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If the cheque comes in your name, you have to cash it. And legally, you mother can’t demand you give her the money that was awarded to you, because you are an adult, not a minor. So, if she takes that money, that’s theft. She doesn’t have the right to take money that is given to you.
You don't need to use your mom. My ex bf and I got in a car accident last year when we were still together. We broke up at the end of last year and the settlement didn't happen until February of this year. We both got a check with our name on it. He got more money than me because my physical therapy went longer than his. That's why Mom is trying to take more money from you, she spent her cut on therapy. You'll be fine, just cash your check and keep your money. I do suggest you contact the attorney that took your case and make sure that the checks are separate.
Very true!! I contacted my attorney and picked up my check in person. It wasn't a bad break up but you never know if there's a grudge and I didn't want to risk it. More so because I just couldn't remember if I used my address or his lol.
OP mentioned they were receiving 2 settlement checks. It's more than likely that they are both receiving a check each. Neither my ex nor I paid medical bills because they were covered by the settlement. I used up more than he did, therefore I received less money than him.
Edit: I just reread your comment and I understand what you mean now. You mean that if she paid for any medical bills then the settlement would reimburse what she paid for. It honestly depends on what the deal was. Not everything is covered. I could've gotten a message but it wouldn't have been covered and it would have come out of pocket.
Which my parents did, so it's not unheard of. My stepdad worked for the bank, so he got away with it.
This was long ago, in the 80's, so hopefully security is better now.
Yes! She is committing fraud by doing this! This happened to my brother by his dad - they have a very similar name and he cashed the check and tried to blame my mom. The insurance company saw right through it and took him to court themselves and reissued the insurance check to my brother. It’s YOUR money, not hers
I get it, you love her and she's your mom. But it doesn't give her the right to take any % of that cheque and it doesn't give her the right to be greedy. Which is all this is. Take a deep breath - if you stand up for yourself she will try to emotionally blackmail you into giving it to her. Research that so you know what kind of underhanded tactics to expect. If you give in now she will do this for the rest of your life.
People use the perceived bond of blood to take advantage of each other all the time. Yes, sue your mom if she steals from you. Your blood bond does not mean that you have to be a willing victim. Parents are often bad people, turns out.
You don't need to sue your mom. Just don't let her take the money. I'm not sure why she feels she's entitled to it. Just keep it and don't let her have it. Just make sure you have your own bank account beforehand that doesn't have her name on it so she can't go in and take the money.
Call the attorney who helped you & your mom settle. My dad used to work as an attorney who got people settlements and he always set things up for the younger plaintiffs in a way where no one but them could ever access it.
That doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your part of the settlement check. I would simply deposit into a bank account that she does not have access to and that she needs to get over it. Your mom is just being greedy.
I can expect her to want to be reimbursed for any out of pocket costs she had to spend on your PT because I'm sure her insurance didn't cover it all 100%. After that, no. Thats your money.
The PT was payed off with the settlement money she told me she need to take a percentage of mine because right now things aren’t financially well with her and my father
Who is the check made out to? That is the person who has legal control of the money. If it is made out to you and she cashes it and takes part, you're going to have to take her to small claims court to get your money. If you go this way, ask the court to take it out of her paychecks, otherwise it will be up to you to collect it.
No, you get to keep 100% of that cheque. She is NOT entitled to ANY of it. At all.
She may wish to charge you rent, if they are struggling financially, but she's not entitled to your compensation for an accident.
Make sure you have a bank account that only has your name on it. Make sure she has no way to access it. Doesn't know your online banking details or card pin number etc. If she does, set up a new bank account thats just in your name and don't let her have access to anything.
Deposit the cheque and do not give her any money.
It's not your responsibility to bail your parents out with financial issues. If they have bills, she's can use her cheque to cover any bills or debts. If she was out of work she should be compensated for that anyway.
She is NOT entitled to a single penny of your money.
Do NOT give her anything.
If you do not currently pay rent, she may decide to start charging you. But that should only be fair if you have a job and are earning money. This settlement cheque shouldnt mean she can charge you rent if you're not working. That's unfair. But ultimately, if you are working, then paying some reasonable contribution towards bills that's proportionate to your wages is reasonable (not including your settlement money). It should only be based on your wages income each month.
If she continues to hassle you for money though, I would look to move out. Get a job, and rent a place either on your own or with flat mates.
Your parents have no right to your compensation.
And you wouldn't have that money if you hadn't had an accident so it shouldn't be taken in to account for them to manage their own finances.
Do not give her any of your money.
She can tell you anything she wants. But it’s not her money and she has no right to take it. She’s just trying to bluff you into handing her your money.
> she told me the max I can take from my check is 5,000
? She doesn't get to tell you what you're allowed to take from your own check. I understand she will pressure you, but being pressured is not the same as being told how your money will be used. She does not get to force you -- do not let her force you.
The money is yours. If your parents are having financial difficulties and you would like to help, then do so. But the way she's going about this is all wrong. It is your choice, not hers.
Do you feel emotionally equipped to enforce that?
i know it feels super stressful, and you feel pressured. but as long as that check is written out in YOUR name, you’re entitled to it. paying her bills isn’t your responsibility — she can use her portion for that. trust me, i’m also 20, and was financially abused by my parents.
I don’t see how she’s going to do “whatever she wants” when she can’t cash that check herself and only you can lol. She’s letting her financial issues affect your emotions, your future, etc. negatively. That’s not okay. She’s been an adult longer than you have - she should know that you never demand your child’s money because you feel entitled too it as a parent. The fact that she doesn’t even support you financially and is still expecting all this is beyond me. You live on your own and you’re 20. Bless her heart lol.
You need to call an attorney. Settlements are sometimes complex. I’m guessing this was settled without an attorney based on what I’ve read. Protect your interests and get an attorney to represent your interests. Yes, you’ll pay for that representation, but that is worth it so you get what you deserve.
DO NOT allow that. Set the boundary right now, you’re a fucking adult so it’s time to act like it. Do not give them ANYTHING. Move out to somewhere you can afford to live monthly. $11,000 is a great saving to start with as a young adult. Don’t blow it!
> PT was *paid* off with
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
In small claims court you can only sue for 5K. If she signs that check, it's literally a crime. Forgery is a felony in most, if not all states. She can get in a lot more trouble than just being taken to small claims court.
Then either she or your dad needs to get another job. You aren't their money train, especially since if she was a better driver you would have never been in an accident.
It's utterly ridiculous that your parents are demanding you support them.
Just don't give it to her... Just go along with it until she gives you the check, then hide it until it's safe to cash it or put in your bank account, then get your own place
Do you live out on your own? Since it's her work insurance that she pays for, the check may be made out to her, and would be her settlement to cover your bills.
if you live on your own then the money is yours and your parent's bad financial decisions are not on you, if she thinks she deserves 70% she is a thief.
Credit union doesn't matter, high interest does. And most of the high interest savings accounts (5%+) are not at credit unions right now. OP should google rates.
If it's made out to you, the check is legally yours and she cannot cash it; if she does, you can contact the insurance company to have it reissued to you; they will go after her for the refund of your check that she cashed; if she denies cashing it to the insurance company, it will go to the police for investigation & she'll get herself in a barrel of trouble.
That's a lot of money for a 20 year old. Really think before you spend it. It can help you buy a vehicle, go toward part of the down payment on a house, investments toward your future, school, etc. If used wisely, this check can make a big impact on your life.
If it's going to your address I wouldn't worry otherwise tell the company you prefer to pick up yours.
