You know when you want something so you try to get into it, for example, you want to become an athlete, you try and you try, get on small competitions, sometimes you win, sometimes lose but ultimately you wanna be a great athlete and get into the olympics. You can barely win any local competitions but wont get into anything big. Theres so many attempts already and maybe youre not meant to be an athlete? Maybe try a different sport.
At how many attempts do you realize that finding love really isnt for you? I've done so many attempts that its laughable. Still single at 30. Maybe some people really arent meant for this? At what point do you give up?
I love probability and statistics. Like at this point with how many dates ive been, its only .1% i’d say that had some potential. Theres so many crazy things that happened fo my life before that the probability is low of that happening (i havent gotten struck by a lighting… yet) but me finding someone, why does it look like the chances are so low? Finding love isnt even a fairy tale, its pretty much normal.
At this point i think im more likely to get struck by lightning than find a boyfriend
Wrong thinking. The reality is the definition of “love” itself changes with time.
You aren’t 20, it will get more different as you grow older. There is so much to learn
So keep your mind peaceful, and be proactive. The latter is so important. People nowadays are guilty of asking things to happen rather than trying to work it
Firstly, I think framing dating as a competition to win is inherently problematic.
But, I do think there’s utility in framing dating as something where there are both things inside and outside your control. So here’s where dating can relate to athletic pursuits. As athletics contain both inputs you control - nutrition, workouts, recovery, technique, consistency, etc - and things you don’t, namely genetics.
Since you opened this door, I’m going to walk through it. Sorry, not sorry.
I got into Olympic style weightlifting through CrossFit starting in 2012. Since then I’ve done a bunch of local competitions and 2 national level competitions, one of which being national championships. I also qualified for international competition, though I chose not to go. I’m good, but I’ll never be great at it. I’ll certainly never go to the Olympics. But that’s not why I show up to the gym. The process of getting into weightlifting has been the single most net positive thing in my life. Pursuing it just for the sake of doing it has improved my life in so many ways. Physical health and strength, obviously, but also mentally. My ability to do hard things, and endure the unexpected challenges of life has vastly improved. And a lot of that is because I don’t view the obtaining of goal as the reason to keep showing up. My genetics for weightlifting are a mixed bag, I build muscle well but I’m too tall, but mainly, I showed up to game too late.
But damn if I’m not going to ride this ride as long as I can and make the absolute most of what things are in my control.
+1. I know it can create some negativity in your head (it certainly has at times for me), but never lose hope and focus on the small pockets of positives currently present in life. It only takes one, and we need to make sure that we keep that hope alive!
Theres so many positives coming into my life im very grateful for! Ive just had so many negatives before that if that happens again, i will crumble. Its just been so long i cant believe i might actually die without falling in love and not having someone
I think I am taking a break from OLD for a few months. I want to focus on personal goals which always seem to slip when I am dating. I also want to make sure I am not deliberately sabotaging my chances by repeatedly choosing people who are not in the same place in life that I am, in such a way that it eventually becomes a problem.
I have a career, not just a job but a career. I think I need to start looking for people who also have careers, not just jobs. I think it has to do with long term vision. I am a big picture kinda gal, and I plan for long term things. I deserve to be with someone who also has that kind of vision and strategy. I need to stop dating people for their potential.
Can ya'll give me some encouragement? This is going to sound a bit silly— but I've been official with someone for about \~2-3 months now (dating for about 4ish months) and I still find it really hard to initiate without feeling like I'm "imposing." Anxious attachment, childhood trauma, etc. etc., basically I'm always scared of being rejected, abandoned, being told I'm a nuisance or overly needy. I haven't seen him since last Mon, and I miss him and want to text and ask if he's up for a chill hangout tomorrow; but he's just coming back from a weekend trip and we're slated to hang out for July 4th, so the other side of me is saying I should give him space and not to be needy because it's just a few more days.
But I think it would be good for us if I reach out, even if he says no? I opened up to him recently about how I get lonely between when we see each other but don't know how to reach out for more communication via text and IRL time together, and he stressed that I should just ask and that he's willing/able to spend more time together—with the only caveat being that he's an introvert so sometimes just wants a day alone so I shouldn't take that personally. So this is a way for me to practice the solution we came up with, and for both of us to show we're trying.
But I'm having ***such*** a hard time sending this text ;\_;
That sounds like a very stressful and frustrating situation to be in. You did a good job (and a brave job!) communicating with your partner, and it sounds like you know *what* to do, but are struggling with overcoming your anxiety and actually doing it.
I also feel like texting people I'm close with (regardless of my relationship with them) and asking to hang out is an imposition, an intrusion into their life. One thing that I've found that makes me not feel like that as much is, instead of asking "want to hang out today" or "want to hang out tomorrow", to ask "want to hang out this week?", that way we can have a conversation about scheduling.
Now, that doesn't sound like it would be the most useful in your situation, since y'all already have plans---you just want to see him more, which is very sweet and I hope he appreciates.
Another thing I do is break down the texting act into separate steps:
1. What do I want to say?
2. Type out the text.
3. Send the text.
If I'm feeling very anxious about it, I'll take a break after each step and go do something else, then come back and do the next one. Often, the hardest step is the last one---I've literally spent an *hour* unable to hit the send button on a two sentence text. That hour was excruciating, but I did it.
I wish I had a magic wand to help you (so that I could also use it on myself), but you need to let yourself sit with the anxiety. And as you do this more often, it will get easier, I promise.
This is so compassionate, thank you. That communication *was* really hard, it took me more than half the month to work myself up to it. Little did I know actually *doing* something about this need would be even harder.
But it's done now!!! I took your advice, and wrote the text in my notes app, wandered about for a little bit, worked for a bit, and came back to send.
When I think about how I'm so scared to say I miss and want to see someone I've been dating for literally a quarter of the year now (!!), I have to laugh at myself. But there it is. I hope even the asking makes him happy; and I said I'd be fine with either a yes or no answer when I ask so time to live by that now, I guess haha.
Maybe that could give you an extra motivation to send the text, usually your partner like to feel wanted and asking him if you could see each other earlier that planned is an easy way to achieve that so you could just make him happy.
Also the fact that he knows you struggle with initiating would show you're feeling more at ease with him and that could make him happy too.
Do you feel the need to see him before the 4th? Or just want some reassurance before then? I would just say how you're looking forward to see him Thursday. I'm sure he will respond positively.
I feel like moving plans up or adding an extra day in can be tough, especially when it's a short work week, because most people plan out their extra-curriculars or errands and you could feel hurt by him declining to hang out before Thursday because he has stuff going on.
When you see him, plan out the next hang and if it's a week or more away, bring up seeing or talking more often.
Totally hear you on it just being logistically tricky to plan during short work week! I reflected internally, and it's not just anxiety, I do miss him and want to see him, even if briefly, since it's been about a week, especially since I anticipate work picking up a lot after the holiday for both of us, so I just want to soak it in while we still have some lazy summer days. I'll phrase my request lightly, so it can just be a quick coffee visit or something, if he has time.
Any tips to deal with a girl losing interest that you really liked? Dated for like a month, seemed like things were going great, and then suddenly last week there was a massive change in the way we interact. Went from texting pretty much all day, to me having to completely hold the conversation and her stop replying entirely hours at a time. She was supposed to come over today but just radio silence for like 24 hours now, which is certainly telling based on previous times that we hung out.
Now I get it, people lose interest all the time and I just need to move on, but I'm struggling a bit with it. Zero clue what I did that would have caused it, even though I don't really think I did anything.
I'm going through a pretty rough patch in my life due to a physical issue that's restricting me from doing things that I love (soccer / working out) and talking to her and hanging out with her made me happy, happiest I've been in awhile. I probably need surgery, and I realize dating probably isn't good for me right now, just sucks being lonely and now dealing with the stress of her losing interest in me. Just kinda venting now, but any advice would be appreciated.
Going through something similar. Met someone, things were going great, things felt easy, and we talked about future plans. But then i got blind sided with the “it’s me not you..” talk. Not my first time and probably not my last.
What helps me heal and make it out with hope in dating again is first allowing myself to feel the emotions by listening to music that resonates and venting. Then it’s really just hanging out with friends/family while constantly reminding myself i deserve someone who wants to be with me.
Sorry to hear that, hope you’re doing better now. But yeah just a lot of mixed signals, which is causing me some stress which I don’t really need right now with all the other shit going on.
I should probably talk to her and ask what’s causing the change in how we interact, cause that’s what’s bothering me. If she’s lost interest, that’s cool time to move on. Or maybe she just doesn’t like texting 24/7. So I gotta figure out a way to word this question without coming off as needy and clingy.
> Zero clue what I did that would have caused it
Don't assume you *did* cause it. It's only been a month, which is practically nothing. Any number of things could have happened in her own life to change things. It sucks but don't take all the agency on yourself.
Yeah I know I didn’t do anything, besides maybe coming off as too available cause my life has come to a screeching halt due to this physical issue.
It’s just kinda crazy, she was saying how she likes me and likes talking to me and saying how she misses how my hoodie she has doesn’t smell like me anymore. To now just radio silence. Like the 180 in communication is giving me whiplash lol
Bro just focus on yourself and healing up, your health is more important than anything, some people are just there for a short ride and once that comes to an end they slowly fade out.
>
>Went from texting pretty much all day, to me having to completely hold the conversation and her stop replying entirely hours at a time.
Just an observation, something repeatedly common I see here, people wasting their time texting all day 24/7 holding conversations over text then get surprised when someone starts texting less and less after a month or so. I get people have different communication styles but for me that just doesn't work.
I know man, unfortunately I have a torn ligament in my hip and don't think it will heal fully without surgery. And then thats a long recovery after it. I don't have the greatest support system around it so talking to her really helped, which is why it hurts.
And it's not that I care so much about texting 24/7, its just the massive pattern change over the past week. Leaves you wondering where you stand ya know. Would rather just rip off the band aid rather than being left in this state of limbo.
Like you I play 11-a-side football competitively so I know guys who have had hip problems, seen some quit playing entirely because the pain and discomfort is just too much, it's a serious injury that you really need to take care of.
For your situation the only thing you can do is be open and say what's on your mind with the person you're seeing do this early as possible, like call her up or text what you're thinking, if she doesn't respond then there's your answer.
Yeah I’m in that state right now where it’s certainly questionable if I’m ever gonna be playing again, which is a major stress for me cause it’s my favorite thing to do.
I def do need to have a conversation with her about what caused the change in the way we interact, just trying to figure out how to word it.
Thanks, yeah it'll probably be awhile until I'm fully healed which is why its so daunting and I don't have the greatest support system. Thats why talking to her was so great, even though I realize I probably just need to let her go because doing the opposite will def make things worse.
Idk obviously I wasn’t there so missing the nuance of the conversation but where did the leap occur from a general statement on the economic benefits of rent/buy become “I expected you to have house equity and net worth”.
Dont lie here.
You like him yet he isn’t good enough to be your partner? He doesn’t fit your ideal guy image, yet you don’t mind spending time with him at present.
Its not so uncommon nowadays, but at least be honest to yourself and him…
Second date went fantastic. Third date planned. We're both thinking well ahead of three dates though, she said it first but I'm feeling the same. Everything just fits, we get each other completely, and I feel a total sense of comfort and peace with her. I'm itching to tell my family, but am holding back in case I'm wrong and it fizzles out.
Neither of us have ever had this level of connection with anybody. I'm very wary typing this, but I think I might have found the woman I marry.
I don't want to be that guy on the internet, but you really have to pump the breaks. You've had two dates, you have realistically no idea who this woman is and she has no idea who you are.
It's great that you have gotten off to a good start and things are looking up, but don't fall into the trap of over romanticizing a stranger.
The non-cynical approach: Y'all are still deconstructing a fantasy of each other that has resided in both of your heads. Reality may end up not matching that fantasy so its wise to temper expectations. But at the same time enjoy the ride. Be honest and communicate at all times.
Very fair. Thank you.
I've dated a LOT in my life (I'm 38, she's 33) so I've a wide spectrum of experience when it comes to meeting potential partners. I can honestly say, I've never met anybody (including friends or former partners) who I've clicked with this quickly and this deeply. And she says she's having the exact same experience, which is very promising.
Still... It's very early days. We're both quite wary of this being just infatuation, of being hurt or moving too quickly. But damn, so far this has been the most amazing and unexpected thing and beyond what I could have dreamed of. (I'm a former cynic myself so I'm having to chew on a lot of my own words)
I feel you. I don't want to feed into unrealistic fantasies, but sometimes things just feel different and the timeline and big conversations just come easy. As long as you both have honest conversations, I think at this age, when you know you know. I've seen countless friends get engaged after 6 months or married within 1-2 years and that's fast, but we also know what we want and don't want more. You might get burned, but it might work out, so stay careful and optimistic.
