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Help the client self-reflect and self-actualize, see situations from different perspectives, process emotional pain and trauma, learn and use coping skills and techniques for symptom management, provide psychoeducation, resolve unfinished business, allow the client to feel validated and “heard”, and more.
Yeah, maybe she's not the best fit for you. But no (good) therapist is going to organise your life for you and tell you what to do. They should be building you up so you can do that for yourself. If you really want to process and move past trauma, I would recommend something more focused on that, such as EMDR.
Your therapist is never going to tell you what to do and nor should they. If your expectation of therapy is that someone else is going to organise your life I would suggest telling your therapist that so you can discuss if your goals are actually achievable through therapy.
Therapists like that are always a bad fit for me. My therapist never does this unless I specifically tell him that what I need that session is just to feel heard.
To be fair, they shouldn't be telling you what to do either, but I definitely expect my therapist to be an active participant in our sessions and provide insight, guiding questions, skills, etc.
Therapist here. Therapy is fundamentally about what YOU want to be different/change about how you react, cope, develop relationships etc…. I don’t impose how I think someone should live their life.
It’s your life. What isn’t working for you? Childhood abuse can color all our adult interactions. You can talk about the shitty things that happened to you every week and never change anything. Therapy is a working relationship. The real change happens outside of the appointment if you are focused on what isn’t working for YOU. in your life.
I’d suggest having this conversation with your therapist. If you decide to continue with this therapist, I’d settle on one or two things you want to change and why.
What type of therapist is she? As in what orientation? Some are more about listening, some will give ideas for coping skills through therapies such as CBT (others I can’t think of off the top of my head).
Importantly no therapist can “organise your life for you and tell you what to do”. But they can support you while you are trying to process trauma and work towards your goals. That can include going over coping skills and grounding techniques before delving into trauma. But you do have to put in the work between sessions of practicing the coping skills, particularly before processing trauma as things will get harder before they get easier.
Maybe try directly asking for coping skill suggestions again. If your therapist seems hesitant, point that out and see what she says in response. It might change things up for you, or it might confirm that therapy with this therapist isn’t working for you right now.
I’m probably going to get flak for this but just passive listening is not always enough. Especially if you’ve been seeing your therapist for a year and noticed no change. Has she given you any tools for reflection or emotional regulation? DBT is good for this.
Ask for coping skills! Here’s some activities you could google and bring in: Calm place EMDR prep, Containment EMDR prep, TIPP DBT skill, 5 4 3 2 1 senses grounding, feelings wheel, Check the Facts DBT worksheet
You might want a more directive therapist but it’s true that you want to be stabilized before doing trauma processing.
r/dbtselfhelp
I can’t stand non-directive therapy so I did a DBT program, IFS work, and EMDR
I felt exactly like this when I was seeing a talk therapist. I stayed with them for over a year and felt like it was going nowhere. We finally both said “I think things are good now,” and I stopped seeing them.
I recently, however, about four months ago, started seeing an EMDR therapist. They’re helping me process childhood trauma as well as current triggers and emotions around those past experiences. It’s been an intense journey so far.
Maybe trying EMDR could be what works for you as well.
Good luck!
You’re correct that you need good coping and grounding skills before tackling trauma, and some therapists are good about helping with those. But you can also look them up and practice them on your own.
Trauma therapy is often destabilizing. I haven't done it myself but having known a lot of people who went through it -- it's a lot, and if you don't have a good stable base, you could end up in real danger. From what I remember of your posts, you are not in a stable home situation. I understand things are hard for you now. There may be other things you can work on (for example stabilizing skills, or just finding pockets of safety in your life). I think it would be good for you to discuss and clarify your goals.
Therapists like that are always a bad fit for me. My therapist never does this unless I specifically tell him that what I need that session is just to feel heard.
To be fair, they shouldn't be telling you what to do either, but I definitely expect my therapist to be an active participant in our sessions and provide insight, guiding questions, skills, etc.
