I certainly wouldn’t engage with someone else’s kid if I were naked in a locker room. I’d say you did the right thing, trust your gut.
Is your daughter old enough to go shower in the lady’s locker room while you wait outside maybe?
She is three. No chance I'd ever let her go by herself so not an option. There are only two family rooms but you can imagine how hard it is to get one available.
Yeah definitely not old enough, maybe just explain to her that she’ll have to shower at home until she’s old enough to go in the lady’s room.
Not saying you did anything wrong, but if there are creeps like that in the locker room I’d definitely stay away.
Suit on is so easy and they still get clean enough. I wouldn’t have any of my young kids naked in a communal shower. Way too many creepy people out there.
There can be multiple issues including that one. I was amazed when I took my young kids to swimming lessons how many adults (due to public swims) had no thoughts about being on their phone in a change room. We started just wrapping a towel around us and going home.
Yeah we only change in the family locker room and, if we dont have a private area, have a towel wrapped around the kid anyway. I should have rephrased that the kid wearing clothes doesnt address the ding dong in the room unfortunately. People are gross af
Was reading this comment chain thinking that people had kind of missed the point, whether his daughter was dressed or not some old fart is just sauntering around in a public pool area completely naked waving his saggy sack at anyone and everyone around.
I get that its a pool changeroom, but its still a public space. Any decent human being would try to minimize any exposure to other people. Sure you may see the odd buttcheek perhaps that's whatever, but this isn't a private bathhouse or country club locker room. There's no expectation that the people you're with are all on the same page, it could be anyone and everyone so you wouldn't treat it like your own personal lounge.
Personally whether this guy was being a perverted predator or just hilariously socially oblivious and unaware I would have been tempted to knock his teeth in if he was talking to my 3 year old completely naked in a public changeroom. Glad that OP has better restraint than that.
The only reason I dont jump immediately to giant pervert is when I was growing up, our local gym had a huge locker room with like couches and chairs. Every god damn day they were full of old men just sitting there, completely butt ass naked, saggy balls just sticking to the pleather. So i normalized that this was a thing that old men just did and didnt think twice of how weird it was.
Years later found out that, no, it is not normal for every gym to have a half dozen old men airing out the ol bean bag on a couch in a locker room. I dont even know if they actually worked out or just sat there all day.
So I'm 90% perv, 10% oblivious old guy but either way, yeah very lucky he didnt catch an ass whoopin. At the very least would have marched to the staff and let them try to have him booted. I dont bring my daughter in the men's locker room though so hoping this isnt an experience i end up dealing with it because you and I have the same level of patience for this kind of shit.
I grew up in an apartment complex that had a public pool that we would use regularly. There was a sauna connected from the change rooms and it was common when it was busy in the evenings and on weekends to see men with towels wrapped around them just walking around in flip flops, but you knew if you didn't want to see wrinkly ballsacks and dongs hanging out you didn't go into the sauna.
I get that it may be a cultural difference perhaps or something like that, but I'm not really familiar with any culture that has families interacting with nude adults and that leans me more to believe that it was less harmless ignorance and more some kind of weird shit going on that caused this guy to expose himself to OP and his daughter.
It's because social nudity was way more common when older generations were young so it's just not a big deal to them. Showering was required in school and the coach's offices were in the locker rooms. Go back a bit further and kids would skinny dip at school for PE.
It can still be pretty common in some countries. Finnish sauna culture, for instance, everyone is usually nude and they will sauna with family, coworkers, bosses...
This is the solution honestly no way in hell my son shower naked in a public pool shower, if I had a daughter she most definitely wouldn't shower naked in a men public shower.
Yeah I’m with OP but I wouldn’t have my daughter naked in a public place, I was kind of overlooking that detail until someone pointed it out, then realized my daughter is 5 and this has never been a concern for us because I would never have her be naked in a place where strangers could come in.
Not crazy, this is reasonable if there are no family shower spaces. The old man is an absolute creep for engaging with a young child while naked in the shower, but insisting that your daughter shower in a room full of naked adult men is also not the solution.
I was really confused here till I realized this was at a pool, so the only thing to shower off is chlorine. Completely agree; skip shower entirely with the kids unless it’s a quick open air shower. Randos getting naked to clean off clean water? I’m out.
Always shower before and after using a public pool, even if you’re still in your bathers.
1. That pool isn’t as clean as you think it is.
2. The chloramine doesn’t evaporate as quickly as the chlorine or water, so you basically have this layer of skin irritant (and hair bleach) on you until you next shower.
- a former pool lifeguard
i used to swim on a team until 7th grade and i would be lazy about really rinsing the pool water out of my speedo before throwing it in the spin drier in the locker room and eventually the material eroded away to the point of being transparent and I didn't realize it until everyone got tired of seeing it.
Yeah, if the dangers are the public pool water or exposing my child to predators, I'm going with the water.
There's a zero percnt chance I would have done what this dad did idgaf about the dangers of that drying pool water and I realize he did it because the little one thought it would be fun, I get it. But I'm realizing that the unimpeded access I had to the old wild-west internet as a kid was both a blessing and a terrible curse. Those creeps are out there and this dude found one in the worst way he could have.
Europeans. 100% normal here (except in the UK, they prefer to have shower booths while showering in the public pool).
And this old dude is definitely a pervert, this sort of behaviour is way out of bounds in any European country I can think of.
Damn that’s weird. I understand taking daughter into the men’s room to have a tinkle but to shower openly naked around other naked men? That’s fuckin weird to me and I’m a weird guy.
It's mostly a cultural thing, in Europe is totally normal to see a 3 years old naked in a pool shower or at the beach.
Actually I found it weird the first time I discovered people can see child nudity as a no-no. I think US puritanism is doing quite some harm to people and their relation with nudity. Kids are kids, we should at least let them enjoy a bit of freedom!
I saw an article about cultural differences from the British ambassador to the USA, and he told an anecdote about going to the beach and letting his very young kids play naked (quite normal in the UK, although less common than it used to be). People were literally shouting at him that letting his kids play naked was criminal and he would be arrested.
Or in the water fountain in the middle of the village on a sunny day.
OP's story for me, I didn't really think twice about the girl being naked, especially when comments confirmed she's 3. The other guy coming close and engaging while he's naked is the weirdo part.
Peoples reaction to child nudity in Big Mouth kinda highlights this. People call it child porn, because some kids are naked in a shower room. I'm like dude they're children, and the shows artstyle is hideous on purpose. If you're seeing this as pornography, I think thats on you.
Hahaha go to Germany and hit the sauna if you fancy having a proper shock then :)
(Yes, people are naked in the sauna. And it's unisex. So is the changing room).
I mean, technically you are the weird one. World wide it is much more acceptable to be naked in public spaces like this. It’s only weird if YOU make it weird.
Let's be clear, it's the old man who's acting inappropriate here. OP isn't somehow responsible for this, any more than someone is responsible for getting assaulted because they wore clothing that exposed their ankles, or a woman is responsible for being catcalled because she walked past a construction site.
That being said, if you live in a community full of ankle-chasing monsters, you may want to adjust your behavior just to be safe, even though it's messed up, just for pragmatic reasons. If there's a construction site full of assholes, you may choose to walk around the long way to avoid it. And similarly, if OP lives in an area with perverts, he may choose to avoid the situation entirely.
bruh the kid is 3.
i let my 3 year old run around naked in the splash pad in the park. it's not weird and there's nothing even remotely sexual about a naked child.
Long time family if swimmers here. I mean daily. It’s mindless to dry off, get dressed, go home get undressed and get in the shower. This dad took the obvious precautions and did the right thing. You don’t know what you are talking about.
Thank you. I'm a new granddad, hope to be taking my grandson to swim lessons soon. I grew up swimming naked in middle school in the 70's, communal showers. Trying to learn "new" rules ....
> she has wanted to wash in the changing room showers instead of at home. Because its a novelty and any excuse to play with soap.
Reading definitely helps
In this situation wouldn't the problem *still* be the naked man choosing to shower right next to a little girl who's head is below his dangling nut-sack?
Maybe he wouldn't have been as interested in that particular shower corner had she been wearing a swimsuit but at some level that feels a little like victim shaming.
Plenty of pools have ‘rinse off’ showers out in the open, not even in the change rooms. They’re used for quickly rinsing off the chlorine while you’re still in your swimmers. Use those, towel off and head home.
Yep, this is the answer.
I know most people are not creeps. But enough are. And you were in the men's changing room. Unfortunately, that guy has every right to be there. And unfortunately he is a creep.
Just don't risk it.
0 right to be encroaching on a young toddlers personal space though while both naked in the shower, would he do that to some 6ft 5 built mma fighter looking guy or just to little girls who he thinks he can get away with it. I'd keep an eye out for him and would have reported him to some staff at the facility.
Oh 100 percent agree. That's why I said that guy is one of the actual creeps.
Even the remote chance of that would make me just explain that we aren't going to shower there.
Oh yeah, you're not crazy, that guy was looking for a fight or an excuse to expose himself. I really feel like the only time it's appropriate to engage in conversation with a young child like that is after the parent introduces them to you.
100% this, that's fucking weird behaviour. If I'm naked in some communal shower and there's a guy in there helping his kids get washed, last thing I'm doing is standing right next to them trying to strike up conversation. You're there to do one thing, wash yourself not make friends with naked toddlers...
That's the right answer. In no way I'd engage in a conversation with someone's kid naked. Even with my nieces I'd cover myself.
You did the right thing, OP.
Edit: typo.
I'm with you there. Dad was in control of the situation. If daughter is out of sight, that is riskier. I'm no prude, I would take my 4yo daughter to the men's showers if no family room (if others present I wouldn't get her naked though, just myself). I wouldn't care about her seeing old man dongs, imo just body parts and aren't shameful. But old man absolutely crossed the weirdo line engaging in conversation (with anybody, let alone a child) while he was naked.
I’ve taken my daughter swimming and I’ve never seen that. It’s a that guy thing not a generational thing.
An alternative answer you could have said was “ya man I know you can go where you want but for some reason in an entirely empty shower room you decided to go shower right beside a three year old girl making sure she can see your dick.”
That's actually a great answer.
Completely dispenses with his attempt to reframe an analogue *moral judgement* call as a binary "permitted/not permitted" one, and reiterates the pervy weirdness of the whole sequence of completely free choices he made.
Interesting use of analogue vs. binary. Great way to think about this. You want him to think about where he is on the continuous scale, rather than accusing him of being on one of the extremes.
Part of locker room etiquette is minding your own fucking business and giving others some space.
It's not a social club, it's not a recreational nudity area, and it's certainly not a place to befriend children. It's a place to bathe and change clothes, and that's basically all anybody should be doing.
If somebody breaks that etiquette, they deserve to be told off.
Yeah this is weird even without the kid. With the kid, this is fighting territory.
"Fuck you, go shower at the other end, else we're gonna have an issue." And stand by it.
It's fucking weird for another adult man to talk to another adult stranger in the communal shower full stop. If he was just oblivious and chose the shower head next to them that's one thing but to try to chat the kid up is wild.
These situations are somewhat less common in the US but this is one of those unwritten social rules like not commenting on another dude's dong at the urinal.