Edit..sorry just read that your mom will let you keep it. Don't feel guilty, you need the money too.
Then call the insurance company and request to pick up your check or make sure they have your proper address. Do not give it to her. You went through PT for this and need it as well. Do NOT feel guilty because that's what she's doing to you.
You need to call insurance company and withdraw any consent you may have given for them to discuss your claim with her. She shouldn’t even know how much you are getting.
You can't what?? Do you realize you are an adult and she doesn't get to make decisions for you?? You can do any damn thing you want to.
Get your check, put it somewhere even you cant take it out easily. Invest it or put it in some kind of trust that gives you a small income, but you leave the capital alone. Once it's in that trust you literally can't take it out easily so she can't think she can 'make' you give it to her.
She can talk all she wants, but she literally can’t make you do a thing. Period. You’re a grown ass adult living on your own. That money is yours. All of it. End of story.
In that case since you live on your own already just don't say anything about it and after you deposit the check just tell her no, you need it to cover things for you. She got her own check. She can spend that.
If it's in your nsme, it's your check. You start your own bank account as an adult, and then deposit it into your account so your mom can't get at it. Tell her you are an adult now, not a kid and you need that money to establish yourself as an adult.
That money is YOURS.
Put it in the bank and spend it as YOU see fit.
Do not give your mother any of it, since you may have additional medical needs as a result of your accident.
The reality is, this money will help you start your adult life.
Her money will help her life.
2 checks.
No you don’t give away anything.
You’re going to need to have a conversation that explains why you’re not giving away your money, especially if she’s getting the same amount. You each have your own checks to do with as you wish.
She doesn’t get to tell you how much you’re allowed to keep, it’s your money for injuries you sustained. She can ask you nicely if you can help them out if they’re having financial difficulties and you get to then choose if you do or not. Now’s the time to stand up for yourself and have this conversation with your mom. I’d question how much difficulty they’re actually having if she’s getting an $11k check at the same time - what do they want your money for?
She told me her and my father are having financial issues. We had a conversation this evening and she told me I can have my full check but she did it in a way that made me feel completely guilty now I’m even more confused.
Don’t be confused. Take your check. If you don’t need it for survival or to pay off bills, put it into a HYSA until you decide what to do with it. Something that doesn’t have her name on it. If she asks you what you did with it, tell her you invested it and don’t have access to it.
There's nothing to be confused about.
1) You are 20, an adult.
2) You live on your own.
3) The check will come to you, made payable to you.
It's yours, not hers, and neither of your parents get any say in the matter. You don't have to ask their permission for anything any more.
That money is for your pain and suffering and, god forbid, any longer term problems. Her payout is for hers. Your ordeal was not less than hers. Her financial struggles are also her own.
I just spoke to her about it, she said if I want to take all the money I can and she will talk to him to see his view. But she made sure to make me feel as guilty as possible
You have nothing to feel guilty about! It’s yours! That’s why your name will be on the check! Like others have said, get a bank account in your name only and deposit your check. And spend it wisely! Don’t let anyone take advantage of you! Wishing you all the best!
I asked if he knew because at this point, I do not trust your mother. She seems greedy and manipulative and I think she is trying to take advantage of you. She may be trying to pocket your money while she spends hers like she wants.
Aa a mother myself, I don't think she should have ever even asked that from you in the first place.
No honey, that money is yours. You suffered greatly for it, and will have to live with the long term effects from that accident.
You have your plans for it, you do as you wish. I know your mum will lose her shit, but if her $11k isn't enough, that's her and Dad's fault.
This isn't just about money, it's your parents being utterly selfish and not considering your own needs, or what you went through to recover.
Don't feel bad, just do what you gotta do
The check is yours! The money is yours!
You are an adult who doesn’t live at home so your parent’s debts aren’t your problem. I don’t mind the idea of helping the out of you want to or can afford it but the fact that she has just demanded the money from you is a hard NO. You will never see that money again if you give it to your parent’s.
Unfortunately you are in a difficult position but you just need to have a back bone and say that you can’t do that right now and have your own debts to worry about.
Personal Injury money by law is only yours. You can shsre it or don't. But like the previous post said you should open your own account. Better yet open it with the minimum required and have the check wired into your account. Do it at a different bank than the one she uses.
Do not tell anyone about this financial windfall except a financial advisor.
Your mother is being selfish and greedy. She has no right to your settlement under your name since you’re an adult. I have gotten into a car accident April of last year with all my three kids in the vehicle. Other party was at fault and my attorney told me since my oldest is an adult she’s on her own case and got my eldest child’s information. My case is still on going because I had to have major surgery. I definitely ain’t financially stable since I have been out of work for over a year from my accident but I ain’t that greedy to steal/commit fraud on what would be owed to my child. Her settlement is going directly to her under her name.
I agree with other commenters. Receive your cut and leave 😂 I’m sorry you’re having to go through that unnecessary headache.
Everyone saying she should move out, she already lives on her own. Which makes this even more gross.
OP, call the attorney directly and let them know to not give the check to your mother because she's said she's going to take the money. I've read several of your comments, she is absolutely not entitled to anything. It's disgusting that she's literally trying to steal from her independent adult child.
Put the check in a bank account that does not have her name on it. And provided that you’re an adult, her name does not need to be on any of your bank accounts.
Are you grown because if you are grown the check will come in your name but that's not the problem the problem is your mother is probably has the key to the mailbox or will be getting the mail and she can take your check and deposit it in our bank and they will cash it and steal your money that way. If you are grown get a PO box and have your check go there the insurance company should be talking to you also or communicating with you via mail. Tell them to mail your check to a different address she's got plans for your money and it's not fair 70% of your check and you was in therapy for 3 months she gets to keep all of her check and she was in therapy for 5 months see the lost her damn mind you better do your due diligence because she's trying to steal from you and she will if you don't get on the ball
I’m grown and today I had a conversation with her on how I felt it was unfair and she told me she doesn’t want anything to come between our relationship and told me I can keep the whole check but now I feel horrible and guilty. I had plans to use this money on my business and really do need the full amount I know in the future I’ll be able to give her double what she wants now but I still feel really bad
You were injured why do you feel bad she doesn't get to keep your money just because she feels that she needs it. That's what insurance is for to pay the people who were injured to fix their cars you don't have to feel guilty about it take your money and do what you need to do it's going to be okay she's going to be okay I'm pretty sure she's getting more than you are anyway.
This is the kind of guilt that will hold you back in life, because it's unfounded. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but it sounds like you're teetering on the edge of letting your guilt change your actions.
Learn to be ok with saying No to people -- others are not entitled to your money. It is ok for you to have goals, hopes, and needs. Why are your mom's goals, hopes, and needs more important than yours? (If you give her the money, that is what you are saying: her needs are more important than yours.)
It is OK for you to do things that benefit yourself, with money that is legally and morally yours.
It's up to you to help your parents if you want, but don't let a false sense of obligation, run amok, ruin your own hopes for your life. You're allowed to have plans too, and those plans are just as important as anyone else's.
You can tell in the way you speak that she probably guilt trips you a lot and it works wonders for her. It's super unhealthy, you are not monetarily responsible for your parents irresponsibility. Go invest in you or you will end up like them. I know it's hard but NO is a complete sentence.
You’re an adult so the check will be in your name. You do not have to give her any. Deposit it in your account that only you have access to. If you have an account and she’s on it, open one at another back for only you. Don’t let her guilt you into giving her money. Her financial problems are not yours. If she wants to let this money ruin your relationship, that’s on her.