How do you know when the timing is right to move in together? I tend to overthink big decisions. What were some green lights that let you know you were ready to live together?
Moving in is easy. It's moving out that's hard. Go ahead and move in together, but make sure you don't trap yourself in a bad relationship because you can't figure out a way to move out.
I don't think there are green lights, but more of a feeling of wanting to move the realtionship forward to the next stage. As a relationship progresses I will want to spend more time with my partner and that eventually turns into a "we should probably be living together" thought. My general relationship time line is that by the end of the first year together we should be at the point where we are looking to move in together because that is the next step to check long term compatibility.
Just wondering about something because I've experienced a pattern on dates.. On almost every date I've been on (around 8 or 9 now), every guy has offered (sometimes insisted) to take a picture of me with my phone on the date. At first I thought it was just a nice gesture, which it very well may be, but I was wondering from a guy's perspective what this means. Do guys just think girls want pictures of themselves? Do they want me to have some memory of being on the date in my phone? Does they want me to offer to take a photo of them instead so they can have more photos for the apps?
Since it's happening so often, I'm just curious if it's simply a really common nice gesture among men these days, or if there's something more to it?
been dating my ex again…we broke up 2 years ago again and have been going out since the holidays… somethings not feeling right?
It’s the anxiety that he’s only dating me because it’s better than the alternative of being single and on the apps? Never brings up anything about a future together and I’m a bit confused? Just have a nagging feeling about the whole situation
How would you approach this conversation?
We dated for 4 years and he broke up with me, a few different reasons but ultimately comes down to I didn’t feel like my needs were being met and he didn’t really understand or want to change
Feeling like we’re back in the same spot. He suffers from anxiety and depression and it’s a big reason I found myself back in his life… we were just friends and then he initiated wanting to be more than friends again but hasn’t really gone anywhere. We hang out 1x or 2x a week, don’t always have sex but we are affectionate but no discussions of future etc.
Ok, also, What do you want? And do you think you can have it with him? He obviously enjoys seeing you periodically..... my guess is that he'd be happy to see you 1-2x a week and have sex weekly and maintain the status quo indefinitely.
I assume you don't want to maintain the status quo forever?
My recommendation is to tell him that you want to really jump into the relationship for a month. See each other 4+ times a week, sleep over multiple days in a row. Take a weekend trip together, etc. Do it for a month and see how it goes.
Circle the date one month from now on the calendar so there's an endpoint in sight, so it's not too daunting for him. Then a few weeks after your month of intense dating (so, mid August), be like: "hey dude, do you wanna do this or not" and see what he says
I don’t want to maintain status quo, essentially I want in or out. I had hoped for an organic progression when we started seeing each other again and hasn’t happened. Hence the need to have a conversation.
I really like this suggestion! I will bring this up. Thank you!
I'm in my mid-late 20s and have been casually seeing someone who's in her mid 30s. It's great, we enjoy each other company and it's been nice and chill
A big problem is she keeps saying I'm just in it for the sex, and that I'll probably get bored and "look for someone younger" after a while. For context, I usually date early-mid 20s and she's aware of this
Is this is a mindset that I should try to change, or just enjoy our time together and forget about taking it any further?
She's insecure, and it's understandable to a point. The real question is, what's the end goal for you? Does your end goal line up with hers?
If she wants marriage and kids and you don't, you're wasting each other's time. I don't know how long you've been dating. I don't know what stage you're at. But you describe the relationship as chill, which screams casual to me.
Commitment to a future together is the only way to deal with this type of insecurity. If you can't give that to her, then you're proving her insecurity to be right.
i guess the "timeline to commit" is shorter for women in their 30s. i don't mind seeing where this goes, but talking about long-term commitment so early on (i met her for the first time just about a month ago) feels premature to me
i agree that it's understandable to a point. but at the same time i don't want feel forced to rush things either. she does want marriage but does not want kids
The fact that you've only been dating a month is important context. All you can do right now is assure her you want the same things in the future.
Are y'all exclusive? If not, that's the next step, and you're right around the time to have that conversation.
I'd also suggest discussing it with her. Let her know that the comments put a damper on the potential of the relationship.
Timeline is subjective to the individual, but I'd consider 4 weeks too early to be committing to a relationship.
This. Commitment and reassurance is huge.
From personal experience: I dated a guy who was 4 years younger than me when I was 29. He was a jackass for many reasons, including taunting me that he was going to break up with me once I turned 30. He threw me this lovely surprise birthday party after I told him that people had a hard time surprising me. Less than a month after the party, he tried ghosting me as a means of breaking up with me. When I tracked him down I broke up with him, and ever since I’ve been wary of dating younger.
Recently met a guy who’s in his mid-20s who is perfectly nice seems to be showing interest in me (I’m 37 now), but that earlier experience was so upsetting that I don’t even know if I would give it a shot.
Photographer Guy (M32) came over to hang last night at my place. I think it's a bit endearing he gets so unsure of how to act near me if I don't give consent/show him I want to escalate things; but at the same time I am also a bit submissive so I love when a guy takes the lead. We're in an adjusting phase and I believe he doesn't feel so comfortable because we haven't hung out (in an intimate way, alone in a safe space) alone many times.
I had to force touch a bit - it made me a bit uncomfortable but once I did he was happy to escalate. Like the first time we were together three weeks ago, everything was very effortless and communication was on point. While he isn't very dominant, he was open to exchanging roles during, he tested some of my reactions on biting and light spanking, and he was very comfortable with dirty talk, which I enjoy a lot.
When we finished, we stayed cuddling for a while, pillow talking. He is very sweet and gentle and always asking if I'm ok. We laughed a lot when I almost fell out of bed when I got up to go to the bathroom, I am very awkward sometimes and not really a gracious woman haha. Then he left, apologizing for not being able to stay the night.
There's another guy asking me on a coffee date and I'm not sure how to respond. I know I like PG and I want to bet on this for now, but at the same time the last time we talked he expressed that he's not ready yet to define what we have, because of all the unsureness of his life right now (his mom's been sick and he's her caregiver, things aren't going well at his work, his hours are all over the place and he's been very frustrated and worried over what next step to take). We didn't talk about if we're ok with seeing other people, and I didn't want to bring it up for now. From what I know of him and what our mutuals tell me about him, he's a bit conservative, I don't believe he's been going out with anyone else and I think he would be a bit hurt if I did, even if we can't define what we are right now.
Note: I am not in the US and multidating isn't a thing in my european country, people who do it are perceived as players and not serious. We don't have to rush into a relationship and can keep things causal, but usually it's expected some kind of "exclusivity", unless it's discussed first hand what each are comfortable with.
Have you tried meeting pets IRL? /s but not really?
There's a kitten down the street from me that has been living under a truck. A neighbor and I tried to coax him out. He followed me crying, but ran away whenever I approached. Will keep trying, but meeting pets IRL is hard!
We live in the same building.
The convenience of living so close (two floors apart) is phenomenal.
Residents have to give 45 days notice of intent to move out at the end of a leasehold, otherwise they assume we plan to stay for another full year.
My lease ends mid-August.
His lease ends mid-December.
I don’t particularly want to stay in this building.
He doesn’t particularly want to stay in this building.
It’s WAY too soon for us to move in together. Even December would be on the extremely early side.
But we really, really, really like living so near to one another.
We are going to look at some buildings together in the coming weeks to see if there is a world in which we both like the same building, and that same building has or is likely to have two vacancies in December.
I’m going to see if I can extend my lease at the current rate until December to buy some time to make a decision.
That is all. Thanks for listening!
That’s an exciting thing to figure out together! My lease ends in January and I live too far away from the man I’m dating for my liking (30-40 min)…I would be lying if I said I wasn’t highly considering moving closer to him!
I love it!! We were both already residents of the building when we met, so it was totally unplanned, and wow did it work out!!
So like…I do want to live with him eventually… just.. not yet 😂. (I also am fairly sure I want to marry him, but that’s another story.)
What I don’t want is to lose proximity, live together yet, move, or stay lol. I just want both of us to be teleported to another building, two floors apart, and continue on as we began, but somewhere else!
need some advice. bf got asked out by coworker 10 years younger than him. i knew about her bc he told me he exchanged numbers with her to talk about a niche hobby. i didn’t think anything of it since he told me he told her he had a gf when she asked him out. flash forward to today - we were talking about patterns of younger girls asking him out in the past, and i asked him if he’s flirty with them to make them think he’s interested. he offered to show me the messages between the coworker them. it turns out they messaged a lot actually (almost more than me). i got upset, he tried to reassure me. but after asking more questions, he told me he did think she was being flirty at times but 1) never set boundaries and 2) never brought me up in conversation. he says the motivation was to just have someone to talk about the niche hobby he has with, and he said he felt like he didn’t have anything to hide which is why he showed me the messages. he did admit to me he found her attractive but that wasn’t the motivation. the messages were not flirty but they were thorough and consistent. he says he was just being an idiot but i feel like he’s too emotionally intelligent for that excuse. he thought he was just making a friendship.
am i making this a bigger deal than it is? also how to move past this if we continue our relationship?
Probably bad advice here but experience tells me that sometimes you’ll find someone that you genuinely get along with better than your partner. Not to say that’s what’s happening here.
I’ve also had friends get interested in coworkers and be flirty around them for a few months. That grass is greener feeling mixed with domaine fueled chats, I guess. It always ends with nothing happening.
I guess if I was you I’d be cautious and see how he plans to move forward. Like if he’s “everything is fine and I’ll still keep flirting” that would be a no for me. If he’s pulled back and stopped or greatly reduced contact, then should be good.
Tough spot. My sympathies.
I’m honestly curious what this “niche hobby” is. How did he get into it if he has no friends who are also into it? That just seems wild to me.
Might just be me, but if he knew she was flirting and didn’t mention you at all…big red flag.
What is this "niche" hobby exactly?
I always feel that some work friendships between opposite sexes are a boundary pusher, especially since you get those who have ulterior motives and all sorts of chemistry can build between the 2. The thing is outside of messages you have no idea of how they interact together, are they going out for lunches and coffees on the regular?
Does he text his other friends with the same hobby as much as he texts that woman? If not, he should rethink his actions on why he does that with her. Imho, any person likes to have attention but what they do with it matters.
And no, you’re not making it a bigger deal than it is. You’re just being truthful to yourself, which is important. You can tell him how it’s affecting you and let him decide how to move forward. Be also ready with what can happen, but always be true to yourself.
he actually doesn’t have any friends that have the same hobby so that’s why he said he was eager to try to build a friendship with her. he said he felt like she was -maybe- flirty but didn’t want to make assumptions. my argument was that if it was truly platonic intentions, he could have still brought me up and it wouldn’t have affected that.
Never mentioning that he had a gf at all while knowing she was being flirty? Finds her attractive? He was at least enjoying her attention and entertaining it a bit. I would hate this because it makes you feel like you don’t know your bf when there’s this whole more in-depth relationship going on that you’re unaware of.
thats what i’m worried about. on the one hand, i’m glad we eventually talked about it. but now i don’t know how to move forward. seeking that kind of attention seems like a deep flaw.
>seeking that kind of attention seems like a deep flaw.
Everybody likes having this kind of attention, that doesn't mean it is a character flaw or that he will cheat on you with this girl. The fact of the matter is that he showed you willingly the texts, it would be a lot different if he was trying to hide them from you or get defensive about them. Clearly he also rejected her when she asked him out again not something that someone who would cheat is going to do.
>we were talking about patterns of younger girls asking him out in the past, and i asked him if he’s flirty with them to make them think he’s interested.
I'm going to assume then that he seems to get a lot of attention previously and that this is triggering insecurity in you. Don't let your own insecurities destroy the relationship because that is a very big possibility.
You have to tell him how these texts make you feel and he needs to put some boundaries up in response to that. Then you need to trust him because if you can't trust him it's kinda over already.
it actually wasn’t the texts. the texts themselves weren’t flirty. it was what was happening at work. and the fact that he knew she was flirting at work and didn’t set boundaries / continued to talk to her outside of work about non work related things, or not mention me wasn’t an issue?
i know everyone likes attention and it’s not that he receives attention. but what i meant about the deep flaw is that he actively chose to leave me out of conversations and did not set boundaries in order to continue to receive attention.
the thing about getting attention from young girls in the past is that he would be friends with younger girls, and they would want to leave their partners for him which makes me think that he had boundary issues with them.
He has time to message a girl at work, who fancies him, more than he messages his girlfriend. I don’t need that attention, regardless of my hobbies and certainly not when I’m in a relationship. These are your boundaries with him to resolve. He already showed disrespect and he hasn’t corrected any of it.