There is definitely an older generation that has no problem whatsoever walking around naked in a locker room, but I'm with you. Choosing the very next showered is even more egregious than taking the urinal right next to you in an empty restroom. Especially when there's a small child there.
I don’t get that. My dad is boomer generation. He and everyone I’ve met his age don’t even want to be seen before they’ve showered and gotten dressed for the day.
Maybe it’s because my dad is at the very beginning of the boomer years? Grandpa was a WWII vet. Maybe hold over from silent generation stuff.
could be more just used to showering naked. A couple decades of showering 3x a week naked with dudes in sports locker rooms kind of kills any kind of embarrassment or thought about it.
My dad(born in 58) swam naked in high school during the swimming section. They separated the boys and girls for the units, but they all swam naked.
I (born in 88) would shower naked after swimming high school. It didn't bother me at all and still doesn't bother me being naked around people.
I think its nothing to do with age only. Lots of boomers are and always were super conservative. Lots of Boomers were raised conservative then became hippies and lived in comunes and are totally fine with it. The funny thing is those people would probably also think the guy in OPs post is weird af. Being ok with nudity does not equal being a fucking weirdo.
I live in an area where nudity is quite normalized and I would still find this uncomfortable. I don’t think it can be a naked-household type situation. It’s all about subtle body language. Exactly the type of thing that people have already described - stand at an angle, stand further away, when people are naked let them go about their business.
Even in a men’s only sauna where it’s normal for everyone to be naked, you wouldn’t catch someone spreading their legs and leaning back. No. It’s legs spread but leaning forward, so nudity is discreet. It’s normal, doesn’t mean it has to be in your face.
It sounds like he wanted to expose himself to the kid, which is disgusting.
Not that you were arguing, but I want to be one the hundreds to confirm - OP did the right thing.
If OP reads this - you’re little girl will one day understand these situations and she will be thankful you protected her and stood up for her. She will learn to respect her own boundaries and stay away from creeps. That’s awesome.
I'm very pro nudity in general, and this has me weirded out too. There's nothing wrong with that man being naked, there's definitely a problem with him standing right next to the girl with his dong right at her eye height. Good on OP for shaming him, he knew what he was doing.
It's the 3 year old girl that makes this weird. Sure, old guys let it all hang out in locker rooms, and why not. No big deal. But if there is a situation where a young child has to be there then just at least *try* to have a bit of modesty. Maybe there is no fundamental reason why they have to do anything differently, but it just seems like the nice thing to do.
All of this is with the assumption we're simply talking about nudity. If there was literally anything more to this then 100% that is wrong and warrants further action.
I also admit I’m a prude midwesterner, who has lived in Europe for a bit and had to come to grips with nudity being totally nothing there. No one should be bothered by nudity in and of itself, but yeah... fine line here.
Children aren't harmed by seeing nudity. And at that age they're not going to differentiate dad's nudity from the other guy's nudity.
That being said, in any such situation you disperse as much as practical. And you don't go chatting up strangers. Either he's totally clueless or this is perv behavior.
Yeah. that was my takeaway from it - older people give no fucks about being naked, and also like to talk to people. I wouldn't say it was a pervy thing, but I also wouldn't say the dad here was wrong to leave.
It’s weaponized nakedness. The old guys at the gym I used to go to absolutely knew people went out of their way to avoid them. So they usually ended up having the whole changing room to themselves when they started strutting around with their old balls out. This old guy walked in and thought “no girls allowed” and did his thing
i play hockey with a bunch of older guys. no one stands in the stall next to another guy unless the empty on between is the only free shower head. so if we have 5 heads, the furthest(5) is 1st taken, then 3 then closest (1) , then 4 then 2 if no other heads are free.
guys talk to each other because its fucking hockey and thats what we do, but no one would talk to a kid, and no one brings up any one elses kid or spouse or the like in the shower. thats just a dick move.
if a kid is in the room, some of our guys bring their kids as they live far away, the guys that shower wait for the kid to leave, and when changing hide behind a towel, because although it is the mens hockey locker room, a kid is still there of someone who is allowed to be there. and we are not fucking perverts.
Honestly I dislike other people coming and standing close to me and my kids anywhere at the pool, I get it's busy sometimes, but there are unspoken rules about personal space. As for this guy, it seems pretty pervy to just start chatting with your child, totally starkers, regardless of age. It's worse if there were other shower heads free.
proper bathroom etiquette is that you don't even use urinals directly next to someone unless they are all full. You space out and give people their individual privacy.
The fact that he came up naked right next to you in the showers is wild to me. You are 100% correct and that dude was weird.
I swear to God every public pool I've ever been to has a naked old man who uses a shower head right next to me even if there are empty ones. I think it's just that old men think this kind of thing is OK. I agree it's gross but it has to be a generational thing.
Yeah in my experience, old dudes are very comfortable being naked around each other in a gym locker room. It’s whatever, no one’s being weird about it and they all seem fine.
What that guy did is totally different and there’s no way to interpret it other than creepy. And his response indicates that he was being creepy. Any normal old naked guy would say “oh hey sorry, I wasn’t trying to intrude” (although no normal old naked guy would be in this position). This old naked guy defends being a creep by saying he can go where he likes.
You made the right call and should be proud of how fiercely you defended your daughter.
I think this would be a complaint to the management of the pool too. This might not be his first rodeo and they might just need one more complaint to ban him from the pool. Or he might have someone else lodge another complaint next week. Creeps need to be called out to be stopped.
Some of both.
At my YMCA, old guys just walk around naked in the locker room. I had to take my toddler in there because the family room was totally full before our swim class. Then \*I\* got chastised by some random guy for bringing a young girl into the men's locker room.
I get locker room culture. You exercise, you need to change clothes and take a shower. Some people are comfortable to walk around naked for half an hour or whatever. Fine. Not my thing, I think it's gross.
But don't jump into a shower next to my toddler if there's 9 other spots, and definitely don't chat with my kid.
>At my YMCA, old guys just walk around naked in the locker room.
This is absolutely an age/generation/culture thing and isn't isolated to the YMCA. Every (gym) locker room I've ever been to, there's some kind of unspoken rule that once you reach a certain age, you're not allowed to wear clothes anymore. Maybe old people just prefer air drying, I have no idea.
Heck, I made a Most Interesting Man meme years ago, went something like "I do not always walk around the locker room naked. Wait, I'm over 55, of course I do."
> Maybe old people just prefer air drying, I have no idea.
It's the full enlightenment of no longer giving a flying fuck what anybody thinks about your body.
You might want to check your ymca locker room rules, my daughter when about 3 went into the female adult with her mom and was informed of age restrictions. All of them around me require you to be 16+ to go into the male or female specific adult locker rooms that have the sauna and jacuzzi to avoid any kids being there at all. But they have the family section(10 or so lockable shower rooms with 30 or so lockers) and the one with a pool has the family as well as an any age male and female locker rooms
I would’ve probably left the second the guy came beside us. That’s messed up to do, I shower at the gym and the unwritten rules are don’t go right beside people if you don’t have to, no eye contact and don’t try to spark conversation when you’re butt naked. Might not be a pervert but he’s completely clueless. Wouldn’t shower in the men’s room with her, does the pool have a family changing room?
Our pools in my city are similar, one tiny family change room and two massive regular change rooms that are always empty. I don't get why the family change room's are so small? I take my daughter (3) to the men's one for now too because the wait for the family one is insane. We found a pool that has 6 private booths in the men's change room, so it's not too bad.
We do showers when we get home.
1. He was being extremely creepy (heck even in toilets you don't stand next to a urinal someone is using)
2. I'd never take my kid to men's shower room becaues I know people like to go around naked in them
Took me too long to find this. Men’s locker/changing area nonetheless! I have a daughter the same age and undressing her publicly or being around undressed people is a no-go.
Instead of showering, just lotion her up good if you’re not planning on going straight home. Use the rinse station next to the pools for a few seconds with swimsuit on, or baby wipe them down.
This is such a strange event.
Trust your instincts. Protecting your kid is always the right choice. I used to work in crimes against children and there are a lot of sick people out there. He crossed a boundary and I would have done the same thing.
Maybe I’m conservative in this but i don’t want my daughter being seen or seeing others naked, especially random men. I would either 1) have her bath with her suit on or 2) just tell her no we are going home to shower. Sure, f that creepy old man, but this is avoided by not taking your daughter into a men’s shower.
So in terms of an old dude talking to A PERSON naked in a locker room, I think that's a generational thing. Older men do typically walk around naked and feel comfortable talking to other GROWN MEN in a locker room.
That said, the fact that this was a CHILD is super fucking weird and you were 100% in right.
Yeah that is messed up and I would have done the same.
But honestly, it’s one thing to take your daughter into a restroom stall to go potty and another to shower in the locker room. I’d never do the latter with my daughters even if there wasn’t said dude in there. Even well meaning non creepy dudes might have their junk out changing in there (which is their right) and I just wouldn’t want to expose my daughters to that.
Old-guy-at-gym is one of the most dangerous people in the populous. I have never been more on edge than when I am near an old-guy-at-gym. Seriously, they are the worst.
Dry shaving with leg up on sauna seat, no towel? OGaG
Leg up on bench right in front of you while you are tying your shoe? OGaG
Starting an unwanted conversation with a stranger while naked? OGaG
Spending way too long while naked in the locker room just wandering from person to person trying to trap them in a one-sided conversation? OGaG
Only seen in locker room and almost never actually working out? OGaG
OGaG is completely unaware of social norms and should be avoided at all costs. Never make eye-contact with an OGaG unless you want a terrible, meandering conversation that goes nowhere and a close up view of knee depth saggy balls.
I don't know if this guy was intentionally being a perv but what he did definitely came off as pervy... You did right by putting that guy on notice. Don't talk to people in the gym locker room! It's not hard! Our gym has family style bathrooms with showers so, luckily, this type of scenario can be avoided. My kids have never met an OGaG. It's one of my best dad achievements..
That person might not be a pedophile but it is very weird that he chose to shower right next to you and engage. We men all know the urinal code, no? I think you did the right thing.
Sounds like one of those "I HAVE THE RIGHT" folks who do stupid/creepy/offensive stuff just because it's not technically against the rules. I hope OP talked to someone working at the pool about it.
I think you need to specify culture, because this is completely normal to me as a swede. Sure, it'd be more common to talk to the parent first, but the concept of having a conversation in the shower with strangers who have kids is perfectly normal.
I think I was 6 or 7 when I stopped going with my mom to shower before bathing. I go to the swimming class with my one year old and the dads talk to each others kids while showering. It's some weird purity thing to sexualise all nudity.
Do Swedes also shower right next to reach other for preference, even in a room full of empty shower stalls?
I thought the national stereotype was all about standoffishness and personal space?
We do love our personal space, but we also don't mind nudity. Note that it be weirder to talk with a stranger who didn't have kids, the kids are an ice breaker. And we usually don't have stalls. Well, a few but mostly not.
As a fellow Swedish dad, I can confirm. Ironically, I believe that Scandinavians are more at ease interacting with strangers in the locker room than in the street.
That being said, such behavior would probably be inappropriate in the US, where nudity is more of a taboo and people are less trusting of each other.
What if we take the shower out of the situation and put everyone in clothes?
