I absolutely hate dating, and only kinda, occasionally, want a relationship. So I mostly don’t do it. Every few years I download an app, make a date or two, hate the process, delete the app within 5 days and never think about it again until it’s another 4 years later and I forget how much I hate telling strangers my favourite films or whatever.
I feel this. I’m perfectly content on my own so I dip my toe in here and there, but there’s so much bullshit to wade through. I’ve been in serious relationships, have found “my person” more than once, but don’t feel the need to jump into something new when an ending comes. I’m certainly open to a new person and a great relationship, but I don’t neeeed it. And I’m just not a hunter 🤷♀️ Recently stumbled onto this subreddit and it’s been interesting to see the wide range of people’s experiences and hopes.
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This could be me! Although it usually takes me a week or two to either find a couple of dates or get skeeved out and pause my profile. I go months without thinking about it then it’s like enough time passes and I forget how ridiculous it is, so I dip a toe back in. I’ve had a few relationship appetizers that lasted 3-5 months before the incompatibilities started showing up. Then I take long breaks to regroup. Rinse and repeat.
47F. I took a break from dating for several years in my early 40's. Really only back at it since last year. NO regrets at all. I have a fulfilling job, lots of hobbies (hiking, pilates, shopping), many different friend groups - my kids friends moms, work friends, exercise buddies, and core group of friends I've known for years. I host dinners and gatherings, explore activities like plays and comedians, etc. And I really enjoy chilling at home watching Netflix... so I never got bored. Now that I'm back dating, I don't feel like I missed anything. Plenty of interest from guys young and old and everywhere in between...
Same! I didn’t date for 3 years. Had so much fun during that time, spent lot of my time painting, traveling. I am always on a break and only date occasionally. I don’t regret it one bit and probably won’t change it. Don’t want to center my life around dating.
I did after a rough breakup. I got into therapy, worked on myself, traveled, built up my business, got in the gym, got a better job - it was amazing! Definitely didnt feel like I missed out. There's a gazillion people in the world. Plus I had to - and still am - working on my lack mindset. I made many of bad dating decisions because I felt certain there were no or so few good options I might as well stick with what was in front of me. That obviously never worked for me!
Adrienne Everheart (YouTuber) has a great visualization meditation for this. I think you can access it on her website but she has great content on dating. In her meditation, you visualize several amazing men/women (based on your preference) being interested in you. This helps you shed the belief that there is only one who can fulfill your desires. Expand your perspective that there are many quality people available to date.
This doesn’t necessarily help with the scarcity mindset, but a quote that really helped me after my divorce was “until you get comfortable being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.”
And so I put a lot of work into creating a life where I was content *as possible* being single. Letting someone go who ultimately wasn’t a good fit for me wasn’t as difficult because I knew I was fine before that person came into my life, and I’d be fine after too.
Even if I never did find a long-term partner I would experience SO many good things in my life.
But in terms of addressing thoughts of scarcity specifically it helped to remember I’m really not special.
I know, I know “we’re all special in our own way.”
But I’m someone who put a lot of work into healing after my divorce, learned better communication skills, does my best to be a good person and a good partner etc.
If *I* was still out there single, there had to be plenty of others out there like me who were single too. We might have to go through a lot of people who weren’t right for us to find each other, but it would be worth it in the end.
Same! It took 3 years for me to feel like I could safely start to date again. I would retreat and reflect any time I felt old behaviors creeping up. In the meantime, I knew I had to make a happy life solo before even thinking about adding a partner.
It’s very freeing not to feel like you need someone in your life and being able to walk away when you know it’s not a healthy environment.
I’m still working on it. It’s truly a journey. But here are a few things that have been good for me.
Whenever a thought of lack creeps in, I combat it with a positive one. And think through why that better thought could be just as true & more likely than the negative.
I work on staying present. One thing I notice my lack is rooted in is fear of bad things happening in the future. There is so much good in the now. Ruminating on the past is not useful because it’s done. And anxiety is based on the future - which has yet to happen. But redirection my thoughts to now and finding was to practice gratitude helps keep my mind in a good space.
Choosing delusion over pessimism. Lord of times we’ve convinced ourselves there is lack. Well, we have no evidence of that. And we have no evidence of things being perfect. So why not lean towards the delusion of perfectionism awaiting us? So it feels silly but I just daydream on delusions. Might as well spend time on that.
Hope this is helpful and open to any tips anyone else has!
Yes. 14 years and going. I worked, went to school and raised my son. No missed opportunities, as there's no one out there for me. No regrets because I haven't wasted any more time on the wrong one, and that makes me very happy.
I took a long break to dip my toes into trying to date again to just be disappointed lol 😆. The long length of my break was fantastic for my mental health and peace, but now my peace doesn’t want to be disturbed at all and I am overly critical over potential dates.
After a terrible relationship with my kid's dad, I left and decided to concentrate on raising her. A few flings here and there, but I haven't been in a relationship for 15 years. No regrets. I would never rule it out, but it's not that important to me anymore.
I escaped an abusive relationship about a year and a half ago. I've spent the time in therapy, got back into some old hobbies, and have been healing. I don't know if I'll ever want to try dating again. Sometimes I wish I could have romantic love in my life but I don't think it's in the cards for me.
Therapy is the shit. For me, also out of an abusive relationship, I recognized I have to change my patterns and be ready to date someone different than my exes. Not seriously seeking right now, but definitely committed to growing and becoming someone who is attracted to/attracts good people
I can relate. Therapy has helped me realize some patterns as well. Like you, I want to grow and nurture healthy relationships with good people. Congrats on your healing journey!
Everytime I date or get into a relationship I remember why I prefer being single lol.
I plan on staying single forever now because I really enjoy it, I think my natural state is single and I feel best with the freedom to be on my own and explore life on my own terms.
Took 2 years off after my fiancé died, I don’t regret it. I needed the time to heal and process what happened. It wouldn’t have been fair to bring a new guy in to our lives while I was still hurting and trying to figure out this new normal.
I ama divorced man. I took a many years off from dating.
I was seeing a married woman who came by occasionally for sex and we talked on the phone 5 days a week.
It was nice because I had no pressure or obligations on my part. When people are at my house too long I start to get agitated and antsy for them to leave. She would always be looking at her watch so it was never an issue.
Lately, I have realized that I missed out on the past ten years or so. I am 60 and I could have possibly built a relationship that would last the rest of my life.
Now, at this age, it seems unreasonable to expect anyone to change their life for me or me for theirs. Everyone just has so much baggage.
Every dating profile I see lists women who want to go snowboarding, water skiing, hiking Machu Pichu. I am fucking 60 and still work. I don't have the time or inclination to do that. I also do not want to go out dancing. I can honestly say that me nor any of my friends have ever said "*Gee, I can't wait to out dancing with my girl*".
So, as you can see, I have turned into a curmudgeon.
I like to do a lot of physically active things, mainly CrossFit and sprinting.
Dancing is not one of them. Not to sound ageist, but dancing sounds like the only physically active thing you can do once you get old. You might as well ask me to sit around and play cards or mah jong.
60 F here. In defense of dancing, you don’t know what you’re missing! I took up line dancing in the last year. Not only is it great cardio, it works your brain and it brings a lot of joy. I’ve also been making a lot of new friends. Can’t beat it.