TELL HER NO! your going to go deposit it in to CD for your future. Adult or child she's not entitled to anything in your name. If she pushes it, tell her fine I will call the attorney and have them set up a trust in my name that I can access at x yeas old. A friend of mine did that when he dad tried to pull the same BS. It worked. The attorney set up a trust and it cost maybe $650 from what he would have received.
Find out how much money she had to pay out of pocket for the deductible (actual proof, not just her say so), give her that amount from the check but dear God, keep the rest for yourself. She is not entitled to the money, it's under your name.
I hate it when people on Reddit tell others what to do. “Give her money. Don’t give her money. Sue her, etc.”
I know you are asking for advice, so here’s my advice, not my instructions. It sounds like you are a very sweet child and love your mom very much, and I’m sure she loves you. In this situation, I would suggest trying to be objective and think about the facts instead of the emotions. Here are the facts.
1) You and your mom were both in an accident and are receiving separate checks from the insurance company.
2) Your parents seem to think that they are entitled to a large portion of your check. It doesn’t really matter why they want/need the money. And instead of asking you if they could possibly borrow some money from you and making an agreement on repayment to you, they instead ordered you to hand over your money to them.
3) Your parents don’t care about your plans for the money and probably haven’t even asked you about your plans. They are playing you for a fool, thinking that you don’t know any better and won’t question giving them the money. I have borrowed money from my son in the past. I have never assumed that he should just give me money because I need it. That’s not his responsibility. When I did borrow money, I provided details on when I would repay him, and then I repaid him in full by the deadline.
4) if one of your friends told you this story and said that they were getting a check and were planning on furnishing their new apt and buying a car and that now their parents were demanding that they hand over thousands of dollars, what would you tell them?
5) it’s a shame that your parents are having financial difficulties, but there are many ways that they can resolve their issues. Get their credit extended on one of their credit cards, take out a line of credit on their house, take out a personal loan, ask a relative other than you to loan them money, etc. Maybe none of these things are an option for whatever reason, but my point is that taking your money is not how this issue should be resolved.
6) It is wrong on every level for them to try to make you feel guilty because you are not happily handing over the money that you had plans for that would improve your life and make your future look brighter. What your mom is doing is emotionally blackmailing you to try to get what she wants. If you asked your parents for money, and they said no, would you then say “well, it’s going to ruin my life and that will be your fault?” No, you wouldn’t. You would respectfully accept their answer. They aren’t doing that with you. You deserve to be treated with respect, and if you say you are keeping the money to invest in your own future, then that should be the end of it.
7) You are being put in an unfair position and are being made to feel bad for caring more about yourself and your future than your parent’s financial issues. You should care more about yourself and your future. They raised you to be a responsible adult, and now they don’t like you acting like a responsible adult! You are the only person who can take care of you. You don’t have unlimited funds, and this money offers you an opportunity to make investments in yourself and your future. You should be proud that you are making responsible plans with the money and making choices that will help you in the future.
8) I would advise against giving or loaning them any money because I don’t think they would pay you back and I really feel like the best way to invest the money is in your future, not your parent’s debt. Trust me, they will figure out a way to sort out their situation without your money. They might have to get a loan and make payments and pay interest like all adults, and that’s what should happen. There are consequences for making poor financial decisions, and it sucks, but it’s their mess to clean up, not yours. I think it would be very dangerous at this point in your life to give your parents the impression that you are their private bank account. If you give them money now, trust me when I say this, you will forever be their first call when they need money in the future. This will set a very bad precedent. It would be different if they had approached it as you loaning them money, but they didn’t. They wanted you to think that they had a right to just take your money with no thought of repaying you. That’s wrong. No adult family member is ever entitled to the money of another family member.
9) I’m glad you reached out to Reddit to ask for advice. I’m sure you will make the best decision for you and your future. You don’t owe your parents an explanation of why you are saying no, if that’s what you decide to do. You don’t have to justify your actions to them. All you need to say is “I’m sorry, but I already have plans for my money.” That’s it. You don’t need to argue, you can say it respectfully, but whatever your decision is, try to stick with it and remember why you made the decision.
I wish you the best of luck!
Do not allow your mother to take YOUR money. Put it in the bank immediately. This will probably cause some friction between you and your mom so be prepared to stand your ground.
Open a new bank account in only your name now, don't give mom the details or tell her you're doing it, and when the cheque arrives, take it and deposit it yourself.
If you have a joint account into which she can deposit and withdraw funds, remove yourself from it.
"Actually mom I looked into it and this money is intended compensate me for my injuries and loss that I experienced. you already have your generous portion for your loss."
If she fraudulently cashes your cheque, yes sue her. It is uncommon to sue parents. Not because they're immune, but because most parents would never dream of stealing or defrauding huge sums of money from their own children.
If you’re not a minor you don’t have to accept the settlement she negotiated. You can get your own lawyer. Stop discussing any of this with your mom. Call an attorney and see what your options are, most give you a free consultation
>She told me her and my father are having financial issues. We had a conversation this evening and she told me I can have my full check but she did it in a way that made me feel completely guilty now I’m even more confused.
The guilt and confusion will pass. Keep your money.
If You're an adult have the attorney contact you directly when the check is in. Deposit into your own account. Mom has no rights to your money. If you live with her Move out.
You don’t say how old you are. If you’re under the age of 18, the money should be in a trust.
If you’re over the age of 18, you should not give your mother 70% of your money. Frankly, it’s absolutely sickening that a mother would try and steal money from her own child who is seriously injured in a car accident.
Ooohhh your mom is acting like a scumbag about this. Listen to other commenters about ensuring the attorney is aware of this situation, that the check is made out to solely you, and that you will be the only one to pick it up in person and deposit it into your own account. Your mom is being real shady here.
As long as the check is in your name and you have separate bank accounts, tell the lawyer that you, and only you will be picking up the check and that no one has authorization to do anything with it.
Go down there and pick up the check by yourself and deposit in your bank account and if your mother gives you grief just tell her that you'll either start paying rent or that you're going to move out.
In no way shape or form is she allowed any of that money since it is written out to you.
She's going to try to guilt you into giving her money and obviously that's totally up to you if you want to give her any, but don't let her take advantage of the mother and child relationship for her to squeeze money out of you when it's your money.
Your own mother is trying to manipulate you into giving her your money. Don't you dare give her anything. If you live with her use that money to move out.
If you don't stand up to your mother on this, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life. Take your money. She isn't thinking clearly because of the stress and trauma that comes with 5 months of physical therapy.
So let me get this straight. Your mom is taking her check *and* 70% of *your* check? And *what* is her ridiculous excuse???
Or is it there's one check and she's splitting it 70/30 instead of 50/50. And, again, what's her ridiculous excuse?
I agree with others, if the check comes to you, open a bank account at a different bank than your mom's bank. Is there another trusted adult in your life you can go to? Can you just go talk to the attorney that's working your case and tell him you want to pick up your check in his office?
I would do anything in my power to not let my mom get her hands on my check.. starting with speaking with whatever professional is dealing with your case.
As much as you don't want to fall out with your mom, it might be best in the long run. Based on your post and comments, your mom is emotionally manipulative and is trying to take advantage of you. I get it, coming from a family like that myself. It's something nobody wants to recognize and often can't. But when you have HUNDREDS of people telling you the same thing, it may be time to look at it differently. You don't owe her anything. Do not cave in. If she wants to be nasty about YOUR money that ONLY YOU are entitled to, that she legally and morally has no say over, those would, unfortunately, just be her true colors.
We are missing some very pertinent information here, which makes me think the OP is being intentionally oblique to get people in his side.
