Man, lemme tell you about this girl… let’s call her Jay, because that was her name.
Super good looking but made zero effort to offer to pay for anything. I was gonna get it but, if you’re not even trying to offer, I’m out. I cut our date short and she was absolutely baffled why I wasn’t interested in a second date. It made subsequent dance classes (where I knew her from) a bit awkward.
I actually didn’t tell her the reason why. I know she knows I just wasn’t interested but I didn’t really see the point of a debriefing. It’s Korea so it’s culturally more expected to it would have fallen in deaf ears anyways.
That’s fucking nuts man. In my younger years I might do that for guaranteed sex but not for a date. Now I won’t drive 30 minutes in any direction for any reason.
Rural gender demographics man.
I feel so bad for my friends that didn't go to university or went back home after they graduated. Super attractive and charismatic guy with a great job... and h either has to date bridge trolls, or cashiers who hate vaccines and have 3 kids. Or drive the two hours and date the bombshells that are actually in his league.
It's a lot. I did a 1hr away long distance thing for 3 years and if we hadn't already been together for 4 before that, it wouldn't have survived the first year.
I did a 1yr, 30 min away thing and it was still a struggle to do more than 2-3 afternoons a week.
Some people might be into that, I guess, but I found it difficult. I want to spend time with my person.
Honestly, it’s such a turn off when girls ask “are u paying?”. Like I would 100% offer to pay if the date went great and both of us had a great time. But come on, outright asking for it is pathetic.
Yeah exactly this. I would’ve been totally fine with paying, but the fact she’s expecting it and outright asking about it, made me come up with that response lol
There's a place by me that is suspiciously cheap. Like $15 a person cheap for a lot of food. I feel like it's a weird money laundering scheme by the Karoke Mafia or something.
It's pricey and can be awkward kinda sitting there as the meat gets cooked. I went with a friend to a local kbbq place and it was around $80 for both of us
Well, I could even get past it if she followed up with "sorry, I can't afford it right now." But then she'd have to be up for something cheap for the first date.
Don't bother is just trying to shame you and is obviously ridiculous since she's the one doing something shameful.
I would have blocked after her reply "are you paying" so u did better then me. I aint even in the dating game anymore thankgod but the entitlement ive been seeing is insanity
Right!! This is so crazy to ask someone.
What’s so funny about women like this is that they are actually decreasing the likelihood that their dates will pay when they ask this. I’ve gone on a lot more first dates than I’d like to admit, and I am always willing to split or contribute in some way (the tip, dessert, before dinner drinks, etc) but usually the guys are so appreciative that I offer that they refuse to let me pay for anything. I would say less than 5% of the time I actually end up paying for something. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous and that both parties should contribute on a first date but I don’t usually want to make a fuss as money is awkward enough.
Definitely not recommending women make false offers to pay when they don’t mean it because it decreases the likelihood that they will actually pay, but just find it funny that women who ask these questions achieve the exact opposite results they are looking for.
I always buy the drinks on first dates. But if she wants dinner we are splitting it. I will gladly pay for dinner on a second date. But on the first the most I'll do is drinks/coffee/ice cream. I mean we may not even like each other.
I like paying as the man (if the date goes well ofc) because it shows I can be gentlemanly but also use it as a way to get a second date confirmed by going “i’ll get this one if you get the next”
It’s really attractive when she offers to pay. There’s something called the cheque dance where both parties would go back and forth offering to pay and ultimately, the guy would. Ofc I won’t let her pay on the first date but it’s also nice that she acknowledges it. It’s like a little ego boost for us.
I instituted this rule a while ago and it's saved me so much time and money. I will always pay for the first date, but if she doesn't even offer to pay her share, there won't be a second.
I'm not sure where women get so confident asking. I insisted on a platonic coffee for the first meet and greet so that a) there are no misunderstandings and b) so that he doesn't feel like he is owed anything. Some men use that as an excuse, and you can't be sure if he's that kind of man till you feel out the situation.
Nah if they wanna play tradwife then let them. That also means they put out, speak when spoken to, act lady like at all times, and follow my word like it’s the word of God himself. No back talking or get that back hand. You know real 1950’s shit. Oh yeah she has to cook and clean too as required
I always ask either or not “are u paying?” Cause I make enough money to cover myself tenfold at a normal place. But if I’m asked out by someone, in my area at least, that person pays. If I say “hey let’s meet up” I expect to pay for myself at least.
