I know an officer and his former navy wife who lived with her parents whilst collecting dual BAH for a while and then just his with dependant for a few years before he transitioned out and paid mostly cash for their forever home. She was also working full time after she got out of the navy. Not sure how much they paid for rent, but using a support system to better your future should be done whenever possible. Not everyone needs to struggle to know it is real.
So basically a man who’s probably never lived as an adult outside the military is telling you how to live outside the military?
He may be a good dude but in this instance he’s talking out of his ass.
He may be operating under the supposition that a lot of us join the Corps to get away from dysfunctional family relationships. Going right back there really might be a mistake. For some of us. I avoided that house like the plague.
I think it depends on the individual. I will say I feel like most people won't know shit until they actually get to the area they are going to be residing in to actually figure it all out. I do think people should take the time to be normal and do some of the things they wanted to do like traveling or certain hobby things before they get back to the grindstone and focus on school and a job.
For myself, I probably should have not gone back home and just stayed by myself or cut off contact with certain parts of my family instead. I had one of those, "I forgot why I left" things and realized I didn't miss half the bullshit I put up with in my family. I think it's imperative that Marines close to getting out not necessarily plan but think about what they are going home to. Things change, but a lot of shit really doesn't. I wish I had been introspective enough to figure that out more quickly.
Dude, same. I went back home for about half a year before I realized I needed to get the fuck away. The drama was suffocating and being the one everyone leans on for emotional support was exhausting. Moved to my wife's home country of Germany and am loving being away from it all and just focusing on us. She literally has to fight me to go back to the States to visit every 3-4 years. I just want to explore Europe and see cool shit/drink nice beer.
Same here dude. Live far enough away that its inconvenient to get back “home” when ppl want favors and shit from you if theres family back home that present themselves like this.
Definitely this. Stay on top of VA n GI Bill Bennies - and if you are lucky/have the desire a local healthy SMCR unit? - but that’s a convo for another thread. Jumping from the green machine one day to school/job/etc the very next day can be jarring. If time and money permit, take a month or two to decompress n look to the future. If you had any bad friends or habits before going in, DON’T look back.
It really just depends on the individual Marine. Some guys may need to save money and live at home, and some guys may just need some quiet time to decompress. I don't think either situation is better or worse, just depends on the priorities and the financial situation of the Marine.
I think it’s absolutely wild for them to do anything but commend your sound judgment. Why the hell should you bother finding a place and paying rent for such a short term?
They should be ashamed for acting like this plan shows some deficiency or failing of yours.
My TAPS class was 10 years ago and they recommended moving back home with parents to single first termers. What they should have told us more about was unemployment, you can collect that and go to school on G.I. Bill while taking care of VA appts.
Everyone’s plan is different. As a leader, he needed to approach your plan with an open mind and at least give you some pros and cons on your plan to help you make a more informed decision regardless if he personally agreed or not with what your plan was.
As a newly separated Marine in 2021, it did feel weird. The pressure was off for a good week and a half and then I felt anxious. It was kind of like that “you never know what you have until it’s gone” mentality. Although there were more bad than good times while my time in, I was always told where to be, what to do, and then some and once you get out, you don’t have that and it took a while for me to realize it. Transitioning out of the military in general takes a lot of work. It’s not just planning but it’s also mentally preparing yourself for things you may have never encountered in your life before. And for those who are already suffering from mental health, it’ll probably get worse before it gets better.
To answer your question, I just think it depends. Some are more than successful than others upon their transition. But it’s not as easy as everyone says it is.
Sometimes the concept of rugged American individualism/exceptionalism can go a little too far. Anyone who gives you grief for living with your folks for six months, a year, heck thru grad school or until you have established a career isn’t worth listening to. Make a smooth transition to the 1st Civ Div, save some bucks, enjoy some time with your folks as an adult (and offer to help with utilities/food/etc).
I lived on my mom's couch in her living room for a year after I got out. We had a 3 bedroom and while I was enlisted, one of my sisters grabbed my old room. I was able to work full time and go to school on G.I. Bill and save up 15k in about 6 months. That led to me being able to buy a duplex with the VA home loan, then two years later a triplex, again with the VA home loan.
TLDR: Living at your parents is a solid plan, it's a soft landing and helps you dip your toes back into civilian life without the worry of housing.
If you have questions about separation, message me and I can help you, that's essentially what I do for work now.
I agree with others that it is very much an individual thing. For me I had to because if I didn't I would have been homeless lol.
Big thanks to my command for not letting me or my buddy that EAS'd at around the same time go to skill bridge, all that artillery experience really helped me out in the civilian job market.
