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Yes.
I miss the early days of OKCupid, where online dating was this sorta taboo thing to do at all. You could learn a lot about someone from their profile and a lot of people were really cool. Once online dating became a vehicle to profit off narcissism we were all doomed.
I would advise not using any apps. Meet people in person. If that is hard, welcome to the club. Grow and change your lifestyle to make it less hard.
YES, I remember that! Half of it was like Craigslist personals and the other half was just folks wanting to meet somebody. That shit was *wild*!
-hugs-
Man, the lawless internet of 2004 was WILD but also THRILLING
I had so many great experiences on old Okcupid, it really was something else, I miss it so much, man
*Hugs while tearing up*
OKC in the early 00s was the absolute bomb. Not only was it generally interesting to use (they had a lot of interesting analytical articles based off the info they got from users), the quizzes were quite fun, and the match ratings you'd get once you'd answered a couple of hundred questions, actually worked really well. I got a few short casual relationships, enduring friendships that stayed platonic, a 7 year partnership and plenty of people to show me round cities I was visiting (and people to show round my city). After the 7 year thing played out I went back on there and was very sad to see they'd made it this odd hybrid of what it used to be, shoehorned into a Tinder-style interface. Even worse it quickly became obvious that only old profiles were searchable the original way but any new and therefore active profiles were hidden in a 'pay to play' swipe stack.
Oh, agreed. 100%, I remember when I was 20-21 using apps and you could just freely search profiles and actually control who you spoke to.
Those were the best dates I ever had from online.
Once the “swipe” format took hold, that was the death-stroke of users having any control of who is actually suggested to them. And that’s the thing. Suggested.
Your dating experience isn’t your own. It is someone else deciding your life for you, and who they feel you would do best with. That’s truly what that algorithm is for. And make no mistake…it is intentional.
They keep several pages of data and notes about each users’ habits, when they feel lonely and are most likely to get on the app, when they’re feeling rejected or frustrated so they can offer them a “discounted” premium subscription.
It’s all staged. You have no real control other than agreeing to talk to someone or not.
Yes. OLD is basically dead now - more people than ever using it and more people than ever are single. These apps are massive conglomerates who have weaponised loneliness for profit.
Online dating has always sucked but I truly think SPECIFICALLY Tinder has just made things all the worse and that mindset infiltrated all the other apps. Maybe it’s a generational thing too. Idk. All I can say for sure is my dating life is far better when organic than on the apps.
Lowkey a generational thing, but I also don’t blame younger online daters for that. The people 25 and younger always had an online dating experience that revolved around a quick and easy interface. That develops this dating dynamic that reflects in the types of interactions they have on these apps and in person. I’m only 30, and I got a taste of that in my early 20’s when there was still a sliver of care for these sites.
Dude I wouldn’t take online dating seriously fully, they are rigged to keep people lonely and sad.
But I would keep your photos updated, I would check it maybe 20 minutes a day…MAX so your anxiety isn’t through the roof and get hooked into swiping, use it to get dates….and if it goes serious from there your golden.
Getting zero matches is better than getting matches from Catfishes and fake profiles, and if they can’t hold a conversation…. Stop talking to them and move on.
Yes but that’s just because people are awful. No one wants to commit, people ghost, everyone’s avoidant, etc. it’s not a good time for dating. People don’t respect each other which makes it difficult.
Online dating has always been horrible
You gotta get out there and meet people
Truth is, if you can't pick-up a girl in real life; You won't do very well with online dating either
You can only get out so much tho. I’ve come across girls in my local area that have matched with me that I don’t even know exist. I usually fumble or don’t commit tho so they ghost. I do think online dating can expose you to more potential dates than just going to the bars every Friday night. It’s tricky tho.
Online dating is a waste, friend.
The girls you want and even those you don't care for much have 10x as many options. And even if you look decent other factors come into play like job/money so you're basically waiting for a needle in a haystack. And even if you find that needle ... The fact that she chooses you is already sussy baka.
There is no winning online anymore. Gotta meet someone genuine in person. It's the only way
Yes, they do seem to have gotten worse. I remember getting far more likes and matches with frankly atrocious photos about 5 years ago as a student. Possible explanation: Bumble has had to fire a lot of their staff, and there's a movement away from dating apps (lots of articles about it, more speed dating events and so on). So dating apps have to rely more on paying subscribers, without subscription you're going to do even worse now. Moreover, you've gotten older, and in your current age bracket a lot of the competition probably pays.
I’ve only started using them for the first time since Feb, so I have no context for how they used to be, but they’ve been fine? Tinder is an absolute jungle and tapestry of mental illnesses. But I found as soon as I switched to ‘New Friends’ it filtered out a lot of the weirdos and i’ve met some great people, made a few friends, a few fun dates (got Fatfished twice, but endured the date and was polite) and then a few ONS after I was recently single and just wanted to get my rocks off. I just make sure i’m super specific with who I swipe on and the eventual matches tend to be alright. Hinge has higher quality people but waaaaay less traffic. Am dating a girl off of there now. I think people who have the shitty experiences tend to be the loudest and vent on these subs, people who have an okay to good experience aren’t going to complain too much, but then I have no idea of how it ‘used to be.’
I'm one of those who made it work for me during the brief couple months I used it last yr. I had to be super selective with a whole 3 staged vetting process. Most ppl couldn't get past a week of the chatting stage because the majority of matches wanted to rush & I refused. Only met 6 matches, one of those turned out to be a shitbag who hid his flags well at first, several matches were guys who sought me out on social media after I dropped off. One I've been dating for about 10 months now, but we took things super slow which worked quite nicely.
If this relationship doesn't pan out for whatever reason, I won't be using the apps again. The process is too shallow & problematic, the expectations of unicorns are wild & I quickly found myself resenting how time consuming & disconnected it all was.
Well you went about in a similar manner to me, although I kinda learnt on the run and had a few awkward experiences early but got a good idea quickly of how to play the ‘game’ of it and get the most suitable matches possible. It’s still a novelty to me, but I can imagine it getting exhausting and dispiriting over time especially if you’re not very social or good at being social and it’s your only means of meeting potential partners, then that is grim. It’s much more natural for me to meet people in a social environment, but I get for some people that’s difficult.
Good luck. Hopefully yours is one of the success stories!