You should just assume that you’ll pay for yourself, because the whole “you invited me so you must pay” is crazy talk. I would also assume that you rarely if ever ask someone else out, and other people are always the ones asking you out
To be fair, that top text about movies is extremely bungled/boneappleteeth. Was she overall intelligent presenting and coherent otherwise? Her asking to pay after mentioning a move likely points to her getting kicked out of a roommate situation.
The thing is some women won't even go on a date if you're not taking them out for food with the reason being "if they don't take me out for dinner then they're not serious".
These women are the female equivalent of the dudes who pester women for nudes the second they start texting.
Like, good grief woman, stop trying to make me feed you. Go eat on your own! If we get along well, then I’ll buy you some food.
I can’t get over some… people, are so food obsessed they literally use dates to get free dinner.
I would personally turn down a dinner date and ask for coffee instead (or boba/smoothies/whatever).
I don’t want to go eat - I don’t want to go stuff my face, sit across from you at a table and try to have a conversation between mouth fulls of food, or sit in awkward silence while we try to actually eat the food being paid for. And I just don’t find food that exciting.
The food obsession people have these days is mind-boggling to me.
Dude, if a guy is driving 2 hours to come for a date .. I would pay for the damn dinner. Seems fair for his travel time/gas. Some girls really only use dating platforms for a free meal.
supposed to be get food —> watch anime. Since I’m driving an hour to her we would watch at her place, she pulled out last minute on watching something (i also have work early mornings so two hours round trip after getting off of work (which I already commute 1:15 round trip) and THEN watching a movie would be too long. so I suggested I’m fine with food!
She didn’t want him there cuz it’s creepy af to have an unknown man at your house. It is called being safe. Him even bringing up going to her house should’ve been a block
I mean it’s pretty clear she was fine with it at one point and backtracked. And OP clarifies this point directly.
It’s fine to not want to meet up at your home but y’all act like he put substantial pressure on this situation. When she said no to meeting at her place he went for the restaurant date. He didn’t try to move in with her lol
You’re not going to win with this crowd, they’ve decided HER idea for you to come over to HER place makes YOU a creep. Or in animation form:
https://youtu.be/rihu8_nbhw8?si=0Y0w5OYRQp9aceu7
May take is:
she might be a broke person and embarrassed about it.
She might be a gold digger.
She might be someone that thinks men should pay for dates.
If #1 she shouldn’t be attempting to schedule dates (or dates that require money, but most will probably require some amount of money unless you enjoy like walking through parks with strangers I guess).
If you're a man's match most likely he would pay anyway. I understand that the asking made it weird. I had once a date wherein she lectured me how a real man should behave and always pay. I was so surprised but also kind of disgusted. So I told her I am no such man and she paid at the end. 😜 Of course we didn't see each other again.
sorry, to clarify I am a man haha. But yes, I’m sorry if that’s their definition of “a real man”; I understand that’s a pretty traditional view, and I am definitely not that.
I agree that asking is weird. I once went on a date with a guy and we were in line to order. He ordered first, then he looked back at me and asked “do you want me to pay for you or do you want to split it?” And the question caught me off guard because I’m fine with paying, but I’ve never had a guy ask me and put the onus on me to decide if he pays for me or not. So I said something like “uhhh if you want to pay that’s nice but it doesn’t matter to me.” And he shrugged his shoulders and said okay and decided to pay for me. And the female cashier watched the whole thing happen and gave me a look because she was also caught off guard lol. It was so weird and I felt very awkward. Suffice to say we didn’t have a second date lol but that was for other reasons.
Hey at least she asked before hand, one of my dates "forgot their wallet" leaving me with a 40$ bill and then blocked me afterwards when she didn't give signs the date was going bad before
Asking beforehand if someone is going to pay for the date or not sucks all the air out of the excitement of meeting up and tells a clear story about the person you’re dealing with.
Back in my day, it was a custom for men to always pay, and women never asked. This is my first time scrolling through this thread, by the way, and I gotta say, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with trying to date or hook up now... holy hell, it seems like a nightmare. I feel bad for you all that do have to go through all this trouble.