It took me a minute to get back on my feet but now I rent my own place, going to school full time. That being said there were a few fortunate turns that allowed me to do that so it was kinda luck more than anything.
It wasn't ideal in my situation and I really wish I had a bit more help in the preparing to go to the civ div part because moving back into my mom's with a wife and 2 kids was kind of embarassing if I'm being candid but I took a few low blows and had some unexpected changes in my plans and I am on a good path now so it worked out for me really well.
Yeah I'm doing good now. Thankfully I didn't have many issues with drugs/alcohol, just got fired and ended up having to move from Alaska back to the east coast. Very thankful for the opportunities I got and now I got a roof, pay all my bills and am going to school full time for my BSN.
I lived with my parents for about a year my first year out while I was in college. Mainly, I wanted to set myself up with the chances to succeed in college and the adjustment from an infantry Marine with multiple combat deployments to a college student isn’t easy.
I rented a college house with people I met in college, my sophomore - senior year. It was a blast.
My big caveat to this is, my “back home life” was very stable. If your parents house is toxic or your old friends are losers, don’t do it.
Bro, there will be economic situations outside of your control. If you have the option to live at home while you go back to school fucking do it. I got out in 2007 right as the economy was collapsing. Finding a job was difficult. No one was hiring. I took a lot of shitty one off gigs just to survive. Cleaning pools, walking dogs, pouring concrete, mover, anything.
Not only that but transitioning back to civilian world is not easy. You will hit bumps in the road and having family at home can definitely help. You’re absolutely right that transitioning back is a weird period in life.
Yes the Marine Corps arms you with skills that will absolutely help you in life, but they do not guarantee success. As I have gotten older I have realized it’s not just hard work but chance and opportunity that come together to create success. If you work hard but never get that lucky break you never make it. If you get that lucky break and you don’t work hard and capitalize on it you never make it.
1. File for unemployment, jump through the hoops and fill out the paperwork. Yes EAS from the military you rate unemployment, you earned it, use it.
2. Make a VA disability claim, file for everything and anything ASAP when you EAS. Go to the appointments they make and follow through.
3. Can also file for food stamps. No shame in it, get it.
All of this can help provide income until you finish school and get set up in the civilian world.
By themselves? That's a huge leap to take right after, and I don't know if logistically can be done, as you'd need to have the time to find a place to live. Plus, you'd need enough funds to secure an apartment lease once you know where you're gonna go.
All of that takes time, which the Corps won't allow for. Hard to find a place to live in your home state, when you're stuck in Pendleton or Lejeune for instance
If you're parents have room at home for you, and they can respect your boundaries, fck it! Do it and save your $$ till you're ready to walk on your two feet
The logistics was what pushed me to decide to live with my mom for a while. Like I said, I’d love to live by myself ASAP but I don’t want to deal with the stress of organizing the logistics of finding an apartment, applying for it, moving stuff in, cleaning and organizing, etc. while also juggling school at the same time.
I lived with my parents post eas, then eventually alone. While I fully recommend living with your parents to get on your feet again when you get out, just know it won't be the same. You'll quickly realize how different things are and don't feel bad if you want to move out at some point.
Kick ass and take names killer, you'll do great in civ div! It's admittedly not as great as some people make it out to be (pros and cons could be found on both ends) but it really is nice being an adult well above your peers in terms of mental and physical discipline!
Staff NCOs and Officers are basically sucking a welfare tit for their entire career. This is fucking stupid just like every other decision jarheads make that is basically "do it the hard way and suffer cuz YUT!!!"
Live with your folks if you want. It is smart. Save every penny and then put a down payment on a house if you want.
Don't take advice from someone who literally gets government cheese for housing, and then tells you to pay out of pocket for no reason.
I'm actually more pissed at this SNCO take then I should be.
Leaving a place where you're rarely alone and surrounded by friends to move into an empty apartment alone with no support network is why so many vets spiral into depression after getting out.
When I got out, I spent terminal with my parents, stayed with a MC friend for a couple weeks while waiting for my apartment to be available when I started my job, then moved in with my roommate who was also a MC friend who had just gotten out.
If I had been doing all of that alone, I would have managed, but it would have been infinitely harder and I'm so thankful I had that support available to me.
If your mama is so gracious to let you live with her for 6 months to a year while you get your feet under yourself, I guess you better go stay with your mom for 6 months to a year. Be a good, respectful son and roommate, but don't reject a kind and thoughtful offer on principle. Unless there's something toxic about your preexisting relationship that you didn'tmention, I say this is just plain nice, and everyone should be so lucky.
Nothing wrong with living with your parents, I did it for 4 years after I got out.
Your parents won’t be around forever, spend some time with them OP. No shame at all.
