her leg, or holding hands etc.
It makes her feel like I love her more than when I go long periods without random small touches.
I am not a touchy person and enjoy my personal space, but I do love when my fiance tells me I'm good at something, or I'm handsome, or I look nice, or something I just did was thoughtful. It makes me feel noticed and loved.
However, she doesn't like to be told those things. They make her feel embarrassed and as though the comments are forced.
When I'm poorly, she fusses me and strokes me and picks up after me and makes me do nothing til I'm better. I just like to be left alone to sulk and sleep.
When she is poorly, I leave her alone to sulk and sleep.
We have both expressed to each other over the years that (she) wishes I'd fuss her more when ill. (I) wish she would leave me alone more when ill.
We both give the "love language" we wish to recieve without considering the others "love language"
We now understand each other's preferences on a basic level, and can adapt our own needs to ensure the other person a) feels loved in the way they need to, and b) allow the other to do their thing without feeling like they don't love you.
We both give the compliments, as and when, and we both touch as and when.
I have learned to pay more attention when she's ill, with some ignoring in between.
She has learned to ignore me when I'm ill, with some mothering in between.
It works for us. And I don't think it's anything to do with love languages. I think it's to do woth understanding your partners needs, and respecting that regardless of how it makes you feel.
Thank you, this needs more upvotes. Check this out: https://medium.com/blunt-therapy/the-bigot-who-wrote-the-5-love-languages-hates-you-e2f65771a1c0
This love language bullshit needs to stop.
Came here to say this, the concept behind love languages are... concerning... to say the least. Still a bit of fun and an excuse to take a quiz though.
Acts of service, because gifts are lazy and it's what I do. I love cleaning the kitchen to make sure it's clear and safe for everyone to use. But when I get sick and no one cleans it for me in return, it feels like a slap in the face.
Wut? What a wild take.
You haven't met anyone who *especially* likes gifts (even small ones), much more than anyone or anything else? Like, that's what rocks their boat?
Or anyone who *really appreciates* quality time together more than the person who prefers to be left alone more?
Dang
I like/do all of these at one point or another. If I had to say what do I lean most towards, it's 1 and 5. My wife is a 3 and 4, especially with our kids.
I think most people in a relationship WANT there to be a healthy balance of all of the above, though... it's just finding where those tic marks need to be to achieve that balance within your personal relationship.
For example: I've learned over the years that I really value getting and being able to give affection, and my wife would much rather just not be touched most of the time, but she'll do stuff around the house for everyone because she loves us and wants us to be able to relax. So, she understands sometimes I just want to hold her for a minute and embrace, or maybe a kiss here and there... and she entertains that... and I understand that taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, helping with laundry and cooking and yard work - whatever - it's all a way I can show her I love her.
Like one of the hottest things I can do for her after being married 13 years is to fill the bird feeders, water the garden and flower pots, and fold some laundry. She loves to wake up, have her coffee, watch the birds and squirrels at the feeders and enjoy the flowers and things in the back yard as she's really waking up.
It's not that physical affection doesn't ALSO do it for her at times, but doing these things to allow her to have a moment will shorten the path to that stuff immensely just about every single time...
Personally I feel like the 5 love languages should co exist. I mean I love them all. Quality time kind of should contain some physical touch innit and so does gifting has affection innit too. I won't say I'm swayed towards any, I just love giving and receiving them all. I would say, when it comes to love I'm multi lingual
None. I think *alone time* should be a love language. If I have to pick, then 1. The words of affirmation I want to hear is: "It's fine that you want to be alone. No guilt. It doesn't mean you are selfish. I'm leaving for five hours."
5 I've only been touched and touched strippers. I feel I would be a lot happier, if when I got home from work someone rushed to give me a hug. Or tackled me into bed just to be close to each other.
I'm not adverse to any of them they're all good just 5 is the best for me
My love language is words of affirmation. I don’t have a secondary. My husband has 2. He receives love in quality time and gives love as acts of service.
First thing that I want to point out (to other) based on reading comments:
**Your love language(s) is NOT the one that you should use on your partner. You should use the love language(s) that your partner has(ve).**
I did a test before and basically I have two similarly leveled love language: physical touch and quality time. With physical touch people immediately associate sex, which of course is valid and actually can be resonating with the quality time aspect, but there are much more to it. I love cuddling, hugging and holding hands. For quality time, I love to go to restaurants or for a weekend getaway.
5- cuddling makes me feel safe & loved.
My home life was .... tough. My anxiety spikes, and I internalize a lot.
It takes me months to think of what I want for gifts that a lot of time I don't get any. My hubby tries, but I never have a good sensible idea.
Compliments make me uncomfortable as I mostly received harsh criticism.
I wasn't aloud to go by friends or have friends over. I mostly knew people my grandparents age & was expected to be seen & not heard.
I usually try to help everyone else or do everything myself because I wasn't allowed to do things on my own. So now I have control issues.
