Did you hear the clown guy broke out of Arkham again? Tax dollars at work am I right. I heard Commissioner Gordon say on the news that Batman was taking care of it. When the best security the city has is a lunatic dressed like a bat you know we’re in trouble. I should just move to Metropolis smh
Nah, move to Central City. Flash is actually reliable and the criminals aren’t as psychotic. I live there, and the Flash Museum is one of the best in the country.
My parents live there, so I visit every now and then. Villain stuff happens but when you get to watch how it ends you really gain a bit of respect for that Flash guy.
I don't know, man, I was once in Central City and met Flash, but he was dressed in yellow and killed people. He constantly said "It was me, Barry!". Y'know, I live in Gotham my entire life and we have plenty of crazy bastards, but none of them so crazy.
Yeah, black with red. I mean, why they build an entire museum for this guy? He is creepy and always talking about some Barry guy. Maybe he is his boyfriend or what?
Oh, you met Reverse Flash, he's like his arch-nemesis from the future but not really since Flash and Booster Gold have changed the future so he's technically a paradox...it's complicated.
Ah, now it all makes sense. We couldn't live a year in Gotham without some evil version of Batman to overtake the city. But it's not that bad. Do you know when I've paid my taxes to government last time? Never, the last time it was my dad! Even IRS don't want to do anything with Gotham. We are like independent city-state with no taxes.
Sure Gotham gets taken over once a year by some random nut job, or the Joker (again) but because of that anyone living with at least middle class wages can afford nice living. Rents never been so cheap! Have fun moving and losing your retirement money, I’ll be staying in Gotham and laughing my ass off at you!
You’re obviously not from Gotham. No self respecting Gothamite would consider moving to Metropolis of all places. If you’d picked a different city, I would’ve believed you.
Maybe the US government cutting off Gotham that one time wasn't such bad idea.
Actually What if we do that AND send all our criminals there? We could call it Arkham City.
Now’s a good time to move there, too! The south district near downtown Metropolis is still cleaning up from the unfortunate misunderstanding with Atlantis so a lot of apartments are going for cheap!
I heard Harleen is doing something else now. Rumors say she's Joker's girlfriend but like, who's gonna believe that? I've seen this city do weird things to folks, but Harleen is one of the best psychologists I've ever heard of!
I don't even get the damn joke. My money's gone! No fucking riddle to solve here except why the police can "never seem to find evidence" on this asshole!
Have you noticed? There has no been batsignal two nights in a row. My husband say is a good sign, that it means that the crime is plumetting. I am afraid it means that the Bat is dead.
You should really join the henchman's union.
Best decision I ever made. Stable work through their job firm, and we get mandated benefits.
Just, talk to your rep whenever you can. Can't tell you how many guys I know who didn't realize their rights.
Like, no the Joker not killing you isn't a form of legal tender, workplace discrimination is not okay even if your boss is Gorilla Grodd, and if I hear one more Two-Face goon talk about how their benefits package was determined by a coin flip...
Nah man, my cousin used to work for Cobblepot, after we bailed him out of jail, told us how Penguin is just talk, but when things get tight, he steps on the little guy just like any other. Now Freeze, he's your best bet in town. Guy even lets you play with some of his prototypes and shit
Nah man, I knew a guy, Palazzio, who ran with Black Mask's crew and said that Sionis was the best boss to work for in town. Old-fashioned mobster type, so as long as you don't do him dirty, he won't do you dirty.
Unfortunately, Pallazzio was one of Roman's body doubles, so he got whacked in a failed assassination attempt a few years back. Was a nice guy, though.
That is what media says, but how would the Police know he is not here? Do you think he send them a schedule? No, I believe when there is no batsignal is because Police do not need him or because they know Batman is not around. Only I do not think they can really know the latter unless he is dead.
Was walking out of the the costume makeup store to prepare for my acting gig and got my shit taken by the joker gang, again. Why can’t they buy their own makeup?
Yo did you guys see the fight around Wayne Tower? I didn’t I was in line at the DMV across the street to get my license renewed. Not that it mattered considering Batman decided to crash the Batmobile into my car to create a cool fiery entrance. Oh well, while Batman sucks at least Bruce Wayne is looking out for the little guys because he paid for the damages
You people need to get a grip. You fucking conspiracy nut jobs need to leave Bruce Wayne alone. He’s gone through so much his entire life and you nutjobs think he’s the batman. GROW UP‼️‼️‼️
Interesting you should mention this. I’ve seen my fair share of asses. I’m something of an ass connoisseur - connasseur - if you will. Clothes or not, I know who’s ass is who’s. Years and years of studying pictures, diagrams, videos, you name it, I’ve seen it, if it has an ass in it. When it comes to Bruce Wayne, his ass is a bit sharp around the piriformis, meaning he works out a lot. If you look at Batman’s suit, there’s **extra space** for more ass, it’s exaggerated based on who it’s made for in order to give a somewhat comfortable fit, breathing room and all that. After studying Batman’s ass in pictures, videos, audio clips, and various other media, I can safely say that **based on their asses, Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person**. Both have very sharp priformi. The resemblance between their two asses is too uncanny. No two people have the same ass contours. It has to be him, 99% confidence interval.
I’ve seen that nut job surgeon mimic someone’s ass before. That Elliot kid does a fine job at making his ass look like Wayne’s. I bet he’s the one dressing up as the bat to try and make you ass connoisseurs blame Wayne.
Do you really have the naïveté to suggest the Society of Gluteal Identification has trouble telling when someone has had a Brazilian buttlift? That’s practically a first grade level problem for even our less distinguished members, it’s so elementary. Expect a strongly worded letter promptly, and remember, we have seen your ass, we know your ass, we will remember your ass.
