Relationships don't always last. I'm sorry because it always hurts. But endings can be beginnings. For your children, I doubt you are losing them. They can idealize their friendships for a while as they try to find their place in the world, but they will always need their dad. You have a lot to teach and be there for. Even when you're low, you can teach them what standing up again looks like. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 15. It is almost exactly 19 years since and miss him and wish he could be around. Brighter days are ahead. Keep fighting for yourself and join your kids in seeing those days. You're worth it.
I was close to it one time, and the only reason I am here now is because of achievements on Xbox. It gave me something to look forward to and got me through the darkest times of my life. All I can do is suggest finding your something to look forward to no matter how small it is.
I do need something to look forward too. Yet when your depressed, you don’t enjoy anything. I’m hoping to find something. I know the key to mental health is purpose and agency.
Genius. Thank you. I can find some things. It just seems like the sorrows and worries of life just paralyze me. Luckily I seem to be doing ok today. Finding some sort of purpose and then agency seems to be key.
Listen bro, I attempted suicide a couple of times and ended up in A&E, didn't solve anything. I know the way you feel now, nothing matters at that stage, loved ones, kids, mates, nothing matters. However it did make me go back to my Doctor and he changed my meds, I also went to therapy and the psychiatrist put me on an antipsychotic and also went through different things I could do.
Now 2 years later I've reached the light at the end of the tunnel, believe me it is there but you also have to help yourself as well as allowing other people to help. Keep going, don't give up.
This! 👆 Yes! Keep going, even if your only support is on Reddit, keep going. You are not alone. All that keeps me going is my pets. Focus on whatever gives you that glimmer of hope. It may take time, but there is light at the end of this tunnel 😎👊💗 you got this! 💯
The scary part is that I have been in therapy and on meds for years and I’ve been functioning. Yet this divorce has resulted in so much transition and loss. It is just too much sometimes and it seems there is no way out.
I’m so glad to hear that you are doing well. May we all get there and have some peace in the midst of this chaos.
My wife passed almost ten months ago…. If not for my school aged children I would have joined her by now. She was always to good for me…. I guess god finally realized it too. Talk to a therapist… don’t drink too much. Try to stay as positive as you can. I know this is an impossible situation but if you practice being miserable, you’ll get real good at it.
Hey man
Life is really hard on you right now, but you are not alone.
Whenever you need people to give support. Please reach out. If it will help, there are plenty of people in reddit willing to just listen and talk freely of judgement.
Please try to make arrangements for therapy/seek professional help. You need a place where you can pour out the turmoil and hurt in a way that could be productive, healing, or revealing. Professional help isn't going to make everything go away, but this is a step in the right direction to help you get through this.
Lastly, I'm the child of a father who has been very distant. Our relationship isn't the best, but I would much rather have him alive. When I was a kid, I was unable to see his reasons for doing what he did, and even held resentment for him. Now that I'm healing, I know my father is human just like me, and i am trying my best to mend our relationship. Things might be though as fuck rightnow, but you are your children's father and they will look for you in the future.
Keep fighting, man. There is still so much to see.
I know how you feel bro.
You are not alone and you will survive these mental problems.
Its hard to be alone. Even when you got people around you, you may feel alone.
I like good company, but seeing healthy people having fun and having a good time is hard for me, because I know, that I cant have the same feelings as they do.
Currently I am on vacation with some guys and I thought it would be the best time of my life, but turns out: they dont understand me or cant handle my stupid persona. Its hard to feel bad but you have to say that your fine only to not kill the mood of the group. I dont want to make people feel sad, because I know how painful it is.
Well, that’s the kicker. We don’t want people killing themselves in our society, but if you mention it, you’re a pariah. So you don’t. Then everyone wonders why he/she committed suicide.
Don't give up man, you'll get past it and tell people how to go through such difficult times.
Keep writing here or to your therapist as long as you need.
Pray for you 🙏
You can hold on by understanding that you are holding on and you’re doing just fine at it despite the low asf feels. I don’t know you but I want you to know I’m proud of you. Even coming here and speaking your mind is a positive step. If you ever feel like reaching out to anyone, here, be it me, a friend, family member colleague or complete stranger - do so. People love putting on a front but depression is real and EVERYONE has been through struggles. Just know you ain’t alone in this
Thank you. Yes, I guess reaching out does show that I still have some hope. I so wish we could all work together to change some of the structural things in this society that cause so much depression.
Facts. However we gotta learn to not be so hard on ourselves for the stuff that’s out of our control - that’s the shit that I struggle with.. not that I think I’m superman or anything I’ve just gotta be realistic
The work must be done. Reflect. Give yourself grace. It’s okay to be lonely, it doesn’t mean you’re alone. Society has us brainwashed to believe we won’t be okay alone or lonely. These times are needed. They are healthy. Please relearn to love yourself. Hang a photo of yourself on your mirror as a child and treat yourself like you would at that age. Don’t ever forget you come first. Your children will notice the difference in you once you value yourself.
