Quit and find new job with expected salary of +10% to +20% for a huge increase in salary income.
Go where you are celebrated. Not where you are tolerated.
Colleagues are never your friends. Every workplace is a battlezone.
Go to work, do your job, get paid.
Actually what OP described is a very common office politics… X does not like Y… you will most likely have to face it anywhere…. If such a small deal also cannot handle then it will be hard in future… esp in management roles ….
With that logic, you'll never have friends because "classmates are never your friends, you go to school and college to study and it's a bAtTlEfIeLd." Your workplace isn't a battle zone. Never intentionally make your colleagues' life miserable just because you think you are a samurai fighting the imaginary battles for the honour of your masters in a "battle zone". It's attitude like this that makes you unpleasant to work with. You'll be spending at least one third of your day with your colleagues and can there's nothing wrong to befriend them. Be wise when choosing friends among colleagues. Now, some might say, "i'M nOt HeRe To MaKe ThEiR lIfE pLeAsAnT". You are just building a toxic work culture around you.
wItH tHaT lOgIc yOu WiLl NeVeR hAvE fRiEnDs.
bE wIsE wHeN chOosInG fRiEnDs.
nEvEr InTeNtiOnaLly mAkE yOuR cOLleAgUeS' LiFe MiSeRaBLe.
yOu ArE jUsT bUiLdInG a ToXiC wOrK cULtUrE aRoUnD yOu.
Amen. Amittabha. LOL
I mean I’ve got a lot of friends at work 🤷
Not a necessity but it makes the workdays a lot more fun.
I would agree with the person you replied to that calling your workplace a “battlezone” and saying colleagues are “never your friends” qualifies as someone who’s not fun to be around. Just my opinion
This is why people say there are no friends at work. Have "work friends" you can call on for help in a give and take manner but don't invest personally in the "friendship".
Lols, this happens a lot, dunno why people so gullible, never verify whatever is told to them. Just be the better person, I had this happen before and I just carried on working (it was quite easy cuz I don't beef with them or anyone for that matter, quite low profile), after awhile, those that listened to the badmouthing were like 'huh you ain't that? (as described)'. Depends whether people choose to open their eyes or not luh, some are just sheep.
Hmm, but it helps to have allies.
Edit: Quote from President Snow to Katniss in Hunger Games: Catching Fire - I want us to be friends. But if not friends then allies.
Happened to me before. Honestly, if you tried talking to her about it and it didn’t work, just let it go. You can’t force someone to be your friend.
There can be many reasons why they react this way, but there’s no need to crack your head over it - people are more emotional than rational. If they’ve already decided to cut you off, no amount of rationalisation will restore the friendship. Even if you convince them you’re right, the feelings are already gone.
Personally, my key takeaway is to be more discerning when choosing friends. You can start by excluding people pleasers, attention seekers, group followers, people who want to fit in and people who are motivated by FOMO. I find these types are more susceptible to external influence. Don’t invest your time and effort in people who may break your friendship at any moment.
Hey op, been thru something similar recently. Lost two 'good' friends but now that I think of it, they were just making use of me for their source of gossip. Lay low and just focus on ur work. Like the others said, we go work to earn our keep not make friends. Our true BFF is Mr Yusof Ishak.
Law of the jungle: you can talk and bond with colleagues BUT NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. I learnt it the hard way, from then. No way I will be friends with them. Everyone is fighting and walking over each other.
Hello im gg through the exact same shit except it was my friends from school (10+ years with gap inbetween) turned colleague.
Colleagues are not friends.
Ppl at work are attracted to who is most popular / most powerful for whatever big small gains.
If your job gives u salary/benefits and u 90% like the work, then just do your work and go home. Hopefully u r wfh. If u r working in office everyday, then I suggest u change a job if possible but really weigh out the pros and cons.
Dont lose a good job over these bitches.
I know its hard and im not having a gd time either. Trying my best too
Think of it this way. Having good colleagues is a bonus. If u don’t have then it’s like normal.. u can focus ur time and energy on other activities and people who deserve it.
Try to be the nice person that doesn't match what the gossip is about. Then people that believe the gossip will either feel stupid or just continue to believe in. If it's the latter, time to find a new job.
Make friends outside of work?
I feel strange when people go to work to socialise and get into all sorts of drama because to me it's just somewhere that I sacrifice my time in exchange for the opportunity to try and do a good job at what I like to do in exchange for money, and then leave on time at the end of the day. I've never thought of it as a place to socialise or find a partner or make friends etc. I'd go to social events to socialise and work for work....