I've always had good experiences with in person socialization in the past, but since covid there's been a massive shift towards social avoidance & a decline in even basic common courtesy. I've also been made aware recently from men themselves that a lot of guys are actively avoiding interacting with women irl on any level. Part of it is the widespread fear of being labeled as "creepy", some is the rise of social anxiety & the other is "women get attention for existing so let's show them how unimportant they all are." I've even seen some men act passive aggressive towards random women in public & have a couple bizarre experiences of my own.
Humanity is turning into a very weird bunch.
That’s sad to hear. But understandable. I’m in my late 30s, so fortunately people around my age are already pretty well adjusted and have a lot of social & life experience pre-covid and dating apps, so it hasn’t really shaped or influenced my generation as much in the way we interact and operate socially. We very much the go to a bar and socialise first type, with apps being a newer toy and an option of convenience rather than the rule. Social media didn’t exist during school other than myspace during Uni (lol). But now it’s a very different game and ballpark, and the only one people sub 30 years of age know. Throw Covid on top and I don’t envy them.
I’ve spent most of my 20s and 30s living abroad and traveling, so i’ve always had to meet new people and make new friends, which I like and is easy for me. I’m introverted, but an only child, so seeking out other company has always been a thing i’ve had to do and i’m just curious about people by nature. When i’m home (Australia) I have a mix of newer and old friends, or am making new ones.
I've also moved around a whole lot through the US so my long-time friends are all scattered across other states. I'm late 30s as well. The last few yrs are the only time I've had an issue finding social groups or striking up random conversations as ppl of all ages seem increasingly closed off to those outside of their existing circles. Even showing common courtesy of acknowledging someone's presence in passing is not always welcomed like it used to be. Some ppl even treat it as bizarre behavior now. The couple local friends I've made expressed having the same issues after moving & one called me in tears the other day because of how lonely she gets at times. I've noticed it's becoming a pretty common topic in local groups as well.
Honestly that’s a shame to hear. Which state in the US? I’ve spent time there, and found people to be generally open and had zero issue making friends when I was there. When i’m at home it’s a tad trickier, i’m inclined to go out less and flex the social muscle. But I find social areas where i’m a regular at work the best for me (Gym, Pub, Music Venue, Cafe etc) and over time people will begin to trust and like you if you make an effort to speak to them and listen. I also use Tinder to make friends and that has been weirdly successful.
The average guy isn’t attractive to women so it’s a shit show from most men’s perspective getting breadcrumb matches
it’s a shit show from any women seeking purely relationships with no hookup intent because she’ll be flooded with sexualized lines from the attractive guys who just do that to all the women in their inbox to find the ones that respond positively.
Most of them operate like games too (think Tinder's swiping) so many people on them aren't really using them for anything more than fun. They're just not a good way to meet people.
It got progressively worse over the last 5 years. I would get like 5+ matches a day back then. I tried it out again recently and i get very few matches and I don’t even think I swiped on those people either, because they weren’t interesting to me. I deleted it pretty quickly, it has basically imploded. Way better off with approaching in real life
I'm having some success but you have to be better than most of competition to even standout a little bit, like being in great shape to even get your foot in the door. That was the thing that saved me the most in this online dating is being in great shape. Its really all superficial.
Half of my experience online has been women who are already in a relationship whether they tell me or not and I find out. I’ve also been a rebound fresh off a month breakup. That was fun. Every now and then I would get a hook up or two but pof tinder and OkCupid are all trash tbh.
Human interaction has been turned into a commodity for profit. Ironically stripping it of all human traits. In person human interaction has been demonized into an impossible option. If by some miracle you manage to get something going from either option, you're still at risk due to the shifts in modern dating culture. Good luck, it's hell out there. I personally abandoned it all several years ago after the last failed attempt.
I suggest changing things up a bit, to separate yourself from the rest. Try sending voice messages. Or meet people through mutual interests. It worked on me with my current partner. Good luck.
Dating apps can be fun , I agree not everyone is honest but if you are willing to put yourself out there ...
Your bio is important,be honest but show your positives.
I like natural pictures,a disheveled man after a hike . Laughter lines ,fun & real .
As for dating , I went on a lot of fun outdoor dates trying to find the right person. I met some fabulous people, even if there wasn't a spark , it doesn't always happen no matter much you want this person to be the one.
Best of luck 😘
You missed the golden era of online dating. Now it’s just horrible. Too many chicks inflated by social media. Much better off hitting on girls out in the normal world not the inner web
As a guy you’ll never be happy online dating. Women on there will treat you like you’re disposable and will throw you away in a moment’s notice to move on the next unsuspecting victim. Save yourself the heartache and just delete the apps.
On dating apps I get no play, and in real life, I pull 10’s and theoretically reject the same women who wouldn’t choose me on dating apps. The combination of Pictures/angles plus framing yourself in a positive, tiny description is not even close to real life. I suggest finding face to face stuff to do to get an accurate depiction of your impression on others.
My problem these days is my actual age (47) gets me filtered out of results by women that are hitting on me IRL then don't actually care about my age once they found out. Like I've actually met women who've ignored my messages on certain dating groups be all over me when we meet IRL. I've literally had to get my driving license out a few times recently because they think I'm joking/lying when I tell them my age.
1 hundo. Attraction is not a game based on figures. Dating apps are just ok. They are a twist on attraction, not the real thing.
I realized the apps were making below average people feel good, but I didn’t realize they were also making good looking people feel bad about themselves lol.
I don’t see it as a bad thing bro. It’s better to be good looking irl and have less play online than the other way around. Hope you don’t internalize that experience as negative! It’s just encouragement to go outside.
Yes, but unfortunately I have to lean on the apps a little because my work curtails the amount of evening/night socialising I can do, and it's also true I live in a place where there's not much of an 'alternative' scene and it's also a bit rural, people are spread out and there's not many social hubs for people who aren't either uni undergrads or much older, semi retired. By the time my monthly financial commitments are satisfied, I can afford one or two nights out a month, and of course I tend to lean towards spending those evenings with my existing friends when possible. So when I do go out for a night partying, I'm always wary of not just going off on my own trying to meet people because I want to spend QT with my crew as well.
Well, they used to be really quite effective, nowadays it's a different story, and despite the whole age issue, the apps themselves aren't run in an ethical or trustworthy way and prefer to retain users not facilitate them getting together jrdd they throw silly amounts of money at it.
