How would he raise hypothetical kids? What do you want family home life to be like? What are your priorities? Answer these questions and similar ones and follow your heart.
Yes. If you want a marriage and kids, you need to be on the same page about the big stuff — money, religion, child rearing philosophies, you get the idea.
And you can’t have that discussion if you don’t know what your own values and priorities are.
This guy doesn’t think you’re going to hell, OP, but he also doesn’t believe you can ever be truly happy unless you convert to his interpretation of his religion.
When we love people, we want them to be happy.
If he loves you, he will definitely try to push his beliefs onto you.
Well, not figuring out what’s important to you and just making life choices according to what you feel like you’re supposed to do isn’t great either. Nobody’s guaranteed a regret-free life, but I think I’d rather steer the ship than let Jesus do it.
Agreed! My wife's midwife was also her mom. She made me watch a video of an infant circumcision just in case I was thinking about it. (I wasn't) it was one of the most horrible things I have witnessed. If there is a sky daddy and he approves of that, he can fuck off all the way down the road.
This probably means he'll take issue with your lack of religion in the future, and give you an ultimatum to join. In his mind, he'd be trying to save you from eternal damnation, so he believes he'll be doing you a favor. Christians have a tendency to view it as a deal-breaker, and end the relationship. I can't remember the complete reasoning.
He did mention that he thinks that for anyone to be happy they need to accept Jesus as God and that scared me. but I pushed recently and he said that he doesn't think non-Christians will go to hell because 'heaven and hell are made up by religious propaganda.' He believes God and the stories of the bible are all real but got taken advantage of by organized religion. it's kind of amazing how he splits hairs.
He does realize that the Bible he reads has been collected, curated and translated by organized religion though?
Every aspect of the Bible screams institutionalized religion. Seems like he doesn't want to scare you off with his actual beliefs
He has no idea what the Christian faith is. The bible was assembled by various councils around 400 a.d. with the existent Hebrews books of the old testament and a bunch of more contemporary writings. Literally, groups of men got together and voted on what the Bible would contain.
And those men eliminated all sorts of other gospels...especially they ones that featured women like Mary (re: Coptic Christians).
The bible is just a very badly edited collection of Jesus fan fiction. 8)
And even stranger is that before the stories were compiled, holy men that read and preached the stories would change them to fit more appropriately with current events and that because their new interpretation was inspired by the current writing, their new additions and changes were now still the “word of god” because he spoke through their minds. So who knows how these stories have changed through manipulation over time.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏼♂️🤦🏻
Hopefully something here will help you to deal with him....
https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/
https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/
https://philb61.github.io/
https://www.leighb.com/genesis.htm
https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/3s6g5s/if_the_the_flood_account_in_genesis_was_an/
https://www.livius.org/articles/misc/great-flood/flood1-t-bible_2/
https://owlcation.com/humanities/The-Sumerian-Flood-Story
https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/flod/hd_flod.htm
https://contradictionsinthebible.com/
https://contradictionsinthebible.com/yahweh-or-el-is-creator/
https://contradictionsinthebible.com/are-yahweh-and-el-the-same-god/
This becomes rather amusing: https://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/biblical-topics/bible-interpretation/the-adam-and-eve-story-eve-came-from-where/
More information, about the New Testament's misogyny:
https://baptistnews.com/article/this-is-a-tale-of-testicles-fertility-the-length-of-mens-hair-and-one-bizarre-tweet/#.Yy96X2lMHTg
If I recall correctly, such resources are available on the internet. I've focused on the bible because that was the source of abuse in my childhood.
Edit to add some sources - I have NOT looked at these, but AronRa is a decent source on Christianity:
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXJ4dsU0oGMIv5M0ZVZtq8FnnBBkkk493
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXJ4dsU0oGMJ5KT5rTLYCYQOAOU4qvIDi
This is from The Apostate Prophet:
https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqx2MGQd88grnkm216MDByZl5lKCldkY6
From the Skeptic's Guide:
https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/page.php?type=mainintro&book=q&id=2
Hahaha fml. They've changed.
>Most variants among the manuscripts are minor, such as alternative spelling, alternative word order, the presence or absence of an optional definite article ("the"), and so on. Occasionally, a major variant happens when a portion of a text was missing or for other reasons. Examples of major variants are the endings of Mark, the Pericope Adulteræ, the Comma Johanneum, and the Western version of Acts.
From - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bible_translations
>Early manuscripts of the Pauline epistles and other New Testament writings show no punctuation whatsoever.[4][5] The punctuation was added later by other editors, according to their own understanding of the text.
So just for fun, here's a sentence....
Yes let's eat grandma
And a sentence again with a Comma
Yes, let's eat, grandma.
Same story?
Good starting point, if he believes those stories are true. If someone said "I heard a voice telling me to kill my son", how would he react to that? As a corollary, if you asked him to kill a family member to prove his love to you, would he view that as a sign of a loving, healthy relationship? How about burning down a friend's house and wrecking their car just to see if they are a real friend, or if they start saying bad things about you?
New Testament? Cool. The interns at work, who started last week, just got the same annual performance bonus as the people who worked overtime all last year. Is that fair and just?
My point is, he can keep believing the bedtime stories about god and his boi all he likes, but it's still possible to point out that they make the Trumps look like decent people.
The actual stories in the Bible were curated by the Catholic Church. Ones that didn’t fit the narrative were left out. So the words may be translated but the gospels were curated to the church’s will.
The fact that you’re asking random internet strangers and not talking to your boyfriend himself is a massive red flag on your part. Ask him. Otherwise your not mature enough to be in a relationship
The religion will make proclamations about why it's needed, especially in the Bible. He's going to have to make a lot more concessions to avoid conflicting with your lack of religion and be at peace with it, and this will mean not accepting the Bible, as he currently would read it. He'll probably hear from apologetics to make it all make sense.
You know what could overrule those apologetics? Following scholarly interpretations of the text. I found [Dan McClellan ](https://youtube.com/@maklelan?si=fRV8Pym8gQHd1DJT) recently, and he seems to objectively read the text to care for it's true meaning. Things like how Jesus never claimed himself to be an incarnation of a god are made light of along with other misconceptions the religion has adopted as fact.
Other commenter was right to check big conclusions between these reliable scholars because disagreements do happen. Listening to Ehrman's reasoning as to why Jesus never said he is the Christian god is that it's only said in John in [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IPAKsGbqcg&t=3672s&ab_channel=BartD.Ehrman), but the other gospel authors don't think him claiming he's god is notable enough to be worth mentioning. That's significantly more convincing than McClellan despite I think he attempted a best effort, and it appears most scholars agree that these quotes from Jesus weren't historical.
This is up to you, but for me it would be a red flag and I wouldn’t get involved with someone like that. With that being said, who you choose in a relationship is your business.
I found God once.
One night I got out of bed and wandered to the kitchen. I opened the fridge door and there was God just sitting there on the top shelf.
I asked him "God?"
He affirmed with a "Yes"
"The fuck are you doing in my fridge?" I continued.
"I was hungry" he admitted sheepishly.
"Oh....okay" I replied, while shutting the fridge door.
Sorry, I don't know how old you are, or how long you've been involved with this person- but if you are truly a non-believer, you need to cut your losses and move on, or decide to become a member of his cult.
It really is either or.
My wife has been a Christian her entire life. While the guy above has one version of a possible outcome I can tell you there also might be nothing to worry about. Maybe your boyfriend is a bit shy about it and needed to get it out by telling you casually. We're a few years further down the line and have 2 kids, my wife isn't really a Christian anymore. All while we never really talk or discuss the topic. I have never tried to prove her that her religion was false. Just by not going to church regularly she started to see the helicopter-view and it just didn't make sense to her anymore.
That's exactly like my mom. Stopped going, and one day she surprised me with her new outlook.
Gotta stop drinking the Kool aid for awhile before it wears off I guess
This is so hard! there 's. shreds of critical thinking and intelligence in there. but the you can't be happy without Jesus thing? yuck.
ask him about morality. like do you need to have a book to be a decent person? how about the people who think that they're decent people because they have the Bible but they're actually horrible. are you a bad person because you don't read the Bible?