I still see the man being too close and overly familiar with a child he is not familiar with.
I’m mot going so far as to say he has bad intentions, but someone mature shooed have figured the norms out by now: Locker rooms aren’t the place to make new friends.
This dude is probably a pervert. Also, why the fuck are you taking your daughter into a men’s shower room? Shower at home rather than putting her in that situation.
I mean, not many seem to be saying it but, you let your daughter shower naked in a men’s locker room. Men’s locker rooms are where you find naked old men. The choice to stand directly next to your daughter is out of line, but I gotta say you were wrong to even put your daughter in that situation(if being around naked strangers is objectionable to you). Our kids swim, it’s more of kid-centric place so there’s no naked adults in the locker rooms but there are plenty of adults in the locker room. After swim, they go in the shower and hose down with their bathing suits on just to wash the chemicals off then go into a stall to change(cleaning showers happen at home. I can’t imagine bringing soap and shampoo into those showers). So yeah, old man standing naked with his dong at child face height:wrong. For you to even put your daughter in an environment where that is a VERY real possibility:also wrong.
Is it wrong for kids to see naked adults though? I'm unsure of the answer across genders but my Dad was a big swimmer and used to take me to the pool all the time. We both got naked when changing because the culture was almost "you're the weird one if you cover up while changing, you're making it weird when it shouldn't be". As a result I saw hundreds of old balls swinging low sweet chariot and it made me pretty comfortable with my body. I never had stage fright when trying to pee and felt comfortable being naked in front of my friends when necessary, like at a Japanese onsen or if we wanted to skinny dip in a lake.
That's said I understand it might be much more disturbing for a girl to see some old dudes Johnson. I have kept my daughter away from male change rooms where possible and haven't had any issues, but I'm still not sure where the line lies for girls vs boys.
No not at all. That’s why I qualified the statement with “ if being around naked strangers is objectionable to you”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with nudity especially in a locker room. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with children seeing naked adults or vice versa… IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT (calm down people).
As a kid I used the locker rooms after swimming and was a naked child around naked men and it never even once crossed anyone’s minds that it was inappropriate. But that was 30+ years ago when attitudes were a little different. And also OP issue doesn’t seem to be that there was a naked man but the naked man’s proximity to his naked daughter. My whole comment was to highlight that he brought his daughter into a place where there would DEFINITELY be naked men and then got upset that one of those men got close to his daughter. Which is a situation he put himself and daughter in.
It’s possible old dude thought that your daughter is so young that she wouldn’t really notice or care that he’s naked. I mean SHE’S naked, in a public space for naked males, that kind of attests to how young she is. She’s young enough that she might still shower at home with you, her father, while you’re naked. Combine that with the older generational comfort at being naked in locker rooms in general, and you get an old guy coming over to talk to a cute kid while they’re both naked.
Now when you told him to go away, you could say it was natural he might get defensive; after all you are now tacitly accusing him of being creepy, inappropriate, or even a pedo. So for him to go “lol fuck you, why are you here then” makes sense, especially if your tone set him off.
That’s my best effort at being good faith here. I don’t think you necessarily met a predator or pervert or something. It’s not like he approached her alone, he approached her while she was with the person most likely to beat the blessed shit out of him if he did anything wrong. What would I have done? Probably exactly what you did, if we start the clock at “guy walks over.” However in general I would not have my daughter naked showering in a public space for naked males. There’s enough weird men out there of all ages who won’t even come up to you, but might just watch, take a picture, who the fuck knows; showering at home is the play IMO.
Uh no. The guy may very well be a creep, but from what you've told us, he also may just be a stubborn asshole. I'd say you're the one in the wrong here for bringing your daughter into what sounds like a men's group shower? Not sure why you would do that. It's not worth the novelty to have her in a place where men may reasonably be expected to be naked. Shower at home if that's the case.
Dude was definitely a creep but, there is no way in h3ll I’m taking my daughter into an open shower in the men’s room to get naked and shower. Protect that girl and tell her to shower at home unless she’s with momma. While she won’t be physical violated in your presence, there’s other ways she can be violated by perverted men in there. Than situation could have and should have been avoided.
Genuinely crazy to have your young daughter completely naked in a mens changing room. Keep her swimsuit on or mimic an outdoor shower at home because clearly that’s the part she enjoys is a new shower location
I read the first several paragraphs from the perspective of a mom.
I think the first mistake was having your daughter shower naked in a men's changing room.
Yeah, he was inappropriate, but I wouldn't have even allowed that scenario to happen.
It's always the old guys in the gym changing rooms that don’t give AF. They do whatever they want around whoever they want regardless of the amount of swing.
Definitely perverted behavior, regardless of generation.
It’s like whenever I had to change my daughter’s diaper on the changing table in the bathroom. I have to always watch my back because some perverted old man always comes around to check what I’m doing. _Can you smell the poop? The pee? No one makes a damn bomb in the bathroom, especially on a diaper change table._
I think your reaction is justified, but to ease your mind at ease a bit, I don't think the guy was necessarily a pervert. As we all know from stereotypes older people are way more casual with nudity in change rooms than our generation. It's always them walking around naked in change rooms. Plus they most of them love talking to kids. This may have been a generational difference he didn't realise was inappropriate.
It depends how he interacted. Did he just say 'Hello how was swimming?' Because you went into the men's pool locker room - a place where it's common to see old man dick and for old naked men to talk to you - and expected different results.
For what it's worth my pool has one shower outside the locker room where you can rinse off and family changing stations. We use those.
I think dopamine receptor die-off in old age along with cognitive decline and resulting loss of impulse control turns guys with casual porn habits into full blown perverts starting around 50 and gradually increasing until death. It's a lesson to all of us to watch what you are in mid-life because you're going to turn into a caricature of it in old age.
This is good analysis and advice. I have watched a lot of people around me age into their 60’s and 70’s and they definitely seem to just amplify their habits and tendencies for better or worse
I've seen this same type of thing at other pools. Older men just sitting naked in the locker room for no reason. They're not actively drying, washing, dressing, etc., just chilling naked and occasionally trying to engage in small talk. I'm turning 50 next year and I keep wondering at what age I'll think it's a good idea to go chill naked in a pool locker room. At this point, it's just as weird as the first day I noticed it.
That is super pervy behavior. Even if you were in there with your son I'm showering as far away as I can and I'm sure as shit not purposely exposing myself. That's wild.
Yeah, you did the right thing, and yes, he’s a creepy ass pervert. There was absolutely no reason to do what he did. He chose to. A non-pervert would be as unobtrusive and respectful as possible. If it were me, I’d hang by my locker and politely wait until your daughter was finished, just to be thoughtful and give you and her some room. He opted to hang his wrinkly old balls in your daughter’s face, and for that he deserves … something Reddit will suspend me for saying.
Depends on the age
If she's a toddler then I would probably be less concerned. We as a society tend to over sexualize everything these days.
I don't think I would ever shower in an open swimming pool shower naked though. Just keep the shorts on and wash where no one can see, but to his point he is correct.
Its a men's changing room, and he's taking a shower. It doesn't really matter if youve got a problem with it or not, unless he's doing something clearly inappropriate then there's nothing you can do.
Maybe buy your daughter a 2 piece swim suit and keep the pants on to wash her so you feel more comfortable?
That guy's a fucking lunatic. My read isn't perv, I think he was trying to intimidate you into keeping your daughter out of the mens locker room.
>I asked him if he could go elsewhere or at least face away from us.
You handled it much more kindly than I would have. "Go away now" would not have been a question.
Sorry brother I think there is something wrong with both of you. I'd even say this is more your fault than his. He's a weirdo but you brought your daughter into a mens locker room. That would probably make many men uncomfortable. People who don't have kids and have never been around kids especially.
The handful of times I had to take my daughter into the mens locker room so she could poop I told her to close her eyes and hug her face to me until we were in the stall for her sake and for respect of others privacy. If she said she wanted to shower in there it would be a simple "No we have to respect other peoples privacy and not let strangers see our private parts silly! We will shower at home."
What?? Don't take her in there and don't get her naked! This isn't running into the men's restroom to change a diaper, this is putting her on view. You cannot protect her eyes in that situation. You cannot block men's eyes in that situation. What you can do is NOT take her in there.
If you didn't know, now you know.
Yea, he can go where he wants, and there were 7 other showers that would have been less weird than the one he chose. It might be harmless, but it might not be. I'd be weirded out too.
It's a cultural thing as well. American culture (overly, IMO) sexualises nudity. In other countries, it would be perfectly normal to be naked in a sauna/shower/etc and have a friendly chat.
That said, it's weird because you obviously come from a culture with more conservative and sexual views on nudity, so an adult should have known better and confined themselves to those boundaries.
Could be a pervert as well though.
I'm gonna just go ahead and say that if I walk into a shower room amd a man is there helping his child daughter shower off, especially naked, I guess I'm going back to the pool for 15 minutes or so. I'm so fucking terrified of someone thinking that I'm a kiddie creep that I won't even look the direction of small girls for longer than a second while in public, with my wife, and my own child.
Generational thing or not, that child doesn't need to see all that.
Im sorry if Im being that guy, but your 3 year old daughter probably shouldn’t be showering in there anyhow. Idk.
I get it’s part of the experience, but couldn’t she dry off, and have her shower at home? Or have her shower with her suit on? Sorry if I’m looking at this wrong, but I don’t even let my daughter see me naked (she’s 1).
I couldn’t ever imagine taking her into a male locker room where mfs walk around butt ass naked.
everything is wrong about this post. your daughter should be in the women's locker room with her mother, or in the family changing room (if your pool has one), or washing off in her bathing suite in the public men's shower. you're basically insisting that the entire men's shower is off limits because your daughter wants to shower in there.
this guy was also completely out of line and a total creeper.
I'm gob smacked by idea that you really felt and still do feel entitled to bringing your naked 3 year old daughter into the public men's shower.
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking it.
Like I get the standing next to the guy is a bit weird but this sort of thing annoys me anyway.
It's okay for OP to feel uncomfortable but no considerations as to whether the entire locker room feels uncomfortable.
Takes a naked 3 year old into a locker room and starts branding people a nonce who come too close.
I mean yeah the dude was wrong to engage with your daughter but at the same time why are you putting your daughter in a situation where she's going to have to bathe naked with strangers? Are you stupid?
Dude just shower at home. It's a men's locker room she's going to see/hear things in there you don't want her exposed to. And there will always be creeps like that around on occasion. Why risk it when she can shower at home. when she gets older she can shower in the womens locker room, but at 3 your pushing it I think. You gotta do what you gotta do, but on the flip side im sure there are some men in there that feel a bit weird about there being a 3 year old girl wandering around the mens locker room.
I would never take a child to an opposite gender fully naked no doors or curtains shower area. What were you thinking? It's basically a group shower. Old man was creepy AF but you set yourself up for your kid to be leered at.
Slightly confused as to why you’re getting your daughter naked in a men’s changing room shower. I feel like showering at home is the obvious choice here
Maybe don’t bring your 3 year old naked daughter into the men’s showers to begin with? I’m not justifying what that dude did and I think he’s fucked, but not bringing her in there would avoid potential interactions like this to begin with.