Grossssssss. Up until about a year into my (now 6 year) relationship with my boyfriend, I never let him pay for me, we always split the bill. He haaaated it. I don’t even like it when my family members pay for me, so why would I let a date do it? I like being able to support myself!!! Plus, my mom always told me that if a man pays, they are under the impression that you owe them *something.* She tried instilling that notion into my little sister (who is only 16) so I had to tell her that regardless if someone pays or not, you owe them *nothing.* (unless it’s agreed you’ll pay them back and in that case you owe them money, lol).
Definitely dodged a bullet here, OP.
I'm totally cool with this. If women expect the men to pay, it's a reasonable expectation to ask them when they're spreading their legs open for them. Sexist much? Well, ladies, then don't pick and choose the parts of "feminism" you like. And don't enforce "traditional gender roles" when you feel like it.
Good job OP, nuke dodged.
All my dates have been free meal sponsorships. One of them even said her girlfriends just date guys so they get free meals out of them. Good in your detecting early.
at least you avoided the bullet early - she was happy to let her red flag fly!
I've always been of the opinion that whoever asks for the first date pays, and then you work it out with splits as time goes on - if she never wants to pay, then she's basically a gold digger of a certain type!
There’s a video of 50 cent saying something along the lines of that “ the person who’s asked to go on a date should pay” and I live by that.
However saying that I would unmatch/block anyone that asks if I’m paying.
It’s not even that hard to pay for your end. Like what?! What a piece of dog crap. Like I’m currently struggling right now because I’m juggling all my expenses (I live on my own and have a car payment) so it’s really hard for me right now and I still pay for almost everything my girlfriend wants. But I love it when she offers cause I know she has no problem paying for her own things but it just shows she really cares.
Wow as a female I feel like the split or alternate paying is so fair - if I’m going out I automatically have at least my portion abd tip - I also usually offer to pay of the date or place was my idea
Wait people actually ASK?! 😳 I couldn’t imagine being so rude. I’ve never paid on a first date unless I knew I didn’t want a second and then I will make sure to split but to ASK. As a guy I wouldn’t even want to date her anymore. Ew. Gross.
Anytime they expect you paying the bill avoid them. Major red flag they expect someone to pay for everything and you will end up being his/her bish. I have always paid the bill if you show that you are willing to pay a bill is a major green flag. Gotta watch out for them cues don’t chase after people. Thing I learned about healthy relationships don’t ever rush or chase after someone take your time work on yourself screw wasting time with someone that doesn’t deserve your time. Good luck!
As a woman, if a guy asks me, I expect him to pay. If I ask him, I pay. But then the other person asks and pays next time 🤷♀️ or even it’s dinner and a movie, I pay for one, you pay for the other then switch next time.
I wouldn’t say to not bother damn 😭
See I would always grab the check on a first date I ask someone on, but if they ask if I am paying beforehand lol I am sending them to a place I won't show up at.
I feel like you both have bad attitudes. Like you think that’s why she’s saying don’t bother when I guarantee you it’s more complicated than that and she’s cut things off at that because she has some kind of thought about you in her mind because of your response even though it’s probably not that. Next time, just grab dessert somewhere.
Nah cause ima girl and I'd rather him say "let's split" or "criss cross" it says alot about him and how gullible he may be to internet media. Plus I want him to have a good impression of me. Girls like that are just gold diggers who are more secretive at it
Fellas, which do you think is the bigger factor that perpetuates this sense of entitlement in women?
1. Too many self-entitled women encouraging other women to adopt this mentality and behavior
2. Too many men giving in to women
Majority of times with my bros? No. If I do ask my twin to come out with me I'll offer to pay for him. My friends work so that never comes up unless one of them is broke, I trust them enough to tell me the truth regarding that. With women, especially a woman that I want to date, if I invite her out I'll pay but if she sends such a text before we go out I'll be turned off
But you said, "If I plan on taking out a woman or anyone since I invited them I will pay for them but to ask if I'm going to pay is a turnoff".
So why is it different if it is a woman that you want to date? You don't pay for friends you invite places unless they're broke and you know that. But you will pay for a stranger? Why?
I know that. I'm pointing out how disingenuous everyone is when they say "the person who does the asking/invitation pays".
It's funny how everyone just doesn't want to admit that it is simply a bribe to attempt to buy affections.