Sorry, but it just spiraled into some self therapy......
I give love though service.
I wish to receive it though physical affection.
No not sex just laying together hugs kisses physical representations of love.
My love language being directed towards me would be ranked with acts of service on top, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and physical touch.
But directed towards others I noticed my love language is very much a “just because” type of love. If I’m out and about and see something that reminds me of someone I get it, or if I heard them speaking about how much they liked something/ needed something I’ll get it. I normally don’t directly hand it to them though, when they’re away I usually place it somewhere they can “stumble” across it with a little note attached.
I've noticed that quality time is definitely my top one. I've never been much of a gifter, word person or toucher. And then I get upset when I can't just be in the same place as a loved one. So I do think quality time is one.
I used to think I was only 1 but I've recently found out that it takes me a very Long time but when I'm really comfortable with someone, it's both 1 and 5 with a sprinkle of 3.
I don't actually need them to reciprocate, though. But I think number 5 would do best but I hate when ppl touch me. However if I'm really comfortable with that person, they can touch me. But not in certain spots... I'm ticklish.
I don't really care that much for the most part as long as is not 1 . Could not care less for pretty words, they don't matter at all to me, actions do. I don't need words of affirmation , I need my partner to prove and do things.
Also , I'm pretty sure this whole love language thing has been disproven cause is not really real, but I suppose is a ok guideline to start the conversation about what you want in a relationship with.
For me, I like all of them except for gifts!! Like physical gifts. Idk, I love to give gifts but I don’t like receiving gifts.
If I had to pick my favorite, it’d be words of affirmation. But depending on the day I’m having, I could prefer the other ones! lol
My top love language is physical touch. Lately I've been finding myself loving words of affirmation/verbal affection. I'm a sucker for cute nicknames.
Also, music. I love talking about music with people. I love singing with people. I love sharing songs with people and having them share songs with me :)
I maybe would put 1 and 4 to be the least important. I am bad with words. I can’t say meaningful words even if I really wanted to and always want out of situations where I am called with those words.
I also do not want the appreciation to come from gifts. Gifts have their time but they shouldn’t be a big factor.
But 2, 3 and 5 are something I really like.
I speak only in confusion, with an accent hailing from a town called misunderstanding. My species has a rare form of mindset called autism and we seem to get along with ourselves better than with humans.
I mean, all of those attributes that you described are in me and all of them are my love language, but if I have to choose one, it might be words of affirmation, definitely.
Physical touch and all of that comes afterward, but words of affirmation are my love language, basically. So if my partner is in distress or they are in a tough situation, I always, always try to help them and comfort them through my words. And if they are insecure about something, whether it is their looks or whether it is something about their life, I would also comfort them and show my love through my words.
And that's something that all of my partners, be it my exes or be it my current girlfriend, they've all noticed that and they appreciate that about me a lot. And they always point it out to me that I'm a very caring and understanding and a very supporting man. And I think that's why words of affirmation might be my best quality and my best love language. Even though all of those attributes are in me, words of affirmation might be my best one.
2 and 5 too! 5 is a bit painful as my wife hates physical contacts, but we have such an amazing time together that it's worth it.
Complaining together about the same things is neat too, haha.
I think mine has evolved; it started off with physical touch, and then it became words of affirmation, and now we're firmly into acts of service. Just having someone put in a little effort solely for my benefit means the fucking world to me.
The way I SHOW love is easily gift giving. It makes me so happy to buy little things for my partner and my daughter to show I'm thinking of them. However... Real easy to go from Gift Giving to Hoarding Tendencies 😂.
2 and 4. I've always been spoiled my whole life and that's how my family shows love to me, so yeah.
Physical touch and acts of service comes next. Though, I'd say, not much in physical touch. I'd always panic if someone gets real touchy unless it's sexy time, lol.
Last is words of affirmation. I just- can't 💀. Same with physical touch, I'd doubt it and cringe at it.
I would say quality time and acts of service.
For #1 , I don’t need you to tell me you love me, I need you to show it to me.
For #4: it depends… if it’s an anniversary or special day, I would like a gift. I like it when a man remembers the little things and if I say I like roses & on a random Tuesday he brings me roses I’ll love it but I don’t consider that a gift.
For#5, I don’t like being touched and I don’t like clingy people. I can do minimal things but having to be touching each other constantly would give me a headache probably.
Acts of service are my top for sure. My partner cooking food or running errands for me is the best way to my heart. Quality time is definitely high up there too. Phone dates don't cut it for me, but putting away their phone and being present makes my heart flutter. Words of affirmation are nice too, a little "I’m proud of you" goes a long way!
Gifts- can be anything. It shows I was in their mind when out and about and they thought enough about me to bring me something. My husband used to bring me a chocolate from his admins desk after work for example!
Which one is it .... I just like to work and make money for her and give her security and peace of mind, I like to cook for her, and I like to clean when shes not home so she comes home surprised.