Why would you take your child to a public shower in the men’s room? Get out of there, man. What are you doing? It’s a men’s shower, there is going to be stranger’s dong hanging around.
The guy is either a pervert or an asshole (or both!) trying to make you uncomfortable so he could make his point about little girls in the men's changing room. You're not in the wrong here, but I would definitely be aware of creepers in the future. It might not be just him, and there's a non zero chance of guys getting pool memberships just to stare at little girls in swimwear.
Bro if I come in the wash room and guys getting his daughter cleaned up, I’m going the fuck back out and giving them privacy. I can wait. You did the right thing by not dropping him in front of your daughter. The guy was dangerous, because all men know that you are never naked around young children ever for any reason, and never around others than your own unless life or death situation. I’m a single father with a daughter.
It's *probably* harmless but I agree it's weird for a stranger to strike up a conversation and, were I in your shoes, I definitely would have also put an end to that situation quickly.
I'd say in future just have her shower with her swimsuit on. A rinse, even in a swimsuit, will get most of the chlorine off.
So I’m a mom - so I don’t have a lot of experience with men’s change rooms. BUT if a strange naked woman started talking to my naked daughter (or son) in the women’s change room it would still be weird and I’d remove my child from the situation. You’re right to trust your gut and in the future it wouldn’t be unreasonable to mention the encounter to the staff.
Like nakedness is normal in change rooms in most cultures I’ve encountered. But generally, the etiquette that it not the time for a conversation until people are at least in their underwear … and avert your eyes until then. I’m a former swim team swimmer, spend 5 years as a lifeguard at a pool, and am now a parent with kids on swim team - I have spent a lot of time in pool locker rooms.
Don't even second guess it, that guy was a creep. I would either go with the suit-on shower next time and keep a close watch, or just dry off and have her shower at home and not risk it at all.
But F that guy, I would have caused a scene, screamed at him, probably over reacted
Nahh nope nope
I got the "impropriety of being a man in the vicinity of children" talk ~15 years old, and, while it still chafes on principle, *it's just the way things are*, at least for the foreseeable future
The point was impressed upon me that one should be conscious of, and go out of their way to be as non-threatening and unsuspicious as possible. I don't look at other people's kids unless I'm talking to their parents, I don't have my phone camera pointed anywhere near someone's kids (regardless of whether or not I'm using it), and I certainly don't *approach other people's kids in locker rooms with my bits out and try to talk to them directly and then get defensive when the parent tells me politely to shove off*
I take a *really* casual stance on the subject of nudity in general but things always happen in context and this was wildly rude and improper of him, even if he wasn't acting on any kind of perversion. It's a distinction without a difference and yes, you absolutely did the right thing
I’m a Dad with a daughter around that age and if I was the other guy showering I’d have kept my damn clothes on and just waited until you were finished. So yeah he was a creep
Not sure what your idea of an "older man" is but the boomers (my idea of old) have always been incredibly open with their nudity in locker rooms. I remember being at the gym during the summer when I was a teen in the late 90's and those old dudes were just walking around the locker room with their dick and balls swinging around for everyone to see.
I mean thats socially not great, showers are like urinals, you should leave a space between unless they're all used.
Your daughter seeing a penis or people being expected to hide their penises in a male changeroom is on you.
No I wouldn't say he was a pervert from that interaction. He might be, but thats nowhere near enough. A huge accusation for a minor act. Plenty of people talk and interact while nude in the showers and tbh although its not really my thing- I don't talk to randoms in general- its likely healthier than those who feel ashamed or embarrassed about nudity... couple hundred years of conservative religion have really caused some oddness about it.
I only have a son and he goes with me most of the time because my wife doesn't really like taking him to the pool. He has been in the womens and has remarked on them not having penises so we talked about that difference but not sure about much else. My wife is quite shy and i believe showers in her swimsuit and then quickly changes with a towel around her and has commented on how some girls just wonder around buck naked talking and such and I've certainly had conversations in the shower area with naked people but not often and when i've brought my sons friends we've used a bathroom stall for changing because i don't want to make them uncomfortable.
When it comes to my child, I always err on the side of, "probably a pervert" because then I'm making decisions that at best protected my child from a predator or at worse, was a minor inconvenience.
I would say that boomers however are just super fucking weird in changing rooms. The amount of times that I've gone to the gym and there's just a group of boomers/late genx standing around in the captain morgan pose completely naked for very long periods of time while they chat is insane to me. I wouldn't say I'm very shy naked, with how many surgeries and other medical things I've had, I've probably had as many people see me naked as a porn star. But I don't just stand around airing out my balls in a change room as I talk about hockey for 45 minutes either.
Some of these guys just wander around the locker rooms butt ass naked having conversations with people like they're at the bar. I actually went swimming with my child a few months ago and when we walked in we had one of those gaggles of dudes standing around right by the door so we walked past, changed, showered, went to their swimming lessons, showered on the way back to the locker room and the dudes were STILL there talking and still with no clothes.
I'm not saying the dude wasn't a pervert because as I prefaced, I assume everyone is a danger at all times, but I'm also acutely aware of how nonchalantly some dudes treat the locker room nudity.
I recommend family change rooms when possible as they have changing stolls and it's frowned upon to just be chillin' naked.
I’m going to refer you to comedian Mike Birbiglia. His most recent special is called “The Old Man and the Pool”. Then I recommend “The New One”, after that you may go in whichever order you like for his other specials.
I could see his internal logic being not that he was perving, but that he was purposely making you uncomfortable as "punishment" for doing something he didn't agree with (brining your daughter into the space).
You reacted the right way in removing yourselves from the situation.
I, personally, would just have my daughter shower in her suit in a mens locker room. Washing the hair is probably the best thing to do after being in a pool... and even wearing a suit, the water should be just fine to rinse off even with a suit on.
But I agree... common sense would be to give everyone as much space as possible in a communal shower area.
Next time you go in, I'd tell the front desk staff what happened and how uncomfortable it made you. Give them a description and if you see him there again make a point to talk to a lifeguard and ask them to fetch one of the on-site managers to fill in who it is.
You don't ever need to talk to that guy again. But they should be taking him aside and either revoking his membership, or making it crystal clear what proper gym etiquette is. And that even if he can shower wherever, it is absolutely not okay to make other patrons uncomfortable.
If the staff don't take it seriously, I would suggest a few follow-ups. Like writing to their GM and board of directors about the incident and how no one took a report or took it seriously. Also that if they want families to feel welcome in their space, they should look into expanding their facilities to have more family-friendly change rooms (you could do this regardless really, if the staff are good you can praise their efforts in the letter while still encouraging the BoD to have more family change rooms).
You should 1000% be telling the people who run/oversee that pool. I'm not saying he IS a creep, but if people report and make a record of this behavior, patterns are more likely to get caught early.
In my experience of being a swimmer and water polo player for 30 years I find it hilarious that older gentlemen in the locker rooms tend to forget that they are indeed naked and talk and walk in the locker room like they're outside fully clothed. I'd have conversations with men who are fully naked and in my mind i'd have the mantra "Don't look down, don't look down" repeating in my head constantly. They had absolutely no shame.
he may not be a pervert but he may have forgotten that he's not in a suitable position to speak to a minor, especially a girl, who's got a lion snarling at him and he's not getting the message.
I'd probably done the same, but not very diplomatically.. I would have taken your side for sure.
Not sure if its generational but damn its common. I stopped showering at gyms because too many guys just hang out for some reason. No one ever did or said anything inappropriate but I didn't like it.
You held it together more than I would have man. You were totally in the right, and I would have gone further and made a complaint to the pool about the pervert.
My daughter was in her own world. I didn't want to say or do more and bring it to her attention. But I should have gone to the reception and put in a complaint.
Obviously the older man wagging his genitalia at a child is a pervert. But what you really need is solutions. My suggestion would be to holler into the women’s locker room “Hello is anyone in here? Do you mind if I bring my daughter in for a shower?” Most women would want your daughter to shower safely amongst other women and as long as you’re respectfully keeping your eyes to the floor and you’ve asked permission I doubt you’ll have any issue.
My view of nakedness is that it's 100 percent natural, and being naked isn't in itself sexual.
On the other hand. I would never, ever shower next to another person if there was a free shower further away.
The fact that he doubled down on his behaviour, and it wasn't just a thoughtless mistake, makes me think he wanted to be close to you and/or your daughter while naked.
You made the right choice IMO.
Being naked is normal, but respect strangers boundaries, and assume they don't want to look at your naked body.
Some older folks seem to lose their sense of boundaries, and unfortunately that extends to when they're naked in a locker room. Not justifying it, I think you did the right thing. Absolutely weird behavior even if it wasn't malicious. Might have to go back to showering at home until she's old enough to change in the women's room.
Old people can be weirdly friendly in the locker room. Even so it's on him to know how that looks, and it's way out of line for him to act entitled like he did. And you know, he might have been a pervert too. You made the right call
Super weird and hopefully just an old man that is ignorant rather than a pedophile. I keep my 2 year olds swim diaper on during the shower and then take it off when we get into a private dressing room.
Yea, I would have reacted the same way. That dude was at best, creepily misinformed and worst, a gross pervert. Fortunately no issues like that have come up when I take my daughter to the public pool, but I would feel no remorse for responding the same way if I was put in the same situation.
I certainly wouldn’t engage with someone else’s kid if I were naked in a locker room. I’d say you did the right thing, trust your gut. Is your daughter old enough to go shower in the lady’s locker room while you wait outside maybe?
She is three. No chance I'd ever let her go by herself so not an option. There are only two family rooms but you can imagine how hard it is to get one available.
Yeah definitely not old enough, maybe just explain to her that she’ll have to shower at home until she’s old enough to go in the lady’s room. Not saying you did anything wrong, but if there are creeps like that in the locker room I’d definitely stay away.
Alternatively could you let her shower with the swim suit on?
Suit on is so easy and they still get clean enough. I wouldn’t have any of my young kids naked in a communal shower. Way too many creepy people out there.
I think the issue was more the old guy waggling his ancient dong at a 3 year old's eye level
There can be multiple issues including that one. I was amazed when I took my young kids to swimming lessons how many adults (due to public swims) had no thoughts about being on their phone in a change room. We started just wrapping a towel around us and going home.
Yeah we only change in the family locker room and, if we dont have a private area, have a towel wrapped around the kid anyway. I should have rephrased that the kid wearing clothes doesnt address the ding dong in the room unfortunately. People are gross af
Was reading this comment chain thinking that people had kind of missed the point, whether his daughter was dressed or not some old fart is just sauntering around in a public pool area completely naked waving his saggy sack at anyone and everyone around. I get that its a pool changeroom, but its still a public space. Any decent human being would try to minimize any exposure to other people. Sure you may see the odd buttcheek perhaps that's whatever, but this isn't a private bathhouse or country club locker room. There's no expectation that the people you're with are all on the same page, it could be anyone and everyone so you wouldn't treat it like your own personal lounge. Personally whether this guy was being a perverted predator or just hilariously socially oblivious and unaware I would have been tempted to knock his teeth in if he was talking to my 3 year old completely naked in a public changeroom. Glad that OP has better restraint than that.