Because one instance is that the person is most likely wanting to enjoy my company and the other instance is clear that the person sees me as a food ticket meal. It's not that hard to differentiate buddy
I know that but my point is there are women that are willing to pay for a man due to high interest in that guy, I've had that happen and regardless of that I still paid but if a woman texts me ”you're paying though", my intentions are to pay anyways but if you're acting like some sort of goddess that expects that then it is a turn off for me. It's like a guy that expects sex after a first date, it's ridiculous.
That's crazy. I never expect my date to pay. I'm always prepared for the assumption that we're splitting. When he offers and won't take no I thank them and let them pay but my purse is always out before we have that discussion
a text like this makes me expect they only want food/be paid for and have no interest in me as a person. Assuming not, still asking outright if I’m paying and then after responding to her and seeing her reaction tells me enough
yeah sorry, i actually edited my first comment because i realized i had swapped the texts. i thought you were her and she was you and i was very confused.
Well, at least they didn’t ask for gas money.
I was also the one that was going to be driving two hours round trip
Screw that.
Man, lemme tell you about this girl… let’s call her Jay, because that was her name. Super good looking but made zero effort to offer to pay for anything. I was gonna get it but, if you’re not even trying to offer, I’m out. I cut our date short and she was absolutely baffled why I wasn’t interested in a second date. It made subsequent dance classes (where I knew her from) a bit awkward.
Did you ever tell her, or did you leave her baffled making dance class as awkward as can be?
I actually didn’t tell her the reason why. I know she knows I just wasn’t interested but I didn’t really see the point of a debriefing. It’s Korea so it’s culturally more expected to it would have fallen in deaf ears anyways.
>let’s call her Jay, because that was her name. Lmfao I actually choked. That was unexpectedly funny.
That’s fucking nuts man. In my younger years I might do that for guaranteed sex but not for a date. Now I won’t drive 30 minutes in any direction for any reason.
I feel this on an emotional level
Rural gender demographics man. I feel so bad for my friends that didn't go to university or went back home after they graduated. Super attractive and charismatic guy with a great job... and h either has to date bridge trolls, or cashiers who hate vaccines and have 3 kids. Or drive the two hours and date the bombshells that are actually in his league.
True story. Just moved back to rural Dartmoor, from rural France. Coming to terms with the end of intimacy.
Are you from the UK?
Real, 😂
No single locals in your area? You gotta drive 2 hours?
IKR? The internet ad said local hot singles!
Americans be wildin' for pussy. In Europe max is 30 mins.
Judging by OP screenshot, little likelihood he is American.
God damn I am never leaving the city
Yeah you wanna find love then you know where the city is
That's nuts. I moved to a trendy neighborhood so dates would drive to me. It's totally worth the extra $$$
It's a lot. I did a 1hr away long distance thing for 3 years and if we hadn't already been together for 4 before that, it wouldn't have survived the first year. I did a 1yr, 30 min away thing and it was still a struggle to do more than 2-3 afternoons a week. Some people might be into that, I guess, but I found it difficult. I want to spend time with my person.
These broads be wild af
Ok, at first I thought no big deal, but with the trip? Nah, they need to pitch in too.
MICHEAL
*I got that reference*
Michael wasn't there
Honestly, it’s such a turn off when girls ask “are u paying?”. Like I would 100% offer to pay if the date went great and both of us had a great time. But come on, outright asking for it is pathetic.
Yeah exactly this. I would’ve been totally fine with paying, but the fact she’s expecting it and outright asking about it, made me come up with that response lol
Also, KBBQ is lowkey expensive where I am from at least. A bit pricy for a first date (but also, I am a college student).
I’ll never know the place sadly 😭
I’ll go on a bro-date with you OP!
Are you paying?
Since it's the first time of meeting up, either down to split it or you put out.
Why not both? Split it and hit it?
Gas, grass or ass.
Is it cheap anywhere?
There's a place by me that is suspiciously cheap. Like $15 a person cheap for a lot of food. I feel like it's a weird money laundering scheme by the Karoke Mafia or something.
I haven’t been to the US in a while as I live in Korea but I guess I’m going to give up bbq when I go home if $15 is cheap.
Is it a chain restaurant I never heard of it
It's pricey and can be awkward kinda sitting there as the meat gets cooked. I went with a friend to a local kbbq place and it was around $80 for both of us
Well, I could even get past it if she followed up with "sorry, I can't afford it right now." But then she'd have to be up for something cheap for the first date. Don't bother is just trying to shame you and is obviously ridiculous since she's the one doing something shameful.