I don't see an issue of spending some time with family during transition. Just focus on the transition itself though and what "next" means, goal wise. Many of us leave our old situation to improve it, be careful not to fall back into it long-term.
Absolutely stay with mom. She will appreciate the help around the house and you’ll need time to adjust from having every minute of your day planned by someone else.
I got out thirty years ago and just moved out of my mom’s basement into a trailer in the side yard. My mom lives two thousand eight hundred miles away. So I don’t technically live with her.
I'm 25 and have lived with my parents, while being a reservist and going to school and working. It kind of sucks sometimes, but they don't charge rent. That's waaaaaay better than what anyone else is charging.
Do it. Ain't no shame in it.
I decided to live separately because I joined the military to get away from my family in the first place, but nothing wrong with living with parents and saving on rent after EAS.
Good people can still be naïve. He sounds like he lacks experience in this department. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living with parents or family while you get your feet underneath you. Everything will be different in the civilian world.
Housing markets are not necessarily consistent, and if you can, wait till you find out how much money you have or are gonna make, and how much you consistently have available for overhead. His opinion will be valid when he’s done this for himself.
Its only in some western countries like ours, and only during the last 50 or so years that multi-generational households aren't the norm. What I'm saying is that not living with family is actually abnormal if you look at all of history and humanity.
Things are going full circle in this country and living with your parents is fine.......... as long as your sharing in the household responsibilities and not just mooching.
Edit: After reading through the comments I think it also depends on your family. If you had a tight nit family then why would you not want to go back to that support for each other..... if you have a dsyfunctional family then its completely different.
I would take advice from someone with a better understanding of the realities of the economy right now. Your man seems a little out of touch. He’s right that you’ve been equipped with skills that will help you, but you gotta figure out the specifics of a plan, and it’s smart to do that with the parents while you can.
I didn't have a problem saving money and living with my parents' post service. I don't see an issue with it.
The magic phrase here is 'save money'. Sounds like music to my ears.
I know an officer and his former navy wife who lived with her parents whilst collecting dual BAH for a while and then just his with dependant for a few years before he transitioned out and paid mostly cash for their forever home. She was also working full time after she got out of the navy. Not sure how much they paid for rent, but using a support system to better your future should be done whenever possible. Not everyone needs to struggle to know it is real.
So basically a man who’s probably never lived as an adult outside the military is telling you how to live outside the military? He may be a good dude but in this instance he’s talking out of his ass.
He may be operating under the supposition that a lot of us join the Corps to get away from dysfunctional family relationships. Going right back there really might be a mistake. For some of us. I avoided that house like the plague.
That's why I joined. Heard "I can't wait till you're 18, then you're out of my house!" Growing up many times.
I think it depends on the individual. I will say I feel like most people won't know shit until they actually get to the area they are going to be residing in to actually figure it all out. I do think people should take the time to be normal and do some of the things they wanted to do like traveling or certain hobby things before they get back to the grindstone and focus on school and a job. For myself, I probably should have not gone back home and just stayed by myself or cut off contact with certain parts of my family instead. I had one of those, "I forgot why I left" things and realized I didn't miss half the bullshit I put up with in my family. I think it's imperative that Marines close to getting out not necessarily plan but think about what they are going home to. Things change, but a lot of shit really doesn't. I wish I had been introspective enough to figure that out more quickly.
Dude, same. I went back home for about half a year before I realized I needed to get the fuck away. The drama was suffocating and being the one everyone leans on for emotional support was exhausting. Moved to my wife's home country of Germany and am loving being away from it all and just focusing on us. She literally has to fight me to go back to the States to visit every 3-4 years. I just want to explore Europe and see cool shit/drink nice beer.
Same here dude. Live far enough away that its inconvenient to get back “home” when ppl want favors and shit from you if theres family back home that present themselves like this.
Definitely this. Stay on top of VA n GI Bill Bennies - and if you are lucky/have the desire a local healthy SMCR unit? - but that’s a convo for another thread. Jumping from the green machine one day to school/job/etc the very next day can be jarring. If time and money permit, take a month or two to decompress n look to the future. If you had any bad friends or habits before going in, DON’T look back.
It really just depends on the individual Marine. Some guys may need to save money and live at home, and some guys may just need some quiet time to decompress. I don't think either situation is better or worse, just depends on the priorities and the financial situation of the Marine.
I think it’s absolutely wild for them to do anything but commend your sound judgment. Why the hell should you bother finding a place and paying rent for such a short term? They should be ashamed for acting like this plan shows some deficiency or failing of yours.