He'll tell you anything to maintain access to your pussy, my friend. If he's a good lay, stay with him and have your fun. Don't waste your time pursuing anything serious though. This relationship doesn't have legs.
Eventually, he’ll get to the part about being “evenly yoked” like oxen and then he’ll force your hand. Otherwise, have some fun. You don’t have to get engaged if you don’t want to.
Holy fuck. People really just make up their own huge melting pot of bullshit and confidently believe they have it figured out.
I'm sorry, but why you would want to pursue partnership with someone who is this prone to batshit quackery is beyond me. This won't be the only area of life that he produces his own strange beliefs about with no reasoning, and people who are so confident in their own belief systems are likely to try and make others in their life listen to their horseshit, and manipulate them.
Good luck
While I admit I am a believer, nobody can be forced to be a believer. The bible does teach this, that nobody can come except when the father draws them. For this to happen, you would have to sincerely look for him in your heart. If he's a true believer, this will be a problem for your relationship if you want to get serious. Good luck.
You don't know that that's projection. It's perfectly possible to have a relationship with a religious person.
What's more concerning is him hiding it initially
I guarantee the second you get into the question of MARRIAGE or CHILDREN shit is going to hit the fan.
If he gew up very religious, his parents **will lean on him hard a**nd not consider your marriage "real" if it's not in a church. They may make massive gifts to help with the wedding or a house down payment dependent on a religious wedding.
If you have kids, **they will proselytize to them hard every second you leave the kids with them and it will make babysitting an issue.** They will demand baptism / christening. If he's not exceptionally good at holding boundaries with his parents, you will be the one left being the "dirty heathen mom corrupting and condemning your children to hell!"
This relationship can only go so far unless all of these are true:
* It is his PERSONAL FAITH ONLY and he never, ever, ever tries to push anything on anyone who doesn't explicitly ask about his faith.
* Agrees to a 100% secular wedding - you don't agree to raise your children in any faith
* Children are not baptized or pushed to attend any religious services until after the age of 12-13 when they are old enough to make more decisions on their own and not be unduely influenced.
* He is absolutely willing and able to set and firmly enforce boundaries with his family/friends/ congregation regarding these matters and defend you and the decisions you make together.
If he's serious about it, then it's not going to work out. I'm sorry. When you guys are getting serious, his Christian community will talk to him about you two not being "equally yoked." And unfortunately, that's not a reference to muscles.
He'll either try to convert you, or break up with you. They preach a lot about having Christians be the people close to you, and that's doubled when talking about potential spouses. It's not something he'd ever hear the end of.
You should tell him to read Numbers 31, and you should read it, and then the two of you should discuss what you read. That will probably lead to a breakup when he defends Yahweh's commands to the Israelites and you see them for what they are.
Probably best to start thinking about your life without him in it.
If he is this brainwashed it won't be long until he tries to recruit you to his club.
Good luck and be strong
This is a discussion you need to have with him sooner than later. Does he know you don’t believe in the Bible? How does that make him feel? And you need to ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker for you.
I personally find religious people to be dealbreakers because I feel like I can’t trust their judgement.
I know a lot of people in here seem to think this is a bad thing. But reading the whole Bible is more likely to create atheists. Lean into it. Challenge him to read the whole thing cover to cover. Read it with him and ask all the questions.
You may find yourselves together at the end and exasperated by the experience. Or, halfway through it will be obvious that he can’t apply rational thought to the book. And you make your decision to end it rock solid.
Very bad idea. Never heard of the Jesuits. They studied the bible thoroughly. Half became apostate, half zealots
As he reads, challenge him with the bible puzzles.
https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/
I wouldn’t be that sure that reading bible together is such a good idea. It may just bring his hopes up that he can convert you, and you will likely need to face a lot of religious bullshit. You can’t reason against faith based positions. I would rather talk about values and respecting each others beliefs. If you can agree on questions relating to raising children, respect different views then relation can work. However, statements like “only Jesus can make you happy” are scary if he really believes that it means that his worldview is really constrained.
Unfortunately, people hide things. I met a guy through online dating who clicked the “spiritual but not religious” box. I’m an atheist and was cool with that. Turns out he didn’t want to put down that he was a devout catholic who almost became a Marist brother before discovering he was bi and wanted to become a cop.
Now I’ve been with a fellow atheist for over seven years and I never have to worry about someone trying to drag me to mass and save my soul. It’s great.
While there *is* a concerningly-large number of people who don't...please dont assume that that applies to all of us who've gone through stuff like OP's situation. I unfortunately know from experience that sometimes people will straight up lie to your face, if they feel at the time that that serves them.
Enjoy it while it lasts, I guess. Try to be open on your stance on religion every now and again.
That'll finish it soon enough: either he'll move on in his deconstruction (the good ending), you two realise you're not compatible (the bad ending), or only one of you will (the ugly ending).
But stay friendly: it's not worth it to sully the good memories you've got over some disagreements.
Be a grown-up and have an honest chat. Explain why you think what you are thinking, and let him explain his side.
Maybe he didn't tell you because he knows you're not into religion and wants to respect that.
If you are serious with the relationship I think you should find time for a good dialogue. Questions like: Will your children be baptized? How will you as parents talk to your children about God, hell, salvation, eternal life and such stuff. Are children forced to go to church, or can they decide themselves. Will your boyfriend respect that you do not believe in God, and will never do? (I had one relationship that faltered on such items. She would have liked to continued the relationship but was constantly hoping for me to convert… We didn’t talk about raising children but for me it was obvious that she would have not allowed me to tell them what I am thinking about religions and god-beliefs. She actually believed that I would go to hell and it caused internal struggle for her as she did not think that I have done enough to deserve such faith. Hopefully your boyfriend is not that deep into religion…)
If you don't want to be with someone religious, don't. He clearly is religious, and likely there will be conflict because of his, or your lack of, religion.
My husband still identifies as Christian, but we have had very long, honest, and informative discussions about *Christians*. He agrees that you should pray in your own home, churches are greedy, and calls out Unchristian behavior. He definitely doesn't read the Bible, pray before dinner, or mind that I am adamantly not Christian. When we first started dating, he did take my criticisms as generalized attacks on the religion as a whole, but we were very young and less articulate. In fact, I'd say he's more agnostic now and I'm more accepting of spirituality.
My point is, you'll need to talk about your position and see how open he is to your beliefs. But I am worried that even with a discussion there is going to be a set expectation that he can convert you to Christianity and he will despise you, and you will also be upset that he does not respect you.
I'm also fully aware that my husband could decide to become more spiritual later. He may want our kids to go to church. He may even become the bigoted, selfish, and racist version of a Christian that I loathe. But that could happen to anyone, and the likelihood is minimal.
So have a discussion and weigh the risks for sure!
Ya that’s gonna be a problem for sure. That sucks though ugh I had a similar situation with my current gf. Said she wasn’t, met her family, all of them were nuts. She later said she was religious but didn’t wanna tell me because of how I thought about it. We talked about it and gave it a try, she barely believes anymore 😂😂😂 woooooo
It’s odd he would keep a significant part of his life from you. But if you even think that you will have kids then it’s going to be really hard. I have never met a strong believer that didn’t insist on raising their kids as believers.
Grew up in the south and every single time it was a ploy to try to 'save' (see:convert) the other person.
They genuinely think you need to be saved from burning in hell for eternity you just dont understand it fully yet. And a favorite strategy for them is to pretend to be one way only to flip the script once youre too invested to want to easily leave. (see: emotional abuse)
Tell him to read it once more: cover to cover, without an app cherry picking the nice passages or any kind of preacher telling him what to thing of this or that....
Have you talked to be religious and you not being religious! I didn't find out how religious my wife was until we were married for 2 years. I never would have asked her out if I had known. We agree on almost everything else. Now, I live with a cultist fanatic with deep set belief in fairy tales. I wouldn't go any further.