The only reason I dont jump immediately to giant pervert is when I was growing up, our local gym had a huge locker room with like couches and chairs. Every god damn day they were full of old men just sitting there, completely butt ass naked, saggy balls just sticking to the pleather. So i normalized that this was a thing that old men just did and didnt think twice of how weird it was. Years later found out that, no, it is not normal for every gym to have a half dozen old men airing out the ol bean bag on a couch in a locker room. I dont even know if they actually worked out or just sat there all day. So I'm 90% perv, 10% oblivious old guy but either way, yeah very lucky he didnt catch an ass whoopin. At the very least would have marched to the staff and let them try to have him booted. I dont bring my daughter in the men's locker room though so hoping this isnt an experience i end up dealing with it because you and I have the same level of patience for this kind of shit.
I grew up in an apartment complex that had a public pool that we would use regularly. There was a sauna connected from the change rooms and it was common when it was busy in the evenings and on weekends to see men with towels wrapped around them just walking around in flip flops, but you knew if you didn't want to see wrinkly ballsacks and dongs hanging out you didn't go into the sauna. I get that it may be a cultural difference perhaps or something like that, but I'm not really familiar with any culture that has families interacting with nude adults and that leans me more to believe that it was less harmless ignorance and more some kind of weird shit going on that caused this guy to expose himself to OP and his daughter.
It's because social nudity was way more common when older generations were young so it's just not a big deal to them. Showering was required in school and the coach's offices were in the locker rooms. Go back a bit further and kids would skinny dip at school for PE. It can still be pretty common in some countries. Finnish sauna culture, for instance, everyone is usually nude and they will sauna with family, coworkers, bosses...
Hilarious description
This is the solution honestly no way in hell my son shower naked in a public pool shower, if I had a daughter she most definitely wouldn't shower naked in a men public shower.
Yeah but she would still have to look at old man dong. Take her home and give her toys she can play with there to make it even more special.
Yeah I’m with OP but I wouldn’t have my daughter naked in a public place, I was kind of overlooking that detail until someone pointed it out, then realized my daughter is 5 and this has never been a concern for us because I would never have her be naked in a place where strangers could come in.
Dude just shower at home, I feel like I'm being crazy here lol
Not crazy, this is reasonable if there are no family shower spaces. The old man is an absolute creep for engaging with a young child while naked in the shower, but insisting that your daughter shower in a room full of naked adult men is also not the solution.
I was really confused here till I realized this was at a pool, so the only thing to shower off is chlorine. Completely agree; skip shower entirely with the kids unless it’s a quick open air shower. Randos getting naked to clean off clean water? I’m out.
Always shower before and after using a public pool, even if you’re still in your bathers. 1. That pool isn’t as clean as you think it is. 2. The chloramine doesn’t evaporate as quickly as the chlorine or water, so you basically have this layer of skin irritant (and hair bleach) on you until you next shower. - a former pool lifeguard
i used to swim on a team until 7th grade and i would be lazy about really rinsing the pool water out of my speedo before throwing it in the spin drier in the locker room and eventually the material eroded away to the point of being transparent and I didn't realize it until everyone got tired of seeing it.
Yeah, if the dangers are the public pool water or exposing my child to predators, I'm going with the water. There's a zero percnt chance I would have done what this dad did idgaf about the dangers of that drying pool water and I realize he did it because the little one thought it would be fun, I get it. But I'm realizing that the unimpeded access I had to the old wild-west internet as a kid was both a blessing and a terrible curse. Those creeps are out there and this dude found one in the worst way he could have.
some people seem to live for getting in their own way
Yeah wtf. Who showers their 3 year old daughter naked in the men’s locker room when you can just go home? Odd.
Europeans. 100% normal here (except in the UK, they prefer to have shower booths while showering in the public pool). And this old dude is definitely a pervert, this sort of behaviour is way out of bounds in any European country I can think of.
Damn that’s weird. I understand taking daughter into the men’s room to have a tinkle but to shower openly naked around other naked men? That’s fuckin weird to me and I’m a weird guy.
It's mostly a cultural thing, in Europe is totally normal to see a 3 years old naked in a pool shower or at the beach. Actually I found it weird the first time I discovered people can see child nudity as a no-no. I think US puritanism is doing quite some harm to people and their relation with nudity. Kids are kids, we should at least let them enjoy a bit of freedom!
I saw an article about cultural differences from the British ambassador to the USA, and he told an anecdote about going to the beach and letting his very young kids play naked (quite normal in the UK, although less common than it used to be). People were literally shouting at him that letting his kids play naked was criminal and he would be arrested.
Or in the water fountain in the middle of the village on a sunny day. OP's story for me, I didn't really think twice about the girl being naked, especially when comments confirmed she's 3. The other guy coming close and engaging while he's naked is the weirdo part.
Peoples reaction to child nudity in Big Mouth kinda highlights this. People call it child porn, because some kids are naked in a shower room. I'm like dude they're children, and the shows artstyle is hideous on purpose. If you're seeing this as pornography, I think thats on you.
Hahaha go to Germany and hit the sauna if you fancy having a proper shock then :) (Yes, people are naked in the sauna. And it's unisex. So is the changing room).
I mean, technically you are the weird one. World wide it is much more acceptable to be naked in public spaces like this. It’s only weird if YOU make it weird.
Let's be clear, it's the old man who's acting inappropriate here. OP isn't somehow responsible for this, any more than someone is responsible for getting assaulted because they wore clothing that exposed their ankles, or a woman is responsible for being catcalled because she walked past a construction site. That being said, if you live in a community full of ankle-chasing monsters, you may want to adjust your behavior just to be safe, even though it's messed up, just for pragmatic reasons. If there's a construction site full of assholes, you may choose to walk around the long way to avoid it. And similarly, if OP lives in an area with perverts, he may choose to avoid the situation entirely.
bruh the kid is 3. i let my 3 year old run around naked in the splash pad in the park. it's not weird and there's nothing even remotely sexual about a naked child.
Are there naked old men you don’t know running around the park too?
Long time family if swimmers here. I mean daily. It’s mindless to dry off, get dressed, go home get undressed and get in the shower. This dad took the obvious precautions and did the right thing. You don’t know what you are talking about.
Thank you. I'm a new granddad, hope to be taking my grandson to swim lessons soon. I grew up swimming naked in middle school in the 70's, communal showers. Trying to learn "new" rules ....
> she has wanted to wash in the changing room showers instead of at home. Because its a novelty and any excuse to play with soap. Reading definitely helps
I’m with you. The solution is clear.
In this situation wouldn't the problem *still* be the naked man choosing to shower right next to a little girl who's head is below his dangling nut-sack? Maybe he wouldn't have been as interested in that particular shower corner had she been wearing a swimsuit but at some level that feels a little like victim shaming.
How is that gonna stop boomer dong from being a creepy perv?
Plenty of pools have ‘rinse off’ showers out in the open, not even in the change rooms. They’re used for quickly rinsing off the chlorine while you’re still in your swimmers. Use those, towel off and head home.
You're entirely correct I was just trying to think of another option, but you're right, if dude gonna be creepy bathing suit won't help it.
This is pure Dad efficiency. Wash the kid, wash the suit, avoid naked in the locker room issues.
That doesn't solve the naked old man turning his dong towards the 3yo's face.
Normally she does, she saw a little girl take hers off to wash when we first entered the shower. So she wanted to do the same to clean her stomach.
Yep, this is the answer. I know most people are not creeps. But enough are. And you were in the men's changing room. Unfortunately, that guy has every right to be there. And unfortunately he is a creep. Just don't risk it.
0 right to be encroaching on a young toddlers personal space though while both naked in the shower, would he do that to some 6ft 5 built mma fighter looking guy or just to little girls who he thinks he can get away with it. I'd keep an eye out for him and would have reported him to some staff at the facility.
Oh 100 percent agree. That's why I said that guy is one of the actual creeps. Even the remote chance of that would make me just explain that we aren't going to shower there.
Yeah, at that age you gotta use the family changing room / shower. I feel like most pools have them. If not, then they are showering at home.
100% this. Zero chance I'd take my daughter into a communal shower like that.
You did the right thing OP. Don't take much stress. You are going to be a good and protective dad which every girl needs.
Oh yeah, you're not crazy, that guy was looking for a fight or an excuse to expose himself. I really feel like the only time it's appropriate to engage in conversation with a young child like that is after the parent introduces them to you.
100% this, that's fucking weird behaviour. If I'm naked in some communal shower and there's a guy in there helping his kids get washed, last thing I'm doing is standing right next to them trying to strike up conversation. You're there to do one thing, wash yourself not make friends with naked toddlers...
That's the right answer. In no way I'd engage in a conversation with someone's kid naked. Even with my nieces I'd cover myself. You did the right thing, OP. Edit: typo.
Why on earth is showering alone better than showering with the safety of a parent just because it's in the woman's bathroom?
I'm with you there. Dad was in control of the situation. If daughter is out of sight, that is riskier. I'm no prude, I would take my 4yo daughter to the men's showers if no family room (if others present I wouldn't get her naked though, just myself). I wouldn't care about her seeing old man dongs, imo just body parts and aren't shameful. But old man absolutely crossed the weirdo line engaging in conversation (with anybody, let alone a child) while he was naked.
I’ve taken my daughter swimming and I’ve never seen that. It’s a that guy thing not a generational thing. An alternative answer you could have said was “ya man I know you can go where you want but for some reason in an entirely empty shower room you decided to go shower right beside a three year old girl making sure she can see your dick.”
Hopefully I don't get a chance to use that. Thankfully my.daughter blanked him. As far as she was concerned he didn't exist.
That's actually a great answer. Completely dispenses with his attempt to reframe an analogue *moral judgement* call as a binary "permitted/not permitted" one, and reiterates the pervy weirdness of the whole sequence of completely free choices he made.
Interesting use of analogue vs. binary. Great way to think about this. You want him to think about where he is on the continuous scale, rather than accusing him of being on one of the extremes.
This is the winning retort right here. What’s his response possibly going to be?
That's such a great response
Part of locker room etiquette is minding your own fucking business and giving others some space. It's not a social club, it's not a recreational nudity area, and it's certainly not a place to befriend children. It's a place to bathe and change clothes, and that's basically all anybody should be doing. If somebody breaks that etiquette, they deserve to be told off.
Yeah this is weird even without the kid. With the kid, this is fighting territory. "Fuck you, go shower at the other end, else we're gonna have an issue." And stand by it.
Maybe remind the old man that elderly people slip and fall in showers all the time. It would be a tragedy if he did.
Goddamn that is perfect
It's fucking weird for another adult man to talk to another adult stranger in the communal shower full stop. If he was just oblivious and chose the shower head next to them that's one thing but to try to chat the kid up is wild. These situations are somewhat less common in the US but this is one of those unwritten social rules like not commenting on another dude's dong at the urinal.
Even without the child, I’d be pissed if a stranger decides to stand butt naked facing me and chit chat, in empty showers. You did the right thing.
There is definitely an older generation that has no problem whatsoever walking around naked in a locker room, but I'm with you. Choosing the very next showered is even more egregious than taking the urinal right next to you in an empty restroom. Especially when there's a small child there.