My guess is that her hesitancy has more to do with her own comfort with trauma treatment than anything to do with you. See if you can find a therapist who’s trained in a trauma treatment, like Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, Prolonged Exposure, or Cognitive Processing Therapy. Not every therapist knows what to do with trauma, so they may come up with reasons not to address it, or be overly concerned about delving into potentially upsetting topics. But this keeps clients stuck.
Maybe you're seeing your own hesitance there. She won't suggest things you are not clearly asking for, as that would be treating you like you're incapable of being responsible for your journey. It would step on your boundaries too, so I'm thinking she works with you as much as you ask for. It's quite respectful and affirming of your capacities to decide the speed of your recovery. If you're upset by her not being more in control, it can be the child in you who wants to be taken care of and have things decided for them. Th solid ground she said you need before delving in refers to you not her.
We do heal by speech when we talk about our pre-speech pain coded in our dreams. Therapy works just by listening...I am sorry if that feels too blunt.
Yes it is true that m o s t people believe we must * go deep* and * find the truth*...But it works only if we talk about our fantasies around our dreams. And no the therapist does n o t see into us. So the listening is enough. It is the client's job to accept that healing is a slow process ..but it is automatic.
There are different type of therapists. I have recreational therapist that takes me to places like she drives me to a park and we go for a walk and talk, she helps me go to appointments, get important documents done, gives me emotional support, etc. apparently they’re very pricy though. my insurance covers it
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Help the client self-reflect and self-actualize, see situations from different perspectives, process emotional pain and trauma, learn and use coping skills and techniques for symptom management, provide psychoeducation, resolve unfinished business, allow the client to feel validated and “heard”, and more.
Yes to all of this! Beautiful!
Yeah, maybe she's not the best fit for you. But no (good) therapist is going to organise your life for you and tell you what to do. They should be building you up so you can do that for yourself. If you really want to process and move past trauma, I would recommend something more focused on that, such as EMDR.
Your therapist is never going to tell you what to do and nor should they. If your expectation of therapy is that someone else is going to organise your life I would suggest telling your therapist that so you can discuss if your goals are actually achievable through therapy.
Therapists like that are always a bad fit for me. My therapist never does this unless I specifically tell him that what I need that session is just to feel heard. To be fair, they shouldn't be telling you what to do either, but I definitely expect my therapist to be an active participant in our sessions and provide insight, guiding questions, skills, etc.
Therapist here. Therapy is fundamentally about what YOU want to be different/change about how you react, cope, develop relationships etc…. I don’t impose how I think someone should live their life. It’s your life. What isn’t working for you? Childhood abuse can color all our adult interactions. You can talk about the shitty things that happened to you every week and never change anything. Therapy is a working relationship. The real change happens outside of the appointment if you are focused on what isn’t working for YOU. in your life. I’d suggest having this conversation with your therapist. If you decide to continue with this therapist, I’d settle on one or two things you want to change and why.
What type of therapist is she? As in what orientation? Some are more about listening, some will give ideas for coping skills through therapies such as CBT (others I can’t think of off the top of my head). Importantly no therapist can “organise your life for you and tell you what to do”. But they can support you while you are trying to process trauma and work towards your goals. That can include going over coping skills and grounding techniques before delving into trauma. But you do have to put in the work between sessions of practicing the coping skills, particularly before processing trauma as things will get harder before they get easier. Maybe try directly asking for coping skill suggestions again. If your therapist seems hesitant, point that out and see what she says in response. It might change things up for you, or it might confirm that therapy with this therapist isn’t working for you right now.
Gestalt. I’ll try bring it up !
I’m probably going to get flak for this but just passive listening is not always enough. Especially if you’ve been seeing your therapist for a year and noticed no change. Has she given you any tools for reflection or emotional regulation? DBT is good for this.
