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Totally get what you mean. It's like they're skipping ahead without realizing it's too soon. It can feel insincere when they haven't earned that familiarity yet.
YES! I love pet names from men I’m familiar with. If I know you and like you, you’ll make my whole body light up in excitement when you call me beautiful.
But if you’re just some stranger on a dating app it’s going to creep me out. Now matter how good looking you think you are.
I think this. Getting anywhere can be quite tough via text alone. You have to try and balance between not being too neutral and possibly forgettable, and on the other hand not being too forward and aggressive. And more people fail than succeed, otherwise succeeding would be called failing.
One solution to this is, when you feel the impulse to use a method you've now been told explicitly is controversial at best, to ask whether it's okay with the person and or how they'd feel about it, etc. We can move away from a model of one person, typically a man, unilaterally imposing their own, personal definition of what clearly everyone else should want because they're obviously just so full of merit because they're clearly so powerful, skilled, and knowledgeable to pull such a thing off without asking.
Like those guys that have 25+ women in their phones with different "nicknames" based on their defining characteristic.
I talked with a guy who was a friend-of-a-friend at a party, and he was lowkey bragging about all the women he had semi-intimate conversations going on with.
They all had names in his contacts like "Freak," "Dancer," and my personal *favorite*, "Thiccccc🍑."
It's just so fucking gross to me. He was very conventionally attractive and spent a lot of time keeping a good body, so I understand why he got all the attention, but the commodification of these women was so repulsive.
The internet has so many options, no one has to put in the effort anymore. If they don’t get what they’d like the first date, they can just go on an app and find someone willing. It’s not a great time for dating.
I really can't handle this too. No clue why guys think I would like this. I'm not your baby.
I'm not your honey. I'm not your whatever just say Hi.
It really turns me off.
I am not even replying back any more to guys who do this to soon. There was one guy I felt I had to tell him like ok. Please just call me my name. It's to soon for the pet names. He was offended.
😆
I just stopped the dating apps. The last guy who did this was an old skool asked my number kinda guy.
I am not even looking for a relationship all together any more. It's not worth disturbing my peace. If I meet a nice guy along the way while I am living my life I will consider it definitely but I am done with the online dating world. I am to old for this BS 😶
I'm a dude into dudes and yeah I'm not into either when they start calling me early on babe, baby, daddy etc. Especially if we have never even met yet.
Funny this topic was brought up because 2 days ago I was talking on the phone with a dude for the first time and he called me baby and I was seriously turned off. Idk my body and mind just reacted so negatively.
It's called false familiarity. While there are variations of this related to culture, when guys do it during the early dating phase, it's generally because they *want* that false familiarity, as they think it will make you feel closer to them. In my experience these are also the guys who will try to sleep with you ASAP. It doesn't mean they're doing it intentionally to manipulate you, but... sometimes they are.
Lol yup when you communicate the issue they usually get offended to save face. If not, they have to admit they were trying to create a false sense of intimacy and that makes them look shady as hell and how do you recover from that. It’s much easier to recover if I convince you that you’re the problem.
Ngl, I just do this to my friends, regardless of gender, and sometimes it just slips out. Like, I call my friends bae, baby, love, all the time; men, women, etc. it's just how I talk.
So sometimes when I'm talking to someone new, it just BLAH right out there. I try my best to stop myself a lot of the time, but, well. . . sometimes mouth-brain faster than smart-brain. 😂😂😂
If it costs me the date, eh, they're not \*wrong\* to dismiss me, but yeah. That's my personal, anecdotal, answer.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna be too broken up over it; there's going to be other people out there in the world for me.
I do recognize it is an ick, and I very much try, but I like the casual and intimate way I talk to my friends, and I talk to them so much that that's really just my default tone and vernacular. My default setting for strangers is, also, caring about them, in the generic way that we should care about other people because they are people, so it's not that I'm trying to force them into intimacy with me or anything, but that I do think folks are interesting. My base-line is "I care about you and want to learn about you" until the person proves they're . . .well, you've dated men, so you know.
That’s understandable, and the context matters. I know/have known friends and coworkers who casually use terms like hun, cutie, doll, etc. And in those situations it isn’t weird at all (to me anyway). One of them was a coworker who sometimes used hun with customers as well, and a few of them didn’t enjoy it. 😅 So it depends on the person.