Is the SoGI affiliated at all with the Coalition of Cock Collectors?
What about the Better Boobness Bureau?
Asking for the purposes of official documentation.
Why are you defending the trust fund billionaire? Yeah his parents died but I can imagine he jumped right to acceptance once he saw his account balance
Listen man, all I'm saying is I never saw Lex Luthor offering to pay for 100% of my nephew's hospital bills when he was diagnosed with MacGregors Syndrome.
You clearly ain’t been living here too long buddy, the Wayne Foundation is the most giving and successful charities in the world! I know stories of dozens of people who got college diplomas thanks to the Waynes! Without them they probably would’ve been one of the clowns henchmen!
Yeah, all that charity and all those tax cuts
Plus ya know what waynes techs companies really do? Pollute and dump chemicals. We should be bringing down these rich assholes and actually try to save the planet
No wonder poison ivy is causing havoc all the time
He thinks he's so cool with his online edgy persona but he's nothing but a chump
I wish superman puts an end to him someday but he's too much of a goody two shoes to take real action #supermanisamenace
He is real dude , saw him with my own eyes talking to himself on my neighbours rooftop , from the sounds of it he might even have a whole team working with him.
I think the he works for the government and they don't want us to know
lol yeah okay, and the commissioner and the DA are his other besties! why not! batman just knows \*everybody\* right? why on earth would the dude be friends with someone as high profile as bruce wayne if he wants to remain anonymous???
Batman has a way with people, and Bruce is quite the philanthropist! I’m willing to bet Bruce reached out first because they both share the same goal of helping the citizens of Gotham, and there’s just no way in hell Batman can afford all that tech himself!
Crazy how Bruce and Batman could have so much in common!
That's my theory too. This bat guy is some WayneTech employee who has access to their latest technologies and financial backing of Mr Wayne. There might be a whole team of Batmen who work for him, it's just that only one goes out at a time. Don't you see in the news that the bat was thrown around mercilessly, probably broke a bone or two. And next night he's back again. Must be a team.
That’s an excellent theory! There’s no way a single man can take such a beating and continue to do the same thing the next night like nothing happened!
Also what the actual fuck happened on Arkham island? You mean to tell me that one single person managed to stop Joker, Harley, Ivy, Scarecrow, Riddler, Zsasz, and Bane in a span of 12 hours?
Bullshit, there had to at least be three of them on that island alone!
I've been saying it for years, Bruce Wayne *created* Batman! He was sad about his parents dying so he kidnapped a Canadian kid with a student visa and used his patented Wayne Enterprises Hynpoindoctrinator to convince the poor lad that he's a criminal-hating bat.
Why do you think Batman never kills? He's an unwilling victim, he doesn't want to hurt anyone! He's CANADIAN for Pete's sake!!
The clues are all there, sheeple!
I was down in the subway tunnels doing a safety survey on the pipeline, and then a giant lizard man crashed through the wall ahead Batman in toe causing all sorts of irreversible damage of course, what does Batman do you ask, he whirls a batarang into the adjoining wall, now I think “what’s that meant to do?” And you can imagine my surprise when the damn thing exploded bringing the other wall down and collapsing that entire section of tunnel down on the lizard guy
Three days later I woke up in the hospital, not because of the incident mind you, but because as I was running away, the floor gave out and I fell into a decommissioned sewer, that scarecrow just so happened to be using as a fear toxin depo, and I inhaled so much of the stuff that they had no idea what to do with me and they had to bring crane out of Arkham as a consultant, and I don’t know what he did but I’ve been having vivid dreams about cheese ever since
I wish Batman went back to just fighting the mob
Damn, that sucks. I love our Knights, but no one deserves that, especially so young. If he survives I hope he’s got something else he can do. Maybe computers or something?
I heard he’s been on life support for, like, months or something? Can’t they just let the poor kid die already? Doesn’t seem like very much of living that way.
Stones numbers are all stat padded, computers and analytics only tell so much of a story, dude doesn’t have much of a heart. Hear his new contract cost an arm and a leg too, we’ll Metropolis come playoff time, GOTHAM KNIGHTS BAY-BEEE!!!
The talk show host ? Now that I think about it, it probably was him, I mean who else would be stupid enough to call out that clown on every screen in Gotham, guess he had it coming.
Jokers out of Arkham again?!?! That’s like what? The third time in the past month?!?! I really need to move to Metropolis. Sure they constantly have to rebuild the downtown area, but at least there’s no killer clowns running around! 🙄😤
He must think he's sooo funny. Haha, I can't get to work, so now I'll lose my job and won't be able to feed myself or my family! So funny! At least the Joker makes a punchline out of it; Riddler just makes *you* the joke.
I was just mugged two nights ago and it got me thinking (other than I should call the police), I haven’t seen the Bat signal in, like, 6 weeks or something? If the Batman is gonna be spending more time with the JLA then shouldn’t he have an understudy at least to help while he’s in space or whatever? I used to be pro “let the police handle it” but now they do Jack shit because they’re so used to the damn Bat doing their jobs for them 🙄
EDIT: typos
What about that Robin guy? They'd definitely work as a good Bat-stand-in. Though, I swear he keeps changing his damn hair and seems to be getting younger by the year. Maybe he's like that one actress, uh, Mary Dahl?
I know about the value of human life and Amnesty but,
REALLY ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME WE TALK ABOUT SENDING THE JOKER TO ARKHAM AGAIN. I SAY OFF TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WITH HIM.