I don’t care if it jinxes it…I’m talking to someone I’m interested in. If you’re in the never really like anyone anymore club, because apps have burnt you out, you get the joy that is matching with someone you’re actually interested in. Far too early to tell if I like him-like him. Don’t tell anyone…
There's a new girl in my sports group that I run. She's been really cool and everyone likes having her around. She came last week and then she came out with us the other night for drinks. I know I gotta give it some more time to cook before I make a move but I am a bit worried I am going to wait too long.
I guess if she was interested she might make it pretty obvious. So I guess I should just wait and see.
Women often have men "be friends with them" only for months later to confess that they've had feelings for them for a long time. I'm of the belief it's better that, if you find a woman attractive and in your few interactions you enjoy talking to her, to just ask her out. As that's a better alternative to feeling attracted to her and being her friend when you are interested in more.
Others, as you can see - think that running a group meets that I am not allowed to do that because it sets an idea that I will ask out every woman I invite, which out of the probably triple digit women that I play with over the last couple years I have probably asked maybe like 4.
Has your approach been successful for you so far?
I will say, I am a woman who is in a niche fitness community, and I definitely understand where the other commenters are coming from. Also, words get around very quickly, especially in smaller circles, so you may want to think about that too.
Don't be that guy. We all know that guy in our hobby groups. The guy who tries to pounce on every single woman that shows up. Develop a friendship, a real friendship. If something evolves from that, great. If not, then enjoy the friendship.
THIS THIS THIS. Develop a friendship first, for the love of Christ. If nothing else, you get a lovely friend.
There’s a guy in my hobby group who, for some reason, has taken to asking my advice on asking out other women in the group. I’ve known him about 4-5 months and he’s already cycled through at least 2 women. He didn’t date the one, but everyone thought they were together (so picture that), and he asked me about my close friend yesterday. At some point I thought he was into me, but he never asked me out.
In another hobby group I was in, a guy literally did the “pounce on the new girl” thing and got a reputation so fast he’s not welcome in that group anymore.
See how things develop like if she shows interest in you first, I've been in mixed sports groups for the most part I prefer just to keep it friendly, as I'm there for the sports and camaraderie than trying to hit on women
Sure, so is everyone else. That's why they joined haha. It's a higher level group so people are only joining because they want to play with other higher level people. If you didn't love the game you wouldn't come.
That said, like any other social group, sometimes you meet people you fancy.
When do y’all start telling friends and family about someone you’re dating?
When do y’all start introducing the person you’re dating to friends and family?
Just trying to gauge how crazy I am haha.
I tell friends if someone I’m dating seems promising, and will usually introduce dates to them first. My friends know me better than my family, and I trust their judgement.
Telling family, however, seems to be cursing my dating life. Every time I’m like “this guy has potential,” something happens that makes things end. They also begin to make too many projections into marriage and babies, so I don’t bring dates to meet them for a while either. My family is super religious, so I don’t think any of them are *actually* cursing my dating life, but yeah.
Telling - friends immediately. I like to talk out my thoughts/feelings about dates. Family - don’t mention unless it’s someone I like, then maybe a month or two in.
Meeting - well I haven’t dated for years, so this time around I told myself to wait a bit before introducing. It’s been 3 months with current man and we’re just introducing friends. I think I want to wait 6ish months for family to make sure it progresses that far!
I tell my sister and the closest friends about anyone I have sex with basically.
General friends I wouldn't tell until we've established we're dating exclusively (or if non-mono, meaningfully in the same kind of manner that is aiming towards the foreseeable future).
My parents I would tell once that "real relationship" has been going on for a month or so maybe. Or already when dating if the dating phase was longer and very involved.
Extended family I wouldn't tell until maybe 6-12 months in, by taking him with to something where they are present. (All my closer extended family members are dead so those left I only see max once per year.)
lol I usually tell my mom and my two besties whenever I have first date coming up that I’m super excited about.
My boyfriend took me to pick up my sister from the airport after we had only been dating for a month and a half, so…
I would tell them about all the bad dates pretty much immediately. There's one guy in particular we enjoyed talking about. He seemed great on paper, but was really odd in real life. My parents couldn't believe some of the stuff he'd done.
My dating life is a popular topic of conversation among close friends and family so they know from the early stages lol. I won't introduce them until we're exclusive and I'm confident there is something there beyond a short term fling.
Telling my friends? The moment it becomes exclusive and a "thing". Can't contain my excitement.
Telling my family? At least 3 months. Probably more like 6 months. A couple of the women in my family can be... intense on the topic of my dating life lol. Rather not open that can of worms until I know its going pretty well.
Introducing to my family would probably be like around a year. I imagine the first introduction would be something like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I definitely wanna know its serious before bringing them into family events like that.
I'll tell some of my friends and siblings pretty much right away if I start seeing someone. I won't tell anyone else in my family until waaay later.
I'll maybe start by introducing the person to my friends a couple of months in, as for introducing to my family idk, I'm kind of superstitious now lol and will probably wait at least 6 months or more.
I tell my friends right away haha. Family....I tell my sister right away, too. My mom after a few dates. My dad never 😂
As far as introducing them to friends/ family...I think the last time I did that it was like 3 or 4 months in.
a friend and I have been crushing on each other for literal YEARS. for one reason or another, we never dated, but we flirted quite a lot and told each other how awesome we thought each other was.
then, stars align, we're both single, we start flirting a lot over text... and then all of a sudden, they say their commitment issues are a huge issue and it's time to go back to therapy. cool. not the first time I've felt used by this person. time to get back out there for real, I guess.
Something similar happened to me. And we are not friends anymore. He seemed shocked I didn't want to go back to the way it was. But as a friend he knew alot about the shit I had been through and should not have played with my feelings. So no. We are not friends.
I’ve been seeing someone the past like month and a half. Nothing official. But I really like her.
She is a chief resident at a hospital and just graduated from her residency today. I’m super excited for her. She’s going on a road trip with her friends to celebrate.
We had a talk last time I saw her and we talked about my trouble opening up and letting people into the stresses I’m dealing with. In a cosmic twist, unfortunately, I ended up going to and getting admitted to the hospital today (ironically the hospital she’s going to work at when she’s back from her trip).
Normally I would have told her but I don’t want to ruin her happy day by making her worry about me. Trying to decide if I should tell her or just wait til she gets back. Hopefully I’ll be able to leave tomorrow.
I would let her know tomorrow morning. I’m a lawyer and since you’ve only been dating a few weeks, I would rather find out the next day than on the day I was called or graduated law school.
Since it hasn’t been that long and it doesn’t sound like it’s a super serious medical emergency, I would let her have her day and not make her go into sympathetic or doctor mode on the day she graduates. But I’d let her know first thing tomorrow.
Preface it with something like “I’m okay and doing well, so no need to worry, but just wanted to let you know that blah blah blah”.
I would be hurt and reconsider an early relationship if I had a talk about them about opening up, and they immediately decided to hide something important that happened, whether it’s good or bad. You’re not protecting her — you’re taking away her choice to worry, and you’re taking away an opportunity for her to show that she cares about you.
Im stuck on this one guy, who wont text me first. I’m pretty sure that means he’s not interested even if i keep believing theres mixed signals. I hate this state I live in, I hate everyone here, I feel like I’m gonna be alone forever because I didnt get therapy when I was young enough to be fixed. I dont want to be alone anymore, I want someone to care about me. I want someone I can talk to about things that hurt me, things that delight me. I want to know someone elses hurts and delights. I just adore this man and I wish he would just reach out and love me back. Why does he say I can text him any time and he’d love to hang out… is he even my friend if he cant reach out to me sometimes? I’m so confused. I hate this. I hate being here, I hate being alone.
Move on. I understand things suck and you hate being alone and I sympathize that life hasn’t exactly worked out, but have boundaries and hard demands.
I hate to use the term deserve, because I’m extremely nihilistic but you deserve better. Hold out for someone that puts in effort, makes your life better, doesn’t leave you dangling emotionally.
I mean, im not planning to reach out anymore, but its hard to move on when i just dont really like anyone. I guess I’d rather yearn for him than move onto just anyone else. But i do deserve to actually be wanted back
You definitely deserve to be wanted back.
Yeah I get it. It’s easy to toss out advice from the cheap seats. I once pined for this coworker for ages, which was a total waste of time and energy looking back on it.
Hopefully things work out for you.
Mixed signals means he likes you a little but not really that much. Enough to hang out if he’s free but not enough to really put effort into anything, he’s not yearning for you like you are for him, or really thinking about you in his day to day life. Accepting that will make things less confusing.
I’m not going to comment on the rest. But usually mixed signals means not interested. I went through something similar with a guy who never initiated texts.
4th date with 6'7 guy was the best! Got dinner, went bowling (I won the 1st round and he won the last 2), and then got ice cream. We held hands for the first time and kissing was waaaay better than last time. Guess we found a groove. But we did kiss in the car so it was level this time. He said seeing me was the highlight of his week. Already talking about date #5. I did get a few butterflies on this date which is nice :)
Not sure how I feel about a future with my gf. We've had a lot of talks about finances and we seem to be on the same page on a lot of stuff. She said I don't have to handle it alone but I dunno. I guess I just don't trust her word. Our families are meeting in a few weeks and I was excited but I'm just overcome with the thoughts of a hard future
She has a $900+ car payment. When we move in together the expectation is that she will cover her loans / debts. And it's not like she's a freeloader. It's just my brain acting up and I needed to vent. I just worry about finances
You're not getting married. You're just moving in together. It's not just an expectation that she will cover her loans, she has to. You have no obligation to. That being said, a $900+ car payment is ridiculous, and she better have the income to justify it. Do you rent or own your home? If you rent, having her move in should be simple, just add her to the lease. But if you own, you need protections in place. You will essentially become her landlord.
> It's not just an expectation that she will cover her loans, she has to. You have no obligation to.
No he’s saying she will only be paying her huge ass irresponsible car note plus debts and he’ll be the one to pay for everything else. She might *say* she’s on the same page as OP but this sounds like a disaster for someone who is financially responsible. OPs gut is telling him it’s a bad idea.
Oh God, I hope he doesn't agree to this. No, no, no. Why is he going to be paying for so many of her living expenses? I get dividing things up in a way that's fair if the higher earning person wants to live in a higher cost of living area, but this is not fair in the slightest. She's paying off a rapidly depreciating car, and he's paying for everything else? She's downright taking advantage of him. No one needs a car with a $900/month loan. If you're using it for business, that *might* be another story, but it doesn't sound like that's the case at all here. She made a stupid expensive purchase, and now she gets to live rent free. Nope.
Nah I won't be paying for everything. I'm gonna have a conversation with her when we meet (it's long distance). She said that because I make more I will take more responsibilities but it didn't sound like she meant I would be paying for everything. If she did then I'll clear that up. Still dating so I'm not obligated to do anything yet. I wanna make a smart decision about my so
She *told* you that you’d be paying more because you make more or did she *ask* you? This is a conversation that needs both inputs, she doesn’t just get to decide this alone. I would be crystal clear who is paying what, maybe even wrote a list of expenses and divvy it up. I know that sounds extra but it would save so much potential conflict down the road
It is totally valid, and it might signal some differences in values around finances. It's good to be on the same page about what costs you will share, and what you won't share, maybe put a written agreement together to hold each other to.
This is coming from someone who got engaged, moved in with someone, and then found out they weren't filing their taxes. So I'm a little on the less trusting side of things, but I want to believe people are good. Worry is there to help protect you, but don't let it control you! Sending you good vibes.
so, my situation with my situation ship is.. weird.
He got into x-ray school up in West Virginia so he's moving there. I haven't seen him in a while because we've been busy and honestly neither him or myself have made plans to see each other. the other night he texted me "What are you going to do when I go to West Virginia?" out of the blue. I thought it was weird for him to say that, so I just joked that I would get Joe Burrow and Luke Thompson to fall in love with me. It kinda ended at that. The other night, I drunk texted him (yes I know that was my mistake) I was like "what questions do you want to know?" again, drunk. He was like "Are you sad I'm leaving?", I was like "Yeah because I dont see you enough as it is", and then told him it was an accident I meant to send that to someone else (I did not) He was like "I thought it was strange coming from you but I'll take it lol"
like, Im not sure what he's getting at here tbh, maybe I'm reading too much into it?
“Oops I sent it by accident” is so cringey. It’s such an immature cop out. That’s something teens do.
He’s trying to have a direct conversation. You keep dodging. If you want to have an adult conversation about the situation, then engage with him.
Did you not read the entire thing? I was drunk when I sent that.