I occasionally have customers at work who will call me sweetheart, dear, or mija, and it’s endearing because I can tell it’s innocent and well-intentioned. That of course comes across differently in the context of online dating, with someone you barely know.
Yeah, for sure; I generally am not the type, like OP said, to fall into that within just an hour, but if someone catches me at a time I'm not as mindful, or I'm throwing out a quick response cause I'm doing something else in the moment, like cooking, or whatever . . .
. . . I might just drop into a default and be like "Np bae," and then look at it later and be like "uh oh\~! Might have flubbed that one!"
Like I said, I don't take it personally, and I totally understand that a significant amount of men do this under way less innocent pretenses.
But this is my niche, anecdotal, lived experience, and why it happens.
The real question is if you're southern. Any pet names out of a southern accent, man or woman, don't feel weird to me. In fact it's usually comforting in a way. It's like I know they mean nothing weird by it so I can feel good about being called something cute
Naw, but I did grow up rural, so I do twang \*sometimes.\* Lots of rural midwest has a low-key southern accent, in my experience.
But I slip in and out of accents left and right, pending on the situation. I don't even realize I'm mirroring, but I mirror accents a lot.
It's usually a clear sign when people do it that they're not being themselves and are trying to impress. It's not one sex or the other either. It seems more of a personality trait. Doesn't stop it coming across as too full on though..
I call them out on it. Tell them - I'm not your 'xyz' I'm not here to indulge their fantasies or help them get off. I'm not looking for sex or to be used, so they can take their pet names and desires and need for pics elsewhere.
My husband started calling me pumpkin a week or two into dating. BUT he wasn’t obnoxiously calling me pumpkin all the damn time. It was more like “goodnight pumpkin” not like how some people who essentially replaced your name with the pet name at every conversation. He just used it occasionally…
What’s ironic is I don’t like pumpkin 🤣.
I on the other hand call him babe, but that didn’t really start till like 3 months into dating… and he knows I am upset if I call him by his first name 😂
But he calls me by my name all the time..
I know we’re weird..
I remember a guy immediately tried to call me “muppet” within the first few messages as a cutesy nickname. Told him I wasn’t into it, both as a nickname and the speed of it and he tried to argue with me about it so - immediate block well done fella 👋🏻
I agree with this and actually made it a point recently to someone I was talking to.. like how are you so comfortable calling me baby or babe after 1-2 days? It takes me a long time to get comfortable enough with someone to call them something special.. I feel like it means more that way.
Baby, babe, mami, sexy, luv, love, boo prior to the month mark will get you ONE convo where I tell you we’re not doing that (before we meet? i’ll remind you once that I go by a one letter nickname and this shouldnt be a thing, next is a block)
I’ll tell ya…
It was *so* pleasant discovering that my ex - while enjoying the post-breakup hospitality of my guest room - was trolling online for his next victim, calling women by one of the pet names that he called me.
Barf.
I absolutely hate that too. It makes me think they call every girl they talk to for five minutes pet names, it’s not special if he does it with every match off Tinder.
I agree. I get called sweetheart a lot even before meeting in person. That's not my name, nor am I his sweetheart. I'm in FL and get told it's a southern thing. I'm Canadian, and even though I've lived in FL almost 40 years, I still don't like any pet names way too early.
I agree, pet names too early are condescending. If anyone wants to condescend me, that’s a red flag. Later on, they need to ask before using one with me.
In my experience it’s usually because they either can’t remember your name off the top or they are talking to other women & don’t want to accidentally call you the wrong name…
I had the displeasure after just starting to date a guy (like maybe a month in & the first time he’d stayed the night) to suddenly have someone at my door trying to deliver a pizza that we hadn’t ordered. I just assumed that it was one of the neighbors & the driver came to the wrong house. The next day I got a message from the other girl he was seeing and who was pregnant with his child (who happened to be a pizza delivery driver that came to my door). During our chat it came up that he was calling both of us the same pet name & when I confronted him, he admitted that he uses the same name so that he wouldn’t slip up….
Some guys get out of relationships and don't realize that you have to start from scratch with their new one. They don't realize that you need to take things slow and can't just start with things like pet names.