Horrendous!!! This is my experience and my point only, so no judgment please, we all have our own standards and experiences.
Nothing but women who have mental issues, openly admitted too, that are going through counseling because of the ex husband or whomever. Pass! Red flag!
90% of them have 2+ kids, young ones too, some even 4 or 5 from multiple baby daddies. Pass, red flag!
Those are the 2 huge problems I run into.
There weren't a lot of women on dating apps before, and now it's become even less. I used Bumble and Hinge a few years ago and went on many dates to discover they were fuckboys and "nice guys". Never progressed beyond first dates and I deleted my accounts. I know many female friends who did the same. Just not worth the time.
I have a sister and a few friends who helped me max my dating apps plus pictures with suits and ties. I get a couple of matches on hinge per week.
Getting the matches is one thing, but then once I have them, I try to be as interesting as possible and give good openers based on their profile. More than half of them don’t respond, and of those who do, I usually get dry convo. Many just end up ghosting even when there is promising convo. Some I set up dates with and occasionally the dates will also be ghosted.
Not sure if this helps because this is anecdotal and I could be doing many things wrong, but at least in my experience it is very difficult. I think there is nothing to really get the girl to emotionally invest, so even if they have high interest they would drop you if they had fun plans with their family or friends. Plus they most likely get a lot of matches so they could just forget you.
The nature of online dating seems to be a numbers game. But even so, it is very difficult even if you appear to do everything right.
Decent looking guy. Haven't had a match in over a year. I get plenty of likes but all are so bad I had to quit looking or paying got really depressing. Gonna have to go the old fashioned route and meet more people... Which for me will be rather tough living in a small town and medical issues 🤦
Person who down voted this probably weighs 300 lbs and has a list of demands in their bio. lol kills me how women can have a list of preferences a mile long but men are supposed to be Ray Charles
Facebook dating is where I met my boyfriend! I’ve met a lot of people on there who are looking for genuine connections and relationships, all the other dating apps are trash and they just want to hook up.
Dating has always been bad, and this era is the worst it's ever been. I tried Bumble and facebook dating with zero matches on both (it's so bad that I had to delete my bumble account). I'm sure plenty of us (guys and girls) feel the same way. we should legalize Arranged Marriage and do it that way. That Should make those shameless, money-hungry, red hat-loving right-wing, chicken chasers happy now if not already.
Who (knows although I don't get any matches so I don't try anymore, you can't use chat rooms either since it's same concept. Offline? Can't i am shut in neet.
It's a dumpster fire. I've been on and off the apps and it's not working. The quality is lacking... And audacity and entitlement is at an all time high
Online dating sucks just like real life dating sucks if you’re average in every department.
For a guy, if you’re above average height, skinny, good college, good job and no kids, you’re gonna crush it.
If you’re average you’re gonna struggle. You only hear of losers whining, people loving apps are not gonna make bragging posts lol.
Oh yes. Some of the most memorable dates I've gone on happened circa 2019 when I first started using Tinder and Hinge. I also ended up matching with my first partner on both apps. The odds of that happening were pretty wild and it could only be attributed to (1) less profiles to swipe on and/or (2) the algorithms actually doing their job to get the most compatible profiles on my screen.
I took a long break and decided to sign back up for Bumble late last year. It was horrific. Lots of profiles were just proxies for people to advertise their social media, got ghosted a lot, and it felt like the app was constantly giving me just enough to keep me swiping. There's research backing up this last thing so I do believe the apps are nothing but a business venture these days and we'd be better off without them.
I’m in the same boat. It worked for me in the past. I met my girlfriend of two years online. Broke up months ago. Now I can’t even find anyone I want to date, the cool women. Most just aren’t my type. I think online dating is over now.
Sorry dude. I broke off a month ago from my ex. Ill give it another month before I try again. 33 male here. I also met my ex online. I had some success before meeting her. Hinge - paid for was working well for me.
Although I never really had success on dating apps that led to a date being 25m. However, I do remember the days in high school about the earliest I can think of 6-8 years ago that dating apps were easier to talk to girls. Alot of the time they can actually hold a conversation and I was able to make friends on many dating apps but I wish that was the case when I went out into the world, got a job, car etc and now I get girls that ghost, don’t know how to hold a conversation and just are rude. I miss the days where it was about actually getting to know the person.
It’s the worst.
These days they have Reddit threads that just murder men who fumble anything from openers to pictures. Some of these females have 20+ posts w like 3 upvotes. Then they post a few screenshots and get 400+ upvotes and all the attention and validation they’ve been looking for. Same user is suddenly posting nothing but pop shots at the poor fools that dared to shoot his shot.
So if you DO finally get a match, don’t you dare stumble.
You realize this is like the 400,000,000,001 post made about online dating right? Have you checked ANY of them if they match what you're looking for in terms of an answer lol.
Sorry that dating still sucks - but you gotta find a solution that isn't just going online over and over again.
I have been on Tinder , Hinge and Bumble for many years. FOr TInder I often took the plus/ gold/platinum account but didn't get any matches. I jump on buying it when they give 50% off for one month and then I forget to unsubscribe .
I think it only works for top 1%. Recently I had doubt about tinders algorithm and I created a fake profile of someone who could be match and start swiping in my area. I didn't see this profile in my list of people even after both of them joining Free for tonight etc . I think they do want people who actually pay to not match so that keep paying and remains in this cycle
Unpopular opinion here but I believe dating apps have always been a mess! All they managed to do is commodify human connection, reducing it to superficial interactions. The true art or romancing someone is literally non existent in this day and age.
Yes, online dating is worse than ever. I'm going through pretty much exactly what you just described. Don't worry about it, things will figure themselves out eventually.
I think after so much time, we've pretty much all viewed each other's profiles, and the only new ppl we see are fresh out of breakups, cheaters, travelers, and fake accounts. Now, it's just a bunch of us swiping a rolodex of faces we've already crossed, over and over and over again. Eventually, you stop.
They can't.. online dates are doomed.. its purely a vanity thing now.. like your matches aren't potential dates they are people who find you attractive and very little else..
I only tried it for a couple of hours tbh after my relationship ended, and i made it a point not to swipe on guys with “perfect bodies” - pictures w/ shirtless pics and whatnot, and unsurprisingly there were a lot of quality guys who seemed genuine. I just dont like dating apps in general but there are quality people out there, it’s just usually not the obvious gym bros
Like everything else in society, it’s all about the money. Dating apps make money by keeping you single and looking. It helps keep them in business. You get matched with those who aren’t looking for your type of person. They hope you fail so you keep looking and paying their fees.