Bros, I gotta try the power ball... Last night I was coming out of the diner and who do I see walking by? BRUCE WAYNE! Then this old lady's purse got snatched by some rando and Wayne sees it and runs straight into an alley. I was like wtf I guess that dude still has issues with witnessing crime, but then BATMAN comes out of that same alley and runs after the robber! I guess Bruce Wayne saw him there and warned him that the old lady got robbed. Can you imagine the odds of seeing a celebrity running into an alley to warn a superhero about a crime?
Anyway, the guy got his skull bashed in lmao. 10/10 would go to Condiment King's again.
Of course this would happen tonight. It's 3 am and I can't sleep, so I'm out on the fire escape to get some fresh air. I look down right as I see the bat car tank thing crush my bike 🤦
Ugh, I know it’s all part of the brand or whatever. But does Batman have to fight his enemies at 3 in the batdamn morning!? Some of us have to go to work in the morning.
And I think it’s killer croc, so god knows everything is going to smell like sewer for the next week.
Is it me or is it always really dark? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to live in sort of gaudy Vegas monstrosity but hello? It would be nice to see down the end of an alley every once in a while. It’s like: who asked Captain Criminal to build a city? Lol!
Come on, Gotham. Let’s brighten things up a bit and who knows, we may even tease the sun out now and again! I know, get me! LOL
Gotham's super old man. Your head would spin if you saw all the weird laws on the books. Apparently in the 30's they limited the amount of "exterior lights" that a building could have over worries about them "encouraging nighttime behavior". Fucking ridiculous. Of course all those awful neon signs on Grand Avenue don't count because they're"illuminated advertisements" and not "exterior lighting".
There's also a law from the 1800's requiring "decorative architectural downspouts" on buildings above a certain height which is why there's so many god damned gargoyles everywhere. I hear that one is because the mayor at the time had big investments in stone masons and an architect friend.
"Fuck Victor Fries. I hope he rots in a pile of his on frozen pebbled shit, the next time Batman catches him! This is the third time I've woken up for work. Only to find my fucking car frozen.
Making this my third car, in less than two years.
Three of these mutafuckas.
One. Two. Trey!
Fuck!"
Heard screaming last night, again. Then gunshots followed by more screaming. I poked my head out my apartment window and saw a dude running out of the alley like he saw the devil himself. He ran around the block and I could faintly hear him cry, "How did you..." then it all went quiet. Dead quiet. Until I saw two guys come limping out of that same alley carrying a third with a broken leg. I gotta move out of this city, man.
Hey guys, have you watched the Bruce Wayne stripping video? I swear to god Bruce Wayne has the same butt as Batman. Coincidence?! Also, look at all the orphans he got, and you wonder where did Batman get his “immortal” child soldiers? I am not anti-Batman just for the record, but seriously, GCPD, allowing a man dressed like a bat to beat up criminal at night is one thing, but letting little kids to do your job for you? Where do all our taxes go?
That guy never makes allowances for how that crap spreads when the wind shifts. When he hit the bank on my block I ended up fending off my refrigerator with a nine-iron for most of the night. That was a fun one to explain to the landlord...
I work at Wayne Enterprises, and it's honestly the best job ever. Bruce Wayne is actually a good boss, and I make six figures. Bruce lets me take Christmas, Thanksgiving, and summer and spring break off, and I still get paid. I have a good job, and I have a nice house away from a lot of crime really this the only good thing about living in Gotham City.
I heard one of those cryptid-hunter TV crews disappeared searching for the crocodile man that’s supposed to live in the sewers and now I’m freaked out. They probably should’ve gone to New York to look for those big turtles instead…
There’s no giant crocodile. They were just disappeared because that’s where Gotham’s elite hold their blood drinking rituals. I bet Bruce had Joker torture them to death for his amusement
How the fuck is it that we get the worst criminal scum but the heros we get are a normal guy in a bat costume and some acrobatic children while Star city and Metropolis have actual gods protecting them. That ain't fair. As soon as I find a way to not get robbed every month I'm moving out. Fuck this city man... Fuck this city.
Bro. What the fuck is wrong with all these fake bats around? We get it, batman is cool. Just stop trying to be him. We all know he doesn't use a gun, that doesn't mean he isn't the most bamf in this city.
This Red Hood guy is so weird. My little brother tried stealing a candy bar and he noticed and instead of like, giving him a stern talking to he just let him take it. Very same day, I saw a guy jaywalking and all of a sudden he jumps out of nowhere and beats the guy half to death. My brother isn't even a kid, he's like 16.
This is a truly disturbing time we live in, thank god for our savior.
Last night around 9pm, my 14 year old daughter was walking home from school when she said and I quote “A crazy homeless guy in a top hat starting chasing me, calling me Alice, and saying we need to answer the question ‘who in the world are we’, thankfully, the only one who truly cares about us (unlike those frauds like Falcone!) came to my daughters rescue at the last second.
She told him that none of the kids at school would believe that she rode in the actual Batmobile, so the Dark Knight himself took a selfie with my little girl. This was right before he walked her to the doorstep, a magical moment for the whole family thanks to Gothams very own caped crusader, who is a true gentleman under that frightful getup.
Condiment King just tried to rob a gas station. He stuck me up too but I don’t carry cash. He looked at the amount he got and he just said “$52!? What the Hell!?”
And the register lady and I were like “Dude! No one pays with cash at a gas station anymore! It’s the 2020’s!”
He just meekly walked off. I actually felt bad for him.
I met nightwing once after some penguin goon decided to rob me. Super nice guy, but I just can't get over how his costume rides that tight on him. The dude has to be getting wedgies from all the jumping around he is doing.
