I'm so sorry for what amounts to the loss of your brother, at least as you knew him. You're probably right to go no-contact with him. If he ever turns his life around, you can reconnect. But, he needs to know there are consequences for uber-religiose intolerance.
Sending much sympathy your way. This must be very difficult for you, coming from someone to whom you were once so close.
All the best!
One time I was at my friend's and he mentioned that his sister was about to arrive. I started putting on my coat to leave and he asked me why? I said, "so you can have some privacy with your family" and he said, "you're my family."
If it makes you feel any better, I used to be that guy.
I was a lot younger than your brother but still I had that exact same obnoxious zeal and wide-eyed certainty. I came out of it eventually and I’m now openly (and proudly) bi and an atheist.
Perhaps it’s unlikely, but it can still happen. Really sorry you have to deal with this shit though.
This is all true but OP should prioritize their own mental health over trying to mend things with a bigoted brother. Unless he really wants to which it sounds like he doesn't.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Religion really is a fucking cancer.
I felt betrayed and alone when my sister also turned Christian, because for years I thought we were both the only voices of reason in the family, but nope... Mom pressured her enough to start going to church and then she just became super religious too. And I feel like I don't have that super awesome connection I used to have with her anymore, and now it's kinda difficult to share anything with her like I used to. Part of our bond is irreparably broken.
So I kind of undersrand grieving the loss of that bond, OP. And again, I'm sorry you have to deal with that, in addition to the open hatred and bigotry that your brother is now spouting.
For such a heinous sin, I always wondered why it got no mention in the 10 Commandments, it certainly would have been a perfect opportunity. Nope, not even close.
Jesus never mentions it once either, his big Sermon on the Mount speech would have been an ideal platform but he never gave it a thought, never discusses it once in his short life. The one time he did get pissed was not with gay people but with the moneychangers, hawking their wares outside of temple, strange that doesn’t get more traction with evangelicals..
I can only presume that God, in his lack of serious attention on the issue did not consider it a priority, instead the few lines where it does get a mention, along with eating shrimp, is highlighted by bigots who already have an issue with gay people and use the book as justification for their bigotry.
I‘m happy to hear arguments on why Evangelicals consider it a high priority when God in all his infinite wisdom obviously didn’t, but I think the answer is pretty obvious.
Most "born agains" become bigots. I find that most of them are liars as well. They downplay their past negative behaviour and focus on "being saved" \["Me! Me! Me!"\] without showing much empathy or remorse to the ones they hurt.
It's tough when your loved ones become something else entirely. My brother and late father became hard core trump supporters.
He may or may not grow out of it. He never used logic to become "born again." He relied on emotional reasons, so it's hard to say if he'll come out of it.
My advice is to live your life. You don't have to justify yourself to him or anyone else.
I think many Christians feel that since homosexuality or homosexual acts are a sin according to their Bible that it's right to try to push it out of society. Since sin puts the sinner closer to eternal damnation they're doing society a favor.
This is one of those points where the coercion of eternal damnation invokes purity culture conflicting with someone's sexuality. The words are written in the book with harsh and damning words towards those who do homosexual acts which can't be taken back, and you were born with homosexual desires which can't be undone. It's a stalemate with a religion running on millennia's old norms.
The religion is to blame for the coercion, and making your brother think he's on the right side. I think I would be very hateful towards the religion and drop the idea that accepting it isn't a bad thing. Perhaps you can parse the religious beliefs at ones that he has taken up, but others must deny them as true to not be in the same camp.
I openly condemn the religion on my FB account stating it's sick for the coercion it uses. Family is a little less warm, but still accepting.
The idea of a genital in the mouth or butt isn't an abnormal when it is a sexual preference. I think your problem is that you took sexuality out of it.
I don't have to imagine it. Guys who aren't 100% straight exist, just like there are people who enjoy foods you don't, or who write with the opposite hand.
Also, weird take since you literally just imagined it.
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Sometimes, people are toxic and we have no choice but to cut them out of our lives. Sometimes, these people are family.
My mother was homophobic and I did not have any contact with her for over 20 years. The only reason I went to see her before she died is her caregiver begged me to. Nothing had changed and I did not regret cutting off contact.