My TAPS class was 10 years ago and they recommended moving back home with parents to single first termers. What they should have told us more about was unemployment, you can collect that and go to school on G.I. Bill while taking care of VA appts.
Everyone’s plan is different. As a leader, he needed to approach your plan with an open mind and at least give you some pros and cons on your plan to help you make a more informed decision regardless if he personally agreed or not with what your plan was. As a newly separated Marine in 2021, it did feel weird. The pressure was off for a good week and a half and then I felt anxious. It was kind of like that “you never know what you have until it’s gone” mentality. Although there were more bad than good times while my time in, I was always told where to be, what to do, and then some and once you get out, you don’t have that and it took a while for me to realize it. Transitioning out of the military in general takes a lot of work. It’s not just planning but it’s also mentally preparing yourself for things you may have never encountered in your life before. And for those who are already suffering from mental health, it’ll probably get worse before it gets better. To answer your question, I just think it depends. Some are more than successful than others upon their transition. But it’s not as easy as everyone says it is.
Sometimes the concept of rugged American individualism/exceptionalism can go a little too far. Anyone who gives you grief for living with your folks for six months, a year, heck thru grad school or until you have established a career isn’t worth listening to. Make a smooth transition to the 1st Civ Div, save some bucks, enjoy some time with your folks as an adult (and offer to help with utilities/food/etc).
Everyone should live by themselves for at *least* a year.
I moved back in with the family when I started college and I was living like a king with the GI checks
I lived on my mom's couch in her living room for a year after I got out. We had a 3 bedroom and while I was enlisted, one of my sisters grabbed my old room. I was able to work full time and go to school on G.I. Bill and save up 15k in about 6 months. That led to me being able to buy a duplex with the VA home loan, then two years later a triplex, again with the VA home loan. TLDR: Living at your parents is a solid plan, it's a soft landing and helps you dip your toes back into civilian life without the worry of housing. If you have questions about separation, message me and I can help you, that's essentially what I do for work now.
I agree with others that it is very much an individual thing. For me I had to because if I didn't I would have been homeless lol. Big thanks to my command for not letting me or my buddy that EAS'd at around the same time go to skill bridge, all that artillery experience really helped me out in the civilian job market. It took me a minute to get back on my feet but now I rent my own place, going to school full time. That being said there were a few fortunate turns that allowed me to do that so it was kinda luck more than anything. It wasn't ideal in my situation and I really wish I had a bit more help in the preparing to go to the civ div part because moving back into my mom's with a wife and 2 kids was kind of embarassing if I'm being candid but I took a few low blows and had some unexpected changes in my plans and I am on a good path now so it worked out for me really well.
[удалено]
Yeah I'm doing good now. Thankfully I didn't have many issues with drugs/alcohol, just got fired and ended up having to move from Alaska back to the east coast. Very thankful for the opportunities I got and now I got a roof, pay all my bills and am going to school full time for my BSN.
I lived with my parents for about a year my first year out while I was in college. Mainly, I wanted to set myself up with the chances to succeed in college and the adjustment from an infantry Marine with multiple combat deployments to a college student isn’t easy. I rented a college house with people I met in college, my sophomore - senior year. It was a blast. My big caveat to this is, my “back home life” was very stable. If your parents house is toxic or your old friends are losers, don’t do it.
If you're going to college, live with your parents as long as you can and save some money.
There nothing inherently wrong with living with family. Where it becomes a problem is when it isn’t used as a springboard but instead a crutch.
Bro, there will be economic situations outside of your control. If you have the option to live at home while you go back to school fucking do it. I got out in 2007 right as the economy was collapsing. Finding a job was difficult. No one was hiring. I took a lot of shitty one off gigs just to survive. Cleaning pools, walking dogs, pouring concrete, mover, anything. Not only that but transitioning back to civilian world is not easy. You will hit bumps in the road and having family at home can definitely help. You’re absolutely right that transitioning back is a weird period in life. Yes the Marine Corps arms you with skills that will absolutely help you in life, but they do not guarantee success. As I have gotten older I have realized it’s not just hard work but chance and opportunity that come together to create success. If you work hard but never get that lucky break you never make it. If you get that lucky break and you don’t work hard and capitalize on it you never make it. 1. File for unemployment, jump through the hoops and fill out the paperwork. Yes EAS from the military you rate unemployment, you earned it, use it. 2. Make a VA disability claim, file for everything and anything ASAP when you EAS. Go to the appointments they make and follow through. 3. Can also file for food stamps. No shame in it, get it. All of this can help provide income until you finish school and get set up in the civilian world.