Ya know, I've *never* seen Bruce Wayne and Batman in the same room together... I mean, I *did* hear a rumor that Bruce Wayne is afraid of bats, so that checks out
Damnit. I'm behind on my rent and my workplace was torn up by mutated vines and man eating pitcher plants. I hate to say it but I think taking that henchman job is my only way out.
I mean I've never *seen* Batman. Like ever. Am I gonna be the mfer that's dumb enough to lure him out? Hell no! But really? A guy who never uses guns, never kills, but is never able to catch big bads like Riddler and Harley Quinn? I'm just sayin', Batman feels more like an urban legend than a supposed member of the Justice League. #BatmanIsAMyth
I don't *care* what the government says, if there's giant flying rodents, joker goons, and talking plants roaming the city? I'm booby trapping the hell out of my apartment. If Batman, wants in, he can knock. Anyone else is toasted butter
I can’t tell if Scarecrow’s fear toxin is hitting the air again or if Poison Ivy is on the move again but I think my fiddle leaf fig tree just moved….by itself.
I got a flat tire on the corner of crime alley and 5th, I went my trunk to get the spare and friggin batman just appears in front of me, said he was chasing some drug dealer on the street, anyway, he gave me this gizmo that just re-inflated my tire and sealed it, good guy that bats.
Stop reporting this post. It isn't breaking any rules. Let people have fun.
Did you hear the clown guy broke out of Arkham again? Tax dollars at work am I right. I heard Commissioner Gordon say on the news that Batman was taking care of it. When the best security the city has is a lunatic dressed like a bat you know we’re in trouble. I should just move to Metropolis smh
Nah, move to Central City. Flash is actually reliable and the criminals aren’t as psychotic. I live there, and the Flash Museum is one of the best in the country.
My parents live there, so I visit every now and then. Villain stuff happens but when you get to watch how it ends you really gain a bit of respect for that Flash guy.
I heard he put one of the bats villains in the desert once.
Yeah, it took him two years to get home. He was never the same.
He would have been home within a week if he had a kite. He wouldn't have lost to the flash either.
Shut up Kiteman.
I still don't understand how they actively let Kiteman publicly have an account on this site.
I mean, they let a lot of people who are known criminals have public accounts, take ex-Mayor Cobblepot, for example...
We elected _Cobblepot_ of all people. I don't really want to know the competition.
Hell yeah.
My cousin broke his leg slipping on ice created by that ice gun guy. Fastest man alive, but he can't prevent that? Get the fuck outta here!
Flash actually is pretty quick, he managed to save me when some creep appeared in my bathroom mirror.
That Mister Mirror guy? I heard a him.
Yeah, me too. He must be a face morphing creature. Everyone who has seen him describes a different face.
To be fair that's your cousin's fault for being such a wuss
I don't know, man, I was once in Central City and met Flash, but he was dressed in yellow and killed people. He constantly said "It was me, Barry!". Y'know, I live in Gotham my entire life and we have plenty of crazy bastards, but none of them so crazy.
Were his eyes black with red pupils or normal?
Yeah, black with red. I mean, why they build an entire museum for this guy? He is creepy and always talking about some Barry guy. Maybe he is his boyfriend or what?
Oh, you met Reverse Flash, he's like his arch-nemesis from the future but not really since Flash and Booster Gold have changed the future so he's technically a paradox...it's complicated.
Ah, now it all makes sense. We couldn't live a year in Gotham without some evil version of Batman to overtake the city. But it's not that bad. Do you know when I've paid my taxes to government last time? Never, the last time it was my dad! Even IRS don't want to do anything with Gotham. We are like independent city-state with no taxes.
And he brought the joker here when he released the poison gas. The villains there are so ineffective that a lot of them just get put into *therapy.*
There's a conspiracy theory that Flash destroyed the Central City a couple of times but every time he goes back in time and his crime goes unpunished.
Back in time? Now you're just making stuff up. He goes fast, he's not a damn time traveler!
Next they"ll say he can run faster than the speed of light , I mean sure the guy is pretty fast but not that fast....right?
Yeah next I'll here he has a treadmill that goes so fast it can time travel.
Sure Gotham gets taken over once a year by some random nut job, or the Joker (again) but because of that anyone living with at least middle class wages can afford nice living. Rents never been so cheap! Have fun moving and losing your retirement money, I’ll be staying in Gotham and laughing my ass off at you!
Thats the jokergas getting to you Gothamboy...
You’re obviously not from Gotham. No self respecting Gothamite would consider moving to Metropolis of all places. If you’d picked a different city, I would’ve believed you.
Maybe the US government cutting off Gotham that one time wasn't such bad idea. Actually What if we do that AND send all our criminals there? We could call it Arkham City.
Bludhaven's your best bet buddy
Now’s a good time to move there, too! The south district near downtown Metropolis is still cleaning up from the unfortunate misunderstanding with Atlantis so a lot of apartments are going for cheap!
And there also gonna have to do even more cleanup because of brainiac trying to shrink it
Istg crooks still afraid of Batman when a party clown's been in and out of Arkham like he owns the damn place
Does anyone know a good therapist? With Crane, Strange and Quinzel around, I think I need to talk with someone from Metropolis.
I hear Crane has a cousin in Seattle who’s supposed to be pretty good.
Elite reference
Oh yeah, I went to the guy back when he was in Boston a few years prior. Would recommend.
Isn’t that Robin Hood guy active there aswell? heard he started using real pointy arrows again.
I heard Harleen is doing something else now. Rumors say she's Joker's girlfriend but like, who's gonna believe that? I've seen this city do weird things to folks, but Harleen is one of the best psychologists I've ever heard of!
Why is there a question mark where my safe used to be? God damn it
The riddler strikes again
I don't even get the damn joke. My money's gone! No fucking riddle to solve here except why the police can "never seem to find evidence" on this asshole!