Let him go. Except I wouldn’t avoid your mother. When he confronts you, give him the post you made above. It’s the most honest thing you can do. If he persists tell him he has no right to push himself on you. I know that will be rough, but you have to do it. Sticking up for yourself will get easier.
Yep I have a sister who is the same way with religion and extended family who are gay. I told her I’m not hating on my family for anyone and if I go to her big, hate filled church, me and her pastor are going to have words. Loud words, she doesn’t invite me anymore.
I am sorry that you are losing your brother. He has gone off the rails and yes, I do not know if he will ever be able to get back to some sanity and realize what he has done to you. And also to himself.
I am so sad that a person who was there for you in a time of need is now lost to religious delusions. Hugs from across the ocean.
Sorry to hear that, I think if he has been going to church for over 4 years, he's long gone at this point. Though I would love to believe he might regain his sanity, I would suggest you to move on instead. Just don't let any amount of hate get to you and make you feel bad about your sexuality. Take care OP
Many of us lose parts of our families at some stage. As i aged i lost both a brother and a sister due to 'differences' in beliefs (they're both selfish crazy assholes). The older you get, the more you'll realise - life is just to short to deal with assholes.
Move on and remember the good times.
That said, don't be afraid to visit your mother. You're obviously more intelligent and better adjusted to the world than your brother. Just outsmart him.
"I don't tell you what to believe, please stop trying it with me", "don't judge me, that's you god's job, how dare you presume to know what he wants", "if your god doesn't like gays, how come he don't strike me down?" "if your god doesn't like gays he sure makes a lot of them" "where's it say... in your bible? oh what's it say about divorce?" or the good ol' "I don't wanna argue in front of mom thanks"
You might want to think about getting Mom outside the house too - I imagine she could do with some relief - even a 5 minute stroll. And she'll always want to see you :)
Compared to what you've already been through - a 30 minute visit is a walk in the park ;)
So much for “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"
The interpretation of this verse I grew up with was basically “don’t be a hypocrite.” You’re allowed to call out the sins you don’t commit but have to stay silent on the ones you do.
I remember when my cousin went to Israel, and connected with some people from Toldos Aharon, which is… best description would be the fundamentals of Ultra Orthodox Jews. The close relationship between us started cracking, but we were still connected. He brought some ideas but I overcome it, he was the guy who thought me how to ski, how to swim, he helped me to make my first snowball… he was my idol. How he ended up with Toldos, I have no idea, but I never questioned, since I didn’t want to open that topic, and make that crack wider and deeper. We started going to only Chabad synagogue, and I had a really nice time, I danced and drink, enjoy their company, but, I had to straight act all the time, and I was aware of it. He, at the other side, was disgusted by how “liberal” they are. He left for Israel, and decided to make Aliyah. Married a girl from Toldos. Next time when he came, he already had two kids, and he said that he doesn’t want to see me, since I’m dark in his newfound light. He burned my pictures. He didn’t even let his parents to show me the pics of his kids, and to cross me off forever. When he found out that they didn’t listened to him, he crossed them. Literally, cut them off out of his life and life of his children. My fault. I was eating myself, I hated myself for destroying a family, until his mother told me: *he did it. You did nothing bad.*
I overcome the guilt, but I’m still sad. For him, his parents, his kids, and our family. The point and moral of my story: they crossed us and cut us off first. Officially or unofficially, the day he started talking about your sins, about it as vice, choice, something that should be prayed away, cured or… whatever they think we can do to change our sexual orientation, is their way of showing that the love is gone, understanding is gone… sorry. They’re theirs until they decide to left. Be strong!
I am sorry you are going through this painful experience. I am particularly sorry that your mom has been co-opted by your brother and, derivatively, the hateful cabal of ‘worshippers’ to which he adheres. It is a shame that she lives with him, knowing that he is a bigot and a homophobe. Were I in your shoes, I likely would be mourning the loss of both of them, too.
