I've been asked by quite a few home teachers (before I resigned officially) and I told them. Never saw any of them again. Once the bishop and stake president visited me and asked me. I told them and the SP said, "I was involved in that when I was on the high council and you're right. It should never have happened." Never saw them again either.
He was on the high council for the excommunication of a cousin of mine. By the time my cousin got home, his wife had already received calls from the wives of two high councilmen who had told her everything that went on during the trial. These guys went home and told their wives everything that he had confessed during the “court.” The SP was pretty embarrassed that I knew that story.
Two years out right now and I have never been asked by anyone. As soon as I stopped going they didn’t even ask me to come back. I had been very vocal about not trusting or sustaining the prophet.
I keep it simple, so there is no source swapping or arguing. I no longer want to belong to a high control group who manipulate what I think, how I feel, what I’m allowed to do, and what information I’m allowed to access. Leaving allows me to be in control of my own mind and body.
Same. Plus most of the time it’s not worth the effort because they don’t actually want to know, they just want to try and make you come back. A simple “I just don’t believe it’s true anymore” is enough to give them a reason, but still vague enough that they can’t really try and press any specifics.
They might try and ask why you don’t believe, but in my mind that’s not worth engaging. Just parroting “I just don’t believe it’s true” is all you need
Yes 🙌. I just watched on Netflix “Dancing for the Devil: The 7M TikTok Cult” and the parallels are there. I recommend. It’s a gift to be free from the control.
I tell people I read the gospel topics essays on the church website and after that I realized everything we were taught was false.
I then invite them to read gospel topics essays on lds.org. Most TBMs don’t even know it exists
Haha. I can think of few. Out of all five siblings, I was the youngest and only one that goes on mission since my dad. My dad was converted when he was about 19 years old. Apparently, my dad informed me that my grandma read “no one knows my history” book and stop going to the church after she just converted. Literally, all my siblings left church at some point. Some got back and some didn’t. We never grow up in Utah. I think that’s how they came to be since so many things going on around them. Honestly, at this point, I am puzzled how they still haven’t left yet.
This won't work for a lot of people, but I honestly tell them that I found a church that I like better. If they ask why, I tell them that it's a better fit and leave it at that.
As time goes by, the reasons I left are a lot less important than the reasons I would never go back.
I used to simply say "I studied my way out." I usually now say that I believe that a church that claims to be the one true church shouldn't misrepresent or hide their history.
Lots of things, but I can boil it down to - My membership in the church started conflicting with my core values, among which was that the truth matters. I finally had to ask myself why I was allowing cognitive dissonance to tear me apart inside for a religion that was making me miserable.
My life isn’t perfect but I’m grateful everyday that I finally worked up the courage to listen to my own inner voice. And, ironically, I’m a better person for it.
If you really, really want to throw them into a cognitive tailspin, tell them it's because the church let Blacks hold the priesthood. When their eyes go all buggy and they stop breathing for a few seconds, show them the quote from Brigham Young that said that if the church ever did that, it would be cursed and must go down to destruction, and that since you neither want to be cursed nor destroyed, you can no longer be a part of the church.
If they say, "Bbbbbbutbutbutbut, that's racist!" say, "Yep, just like the church."
I’ll never teach my children that scripture was revealed through a rock in a hat.
I was indoctrinated to believe in an earnest farm boy’s prayer and golden plates — requiring me to forget that original message and “be okay” with the new story is a step too far.
For others, I just say “I purposefully stepped away from all that”, and they haven’t pressed beyond, “well, hurry up and get over whatever it is, we miss you.”
Exactly 👍. Whenever I hear someone say they know the real history, but choose to stay because of their testimony, I think they’re brainwashed, delusional and have a testimony in mysticism and the supernatural. Staying is easier for them than going to another religion to worship Jesus without all the extra, unnecessary baggage.
I’m personally done with religion in general and I’m happier.
I cite the same scripture that every missionary quotes 1000 times (Moroni 10:3-5) ....
>3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.
>4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
>5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.
I tell them I did all of those things - no answer. The absence of an answer to my prayers and any evidence suggesting that Lamanites and Nephites existed in America led me to leave the church with peace in my heart. Then my decision to leave was vindicated by an abundance of facts that show Joseph Smith was a con man and the church is not true.
I do this, too.
They don't usually have any response because I followed the instructions given from God through his prophet, and that led me out. I didn't find out about the problematic history until months after I left.
They’ve literally never asked. I think because they know that it would lead to me saying something negative about the church or its leaders or its history and they are conditioned to never entertain those thoughts or seek out that kind of discussion.
Easy: I left the church because its doctrines have no factual support, its founder was a con artist, the BofM was nothing more than illiterate fiction, the BofA translation is a farce, it has lied to the government about its finances (U.S., Canada, UK and Australia) and fails to give a true accounting of its finances to members, it is hypocritical in its history, Holland and Oaks lied about how long BYU conducted conversion therapy, it has a racist history for which it has not appologized, and it covers up sexual abuse by its leadership.