I would have blocked after her reply "are you paying" so u did better then me. I aint even in the dating game anymore thankgod but the entitlement ive been seeing is insanity
dont waste no time if not part of the meals for hoes movement
Right!! This is so crazy to ask someone. What’s so funny about women like this is that they are actually decreasing the likelihood that their dates will pay when they ask this. I’ve gone on a lot more first dates than I’d like to admit, and I am always willing to split or contribute in some way (the tip, dessert, before dinner drinks, etc) but usually the guys are so appreciative that I offer that they refuse to let me pay for anything. I would say less than 5% of the time I actually end up paying for something. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous and that both parties should contribute on a first date but I don’t usually want to make a fuss as money is awkward enough. Definitely not recommending women make false offers to pay when they don’t mean it because it decreases the likelihood that they will actually pay, but just find it funny that women who ask these questions achieve the exact opposite results they are looking for.
I always buy the drinks on first dates. But if she wants dinner we are splitting it. I will gladly pay for dinner on a second date. But on the first the most I'll do is drinks/coffee/ice cream. I mean we may not even like each other.
Nothing wrong with this at all! I think dinner is kind of a terrible first date anyways. Better to keep it simple.
I like paying as the man (if the date goes well ofc) because it shows I can be gentlemanly but also use it as a way to get a second date confirmed by going “i’ll get this one if you get the next”
Also an easy way to get ghosted..
Cant win ‘em all. I don’t choose expensive places for first dates anyway.
If she's going to ghost because of that I don't want to date her anyways. Saving time and money by ghosting.
It’s really attractive when she offers to pay. There’s something called the cheque dance where both parties would go back and forth offering to pay and ultimately, the guy would. Ofc I won’t let her pay on the first date but it’s also nice that she acknowledges it. It’s like a little ego boost for us.
I instituted this rule a while ago and it's saved me so much time and money. I will always pay for the first date, but if she doesn't even offer to pay her share, there won't be a second.
It’s crazy to ask to be in her house
I only pay the whole thing when they offer to split. Otherwise, we are splitting, and I'm never seeing you again.
lmao my face would spontaneously combust if I'd ask that, can u imagine, an grown ass woman asking is like a kiddie to go mcdonalds
“May I have the biggest, fattest steak on the menu and aperol spritz 👉🏻👈🏻🥹”
"Excellent Sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos"
"Not anymore"
I’d respond “not anymore” lol
I'd ask just to pick somewhere cheaper if you suggested somewhere expensive... Don't have heaps of money.
I'm not sure where women get so confident asking. I insisted on a platonic coffee for the first meet and greet so that a) there are no misunderstandings and b) so that he doesn't feel like he is owed anything. Some men use that as an excuse, and you can't be sure if he's that kind of man till you feel out the situation.
Nah if they wanna play tradwife then let them. That also means they put out, speak when spoken to, act lady like at all times, and follow my word like it’s the word of God himself. No back talking or get that back hand. You know real 1950’s shit. Oh yeah she has to cook and clean too as required
But of course that doesn’t come until marriage and you have to put up with her entitlement until then
I always paid for all my first dates as a man, but if you asked then we are splitting
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You've gotta come back out of the toilet at some point unless there's a window or you can fit down the toilet.
I always ask either or not “are u paying?” Cause I make enough money to cover myself tenfold at a normal place. But if I’m asked out by someone, in my area at least, that person pays. If I say “hey let’s meet up” I expect to pay for myself at least.
You should just assume that you’ll pay for yourself, because the whole “you invited me so you must pay” is crazy talk. I would also assume that you rarely if ever ask someone else out, and other people are always the ones asking you out
Usually I do just assume, but I also do ask. Hopefully this is the last time I have too🥲 sick of going in first dates
And women ask where *men* get the audacity!
matched on Tinder, supposed to meet up for a spot she has picked out in mind.
To be fair, that top text about movies is extremely bungled/boneappleteeth. Was she overall intelligent presenting and coherent otherwise? Her asking to pay after mentioning a move likely points to her getting kicked out of a roommate situation.
I see you also read the “being” vs “bringing” more than once to make sense if it lol
As well as "and actually movie"
what you're telling you never watch and actually movie?
