I couldn't be friends with him either. His wife 100% deserves to know so she can make a decision on whether or not she wants to live with a man who cheated on her, and if she needs to protect herself.
Chances are, it might not be his first time cheating on her either.
Honestly, there was so much that cost you this friendship, aside from the cheating. This dude really had the audacity to cheat in YOUR home??? Where's the respect for you??? Where's the respect for anyone???
Na, ask Paul bastard for his credit card details and order new bedding.
Then take the old sex bedding to his house when he's away, and give it to his wife.
Tell him it's the hush payment and then tell her anyways. And when he's shocked let him know this is how he treated the promise of fidelity to his wife!
So he told you he’s there to hang out cause of a fight with his gf (with your trust in him not to do anything crazy and he did)
used your place to do the deed with another woman. (He obviously used you as a cover to do it) it makes me wonder if he done it before
He didn’t take the woman with him neither made sure she was all good to go and okay first and possibly lied to her as well(that’s Disrespectful towards her as a woman as well and what’s she’s doing to)
Now he wants to make sure you won’t tell on him and potentially use you to lie to his wife
If you give him the chance or already does, she just never asked as a wife since your his best friend.
If you were the wife would you want someone to tell you? Think about it
And I’m sorry your roped into this but you can’t pretend you best friend didn’t fucked in your bed and used you. And You want a friend like that and what if your in a relationship and your girl cheats do you think he would tell you if he knew? Would he cheat with your girl too?
Yeah I would be so disgusted I would have been seeing read. He lied to you, fucked some chick in your bed and obviously cheated on his wife under your roof. Like that could be so misconstrued as if you were complacent in the affair. Tell the wife now!
Tell his wife and drop the friendship. Someone willing to cheat on their partner that they sleep next to every night is a scary thing! Not a friend worth keeping around.
His wife needs to know, if for no other reason than for health. She needs to be tested and needs to make an informed decision on the status of their relationship. The dude messed up and acted shitty. That's his mess to cleanup, so I'd let her know and then distance myself for the time being.
Do you really want to continue the friendship anyway? He lied to you, disrespected you and is now trying to manipulate you into keeping his secret. He’s a POS and the woman who gave him a CHILD deserves to know.
Tell her. Before he gets a chance to spin it into something else. Whatever she does with that information is then her business.
Find better friends.
Tell his wife… Why would you want to continue our friendship with him anyway? Also, if Megan found out he cheated on her at your house, she could very well think that you allow this to happen. It could look like you were complicit in his cheating.
As man to man. You gotta live up to a code. Be honourable. Dignity, Loyalty and Respect are few basic tenets of that code. A man who doesn't respect his wife, his marriage and his friendship is no man at all. I wouldn't stay in a friendship with him. Give him some time to tell his wife about that shit, then if he doesn't tell her, you tell his wife.
Be honourable!
I agree except for giving him some time to tell his wife. She should be informed immediately. It would be best to not get pregnant again and complicate it.
If you protect him, you’re complicit in his actions. His wife deserves to know, but please make sure you try and support her as best as you can and within her boundaries. Even if it’s just checking in on her once a week with some coffee or a pastry or something. A person who is not faithful or loyal to the person they are the most intimate with, will never be faithful or loyal to you either
If that’s how she copes with the situation, then thats how she copes I guess. Prefacing the conversation with a promise to support her however she needs could include leaving her alone entirely if that’s what is necessary. I understand the shoot the messenger response even if it’s not necessarily how I myself would handle it
Agreed. That said, he still has to do it. I lost a dear friend but I have a clear conscience. I couldn't just bury my head and just wish it away. And I'd do it all over again. Megan needs all the info so she can make her own choice and have her own agency in all this. She stays with him.. that's on her
He doesn't "have" to, but he probably should. When you have a friend like that, odds are the wife is *also* one of your closest friends, and you kind of owe it to them.
Please tell Megan, you made sure to mention something to that other person so please do her right. How many other people could he possibly be sleeping with? He was comfortable screwing someone in your bed after coming into your home for the first time in how long?
If he’s that comfortable it cannot be the first, and it’s costing Megan her health. He could give her something which can be transferred to the baby if she’s breastfeeding. If not for her can you at least do it for the baby?
Megan needs to know. I’m not sure there is a gentle way to do it. perhaps have one of her friends with her so she has some support. Your friendship is already over. That’s not your concern right now.
He's just not a friend, that's not what a friend would do, and you certaintly don't want to be friend of someone who can betray everyone's who trust in him
If someone can be so evil towards their spouse and the person they have a child with, then there is no loyalty that would be had between friends
I’m sure he made that obvious by screwing her IN YOUR BED..
like at least the couch
What a slime ball
What do you think about taking some time to calm down, think clearly, and then plan what to do? Maybe give him the chance to tell her himself? It’s probably best coming from him rather than you (if that’s possible)
Yea, you need to tell his wife. There's no "bro code" type crap defense here that he can pull. He abused your friendship and disrespected your hospitality and your personal space doing this. And that's not even getting into the ways he's wronged his wife and their relationship. You owe him no loyalty. Tell her and be done with him.
It must be a tough decision and whatever we say it is easier for us to say it, it’s so hard I understand that very well but I believe a friend who cheats on their partner would not be a good friend to me, even if they were since the day I knew them.
You should tell his wife too, she deserves to know, put yourself in her shoes, wouldn’t you like to be informed that your partner is cheating on you even if it will hurt you? She deserves to know early, cause at the end of the day she will know, even after a decade, as they say, the rope of lies is short.
Ok it might be just me but i dont care bout the cheating part cuz i hate to get involved in other people’s relationships. The worst part is using YOUR bed for freaking. Thats just disrespectful
If you're worried about breaking the 'bro code', think about if your wife or girlfriend was cheating on you, if you'd want her friend to tell you.
I'd atleast tell your friend he can either tell his wife himself or you will. I understand not wanting to get involved but you really wouldn't be. You'd just be passing on information.
Also, he lied to and disrespected you, so why would you do him a favor?
He could give Megan a life-changing STD or something that causes cancer in her down the line.
You need to tell her, unless you're comfortable allowing that to happen.