Collect 300 more and you'll find out what your stolen money was spent on.
Lucky you, mine's laughing
Have you noticed? There has no been batsignal two nights in a row. My husband say is a good sign, that it means that the crime is plumetting. I am afraid it means that the Bat is dead.
It's Gotham, someone stole the bulb
Or someone egged it again.
Egghead…
I'm well aware of his work
Same here , took my eggs this morning
Can’t have shit in Gotham
Or he's busy. Riddler's been awful quiet lately, and he usually stops by to offer me two grand to hide his trophies. I was relying on that for rent
You should really join the henchman's union. Best decision I ever made. Stable work through their job firm, and we get mandated benefits. Just, talk to your rep whenever you can. Can't tell you how many guys I know who didn't realize their rights. Like, no the Joker not killing you isn't a form of legal tender, workplace discrimination is not okay even if your boss is Gorilla Grodd, and if I hear one more Two-Face goon talk about how their benefits package was determined by a coin flip...
I'd say penguin is any henchman's best bet. Unlike everyone else, penguin actually respects his goons
Nah man, my cousin used to work for Cobblepot, after we bailed him out of jail, told us how Penguin is just talk, but when things get tight, he steps on the little guy just like any other. Now Freeze, he's your best bet in town. Guy even lets you play with some of his prototypes and shit
Nah man, I knew a guy, Palazzio, who ran with Black Mask's crew and said that Sionis was the best boss to work for in town. Old-fashioned mobster type, so as long as you don't do him dirty, he won't do you dirty. Unfortunately, Pallazzio was one of Roman's body doubles, so he got whacked in a failed assassination attempt a few years back. Was a nice guy, though.
Oh yeah the Goonion is great, real helpful after the Batman stole my bones!
Nah ever since he joined the Justice League his time has been split between fighting demigods and struggling with street level thugs.
That is what media says, but how would the Police know he is not here? Do you think he send them a schedule? No, I believe when there is no batsignal is because Police do not need him or because they know Batman is not around. Only I do not think they can really know the latter unless he is dead.
Was walking out of the the costume makeup store to prepare for my acting gig and got my shit taken by the joker gang, again. Why can’t they buy their own makeup?
Probably got harassed by a bunch of boomers at a mall for buying makeup.
The Harley Quinn pallette at Sephora is legit
Yo did you guys see the fight around Wayne Tower? I didn’t I was in line at the DMV across the street to get my license renewed. Not that it mattered considering Batman decided to crash the Batmobile into my car to create a cool fiery entrance. Oh well, while Batman sucks at least Bruce Wayne is looking out for the little guys because he paid for the damages
Has any one ever noticed Wayne pays for a lot of the damage Batman causes?
You people need to get a grip. You fucking conspiracy nut jobs need to leave Bruce Wayne alone. He’s gone through so much his entire life and you nutjobs think he’s the batman. GROW UP‼️‼️‼️
THE BUTTS MATCH!!!
Interesting you should mention this. I’ve seen my fair share of asses. I’m something of an ass connoisseur - connasseur - if you will. Clothes or not, I know who’s ass is who’s. Years and years of studying pictures, diagrams, videos, you name it, I’ve seen it, if it has an ass in it. When it comes to Bruce Wayne, his ass is a bit sharp around the piriformis, meaning he works out a lot. If you look at Batman’s suit, there’s **extra space** for more ass, it’s exaggerated based on who it’s made for in order to give a somewhat comfortable fit, breathing room and all that. After studying Batman’s ass in pictures, videos, audio clips, and various other media, I can safely say that **based on their asses, Batman and Bruce Wayne are the same person**. Both have very sharp priformi. The resemblance between their two asses is too uncanny. No two people have the same ass contours. It has to be him, 99% confidence interval.
I’ve seen that nut job surgeon mimic someone’s ass before. That Elliot kid does a fine job at making his ass look like Wayne’s. I bet he’s the one dressing up as the bat to try and make you ass connoisseurs blame Wayne.
Do you really have the naïveté to suggest the Society of Gluteal Identification has trouble telling when someone has had a Brazilian buttlift? That’s practically a first grade level problem for even our less distinguished members, it’s so elementary. Expect a strongly worded letter promptly, and remember, we have seen your ass, we know your ass, we will remember your ass.
Is the SoGI affiliated at all with the Coalition of Cock Collectors? What about the Better Boobness Bureau? Asking for the purposes of official documentation.
We recognize COCC’s shaft craft with respect, but it’s markedly unique from what we do.
Dat Batcake tho
Why are you defending the trust fund billionaire? Yeah his parents died but I can imagine he jumped right to acceptance once he saw his account balance
Listen man, all I'm saying is I never saw Lex Luthor offering to pay for 100% of my nephew's hospital bills when he was diagnosed with MacGregors Syndrome.
You clearly ain’t been living here too long buddy, the Wayne Foundation is the most giving and successful charities in the world! I know stories of dozens of people who got college diplomas thanks to the Waynes! Without them they probably would’ve been one of the clowns henchmen!
Yeah, all that charity and all those tax cuts Plus ya know what waynes techs companies really do? Pollute and dump chemicals. We should be bringing down these rich assholes and actually try to save the planet No wonder poison ivy is causing havoc all the time
the dudes got boatloads of cash so ill take it over what luthor does.
I’m tired of all these incel Luther-stans who still think he’s gonna take us to *Mars.* I was thinking about that today.
I heard Luther wants to put a chip in our heads and people are agreeing to it? Isn’t this the same guy that stole 40 CAKES? YES 40 OF THEM!!!!
