lowkey what's going on with all the 30 year old women coming to reddit to look for friends and stuff? there have been like a dozen of these threads in the last couple of weeks???
Turning 30 changes something in you as a women, I swear. It happened to me and a number of my friends. You wake up when you're 30 and think "oh shit am I going to do this forever?!". I left my fiance, and around the same time two of my best friends left their husbands. It's a time of change, 20s is rough, 30s is excellent.
Yup. In my early 30s I decided to leave my ex. I'd been with them since 19. People change and grow apart.
The idea of app based dating sounds utterly vile to me though. I believe in romance.
As someone who has found strong connections via dating apps, I think it comes down to two key things:
1. How you use them – I tend to match with someone, have one or two conversations which I try to steer towards something we can both offer something on (e.g. "I see you listed Music as an interest, do you play? Gone to any good gigs recently?" etc.) to see if there's likely to be a connection, and then set up an in person meet within the next week, ideally no more than a few days. You're then just using the app as a way to introduce yourself to that person, rather than to 'meet' them, while still doing the proper 'getting to know you' thing IRL
2. Accepting their limitations – You will be shown a bunch of people you don't fancy, you will match with people who don't talk to you, you will have bad dates as a result, etc. which is completely the same as if you're just meeting people in bars, except everything comes at a way higher volume. They're not magic tools that guarantee great connections, in the same way that going to a bar doesn't guarantee meeting anyone. You're just using them to increase your exposure
That's fair! I just think 'the old fashioned way' is something of a misnomer – if what you mean by that is preferring to let things grow and develop slowly and organically, there's definitely space for that to happen with someone you've initially connected with via a dating app. People have always used the technology that's available to them for romantic purposes, after all!
But yes, I appreciate they're not for everyone and other methods are available
I used to have a 50/50 rule. Every time I'd end up with someone on an app I'd have to "pick someone up" to keep balance in the universe. I dont know if men still chat up birds but it was a lot of fun.
Yep.. my partner of 4 years turned 30 and literally changed like night and day.
My ONE request when we started going out is that she doesn't suddenly change on me and pretend like we were not on this journey as best friends, together.
She broke up with me last week and she's not even 31 yet 😒
Yeah, but these all seem to have come out of nowhere, no gradual build up or anything and then bam one every few days or so.
Maybe I'm just noticing now, but it feels a little fishy.
Not that what you say isn't valid.
Ruthless.
That's not cool and not "ok".
How is it that countless people HAVE lasted in a relationship from late 20s to 30s??
I think they are the sane ones and people like you are the broken ones.
Being mature enough to realise you've been settling and are unhappy is VERY okay.
Just because you got dumped doesn't give you a free pass to take it out on other people.
Being mature enough to take responsibility for your actions would be a good start.
Like. Sucks to be the man who is happy and signed up for what he gets and gives... then one day your loyal best friend gets "unhappy" because she had a birthday... suddenly, all your love and energy and mental energy is thrown in the trash by little ol "I wasn't happy" lol... fucking joke. You are broken. Stop glorifying it
Bro you are clearly having a very bad time. Maybe go for a run or something and stay off SM. Sorry for your loss but as someone on the other side of the equation, you're much better off single than with the wrong person. Doesn't mean she's trash, just means you guys weren't compatible.
Growing, changing, and maturing happens to both sexes.
20 year old me was a hugely different person to 30 year old me, and 30 year old me was a hugely different person to 44 year old me.
Also, females have this thing called a biological clock and are also more social than men. Both of these influence dating and dating choices. Whilst a 30 year old single male might be comfortable staying home on a Saturday night and gaming, a 30 year old single female is more likely to want to socialise.
Not every woman is an egg timer scanning the dating scene for the best sperm. We are individual human beings with self determination and different priorities.
Yeah I just wasn't expecting such a misogynistic and bio-deterministic response.
Women wanting to make friends really doesn't explain the sudden frequency of these threads. By mostly new accounts with no reddit history.
>Facts though.
Not really.
>Grounded in realism and life
Grounded in the bunk field of evo-psych
>. You asked the question.
I didn't ask any question to which that was an appropriate answer though.
>Though I get your point about the new accounts with no history.
Now you might understand what I was actually getting at.