Yeah idk. Do not have an answer for you. Single male here and I wouldn't start calling any woman those things until they're fit for our connection. It's simple men, just use the ladies name she has provided upon initial conversation. 🤟 Even if the lady doesn't mind you calling her out those things. It's still kinda backdoor cringe.
Two months is fine, yeah. At least, in my own personal opinion.
I'm talking about in the first *hour*.
Also, not saying causation or whatever, but I've noticed it happens more often from guys with abs. Make of that what you will.
Two *weeks* is fine - it depends more on amount of time spent than calendar length - what the OP was talking about was within an hour or two.
And I agree with them, it is ick. And I'm a guy! Girls do it too, and that is something I can't abide.
Yeah I was gonna say this same thing. About 2-3 weeks after my current partner and I started dating he started giving me nicknames, (I LOVE IT) but he also calls me by my actual name and he calls me those nicknames to my face. Within an hour and you don’t even know me?? Nah.
I get it from women, to the point that calling me “honey” before we’ve even met is now a deal breaking red flag based on exclusively bad experiences with women who do that.
Oh wow, I do this with everyone. My friends, co-workers, strangers, lol. I didn't realize it was rude...I'm thinking it's like a term of endearment.
I've been talking to this guy for a month and he's been calling me sweetie a lot but he also calls me by my name on occasion. I actually prefer the sweetie. Idk..Am I the odd man out? 🤔
It's like when you call someone a fucktard, your emotional response of your experience with that person creates the pet name for them. Tbh, I'd wanna be called pet names by a country girl with that southern belle accent just one hour into texting/calling. Something about it activates neurons.
I just call literally everyone I know “love” or “dear”. I don’t mean it in a weird way. And I obviously stop or ask if the person looks uncomfortable. I don’t have an issue if someone calls me “baby” or something, but I do have a problem if I ask them to stop and they don’t.
The last guy I was talking to kept calling me mamas and baby and we had just met. I asked him to stop and told him why I didn’t like it and he was trying to justify himself 🙄 it didn’t last long
Had a guy I'd never met and had been talking to for like a day send me a text like "how's my girlfriend doing today?" and when i shut him down and told him that I was moat definitely NOT his girlfriend, he tried to play it off like "Oh I didn't mean a REAL girlfriend just a girl who is my friend haha." He also called me sweetie and honey and baby. Man was a basket of red flags.
My marriage it was some what common to use those words, I would say " hay babe you want a back rub" or hay babe, what you want for dinner. It seemed better than. " Judy, what you want for dinner. Babe to me ment i loved treating her. Judy would have ment, I'm doing something just to be doing it with no special meaning.
It's just a term of endearment. It's not a " pet name " it's him trying to show interest in you. I have talked to alot of girls that don't want to be called by their name when they text. It's hard for guys to know what you want if your not upfront with them. As soon as you start talking tell them. Your not into that. Please call me my name. Will make converging forward much easier. We aren't mind readers...
Well it's good you know. You want the person you talk to to be themselves. If you feel uncomfortable with it then maybe these types aren't your type or match how you view boundaries and etiquette. Don't try and change them bc it's their persona. You just have to decide whether you want to be with someone whose very liberal in the way they express themselves. For example, it just sends a red flag that everyone they talk to is a babe... Or baby... I think you have to earn those pet names. So I would say no to that bc everyone is a babygirl to them and they could be too flirty... Which is disrespectful. Depends if that's your thing. I'm not into that from the start. Screams player... But you've been warned. And some girls like it bc they see it as a challenge as far as who can be a bigger player etc. I would probably stop talking to them. Most likely not get far in it. Probably see them as a joke or a friend... And keep it that way.
Nowhere did I say I was trying to change them, I politely tell them I dislike that behaviour, and then disengage.
But yes, people can act however they want as long as it's not harmful, I just don't owe them tolerance.