That's so sweet! Quality time and physical touch are such powerful ways to connect. Randomly spending time together and those warm hugs truly make a relationship special. 💖
I think 3 and 5 for me, though it's changed from partner to partner and over time.
And, for an the naysayers, these aren't set in stone. Use the concepts as you wish. Or don't
Gifts all the way, especially in the form of food and clothes. I love useful, practical gifts. I've also been training to become an excellent listener and I take great joy in surprising people. Does that count as acts of service as well?
With very few people, I am touchy. (My cats think this is my main love language, though. One thinks she's been renamed "Bestie".) Not everyone takes kindly to my poking, preening and head-butts, but consider yourself special when you get all that from me.
Gifts and words of affirmation do not work on me, because I always buy something I want when I want it, and I do not take praise well.
Physical touch is how I express my love, and it’s my favorite, along with quality time, and I love doing things for people I love, and really enjoy when they do things unprompted for me.
I tend to do #3 more, but what I want is #5 and #1 (or if not words of affirmation, at least I want to absence of criticism).
Unfortunately my partner also does #3 and wants #1 and probably #5, but we aren’t good at doing what the other needs. It’s a problem.
Mine used to be 2 and 5 too. Until I realised that there are gonna be people who express themselves through 1, 3 and 4 as well. And I will have to learn to receive that kind of love too.
So yes, my first instinct to express love is still 2 and 5, but I can feel love with the rest of it too
That's a tough one but maybe them all except the first one - am bad with words. If I could I'd shower person I love with all the lovey dovey cringey compliments tho. I like giving gifts, quality time is sth I love too, physical touch too. Especially that play fights, or some teasing :P Acts of service - is that like doing things for ur person? If so then that one checks also
3 and 4.
When I love someone, I make their life easier, I do things for them, I give them things they don't even know they need (nor that the items exist). I expect the same.
My bf's is 2 and 5 so he's just happy that I exist in his space and clings onto him, he's very low maintenance when it comes to being loved. Such a silly fella, love that dude.
Mine are words of affirmation and acts of service :D
Words of affirmation I feel it’s a kind of intimacy you know sharing my perspective when asked about it or telling you words I would want to hear ( and I am assured that you would want to hear )
acts of service as no one did anything for me so like I feel happy doing things for ppl you know
Quality Time. Emphasis on the quality.
It's not enough to live together, watch TV together, share a bed. It's also not enough to go out together we then spend that entire time struggling to find anything to talk about. It's about active conversation, showing a genuine interest in each other, making each other laugh, deep conversations, that sort of thing. This one is probably most important to me, because it's what is lacking most at the moment.
Acts of Service is a close second. It has become a bit of a necessity with my being chronically ill, but I will never ever take my partner bearing the brunt of the housework for granted. And being brought a cup of tea in bed will never get old.
Gifts is probably next, and is also how I like to show my love for people. I wish my partner was a bit more spontaneous about it all, it's romantic to me. Physical touch is close, but definitely low down. I need my cuddles, but on my terms. I love being stroked and having my hair played with, though. Words of affirmation is definitely last because I'm terrible with compliments!
1 & 4 are my main ones. And my man is amazing at both. He’s always encouraging me and works hard at making me feel secure.
His gifts are always thoughtful and intentional too. He always shows me he’s thinking of me and wants to take care of me ❤️
I don’t really connect with the whole love languages thing, even through I’ve met people who found it personally helpful. My favourite thing about my partner is probably our shared values, and the fact that we can communicate about them so deeply.
I guess you could call that quality time, but I find it means we have a much easier time spending time apart and doing our own thing than other couples - so we cope well even when quality time together is scarce. And, we both value all the other love languages majorly, too.
All of them plsnthx.
Realistically tho I’m probably a words, physical touch and gifts giver myself, and when it comes to what I get from my partner, I like words, physical touch and quality time. My bf isn’t so hot on the words always and doesn’t always appreciate gifts but that’s just the way he is and we make efforts to work around each other.
I'm definitely quality time and physical touch.
What's very important is to learn to speak your partner's language as well. I learned a bit too late that words of affirmation mean little to me, but they were what she needed. Hearing the words "I love you" too often cheapened it for me, but it was everything to her.
Oh well, experience will serve future relationships.
all of the above. I appreciate and do all action to show love, but to rank:
1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Physical Touch
4. Gifts
5. Acts of Service
I have never heard anyone admit theirs is “gifts”, because first thing you think is gold digging. But it is mine. I love buying gifts to people and surprising them. I love the feeling of when I find a perfect gift for someone. I also feel super loved when I get a surprise candy bar from the shop etc.
Also have yet to meet a man whose language is not physical touch.
I think I like all of them. I just do. If I had to pick one that’s most important to me it’s 1. Just enough to know someone wants to sit with me and spend time, it means a whole lot, way more than the others do.
Which do I give to others? Well, 1 and 2. But, to my bf, I give all except acts of service (I gotta work on that one).
