i had a few matches i was talking to around mothers day, now my mother passed away in 2022, its felt like forever but most pepole realize that it was 2 years ago and think its still fresh, but she was very sick for a long time, we are at peace with it all.
but when a girl asks me what my mothers day plans are, "going to the cemetery" is not something i need to say, not yet! then i have to explain everything, and that might change their perception of me, my buddy lost his mom when we graduated high school and shit you not woman have asked me "oh hes got mommy issues then?" i dont need that crap in my life
if we get serious ill tell you everything you ever wanted to know!
>my mother passed away in 2022
Samesies. I've been trying to decide if it's too soon to joke about it when I see girls that have stuff like "your mom will love me" in their profile.
My concern is as I mentioned, the assumption that I automatically have mommy issues! But hey everyone deals with these things differently, only you know what’s right for you!
"getting her flowers" and "visiting her in the afternoon", followed by a question on a different topic are good ways to move that conversation along. My mom died in 2004 and it's still annoying.
It doesn’t always matter how long it’s been. My dad died when I was 12. When I mention it at pertinent times like this, people still say “sorry for your loss.” I think I’m over it after 50 years!
I disagree. Usually if the answer is obviously darker than what your conversation partner could have expected you try to defuse the situation yourself. This just makes it awkward for them.
That is not what I meant though. Obviously she should have answered honestly but she should have said something like "sorry if that's a little dark" or "you couldn't have known".
No, you shouldn't apologize for telling the truth either. She answered a direct question honestly and straightforwardly, she did everything right.
As I said earlier, don't ask questions if you don't want answers.
War, huh, yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, uhh
War, huh, yeah
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, y'all
War, huh (good God)
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me, oh
Soooo here's the thing. Your post implies that she violated some kind of unspoken social rule, but she didn't. You asked a question that involves an extremely significant event in her life. Much of her identity is wrapped up in the fact that she fled her home due to war. If you're not ready to be sensitive to that, you should unmatch and move on.
Otherwise, it's your chance to show a fellow human being some compassion. Tell her you're sorry that she had to come for the worst reasons but that you're glad she's here, safe, and that you have the opportunity to interact.
Yeah this post is stupid AF. She answered the question in the most casual way possible. What was she supposed to do, lie?? She’s not like OH WE ARE FLEEING THE WAR MY FAMILY IS DEAD OH THE TRAGEDY like chill OP. Bad things happen to people and sometimes casual questions bring that stuff up. Gasp the horror. Literally just talk to her.
My guy. I appreciate your well thought out response. I don't think she violated any social rule, I only posted this because the response is very out of the ordinary and I thought it was interesting. I think her response was %100 valid and okay.
It's not really out of the ordinary. A lot of people have been in terrible situations.
She was vulnerable and honest.
This is the reason why I dislike Tinder. You just have to pretend to be ordinary for a lame date instead real conversation and connection.
No issue, just a very out of the ordinary and unexpected answer, that's why I posted it, thought it was interesting. People are assuming I am somehow complaining, when I am not.
Most of them still didn't adapted very well so they usually don't socialise with locals. That being said I think her response was quite honest and normal
That might be true. I guess I’m just wondering what world OP lives in where being a war refugee is so out of the ordinary that it requires a Reddit post, especially in a country that hosts more refugees than most other countries.
I don’t live in turkey, so I don’t know the dynamics of the country, but I meet refugees all of the time in my country, and it really isn’t any stranger to say that you fled from a country because of war than to tell someone you’re adopted.
Well then, it saddens me to say it but there are many politicians here using hate on refugees to get support of racists and feed the fire to get even more votes. OP might be one of those supporters.
Judging by the nick name of OP he is also an islamaphobic.
I could have been a perfect opportunity for him to get to know opposite pov and a possible good date but I doubt it's going to ever happen.
You suck
“I’m sorry this is too upsetting for me to discuss because I have such a comfortable life that it makes me uncomfortable that you were nicely honest about the tragedy you’re experiencing. Unmatch me because I’m not mature enough to meet people who experience real life situations. Now I must go, mom said the pizza rolls are done”
Two were Columbine (I used to live in Denver and am the right age for it) and one was a shooting at Northern Illinois University. None went beyond a first date though the shootings had nothing to do with it. Two showed me the wounds, both on the leg.