I was at BYU and it happened while i was there. This was the same time that Oaks and Holland were there and they denied that conversion therapy was continuing during that time.
My mom thinks that the only reason people leave is because they have been offended. She was shocked when I told her that a close family member left because they didn't believe her church's teachings.
I read the book of mormon with my heart and mind truly open to the possibility that it was written in the 1800s by some guy who liked telling war stories and wanted to manipulate people. and it became really obvious that it was
My answer.
"The dominant narrative is not true. It can’t be sustained.” (Richard Bushman - Mormon Historian, Author and Editor of the Joseph Smith Papers).
I guess everyone’s answer would be different since we all had different experiences and not every left for exactly the same reason.
When I’m asked point blank, I respond simply, “I no longer believe in it.”
If they ask why, I respond, “I took a deep dive into the history, critical literature, along with the apologetics and came to the firm conclusion the religion was man-made, created by Joseph Smith and the truth claims don’t hold up.”
If the push further, then I start detailing the typical things like the contradictory First Vision accounts, the dirty details of polygamy, changing doctrines and failed revelations, changes in the revelations, 19th century influences on the BoM, revelations, doctrines etc.
That’s usually as far as it gets before they quickly change the subject and never talk about the church with me ever again.
The rest lose their testimonies.
I have only had one friend ask. I told her that there was not a place for me anymore so I left. I couldn't sit in church and sustain the leadership while maintaining my integrity.
I think if they do ask and they are honestly wanting to know, it's because they have their own questions and doubts too. You should maybe ask them If they are having their own problems with the church they want answers to. I know I was somewhat in that position.
I was at a family home evening activity for the young single adults, When then my current Bishop pulled me aside and said. Hey, you're struggling with this. How about you go on a date with this nice young lady who is also struggling with the same thing. This was done in front of the said young lady well introducing me to her. I said no thanks and walked out the door and never went back to church. This was several months after another bishop tried to have me excommunicated for masturbation.
I tell them about my experiences w sexual assault at the hands of 2 different Mormon boys who then went on missions a month/two months after they did it.
Ah, thank you for your kindness ❤️ Luckily, therapy has been a great tool in healing from the church and these men.
The whole situation was...wildly FUd/ironic because I vividly remember being a child and hearing someone say that "God doesn't let unworthy men go on missions."
Boy were they wrong lol
Not to vent too much but I really should have left after the first guy. He pressured me to talk to my bishop who was well known for asking wildly inappropriate questions to women and then treating them like shit during the "repentance" process. The rumors were true and my bishop had me on "no sacrament or temple" lock down for 6 months (while my boyfriend was on his mission and my friends were still having farewells for theirs, I know my friends judged tf out of me for this bc I couldn't tell them what my mission bound ex had done) until a crazy amount of bullshit (including having to talk to my stake pres, which I didn't want to do) lead to him finally letting me "take the sacrament and go to the temple again" but only bc my boyfriend was on a mission.
This same bishop let a male friend of mine, who had a lot consexual sex with his ex, "repent" in a month .-.
So yaknow... The people who talked about the healing properties of the repentance process were ALSO very wrong lol
If I’m in a good mood: “I found TSCC to be so misaligned with the teachings of Christ, and I don’t do well with hypocrisy.”
If I’m in a different mood:
“I tried coffee. It was delicious to the taste and very desirable.”
“I like sex.”
“Ward meeting times conflict with the Satanists potluck, and a tiny bit of bread just can’t compete with the satanic donuts.”
“My doctor said if I kept rolling my eyes so much and so intensely every week, I’d have a stroke.”
Millions of people have left the church for millions of reasons, I choose to spiritually represent all of them as the reasons I left. ❤️
I've never actually said this and no one has ever asked, but that's my answer.
I love this! Other people were one of the reasons I left too. I begin hearing more and more stories about people whose lives were ruined by believing church doctrine (Especially from those of the LGBT+ community). These stories also led me to realize a lot of unnecessary, unhealthy sacrifices I was making in my own life. Simply because I wanted to do the right thing, and make a God happy, that I was conditioned to believe in. 😭
Nowadays, if anybody questions why I left, my go to, short and simple answer is just: “I left the church **BECAUSE** I love people so much.” And if they try to argue that I’m wrong and people practicing the religion love people just as much! No! No they don’t. 😂 True selflessness would mean standing up for the dignity of yourself and others, even if your own salvation is threatened. That’s what I believe 🩷
They promise to have the secret solution to everlasting happiness that they don't have to give out. They ask you to pay for now with real money, time, dedication, and loyalty. And then they hold it over your head and threaten to take your future achieved happiness away along with your association with friends and neighbors if you don't do what they say, the way they say it. And the whole time they keep saying that there's something wrong with me that is despicable, unlovable, and unacceptable. And they have the cure, but it's mysterious and requires you to accept that you are this horrible unworthy thing. Flawed and unacceptable.