It's kinda weird for me because I guess I appreciate quality time but I still prefer being alone... And I'm disabled so I kinda need acts of service and I appreciate them a lot, but it always makes me feel so fucking guilty when someone does something for me. Same with gifts, I love them but I always feel bad about getting one. So I'm not really sure. Word of affirmation and physical touch aren't my thing either.
I never been in a relationship but mine are physical touch and quality time i think. Physical touch is very important for me, i sometimes cannot find any other way to convey myself without it, or show my emotions. That's why i need someone that likes being touchy or someone else being touchy. Aside from the very important give and take of emotions, more so i need it to prove to myself this person is real and in front of me, and they exist and i am interacting with them in a positive manner. It's okay for me to be here. I am accepted and appreciated.
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My love language is baking. My partner’s love language is eating too much of the cake I made and then complaining that he was on a diet :) Then he’ll probably ask for some other sweet stuff. I bake again and our circle of love cakes is an eternal loop. Spoiler: it’s easy to go from love cakes to love handles
I swear I read 'barking' and I thought, that's a really cool love language XD
Ruff crowd
Can you imagine? Haha
OMG I have one of those at home. I love cooking, partner loves eating and then saying he gained weight.
You mean Acts of service. Baking is an example of Acts of Service.
I think that is quality time . Not sure, though
When in doubt, eat more
Haha. Same. Baking is my hobby and he loves it and i love when he eats what i make ☺️
This is hilariously cute omg 🤣
My love language is sending you cat memes.
I recently learned that's called pebbling. https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/always-sending-memes-to-your-loved-ones-its-called-pebbling-heres-why-experts-say-the-trend-has-its-pros-and-cons-100021620.html
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I mean, there is nothing wrong with all 5, right?
Exactly! I show love with all 5, and I feel loved with all 5!
Everyone has all 5, technically speaking. It's more of a question of which do you prioritize, and which makes you feel the most loved in return. For me, for example, I'm an Acts of Service girly. I still buy people small gifts to show them I was thinking of them. I love spending time with those I care about. And I know their words are heartfelt. But if someone vacuumed my car or did the dishes, it's like a wave of relief and feeling cared for that washes over me and makes me all butterflies.
I was wondering if anyone thought.. hey I have all those with the people I love and now I'm happy that I'm not alone
4 - gifting and being kind to the loved ones. i would do so much for them. sometimes i do more for them than i do for myself. i know it might not be the healthiest things ever, but my heart won’t let me be other than this…
I’ve never been in a relationship but I think mine are 1 and 5
A quick Google search will show how the whole concept of love languages is problematic. Edit to add a couple examples of why the whole concept of love languages can be problematic- A husband says his love language is physical touch so he needs to have sex everyday or else he doesn't feel loved. That puts the responsibility on the wife to have sex with him everyday- even if she doesn't want to. A wife says her love language is gifts, and if she doesn't get gifts regularly then she doesn't feel loved. That then puts the responsibility on the husband to spend money that they may or may not have. Obviously things are typically more nuanced than that, but the whole concept of love languages weaponizes personal preferences and desires, and ignores the fact that most people appreciate any combination of 'love languages'.
A quick actual read of the latest edition of the book will show there's nothing wrong with using these "concepts" to start exploring your relationship and communication. Yes, it's problematic in many ways. There's no science behind most of it and the author (a priest, of course) will not discuss divorce, even when it seems obvious. But that's not what the book is about. It is definitely not gospel or a manual but I wouldn't call it useless or overall problematic in itself.
Yeah I think the concept overall makes sense. I couldn’t get why some people are soooo uncomfortable with compliments and hugs until I realized words of affirmation is my top love language, lol (with touch as a close second). Knowing someone’s love language helps me show up for them how they prefer. The only issue is not that many people know their own love languages - I’ve asked quite a few men I’ve dated and most of them have never heard of love languages. When I list them they’re like “idk I guess they all sound alright” 😂
Thank you! I came here to say this very same thing. And the man who came up with them used them as justification for why he only wanted sex from his wife. He wanted to guilt her into it by disguising his lust as a "love language."
I knew it. I was thinking someone just made this shit up and it caught on.
I've had this thought for ages. There's nothing wrong with expressing your needs. My fiance really likes when I touch her. Even just a hand on her leg, or holding hands etc. It makes her feel like I love her more than when I go long periods without random small touches. I am not a touchy person and enjoy my personal space, but I do love when my fiance tells me I'm good at something, or I'm handsome, or I look nice, or something I just did was thoughtful. It makes me feel noticed and loved. However, she doesn't like to be told those things. They make her feel embarrassed and as though the comments are forced. When I'm poorly, she fusses me and strokes me and picks up after me and makes me do nothing til I'm better. I just like to be left alone to sulk and sleep. When she is poorly, I leave her alone to sulk and sleep. We have both expressed to each other over the years that (she) wishes I'd fuss her more when ill. (I) wish she would leave me alone more when ill. We both give the "love language" we wish to recieve without considering the others "love language" We now understand each other's preferences on a basic level, and can adapt our own needs to ensure the other person a) feels loved in the way they need to, and b) allow the other to do their thing without feeling like they don't love you. We both give the compliments, as and when, and we both touch as and when. I have learned to pay more attention when she's ill, with some ignoring in between. She has learned to ignore me when I'm ill, with some mothering in between. It works for us. And I don't think it's anything to do with love languages. I think it's to do woth understanding your partners needs, and respecting that regardless of how it makes you feel.