Happened to me 10 years ago when I was working in Sg. They gang up on you and try to make you quit so that they can have all the space and more benefits for themselves.
friends at work don’t exist in reality, too much of drama that can happen and too many things at stake. if you treasure your profession and your rice bowl, never shit where you eat. hard but very necessary lesson to learn in life.
There will be people who said that with proper social skills, colleagues can become friends. But to me this statement is BS, colleagues are always colleagues.
My colleagues are working colleagues. I don't talk to them about my personal life. But we still talk about work and lunch like what food to buy together that all. It is best not to be too close to colleagues who are in the same industry of work as us.
I had an ex colleague who quit her new job because she couldn't find friends at new workplace. I can never understand.
You are there to work, those are your co-workers, not friends..
Sorry to hear that OP. Thought I'd offer another perspective as someone with colleagues whom I consider friends. I've made friends with a few of my colleagues, but only because we've known each other for some time (almost 10 yrs now), we have spent time together outside of work, and there's some level of trust between us. That said, we do have disagreements at work, and the friendship does complicate things (and this is the reason why many have said to keep work and personal lives separate). Also, not all colleagues are my friends. But I do look forward to going to work because of my friends.
Based on what you described, I wouldn't be friends with someone who doesn't bother to know me for who I am and instead rely on hearsay. And, if you are unhappy at your workplace, it is probably better to look somewhere else. If you can't afford to leave, for now, perhaps just focus on doing your work well, and make sure to carve out time outside of work to do things you enjoy, or to catch up with friends you trust. Take care!
Was in a similar position. I wasnt really keen to be her friend at first because she started out conversation bitching about someone else. She was persistent to be my friend, even texting me outside work hours. I was going through a tough time with the family at some point and was vulnerable. That's when she got her breakthrough and I trusted her. I realised her ugly nature more and more. Shit talking about almost everyone and telling me she cared about me, while going behind my back to produce a work that was supposed to be my project. Helped her out for work and she backstabbed me. I have since left that team and am still traumatised by this bs because most of the team were poltical. But yes, its a good guideline to not be emotionally invested in work relations.
Kena before. That colleague is still at the same workplace, complaining about her job which she has been stuck doing for the past almost 2 decades, while I've moved on to a much better pay and career progression.
Please get out of that place, and progress on with your career.
Don't say anything bad about anybody..cause anybody can be friends with that person l u hate, even if u think that person is so bad and does not have any friends at all
I was once in such a situation where I am not on good terms with this colleague, she just suddenly become aggressive to me. I just ignore her and mingle with other colleagues. Unless whole dept against you, then that one no choice, u can consider change job liao
I always hold this principle when it comes to colleagues — colleagues are not your friends. Personal life is personal. Work is work. Keep interactions with colleagues based on work, and not reveal too much about your personal life. Because you never know someone will use it against you especially in work settings
Lol this is exactly what happened to me, except im a guy and my batchmates are scattered in different departments.
The point is, there will always be this kind of people around, I just continue to hang out with those that choose to remain friends w me from the clique and socialize more with people from my team.
Eventually, i left the company after 1+ years for another job that paid 30-40% more with more wfh days.
Take this as a sign to leave and don't look back. I struggle with this too but I hope you find somewhere else that gives you happiness or at least makes you feel content.
find another friend who you can see that you can really trust?
or you can change jobs if you want a new environment.
there's a saying too btw that when you don't think so much about smth, it won't bother you as much. crumbling relationships are difficult to apply to this but it'll take time.
expect nothing from others and you'll never be disappointed.
In this situation, need to quit and move on cos you will not get any collaborations or team work.. the environment will be toxic and it will be mentally stress and unhealthy for you. Just move on before draining u out.
Sounds like Sec 2. I tell my daughter that she's primarily there for her O level, the friends there are mostly temporary. Are you at work to make friends or what's your primary purpose?
I think that’s a dangerous presumption to make.
Yes, it is true that friends are fleeting and transitory. Yes, it is also true that there is always a purpose in whatever we do: be it to excel in exams, to earn money, or to secure that next promotion. After all, those who do well will often get rewarded.
But to limit yourself to these constraints and overlook the value of human relationships is a gross oversight. Human connections are not merely incidental, they are also genuine and can enrich our lives in their profound and unique ways. Friends provide support, perspective, and a sense of belonging which are crucial in one’s holistic development and success.