Watching my cousin at her wedding not have her dad there to do her father daughter dance or give her away walking down the aisle was heart breaking. Her dad took his life some years before. Your kids may be slipping away for a moment (friends/ school/ relationships) but they need you as much as you need them. I promise there will be moments that you wouldn’t want to miss. Can you try to do group therapy for divorce or depression? Please get some support even if it’s not family or friends, there is support from others that may have been where you are or are going through something similar. All the best
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I can tell you that your kids will follow whatever example you set. You can show them how to take responsibility for themselves and their happiness. If you aren’t in therapy please do go.
I’m going. At this point I don’t know what example I’m showing for my kids. I’m doing the best I can. I didn’t want this and to have to ‘hold it together’ for them in midst of my world in ruin is almost impossible.
You’re very brave for sharing, and you’re doing your best to be a good parent. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can right now. You deserve compassion and caring.
I'm really sorry. Be patient, work on yourself, start living for yourself too, it might get better... it's now time to meet new people who will bring positivity to your life, to get back to your hobbies or find some new ones, to find yourself again.
Please, please, therapy and meds. You are your childrens’ rock. Don’t let an unfounded thought like you think they are slipping away, let you from doubling down on caring for them. Please make an appt with psychiatry and a therapist, right away. I found that in times of these shitty situations, my therapist was the one who “carried my sorry ass” to see I am worth life. Harken back to the days each of your children were born. How did you feel, then? Catch that excited feeling again, with your children. You mentioned nobody close to support, but how about a phone call to someone you know that you can connect with? I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work. That’s very painful. Don’t let it be YOUR ending, either…..too many people out here, love ya! 💐✌️🙏🥴
I Will remember when they were born. I miss my family desperately. It’s different now and at some point I’m going to have to be ok with that or I will die.
Breath. Reflect upon the FACT that all the problems driving you to suicide aren't as big and overwhelming as you think they are. They are indeed much smaller than you think. Human brains always exaggerate problems. It is not real. The scope of the problems you face are just an exaggerated illusion. The scope is much smaller. You are in a much better position to deal with them than you think.
Reflect upon that FACT, and you'll slowly begin to feel better.
Just know that if you trust in yourself to overcome. You’ll get past this.. I’m sure you’ve have had other terrible situation in your past and somehow you overcame! Use the same tools you used before!!!! HEAD UP DUDE!!!
Take yourself on a much-needed vacation, maybe to the beach or something small like going to a bookstore or a nice restaurant. Sometimes getting out is better for you, than sitting in an environment that only reminds you of the pain and stress in your life. I'm speaking from experience as I too struggle with depressive disorder and severe PTSD. At times when it feels hopeless, remember you are born to make yourself happy. Once you give yourself a little self the rest will follow. But for now, take baby steps. Ask yourself questions, like “What can I do right now?”, “what can I do for myself?”. It is okay to not be in control all the time, unfortunately, life is a bit hard at times but you have the power to control your mindset.
Not sure I agree with being able to control my mindset. I would if I could kind of thing. How any of us just sit through the drudgery and sadness of life is really just astounding.
It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
All of these things have the potential to improve and killing yourself just garuntees you never get to enjoy them.
I know anything I suggest right now will feel like you cant do it for some reason or other. But just try to do something with others even if not your favourite people. ❤❤
It should be a last resort if you life's actually fucked up and its not just depression. Like im talking you are very ill something like stage 4 cancer and your life is just suffering with no hope of getting better or you live in a poor country and your staving or your about to be sentenced to jail for life. Until it gets so bad there's no hopes of it getting better keep living until then. Live until its basically impossible for you to do so. If its so bad your quality of life is gurateeded to be terrible for the rest of your life or you are literally dying and suffering well there's nothing else you can do.
Hold in there my man. Sometimes you just have to motor through it. Too much is happening for to take in and deal with at once. Your children are not slipping away. Losing a partner is one of the hardest things we have to go through but it can be got through. How you feel now is not how you will feel for ever, you are a dad to your children and that is what you live for.
Well, I might not be close enough to support you physically but I can support you from a distance. I’m here to help you through it. Talk to you and listen when you need it. I’m not much of a comedian but you might get a few giggles in as well. I’ve been there. When years pass and the situation isn’t fresh, you’ll realize why it had to happen. You’ll be happy, you’ll have peace, you’ll feel free. Then you’ll find someone new that won’t give up on you and you’ll be head over heels. You’ll thank your “ex wife” for leaving cause none of it would have happened if she didn’t release you. Hang in there pal. Everyone that responded despite their own personal issues, tells you that good, genuine, and sincere people are out there. If you aren’t here, how will you meet them. Love you 😘
You’re feeling suicidal because you have tied your identity to being a husband and a father. Because of the divorce, you feel like you’re losing your identity and you have no purpose on this earth.