No one will ask. it's crazy. My parents won't bring it up and avoid any church talk when we are around. My sister and brother in law are serious tbm along with all their kids, and they won't talk religion with me anymore. My sister in law actually asked my wife if she could have a large oil painting of Christ that we have had in our living room for years. She didn't ask if we still believed in christ, just assumed that since we don't believe in mormonism any longer that we would be getting rid of Christ in our lives. Funny thing is that painting means more to me now than ever before. Now I think of what he taught and how good those teachings are. Before it was always about lds doctrine and teachings that never seemed to teach Christ, just temples, tithing, service, read the BoM, attend meetings etc. Forever. No one from our ward or stake has called or stopped by to see how we are doing. They know we have checked out but will not ask why.
I just say, in as neutral way as I can that “my beliefs changed.” That way I shut down any debate and hint that it’s none of their business. I will never change their mind, I’m probably not in the mood to go there, let’s move on. I don’t want to be aggressive. I don’t want to go home and regurgitate a debate. And I don’t want to be baited into being the “angry ex” so that they can feel self satisfied.
“It’s just not for me.” I always thought this was a respectful answer. Turns out it seemed to confuse and stump people that asked me. Like it’s not enough, even though it is a perfectly complete sentence.
I think maybe they want more tea, and don’t quite know what to make of someone just not being interested.
Years ago, a single friend of mine was asked by her home teachers why she didn’t go to church. She told them the truth, it was because she liked having sex and saw nothing wrong with it. 😂
The prophet has already told them that people leave the Mormon church because they are lazy, want to sin, were offended, or never had a testimony. That’s enough for them (plus the fear of thinking that Mormonism may not be real) to never ever ask anyone why they left.
I go with honesty: "I never believed in the church. I was forced into it against my will."
Cue some reference to being led by Satan.
Me: "Yes. I love Satan."
Conversations have *always* been ended after that.
It started with the 2016 LG policy. Then I came to believe the truth claims by the church was just false and they are just the doctrines of men mingled with scripture.
I use their own language, bearing a testimony of the untruth of the church with all the tone and passion of a general authority. They struggle so hard with that.
I talk about the spiritual confirmation, the lightness of spirit, the love and happiness.
Then I offer to share the truth with them.
I’ve only been insinuasked maybe 3 times in 5 years, I always say, do you really want to know? Then I say I grew up and the beliefs of the Church are no longer valid to me, I usually then quote Walt Whitman “Reject that which insults your soul.” Good luck
"It didn't level up with my moral standards." Nice broad umbrella statement that covers the truth claims, SA coverups, financial fraud, overall general treatment of minority groups, etc.
“I tried for decades to follow by faith. For me, that required setting aside issues that bothered me and were never adequately answered for. Eventually this became a mountain of unresolved problems, but even then I managed to stay in. Once Trump came and turned the membership of this organization into sociopathic bootlickers to the least Christlike person I’ve ever even heard of, I allowed myself the luxury of really taking a good look at my mountain. That’s when I allowed myself to realize that this church has no foundation, that it is corrupt from the top down and from the beginning to today.”
“My reasons are very personal and I don’t want to get into it.”
*They push and prod.*
“Look, the church will have you believe that people leave because they want to sin. They invalidate and minimize the very real, deeply personal reasons that people actually leave. The church is downright flippant about it. I’m not going to talk about it, but suffice it to say that it has nothing to do with anything the church tells you about people who make the decision to leave. My reasons are my own and I’m not going to talk about it any more than you’d talk about deeply personal spiritual experiences with just anyone. Casting not your pearls to swine, and all.”
*they push more*
“Look, I am trying to be respectful and kind to you here, but to be blunt,it is none of your business. I’ll thank you to stop asking.”
I’ve honestly never had anyone keep pushing after I tried it the nice and polite way. But if they kept it up, I’d think of the most offensive, angry, profanity-laden way to tell them why I stay gone and what is wrong with the church, while still never telling them why I left in the first place.
[https://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=3261600&itype=CMSID](https://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=3261600&itype=CMSID)
If they ask, I show them the article I wrote for the Salt Lake Tribune when I left in 2015.
Only one ever did. It was my mom and I told her that I gave myself permission to make my own decisions about certain things. These things always bothered me so I asked myself what I thought and it was a healthy decision.
I've never been "IN" but do have a bunch of pushy TBM relatives. When they preach, I send them the Faith Crisis Report and explain that I have troubles with many of the issues listed in the paper. I emphasize that the paper was written BY Mormon scholars and was presented to the Q12 over a decade ago. That way they can't dismiss it as "Anti-Mormon" propaganda. [https://faenrandir.github.io/a\_careful\_examination/2013-faith-crisis-study/](https://faenrandir.github.io/a_careful_examination/2013-faith-crisis-study/)
I've followed up with a few people, and one person did actually read at least a little. They are still in, but maybe I succeeded in adding a few pounds to their shelf? ;)
In 10 years no one has ever asked me. Not once. They clearly know without asking. It must be because I wanted to sin (drink coffee) and I'm too weak not to.