In schools, the friendships you have fostered during your developmental years can teach one about resilience, empathy, and vital social skills. These lessons sometimes offer opportunities and go beyond the curriculum of a regular classroom. Similarly at work, the people who you regularly worked with can also provide opportunities, be it in the form of recommendations or jobs. After all, the best jobs go to those who network well and can be vouched by others. There is no reason for you to isolate yourself to your sole primary purpose, especially when these things can run concurrently.
To speak of devoting yourself only to your purpose is to speak of building the next generation of mindless drones who can neither think or have the foresight to see ahead in life. I am no parent and I will admit that there are a few bad apples during my time in school, but your daughter needs to realize that there will always be good people and bad people from all walks of life, regardless of the stage they are in.
Going through similar situation. I psychologically distanced myself from her, only talk to her about work matters, no more asking about her wellbeing and treats for her. Put on a smile and be as fake as her. Be cordial and pleasant but cold. Aggression and confrontation at the workplace never works well.
Right now I’m psycho-ing her that her career progress has stalled and she should consider changing jobs for more challenges before too old (it’s true but there is another intention to it).
I had one ex colleague who hated his boss so he contacted his headhunter friends to help his boss find a new job. Haha.
Quit and find new job with expected salary of +10% to +20% for a huge increase in salary income. Go where you are celebrated. Not where you are tolerated. Colleagues are never your friends. Every workplace is a battlezone. Go to work, do your job, get paid.
never seen a more solid advice
In this climate, you wanna find another one that +20%? Unless you’re on the lower paid then maybe yes, but senior roles, very difficult currently
Never try never know. You can always apply and join only when they give u that increment.
Actually what OP described is a very common office politics… X does not like Y… you will most likely have to face it anywhere…. If such a small deal also cannot handle then it will be hard in future… esp in management roles ….
Climate? 🤔 You mean, economy?
Economic climate ….
Right.. then that makes sense. Yeah, I see alot of people looking for job. I'm considered lucky to get a job last week. Took me 3 mths
Ooo i see the taylor swift reference
With that logic, you'll never have friends because "classmates are never your friends, you go to school and college to study and it's a bAtTlEfIeLd." Your workplace isn't a battle zone. Never intentionally make your colleagues' life miserable just because you think you are a samurai fighting the imaginary battles for the honour of your masters in a "battle zone". It's attitude like this that makes you unpleasant to work with. You'll be spending at least one third of your day with your colleagues and can there's nothing wrong to befriend them. Be wise when choosing friends among colleagues. Now, some might say, "i'M nOt HeRe To MaKe ThEiR lIfE pLeAsAnT". You are just building a toxic work culture around you.
wItH tHaT lOgIc yOu WiLl NeVeR hAvE fRiEnDs. bE wIsE wHeN chOosInG fRiEnDs. nEvEr InTeNtiOnaLly mAkE yOuR cOLleAgUeS' LiFe MiSeRaBLe. yOu ArE jUsT bUiLdInG a ToXiC wOrK cULtUrE aRoUnD yOu. Amen. Amittabha. LOL
Whatever
Jesus dude, you must be fun to be around. That said really do like your saying of being somewhere where you are celebrated, not tolerated
The poster has good advice. Do you mind explaining why he/she is "unfun" to be around?
I mean I’ve got a lot of friends at work 🤷 Not a necessity but it makes the workdays a lot more fun. I would agree with the person you replied to that calling your workplace a “battlezone” and saying colleagues are “never your friends” qualifies as someone who’s not fun to be around. Just my opinion
You cannot choose how others react but you can choose how to react to them.
This 👆👆
This is why people say there are no friends at work. Have "work friends" you can call on for help in a give and take manner but don't invest personally in the "friendship".
Lols, this happens a lot, dunno why people so gullible, never verify whatever is told to them. Just be the better person, I had this happen before and I just carried on working (it was quite easy cuz I don't beef with them or anyone for that matter, quite low profile), after awhile, those that listened to the badmouthing were like 'huh you ain't that? (as described)'. Depends whether people choose to open their eyes or not luh, some are just sheep.
Sometimes it's also not good to have too close of a friendship w direct colleagues Cause when shit happens, how you gonna split the responsibility?
Two of my close work friends failed probation 🥲
You don't need friends at work. Trust me.
Hmm, but it helps to have allies. Edit: Quote from President Snow to Katniss in Hunger Games: Catching Fire - I want us to be friends. But if not friends then allies.