He thinks he's so cool with his online edgy persona but he's nothing but a chump I wish superman puts an end to him someday but he's too much of a goody two shoes to take real action #supermanisamenace
you don’t like luthor, you don’t like the guy he’s up against. let me guess: you’re a darkseid sympathizer?
Wayne is a real hero, unlike The Batman, if he's even real
He is real dude , saw him with my own eyes talking to himself on my neighbours rooftop , from the sounds of it he might even have a whole team working with him. I think the he works for the government and they don't want us to know
Fake, Batman only work alone.
what about the little boy in spandex he likes to keep in his all black car with tinted windows
I heard they work together, must be how Batman can afford all that cool gear he’s got.
lol yeah okay, and the commissioner and the DA are his other besties! why not! batman just knows \*everybody\* right? why on earth would the dude be friends with someone as high profile as bruce wayne if he wants to remain anonymous???
Batman has a way with people, and Bruce is quite the philanthropist! I’m willing to bet Bruce reached out first because they both share the same goal of helping the citizens of Gotham, and there’s just no way in hell Batman can afford all that tech himself! Crazy how Bruce and Batman could have so much in common!
That's my theory too. This bat guy is some WayneTech employee who has access to their latest technologies and financial backing of Mr Wayne. There might be a whole team of Batmen who work for him, it's just that only one goes out at a time. Don't you see in the news that the bat was thrown around mercilessly, probably broke a bone or two. And next night he's back again. Must be a team.
That’s an excellent theory! There’s no way a single man can take such a beating and continue to do the same thing the next night like nothing happened! Also what the actual fuck happened on Arkham island? You mean to tell me that one single person managed to stop Joker, Harley, Ivy, Scarecrow, Riddler, Zsasz, and Bane in a span of 12 hours? Bullshit, there had to at least be three of them on that island alone!
I've been saying it for years, Bruce Wayne *created* Batman! He was sad about his parents dying so he kidnapped a Canadian kid with a student visa and used his patented Wayne Enterprises Hynpoindoctrinator to convince the poor lad that he's a criminal-hating bat. Why do you think Batman never kills? He's an unwilling victim, he doesn't want to hurt anyone! He's CANADIAN for Pete's sake!! The clues are all there, sheeple!
He might just be a nice guy like Superman
I was down in the subway tunnels doing a safety survey on the pipeline, and then a giant lizard man crashed through the wall ahead Batman in toe causing all sorts of irreversible damage of course, what does Batman do you ask, he whirls a batarang into the adjoining wall, now I think “what’s that meant to do?” And you can imagine my surprise when the damn thing exploded bringing the other wall down and collapsing that entire section of tunnel down on the lizard guy Three days later I woke up in the hospital, not because of the incident mind you, but because as I was running away, the floor gave out and I fell into a decommissioned sewer, that scarecrow just so happened to be using as a fear toxin depo, and I inhaled so much of the stuff that they had no idea what to do with me and they had to bring crane out of Arkham as a consultant, and I don’t know what he did but I’ve been having vivid dreams about cheese ever since I wish Batman went back to just fighting the mob
Which one? The one from Tuesday or the one from Sunday?
Tuesday was at the Wayne Plaza
You’re thinking about the one at 5:34 PM, I’m referring to the one at 12:48 PM
No that was Wednesday, Tuesday was outside of Arkham.
Another guy fell into chemicals at Ace 🙄. Let me guess, this one gonna be a mime or sum. IYKYK #nomorerogues
The only reason OSHA won’t close that place down is the inspector keeps falling in. (Also, nice username)
I think I ran into him a half hour ago, bro was wearing a speedo and give me a rock.
Isn't it weird that factory catches on fire very often?
Bro idc what anyone says the Gotham Knights are winning it all this year, no team in the league can take us down
I dunno, Metropolis is supposed to have this ringer on their team. You ever heard of a guy named Victor Stone?
Oh man, have you been out of the loop. Stone's career is over, major car accident.
Damn, that sucks. I love our Knights, but no one deserves that, especially so young. If he survives I hope he’s got something else he can do. Maybe computers or something?
He’s probably gonna get the best care in the world and get right back on the team. I heard his dad is some big shot at Star Labs.
I heard he’s been on life support for, like, months or something? Can’t they just let the poor kid die already? Doesn’t seem like very much of living that way.
Stones numbers are all stat padded, computers and analytics only tell so much of a story, dude doesn’t have much of a heart. Hear his new contract cost an arm and a leg too, we’ll Metropolis come playoff time, GOTHAM KNIGHTS BAY-BEEE!!!
You should hear the kid that sings the national Anthem. He has a lovely, lovely voice.
Atleast the Gotham Gaslights are doing well. Might even make the world series!
Will someone turn off that fucking spot light.
Yeah, or just angle it up a bit? It's shining in my apartment window all night. I haven't had a good night's rest in at least three months.
I heard someone egged it again last night so you should be good for a little
Damn, my show is canceled because joker thought it wasn’t funny enough,
What was the show?
Some word run of the mill comedy show with the host and live audience and stuff, something must’ve happened on the show he didn’t like
Wait, was the hosts name Murray?
The talk show host ? Now that I think about it, it probably was him, I mean who else would be stupid enough to call out that clown on every screen in Gotham, guess he had it coming.
Anyone see the Batmobile flying down the highway last night?! Not sure what Batman was getting into, but that mf’er was hauling ass! 🏁🦇🏎️
I think it had to do with that clown balloon I saw over Ace Chemicals.
Jokers out of Arkham again?!?! That’s like what? The third time in the past month?!?! I really need to move to Metropolis. Sure they constantly have to rebuild the downtown area, but at least there’s no killer clowns running around! 🙄😤
I don't think it was the Joker this time. It was his girl, Quinn, seems she finally ditched the jester and went solo.
