Fellow autistic here, just want to tell you not to get too down.
Not going to lie, having autism sucks, a lot of people take pride in the lable and if you want to too then all the power to you. But you don't have to. If you want man, nothing has to change, they didn't tattoo the word on your forehead, they didn't send a flyer out to everyone in the world, it's a label, but you can ignore it if you want.
Most importantly your still you, and if you like you, then this changes literally nothing. But if you've been having some issues, feeling weird or confused and never really had something to reference or cling to to help, well now you do. There are so many great autism help resources to help you develop healthy habits and routines, it's so easy to just give up on yourself but you don't have to.
The big thing is just take it one step at a time, work on one issue, and don't be discouraged if it doesn't work immediately. Also don't worry if certain strategies don't work for you, autism is a really broad umbrella and not everything works for everyone. Just find something to work on, find a strategy you like and stick to it, if you don't like it or it doesn't work then try a different one, everything is a process, not an on off switch.
Remember bud:
You are not broken
You are not deficient
You are not hopeless
You deserve to love and be loved
You are allowed to love yourself
You are allowed to be happy with who you are
You are capable of doing anything you want
You can improve, learn and change if you want to
Pasta looks good BTW, I'm more of a pesto man but I also love a good Alfredo.
Also, I've seen a lot of people be relieved to get a diagnosis, not because they can finally label themselves as such, but because they finally understand why they are the way they are, and it can help them navigate life better with that knowledge. Hopefully, with a bit of time, the same can apply to OP
Now this is a mad proper response, written with class and compassion. This is the wholesome side of the Internet I wish was more normalized. You a real one ā¤ļø
Hey Iām autistic too, welcome to the family :))
I know the overstimulation and social stigma around it sucks, but there are also some really good things about it too. In my experience, my brain is really cool with its ability to retain info, especially about my special interests. It may be completely different for you, and thatās ok! You might not see any positives now, or even be able to be neutral about it, but Iām sure itāll come with time
That's the thing about infantilization. It has inherent plausible deniability. What about the person's comment indicates they're a "sweetheart omgšš" and not just a good person?
It sounds like a parent praising their child. *Oh, arent you just the sweetest thing!*
People are able to say sweetheart to anyone I think, the point is the commenter was really nice so, theyāre a sweetheart.
I get the problem with infantilism as Iām also autistic but I honestly feel like what was said was in good faith, in my opinion. Your concerns are still valid though
āSweetheartā
Break it down
sweet = kind, caring, thoughtful
sweetheart = kind-hearted, caring, thoughtful individual . Or a āgood personā as you prefer to call it
Itās the same thing
You'd hate it here in the south, then lol.
Nearly every older woman (and even some younger women) call customers "sweetheart/honey."
I'd known infantilization was a thing, but I didn't know it had a negative connection to autism. So, thanks for sharing that! Also, I'm not here to argue, necessarily. I personally don't think the commenter had ill will, but I'm only trying to put a different perspective out there.
I never said it had a specific connection to autism. It's a condescending word. And it's a weird response to the comment that was made. Heart face and floating hearts emotes? "Oh my god"? What was so "omg" about their comment? Is there any part of that comment that would elicit that response from someone who wasnt using baby-talk? It's a weird response to what was said no matter how you cut it.
Also autistic and I second this! Itās a lifetime of learning your brain, your strengths, your limits/boundaries, and your superpowers. Welcome to the crew, happy to have you.
Hey I was diagnosed autistic as an adult and I get the feelings you're going through. I mourned a life I could have had if I had been diagnosed sooner and it was really difficult to move on, but doable with the right support.
I love who I am now :)
Autism is what you make of it. Some aspects really suck but thatās mostly because society hasnāt normalized Autistic support needs. If you can do this for yourself itās a lot easier to focus on the cool parts of the neurotype, like the strong sense of justice, special interests, and pattern recognition just to name a few.
One of the huge advantages autistic people have over neurotypical people is that we can use Google and [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_spectrum?wprov=sfti1#Self-injury)
Can't make friends, can't perform well socially and anywhere thats public, can't keep a relationship for more than 3 months, everyone always tells me I'm weird/odd, breakdowns at least twice a week... It doesn't matter how much people say autism isn't a disorder/mental illness but it DOES make life more difficult than it should have been
Plus being diagnosed as an adult instead of a child made me wonder what was different about me my whole life. I could have adapted earlier, prevented so much suffering.
Ever heard of temple grandin? She is a fucking beacon of light that you can look up to.
Turn that liability into an asset and become successful on your own terms.
>I could have adapted earlier, prevented so much suffering.
As someone who had this "luxury", please believe when I say that it probably wouldn't have helped as much as you think. It's really, ***really*** easy to get hung up on the coulda woulda shoulda and start beating yourself up over it.
In fact in the last few months or so, I'm starting to wonder if maybe the facade I built up (over decades) to "look normal" around people without autism is maybe actually not that healthy of an approach for me. When the facade falters they realize there's a problem with us anyways, sometimes completely defeating the purpose of hiding it.
Sorry there isn't better news, the best we can still hope for is more understanding and better mental healthcare for people like us. Support from family/friends is at their discretion and not always as reliable as it could be.