“Intelligent presenting” 😆
This is why I don't do dinner dates for a first date.
The thing is some women won't even go on a date if you're not taking them out for food with the reason being "if they don't take me out for dinner then they're not serious".
Ignore those women.
Lol right? "Well they won't go out with me unless they can use me!" Then don't go out with them tf?!
Say it a little louder for the people in the back!
I can fix her, I can fix them ALL!!!
These women are the female equivalent of the dudes who pester women for nudes the second they start texting. Like, good grief woman, stop trying to make me feed you. Go eat on your own! If we get along well, then I’ll buy you some food.
This ☝️
I can’t get over some… people, are so food obsessed they literally use dates to get free dinner. I would personally turn down a dinner date and ask for coffee instead (or boba/smoothies/whatever). I don’t want to go eat - I don’t want to go stuff my face, sit across from you at a table and try to have a conversation between mouth fulls of food, or sit in awkward silence while we try to actually eat the food being paid for. And I just don’t find food that exciting. The food obsession people have these days is mind-boggling to me.
"If they are willing to spend time with me without being able to insinuate that I owe them sex as exchange for a meal, they aren't serious" ?
I love it when the trash takes itself out. You don't?
But… you said you’ll cover it if they get the next one. They’re still getting a free meal till the next time if there’s a next time.
There wasnt going to be a 2nd time... she just wanted Free food
Yes, that’s what I said.
There wasnt going to be a 2nd time dude
Now I’m convinced there was gonna be a second time.
She fucked up when she asked if you were paying.. Normal people don’t say shit like that..
Dude, if a guy is driving 2 hours to come for a date .. I would pay for the damn dinner. Seems fair for his travel time/gas. Some girls really only use dating platforms for a free meal.
W
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2 hours
Cmon. She just needed to know whether or not to bring her friends. Be nice people.
First meet ups should be over ice cream or coffee for this reason
Or you could just get together and eat a bunch of caramels
You invited yourself to her house to watch a movie first?
supposed to be get food —> watch anime. Since I’m driving an hour to her we would watch at her place, she pulled out last minute on watching something (i also have work early mornings so two hours round trip after getting off of work (which I already commute 1:15 round trip) and THEN watching a movie would be too long. so I suggested I’m fine with food!
She never intended to have you at her place and always intended to use you for a free meal
She didn’t want him there cuz it’s creepy af to have an unknown man at your house. It is called being safe. Him even bringing up going to her house should’ve been a block
I mean it’s pretty clear she was fine with it at one point and backtracked. And OP clarifies this point directly. It’s fine to not want to meet up at your home but y’all act like he put substantial pressure on this situation. When she said no to meeting at her place he went for the restaurant date. He didn’t try to move in with her lol
And you assuming that he invited himself (when SHE proposed it from OP's word) makes you the dummy, a fair trade I'd say.
no fr, that’s an immediate ghost from me
The downvotes tho😂 why do men feel entitled to go to a woman’s house for a first meet. Anyone respectful would never suggest that.
Entitled? She asked him.
exactly, that just shows you’re tryna fuck or you’re just a bop and feel comfortable doing that with a lot of girls 💀 disrespectful af, no thank u
Yup!!!! Then mad she asked if he’s paying for dinner when he already exposed himself as being a fboy
Those still don’t sound like good enough excuses to invite a strange man you’ve never met before over to her house 😬
not excuses, she literally was the one that came up with the date plan
You’re not going to win with this crowd, they’ve decided HER idea for you to come over to HER place makes YOU a creep. Or in animation form: https://youtu.be/rihu8_nbhw8?si=0Y0w5OYRQp9aceu7
Exactly!!!!!!!!
May take is: she might be a broke person and embarrassed about it. She might be a gold digger. She might be someone that thinks men should pay for dates.
Spoiler: it's all of the above.
If #1 she shouldn’t be attempting to schedule dates (or dates that require money, but most will probably require some amount of money unless you enjoy like walking through parks with strangers I guess).
If you're a man's match most likely he would pay anyway. I understand that the asking made it weird. I had once a date wherein she lectured me how a real man should behave and always pay. I was so surprised but also kind of disgusted. So I told her I am no such man and she paid at the end. 😜 Of course we didn't see each other again.
sorry, to clarify I am a man haha. But yes, I’m sorry if that’s their definition of “a real man”; I understand that’s a pretty traditional view, and I am definitely not that.