I wish I could say or do something to ease your suffering, but all I can say is I see and hear you. You are a human being — a person just as deserving of love and respect and dignity and compassion as anybody else. I wish you nothing but joy and happiness today! 🥰
Thank you so much. Something I didn't mention is that over the years my mom has never been in the habit of standing up for me to homophobic family members. She'd rather keep the peace because her family are really her only friends. As I get older, I do resent her tolerance for their hatefulness more. I love my mom a lot but it's very frustrating.
Yes, I feel your reply IN MY CORE! As a dad, I know how important it is to show EACH of my kids that I love them completely and unconditionally, and that I accept and embrace them just as they are. But I didn’t come to that realization by dint of a brilliant epiphany; it was drilled into me by years of negative conditioning by my own mother who, also a perennial peacemaker at the expense of decency, allowed me to be bullied mercilessly by her second husband. I gave up resentments towards her somewhere in sobriety, but I still try to limit our verbal interactions out of pure defensiveness. You sound like a kind and thoughtful person, and I wish you a beautiful day!🫶🏻
I'm sorry to hear about you basically losing your brother that you clearly love dearly, because he has surrounded himself with—and eventually chosen—homophobic religion. Its absolutely gut-wrenching to even read about, I can't imagine what that must be like to deal with. You deserve better. He did, too. I will never understand people who think religion is somehow benign, they basically have to decide the thing you're going through here somehow doesn't count, this thing that is happening to you, and is one of the most miserable, fucked, wretched things a person can go through.
I wish i had something that would mke this easier to deal with. I know that trying to maintain some level of hope with an abusive family member just opens you up to be hurt again and again. I hope at some point he rethinks his life and his choices, and yet I also know that you can't expect to function in your own life while holding some part of you that depends on him waking up from his embrace of hatred. I hope for you to find some kind of peace, that you find a way to somehow not need him, I don't know if that's even possible. Fuck everything about this, man.
Hey there, I'm sorry to hear this has happened. Religion has this effect on people. As soon as you allow the churches to frame your understanding of reality for you, you slowly transform into a reactionary weirdo. Everything centers around control and repression with them.
Terrible to hear about the marital issues, it sounds as though that event spurred this. I think he's using the church community and reactionary politics as an ego boost and an emotional crutch.
I haven’t talked to my brother in a year. He had a religious revival that also apparently demands you’re Uber right wing asshole who has nothing but hate.
Hi 👋 Another queer here with religious family (parents). Deep grief over your lost relationship is normal and rational and painful. It eases with time, but it’s also not linear. Some days, it’s overwhelming and I want to lash out at my parents for choosing imaginary superiority over my very real existence and safety. I wish there were an answer for both of us. For all of us.
Thanks for reaching out and affirming. My parents consider themselves christians but thankfully don't attend church or really "live by the book" so to speak. To go through that with your parents sounds especially difficult, and I'm wishing you strength.
Tell him he is a moron and to stop believing in delusional stupid shit. When he gets mad just tell him you are saying this out of love and are concerned about his brain.
I'm in a different yet similar boat as you.
My brother is younger. He's straight, married, and "training" to become a preacher.
I came out late in life, at around 21. He was 17 at that time. He was so "proud" that I came out to him first. He wanted to join ally groups and go marching. Then he became "serious" with his god and religion. And it consumed him in "religious love" aka hate.
That transformation continued for over 10 years. He's still "in school" to be a preacher. A preacher of hate in my eyes. I very rarely speak to him. I'm at an arms distance at all times. The only reason I stay in contact at all is more for his kids. If one of them ends up gay, or god forbid trans, they'll need a support system. One of actual love. So I remain in the shadows as a backup if need be. It's all I can do.
That's a terrible 180. I came out to family around 21 as well. I think about my brother's kids a lot. You often hear people say of young evangelist conservatives, "I hope their kids turn out to be gay!" Well I could never wish that on my nieces, because I know they would be truly miserable. But I hope that if it does turn out to be the case that one or both are queer, I'm in a position to help, even if I don't speak to my brother.
And then there's also the chance they could end up growing up to be like him, regurgitating hate and conservative talking points. Neither option sounds great.
cut that bullshit out of your life. they do not deserve a single second of your time or any of your consideration. Give them the finger and never look back. as a dear friend of mine says quite often, "May the bridges I burn light my way forward."
here's a match.