I have taken several dating breaks. And zero regrets about it. When you find the whole thing frustrating, that's when you know it's time to take a break. I would take a few months off and once I was ready for battle, I would dive back in.
I took several months off from dating to focus on getting my mental health together. I’ve had one too many toxic relationships and since I was the common denominator I wanted to take time to explore that. I’ve been happy and at peace. Just last month decided to dip my toe back into online dating only to quickly delete my profile and retreat back to hermit mode. Definitely didn’t miss anything.
I'm taking a break now. I'm using this time to heal myself. Not just emotionally but economically. I'm trying to get more established and secure in every aspect. I want to be strong enough that I can walk away when someone starts presenting deal breakers. I'm usually too attached and go against my better judgement because of my unhealed emotional wounds. The preoccupation of relationships set me back career-wise too. I'm not entertaining dating again till I'm ok being single. I dont want to be desperate and giving away my power ever again. So far I'm not regretting this.
Absolutely no regrets. I feel like everyone should do that. Especially after a divorce, breakup, or if you’re burned out from bad dating experiences. Learning to exist as a single person, and be happy with yourself and the life you’ve created, makes you a better partner, AND less likely to settle for bad behavior from your partner. My boyfriend and I are both around 10 years post divorce and have spent much of that time single. We came into the relationship knowing what we wanted. Every day with him is a choice, not just because I’m scared to be alone. I’m with him because he adds joy to my life. I know far too many people who have stayed in unhappy relationships because they fear being alone. Learn to create your own peace and happiness, and then only let people get close to you who add to it.
I’m on one right now. I basically have been since Covid and before that I had a lot of success in OLD and went on almost too many. My last date was 18 months ago. I was in a car accident 15 months ago and crushed my spine so I spent a year rehabbing so I could walk and run up stairs again. I also realized that I had a problem with alcohol at that time so I’m starting a new life of sobriety too. Tons of counseling and lots of positive life changes.
I haven’t and I’m not missing a thing as far as dating is concerned during this time except for good sex. That’s a huge drawback but it’s not like I actually could have even enjoyed it for most of this time. I know that the future is going to be a lot better for me.
I've been on extended break for almost 4 years now with occasional short bursts of dating 6-8 weeks and return to my hiatus.
>What did you do with your time off?
All the stuff I love doing but my former partners didn't share interest in.
>Did you feel like you missed out on opportunities to find your person?
Sometimes, that's why I try to put myself out there every year or so. But always return to the same conclusion that I enjoy my me-time and not ready to give that up yet.
>Or are you happy with your decision to take time off?
Very much so. Almost too much and I wonder what that might mean for me long term
I took 10 yrs off after my divorce. I'm 50/50 on regret. I feel like I wasted a lot of good years but I was also raising kids and it was probably easier to just not date.
I took about 2 yrs off after my LTR. No regrets. I wouldn't have been a good partner to anyone.
The thing I regret the most is my 12 yr marriage.
34F. By default, the pandemic made me single and for a long time (4 years now) as I was stuck in a remote place in a contract job. Best thing ever!!! Torture at first but I’m afraid now it has made me immune to dating. I got involved with so many hobbies. Devoured my solitude and of course I know it sounds cliche but I did learn a lot about myself and took a deep look at my past relationships. I live in Fort Lauderdale now and I do meet decent people but I get bored so easily that I crave my alone time. So no regrets. I must admit I have a fear of missing out though as I know the dating scene is hard and as much as I like my alone time deep down I would like a partner to grow old with.
I took over two years off to move forward from my last relationship and try to have a baby on my own. I have absolutely zero regrets. I recentered the dating scene last fall and I’m in a better headspace than I’ve ever been in while dating. Kids are off the table which makes marriage feel less important so there’s no pressure. The options are worse than they’ve ever been but I’m pretty unbothered by it. I’m not stressed or anything because I know I gave it my all to do the whole traditional family life thing and, in absence of that, I’ve built a solo life I really love full of family, friends, travel, and little adventures.
Oh, I guess I wasn’t clear. I wasn’t able to get pregnant…..that’s why kids are off the table. I do have several friends who’ve had or adopted kids on their own though and they’ve found people to be pretty accepting. Most men seem to love the fact that there’s no baby daddy to deal with and that they don’t particularly need/want a father figure.
I love having someone. But hate dating. I was sitting on a first date in March with a nice guy and just realized I needed quiet and wasn’t interested in gettin to know anyone. Didn’t want to do the dance. An ex reached out and I stupidly started seeing him again because … I know him. He’s comfortable and warm. So, yes. But I’m also an idiot so 🤷♀️
Single for over 6 years. Once or twice a year I make myself try again. Mostly I've just gotten used to being single and built a life I'm happy with. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I don't see many relationships I admire and I really value my freedom and autonomy. I won't settle.
If I ever do find someone, it will be someone who knocks my socks off and adds value to my life. I've learned how to be happy on my own, and I'm better for it. We aren't guaranteed a partner in this life, but many people get desperate and lonely and end up in really toxic situations. Learning to be happy single keeps you from that fate.
What is meant for me will find me. I think it's important to decenter romantic relationships. We've been raised to think that's the point of life, and it's simply... not.
I take breaks when I’m not feeling it. Upwards of several months sometimes. No regrets, what is there to regret, though? I just continue living my life doing other things and when I feel like I want to date again, I get back to it.
Yes, and kind of. I don't regret keeping my trauma to myself and preventing it from getting all over anyone else, but in retrospect I wonder if I was a little too quick to assume I was undateable.
I was not looking to "take some time off", I just have not met anyone I would be interested in dating. I do meet new people IRL all the time, with a focus on developing friendships. I do not use apps. I use my time to focus on my goals, friends, family, and all the things I love. I'm super protective of my peace and the stable life I have created for myself. I have zero regrets about not wasting my time dating the wrong people.
I’m currently on a 12 year break and had no missed opportunities during this time. Life’s been very busy with work, kids, gym, etc., that I actually wonder if I’ll sincerely have time for someone once I decide to break my break.
Me. No, I did/do not regret it. I still have passive conversations with guys, and that is enough for me to know that I am not interested in that song and dance right now. I'm not in the right head space to deal with that. I've put more effort into me, my self care, my mental space, etc. And I'm completely happy with that. I have moments of anxiety about it, but instead of it being all encompassing, it's simply just a moment where I feel like I won't exist without a relationship to validate me, and I come back to reality, where I realize that I don't need to be in one to have a fulfilling life. For the first time, I am truly single, not a part of a we, and I don't have to be anything other than me, and it's honestly the most liberating feeling.
After an almost decade long relationship ended in 2019, I just turned on the dating apps this January. The four years were amazing! I did therapy, started container gardening in my condo, reinvigorated my interest in tennis and joined a league, got in a community garden plot, saw friends and family.
I of course felt romantically lonely sometimes, but I never felt unfulfilled. I am whole as one.
That said, I recently started dating and I’m quite enjoying it!
Male here. I go through periods of actively looking and passively looking. Since things are so incredibly dysfunctional in the dating world and this age cohort is so burdened by trauma and outdated notions, I don't like to put pressure on myself to find a person by X time or at all.