Give yourself couple of months, find an activity to do.. Dig deeper, what excites you?
Now, you might say I don’t have any excitement in doing anything which is the core symptom of depression. But, there will be one activity that gives you joy.. ask yourself! When you find an answer start doing it everyday!
Easier said than done! I was in severe depression, found joy in wood working, bought couple of tools from marketplace and started doing it. I feel better and better and better everyday.. Can’t wait to get off work and continue my “cutting board project”
My brother, the same thing happened to me almost exactly a year ago. My wife dropped the bomb unexpectedly that she was leaving, took the children and started trying to control when I saw them. I had moved away from family and friends for her and was completely isolated and I attempted suicide one night while incredibly drunk.
I want to tell you that 12 months later I am not healed, not fully, and life is still difficult, but I am so glad I didn't die that night. I am now spending much more time with my kids, my youngest daughter has such joy on her face when she sees me after several days with her mum, my son and I are closer than ever and I am slowly building my life back up. I'm saying all this because a year ago, I was in the same place as you and convinced that I would hang myself from the staircase. Everything was bleak. I hated myself and my life. I know what you are feeling. You may not think it now but one day you will start to feel better. Begin by visiting your doctor and describing how you feel. If you need medication, you need medication. If you need time off work, you need it. Do whatever you need to get through. Because one day soon, maybe months, you will begin to feel better and actually want to get out of bed.
Please reach out to a therapist. I can't tell you how much I was in this same place a year ago. Now IDC if I get a divorce, I'm much happier with who I am and working on me. Now we are starting couples therapy and the kids in therapy too but it really made all the difference finding someone to talk to. I have no real friends I can trust or family so it was essential to keep me alive. I tried medication for a bit and it helped while I was working on things but ultimately I didn't want to take it anymore.
I would say it if they aren't willing to go to therapy that might be a good reason things have/are ending. We need someone who is going to try as hard as we are. If they aren't willing to put in the work then maybe it's not the right time for them. It's definitely something to bring up in therapy. My whole family is in therapy right now. We all do individual, then we have couples, now we have family therapy 😂 generational trauma and CPTSD is a bitch...
Well yes, if I understand my wife, my mental health had become such a burden for her that it was traumatic. I feel awful that I caused this and so sorry for her pain. She has her own issues too . I so wish we could go to counseling together again. We did before a few times. Most recently things felt like they were getting a bit better. Yet she now wants a divorce. She will not communicate with me either. It’s just awful. My mental health issues come from growing up with a narcissist mom, so yeah, CPTSD just wreaks havoc everywhere.
I've also caused my husband more trauma. He also has issues from being over controlled that has caused my ADHD side more trauma.
Also a narcissist mother. I didn't even realize she was a narcissist until about 2 years ago and I'm 36!
At least we are dealing with it. It will get better. Keep up the hard work. You can't change anything quickly or anyone.
Sometimes we don't know everything we are signing up for when we get married. It's not our fault. Take it one day at a time. (This advice is for me too)
You are not what other people do to you. Do things you enjoy. Do not give up living because one thing in your life did not work out. Do not think of it or yourself as a failure. Look at the marriage as a learning experience. These are the best bits of advice that I received during my rough time. All the best! You are worth it!
That’s a good point. Thing is, marriage just seems like it was my whole life. I don’t want to build a new one. I hardly have it in me to get out of bed. But I do. So we’ll see.
I feel similarly about building a new life or getting back to the my old one. I feel ruined as far as loving someone new and trusting. Getting out of bed is something I have to force but if I get enough sleep I'm always glad once I'm up and doing things
Yeah, once I get out of the bed I’m good, thank God. Now, getting out of bed and exercising is another story. Ironically, I did it twice this week.
And for an update to this thread, I entered a day treatment program and my psych upped my meds, so I am doing better. Thank you for all of your support friends!
Seek a group or church man. Also, don't sink into depression or drinking it will only make things worse. My best advice is to get you a lawyer a good one, and once in court, don't look at her as someone you love. Don't be the nice guy because everything is in her favor in court, and she doesn't care if she takes it all. Trust me. Keep yourself together best you can, man. Try to hit the gym also and look into a more healthy diet it will help your mind and body. The sooner you try to recover, the sooner it will happen, and you can move on with a new woman. But till them just focus on what can help build up your mental health and body. Make this sesson a time of self-improvement. Hang in there man. My dad went through this like 8 years ago and he remarried like 2 years ago and my mom highly regrets getting the divorce. My mom got around this one divorced women as a friend and it's like she filled her head with the idea that a divorce was the best thing ever and for whatever reason my mom bought into it. Left him and is now miserable.