Yeah, I was asked by my born again sister-in-law to come to explain to their 8 kids why I wasn't married and as such, violating god's law. They also live in a state with legal kidnapping for conversion therapy to "save you".
I feel your pain. I have never understood why me being attracted to the same sex bothers so many people. But I just live my life and allow them to wallow in their bigotry. One thing that is nice now as opposed to twenty years ago is that most of society looks down on homophobes (at least in western countries) as uneducated losers. I remember it used to bother my dad to be called homophobic. He thought it only referred to people who were literally afraid of gays lol.
You deserve love. It's perfectly healthy to create boundaries around who has access to you.
We can't choose our biological family, BUT we get to choose our chosen family.
Sorry it’s turned out this way for ya. Maybe you can ask your mom what times your brother isn’t home, but she is? Or perhaps you could schedule something fun for just you and your mom out of the house?
I’ve yet to be told by someone I know I’ll suffer eternally for being LGBTQ+, but I’m not sure how I’d respond in a way they’d understand; I could talk about how I lack a belief in Hell and don’t see being LGBTQ+ is a problem, but if *they* believe that being such will get me eternal punishment...hmmm. How do you respond to someone who genuinely believes they’re trying to help you by trying to (as they believe) warn you?
All you can do is ask him why he's got such a problem with gay people when there are only a handful of mentions of homosexuality in the Bible, but greed is called out with much greater frequency and he's silent on that.
But yeah, there's not much you can do to force someone to acknowledge their own issues.
Sorry to hear this, gay myself (35m) and have an older brother (42m) and I know he's kind of delving too far into right wing views and it worries me.
My family is also southern Baptist and I've always been scared that they would hate me, but they don't, they still love me. I don't share my atheism with them at all really, except with my mother who is currently trying to figure out where she's going spiritually after my grandmother passed a few weeks back.
(I don't want to push her to stop believing, but I do want her to realize that she doesn't need a church to have spiritual beliefs)
Anyways, if your brother hasn't targeted you specifically, the relationship itself may still have a chance as long as you don't breach certain topics.
(Me and my brother get along great, even if our world views are very very different. He cares more that the kid he grew up with playing games and bonding with wants to be part of his and his children's life more than he cares about what views we do or do not share)
it can be stressful though, knowing what kinds of things they broadcast online but idk it really depends on how you want to approach things and how much you think you value the past you both share.
Sorry for the wall of text, I relate to this a lot in my own way. Hope the best for you 👍
The funny thing about Christian transphobia is that it isn’t in the bible. Nowhere does it say that. Yes there’s stuff about cross dressing, but what counts as cross dressing? It depends on whether you consider it relative to gender identity or biological sex. You could possibly try and reason him out of that. You can’t reason someone who isn’t open minded into changing their mind though.
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Your brother is right. Ask yourself truly, does he love you? I don’t know how close you guys are but through everything y’all have been through, was he there? He’s on his own journey but even if what he says might hurt you, I do think he loves and cares about you fr
I'm so sorry for what amounts to the loss of your brother, at least as you knew him. You're probably right to go no-contact with him. If he ever turns his life around, you can reconnect. But, he needs to know there are consequences for uber-religiose intolerance. Sending much sympathy your way. This must be very difficult for you, coming from someone to whom you were once so close. All the best!
Live your life. You don’t owe your family anything. My general view is friends are the family you pick.
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
My saying is: you can choose your family, but can't choose your friends (somehow they just happen :))
One time I was at my friend's and he mentioned that his sister was about to arrive. I started putting on my coat to leave and he asked me why? I said, "so you can have some privacy with your family" and he said, "you're my family."
If it makes you feel any better, I used to be that guy. I was a lot younger than your brother but still I had that exact same obnoxious zeal and wide-eyed certainty. I came out of it eventually and I’m now openly (and proudly) bi and an atheist. Perhaps it’s unlikely, but it can still happen. Really sorry you have to deal with this shit though.