What friendship? Dude was fucking another chick in YOUR BED. Just think on that. Ball, dick and ass juice all over where you sleep. It's one thing to fuck in your own bed. It takes nerve to do it in someone else
Tell his wife but have her keep it a secret that she knows so she can quietly prepare to divorce his ass. The surprise bitch slap with divorce papers months down the line just when he thinks he’s going to get away with it will be priceless. You shouldn’t be friends with this asshole. He betrayed not just his wife but also you.
You need to tell his wife! Your friendship should already be over that’s vile that he was fucking someone in your bed!! Literally so disrespectful and disgusting. She needs to know so she can get tested for STDs, and she doesn’t deserve to be with someone who is hurting her and doesn’t love her.
Yeah a real homie would not put ya in the middle. It was selfish of him to do this. I would personally confront him and be like brother you gotta tell your lady cause I can’t sit on this.
This sucks.
He blew up your relationship and now you have to deal with the loss there and the weight of the decision to share/not share with his wife, who has become someone you respect. I don’t envy you at all.
I had a friend in high school use me/my house to cheat and ultimately, I told the gal. Turns out he had done it a whole lot and when she decided to not believe me, he just kept right on doing it elsewhere.
I had to ditch the friendship to keep myself out of the back and forth.
Tell Megan.
It’s not like you’ll be able to look her in the eyes ever again, anyway.
Plus, as many others stated:
He used your bed(eww)-and, son, this ain’t his first rodeo ride with a new heifer in your corral, if he’s stayed over to “cool off” or whatever. He is using you the same way he used that girl, hon; and he’s using a sweet baby as an excuse to whore around. He’s a loser that doesn’t care about his wife or child.
The fact he didn’t care about the girl in your apartment that he also abandoned speaks volumes.
Megan needs STD/STI testing STAT.
My rule is if a friend cheats with their S/O and makes it my problem they have 1-2 weeks to tell their S/O and we’ll still be friends.
If I have to tell their S/O then we’re no longer friends.
He’s been crappy and disrespectful at every turn. Is this the kind of quality friendship you want to make room for in your life? If you were in his wife’s place, wouldn’t you want to know?
Blow up his spot.
P.S. she may still want to stay with him in the end, but at least she’s responsible for her decision. You telling her will allow her the opportunity of making an informed one.
Definitely tell his wife, but don’t tell him that you’ve told her. Just block him everywhere and let him wonder when/if the other shoe will drop. Your friendship is already done. Megan has a baby to think about and she needs time to formulate an exit strategy to get them out safely. Don’t wait. The longer you wait, not only will you look more complicit, but the more you could be allowing him to put her health at risk.
OP you tell Megan. And you let him know as or after the fact. You make it clear to megan that you had no idea, don't condone and lost your shit when you confronted them. As for him...... I would not piss on fire. He has made his bed now he can lie in it.
Tell his wife, OP. Not only did he screw over his marriage, but also your trust and friendship. Literally.
I'd contact him once more, tell him to pay for new sheets and a mattress. I wouldn't dare going into that bed again now that he's been busy on it. Bah
Despite being disgusted idk why I’m particularly disgusted at this mfer cheating on his wife but in your bed. Disgusting behaviour. I’d tell his wife, and time to end the friendship
You don’t need a friend like that. But Megan needs to know the truth. She and her baby need to get tested for STDs. What happens to your hopefully ex friend that’s all on him
Tell him that you can't be friends with him anymore and that he should tell Megan. It's not your position to tell her and you don't need the direct drama. The kids should be the focus and it's better to have come from him.
Tell his wife, this isn’t the first time he’s done this and will continue to do it (just not in your apartment). Would you want your know if it was happening to you?
Normally I would say keep to yourself. But considering you were involuntarily involved by Paul’s manipulation, in your shoes I’d have a cuppa with Megan.
Then step back and away.
Tell his wife but caution... He might hv told her a different version.... Anyway please do tell her. Keep him at bay for a while. You need to show you are upset and dont like his cheating behaviour. Maybe reconnect later after he mends his way.
Text him back that he is a POS and a cheater that used you and your bed to f a women who was not his wife then tell him he has to talk his wife or you will and that you hope he happy that he lost you as a friend
Tbh, that is pretty disgusting of Paul. Hope him and parts rot.
But I wouldn’t tell the wife - it’s literally none of my business, unless the wife happens to be a very close friend of mine.. which i know OP does mention. But it really depends on what kind of relationship you have with the wife. These things tend to guess messy and the OP would end up being collateral damage.
I’d never ever be cool with Paul though. Like straight disown. While we are in public, i’d never recognize him kinda disown.
Your "buddy" has no respect for his wife or for you. Tell his Megan, she deserves to know. You will do the right thing by separating from this fake friend.
I’ve read something eerily similar to this before, but um, put your phone down and go tell his wife. You say your grossed out? You feel bad for her, tell her lol
I honestly don't think much of bad marriages but this guy literally betrayed his closes partner but on top of that he straight disrespected his best and closest friend. That right there it's not a trustworthy person.
I was just gonna say to not tell his wife to just let them figure out their own problems but he literally disrespected you pretty bad. Like spitting on your face and rubbing it in.
Change/rekey the locks & change your passcodes to all of your electronics. There’s a good chance Paul used your home to cheat before & could very well told the AP(s) it was his home. Check to see if there’s any lines of credit open in your name, if Paul brought other people there & left them alone for a few minutes, they may have gotten hold of your personal info.
He used you to get his rocks off not dissimilar to how he’s clearly used his mistress.
I don’t think you should consider this a “good guy” so it’s up to you to decide what to do & who you’d rather be friends with.. this guy or his STBX-wife
Tell his wife, OP.
But be prepared for her to ‘forgive’ him, and stay in the marriage.
Your friendship with both of them is over though. People often shun friends who deliver this type of news. Shame. Embarrassment. You will always be associated with the bad news.
Sorry, OP.
(I want to upvote this but its so perfect it’s 1111)
I’d tell Meghan about it. He ruined his marriage, and no, you’re *not cool*. You risk losing Meg as a friend of you don’t tell her. And would you be fine with seeing them together knowing that he is cheating on her? She deserves better, and you should tell her what happened.