I get anxiety/depression attacks, too. I'm diagnosed with all three. If you ever need some guidance, feel free to reach out.
make friends with other neurodivergent people. they'll be more on the same level as you, understand the way you see the world and have similar traits. there are many subs for autistic people here on reddit. you need to learn how to meet yourself where you're at. this is the beginning of the upswing, my friend, not the end.
I think we should give OP some grace as they process this news. I understand many autistic people object to the pathologising or fatalistic language used towards autism - that's totally valid - but I don't think we should take OP's experiences as anything against anyone else. It honestly sounds like they're just trying to come to terms with their own situation.
OP just found out they have a lifelong disability and have been disabled without support their whole life. It's okay for them to grieve. I had a lot of complicated feelings to work through when I was diagnosed as well.
As much as people like to deny it, autism is a disability. All of the sensory overload, social difficulties, emotional dysregulation, stimming, burnout, and meltdowns makes it impossible to navigate the world the same way neurotypical people do. Many autistic people are never able to live in a way that society considers "normal", I'm one of them, but that doesn't mean you'll never live a happy and fulfilling life.
I was also late diagnosed as an adult. Just like you, I mourned the person I could have been and kept asking myself how different my life would be if I didn't have this disability. I still do sometimes, but getting diagnosed was one of the best things to happen to me.
It's now been 7 years since my diagnosis and I've learnt so much about myself. Life will never be easy but now I know how to work with my autism instead of against it and I've been able to embrace my true authentic self instead of pretending to be something I'm not.
One of the best things I can suggest is to connect with other autistic people. See if there are any groups or charities in your local area that you can join, and there's plenty of online communities that'll be more than happy to have you. That sense of belonging and feeling understood does so much for your mental health.
I know you probably feel lost and hopeless right now but keep holding on. You'll find your place in the world and I know you have a bright future ahead of you. You're going to be okay ā¤ļø
Iāve always felt the same, I have one real friend that I talk to like once every few months, who is also autistic. Always felt different my whole life. But I got married to someone (also autistic lol), who I met online, probably because of struggling with social interactions. Iām sure you will find the people that you feel comfortable being around, there may be less of them but theyāre probably gonna end up being more meaningful relationships in the long run.
Definitely a disorder lol. You should seek radical acceptance therapy or someone thatās versed in ACT. And of course participate in those ASD services like groups to increase social ability :). Youāre artistic harry
Itās not a death sentence.
It makes life harder,yes.
And you might have to constantly adapt.
There are a ton of books on social skills and some on interpersonal communication.
Not sure if youāre only venting or if you want any advice.
I have a bunch of book recommendations if youāre interested.
For interpersonal communication:
Looking Out,Looking In
For communication:
Communicate your feelings by Nic Saluppo
Unspoken social rules & etiquette,uncommon sense,and how to act by Patrick King
This book explains unwritten rules of social relationships
Unwritten rules of social relationships by Temple Grandin and sean Barron
and if you have trouble with boundaries:Set boundaries,find peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Hi! r/evilautism & r/autisminwomen is where we hangout.. itās my truly happy place & it helps me since my late age diagnosis as a 32yo woman. I feel you - hugs - I was furious and depressed for awhile but the acceptance brought me better mental health. Iām only a little over a year since learning.. Iām adapting and relearning, one thing this taught me thought it was a fear to be one.. is the mental health and personal acceptance is better.. my relationships have gotten better since.
It takes time, those noodles look bomb But welcome to the family š
That pasta looks bomb. And hey-a lot of us have challenges passed down genetically- so that means a lot of us are cursed from birth. You arenāt alone ā¤ļø
It's not a curse. It's hard to cope with when you're surrounded by people who aren't equipped to support you and accept you as you are, but that doesn't make it a curse. It's a challenge, and it's who we are. If you need others like you to talk to, you can probably see through all these comments that you're not alone!
Cursed? How? Because you don't naturally pick up on silly social queues?
I'm autistic too and the only bad thing that it led to was an embarrassing superiority complex in High School. You'll be fine.
That looks really freaking good. Would love to try it lmao.
Wishing you all the best after that reveal, I believe in you and belief you shouldnāt give up. Youāve made it this far after all
i hear you OP. that feeling of mourning what you could have been is so real and so brutal. i have autism as well. and honestly while it is gutting to constantly feel like you canāt experience the same world that everybody around you is experiencing (especially socially), the only real way out of drowning in that frustration forever, is learning to practice self advocacy and self acceptance.
for where you are right now, or whenever youāve settled into the whole realization a bit more and are ready to dive deeper into learning how to move forward, i HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend the book āUnmasking Autismā by dr. devon price. seriously, i cannot recommend it enough. reading that book was a massive comfort for me, and helped me understand myself so much deeper- i think you would find there is a lot worth learning about yourself too. suddenly seeing your entire life through a different lens is a LOT to process, but i really hope you find peace along the way OP, also from the replies here hopefully you can feel that youāve got a whole community to lean on that understands :]
I think if you're able to use a stove and not disabled you're pretty much like the rest of us. All have mental health issues and who knows what else undiagnosed. But it's nice you have an answer why things might seem weird sometimes
Take it slowly and have a look at the concept of Neurodiversity. Our brains all function differently!