This is all true but OP should prioritize their own mental health over trying to mend things with a bigoted brother. Unless he really wants to which it sounds like he doesn't.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Religion really is a fucking cancer. I felt betrayed and alone when my sister also turned Christian, because for years I thought we were both the only voices of reason in the family, but nope... Mom pressured her enough to start going to church and then she just became super religious too. And I feel like I don't have that super awesome connection I used to have with her anymore, and now it's kinda difficult to share anything with her like I used to. Part of our bond is irreparably broken. So I kind of undersrand grieving the loss of that bond, OP. And again, I'm sorry you have to deal with that, in addition to the open hatred and bigotry that your brother is now spouting.
For such a heinous sin, I always wondered why it got no mention in the 10 Commandments, it certainly would have been a perfect opportunity. Nope, not even close. Jesus never mentions it once either, his big Sermon on the Mount speech would have been an ideal platform but he never gave it a thought, never discusses it once in his short life. The one time he did get pissed was not with gay people but with the moneychangers, hawking their wares outside of temple, strange that doesn’t get more traction with evangelicals.. I can only presume that God, in his lack of serious attention on the issue did not consider it a priority, instead the few lines where it does get a mention, along with eating shrimp, is highlighted by bigots who already have an issue with gay people and use the book as justification for their bigotry. I‘m happy to hear arguments on why Evangelicals consider it a high priority when God in all his infinite wisdom obviously didn’t, but I think the answer is pretty obvious.
Most "born agains" become bigots. I find that most of them are liars as well. They downplay their past negative behaviour and focus on "being saved" \["Me! Me! Me!"\] without showing much empathy or remorse to the ones they hurt. It's tough when your loved ones become something else entirely. My brother and late father became hard core trump supporters. He may or may not grow out of it. He never used logic to become "born again." He relied on emotional reasons, so it's hard to say if he'll come out of it. My advice is to live your life. You don't have to justify yourself to him or anyone else.
I think many Christians feel that since homosexuality or homosexual acts are a sin according to their Bible that it's right to try to push it out of society. Since sin puts the sinner closer to eternal damnation they're doing society a favor. This is one of those points where the coercion of eternal damnation invokes purity culture conflicting with someone's sexuality. The words are written in the book with harsh and damning words towards those who do homosexual acts which can't be taken back, and you were born with homosexual desires which can't be undone. It's a stalemate with a religion running on millennia's old norms. The religion is to blame for the coercion, and making your brother think he's on the right side. I think I would be very hateful towards the religion and drop the idea that accepting it isn't a bad thing. Perhaps you can parse the religious beliefs at ones that he has taken up, but others must deny them as true to not be in the same camp. I openly condemn the religion on my FB account stating it's sick for the coercion it uses. Family is a little less warm, but still accepting.
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The idea of a genital in the mouth or butt isn't an abnormal when it is a sexual preference. I think your problem is that you took sexuality out of it.
I don't have to imagine it. Guys who aren't 100% straight exist, just like there are people who enjoy foods you don't, or who write with the opposite hand. Also, weird take since you literally just imagined it.
If you imagine it so much, then maybe it is something you want.
Dude, you haven't lived life til you've sucked a cock.
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Sometimes, people are toxic and we have no choice but to cut them out of our lives. Sometimes, these people are family. My mother was homophobic and I did not have any contact with her for over 20 years. The only reason I went to see her before she died is her caregiver begged me to. Nothing had changed and I did not regret cutting off contact.
Let him go. Except I wouldn’t avoid your mother. When he confronts you, give him the post you made above. It’s the most honest thing you can do. If he persists tell him he has no right to push himself on you. I know that will be rough, but you have to do it. Sticking up for yourself will get easier.
Yep I have a sister who is the same way with religion and extended family who are gay. I told her I’m not hating on my family for anyone and if I go to her big, hate filled church, me and her pastor are going to have words. Loud words, she doesn’t invite me anymore.
I am sorry that you are losing your brother. He has gone off the rails and yes, I do not know if he will ever be able to get back to some sanity and realize what he has done to you. And also to himself. I am so sad that a person who was there for you in a time of need is now lost to religious delusions. Hugs from across the ocean.