Imagine an app where you signed up and matched with someone you liked. You met, things went well, you went on to form a relationship, and you quit the app. No money to be made here. Bad for the app. It’s a dating app, not a relationship app. If you were successful, it’s bad for business.
Back in the early days of dating apps, it was easier to meet and date. The system lords of dating figured out you won’t pay them when you succeed, you pay them do long as you’re looking. You stop paying when you find the one. They hope you never do and keep paying up.
I’ve had the same experience (M45). I was doing the online dating thing 11-12 years ago and had okay results. Now I’m back after a long term relationship and can’t get anything. I’m a shorter guy 5’6”, but managed to get 2-3 dates per month with hard work before. Now, I’m putting in more refined effort and can’t even get a response or profile view. My ex tells me I look better now than I did then, and my salary has doubled. Something seems broken in the OLD world, or just society in general maybe.
Yes, just yes. Everything online seems to get worse lately… People just go crazy more than usual and I have no idea why. Seems like Covid brought madness to the world…
I tried too online dating or Chinese app dating -WECHAT -which I have some 2 out of 6 success with some short term fling with them with several dates outside the worst one is the FILIPINODRIENDFINDER.COM which I been fooled coz the Filipina had a American guy living with her for yrs and I trust her all of it send her money and package like one box of goods with chrome laptop. But the American guy promise her to bring here but never coz of his wife not yet divorced. Some online right now are fake the only thing yo I can do is just go with friends with friends on fb
Hone in on who it is YOU are. Get matched out there to understand that, thats what makes you valuable. It can be REALLY frustrating when matches don’t click,( especially the ones that suck ass at conversation) but keep on moving and focus on the ones that reciprocate the things you like.
Workout. Get a suit/we'll fitted shirt and clothes in general. Be exciting in your bio. Make them laugh. Target your perfect gf, be specific. Make it a challenge.
Example- If you're not in the gym 3 times a week, blonde and love ice skating this won't work.
I mean play around with it, but chasing women doesn't really work in my experience. Unless they love you. And even then they prefer to be the ones chasing you.
dating apps are awful 75% of the time. I've done online dating since 2016. Quit completely a few yrs ago. I would never recommend it to anyone. you will kiss a lot of frogs before you find someone who is semi decent.
I get ya.
It’s a shit show.
I’m mid 40s. Have 2 super well behaved and great sons with 50/50 custody and no drama
My experience in dating apps is that’s it’s either 30ish year old single mothers who want a (my) house.. or chubby “forever single” lonely losers who want to latch on last minute.
It really really sucks and you aren’t alone
Yes, it is worse than ever. Basically dead from my perspective. There are multiple reasons for this.
#1 of course is women online are flooded with unlimited options. This leads them to take no men seriously and to never focus on any one single man and build a relationship.
#2 is these online dating apps are controlled by for-profit corporations. They profit off of you paying them and using the app. They have no incentive to find you a match. Therefore, they have fake profiles and they will intentionally not show you people you would click with because then you’ll stop using the app.
#3 is there are exponentially more men on there than women. This plays off of #1 from a different angle. Of the female profiles that are on there, probably half of them are either dormant, fake or bots. A quarter of them are women strictly seeking attention or funneling men to their social media accounts / onlyfans / IG and they would never actually go on a date. Another 15-20+% are fat women most men are not interested in. That leaves a few percent of regular attractive women who get flooded with dozens or hundreds of messages per day. Good luck with that.
Well some people who have success are the ones who don't put much effort into it or just use dating apps as an alternative to meeting people. They focus more with offline dating, the people who get mostly fed up with online dating apps are the ones who solely rely on it to find someone and not go out to meet people.
You just gotta wait for a bit and then I felt like the algorithm “finds” you, Idk what a good term for that is. First month I was on them it was terrible, but after 3-4 months it gets better. At least on Hinge, I think Bumble is just dead
I wonder if online dating is actually worse, or there are less single people my age, as I get older. More people are single in their 20s than in their 30s.
Yes it gives a false sense of you can always find better and allowing for over dating while also allowing for “taken” people to step out when upset without actually doing so i would not recommend unless its for hooking up anymore its gotten bad these last couple of years
It’s pretty crappy, nobody chats everyone swipes. It’s by purpose made for pickiness (that’s not a bad thing) but at some point there’s got to be chance to chat. You match, somebody begins the chat, the other ignores. That’s been my experience. It’s a mess and kind of depressing.
I matched with a girl on Fb dating. It's the only app I bother with. Yeah upon closer inspection it turns out she wasn't my type so I just ghosted her. Kinda feels like poetic payback at this point.
I use to do so well on online dating years ago. Now I barely get matches at all on hinge and all those other apps. It’s not like I got ugly or anything lol It really sucks cause it made it so much easier to meet people.
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Yes. I miss the early days of OKCupid, where online dating was this sorta taboo thing to do at all. You could learn a lot about someone from their profile and a lot of people were really cool. Once online dating became a vehicle to profit off narcissism we were all doomed. I would advise not using any apps. Meet people in person. If that is hard, welcome to the club. Grow and change your lifestyle to make it less hard.
It’s so refreshing to see others here who remember how it once was, versus the dumpster-fire it is now. I just wanna hug you all! lol. ❤️
I'm "Okcupid used to have forums" old, give me some of that hug as well!
YES, I remember that! Half of it was like Craigslist personals and the other half was just folks wanting to meet somebody. That shit was *wild*! -hugs-
Man, the lawless internet of 2004 was WILD but also THRILLING I had so many great experiences on old Okcupid, it really was something else, I miss it so much, man *Hugs while tearing up*
OKC in the early 00s was the absolute bomb. Not only was it generally interesting to use (they had a lot of interesting analytical articles based off the info they got from users), the quizzes were quite fun, and the match ratings you'd get once you'd answered a couple of hundred questions, actually worked really well. I got a few short casual relationships, enduring friendships that stayed platonic, a 7 year partnership and plenty of people to show me round cities I was visiting (and people to show round my city). After the 7 year thing played out I went back on there and was very sad to see they'd made it this odd hybrid of what it used to be, shoehorned into a Tinder-style interface. Even worse it quickly became obvious that only old profiles were searchable the original way but any new and therefore active profiles were hidden in a 'pay to play' swipe stack.