Just don't be friends la. Just be friendly and know to keep a distance lor.
Yes, that’s right. Just be friendly, establish boundaries.
Don’t need. But life is much better with.
Number 1 rule
Happened to me before. Honestly, if you tried talking to her about it and it didn’t work, just let it go. You can’t force someone to be your friend. There can be many reasons why they react this way, but there’s no need to crack your head over it - people are more emotional than rational. If they’ve already decided to cut you off, no amount of rationalisation will restore the friendship. Even if you convince them you’re right, the feelings are already gone. Personally, my key takeaway is to be more discerning when choosing friends. You can start by excluding people pleasers, attention seekers, group followers, people who want to fit in and people who are motivated by FOMO. I find these types are more susceptible to external influence. Don’t invest your time and effort in people who may break your friendship at any moment.
Hey op, been thru something similar recently. Lost two 'good' friends but now that I think of it, they were just making use of me for their source of gossip. Lay low and just focus on ur work. Like the others said, we go work to earn our keep not make friends. Our true BFF is Mr Yusof Ishak.
Law of the jungle: you can talk and bond with colleagues BUT NEVER BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. I learnt it the hard way, from then. No way I will be friends with them. Everyone is fighting and walking over each other.
Hello im gg through the exact same shit except it was my friends from school (10+ years with gap inbetween) turned colleague. Colleagues are not friends. Ppl at work are attracted to who is most popular / most powerful for whatever big small gains. If your job gives u salary/benefits and u 90% like the work, then just do your work and go home. Hopefully u r wfh. If u r working in office everyday, then I suggest u change a job if possible but really weigh out the pros and cons. Dont lose a good job over these bitches. I know its hard and im not having a gd time either. Trying my best too
I def won’t wanna lose my job over someone crude. My job is paying me, these bitches ain’t shit.
Think of it this way. Having good colleagues is a bonus. If u don’t have then it’s like normal.. u can focus ur time and energy on other activities and people who deserve it.
OP, why tf are you playing petty politics when you should know that everyone goes to work to make money, not friends?
I know man; I feel disgusted
You go to work to socialise or make money????
told you. no one at work is your friend. how hard is it to learn
Try to be the nice person that doesn't match what the gossip is about. Then people that believe the gossip will either feel stupid or just continue to believe in. If it's the latter, time to find a new job.
You have no friends at work. You only have colleagues who have mutual interests with you, within a span of time.
Your colleagues are not friends. You never know when they backstab or talk negatively about you
People are just pathetic. If they’re that petty then no point in wasting your energy on them lor.
Make friends outside of work? I feel strange when people go to work to socialise and get into all sorts of drama because to me it's just somewhere that I sacrifice my time in exchange for the opportunity to try and do a good job at what I like to do in exchange for money, and then leave on time at the end of the day. I've never thought of it as a place to socialise or find a partner or make friends etc. I'd go to social events to socialise and work for work....
Honestly. Make new friends.
Happened to me 10 years ago when I was working in Sg. They gang up on you and try to make you quit so that they can have all the space and more benefits for themselves.
friends at work don’t exist in reality, too much of drama that can happen and too many things at stake. if you treasure your profession and your rice bowl, never shit where you eat. hard but very necessary lesson to learn in life.
You made a friend at work, that friend is now manipulating you by gaslighting the hell out of you
This is why you never make friends at work
There will be people who said that with proper social skills, colleagues can become friends. But to me this statement is BS, colleagues are always colleagues.
My colleagues are working colleagues. I don't talk to them about my personal life. But we still talk about work and lunch like what food to buy together that all. It is best not to be too close to colleagues who are in the same industry of work as us.
I had an ex colleague who quit her new job because she couldn't find friends at new workplace. I can never understand. You are there to work, those are your co-workers, not friends..
For the thousand times, your colleagues are not your friends. Do your work and go home
Sorry to hear that OP. Thought I'd offer another perspective as someone with colleagues whom I consider friends. I've made friends with a few of my colleagues, but only because we've known each other for some time (almost 10 yrs now), we have spent time together outside of work, and there's some level of trust between us. That said, we do have disagreements at work, and the friendship does complicate things (and this is the reason why many have said to keep work and personal lives separate). Also, not all colleagues are my friends. But I do look forward to going to work because of my friends. Based on what you described, I wouldn't be friends with someone who doesn't bother to know me for who I am and instead rely on hearsay. And, if you are unhappy at your workplace, it is probably better to look somewhere else. If you can't afford to leave, for now, perhaps just focus on doing your work well, and make sure to carve out time outside of work to do things you enjoy, or to catch up with friends you trust. Take care!