Is it possible to visit your mother without having to interact with your brother? Can you set ground rules with them both?
Sorry to hear that, I think if he has been going to church for over 4 years, he's long gone at this point. Though I would love to believe he might regain his sanity, I would suggest you to move on instead. Just don't let any amount of hate get to you and make you feel bad about your sexuality. Take care OP
My recommendation is: “play it one day at a time” just focus on the now to help yourself get through this, the future hasn’t been written yet.
Great advice.
Fuck him and don't let his delusion and hate keep you from your mother's house. Mock him and treat him like the moron he is 🤘
Many of us lose parts of our families at some stage. As i aged i lost both a brother and a sister due to 'differences' in beliefs (they're both selfish crazy assholes). The older you get, the more you'll realise - life is just to short to deal with assholes. Move on and remember the good times. That said, don't be afraid to visit your mother. You're obviously more intelligent and better adjusted to the world than your brother. Just outsmart him. "I don't tell you what to believe, please stop trying it with me", "don't judge me, that's you god's job, how dare you presume to know what he wants", "if your god doesn't like gays, how come he don't strike me down?" "if your god doesn't like gays he sure makes a lot of them" "where's it say... in your bible? oh what's it say about divorce?" or the good ol' "I don't wanna argue in front of mom thanks" You might want to think about getting Mom outside the house too - I imagine she could do with some relief - even a 5 minute stroll. And she'll always want to see you :) Compared to what you've already been through - a 30 minute visit is a walk in the park ;)
So much for “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?"
The interpretation of this verse I grew up with was basically “don’t be a hypocrite.” You’re allowed to call out the sins you don’t commit but have to stay silent on the ones you do.
Sending you comfort. And strength to persevere.
Why do I have a feeling he has also gone full MAGA (if you’re American, obviously).
Say it with me people. THERE IS NO HATE QUITE LIKE CHRISTIAN "LOVE".
I remember when my cousin went to Israel, and connected with some people from Toldos Aharon, which is… best description would be the fundamentals of Ultra Orthodox Jews. The close relationship between us started cracking, but we were still connected. He brought some ideas but I overcome it, he was the guy who thought me how to ski, how to swim, he helped me to make my first snowball… he was my idol. How he ended up with Toldos, I have no idea, but I never questioned, since I didn’t want to open that topic, and make that crack wider and deeper. We started going to only Chabad synagogue, and I had a really nice time, I danced and drink, enjoy their company, but, I had to straight act all the time, and I was aware of it. He, at the other side, was disgusted by how “liberal” they are. He left for Israel, and decided to make Aliyah. Married a girl from Toldos. Next time when he came, he already had two kids, and he said that he doesn’t want to see me, since I’m dark in his newfound light. He burned my pictures. He didn’t even let his parents to show me the pics of his kids, and to cross me off forever. When he found out that they didn’t listened to him, he crossed them. Literally, cut them off out of his life and life of his children. My fault. I was eating myself, I hated myself for destroying a family, until his mother told me: *he did it. You did nothing bad.* I overcome the guilt, but I’m still sad. For him, his parents, his kids, and our family. The point and moral of my story: they crossed us and cut us off first. Officially or unofficially, the day he started talking about your sins, about it as vice, choice, something that should be prayed away, cured or… whatever they think we can do to change our sexual orientation, is their way of showing that the love is gone, understanding is gone… sorry. They’re theirs until they decide to left. Be strong!
So he is pulling "love sinner, hate the sin"? Pull at him "love christian, hate christianity" and see his reaction
I am sorry you are going through this painful experience. I am particularly sorry that your mom has been co-opted by your brother and, derivatively, the hateful cabal of ‘worshippers’ to which he adheres. It is a shame that she lives with him, knowing that he is a bigot and a homophobe. Were I in your shoes, I likely would be mourning the loss of both of them, too. I wish I could say or do something to ease your suffering, but all I can say is I see and hear you. You are a human being — a person just as deserving of love and respect and dignity and compassion as anybody else. I wish you nothing but joy and happiness today! 🥰
Thank you so much. Something I didn't mention is that over the years my mom has never been in the habit of standing up for me to homophobic family members. She'd rather keep the peace because her family are really her only friends. As I get older, I do resent her tolerance for their hatefulness more. I love my mom a lot but it's very frustrating.