I did this to a Girl I like who I met off an app and not sure if she likes me (in that way, she likes me as a person, just very hard to read, now she is back in her home country) we met 7 times over two months, were both sad to leave each other, but are planning to meet up when I go to Europe in September. Ironically my pet name for her is ‘Pet’, which is a British/Australian expression you use for someone you care about unconditionally. I’m not sure if she knows that or thinks i’m referring to her as a literal ‘Pet’ but she loves the messages I refer to her in as that so I doubt it’s making her uncomfortable or creeping her out, well I at least hope not. Here is the closest definition I could find;
“A person who is treated with unusual kindness or consideration : ie darling. Some people call the person they are talking to 'pet' to show affection or friendliness. It's all right, pet, let me do it.”
I don’t know why I started referring to her as this it just felt right.
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When women do this to men, it is 100% a scammer. "Hello dear.." on the first message.
Have had a few women call me hun. All turned out to be looking for coke/ OF models lol
I put those into the basket of "scammers." All trying to get something material from you LOL.
True. They also had dead shark like eyes. The eyes don’t lie Chico. Watch out for those. Follow your gut is what I’m learning
And they not met me but they love me, that just crazy
Here’s my only fans check me out😂 no morals
The thing that's most annoying is not the pet names, but rather that the person hasn't really earned it.
Totally get what you mean. It's like they're skipping ahead without realizing it's too soon. It can feel insincere when they haven't earned that familiarity yet.
They also sound entitled af
Exactly.
Yup. Part of lovebombing
YES! I love pet names from men I’m familiar with. If I know you and like you, you’ll make my whole body light up in excitement when you call me beautiful. But if you’re just some stranger on a dating app it’s going to creep me out. Now matter how good looking you think you are.
They’re trying create a false sense of intimacy. It’s giving me the ick.
I think this. Getting anywhere can be quite tough via text alone. You have to try and balance between not being too neutral and possibly forgettable, and on the other hand not being too forward and aggressive. And more people fail than succeed, otherwise succeeding would be called failing.
I think many can text babe but probably never say that to your face lol.. behind the phone everyone gets a bit more confident
One solution to this is, when you feel the impulse to use a method you've now been told explicitly is controversial at best, to ask whether it's okay with the person and or how they'd feel about it, etc. We can move away from a model of one person, typically a man, unilaterally imposing their own, personal definition of what clearly everyone else should want because they're obviously just so full of merit because they're clearly so powerful, skilled, and knowledgeable to pull such a thing off without asking.
Dating got ya bitter, huh? I hope things get better for you
The ick is right.
Watching two grown ass adults complain about something they don’t like about men while saying ick like a tiny child… the irony lol
Are you a woman? Because if you are, and you’ve felt the ick, you would know that there’s really no other way to describe it.
Pet names are a manipulation tactic. Pure and simple, pal. See what I did there? I called you "pal". We're friends, ok?
100%.
They're trying to promote of false sense of intimacy.
And I'm not here for it.
My thought is, if a guy is talking to multiple women at once, he won’t mess up calling a girl the wrong name. Just call them all baby, honey, sweetie.
It's kind of slimy in that context.
It makes sense though. Definitely easier to remember names, if everyone’s name is “baby”.
Like those guys that have 25+ women in their phones with different "nicknames" based on their defining characteristic. I talked with a guy who was a friend-of-a-friend at a party, and he was lowkey bragging about all the women he had semi-intimate conversations going on with. They all had names in his contacts like "Freak," "Dancer," and my personal *favorite*, "Thiccccc🍑." It's just so fucking gross to me. He was very conventionally attractive and spent a lot of time keeping a good body, so I understand why he got all the attention, but the commodification of these women was so repulsive.
The internet has so many options, no one has to put in the effort anymore. If they don’t get what they’d like the first date, they can just go on an app and find someone willing. It’s not a great time for dating.
Agreed.
I really can't handle this too. No clue why guys think I would like this. I'm not your baby. I'm not your honey. I'm not your whatever just say Hi. It really turns me off. I am not even replying back any more to guys who do this to soon. There was one guy I felt I had to tell him like ok. Please just call me my name. It's to soon for the pet names. He was offended. 😆
They always get offended. Always. 🙄
I just stopped the dating apps. The last guy who did this was an old skool asked my number kinda guy. I am not even looking for a relationship all together any more. It's not worth disturbing my peace. If I meet a nice guy along the way while I am living my life I will consider it definitely but I am done with the online dating world. I am to old for this BS 😶
I'm not too old, but I'm still already done. Lol
Whahha well I feel like I am too old for it 🤣🤣
*ragtime pal*? Sorry
It makes me think they've forgotten my name. And it gives me the icks.