Thank you. I wonder if my wife also has gotten some ‘bad’ advice or suddenly met some someone else. Maybe she will regret it some day. All I know is that I’m an just continually devastated and don’t seem to be getting better.
Please don't. You don't suffer the consequences the living will. Don't because you're kids will get messed up from you doing that. My mom killed herself when I was 26, I'm now 70 and have been to therapists, and taken meds, addicted to all kinds of drugs and still live with it, so please reconsider!
Thank you for sharing. I know. Trying to hold it together for them. I don’t want to ruin their lives. Yet living my life for them sometimes seems impossible. It just adds to the misery. I’m holding on today. Holding on.
Honestly I think I know. Ive been thinking of you I hope you do a bit better today.
Somehow in life we die many times before the actual death. When times are so difficult that we question if to end it all would be a safe option, there isn’t much that could help us at the moment, except another human.
You do great that you share it with others, it’s mature. I hope the best for you. Im very sorry you go through such unbelievable hell in life.
Agony of the present moment makes us forget that we have some little part inside of us that always stays positive for the future. It’s hard to don’t give up when everything inside you screams to give up. We can listen to that but don’t act on that.
I can’t even imagine how you feel and what you go through. I can just say when im in my personal hell what helps me is connecting with others, and spending time with my pets, what helps to change perspective and ease the emotions at least. Therapy, psychologist I use too when Im on the edge. Even taking to a stranger on the internet
My friend, thank you for the note and support. There does seem to be a small part of me that somehow gets me out of bed in the morning no matter what I have to do. It all seems like a complete mess right now and I’ve been ‘trying to get it together’ for years. But here I am.
I agree, being with others does help. I have such a hard time worrying about my children and work. I hope I can just chill out a bit on that stuff soon. Grief from the divorce is just awful. I’m hanging in there today so far. Thank you.
Hey. What’s been helping me is my cat. I wanna stick around for the rest of his life at least. I can’t guarantee everything will be ok, but it helps holding onto the little things
Yeah, unfortunately. I probably could have gone up in dose and it might’ve kept working. Now I just take an maoi called The Parnate. It keeps me functional, but huge life stressors are no match for an antidepressant.
One minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. I keep my depression tolerable by exercising, getting those endorphins. Walk, run, go to a gym, take yoga. I still teach yoga classes at 70, it has saved my life, literally. Breathing, being still and quiet at times, even if it's just while you are on the mat, will help tremendously, I promise!!!
Please reconsider. Don't do it. Life has its lows but it also has beauty and can give so much joy. Hold on for the joy. Be courageous. Try to find one thing to be happy about...then another. It comes incrementally but if you focus on what's good. Even if you see something good for another person, you'll see the good come to you
Relationships don't always last. I'm sorry because it always hurts. But endings can be beginnings. For your children, I doubt you are losing them. They can idealize their friendships for a while as they try to find their place in the world, but they will always need their dad. You have a lot to teach and be there for. Even when you're low, you can teach them what standing up again looks like. I lost my dad to suicide when I was 15. It is almost exactly 19 years since and miss him and wish he could be around. Brighter days are ahead. Keep fighting for yourself and join your kids in seeing those days. You're worth it.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you giving me your perspective.
I was close to it one time, and the only reason I am here now is because of achievements on Xbox. It gave me something to look forward to and got me through the darkest times of my life. All I can do is suggest finding your something to look forward to no matter how small it is.
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I do need something to look forward too. Yet when your depressed, you don’t enjoy anything. I’m hoping to find something. I know the key to mental health is purpose and agency.
Maybe the thing you're looking forward too is finding the next thing to look forward too.
Genius. Thank you. I can find some things. It just seems like the sorrows and worries of life just paralyze me. Luckily I seem to be doing ok today. Finding some sort of purpose and then agency seems to be key.
Listen bro, I attempted suicide a couple of times and ended up in A&E, didn't solve anything. I know the way you feel now, nothing matters at that stage, loved ones, kids, mates, nothing matters. However it did make me go back to my Doctor and he changed my meds, I also went to therapy and the psychiatrist put me on an antipsychotic and also went through different things I could do. Now 2 years later I've reached the light at the end of the tunnel, believe me it is there but you also have to help yourself as well as allowing other people to help. Keep going, don't give up.
This! 👆 Yes! Keep going, even if your only support is on Reddit, keep going. You are not alone. All that keeps me going is my pets. Focus on whatever gives you that glimmer of hope. It may take time, but there is light at the end of this tunnel 😎👊💗 you got this! 💯
The scary part is that I have been in therapy and on meds for years and I’ve been functioning. Yet this divorce has resulted in so much transition and loss. It is just too much sometimes and it seems there is no way out. I’m so glad to hear that you are doing well. May we all get there and have some peace in the midst of this chaos.