As people have said tell him either you or him is going to tell her, and that you’re calling her tomorrow, so choose.
Most people won’t agree with this, but I don’t think you should throw away a 30 year friendship over this. What he did was disgusting, it’s a slap to your face and not something a friend should do. He needs to feel the repercussions of it. Be angry, don’t talk to him, but don’t write him off entirely. Long term friendships are like relationships and bad shit happens sometimes. People make mistakes unfortunately. Since I was 9 years old I’ve had a core group of friends. There was 7 of us and we’re all like brothers. We’ve all lived together at some point, went to each others weddings, celebrated births, birthdays, big achievements, addictions, health issues etc. We’re all now in our 40’s. At some point throughout the years we’ve all done something pretty stupid. We’ve been in fist fights, hated each other and cut ties for certain things, but at the end we’ve always come back together. One of those guys was a roommate for almost 10 years. We were really close and had a lot of fun together. At some point he stole $1000’s of dollars from me and we got evicted because he was keeping my rent money as opposed to paying it. It was devastating for me, I was homeless, needed to move, had to pay a friends to watch my cats and I had to leave the high paying job we had together. The worst part was he stole from me and all he had to do was ask for help. I swore him off, said I’d never speak to him again. A few months later he got really sick randomly and passed away. A few weeks before he died he hit me up and said he was in the hospital and that he almost died. We started talking again because the diagnosis wasn’t good and I wasn’t going to let his fuckery completely destroy our friendship. When he died it devastated me and my friend group. Despite his fuckery I wish I made peace earlier so we could have some more time together. He was a shithead, but he was also my friend.
Moral of the story life is short so don’t let your friends fuckery destroy what you had. Trust me you’ll regret holding onto anger if something happened to him.
This is Reddit, everyone is going to tell you to tell his wife. Personally, I wouldn’t end a life long friendship by acting rash. You have no idea if she will even leave him, but you and him will be over for good. Much better to tell him to confess, and that you won’t continue being friends until he does.
Maybe talk to him first? I am by no means excusing his behavior but infidelity is such a COMPLEX and EMOTIONAL (not rational) subject far more than just who is at fault or who is the bad person in this situation.
I would honestly have a sit down conversation and ask him why he did it and when HE is going to tell Megan. Give him a chance to explain himself and tell his own story before you actually get involved in this mess. He is a grown man so he needs to deal with the consequences himself. Now if he does not do it, then consider telling Megan. Here are my two cents.
This is so hilarious.. all these comments saying that he should tell his wife, but if OP was a girl and she caught her best friend(thats also a girl) cheating, these comments would be telling her not to tell her husband and thats she would be a terrible best friend if she told him and that it was none of her business.
Listen.. I am not saying either gender cheating is okay whatsoever, but I just find it hilarious because the comments would 1000% be different if the roles were reversed, like saying she should stay out of it and not tell her best friends husband, thats all.
Were you home earlier than expected? Or did he have an idea what time you would be home?
He just left the other woman there? Did she say anything?
Have you texted him back at all?
Not your place to blatantly tell her even if it took place at your place. At the minimum give him a chance to tell her himself…
You can tell her and completely ruin y’all’s friendship, possibly causing a child to be raised in a broken home. It is very possible that his and his wife’s struggles could be worked out, but telling her and not even giving him a chance to tell her himself is pretty shitty and will cause more of a struggle between them. Almost as shitty as him cheating on his wife in your apartment.
Rushing in and blatantly telling her is very short sighted especially when a child is involved. (Yes I’m aware him cheating was also short sighted and wrong).
>possibly causing a child to be raised in a broken home.
Hello???? The home is already broken. The dude is at someone's house fucking someone in the middle of the day.
You do realize that he could be giving his wife a wide array of STDs, right? Not just the typical things that cause some silly little rash, but things that could give her cancer or **kill her** down the line because she was stupid enough to trust her partner. Maybe you're comfortable being complicit in that, but I certainly wouldn't put someone's need to secretly get their dick wet above the health and well-being of a friend.
When you found out that she died of cervical cancer contracted via HPV that she got from her cheater husband 10 years later, would you think "*Wow I'm so glad I kept my mouth shut.*" Fuck that. No.
And you keep saying "*He should have the chancer to tell her*".
He knows that he's been caught. It's been days. That chance is now.
An act of adultery doesn’t mean a home will be broken. If you believe that it does, I hate to see what little hope you must have in a lot of things. Have you not ever made a mistake that affected someone else poorly that you sincerely regretted?
Yes of course STDs are a concern never said they weren’t….
I’m sure you’re also aware that often times in a relationship as what OP described spouses aren’t necessarily having sex regularly… however we don’t know their situation so can’t say either way whether they are or not. We can only hope that are not.
You’re painting this whole scenario that her life is over if he doesn’t immediately tell her now!
Do yo think I’m saying not to tell her or something?
How am I being complicit? Because I don’t follow your same timetable?
“Hey should have the chance to tell her” do you know what’s going on in their lives to say in the last couple days they’ve had a chance to sit down and talk? Or do you think a person should just be getting the kids ready for school and say “by the way I cheated on ya see ya gotta drop off the kids and get to work”.
I said everything I needed to say the first time, but I'll add that as long as we're throwing out random ass theoretical about their sex life? Very, very commonly cheaters that know they are caught WILL try to love-bomb and make up for said things with sudden bouts of affection and sex. (Anyone who's had experience with this or lingered on this sub long enough knows that one well.) So yes. It is time sensitive. And yes. It's time to come clean. There's never a good time to deliver that information and the jig is up.
I don't even know how to respond to the rest of that. Good luck with that.
His friend had the opportunity to tell him wife tho. The moment he got back home is when he should have told her… he had days to tell her himself. He is trying to get his friend to keep it quiet instead
OP hasn’t even sat down and had a conversation with him…. you need to cool tempers before having a civil conversation for fucks sake. If the friend refuses to tell her when given the option then by all means. Sounds like it’s only been texts….