Exactly why does the mother want the money and/or think she has a right to it?
Is it because mom covered the deductible and doctor copays, missed out on work/pay because of injuries or driving OP to appts, had to spend extra money on things like takeout or house cleaning because of her injuries? Looking to use the money to replace her losses is very different than just being entitled.
And which insurance is this coming from? Another driver insurance? Mom/ family medical insurance?
Or perhaps mom took out an Accident policy that she paid into specifically to cover the costs associated with an accident; If that's the case then mom paid for an extra policy with an intentional goal and really the money is hers more than the kid. He didn't pay into the policy and just because he's the one injured, ethically the money isn't a result of his actions and should go to the policy holder who likely paid all his bills.
Now, if this is some sort of settlement from another drivers insurance and all medical costs were covered, that is a different story. It's still consider lost income on moms part but otherwise it goes to the kid.
But if that were the case then the kid would probably tell us this. Instead we are given few details so everyone jumps to his defense.
OP, since you are 20 years old if your mom tries to take your money without consent it is theft. My advice: don’t give it to her, and if she tries to take it by force, I hate to say it but put legal pressure on her. Make it clear that you can and will contact the authorities if she tries to steal 6 out of your 11k. To further add to this; you can use that money to find yourself your own apartment. If you get a job and put that money in savings you’ll be set for a hot minute. Trying to keep the peace with controlling parents will only lead to lack of self identity later. It may be painful but it’s time to separate yourself and take some control over your own, adult life.
If you have a joint account, take yourself off of it immediately. What she is doing is illegal, but if you have a joint account, she can deposit both and then pull out your money. Do you live with her?
I’d tell her that if she did this it would ruin your relationship. If you’re a minor she should be putting it away for your future or paying your medical bills with it. I’d be clear that you will never trust her or goto her again. I also would be telling any family member that has any influence over her as well. Don’t keep her secrets.
How old are you? Do you live with her all expenses paid? Are you rich or not at all? Because sometimes people cant afford to hive kids all they would love to because they dont ha e enough to feed them.
If answer is over 18 no yes rich it should be yours.
Parents who take money from their children are the worst. My dad did that to me when I was a child and decades later, I still resent him for it.
OP, since you are an adult, deposit the check in your bank account. Also as an adult, you should have a bank account in your name only, not jointly held with your mother or anyone else. If she insists tell her you spent all the money.
after reading the comments you made, i would suggest having a separate bank account with a completely different bank to avoid her trying to take it and not giving into the manipulation. that money is yours, not hers to ask for. she’ll have to get over it eventually
If she’s not applying that directly to your medical bills, then she’s stealing from you. Your settlement was for your pain and bills from the accident. She isn’t entitled to it for her own gratification.
If it comes in your name it’s yours. Have you asked her why she thinks she’s entitled to 70% of your settlement? Just ask her and state if the settlement is yours and it’s not stipulated that you have to give her 70% by the people who are paying you the settlement then you will be fully keeping your share.
i’m not sure the exact age but in my state if your over 16 i think and have your own money and your parents try to take it, it is illegal and you can (and should!!) call the cops.
Why can’t anyone in this world simply say the word “no”? Put the money in your bank account and simply give her none, no matter what happens. Say. Something like “mom, I love you, but I’m not giving you my settlement.. no”.
Don’t give it to her, but if you live with her I’d start looking at getting my own place with roommates. This could turn into a hostile environment quickly. Also, you have to come to terms with the fact that this might be the end of y’alls relationship given that most families do fall out over money.
Contact the attorney to see if you can get a check in your name and only your name. If that doesn’t work, tell them what’s going on and what your mom’s plan is.
I'd suggest using some of that money on therapy so that you can develop the ability to draw and enforce boundaries.
As a parent, I would not take money from my children. I would want to help them out so that they can live their best lives.
She needs to be very open to you regarding the financial difficulties to be able to make a decision. Also you're only 20 years old, so there's gap of life experience. It's hard for you to evaluate her reasoning. Take your time and do not rush into decisions.
It is not right for your mom to demand part of your money. But, does she have financial problems? Sometimes it is ok to help your parents. But, the way she just thinks it is hers, is bothersome. If you can open a bank account and deposit the check, that would be the best option. If you just cash the check, your mom could get her hands on it.
We dont have enough info here. Youre making it sound like your mom wants to take your money.
Is there more to the story? Did she not get enough to cover medical bills or for the car? Do you live together and Is she covering your living expenses? Did she miss out on any work putting her behind on bills?
I think you need to take everything into consideration before thinking you are entitled to the money. Im not saying you are not entitled to the money, im simply saying we dont have enough information to give you an answer here.
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If the check comes in your name, and you're old enough to start a bank account without a parent, do that and deposit it. Then she can do nothing.
You are an adult, and if she takes your money, you can sue.
Sue my mom?
If the cheque comes in your name, you have to cash it. And legally, you mother can’t demand you give her the money that was awarded to you, because you are an adult, not a minor. So, if she takes that money, that’s theft. She doesn’t have the right to take money that is given to you.
And if mom tries to endorse it and deposit it that’s forgery and theft.
Yes and yes!
You don't need to use your mom. My ex bf and I got in a car accident last year when we were still together. We broke up at the end of last year and the settlement didn't happen until February of this year. We both got a check with our name on it. He got more money than me because my physical therapy went longer than his. That's why Mom is trying to take more money from you, she spent her cut on therapy. You'll be fine, just cash your check and keep your money. I do suggest you contact the attorney that took your case and make sure that the checks are separate.
Also when you contact the attorney ask them (if they are local) if you can pick your check up in person when it’s time.
Very true!! I contacted my attorney and picked up my check in person. It wasn't a bad break up but you never know if there's a grudge and I didn't want to risk it. More so because I just couldn't remember if I used my address or his lol.
When I received my settlement check, I was required to pick it up in person because there was paperwork to sign and finalize.
If mom paid their medical bills then she does have a right to reimburse that
The medical bills are paid out by the attorneys before the checks for the remainer are sent. Standard procedure.
OP mentioned they were receiving 2 settlement checks. It's more than likely that they are both receiving a check each. Neither my ex nor I paid medical bills because they were covered by the settlement. I used up more than he did, therefore I received less money than him. Edit: I just reread your comment and I understand what you mean now. You mean that if she paid for any medical bills then the settlement would reimburse what she paid for. It honestly depends on what the deal was. Not everything is covered. I could've gotten a message but it wouldn't have been covered and it would have come out of pocket.
The settlement would reimburse her not her child's personal settlement though
If the check is in your name, she shouldn’t automatically get access. Unless she forges your name.
Which my parents did, so it's not unheard of. My stepdad worked for the bank, so he got away with it. This was long ago, in the 80's, so hopefully security is better now.
It's actually not lol
Yes! She is committing fraud by doing this! This happened to my brother by his dad - they have a very similar name and he cashed the check and tried to blame my mom. The insurance company saw right through it and took him to court themselves and reissued the insurance check to my brother. It’s YOUR money, not hers
Yes. If she steals your money, you most definitely should sue her.
Sounds almost as horrible as stealing from your kid huh?
Well, she's trying to STEAL from you.
I get it, you love her and she's your mom. But it doesn't give her the right to take any % of that cheque and it doesn't give her the right to be greedy. Which is all this is. Take a deep breath - if you stand up for yourself she will try to emotionally blackmail you into giving it to her. Research that so you know what kind of underhanded tactics to expect. If you give in now she will do this for the rest of your life.