My wife passed almost ten months ago…. If not for my school aged children I would have joined her by now. She was always to good for me…. I guess god finally realized it too. Talk to a therapist… don’t drink too much. Try to stay as positive as you can. I know this is an impossible situation but if you practice being miserable, you’ll get real good at it.
Oh I’m so, so sorry. It is an impossible situation. I do need to practice other things besides being miserable.
I do too man it’s easier said than done
Hey man Life is really hard on you right now, but you are not alone. Whenever you need people to give support. Please reach out. If it will help, there are plenty of people in reddit willing to just listen and talk freely of judgement. Please try to make arrangements for therapy/seek professional help. You need a place where you can pour out the turmoil and hurt in a way that could be productive, healing, or revealing. Professional help isn't going to make everything go away, but this is a step in the right direction to help you get through this. Lastly, I'm the child of a father who has been very distant. Our relationship isn't the best, but I would much rather have him alive. When I was a kid, I was unable to see his reasons for doing what he did, and even held resentment for him. Now that I'm healing, I know my father is human just like me, and i am trying my best to mend our relationship. Things might be though as fuck rightnow, but you are your children's father and they will look for you in the future. Keep fighting, man. There is still so much to see.
I know. I have to keep that in the forefront of my mind. No matter how fucked up things get I’m still their dad.
I know how you feel bro. You are not alone and you will survive these mental problems. Its hard to be alone. Even when you got people around you, you may feel alone. I like good company, but seeing healthy people having fun and having a good time is hard for me, because I know, that I cant have the same feelings as they do. Currently I am on vacation with some guys and I thought it would be the best time of my life, but turns out: they dont understand me or cant handle my stupid persona. Its hard to feel bad but you have to say that your fine only to not kill the mood of the group. I dont want to make people feel sad, because I know how painful it is.
Well, that’s the kicker. We don’t want people killing themselves in our society, but if you mention it, you’re a pariah. So you don’t. Then everyone wonders why he/she committed suicide.
Yeah totally - its a weird society.
Don't give up man, you'll get past it and tell people how to go through such difficult times. Keep writing here or to your therapist as long as you need. Pray for you 🙏
Thank you. I’m hanging in today. For whatever reason, writing on Reddit does help.
well done man keep going
Please don’t do this. I swear things can get better
I’m a little better today. Thank you.
You can hold on by understanding that you are holding on and you’re doing just fine at it despite the low asf feels. I don’t know you but I want you to know I’m proud of you. Even coming here and speaking your mind is a positive step. If you ever feel like reaching out to anyone, here, be it me, a friend, family member colleague or complete stranger - do so. People love putting on a front but depression is real and EVERYONE has been through struggles. Just know you ain’t alone in this
Thank you. Yes, I guess reaching out does show that I still have some hope. I so wish we could all work together to change some of the structural things in this society that cause so much depression.
Facts. However we gotta learn to not be so hard on ourselves for the stuff that’s out of our control - that’s the shit that I struggle with.. not that I think I’m superman or anything I’ve just gotta be realistic
Totally. It is so hard to let go. You are right, what little bit in this world can I control? Need to think about that.
The work must be done. Reflect. Give yourself grace. It’s okay to be lonely, it doesn’t mean you’re alone. Society has us brainwashed to believe we won’t be okay alone or lonely. These times are needed. They are healthy. Please relearn to love yourself. Hang a photo of yourself on your mirror as a child and treat yourself like you would at that age. Don’t ever forget you come first. Your children will notice the difference in you once you value yourself.
Valuing myself is exactly what I need to do. Thank you.
You need a hug man. I'm sorry I can't be there physically to hug you but I can give some virtual hugs. Here you go 🫂🫂🤗
🙏
Watching my cousin at her wedding not have her dad there to do her father daughter dance or give her away walking down the aisle was heart breaking. Her dad took his life some years before. Your kids may be slipping away for a moment (friends/ school/ relationships) but they need you as much as you need them. I promise there will be moments that you wouldn’t want to miss. Can you try to do group therapy for divorce or depression? Please get some support even if it’s not family or friends, there is support from others that may have been where you are or are going through something similar. All the best
Thank you. I’m holding on and I’m in therapy.
Please do everything in your power to get yourself help for the sake of your children.
I am. Thank you.
Don't leave your children fatherless. It will get better seek help
Trying hard. I don’t want to do that.
Suicide is never the answer imo, it's not worth it. I know it must be tough in that situation, but you must look towards a brighter day.