Good for her. I knew she could do better.
IT'S DA BAT!
And its exclamatory variation “IT’S DA FREAKIN’ BAT!”
“Farewell, Mr. Bronski.”
Huh? Must’ve been the wind
The fucking riddler stole my radiator.
Mr. Freeze broke into my house so I just gave him all my ice cream.
Heard that poor dude's wife's tragic story I am not the one to sympathize with lunatics and criminals but I understand why he does what he does
He must think he's sooo funny. Haha, I can't get to work, so now I'll lose my job and won't be able to feed myself or my family! So funny! At least the Joker makes a punchline out of it; Riddler just makes *you* the joke.
He took my catalytic converter
I was just mugged two nights ago and it got me thinking (other than I should call the police), I haven’t seen the Bat signal in, like, 6 weeks or something? If the Batman is gonna be spending more time with the JLA then shouldn’t he have an understudy at least to help while he’s in space or whatever? I used to be pro “let the police handle it” but now they do Jack shit because they’re so used to the damn Bat doing their jobs for them 🙄 EDIT: typos
i heard he is training a younger version of himself, maybe a batboy?
What about that Robin guy? They'd definitely work as a good Bat-stand-in. Though, I swear he keeps changing his damn hair and seems to be getting younger by the year. Maybe he's like that one actress, uh, Mary Dahl?
I know about the value of human life and Amnesty but, REALLY ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME WE TALK ABOUT SENDING THE JOKER TO ARKHAM AGAIN. I SAY OFF TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR WITH HIM.
I am calling it rn , he's gonna murder someone really close to a random superhero and get his heart punched out for it
He'd have to nuke a city for that to ever happen
i fucking hate living in new jersey
Better an east coast Gothamite than a coast city yuppie, am I right fellas
Bros, I gotta try the power ball... Last night I was coming out of the diner and who do I see walking by? BRUCE WAYNE! Then this old lady's purse got snatched by some rando and Wayne sees it and runs straight into an alley. I was like wtf I guess that dude still has issues with witnessing crime, but then BATMAN comes out of that same alley and runs after the robber! I guess Bruce Wayne saw him there and warned him that the old lady got robbed. Can you imagine the odds of seeing a celebrity running into an alley to warn a superhero about a crime? Anyway, the guy got his skull bashed in lmao. 10/10 would go to Condiment King's again.
Bruce ran into the alley to call Batman. He's got him on speed dial. Everyone knows they're dating. I don't care if the Gotham Gazette "debunked it".
Of course this would happen tonight. It's 3 am and I can't sleep, so I'm out on the fire escape to get some fresh air. I look down right as I see the bat car tank thing crush my bike 🤦
Wait a few hours , bruce wayne will send the damage costs to your account. He's a pretty good guy
How rich is Bruce Wayne? I swear, with all the charity work he does, he should be broke by now.
Some say he prints his money haha
I heard he tried failing at capitalism and failed upwards WE keeps making him more money to spend
Ugh, I know it’s all part of the brand or whatever. But does Batman have to fight his enemies at 3 in the batdamn morning!? Some of us have to go to work in the morning. And I think it’s killer croc, so god knows everything is going to smell like sewer for the next week.
Is it me or is it always really dark? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to live in sort of gaudy Vegas monstrosity but hello? It would be nice to see down the end of an alley every once in a while. It’s like: who asked Captain Criminal to build a city? Lol! Come on, Gotham. Let’s brighten things up a bit and who knows, we may even tease the sun out now and again! I know, get me! LOL
Believe it or not, the mayor cut out 75% of the city light poles to save money on electricity. Meanwhile Mayors brother in law the scrapping contract.
Gotham's super old man. Your head would spin if you saw all the weird laws on the books. Apparently in the 30's they limited the amount of "exterior lights" that a building could have over worries about them "encouraging nighttime behavior". Fucking ridiculous. Of course all those awful neon signs on Grand Avenue don't count because they're"illuminated advertisements" and not "exterior lighting". There's also a law from the 1800's requiring "decorative architectural downspouts" on buildings above a certain height which is why there's so many god damned gargoyles everywhere. I hear that one is because the mayor at the time had big investments in stone masons and an architect friend.
"Fuck Victor Fries. I hope he rots in a pile of his on frozen pebbled shit, the next time Batman catches him! This is the third time I've woken up for work. Only to find my fucking car frozen. Making this my third car, in less than two years. Three of these mutafuckas. One. Two. Trey! Fuck!"
Haha , should have bought a LexCorp. EV. Thing automatically heats up and thaws in a matter of seconds
Hey, maybe WayneTech will finally give us an electric car, I put a deposit down!
Heard screaming last night, again. Then gunshots followed by more screaming. I poked my head out my apartment window and saw a dude running out of the alley like he saw the devil himself. He ran around the block and I could faintly hear him cry, "How did you..." then it all went quiet. Dead quiet. Until I saw two guys come limping out of that same alley carrying a third with a broken leg. I gotta move out of this city, man.
Hey guys, have you watched the Bruce Wayne stripping video? I swear to god Bruce Wayne has the same butt as Batman. Coincidence?! Also, look at all the orphans he got, and you wonder where did Batman get his “immortal” child soldiers? I am not anti-Batman just for the record, but seriously, GCPD, allowing a man dressed like a bat to beat up criminal at night is one thing, but letting little kids to do your job for you? Where do all our taxes go?
Ayo why you watching a grown man undress🤨
Everybody's gotta have a hobby.
Tripping hard at my place because of the damn Scarecrow's fear toxin.