I've been decidedly celibate for a solid year+. At the suggestion of my therapist, I did get on an app last month. I'm not really feeling it. I would like to be in a relationship, but I'm not going to pass up fun with my friends and dog to meet up with a random stranger. The stale conversation/ lack of feeling attracted to them, I just don't think the app is for me. Best I can do is keep being social and getting out into the world.
I'm taking one now!!
41 m and separated, divorce filed.
I love love my time to myself!
Focus on self growth and healing from toxic and an abusive marriage.
Never felt better!
I’m planning on taking a three month break starting last week. I’m worn out by dating unsuccessfully and also want to focus on my physical health, mental health and fitness for a few months. Not for dating, just for myself. But hoping when I come back it helps my dating too
I guess my entire life? I’m never actually looking for a partner except for casual sex. Otherwise all of my meaningful relationships have happened by accident.
I’m just living my life.
I am on break. Feels good. Got a lot of work done, internally, Inside my home, AND Outside.
I may never find "my" person. That's ok. But most likely, whoever I find we may grow well together from that point on - because I know, I would be a better partner due to this break. Some of the daily routines that I have established will never go away - unless it's a real emergency.
51F. With first ex from 18 to 29 then rebounded with 2nd ex from 29-46. Haven't dated since the divorce and no desire to really. If I happen to meet someone I'm potentially open to it but I'm not looking. It's slim pickings where I'm at and my bar has been set very high after those 2 marriages. Also I'm planning on moving back to europe in 4 years so can't see myself getting serious with anyone in the mean time.
I have a good friend with whom I've had benefits for the past 5 years. We are friends first and foremost and since he's really wanting to find someone seurosu and start a family our benefits have come to an end unfortunately (he's 20 years younger and lives on another continent) but I knew that would happen one day. I'm surprised it last as long as it has tbh. Anyway, I do kinda miss the intimacy and sex but not enough to just date casually
So far no regrets. I really needed to find my own happiness and figure out who I am but I had never been on my own as an adult. I also needed to work on myself to avoid any further unhealthy relationships.
So many people I know aren't really all that happy in their relationship. I don't want to settle to avoid being alone. I'd rather be single.
Yes. No.
I walked out of a 8 year relationship due to not being able to stand myself and thinking my ex deserves better and wanted to improve. I now have the tools and she's gone and damage done on both sides.
I know myself better and can set boundaries and have more self respect.
Listen, dating is about having a partner who can assist you as you grow and being there for them as they grow in their life. Accept and work through things takes understanding and patience.
I wasn't at a place in my life raising kids and toxic work environment. I've lost a lot in the past three years, yet as I am reminded by many whom care and are there...I've grown. Yes, I still feel it took long enough (49M), yet we're all on our own path.
If there is someone out there, it will happen. If not, it's my life to focus on and suck the marrow out of.
Simple if you date or don't, as long as your growing and even those dates or situationships will have you learning. I would hope. Since you're even asking I think you know the answer.
Regrets of not putting myself on the dating scene, no. Ask me when I'm 55, maybe I'll have a different perspective. 😂
Yep. No regrets.
I'll sign up for a dating app, meet a couple of people, get fed up with all the stuff that goes along with it, and delete the app. Wait a year or two-repeat.
I just do me! I get stuff done around the house, work overtime, enjoy my hobbies etc.
I like being single, so I don't feel like I've missed out at all.
I'm most happy when I'm not on a dating app.
I took a year and a half off after being in a relationship for most of my adult life. It was valuable. However I also got into a relationship I wasn’t ready for after being separated from my wife for only 9 months and I don’t regret that either.
Everyone grows and moves forward in different ways.
I haven’t dated at all since leaving my husband. That was five years ago, and tbh, I like being single. You can do whatever you want, and no one yells at you for spilling glitter on the garage floor. It’s nice. Quiet.
Related: I have three cats now.
I took what was supposed to be a short break 6 years ago. I realized that I actually hated dating and relationships. I was always involved with someone due to low self esteem. Now I'm happily single. I have no regrets whatsoever.
I would suggest if you intend to date again try to set a specific time to get back out there. If you go too long you may find it hard to jump back in.
On the apps for about 1.5 years post-divorce. A few decent experiences but all purely physical and casual, and at the time that was all I wanted so yay. Got to a point where I wanted something more and at that point it all went to hell. Multiple potential relationships end at the third/fourth date stage, and those and even the preliminary ones all follow the same pattern of apparent enthusiasm on the part of the potential partner, including in person, and eventual ghosting/straight up standing up for dates. I quit all apps and attempts at dating in January or February of 2023 and just focused on me and my kids for a bit, coached baseball and gave them what pointers I have to give when it comes to learning an instrument. Asked out a baseball mom once the season ended. She said yes, it seemed very good right up until she did the exact same shit the dating app people did and ghosted. Come to find out she decided to go back to her ex (the 2X baby daddy deadbeat) so whatever, bullet dodged.
After that I got back on apps and very quickly met my GF of 9 months and counting.
People suck out loud, and people dating at our age don't even know how to do it right most of the time.
I’m currently on a break and working on myself and just enjoying my alone time. I love it. Im not in the mindset where I want to go on dates and deal with the annoying/frustrating parts that come with dating. I know that’s part of finding a partner, when the timing is right I will know. I also want to move eventually so don’t really see the point in starting something where I am now.
These days, this subreddit is way more interesting to me than trying to date myself😂 I've taken many extended breaks and never regret it because, usually I'm either frustrated or bored with it so why be giving my time to it if it's no longer fun? And, at the end of the day, I'm my person. Would I love it if there was another one? 100% But I think it's really important to be able to be happy on my own, enjoy my company, and be living a life I find fulfilling with or without a partner. Usually when I take breaks from dating, I give much more attention to other things I enjoy and have a great time doing it.
1 year after the divorce. I took the time to heal and reflect.
I don't regret it. I didn't have the desire to date. Also, I don't do regrets. It's a huge waste of time.
As I see it, we make decisions all the time, and whether it's the right or wrong decision, is determined by the outcome.
You can go regret the unwanted outcome of a 'wrong' decision, but it will never help you. Instead, I prefer to learn and grow from it.
I have at most made it maybe 9 months in the past
However I was just broken up with by yet another person who wasn’t what he seemed on the verge of starting a new career so I will be taking one now
I honestly think it’s a good idea
I am so happy with my life the way it is and dating is something I am on the fence about- I have a lot of varied interest and most days I don’t get to do them all- I often wonder if I can have another human share my life with so many other things going on . At this point, I believe it’ll have to be organic and the right person will come along, if it’s meant to be - so I’m open to dating but not going out of my way to date . I love my independence and the more I think about it ( I’m 48F) I may not need a man to be a permanent part of my life. They can come and go.
I spent 5 yrs on my own.
Was really happy to be single.
Didn't want the hassle of a relationship.
I met someone 3 yrs ago, and I thought i was very clear about my needs.
he left me 3 months ago.
I think for me, being single is staying well mentally.
I’m divorced 6 years. It hit me hard. I didn’t see anyone for the first 6-9 months. It destroyed my self confidence and self image.