Labels like ADHD and Autism help us to understand ourselves better an this way we are able to look for things that might help us or ask for help.
absolutely not!!! autism can be difficult in a world that's not made to accommodate us, and it can easily be frustrating, but it's nothing to be ashamed of at all. i think OP is working through some difficult feelings which is super understandable, but neither you or OP should feel bad for being autistic because autistic people are just different, not bad or wrong ā„ļø
Not a curse at all. I've suspected I'm a little on the spectrum myself. My two favorite people in the world are as well. There may be more hurdles, but the journey is no less worth taking
Iām autistic and it doesnāt have to be a curse. Some people have ocd, or adhd, or trauma, and itās simply a fact of your life that you need to find ways to work around. It really is just finding ways to cope, tools to add to your toolbox that you can use to help yourself. Anything that happens due to you being autistic, anxiety or meltdowns or overstimulation or anything, you need to find ways to deal with that in your own healthy way. Therapy really helped me learn what to do and why things I did certain things. It took a lot of work on my own part, sustained effort and attention throughout every day. But it got easier and easier and I can do things that felt impossible in the past. It is within your power to overcome some of the difficulties you face, and work around them in the ways you need. You just need to try and to reach out and get whatever help you can with it.
not autistic, but recently diagnosed with adhd and there is some overlap with adhd and the autism spectrum. i answered yes to every question on the screening. the important thing is now you know why you do some of the things you do, or think a certain way, etc. getting diagnosed doesn't mean you're cursed or that there's anything wrong with you; it just means your brain works differently from other ppls. learning to recognize behaviors you'd like to change becomes so much easier once you know what to look for.
also that pasta looks fire, idk if you have sensory issues but i tend to, and pasta is always a go to
I love that these very plain noodles are like, one of those autistic traits that you can't fully call autistic because you know... it's just plain noodles anyone could eat them. But eating large amounts of them consistently for a long period of time in your life can often be a sign of sensory issues and it's a commonly loved food in the community.
Just like tomatoes are commonly disliked for the same sensory reasons
I was seen by a neurologist, not even 10 minutes in and he said with conviction that I have autism, then I followed up with my psychologist and psychiatrist and they confirmed as well
Personally when someone doesn't like me, I just say they can't handle my amount of awesome. Their loss. As a 42 year old who has lived with chronic health issues since birth, I use those things as my super power.
Iāve now had 2 therapists suggest that my social anxiety is actually due to autism. I also have an official diagnosis of bipolar and borderline. I canāt see any advantage to formal testing at my age. Maybe getting a little comfort in knowing thereās an organic reason behind my lifetime of uncomfortable differences. If you could go back, would you still pursue testing now that you have a formal diagnosis? Or do you feel it has hurt you to know?
Hey there. I remember being in your shoes, I'm autistic too. I know how hard it is when you're first diagnosed. Try and take it easy on yourself and enjoy your little comforts if/when you can ā¤ļø
*Im autistic too*
*And I just got a date for*
*My first year of prom!*
\- dogravee
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Hi buddy!! Nah fuck that, youāre killing it!!! Look at you cooking scrumptious meals and shit. Fellow spectrum bud, ADHDer here. We might be the thing, but the thing is not us. Kay? Use the diagnosis like a life tool, not a death sentence. And go easy on yourself.š¤š
Hey hey, not so fast. My family medicine Dr is autistic and heās the coolest guy I know.
You still have a world of possibilities ahead of you, and some great opportunities ahead!
I got a touch of the tism too. It be like that sometimes. But hey, it can be kind of cool to know how your brain works. AND it makes it so much easier to figure out how to make your brain work for you. Youāll find ways to gradually build your life the way you need it to be to not feel as cursed. The world is made for neurotypical people and it kinda sucks and is confusing to be neurodivergent sometimes - but I love my special interests, and the way I form connections, and the way I interact with myself. I have come to enjoy some parts of being autistic, and even appreciate it as it relates to the work I do. Itās part of me and the shitty parts suck, and itās okay to think they suck. But thereās a whole lot outside of that too that is now there for you to explore. Sending hugs. š¤
l'm in the same boat, my cousin surprised me with going to see KISS in Vancouver, sound-check pass, really close floor tix. lt was very uncomfortable for me. l wish l were sitting for that show VS the close floor tixs. l couldn't 'toke' until after the show either. No smoking in Rodgers Place, but pyro galore is.
Hi. I was diagnosed at 52. The downside of that is that I spent my whole life wondering why the world didn't seem to work properly for me.
The upside is, I've been able to forgive myself for a lot of stuff and have a much better understanding of my needs and abilities.
I hope you find your way to being at peace with this.
I learned to embrace my autism. Itās a hard thing to do after a diagnosis, but youāll be able to. Iām on the spectrum as well, with adhd and I know my strenghts. I learn with images and art is where I sthrive. I speak and write in 2 languages fluently. It is by far not a curse. It is something to work with.
I have four very close friends who are autistic (and several more not as close friends) and I just want to add that being told by each of them about the diagnosis only made me work harder to be understanding of them and their experiences. Yes we experience some things differently; but being able to talk about things and understand what theyāre feeling and why has helped each of these relationships blossom. There are people out there who will love you and be your friend. Last year my friend and I were at the beach and I was making dinner. They donāt like onions or peppers - knowing this I made sure that I used a different knife for their veggies than the onion and pepper knife. They had come into the kitchen while I was cutting the other veggies and asked about what knife I used, when I told them I figured they wouldnāt like the same one and used a different one, they told me I was āa true neurodivergent allyā. Still one of my best compliments. Long story long, I promise youāll find people, itās helpful to know.