Thank you, this needs more upvotes. Check this out: https://medium.com/blunt-therapy/the-bigot-who-wrote-the-5-love-languages-hates-you-e2f65771a1c0 This love language bullshit needs to stop.
Came here to say this, the concept behind love languages are... concerning... to say the least. Still a bit of fun and an excuse to take a quiz though.
Acts of service, because gifts are lazy and it's what I do. I love cleaning the kitchen to make sure it's clear and safe for everyone to use. But when I get sick and no one cleans it for me in return, it feels like a slap in the face.
1 and 5. I love being praised and cuddled. I'm also very clingy.
None. Because they're fake
Just because it boxes people into arbitrary groups? Typical Gemini thinking.
Wut? What a wild take. You haven't met anyone who *especially* likes gifts (even small ones), much more than anyone or anything else? Like, that's what rocks their boat? Or anyone who *really appreciates* quality time together more than the person who prefers to be left alone more? Dang
Came here to say this
Brought to you by the all the same people who put live laugh love all over everything to express their personality.
I like/do all of these at one point or another. If I had to say what do I lean most towards, it's 1 and 5. My wife is a 3 and 4, especially with our kids. I think most people in a relationship WANT there to be a healthy balance of all of the above, though... it's just finding where those tic marks need to be to achieve that balance within your personal relationship. For example: I've learned over the years that I really value getting and being able to give affection, and my wife would much rather just not be touched most of the time, but she'll do stuff around the house for everyone because she loves us and wants us to be able to relax. So, she understands sometimes I just want to hold her for a minute and embrace, or maybe a kiss here and there... and she entertains that... and I understand that taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, helping with laundry and cooking and yard work - whatever - it's all a way I can show her I love her. Like one of the hottest things I can do for her after being married 13 years is to fill the bird feeders, water the garden and flower pots, and fold some laundry. She loves to wake up, have her coffee, watch the birds and squirrels at the feeders and enjoy the flowers and things in the back yard as she's really waking up. It's not that physical affection doesn't ALSO do it for her at times, but doing these things to allow her to have a moment will shorten the path to that stuff immensely just about every single time...
None of the above
Personally I feel like the 5 love languages should co exist. I mean I love them all. Quality time kind of should contain some physical touch innit and so does gifting has affection innit too. I won't say I'm swayed towards any, I just love giving and receiving them all. I would say, when it comes to love I'm multi lingual
None. I think *alone time* should be a love language. If I have to pick, then 1. The words of affirmation I want to hear is: "It's fine that you want to be alone. No guilt. It doesn't mean you are selfish. I'm leaving for five hours."
4. I grew up in a home where they would compensate time with gifts.
All of them
6- Bother you and being an absolute nuisance
5 I've only been touched and touched strippers. I feel I would be a lot happier, if when I got home from work someone rushed to give me a hug. Or tackled me into bed just to be close to each other. I'm not adverse to any of them they're all good just 5 is the best for me
My love language is words of affirmation. I don’t have a secondary. My husband has 2. He receives love in quality time and gives love as acts of service.
2 and 5
Do people who say they don’t have 2 not enjoy quality time with their partner
Don’t you het words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and physical touch during quality time?
First thing that I want to point out (to other) based on reading comments: **Your love language(s) is NOT the one that you should use on your partner. You should use the love language(s) that your partner has(ve).** I did a test before and basically I have two similarly leveled love language: physical touch and quality time. With physical touch people immediately associate sex, which of course is valid and actually can be resonating with the quality time aspect, but there are much more to it. I love cuddling, hugging and holding hands. For quality time, I love to go to restaurants or for a weekend getaway.
5- cuddling makes me feel safe & loved. My home life was .... tough. My anxiety spikes, and I internalize a lot. It takes me months to think of what I want for gifts that a lot of time I don't get any. My hubby tries, but I never have a good sensible idea. Compliments make me uncomfortable as I mostly received harsh criticism. I wasn't aloud to go by friends or have friends over. I mostly knew people my grandparents age & was expected to be seen & not heard. I usually try to help everyone else or do everything myself because I wasn't allowed to do things on my own. So now I have control issues. Sorry, but it just spiraled into some self therapy......
I give love though service. I wish to receive it though physical affection. No not sex just laying together hugs kisses physical representations of love.