Ask for coping skills! Here’s some activities you could google and bring in: Calm place EMDR prep, Containment EMDR prep, TIPP DBT skill, 5 4 3 2 1 senses grounding, feelings wheel, Check the Facts DBT worksheet You might want a more directive therapist but it’s true that you want to be stabilized before doing trauma processing. r/dbtselfhelp I can’t stand non-directive therapy so I did a DBT program, IFS work, and EMDR
Good & solid suggestions!
That sounds like you want a coach, not a therapist, significantly different practice scopes
I felt exactly like this when I was seeing a talk therapist. I stayed with them for over a year and felt like it was going nowhere. We finally both said “I think things are good now,” and I stopped seeing them. I recently, however, about four months ago, started seeing an EMDR therapist. They’re helping me process childhood trauma as well as current triggers and emotions around those past experiences. It’s been an intense journey so far. Maybe trying EMDR could be what works for you as well. Good luck!
You’re correct that you need good coping and grounding skills before tackling trauma, and some therapists are good about helping with those. But you can also look them up and practice them on your own.
When you say she suggests some things, what did she suggest? Have you tried it?
Listening to a podcast, trying to build a support network- contacting old friends , journaling , joining group therapy
Have you tried any of those things?
No I just don’t think they’d work and they seem quite generoc
So you want your therapist to suggest ways to cope, but you reject all the suggestions? That seems counterproductive to your goals.
Don’t mean this to come off as confrontational but what exactly were you looking for?
Sounds like she may not be the best fit, but building a support system is critical for therapeutic growth.
Maybe you need to recalibrate- figure out your collaborative therapy goals?
Trauma therapy is often destabilizing. I haven't done it myself but having known a lot of people who went through it -- it's a lot, and if you don't have a good stable base, you could end up in real danger. From what I remember of your posts, you are not in a stable home situation. I understand things are hard for you now. There may be other things you can work on (for example stabilizing skills, or just finding pockets of safety in your life). I think it would be good for you to discuss and clarify your goals.
Therapists like that are always a bad fit for me. My therapist never does this unless I specifically tell him that what I need that session is just to feel heard. To be fair, they shouldn't be telling you what to do either, but I definitely expect my therapist to be an active participant in our sessions and provide insight, guiding questions, skills, etc.
My guess is that her hesitancy has more to do with her own comfort with trauma treatment than anything to do with you. See if you can find a therapist who’s trained in a trauma treatment, like Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, Prolonged Exposure, or Cognitive Processing Therapy. Not every therapist knows what to do with trauma, so they may come up with reasons not to address it, or be overly concerned about delving into potentially upsetting topics. But this keeps clients stuck.
Maybe you're seeing your own hesitance there. She won't suggest things you are not clearly asking for, as that would be treating you like you're incapable of being responsible for your journey. It would step on your boundaries too, so I'm thinking she works with you as much as you ask for. It's quite respectful and affirming of your capacities to decide the speed of your recovery. If you're upset by her not being more in control, it can be the child in you who wants to be taken care of and have things decided for them. Th solid ground she said you need before delving in refers to you not her.
That's the entire point of therapy. For you to do the work for yourself with confidential guidance
ALl THERAPIST SEEM TO CARE ABOUT IS THE MINUTES AND THE MONEY. MINE IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOURS ABSOLUTELY USELESS. I TOTALLY SYMPATHIZE
We do heal by speech when we talk about our pre-speech pain coded in our dreams. Therapy works just by listening...I am sorry if that feels too blunt. Yes it is true that m o s t people believe we must * go deep* and * find the truth*...But it works only if we talk about our fantasies around our dreams. And no the therapist does n o t see into us. So the listening is enough. It is the client's job to accept that healing is a slow process ..but it is automatic.
There are different type of therapists. I have recreational therapist that takes me to places like she drives me to a park and we go for a walk and talk, she helps me go to appointments, get important documents done, gives me emotional support, etc. apparently they’re very pricy though. my insurance covers it
That sounds more like a support worker.