Someone who is extremely dear to me is autistic and I never see them any less. In fact, it just makes me think theyāre very special. I love them so much and Iāve never met anyone like them. Autism shouldnāt define your worth, you are capable of doing great things! I also never once think about their autism, I just see them as a regular person.
Autism changes nothing. Be the person you want to be. My girlfriend is autistic, and she is the brightest, most caring and wonderful girl I have ever met. I feel so lucky to even know her, let alone be in a relationship with her. Some of the most wonderful and memorable people on this planet are autistic, and it is definitely not something to be ashamed of. Keep doing you!!
Been watching Love on the Spectrum (Netflix dating reality show) lately and have been wondering if I should get tested myself. Simply because I found myself actually learning stuff from the dating coaches, and things about basic communication. Idunno though, something tells me Iām not autistic, but just socially inept by choice. And even if I were autistic, would probably hurt more than help me if I knew for sure.
Oh, same
What do you mean it was over before it even began.. my dude(tte) it has literally just began for you.
Get to know yourself, do what comes instinctively regardless of how 'silly' or 'odd' or how far from 'normal' it might seem.
You now have the key to why your life has felt difficult up to this point.
And with this key you can allow yourself concessions that you wouldn't up for now.
Here's an example I want you to say with me:
'i don't want to go out with my friends, not because I'm a bad friend but because I'm autistic and in need of some downtime'
You are never gonna fit in a box so get that one out of the way, besides a box sounds pretty cramped, don't you think?
Listen to yourself and hear it, you've got this
Welcome to the club
My GF is autistic, and I love her to pieces we've been together for more than a year.
When she was diagnosed, it was hard, but it also helped her understand herself, and that helped me to support her better.
Everything will be okay <3
My husband is autistic and more successful than most people his age!! Youāre not cursed, youāre not broken, youāre simply different and thatās ok!
I have a physical progressive disorder and probably some undiagnosed shit im just to afraid to look into.
Health issues sucks. Being lonely fucking sucks. I hope the pasta was good though.
TIL having autism is some kind of curse
Guess Iām fucking cursed, it was over before it began and I should just end myself
Iām glad OP shared this informationā here I was just trying to live my life
Hey friend. Iām also autistic (and have adhd/BPD)
It does suck BUT thereās a lot of us in here going through similar things. In my case, my obsession with a particular field in physics actually has opened a lot of doors despite the fall downs in my life. Now I have the money to indulge in my special interests/hobbies and honestly itās YHE BEST.
Hang in there, a lot of us are hanging there too
It's blown out of proportion. The downvotes are probley cause people investigating if they have autism/adhd are catching flak from people saying stuff like this.
My biggest fear is being diagnosed with autism. I fear I wouldnāt be able to go on in life if I got that diagnosis. The social stigma is too massive. I am diagnosed with adhd and a host of other severe mental health issues.
I donāt think I have autism and Iāve had tons of contact with health professionals. The symptoms donāt really seem to match me but I do have pretty severe adhd.
Iām 29 and about six months ago my mom revealed that she thinks I have autism and thatās why sheās treated me so badly and like a freak my whole life.
Fellow autistic here, just want to tell you not to get too down. Not going to lie, having autism sucks, a lot of people take pride in the lable and if you want to too then all the power to you. But you don't have to. If you want man, nothing has to change, they didn't tattoo the word on your forehead, they didn't send a flyer out to everyone in the world, it's a label, but you can ignore it if you want. Most importantly your still you, and if you like you, then this changes literally nothing. But if you've been having some issues, feeling weird or confused and never really had something to reference or cling to to help, well now you do. There are so many great autism help resources to help you develop healthy habits and routines, it's so easy to just give up on yourself but you don't have to. The big thing is just take it one step at a time, work on one issue, and don't be discouraged if it doesn't work immediately. Also don't worry if certain strategies don't work for you, autism is a really broad umbrella and not everything works for everyone. Just find something to work on, find a strategy you like and stick to it, if you don't like it or it doesn't work then try a different one, everything is a process, not an on off switch. Remember bud: You are not broken You are not deficient You are not hopeless You deserve to love and be loved You are allowed to love yourself You are allowed to be happy with who you are You are capable of doing anything you want You can improve, learn and change if you want to Pasta looks good BTW, I'm more of a pesto man but I also love a good Alfredo.
This was such a kind and compassionate comment. Thank you for this š
You seem like a lovely person š
Lol thank you, appreciate it.
This made me tear up š„². Iām not autistic myself but still soo relatable in other ways. Everyone should read this.