Hinge seems cool by the sounds of it but I think it has a bug because when I try sign up using my phone number I never get the code via my phone to continue so gave up hahaha 🤣
My Tinder experience vastly improved when I started immediately left-swiping anyone with nothing in their bio, or anyone who gave off vibes like they're ashamed or think they're too good to be there.
I use Bumble because I like the interface and a decent proportion of people actually put effort in on there. I've found Hinge to be kind of useless (people put very little info in their bios and the whole "most compatible" thing seems unreliant to me) and Tinder still has kind of a hookup feel to it.
I saw recently (article possibly on Stuff?) that there are a couple of new NZ based? dating apps started by women - I think one of them is called Amore. I have found typical dating app experience to be absolutely crap but these may be worth a look.
I (38M) met my now-wife (34F) via the dating app Hinge, so I'm biased, but I'm happy to say it worked for me/us.
Married 2 years as of a few months ago.
In my experience hinge is good. I found a husband.
same! well, future. it’s weird how well that app works
Found a wife myself, but Hinge buddies!
lowkey what's going on with all the 30 year old women coming to reddit to look for friends and stuff? there have been like a dozen of these threads in the last couple of weeks???
Turning 30 changes something in you as a women, I swear. It happened to me and a number of my friends. You wake up when you're 30 and think "oh shit am I going to do this forever?!". I left my fiance, and around the same time two of my best friends left their husbands. It's a time of change, 20s is rough, 30s is excellent.
Yup. In my early 30s I decided to leave my ex. I'd been with them since 19. People change and grow apart. The idea of app based dating sounds utterly vile to me though. I believe in romance.
You can have both ;)
I actually disagree, I think apps remove a big part of the organic chemistry (figuratively speaking) and enjoyment.
As someone who has found strong connections via dating apps, I think it comes down to two key things: 1. How you use them – I tend to match with someone, have one or two conversations which I try to steer towards something we can both offer something on (e.g. "I see you listed Music as an interest, do you play? Gone to any good gigs recently?" etc.) to see if there's likely to be a connection, and then set up an in person meet within the next week, ideally no more than a few days. You're then just using the app as a way to introduce yourself to that person, rather than to 'meet' them, while still doing the proper 'getting to know you' thing IRL 2. Accepting their limitations – You will be shown a bunch of people you don't fancy, you will match with people who don't talk to you, you will have bad dates as a result, etc. which is completely the same as if you're just meeting people in bars, except everything comes at a way higher volume. They're not magic tools that guarantee great connections, in the same way that going to a bar doesn't guarantee meeting anyone. You're just using them to increase your exposure
Ok. Glad to hear you find them useful. The whole concept just doesn't appeal to me though, I prefer the old fashioned way.
That's fair! I just think 'the old fashioned way' is something of a misnomer – if what you mean by that is preferring to let things grow and develop slowly and organically, there's definitely space for that to happen with someone you've initially connected with via a dating app. People have always used the technology that's available to them for romantic purposes, after all! But yes, I appreciate they're not for everyone and other methods are available
I used to have a 50/50 rule. Every time I'd end up with someone on an app I'd have to "pick someone up" to keep balance in the universe. I dont know if men still chat up birds but it was a lot of fun.
Yep.. my partner of 4 years turned 30 and literally changed like night and day. My ONE request when we started going out is that she doesn't suddenly change on me and pretend like we were not on this journey as best friends, together. She broke up with me last week and she's not even 31 yet 😒
Yeah, but these all seem to have come out of nowhere, no gradual build up or anything and then bam one every few days or so. Maybe I'm just noticing now, but it feels a little fishy. Not that what you say isn't valid.
Ruthless. That's not cool and not "ok". How is it that countless people HAVE lasted in a relationship from late 20s to 30s?? I think they are the sane ones and people like you are the broken ones.
Being mature enough to realise you've been settling and are unhappy is VERY okay. Just because you got dumped doesn't give you a free pass to take it out on other people.
Yup. It's better to end it now rather than be 55 and full of regrets.
Being mature enough to take responsibility for your actions would be a good start. Like. Sucks to be the man who is happy and signed up for what he gets and gives... then one day your loyal best friend gets "unhappy" because she had a birthday... suddenly, all your love and energy and mental energy is thrown in the trash by little ol "I wasn't happy" lol... fucking joke. You are broken. Stop glorifying it
Bro you are clearly having a very bad time. Maybe go for a run or something and stay off SM. Sorry for your loss but as someone on the other side of the equation, you're much better off single than with the wrong person. Doesn't mean she's trash, just means you guys weren't compatible.