RUN!!
Also, believing no one actually takes that stuff literally...
That is way too common of a delusion that we really need to fix. I don't know where you are but in my country, If everyone realized just how literally so many of them do take it they would be voting the evangelicals out of power and we'd be doing a whole lot better.
It’s one thing to read the Bible vs actually believing in it . I read the Bible sometimes for wisdom but you have to pick and choose what’s actually moral such as slavery I disagree with
Read my history, I am divorcing at the moment. Leave the guy, tell him why and move on with tour life. Religion is poison and the cure for it is the education.
RUN. You want to be with a like-minded companion. I lost 18 years with someone continuously trying to manipulate and coerce me, trying to make me feel miserable, all in the name of religion.
Run. These people struggle to fit in with the cut and thrust and responsibilities of normal life. When you least expect it, the bible will be used to show why you (the woman) are wrong etc.
It's good you found out now vs later, as with all such things when dating.
It seems obvious to sit down and have an open talk, don't you think? Cards on the table, as honest as you both can be. It could be a thing. Maybe not. Only one way to find out, but as some are saying he might say it's fine now but it won't be okay in 4 years. That would be a crappy spot to be in. Best wishes. Ramen.
Sorry, but you absolutely need to break it off. Maybe not now, but at some point in time it will be too much for one or both of you and it won't end well.
As much as I'd love to say, it didn't matter, it does! And for me it would quite frankly be a deal breaker. It shows that there are some stark differences in your fundamental believes, which will likely only get bigger as you two get to know each other better. If you think about a potential future together, things like ethical challenges, wanting to get married, having children (or not wanting to do these things) would likely highlight your differences even further and create potential conflict. If you are invested in the relationship, don't make and rash decisions, but at the very least, I'd have a very long conversation with him about what both of you want in the long run, around expectations, social and family values, roles within the relationship, practicing religion, how you intend to raise children (if relevant), what your deal breakers are etc. Not saying you need to settle all the details at this early stage of your relationship. But if there are any big differences, that you don't think you'll be able to overcome, I'd rather want to find out now...
Run, do not walk, from this relationship. He will forever try to convert you or control you. And you’re better than that, and do not need to live like that. There are plenty of atheist/humanist guys around. You’ll find the right one when you least expect it. Good luck!
Is he willing to raise kids as agnostic until they are teenagers and can think critically? If not, and that's a deal breaker for you, then run. Interfaith marriages can work if both sides can agree on rules for raising kids without forcing a faith on them. It's a slippery slope though
Well if you two were allready married that was something else
But since you're not, you shouldn't marry him, we don't have a law, you can but that's only gonna give you pain.
You don't have to break up with him right now, you can enjoy your time for a while.
Odd.
I just came her to say I can relate on the last part. I genuinely did not believe people took the Bible, or any other religious text, literally. I assumed it was cultural as in honoring their ancestors, or a boogeyman to control kids. I was fucking gobsmacked in my 20s when I figured out people took it literally, especially given ALL the evidence to the contrary. If they really believed in such and such, why do they not act like their lives are literally on the line 24/7. I would be a freaking monk/hardcore gnostic if I took it all literally. All the hypocrisy threw me for a loop.
Run away. My ex gf of my 2 kids(2.5 years, 9 month old) couldnt be with me(m31) because i wasent Christian.
She started to read the bible 2 month after my first Born..
RUN
Tell him to read the passages where god's a complete immoral monster.
And use this website to find all the atrocities and immorality the Bible condones.
https://www.evilbible.com/
To be fair, reading the bible as a teenager made me an atheist. If this is the only issue, maybe encourage it, and make sure it's a complete reading not just the highlights that humans have selected with their more modern morality. Gently gently, a reasonable person will probably come around.
Lot and his two daughters. The prostitute that conned her iirc. Uncle into sex.
Abraham's sacrifice of a son until it was claimed God was just joshing him.
It gets much, much worse.
The bible is fucking stupid and so is religion it's fucking 2024. I thought we would have moved on from this shit by now as humanity. Move on if you can. The farther he gets deeper in this, it'll ruin things in a relationship. I will never date someone, nor marry a religious person it's just stupid I hate everything about fucking religion it poisons minds, relationships. Families cause wars and excuses stupidity. This is ancient doctrine that has no place in this era. Guy sounds like an idiot good luck to you.
The religious call it being "unequally yoked" when talking about couples that aren't on the same page, religion wise. I think that's an apt description.
i sure as this wouldn't continue. now i am also trans and dutch so i have options and religious people are mostly likely to be a serious risk. but exactly that "If he hid this, what else?" what other opinions does he hide? does he believe women should be allowed in positions of power? what about bodily autonomy ? can you trust that when you have an argument he won't just try to use the bible to say that he has authority? would he be ok if you chose not to have kids? i'm absolutely paranoid, but i just wouldn't risk it.
To me, yes, this sounds like you guys need to split up. He's not being truthful to you (which by the way is explicitly forbidden in that bible of his, but I guess he didn't get that far in yet), plus I do not think you have similar goals for your future.
He can be nice to spend some time with right now, but if you're looking for someone to spend a longer part of your life with, he's not that guy. So in that case better split now and start looking for someone who is a better match.
I'm sorry for you that it is coming to this. Splitting up is never fun. But I would say it's worth it for a better future for you (and possibly also for him).
He’s devoting his time to an imaginary friend and not you and your life together.. fuck that nonsense. Don’t need a partner that ain’t in it to win it.
Ah this is so sad :( I personally don’t see how that relationship could work out. I just recently lost a very long time friend because his church told him to distance himself from none believers.
I read the bible a lot and am on my 9th full reading. Although I decided to stop halfway through pslams, got bored. That is one of the main reasons I'm atheist. I encourage people to read the bible. The whole bible. Not just the very small amount of feel good verses you hear in church. Properly read, the bible will make anyone atheist.
A lot of issues rose in relationships because of different belief, especially if one side is hard core religious. I’ve read countless of stories on here about it.
That's crazy, like what was the long term plan hit and quit it then pick up Christian girl when he wants to settle down or just keep on lying because we all know great relations work with secrets like that or was he hoping he could just talk about God enough and slowly chip away at your boundaries until you found yourself in a church every Sunday.
You need to sit down and get the truth and decide if it's worth it.
The only serious relationships between atheists and Christians that work are the relationships in which the Christian is very, very liberal and chill and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is that.
I'm a journalist who lives somewhere with a lot of Christian nationalists. Don't know if your boyfriend is one or not, not trying to scare you, but one thing I've noticed is that they've learned what words to use to not scare off the normies. But if you push hard enough and start pointing out the contradictions it all starts coming out.
There are literally think tanks dedicated to crafting rhetoric for these people. Look into David Barton. He literally creates psuedohistory that says the US is a Christian country. He is very popular and influential among that crowd.
I did notice your boyfriend uses some of the same language I've run into. Again, not saying he knows about any of this, but it's good to be aware of it if down the line he tries to convert you.
I thought I could have a relationship with a very religious person. He was nearly a priest in the catholic church but was outed as gay and that ended his career. I thought he would be a mindful and stable generally good person. Nope. Dude was in a spiral of self destruction and was looking for a an enabler.
But the religious stuff, the guy revealed he ultimately wanted to convert me.
I grew up this way. A girl with atheistic views actually brought me around. Don't be afraid to engage in conversation and debate with him. Just approach it more from questioning his belief standpoint. If he sees it's healthy, there is hope. If not, I would drop him hah.
Why would you ever get with someone religious in the first place? You literally have completely different world views. It's like the #1 biggest incompatible trait you can think of.
Reads the bible and stays religious, that's a real warning sign. Most bible readers lose their religion when they actually see how ridiculous it is.
I'm sorry, but you need to find a new boyfriend this one is broken.
Maybe you should give it a try. Is he a genuinely good to you and all people? Does he have good morals? Does he value you as a girlfriend and close people around him?