Then I dated a lot for 2-3 years. Nothing serious past the 2-4 month mark. Some much shorter. In mid-2020, I went on a dating break. And once I got out of “the scene” I stayed there for the last 2-3 years. Not deliberately. Just sort of stayed in that lane because I wasn’t motivated to jump back in.
Within past year, I opened up again but only with goal of long-term, sustainable relationship. Or I don’t want it.
I sort of regret breaking for 2-3 years. But I sort of don’t too. I’m happy and independent. If I’m single forever, I’m fine with it. It wasn’t my plan but the best plans often change. If I meet the love of my life today, that’d be great too.
Yup. Saved a metric shitload of money and got a bunch of home improvement projects done. It was fantastic.
Being handsome, smart and charming all the time ain't easy. ;)
Yeah. I've taken breaks. I haven't went on a date since the lockdowns. I decided to go back into it this year, but I'm not looking for anything serious until I relocate to another state.
Original copy of post by u/ProperPenny8:
What did you do with your time off? Did you feel like you missed out on opportunities to find your person? Or are you happy with your decision to take time off?
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Yeah i regularly take a few months off at a time. I haven't been in a relationship for 3 years. I enjoy my own company. I get frustrated with the apps, and people in general.
I took about 3 months off again, just went back and matched with someone i've talked with before about a year ago but never met. We're gonna meet this time and it seems like the timing worked out as we're both actually excited to meet each other now. I think we were both fatigued before. So yes, it helps to take breaks. I don't feel like meeting him will be a complete waste of time like i normally do.
Yes I have. And absolutely 0 regrets. My mental health improved leaps and bounds, I found time for my hobbies and friends, I made more friends, I've done better at work.
44M.
I’m taking a break and focusing on building/designing my life.
I am taking classes
Im building friendships with men and women. Even women where I’m feeling an attraction I’m not acting on it right now if I see them as a better potential long term friend for both me and my kids.
I’m participating in online dating and am open to dates but honestly it’s more like I’m doing research for the fall when I actually want to start dating.
I’m practicing things like cold approaches when they feel good.
I’m finding social gatherings that I genuinely enjoy and am participating in them actively.
And I’m focusing on building my business.
I’m having a ton of fun with this.
I plan on getting more serious about dating in the fall, but I’m super happy right now.
Yes, and no regrets. However, if the opportunity presents itself I’d most likely entertain it. I'm just not actively in pursuit of a date, partner, lover, companion, situationship etc.
My last serious attempt was about 4 years ago, so COVID caused a few complications. Did have a date or two a couple of years ago trying to rekindle with an ex, but soon became apparent it was doomed.
Have been thinking about how I can try again, avoiding the apps at all costs. The problems are I still don't have a social circle, I don't have any social hobbies, and my scope for meeting new people is otherwise restricted.
It would be great to meet someone compatible, but where to find them? I'm also the kind of person who doesn't get a second look, so I try not to worry about it too much.
I took trips (both solo and with my mom), and delved into a number of different projects. I may have missed out on opportunities to find a woman, but I had to make a calculated decision. Based on the results since I started looking again in late 2022 (just before I joined Reddit), I have absolutely no regrets. Although I spent a weekend with a woman back in March, it is the only woman I've met, and my luck overall isn't a tremendous amount better than it was before the break in terms of actual in person meetings or successes.
I have not dated since divorcing in 2020 and I have no plans to. I was happy being married and was sad that it ended. Being on my own since then I have at times craved a bit of company both conversationally and intimately however the pay off for achieving that is not in my opinion worth the reward. I fill my time with things I enjoy doing that I did not have time for during the marriage.
Gave up completely in 2020 at 47 years old. Best decision ever. I’ve felt so much more settled and sane and zero relationship anxiety. Edit: I have zero regrets
Everyone should routinely assess if OLD is making them happy or contributing something good to their lives. I found it to be toxic to my well being and self esteem. I deprioritized dating and have never been happier since my breakup. OLD is a game you win by not playing.
I’ve never stopped being open to dating…it just doesn’t happen. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I’ve built a beautiful, cozy life on purpose, for me. I don’t believe we “miss” what’s meant for us.
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There are just some people who really prefer and thrive in an organic real life setting. And unfortunately, when things don't tend to happen organically desperation sets in and people end up trying a format they're not really comfortable with.
I can relate to what a lot of people are saying here as far as it being a grueling process getting to know complete strangers. Things are very different from the female side, but so far I'm having fun with it. I think largely because I'm not putting too many expectations into it.
I understand the concept of dating with a purpose. Everyone has different intentions but for me the relaxed carefree approach has made the experience enjoyable. And with little to know emotional investment there's no disappointment if things don't work out. If I find a true love connection great! I just found things come easier when you relax and let it happen rather than when you try to force it.
I've only had a couple months of experience with online dating and I've met a couple people that I would otherwise not have associated with. One in particular that I'm really beginning to like.
Sorry if I'm wordy. Ultimately do what's right for you and what you're most comfortable with. But maybe revisiting the way in which you're approaching the whole online dating thing might take some of the agony and discomfort out of it lol. Good luck and don't give up hope!
For me the only (sort of?) regret is that being single is SO relaxing and low stress and productive that it’s made me question if I should even bother to resume serious dating. Like, ever.
Suspect that if I’d just kept on monkey-branching through the Tree of Serial Monogamy, like the last 20 years, I would have never given a thought to a viable alternative reality.
The break made me a hardcore fence-sitter on dating, or relationships really.
I took a 6- to 7-year break, and it has been rough getting back in. But I do give myself time off the apps to prioritize other things and feel comfortable jumping back in after a month or two.
I absolutely hate dating, and only kinda, occasionally, want a relationship. So I mostly don’t do it. Every few years I download an app, make a date or two, hate the process, delete the app within 5 days and never think about it again until it’s another 4 years later and I forget how much I hate telling strangers my favourite films or whatever.
This is such a mood.
Sounds like me! But I met someone this go around. We shall see.
🤣 WE DO EXIST! lol I really thought it was just me. Glad I’m not alone in being alone. Bc 1 really isn’t the loneliest number, sometimes it’s 2.
Yup. This is me too! I find dating so exhausting I rather stay single.
Dating Olympic leadup.
This is so relatable! I haven't downloaded a dating app in over 4 years and won't anytime soon! When I did I would delete my profile within 48hrs lol
I feel this. I’m perfectly content on my own so I dip my toe in here and there, but there’s so much bullshit to wade through. I’ve been in serious relationships, have found “my person” more than once, but don’t feel the need to jump into something new when an ending comes. I’m certainly open to a new person and a great relationship, but I don’t neeeed it. And I’m just not a hunter 🤷♀️ Recently stumbled onto this subreddit and it’s been interesting to see the wide range of people’s experiences and hopes.
Im exhausted from trying to make small talk on the apps. I used to enjoy it but now I don’t have the energy for it.
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This is exactly me!! (wait…did I write this?)
This could be me! Although it usually takes me a week or two to either find a couple of dates or get skeeved out and pause my profile. I go months without thinking about it then it’s like enough time passes and I forget how ridiculous it is, so I dip a toe back in. I’ve had a few relationship appetizers that lasted 3-5 months before the incompatibilities started showing up. Then I take long breaks to regroup. Rinse and repeat.