Funny how the "traditional" stuff is always what selfishly benefits and never what doesn't.
No no I understood that you're a man. 😂 Maybe I wrote too weirdly. 😂
I agree that asking is weird. I once went on a date with a guy and we were in line to order. He ordered first, then he looked back at me and asked “do you want me to pay for you or do you want to split it?” And the question caught me off guard because I’m fine with paying, but I’ve never had a guy ask me and put the onus on me to decide if he pays for me or not. So I said something like “uhhh if you want to pay that’s nice but it doesn’t matter to me.” And he shrugged his shoulders and said okay and decided to pay for me. And the female cashier watched the whole thing happen and gave me a look because she was also caught off guard lol. It was so weird and I felt very awkward. Suffice to say we didn’t have a second date lol but that was for other reasons.
Why do you think it's weird? I do this all the time. I'd say it's very common here.
This makes no freakin sense mam.
Hey at least she asked before hand, one of my dates "forgot their wallet" leaving me with a 40$ bill and then blocked me afterwards when she didn't give signs the date was going bad before
It’s a typical tactic. Happened to me too.
I’m surprised you didn’t want to actually movie
Korean BBQ for a first date? Last time I did that it was 80 bucks and she ghosted me. Lesson learned.
I will always pay for the dinner, so long as I am not asked or expected to
Asking beforehand if someone is going to pay for the date or not sucks all the air out of the excitement of meeting up and tells a clear story about the person you’re dealing with.
The vast majority of women in the US expect you to pay on the first date. So she is just saying the quiet part out loud.
Why do women think they're so privileged?
NINETY FOUR MESSAGES?!
Right? Why is no one talking about 94 messages!
Wtf. Are you paying is straight up rude.
Back in my day, it was a custom for men to always pay, and women never asked. This is my first time scrolling through this thread, by the way, and I gotta say, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with trying to date or hook up now... holy hell, it seems like a nightmare. I feel bad for you all that do have to go through all this trouble.
Grossssssss. Up until about a year into my (now 6 year) relationship with my boyfriend, I never let him pay for me, we always split the bill. He haaaated it. I don’t even like it when my family members pay for me, so why would I let a date do it? I like being able to support myself!!! Plus, my mom always told me that if a man pays, they are under the impression that you owe them *something.* She tried instilling that notion into my little sister (who is only 16) so I had to tell her that regardless if someone pays or not, you owe them *nothing.* (unless it’s agreed you’ll pay them back and in that case you owe them money, lol). Definitely dodged a bullet here, OP.
Yowch
I'm totally cool with this. If women expect the men to pay, it's a reasonable expectation to ask them when they're spreading their legs open for them. Sexist much? Well, ladies, then don't pick and choose the parts of "feminism" you like. And don't enforce "traditional gender roles" when you feel like it. Good job OP, nuke dodged.
Lmao the looser energy to ask for that kind of stuff
All my dates have been free meal sponsorships. One of them even said her girlfriends just date guys so they get free meals out of them. Good in your detecting early.
In Europe I take girls to drink a beer can in the streets and I usually get laid the first night Must suck dating in the USA
I would ve trolled her after that question There are many ways to troll 😃
at least you avoided the bullet early - she was happy to let her red flag fly! I've always been of the opinion that whoever asks for the first date pays, and then you work it out with splits as time goes on - if she never wants to pay, then she's basically a gold digger of a certain type!
There’s a video of 50 cent saying something along the lines of that “ the person who’s asked to go on a date should pay” and I live by that. However saying that I would unmatch/block anyone that asks if I’m paying.
It’s not even that hard to pay for your end. Like what?! What a piece of dog crap. Like I’m currently struggling right now because I’m juggling all my expenses (I live on my own and have a car payment) so it’s really hard for me right now and I still pay for almost everything my girlfriend wants. But I love it when she offers cause I know she has no problem paying for her own things but it just shows she really cares.
Jesus
Yikes. That’s trashy AF. Did you still go out with her?
Wow as a female I feel like the split or alternate paying is so fair - if I’m going out I automatically have at least my portion abd tip - I also usually offer to pay of the date or place was my idea
Wait people actually ASK?! 😳 I couldn’t imagine being so rude. I’ve never paid on a first date unless I knew I didn’t want a second and then I will make sure to split but to ASK. As a guy I wouldn’t even want to date her anymore. Ew. Gross.