I don’t get that. My dad is boomer generation. He and everyone I’ve met his age don’t even want to be seen before they’ve showered and gotten dressed for the day. Maybe it’s because my dad is at the very beginning of the boomer years? Grandpa was a WWII vet. Maybe hold over from silent generation stuff.
could be more just used to showering naked. A couple decades of showering 3x a week naked with dudes in sports locker rooms kind of kills any kind of embarrassment or thought about it.
My dad(born in 58) swam naked in high school during the swimming section. They separated the boys and girls for the units, but they all swam naked. I (born in 88) would shower naked after swimming high school. It didn't bother me at all and still doesn't bother me being naked around people.
I think its nothing to do with age only. Lots of boomers are and always were super conservative. Lots of Boomers were raised conservative then became hippies and lived in comunes and are totally fine with it. The funny thing is those people would probably also think the guy in OPs post is weird af. Being ok with nudity does not equal being a fucking weirdo.
I live in an area where nudity is quite normalized and I would still find this uncomfortable. I don’t think it can be a naked-household type situation. It’s all about subtle body language. Exactly the type of thing that people have already described - stand at an angle, stand further away, when people are naked let them go about their business. Even in a men’s only sauna where it’s normal for everyone to be naked, you wouldn’t catch someone spreading their legs and leaning back. No. It’s legs spread but leaning forward, so nudity is discreet. It’s normal, doesn’t mean it has to be in your face. It sounds like he wanted to expose himself to the kid, which is disgusting. Not that you were arguing, but I want to be one the hundreds to confirm - OP did the right thing. If OP reads this - you’re little girl will one day understand these situations and she will be thankful you protected her and stood up for her. She will learn to respect her own boundaries and stay away from creeps. That’s awesome.
I'm very pro nudity in general, and this has me weirded out too. There's nothing wrong with that man being naked, there's definitely a problem with him standing right next to the girl with his dong right at her eye height. Good on OP for shaming him, he knew what he was doing.
It's the 3 year old girl that makes this weird. Sure, old guys let it all hang out in locker rooms, and why not. No big deal. But if there is a situation where a young child has to be there then just at least *try* to have a bit of modesty. Maybe there is no fundamental reason why they have to do anything differently, but it just seems like the nice thing to do. All of this is with the assumption we're simply talking about nudity. If there was literally anything more to this then 100% that is wrong and warrants further action. I also admit I’m a prude midwesterner, who has lived in Europe for a bit and had to come to grips with nudity being totally nothing there. No one should be bothered by nudity in and of itself, but yeah... fine line here.
Children aren't harmed by seeing nudity. And at that age they're not going to differentiate dad's nudity from the other guy's nudity. That being said, in any such situation you disperse as much as practical. And you don't go chatting up strangers. Either he's totally clueless or this is perv behavior.
Yeah. that was my takeaway from it - older people give no fucks about being naked, and also like to talk to people. I wouldn't say it was a pervy thing, but I also wouldn't say the dad here was wrong to leave.
It’s weaponized nakedness. The old guys at the gym I used to go to absolutely knew people went out of their way to avoid them. So they usually ended up having the whole changing room to themselves when they started strutting around with their old balls out. This old guy walked in and thought “no girls allowed” and did his thing
i play hockey with a bunch of older guys. no one stands in the stall next to another guy unless the empty on between is the only free shower head. so if we have 5 heads, the furthest(5) is 1st taken, then 3 then closest (1) , then 4 then 2 if no other heads are free. guys talk to each other because its fucking hockey and thats what we do, but no one would talk to a kid, and no one brings up any one elses kid or spouse or the like in the shower. thats just a dick move. if a kid is in the room, some of our guys bring their kids as they live far away, the guys that shower wait for the kid to leave, and when changing hide behind a towel, because although it is the mens hockey locker room, a kid is still there of someone who is allowed to be there. and we are not fucking perverts.
Depends on the stranger, but I have very strong feelings about the context in this post.
Honestly I dislike other people coming and standing close to me and my kids anywhere at the pool, I get it's busy sometimes, but there are unspoken rules about personal space. As for this guy, it seems pretty pervy to just start chatting with your child, totally starkers, regardless of age. It's worse if there were other shower heads free.
My daughter and I were the only ones in there before he came in. The fucking shock at such an action. Put my back up straight away
proper bathroom etiquette is that you don't even use urinals directly next to someone unless they are all full. You space out and give people their individual privacy. The fact that he came up naked right next to you in the showers is wild to me. You are 100% correct and that dude was weird.
You did the right thing in trusting your gut.
I swear to God every public pool I've ever been to has a naked old man who uses a shower head right next to me even if there are empty ones. I think it's just that old men think this kind of thing is OK. I agree it's gross but it has to be a generational thing.
Yeah in my experience, old dudes are very comfortable being naked around each other in a gym locker room. It’s whatever, no one’s being weird about it and they all seem fine. What that guy did is totally different and there’s no way to interpret it other than creepy. And his response indicates that he was being creepy. Any normal old naked guy would say “oh hey sorry, I wasn’t trying to intrude” (although no normal old naked guy would be in this position). This old naked guy defends being a creep by saying he can go where he likes. You made the right call and should be proud of how fiercely you defended your daughter.
I think this would be a complaint to the management of the pool too. This might not be his first rodeo and they might just need one more complaint to ban him from the pool. Or he might have someone else lodge another complaint next week. Creeps need to be called out to be stopped.
Some of both. At my YMCA, old guys just walk around naked in the locker room. I had to take my toddler in there because the family room was totally full before our swim class. Then \*I\* got chastised by some random guy for bringing a young girl into the men's locker room. I get locker room culture. You exercise, you need to change clothes and take a shower. Some people are comfortable to walk around naked for half an hour or whatever. Fine. Not my thing, I think it's gross. But don't jump into a shower next to my toddler if there's 9 other spots, and definitely don't chat with my kid.
>At my YMCA, old guys just walk around naked in the locker room. This is absolutely an age/generation/culture thing and isn't isolated to the YMCA. Every (gym) locker room I've ever been to, there's some kind of unspoken rule that once you reach a certain age, you're not allowed to wear clothes anymore. Maybe old people just prefer air drying, I have no idea. Heck, I made a Most Interesting Man meme years ago, went something like "I do not always walk around the locker room naked. Wait, I'm over 55, of course I do."
Walking around with your D&Bs out in front of other dudes is this final level to unlock full DGAF mode
What's wrong with Dave and Busters?
> Maybe old people just prefer air drying, I have no idea. It's the full enlightenment of no longer giving a flying fuck what anybody thinks about your body.
I wonder if old people can’t dry themselves with a towel as easily because their mobility is limited, so that’s why they’re air-drying?
You might want to check your ymca locker room rules, my daughter when about 3 went into the female adult with her mom and was informed of age restrictions. All of them around me require you to be 16+ to go into the male or female specific adult locker rooms that have the sauna and jacuzzi to avoid any kids being there at all. But they have the family section(10 or so lockable shower rooms with 30 or so lockers) and the one with a pool has the family as well as an any age male and female locker rooms
I would’ve probably left the second the guy came beside us. That’s messed up to do, I shower at the gym and the unwritten rules are don’t go right beside people if you don’t have to, no eye contact and don’t try to spark conversation when you’re butt naked. Might not be a pervert but he’s completely clueless. Wouldn’t shower in the men’s room with her, does the pool have a family changing room?
Yeah, IMO showers should follow urinal rules. If one is occupied you go for the other one farthest.
They do. A whole two rooms. Which its very hard to get one when its free sadly.
Our pools in my city are similar, one tiny family change room and two massive regular change rooms that are always empty. I don't get why the family change room's are so small? I take my daughter (3) to the men's one for now too because the wait for the family one is insane. We found a pool that has 6 private booths in the men's change room, so it's not too bad. We do showers when we get home.
1. He was being extremely creepy (heck even in toilets you don't stand next to a urinal someone is using) 2. I'd never take my kid to men's shower room becaues I know people like to go around naked in them
I'm not waiting to pee when there's an open urinal. Don't stare at my dick.
in a sense if there are 9 unused urinals and you pick one next to the one I am using - that's just....not right
Personally, I'd never even consider having my daughter naked in a men's bathroom.
Right? I was like “wait, hold up” I get you need to go to the men’s toilet sometimes, but showering naked with a bunch of old men is 100% optional
Took me too long to find this. Men’s locker/changing area nonetheless! I have a daughter the same age and undressing her publicly or being around undressed people is a no-go. Instead of showering, just lotion her up good if you’re not planning on going straight home. Use the rinse station next to the pools for a few seconds with swimsuit on, or baby wipe them down. This is such a strange event.
Mindblowing that there are comments above this one.
Yep we shower in our suits where I'm from. Never seen children naked at any swimming pool changing facilities
Trust your instincts. Protecting your kid is always the right choice. I used to work in crimes against children and there are a lot of sick people out there. He crossed a boundary and I would have done the same thing.
Yeah if some naked old man stood beside my naked daughter and tried chatting her up, I'd have some words for him too.
Maybe I’m conservative in this but i don’t want my daughter being seen or seeing others naked, especially random men. I would either 1) have her bath with her suit on or 2) just tell her no we are going home to shower. Sure, f that creepy old man, but this is avoided by not taking your daughter into a men’s shower.
[удалено]
This is what I'm saying. Dad did great to get out of the situation without a physical altercation.
So in terms of an old dude talking to A PERSON naked in a locker room, I think that's a generational thing. Older men do typically walk around naked and feel comfortable talking to other GROWN MEN in a locker room. That said, the fact that this was a CHILD is super fucking weird and you were 100% in right.
Yeah that is messed up and I would have done the same. But honestly, it’s one thing to take your daughter into a restroom stall to go potty and another to shower in the locker room. I’d never do the latter with my daughters even if there wasn’t said dude in there. Even well meaning non creepy dudes might have their junk out changing in there (which is their right) and I just wouldn’t want to expose my daughters to that.
There's gotta be a family changing room... Right? If not, your only other option is to shower at home. Better not to be around the pervs.
Old-guy-at-gym is one of the most dangerous people in the populous. I have never been more on edge than when I am near an old-guy-at-gym. Seriously, they are the worst. Dry shaving with leg up on sauna seat, no towel? OGaG Leg up on bench right in front of you while you are tying your shoe? OGaG Starting an unwanted conversation with a stranger while naked? OGaG Spending way too long while naked in the locker room just wandering from person to person trying to trap them in a one-sided conversation? OGaG Only seen in locker room and almost never actually working out? OGaG OGaG is completely unaware of social norms and should be avoided at all costs. Never make eye-contact with an OGaG unless you want a terrible, meandering conversation that goes nowhere and a close up view of knee depth saggy balls. I don't know if this guy was intentionally being a perv but what he did definitely came off as pervy... You did right by putting that guy on notice. Don't talk to people in the gym locker room! It's not hard! Our gym has family style bathrooms with showers so, luckily, this type of scenario can be avoided. My kids have never met an OGaG. It's one of my best dad achievements..
That person might not be a pedophile but it is very weird that he chose to shower right next to you and engage. We men all know the urinal code, no? I think you did the right thing.
Sounds like one of those "I HAVE THE RIGHT" folks who do stupid/creepy/offensive stuff just because it's not technically against the rules. I hope OP talked to someone working at the pool about it.