I actually never thought of it that way, that makes it even worse.
Can't call you the wrong name or mix up women when they're all babe 😂
Also, my grandma called me those things. So now, whenever a man calls me sweetheart or baby girl, I now picture my grandma.
I'm a dude into dudes and yeah I'm not into either when they start calling me early on babe, baby, daddy etc. Especially if we have never even met yet.
Glad there's understanding outside the feminine space.
Funny this topic was brought up because 2 days ago I was talking on the phone with a dude for the first time and he called me baby and I was seriously turned off. Idk my body and mind just reacted so negatively.
I would too, you're completely valid.
I imagine with women it might be worse. Since I feel some men don't respect their boundaries as much as they would another man.
I don't have experience on the other side, so I don't know. But probably.
It's called false familiarity. While there are variations of this related to culture, when guys do it during the early dating phase, it's generally because they *want* that false familiarity, as they think it will make you feel closer to them. In my experience these are also the guys who will try to sleep with you ASAP. It doesn't mean they're doing it intentionally to manipulate you, but... sometimes they are.
It’s super fucking cringe. This is coming from a dude and it immediately turns me right round **** right round.
It’s cause they’re testing the waters. And they’re very very stupid
They certainly can be. It's so frustrating.
This is an immediate turn off. Did you tell him that?
It's been several guys, and yeah, I tell them every time. They get offended. The fucking audacity.
Lol yup when you communicate the issue they usually get offended to save face. If not, they have to admit they were trying to create a false sense of intimacy and that makes them look shady as hell and how do you recover from that. It’s much easier to recover if I convince you that you’re the problem.
Ngl, I just do this to my friends, regardless of gender, and sometimes it just slips out. Like, I call my friends bae, baby, love, all the time; men, women, etc. it's just how I talk. So sometimes when I'm talking to someone new, it just BLAH right out there. I try my best to stop myself a lot of the time, but, well. . . sometimes mouth-brain faster than smart-brain. 😂😂😂 If it costs me the date, eh, they're not \*wrong\* to dismiss me, but yeah. That's my personal, anecdotal, answer.
I guess being self-aware is better than nothing.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna be too broken up over it; there's going to be other people out there in the world for me. I do recognize it is an ick, and I very much try, but I like the casual and intimate way I talk to my friends, and I talk to them so much that that's really just my default tone and vernacular. My default setting for strangers is, also, caring about them, in the generic way that we should care about other people because they are people, so it's not that I'm trying to force them into intimacy with me or anything, but that I do think folks are interesting. My base-line is "I care about you and want to learn about you" until the person proves they're . . .well, you've dated men, so you know.
That’s understandable, and the context matters. I know/have known friends and coworkers who casually use terms like hun, cutie, doll, etc. And in those situations it isn’t weird at all (to me anyway). One of them was a coworker who sometimes used hun with customers as well, and a few of them didn’t enjoy it. 😅 So it depends on the person. I occasionally have customers at work who will call me sweetheart, dear, or mija, and it’s endearing because I can tell it’s innocent and well-intentioned. That of course comes across differently in the context of online dating, with someone you barely know.
Yeah, for sure; I generally am not the type, like OP said, to fall into that within just an hour, but if someone catches me at a time I'm not as mindful, or I'm throwing out a quick response cause I'm doing something else in the moment, like cooking, or whatever . . . . . . I might just drop into a default and be like "Np bae," and then look at it later and be like "uh oh\~! Might have flubbed that one!" Like I said, I don't take it personally, and I totally understand that a significant amount of men do this under way less innocent pretenses. But this is my niche, anecdotal, lived experience, and why it happens.
Right, I can see that happening. It’s easy to fall back into one’s normal speech patterns.
The real question is if you're southern. Any pet names out of a southern accent, man or woman, don't feel weird to me. In fact it's usually comforting in a way. It's like I know they mean nothing weird by it so I can feel good about being called something cute
Naw, but I did grow up rural, so I do twang \*sometimes.\* Lots of rural midwest has a low-key southern accent, in my experience. But I slip in and out of accents left and right, pending on the situation. I don't even realize I'm mirroring, but I mirror accents a lot.