I’m not having a serious conversation over text with someone when I’m drunk off my own ass
I really really do try to not be the whole "hahahahah my ex's life sucks now" but I did get a very small bit of schadenfreude this week.
She has, as I thought she might, worn out her welcome with friends and with roommates. See, a husband has to put up with you never cleaning up after yourself or pitching in with the household chores, and a husband has to make sure the bills get paid, even if that means he ends up paying off useless spending on credit cards he never knew existed.
But friends and roommates do not. They expect you to clean up dishes. They expect you to pick up your dog's droppings. They expect you to get your shit out of the dryer and not leave it for days. They expect you to have your share of the bills on the due day, every month. They don't care that you really wanted to play stupid phone games, or buy limited edition plushies with the money for the electric bill. They don't care that your dog was acting a bit weird so you had to rush him in for a full blood panel just in case something was wrong.
She's moved back home to live with her mom, and will celebrate her 30th birthday in her childhood bedroom.
Hey I get it. I got word today that my ex is in a similar situation. She threatened to leave multiple times so I gave it to her and now her life is in a shambles. I still feel sorry for her but I can't have her back in my life.
I am a 36-year-old male and single. I have never had a date or been in a relationship. I swipe women on the Bumble app daily. I support the Bumble app because I believe in women making the first move. No woman is interested in me. I am worried that I am gonna end up living alone for life. I live in Toronto, Canada. I don't believe in religion, race, ethnicity, or country of origin. Biologically, we are human beings and we evolved from monkeys. I am not attractive but I work out 5 times in the gym per week to stay fit and eat healthy food. Being healthy and fit is a non-negotiable biological necessity. That's because I focus on the things I can control i.e. my fitness, diet, behavior, etc. I love animals especially dogs more than humans. I look at this world as 50% humans and 50% animals.
I suggest that you get some feedback on your dating profile on here. Your comment above is less than smooth and I'm guessing that your profile also has some issues
Thanks. I'll work on my profile. I don't understand why the comment is bad. I am an atheist and a science-based guy. I am not condoning people's beliefs, I changed my mindset by reading books.
Last night we talked for an hour through video chat I accidentally slipped out the "L" word to her now she has said it to me before but there was some awkwardness. Today we both worked and she has been super distant I texted her she never responded but had the time to post on FB knowing that I never go on there. I am questioning everything so much right now. I have invested so much of my time in this person. I have driven to see her because she lives almost 2 hours away from me. So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. I feel like a crazy person. 😞
just left a first date where the guy pressured me for sex at the end. i’m guessing this is normal. just not used to it bc i haven’t dated in so long but im kinda shocked like does this actually work for them?
and i actually kinda liked the guy so im surprised. maybe he’s used to having sex on the first date? now i’m kinda not sure what happens next. he was a gentlemen the entire time tho and still dropped me home (i know, i shouldn’t have gotten in the car with a stranger) ugh i wonder if i should just expect this go forward?
It's not normal at all, just normalized because so many gross guys do it. He was only being a gentleman because he wanted sex. I would text him, " you made me extremely uncomfortable by pressuing me for sex. I am not interested in seeing you again." Then block him.
Not normal and has never happened to me. I say this because people normalize this stuff and/or act like it’s inevitable.
Some general advice since you said you’ve been out of the game for awhile. Think of the first date as a meet and greet/ vibe check. Grab a coffee or a drink or take a stroll in the park. I keep it to 1 hour unless we really get along and then sometimes a drink becomes dinner. But I only accept a drink invitation upfront, knowing I can end it there or extend.
You can be choosy about who you go out with. I don’t buy the “numbers game” approach. And always meet them at the date location and get your own ride home, please. <3
These are strangers and you can’t tell who someone is from texts or a profile. You wouldn’t get in a car with a stranger off the street or show them where you live. Same situation!
Yes there will be some who do that, but nah pushing for it isn't "normal". I think it's normal if they indicate interest in it without pressure. I've had guys ask if I'd like to go back to their place after a good first date but in a nice way and they are relaxed about it. In fact there's been some times when I agreed and they double check that I actually really want to.
It’s sadly more common than it should be.
Sometimes those guys tip you off to their motives before the date. Sometimes they don’t and they continue to “act like a gentleman” until you’re in a situation that isn’t easy to escape.
>i’m guessing this is normal
Yes, unfortunately, a lot of men push boundaries and can be creeps. That doesn't mean you need to accept that behavior, though.
>he was a gentlemen the entire time tho
He was not a gentleman, he pressured you for sex. You deserve to not be pressured into sex. Don't excuse or justify his behavior.
This is not normal. Sorry to have to hear this. This is kinda why I stopped dating. Don't expect this going forward but be prepared for it. And don't contact him again.
ugh this makes sense. we somehow got on the topic of dating in our city and he said he’s been having a “great time” dating which i probably should’ve taken as a yellow flag. this sucks
Yeah... No i feel you. It sucks. I also had a first date with a guy today. And I liked our conversation and what I'm learning about him as well. Although there were things that confused me in a physical sense, I'll be asking him about it when I see him next. But the majority of the date was us getting to know each other and him being himself. Which I would like to see more of to see if we are compatible and if I like him.
But, with respect to your situation. It's the first date. You couldn't have known it would have ended like that. You're not a fortune teller and people can be insincere. I also haven't dated in a long time so I asked a basic ask question just now on Reddit if kissing on a first date means the person likes you. Because I am not sure nowadays what some of these actions mean because of the spectrum of behaviors and motivation that exist in the dating realm nowadays.
On your end of things, it sucks that he "acted" as a gentleman, when he was **not** one.
1000% agree on everything you said. also curious about the kissing thing so i’ll be following your post. this is all so much more than i even anticipated when i decided to consistently employ effort to dating 😑
I invited the guy I've been dating to watch football with my friends (this is fifth time I saw him and first time he hung out with my friends). He left early as he has to be up early tomorrow, but two minor things he did tonight made me feel really good. First, we kissed outside the bar to say goodbyes, but he went back inside to say goodbye to my friends even though they barely talked (we were all focused on the match tbf until then), and then he kissed me on the head too right before leaving. I dont know why, but it felt so sweet.
So I had a first date with a new guy. And I really liked it! He seems to be an interesting character and different from me, and I am curious what else I might discover or the ways I might subtly change or learn new ways of doing things if I continue seeing him. And also curious to see we end up being compatible with who I am and who I aspire to be. I have no idea of that yet.
With that being said, I'm at a point of my life that I really don't have time nor any desire for romantic connections that aren't sincere. And perhaps I've had to filter through a lot of romantic insincerity, which got me asking this basic question. But here it is:
If a guy kisses you and holds your hand lots at the end of a date and is super affectionate, and at times in public and in front of everyone. Is that a sign that he likes you or that he likes physical affection? I did end up asking him if he's an affectionate person to understand it more, and he said yes and it depends on who. But I'm curious about other people's experiences. Because a lot of the kissing I did with him felt intimate and romantic and slow and thoughtful, but wasn't sure if it's possible to have intimate kissing without knowing each other yet, or is that just a style of kissing that some people adopt?
I can understand what you’ve said and I’ve realises that I’m done trying to work out others. Either I feel connected to them or I don’t. If I do and it doesn’t work out, I’m still okay because I know who I am and my intentions. If I fon’t feel okay or I’m not sure I trust that my gut trying to help me.
Best of luck.
Can't guess his intentions, but I sort of kiss this way in early dates if I'm into someone and the mood seems right. I actually wondered about it recently because it seems to escalate faster than I expect, so I wondered if it was maybe unusually intimate. For me it's not a strategy or anything, just how I seem to make out, and I only make out with people I'm interested in. But of course at date 1 I don't know the eventual outcome.
Thanks for your experience here. This helped me reflect a bit more on potential motivations on his end.
I think it's probably safe to say that he does want me to know that he is expressing a romantic interest towards me as he's done a lot of after-date communication since then even when it took me some time to respond. So, yeah, we'll see what happens between me and him and I hope we can build up to a mutual intimate physical experience that feels more rooted if we turn out to be compatible and interested in one another.
>Is that a sign that he likes you or that he likes physical affection?
Well... it's a sign he likes you AND physical affection, both. Enough to engage in these things at least. How much and how far the "like" goes, remains to be seen.
>wasn't sure if it's possible to have intimate kissing without knowing each other yet, or is that just a style of kissing that some people adopt?
Kissing style is definitely a thing. I personally don't kiss differently based on whether it's casual or relationship stage, though I don't know if others might.
Thanks for your first distinction. I was making it a black white, either or situation. When it can very well possibly be both.
>Kissing style is definitely a thing. I personally don't kiss differently based on whether it's casual or relationship stage, though I don't know if others might.
Yeah, it seemed very intimate. Idk how else to describe it. Even stopping just to hug at times. And wasn't sure what to make of us doing it. But then earlier in the date, he did kiss my finger that I cut and displayed other affectionate moments, and I thought it was cute, surprising, and lovely. So I'll just let it be because learning more about him will give me more insights to all this. Thanks for your perspective!
I don’t think kissing is a good indicator. There is so much excitement and hormones meeting someone new and having physical contact. Don’t worry if he likes you, explore if you like him.
Thanks for your view!
>Don’t worry if he likes you, explore if you like him.
Yup, that's the plan! Just want to make sure I'm navigating with someone who has sincere intentions towards me or the romantic process. He has behaved as he has so far, so I will continue to observe and enjoy and learn more about him. I had a good time. So I'll let my analysis pass. Thank you.
June Updates
Guy #1 : When we both swiped on each other, he was in my city. But he actually lives in another state (I wish I knew that otherwise, I wouldn't have swiped). He's everything I want on paper, our values matched, and he said he would move to my state if it works between us. I just don't think a long-distance is well suited for me. I've done it in the past and it was not a good experience. I ended it. (Talk time: 2 weeks)
Guy #2: I get good vibes from him. We are on the same page so far about several important things. We live close to each other. We vibe well on phone calls. First date is set for Wednesday. (Talk time: 3 weeks)
Guy #3: Cute accountant. Vibes are mixed. Difficult to meet up in person since we live 3 hrs away. Will decide within a week if I should continue talking or ending it because the gut feeling is iffy in regards to him. (Talk time: 1 week)
Guy #4: We text once per day on the app. He's long distance (traveling in my city, like please write your place of origin in your bio), but moving to my area soon. Don't know what to do about him (Talk time: 1 Week)
Tired. Multi-dating is not for me. Never again.
If you aren’t interested in long distance, then once you find out end it. No need to continue chatting. I would recommend less time chatting and get meeting people!
Crazy week this week for engagements and pregnancy announcements from people i know (or still have on Facebook/Instagram from years ago). 3 pregnancy announcements yesterday and two more today. And 1 engagement yesterday and two more today. I’ve always been late to the party with most milestones in life, but I get there eventually. But damn, must be a full moon or something
I saw a hilarious meme on social media the other day. It said something like "my peers are on baby no. 3, but here I am working on mambo no. 5" ... good stuff. we're all on our own path. you're doing a great job!
You know when you want something so you try to get into it, for example, you want to become an athlete, you try and you try, get on small competitions, sometimes you win, sometimes lose but ultimately you wanna be a great athlete and get into the olympics. You can barely win any local competitions but wont get into anything big. Theres so many attempts already and maybe youre not meant to be an athlete? Maybe try a different sport. At how many attempts do you realize that finding love really isnt for you? I've done so many attempts that its laughable. Still single at 30. Maybe some people really arent meant for this? At what point do you give up? I love probability and statistics. Like at this point with how many dates ive been, its only .1% i’d say that had some potential. Theres so many crazy things that happened fo my life before that the probability is low of that happening (i havent gotten struck by a lighting… yet) but me finding someone, why does it look like the chances are so low? Finding love isnt even a fairy tale, its pretty much normal. At this point i think im more likely to get struck by lightning than find a boyfriend
Wrong thinking. The reality is the definition of “love” itself changes with time. You aren’t 20, it will get more different as you grow older. There is so much to learn So keep your mind peaceful, and be proactive. The latter is so important. People nowadays are guilty of asking things to happen rather than trying to work it
Firstly, I think framing dating as a competition to win is inherently problematic. But, I do think there’s utility in framing dating as something where there are both things inside and outside your control. So here’s where dating can relate to athletic pursuits. As athletics contain both inputs you control - nutrition, workouts, recovery, technique, consistency, etc - and things you don’t, namely genetics. Since you opened this door, I’m going to walk through it. Sorry, not sorry. I got into Olympic style weightlifting through CrossFit starting in 2012. Since then I’ve done a bunch of local competitions and 2 national level competitions, one of which being national championships. I also qualified for international competition, though I chose not to go. I’m good, but I’ll never be great at it. I’ll certainly never go to the Olympics. But that’s not why I show up to the gym. The process of getting into weightlifting has been the single most net positive thing in my life. Pursuing it just for the sake of doing it has improved my life in so many ways. Physical health and strength, obviously, but also mentally. My ability to do hard things, and endure the unexpected challenges of life has vastly improved. And a lot of that is because I don’t view the obtaining of goal as the reason to keep showing up. My genetics for weightlifting are a mixed bag, I build muscle well but I’m too tall, but mainly, I showed up to game too late. But damn if I’m not going to ride this ride as long as I can and make the absolute most of what things are in my control.