I think you need to specify culture, because this is completely normal to me as a swede. Sure, it'd be more common to talk to the parent first, but the concept of having a conversation in the shower with strangers who have kids is perfectly normal.
I think I was 6 or 7 when I stopped going with my mom to shower before bathing. I go to the swimming class with my one year old and the dads talk to each others kids while showering. It's some weird purity thing to sexualise all nudity.
Do Swedes also shower right next to reach other for preference, even in a room full of empty shower stalls? I thought the national stereotype was all about standoffishness and personal space?
We do love our personal space, but we also don't mind nudity. Note that it be weirder to talk with a stranger who didn't have kids, the kids are an ice breaker. And we usually don't have stalls. Well, a few but mostly not.
As a fellow Swedish dad, I can confirm. Ironically, I believe that Scandinavians are more at ease interacting with strangers in the locker room than in the street. That being said, such behavior would probably be inappropriate in the US, where nudity is more of a taboo and people are less trusting of each other.
I'm American. I don't think showering with your 3yo in a public space is anything even approaching weird or inappropriate.
[удалено]
The fact that he got agitated leads me to believe that his actions were intentional. Probably worth reporting this behavior to the employees.
What if we take the shower out of the situation and put everyone in clothes? I still see the man being too close and overly familiar with a child he is not familiar with. I’m mot going so far as to say he has bad intentions, but someone mature shooed have figured the norms out by now: Locker rooms aren’t the place to make new friends.
You know, that is a damn good point.
This dude is probably a pervert. Also, why the fuck are you taking your daughter into a men’s shower room? Shower at home rather than putting her in that situation.
I mean, not many seem to be saying it but, you let your daughter shower naked in a men’s locker room. Men’s locker rooms are where you find naked old men. The choice to stand directly next to your daughter is out of line, but I gotta say you were wrong to even put your daughter in that situation(if being around naked strangers is objectionable to you). Our kids swim, it’s more of kid-centric place so there’s no naked adults in the locker rooms but there are plenty of adults in the locker room. After swim, they go in the shower and hose down with their bathing suits on just to wash the chemicals off then go into a stall to change(cleaning showers happen at home. I can’t imagine bringing soap and shampoo into those showers). So yeah, old man standing naked with his dong at child face height:wrong. For you to even put your daughter in an environment where that is a VERY real possibility:also wrong.
Is it wrong for kids to see naked adults though? I'm unsure of the answer across genders but my Dad was a big swimmer and used to take me to the pool all the time. We both got naked when changing because the culture was almost "you're the weird one if you cover up while changing, you're making it weird when it shouldn't be". As a result I saw hundreds of old balls swinging low sweet chariot and it made me pretty comfortable with my body. I never had stage fright when trying to pee and felt comfortable being naked in front of my friends when necessary, like at a Japanese onsen or if we wanted to skinny dip in a lake. That's said I understand it might be much more disturbing for a girl to see some old dudes Johnson. I have kept my daughter away from male change rooms where possible and haven't had any issues, but I'm still not sure where the line lies for girls vs boys.
No not at all. That’s why I qualified the statement with “ if being around naked strangers is objectionable to you”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with nudity especially in a locker room. And I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with children seeing naked adults or vice versa… IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT (calm down people). As a kid I used the locker rooms after swimming and was a naked child around naked men and it never even once crossed anyone’s minds that it was inappropriate. But that was 30+ years ago when attitudes were a little different. And also OP issue doesn’t seem to be that there was a naked man but the naked man’s proximity to his naked daughter. My whole comment was to highlight that he brought his daughter into a place where there would DEFINITELY be naked men and then got upset that one of those men got close to his daughter. Which is a situation he put himself and daughter in.
I wouldn't be taking my daughter into a men's change room at all. He's behaviour is gross but hard to argue given its a men's change room
It’s possible old dude thought that your daughter is so young that she wouldn’t really notice or care that he’s naked. I mean SHE’S naked, in a public space for naked males, that kind of attests to how young she is. She’s young enough that she might still shower at home with you, her father, while you’re naked. Combine that with the older generational comfort at being naked in locker rooms in general, and you get an old guy coming over to talk to a cute kid while they’re both naked. Now when you told him to go away, you could say it was natural he might get defensive; after all you are now tacitly accusing him of being creepy, inappropriate, or even a pedo. So for him to go “lol fuck you, why are you here then” makes sense, especially if your tone set him off. That’s my best effort at being good faith here. I don’t think you necessarily met a predator or pervert or something. It’s not like he approached her alone, he approached her while she was with the person most likely to beat the blessed shit out of him if he did anything wrong. What would I have done? Probably exactly what you did, if we start the clock at “guy walks over.” However in general I would not have my daughter naked showering in a public space for naked males. There’s enough weird men out there of all ages who won’t even come up to you, but might just watch, take a picture, who the fuck knows; showering at home is the play IMO.
Uh no. The guy may very well be a creep, but from what you've told us, he also may just be a stubborn asshole. I'd say you're the one in the wrong here for bringing your daughter into what sounds like a men's group shower? Not sure why you would do that. It's not worth the novelty to have her in a place where men may reasonably be expected to be naked. Shower at home if that's the case.
Dude was definitely a creep but, there is no way in h3ll I’m taking my daughter into an open shower in the men’s room to get naked and shower. Protect that girl and tell her to shower at home unless she’s with momma. While she won’t be physical violated in your presence, there’s other ways she can be violated by perverted men in there. Than situation could have and should have been avoided.
Genuinely crazy to have your young daughter completely naked in a mens changing room. Keep her swimsuit on or mimic an outdoor shower at home because clearly that’s the part she enjoys is a new shower location
I read the first several paragraphs from the perspective of a mom. I think the first mistake was having your daughter shower naked in a men's changing room. Yeah, he was inappropriate, but I wouldn't have even allowed that scenario to happen.
It's always the old guys in the gym changing rooms that don’t give AF. They do whatever they want around whoever they want regardless of the amount of swing.
That’s a “nope” and a “fuck off” if they don’t get it the first time, dawg.
Nah that dude was being a pedo. Honestly he should have been knocked out.
Definitely perverted behavior, regardless of generation. It’s like whenever I had to change my daughter’s diaper on the changing table in the bathroom. I have to always watch my back because some perverted old man always comes around to check what I’m doing. _Can you smell the poop? The pee? No one makes a damn bomb in the bathroom, especially on a diaper change table._
I think your reaction is justified, but to ease your mind at ease a bit, I don't think the guy was necessarily a pervert. As we all know from stereotypes older people are way more casual with nudity in change rooms than our generation. It's always them walking around naked in change rooms. Plus they most of them love talking to kids. This may have been a generational difference he didn't realise was inappropriate.
It depends how he interacted. Did he just say 'Hello how was swimming?' Because you went into the men's pool locker room - a place where it's common to see old man dick and for old naked men to talk to you - and expected different results. For what it's worth my pool has one shower outside the locker room where you can rinse off and family changing stations. We use those.
I think dopamine receptor die-off in old age along with cognitive decline and resulting loss of impulse control turns guys with casual porn habits into full blown perverts starting around 50 and gradually increasing until death. It's a lesson to all of us to watch what you are in mid-life because you're going to turn into a caricature of it in old age.
This is good analysis and advice. I have watched a lot of people around me age into their 60’s and 70’s and they definitely seem to just amplify their habits and tendencies for better or worse
I've seen this same type of thing at other pools. Older men just sitting naked in the locker room for no reason. They're not actively drying, washing, dressing, etc., just chilling naked and occasionally trying to engage in small talk. I'm turning 50 next year and I keep wondering at what age I'll think it's a good idea to go chill naked in a pool locker room. At this point, it's just as weird as the first day I noticed it.
That is super pervy behavior. Even if you were in there with your son I'm showering as far away as I can and I'm sure as shit not purposely exposing myself. That's wild.
Yeah, you did the right thing, and yes, he’s a creepy ass pervert. There was absolutely no reason to do what he did. He chose to. A non-pervert would be as unobtrusive and respectful as possible. If it were me, I’d hang by my locker and politely wait until your daughter was finished, just to be thoughtful and give you and her some room. He opted to hang his wrinkly old balls in your daughter’s face, and for that he deserves … something Reddit will suspend me for saying.
What a fuckin creep
Depends on the age If she's a toddler then I would probably be less concerned. We as a society tend to over sexualize everything these days. I don't think I would ever shower in an open swimming pool shower naked though. Just keep the shorts on and wash where no one can see, but to his point he is correct. Its a men's changing room, and he's taking a shower. It doesn't really matter if youve got a problem with it or not, unless he's doing something clearly inappropriate then there's nothing you can do. Maybe buy your daughter a 2 piece swim suit and keep the pants on to wash her so you feel more comfortable?
That guy's a fucking lunatic. My read isn't perv, I think he was trying to intimidate you into keeping your daughter out of the mens locker room. >I asked him if he could go elsewhere or at least face away from us. You handled it much more kindly than I would have. "Go away now" would not have been a question.
Old guy was def perv. However, I wouldn’t bring my daughter to a men’s locker unless it had private shower rooms. She can towel it home.
Sorry brother I think there is something wrong with both of you. I'd even say this is more your fault than his. He's a weirdo but you brought your daughter into a mens locker room. That would probably make many men uncomfortable. People who don't have kids and have never been around kids especially. The handful of times I had to take my daughter into the mens locker room so she could poop I told her to close her eyes and hug her face to me until we were in the stall for her sake and for respect of others privacy. If she said she wanted to shower in there it would be a simple "No we have to respect other peoples privacy and not let strangers see our private parts silly! We will shower at home."
What?? Don't take her in there and don't get her naked! This isn't running into the men's restroom to change a diaper, this is putting her on view. You cannot protect her eyes in that situation. You cannot block men's eyes in that situation. What you can do is NOT take her in there. If you didn't know, now you know.
Don’t wash your kid in a coed fucking bathroom. Gimme a break.
Yea, he can go where he wants, and there were 7 other showers that would have been less weird than the one he chose. It might be harmless, but it might not be. I'd be weirded out too.
It's a cultural thing as well. American culture (overly, IMO) sexualises nudity. In other countries, it would be perfectly normal to be naked in a sauna/shower/etc and have a friendly chat. That said, it's weird because you obviously come from a culture with more conservative and sexual views on nudity, so an adult should have known better and confined themselves to those boundaries. Could be a pervert as well though.
I'm gonna just go ahead and say that if I walk into a shower room amd a man is there helping his child daughter shower off, especially naked, I guess I'm going back to the pool for 15 minutes or so. I'm so fucking terrified of someone thinking that I'm a kiddie creep that I won't even look the direction of small girls for longer than a second while in public, with my wife, and my own child. Generational thing or not, that child doesn't need to see all that.
creepy as fuck but I would never shower my daughter her there. Just take her home.
Im sorry if Im being that guy, but your 3 year old daughter probably shouldn’t be showering in there anyhow. Idk. I get it’s part of the experience, but couldn’t she dry off, and have her shower at home? Or have her shower with her suit on? Sorry if I’m looking at this wrong, but I don’t even let my daughter see me naked (she’s 1). I couldn’t ever imagine taking her into a male locker room where mfs walk around butt ass naked.
everything is wrong about this post. your daughter should be in the women's locker room with her mother, or in the family changing room (if your pool has one), or washing off in her bathing suite in the public men's shower. you're basically insisting that the entire men's shower is off limits because your daughter wants to shower in there. this guy was also completely out of line and a total creeper. I'm gob smacked by idea that you really felt and still do feel entitled to bringing your naked 3 year old daughter into the public men's shower.