By themselves? That's a huge leap to take right after, and I don't know if logistically can be done, as you'd need to have the time to find a place to live. Plus, you'd need enough funds to secure an apartment lease once you know where you're gonna go. All of that takes time, which the Corps won't allow for. Hard to find a place to live in your home state, when you're stuck in Pendleton or Lejeune for instance If you're parents have room at home for you, and they can respect your boundaries, fck it! Do it and save your $$ till you're ready to walk on your two feet
The logistics was what pushed me to decide to live with my mom for a while. Like I said, I’d love to live by myself ASAP but I don’t want to deal with the stress of organizing the logistics of finding an apartment, applying for it, moving stuff in, cleaning and organizing, etc. while also juggling school at the same time.
I lived with my parents post eas, then eventually alone. While I fully recommend living with your parents to get on your feet again when you get out, just know it won't be the same. You'll quickly realize how different things are and don't feel bad if you want to move out at some point. Kick ass and take names killer, you'll do great in civ div! It's admittedly not as great as some people make it out to be (pros and cons could be found on both ends) but it really is nice being an adult well above your peers in terms of mental and physical discipline!
Staff NCOs and Officers are basically sucking a welfare tit for their entire career. This is fucking stupid just like every other decision jarheads make that is basically "do it the hard way and suffer cuz YUT!!!" Live with your folks if you want. It is smart. Save every penny and then put a down payment on a house if you want. Don't take advice from someone who literally gets government cheese for housing, and then tells you to pay out of pocket for no reason. I'm actually more pissed at this SNCO take then I should be.
Leaving a place where you're rarely alone and surrounded by friends to move into an empty apartment alone with no support network is why so many vets spiral into depression after getting out. When I got out, I spent terminal with my parents, stayed with a MC friend for a couple weeks while waiting for my apartment to be available when I started my job, then moved in with my roommate who was also a MC friend who had just gotten out. If I had been doing all of that alone, I would have managed, but it would have been infinitely harder and I'm so thankful I had that support available to me.
If your mama is so gracious to let you live with her for 6 months to a year while you get your feet under yourself, I guess you better go stay with your mom for 6 months to a year. Be a good, respectful son and roommate, but don't reject a kind and thoughtful offer on principle. Unless there's something toxic about your preexisting relationship that you didn'tmention, I say this is just plain nice, and everyone should be so lucky.
Nothing wrong with living with your parents, I did it for 4 years after I got out. Your parents won’t be around forever, spend some time with them OP. No shame at all.
I don't see an issue of spending some time with family during transition. Just focus on the transition itself though and what "next" means, goal wise. Many of us leave our old situation to improve it, be careful not to fall back into it long-term.
Just tell him what you wrote here. It’s well thought out and reasonable.
Nothing wrong with your plan.
I think you have a good plan
If you can save money and it’s part of your plan, great. Personally, I’d have suck-started a pistol before moving in with my parents.
I lived with my bricks roommate post eas in an apartment like 10 mi from Pendleton. Same shenanigans, no field day to keep us honest.
I lived with my parents for about a year before I finished tech school and got a good job. It didn’t hurt me at all.
Absolutely stay with mom. She will appreciate the help around the house and you’ll need time to adjust from having every minute of your day planned by someone else. I got out thirty years ago and just moved out of my mom’s basement into a trailer in the side yard. My mom lives two thousand eight hundred miles away. So I don’t technically live with her.
I'm 25 and have lived with my parents, while being a reservist and going to school and working. It kind of sucks sometimes, but they don't charge rent. That's waaaaaay better than what anyone else is charging. Do it. Ain't no shame in it.
I decided to live separately because I joined the military to get away from my family in the first place, but nothing wrong with living with parents and saving on rent after EAS.
Good people can still be naïve. He sounds like he lacks experience in this department. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living with parents or family while you get your feet underneath you. Everything will be different in the civilian world. Housing markets are not necessarily consistent, and if you can, wait till you find out how much money you have or are gonna make, and how much you consistently have available for overhead. His opinion will be valid when he’s done this for himself.
Lived with my Mom and Dad for two years after I got out.
Its only in some western countries like ours, and only during the last 50 or so years that multi-generational households aren't the norm. What I'm saying is that not living with family is actually abnormal if you look at all of history and humanity. Things are going full circle in this country and living with your parents is fine.......... as long as your sharing in the household responsibilities and not just mooching. Edit: After reading through the comments I think it also depends on your family. If you had a tight nit family then why would you not want to go back to that support for each other..... if you have a dsyfunctional family then its completely different.
I would take advice from someone with a better understanding of the realities of the economy right now. Your man seems a little out of touch. He’s right that you’ve been equipped with skills that will help you, but you gotta figure out the specifics of a plan, and it’s smart to do that with the parents while you can.