I know the USA has a big problem with guns but this is still wild coincidence to have happen 3 times over perhaps 50-75 lifetime first dates.
aehm "awe im sorry to hear that! how long have you been here? have you been to (part of town that you really enjoy)"
she will reply with the time shes been in toen and say yes or not
either or "its really a great place/ lovely/ cool... i know of a really nice spot to grab somthing to eat if you would be interested!"
now she might say its too sudden to make plans, agree with her and just say that obviously we need to chat a bit before we meet!
or she will value the quick turn around and your in.
basically as terrible as it sounds just blow right past the fact that shes a war refugee, you can have that conversation later when your closer!
aw poor you, did someone answer something honestly and that made things a bit awkward for you? that's way worse than her having to leave her home country due to mass genocide.
When you've been through traumatic events, you're now permanently stuck in an extremely awkward bubble. Now that a good chunk of your life is deemed unsanitary for "normal" conversation, talking normally about your past is considered trauma-dumping, and having your life be off-limits in a way that others' lives aren't is seriously excluding.
Part of the dating app experience is meeting people whose experiences don't match yours. Either be welcoming to a wealth of experiences, or pack it up.
Apparently flirting with a women is liking shooting your self in the foot it’s best to stay in frame and keep it on point. Flirting can come off as childish. Especially when just getting to know a girl they want a masculine dominate man not a kid
You're Turkish, you're not gullible to the reality of Syrians moving to Turkey because of the war. You also shouldn't be naive about the role Turkey plays on the Syrian front (not saying that Turkey caused the war, but there is some intervention in the Northern border). Her response is very valid. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Many people have already said this, but this doesn't say anything about her. If anything, it says a lot about you as a human.
I visit north Syria a lot . Abusing the welfare system of other countries, getting free money , not having to pay taxes, avoiding military service, punishment from crime committed in chaos and free residence permits are the reasons they don’t want to come back to Syria.
Well she answered honestly
Yeah, what is she supposed to do? Lie? Is that better? Smh, don't fucking ask questions if you don't want them answered.
i had a few matches i was talking to around mothers day, now my mother passed away in 2022, its felt like forever but most pepole realize that it was 2 years ago and think its still fresh, but she was very sick for a long time, we are at peace with it all. but when a girl asks me what my mothers day plans are, "going to the cemetery" is not something i need to say, not yet! then i have to explain everything, and that might change their perception of me, my buddy lost his mom when we graduated high school and shit you not woman have asked me "oh hes got mommy issues then?" i dont need that crap in my life if we get serious ill tell you everything you ever wanted to know!
>my mother passed away in 2022 Samesies. I've been trying to decide if it's too soon to joke about it when I see girls that have stuff like "your mom will love me" in their profile.
Joking about dead parents makes people with living parents very uncomfortable, which is too bad, because it helps us normalize it.
Sometimes I joke about my dead parents and they're still alive.
My concern is as I mentioned, the assumption that I automatically have mommy issues! But hey everyone deals with these things differently, only you know what’s right for you!
"getting her flowers" and "visiting her in the afternoon", followed by a question on a different topic are good ways to move that conversation along. My mom died in 2004 and it's still annoying.
my dad passed due to cancer when i was 14, you're not alone
I have lost both my parents. If someone asks me my plans for either holiday I’m usually say I’m cleaning my mom/dad’s house
It doesn’t always matter how long it’s been. My dad died when I was 12. When I mention it at pertinent times like this, people still say “sorry for your loss.” I think I’m over it after 50 years!
Wait so genuine question, how would you answer that question?
Like another commenter mentioned “I’m going to visit her for a bit” or something of that nature
[удалено]
Agreed!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I disagree. Usually if the answer is obviously darker than what your conversation partner could have expected you try to defuse the situation yourself. This just makes it awkward for them.
And I disagree with that as I believe in honesty.
That is not what I meant though. Obviously she should have answered honestly but she should have said something like "sorry if that's a little dark" or "you couldn't have known".