I've been on and off dating apps for over a decade and it's never been great but the last couple years is the absolute worst it's ever been
Oh, agreed. 100%, I remember when I was 20-21 using apps and you could just freely search profiles and actually control who you spoke to. Those were the best dates I ever had from online. Once the “swipe” format took hold, that was the death-stroke of users having any control of who is actually suggested to them. And that’s the thing. Suggested. Your dating experience isn’t your own. It is someone else deciding your life for you, and who they feel you would do best with. That’s truly what that algorithm is for. And make no mistake…it is intentional. They keep several pages of data and notes about each users’ habits, when they feel lonely and are most likely to get on the app, when they’re feeling rejected or frustrated so they can offer them a “discounted” premium subscription. It’s all staged. You have no real control other than agreeing to talk to someone or not.
Yes. OLD is basically dead now - more people than ever using it and more people than ever are single. These apps are massive conglomerates who have weaponised loneliness for profit.
This sentence should be shown whenever some1 enters a dating app, just like there are warnings on cigarettes
Online dating has always sucked but I truly think SPECIFICALLY Tinder has just made things all the worse and that mindset infiltrated all the other apps. Maybe it’s a generational thing too. Idk. All I can say for sure is my dating life is far better when organic than on the apps.
Lowkey a generational thing, but I also don’t blame younger online daters for that. The people 25 and younger always had an online dating experience that revolved around a quick and easy interface. That develops this dating dynamic that reflects in the types of interactions they have on these apps and in person. I’m only 30, and I got a taste of that in my early 20’s when there was still a sliver of care for these sites.
It's fucking stupid. In 2024, we don't have a single viable free dating platform. It's ridiculous.
Dude I wouldn’t take online dating seriously fully, they are rigged to keep people lonely and sad. But I would keep your photos updated, I would check it maybe 20 minutes a day…MAX so your anxiety isn’t through the roof and get hooked into swiping, use it to get dates….and if it goes serious from there your golden. Getting zero matches is better than getting matches from Catfishes and fake profiles, and if they can’t hold a conversation…. Stop talking to them and move on.
Dating in this day and age just sucks over all.
Yes but that’s just because people are awful. No one wants to commit, people ghost, everyone’s avoidant, etc. it’s not a good time for dating. People don’t respect each other which makes it difficult.
Online dating has always been horrible You gotta get out there and meet people Truth is, if you can't pick-up a girl in real life; You won't do very well with online dating either
You can only get out so much tho. I’ve come across girls in my local area that have matched with me that I don’t even know exist. I usually fumble or don’t commit tho so they ghost. I do think online dating can expose you to more potential dates than just going to the bars every Friday night. It’s tricky tho.
Online dating is terrible.
Online dating is a waste, friend. The girls you want and even those you don't care for much have 10x as many options. And even if you look decent other factors come into play like job/money so you're basically waiting for a needle in a haystack. And even if you find that needle ... The fact that she chooses you is already sussy baka. There is no winning online anymore. Gotta meet someone genuine in person. It's the only way
Haven’t heard sussy Baka in a minute
Yes, they do seem to have gotten worse. I remember getting far more likes and matches with frankly atrocious photos about 5 years ago as a student. Possible explanation: Bumble has had to fire a lot of their staff, and there's a movement away from dating apps (lots of articles about it, more speed dating events and so on). So dating apps have to rely more on paying subscribers, without subscription you're going to do even worse now. Moreover, you've gotten older, and in your current age bracket a lot of the competition probably pays.
They got absolutely horrible in the last period and who's telling you is a guy who used to be pretty successful.
I'm convinced the algorithms know who's genuinely looking for a relationship and who's looking for an ego boost and keep pairing them up.
Omg! This lol the amount of people I see who are not sure if they want a relationship, are not sure about kids etc. is very frustrating
I’ve only started using them for the first time since Feb, so I have no context for how they used to be, but they’ve been fine? Tinder is an absolute jungle and tapestry of mental illnesses. But I found as soon as I switched to ‘New Friends’ it filtered out a lot of the weirdos and i’ve met some great people, made a few friends, a few fun dates (got Fatfished twice, but endured the date and was polite) and then a few ONS after I was recently single and just wanted to get my rocks off. I just make sure i’m super specific with who I swipe on and the eventual matches tend to be alright. Hinge has higher quality people but waaaaay less traffic. Am dating a girl off of there now. I think people who have the shitty experiences tend to be the loudest and vent on these subs, people who have an okay to good experience aren’t going to complain too much, but then I have no idea of how it ‘used to be.’
I'm one of those who made it work for me during the brief couple months I used it last yr. I had to be super selective with a whole 3 staged vetting process. Most ppl couldn't get past a week of the chatting stage because the majority of matches wanted to rush & I refused. Only met 6 matches, one of those turned out to be a shitbag who hid his flags well at first, several matches were guys who sought me out on social media after I dropped off. One I've been dating for about 10 months now, but we took things super slow which worked quite nicely. If this relationship doesn't pan out for whatever reason, I won't be using the apps again. The process is too shallow & problematic, the expectations of unicorns are wild & I quickly found myself resenting how time consuming & disconnected it all was.
Well you went about in a similar manner to me, although I kinda learnt on the run and had a few awkward experiences early but got a good idea quickly of how to play the ‘game’ of it and get the most suitable matches possible. It’s still a novelty to me, but I can imagine it getting exhausting and dispiriting over time especially if you’re not very social or good at being social and it’s your only means of meeting potential partners, then that is grim. It’s much more natural for me to meet people in a social environment, but I get for some people that’s difficult. Good luck. Hopefully yours is one of the success stories!
I've always had good experiences with in person socialization in the past, but since covid there's been a massive shift towards social avoidance & a decline in even basic common courtesy. I've also been made aware recently from men themselves that a lot of guys are actively avoiding interacting with women irl on any level. Part of it is the widespread fear of being labeled as "creepy", some is the rise of social anxiety & the other is "women get attention for existing so let's show them how unimportant they all are." I've even seen some men act passive aggressive towards random women in public & have a couple bizarre experiences of my own. Humanity is turning into a very weird bunch.