Yes. That is your money. How insurance works is. Both injured party gets their own checks. Thin money is only for you.
People use the perceived bond of blood to take advantage of each other all the time. Yes, sue your mom if she steals from you. Your blood bond does not mean that you have to be a willing victim. Parents are often bad people, turns out.
You don't need to sue your mom. Just don't let her take the money. I'm not sure why she feels she's entitled to it. Just keep it and don't let her have it. Just make sure you have your own bank account beforehand that doesn't have her name on it so she can't go in and take the money.
Not just sue, file a police report for theft.
Call the attorney who helped you & your mom settle. My dad used to work as an attorney who got people settlements and he always set things up for the younger plaintiffs in a way where no one but them could ever access it.
How do you know the person is an adult? I don’t see any age in the original post.
In another reply to someone else, they state they are 20
Okay… Thank you… I guess I missed that one
I'm not seeing an age for OP, if OP is under 18 parents are probably responsible for medical bills
OP responded in a comment they are 20.
It completely depends on how old you are, who paid for your PT (insurance, mom, you, combination of insurance and one of you)?
I’m 20 and my mothers work insurance covers our whole family
You are 20, take the check and move out!
How much is the check?
yeah thats the smartest shit a young person can do now a days....
That doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your part of the settlement check. I would simply deposit into a bank account that she does not have access to and that she needs to get over it. Your mom is just being greedy.
I can expect her to want to be reimbursed for any out of pocket costs she had to spend on your PT because I'm sure her insurance didn't cover it all 100%. After that, no. Thats your money.
The PT was payed off with the settlement money she told me she need to take a percentage of mine because right now things aren’t financially well with her and my father
Ok, so no, I would not agree to that. Is your settlement enough to take it and go live somewhere else?
Yes we’re both receiving 11,000 she told me the max I can take from my check is 5,000
She has zero control over that. I'd move out.
Who is the check made out to? That is the person who has legal control of the money. If it is made out to you and she cashes it and takes part, you're going to have to take her to small claims court to get your money. If you go this way, ask the court to take it out of her paychecks, otherwise it will be up to you to collect it.
No, you get to keep 100% of that cheque. She is NOT entitled to ANY of it. At all. She may wish to charge you rent, if they are struggling financially, but she's not entitled to your compensation for an accident. Make sure you have a bank account that only has your name on it. Make sure she has no way to access it. Doesn't know your online banking details or card pin number etc. If she does, set up a new bank account thats just in your name and don't let her have access to anything. Deposit the cheque and do not give her any money. It's not your responsibility to bail your parents out with financial issues. If they have bills, she's can use her cheque to cover any bills or debts. If she was out of work she should be compensated for that anyway. She is NOT entitled to a single penny of your money. Do NOT give her anything. If you do not currently pay rent, she may decide to start charging you. But that should only be fair if you have a job and are earning money. This settlement cheque shouldnt mean she can charge you rent if you're not working. That's unfair. But ultimately, if you are working, then paying some reasonable contribution towards bills that's proportionate to your wages is reasonable (not including your settlement money). It should only be based on your wages income each month. If she continues to hassle you for money though, I would look to move out. Get a job, and rent a place either on your own or with flat mates. Your parents have no right to your compensation. And you wouldn't have that money if you hadn't had an accident so it shouldn't be taken in to account for them to manage their own finances. Do not give her any of your money.
She can tell you anything she wants. But it’s not her money and she has no right to take it. She’s just trying to bluff you into handing her your money.
> she told me the max I can take from my check is 5,000 ? She doesn't get to tell you what you're allowed to take from your own check. I understand she will pressure you, but being pressured is not the same as being told how your money will be used. She does not get to force you -- do not let her force you. The money is yours. If your parents are having financial difficulties and you would like to help, then do so. But the way she's going about this is all wrong. It is your choice, not hers. Do you feel emotionally equipped to enforce that?
it’s YOUR money. she isn’t entitled to anything. don’t let her guilt-trip you into handing it over.
Had a conversation this morning with her she changed her mind again and said she’ll be doing whatever she wants
You're a grown adult. She can't "do whatever she wants".
i know it feels super stressful, and you feel pressured. but as long as that check is written out in YOUR name, you’re entitled to it. paying her bills isn’t your responsibility — she can use her portion for that. trust me, i’m also 20, and was financially abused by my parents.
I don’t see how she’s going to do “whatever she wants” when she can’t cash that check herself and only you can lol. She’s letting her financial issues affect your emotions, your future, etc. negatively. That’s not okay. She’s been an adult longer than you have - she should know that you never demand your child’s money because you feel entitled too it as a parent. The fact that she doesn’t even support you financially and is still expecting all this is beyond me. You live on your own and you’re 20. Bless her heart lol.
You need to call an attorney. Settlements are sometimes complex. I’m guessing this was settled without an attorney based on what I’ve read. Protect your interests and get an attorney to represent your interests. Yes, you’ll pay for that representation, but that is worth it so you get what you deserve.
DO NOT allow that. Set the boundary right now, you’re a fucking adult so it’s time to act like it. Do not give them ANYTHING. Move out to somewhere you can afford to live monthly. $11,000 is a great saving to start with as a young adult. Don’t blow it!
Ignore her and move out when you get your money.
> PT was *paid* off with FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
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Ohhhh then absolutely not. That's no excuse. If she signs that check illegally and cashes it, take her to small claims court.
In small claims court you can only sue for 5K. If she signs that check, it's literally a crime. Forgery is a felony in most, if not all states. She can get in a lot more trouble than just being taken to small claims court.
Then either she or your dad needs to get another job. You aren't their money train, especially since if she was a better driver you would have never been in an accident. It's utterly ridiculous that your parents are demanding you support them.
If they’re not well off fine, but she should give a dollar amount to contribute, not a percentage. That’s some mafia shit
I was told I could take max 5000 out of 11000
She can't tell you how much to take. You're an adult and that is your money. Do not give it yo her.
Just don't give it to her... Just go along with it until she gives you the check, then hide it until it's safe to cash it or put in your bank account, then get your own place
Do not cash an 11k check.
Do you live out on your own? Since it's her work insurance that she pays for, the check may be made out to her, and would be her settlement to cover your bills.
And I do live on my own
if you live on your own then the money is yours and your parent's bad financial decisions are not on you, if she thinks she deserves 70% she is a thief.
This.
Put your check into a credit union account, best interest rates
Credit union doesn't matter, high interest does. And most of the high interest savings accounts (5%+) are not at credit unions right now. OP should google rates.
No we’re getting 2 checks one in my name and one in her
If it's made out to you, the check is legally yours and she cannot cash it; if she does, you can contact the insurance company to have it reissued to you; they will go after her for the refund of your check that she cashed; if she denies cashing it to the insurance company, it will go to the police for investigation & she'll get herself in a barrel of trouble. That's a lot of money for a 20 year old. Really think before you spend it. It can help you buy a vehicle, go toward part of the down payment on a house, investments toward your future, school, etc. If used wisely, this check can make a big impact on your life.
If you hand any of it to her, it’s on you. Simply just don’t. Have a bank account that’s only yours. Cash it and lock it in there. Simply
If it's going to your address I wouldn't worry otherwise tell the company you prefer to pick up yours. Edit..sorry just read that your mom will let you keep it. Don't feel guilty, you need the money too.
Welll she changed her mind today again and said I can’t
Then call the insurance company and request to pick up your check or make sure they have your proper address. Do not give it to her. You went through PT for this and need it as well. Do NOT feel guilty because that's what she's doing to you.