I just say that the church doesn’t align with my personal values. If they press beyond that I tell them that I happy to point them in the right direction if they have questions. Usually that shuts it down pretty well. You can’t change people’s minds unless they want to, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be ethical to do it for them. You have to choose this for yourself
Here was the truth for me.
When I went to church I felt, unhappy, anxious, dishonest and not my genuine self.
So I tried not going for a while. I felt honest, genuine to myself, at peace and happy.
I think it might have been god's way of telling me that church attendance was toxic to my soul.
The sense of community, I truly miss. But I have no respect for the leadership. They don't represent a good moral compass.
I’ve only had a couple people ask me. I try to keep it simple to avoid an argument. “It just wasn’t for me. I never felt like I belonged and it didn’t make me happy.” My dad’s response was, “You just want to sin.” I said, “I don’t believe in sin. I just do what makes me happy.”
Depending upon who it is/where we are:
"It was a culmination of factors I don't want to get into right now."
"I never had a testimony after years of praying and asking. Moroni 10:4 said I would eventually know and no answer is an answer, after all. I know the church isn't true."
"Because it's not true."
"Because it's a scam."
"I'd love to talk about this with you in depth. First, I have to ask what your intentions are in asking me this question ."
Quite literally, I left to survive. I'm gay. I had one good counselor from LDS Family Services, and she told me that I needed to find happiness - it might take me out of the church, but I had to learn to love myself.
She saved my life. I left while I still believed, but time and distance allowed me to really understand what I had left.
nobody ever asked or tried to get me back on. i was disappointed and a bit hurt. i thought they cared and that we were on big family, a flock, a herd.... once i left they didnt reach out, and family who is still tbm never asked why i am exmo...
I tell them, "My bull shit meter is to sensitive. " When they ask what I mean, I direct them to the Gospel Topics Essays. Then I say, "If you find anything there that bothers you, I would be happy to have a discussion with you."
"Men are, that they might have joy."
“Joy comes from exercising faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, worthily receiving and faithfully honoring sacred ordinances and covenants, and striving to become deeply converted to the Savior and His purposes.” — Elder David A. Bednar
Joy is a gift for the faithful.29 It is the gift that comes from intentionally trying to live a righteous life, as taught by Jesus Christ.” -
Men Are That They Might Have Joy
By Jarod Hester
Living by the church standards and keeping my covenants did not bring me joy it just increased my anxiety,it made me feel like I wasn't being faithful enough because I was not experiencing this joy. What brought me joy is being around family, laughing with friends, being accepted, freedom to be myself, and connecting with people
Joy is not just a gift for a select few.
Also trying to live by the church standards and always striving to be more Christlike because it would help me find joy triggered my depression, anxiety, OCD. It sent me to a dark place.
After going on meds, what I thought was the holy Ghost was actually my psychosis and anxiety.. I haven't heard from him since 😂
The cowards never ask me. I think it's because I'll answer them.
I've been asked by quite a few home teachers (before I resigned officially) and I told them. Never saw any of them again. Once the bishop and stake president visited me and asked me. I told them and the SP said, "I was involved in that when I was on the high council and you're right. It should never have happened." Never saw them again either.
What was he involved in?? If you don't mind me asking of course.
He was on the high council for the excommunication of a cousin of mine. By the time my cousin got home, his wife had already received calls from the wives of two high councilmen who had told her everything that went on during the trial. These guys went home and told their wives everything that he had confessed during the “court.” The SP was pretty embarrassed that I knew that story.
Oof
Two years out right now and I have never been asked by anyone. As soon as I stopped going they didn’t even ask me to come back. I had been very vocal about not trusting or sustaining the prophet.
The actual unforgivable sin of Mormonism.
They don’t ask because they know you’re a sinner.
ive never been asked either. not even by missionairies.
I keep it simple, so there is no source swapping or arguing. I no longer want to belong to a high control group who manipulate what I think, how I feel, what I’m allowed to do, and what information I’m allowed to access. Leaving allows me to be in control of my own mind and body.
I love this.
Same. Plus most of the time it’s not worth the effort because they don’t actually want to know, they just want to try and make you come back. A simple “I just don’t believe it’s true anymore” is enough to give them a reason, but still vague enough that they can’t really try and press any specifics. They might try and ask why you don’t believe, but in my mind that’s not worth engaging. Just parroting “I just don’t believe it’s true” is all you need
Yes 🙌. I just watched on Netflix “Dancing for the Devil: The 7M TikTok Cult” and the parallels are there. I recommend. It’s a gift to be free from the control.
I tell people I read the gospel topics essays on the church website and after that I realized everything we were taught was false. I then invite them to read gospel topics essays on lds.org. Most TBMs don’t even know it exists
Even after being told most won't read them simply because I'm encouraging it..
yeah they dont. even you want to crush their belief, ask them how many wives jo boy had.
Who are these mythical inquisitive Mormons of whom you speak? I have not yet had one Mormon ask me why I left.