Oh im just really bad at metaphors!! I do not see all this as a competition! My point was the attempts and focusing somewhere else.
30 is still really young. Take a break and go enjoy life and when you feel mentally ready try again
+1. I know it can create some negativity in your head (it certainly has at times for me), but never lose hope and focus on the small pockets of positives currently present in life. It only takes one, and we need to make sure that we keep that hope alive!
Theres so many positives coming into my life im very grateful for! Ive just had so many negatives before that if that happens again, i will crumble. Its just been so long i cant believe i might actually die without falling in love and not having someone
I think I am taking a break from OLD for a few months. I want to focus on personal goals which always seem to slip when I am dating. I also want to make sure I am not deliberately sabotaging my chances by repeatedly choosing people who are not in the same place in life that I am, in such a way that it eventually becomes a problem. I have a career, not just a job but a career. I think I need to start looking for people who also have careers, not just jobs. I think it has to do with long term vision. I am a big picture kinda gal, and I plan for long term things. I deserve to be with someone who also has that kind of vision and strategy. I need to stop dating people for their potential.
Can ya'll give me some encouragement? This is going to sound a bit silly— but I've been official with someone for about \~2-3 months now (dating for about 4ish months) and I still find it really hard to initiate without feeling like I'm "imposing." Anxious attachment, childhood trauma, etc. etc., basically I'm always scared of being rejected, abandoned, being told I'm a nuisance or overly needy. I haven't seen him since last Mon, and I miss him and want to text and ask if he's up for a chill hangout tomorrow; but he's just coming back from a weekend trip and we're slated to hang out for July 4th, so the other side of me is saying I should give him space and not to be needy because it's just a few more days. But I think it would be good for us if I reach out, even if he says no? I opened up to him recently about how I get lonely between when we see each other but don't know how to reach out for more communication via text and IRL time together, and he stressed that I should just ask and that he's willing/able to spend more time together—with the only caveat being that he's an introvert so sometimes just wants a day alone so I shouldn't take that personally. So this is a way for me to practice the solution we came up with, and for both of us to show we're trying. But I'm having ***such*** a hard time sending this text ;\_;
When he wants alone time but you want to hang out maybe find a compromise and have a short video call? Suggest that
That sounds like a very stressful and frustrating situation to be in. You did a good job (and a brave job!) communicating with your partner, and it sounds like you know *what* to do, but are struggling with overcoming your anxiety and actually doing it. I also feel like texting people I'm close with (regardless of my relationship with them) and asking to hang out is an imposition, an intrusion into their life. One thing that I've found that makes me not feel like that as much is, instead of asking "want to hang out today" or "want to hang out tomorrow", to ask "want to hang out this week?", that way we can have a conversation about scheduling. Now, that doesn't sound like it would be the most useful in your situation, since y'all already have plans---you just want to see him more, which is very sweet and I hope he appreciates. Another thing I do is break down the texting act into separate steps: 1. What do I want to say? 2. Type out the text. 3. Send the text. If I'm feeling very anxious about it, I'll take a break after each step and go do something else, then come back and do the next one. Often, the hardest step is the last one---I've literally spent an *hour* unable to hit the send button on a two sentence text. That hour was excruciating, but I did it. I wish I had a magic wand to help you (so that I could also use it on myself), but you need to let yourself sit with the anxiety. And as you do this more often, it will get easier, I promise.
This is so compassionate, thank you. That communication *was* really hard, it took me more than half the month to work myself up to it. Little did I know actually *doing* something about this need would be even harder. But it's done now!!! I took your advice, and wrote the text in my notes app, wandered about for a little bit, worked for a bit, and came back to send. When I think about how I'm so scared to say I miss and want to see someone I've been dating for literally a quarter of the year now (!!), I have to laugh at myself. But there it is. I hope even the asking makes him happy; and I said I'd be fine with either a yes or no answer when I ask so time to live by that now, I guess haha.
Maybe that could give you an extra motivation to send the text, usually your partner like to feel wanted and asking him if you could see each other earlier that planned is an easy way to achieve that so you could just make him happy. Also the fact that he knows you struggle with initiating would show you're feeling more at ease with him and that could make him happy too.
Do you feel the need to see him before the 4th? Or just want some reassurance before then? I would just say how you're looking forward to see him Thursday. I'm sure he will respond positively. I feel like moving plans up or adding an extra day in can be tough, especially when it's a short work week, because most people plan out their extra-curriculars or errands and you could feel hurt by him declining to hang out before Thursday because he has stuff going on. When you see him, plan out the next hang and if it's a week or more away, bring up seeing or talking more often.
Totally hear you on it just being logistically tricky to plan during short work week! I reflected internally, and it's not just anxiety, I do miss him and want to see him, even if briefly, since it's been about a week, especially since I anticipate work picking up a lot after the holiday for both of us, so I just want to soak it in while we still have some lazy summer days. I'll phrase my request lightly, so it can just be a quick coffee visit or something, if he has time.
Any tips to deal with a girl losing interest that you really liked? Dated for like a month, seemed like things were going great, and then suddenly last week there was a massive change in the way we interact. Went from texting pretty much all day, to me having to completely hold the conversation and her stop replying entirely hours at a time. She was supposed to come over today but just radio silence for like 24 hours now, which is certainly telling based on previous times that we hung out. Now I get it, people lose interest all the time and I just need to move on, but I'm struggling a bit with it. Zero clue what I did that would have caused it, even though I don't really think I did anything. I'm going through a pretty rough patch in my life due to a physical issue that's restricting me from doing things that I love (soccer / working out) and talking to her and hanging out with her made me happy, happiest I've been in awhile. I probably need surgery, and I realize dating probably isn't good for me right now, just sucks being lonely and now dealing with the stress of her losing interest in me. Just kinda venting now, but any advice would be appreciated.
Going through something similar. Met someone, things were going great, things felt easy, and we talked about future plans. But then i got blind sided with the “it’s me not you..” talk. Not my first time and probably not my last. What helps me heal and make it out with hope in dating again is first allowing myself to feel the emotions by listening to music that resonates and venting. Then it’s really just hanging out with friends/family while constantly reminding myself i deserve someone who wants to be with me.
Sorry to hear that, hope you’re doing better now. But yeah just a lot of mixed signals, which is causing me some stress which I don’t really need right now with all the other shit going on. I should probably talk to her and ask what’s causing the change in how we interact, cause that’s what’s bothering me. If she’s lost interest, that’s cool time to move on. Or maybe she just doesn’t like texting 24/7. So I gotta figure out a way to word this question without coming off as needy and clingy.
> Zero clue what I did that would have caused it Don't assume you *did* cause it. It's only been a month, which is practically nothing. Any number of things could have happened in her own life to change things. It sucks but don't take all the agency on yourself.
Yeah I know I didn’t do anything, besides maybe coming off as too available cause my life has come to a screeching halt due to this physical issue. It’s just kinda crazy, she was saying how she likes me and likes talking to me and saying how she misses how my hoodie she has doesn’t smell like me anymore. To now just radio silence. Like the 180 in communication is giving me whiplash lol
Bro just focus on yourself and healing up, your health is more important than anything, some people are just there for a short ride and once that comes to an end they slowly fade out. > >Went from texting pretty much all day, to me having to completely hold the conversation and her stop replying entirely hours at a time. Just an observation, something repeatedly common I see here, people wasting their time texting all day 24/7 holding conversations over text then get surprised when someone starts texting less and less after a month or so. I get people have different communication styles but for me that just doesn't work.
I know man, unfortunately I have a torn ligament in my hip and don't think it will heal fully without surgery. And then thats a long recovery after it. I don't have the greatest support system around it so talking to her really helped, which is why it hurts. And it's not that I care so much about texting 24/7, its just the massive pattern change over the past week. Leaves you wondering where you stand ya know. Would rather just rip off the band aid rather than being left in this state of limbo.
Like you I play 11-a-side football competitively so I know guys who have had hip problems, seen some quit playing entirely because the pain and discomfort is just too much, it's a serious injury that you really need to take care of. For your situation the only thing you can do is be open and say what's on your mind with the person you're seeing do this early as possible, like call her up or text what you're thinking, if she doesn't respond then there's your answer.
Yeah I’m in that state right now where it’s certainly questionable if I’m ever gonna be playing again, which is a major stress for me cause it’s my favorite thing to do. I def do need to have a conversation with her about what caused the change in the way we interact, just trying to figure out how to word it.
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Thanks, yeah it'll probably be awhile until I'm fully healed which is why its so daunting and I don't have the greatest support system. Thats why talking to her was so great, even though I realize I probably just need to let her go because doing the opposite will def make things worse.
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Wut? He made a rent vs buy comment so now you think he’s a gold digger?
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Idk obviously I wasn’t there so missing the nuance of the conversation but where did the leap occur from a general statement on the economic benefits of rent/buy become “I expected you to have house equity and net worth”.
Why date someone you're not attracted to?
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Dont lie here. You like him yet he isn’t good enough to be your partner? He doesn’t fit your ideal guy image, yet you don’t mind spending time with him at present. Its not so uncommon nowadays, but at least be honest to yourself and him…
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There is a difference between not ready for serious relationship vs not interested in dating him. You wrote latter in orginal post
Second date went fantastic. Third date planned. We're both thinking well ahead of three dates though, she said it first but I'm feeling the same. Everything just fits, we get each other completely, and I feel a total sense of comfort and peace with her. I'm itching to tell my family, but am holding back in case I'm wrong and it fizzles out. Neither of us have ever had this level of connection with anybody. I'm very wary typing this, but I think I might have found the woman I marry.
I don't want to be that guy on the internet, but you really have to pump the breaks. You've had two dates, you have realistically no idea who this woman is and she has no idea who you are. It's great that you have gotten off to a good start and things are looking up, but don't fall into the trap of over romanticizing a stranger.
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I feel sad for your cynicism. Even if you're correct, it's sad to have such a jaded outlook.
The non-cynical approach: Y'all are still deconstructing a fantasy of each other that has resided in both of your heads. Reality may end up not matching that fantasy so its wise to temper expectations. But at the same time enjoy the ride. Be honest and communicate at all times.
Very fair. Thank you. I've dated a LOT in my life (I'm 38, she's 33) so I've a wide spectrum of experience when it comes to meeting potential partners. I can honestly say, I've never met anybody (including friends or former partners) who I've clicked with this quickly and this deeply. And she says she's having the exact same experience, which is very promising. Still... It's very early days. We're both quite wary of this being just infatuation, of being hurt or moving too quickly. But damn, so far this has been the most amazing and unexpected thing and beyond what I could have dreamed of. (I'm a former cynic myself so I'm having to chew on a lot of my own words)
I feel you. I don't want to feed into unrealistic fantasies, but sometimes things just feel different and the timeline and big conversations just come easy. As long as you both have honest conversations, I think at this age, when you know you know. I've seen countless friends get engaged after 6 months or married within 1-2 years and that's fast, but we also know what we want and don't want more. You might get burned, but it might work out, so stay careful and optimistic.
How do you know when the timing is right to move in together? I tend to overthink big decisions. What were some green lights that let you know you were ready to live together?
Moving in is easy. It's moving out that's hard. Go ahead and move in together, but make sure you don't trap yourself in a bad relationship because you can't figure out a way to move out.
I don't think there are green lights, but more of a feeling of wanting to move the realtionship forward to the next stage. As a relationship progresses I will want to spend more time with my partner and that eventually turns into a "we should probably be living together" thought. My general relationship time line is that by the end of the first year together we should be at the point where we are looking to move in together because that is the next step to check long term compatibility.
Just wondering about something because I've experienced a pattern on dates.. On almost every date I've been on (around 8 or 9 now), every guy has offered (sometimes insisted) to take a picture of me with my phone on the date. At first I thought it was just a nice gesture, which it very well may be, but I was wondering from a guy's perspective what this means. Do guys just think girls want pictures of themselves? Do they want me to have some memory of being on the date in my phone? Does they want me to offer to take a photo of them instead so they can have more photos for the apps? Since it's happening so often, I'm just curious if it's simply a really common nice gesture among men these days, or if there's something more to it?
This has never happened to me and tbh, I’d be weirded out.