47F. I took a break from dating for several years in my early 40's. Really only back at it since last year. NO regrets at all. I have a fulfilling job, lots of hobbies (hiking, pilates, shopping), many different friend groups - my kids friends moms, work friends, exercise buddies, and core group of friends I've known for years. I host dinners and gatherings, explore activities like plays and comedians, etc. And I really enjoy chilling at home watching Netflix... so I never got bored. Now that I'm back dating, I don't feel like I missed anything. Plenty of interest from guys young and old and everywhere in between...
Same! I didn’t date for 3 years. Had so much fun during that time, spent lot of my time painting, traveling. I am always on a break and only date occasionally. I don’t regret it one bit and probably won’t change it. Don’t want to center my life around dating.
That last sentence, so many people do and its sick
I did after a rough breakup. I got into therapy, worked on myself, traveled, built up my business, got in the gym, got a better job - it was amazing! Definitely didnt feel like I missed out. There's a gazillion people in the world. Plus I had to - and still am - working on my lack mindset. I made many of bad dating decisions because I felt certain there were no or so few good options I might as well stick with what was in front of me. That obviously never worked for me!
I struggle with the lack/scarcity mindset a lot. Any tips on beating it are appreciated!!!
Adrienne Everheart (YouTuber) has a great visualization meditation for this. I think you can access it on her website but she has great content on dating. In her meditation, you visualize several amazing men/women (based on your preference) being interested in you. This helps you shed the belief that there is only one who can fulfill your desires. Expand your perspective that there are many quality people available to date.
This doesn’t necessarily help with the scarcity mindset, but a quote that really helped me after my divorce was “until you get comfortable being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.” And so I put a lot of work into creating a life where I was content *as possible* being single. Letting someone go who ultimately wasn’t a good fit for me wasn’t as difficult because I knew I was fine before that person came into my life, and I’d be fine after too. Even if I never did find a long-term partner I would experience SO many good things in my life. But in terms of addressing thoughts of scarcity specifically it helped to remember I’m really not special. I know, I know “we’re all special in our own way.” But I’m someone who put a lot of work into healing after my divorce, learned better communication skills, does my best to be a good person and a good partner etc. If *I* was still out there single, there had to be plenty of others out there like me who were single too. We might have to go through a lot of people who weren’t right for us to find each other, but it would be worth it in the end.
Same! It took 3 years for me to feel like I could safely start to date again. I would retreat and reflect any time I felt old behaviors creeping up. In the meantime, I knew I had to make a happy life solo before even thinking about adding a partner. It’s very freeing not to feel like you need someone in your life and being able to walk away when you know it’s not a healthy environment.
I’m still working on it. It’s truly a journey. But here are a few things that have been good for me. Whenever a thought of lack creeps in, I combat it with a positive one. And think through why that better thought could be just as true & more likely than the negative. I work on staying present. One thing I notice my lack is rooted in is fear of bad things happening in the future. There is so much good in the now. Ruminating on the past is not useful because it’s done. And anxiety is based on the future - which has yet to happen. But redirection my thoughts to now and finding was to practice gratitude helps keep my mind in a good space. Choosing delusion over pessimism. Lord of times we’ve convinced ourselves there is lack. Well, we have no evidence of that. And we have no evidence of things being perfect. So why not lean towards the delusion of perfectionism awaiting us? So it feels silly but I just daydream on delusions. Might as well spend time on that. Hope this is helpful and open to any tips anyone else has!
Yes. 14 years and going. I worked, went to school and raised my son. No missed opportunities, as there's no one out there for me. No regrets because I haven't wasted any more time on the wrong one, and that makes me very happy.
Heck yeah!!!
Great
Your last sentence stabbed me right in the heart.
I don't have another 20 years to be wrong again.
I took a long break to dip my toes into trying to date again to just be disappointed lol 😆. The long length of my break was fantastic for my mental health and peace, but now my peace doesn’t want to be disturbed at all and I am overly critical over potential dates.
Mental health and peace is a,great thing to have
After a terrible relationship with my kid's dad, I left and decided to concentrate on raising her. A few flings here and there, but I haven't been in a relationship for 15 years. No regrets. I would never rule it out, but it's not that important to me anymore.
I escaped an abusive relationship about a year and a half ago. I've spent the time in therapy, got back into some old hobbies, and have been healing. I don't know if I'll ever want to try dating again. Sometimes I wish I could have romantic love in my life but I don't think it's in the cards for me.
Therapy is the shit. For me, also out of an abusive relationship, I recognized I have to change my patterns and be ready to date someone different than my exes. Not seriously seeking right now, but definitely committed to growing and becoming someone who is attracted to/attracts good people
I can relate. Therapy has helped me realize some patterns as well. Like you, I want to grow and nurture healthy relationships with good people. Congrats on your healing journey!
Congratulations to you! Better days ahead sis.
I am on a break, and I'm fine . No regrets.
Same. Over a year since dating. It's tiring.
Everytime I date or get into a relationship I remember why I prefer being single lol. I plan on staying single forever now because I really enjoy it, I think my natural state is single and I feel best with the freedom to be on my own and explore life on my own terms.
Took 2 years off after my fiancé died, I don’t regret it. I needed the time to heal and process what happened. It wouldn’t have been fair to bring a new guy in to our lives while I was still hurting and trying to figure out this new normal.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Hugs. ❤️
I ama divorced man. I took a many years off from dating. I was seeing a married woman who came by occasionally for sex and we talked on the phone 5 days a week. It was nice because I had no pressure or obligations on my part. When people are at my house too long I start to get agitated and antsy for them to leave. She would always be looking at her watch so it was never an issue. Lately, I have realized that I missed out on the past ten years or so. I am 60 and I could have possibly built a relationship that would last the rest of my life. Now, at this age, it seems unreasonable to expect anyone to change their life for me or me for theirs. Everyone just has so much baggage. Every dating profile I see lists women who want to go snowboarding, water skiing, hiking Machu Pichu. I am fucking 60 and still work. I don't have the time or inclination to do that. I also do not want to go out dancing. I can honestly say that me nor any of my friends have ever said "*Gee, I can't wait to out dancing with my girl*". So, as you can see, I have turned into a curmudgeon.
REAL TALK.
I like to do a lot of physically active things, mainly CrossFit and sprinting. Dancing is not one of them. Not to sound ageist, but dancing sounds like the only physically active thing you can do once you get old. You might as well ask me to sit around and play cards or mah jong.
60 F here. In defense of dancing, you don’t know what you’re missing! I took up line dancing in the last year. Not only is it great cardio, it works your brain and it brings a lot of joy. I’ve also been making a lot of new friends. Can’t beat it.
I will have to take your word on that.
I have taken several dating breaks. And zero regrets about it. When you find the whole thing frustrating, that's when you know it's time to take a break. I would take a few months off and once I was ready for battle, I would dive back in.
Sounds stressful
Lol it really was. It was the hope that kept me going back for more.
I took several months off from dating to focus on getting my mental health together. I’ve had one too many toxic relationships and since I was the common denominator I wanted to take time to explore that. I’ve been happy and at peace. Just last month decided to dip my toe back into online dating only to quickly delete my profile and retreat back to hermit mode. Definitely didn’t miss anything.