Also, I've seen a lot of people be relieved to get a diagnosis, not because they can finally label themselves as such, but because they finally understand why they are the way they are, and it can help them navigate life better with that knowledge. Hopefully, with a bit of time, the same can apply to OP
Aw what a lovely comment š āŗļø ā¤ļø š«
I love you kind person ā¤ļø
You are a beautiful person. This is one of the best responses I've ever seen. Keep being you. The world is a much better place having you in it. š¤
You're amazing
Now this is a mad proper response, written with class and compassion. This is the wholesome side of the Internet I wish was more normalized. You a real one ā¤ļø
Hey Iām autistic too, welcome to the family :)) I know the overstimulation and social stigma around it sucks, but there are also some really good things about it too. In my experience, my brain is really cool with its ability to retain info, especially about my special interests. It may be completely different for you, and thatās ok! You might not see any positives now, or even be able to be neutral about it, but Iām sure itāll come with time
Ur a sweetheart omgš„¹š
To me this sounds infantilizing af. Don't infantilize autistics.
God forbid some people attempt to express a little kindness.
That's the thing about infantilization. It has inherent plausible deniability. What about the person's comment indicates they're a "sweetheart omgšš" and not just a good person? It sounds like a parent praising their child. *Oh, arent you just the sweetest thing!*
People are able to say sweetheart to anyone I think, the point is the commenter was really nice so, theyāre a sweetheart. I get the problem with infantilism as Iām also autistic but I honestly feel like what was said was in good faith, in my opinion. Your concerns are still valid though
Thank you for the polite response. I was fully expecting to be insulted (people do that a lot on the internet). Agree to disagree then š
āSweetheartā Break it down sweet = kind, caring, thoughtful sweetheart = kind-hearted, caring, thoughtful individual . Or a āgood personā as you prefer to call it Itās the same thing
Believe it or not two words put together can have a different meaning than the sum of its parts. Otherwise we'd have never combined them into 1 word.
believe it or not people use the word sweetheart as a general endearing term and its not reserved for your own children
You'd hate it here in the south, then lol. Nearly every older woman (and even some younger women) call customers "sweetheart/honey." I'd known infantilization was a thing, but I didn't know it had a negative connection to autism. So, thanks for sharing that! Also, I'm not here to argue, necessarily. I personally don't think the commenter had ill will, but I'm only trying to put a different perspective out there.
I never said it had a specific connection to autism. It's a condescending word. And it's a weird response to the comment that was made. Heart face and floating hearts emotes? "Oh my god"? What was so "omg" about their comment? Is there any part of that comment that would elicit that response from someone who wasnt using baby-talk? It's a weird response to what was said no matter how you cut it.
Also autistic and I second this! Itās a lifetime of learning your brain, your strengths, your limits/boundaries, and your superpowers. Welcome to the crew, happy to have you.
Autism isnāt an end.
Hey I was diagnosed autistic as an adult and I get the feelings you're going through. I mourned a life I could have had if I had been diagnosed sooner and it was really difficult to move on, but doable with the right support. I love who I am now :)
Took the words right out of my mouthš I've honestly never been as happy and comfortable with myself in my life. I love meš
r/evilautism is my favorite, relatable subreddit.
š
It is not a curse. Not at all.
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Autism is what you make of it. Some aspects really suck but thatās mostly because society hasnāt normalized Autistic support needs. If you can do this for yourself itās a lot easier to focus on the cool parts of the neurotype, like the strong sense of justice, special interests, and pattern recognition just to name a few.
Your comment has been removed by a mod.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What exactly is autism? What is it exactly? What causes it?
One of the huge advantages autistic people have over neurotypical people is that we can use Google and [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism_spectrum?wprov=sfti1#Self-injury)
LMFAO
I know itās a neurodivergent disorder. I wondered what causes it and it looks like genetics
What's wrong with being autistic?
Can't make friends, can't perform well socially and anywhere thats public, can't keep a relationship for more than 3 months, everyone always tells me I'm weird/odd, breakdowns at least twice a week... It doesn't matter how much people say autism isn't a disorder/mental illness but it DOES make life more difficult than it should have been Plus being diagnosed as an adult instead of a child made me wonder what was different about me my whole life. I could have adapted earlier, prevented so much suffering.
Ever heard of temple grandin? She is a fucking beacon of light that you can look up to. Turn that liability into an asset and become successful on your own terms.
I watch her TED talk a few times a year, I love how she speaks, her confidence, her entire personality!
Finding other divergent people or autistic people can really help you understand other people
I understand where you're coming from, but no one is cursed. Still a human being who has to navigate the world. It takes work no matter what.
>I could have adapted earlier, prevented so much suffering. As someone who had this "luxury", please believe when I say that it probably wouldn't have helped as much as you think. It's really, ***really*** easy to get hung up on the coulda woulda shoulda and start beating yourself up over it. In fact in the last few months or so, I'm starting to wonder if maybe the facade I built up (over decades) to "look normal" around people without autism is maybe actually not that healthy of an approach for me. When the facade falters they realize there's a problem with us anyways, sometimes completely defeating the purpose of hiding it. Sorry there isn't better news, the best we can still hope for is more understanding and better mental healthcare for people like us. Support from family/friends is at their discretion and not always as reliable as it could be. I get anxiety/depression attacks, too. I'm diagnosed with all three. If you ever need some guidance, feel free to reach out.
Masking sucks! Unmasking is an exhausting process too. I hope you can come to a more comfortable place with it.
I relate so much to this. š¤
It's a very lonely existance
make friends with other neurodivergent people. they'll be more on the same level as you, understand the way you see the world and have similar traits. there are many subs for autistic people here on reddit. you need to learn how to meet yourself where you're at. this is the beginning of the upswing, my friend, not the end.