Days isn’t a lot of time to think things through especially things if this caliber…
You should think things through you should be honest immediately if you want to be able to fix the relationship. If you hide it and even try to make other hide it for you, you are hoping to get away with it without confessing. Stop defending a cheater that decided to break his family. Plus he is risking his wife’s health by doing what he is doing
Think things through…… Kind of hard to think things through and be honest if your buddy tells her before you can think things through be rational and be honest with her. A couple days is not enough time especially depending what is going on in their lives.
How the fuck am I defending a cheater. I literally said he should sit down with his buddy give him the opportunity first before telling her. How the fuck do you get defending a cheater from that?
Way to try and make me seem like a villain wtf.
Furthermore trying to save his relationship with a child on the way may benefit from him being able to have the opportunity to speak with her, instead of his buddy telling her first.
His friend made the shitty decision and has not yet told the wife. He is also not a child that OP needs to sit down with and explain the consequences of his wrongdoing.
Never said he didn’t make a shitty decision…Not sure why you’re even on that still. I think it’s pretty evident we are all in agreement on that.
I’m making a suggestion on how to go about it and y’all are like, it has to happen now, he shouldn’t have an opportunity to do it himself and the friend shouldn’t sit the guy down and talk to him first he should go to his wife immediately and out his friend. Like if he waits a could more days the world will end or soemthing.
Again… couple days is not a lot of time. Sitting down with the friend and talking would most likely only help the situation. That’s kind of what adults do…..
It’s literally not going to change a dam thing if the friend or OP tells her a couple days later, a week later, or hell even two weeks later wouldn’t make a difference.
Honestly, reading this sub makes me see how many irrational, impulsive and emotional people there are out there and I am so happy I have always been cool calm and collected.
Listen I don’t know bout you but if my partner cheats on me, I would want to know as soon as possible. I wouldn’t want to kiss/ say “I love you” or sleep with a cheating asshole like OP’s friend any longer than I would have to. Confessing 1 week or 2 weeks later would mean she would care for someone 1weeks or 2 weeks more.
You friends a while since childhood he did not mention bringing a shorty...or is it cause in your bed. Do you know the chic? Just seems odd not to let you know. Maybe just not be friends, snitching in his indiscretion may cause a fight with you etc,but if you cool with it....do what you can live with
People who don’t refer to women as females and shorties generally see them more like people and sharing information about and even having a side chicks isn’t considered acceptable
Maybe so, in your experience with respect to references about which choice of word to use, neighborhood norms in vernacular doesn't indicate a respect level; plenty of folks use the exact language you favor and are not folks of good will to women. Just chill with the judgment... move on!
Paul used your home to cheat on his wife. He didn’t care bout either of you. I’d reciprocate the same energy, tell his wife & end the friendship.
Not just the cheating. How well did he know this woman that he just let have access to op’s home?
And has it happened at other times? How often has OP let his friend hang out alone.
When you said "I'd reciprocate the same energy", I braced myself for something much, much worse ahhahaa
I couldn’t be friends with someone like him. Tell his wife. She deserves to know who she is married to.
Also she needs to know so she can get tested!
I couldn't be friends with him either. His wife 100% deserves to know so she can make a decision on whether or not she wants to live with a man who cheated on her, and if she needs to protect herself. Chances are, it might not be his first time cheating on her either.
My thoughts exactly. If he’s bold enough to be hooking up in OPs apartment definitely not the first time.
Not just Megan, his kid deserves a better father.
Honestly, there was so much that cost you this friendship, aside from the cheating. This dude really had the audacity to cheat in YOUR home??? Where's the respect for you??? Where's the respect for anyone???
You need to tell her. He already ruined his relationship with you himself.
This^
Tell his wife. She needs to be treated for STDs. Burn your sheets🤮
Na, ask Paul bastard for his credit card details and order new bedding. Then take the old sex bedding to his house when he's away, and give it to his wife.
I doubt she will want it. Instead, burn it on his front lawn, or the hood of his car.
🥰 love your username Agitated Basket!
Reddit's finest random name generator, FTW!
Tell him it's the hush payment and then tell her anyways. And when he's shocked let him know this is how he treated the promise of fidelity to his wife!
Definitely tell his wife, he can also be putting her at risk with catching something since this might not be the first time he’s cheated
So he told you he’s there to hang out cause of a fight with his gf (with your trust in him not to do anything crazy and he did) used your place to do the deed with another woman. (He obviously used you as a cover to do it) it makes me wonder if he done it before He didn’t take the woman with him neither made sure she was all good to go and okay first and possibly lied to her as well(that’s Disrespectful towards her as a woman as well and what’s she’s doing to) Now he wants to make sure you won’t tell on him and potentially use you to lie to his wife If you give him the chance or already does, she just never asked as a wife since your his best friend. If you were the wife would you want someone to tell you? Think about it And I’m sorry your roped into this but you can’t pretend you best friend didn’t fucked in your bed and used you. And You want a friend like that and what if your in a relationship and your girl cheats do you think he would tell you if he knew? Would he cheat with your girl too?
TELL MEGAN. Let him suffer for his consequences those type of guy needs to teach a lesson.
Yeah I would be so disgusted I would have been seeing read. He lied to you, fucked some chick in your bed and obviously cheated on his wife under your roof. Like that could be so misconstrued as if you were complacent in the affair. Tell the wife now!
Tell his wife and drop the friendship. Someone willing to cheat on their partner that they sleep next to every night is a scary thing! Not a friend worth keeping around.
His wife needs to know, if for no other reason than for health. She needs to be tested and needs to make an informed decision on the status of their relationship. The dude messed up and acted shitty. That's his mess to cleanup, so I'd let her know and then distance myself for the time being.
He's texting asking if "you're cool"???? What is he 15?? There's no coming back from this because wtf
Do you really want to continue the friendship anyway? He lied to you, disrespected you and is now trying to manipulate you into keeping his secret. He’s a POS and the woman who gave him a CHILD deserves to know. Tell her. Before he gets a chance to spin it into something else. Whatever she does with that information is then her business. Find better friends.