I took a few months off at the beginning of the year. I don’t regret it. I may never find my person, but if not, I don’t think that break will be why.
I'm taking a break now. I'm using this time to heal myself. Not just emotionally but economically. I'm trying to get more established and secure in every aspect. I want to be strong enough that I can walk away when someone starts presenting deal breakers. I'm usually too attached and go against my better judgement because of my unhealed emotional wounds. The preoccupation of relationships set me back career-wise too. I'm not entertaining dating again till I'm ok being single. I dont want to be desperate and giving away my power ever again. So far I'm not regretting this.
I love this
Absolutely no regrets. I feel like everyone should do that. Especially after a divorce, breakup, or if you’re burned out from bad dating experiences. Learning to exist as a single person, and be happy with yourself and the life you’ve created, makes you a better partner, AND less likely to settle for bad behavior from your partner. My boyfriend and I are both around 10 years post divorce and have spent much of that time single. We came into the relationship knowing what we wanted. Every day with him is a choice, not just because I’m scared to be alone. I’m with him because he adds joy to my life. I know far too many people who have stayed in unhappy relationships because they fear being alone. Learn to create your own peace and happiness, and then only let people get close to you who add to it.
I’m on one right now. I basically have been since Covid and before that I had a lot of success in OLD and went on almost too many. My last date was 18 months ago. I was in a car accident 15 months ago and crushed my spine so I spent a year rehabbing so I could walk and run up stairs again. I also realized that I had a problem with alcohol at that time so I’m starting a new life of sobriety too. Tons of counseling and lots of positive life changes. I haven’t and I’m not missing a thing as far as dating is concerned during this time except for good sex. That’s a huge drawback but it’s not like I actually could have even enjoyed it for most of this time. I know that the future is going to be a lot better for me.
I've been on extended break for almost 4 years now with occasional short bursts of dating 6-8 weeks and return to my hiatus. >What did you do with your time off? All the stuff I love doing but my former partners didn't share interest in. >Did you feel like you missed out on opportunities to find your person? Sometimes, that's why I try to put myself out there every year or so. But always return to the same conclusion that I enjoy my me-time and not ready to give that up yet. >Or are you happy with your decision to take time off? Very much so. Almost too much and I wonder what that might mean for me long term
I took 10 yrs off after my divorce. I'm 50/50 on regret. I feel like I wasted a lot of good years but I was also raising kids and it was probably easier to just not date. I took about 2 yrs off after my LTR. No regrets. I wouldn't have been a good partner to anyone. The thing I regret the most is my 12 yr marriage.
34F. By default, the pandemic made me single and for a long time (4 years now) as I was stuck in a remote place in a contract job. Best thing ever!!! Torture at first but I’m afraid now it has made me immune to dating. I got involved with so many hobbies. Devoured my solitude and of course I know it sounds cliche but I did learn a lot about myself and took a deep look at my past relationships. I live in Fort Lauderdale now and I do meet decent people but I get bored so easily that I crave my alone time. So no regrets. I must admit I have a fear of missing out though as I know the dating scene is hard and as much as I like my alone time deep down I would like a partner to grow old with.
I took over two years off to move forward from my last relationship and try to have a baby on my own. I have absolutely zero regrets. I recentered the dating scene last fall and I’m in a better headspace than I’ve ever been in while dating. Kids are off the table which makes marriage feel less important so there’s no pressure. The options are worse than they’ve ever been but I’m pretty unbothered by it. I’m not stressed or anything because I know I gave it my all to do the whole traditional family life thing and, in absence of that, I’ve built a solo life I really love full of family, friends, travel, and little adventures.
What's it like trying to date once having a kid on your own? Are people pretty accepting?
Oh, I guess I wasn’t clear. I wasn’t able to get pregnant…..that’s why kids are off the table. I do have several friends who’ve had or adopted kids on their own though and they’ve found people to be pretty accepting. Most men seem to love the fact that there’s no baby daddy to deal with and that they don’t particularly need/want a father figure.
Love this answer
I love having someone. But hate dating. I was sitting on a first date in March with a nice guy and just realized I needed quiet and wasn’t interested in gettin to know anyone. Didn’t want to do the dance. An ex reached out and I stupidly started seeing him again because … I know him. He’s comfortable and warm. So, yes. But I’m also an idiot so 🤷♀️
I feel that. lol
One of my friends was like “you *give* good advice and yet you fail to follow it….” Well, yeah!
Haha
They do say, those who can’t DO, Teach!
It’s me crawling out of my dumpster to be a life coach 😂
Single for over 6 years. Once or twice a year I make myself try again. Mostly I've just gotten used to being single and built a life I'm happy with. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I don't see many relationships I admire and I really value my freedom and autonomy. I won't settle. If I ever do find someone, it will be someone who knocks my socks off and adds value to my life. I've learned how to be happy on my own, and I'm better for it. We aren't guaranteed a partner in this life, but many people get desperate and lonely and end up in really toxic situations. Learning to be happy single keeps you from that fate. What is meant for me will find me. I think it's important to decenter romantic relationships. We've been raised to think that's the point of life, and it's simply... not.
Those are some good points
I take breaks when I’m not feeling it. Upwards of several months sometimes. No regrets, what is there to regret, though? I just continue living my life doing other things and when I feel like I want to date again, I get back to it.
Yes, and kind of. I don't regret keeping my trauma to myself and preventing it from getting all over anyone else, but in retrospect I wonder if I was a little too quick to assume I was undateable.
I was not looking to "take some time off", I just have not met anyone I would be interested in dating. I do meet new people IRL all the time, with a focus on developing friendships. I do not use apps. I use my time to focus on my goals, friends, family, and all the things I love. I'm super protective of my peace and the stable life I have created for myself. I have zero regrets about not wasting my time dating the wrong people.
I’m currently on a 12 year break and had no missed opportunities during this time. Life’s been very busy with work, kids, gym, etc., that I actually wonder if I’ll sincerely have time for someone once I decide to break my break.
Me. No, I did/do not regret it. I still have passive conversations with guys, and that is enough for me to know that I am not interested in that song and dance right now. I'm not in the right head space to deal with that. I've put more effort into me, my self care, my mental space, etc. And I'm completely happy with that. I have moments of anxiety about it, but instead of it being all encompassing, it's simply just a moment where I feel like I won't exist without a relationship to validate me, and I come back to reality, where I realize that I don't need to be in one to have a fulfilling life. For the first time, I am truly single, not a part of a we, and I don't have to be anything other than me, and it's honestly the most liberating feeling.
Is a break the same thing as can't find a date?
After an almost decade long relationship ended in 2019, I just turned on the dating apps this January. The four years were amazing! I did therapy, started container gardening in my condo, reinvigorated my interest in tennis and joined a league, got in a community garden plot, saw friends and family. I of course felt romantically lonely sometimes, but I never felt unfulfilled. I am whole as one. That said, I recently started dating and I’m quite enjoying it!
Male here. I go through periods of actively looking and passively looking. Since things are so incredibly dysfunctional in the dating world and this age cohort is so burdened by trauma and outdated notions, I don't like to put pressure on myself to find a person by X time or at all.
