I’m sorry for all of it
But I’m glad he’s back out of the house, for good
I’m extremely glad that you mother is free and better understands the situation
I’m glad you and your mother are in therapy and doing well
A good update❤️
Please take care of yourself. Even if you can't get to see a medical professional, talk to someone in person and state unequivocally what you said above. Don't try to go through this alone. The internet can help in a pinch but this needs a real person in real life.
I hope you never have to visit him. Youre doing your part in making sure he is safe in AL but dont do anything past that. When the time comes when he needs more care like a locked memory care unit then you can request he not be discharged until a bed is made available. They might ask your mom to take him until a bed is available but its only to benefit them. There is no need for him to ever be outside a facility ever again.
Thank you. 💕 You’re completely right.
Yes - I don’t plan on ever visiting. I’m placing a 4 visit per week limit on my mom.
Luckily, he’s already in a locked facility. It’s an AL/MC place.
Ok good. If he starts to get violent they might tell you he needs to go because MC places can tolerate a lot but they wont tolerate abuse towards their staff. In which case, be prepared to get him on meds to help with that. Keep your mom out of it so they dont tug on her heart strings.
When my Dad went to a MC facility, his anger and behavior were totally out of control. He kicked at nurses, tried to punch one of them who merely encouraged him to take a shower, pulled the fire alarm twice, defecated on the floor in the hallway, entered another resident's room, refused to take his BP and diabetes meds, etc. etc. etc. He was a hair's breadth away from being evicted. The administrator told my brother that either he started taking Seroquel or they would have to send him to a geriatric psych hospital. They now smash up all of his pills and put them in pudding so he doesn't know. His behavior is now definitely less disruptive and aggressive. TG for Seroquel !
Just a cautionary note based on past posts in this sub: although he may wish to live forever, there will come a point when the cure is worse for him than dying. I can tell you have strong ethics, but don’t fall into a guilt trap of ‘doing what he wants’ vs doing what is best for him by allowing nature to decide. No surgery unless it alleviates suffering that drugs alone cannot. I wish you peace.
Glad your dad is back in AL.
Definitely not a safe situation, especially considering his normal state as you described it was much less than pleasant. I say this as a man, I was glad the floor my mother lived in had no men on it. Men with this disease are more prone to violence. Friend of mine, his grandfather had dementia and was a professional boxer during his life, he was a nightmare to deal with because of it for the staff.
P.S. you don't have to visit him either. Focus on your family and your mom.
Thanks.
I can honestly say that I’m concerned for my mom’s life every time she visits him. The industry as a whole should seriously consider providing female only floors.
I feel ya. This place saved me to. My mom died in April. There were times I had horrible thoughts. Horrible. Everyone here brought me back. They understand. I'm happy you found it.
I’m sure someone has said this to you before but you have to take care of you first ( and your family) live is amazing but love can also blind us to what’s in front of us. I had forgot that not everyone is a natural caregiver as my partner has assumed this role for me and he’s driving me crazy ( I managed to break my back and my at and I have no memory of how I did it ) I have been in the medical field for 30 yrs and he keeps questioning me about things clearly understand and know from an education point of view and experience as well he doesn’t have the patience needed and I can’t take any more of the slick comments and such, he now doing the things I would normally do around here but hey I can’t walk and just do it the way I asked you to do it and don’t put your spin on it. I appreciate his effort but I’m get a care attendant next week. The point is you have to put yourself first otherwise all of this will drive you up a wall, I was told by a doctor I had dementia ( early onset ) I couldn’t believe it but I finally went to another doctor who actually listen to me and he say I don’t believe you have dementia and I saw that MRI and it was very blurry he also said there maybe something going on but it’s not dementia. I wasn’t sure exactly how to proceed with this all the nights of crying alone on the patio because I knew what I was going to put people through, making plans and Wills and POA to make sure all was in place life is strange.
My dad has had dementia for at least 10 years. If you met him, you wouldn’t know that anything was off. Cognitively he’s fine. He has just lost logic.
I think you’re imagining the worst. Even a diagnosis of dementia now isn’t a dire thing. You probably have many years left.
I’m sorry for all of it But I’m glad he’s back out of the house, for good I’m extremely glad that you mother is free and better understands the situation I’m glad you and your mother are in therapy and doing well A good update❤️
💕
Please take care of yourself. Even if you can't get to see a medical professional, talk to someone in person and state unequivocally what you said above. Don't try to go through this alone. The internet can help in a pinch but this needs a real person in real life.