That’s sad to hear. But understandable. I’m in my late 30s, so fortunately people around my age are already pretty well adjusted and have a lot of social & life experience pre-covid and dating apps, so it hasn’t really shaped or influenced my generation as much in the way we interact and operate socially. We very much the go to a bar and socialise first type, with apps being a newer toy and an option of convenience rather than the rule. Social media didn’t exist during school other than myspace during Uni (lol). But now it’s a very different game and ballpark, and the only one people sub 30 years of age know. Throw Covid on top and I don’t envy them.
So here's a question... was your social group already well established or have you moved to another area & had to meet new ppl in recent yrs?
I’ve spent most of my 20s and 30s living abroad and traveling, so i’ve always had to meet new people and make new friends, which I like and is easy for me. I’m introverted, but an only child, so seeking out other company has always been a thing i’ve had to do and i’m just curious about people by nature. When i’m home (Australia) I have a mix of newer and old friends, or am making new ones.
I've also moved around a whole lot through the US so my long-time friends are all scattered across other states. I'm late 30s as well. The last few yrs are the only time I've had an issue finding social groups or striking up random conversations as ppl of all ages seem increasingly closed off to those outside of their existing circles. Even showing common courtesy of acknowledging someone's presence in passing is not always welcomed like it used to be. Some ppl even treat it as bizarre behavior now. The couple local friends I've made expressed having the same issues after moving & one called me in tears the other day because of how lonely she gets at times. I've noticed it's becoming a pretty common topic in local groups as well.
Honestly that’s a shame to hear. Which state in the US? I’ve spent time there, and found people to be generally open and had zero issue making friends when I was there. When i’m at home it’s a tad trickier, i’m inclined to go out less and flex the social muscle. But I find social areas where i’m a regular at work the best for me (Gym, Pub, Music Venue, Cafe etc) and over time people will begin to trust and like you if you make an effort to speak to them and listen. I also use Tinder to make friends and that has been weirdly successful.
The average guy isn’t attractive to women so it’s a shit show from most men’s perspective getting breadcrumb matches it’s a shit show from any women seeking purely relationships with no hookup intent because she’ll be flooded with sexualized lines from the attractive guys who just do that to all the women in their inbox to find the ones that respond positively.
It certainly is for men. If you don’t have holywood looks and a 6 figure or above occupation, you are worthless.
Most of them operate like games too (think Tinder's swiping) so many people on them aren't really using them for anything more than fun. They're just not a good way to meet people.
It got progressively worse over the last 5 years. I would get like 5+ matches a day back then. I tried it out again recently and i get very few matches and I don’t even think I swiped on those people either, because they weren’t interesting to me. I deleted it pretty quickly, it has basically imploded. Way better off with approaching in real life
I'm having some success but you have to be better than most of competition to even standout a little bit, like being in great shape to even get your foot in the door. That was the thing that saved me the most in this online dating is being in great shape. Its really all superficial.
Half of my experience online has been women who are already in a relationship whether they tell me or not and I find out. I’ve also been a rebound fresh off a month breakup. That was fun. Every now and then I would get a hook up or two but pof tinder and OkCupid are all trash tbh.
Human interaction has been turned into a commodity for profit. Ironically stripping it of all human traits. In person human interaction has been demonized into an impossible option. If by some miracle you manage to get something going from either option, you're still at risk due to the shifts in modern dating culture. Good luck, it's hell out there. I personally abandoned it all several years ago after the last failed attempt.
Take me back to yahoo chat and AOL online chat that was the good times
I suggest changing things up a bit, to separate yourself from the rest. Try sending voice messages. Or meet people through mutual interests. It worked on me with my current partner. Good luck.
Dating apps can be fun , I agree not everyone is honest but if you are willing to put yourself out there ... Your bio is important,be honest but show your positives. I like natural pictures,a disheveled man after a hike . Laughter lines ,fun & real . As for dating , I went on a lot of fun outdoor dates trying to find the right person. I met some fabulous people, even if there wasn't a spark , it doesn't always happen no matter much you want this person to be the one. Best of luck 😘
You missed the golden era of online dating. Now it’s just horrible. Too many chicks inflated by social media. Much better off hitting on girls out in the normal world not the inner web
it’s interweb…
As a guy you’ll never be happy online dating. Women on there will treat you like you’re disposable and will throw you away in a moment’s notice to move on the next unsuspecting victim. Save yourself the heartache and just delete the apps.
On dating apps I get no play, and in real life, I pull 10’s and theoretically reject the same women who wouldn’t choose me on dating apps. The combination of Pictures/angles plus framing yourself in a positive, tiny description is not even close to real life. I suggest finding face to face stuff to do to get an accurate depiction of your impression on others.
My problem these days is my actual age (47) gets me filtered out of results by women that are hitting on me IRL then don't actually care about my age once they found out. Like I've actually met women who've ignored my messages on certain dating groups be all over me when we meet IRL. I've literally had to get my driving license out a few times recently because they think I'm joking/lying when I tell them my age.
1 hundo. Attraction is not a game based on figures. Dating apps are just ok. They are a twist on attraction, not the real thing. I realized the apps were making below average people feel good, but I didn’t realize they were also making good looking people feel bad about themselves lol. I don’t see it as a bad thing bro. It’s better to be good looking irl and have less play online than the other way around. Hope you don’t internalize that experience as negative! It’s just encouragement to go outside.
Yes, but unfortunately I have to lean on the apps a little because my work curtails the amount of evening/night socialising I can do, and it's also true I live in a place where there's not much of an 'alternative' scene and it's also a bit rural, people are spread out and there's not many social hubs for people who aren't either uni undergrads or much older, semi retired. By the time my monthly financial commitments are satisfied, I can afford one or two nights out a month, and of course I tend to lean towards spending those evenings with my existing friends when possible. So when I do go out for a night partying, I'm always wary of not just going off on my own trying to meet people because I want to spend QT with my crew as well.
Ah, I see the complication. It does seem like the apps are helping you a bit. I hope you find the balance you’re looking for.
Well, they used to be really quite effective, nowadays it's a different story, and despite the whole age issue, the apps themselves aren't run in an ethical or trustworthy way and prefer to retain users not facilitate them getting together jrdd they throw silly amounts of money at it.