I've been decidedly celibate for a solid year+. At the suggestion of my therapist, I did get on an app last month. I'm not really feeling it. I would like to be in a relationship, but I'm not going to pass up fun with my friends and dog to meet up with a random stranger. The stale conversation/ lack of feeling attracted to them, I just don't think the app is for me. Best I can do is keep being social and getting out into the world.
I'm taking one now!! 41 m and separated, divorce filed. I love love my time to myself! Focus on self growth and healing from toxic and an abusive marriage. Never felt better!
I’m planning on taking a three month break starting last week. I’m worn out by dating unsuccessfully and also want to focus on my physical health, mental health and fitness for a few months. Not for dating, just for myself. But hoping when I come back it helps my dating too
No regrets. You have more stories to tell and you become more interesting on your next go around on the dating scene.
I guess my entire life? I’m never actually looking for a partner except for casual sex. Otherwise all of my meaningful relationships have happened by accident. I’m just living my life.
I am on break. Feels good. Got a lot of work done, internally, Inside my home, AND Outside. I may never find "my" person. That's ok. But most likely, whoever I find we may grow well together from that point on - because I know, I would be a better partner due to this break. Some of the daily routines that I have established will never go away - unless it's a real emergency.
i know i rusty as hell These dating apps just suck
51F. With first ex from 18 to 29 then rebounded with 2nd ex from 29-46. Haven't dated since the divorce and no desire to really. If I happen to meet someone I'm potentially open to it but I'm not looking. It's slim pickings where I'm at and my bar has been set very high after those 2 marriages. Also I'm planning on moving back to europe in 4 years so can't see myself getting serious with anyone in the mean time. I have a good friend with whom I've had benefits for the past 5 years. We are friends first and foremost and since he's really wanting to find someone seurosu and start a family our benefits have come to an end unfortunately (he's 20 years younger and lives on another continent) but I knew that would happen one day. I'm surprised it last as long as it has tbh. Anyway, I do kinda miss the intimacy and sex but not enough to just date casually So far no regrets. I really needed to find my own happiness and figure out who I am but I had never been on my own as an adult. I also needed to work on myself to avoid any further unhealthy relationships. So many people I know aren't really all that happy in their relationship. I don't want to settle to avoid being alone. I'd rather be single.
Yes. No. I walked out of a 8 year relationship due to not being able to stand myself and thinking my ex deserves better and wanted to improve. I now have the tools and she's gone and damage done on both sides. I know myself better and can set boundaries and have more self respect. Listen, dating is about having a partner who can assist you as you grow and being there for them as they grow in their life. Accept and work through things takes understanding and patience. I wasn't at a place in my life raising kids and toxic work environment. I've lost a lot in the past three years, yet as I am reminded by many whom care and are there...I've grown. Yes, I still feel it took long enough (49M), yet we're all on our own path. If there is someone out there, it will happen. If not, it's my life to focus on and suck the marrow out of. Simple if you date or don't, as long as your growing and even those dates or situationships will have you learning. I would hope. Since you're even asking I think you know the answer. Regrets of not putting myself on the dating scene, no. Ask me when I'm 55, maybe I'll have a different perspective. 😂
Yep. No regrets. I'll sign up for a dating app, meet a couple of people, get fed up with all the stuff that goes along with it, and delete the app. Wait a year or two-repeat. I just do me! I get stuff done around the house, work overtime, enjoy my hobbies etc. I like being single, so I don't feel like I've missed out at all. I'm most happy when I'm not on a dating app.
Worked my ass off to advance my career and focused on me and helping others either with $ or my time. No. Yes.
Aww
I took a year and a half off after being in a relationship for most of my adult life. It was valuable. However I also got into a relationship I wasn’t ready for after being separated from my wife for only 9 months and I don’t regret that either. Everyone grows and moves forward in different ways.
I haven’t dated at all since leaving my husband. That was five years ago, and tbh, I like being single. You can do whatever you want, and no one yells at you for spilling glitter on the garage floor. It’s nice. Quiet. Related: I have three cats now.
I took what was supposed to be a short break 6 years ago. I realized that I actually hated dating and relationships. I was always involved with someone due to low self esteem. Now I'm happily single. I have no regrets whatsoever. I would suggest if you intend to date again try to set a specific time to get back out there. If you go too long you may find it hard to jump back in.
On the apps for about 1.5 years post-divorce. A few decent experiences but all purely physical and casual, and at the time that was all I wanted so yay. Got to a point where I wanted something more and at that point it all went to hell. Multiple potential relationships end at the third/fourth date stage, and those and even the preliminary ones all follow the same pattern of apparent enthusiasm on the part of the potential partner, including in person, and eventual ghosting/straight up standing up for dates. I quit all apps and attempts at dating in January or February of 2023 and just focused on me and my kids for a bit, coached baseball and gave them what pointers I have to give when it comes to learning an instrument. Asked out a baseball mom once the season ended. She said yes, it seemed very good right up until she did the exact same shit the dating app people did and ghosted. Come to find out she decided to go back to her ex (the 2X baby daddy deadbeat) so whatever, bullet dodged. After that I got back on apps and very quickly met my GF of 9 months and counting. People suck out loud, and people dating at our age don't even know how to do it right most of the time.
I’m currently on a break and working on myself and just enjoying my alone time. I love it. Im not in the mindset where I want to go on dates and deal with the annoying/frustrating parts that come with dating. I know that’s part of finding a partner, when the timing is right I will know. I also want to move eventually so don’t really see the point in starting something where I am now.
Yes, it’s been a couple years now. Whatever I feel like. Not at all. Very.
These days, this subreddit is way more interesting to me than trying to date myself😂 I've taken many extended breaks and never regret it because, usually I'm either frustrated or bored with it so why be giving my time to it if it's no longer fun? And, at the end of the day, I'm my person. Would I love it if there was another one? 100% But I think it's really important to be able to be happy on my own, enjoy my company, and be living a life I find fulfilling with or without a partner. Usually when I take breaks from dating, I give much more attention to other things I enjoy and have a great time doing it.
1 year after the divorce. I took the time to heal and reflect. I don't regret it. I didn't have the desire to date. Also, I don't do regrets. It's a huge waste of time. As I see it, we make decisions all the time, and whether it's the right or wrong decision, is determined by the outcome. You can go regret the unwanted outcome of a 'wrong' decision, but it will never help you. Instead, I prefer to learn and grow from it.
I didn’t take a break. I am out of it. No regrets
It’s called having little to no dates in my forties and fifties. It sucks.
I have at most made it maybe 9 months in the past However I was just broken up with by yet another person who wasn’t what he seemed on the verge of starting a new career so I will be taking one now I honestly think it’s a good idea
I am so happy with my life the way it is and dating is something I am on the fence about- I have a lot of varied interest and most days I don’t get to do them all- I often wonder if I can have another human share my life with so many other things going on . At this point, I believe it’ll have to be organic and the right person will come along, if it’s meant to be - so I’m open to dating but not going out of my way to date . I love my independence and the more I think about it ( I’m 48F) I may not need a man to be a permanent part of my life. They can come and go.
lmao ive taken a long time & i dont regret it, its simply not worth the effort nowadays n there's about 10+ things i could focus on instead
Haven’t dated in years, so I just go out with friends. To many nut cases and self centered people.