I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking it. Like I get the standing next to the guy is a bit weird but this sort of thing annoys me anyway. It's okay for OP to feel uncomfortable but no considerations as to whether the entire locker room feels uncomfortable. Takes a naked 3 year old into a locker room and starts branding people a nonce who come too close.
I mean yeah the dude was wrong to engage with your daughter but at the same time why are you putting your daughter in a situation where she's going to have to bathe naked with strangers? Are you stupid?
Dude just shower at home. It's a men's locker room she's going to see/hear things in there you don't want her exposed to. And there will always be creeps like that around on occasion. Why risk it when she can shower at home. when she gets older she can shower in the womens locker room, but at 3 your pushing it I think. You gotta do what you gotta do, but on the flip side im sure there are some men in there that feel a bit weird about there being a 3 year old girl wandering around the mens locker room.
I would never take a child to an opposite gender fully naked no doors or curtains shower area. What were you thinking? It's basically a group shower. Old man was creepy AF but you set yourself up for your kid to be leered at.
Slightly confused as to why you’re getting your daughter naked in a men’s changing room shower. I feel like showering at home is the obvious choice here
Maybe don’t bring your 3 year old naked daughter into the men’s showers to begin with? I’m not justifying what that dude did and I think he’s fucked, but not bringing her in there would avoid potential interactions like this to begin with.
Why would you take your child to a public shower in the men’s room? Get out of there, man. What are you doing? It’s a men’s shower, there is going to be stranger’s dong hanging around.
The guy is either a pervert or an asshole (or both!) trying to make you uncomfortable so he could make his point about little girls in the men's changing room. You're not in the wrong here, but I would definitely be aware of creepers in the future. It might not be just him, and there's a non zero chance of guys getting pool memberships just to stare at little girls in swimwear.
Bro if I come in the wash room and guys getting his daughter cleaned up, I’m going the fuck back out and giving them privacy. I can wait. You did the right thing by not dropping him in front of your daughter. The guy was dangerous, because all men know that you are never naked around young children ever for any reason, and never around others than your own unless life or death situation. I’m a single father with a daughter.
It's *probably* harmless but I agree it's weird for a stranger to strike up a conversation and, were I in your shoes, I definitely would have also put an end to that situation quickly. I'd say in future just have her shower with her swimsuit on. A rinse, even in a swimsuit, will get most of the chlorine off.
So I’m a mom - so I don’t have a lot of experience with men’s change rooms. BUT if a strange naked woman started talking to my naked daughter (or son) in the women’s change room it would still be weird and I’d remove my child from the situation. You’re right to trust your gut and in the future it wouldn’t be unreasonable to mention the encounter to the staff. Like nakedness is normal in change rooms in most cultures I’ve encountered. But generally, the etiquette that it not the time for a conversation until people are at least in their underwear … and avert your eyes until then. I’m a former swim team swimmer, spend 5 years as a lifeguard at a pool, and am now a parent with kids on swim team - I have spent a lot of time in pool locker rooms.
Don't even second guess it, that guy was a creep. I would either go with the suit-on shower next time and keep a close watch, or just dry off and have her shower at home and not risk it at all. But F that guy, I would have caused a scene, screamed at him, probably over reacted
Nahh nope nope I got the "impropriety of being a man in the vicinity of children" talk ~15 years old, and, while it still chafes on principle, *it's just the way things are*, at least for the foreseeable future The point was impressed upon me that one should be conscious of, and go out of their way to be as non-threatening and unsuspicious as possible. I don't look at other people's kids unless I'm talking to their parents, I don't have my phone camera pointed anywhere near someone's kids (regardless of whether or not I'm using it), and I certainly don't *approach other people's kids in locker rooms with my bits out and try to talk to them directly and then get defensive when the parent tells me politely to shove off* I take a *really* casual stance on the subject of nudity in general but things always happen in context and this was wildly rude and improper of him, even if he wasn't acting on any kind of perversion. It's a distinction without a difference and yes, you absolutely did the right thing
It's hard not to see him as a perv. I would've reacted the same way and called him a few other things.
I’m a Dad with a daughter around that age and if I was the other guy showering I’d have kept my damn clothes on and just waited until you were finished. So yeah he was a creep
It’s always been amazing to me how comfortable gross old dudes are at being butt-ass naked in locker rooms.
Not sure what your idea of an "older man" is but the boomers (my idea of old) have always been incredibly open with their nudity in locker rooms. I remember being at the gym during the summer when I was a teen in the late 90's and those old dudes were just walking around the locker room with their dick and balls swinging around for everyone to see.
are there no cubicled showers? People seem to have no respect for other these days, they only care about themselves.
I mean thats socially not great, showers are like urinals, you should leave a space between unless they're all used. Your daughter seeing a penis or people being expected to hide their penises in a male changeroom is on you. No I wouldn't say he was a pervert from that interaction. He might be, but thats nowhere near enough. A huge accusation for a minor act. Plenty of people talk and interact while nude in the showers and tbh although its not really my thing- I don't talk to randoms in general- its likely healthier than those who feel ashamed or embarrassed about nudity... couple hundred years of conservative religion have really caused some oddness about it. I only have a son and he goes with me most of the time because my wife doesn't really like taking him to the pool. He has been in the womens and has remarked on them not having penises so we talked about that difference but not sure about much else. My wife is quite shy and i believe showers in her swimsuit and then quickly changes with a towel around her and has commented on how some girls just wonder around buck naked talking and such and I've certainly had conversations in the shower area with naked people but not often and when i've brought my sons friends we've used a bathroom stall for changing because i don't want to make them uncomfortable.
When it comes to my child, I always err on the side of, "probably a pervert" because then I'm making decisions that at best protected my child from a predator or at worse, was a minor inconvenience. I would say that boomers however are just super fucking weird in changing rooms. The amount of times that I've gone to the gym and there's just a group of boomers/late genx standing around in the captain morgan pose completely naked for very long periods of time while they chat is insane to me. I wouldn't say I'm very shy naked, with how many surgeries and other medical things I've had, I've probably had as many people see me naked as a porn star. But I don't just stand around airing out my balls in a change room as I talk about hockey for 45 minutes either. Some of these guys just wander around the locker rooms butt ass naked having conversations with people like they're at the bar. I actually went swimming with my child a few months ago and when we walked in we had one of those gaggles of dudes standing around right by the door so we walked past, changed, showered, went to their swimming lessons, showered on the way back to the locker room and the dudes were STILL there talking and still with no clothes. I'm not saying the dude wasn't a pervert because as I prefaced, I assume everyone is a danger at all times, but I'm also acutely aware of how nonchalantly some dudes treat the locker room nudity. I recommend family change rooms when possible as they have changing stolls and it's frowned upon to just be chillin' naked.
I’m going to refer you to comedian Mike Birbiglia. His most recent special is called “The Old Man and the Pool”. Then I recommend “The New One”, after that you may go in whichever order you like for his other specials.
I could see his internal logic being not that he was perving, but that he was purposely making you uncomfortable as "punishment" for doing something he didn't agree with (brining your daughter into the space).
You reacted with a great deal more restraint than I would have.
You reacted the right way in removing yourselves from the situation. I, personally, would just have my daughter shower in her suit in a mens locker room. Washing the hair is probably the best thing to do after being in a pool... and even wearing a suit, the water should be just fine to rinse off even with a suit on. But I agree... common sense would be to give everyone as much space as possible in a communal shower area.
Next time you go in, I'd tell the front desk staff what happened and how uncomfortable it made you. Give them a description and if you see him there again make a point to talk to a lifeguard and ask them to fetch one of the on-site managers to fill in who it is. You don't ever need to talk to that guy again. But they should be taking him aside and either revoking his membership, or making it crystal clear what proper gym etiquette is. And that even if he can shower wherever, it is absolutely not okay to make other patrons uncomfortable. If the staff don't take it seriously, I would suggest a few follow-ups. Like writing to their GM and board of directors about the incident and how no one took a report or took it seriously. Also that if they want families to feel welcome in their space, they should look into expanding their facilities to have more family-friendly change rooms (you could do this regardless really, if the staff are good you can praise their efforts in the letter while still encouraging the BoD to have more family change rooms).
You should 1000% be telling the people who run/oversee that pool. I'm not saying he IS a creep, but if people report and make a record of this behavior, patterns are more likely to get caught early.
In my experience of being a swimmer and water polo player for 30 years I find it hilarious that older gentlemen in the locker rooms tend to forget that they are indeed naked and talk and walk in the locker room like they're outside fully clothed. I'd have conversations with men who are fully naked and in my mind i'd have the mantra "Don't look down, don't look down" repeating in my head constantly. They had absolutely no shame. he may not be a pervert but he may have forgotten that he's not in a suitable position to speak to a minor, especially a girl, who's got a lion snarling at him and he's not getting the message. I'd probably done the same, but not very diplomatically.. I would have taken your side for sure.
Not sure if its generational but damn its common. I stopped showering at gyms because too many guys just hang out for some reason. No one ever did or said anything inappropriate but I didn't like it.
You held it together more than I would have man. You were totally in the right, and I would have gone further and made a complaint to the pool about the pervert.
My daughter was in her own world. I didn't want to say or do more and bring it to her attention. But I should have gone to the reception and put in a complaint.
Obviously the older man wagging his genitalia at a child is a pervert. But what you really need is solutions. My suggestion would be to holler into the women’s locker room “Hello is anyone in here? Do you mind if I bring my daughter in for a shower?” Most women would want your daughter to shower safely amongst other women and as long as you’re respectfully keeping your eyes to the floor and you’ve asked permission I doubt you’ll have any issue.
You’re both right. Yeah, he can do what he wants. But it can also be (and is) weird.
My view of nakedness is that it's 100 percent natural, and being naked isn't in itself sexual. On the other hand. I would never, ever shower next to another person if there was a free shower further away. The fact that he doubled down on his behaviour, and it wasn't just a thoughtless mistake, makes me think he wanted to be close to you and/or your daughter while naked. You made the right choice IMO. Being naked is normal, but respect strangers boundaries, and assume they don't want to look at your naked body.
Some older folks seem to lose their sense of boundaries, and unfortunately that extends to when they're naked in a locker room. Not justifying it, I think you did the right thing. Absolutely weird behavior even if it wasn't malicious. Might have to go back to showering at home until she's old enough to change in the women's room.
Old people can be weirdly friendly in the locker room. Even so it's on him to know how that looks, and it's way out of line for him to act entitled like he did. And you know, he might have been a pervert too. You made the right call
Super weird and hopefully just an old man that is ignorant rather than a pedophile. I keep my 2 year olds swim diaper on during the shower and then take it off when we get into a private dressing room.
Yea, I would have reacted the same way. That dude was at best, creepily misinformed and worst, a gross pervert. Fortunately no issues like that have come up when I take my daughter to the public pool, but I would feel no remorse for responding the same way if I was put in the same situation.