Anytime they expect you paying the bill avoid them. Major red flag they expect someone to pay for everything and you will end up being his/her bish. I have always paid the bill if you show that you are willing to pay a bill is a major green flag. Gotta watch out for them cues don’t chase after people. Thing I learned about healthy relationships don’t ever rush or chase after someone take your time work on yourself screw wasting time with someone that doesn’t deserve your time. Good luck!
As a woman, if a guy asks me, I expect him to pay. If I ask him, I pay. But then the other person asks and pays next time 🤷♀️ or even it’s dinner and a movie, I pay for one, you pay for the other then switch next time. I wouldn’t say to not bother damn 😭
See I would always grab the check on a first date I ask someone on, but if they ask if I am paying beforehand lol I am sending them to a place I won't show up at.
Well for starters you don't even know this girl so why spend than more like $ 10 on her on the first date 😂
I feel like you both have bad attitudes. Like you think that’s why she’s saying don’t bother when I guarantee you it’s more complicated than that and she’s cut things off at that because she has some kind of thought about you in her mind because of your response even though it’s probably not that. Next time, just grab dessert somewhere.
Nah cause ima girl and I'd rather him say "let's split" or "criss cross" it says alot about him and how gullible he may be to internet media. Plus I want him to have a good impression of me. Girls like that are just gold diggers who are more secretive at it
Wouldn't even replied after her question.
The classic is always hey “I need help with gas if that’s okay ☺️” or “I’m having car troubles can you help me ?😭😊”
Wow! The audacity!! 
Fellas, which do you think is the bigger factor that perpetuates this sense of entitlement in women? 1. Too many self-entitled women encouraging other women to adopt this mentality and behavior 2. Too many men giving in to women
Asking someone if they’re paying is so uncouth and tacky
Don’t ever pay for someone you just met. It comes across as needy.
Girls like this give us woman a bad name. I would never in my life expect a person to pay for my food when I just met them.
If I plan on taking out a woman or anyone since I invited them I will pay for them but to ask if I'm going to pay is a turnoff
You pay for all your bros to go places with you?
Majority of times with my bros? No. If I do ask my twin to come out with me I'll offer to pay for him. My friends work so that never comes up unless one of them is broke, I trust them enough to tell me the truth regarding that. With women, especially a woman that I want to date, if I invite her out I'll pay but if she sends such a text before we go out I'll be turned off
But you said, "If I plan on taking out a woman or anyone since I invited them I will pay for them but to ask if I'm going to pay is a turnoff". So why is it different if it is a woman that you want to date? You don't pay for friends you invite places unless they're broke and you know that. But you will pay for a stranger? Why?
He’s not trying to woo, court or date his friends. Thats why.
I know that. I'm pointing out how disingenuous everyone is when they say "the person who does the asking/invitation pays". It's funny how everyone just doesn't want to admit that it is simply a bribe to attempt to buy affections.
Because one instance is that the person is most likely wanting to enjoy my company and the other instance is clear that the person sees me as a food ticket meal. It's not that hard to differentiate buddy
But guys are expected to invite the girl out 99% of the time.
I know that but my point is there are women that are willing to pay for a man due to high interest in that guy, I've had that happen and regardless of that I still paid but if a woman texts me ”you're paying though", my intentions are to pay anyways but if you're acting like some sort of goddess that expects that then it is a turn off for me. It's like a guy that expects sex after a first date, it's ridiculous.
That's crazy. I never expect my date to pay. I'm always prepared for the assumption that we're splitting. When he offers and won't take no I thank them and let them pay but my purse is always out before we have that discussion
She's gross lol. I would have nopped immediately when she asked if you were paying. Such a turn off.
You tried to go to her house? 😂😂😂 but balked at paying the dinner bill? The caliber of men left out there is wild
For the billionth time, it was HER idea to meet at HER house,
how was she getting a “free meal” out of you? edit: ohhh nevermind i was reading it with the texts flipped around and was confused for a minute.
a text like this makes me expect they only want food/be paid for and have no interest in me as a person. Assuming not, still asking outright if I’m paying and then after responding to her and seeing her reaction tells me enough
yeah sorry, i actually edited my first comment because i realized i had swapped the texts. i thought you were her and she was you and i was very confused.