Yes. I will. I need to look out for myself too. Thank you. 💕
I hope you never have to visit him. Youre doing your part in making sure he is safe in AL but dont do anything past that. When the time comes when he needs more care like a locked memory care unit then you can request he not be discharged until a bed is made available. They might ask your mom to take him until a bed is available but its only to benefit them. There is no need for him to ever be outside a facility ever again.
Thank you. 💕 You’re completely right. Yes - I don’t plan on ever visiting. I’m placing a 4 visit per week limit on my mom. Luckily, he’s already in a locked facility. It’s an AL/MC place.
Who do they call when they need to make a change to medications, you or your mom?
Used to be my mom. As of yesterday, it’s me.
Ok good. If he starts to get violent they might tell you he needs to go because MC places can tolerate a lot but they wont tolerate abuse towards their staff. In which case, be prepared to get him on meds to help with that. Keep your mom out of it so they dont tug on her heart strings.
When my Dad went to a MC facility, his anger and behavior were totally out of control. He kicked at nurses, tried to punch one of them who merely encouraged him to take a shower, pulled the fire alarm twice, defecated on the floor in the hallway, entered another resident's room, refused to take his BP and diabetes meds, etc. etc. etc. He was a hair's breadth away from being evicted. The administrator told my brother that either he started taking Seroquel or they would have to send him to a geriatric psych hospital. They now smash up all of his pills and put them in pudding so he doesn't know. His behavior is now definitely less disruptive and aggressive. TG for Seroquel !
Will do. Thank you.
Good luck and if you need anything please reach out ❤️❤️
please get in touch with the facility and explain this limit, the staff might be able to help if he tries to manipulate her while she's there
Definitely! Thank you.
Why keep him healthy? Pain prevention for sure but why treat for longer life? Keep yourself healthy with limited interaction
I see your point. If I were him, I wouldn’t extend my life. But I know that he wants to. I plan on never seeing him again.
Just a cautionary note based on past posts in this sub: although he may wish to live forever, there will come a point when the cure is worse for him than dying. I can tell you have strong ethics, but don’t fall into a guilt trap of ‘doing what he wants’ vs doing what is best for him by allowing nature to decide. No surgery unless it alleviates suffering that drugs alone cannot. I wish you peace.
Thank you. 💕
Glad your dad is back in AL. Definitely not a safe situation, especially considering his normal state as you described it was much less than pleasant. I say this as a man, I was glad the floor my mother lived in had no men on it. Men with this disease are more prone to violence. Friend of mine, his grandfather had dementia and was a professional boxer during his life, he was a nightmare to deal with because of it for the staff. P.S. you don't have to visit him either. Focus on your family and your mom.
Thanks. I can honestly say that I’m concerned for my mom’s life every time she visits him. The industry as a whole should seriously consider providing female only floors.
Thank you for the update. Sounds like you've made some healthy decisions!
I feel ya. This place saved me to. My mom died in April. There were times I had horrible thoughts. Horrible. Everyone here brought me back. They understand. I'm happy you found it.
💕
Just sending love and support ❤️. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better and it seems you have a plan in place.
I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. But it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and hope things improve for you!
Thank you. 💕
I’m sure someone has said this to you before but you have to take care of you first ( and your family) live is amazing but love can also blind us to what’s in front of us. I had forgot that not everyone is a natural caregiver as my partner has assumed this role for me and he’s driving me crazy ( I managed to break my back and my at and I have no memory of how I did it ) I have been in the medical field for 30 yrs and he keeps questioning me about things clearly understand and know from an education point of view and experience as well he doesn’t have the patience needed and I can’t take any more of the slick comments and such, he now doing the things I would normally do around here but hey I can’t walk and just do it the way I asked you to do it and don’t put your spin on it. I appreciate his effort but I’m get a care attendant next week. The point is you have to put yourself first otherwise all of this will drive you up a wall, I was told by a doctor I had dementia ( early onset ) I couldn’t believe it but I finally went to another doctor who actually listen to me and he say I don’t believe you have dementia and I saw that MRI and it was very blurry he also said there maybe something going on but it’s not dementia. I wasn’t sure exactly how to proceed with this all the nights of crying alone on the patio because I knew what I was going to put people through, making plans and Wills and POA to make sure all was in place life is strange.
My dad has had dementia for at least 10 years. If you met him, you wouldn’t know that anything was off. Cognitively he’s fine. He has just lost logic. I think you’re imagining the worst. Even a diagnosis of dementia now isn’t a dire thing. You probably have many years left.