Yes, I feel your reply IN MY CORE! As a dad, I know how important it is to show EACH of my kids that I love them completely and unconditionally, and that I accept and embrace them just as they are. But I didn’t come to that realization by dint of a brilliant epiphany; it was drilled into me by years of negative conditioning by my own mother who, also a perennial peacemaker at the expense of decency, allowed me to be bullied mercilessly by her second husband. I gave up resentments towards her somewhere in sobriety, but I still try to limit our verbal interactions out of pure defensiveness. You sound like a kind and thoughtful person, and I wish you a beautiful day!🫶🏻
I’m so sorry for your hateful brainwashed idiot of a brother. I hope he wakes up one day and realizes what he’s lost.
I'm sorry to hear about you basically losing your brother that you clearly love dearly, because he has surrounded himself with—and eventually chosen—homophobic religion. Its absolutely gut-wrenching to even read about, I can't imagine what that must be like to deal with. You deserve better. He did, too. I will never understand people who think religion is somehow benign, they basically have to decide the thing you're going through here somehow doesn't count, this thing that is happening to you, and is one of the most miserable, fucked, wretched things a person can go through. I wish i had something that would mke this easier to deal with. I know that trying to maintain some level of hope with an abusive family member just opens you up to be hurt again and again. I hope at some point he rethinks his life and his choices, and yet I also know that you can't expect to function in your own life while holding some part of you that depends on him waking up from his embrace of hatred. I hope for you to find some kind of peace, that you find a way to somehow not need him, I don't know if that's even possible. Fuck everything about this, man.
Sorry for your loss. Another victim of the religion of love
Tell him to read Romans 14:1–5. That'll shut him up.
You brother is probably gay and highly suppressing himself
Hey there, I'm sorry to hear this has happened. Religion has this effect on people. As soon as you allow the churches to frame your understanding of reality for you, you slowly transform into a reactionary weirdo. Everything centers around control and repression with them. Terrible to hear about the marital issues, it sounds as though that event spurred this. I think he's using the church community and reactionary politics as an ego boost and an emotional crutch.
I haven’t talked to my brother in a year. He had a religious revival that also apparently demands you’re Uber right wing asshole who has nothing but hate.
Religion is fear, fear is a tool. People do crazy things stemming from fear.
Hi 👋 Another queer here with religious family (parents). Deep grief over your lost relationship is normal and rational and painful. It eases with time, but it’s also not linear. Some days, it’s overwhelming and I want to lash out at my parents for choosing imaginary superiority over my very real existence and safety. I wish there were an answer for both of us. For all of us.
Thanks for reaching out and affirming. My parents consider themselves christians but thankfully don't attend church or really "live by the book" so to speak. To go through that with your parents sounds especially difficult, and I'm wishing you strength.
“Why do you hate yourself so much that you’ve decided to sell your soul to hate?”
They don’t think it’s hate. They think they’re the ones being truly loving. A belief in hell can warp your definition of love.
I'm sorry your brother is in a cult and clearly an idiot. You deserve better.
Tell him he is a moron and to stop believing in delusional stupid shit. When he gets mad just tell him you are saying this out of love and are concerned about his brain.
I'm in a different yet similar boat as you. My brother is younger. He's straight, married, and "training" to become a preacher. I came out late in life, at around 21. He was 17 at that time. He was so "proud" that I came out to him first. He wanted to join ally groups and go marching. Then he became "serious" with his god and religion. And it consumed him in "religious love" aka hate. That transformation continued for over 10 years. He's still "in school" to be a preacher. A preacher of hate in my eyes. I very rarely speak to him. I'm at an arms distance at all times. The only reason I stay in contact at all is more for his kids. If one of them ends up gay, or god forbid trans, they'll need a support system. One of actual love. So I remain in the shadows as a backup if need be. It's all I can do.