Don’t give up brother, it can still get better
I have some hope. Thank you. Better, but different.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I can tell you that your kids will follow whatever example you set. You can show them how to take responsibility for themselves and their happiness. If you aren’t in therapy please do go.
I’m going. At this point I don’t know what example I’m showing for my kids. I’m doing the best I can. I didn’t want this and to have to ‘hold it together’ for them in midst of my world in ruin is almost impossible.
You’re very brave for sharing, and you’re doing your best to be a good parent. Please be as gentle with yourself as you can right now. You deserve compassion and caring.
Thank you. I so appreciate the support I’ve gotten here and in my life. Compassion and caring for self is the hard one.
I'm really sorry. Be patient, work on yourself, start living for yourself too, it might get better... it's now time to meet new people who will bring positivity to your life, to get back to your hobbies or find some new ones, to find yourself again.
Thank you.
Please, please, therapy and meds. You are your childrens’ rock. Don’t let an unfounded thought like you think they are slipping away, let you from doubling down on caring for them. Please make an appt with psychiatry and a therapist, right away. I found that in times of these shitty situations, my therapist was the one who “carried my sorry ass” to see I am worth life. Harken back to the days each of your children were born. How did you feel, then? Catch that excited feeling again, with your children. You mentioned nobody close to support, but how about a phone call to someone you know that you can connect with? I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work. That’s very painful. Don’t let it be YOUR ending, either…..too many people out here, love ya! 💐✌️🙏🥴
I Will remember when they were born. I miss my family desperately. It’s different now and at some point I’m going to have to be ok with that or I will die.
Breath. Reflect upon the FACT that all the problems driving you to suicide aren't as big and overwhelming as you think they are. They are indeed much smaller than you think. Human brains always exaggerate problems. It is not real. The scope of the problems you face are just an exaggerated illusion. The scope is much smaller. You are in a much better position to deal with them than you think. Reflect upon that FACT, and you'll slowly begin to feel better.
I will try that. Thank you.
After the divorce, your life will be better. Don’t be held hostage to anybody.
I hope so. Not being held hostage makes a lot of sense. I’m being held hostage by a lot of things right now.
Just know that if you trust in yourself to overcome. You’ll get past this.. I’m sure you’ve have had other terrible situation in your past and somehow you overcame! Use the same tools you used before!!!! HEAD UP DUDE!!!
I have, they just didn’t last this long. The grief just seems to get worse each day.
Take yourself on a much-needed vacation, maybe to the beach or something small like going to a bookstore or a nice restaurant. Sometimes getting out is better for you, than sitting in an environment that only reminds you of the pain and stress in your life. I'm speaking from experience as I too struggle with depressive disorder and severe PTSD. At times when it feels hopeless, remember you are born to make yourself happy. Once you give yourself a little self the rest will follow. But for now, take baby steps. Ask yourself questions, like “What can I do right now?”, “what can I do for myself?”. It is okay to not be in control all the time, unfortunately, life is a bit hard at times but you have the power to control your mindset.
Not sure I agree with being able to control my mindset. I would if I could kind of thing. How any of us just sit through the drudgery and sadness of life is really just astounding.
It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. All of these things have the potential to improve and killing yourself just garuntees you never get to enjoy them. I know anything I suggest right now will feel like you cant do it for some reason or other. But just try to do something with others even if not your favourite people. ❤❤
It should be a last resort if you life's actually fucked up and its not just depression. Like im talking you are very ill something like stage 4 cancer and your life is just suffering with no hope of getting better or you live in a poor country and your staving or your about to be sentenced to jail for life. Until it gets so bad there's no hopes of it getting better keep living until then. Live until its basically impossible for you to do so. If its so bad your quality of life is gurateeded to be terrible for the rest of your life or you are literally dying and suffering well there's nothing else you can do.
This makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
Go to the hospital.
No. They don’t do shit there. I’d rather be suicidal in my own bed.
I'm scared...
Join the crowd.
Why are you down? You have done your Dharma. Relax. Take a long break and visit a nice place and rediscover yourself
Hold in there my man. Sometimes you just have to motor through it. Too much is happening for to take in and deal with at once. Your children are not slipping away. Losing a partner is one of the hardest things we have to go through but it can be got through. How you feel now is not how you will feel for ever, you are a dad to your children and that is what you live for.
I know. Currently I’m an emotional mess of a dad, but at least I’m engaged.
I am sorry for your situation. I hope things will get better for you.
🙏
Please reach out for 1-1 talk with me
Well, I might not be close enough to support you physically but I can support you from a distance. I’m here to help you through it. Talk to you and listen when you need it. I’m not much of a comedian but you might get a few giggles in as well. I’ve been there. When years pass and the situation isn’t fresh, you’ll realize why it had to happen. You’ll be happy, you’ll have peace, you’ll feel free. Then you’ll find someone new that won’t give up on you and you’ll be head over heels. You’ll thank your “ex wife” for leaving cause none of it would have happened if she didn’t release you. Hang in there pal. Everyone that responded despite their own personal issues, tells you that good, genuine, and sincere people are out there. If you aren’t here, how will you meet them. Love you 😘
Thank you. You are right. I need to believe the posts here. I’m holding on.