Haha. I can think of few. Out of all five siblings, I was the youngest and only one that goes on mission since my dad. My dad was converted when he was about 19 years old. Apparently, my dad informed me that my grandma read “no one knows my history” book and stop going to the church after she just converted. Literally, all my siblings left church at some point. Some got back and some didn’t. We never grow up in Utah. I think that’s how they came to be since so many things going on around them. Honestly, at this point, I am puzzled how they still haven’t left yet.
No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie. Good book.
same
This won't work for a lot of people, but I honestly tell them that I found a church that I like better. If they ask why, I tell them that it's a better fit and leave it at that. As time goes by, the reasons I left are a lot less important than the reasons I would never go back.
This is true for me too.
I used to simply say "I studied my way out." I usually now say that I believe that a church that claims to be the one true church shouldn't misrepresent or hide their history.
And they shouldn’t have a need to!
Both fantastic answers! Ty!
Lots of things, but I can boil it down to - My membership in the church started conflicting with my core values, among which was that the truth matters. I finally had to ask myself why I was allowing cognitive dissonance to tear me apart inside for a religion that was making me miserable. My life isn’t perfect but I’m grateful everyday that I finally worked up the courage to listen to my own inner voice. And, ironically, I’m a better person for it.
I like this one.
Exactly!
If you really, really want to throw them into a cognitive tailspin, tell them it's because the church let Blacks hold the priesthood. When their eyes go all buggy and they stop breathing for a few seconds, show them the quote from Brigham Young that said that if the church ever did that, it would be cursed and must go down to destruction, and that since you neither want to be cursed nor destroyed, you can no longer be a part of the church. If they say, "Bbbbbbutbutbutbut, that's racist!" say, "Yep, just like the church."
This is great!
I’ll never teach my children that scripture was revealed through a rock in a hat. I was indoctrinated to believe in an earnest farm boy’s prayer and golden plates — requiring me to forget that original message and “be okay” with the new story is a step too far. For others, I just say “I purposefully stepped away from all that”, and they haven’t pressed beyond, “well, hurry up and get over whatever it is, we miss you.”
Exactly 👍. Whenever I hear someone say they know the real history, but choose to stay because of their testimony, I think they’re brainwashed, delusional and have a testimony in mysticism and the supernatural. Staying is easier for them than going to another religion to worship Jesus without all the extra, unnecessary baggage. I’m personally done with religion in general and I’m happier.
I cite the same scripture that every missionary quotes 1000 times (Moroni 10:3-5) .... >3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts. >4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. >5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. I tell them I did all of those things - no answer. The absence of an answer to my prayers and any evidence suggesting that Lamanites and Nephites existed in America led me to leave the church with peace in my heart. Then my decision to leave was vindicated by an abundance of facts that show Joseph Smith was a con man and the church is not true.
I do this, too. They don't usually have any response because I followed the instructions given from God through his prophet, and that led me out. I didn't find out about the problematic history until months after I left.
They’ve literally never asked. I think because they know that it would lead to me saying something negative about the church or its leaders or its history and they are conditioned to never entertain those thoughts or seek out that kind of discussion.
I’m 5 years out and this is my same sentiment
Easy: I left the church because its doctrines have no factual support, its founder was a con artist, the BofM was nothing more than illiterate fiction, the BofA translation is a farce, it has lied to the government about its finances (U.S., Canada, UK and Australia) and fails to give a true accounting of its finances to members, it is hypocritical in its history, Holland and Oaks lied about how long BYU conducted conversion therapy, it has a racist history for which it has not appologized, and it covers up sexual abuse by its leadership.
Do you have a trustworthy source that provides info on Oaks and Holland and their knowledge on conversion therapy? Please and thank you.
I was at BYU and it happened while i was there. This was the same time that Oaks and Holland were there and they denied that conversion therapy was continuing during that time.
Everyone thinks that they know why I left so they never ask.
My mom thinks that the only reason people leave is because they have been offended. She was shocked when I told her that a close family member left because they didn't believe her church's teachings.
I read the book of mormon with my heart and mind truly open to the possibility that it was written in the 1800s by some guy who liked telling war stories and wanted to manipulate people. and it became really obvious that it was
My answer. "The dominant narrative is not true. It can’t be sustained.” (Richard Bushman - Mormon Historian, Author and Editor of the Joseph Smith Papers).
I am not Mormon for similar reasons you are not Catholic
Not true. Not healthy. That is, if a Mormon ever asks.
I guess everyone’s answer would be different since we all had different experiences and not every left for exactly the same reason. When I’m asked point blank, I respond simply, “I no longer believe in it.” If they ask why, I respond, “I took a deep dive into the history, critical literature, along with the apologetics and came to the firm conclusion the religion was man-made, created by Joseph Smith and the truth claims don’t hold up.” If the push further, then I start detailing the typical things like the contradictory First Vision accounts, the dirty details of polygamy, changing doctrines and failed revelations, changes in the revelations, 19th century influences on the BoM, revelations, doctrines etc. That’s usually as far as it gets before they quickly change the subject and never talk about the church with me ever again. The rest lose their testimonies.