Was in a similar position. I wasnt really keen to be her friend at first because she started out conversation bitching about someone else. She was persistent to be my friend, even texting me outside work hours. I was going through a tough time with the family at some point and was vulnerable. That's when she got her breakthrough and I trusted her. I realised her ugly nature more and more. Shit talking about almost everyone and telling me she cared about me, while going behind my back to produce a work that was supposed to be my project. Helped her out for work and she backstabbed me. I have since left that team and am still traumatised by this bs because most of the team were poltical. But yes, its a good guideline to not be emotionally invested in work relations.
Kena before. That colleague is still at the same workplace, complaining about her job which she has been stuck doing for the past almost 2 decades, while I've moved on to a much better pay and career progression. Please get out of that place, and progress on with your career.
Don't say anything bad about anybody..cause anybody can be friends with that person l u hate, even if u think that person is so bad and does not have any friends at all
Are you in civil service?
Say many times already. Colleagues are not friends. 🤦🏻♀️
I was once in such a situation where I am not on good terms with this colleague, she just suddenly become aggressive to me. I just ignore her and mingle with other colleagues. Unless whole dept against you, then that one no choice, u can consider change job liao
I always hold this principle when it comes to colleagues — colleagues are not your friends. Personal life is personal. Work is work. Keep interactions with colleagues based on work, and not reveal too much about your personal life. Because you never know someone will use it against you especially in work settings
Lol this is exactly what happened to me, except im a guy and my batchmates are scattered in different departments. The point is, there will always be this kind of people around, I just continue to hang out with those that choose to remain friends w me from the clique and socialize more with people from my team. Eventually, i left the company after 1+ years for another job that paid 30-40% more with more wfh days.
Go there to work not make friends 👍🏻👍🏻
What was that “thing” that somebody told her ?
Take this as a sign to leave and don't look back. I struggle with this too but I hope you find somewhere else that gives you happiness or at least makes you feel content.
find another friend who you can see that you can really trust? or you can change jobs if you want a new environment. there's a saying too btw that when you don't think so much about smth, it won't bother you as much. crumbling relationships are difficult to apply to this but it'll take time. expect nothing from others and you'll never be disappointed.
In this situation, need to quit and move on cos you will not get any collaborations or team work.. the environment will be toxic and it will be mentally stress and unhealthy for you. Just move on before draining u out.
This is the power of networking
Sounds like Sec 2. I tell my daughter that she's primarily there for her O level, the friends there are mostly temporary. Are you at work to make friends or what's your primary purpose?
I think that’s a dangerous presumption to make. Yes, it is true that friends are fleeting and transitory. Yes, it is also true that there is always a purpose in whatever we do: be it to excel in exams, to earn money, or to secure that next promotion. After all, those who do well will often get rewarded. But to limit yourself to these constraints and overlook the value of human relationships is a gross oversight. Human connections are not merely incidental, they are also genuine and can enrich our lives in their profound and unique ways. Friends provide support, perspective, and a sense of belonging which are crucial in one’s holistic development and success. In schools, the friendships you have fostered during your developmental years can teach one about resilience, empathy, and vital social skills. These lessons sometimes offer opportunities and go beyond the curriculum of a regular classroom. Similarly at work, the people who you regularly worked with can also provide opportunities, be it in the form of recommendations or jobs. After all, the best jobs go to those who network well and can be vouched by others. There is no reason for you to isolate yourself to your sole primary purpose, especially when these things can run concurrently. To speak of devoting yourself only to your purpose is to speak of building the next generation of mindless drones who can neither think or have the foresight to see ahead in life. I am no parent and I will admit that there are a few bad apples during my time in school, but your daughter needs to realize that there will always be good people and bad people from all walks of life, regardless of the stage they are in.
Going through similar situation. I psychologically distanced myself from her, only talk to her about work matters, no more asking about her wellbeing and treats for her. Put on a smile and be as fake as her. Be cordial and pleasant but cold. Aggression and confrontation at the workplace never works well. Right now I’m psycho-ing her that her career progress has stalled and she should consider changing jobs for more challenges before too old (it’s true but there is another intention to it). I had one ex colleague who hated his boss so he contacted his headhunter friends to help his boss find a new job. Haha.