My love language being directed towards me would be ranked with acts of service on top, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and physical touch. But directed towards others I noticed my love language is very much a “just because” type of love. If I’m out and about and see something that reminds me of someone I get it, or if I heard them speaking about how much they liked something/ needed something I’ll get it. I normally don’t directly hand it to them though, when they’re away I usually place it somewhere they can “stumble” across it with a little note attached.
Touching
quality time
I've noticed that quality time is definitely my top one. I've never been much of a gifter, word person or toucher. And then I get upset when I can't just be in the same place as a loved one. So I do think quality time is one.
5 and I will be in a long distance relationship in a few days <|3
5 and 1. The other things are uncared for
1,2,5
1 and 2 for sure, I’ve never been one for physical touch, and gifts and acts of service are nice, but I don’t need them
3 and 5
#1
I used to think I was only 1 but I've recently found out that it takes me a very Long time but when I'm really comfortable with someone, it's both 1 and 5 with a sprinkle of 3. I don't actually need them to reciprocate, though. But I think number 5 would do best but I hate when ppl touch me. However if I'm really comfortable with that person, they can touch me. But not in certain spots... I'm ticklish.
cooking
Acts of service my partner is the same
Being decent
I don't really care that much for the most part as long as is not 1 . Could not care less for pretty words, they don't matter at all to me, actions do. I don't need words of affirmation , I need my partner to prove and do things. Also , I'm pretty sure this whole love language thing has been disproven cause is not really real, but I suppose is a ok guideline to start the conversation about what you want in a relationship with.
For me, I like all of them except for gifts!! Like physical gifts. Idk, I love to give gifts but I don’t like receiving gifts. If I had to pick my favorite, it’d be words of affirmation. But depending on the day I’m having, I could prefer the other ones! lol
my love language is sharing
I'd like a slice of them all, and that's not even too much to ask
pretty much all of them i guess
Can't answer since I have no experience in this subject
Well I know which ones I’m *not*
Love Languages are even less scientific than astrology.
When I love - I love to make gifts
Mine is 3, my ex is with 1, didn’t work 😅
My top love language is physical touch. Lately I've been finding myself loving words of affirmation/verbal affection. I'm a sucker for cute nicknames. Also, music. I love talking about music with people. I love singing with people. I love sharing songs with people and having them share songs with me :)
I maybe would put 1 and 4 to be the least important. I am bad with words. I can’t say meaningful words even if I really wanted to and always want out of situations where I am called with those words. I also do not want the appreciation to come from gifts. Gifts have their time but they shouldn’t be a big factor. But 2, 3 and 5 are something I really like.
1,2,4,5
1 and 2.
I blink very slowly.
english
Mostly 5 and 3
I lime being punched in the 🥜
Food covers most of that, it can, not always.
I don't know, I like being punched in the 🥜
Mine is all 5. If it's given wholeheartedly, I will reciprocate wholeheartedly. Simple.
Yes please
Blow jobs and steak
Lots of affection
I speak only in confusion, with an accent hailing from a town called misunderstanding. My species has a rare form of mindset called autism and we seem to get along with ourselves better than with humans.
I mean, all of those attributes that you described are in me and all of them are my love language, but if I have to choose one, it might be words of affirmation, definitely. Physical touch and all of that comes afterward, but words of affirmation are my love language, basically. So if my partner is in distress or they are in a tough situation, I always, always try to help them and comfort them through my words. And if they are insecure about something, whether it is their looks or whether it is something about their life, I would also comfort them and show my love through my words. And that's something that all of my partners, be it my exes or be it my current girlfriend, they've all noticed that and they appreciate that about me a lot. And they always point it out to me that I'm a very caring and understanding and a very supporting man. And I think that's why words of affirmation might be my best quality and my best love language. Even though all of those attributes are in me, words of affirmation might be my best one.
My love language is roasting. If I adore you, you will be a good chicken roast by my hand
4 and 5.
I am definitely 3 & 4.
2 and 5 too! 5 is a bit painful as my wife hates physical contacts, but we have such an amazing time together that it's worth it. Complaining together about the same things is neat too, haha.
same for me
Easy 3 , however when they don't reciprocate it really leaves you broken
I think mine has evolved; it started off with physical touch, and then it became words of affirmation, and now we're firmly into acts of service. Just having someone put in a little effort solely for my benefit means the fucking world to me. The way I SHOW love is easily gift giving. It makes me so happy to buy little things for my partner and my daughter to show I'm thinking of them. However... Real easy to go from Gift Giving to Hoarding Tendencies 😂.
2 and 4. I've always been spoiled my whole life and that's how my family shows love to me, so yeah. Physical touch and acts of service comes next. Though, I'd say, not much in physical touch. I'd always panic if someone gets real touchy unless it's sexy time, lol. Last is words of affirmation. I just- can't 💀. Same with physical touch, I'd doubt it and cringe at it.
None of them. Parallel play and infodumping each other
Acts if service
I do t believe in love languages but I least enjoy receiving physical gifts.
1,2,5
Very much same on #5, I love being touched by someone I love :3
Words of affirmation and quality time for sure. Edit: I also wouldn’t mind touch.