There is nothing wrong with reading the Bible every day. That is what you call the bread of life. What about any of the things he is doing is offending you ? What is he doing that is wrong with his beliefs? He cannot be imposing it or shoving it down your throat. Clearly you didn’t know up to this point.
Try and reading the Bible with him see why he is doing it. Take interest in his interests if it’s not harmful then stay but if you don’t like it or if you are trying to change him then it’s best to walk away from the relationship.
You need to sit down and have a long, hard talk with him about the direction you two are going in.
It's not impossible for interfaith couples to work, but they need to be grounded in respect and humility (that goes for both of you).
You need to lay bare your concerns. What, exactly, is the problem you have with religion, and talk to him to get a sense of how closely he aligns with that definition. He might not; not everyone who reads the Bible is a misogynistic control freak, and not everyone is a blind idiot. If he uses it for guidance on how to be a better man, for example give, forgive, love, respect, humility, you know, the good parts, then you have yourself a keeper. There's parts in the Bible that talk about addiction, pride, fear, working hard, clinging to abuse or a negative attitude, and all sorts of things along with how to overcome these things.
If he's using it to tell you how to be a better woman, well, that's a problem. So you want to ask him how he feels about what the Bible says about being a "good woman" and see if you can gauge how he feels about you running with your own definition.
You have to feel comfortable being yourself around him, and you want your partner to feel the same. Ultimately, that's what this boils down to.
Finding out my partner is deeply religious is a deal breaker for me. I think it's very difficult to turn someone around like that.
I discovered religion was b.s. into my 40s so it can happen later in life but I don't think that's typical.
In my view, I don’t see that as an inherently bad thing. Plus, what exactly leads you to believe he takes the Bible literally? The Bible quite explicitly says not to be unequally yoked. The fact he is even with you suggests he doesn’t take it literally. I think first, it’s worth talking to him about exactly what he believes.
If he is like an evolution/big bang denier, that’s a huge sign he is a fundamentalist and literalist. If he is more skeptical, or even accepts it, that’s a more promising sign. If you want to get more serious, it’s important to figure out and understand what his beliefs are.
Yes. thank you. that's a great point. I do know that he's very literal about the bible from other conversations. He's said he believes Adam and Eve literally
He's not merely religious, he's fanatic level, the fact he reads the Bible daily and says amen in conversations.
Run for your life. This guy tried to hide a fundamental part of who he is from you until he felt he had you.
Worse, that thing he hid is completely delusional fairy tales he sees as reality.
Your instincts are right to be wary what else he'd be capable of hiding.
Run!
Reading the bible cover to cover was one of the major factors in me stopping my faith. So if the you want to support him but also don't like the bible nonsense just get him a physical bible and a fancy bookmark and claim screen time is bad for you. The problem might fix itself.
I’ll say two things that pop to mind.
One is that maybe it’s a good thing he’s reading the Bible. It gives you an opportunity to read the same one and try to point out the inconsistencies.
The second thing is that I’ve trained a lot of animals in my life. One thing that’s always consistent is that they fall back to their early training. I’m willing to spend quite a lot of time, and be very patient when they’re young, because they always revert back to that early training. Especially when scared or confused.
The point being that humans think they’re special, but we’re just animals and behave the same way. Honestly, you can train a human with the same methods you use to train a dog. The only difference is the motivators and the end result you’re going for.
So what I’m saying is that your BF seems pretty hard into it. Even if you convince him to change, chances are very slim it sticks. I’m not ruling out the ability for a person to legitimately change. I’m saying it’s going to be much more rare than you’d think.
He could actually mean it, but he’s liable to revert back, and revert back hard, when a crisis comes and shakes him up. Maybe you or another family member gets sick or in an accident. He prays to god that if you get better, he’ll be a good Christian again. If you do, then it’s “proof” that convinces him gods real and he goes overboard because of guilt that he didn’t believe for a while.
Similar, he could be cool with not being religious when he’s just with you. Then you have a kid and he starts worrying about their soul and that he’s a bad father if he doesn’t indoctrinate them.
So it’s up to you. I won’t tell you to break it off, as im just a Reddit a-hole. You know him much better than I do. It’s just a consideration for your relationship going forward. There are many stories on here of something similar happening and ending a long term relationship when the SO knew they were atheist, were okay with it, or even went atheist themselves for a while. To be fair, there are a few stories that go the other way as well. Again, something for you to consider.
I am guessing the site only shows quotes that support their views. Does the site just mention feel good quotes like you would see on motivational posters. Does it have quotes about subjugation women and GLBT people. If it is Jesus holds your hand in bad times not too bad. Perhaps pick some Bible verses of your own and talk to him about them. I am sure the community has some good suggestions.
Like any relationship, communication is hugely important. This should be discussed as serious topics like whether you both want to have kids or not. A couple can be completely opposite on many topics but can understand and accept that without it affecting the relationship.
Try and make it work?
Make it clear and set boundaries! In your case: "it is fine if you want to read and believe the Bible, however, me not going to church (*and using birth control?*) is not up for negotiation, along with, me making choices about a job or school, etc."
For example, with my personal relationship, I told him (bf) he can have the fancy car and me keeping mine (1991 toyota camary) is not negotiable. I also told him Speedy (dog) comes first.
How would he raise hypothetical kids? What do you want family home life to be like? What are your priorities? Answer these questions and similar ones and follow your heart.
I honestly think this is the most important first step. Figure out what's important to you first, and the rest will follow.
Yes. If you want a marriage and kids, you need to be on the same page about the big stuff — money, religion, child rearing philosophies, you get the idea. And you can’t have that discussion if you don’t know what your own values and priorities are. This guy doesn’t think you’re going to hell, OP, but he also doesn’t believe you can ever be truly happy unless you convert to his interpretation of his religion. When we love people, we want them to be happy. If he loves you, he will definitely try to push his beliefs onto you.
I agree; the sad part, though, is that for some of us, the "rest that follows" naturally from that is multiple years of being single, lol
Well, not figuring out what’s important to you and just making life choices according to what you feel like you’re supposed to do isn’t great either. Nobody’s guaranteed a regret-free life, but I think I’d rather steer the ship than let Jesus do it.
If you just jump from relationship to relationship you'll never figure out who you are. Better to be single and learn to love yourself first.
You can't be a decent partner if you don't love yourself first.
Circumcision is an absolute deal breaker for me. Mutilating the genitals of children for your sky daddy's approval is barbaric.
Agreed! My wife's midwife was also her mom. She made me watch a video of an infant circumcision just in case I was thinking about it. (I wasn't) it was one of the most horrible things I have witnessed. If there is a sky daddy and he approves of that, he can fuck off all the way down the road.
This probably means he'll take issue with your lack of religion in the future, and give you an ultimatum to join. In his mind, he'd be trying to save you from eternal damnation, so he believes he'll be doing you a favor. Christians have a tendency to view it as a deal-breaker, and end the relationship. I can't remember the complete reasoning.
He did mention that he thinks that for anyone to be happy they need to accept Jesus as God and that scared me. but I pushed recently and he said that he doesn't think non-Christians will go to hell because 'heaven and hell are made up by religious propaganda.' He believes God and the stories of the bible are all real but got taken advantage of by organized religion. it's kind of amazing how he splits hairs.
He does realize that the Bible he reads has been collected, curated and translated by organized religion though? Every aspect of the Bible screams institutionalized religion. Seems like he doesn't want to scare you off with his actual beliefs
He says some words have changed but the stories have stayed the same, even from before the Bible.
"Stories." Well, at least he got that part right.
Yeah, my grandmother used to call soap operas her stories. Sadly soap operas are more grounded than the bible.
There used to be one that my sister watched called Passions that would give it a run for it’s money
He has no idea what the Christian faith is. The bible was assembled by various councils around 400 a.d. with the existent Hebrews books of the old testament and a bunch of more contemporary writings. Literally, groups of men got together and voted on what the Bible would contain.