Never happened to me. Maybe they all read the same dumb dating advice. lol. If someone finds out, please let me know!
I've never had a guy offer to do this on any date I've been on. I would find that super weird! haha. So random!
Maybe it's some dumb trick that's being promoted on the Internets?
Yeah that’s my thought. “The ladies all fall for this one trick!”
I have never, nor will I ever, do that.
What’s the stage of meeting friends but you still don’t fart in front of each other? Cause that’s where we’re at. 🤣
Advice from the Bear: "Let it rip!"
“Yes, chef!”
been dating my ex again…we broke up 2 years ago again and have been going out since the holidays… somethings not feeling right? It’s the anxiety that he’s only dating me because it’s better than the alternative of being single and on the apps? Never brings up anything about a future together and I’m a bit confused? Just have a nagging feeling about the whole situation How would you approach this conversation?
How long did you date two years ago? Who did the breaking up? Why did you break up?
We dated for 4 years and he broke up with me, a few different reasons but ultimately comes down to I didn’t feel like my needs were being met and he didn’t really understand or want to change Feeling like we’re back in the same spot. He suffers from anxiety and depression and it’s a big reason I found myself back in his life… we were just friends and then he initiated wanting to be more than friends again but hasn’t really gone anywhere. We hang out 1x or 2x a week, don’t always have sex but we are affectionate but no discussions of future etc.
Ok, also, What do you want? And do you think you can have it with him? He obviously enjoys seeing you periodically..... my guess is that he'd be happy to see you 1-2x a week and have sex weekly and maintain the status quo indefinitely. I assume you don't want to maintain the status quo forever? My recommendation is to tell him that you want to really jump into the relationship for a month. See each other 4+ times a week, sleep over multiple days in a row. Take a weekend trip together, etc. Do it for a month and see how it goes. Circle the date one month from now on the calendar so there's an endpoint in sight, so it's not too daunting for him. Then a few weeks after your month of intense dating (so, mid August), be like: "hey dude, do you wanna do this or not" and see what he says
I don’t want to maintain status quo, essentially I want in or out. I had hoped for an organic progression when we started seeing each other again and hasn’t happened. Hence the need to have a conversation. I really like this suggestion! I will bring this up. Thank you!
Good luck! I hope you get everything you could want.
I'm in my mid-late 20s and have been casually seeing someone who's in her mid 30s. It's great, we enjoy each other company and it's been nice and chill A big problem is she keeps saying I'm just in it for the sex, and that I'll probably get bored and "look for someone younger" after a while. For context, I usually date early-mid 20s and she's aware of this Is this is a mindset that I should try to change, or just enjoy our time together and forget about taking it any further?
She's insecure, and it's understandable to a point. The real question is, what's the end goal for you? Does your end goal line up with hers? If she wants marriage and kids and you don't, you're wasting each other's time. I don't know how long you've been dating. I don't know what stage you're at. But you describe the relationship as chill, which screams casual to me. Commitment to a future together is the only way to deal with this type of insecurity. If you can't give that to her, then you're proving her insecurity to be right.
i guess the "timeline to commit" is shorter for women in their 30s. i don't mind seeing where this goes, but talking about long-term commitment so early on (i met her for the first time just about a month ago) feels premature to me i agree that it's understandable to a point. but at the same time i don't want feel forced to rush things either. she does want marriage but does not want kids
The fact that you've only been dating a month is important context. All you can do right now is assure her you want the same things in the future. Are y'all exclusive? If not, that's the next step, and you're right around the time to have that conversation. I'd also suggest discussing it with her. Let her know that the comments put a damper on the potential of the relationship. Timeline is subjective to the individual, but I'd consider 4 weeks too early to be committing to a relationship.
This. Commitment and reassurance is huge. From personal experience: I dated a guy who was 4 years younger than me when I was 29. He was a jackass for many reasons, including taunting me that he was going to break up with me once I turned 30. He threw me this lovely surprise birthday party after I told him that people had a hard time surprising me. Less than a month after the party, he tried ghosting me as a means of breaking up with me. When I tracked him down I broke up with him, and ever since I’ve been wary of dating younger. Recently met a guy who’s in his mid-20s who is perfectly nice seems to be showing interest in me (I’m 37 now), but that earlier experience was so upsetting that I don’t even know if I would give it a shot.
Photographer Guy (M32) came over to hang last night at my place. I think it's a bit endearing he gets so unsure of how to act near me if I don't give consent/show him I want to escalate things; but at the same time I am also a bit submissive so I love when a guy takes the lead. We're in an adjusting phase and I believe he doesn't feel so comfortable because we haven't hung out (in an intimate way, alone in a safe space) alone many times. I had to force touch a bit - it made me a bit uncomfortable but once I did he was happy to escalate. Like the first time we were together three weeks ago, everything was very effortless and communication was on point. While he isn't very dominant, he was open to exchanging roles during, he tested some of my reactions on biting and light spanking, and he was very comfortable with dirty talk, which I enjoy a lot. When we finished, we stayed cuddling for a while, pillow talking. He is very sweet and gentle and always asking if I'm ok. We laughed a lot when I almost fell out of bed when I got up to go to the bathroom, I am very awkward sometimes and not really a gracious woman haha. Then he left, apologizing for not being able to stay the night. There's another guy asking me on a coffee date and I'm not sure how to respond. I know I like PG and I want to bet on this for now, but at the same time the last time we talked he expressed that he's not ready yet to define what we have, because of all the unsureness of his life right now (his mom's been sick and he's her caregiver, things aren't going well at his work, his hours are all over the place and he's been very frustrated and worried over what next step to take). We didn't talk about if we're ok with seeing other people, and I didn't want to bring it up for now. From what I know of him and what our mutuals tell me about him, he's a bit conservative, I don't believe he's been going out with anyone else and I think he would be a bit hurt if I did, even if we can't define what we are right now. Note: I am not in the US and multidating isn't a thing in my european country, people who do it are perceived as players and not serious. We don't have to rush into a relationship and can keep things causal, but usually it's expected some kind of "exclusivity", unless it's discussed first hand what each are comfortable with.
Anyone else on Petfinder? The rejection is real. I didn't realize that senior rottweilers had so many more options than me.
Have you tried meeting pets IRL? /s but not really? There's a kitten down the street from me that has been living under a truck. A neighbor and I tried to coax him out. He followed me crying, but ran away whenever I approached. Will keep trying, but meeting pets IRL is hard!
I know right! You put all this work in only to find out they're taken.
We live in the same building. The convenience of living so close (two floors apart) is phenomenal. Residents have to give 45 days notice of intent to move out at the end of a leasehold, otherwise they assume we plan to stay for another full year. My lease ends mid-August. His lease ends mid-December. I don’t particularly want to stay in this building. He doesn’t particularly want to stay in this building. It’s WAY too soon for us to move in together. Even December would be on the extremely early side. But we really, really, really like living so near to one another. We are going to look at some buildings together in the coming weeks to see if there is a world in which we both like the same building, and that same building has or is likely to have two vacancies in December. I’m going to see if I can extend my lease at the current rate until December to buy some time to make a decision. That is all. Thanks for listening!
Honestly, this sounds like such an ideal situation. I hope it works out!
Thank you! So do I 🥹
That’s an exciting thing to figure out together! My lease ends in January and I live too far away from the man I’m dating for my liking (30-40 min)…I would be lying if I said I wasn’t highly considering moving closer to him!
I hope you find a rental you like and close the gap!!!
Thanks! I hope you two find another building to cohabitate separately 😆
This would be a dream come true. <3 I hope you find another building just as convinient!
Thank you!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
I actually just got into this arrangement with my partner. It’s fantastic. Literally two floors apart as well :D
I love it!! We were both already residents of the building when we met, so it was totally unplanned, and wow did it work out!! So like…I do want to live with him eventually… just.. not yet 😂. (I also am fairly sure I want to marry him, but that’s another story.) What I don’t want is to lose proximity, live together yet, move, or stay lol. I just want both of us to be teleported to another building, two floors apart, and continue on as we began, but somewhere else!
need some advice. bf got asked out by coworker 10 years younger than him. i knew about her bc he told me he exchanged numbers with her to talk about a niche hobby. i didn’t think anything of it since he told me he told her he had a gf when she asked him out. flash forward to today - we were talking about patterns of younger girls asking him out in the past, and i asked him if he’s flirty with them to make them think he’s interested. he offered to show me the messages between the coworker them. it turns out they messaged a lot actually (almost more than me). i got upset, he tried to reassure me. but after asking more questions, he told me he did think she was being flirty at times but 1) never set boundaries and 2) never brought me up in conversation. he says the motivation was to just have someone to talk about the niche hobby he has with, and he said he felt like he didn’t have anything to hide which is why he showed me the messages. he did admit to me he found her attractive but that wasn’t the motivation. the messages were not flirty but they were thorough and consistent. he says he was just being an idiot but i feel like he’s too emotionally intelligent for that excuse. he thought he was just making a friendship. am i making this a bigger deal than it is? also how to move past this if we continue our relationship?
Probably bad advice here but experience tells me that sometimes you’ll find someone that you genuinely get along with better than your partner. Not to say that’s what’s happening here. I’ve also had friends get interested in coworkers and be flirty around them for a few months. That grass is greener feeling mixed with domaine fueled chats, I guess. It always ends with nothing happening. I guess if I was you I’d be cautious and see how he plans to move forward. Like if he’s “everything is fine and I’ll still keep flirting” that would be a no for me. If he’s pulled back and stopped or greatly reduced contact, then should be good. Tough spot. My sympathies.
I’m honestly curious what this “niche hobby” is. How did he get into it if he has no friends who are also into it? That just seems wild to me. Might just be me, but if he knew she was flirting and didn’t mention you at all…big red flag.
What is this "niche" hobby exactly? I always feel that some work friendships between opposite sexes are a boundary pusher, especially since you get those who have ulterior motives and all sorts of chemistry can build between the 2. The thing is outside of messages you have no idea of how they interact together, are they going out for lunches and coffees on the regular?
Does he text his other friends with the same hobby as much as he texts that woman? If not, he should rethink his actions on why he does that with her. Imho, any person likes to have attention but what they do with it matters. And no, you’re not making it a bigger deal than it is. You’re just being truthful to yourself, which is important. You can tell him how it’s affecting you and let him decide how to move forward. Be also ready with what can happen, but always be true to yourself.
he actually doesn’t have any friends that have the same hobby so that’s why he said he was eager to try to build a friendship with her. he said he felt like she was -maybe- flirty but didn’t want to make assumptions. my argument was that if it was truly platonic intentions, he could have still brought me up and it wouldn’t have affected that.
Just protect and prioritise yourself.
Never mentioning that he had a gf at all while knowing she was being flirty? Finds her attractive? He was at least enjoying her attention and entertaining it a bit. I would hate this because it makes you feel like you don’t know your bf when there’s this whole more in-depth relationship going on that you’re unaware of.
thats what i’m worried about. on the one hand, i’m glad we eventually talked about it. but now i don’t know how to move forward. seeking that kind of attention seems like a deep flaw.
>seeking that kind of attention seems like a deep flaw. Everybody likes having this kind of attention, that doesn't mean it is a character flaw or that he will cheat on you with this girl. The fact of the matter is that he showed you willingly the texts, it would be a lot different if he was trying to hide them from you or get defensive about them. Clearly he also rejected her when she asked him out again not something that someone who would cheat is going to do. >we were talking about patterns of younger girls asking him out in the past, and i asked him if he’s flirty with them to make them think he’s interested. I'm going to assume then that he seems to get a lot of attention previously and that this is triggering insecurity in you. Don't let your own insecurities destroy the relationship because that is a very big possibility. You have to tell him how these texts make you feel and he needs to put some boundaries up in response to that. Then you need to trust him because if you can't trust him it's kinda over already.
it actually wasn’t the texts. the texts themselves weren’t flirty. it was what was happening at work. and the fact that he knew she was flirting at work and didn’t set boundaries / continued to talk to her outside of work about non work related things, or not mention me wasn’t an issue? i know everyone likes attention and it’s not that he receives attention. but what i meant about the deep flaw is that he actively chose to leave me out of conversations and did not set boundaries in order to continue to receive attention. the thing about getting attention from young girls in the past is that he would be friends with younger girls, and they would want to leave their partners for him which makes me think that he had boundary issues with them.
He has time to message a girl at work, who fancies him, more than he messages his girlfriend. I don’t need that attention, regardless of my hobbies and certainly not when I’m in a relationship. These are your boundaries with him to resolve. He already showed disrespect and he hasn’t corrected any of it.