He disrespected 3 people at once OP His wife The unsuspecting hook up What a pig Tell his wife
4, they have a kid too who's likely doomed to custody battles and scheduled visitation.
Ugh that right ! Even worse, the most innocent
Friends don't bang their mistresses in their friend's bed. This guy aint your friend, he's a pos. You need to tell megan
Tell the wife. Drop the friend. Burn the sheets.
Tell his wife… Why would you want to continue our friendship with him anyway? Also, if Megan found out he cheated on her at your house, she could very well think that you allow this to happen. It could look like you were complicit in his cheating.
As man to man. You gotta live up to a code. Be honourable. Dignity, Loyalty and Respect are few basic tenets of that code. A man who doesn't respect his wife, his marriage and his friendship is no man at all. I wouldn't stay in a friendship with him. Give him some time to tell his wife about that shit, then if he doesn't tell her, you tell his wife. Be honourable!
I agree except for giving him some time to tell his wife. She should be informed immediately. It would be best to not get pregnant again and complicate it.
If you protect him, you’re complicit in his actions. His wife deserves to know, but please make sure you try and support her as best as you can and within her boundaries. Even if it’s just checking in on her once a week with some coffee or a pastry or something. A person who is not faithful or loyal to the person they are the most intimate with, will never be faithful or loyal to you either
Unfortunately it is quite likely he'll ruin his relationship with Megan. Messenger-shooting is extremely common in these circumstances.
If that’s how she copes with the situation, then thats how she copes I guess. Prefacing the conversation with a promise to support her however she needs could include leaving her alone entirely if that’s what is necessary. I understand the shoot the messenger response even if it’s not necessarily how I myself would handle it
Agreed. That said, he still has to do it. I lost a dear friend but I have a clear conscience. I couldn't just bury my head and just wish it away. And I'd do it all over again. Megan needs all the info so she can make her own choice and have her own agency in all this. She stays with him.. that's on her
He doesn't "have" to, but he probably should. When you have a friend like that, odds are the wife is *also* one of your closest friends, and you kind of owe it to them.
Please tell Megan, you made sure to mention something to that other person so please do her right. How many other people could he possibly be sleeping with? He was comfortable screwing someone in your bed after coming into your home for the first time in how long? If he’s that comfortable it cannot be the first, and it’s costing Megan her health. He could give her something which can be transferred to the baby if she’s breastfeeding. If not for her can you at least do it for the baby?
Tell her immediately and make your former friend face the consequences.
Megan needs to know. I’m not sure there is a gentle way to do it. perhaps have one of her friends with her so she has some support. Your friendship is already over. That’s not your concern right now.
You need to tell his wife, please. Thank you.
Yeah, I read this one a few months ago, smh
Is any of this website real anymore or are the few of us real users left just training the AI
Well if you put a 1/4 Tbls of Elmer's non-toxic glue into your pizza it'll keep the cheese from sliding off the pizza
I thought I was experiencing a moment of deva ju lmao
He's just not a friend, that's not what a friend would do, and you certaintly don't want to be friend of someone who can betray everyone's who trust in him
If someone can be so evil towards their spouse and the person they have a child with, then there is no loyalty that would be had between friends I’m sure he made that obvious by screwing her IN YOUR BED.. like at least the couch What a slime ball
Tell her she deserves to know and you covering for him will make your partner dump you
Cut off the friendship and tell Megan. If he can cheat on his partner and betray them, who says he won’t do the same to u?
Do you really want friends like him?
It really sticks to get put in that position. I would tell the guy either he tells megan or you will. That way you won't have to keep it a secret.
Please tell Megan, she needs to know. He is a lousy friend that would f….k some random in YOUR bed, yuck. Megan needs to get an STD check.
Fuck him. He’s an asshole. In your bed!!!!! Tell Megan
What do you think about taking some time to calm down, think clearly, and then plan what to do? Maybe give him the chance to tell her himself? It’s probably best coming from him rather than you (if that’s possible)
Yea, you need to tell his wife. There's no "bro code" type crap defense here that he can pull. He abused your friendship and disrespected your hospitality and your personal space doing this. And that's not even getting into the ways he's wronged his wife and their relationship. You owe him no loyalty. Tell her and be done with him.
It must be a tough decision and whatever we say it is easier for us to say it, it’s so hard I understand that very well but I believe a friend who cheats on their partner would not be a good friend to me, even if they were since the day I knew them. You should tell his wife too, she deserves to know, put yourself in her shoes, wouldn’t you like to be informed that your partner is cheating on you even if it will hurt you? She deserves to know early, cause at the end of the day she will know, even after a decade, as they say, the rope of lies is short.
Ok it might be just me but i dont care bout the cheating part cuz i hate to get involved in other people’s relationships. The worst part is using YOUR bed for freaking. Thats just disrespectful
If you're worried about breaking the 'bro code', think about if your wife or girlfriend was cheating on you, if you'd want her friend to tell you. I'd atleast tell your friend he can either tell his wife himself or you will. I understand not wanting to get involved but you really wouldn't be. You'd just be passing on information. Also, he lied to and disrespected you, so why would you do him a favor?
Honestly- beyond blatant moral issues with the marriage itself- it’s just flat out rude to rope someone else into something like this BS. it’s rude
He could give Megan a life-changing STD or something that causes cancer in her down the line. You need to tell her, unless you're comfortable allowing that to happen.
Tell him that either he tells her or you do. Then follow through.
You need to tell his poor wife. Immediately!
Tell Megan, she deserves to know. Show her the texts.
And the Omar award goes to OP!
Omar award?
Dude fucked another girl in your bed. He doesn’t respect his wife, he doesn’t respect you. Fuck him.
Tell him he's got 24 hours to tell her or you will. End of discussion.
What friendship? Dude was fucking another chick in YOUR BED. Just think on that. Ball, dick and ass juice all over where you sleep. It's one thing to fuck in your own bed. It takes nerve to do it in someone else
Tell his wife and send him a bill for a new bed.
He’s shown you his character. Believe it. You owe him nothing. Decide how to proceed based only on what kind of person you want to be.