That guy never makes allowances for how that crap spreads when the wind shifts. When he hit the bank on my block I ended up fending off my refrigerator with a nine-iron for most of the night. That was a fun one to explain to the landlord...
I work at Wayne Enterprises, and it's honestly the best job ever. Bruce Wayne is actually a good boss, and I make six figures. Bruce lets me take Christmas, Thanksgiving, and summer and spring break off, and I still get paid. I have a good job, and I have a nice house away from a lot of crime really this the only good thing about living in Gotham City.
I think I heard Batman fucking someone again on the rooftop. Why can’t he get a room.
I just heard meowing
I live in Gotham City.
🤯
Batman's robot just kicked Superman's ass! #SuckItSupernerds #FailsafeKicksS
I heard one of those cryptid-hunter TV crews disappeared searching for the crocodile man that’s supposed to live in the sewers and now I’m freaked out. They probably should’ve gone to New York to look for those big turtles instead…
There’s no giant crocodile. They were just disappeared because that’s where Gotham’s elite hold their blood drinking rituals. I bet Bruce had Joker torture them to death for his amusement
Guys, do you know why Batman doesn't just call the justice league when some serious shit overhere? I think he's more of a Peacock than a Bat
Right? Is he....foolish?
Is there a ... reason for that? Sure. Justice league has their own enemies, you know
How the fuck is it that we get the worst criminal scum but the heros we get are a normal guy in a bat costume and some acrobatic children while Star city and Metropolis have actual gods protecting them. That ain't fair. As soon as I find a way to not get robbed every month I'm moving out. Fuck this city man... Fuck this city.
Anyone catch the game last night
Bro. What the fuck is wrong with all these fake bats around? We get it, batman is cool. Just stop trying to be him. We all know he doesn't use a gun, that doesn't mean he isn't the most bamf in this city.
Look, if this Batman is doing a better job than police, let them police this city. Guarantee you’d have fewer protests
Aw man, this is the third time my car’s been damaged this week. But at least Batman didn’t get thrown at the windshield this time :’))
This Red Hood guy is so weird. My little brother tried stealing a candy bar and he noticed and instead of like, giving him a stern talking to he just let him take it. Very same day, I saw a guy jaywalking and all of a sudden he jumps out of nowhere and beats the guy half to death. My brother isn't even a kid, he's like 16.
This is a truly disturbing time we live in, thank god for our savior. Last night around 9pm, my 14 year old daughter was walking home from school when she said and I quote “A crazy homeless guy in a top hat starting chasing me, calling me Alice, and saying we need to answer the question ‘who in the world are we’, thankfully, the only one who truly cares about us (unlike those frauds like Falcone!) came to my daughters rescue at the last second. She told him that none of the kids at school would believe that she rode in the actual Batmobile, so the Dark Knight himself took a selfie with my little girl. This was right before he walked her to the doorstep, a magical moment for the whole family thanks to Gothams very own caped crusader, who is a true gentleman under that frightful getup.
GUYS THE JOKER JUST BLEW UP THE APARTMENT BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET!! GUESS WHOS RENT IS GOIN DOWN!!!
Condiment King just tried to rob a gas station. He stuck me up too but I don’t carry cash. He looked at the amount he got and he just said “$52!? What the Hell!?” And the register lady and I were like “Dude! No one pays with cash at a gas station anymore! It’s the 2020’s!” He just meekly walked off. I actually felt bad for him.
You see those pictures of that cat lady? I tell ya what, I wouldn't mind her tiein me up
I met nightwing once after some penguin goon decided to rob me. Super nice guy, but I just can't get over how his costume rides that tight on him. The dude has to be getting wedgies from all the jumping around he is doing.
Does anyone know how to get a 5’9 bat off of the roof of my house? It won’t stop screaming
Ya know, I've *never* seen Bruce Wayne and Batman in the same room together... I mean, I *did* hear a rumor that Bruce Wayne is afraid of bats, so that checks out
Gotham Stadium on election night, will be wild! #NoMoreLies
Penguin thugs broke into my apartment, Killer Croc smashed my fucking car to pieces, and now Scarecrow poisoned my water. Can’t have shit in Gotham.
Damnit. I'm behind on my rent and my workplace was torn up by mutated vines and man eating pitcher plants. I hate to say it but I think taking that henchman job is my only way out.
some guy has been loudly laughing in the apartment next to me for 3 hours, should i knock on his door and ask him to quiet down?
r/GothamCitychat
Bruh I got my leg blown off by that wack ass clown, bro really said catch and blew my leg off💀 it was the female one btw.
I mean I've never *seen* Batman. Like ever. Am I gonna be the mfer that's dumb enough to lure him out? Hell no! But really? A guy who never uses guns, never kills, but is never able to catch big bads like Riddler and Harley Quinn? I'm just sayin', Batman feels more like an urban legend than a supposed member of the Justice League. #BatmanIsAMyth
I don't *care* what the government says, if there's giant flying rodents, joker goons, and talking plants roaming the city? I'm booby trapping the hell out of my apartment. If Batman, wants in, he can knock. Anyone else is toasted butter
I can’t tell if Scarecrow’s fear toxin is hitting the air again or if Poison Ivy is on the move again but I think my fiddle leaf fig tree just moved….by itself.
Need help with medical bills, stole a sandwich and got jumped by an angry goth 😭
I got a flat tire on the corner of crime alley and 5th, I went my trunk to get the spare and friggin batman just appears in front of me, said he was chasing some drug dealer on the street, anyway, he gave me this gizmo that just re-inflated my tire and sealed it, good guy that bats.
The bomb's payload is exposed. I can use the power wince to trigger a controlled explosion.
"I wonder what super villain's gang I'd fit most in"