Horrendous!!! This is my experience and my point only, so no judgment please, we all have our own standards and experiences. Nothing but women who have mental issues, openly admitted too, that are going through counseling because of the ex husband or whomever. Pass! Red flag! 90% of them have 2+ kids, young ones too, some even 4 or 5 from multiple baby daddies. Pass, red flag! Those are the 2 huge problems I run into.
There weren't a lot of women on dating apps before, and now it's become even less. I used Bumble and Hinge a few years ago and went on many dates to discover they were fuckboys and "nice guys". Never progressed beyond first dates and I deleted my accounts. I know many female friends who did the same. Just not worth the time.
I have a sister and a few friends who helped me max my dating apps plus pictures with suits and ties. I get a couple of matches on hinge per week. Getting the matches is one thing, but then once I have them, I try to be as interesting as possible and give good openers based on their profile. More than half of them don’t respond, and of those who do, I usually get dry convo. Many just end up ghosting even when there is promising convo. Some I set up dates with and occasionally the dates will also be ghosted. Not sure if this helps because this is anecdotal and I could be doing many things wrong, but at least in my experience it is very difficult. I think there is nothing to really get the girl to emotionally invest, so even if they have high interest they would drop you if they had fun plans with their family or friends. Plus they most likely get a lot of matches so they could just forget you. The nature of online dating seems to be a numbers game. But even so, it is very difficult even if you appear to do everything right.
This sounds very tiring, to be honest. Having to start over every day. I am sorry about that. I hope it gets easier for you, mate.
Decent looking guy. Haven't had a match in over a year. I get plenty of likes but all are so bad I had to quit looking or paying got really depressing. Gonna have to go the old fashioned route and meet more people... Which for me will be rather tough living in a small town and medical issues 🤦
Person who down voted this probably weighs 300 lbs and has a list of demands in their bio. lol kills me how women can have a list of preferences a mile long but men are supposed to be Ray Charles
Everyone is dealing with this. Go to the bumble subreddit and you’ll see someone just posted about this.
Yeah
Facebook dating is where I met my boyfriend! I’ve met a lot of people on there who are looking for genuine connections and relationships, all the other dating apps are trash and they just want to hook up.
Dating has always been bad, and this era is the worst it's ever been. I tried Bumble and facebook dating with zero matches on both (it's so bad that I had to delete my bumble account). I'm sure plenty of us (guys and girls) feel the same way. we should legalize Arranged Marriage and do it that way. That Should make those shameless, money-hungry, red hat-loving right-wing, chicken chasers happy now if not already.
Who (knows although I don't get any matches so I don't try anymore, you can't use chat rooms either since it's same concept. Offline? Can't i am shut in neet.
I don’t know if it is or isn’t but I have to be out here and it feels bad so I’m gonna say yes because that makes me feel better 😂
It's a dumpster fire. I've been on and off the apps and it's not working. The quality is lacking... And audacity and entitlement is at an all time high
Online dating is meant to work for most men. You just have to find another to meet someone.
Skill issue
My opinion don’t waste your time online dating. Just go outside and live life. Meet people that way. That is how I met my gf.
Online dating sucks just like real life dating sucks if you’re average in every department. For a guy, if you’re above average height, skinny, good college, good job and no kids, you’re gonna crush it. If you’re average you’re gonna struggle. You only hear of losers whining, people loving apps are not gonna make bragging posts lol.
Oh yes. Some of the most memorable dates I've gone on happened circa 2019 when I first started using Tinder and Hinge. I also ended up matching with my first partner on both apps. The odds of that happening were pretty wild and it could only be attributed to (1) less profiles to swipe on and/or (2) the algorithms actually doing their job to get the most compatible profiles on my screen. I took a long break and decided to sign back up for Bumble late last year. It was horrific. Lots of profiles were just proxies for people to advertise their social media, got ghosted a lot, and it felt like the app was constantly giving me just enough to keep me swiping. There's research backing up this last thing so I do believe the apps are nothing but a business venture these days and we'd be better off without them.
I’m in the same boat. It worked for me in the past. I met my girlfriend of two years online. Broke up months ago. Now I can’t even find anyone I want to date, the cool women. Most just aren’t my type. I think online dating is over now.
Yep it's worse than ever
I agree, I think it’s broken. I’m just surprised nobody has come up with something different different by now.
Sorry dude. I broke off a month ago from my ex. Ill give it another month before I try again. 33 male here. I also met my ex online. I had some success before meeting her. Hinge - paid for was working well for me.
Although I never really had success on dating apps that led to a date being 25m. However, I do remember the days in high school about the earliest I can think of 6-8 years ago that dating apps were easier to talk to girls. Alot of the time they can actually hold a conversation and I was able to make friends on many dating apps but I wish that was the case when I went out into the world, got a job, car etc and now I get girls that ghost, don’t know how to hold a conversation and just are rude. I miss the days where it was about actually getting to know the person.
It’s the worst. These days they have Reddit threads that just murder men who fumble anything from openers to pictures. Some of these females have 20+ posts w like 3 upvotes. Then they post a few screenshots and get 400+ upvotes and all the attention and validation they’ve been looking for. Same user is suddenly posting nothing but pop shots at the poor fools that dared to shoot his shot. So if you DO finally get a match, don’t you dare stumble.
You realize this is like the 400,000,000,001 post made about online dating right? Have you checked ANY of them if they match what you're looking for in terms of an answer lol. Sorry that dating still sucks - but you gotta find a solution that isn't just going online over and over again.
I have been on Tinder , Hinge and Bumble for many years. FOr TInder I often took the plus/ gold/platinum account but didn't get any matches. I jump on buying it when they give 50% off for one month and then I forget to unsubscribe . I think it only works for top 1%. Recently I had doubt about tinders algorithm and I created a fake profile of someone who could be match and start swiping in my area. I didn't see this profile in my list of people even after both of them joining Free for tonight etc . I think they do want people who actually pay to not match so that keep paying and remains in this cycle
Unpopular opinion here but I believe dating apps have always been a mess! All they managed to do is commodify human connection, reducing it to superficial interactions. The true art or romancing someone is literally non existent in this day and age.
This seems like an interesting conversation...
They ghost not because they don't have an attention span but because they are not interested
Yes
Yes, online dating is worse than ever. I'm going through pretty much exactly what you just described. Don't worry about it, things will figure themselves out eventually.
I think after so much time, we've pretty much all viewed each other's profiles, and the only new ppl we see are fresh out of breakups, cheaters, travelers, and fake accounts. Now, it's just a bunch of us swiping a rolodex of faces we've already crossed, over and over and over again. Eventually, you stop.