I just start talking about the weird things in the temple and watch their faces.
I read the gospel topic essays AND all the footnotes. I was horrified at what the church released to the world.
I have a gay brother a black grandson and I like sex!
I have only had one friend ask. I told her that there was not a place for me anymore so I left. I couldn't sit in church and sustain the leadership while maintaining my integrity.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a Mormon ask me except maybe one sister.
I think if they do ask and they are honestly wanting to know, it's because they have their own questions and doubts too. You should maybe ask them If they are having their own problems with the church they want answers to. I know I was somewhat in that position.
I was at a family home evening activity for the young single adults, When then my current Bishop pulled me aside and said. Hey, you're struggling with this. How about you go on a date with this nice young lady who is also struggling with the same thing. This was done in front of the said young lady well introducing me to her. I said no thanks and walked out the door and never went back to church. This was several months after another bishop tried to have me excommunicated for masturbation.
I tell them about my experiences w sexual assault at the hands of 2 different Mormon boys who then went on missions a month/two months after they did it.
That’s horrible. I am so sorry to hear that. 😣
Ah, thank you for your kindness ❤️ Luckily, therapy has been a great tool in healing from the church and these men. The whole situation was...wildly FUd/ironic because I vividly remember being a child and hearing someone say that "God doesn't let unworthy men go on missions." Boy were they wrong lol Not to vent too much but I really should have left after the first guy. He pressured me to talk to my bishop who was well known for asking wildly inappropriate questions to women and then treating them like shit during the "repentance" process. The rumors were true and my bishop had me on "no sacrament or temple" lock down for 6 months (while my boyfriend was on his mission and my friends were still having farewells for theirs, I know my friends judged tf out of me for this bc I couldn't tell them what my mission bound ex had done) until a crazy amount of bullshit (including having to talk to my stake pres, which I didn't want to do) lead to him finally letting me "take the sacrament and go to the temple again" but only bc my boyfriend was on a mission. This same bishop let a male friend of mine, who had a lot consexual sex with his ex, "repent" in a month .-. So yaknow... The people who talked about the healing properties of the repentance process were ALSO very wrong lol
“If you want to know why so many people are leaving, the information is easy to find.”
Saving this one!
"It's for me to know and you to find out."
I like that!
I was too unhappy there. Most people don't want to debate that you should do something that makes you unhappy.
If I’m in a good mood: “I found TSCC to be so misaligned with the teachings of Christ, and I don’t do well with hypocrisy.” If I’m in a different mood: “I tried coffee. It was delicious to the taste and very desirable.” “I like sex.” “Ward meeting times conflict with the Satanists potluck, and a tiny bit of bread just can’t compete with the satanic donuts.” “My doctor said if I kept rolling my eyes so much and so intensely every week, I’d have a stroke.”
They don’t ask. 😂
😂
I wish they would ask me!!
Millions of people have left the church for millions of reasons, I choose to spiritually represent all of them as the reasons I left. ❤️ I've never actually said this and no one has ever asked, but that's my answer.
I love this! Other people were one of the reasons I left too. I begin hearing more and more stories about people whose lives were ruined by believing church doctrine (Especially from those of the LGBT+ community). These stories also led me to realize a lot of unnecessary, unhealthy sacrifices I was making in my own life. Simply because I wanted to do the right thing, and make a God happy, that I was conditioned to believe in. 😭 Nowadays, if anybody questions why I left, my go to, short and simple answer is just: “I left the church **BECAUSE** I love people so much.” And if they try to argue that I’m wrong and people practicing the religion love people just as much! No! No they don’t. 😂 True selflessness would mean standing up for the dignity of yourself and others, even if your own salvation is threatened. That’s what I believe 🩷
Rock in a hat. Mic drop
I've forgotten more about T$CC than most members ever knew. They know it and don't want to find out what I know, so they don't ask.
"I'm a kinder person without it."
“After years of studying, prayer, and my best effort, I finally got my answer that the Book of Mormon isn’t true.”
I could no longer support or promote any teachings, practices, or doctrine contrary to my moral compass.
They promise to have the secret solution to everlasting happiness that they don't have to give out. They ask you to pay for now with real money, time, dedication, and loyalty. And then they hold it over your head and threaten to take your future achieved happiness away along with your association with friends and neighbors if you don't do what they say, the way they say it. And the whole time they keep saying that there's something wrong with me that is despicable, unlovable, and unacceptable. And they have the cure, but it's mysterious and requires you to accept that you are this horrible unworthy thing. Flawed and unacceptable.