You’re feeling suicidal because you have tied your identity to being a husband and a father. Because of the divorce, you feel like you’re losing your identity and you have no purpose on this earth. Give yourself couple of months, find an activity to do.. Dig deeper, what excites you? Now, you might say I don’t have any excitement in doing anything which is the core symptom of depression. But, there will be one activity that gives you joy.. ask yourself! When you find an answer start doing it everyday! Easier said than done! I was in severe depression, found joy in wood working, bought couple of tools from marketplace and started doing it. I feel better and better and better everyday.. Can’t wait to get off work and continue my “cutting board project”
Guitar for me. Just have to pick it up.
My brother, the same thing happened to me almost exactly a year ago. My wife dropped the bomb unexpectedly that she was leaving, took the children and started trying to control when I saw them. I had moved away from family and friends for her and was completely isolated and I attempted suicide one night while incredibly drunk. I want to tell you that 12 months later I am not healed, not fully, and life is still difficult, but I am so glad I didn't die that night. I am now spending much more time with my kids, my youngest daughter has such joy on her face when she sees me after several days with her mum, my son and I are closer than ever and I am slowly building my life back up. I'm saying all this because a year ago, I was in the same place as you and convinced that I would hang myself from the staircase. Everything was bleak. I hated myself and my life. I know what you are feeling. You may not think it now but one day you will start to feel better. Begin by visiting your doctor and describing how you feel. If you need medication, you need medication. If you need time off work, you need it. Do whatever you need to get through. Because one day soon, maybe months, you will begin to feel better and actually want to get out of bed.
Ha, that’s good news. The mornings are the worst. I am on meds and I do see a therapist and they help. Thank you for your support.
Please reach out to a therapist. I can't tell you how much I was in this same place a year ago. Now IDC if I get a divorce, I'm much happier with who I am and working on me. Now we are starting couples therapy and the kids in therapy too but it really made all the difference finding someone to talk to. I have no real friends I can trust or family so it was essential to keep me alive. I tried medication for a bit and it helped while I was working on things but ultimately I didn't want to take it anymore.
Therapy has helped. I’d be long gone had it not been for therapy. Glad you are doing well. I so wish my wife would go to counseling we it’s me.
I would say it if they aren't willing to go to therapy that might be a good reason things have/are ending. We need someone who is going to try as hard as we are. If they aren't willing to put in the work then maybe it's not the right time for them. It's definitely something to bring up in therapy. My whole family is in therapy right now. We all do individual, then we have couples, now we have family therapy 😂 generational trauma and CPTSD is a bitch...
Well yes, if I understand my wife, my mental health had become such a burden for her that it was traumatic. I feel awful that I caused this and so sorry for her pain. She has her own issues too . I so wish we could go to counseling together again. We did before a few times. Most recently things felt like they were getting a bit better. Yet she now wants a divorce. She will not communicate with me either. It’s just awful. My mental health issues come from growing up with a narcissist mom, so yeah, CPTSD just wreaks havoc everywhere.
I've also caused my husband more trauma. He also has issues from being over controlled that has caused my ADHD side more trauma. Also a narcissist mother. I didn't even realize she was a narcissist until about 2 years ago and I'm 36! At least we are dealing with it. It will get better. Keep up the hard work. You can't change anything quickly or anyone. Sometimes we don't know everything we are signing up for when we get married. It's not our fault. Take it one day at a time. (This advice is for me too)
I hear you. Unfortunately my wife is pretty adamant about divorcing. So I can add that to my trauma. Just a nightmare.
You are not what other people do to you. Do things you enjoy. Do not give up living because one thing in your life did not work out. Do not think of it or yourself as a failure. Look at the marriage as a learning experience. These are the best bits of advice that I received during my rough time. All the best! You are worth it!
That’s a good point. Thing is, marriage just seems like it was my whole life. I don’t want to build a new one. I hardly have it in me to get out of bed. But I do. So we’ll see.
I feel similarly about building a new life or getting back to the my old one. I feel ruined as far as loving someone new and trusting. Getting out of bed is something I have to force but if I get enough sleep I'm always glad once I'm up and doing things
Yeah, once I get out of the bed I’m good, thank God. Now, getting out of bed and exercising is another story. Ironically, I did it twice this week. And for an update to this thread, I entered a day treatment program and my psych upped my meds, so I am doing better. Thank you for all of your support friends!