Sending you virtual hugs :( ā„ļø
I'm familiar with all of this, but it shouldn't be looked at in such a negative way is all I'm pointing out
I think we should give OP some grace as they process this news. I understand many autistic people object to the pathologising or fatalistic language used towards autism - that's totally valid - but I don't think we should take OP's experiences as anything against anyone else. It honestly sounds like they're just trying to come to terms with their own situation.
OP just found out they have a lifelong disability and have been disabled without support their whole life. It's okay for them to grieve. I had a lot of complicated feelings to work through when I was diagnosed as well.
I got diagnosed back in December, I feel you
TIL I might be on the spectrum. I'm not being funny.
Time to make friends with fellow autistic and/or ADD/ADHD folks!
As much as people like to deny it, autism is a disability. All of the sensory overload, social difficulties, emotional dysregulation, stimming, burnout, and meltdowns makes it impossible to navigate the world the same way neurotypical people do. Many autistic people are never able to live in a way that society considers "normal", I'm one of them, but that doesn't mean you'll never live a happy and fulfilling life. I was also late diagnosed as an adult. Just like you, I mourned the person I could have been and kept asking myself how different my life would be if I didn't have this disability. I still do sometimes, but getting diagnosed was one of the best things to happen to me. It's now been 7 years since my diagnosis and I've learnt so much about myself. Life will never be easy but now I know how to work with my autism instead of against it and I've been able to embrace my true authentic self instead of pretending to be something I'm not. One of the best things I can suggest is to connect with other autistic people. See if there are any groups or charities in your local area that you can join, and there's plenty of online communities that'll be more than happy to have you. That sense of belonging and feeling understood does so much for your mental health. I know you probably feel lost and hopeless right now but keep holding on. You'll find your place in the world and I know you have a bright future ahead of you. You're going to be okay ā¤ļø
Iāve always felt the same, I have one real friend that I talk to like once every few months, who is also autistic. Always felt different my whole life. But I got married to someone (also autistic lol), who I met online, probably because of struggling with social interactions. Iām sure you will find the people that you feel comfortable being around, there may be less of them but theyāre probably gonna end up being more meaningful relationships in the long run.
Definitely a disorder lol. You should seek radical acceptance therapy or someone thatās versed in ACT. And of course participate in those ASD services like groups to increase social ability :). Youāre artistic harry
Im like this too. I must be acoustic
Late autism dx as well. It gets better. You're not alone. I love pasta.
Itās not a death sentence. It makes life harder,yes. And you might have to constantly adapt. There are a ton of books on social skills and some on interpersonal communication. Not sure if youāre only venting or if you want any advice. I have a bunch of book recommendations if youāre interested.
I am interested
For interpersonal communication: Looking Out,Looking In For communication: Communicate your feelings by Nic Saluppo Unspoken social rules & etiquette,uncommon sense,and how to act by Patrick King This book explains unwritten rules of social relationships Unwritten rules of social relationships by Temple Grandin and sean Barron and if you have trouble with boundaries:Set boundaries,find peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Hi! r/evilautism & r/autisminwomen is where we hangout.. itās my truly happy place & it helps me since my late age diagnosis as a 32yo woman. I feel you - hugs - I was furious and depressed for awhile but the acceptance brought me better mental health. Iām only a little over a year since learning.. Iām adapting and relearning, one thing this taught me thought it was a fear to be one.. is the mental health and personal acceptance is better.. my relationships have gotten better since. It takes time, those noodles look bomb But welcome to the family š
That pasta looks bomb. And hey-a lot of us have challenges passed down genetically- so that means a lot of us are cursed from birth. You arenāt alone ā¤ļø
It's not a curse. It's hard to cope with when you're surrounded by people who aren't equipped to support you and accept you as you are, but that doesn't make it a curse. It's a challenge, and it's who we are. If you need others like you to talk to, you can probably see through all these comments that you're not alone!
Cursed? How? Because you don't naturally pick up on silly social queues? I'm autistic too and the only bad thing that it led to was an embarrassing superiority complex in High School. You'll be fine.
Hey my partner has autism too. I have nothing less but love for them. Itās never over <3
Yeah. This is reddit. Everyone is an autist around here.
That looks really freaking good. Would love to try it lmao. Wishing you all the best after that reveal, I believe in you and belief you shouldnāt give up. Youāve made it this far after all
i hear you OP. that feeling of mourning what you could have been is so real and so brutal. i have autism as well. and honestly while it is gutting to constantly feel like you canāt experience the same world that everybody around you is experiencing (especially socially), the only real way out of drowning in that frustration forever, is learning to practice self advocacy and self acceptance. for where you are right now, or whenever youāve settled into the whole realization a bit more and are ready to dive deeper into learning how to move forward, i HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend the book āUnmasking Autismā by dr. devon price. seriously, i cannot recommend it enough. reading that book was a massive comfort for me, and helped me understand myself so much deeper- i think you would find there is a lot worth learning about yourself too. suddenly seeing your entire life through a different lens is a LOT to process, but i really hope you find peace along the way OP, also from the replies here hopefully you can feel that youāve got a whole community to lean on that understands :]
I think if you're able to use a stove and not disabled you're pretty much like the rest of us. All have mental health issues and who knows what else undiagnosed. But it's nice you have an answer why things might seem weird sometimes
Take it slowly and have a look at the concept of Neurodiversity. Our brains all function differently! Labels like ADHD and Autism help us to understand ourselves better an this way we are able to look for things that might help us or ask for help.