Hahaha well howdy 🤠
G'day ma'am. *Tipping hat, tilting head, holding door.*
It's usually a clear sign when people do it that they're not being themselves and are trying to impress. It's not one sex or the other either. It seems more of a personality trait. Doesn't stop it coming across as too full on though..
I call them out on it. Tell them - I'm not your 'xyz' I'm not here to indulge their fantasies or help them get off. I'm not looking for sex or to be used, so they can take their pet names and desires and need for pics elsewhere.
Same! You just have to put your foot down.
My husband started calling me pumpkin a week or two into dating. BUT he wasn’t obnoxiously calling me pumpkin all the damn time. It was more like “goodnight pumpkin” not like how some people who essentially replaced your name with the pet name at every conversation. He just used it occasionally… What’s ironic is I don’t like pumpkin 🤣. I on the other hand call him babe, but that didn’t really start till like 3 months into dating… and he knows I am upset if I call him by his first name 😂 But he calls me by my name all the time.. I know we’re weird..
I don't think that's a red flag in this context, yeah.
I remember a guy immediately tried to call me “muppet” within the first few messages as a cutesy nickname. Told him I wasn’t into it, both as a nickname and the speed of it and he tried to argue with me about it so - immediate block well done fella 👋🏻
What? Muppet? *Muppet?!* And he *argues?!* Jesus, throw the whole boy away.
Seriously. I use that as an insult. Like "you fucking muppet!!" I don't know how someone could even consider that a pet name
Dumbass boy.
I call them out now, “my name is encore412, not beautiful, gorgeous, or sweetie”.
I agree with this and actually made it a point recently to someone I was talking to.. like how are you so comfortable calling me baby or babe after 1-2 days? It takes me a long time to get comfortable enough with someone to call them something special.. I feel like it means more that way.
I stop responding the moment someone calls me babe and we aren't even outside of the app we started messaging on
SAME. Well, after telling them it's gross first.
I hit them with an "ew, no" and never respond again
Flawless.
HEUGH i hate baby and baby girl so much. Could not agree more.
The only one I hate more, and I've only been called it a few times on apps and the like, is "lil mama." Just sends shivers up my spine.
Gives me the ICK!!! Esp for an hour or two. Like I don’t know you. Blllllllloooock
That's what the button is for!
Baby, babe, mami, sexy, luv, love, boo prior to the month mark will get you ONE convo where I tell you we’re not doing that (before we meet? i’ll remind you once that I go by a one letter nickname and this shouldnt be a thing, next is a block)
I always think the masturbating has started when the endearments start.
It's forced intimacy/overfamiliarity to get you to lower your guard. It's not minor, it's a tactic.
I call everyone pet names. It is not romantic in the slightest.
Lovebombing!
I’ll tell ya… It was *so* pleasant discovering that my ex - while enjoying the post-breakup hospitality of my guest room - was trolling online for his next victim, calling women by one of the pet names that he called me. Barf.
Oh fuck all of that.
Every bit of it.
That shit is so weird and creepy. Whenever that’s happened to me in the past, I just beat feet.
Babygirl is so 🤢
I absolutely hate that too. It makes me think they call every girl they talk to for five minutes pet names, it’s not special if he does it with every match off Tinder.
It also feels manipulative.
I don’t mind but it’s because I don’t like when people say my name 😭 but when it’s an overload it’s like uh????
I don't really understand this, but your view is valid.
I don’t get it either. it makes me uncomfortable when people say my name. I can’t explain it
I'm sorry that's something you struggle with. ❤️
I think it’s a little weird when men say “hi encore412”. It’s like… I know my own name. You could just say hi or hello and leave that off.
So in my childhood I was called names like “chubby” “loud” “everyone else’s name” so call me baby please
Well that's just...awful. I'm so sorry. I hope you've been able to heal at least a little bit.
Omg yea I have lll and even some of them have apologized! We had a dysfunctional household. It’s a little better now ! 😅
I'm so glad to hear that💖
I agree. I get called sweetheart a lot even before meeting in person. That's not my name, nor am I his sweetheart. I'm in FL and get told it's a southern thing. I'm Canadian, and even though I've lived in FL almost 40 years, I still don't like any pet names way too early.