No, you shouldn't apologize for telling the truth either. She answered a direct question honestly and straightforwardly, she did everything right. As I said earlier, don't ask questions if you don't want answers.
Well, she put a smile after the second message. I read it like a way to diffuse it.
Handle it gracefully. It's an opportunity to show her how you handle awkwardness
War, huh, yeah What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, uhh War, huh, yeah What is it good for? Absolutely nothing Say it again, y'all War, huh (good God) What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, listen to me, oh
One wonders if "War and Peace" would have been as highly acclaimed as it was if it was published under its original name "War: What Is It Good For?"
*gets beamed in face by daily planner*
I thought you were quoting Burzum song War for a second and I started to laugh way too much🤟🏻
Is this a song?
You spend too much time here
Absolute savage
Wherever the fuck that came from, I need more of it
War - Edwin Starr
https://youtu.be/r-bA9FYB8HY?si=SwXWqDFcx2x8VvH6
Seinfeld.
"Big sadge, I personally think that war is bad and that people should just stop doing it"
Soooo here's the thing. Your post implies that she violated some kind of unspoken social rule, but she didn't. You asked a question that involves an extremely significant event in her life. Much of her identity is wrapped up in the fact that she fled her home due to war. If you're not ready to be sensitive to that, you should unmatch and move on. Otherwise, it's your chance to show a fellow human being some compassion. Tell her you're sorry that she had to come for the worst reasons but that you're glad she's here, safe, and that you have the opportunity to interact.
Yeah this post is stupid AF. She answered the question in the most casual way possible. What was she supposed to do, lie?? She’s not like OH WE ARE FLEEING THE WAR MY FAMILY IS DEAD OH THE TRAGEDY like chill OP. Bad things happen to people and sometimes casual questions bring that stuff up. Gasp the horror. Literally just talk to her.
Op has no social skills, and I see this to be a growing trend.
That is the most reasonable and empathic way to respond.
My guy. I appreciate your well thought out response. I don't think she violated any social rule, I only posted this because the response is very out of the ordinary and I thought it was interesting. I think her response was %100 valid and okay.
Thanks for clarifying. Cheers.
It's not really out of the ordinary. A lot of people have been in terrible situations. She was vulnerable and honest. This is the reason why I dislike Tinder. You just have to pretend to be ordinary for a lame date instead real conversation and connection.
Facts!!! You really have to pretend and be fake because of made up “social rules”… I hate it.
Well to be honest OP just said that he was trying to to lighthearted conversation. Talk about unintentional fumbles 😅
this!!!
Chill, people...
Fair enough
Its okay she said it with a smile. Move on smoothly and take the conversation forward.
I see no issue with her response. If you take issue, save her some time and move on
No issue, just a very out of the ordinary and unexpected answer, that's why I posted it, thought it was interesting. People are assuming I am somehow complaining, when I am not.
You kinda are complaining by the title.... was trying to make light hearted conversation... dot dot dot and she dropped war on me. At least be honest.
Is it really *that* out of the ordinary? Aren’t there millions of Syrian refugees in turkey?
Most of them still didn't adapted very well so they usually don't socialise with locals. That being said I think her response was quite honest and normal
That might be true. I guess I’m just wondering what world OP lives in where being a war refugee is so out of the ordinary that it requires a Reddit post, especially in a country that hosts more refugees than most other countries. I don’t live in turkey, so I don’t know the dynamics of the country, but I meet refugees all of the time in my country, and it really isn’t any stranger to say that you fled from a country because of war than to tell someone you’re adopted.
Well then, it saddens me to say it but there are many politicians here using hate on refugees to get support of racists and feed the fire to get even more votes. OP might be one of those supporters. Judging by the nick name of OP he is also an islamaphobic. I could have been a perfect opportunity for him to get to know opposite pov and a possible good date but I doubt it's going to ever happen.
That’s very sad to hear, and unfortunately something I recognize from where I live.
You asked a question and she answered honestly, did you expect her to lie? This post is so stupid
You suck “I’m sorry this is too upsetting for me to discuss because I have such a comfortable life that it makes me uncomfortable that you were nicely honest about the tragedy you’re experiencing. Unmatch me because I’m not mature enough to meet people who experience real life situations. Now I must go, mom said the pizza rolls are done”
OP, this
I've had not one, not two, but three dates in my life with different women who were shot in school shootings.