I don’t care if it jinxes it…I’m talking to someone I’m interested in. If you’re in the never really like anyone anymore club, because apps have burnt you out, you get the joy that is matching with someone you’re actually interested in. Far too early to tell if I like him-like him. Don’t tell anyone…
There's a new girl in my sports group that I run. She's been really cool and everyone likes having her around. She came last week and then she came out with us the other night for drinks. I know I gotta give it some more time to cook before I make a move but I am a bit worried I am going to wait too long. I guess if she was interested she might make it pretty obvious. So I guess I should just wait and see.
Question for you. When you say you're worried about waiting too long, what does that mean?
Women often have men "be friends with them" only for months later to confess that they've had feelings for them for a long time. I'm of the belief it's better that, if you find a woman attractive and in your few interactions you enjoy talking to her, to just ask her out. As that's a better alternative to feeling attracted to her and being her friend when you are interested in more. Others, as you can see - think that running a group meets that I am not allowed to do that because it sets an idea that I will ask out every woman I invite, which out of the probably triple digit women that I play with over the last couple years I have probably asked maybe like 4.
Has your approach been successful for you so far? I will say, I am a woman who is in a niche fitness community, and I definitely understand where the other commenters are coming from. Also, words get around very quickly, especially in smaller circles, so you may want to think about that too.
Don't be that guy. We all know that guy in our hobby groups. The guy who tries to pounce on every single woman that shows up. Develop a friendship, a real friendship. If something evolves from that, great. If not, then enjoy the friendship.
THIS THIS THIS. Develop a friendship first, for the love of Christ. If nothing else, you get a lovely friend. There’s a guy in my hobby group who, for some reason, has taken to asking my advice on asking out other women in the group. I’ve known him about 4-5 months and he’s already cycled through at least 2 women. He didn’t date the one, but everyone thought they were together (so picture that), and he asked me about my close friend yesterday. At some point I thought he was into me, but he never asked me out. In another hobby group I was in, a guy literally did the “pounce on the new girl” thing and got a reputation so fast he’s not welcome in that group anymore.
See how things develop like if she shows interest in you first, I've been in mixed sports groups for the most part I prefer just to keep it friendly, as I'm there for the sports and camaraderie than trying to hit on women
Sure, so is everyone else. That's why they joined haha. It's a higher level group so people are only joining because they want to play with other higher level people. If you didn't love the game you wouldn't come. That said, like any other social group, sometimes you meet people you fancy.
Sports group…maybe. Sports group that you run…you sure about that?
Just be friendly with her. Do not make a move beyond being friendly.
When do y’all start telling friends and family about someone you’re dating? When do y’all start introducing the person you’re dating to friends and family? Just trying to gauge how crazy I am haha.
I tell friends if someone I’m dating seems promising, and will usually introduce dates to them first. My friends know me better than my family, and I trust their judgement. Telling family, however, seems to be cursing my dating life. Every time I’m like “this guy has potential,” something happens that makes things end. They also begin to make too many projections into marriage and babies, so I don’t bring dates to meet them for a while either. My family is super religious, so I don’t think any of them are *actually* cursing my dating life, but yeah.
Telling - friends immediately. I like to talk out my thoughts/feelings about dates. Family - don’t mention unless it’s someone I like, then maybe a month or two in. Meeting - well I haven’t dated for years, so this time around I told myself to wait a bit before introducing. It’s been 3 months with current man and we’re just introducing friends. I think I want to wait 6ish months for family to make sure it progresses that far!
I tell my sister and the closest friends about anyone I have sex with basically. General friends I wouldn't tell until we've established we're dating exclusively (or if non-mono, meaningfully in the same kind of manner that is aiming towards the foreseeable future). My parents I would tell once that "real relationship" has been going on for a month or so maybe. Or already when dating if the dating phase was longer and very involved. Extended family I wouldn't tell until maybe 6-12 months in, by taking him with to something where they are present. (All my closer extended family members are dead so those left I only see max once per year.)
lol I usually tell my mom and my two besties whenever I have first date coming up that I’m super excited about. My boyfriend took me to pick up my sister from the airport after we had only been dating for a month and a half, so…
My best friend is told about everyone I talk to. I won't introduce anyone for 2-3 months until I've done my recon.
When we’re celebrating 10 years of marriage.
I would tell them about all the bad dates pretty much immediately. There's one guy in particular we enjoyed talking about. He seemed great on paper, but was really odd in real life. My parents couldn't believe some of the stuff he'd done.
My dating life is a popular topic of conversation among close friends and family so they know from the early stages lol. I won't introduce them until we're exclusive and I'm confident there is something there beyond a short term fling.
Dating makes me anxious so I need to talk to my close friends/mom even before I meet someone for the emotional support
Telling my friends? The moment it becomes exclusive and a "thing". Can't contain my excitement. Telling my family? At least 3 months. Probably more like 6 months. A couple of the women in my family can be... intense on the topic of my dating life lol. Rather not open that can of worms until I know its going pretty well. Introducing to my family would probably be like around a year. I imagine the first introduction would be something like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I definitely wanna know its serious before bringing them into family events like that.
My friends know right away, family only if it's serious and I see it going long term so not before several months together.
I'll tell some of my friends and siblings pretty much right away if I start seeing someone. I won't tell anyone else in my family until waaay later. I'll maybe start by introducing the person to my friends a couple of months in, as for introducing to my family idk, I'm kind of superstitious now lol and will probably wait at least 6 months or more.
I tell my friends right away haha. Family....I tell my sister right away, too. My mom after a few dates. My dad never 😂 As far as introducing them to friends/ family...I think the last time I did that it was like 3 or 4 months in.
a friend and I have been crushing on each other for literal YEARS. for one reason or another, we never dated, but we flirted quite a lot and told each other how awesome we thought each other was. then, stars align, we're both single, we start flirting a lot over text... and then all of a sudden, they say their commitment issues are a huge issue and it's time to go back to therapy. cool. not the first time I've felt used by this person. time to get back out there for real, I guess.
Something similar happened to me. And we are not friends anymore. He seemed shocked I didn't want to go back to the way it was. But as a friend he knew alot about the shit I had been through and should not have played with my feelings. So no. We are not friends.
> not the first time I've felt used by this person You might wanna check with yourself on whether this is even a friendship you want to keep then
fair! totally fair.
I’ve been seeing someone the past like month and a half. Nothing official. But I really like her. She is a chief resident at a hospital and just graduated from her residency today. I’m super excited for her. She’s going on a road trip with her friends to celebrate. We had a talk last time I saw her and we talked about my trouble opening up and letting people into the stresses I’m dealing with. In a cosmic twist, unfortunately, I ended up going to and getting admitted to the hospital today (ironically the hospital she’s going to work at when she’s back from her trip). Normally I would have told her but I don’t want to ruin her happy day by making her worry about me. Trying to decide if I should tell her or just wait til she gets back. Hopefully I’ll be able to leave tomorrow.
I would let her know tomorrow morning. I’m a lawyer and since you’ve only been dating a few weeks, I would rather find out the next day than on the day I was called or graduated law school. Since it hasn’t been that long and it doesn’t sound like it’s a super serious medical emergency, I would let her have her day and not make her go into sympathetic or doctor mode on the day she graduates. But I’d let her know first thing tomorrow.
Preface it with something like “I’m okay and doing well, so no need to worry, but just wanted to let you know that blah blah blah”. I would be hurt and reconsider an early relationship if I had a talk about them about opening up, and they immediately decided to hide something important that happened, whether it’s good or bad. You’re not protecting her — you’re taking away her choice to worry, and you’re taking away an opportunity for her to show that she cares about you.
That’s a really good point. It’s late now so I’ll let her know in the morning
Im stuck on this one guy, who wont text me first. I’m pretty sure that means he’s not interested even if i keep believing theres mixed signals. I hate this state I live in, I hate everyone here, I feel like I’m gonna be alone forever because I didnt get therapy when I was young enough to be fixed. I dont want to be alone anymore, I want someone to care about me. I want someone I can talk to about things that hurt me, things that delight me. I want to know someone elses hurts and delights. I just adore this man and I wish he would just reach out and love me back. Why does he say I can text him any time and he’d love to hang out… is he even my friend if he cant reach out to me sometimes? I’m so confused. I hate this. I hate being here, I hate being alone.
Move on. I understand things suck and you hate being alone and I sympathize that life hasn’t exactly worked out, but have boundaries and hard demands. I hate to use the term deserve, because I’m extremely nihilistic but you deserve better. Hold out for someone that puts in effort, makes your life better, doesn’t leave you dangling emotionally.
I mean, im not planning to reach out anymore, but its hard to move on when i just dont really like anyone. I guess I’d rather yearn for him than move onto just anyone else. But i do deserve to actually be wanted back
You definitely deserve to be wanted back. Yeah I get it. It’s easy to toss out advice from the cheap seats. I once pined for this coworker for ages, which was a total waste of time and energy looking back on it. Hopefully things work out for you.
Mixed signals means he likes you a little but not really that much. Enough to hang out if he’s free but not enough to really put effort into anything, he’s not yearning for you like you are for him, or really thinking about you in his day to day life. Accepting that will make things less confusing.
I’m not going to comment on the rest. But usually mixed signals means not interested. I went through something similar with a guy who never initiated texts.
4th date with 6'7 guy was the best! Got dinner, went bowling (I won the 1st round and he won the last 2), and then got ice cream. We held hands for the first time and kissing was waaaay better than last time. Guess we found a groove. But we did kiss in the car so it was level this time. He said seeing me was the highlight of his week. Already talking about date #5. I did get a few butterflies on this date which is nice :)
Not sure how I feel about a future with my gf. We've had a lot of talks about finances and we seem to be on the same page on a lot of stuff. She said I don't have to handle it alone but I dunno. I guess I just don't trust her word. Our families are meeting in a few weeks and I was excited but I'm just overcome with the thoughts of a hard future
what feels hard about it? if you can be honest with each other, I think that's the true gold.
She has a $900+ car payment. When we move in together the expectation is that she will cover her loans / debts. And it's not like she's a freeloader. It's just my brain acting up and I needed to vent. I just worry about finances
You're not getting married. You're just moving in together. It's not just an expectation that she will cover her loans, she has to. You have no obligation to. That being said, a $900+ car payment is ridiculous, and she better have the income to justify it. Do you rent or own your home? If you rent, having her move in should be simple, just add her to the lease. But if you own, you need protections in place. You will essentially become her landlord.
> It's not just an expectation that she will cover her loans, she has to. You have no obligation to. No he’s saying she will only be paying her huge ass irresponsible car note plus debts and he’ll be the one to pay for everything else. She might *say* she’s on the same page as OP but this sounds like a disaster for someone who is financially responsible. OPs gut is telling him it’s a bad idea.
Oh God, I hope he doesn't agree to this. No, no, no. Why is he going to be paying for so many of her living expenses? I get dividing things up in a way that's fair if the higher earning person wants to live in a higher cost of living area, but this is not fair in the slightest. She's paying off a rapidly depreciating car, and he's paying for everything else? She's downright taking advantage of him. No one needs a car with a $900/month loan. If you're using it for business, that *might* be another story, but it doesn't sound like that's the case at all here. She made a stupid expensive purchase, and now she gets to live rent free. Nope.
Nah I won't be paying for everything. I'm gonna have a conversation with her when we meet (it's long distance). She said that because I make more I will take more responsibilities but it didn't sound like she meant I would be paying for everything. If she did then I'll clear that up. Still dating so I'm not obligated to do anything yet. I wanna make a smart decision about my so
She *told* you that you’d be paying more because you make more or did she *ask* you? This is a conversation that needs both inputs, she doesn’t just get to decide this alone. I would be crystal clear who is paying what, maybe even wrote a list of expenses and divvy it up. I know that sounds extra but it would save so much potential conflict down the road
> She has a $900+ car payment Jesus Christ. Does that match with her having a *very* lucrative job?
It is totally valid, and it might signal some differences in values around finances. It's good to be on the same page about what costs you will share, and what you won't share, maybe put a written agreement together to hold each other to. This is coming from someone who got engaged, moved in with someone, and then found out they weren't filing their taxes. So I'm a little on the less trusting side of things, but I want to believe people are good. Worry is there to help protect you, but don't let it control you! Sending you good vibes.
Thank you friend! I have some ideas on how to protect myself
I find myself missing my ex on rainy days. ahh life~~~~
can relate. my ex lied to me about some big things, and still... after a shitty date, I consider calling them to ask what they're up to. sigh.
so, my situation with my situation ship is.. weird. He got into x-ray school up in West Virginia so he's moving there. I haven't seen him in a while because we've been busy and honestly neither him or myself have made plans to see each other. the other night he texted me "What are you going to do when I go to West Virginia?" out of the blue. I thought it was weird for him to say that, so I just joked that I would get Joe Burrow and Luke Thompson to fall in love with me. It kinda ended at that. The other night, I drunk texted him (yes I know that was my mistake) I was like "what questions do you want to know?" again, drunk. He was like "Are you sad I'm leaving?", I was like "Yeah because I dont see you enough as it is", and then told him it was an accident I meant to send that to someone else (I did not) He was like "I thought it was strange coming from you but I'll take it lol" like, Im not sure what he's getting at here tbh, maybe I'm reading too much into it?