I appreciate the validation, thank you. ✌️
And many ladies have asked why I call them Miss (Name) or Lady (Name)... Would you Babes make up our minds for us? =D
Just the name suffices. Those are still being framed as terms of endearment. Why is this so hard? Just. Use. Our. Name.
Miss and Lady are prefixes of respect like Missus. But I'm 63 and believe differently than the majority of the world....
I only use pet names in very long term relationships and it’s usually just hun
I agree, pet names too early are condescending. If anyone wants to condescend me, that’s a red flag. Later on, they need to ask before using one with me.
In my experience it’s usually because they either can’t remember your name off the top or they are talking to other women & don’t want to accidentally call you the wrong name… I had the displeasure after just starting to date a guy (like maybe a month in & the first time he’d stayed the night) to suddenly have someone at my door trying to deliver a pizza that we hadn’t ordered. I just assumed that it was one of the neighbors & the driver came to the wrong house. The next day I got a message from the other girl he was seeing and who was pregnant with his child (who happened to be a pizza delivery driver that came to my door). During our chat it came up that he was calling both of us the same pet name & when I confronted him, he admitted that he uses the same name so that he wouldn’t slip up….
It's one of my red flags and a turn off actually, and I'm a guy. Slow down pls lol.
Some guys get out of relationships and don't realize that you have to start from scratch with their new one. They don't realize that you need to take things slow and can't just start with things like pet names.
One date & I started getting ‘hey babe’, night babe, morning babe with princess emojis 🙄
Yeah idk. Do not have an answer for you. Single male here and I wouldn't start calling any woman those things until they're fit for our connection. It's simple men, just use the ladies name she has provided upon initial conversation. 🤟 Even if the lady doesn't mind you calling her out those things. It's still kinda backdoor cringe.
Is this ok after 2 month tho? Cause I really love it 😢😂
Two months is fine, yeah. At least, in my own personal opinion. I'm talking about in the first *hour*. Also, not saying causation or whatever, but I've noticed it happens more often from guys with abs. Make of that what you will.
Mine doesn’t have them so I’m in the clear I guess 😀
Two *weeks* is fine - it depends more on amount of time spent than calendar length - what the OP was talking about was within an hour or two. And I agree with them, it is ick. And I'm a guy! Girls do it too, and that is something I can't abide.
Yeah I just missed that part 🤗
Yeah I was gonna say this same thing. About 2-3 weeks after my current partner and I started dating he started giving me nicknames, (I LOVE IT) but he also calls me by my actual name and he calls me those nicknames to my face. Within an hour and you don’t even know me?? Nah.
damn I have done this in the past but now I just call them a loser or nerd in a flirty way
I get it from women, to the point that calling me “honey” before we’ve even met is now a deal breaking red flag based on exclusively bad experiences with women who do that.
Yeah don’t do it until you’re allowed to dip your stick!
Ew.
After ten dates I reserve the right to call you schmoopie.
Agree
Oh wow, I do this with everyone. My friends, co-workers, strangers, lol. I didn't realize it was rude...I'm thinking it's like a term of endearment. I've been talking to this guy for a month and he's been calling me sweetie a lot but he also calls me by my name on occasion. I actually prefer the sweetie. Idk..Am I the odd man out? 🤔
It's like when you call someone a fucktard, your emotional response of your experience with that person creates the pet name for them. Tbh, I'd wanna be called pet names by a country girl with that southern belle accent just one hour into texting/calling. Something about it activates neurons.
Then when should be the right time to call someone by a petname? A few weeks?
Does anyone like this? Who is it working on??
I just call literally everyone I know “love” or “dear”. I don’t mean it in a weird way. And I obviously stop or ask if the person looks uncomfortable. I don’t have an issue if someone calls me “baby” or something, but I do have a problem if I ask them to stop and they don’t.
I only do this when I want the girl to not like me anymore. Perhaps he’s trying to dismantle the relationship.
The last guy I was talking to kept calling me mamas and baby and we had just met. I asked him to stop and told him why I didn’t like it and he was trying to justify himself 🙄 it didn’t last long
It's always so mind-boggling when they try to tell you how you should feel about something you don't like.