You had it whether you were diagnosed or not at least now you know.
what's wrong with being autistic... should i be ashamed that i am?
absolutely not!!! autism can be difficult in a world that's not made to accommodate us, and it can easily be frustrating, but it's nothing to be ashamed of at all. i think OP is working through some difficult feelings which is super understandable, but neither you or OP should feel bad for being autistic because autistic people are just different, not bad or wrong ā„ļø
Not a curse at all. I've suspected I'm a little on the spectrum myself. My two favorite people in the world are as well. There may be more hurdles, but the journey is no less worth taking
Iām autistic and it doesnāt have to be a curse. Some people have ocd, or adhd, or trauma, and itās simply a fact of your life that you need to find ways to work around. It really is just finding ways to cope, tools to add to your toolbox that you can use to help yourself. Anything that happens due to you being autistic, anxiety or meltdowns or overstimulation or anything, you need to find ways to deal with that in your own healthy way. Therapy really helped me learn what to do and why things I did certain things. It took a lot of work on my own part, sustained effort and attention throughout every day. But it got easier and easier and I can do things that felt impossible in the past. It is within your power to overcome some of the difficulties you face, and work around them in the ways you need. You just need to try and to reach out and get whatever help you can with it.
not autistic, but recently diagnosed with adhd and there is some overlap with adhd and the autism spectrum. i answered yes to every question on the screening. the important thing is now you know why you do some of the things you do, or think a certain way, etc. getting diagnosed doesn't mean you're cursed or that there's anything wrong with you; it just means your brain works differently from other ppls. learning to recognize behaviors you'd like to change becomes so much easier once you know what to look for. also that pasta looks fire, idk if you have sensory issues but i tend to, and pasta is always a go to
I love that these very plain noodles are like, one of those autistic traits that you can't fully call autistic because you know... it's just plain noodles anyone could eat them. But eating large amounts of them consistently for a long period of time in your life can often be a sign of sensory issues and it's a commonly loved food in the community. Just like tomatoes are commonly disliked for the same sensory reasons
Why do you say cursed?
How did you go about getting diagnosed OP?
I was seen by a neurologist, not even 10 minutes in and he said with conviction that I have autism, then I followed up with my psychologist and psychiatrist and they confirmed as well
I want to get evaluated, but my primary care physician told me that she doesn't think I have it. I disagree with her though.
Personally when someone doesn't like me, I just say they can't handle my amount of awesome. Their loss. As a 42 year old who has lived with chronic health issues since birth, I use those things as my super power.
May I ask how you were diagnosed? How's it determined?
Iāve now had 2 therapists suggest that my social anxiety is actually due to autism. I also have an official diagnosis of bipolar and borderline. I canāt see any advantage to formal testing at my age. Maybe getting a little comfort in knowing thereās an organic reason behind my lifetime of uncomfortable differences. If you could go back, would you still pursue testing now that you have a formal diagnosis? Or do you feel it has hurt you to know?
Hey there. I remember being in your shoes, I'm autistic too. I know how hard it is when you're first diagnosed. Try and take it easy on yourself and enjoy your little comforts if/when you can ā¤ļø
U get use to it, ask me how I know
Iām sorry man :( those noodles look good asf though
Welcome aboard sailor, I hope you like trains (liking trains is mandatory)
I'm not big on trains but I LOVE ships
Hi Iām autistic as well you will get through this I promise friend
I got my diagnosis in January and it has ruined me
Itās okay I have ADHD things are tough but donāt let it discourage you youāre the same person today as you were yesterday and many moons before
Im autistic too and I just got a date for my first year of prom!
*Im autistic too* *And I just got a date for* *My first year of prom!* \- dogravee --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I too am on the spectrum. It gets better. Don't worry. You've got plenty of people here to help you out in any way we can
Hi buddy!! Nah fuck that, youāre killing it!!! Look at you cooking scrumptious meals and shit. Fellow spectrum bud, ADHDer here. We might be the thing, but the thing is not us. Kay? Use the diagnosis like a life tool, not a death sentence. And go easy on yourself.š¤š
Hey hey, not so fast. My family medicine Dr is autistic and heās the coolest guy I know. You still have a world of possibilities ahead of you, and some great opportunities ahead!
I got a touch of the tism too. It be like that sometimes. But hey, it can be kind of cool to know how your brain works. AND it makes it so much easier to figure out how to make your brain work for you. Youāll find ways to gradually build your life the way you need it to be to not feel as cursed. The world is made for neurotypical people and it kinda sucks and is confusing to be neurodivergent sometimes - but I love my special interests, and the way I form connections, and the way I interact with myself. I have come to enjoy some parts of being autistic, and even appreciate it as it relates to the work I do. Itās part of me and the shitty parts suck, and itās okay to think they suck. But thereās a whole lot outside of that too that is now there for you to explore. Sending hugs. š¤
Babe. You've got this. š
l'm in the same boat, my cousin surprised me with going to see KISS in Vancouver, sound-check pass, really close floor tix. lt was very uncomfortable for me. l wish l were sitting for that show VS the close floor tixs. l couldn't 'toke' until after the show either. No smoking in Rodgers Place, but pyro galore is.