“Oops I sent it by accident” is so cringey. It’s such an immature cop out. That’s something teens do. He’s trying to have a direct conversation. You keep dodging. If you want to have an adult conversation about the situation, then engage with him.
Did you not read the entire thing? I was drunk when I sent that. I’m not having a serious conversation over text with someone when I’m drunk off my own ass
I did read it. You could’ve just said “hey, I’ve been drinking. Let’s talk about this another time.”
I did eventually tell him that lol if that counts
Yes that counts lol. I’m not saying you’re immature, just that one text!
Oh I know I’m immature 😂😂 It probably wasn’t the best choice to send him that but idk 🤷♀️
It’s fine, you just need to have a sober convo since it’s on both of your minds!
I really really do try to not be the whole "hahahahah my ex's life sucks now" but I did get a very small bit of schadenfreude this week. She has, as I thought she might, worn out her welcome with friends and with roommates. See, a husband has to put up with you never cleaning up after yourself or pitching in with the household chores, and a husband has to make sure the bills get paid, even if that means he ends up paying off useless spending on credit cards he never knew existed. But friends and roommates do not. They expect you to clean up dishes. They expect you to pick up your dog's droppings. They expect you to get your shit out of the dryer and not leave it for days. They expect you to have your share of the bills on the due day, every month. They don't care that you really wanted to play stupid phone games, or buy limited edition plushies with the money for the electric bill. They don't care that your dog was acting a bit weird so you had to rush him in for a full blood panel just in case something was wrong. She's moved back home to live with her mom, and will celebrate her 30th birthday in her childhood bedroom.
Hey I get it. I got word today that my ex is in a similar situation. She threatened to leave multiple times so I gave it to her and now her life is in a shambles. I still feel sorry for her but I can't have her back in my life.
I am a 36-year-old male and single. I have never had a date or been in a relationship. I swipe women on the Bumble app daily. I support the Bumble app because I believe in women making the first move. No woman is interested in me. I am worried that I am gonna end up living alone for life. I live in Toronto, Canada. I don't believe in religion, race, ethnicity, or country of origin. Biologically, we are human beings and we evolved from monkeys. I am not attractive but I work out 5 times in the gym per week to stay fit and eat healthy food. Being healthy and fit is a non-negotiable biological necessity. That's because I focus on the things I can control i.e. my fitness, diet, behavior, etc. I love animals especially dogs more than humans. I look at this world as 50% humans and 50% animals.
I suggest that you get some feedback on your dating profile on here. Your comment above is less than smooth and I'm guessing that your profile also has some issues
Thanks. I'll work on my profile. I don't understand why the comment is bad. I am an atheist and a science-based guy. I am not condoning people's beliefs, I changed my mindset by reading books.
Yeahhhh this specifically threw up red flags for me: >I don't believe in religion, race, ethnicity, or country of origin.
Well, I am an atheist. You can change your mindset and read the book "Sapiens" by Yuval Noah Harari. If you cut your skin, what color do you bleed?
Feeling too unattractive to date. It's really bumming out. Hopefully in a few weeks I will feel better.
Same here tbh! Some days I feel like a total gremlin walking around my young, hip town.
So glad I'm not alone 😭😭😭
Last night we talked for an hour through video chat I accidentally slipped out the "L" word to her now she has said it to me before but there was some awkwardness. Today we both worked and she has been super distant I texted her she never responded but had the time to post on FB knowing that I never go on there. I am questioning everything so much right now. I have invested so much of my time in this person. I have driven to see her because she lives almost 2 hours away from me. So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. I feel like a crazy person. 😞
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just left a first date where the guy pressured me for sex at the end. i’m guessing this is normal. just not used to it bc i haven’t dated in so long but im kinda shocked like does this actually work for them? and i actually kinda liked the guy so im surprised. maybe he’s used to having sex on the first date? now i’m kinda not sure what happens next. he was a gentlemen the entire time tho and still dropped me home (i know, i shouldn’t have gotten in the car with a stranger) ugh i wonder if i should just expect this go forward?
wha-pressuring someone for sex is not being a gentleman lol
It's not normal at all, just normalized because so many gross guys do it. He was only being a gentleman because he wanted sex. I would text him, " you made me extremely uncomfortable by pressuing me for sex. I am not interested in seeing you again." Then block him.
Not normal and has never happened to me. I say this because people normalize this stuff and/or act like it’s inevitable. Some general advice since you said you’ve been out of the game for awhile. Think of the first date as a meet and greet/ vibe check. Grab a coffee or a drink or take a stroll in the park. I keep it to 1 hour unless we really get along and then sometimes a drink becomes dinner. But I only accept a drink invitation upfront, knowing I can end it there or extend. You can be choosy about who you go out with. I don’t buy the “numbers game” approach. And always meet them at the date location and get your own ride home, please. <3 These are strangers and you can’t tell who someone is from texts or a profile. You wouldn’t get in a car with a stranger off the street or show them where you live. Same situation!
you’re so right. gotta be more discerning
Yes there will be some who do that, but nah pushing for it isn't "normal". I think it's normal if they indicate interest in it without pressure. I've had guys ask if I'd like to go back to their place after a good first date but in a nice way and they are relaxed about it. In fact there's been some times when I agreed and they double check that I actually really want to.
It’s sadly more common than it should be. Sometimes those guys tip you off to their motives before the date. Sometimes they don’t and they continue to “act like a gentleman” until you’re in a situation that isn’t easy to escape.
>i’m guessing this is normal Yes, unfortunately, a lot of men push boundaries and can be creeps. That doesn't mean you need to accept that behavior, though. >he was a gentlemen the entire time tho He was not a gentleman, he pressured you for sex. You deserve to not be pressured into sex. Don't excuse or justify his behavior.
It's not normal. And there are guys out there who are thorough gentlemen.
This is not normal. Sorry to have to hear this. This is kinda why I stopped dating. Don't expect this going forward but be prepared for it. And don't contact him again.
ugh this makes sense. we somehow got on the topic of dating in our city and he said he’s been having a “great time” dating which i probably should’ve taken as a yellow flag. this sucks
Yeah... No i feel you. It sucks. I also had a first date with a guy today. And I liked our conversation and what I'm learning about him as well. Although there were things that confused me in a physical sense, I'll be asking him about it when I see him next. But the majority of the date was us getting to know each other and him being himself. Which I would like to see more of to see if we are compatible and if I like him. But, with respect to your situation. It's the first date. You couldn't have known it would have ended like that. You're not a fortune teller and people can be insincere. I also haven't dated in a long time so I asked a basic ask question just now on Reddit if kissing on a first date means the person likes you. Because I am not sure nowadays what some of these actions mean because of the spectrum of behaviors and motivation that exist in the dating realm nowadays. On your end of things, it sucks that he "acted" as a gentleman, when he was **not** one.
1000% agree on everything you said. also curious about the kissing thing so i’ll be following your post. this is all so much more than i even anticipated when i decided to consistently employ effort to dating 😑
I invited the guy I've been dating to watch football with my friends (this is fifth time I saw him and first time he hung out with my friends). He left early as he has to be up early tomorrow, but two minor things he did tonight made me feel really good. First, we kissed outside the bar to say goodbyes, but he went back inside to say goodbye to my friends even though they barely talked (we were all focused on the match tbf until then), and then he kissed me on the head too right before leaving. I dont know why, but it felt so sweet.
So I had a first date with a new guy. And I really liked it! He seems to be an interesting character and different from me, and I am curious what else I might discover or the ways I might subtly change or learn new ways of doing things if I continue seeing him. And also curious to see we end up being compatible with who I am and who I aspire to be. I have no idea of that yet. With that being said, I'm at a point of my life that I really don't have time nor any desire for romantic connections that aren't sincere. And perhaps I've had to filter through a lot of romantic insincerity, which got me asking this basic question. But here it is: If a guy kisses you and holds your hand lots at the end of a date and is super affectionate, and at times in public and in front of everyone. Is that a sign that he likes you or that he likes physical affection? I did end up asking him if he's an affectionate person to understand it more, and he said yes and it depends on who. But I'm curious about other people's experiences. Because a lot of the kissing I did with him felt intimate and romantic and slow and thoughtful, but wasn't sure if it's possible to have intimate kissing without knowing each other yet, or is that just a style of kissing that some people adopt?
I can understand what you’ve said and I’ve realises that I’m done trying to work out others. Either I feel connected to them or I don’t. If I do and it doesn’t work out, I’m still okay because I know who I am and my intentions. If I fon’t feel okay or I’m not sure I trust that my gut trying to help me. Best of luck.
Can't guess his intentions, but I sort of kiss this way in early dates if I'm into someone and the mood seems right. I actually wondered about it recently because it seems to escalate faster than I expect, so I wondered if it was maybe unusually intimate. For me it's not a strategy or anything, just how I seem to make out, and I only make out with people I'm interested in. But of course at date 1 I don't know the eventual outcome.
Thanks for your experience here. This helped me reflect a bit more on potential motivations on his end. I think it's probably safe to say that he does want me to know that he is expressing a romantic interest towards me as he's done a lot of after-date communication since then even when it took me some time to respond. So, yeah, we'll see what happens between me and him and I hope we can build up to a mutual intimate physical experience that feels more rooted if we turn out to be compatible and interested in one another.
>Is that a sign that he likes you or that he likes physical affection? Well... it's a sign he likes you AND physical affection, both. Enough to engage in these things at least. How much and how far the "like" goes, remains to be seen. >wasn't sure if it's possible to have intimate kissing without knowing each other yet, or is that just a style of kissing that some people adopt? Kissing style is definitely a thing. I personally don't kiss differently based on whether it's casual or relationship stage, though I don't know if others might.
Thanks for your first distinction. I was making it a black white, either or situation. When it can very well possibly be both. >Kissing style is definitely a thing. I personally don't kiss differently based on whether it's casual or relationship stage, though I don't know if others might. Yeah, it seemed very intimate. Idk how else to describe it. Even stopping just to hug at times. And wasn't sure what to make of us doing it. But then earlier in the date, he did kiss my finger that I cut and displayed other affectionate moments, and I thought it was cute, surprising, and lovely. So I'll just let it be because learning more about him will give me more insights to all this. Thanks for your perspective!
I don’t think kissing is a good indicator. There is so much excitement and hormones meeting someone new and having physical contact. Don’t worry if he likes you, explore if you like him.
Thanks for your view! >Don’t worry if he likes you, explore if you like him. Yup, that's the plan! Just want to make sure I'm navigating with someone who has sincere intentions towards me or the romantic process. He has behaved as he has so far, so I will continue to observe and enjoy and learn more about him. I had a good time. So I'll let my analysis pass. Thank you.
June Updates Guy #1 : When we both swiped on each other, he was in my city. But he actually lives in another state (I wish I knew that otherwise, I wouldn't have swiped). He's everything I want on paper, our values matched, and he said he would move to my state if it works between us. I just don't think a long-distance is well suited for me. I've done it in the past and it was not a good experience. I ended it. (Talk time: 2 weeks) Guy #2: I get good vibes from him. We are on the same page so far about several important things. We live close to each other. We vibe well on phone calls. First date is set for Wednesday. (Talk time: 3 weeks) Guy #3: Cute accountant. Vibes are mixed. Difficult to meet up in person since we live 3 hrs away. Will decide within a week if I should continue talking or ending it because the gut feeling is iffy in regards to him. (Talk time: 1 week) Guy #4: We text once per day on the app. He's long distance (traveling in my city, like please write your place of origin in your bio), but moving to my area soon. Don't know what to do about him (Talk time: 1 Week) Tired. Multi-dating is not for me. Never again.
If you aren’t interested in long distance, then once you find out end it. No need to continue chatting. I would recommend less time chatting and get meeting people!
Crazy week this week for engagements and pregnancy announcements from people i know (or still have on Facebook/Instagram from years ago). 3 pregnancy announcements yesterday and two more today. And 1 engagement yesterday and two more today. I’ve always been late to the party with most milestones in life, but I get there eventually. But damn, must be a full moon or something
I saw a hilarious meme on social media the other day. It said something like "my peers are on baby no. 3, but here I am working on mambo no. 5" ... good stuff. we're all on our own path. you're doing a great job!