Seek a group or church man. Also, don't sink into depression or drinking it will only make things worse. My best advice is to get you a lawyer a good one, and once in court, don't look at her as someone you love. Don't be the nice guy because everything is in her favor in court, and she doesn't care if she takes it all. Trust me. Keep yourself together best you can, man. Try to hit the gym also and look into a more healthy diet it will help your mind and body. The sooner you try to recover, the sooner it will happen, and you can move on with a new woman. But till them just focus on what can help build up your mental health and body. Make this sesson a time of self-improvement. Hang in there man. My dad went through this like 8 years ago and he remarried like 2 years ago and my mom highly regrets getting the divorce. My mom got around this one divorced women as a friend and it's like she filled her head with the idea that a divorce was the best thing ever and for whatever reason my mom bought into it. Left him and is now miserable.
Thank you. I wonder if my wife also has gotten some ‘bad’ advice or suddenly met some someone else. Maybe she will regret it some day. All I know is that I’m an just continually devastated and don’t seem to be getting better.
Please don't. You don't suffer the consequences the living will. Don't because you're kids will get messed up from you doing that. My mom killed herself when I was 26, I'm now 70 and have been to therapists, and taken meds, addicted to all kinds of drugs and still live with it, so please reconsider!
Thank you for sharing. I know. Trying to hold it together for them. I don’t want to ruin their lives. Yet living my life for them sometimes seems impossible. It just adds to the misery. I’m holding on today. Holding on.
Anytime you need a push, write me.
Thank you. I very much appreciate your support and perspective.
How are you doing? Feeling any better?
Im very sorry😔 I can’t even imagine how hard it must be
Thank you. Your support helps more than you know.
Honestly I think I know. Ive been thinking of you I hope you do a bit better today. Somehow in life we die many times before the actual death. When times are so difficult that we question if to end it all would be a safe option, there isn’t much that could help us at the moment, except another human. You do great that you share it with others, it’s mature. I hope the best for you. Im very sorry you go through such unbelievable hell in life. Agony of the present moment makes us forget that we have some little part inside of us that always stays positive for the future. It’s hard to don’t give up when everything inside you screams to give up. We can listen to that but don’t act on that. I can’t even imagine how you feel and what you go through. I can just say when im in my personal hell what helps me is connecting with others, and spending time with my pets, what helps to change perspective and ease the emotions at least. Therapy, psychologist I use too when Im on the edge. Even taking to a stranger on the internet
My friend, thank you for the note and support. There does seem to be a small part of me that somehow gets me out of bed in the morning no matter what I have to do. It all seems like a complete mess right now and I’ve been ‘trying to get it together’ for years. But here I am. I agree, being with others does help. I have such a hard time worrying about my children and work. I hope I can just chill out a bit on that stuff soon. Grief from the divorce is just awful. I’m hanging in there today so far. Thank you.
How old are your kids?
19 and 16. I know I can’t leave them. I’m holding for them.
Damn that’s tough
Hey. What’s been helping me is my cat. I wanna stick around for the rest of his life at least. I can’t guarantee everything will be ok, but it helps holding onto the little things
You’re right. I miss my cat. I had to move out because of the divorce and my cat had to stay. I miss her so much.
Aw. I’m so sorry to hear. Are you able to get custody over her? :(
Not at this point because of my living situation. I hope to next year.
Mens are brave 🗿 ( Still waiting for a painful death )
Get on some meds
That’s the problem. I am. I’ve been on so many. Feeling better today.
Good to hear . I’m on lots too. Lamictal is working well for me.
Good to hear. It worked well for me for a while.
It stopped helping after awhile?
Yeah, unfortunately. I probably could have gone up in dose and it might’ve kept working. Now I just take an maoi called The Parnate. It keeps me functional, but huge life stressors are no match for an antidepressant.
Yes I hear you there
One minute, one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. I keep my depression tolerable by exercising, getting those endorphins. Walk, run, go to a gym, take yoga. I still teach yoga classes at 70, it has saved my life, literally. Breathing, being still and quiet at times, even if it's just while you are on the mat, will help tremendously, I promise!!!
Ok. Thank you.
Please look at your ex wife as the enemy be ready for war man up and fight for your kids. Do something about it. She doesn't care about you anymore.
Yeah, unfortunately she doesn’t. It really sucks.
I'm also close to suicide:)
Please reconsider. Don't do it. Life has its lows but it also has beauty and can give so much joy. Hold on for the joy. Be courageous. Try to find one thing to be happy about...then another. It comes incrementally but if you focus on what's good. Even if you see something good for another person, you'll see the good come to you
Have you tried to go to the gym that helped me a lot?
Thanks for the advice. I was walking. Need to get back to that.
Make sure the music you listen to is very up lifting
Thanks. That’s definitely another thing I need to do more of.
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