And those men eliminated all sorts of other gospels...especially they ones that featured women like Mary (re: Coptic Christians). The bible is just a very badly edited collection of Jesus fan fiction. 8)
And even stranger is that before the stories were compiled, holy men that read and preached the stories would change them to fit more appropriately with current events and that because their new interpretation was inspired by the current writing, their new additions and changes were now still the “word of god” because he spoke through their minds. So who knows how these stories have changed through manipulation over time.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏼♂️🤦🏻 Hopefully something here will help you to deal with him.... https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/ https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/ https://philb61.github.io/ https://www.leighb.com/genesis.htm https://www.reddit.com/r/AcademicBiblical/comments/3s6g5s/if_the_the_flood_account_in_genesis_was_an/ https://www.livius.org/articles/misc/great-flood/flood1-t-bible_2/ https://owlcation.com/humanities/The-Sumerian-Flood-Story https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/flod/hd_flod.htm https://contradictionsinthebible.com/ https://contradictionsinthebible.com/yahweh-or-el-is-creator/ https://contradictionsinthebible.com/are-yahweh-and-el-the-same-god/ This becomes rather amusing: https://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/biblical-topics/bible-interpretation/the-adam-and-eve-story-eve-came-from-where/ More information, about the New Testament's misogyny: https://baptistnews.com/article/this-is-a-tale-of-testicles-fertility-the-length-of-mens-hair-and-one-bizarre-tweet/#.Yy96X2lMHTg
[удалено]
If I recall correctly, such resources are available on the internet. I've focused on the bible because that was the source of abuse in my childhood. Edit to add some sources - I have NOT looked at these, but AronRa is a decent source on Christianity: https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXJ4dsU0oGMIv5M0ZVZtq8FnnBBkkk493 https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXJ4dsU0oGMJ5KT5rTLYCYQOAOU4qvIDi This is from The Apostate Prophet: https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLqx2MGQd88grnkm216MDByZl5lKCldkY6 From the Skeptic's Guide: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/page.php?type=mainintro&book=q&id=2
Wow!!! Thank you! 🙏
any updates? im kinda going through the same you are going through
Hahaha fml. They've changed. >Most variants among the manuscripts are minor, such as alternative spelling, alternative word order, the presence or absence of an optional definite article ("the"), and so on. Occasionally, a major variant happens when a portion of a text was missing or for other reasons. Examples of major variants are the endings of Mark, the Pericope Adulteræ, the Comma Johanneum, and the Western version of Acts. From - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bible_translations >Early manuscripts of the Pauline epistles and other New Testament writings show no punctuation whatsoever.[4][5] The punctuation was added later by other editors, according to their own understanding of the text. So just for fun, here's a sentence.... Yes let's eat grandma And a sentence again with a Comma Yes, let's eat, grandma. Same story?
Good starting point, if he believes those stories are true. If someone said "I heard a voice telling me to kill my son", how would he react to that? As a corollary, if you asked him to kill a family member to prove his love to you, would he view that as a sign of a loving, healthy relationship? How about burning down a friend's house and wrecking their car just to see if they are a real friend, or if they start saying bad things about you? New Testament? Cool. The interns at work, who started last week, just got the same annual performance bonus as the people who worked overtime all last year. Is that fair and just? My point is, he can keep believing the bedtime stories about god and his boi all he likes, but it's still possible to point out that they make the Trumps look like decent people.
but the gospels were literally choosen by part of the christian clergy against the arians and other not trinitarian currents
The actual stories in the Bible were curated by the Catholic Church. Ones that didn’t fit the narrative were left out. So the words may be translated but the gospels were curated to the church’s will.
the "some words" make a BIG difference! Listen to Misquoting Jesus by Bart D. Ehrman on Audible. https://www.audible.com/pd/B002V1M3WY
The fact that you’re asking random internet strangers and not talking to your boyfriend himself is a massive red flag on your part. Ask him. Otherwise your not mature enough to be in a relationship
The religion will make proclamations about why it's needed, especially in the Bible. He's going to have to make a lot more concessions to avoid conflicting with your lack of religion and be at peace with it, and this will mean not accepting the Bible, as he currently would read it. He'll probably hear from apologetics to make it all make sense. You know what could overrule those apologetics? Following scholarly interpretations of the text. I found [Dan McClellan ](https://youtube.com/@maklelan?si=fRV8Pym8gQHd1DJT) recently, and he seems to objectively read the text to care for it's true meaning. Things like how Jesus never claimed himself to be an incarnation of a god are made light of along with other misconceptions the religion has adopted as fact.
Thank you!
In this vein, Dr. Bart Ehrman is another great biblical scholar who is not a Christian.
Other commenter was right to check big conclusions between these reliable scholars because disagreements do happen. Listening to Ehrman's reasoning as to why Jesus never said he is the Christian god is that it's only said in John in [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IPAKsGbqcg&t=3672s&ab_channel=BartD.Ehrman), but the other gospel authors don't think him claiming he's god is notable enough to be worth mentioning. That's significantly more convincing than McClellan despite I think he attempted a best effort, and it appears most scholars agree that these quotes from Jesus weren't historical.
This is up to you, but for me it would be a red flag and I wouldn’t get involved with someone like that. With that being said, who you choose in a relationship is your business.
Burning red flag!
I had a GF who once told me, “people who find god are better people”. I broke up with her a few weeks later.
I found God once. One night I got out of bed and wandered to the kitchen. I opened the fridge door and there was God just sitting there on the top shelf. I asked him "God?" He affirmed with a "Yes" "The fuck are you doing in my fridge?" I continued. "I was hungry" he admitted sheepishly. "Oh....okay" I replied, while shutting the fridge door.
You gotta bounce. He will not stop.
Your second to last sentence proves the craziness
Oh wow… then he can flip like a dime later
Sorry, I don't know how old you are, or how long you've been involved with this person- but if you are truly a non-believer, you need to cut your losses and move on, or decide to become a member of his cult. It really is either or.
My wife has been a Christian her entire life. While the guy above has one version of a possible outcome I can tell you there also might be nothing to worry about. Maybe your boyfriend is a bit shy about it and needed to get it out by telling you casually. We're a few years further down the line and have 2 kids, my wife isn't really a Christian anymore. All while we never really talk or discuss the topic. I have never tried to prove her that her religion was false. Just by not going to church regularly she started to see the helicopter-view and it just didn't make sense to her anymore.
That's exactly like my mom. Stopped going, and one day she surprised me with her new outlook. Gotta stop drinking the Kool aid for awhile before it wears off I guess
Run run
This is so hard! there 's. shreds of critical thinking and intelligence in there. but the you can't be happy without Jesus thing? yuck. ask him about morality. like do you need to have a book to be a decent person? how about the people who think that they're decent people because they have the Bible but they're actually horrible. are you a bad person because you don't read the Bible?
He'll tell you anything to maintain access to your pussy, my friend. If he's a good lay, stay with him and have your fun. Don't waste your time pursuing anything serious though. This relationship doesn't have legs.
Eventually, he’ll get to the part about being “evenly yoked” like oxen and then he’ll force your hand. Otherwise, have some fun. You don’t have to get engaged if you don’t want to.
He’s lying to you. You are the prey, can’t let it know when its being stalked.
Did he tell you what particular sect he follows? Because it could be more dangerous than you think.
Run. Don't walk
Holy fuck. People really just make up their own huge melting pot of bullshit and confidently believe they have it figured out. I'm sorry, but why you would want to pursue partnership with someone who is this prone to batshit quackery is beyond me. This won't be the only area of life that he produces his own strange beliefs about with no reasoning, and people who are so confident in their own belief systems are likely to try and make others in their life listen to their horseshit, and manipulate them. Good luck
While I admit I am a believer, nobody can be forced to be a believer. The bible does teach this, that nobody can come except when the father draws them. For this to happen, you would have to sincerely look for him in your heart. If he's a true believer, this will be a problem for your relationship if you want to get serious. Good luck.
You don't know that that's projection. It's perfectly possible to have a relationship with a religious person. What's more concerning is him hiding it initially
This is my exact situation.