Weird fetish
American? Also, same shooting or different?
I’m not sure if any other countries have had 3 school shootings
Two were Columbine (I used to live in Denver and am the right age for it) and one was a shooting at Northern Illinois University. None went beyond a first date though the shootings had nothing to do with it. Two showed me the wounds, both on the leg. I know the USA has a big problem with guns but this is still wild coincidence to have happen 3 times over perhaps 50-75 lifetime first dates.
how are they supposed to answer without lying if you didn't like their answer? you may be too immature for dating.
This post is dumb. Did you not want the truth, homie?
“Shame. Syria couldve used those cannons”
This right here I fucking died laughing 💀
"i should have known by dem BOMB titties" when all is lost, go out with a bang.
Was going to say, clearly now is the time to pivot to something super explicitly sexual. /s
she Smiled, so u can still have a light conversación 😉
So what's the problem? She is supposed to lie about her reason to leave her county just so you don't get a "bummer" feeling?
War.. war never changes
*sends nuke*
"Whoa, this conversation just got syrias." If you don't say it you'll regret it forever.
Just use it to have a conversation. Don't ask anything probing or sensitive but she clearly doesn't have any issue bringing it up
aehm "awe im sorry to hear that! how long have you been here? have you been to (part of town that you really enjoy)" she will reply with the time shes been in toen and say yes or not either or "its really a great place/ lovely/ cool... i know of a really nice spot to grab somthing to eat if you would be interested!" now she might say its too sudden to make plans, agree with her and just say that obviously we need to chat a bit before we meet! or she will value the quick turn around and your in. basically as terrible as it sounds just blow right past the fact that shes a war refugee, you can have that conversation later when your closer!
aw poor you, did someone answer something honestly and that made things a bit awkward for you? that's way worse than her having to leave her home country due to mass genocide.
When you've been through traumatic events, you're now permanently stuck in an extremely awkward bubble. Now that a good chunk of your life is deemed unsanitary for "normal" conversation, talking normally about your past is considered trauma-dumping, and having your life be off-limits in a way that others' lives aren't is seriously excluding. Part of the dating app experience is meeting people whose experiences don't match yours. Either be welcoming to a wealth of experiences, or pack it up.
"Play your cards right, and you can invade me."
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr9Kaa1sycs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr9Kaa1sycs)
"That is quite the bomb to drop."
Yo! That's making it real.
The Protector returns to Istanbul!
You got to response her with the classic : "Damn that sad, can you send me a picture of your butthole?" /j
answer with war. war never changes
Apparently flirting with a women is liking shooting your self in the foot it’s best to stay in frame and keep it on point. Flirting can come off as childish. Especially when just getting to know a girl they want a masculine dominate man not a kid
You're Turkish, you're not gullible to the reality of Syrians moving to Turkey because of the war. You also shouldn't be naive about the role Turkey plays on the Syrian front (not saying that Turkey caused the war, but there is some intervention in the Northern border). Her response is very valid. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. Many people have already said this, but this doesn't say anything about her. If anything, it says a lot about you as a human.
Well ok then 🏃♀️
I was expecting them to respond with something like "cause I was hoping to get a date in Constantinople" or something lmao
So Istanbul gets down on Tinder too huh 🤔
Well, if you got a date in Constantinople she will be waiting in Istanbul.
You asked 🤣
Ooof... that bombed harder than the luftwaffe over London
The war ended 10 years ago.
My guy here thinks because media stops reporting on something it has ended lmao I'd love to be that innocent
I visit north Syria a lot . Abusing the welfare system of other countries, getting free money , not having to pay taxes, avoiding military service, punishment from crime committed in chaos and free residence permits are the reasons they don’t want to come back to Syria.
NOOO WHY DO WOMEN HAVE COMPLEX LIVES AND REPLY HONESTLY WHEN I ASK QUESTIONS
Didn't took her long to stir up some drama lol
Reminds me of a Cambodian guy I went to the German Market. As we left "my parents died saving my life" Cool story bro, byeeee