I like your username. I'll take that and leave on a positive
I saw those threads too! I was more curious about which apps are active here, I can't be arsed signing up to more than one.
Dunno, I've never been good at making female friends. Always more comfortable with men. (I'm a woman myself and no idea why this is.)
These threads are never that specific though
Fishing for DMs ahahaha
A/S/L?
That's a blast from the past haha
13/f/cali
Growing, changing, and maturing happens to both sexes. 20 year old me was a hugely different person to 30 year old me, and 30 year old me was a hugely different person to 44 year old me. Also, females have this thing called a biological clock and are also more social than men. Both of these influence dating and dating choices. Whilst a 30 year old single male might be comfortable staying home on a Saturday night and gaming, a 30 year old single female is more likely to want to socialise.
Not every woman is an egg timer scanning the dating scene for the best sperm. We are individual human beings with self determination and different priorities.
What the fuck
You asked a question and I gave you an answer.
Yeah I just wasn't expecting such a misogynistic and bio-deterministic response. Women wanting to make friends really doesn't explain the sudden frequency of these threads. By mostly new accounts with no reddit history.
Facts though. Not misogynistic.Grounded in realism and life. You asked the question. Though I get your point about the new accounts with no history.
>Facts though. Not really. >Grounded in realism and life Grounded in the bunk field of evo-psych >. You asked the question. I didn't ask any question to which that was an appropriate answer though. >Though I get your point about the new accounts with no history. Now you might understand what I was actually getting at.
Hinge is more for dating and Tinder more so for hookups I’d say
Thank you, good to know that Hinge is more the vibe I'm looking for then.
Hinge seems cool by the sounds of it but I think it has a bug because when I try sign up using my phone number I never get the code via my phone to continue so gave up hahaha 🤣
Exact same as me! Apparently there’s no fix for this either lol no Hinge for me! (Soup Guy Seinfeld reference)
Such a shame because I’ve heard it’s one of the best apps! Grrr lol🤣😂
My Tinder experience vastly improved when I started immediately left-swiping anyone with nothing in their bio, or anyone who gave off vibes like they're ashamed or think they're too good to be there.
Great advice, thank you!
Reddit is pretty good
RIP your DMs 😂
Although if you count the number of complete sentences in all those messages, it still might only be 2-3 DMs....
I met my wife on Tinder, only person I met on there so probably didn't Tinder to well but I'm very happy 😊
I tried Bumble and Hinge to start with, but found true love on Tinder (also a lot of cat fishers, so beware 😅).
Lots of Wellingtonians use Hinge. I had a good experience using it :)
Thanks!
“How you doin” 😅
Keep it in your pants Joey
Also, you do not need to be in a relationship. It is fine in life not to be.
Amen, brother/sister.
I’m 30M, both hinge and tinder has been pretty great for both hookups and cute dates for me. Even made some friends off of them lol.
I have soon to be wife and 18 month girl thanks to Bumble, a++ would recommend
I've heard good stuff about Bumble from friends (granted they're still single though lol)
I also met my spouse on bumble although that was almost three years ago now so things may have changed
I use Bumble because I like the interface and a decent proportion of people actually put effort in on there. I've found Hinge to be kind of useless (people put very little info in their bios and the whole "most compatible" thing seems unreliant to me) and Tinder still has kind of a hookup feel to it.
I saw recently (article possibly on Stuff?) that there are a couple of new NZ based? dating apps started by women - I think one of them is called Amore. I have found typical dating app experience to be absolutely crap but these may be worth a look.
Met my fiancée on Bumble!
I (38M) met my now-wife (34F) via the dating app Hinge, so I'm biased, but I'm happy to say it worked for me/us. Married 2 years as of a few months ago.
My wife and I met on Bumble. I found that to be good at the time, but that was pre-Covid when Bumble was pretty new.
Never been a fan of apps but worked for some though. 30M, single, clean and sober. Loves exercise (hiking, walking, judo & boxing).
Feeld if you like your dates to be a little spicy