Cultists do that
Indeed. The Inquisitors sought to save souls by getting people to convert. Being broken on the wheel is a small price to pay for eternal life, eh?
run girl, run
Time to write him off.
Offer him an apple and move on out
I guarantee the second you get into the question of MARRIAGE or CHILDREN shit is going to hit the fan. If he gew up very religious, his parents **will lean on him hard a**nd not consider your marriage "real" if it's not in a church. They may make massive gifts to help with the wedding or a house down payment dependent on a religious wedding. If you have kids, **they will proselytize to them hard every second you leave the kids with them and it will make babysitting an issue.** They will demand baptism / christening. If he's not exceptionally good at holding boundaries with his parents, you will be the one left being the "dirty heathen mom corrupting and condemning your children to hell!" This relationship can only go so far unless all of these are true: * It is his PERSONAL FAITH ONLY and he never, ever, ever tries to push anything on anyone who doesn't explicitly ask about his faith. * Agrees to a 100% secular wedding - you don't agree to raise your children in any faith * Children are not baptized or pushed to attend any religious services until after the age of 12-13 when they are old enough to make more decisions on their own and not be unduely influenced. * He is absolutely willing and able to set and firmly enforce boundaries with his family/friends/ congregation regarding these matters and defend you and the decisions you make together.
Thank you for this. There’s been some baby talk. We’re over 40 so that came up faster than it normally would
Run.
Break up with him
If he's serious about it, then it's not going to work out. I'm sorry. When you guys are getting serious, his Christian community will talk to him about you two not being "equally yoked." And unfortunately, that's not a reference to muscles. He'll either try to convert you, or break up with you. They preach a lot about having Christians be the people close to you, and that's doubled when talking about potential spouses. It's not something he'd ever hear the end of.
Run. Now. You can't fix him.
You should tell him to read Numbers 31, and you should read it, and then the two of you should discuss what you read. That will probably lead to a breakup when he defends Yahweh's commands to the Israelites and you see them for what they are.
Thank you. Great idea to read Bible verse and discuss.
yep. That's definitely a religious deal killer for me too. That and Psalms 137:9.
Probably best to start thinking about your life without him in it. If he is this brainwashed it won't be long until he tries to recruit you to his club. Good luck and be strong
This is a discussion you need to have with him sooner than later. Does he know you don’t believe in the Bible? How does that make him feel? And you need to ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker for you. I personally find religious people to be dealbreakers because I feel like I can’t trust their judgement.
Leaving the church....hum; my ability to think grew like the Grinche's heart.
Bruh, if he believes the that shit literally then he thinks you are under him...
I know a lot of people in here seem to think this is a bad thing. But reading the whole Bible is more likely to create atheists. Lean into it. Challenge him to read the whole thing cover to cover. Read it with him and ask all the questions. You may find yourselves together at the end and exasperated by the experience. Or, halfway through it will be obvious that he can’t apply rational thought to the book. And you make your decision to end it rock solid.
Thank you. This sounds like a good plan
Just start decorating your place with goat heads and pentagrams and tell him he should give up on Christianity and worship the dark Lord.
Very bad idea. Never heard of the Jesuits. They studied the bible thoroughly. Half became apostate, half zealots As he reads, challenge him with the bible puzzles. https://www.atheists.org/activism/resources/biblical-contradictions/
I wouldn’t be that sure that reading bible together is such a good idea. It may just bring his hopes up that he can convert you, and you will likely need to face a lot of religious bullshit. You can’t reason against faith based positions. I would rather talk about values and respecting each others beliefs. If you can agree on questions relating to raising children, respect different views then relation can work. However, statements like “only Jesus can make you happy” are scary if he really believes that it means that his worldview is really constrained.
Not if he’s already making excuses about people currupting gods word etc. (see other comments in the thread by OP).
Why don't people talk these things through before entering relationships?
Unfortunately, people hide things. I met a guy through online dating who clicked the “spiritual but not religious” box. I’m an atheist and was cool with that. Turns out he didn’t want to put down that he was a devout catholic who almost became a Marist brother before discovering he was bi and wanted to become a cop. Now I’ve been with a fellow atheist for over seven years and I never have to worry about someone trying to drag me to mass and save my soul. It’s great.
A cop, and a religious nut job?? Holy shit no wonder he lies on his dating apps.
While there *is* a concerningly-large number of people who don't...please dont assume that that applies to all of us who've gone through stuff like OP's situation. I unfortunately know from experience that sometimes people will straight up lie to your face, if they feel at the time that that serves them.
YMMV. ( your mileage may vary ) absolutely.
Enjoy it while it lasts, I guess. Try to be open on your stance on religion every now and again. That'll finish it soon enough: either he'll move on in his deconstruction (the good ending), you two realise you're not compatible (the bad ending), or only one of you will (the ugly ending). But stay friendly: it's not worth it to sully the good memories you've got over some disagreements.
The ugly ending is him pretending everything is ok until there's kids in the picture
Be a grown-up and have an honest chat. Explain why you think what you are thinking, and let him explain his side. Maybe he didn't tell you because he knows you're not into religion and wants to respect that.
If you are serious with the relationship I think you should find time for a good dialogue. Questions like: Will your children be baptized? How will you as parents talk to your children about God, hell, salvation, eternal life and such stuff. Are children forced to go to church, or can they decide themselves. Will your boyfriend respect that you do not believe in God, and will never do? (I had one relationship that faltered on such items. She would have liked to continued the relationship but was constantly hoping for me to convert… We didn’t talk about raising children but for me it was obvious that she would have not allowed me to tell them what I am thinking about religions and god-beliefs. She actually believed that I would go to hell and it caused internal struggle for her as she did not think that I have done enough to deserve such faith. Hopefully your boyfriend is not that deep into religion…)
Dump him.
If you don't want to be with someone religious, don't. He clearly is religious, and likely there will be conflict because of his, or your lack of, religion.
Oh boy there’s all kinds of interesting stories in there to discuss lol. Did he mention if he’s spending a lot of time in the Old Testament?
do not be unequally yoked ;)
My husband still identifies as Christian, but we have had very long, honest, and informative discussions about *Christians*. He agrees that you should pray in your own home, churches are greedy, and calls out Unchristian behavior. He definitely doesn't read the Bible, pray before dinner, or mind that I am adamantly not Christian. When we first started dating, he did take my criticisms as generalized attacks on the religion as a whole, but we were very young and less articulate. In fact, I'd say he's more agnostic now and I'm more accepting of spirituality. My point is, you'll need to talk about your position and see how open he is to your beliefs. But I am worried that even with a discussion there is going to be a set expectation that he can convert you to Christianity and he will despise you, and you will also be upset that he does not respect you. I'm also fully aware that my husband could decide to become more spiritual later. He may want our kids to go to church. He may even become the bigoted, selfish, and racist version of a Christian that I loathe. But that could happen to anyone, and the likelihood is minimal. So have a discussion and weigh the risks for sure!
RUN!
Nope
Ya that’s gonna be a problem for sure. That sucks though ugh I had a similar situation with my current gf. Said she wasn’t, met her family, all of them were nuts. She later said she was religious but didn’t wanna tell me because of how I thought about it. We talked about it and gave it a try, she barely believes anymore 😂😂😂 woooooo
Get him a real bible, challenge him to read cover to cover
It’s odd he would keep a significant part of his life from you. But if you even think that you will have kids then it’s going to be really hard. I have never met a strong believer that didn’t insist on raising their kids as believers.
Bottom line...if he is incompatible with your beliefs and vice versa, it is better to move on.
Run. Don’t stop.
Grew up in the south and every single time it was a ploy to try to 'save' (see:convert) the other person. They genuinely think you need to be saved from burning in hell for eternity you just dont understand it fully yet. And a favorite strategy for them is to pretend to be one way only to flip the script once youre too invested to want to easily leave. (see: emotional abuse)
Drop him, it isn’t going to work.