I don't even know at what point it can be called dating. Just online friendship, possibly with some perverted personal additions or sum
They can't.. online dates are doomed.. its purely a vanity thing now.. like your matches aren't potential dates they are people who find you attractive and very little else..
I only tried it for a couple of hours tbh after my relationship ended, and i made it a point not to swipe on guys with “perfect bodies” - pictures w/ shirtless pics and whatnot, and unsurprisingly there were a lot of quality guys who seemed genuine. I just dont like dating apps in general but there are quality people out there, it’s just usually not the obvious gym bros
Dating nowadays is so depressing honestly. Some people are pro at ghosting.
Like everything else in society, it’s all about the money. Dating apps make money by keeping you single and looking. It helps keep them in business. You get matched with those who aren’t looking for your type of person. They hope you fail so you keep looking and paying their fees. Imagine an app where you signed up and matched with someone you liked. You met, things went well, you went on to form a relationship, and you quit the app. No money to be made here. Bad for the app. It’s a dating app, not a relationship app. If you were successful, it’s bad for business. Back in the early days of dating apps, it was easier to meet and date. The system lords of dating figured out you won’t pay them when you succeed, you pay them do long as you’re looking. You stop paying when you find the one. They hope you never do and keep paying up.
I literally don’t even try the dating apps man 😂 it ain’t worth your time and sanity
I’ve had the same experience (M45). I was doing the online dating thing 11-12 years ago and had okay results. Now I’m back after a long term relationship and can’t get anything. I’m a shorter guy 5’6”, but managed to get 2-3 dates per month with hard work before. Now, I’m putting in more refined effort and can’t even get a response or profile view. My ex tells me I look better now than I did then, and my salary has doubled. Something seems broken in the OLD world, or just society in general maybe.
Yes, just yes. Everything online seems to get worse lately… People just go crazy more than usual and I have no idea why. Seems like Covid brought madness to the world…
I get much better results just doing it the old-fashioned way of just meeting people in public places. Online dating is truly the shits.
Yes
I tried too online dating or Chinese app dating -WECHAT -which I have some 2 out of 6 success with some short term fling with them with several dates outside the worst one is the FILIPINODRIENDFINDER.COM which I been fooled coz the Filipina had a American guy living with her for yrs and I trust her all of it send her money and package like one box of goods with chrome laptop. But the American guy promise her to bring here but never coz of his wife not yet divorced. Some online right now are fake the only thing yo I can do is just go with friends with friends on fb
Hone in on who it is YOU are. Get matched out there to understand that, thats what makes you valuable. It can be REALLY frustrating when matches don’t click,( especially the ones that suck ass at conversation) but keep on moving and focus on the ones that reciprocate the things you like.
Workout. Get a suit/we'll fitted shirt and clothes in general. Be exciting in your bio. Make them laugh. Target your perfect gf, be specific. Make it a challenge. Example- If you're not in the gym 3 times a week, blonde and love ice skating this won't work. I mean play around with it, but chasing women doesn't really work in my experience. Unless they love you. And even then they prefer to be the ones chasing you.
dating apps are awful 75% of the time. I've done online dating since 2016. Quit completely a few yrs ago. I would never recommend it to anyone. you will kiss a lot of frogs before you find someone who is semi decent.
Yes, way worse and especially for men.
I get ya. It’s a shit show. I’m mid 40s. Have 2 super well behaved and great sons with 50/50 custody and no drama My experience in dating apps is that’s it’s either 30ish year old single mothers who want a (my) house.. or chubby “forever single” lonely losers who want to latch on last minute. It really really sucks and you aren’t alone
Men on them are looking for hookups, 3somes etc. not worth even trying for women.
Yes, it is worse than ever. Basically dead from my perspective. There are multiple reasons for this. #1 of course is women online are flooded with unlimited options. This leads them to take no men seriously and to never focus on any one single man and build a relationship. #2 is these online dating apps are controlled by for-profit corporations. They profit off of you paying them and using the app. They have no incentive to find you a match. Therefore, they have fake profiles and they will intentionally not show you people you would click with because then you’ll stop using the app. #3 is there are exponentially more men on there than women. This plays off of #1 from a different angle. Of the female profiles that are on there, probably half of them are either dormant, fake or bots. A quarter of them are women strictly seeking attention or funneling men to their social media accounts / onlyfans / IG and they would never actually go on a date. Another 15-20+% are fat women most men are not interested in. That leaves a few percent of regular attractive women who get flooded with dozens or hundreds of messages per day. Good luck with that.
Well some people who have success are the ones who don't put much effort into it or just use dating apps as an alternative to meeting people. They focus more with offline dating, the people who get mostly fed up with online dating apps are the ones who solely rely on it to find someone and not go out to meet people.
Got a wild idea for you: grow some courage and try talking to women in real life. :)
No it’s always been bad 😘
Anyway we can see the profile?
You just gotta wait for a bit and then I felt like the algorithm “finds” you, Idk what a good term for that is. First month I was on them it was terrible, but after 3-4 months it gets better. At least on Hinge, I think Bumble is just dead
I wonder if online dating is actually worse, or there are less single people my age, as I get older. More people are single in their 20s than in their 30s.
Yes it gives a false sense of you can always find better and allowing for over dating while also allowing for “taken” people to step out when upset without actually doing so i would not recommend unless its for hooking up anymore its gotten bad these last couple of years
You don’t need to look further. There lots of single women and men here. You just need to communicate with one 😉
It’s pretty crappy, nobody chats everyone swipes. It’s by purpose made for pickiness (that’s not a bad thing) but at some point there’s got to be chance to chat. You match, somebody begins the chat, the other ignores. That’s been my experience. It’s a mess and kind of depressing.
Have you ever thought … maybe it’s cus …. You’re ugly
I matched with a girl on Fb dating. It's the only app I bother with. Yeah upon closer inspection it turns out she wasn't my type so I just ghosted her. Kinda feels like poetic payback at this point.
I use to do so well on online dating years ago. Now I barely get matches at all on hinge and all those other apps. It’s not like I got ugly or anything lol It really sucks cause it made it so much easier to meet people.
you can’t even find anyone to screw quickly like you use to. shit is crazy.
Maybe go out in the open 💀