You need to call insurance company and withdraw any consent you may have given for them to discuss your claim with her. She shouldn’t even know how much you are getting.
You can't what?? Do you realize you are an adult and she doesn't get to make decisions for you?? You can do any damn thing you want to. Get your check, put it somewhere even you cant take it out easily. Invest it or put it in some kind of trust that gives you a small income, but you leave the capital alone. Once it's in that trust you literally can't take it out easily so she can't think she can 'make' you give it to her.
She can talk all she wants, but she literally can’t make you do a thing. Period. You’re a grown ass adult living on your own. That money is yours. All of it. End of story.
In that case since you live on your own already just don't say anything about it and after you deposit the check just tell her no, you need it to cover things for you. She got her own check. She can spend that.
If it's in your nsme, it's your check. You start your own bank account as an adult, and then deposit it into your account so your mom can't get at it. Tell her you are an adult now, not a kid and you need that money to establish yourself as an adult.
That money is YOURS. Put it in the bank and spend it as YOU see fit. Do not give your mother any of it, since you may have additional medical needs as a result of your accident.
In a car accident, medical is covered by the car insurance (that's the liability part). Your mom should have nothing out of pocket.
The reality is, this money will help you start your adult life. Her money will help her life. 2 checks. No you don’t give away anything. You’re going to need to have a conversation that explains why you’re not giving away your money, especially if she’s getting the same amount. You each have your own checks to do with as you wish.
She doesn’t get to tell you how much you’re allowed to keep, it’s your money for injuries you sustained. She can ask you nicely if you can help them out if they’re having financial difficulties and you get to then choose if you do or not. Now’s the time to stand up for yourself and have this conversation with your mom. I’d question how much difficulty they’re actually having if she’s getting an $11k check at the same time - what do they want your money for?
Where did her 11K go? Why does she feel she has a right to your 11K?
She told me her and my father are having financial issues. We had a conversation this evening and she told me I can have my full check but she did it in a way that made me feel completely guilty now I’m even more confused.
Don’t be confused. Take your check. If you don’t need it for survival or to pay off bills, put it into a HYSA until you decide what to do with it. Something that doesn’t have her name on it. If she asks you what you did with it, tell her you invested it and don’t have access to it.
Don’t feel guilty. It’s manipulation. You are entitled to that money, not her.
She did that intentionally, trying to guilt-trip you into doing what she wants.
There's nothing to be confused about. 1) You are 20, an adult. 2) You live on your own. 3) The check will come to you, made payable to you. It's yours, not hers, and neither of your parents get any say in the matter. You don't have to ask their permission for anything any more.
That money is for your pain and suffering and, god forbid, any longer term problems. Her payout is for hers. Your ordeal was not less than hers. Her financial struggles are also her own.
Of course she gave you a guilt trip...she wants you to hand over your money. She's being a greedy shitty mother. Don't give her a dime.
Don't be confused. This is your money and she has no entitlement to it.
They had financial issues all along. Her check should help them considerably.
This money is also supposed to help you if you need more therapy later or have other issues that arise from the accident.
Does your father know about this arrangement?
I just spoke to her about it, she said if I want to take all the money I can and she will talk to him to see his view. But she made sure to make me feel as guilty as possible
His view is not needed, it's your money.
You have nothing to feel guilty about! It’s yours! That’s why your name will be on the check! Like others have said, get a bank account in your name only and deposit your check. And spend it wisely! Don’t let anyone take advantage of you! Wishing you all the best!
I asked if he knew because at this point, I do not trust your mother. She seems greedy and manipulative and I think she is trying to take advantage of you. She may be trying to pocket your money while she spends hers like she wants.
Seeing his view is irrelevant. This is your money for YOUR pain and suffering.
Aa a mother myself, I don't think she should have ever even asked that from you in the first place. No honey, that money is yours. You suffered greatly for it, and will have to live with the long term effects from that accident. You have your plans for it, you do as you wish. I know your mum will lose her shit, but if her $11k isn't enough, that's her and Dad's fault. This isn't just about money, it's your parents being utterly selfish and not considering your own needs, or what you went through to recover. Don't feel bad, just do what you gotta do
The check is yours! The money is yours! You are an adult who doesn’t live at home so your parent’s debts aren’t your problem. I don’t mind the idea of helping the out of you want to or can afford it but the fact that she has just demanded the money from you is a hard NO. You will never see that money again if you give it to your parent’s. Unfortunately you are in a difficult position but you just need to have a back bone and say that you can’t do that right now and have your own debts to worry about.
Personal Injury money by law is only yours. You can shsre it or don't. But like the previous post said you should open your own account. Better yet open it with the minimum required and have the check wired into your account. Do it at a different bank than the one she uses. Do not tell anyone about this financial windfall except a financial advisor.
Your mother is being selfish and greedy. She has no right to your settlement under your name since you’re an adult. I have gotten into a car accident April of last year with all my three kids in the vehicle. Other party was at fault and my attorney told me since my oldest is an adult she’s on her own case and got my eldest child’s information. My case is still on going because I had to have major surgery. I definitely ain’t financially stable since I have been out of work for over a year from my accident but I ain’t that greedy to steal/commit fraud on what would be owed to my child. Her settlement is going directly to her under her name. I agree with other commenters. Receive your cut and leave 😂 I’m sorry you’re having to go through that unnecessary headache.
Your parents financial situation is not your issue.
Everyone saying she should move out, she already lives on her own. Which makes this even more gross. OP, call the attorney directly and let them know to not give the check to your mother because she's said she's going to take the money. I've read several of your comments, she is absolutely not entitled to anything. It's disgusting that she's literally trying to steal from her independent adult child.
Did you ask her why she feels comfortable enough to steal from her child to cover for her own mistakes, negating your pain and suffering??
How old are you
Put the check in a bank account that does not have her name on it. And provided that you’re an adult, her name does not need to be on any of your bank accounts.
Oh hell no! She is getting her own insurance payment. Taking yours would be insurance fraud and theft.
Did anyone in the house lose money due to caring for you or taking you to pt appointments?
No I took myself
Who paid the co-pays? Has your mom paid any medical bills?
Your mom is MANIPULATING and Gaslighting you. Do. Not. Give. Her. One. Cent. LEAVE. She sounds like a selfish and horrible person.
Are you grown because if you are grown the check will come in your name but that's not the problem the problem is your mother is probably has the key to the mailbox or will be getting the mail and she can take your check and deposit it in our bank and they will cash it and steal your money that way. If you are grown get a PO box and have your check go there the insurance company should be talking to you also or communicating with you via mail. Tell them to mail your check to a different address she's got plans for your money and it's not fair 70% of your check and you was in therapy for 3 months she gets to keep all of her check and she was in therapy for 5 months see the lost her damn mind you better do your due diligence because she's trying to steal from you and she will if you don't get on the ball
Updateme
I’m grown and today I had a conversation with her on how I felt it was unfair and she told me she doesn’t want anything to come between our relationship and told me I can keep the whole check but now I feel horrible and guilty. I had plans to use this money on my business and really do need the full amount I know in the future I’ll be able to give her double what she wants now but I still feel really bad
You were injured why do you feel bad she doesn't get to keep your money just because she feels that she needs it. That's what insurance is for to pay the people who were injured to fix their cars you don't have to feel guilty about it take your money and do what you need to do it's going to be okay she's going to be okay I'm pretty sure she's getting more than you are anyway.