No one will ask. it's crazy. My parents won't bring it up and avoid any church talk when we are around. My sister and brother in law are serious tbm along with all their kids, and they won't talk religion with me anymore. My sister in law actually asked my wife if she could have a large oil painting of Christ that we have had in our living room for years. She didn't ask if we still believed in christ, just assumed that since we don't believe in mormonism any longer that we would be getting rid of Christ in our lives. Funny thing is that painting means more to me now than ever before. Now I think of what he taught and how good those teachings are. Before it was always about lds doctrine and teachings that never seemed to teach Christ, just temples, tithing, service, read the BoM, attend meetings etc. Forever. No one from our ward or stake has called or stopped by to see how we are doing. They know we have checked out but will not ask why.
"I left because I discovered it was false."
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Because me and the church don’t see eye to eye.
Lying
“I don’t believe in it and I don’t respect it”
I just say, in as neutral way as I can that “my beliefs changed.” That way I shut down any debate and hint that it’s none of their business. I will never change their mind, I’m probably not in the mood to go there, let’s move on. I don’t want to be aggressive. I don’t want to go home and regurgitate a debate. And I don’t want to be baited into being the “angry ex” so that they can feel self satisfied.
“It’s just not for me.” I always thought this was a respectful answer. Turns out it seemed to confuse and stump people that asked me. Like it’s not enough, even though it is a perfectly complete sentence. I think maybe they want more tea, and don’t quite know what to make of someone just not being interested.
I just tell people that religion is the worst thing that people ever invented.
Years ago, a single friend of mine was asked by her home teachers why she didn’t go to church. She told them the truth, it was because she liked having sex and saw nothing wrong with it. 😂
My parents only ever asked me once and I just said " I found out that its a cult"
The prophet has already told them that people leave the Mormon church because they are lazy, want to sin, were offended, or never had a testimony. That’s enough for them (plus the fear of thinking that Mormonism may not be real) to never ever ask anyone why they left.
I've never been asked.
I go with honesty: "I never believed in the church. I was forced into it against my will." Cue some reference to being led by Satan. Me: "Yes. I love Satan." Conversations have *always* been ended after that.
Too good 😂
It started with the 2016 LG policy. Then I came to believe the truth claims by the church was just false and they are just the doctrines of men mingled with scripture.
It was wrong for me
I use their own language, bearing a testimony of the untruth of the church with all the tone and passion of a general authority. They struggle so hard with that. I talk about the spiritual confirmation, the lightness of spirit, the love and happiness. Then I offer to share the truth with them.
“🤷🏻♂️ I haven’t thought about that for a long time, but some of the reasons I don’t have any interest in it now are…”
I’ve only been insinuasked maybe 3 times in 5 years, I always say, do you really want to know? Then I say I grew up and the beliefs of the Church are no longer valid to me, I usually then quote Walt Whitman “Reject that which insults your soul.” Good luck
I've had two ask me. I told both that I was disturbed by some church practices and I'm taking a break to re-evaluate my relationship.
"It didn't level up with my moral standards." Nice broad umbrella statement that covers the truth claims, SA coverups, financial fraud, overall general treatment of minority groups, etc.
Only been asked once in 4.5 years. I answered I couldn’t find peace in it, but I’ve found it now.
“I tried for decades to follow by faith. For me, that required setting aside issues that bothered me and were never adequately answered for. Eventually this became a mountain of unresolved problems, but even then I managed to stay in. Once Trump came and turned the membership of this organization into sociopathic bootlickers to the least Christlike person I’ve ever even heard of, I allowed myself the luxury of really taking a good look at my mountain. That’s when I allowed myself to realize that this church has no foundation, that it is corrupt from the top down and from the beginning to today.”
I've rehearsed what I would say for the last 25 years and have yet to get a chance to use any of it.
“My reasons are very personal and I don’t want to get into it.” *They push and prod.* “Look, the church will have you believe that people leave because they want to sin. They invalidate and minimize the very real, deeply personal reasons that people actually leave. The church is downright flippant about it. I’m not going to talk about it, but suffice it to say that it has nothing to do with anything the church tells you about people who make the decision to leave. My reasons are my own and I’m not going to talk about it any more than you’d talk about deeply personal spiritual experiences with just anyone. Casting not your pearls to swine, and all.” *they push more* “Look, I am trying to be respectful and kind to you here, but to be blunt,it is none of your business. I’ll thank you to stop asking.” I’ve honestly never had anyone keep pushing after I tried it the nice and polite way. But if they kept it up, I’d think of the most offensive, angry, profanity-laden way to tell them why I stay gone and what is wrong with the church, while still never telling them why I left in the first place.
The lies and betrayal
Troubling history and social policies. Aaaand I don't believe it's true.
You get asked?? They all disappeared from my life so fast.
Never been asked by a TBM. But have been asked by others. Answer is always the same: “Because it’s a load of bollocks”.
It’s not true.
[https://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=3261600&itype=CMSID](https://archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=3261600&itype=CMSID) If they ask, I show them the article I wrote for the Salt Lake Tribune when I left in 2015.
Great article!