Tell his wife but have her keep it a secret that she knows so she can quietly prepare to divorce his ass. The surprise bitch slap with divorce papers months down the line just when he thinks he’s going to get away with it will be priceless. You shouldn’t be friends with this asshole. He betrayed not just his wife but also you.
Yes you have to either tell the wife or make him do it.
Paul is a BITCH. His affair partner is a WITCH
Let us not insult Witches, please. Thank you.
Tell her, he just used you to cheat on his wife. So terrible, she needs to get tested to be safe. He was probably cheating before this.
You need to tell his wife! Your friendship should already be over that’s vile that he was fucking someone in your bed!! Literally so disrespectful and disgusting. She needs to know so she can get tested for STDs, and she doesn’t deserve to be with someone who is hurting her and doesn’t love her.
tell his wife and get a new bed! that's shits disgusting 😫
You gotta tell his Wife
Yeah a real homie would not put ya in the middle. It was selfish of him to do this. I would personally confront him and be like brother you gotta tell your lady cause I can’t sit on this.
I think I've seen this exact post before a couple of months back. What gives?
That seems wayyyy too easy for him to be his first time. Wife needs to know.
This sucks. He blew up your relationship and now you have to deal with the loss there and the weight of the decision to share/not share with his wife, who has become someone you respect. I don’t envy you at all. I had a friend in high school use me/my house to cheat and ultimately, I told the gal. Turns out he had done it a whole lot and when she decided to not believe me, he just kept right on doing it elsewhere. I had to ditch the friendship to keep myself out of the back and forth.
Tell Megan. It’s not like you’ll be able to look her in the eyes ever again, anyway. Plus, as many others stated: He used your bed(eww)-and, son, this ain’t his first rodeo ride with a new heifer in your corral, if he’s stayed over to “cool off” or whatever. He is using you the same way he used that girl, hon; and he’s using a sweet baby as an excuse to whore around. He’s a loser that doesn’t care about his wife or child. The fact he didn’t care about the girl in your apartment that he also abandoned speaks volumes. Megan needs STD/STI testing STAT.
Yes, you need to tell Megan!
Please tell her . He needs to get help and could’ve exposed her to std also
Send this reddit post to his wife. Block him. Move on.
Tell Megan you would want to know and so does she so she can make plans...It is the right thing to do. Block him.
TELL THE WIFE, do not enable him!!!
I probably wouldnt be telling the wife. But definitely would be done with the friend.
My rule is if a friend cheats with their S/O and makes it my problem they have 1-2 weeks to tell their S/O and we’ll still be friends. If I have to tell their S/O then we’re no longer friends.
You're telling her right?
He’s been crappy and disrespectful at every turn. Is this the kind of quality friendship you want to make room for in your life? If you were in his wife’s place, wouldn’t you want to know? Blow up his spot. P.S. she may still want to stay with him in the end, but at least she’s responsible for her decision. You telling her will allow her the opportunity of making an informed one.
Definitely tell his wife, but don’t tell him that you’ve told her. Just block him everywhere and let him wonder when/if the other shoe will drop. Your friendship is already done. Megan has a baby to think about and she needs time to formulate an exit strategy to get them out safely. Don’t wait. The longer you wait, not only will you look more complicit, but the more you could be allowing him to put her health at risk.
Please tell Megan.
Have him tell his wife.
OP you tell Megan. And you let him know as or after the fact. You make it clear to megan that you had no idea, don't condone and lost your shit when you confronted them. As for him...... I would not piss on fire. He has made his bed now he can lie in it.
Tell her!!! She deserves to know and to get tested for STDs. She might leave, she might stay its up to her but at least you told her the truth .
What a total lack of respect he has for you. That is not how a friend behaves. Good luck sorting it out and props for going lightly on her👍🏼
please do it…My friends could not muster the strength to tell me what you needs to tell this guys wife. It’s the right thing. Fuck that dude
Tell his wife, OP. Not only did he screw over his marriage, but also your trust and friendship. Literally. I'd contact him once more, tell him to pay for new sheets and a mattress. I wouldn't dare going into that bed again now that he's been busy on it. Bah
Tell her, he is not worth keeping as a friend. Besides he fucked in your bed, that is beyond disgusting. Updateme
Despite being disgusted idk why I’m particularly disgusted at this mfer cheating on his wife but in your bed. Disgusting behaviour. I’d tell his wife, and time to end the friendship
You need to tell his wife. You would want to know if in her shoes. He’s also risking her health with possible STDs
Tell his wife she needs an STD test
You don’t need a friend like that. But Megan needs to know the truth. She and her baby need to get tested for STDs. What happens to your hopefully ex friend that’s all on him
She deserves to know, man... Imagine being in her shoes. That's so sad.
He used you as a cheap hotel room. He's a piece of garbage. And likely had it planned out that way, too.
Tell him that you can't be friends with him anymore and that he should tell Megan. It's not your position to tell her and you don't need the direct drama. The kids should be the focus and it's better to have come from him.
Tell his wife, please.
I would tell your friend that either you’re going to tell his wife or he is, but give him the choice.
Tell his wife, this isn’t the first time he’s done this and will continue to do it (just not in your apartment). Would you want your know if it was happening to you?
Normally I would say keep to yourself. But considering you were involuntarily involved by Paul’s manipulation, in your shoes I’d have a cuppa with Megan. Then step back and away.
Well shit. That’s one way to lose two of your best friends.
Don't get involved, the light will shine where it needs to my friend. Clean your sheets and go on with life, ditch paul.
Tell his wife but caution... He might hv told her a different version.... Anyway please do tell her. Keep him at bay for a while. You need to show you are upset and dont like his cheating behaviour. Maybe reconnect later after he mends his way.
Text him back that he is a POS and a cheater that used you and your bed to f a women who was not his wife then tell him he has to talk his wife or you will and that you hope he happy that he lost you as a friend
Please tell her 🙏
I would tell him if he doesn't tell her you will..
Ugh I’m so sorry, I’m so grossed out that he banged her in YOUR bed. WTF.