Run
Tell him to read it once more: cover to cover, without an app cherry picking the nice passages or any kind of preacher telling him what to thing of this or that....
Have you talked to be religious and you not being religious! I didn't find out how religious my wife was until we were married for 2 years. I never would have asked her out if I had known. We agree on almost everything else. Now, I live with a cultist fanatic with deep set belief in fairy tales. I wouldn't go any further.
RUN!! Also, believing no one actually takes that stuff literally... That is way too common of a delusion that we really need to fix. I don't know where you are but in my country, If everyone realized just how literally so many of them do take it they would be voting the evangelicals out of power and we'd be doing a whole lot better.
You must sacrifice him to the Host of Feasts!
It’s one thing to read the Bible vs actually believing in it . I read the Bible sometimes for wisdom but you have to pick and choose what’s actually moral such as slavery I disagree with
Read my history, I am divorcing at the moment. Leave the guy, tell him why and move on with tour life. Religion is poison and the cure for it is the education.
Red flag warning….
bahaha dudes gna want to put a baby in you and be a sahm. run fast
RUN. You want to be with a like-minded companion. I lost 18 years with someone continuously trying to manipulate and coerce me, trying to make me feel miserable, all in the name of religion.
Nope
Run. These people struggle to fit in with the cut and thrust and responsibilities of normal life. When you least expect it, the bible will be used to show why you (the woman) are wrong etc.
It's good you found out now vs later, as with all such things when dating. It seems obvious to sit down and have an open talk, don't you think? Cards on the table, as honest as you both can be. It could be a thing. Maybe not. Only one way to find out, but as some are saying he might say it's fine now but it won't be okay in 4 years. That would be a crappy spot to be in. Best wishes. Ramen.
Sorry, but you absolutely need to break it off. Maybe not now, but at some point in time it will be too much for one or both of you and it won't end well.
Yeah… nah. Love doesn’t mean compatibility.
As much as I'd love to say, it didn't matter, it does! And for me it would quite frankly be a deal breaker. It shows that there are some stark differences in your fundamental believes, which will likely only get bigger as you two get to know each other better. If you think about a potential future together, things like ethical challenges, wanting to get married, having children (or not wanting to do these things) would likely highlight your differences even further and create potential conflict. If you are invested in the relationship, don't make and rash decisions, but at the very least, I'd have a very long conversation with him about what both of you want in the long run, around expectations, social and family values, roles within the relationship, practicing religion, how you intend to raise children (if relevant), what your deal breakers are etc. Not saying you need to settle all the details at this early stage of your relationship. But if there are any big differences, that you don't think you'll be able to overcome, I'd rather want to find out now...
Try and wash the religion away. If you can’t do it, your relationship is doomed.
Get out now
Run, do not walk, from this relationship. He will forever try to convert you or control you. And you’re better than that, and do not need to live like that. There are plenty of atheist/humanist guys around. You’ll find the right one when you least expect it. Good luck!
Is he willing to raise kids as agnostic until they are teenagers and can think critically? If not, and that's a deal breaker for you, then run. Interfaith marriages can work if both sides can agree on rules for raising kids without forcing a faith on them. It's a slippery slope though
Well if you two were allready married that was something else But since you're not, you shouldn't marry him, we don't have a law, you can but that's only gonna give you pain. You don't have to break up with him right now, you can enjoy your time for a while.
Heh. Have fun with that.
Odd. I just came her to say I can relate on the last part. I genuinely did not believe people took the Bible, or any other religious text, literally. I assumed it was cultural as in honoring their ancestors, or a boogeyman to control kids. I was fucking gobsmacked in my 20s when I figured out people took it literally, especially given ALL the evidence to the contrary. If they really believed in such and such, why do they not act like their lives are literally on the line 24/7. I would be a freaking monk/hardcore gnostic if I took it all literally. All the hypocrisy threw me for a loop.
Run away. My ex gf of my 2 kids(2.5 years, 9 month old) couldnt be with me(m31) because i wasent Christian. She started to read the bible 2 month after my first Born.. RUN
Girl, it's time to bounce.
Tell him to read the passages where god's a complete immoral monster. And use this website to find all the atrocities and immorality the Bible condones. https://www.evilbible.com/
This would be an immediate dealbreaker for me.
>If he hid this, what else? The basis of any good relationship is honesty. Good luck with your decision.
RUN
Get out fast!
Missionary dating. He's trying to convert you.
"Flirt to Convert" Is a thing.
Run
To be fair, reading the bible as a teenager made me an atheist. If this is the only issue, maybe encourage it, and make sure it's a complete reading not just the highlights that humans have selected with their more modern morality. Gently gently, a reasonable person will probably come around.
Lot and his two daughters. The prostitute that conned her iirc. Uncle into sex. Abraham's sacrifice of a son until it was claimed God was just joshing him. It gets much, much worse.
Strong religions belief is one of those red flag things I look for immediately. Disappointed that a couple of them were really appealing otherwise.
The bible is fucking stupid and so is religion it's fucking 2024. I thought we would have moved on from this shit by now as humanity. Move on if you can. The farther he gets deeper in this, it'll ruin things in a relationship. I will never date someone, nor marry a religious person it's just stupid I hate everything about fucking religion it poisons minds, relationships. Families cause wars and excuses stupidity. This is ancient doctrine that has no place in this era. Guy sounds like an idiot good luck to you.
The religious call it being "unequally yoked" when talking about couples that aren't on the same page, religion wise. I think that's an apt description.
Run
Please stop having sex with him.
i sure as this wouldn't continue. now i am also trans and dutch so i have options and religious people are mostly likely to be a serious risk. but exactly that "If he hid this, what else?" what other opinions does he hide? does he believe women should be allowed in positions of power? what about bodily autonomy ? can you trust that when you have an argument he won't just try to use the bible to say that he has authority? would he be ok if you chose not to have kids? i'm absolutely paranoid, but i just wouldn't risk it.
To me, yes, this sounds like you guys need to split up. He's not being truthful to you (which by the way is explicitly forbidden in that bible of his, but I guess he didn't get that far in yet), plus I do not think you have similar goals for your future. He can be nice to spend some time with right now, but if you're looking for someone to spend a longer part of your life with, he's not that guy. So in that case better split now and start looking for someone who is a better match. I'm sorry for you that it is coming to this. Splitting up is never fun. But I would say it's worth it for a better future for you (and possibly also for him).
He’s devoting his time to an imaginary friend and not you and your life together.. fuck that nonsense. Don’t need a partner that ain’t in it to win it.
If he cannot be reasoned with, he's going to extend his superstitious nonsense onto you. Good luck.
Ah this is so sad :( I personally don’t see how that relationship could work out. I just recently lost a very long time friend because his church told him to distance himself from none believers.
I read the bible a lot and am on my 9th full reading. Although I decided to stop halfway through pslams, got bored. That is one of the main reasons I'm atheist. I encourage people to read the bible. The whole bible. Not just the very small amount of feel good verses you hear in church. Properly read, the bible will make anyone atheist.
The ole bait and switch seen it happen too many times.
The big problem comes if/when you have children together because that's when the battle to raise them with religious beliefs comes in.
A lot of issues rose in relationships because of different belief, especially if one side is hard core religious. I’ve read countless of stories on here about it.
That's crazy, like what was the long term plan hit and quit it then pick up Christian girl when he wants to settle down or just keep on lying because we all know great relations work with secrets like that or was he hoping he could just talk about God enough and slowly chip away at your boundaries until you found yourself in a church every Sunday. You need to sit down and get the truth and decide if it's worth it.
Dump the cultist.
The only serious relationships between atheists and Christians that work are the relationships in which the Christian is very, very liberal and chill and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is that.
You boyfriend views religion as a buffet where he can pick and choose what he wants.
So does he actually believe in god or is he just reading the bible? Those two are very different things.
You're asking if you should continue to date someone in a 2000 year old murderous cult that believes in fairy tales. The answer is no.