I am truly 1-5 and yes I am a lot 😩 if I had to choose it’d be 5 but I wouldn’t be happy.
6 - sitting down for a big dump whilst she’s in the shower next to me.
Physical affection and gift giving. I want to see that smile when i give you a chocolate
all, except gifts. I'm usually really uncomfortable with recieving or giving gifts
4 & 5 for me
I would say quality time and acts of service. For #1 , I don’t need you to tell me you love me, I need you to show it to me. For #4: it depends… if it’s an anniversary or special day, I would like a gift. I like it when a man remembers the little things and if I say I like roses & on a random Tuesday he brings me roses I’ll love it but I don’t consider that a gift. For#5, I don’t like being touched and I don’t like clingy people. I can do minimal things but having to be touching each other constantly would give me a headache probably.
I cook for my girl, so No. 3
2 for sure
Mine is 2&5 and my partner is 1&3 It’s rough
Acts of service are my top for sure. My partner cooking food or running errands for me is the best way to my heart. Quality time is definitely high up there too. Phone dates don't cut it for me, but putting away their phone and being present makes my heart flutter. Words of affirmation are nice too, a little "I’m proud of you" goes a long way!
Gifts- can be anything. It shows I was in their mind when out and about and they thought enough about me to bring me something. My husband used to bring me a chocolate from his admins desk after work for example!
Which one is it .... I just like to work and make money for her and give her security and peace of mind, I like to cook for her, and I like to clean when shes not home so she comes home surprised.
Compliments. Like my future girl gonna know she beautiful and she is going to get reminded everyday
1 and 4.
Words of affirmation, gift giving
Python
I crave for 2 and 5 but we are long distanced 😟, so technically we show our love through gifts and words of affirmation
Saw this somewhere: My love language is all of them, bitch I have a big heart.
Quality Time
All 5 of the above, however point 4 I love to give gifts way more than receive them
That's so sweet! Quality time and physical touch are such powerful ways to connect. Randomly spending time together and those warm hugs truly make a relationship special. 💖
I honestly think this love language stuff is ridiculous. I’m not getting out of bed without all five. I value all five and expect and give all five.
I think 3 and 5 for me, though it's changed from partner to partner and over time. And, for an the naysayers, these aren't set in stone. Use the concepts as you wish. Or don't
Gifts all the way, especially in the form of food and clothes. I love useful, practical gifts. I've also been training to become an excellent listener and I take great joy in surprising people. Does that count as acts of service as well? With very few people, I am touchy. (My cats think this is my main love language, though. One thinks she's been renamed "Bestie".) Not everyone takes kindly to my poking, preening and head-butts, but consider yourself special when you get all that from me.
Quality time mostly, maybe a bit of Acts of service too.
Gifts and words of affirmation do not work on me, because I always buy something I want when I want it, and I do not take praise well. Physical touch is how I express my love, and it’s my favorite, along with quality time, and I love doing things for people I love, and really enjoy when they do things unprompted for me.
I tend to do #3 more, but what I want is #5 and #1 (or if not words of affirmation, at least I want to absence of criticism). Unfortunately my partner also does #3 and wants #1 and probably #5, but we aren’t good at doing what the other needs. It’s a problem.
In order: 1. Words of affirmation (40%) 2. Physical touch (30%) 3. Quality time (20%) 4-5. Acts of service & receiving gifts
Yes
All 🤔
Acts of service and touch
Acts of service and touch
These were written by a Christian that wanted his wife to be more trad.
Mine used to be 2 and 5 too. Until I realised that there are gonna be people who express themselves through 1, 3 and 4 as well. And I will have to learn to receive that kind of love too. So yes, my first instinct to express love is still 2 and 5, but I can feel love with the rest of it too
words of affirmation and quality time for sure.
That's a tough one but maybe them all except the first one - am bad with words. If I could I'd shower person I love with all the lovey dovey cringey compliments tho. I like giving gifts, quality time is sth I love too, physical touch too. Especially that play fights, or some teasing :P Acts of service - is that like doing things for ur person? If so then that one checks also
go away.
Gifs
Physical touch and quality time
Physical touch and quality time
1
1, 3 and 4
3 and 4. When I love someone, I make their life easier, I do things for them, I give them things they don't even know they need (nor that the items exist). I expect the same. My bf's is 2 and 5 so he's just happy that I exist in his space and clings onto him, he's very low maintenance when it comes to being loved. Such a silly fella, love that dude.
Quality time and acts of service are mine
Mine are 1 and 3. I love hearing kind words and when my partner helps out with little tasks—it makes me feel so appreciated!
1 and 5
3 and 5 suits me
Bullying
German
I like receiving 2&5, but ironically, I give 3&4 ❤️
Mine are words of affirmation and acts of service :D Words of affirmation I feel it’s a kind of intimacy you know sharing my perspective when asked about it or telling you words I would want to hear ( and I am assured that you would want to hear ) acts of service as no one did anything for me so like I feel happy doing things for ppl you know
Gifts. Wanting to spend time with them. Just being up close, not even necessarily in a sexual way. Being wrapped up in them.