Tbh, that is pretty disgusting of Paul. Hope him and parts rot. But I wouldn’t tell the wife - it’s literally none of my business, unless the wife happens to be a very close friend of mine.. which i know OP does mention. But it really depends on what kind of relationship you have with the wife. These things tend to guess messy and the OP would end up being collateral damage. I’d never ever be cool with Paul though. Like straight disown. While we are in public, i’d never recognize him kinda disown.
>I feel like I need to tell Megan what's going on. It will cost me his friendship... ...but maintain your integrity.
Yukk. I’m so sorry. Your friend disrespected you and his wife. I agree, tell her.
Please tell her. As one of these wines woh got three kids in before I found proof. It almost killed me.
Tell his wife. He is not your friend. He used your bed to hide an affair.
Your "buddy" has no respect for his wife or for you. Tell his Megan, she deserves to know. You will do the right thing by separating from this fake friend.
You don't need friends as disrespectful as this one. Cut him out and tell the wife!
I’ve read something eerily similar to this before, but um, put your phone down and go tell his wife. You say your grossed out? You feel bad for her, tell her lol
I honestly don't think much of bad marriages but this guy literally betrayed his closes partner but on top of that he straight disrespected his best and closest friend. That right there it's not a trustworthy person.
I was just gonna say to not tell his wife to just let them figure out their own problems but he literally disrespected you pretty bad. Like spitting on your face and rubbing it in.
I swear i read this exact story like 3 months ago
I swear i read this exact story like 3 months ago
Change/rekey the locks & change your passcodes to all of your electronics. There’s a good chance Paul used your home to cheat before & could very well told the AP(s) it was his home. Check to see if there’s any lines of credit open in your name, if Paul brought other people there & left them alone for a few minutes, they may have gotten hold of your personal info.
He used you to get his rocks off not dissimilar to how he’s clearly used his mistress. I don’t think you should consider this a “good guy” so it’s up to you to decide what to do & who you’d rather be friends with.. this guy or his STBX-wife
Tell Megan and block him
That's messy. No need to tell his wife, with messy behavior like that she'll find out super quick. Cut this dude loose and keep it moving.
Tell his wife and become her friend. I'd have done that while he was putting his pants back on
What a pig 🐽
Tell his wife, OP. But be prepared for her to ‘forgive’ him, and stay in the marriage. Your friendship with both of them is over though. People often shun friends who deliver this type of news. Shame. Embarrassment. You will always be associated with the bad news. Sorry, OP.
(I want to upvote this but its so perfect it’s 1111) I’d tell Meghan about it. He ruined his marriage, and no, you’re *not cool*. You risk losing Meg as a friend of you don’t tell her. And would you be fine with seeing them together knowing that he is cheating on her? She deserves better, and you should tell her what happened.
tell the wife, burn the mattress…
Please update this thread when you have told his wife.
he doesn’t respect you or his wife, she deserves to know.
Tell her. No one deserves to be lied to or hurt like that
OP- is their an update? Did you decide what to do or did said friend end up telling his wife?
You tell her immediately.
As people have said tell him either you or him is going to tell her, and that you’re calling her tomorrow, so choose. Most people won’t agree with this, but I don’t think you should throw away a 30 year friendship over this. What he did was disgusting, it’s a slap to your face and not something a friend should do. He needs to feel the repercussions of it. Be angry, don’t talk to him, but don’t write him off entirely. Long term friendships are like relationships and bad shit happens sometimes. People make mistakes unfortunately. Since I was 9 years old I’ve had a core group of friends. There was 7 of us and we’re all like brothers. We’ve all lived together at some point, went to each others weddings, celebrated births, birthdays, big achievements, addictions, health issues etc. We’re all now in our 40’s. At some point throughout the years we’ve all done something pretty stupid. We’ve been in fist fights, hated each other and cut ties for certain things, but at the end we’ve always come back together. One of those guys was a roommate for almost 10 years. We were really close and had a lot of fun together. At some point he stole $1000’s of dollars from me and we got evicted because he was keeping my rent money as opposed to paying it. It was devastating for me, I was homeless, needed to move, had to pay a friends to watch my cats and I had to leave the high paying job we had together. The worst part was he stole from me and all he had to do was ask for help. I swore him off, said I’d never speak to him again. A few months later he got really sick randomly and passed away. A few weeks before he died he hit me up and said he was in the hospital and that he almost died. We started talking again because the diagnosis wasn’t good and I wasn’t going to let his fuckery completely destroy our friendship. When he died it devastated me and my friend group. Despite his fuckery I wish I made peace earlier so we could have some more time together. He was a shithead, but he was also my friend. Moral of the story life is short so don’t let your friends fuckery destroy what you had. Trust me you’ll regret holding onto anger if something happened to him.
So you’re saying you and your band of bros have covered each other in cheating? But, it ain’t not big thang cuz you’ve all done StUpId ShIt? Yikes
This is Reddit, everyone is going to tell you to tell his wife. Personally, I wouldn’t end a life long friendship by acting rash. You have no idea if she will even leave him, but you and him will be over for good. Much better to tell him to confess, and that you won’t continue being friends until he does.
UpdateMe
30 years is a long time to talk to your friend about what is up. His wife does need to know, but not from you. Talk to him first.
Bros before.....
You need to tell her yesterday and your bed, mattress and all, needs to be burned. She might also need to be tested, possibly even the baby, too.
You need to tell her ASAP and tell that AH that you are not 'cool' and the friendship is over.
Why he you let him do it in your place
Kinda seems like you’re trying to fuck his wife and not be his bro
Maybe talk to him first? I am by no means excusing his behavior but infidelity is such a COMPLEX and EMOTIONAL (not rational) subject far more than just who is at fault or who is the bad person in this situation. I would honestly have a sit down conversation and ask him why he did it and when HE is going to tell Megan. Give him a chance to explain himself and tell his own story before you actually get involved in this mess. He is a grown man so he needs to deal with the consequences himself. Now if he does not do it, then consider telling Megan. Here are my two cents.
This is so hilarious.. all these comments saying that he should tell his wife, but if OP was a girl and she caught her best friend(thats also a girl) cheating, these comments would be telling her not to tell her husband and thats she would be a terrible best friend if she told him and that it was none of her business. Listen.. I am not saying either gender cheating is okay whatsoever, but I just find it hilarious because the comments would 1000% be different if the roles were reversed, like saying she should stay out of it and not tell her best friends husband, thats all.