I was burned out and I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t miss out on anything, and not
I spent 5 yrs on my own. Was really happy to be single. Didn't want the hassle of a relationship. I met someone 3 yrs ago, and I thought i was very clear about my needs. he left me 3 months ago. I think for me, being single is staying well mentally.
I’m divorced 6 years. It hit me hard. I didn’t see anyone for the first 6-9 months. It destroyed my self confidence and self image. Then I dated a lot for 2-3 years. Nothing serious past the 2-4 month mark. Some much shorter. In mid-2020, I went on a dating break. And once I got out of “the scene” I stayed there for the last 2-3 years. Not deliberately. Just sort of stayed in that lane because I wasn’t motivated to jump back in. Within past year, I opened up again but only with goal of long-term, sustainable relationship. Or I don’t want it. I sort of regret breaking for 2-3 years. But I sort of don’t too. I’m happy and independent. If I’m single forever, I’m fine with it. It wasn’t my plan but the best plans often change. If I meet the love of my life today, that’d be great too.
Yup. Saved a metric shitload of money and got a bunch of home improvement projects done. It was fantastic. Being handsome, smart and charming all the time ain't easy. ;)
Yeah. I've taken breaks. I haven't went on a date since the lockdowns. I decided to go back into it this year, but I'm not looking for anything serious until I relocate to another state.
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Yeah i regularly take a few months off at a time. I haven't been in a relationship for 3 years. I enjoy my own company. I get frustrated with the apps, and people in general. I took about 3 months off again, just went back and matched with someone i've talked with before about a year ago but never met. We're gonna meet this time and it seems like the timing worked out as we're both actually excited to meet each other now. I think we were both fatigued before. So yes, it helps to take breaks. I don't feel like meeting him will be a complete waste of time like i normally do.
I enjoyed it! I go back off and on. Take it slow. It's so involved. I don't regret it at all!
Yes I have. And absolutely 0 regrets. My mental health improved leaps and bounds, I found time for my hobbies and friends, I made more friends, I've done better at work.
No.
44M. I’m taking a break and focusing on building/designing my life. I am taking classes Im building friendships with men and women. Even women where I’m feeling an attraction I’m not acting on it right now if I see them as a better potential long term friend for both me and my kids. I’m participating in online dating and am open to dates but honestly it’s more like I’m doing research for the fall when I actually want to start dating. I’m practicing things like cold approaches when they feel good. I’m finding social gatherings that I genuinely enjoy and am participating in them actively. And I’m focusing on building my business. I’m having a ton of fun with this. I plan on getting more serious about dating in the fall, but I’m super happy right now.
Time off great
I’m doing it right now and I’m not missing anything.
Yes. No. But Covid helped me with my break, so I’m not sure I count those years.
Yes, and no regrets. However, if the opportunity presents itself I’d most likely entertain it. I'm just not actively in pursuit of a date, partner, lover, companion, situationship etc.
45f I'm pretty confident that my person doesn't exist
My last serious attempt was about 4 years ago, so COVID caused a few complications. Did have a date or two a couple of years ago trying to rekindle with an ex, but soon became apparent it was doomed. Have been thinking about how I can try again, avoiding the apps at all costs. The problems are I still don't have a social circle, I don't have any social hobbies, and my scope for meeting new people is otherwise restricted. It would be great to meet someone compatible, but where to find them? I'm also the kind of person who doesn't get a second look, so I try not to worry about it too much.
I've been dating myself for 8 years and loving it. I produce music, play video games and smoke weed. Stuff that makes me happy.
I took trips (both solo and with my mom), and delved into a number of different projects. I may have missed out on opportunities to find a woman, but I had to make a calculated decision. Based on the results since I started looking again in late 2022 (just before I joined Reddit), I have absolutely no regrets. Although I spent a weekend with a woman back in March, it is the only woman I've met, and my luck overall isn't a tremendous amount better than it was before the break in terms of actual in person meetings or successes.
I have not dated since divorcing in 2020 and I have no plans to. I was happy being married and was sad that it ended. Being on my own since then I have at times craved a bit of company both conversationally and intimately however the pay off for achieving that is not in my opinion worth the reward. I fill my time with things I enjoy doing that I did not have time for during the marriage.
Maybe involuntarily, but not with intention. I just don't get matches.
I’m not actively dating. I don’t know how I would actually make the time to and I don’t want to. I like being single.
About 8 years didn't hurt me. Cemented me as an introvert, got a dog and had a great relationship with it till it passed. Life goes on
Gave up completely in 2020 at 47 years old. Best decision ever. I’ve felt so much more settled and sane and zero relationship anxiety. Edit: I have zero regrets
I knew you were a guy before i read your username
Everyone should routinely assess if OLD is making them happy or contributing something good to their lives. I found it to be toxic to my well being and self esteem. I deprioritized dating and have never been happier since my breakup. OLD is a game you win by not playing.
I’ve never stopped being open to dating…it just doesn’t happen. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. I’ve built a beautiful, cozy life on purpose, for me. I don’t believe we “miss” what’s meant for us.
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There are just some people who really prefer and thrive in an organic real life setting. And unfortunately, when things don't tend to happen organically desperation sets in and people end up trying a format they're not really comfortable with. I can relate to what a lot of people are saying here as far as it being a grueling process getting to know complete strangers. Things are very different from the female side, but so far I'm having fun with it. I think largely because I'm not putting too many expectations into it. I understand the concept of dating with a purpose. Everyone has different intentions but for me the relaxed carefree approach has made the experience enjoyable. And with little to know emotional investment there's no disappointment if things don't work out. If I find a true love connection great! I just found things come easier when you relax and let it happen rather than when you try to force it. I've only had a couple months of experience with online dating and I've met a couple people that I would otherwise not have associated with. One in particular that I'm really beginning to like. Sorry if I'm wordy. Ultimately do what's right for you and what you're most comfortable with. But maybe revisiting the way in which you're approaching the whole online dating thing might take some of the agony and discomfort out of it lol. Good luck and don't give up hope!
Um, my need for a break isn’t actually about online dating or being upset about it, but about family needs and having a busy life at this time.
No “regerts” whatsoever.
For me the only (sort of?) regret is that being single is SO relaxing and low stress and productive that it’s made me question if I should even bother to resume serious dating. Like, ever. Suspect that if I’d just kept on monkey-branching through the Tree of Serial Monogamy, like the last 20 years, I would have never given a thought to a viable alternative reality. The break made me a hardcore fence-sitter on dating, or relationships really.
I have for the past 20 years, i had my first set of dates this weekend and I just got a cancer diagnosis.
😞
I took an extended brake from dating. Unfortunately, my now x wife did not... yes i regret it.
I haven’t dated in nearly two years. I’m pretty content and very busy with school, work and kids. I definitely don’t feel like I’m missing out.
After my divorce I took like 4 years off lol
The people who are saying they didn't date for years were you also celebate for that period? Just curious.
I took a 6- to 7-year break, and it has been rough getting back in. But I do give myself time off the apps to prioritize other things and feel comfortable jumping back in after a month or two.
My mom took a 35 year break from dating I think she regrets it.