This is the kind of guilt that will hold you back in life, because it's unfounded. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but it sounds like you're teetering on the edge of letting your guilt change your actions. Learn to be ok with saying No to people -- others are not entitled to your money. It is ok for you to have goals, hopes, and needs. Why are your mom's goals, hopes, and needs more important than yours? (If you give her the money, that is what you are saying: her needs are more important than yours.) It is OK for you to do things that benefit yourself, with money that is legally and morally yours. It's up to you to help your parents if you want, but don't let a false sense of obligation, run amok, ruin your own hopes for your life. You're allowed to have plans too, and those plans are just as important as anyone else's.
You can tell in the way you speak that she probably guilt trips you a lot and it works wonders for her. It's super unhealthy, you are not monetarily responsible for your parents irresponsibility. Go invest in you or you will end up like them. I know it's hard but NO is a complete sentence.
This, exactly.
I doubt she was planning to pay you back ever.
Updateme
You’re an adult so the check will be in your name. You do not have to give her any. Deposit it in your account that only you have access to. If you have an account and she’s on it, open one at another back for only you. Don’t let her guilt you into giving her money. Her financial problems are not yours. If she wants to let this money ruin your relationship, that’s on her.
TELL HER NO! your going to go deposit it in to CD for your future. Adult or child she's not entitled to anything in your name. If she pushes it, tell her fine I will call the attorney and have them set up a trust in my name that I can access at x yeas old. A friend of mine did that when he dad tried to pull the same BS. It worked. The attorney set up a trust and it cost maybe $650 from what he would have received.
You’re 20. You’re a legal adult. Don’t give your mother your money. She’s getting her own check to spend. I’d move out.
Find out how much money she had to pay out of pocket for the deductible (actual proof, not just her say so), give her that amount from the check but dear God, keep the rest for yourself. She is not entitled to the money, it's under your name.
I hate it when people on Reddit tell others what to do. “Give her money. Don’t give her money. Sue her, etc.” I know you are asking for advice, so here’s my advice, not my instructions. It sounds like you are a very sweet child and love your mom very much, and I’m sure she loves you. In this situation, I would suggest trying to be objective and think about the facts instead of the emotions. Here are the facts. 1) You and your mom were both in an accident and are receiving separate checks from the insurance company. 2) Your parents seem to think that they are entitled to a large portion of your check. It doesn’t really matter why they want/need the money. And instead of asking you if they could possibly borrow some money from you and making an agreement on repayment to you, they instead ordered you to hand over your money to them. 3) Your parents don’t care about your plans for the money and probably haven’t even asked you about your plans. They are playing you for a fool, thinking that you don’t know any better and won’t question giving them the money. I have borrowed money from my son in the past. I have never assumed that he should just give me money because I need it. That’s not his responsibility. When I did borrow money, I provided details on when I would repay him, and then I repaid him in full by the deadline. 4) if one of your friends told you this story and said that they were getting a check and were planning on furnishing their new apt and buying a car and that now their parents were demanding that they hand over thousands of dollars, what would you tell them? 5) it’s a shame that your parents are having financial difficulties, but there are many ways that they can resolve their issues. Get their credit extended on one of their credit cards, take out a line of credit on their house, take out a personal loan, ask a relative other than you to loan them money, etc. Maybe none of these things are an option for whatever reason, but my point is that taking your money is not how this issue should be resolved. 6) It is wrong on every level for them to try to make you feel guilty because you are not happily handing over the money that you had plans for that would improve your life and make your future look brighter. What your mom is doing is emotionally blackmailing you to try to get what she wants. If you asked your parents for money, and they said no, would you then say “well, it’s going to ruin my life and that will be your fault?” No, you wouldn’t. You would respectfully accept their answer. They aren’t doing that with you. You deserve to be treated with respect, and if you say you are keeping the money to invest in your own future, then that should be the end of it. 7) You are being put in an unfair position and are being made to feel bad for caring more about yourself and your future than your parent’s financial issues. You should care more about yourself and your future. They raised you to be a responsible adult, and now they don’t like you acting like a responsible adult! You are the only person who can take care of you. You don’t have unlimited funds, and this money offers you an opportunity to make investments in yourself and your future. You should be proud that you are making responsible plans with the money and making choices that will help you in the future. 8) I would advise against giving or loaning them any money because I don’t think they would pay you back and I really feel like the best way to invest the money is in your future, not your parent’s debt. Trust me, they will figure out a way to sort out their situation without your money. They might have to get a loan and make payments and pay interest like all adults, and that’s what should happen. There are consequences for making poor financial decisions, and it sucks, but it’s their mess to clean up, not yours. I think it would be very dangerous at this point in your life to give your parents the impression that you are their private bank account. If you give them money now, trust me when I say this, you will forever be their first call when they need money in the future. This will set a very bad precedent. It would be different if they had approached it as you loaning them money, but they didn’t. They wanted you to think that they had a right to just take your money with no thought of repaying you. That’s wrong. No adult family member is ever entitled to the money of another family member. 9) I’m glad you reached out to Reddit to ask for advice. I’m sure you will make the best decision for you and your future. You don’t owe your parents an explanation of why you are saying no, if that’s what you decide to do. You don’t have to justify your actions to them. All you need to say is “I’m sorry, but I already have plans for my money.” That’s it. You don’t need to argue, you can say it respectfully, but whatever your decision is, try to stick with it and remember why you made the decision. I wish you the best of luck!
Great advice here OP, and for anyone else in a similar predicament.
I agree, and I would only add that the OP deposit the check in an account with only her name on it and at a bank not used by her parents.
Do not allow your mother to take YOUR money. Put it in the bank immediately. This will probably cause some friction between you and your mom so be prepared to stand your ground.
Open a new bank account in only your name now, don't give mom the details or tell her you're doing it, and when the cheque arrives, take it and deposit it yourself. If you have a joint account into which she can deposit and withdraw funds, remove yourself from it. "Actually mom I looked into it and this money is intended compensate me for my injuries and loss that I experienced. you already have your generous portion for your loss." If she fraudulently cashes your cheque, yes sue her. It is uncommon to sue parents. Not because they're immune, but because most parents would never dream of stealing or defrauding huge sums of money from their own children.
If it’s in your name & you’re an adult. You decide that not her, don’t let that lady bully you
If you’re not a minor you don’t have to accept the settlement she negotiated. You can get your own lawyer. Stop discussing any of this with your mom. Call an attorney and see what your options are, most give you a free consultation
If it comes I your name it’s your money
If you are an adult put it in a bank account without her name on it. She cannot take it.
That would be fraud that’s not her money
Just say no! She can’t tell you what to do with that money.
>She told me her and my father are having financial issues. We had a conversation this evening and she told me I can have my full check but she did it in a way that made me feel completely guilty now I’m even more confused. The guilt and confusion will pass. Keep your money.
If You're an adult have the attorney contact you directly when the check is in. Deposit into your own account. Mom has no rights to your money. If you live with her Move out.
As soon as you get your check, deposit it in your bank account. Don’t say anything.
Perfect example of how sometimes family isn't really family at all...
Assuming your mom was driving, tell her you want half of her check. This should shut her up.
You don’t say how old you are. If you’re under the age of 18, the money should be in a trust. If you’re over the age of 18, you should not give your mother 70% of your money. Frankly, it’s absolutely sickening that a mother would try and steal money from her own child who is seriously injured in a car accident.
That’s illegal for her to do.
Ooohhh your mom is acting like a scumbag about this. Listen to other commenters about ensuring the attorney is aware of this situation, that the check is made out to solely you, and that you will be the only one to pick it up in person and deposit it into your own account. Your mom is being real shady here.