You are inventing scenarios
what a legend
🤣😂🤣
Were you home earlier than expected? Or did he have an idea what time you would be home? He just left the other woman there? Did she say anything? Have you texted him back at all?
Not your place to blatantly tell her even if it took place at your place. At the minimum give him a chance to tell her himself… You can tell her and completely ruin y’all’s friendship, possibly causing a child to be raised in a broken home. It is very possible that his and his wife’s struggles could be worked out, but telling her and not even giving him a chance to tell her himself is pretty shitty and will cause more of a struggle between them. Almost as shitty as him cheating on his wife in your apartment. Rushing in and blatantly telling her is very short sighted especially when a child is involved. (Yes I’m aware him cheating was also short sighted and wrong).
>possibly causing a child to be raised in a broken home. Hello???? The home is already broken. The dude is at someone's house fucking someone in the middle of the day. You do realize that he could be giving his wife a wide array of STDs, right? Not just the typical things that cause some silly little rash, but things that could give her cancer or **kill her** down the line because she was stupid enough to trust her partner. Maybe you're comfortable being complicit in that, but I certainly wouldn't put someone's need to secretly get their dick wet above the health and well-being of a friend. When you found out that she died of cervical cancer contracted via HPV that she got from her cheater husband 10 years later, would you think "*Wow I'm so glad I kept my mouth shut.*" Fuck that. No. And you keep saying "*He should have the chancer to tell her*". He knows that he's been caught. It's been days. That chance is now.
An act of adultery doesn’t mean a home will be broken. If you believe that it does, I hate to see what little hope you must have in a lot of things. Have you not ever made a mistake that affected someone else poorly that you sincerely regretted? Yes of course STDs are a concern never said they weren’t…. I’m sure you’re also aware that often times in a relationship as what OP described spouses aren’t necessarily having sex regularly… however we don’t know their situation so can’t say either way whether they are or not. We can only hope that are not. You’re painting this whole scenario that her life is over if he doesn’t immediately tell her now! Do yo think I’m saying not to tell her or something? How am I being complicit? Because I don’t follow your same timetable? “Hey should have the chance to tell her” do you know what’s going on in their lives to say in the last couple days they’ve had a chance to sit down and talk? Or do you think a person should just be getting the kids ready for school and say “by the way I cheated on ya see ya gotta drop off the kids and get to work”.
I said everything I needed to say the first time, but I'll add that as long as we're throwing out random ass theoretical about their sex life? Very, very commonly cheaters that know they are caught WILL try to love-bomb and make up for said things with sudden bouts of affection and sex. (Anyone who's had experience with this or lingered on this sub long enough knows that one well.) So yes. It is time sensitive. And yes. It's time to come clean. There's never a good time to deliver that information and the jig is up. I don't even know how to respond to the rest of that. Good luck with that.
Yeah a lot of people that hang out in this sub seem a lil crazy too.
He has an obligation to tell her that her sleaze of a husband is cheating on her and risking her health.
He has an obligation to give his friend the opportunity to tell her first….
His friend had the opportunity to tell him wife tho. The moment he got back home is when he should have told her… he had days to tell her himself. He is trying to get his friend to keep it quiet instead
OP hasn’t even sat down and had a conversation with him…. you need to cool tempers before having a civil conversation for fucks sake. If the friend refuses to tell her when given the option then by all means. Sounds like it’s only been texts…. Days isn’t a lot of time to think things through especially things if this caliber…
You should think things through you should be honest immediately if you want to be able to fix the relationship. If you hide it and even try to make other hide it for you, you are hoping to get away with it without confessing. Stop defending a cheater that decided to break his family. Plus he is risking his wife’s health by doing what he is doing
Think things through…… Kind of hard to think things through and be honest if your buddy tells her before you can think things through be rational and be honest with her. A couple days is not enough time especially depending what is going on in their lives. How the fuck am I defending a cheater. I literally said he should sit down with his buddy give him the opportunity first before telling her. How the fuck do you get defending a cheater from that? Way to try and make me seem like a villain wtf. Furthermore trying to save his relationship with a child on the way may benefit from him being able to have the opportunity to speak with her, instead of his buddy telling her first.
His friend made the shitty decision and has not yet told the wife. He is also not a child that OP needs to sit down with and explain the consequences of his wrongdoing.
Never said he didn’t make a shitty decision…Not sure why you’re even on that still. I think it’s pretty evident we are all in agreement on that. I’m making a suggestion on how to go about it and y’all are like, it has to happen now, he shouldn’t have an opportunity to do it himself and the friend shouldn’t sit the guy down and talk to him first he should go to his wife immediately and out his friend. Like if he waits a could more days the world will end or soemthing. Again… couple days is not a lot of time. Sitting down with the friend and talking would most likely only help the situation. That’s kind of what adults do….. It’s literally not going to change a dam thing if the friend or OP tells her a couple days later, a week later, or hell even two weeks later wouldn’t make a difference. Honestly, reading this sub makes me see how many irrational, impulsive and emotional people there are out there and I am so happy I have always been cool calm and collected.
Listen I don’t know bout you but if my partner cheats on me, I would want to know as soon as possible. I wouldn’t want to kiss/ say “I love you” or sleep with a cheating asshole like OP’s friend any longer than I would have to. Confessing 1 week or 2 weeks later would mean she would care for someone 1weeks or 2 weeks more.
You friends a while since childhood he did not mention bringing a shorty...or is it cause in your bed. Do you know the chic? Just seems odd not to let you know. Maybe just not be friends, snitching in his indiscretion may cause a fight with you etc,but if you cool with it....do what you can live with
People who don’t refer to women as females and shorties generally see them more like people and sharing information about and even having a side chicks isn’t considered acceptable
Maybe so, in your experience with respect to references about which choice of word to use, neighborhood norms in vernacular doesn't indicate a respect level; plenty of folks use the exact language you favor and are not folks of good will to women. Just chill with the judgment... move on!
No because your entire comment reflected and confirmed my preconceptions