I'm a journalist who lives somewhere with a lot of Christian nationalists. Don't know if your boyfriend is one or not, not trying to scare you, but one thing I've noticed is that they've learned what words to use to not scare off the normies. But if you push hard enough and start pointing out the contradictions it all starts coming out. There are literally think tanks dedicated to crafting rhetoric for these people. Look into David Barton. He literally creates psuedohistory that says the US is a Christian country. He is very popular and influential among that crowd. I did notice your boyfriend uses some of the same language I've run into. Again, not saying he knows about any of this, but it's good to be aware of it if down the line he tries to convert you.
Was this also the same day you discovered you were color blind? Because that’s a pretty big red flag.
If he reads the bible and agrees with it, he's a terrible person.
I thought I could have a relationship with a very religious person. He was nearly a priest in the catholic church but was outed as gay and that ended his career. I thought he would be a mindful and stable generally good person. Nope. Dude was in a spiral of self destruction and was looking for a an enabler. But the religious stuff, the guy revealed he ultimately wanted to convert me.
Christian but dates an atheist. He's a dumbass, move on from idiots
Leave him
I grew up this way. A girl with atheistic views actually brought me around. Don't be afraid to engage in conversation and debate with him. Just approach it more from questioning his belief standpoint. If he sees it's healthy, there is hope. If not, I would drop him hah.
Ew gross
Quietly set down your computer and run..Run as fast as you can away from him!!
Why would you ever get with someone religious in the first place? You literally have completely different world views. It's like the #1 biggest incompatible trait you can think of.
I absolutely couldn’t handle that.
Reads the bible and stays religious, that's a real warning sign. Most bible readers lose their religion when they actually see how ridiculous it is. I'm sorry, but you need to find a new boyfriend this one is broken.
Maybe you should give it a try. Is he a genuinely good to you and all people? Does he have good morals? Does he value you as a girlfriend and close people around him? There is nothing wrong with reading the Bible every day. That is what you call the bread of life. What about any of the things he is doing is offending you ? What is he doing that is wrong with his beliefs? He cannot be imposing it or shoving it down your throat. Clearly you didn’t know up to this point. Try and reading the Bible with him see why he is doing it. Take interest in his interests if it’s not harmful then stay but if you don’t like it or if you are trying to change him then it’s best to walk away from the relationship.
Ughhh. This SUCKS. I’m really sorry, dude.
You need to sit down and have a long, hard talk with him about the direction you two are going in. It's not impossible for interfaith couples to work, but they need to be grounded in respect and humility (that goes for both of you). You need to lay bare your concerns. What, exactly, is the problem you have with religion, and talk to him to get a sense of how closely he aligns with that definition. He might not; not everyone who reads the Bible is a misogynistic control freak, and not everyone is a blind idiot. If he uses it for guidance on how to be a better man, for example give, forgive, love, respect, humility, you know, the good parts, then you have yourself a keeper. There's parts in the Bible that talk about addiction, pride, fear, working hard, clinging to abuse or a negative attitude, and all sorts of things along with how to overcome these things. If he's using it to tell you how to be a better woman, well, that's a problem. So you want to ask him how he feels about what the Bible says about being a "good woman" and see if you can gauge how he feels about you running with your own definition. You have to feel comfortable being yourself around him, and you want your partner to feel the same. Ultimately, that's what this boils down to.
Finding out my partner is deeply religious is a deal breaker for me. I think it's very difficult to turn someone around like that. I discovered religion was b.s. into my 40s so it can happen later in life but I don't think that's typical.
You can probably guess at how he will react if you ever end up in a position of having to decide about an abortion. I think you should dump him.
HUH, I just typed that... Almost word for word.
In my view, I don’t see that as an inherently bad thing. Plus, what exactly leads you to believe he takes the Bible literally? The Bible quite explicitly says not to be unequally yoked. The fact he is even with you suggests he doesn’t take it literally. I think first, it’s worth talking to him about exactly what he believes. If he is like an evolution/big bang denier, that’s a huge sign he is a fundamentalist and literalist. If he is more skeptical, or even accepts it, that’s a more promising sign. If you want to get more serious, it’s important to figure out and understand what his beliefs are.
Yes. thank you. that's a great point. I do know that he's very literal about the bible from other conversations. He's said he believes Adam and Eve literally
If he is already that far down the rabbit hole, then he is more likely to become more Iiteral and more dogmatic in the future, rather than less.
Right? That’s what I’m afraid of
He's not merely religious, he's fanatic level, the fact he reads the Bible daily and says amen in conversations. Run for your life. This guy tried to hide a fundamental part of who he is from you until he felt he had you. Worse, that thing he hid is completely delusional fairy tales he sees as reality. Your instincts are right to be wary what else he'd be capable of hiding. Run!
RUN AWAY those people are nuts, get out
Airing on the safe side that he's going to become disillusioned and become atheist after reading it.
Reading the bible cover to cover was one of the major factors in me stopping my faith. So if the you want to support him but also don't like the bible nonsense just get him a physical bible and a fancy bookmark and claim screen time is bad for you. The problem might fix itself.
It’s a shitty book, if he finishes it at least you know he’s a patient person.
Eww lol
We all enjoy a good work of fiction now and then.
I’ll say two things that pop to mind. One is that maybe it’s a good thing he’s reading the Bible. It gives you an opportunity to read the same one and try to point out the inconsistencies. The second thing is that I’ve trained a lot of animals in my life. One thing that’s always consistent is that they fall back to their early training. I’m willing to spend quite a lot of time, and be very patient when they’re young, because they always revert back to that early training. Especially when scared or confused. The point being that humans think they’re special, but we’re just animals and behave the same way. Honestly, you can train a human with the same methods you use to train a dog. The only difference is the motivators and the end result you’re going for. So what I’m saying is that your BF seems pretty hard into it. Even if you convince him to change, chances are very slim it sticks. I’m not ruling out the ability for a person to legitimately change. I’m saying it’s going to be much more rare than you’d think. He could actually mean it, but he’s liable to revert back, and revert back hard, when a crisis comes and shakes him up. Maybe you or another family member gets sick or in an accident. He prays to god that if you get better, he’ll be a good Christian again. If you do, then it’s “proof” that convinces him gods real and he goes overboard because of guilt that he didn’t believe for a while. Similar, he could be cool with not being religious when he’s just with you. Then you have a kid and he starts worrying about their soul and that he’s a bad father if he doesn’t indoctrinate them. So it’s up to you. I won’t tell you to break it off, as im just a Reddit a-hole. You know him much better than I do. It’s just a consideration for your relationship going forward. There are many stories on here of something similar happening and ending a long term relationship when the SO knew they were atheist, were okay with it, or even went atheist themselves for a while. To be fair, there are a few stories that go the other way as well. Again, something for you to consider.
Just make sure he doesn't want to have kids
Before making any decisions, maybe try asking him about his religious beliefs?
If he has sex with you ask him why he fornicates?
I am guessing the site only shows quotes that support their views. Does the site just mention feel good quotes like you would see on motivational posters. Does it have quotes about subjugation women and GLBT people. If it is Jesus holds your hand in bad times not too bad. Perhaps pick some Bible verses of your own and talk to him about them. I am sure the community has some good suggestions.
Nobody actually reads the Bible, they just pretend to.
Does he read it in order or does he just select bits and pieces that he thinks apply to him?
Like any relationship, communication is hugely important. This should be discussed as serious topics like whether you both want to have kids or not. A couple can be completely opposite on many topics but can understand and accept that without it affecting the relationship.
Read the bible with him. Ask to explain the weird or evil parts.
Try and make it work? Make it clear and set boundaries! In your case: "it is fine if you want to read and believe the Bible, however, me not going to church (*and using birth control?*) is not up for negotiation, along with, me making choices about a job or school, etc." For example, with my personal relationship, I told him (bf) he can have the fancy car and me keeping mine (1991 toyota camary) is not negotiable. I also told him Speedy (dog) comes first.
I'm atheist but I wouldn't break up with him instantly. If he forces it or he's homophobic that's a red flag tho