Hi. I was diagnosed at 52. The downside of that is that I spent my whole life wondering why the world didn't seem to work properly for me. The upside is, I've been able to forgive myself for a lot of stuff and have a much better understanding of my needs and abilities. I hope you find your way to being at peace with this.
I learned to embrace my autism. Itās a hard thing to do after a diagnosis, but youāll be able to. Iām on the spectrum as well, with adhd and I know my strenghts. I learn with images and art is where I sthrive. I speak and write in 2 languages fluently. It is by far not a curse. It is something to work with.
I know it sucks ass in a multitude of ways, but we are special and have gifts others donāt ā¤ļø
I have four very close friends who are autistic (and several more not as close friends) and I just want to add that being told by each of them about the diagnosis only made me work harder to be understanding of them and their experiences. Yes we experience some things differently; but being able to talk about things and understand what theyāre feeling and why has helped each of these relationships blossom. There are people out there who will love you and be your friend. Last year my friend and I were at the beach and I was making dinner. They donāt like onions or peppers - knowing this I made sure that I used a different knife for their veggies than the onion and pepper knife. They had come into the kitchen while I was cutting the other veggies and asked about what knife I used, when I told them I figured they wouldnāt like the same one and used a different one, they told me I was āa true neurodivergent allyā. Still one of my best compliments. Long story long, I promise youāll find people, itās helpful to know.
with great autism comes great noodles
Someone who is extremely dear to me is autistic and I never see them any less. In fact, it just makes me think theyāre very special. I love them so much and Iāve never met anyone like them. Autism shouldnāt define your worth, you are capable of doing great things! I also never once think about their autism, I just see them as a regular person.
Autism changes nothing. Be the person you want to be. My girlfriend is autistic, and she is the brightest, most caring and wonderful girl I have ever met. I feel so lucky to even know her, let alone be in a relationship with her. Some of the most wonderful and memorable people on this planet are autistic, and it is definitely not something to be ashamed of. Keep doing you!!
Been watching Love on the Spectrum (Netflix dating reality show) lately and have been wondering if I should get tested myself. Simply because I found myself actually learning stuff from the dating coaches, and things about basic communication. Idunno though, something tells me Iām not autistic, but just socially inept by choice. And even if I were autistic, would probably hurt more than help me if I knew for sure.
Oh, same What do you mean it was over before it even began.. my dude(tte) it has literally just began for you. Get to know yourself, do what comes instinctively regardless of how 'silly' or 'odd' or how far from 'normal' it might seem. You now have the key to why your life has felt difficult up to this point. And with this key you can allow yourself concessions that you wouldn't up for now. Here's an example I want you to say with me: 'i don't want to go out with my friends, not because I'm a bad friend but because I'm autistic and in need of some downtime' You are never gonna fit in a box so get that one out of the way, besides a box sounds pretty cramped, don't you think? Listen to yourself and hear it, you've got this Welcome to the club
My GF is autistic, and I love her to pieces we've been together for more than a year. When she was diagnosed, it was hard, but it also helped her understand herself, and that helped me to support her better. Everything will be okay <3
I just got diagnosed recently too at 29 years old. Just remember: you're the same person. Nothing changed. Titles don't mean shit.
fellow autistic here, I LOVE trains
Itās not a curse. Iām autistic and your brain works more like a computer. Most engineers and great thinkers are on the autism spectrum
My husband is autistic and more successful than most people his age!! Youāre not cursed, youāre not broken, youāre simply different and thatās ok!
im autistic too boy its ok
I have a physical progressive disorder and probably some undiagnosed shit im just to afraid to look into. Health issues sucks. Being lonely fucking sucks. I hope the pasta was good though.
Well isn't that a fine how do you do. Fuck me I guess.
TIL having autism is some kind of curse Guess Iām fucking cursed, it was over before it began and I should just end myself Iām glad OP shared this informationā here I was just trying to live my life
Me too, get over it dude. We're fine.
Hey! I was diagnosed with autism at 40. Its ok ! Hopefully it helps you make sense of stuff. Much love.
Hey friend. Iām also autistic (and have adhd/BPD) It does suck BUT thereās a lot of us in here going through similar things. In my case, my obsession with a particular field in physics actually has opened a lot of doors despite the fall downs in my life. Now I have the money to indulge in my special interests/hobbies and honestly itās YHE BEST. Hang in there, a lot of us are hanging there too
I thought autism was popular now. Isnāt that why its a trend for girls to pretend they have it?
It's blown out of proportion. The downvotes are probley cause people investigating if they have autism/adhd are catching flak from people saying stuff like this.
My biggest fear is being diagnosed with autism. I fear I wouldnāt be able to go on in life if I got that diagnosis. The social stigma is too massive. I am diagnosed with adhd and a host of other severe mental health issues. I donāt think I have autism and Iāve had tons of contact with health professionals. The symptoms donāt really seem to match me but I do have pretty severe adhd. Iām 29 and about six months ago my mom revealed that she thinks I have autism and thatās why sheās treated me so badly and like a freak my whole life.
good lookin noodles
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