As long as the check is in your name and you have separate bank accounts, tell the lawyer that you, and only you will be picking up the check and that no one has authorization to do anything with it. Go down there and pick up the check by yourself and deposit in your bank account and if your mother gives you grief just tell her that you'll either start paying rent or that you're going to move out. In no way shape or form is she allowed any of that money since it is written out to you. She's going to try to guilt you into giving her money and obviously that's totally up to you if you want to give her any, but don't let her take advantage of the mother and child relationship for her to squeeze money out of you when it's your money.
The check is in YOUR name. She’s not entitled to any of it. That would be her stealing which is obviously illegal.
Your own mother is trying to manipulate you into giving her your money. Don't you dare give her anything. If you live with her use that money to move out.
If you don't stand up to your mother on this, you are going to regret it for the rest of your life. Take your money. She isn't thinking clearly because of the stress and trauma that comes with 5 months of physical therapy.
So let me get this straight. Your mom is taking her check *and* 70% of *your* check? And *what* is her ridiculous excuse??? Or is it there's one check and she's splitting it 70/30 instead of 50/50. And, again, what's her ridiculous excuse? I agree with others, if the check comes to you, open a bank account at a different bank than your mom's bank. Is there another trusted adult in your life you can go to? Can you just go talk to the attorney that's working your case and tell him you want to pick up your check in his office? I would do anything in my power to not let my mom get her hands on my check.. starting with speaking with whatever professional is dealing with your case.
You're 20. Just don't give it to her. If she takes it, forges it, and cashes it, report the fraud.
As much as you don't want to fall out with your mom, it might be best in the long run. Based on your post and comments, your mom is emotionally manipulative and is trying to take advantage of you. I get it, coming from a family like that myself. It's something nobody wants to recognize and often can't. But when you have HUNDREDS of people telling you the same thing, it may be time to look at it differently. You don't owe her anything. Do not cave in. If she wants to be nasty about YOUR money that ONLY YOU are entitled to, that she legally and morally has no say over, those would, unfortunately, just be her true colors.
Not enough info here for anyone to offer you solid advice. And none of us are qualified anyway.
Talk to a lawyer. Most offer a free consultation.
We are missing some very pertinent information here, which makes me think the OP is being intentionally oblique to get people in his side. Exactly why does the mother want the money and/or think she has a right to it? Is it because mom covered the deductible and doctor copays, missed out on work/pay because of injuries or driving OP to appts, had to spend extra money on things like takeout or house cleaning because of her injuries? Looking to use the money to replace her losses is very different than just being entitled. And which insurance is this coming from? Another driver insurance? Mom/ family medical insurance? Or perhaps mom took out an Accident policy that she paid into specifically to cover the costs associated with an accident; If that's the case then mom paid for an extra policy with an intentional goal and really the money is hers more than the kid. He didn't pay into the policy and just because he's the one injured, ethically the money isn't a result of his actions and should go to the policy holder who likely paid all his bills. Now, if this is some sort of settlement from another drivers insurance and all medical costs were covered, that is a different story. It's still consider lost income on moms part but otherwise it goes to the kid. But if that were the case then the kid would probably tell us this. Instead we are given few details so everyone jumps to his defense.
OP, since you are 20 years old if your mom tries to take your money without consent it is theft. My advice: don’t give it to her, and if she tries to take it by force, I hate to say it but put legal pressure on her. Make it clear that you can and will contact the authorities if she tries to steal 6 out of your 11k. To further add to this; you can use that money to find yourself your own apartment. If you get a job and put that money in savings you’ll be set for a hot minute. Trying to keep the peace with controlling parents will only lead to lack of self identity later. It may be painful but it’s time to separate yourself and take some control over your own, adult life.
No is a complete sentence
If you have a joint account, take yourself off of it immediately. What she is doing is illegal, but if you have a joint account, she can deposit both and then pull out your money. Do you live with her?
What an awful thing for your mom to do. Take the money and don’t feel guilty for one second. That is your money!
I would never do that to my kid. Never ever.
I’d tell her that if she did this it would ruin your relationship. If you’re a minor she should be putting it away for your future or paying your medical bills with it. I’d be clear that you will never trust her or goto her again. I also would be telling any family member that has any influence over her as well. Don’t keep her secrets.
Why she's gonna take your settlement money? How about you take 70 percent of her settlement money instead
How old are you? Do you live with her all expenses paid? Are you rich or not at all? Because sometimes people cant afford to hive kids all they would love to because they dont ha e enough to feed them. If answer is over 18 no yes rich it should be yours.
Go in, do not cash it, but bank it.
If you don’t fall out with the her over money and be done with it. Family is only family until you say no
Parents who take money from their children are the worst. My dad did that to me when I was a child and decades later, I still resent him for it. OP, since you are an adult, deposit the check in your bank account. Also as an adult, you should have a bank account in your name only, not jointly held with your mother or anyone else. If she insists tell her you spent all the money.
after reading the comments you made, i would suggest having a separate bank account with a completely different bank to avoid her trying to take it and not giving into the manipulation. that money is yours, not hers to ask for. she’ll have to get over it eventually
If she’s not applying that directly to your medical bills, then she’s stealing from you. Your settlement was for your pain and bills from the accident. She isn’t entitled to it for her own gratification.
Legally she can’t take it. It’s to cover your injures.
If it comes in your name it’s yours. Have you asked her why she thinks she’s entitled to 70% of your settlement? Just ask her and state if the settlement is yours and it’s not stipulated that you have to give her 70% by the people who are paying you the settlement then you will be fully keeping your share.
i’m not sure the exact age but in my state if your over 16 i think and have your own money and your parents try to take it, it is illegal and you can (and should!!) call the cops.
How old are you?
Fuck that ! She has no right to do that! Sue her !
Why can’t anyone in this world simply say the word “no”? Put the money in your bank account and simply give her none, no matter what happens. Say. Something like “mom, I love you, but I’m not giving you my settlement.. no”.
You owe her nothing from that check. good luck
Don’t give it to her, but if you live with her I’d start looking at getting my own place with roommates. This could turn into a hostile environment quickly. Also, you have to come to terms with the fact that this might be the end of y’alls relationship given that most families do fall out over money.
That’s your money, not hers. You were also injured and may need that money in the future.
Contact the attorney to see if you can get a check in your name and only your name. If that doesn’t work, tell them what’s going on and what your mom’s plan is.
Tell her you’ll give her 70% without the 0. 😁
Keep your money
It’s yours
I'd suggest using some of that money on therapy so that you can develop the ability to draw and enforce boundaries. As a parent, I would not take money from my children. I would want to help them out so that they can live their best lives.
She needs to be very open to you regarding the financial difficulties to be able to make a decision. Also you're only 20 years old, so there's gap of life experience. It's hard for you to evaluate her reasoning. Take your time and do not rush into decisions.
It is not right for your mom to demand part of your money. But, does she have financial problems? Sometimes it is ok to help your parents. But, the way she just thinks it is hers, is bothersome. If you can open a bank account and deposit the check, that would be the best option. If you just cash the check, your mom could get her hands on it.
Definitely do what everyone else is saying & call them and make sure you can pick up the cheque please!!!
We dont have enough info here. Youre making it sound like your mom wants to take your money. Is there more to the story? Did she not get enough to cover medical bills or for the car? Do you live together and Is she covering your living expenses? Did she miss out on any work putting her behind on bills? I think you need to take everything into consideration before thinking you are entitled to the money. Im not saying you are not entitled to the money, im simply saying we dont have enough information to give you an answer here.