That's a terrible 180. I came out to family around 21 as well. I think about my brother's kids a lot. You often hear people say of young evangelist conservatives, "I hope their kids turn out to be gay!" Well I could never wish that on my nieces, because I know they would be truly miserable. But I hope that if it does turn out to be the case that one or both are queer, I'm in a position to help, even if I don't speak to my brother. And then there's also the chance they could end up growing up to be like him, regurgitating hate and conservative talking points. Neither option sounds great.
No contact with him or your mom. Don't enable bigots.
cut that bullshit out of your life. they do not deserve a single second of your time or any of your consideration. Give them the finger and never look back. as a dear friend of mine says quite often, "May the bridges I burn light my way forward." here's a match.
Yeah, I was asked by my born again sister-in-law to come to explain to their 8 kids why I wasn't married and as such, violating god's law. They also live in a state with legal kidnapping for conversion therapy to "save you".
I feel your pain. I have never understood why me being attracted to the same sex bothers so many people. But I just live my life and allow them to wallow in their bigotry. One thing that is nice now as opposed to twenty years ago is that most of society looks down on homophobes (at least in western countries) as uneducated losers. I remember it used to bother my dad to be called homophobic. He thought it only referred to people who were literally afraid of gays lol.
You deserve love. It's perfectly healthy to create boundaries around who has access to you. We can't choose our biological family, BUT we get to choose our chosen family.
That's so sad. Toxic religion has claimed another soul. I hope that your brother can climb his way out of it, eventually.
Sorry it’s turned out this way for ya. Maybe you can ask your mom what times your brother isn’t home, but she is? Or perhaps you could schedule something fun for just you and your mom out of the house? I’ve yet to be told by someone I know I’ll suffer eternally for being LGBTQ+, but I’m not sure how I’d respond in a way they’d understand; I could talk about how I lack a belief in Hell and don’t see being LGBTQ+ is a problem, but if *they* believe that being such will get me eternal punishment...hmmm. How do you respond to someone who genuinely believes they’re trying to help you by trying to (as they believe) warn you?
All you can do is ask him why he's got such a problem with gay people when there are only a handful of mentions of homosexuality in the Bible, but greed is called out with much greater frequency and he's silent on that. But yeah, there's not much you can do to force someone to acknowledge their own issues.
Sorry to hear this, gay myself (35m) and have an older brother (42m) and I know he's kind of delving too far into right wing views and it worries me. My family is also southern Baptist and I've always been scared that they would hate me, but they don't, they still love me. I don't share my atheism with them at all really, except with my mother who is currently trying to figure out where she's going spiritually after my grandmother passed a few weeks back. (I don't want to push her to stop believing, but I do want her to realize that she doesn't need a church to have spiritual beliefs) Anyways, if your brother hasn't targeted you specifically, the relationship itself may still have a chance as long as you don't breach certain topics. (Me and my brother get along great, even if our world views are very very different. He cares more that the kid he grew up with playing games and bonding with wants to be part of his and his children's life more than he cares about what views we do or do not share) it can be stressful though, knowing what kinds of things they broadcast online but idk it really depends on how you want to approach things and how much you think you value the past you both share. Sorry for the wall of text, I relate to this a lot in my own way. Hope the best for you 👍
The funny thing about Christian transphobia is that it isn’t in the bible. Nowhere does it say that. Yes there’s stuff about cross dressing, but what counts as cross dressing? It depends on whether you consider it relative to gender identity or biological sex. You could possibly try and reason him out of that. You can’t reason someone who isn’t open minded into changing their mind though.
This is awful to hear about. I’m sorry.
Religion really is a mental illness
[https://youtu.be/m2ksGuqf8eo?si=Umn6bJXex3ptJ5YM](https://youtu.be/m2ksGuqf8eo?si=Umn6bJXex3ptJ5YM) Send him this meme and then run.
Don't worry, once he get radical enough, he will start hating us atheists too.
Your brother is secretly gay and hates himself, would be my guess.
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Your brother is right. Ask yourself truly, does he love you? I don’t know how close you guys are but through everything y’all have been through, was he there? He’s on his own journey but even if what he says might hurt you, I do think he loves and cares about you fr
Tl;dr?