I once accidentally called a girl my sisters name 💀, I’ll let you decide how to interpret that.😂
You were used to screaming it out? 🤷♀️
Wow not like that😂, just on the phone💀
YES. I hate this! You don't know me, so refer to me by my actual name!
I agree! And the generic "baby", "sweety", and "honey" are the nicknames that sex workers use for their clients.
It’s… weird. No one knows what goes on inside their head and I don’t want to know, either… 😭
I hate that too!
I'm a guy and I don't like using pet names. They feel forced and awkward abd I don't know why we can't just call each other by our names.
Had a guy I'd never met and had been talking to for like a day send me a text like "how's my girlfriend doing today?" and when i shut him down and told him that I was moat definitely NOT his girlfriend, he tried to play it off like "Oh I didn't mean a REAL girlfriend just a girl who is my friend haha." He also called me sweetie and honey and baby. Man was a basket of red flags.
I like PBD
PBD?
Yes, shouldn't be using pet names an hour in, sounds like they're either trying too hard, clingy, etc..
Besides, it's so much hotter when they say your name omgggggg
TRUTTHHH
Depends what the pet names are and what do you think about that person?
My marriage it was some what common to use those words, I would say " hay babe you want a back rub" or hay babe, what you want for dinner. It seemed better than. " Judy, what you want for dinner. Babe to me ment i loved treating her. Judy would have ment, I'm doing something just to be doing it with no special meaning.
We be catching feelings fast 💔
If I don’t call you “Sizzle Tits” in the first hour I’m just not that into you.
Why doesn’t this have more upvotes?? 😂
I call guys pet names all the time lol. They never complain. My favorite is kitten or my spoiled lap cat lol.
It's just a term of endearment. It's not a " pet name " it's him trying to show interest in you. I have talked to alot of girls that don't want to be called by their name when they text. It's hard for guys to know what you want if your not upfront with them. As soon as you start talking tell them. Your not into that. Please call me my name. Will make converging forward much easier. We aren't mind readers...
Then they shouldn't throw a tantrum when told.
Well it's good you know. You want the person you talk to to be themselves. If you feel uncomfortable with it then maybe these types aren't your type or match how you view boundaries and etiquette. Don't try and change them bc it's their persona. You just have to decide whether you want to be with someone whose very liberal in the way they express themselves. For example, it just sends a red flag that everyone they talk to is a babe... Or baby... I think you have to earn those pet names. So I would say no to that bc everyone is a babygirl to them and they could be too flirty... Which is disrespectful. Depends if that's your thing. I'm not into that from the start. Screams player... But you've been warned. And some girls like it bc they see it as a challenge as far as who can be a bigger player etc. I would probably stop talking to them. Most likely not get far in it. Probably see them as a joke or a friend... And keep it that way.
Nowhere did I say I was trying to change them, I politely tell them I dislike that behaviour, and then disengage. But yes, people can act however they want as long as it's not harmful, I just don't owe them tolerance.
I did this to a Girl I like who I met off an app and not sure if she likes me (in that way, she likes me as a person, just very hard to read, now she is back in her home country) we met 7 times over two months, were both sad to leave each other, but are planning to meet up when I go to Europe in September. Ironically my pet name for her is ‘Pet’, which is a British/Australian expression you use for someone you care about unconditionally. I’m not sure if she knows that or thinks i’m referring to her as a literal ‘Pet’ but she loves the messages I refer to her in as that so I doubt it’s making her uncomfortable or creeping her out, well I at least hope not. Here is the closest definition I could find; “A person who is treated with unusual kindness or consideration : ie darling. Some people call the person they are talking to 'pet' to show affection or friendliness. It's all right, pet, let me do it.” I don’t know why I started referring to her as this it just felt right.
Is saying “ick” a knew thing? I’ve been seeing it in a few posts lately.
Off topic, but man people in this sub love the word “ick”. Why have I seen 5 straight comments with ick in the message?
Why do women ask for money in the first 10 minutes of talking? Seems like way too many women are on dating apps just to ask men for money.
Okay? What does that have to do with the topic of the thread at all?