The time I got asked I was so stunned I just blurted out: “Homophobia.” Her response: “What’s homophobia?” 🤦♀️
Only one ever did. It was my mom and I told her that I gave myself permission to make my own decisions about certain things. These things always bothered me so I asked myself what I thought and it was a healthy decision.
It brought me misery when it was supposed to bring me joy.
Only happened twice. Both times they wanted “the 5 minute version”. I have them the 5 second version- “because it’s a scam”.
I've never been "IN" but do have a bunch of pushy TBM relatives. When they preach, I send them the Faith Crisis Report and explain that I have troubles with many of the issues listed in the paper. I emphasize that the paper was written BY Mormon scholars and was presented to the Q12 over a decade ago. That way they can't dismiss it as "Anti-Mormon" propaganda. [https://faenrandir.github.io/a\_careful\_examination/2013-faith-crisis-study/](https://faenrandir.github.io/a_careful_examination/2013-faith-crisis-study/) I've followed up with a few people, and one person did actually read at least a little. They are still in, but maybe I succeeded in adding a few pounds to their shelf? ;)
Not sure I've ever been asked.
I’m goin my own way.
What’s TBM?
True believing member/mormon
I like to use a modified There Will Be Blood quote Joseph Smith was a false prophet and the Book of Mormon is a superstition
“I didn’t leave the Church; the Church left me.”
In 10 years no one has ever asked me. Not once. They clearly know without asking. It must be because I wanted to sin (drink coffee) and I'm too weak not to.
I just say that the church doesn’t align with my personal values. If they press beyond that I tell them that I happy to point them in the right direction if they have questions. Usually that shuts it down pretty well. You can’t change people’s minds unless they want to, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be ethical to do it for them. You have to choose this for yourself
Here was the truth for me. When I went to church I felt, unhappy, anxious, dishonest and not my genuine self. So I tried not going for a while. I felt honest, genuine to myself, at peace and happy. I think it might have been god's way of telling me that church attendance was toxic to my soul. The sense of community, I truly miss. But I have no respect for the leadership. They don't represent a good moral compass.
why did you leave the church? to go and find god
“I don’t have enough evidence to justify belief in the church’s claims. “ Then I let them come to me with their follow up questions if they have any.
I’ve only had a couple people ask me. I try to keep it simple to avoid an argument. “It just wasn’t for me. I never felt like I belonged and it didn’t make me happy.” My dad’s response was, “You just want to sin.” I said, “I don’t believe in sin. I just do what makes me happy.”
“I found out the church isn’t true”
I tell them I don’t believe it. If they continue I tell them I believe it’s bullshit.
Never been asked. Not even once.
A lot of TBMs won’t ask because they already know deep down that it doesn’t add up, they just don’t want to be walked through the math.
Depending upon who it is/where we are: "It was a culmination of factors I don't want to get into right now." "I never had a testimony after years of praying and asking. Moroni 10:4 said I would eventually know and no answer is an answer, after all. I know the church isn't true." "Because it's not true." "Because it's a scam." "I'd love to talk about this with you in depth. First, I have to ask what your intentions are in asking me this question ."
Quite literally, I left to survive. I'm gay. I had one good counselor from LDS Family Services, and she told me that I needed to find happiness - it might take me out of the church, but I had to learn to love myself. She saved my life. I left while I still believed, but time and distance allowed me to really understand what I had left.
"I'm lazy and wanted to sin." Or "it all has to do with my porn addiction." These are the only acceptable answers they will believe.
I’m gay. Gay and Mormon don’t go well together.
nobody ever asked or tried to get me back on. i was disappointed and a bit hurt. i thought they cared and that we were on big family, a flock, a herd.... once i left they didnt reach out, and family who is still tbm never asked why i am exmo...
I tell them, "My bull shit meter is to sensitive. " When they ask what I mean, I direct them to the Gospel Topics Essays. Then I say, "If you find anything there that bothers you, I would be happy to have a discussion with you."
I have always answered that I gave up worshipping Joseph Smith for Jesus Christ.
I stopped attending because I wasn’t welcomed and stopped my faith after reading gospel topics and saw I had been lied and gaslit for 56 years.
"Men are, that they might have joy." “Joy comes from exercising faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, worthily receiving and faithfully honoring sacred ordinances and covenants, and striving to become deeply converted to the Savior and His purposes.” — Elder David A. Bednar Joy is a gift for the faithful.29 It is the gift that comes from intentionally trying to live a righteous life, as taught by Jesus Christ.” - Men Are That They Might Have Joy By Jarod Hester Living by the church standards and keeping my covenants did not bring me joy it just increased my anxiety,it made me feel like I wasn't being faithful enough because I was not experiencing this joy. What brought me joy is being around family, laughing with friends, being accepted, freedom to be myself, and connecting with people Joy is not just a gift for a select few. Also trying to live by the church standards and always striving to be more Christlike because it would help me find joy triggered my depression, anxiety, OCD. It sent me to a dark place. After going on meds, what I thought was the holy Ghost was actually my psychosis and anxiety.. I haven't heard from him since 😂