Outbound, all but 2. Inbound, all but 1.
2 and 5 are most important for me as well 🥰
1,2,3 and 5.
Being relied on
2 and 5
Quality Time. Emphasis on the quality. It's not enough to live together, watch TV together, share a bed. It's also not enough to go out together we then spend that entire time struggling to find anything to talk about. It's about active conversation, showing a genuine interest in each other, making each other laugh, deep conversations, that sort of thing. This one is probably most important to me, because it's what is lacking most at the moment. Acts of Service is a close second. It has become a bit of a necessity with my being chronically ill, but I will never ever take my partner bearing the brunt of the housework for granted. And being brought a cup of tea in bed will never get old. Gifts is probably next, and is also how I like to show my love for people. I wish my partner was a bit more spontaneous about it all, it's romantic to me. Physical touch is close, but definitely low down. I need my cuddles, but on my terms. I love being stroked and having my hair played with, though. Words of affirmation is definitely last because I'm terrible with compliments!
2. The only thing I need in a relationship is your time.
My love language is showing people reels.
Physical touch. Even our knees touching during a bus ride is nice
1 & 4 are my main ones. And my man is amazing at both. He’s always encouraging me and works hard at making me feel secure. His gifts are always thoughtful and intentional too. He always shows me he’s thinking of me and wants to take care of me ❤️
quality time. it's reassuring that i wouldn't be alone anymore.
I don’t really connect with the whole love languages thing, even through I’ve met people who found it personally helpful. My favourite thing about my partner is probably our shared values, and the fact that we can communicate about them so deeply. I guess you could call that quality time, but I find it means we have a much easier time spending time apart and doing our own thing than other couples - so we cope well even when quality time together is scarce. And, we both value all the other love languages majorly, too.
All of them
All of them plsnthx. Realistically tho I’m probably a words, physical touch and gifts giver myself, and when it comes to what I get from my partner, I like words, physical touch and quality time. My bf isn’t so hot on the words always and doesn’t always appreciate gifts but that’s just the way he is and we make efforts to work around each other.
I'm definitely quality time and physical touch. What's very important is to learn to speak your partner's language as well. I learned a bit too late that words of affirmation mean little to me, but they were what she needed. Hearing the words "I love you" too often cheapened it for me, but it was everything to her. Oh well, experience will serve future relationships.
Assertive masturbation usually
just give me a ps5 or a gaming pc i will love you for the rest of my life
Definitely words. I love long talks to people I love
Strong 5 followed by 2, 3, 1. 4 actually makes me uncomfortable and sad and I have told my partner to avoid it.
All 5 🙊🤣 But it goes in the order of Gifts Words Quality time, Physical touch, Acts of service
all of the above. I appreciate and do all action to show love, but to rank: 1. Quality Time 2. Words of Affirmation 3. Physical Touch 4. Gifts 5. Acts of Service
Mine is 100% words of affirmation and touch is huge for me too. I couldn't care less about acts of service or gifts or quality time.
I have never heard anyone admit theirs is “gifts”, because first thing you think is gold digging. But it is mine. I love buying gifts to people and surprising them. I love the feeling of when I find a perfect gift for someone. I also feel super loved when I get a surprise candy bar from the shop etc. Also have yet to meet a man whose language is not physical touch.
I think I like all of them. I just do. If I had to pick one that’s most important to me it’s 1. Just enough to know someone wants to sit with me and spend time, it means a whole lot, way more than the others do. Which do I give to others? Well, 1 and 2. But, to my bf, I give all except acts of service (I gotta work on that one).
It's kinda weird for me because I guess I appreciate quality time but I still prefer being alone... And I'm disabled so I kinda need acts of service and I appreciate them a lot, but it always makes me feel so fucking guilty when someone does something for me. Same with gifts, I love them but I always feel bad about getting one. So I'm not really sure. Word of affirmation and physical touch aren't my thing either.
Nothing, because I don't believe in love. I especially HATE physical contact. Do not touch me, I don't care who you are. Intimacy is disgusting.
Same! I’m 2 &5
Number 2. I love it when I'm showering and my partner comes into the bathroom to poop and tells me about their day
1 and 5 make me melt.
All of the above. Little less for the gifts thing but I kind of enjoy giving them.
Silence.
I never been in a relationship but mine are physical touch and quality time i think. Physical touch is very important for me, i sometimes cannot find any other way to convey myself without it, or show my emotions. That's why i need someone that likes being touchy or someone else being touchy. Aside from the very important give and take of emotions, more so i need it to prove to myself this person is real and in front of me, and they exist and i am interacting with them in a positive manner. It's okay for me to be here. I am accepted and appreciated.
4 5 ... and i feel shallow and ashamed coz of 4