You have good intentions, but your friend isn't employable in his current state and needs to want to change. He is not a competitive hire even for the most basic of jobs, nor does he meet most basic requirements (reliable transport, diploma or GED, etc). If he's receiving food stamps, he likely has a state case worker who can perhaps help evaluate what he needs to do to get his life on track. Living in abject poverty with other unemployed family isn't helping.
Ultimately, something has got to give. The world won't bend around him and his issues.
There is only so much you can do. I have a family member who has similar traits as your buddy and you can't let them bring you down or diminish your own accomplishments. In my experience, two things could happen:
1. Your friend reaches his late 20's, looks around, and sees his friends and peers advancing in their careers, having relationships, and starting legitimate families. That inspires your friend to take action and act mature.
2. Your friend sinks further into his ways, enabled by those around him, and gets a chip on their should about how unfair the world is.
Protect yourself. Don't let him bring you down or waste your precious time.
This. My husband and I took in an old friend that was in his low 30s. Same traits but just a bit older and could drive. We were working at a community college so we immediately connected him with the free GED classes - but his mindset created a situation in which he took far too long to get the GED, then it turned into far too long to get a job after the GED, then it turned into where my husband batted for him for a job that turned sour cus of the friends actions (friend got fired and tarnished a bit of my husband's reputation). My husband and I finally said enough and gave him the boot. He's been able to pick up jobs and a place to stay now because of the industry (maintenance/facilities for apartments), but he still has no drive and has been fired multiple times from different places with a variety of excuses. When we gave him the boot, he was very quick to play the victim and cast us as the villains - a tune he's been playing all his life.
It was a hard lesson to learn as we wasted our time, it cost us money, and what we thought to be a good friendship - some people can't and/or shouldn't be helped.
It's nice of you to want to help, but you should evaluate the time and energy you're putting into this. If they don't wanna help themselves are they dragging you down more than you're trying to help raise them up?
I’ve kinda been through this, (anxiety) lack of work, etc. the only thing that helped me was the push to change my life and make a change for myself and help from my family and their understanding. I uprooted myself and by doing so I actually fell into a deeper hole thus making my anxiety worse. I went through the nessicary steps(psychology, quitting weed(for the time) and doing what was good for me). Went on anti depressants and came out of them and never felt better since. The level of anxiety from then to now is astoundingly less. But the first step was me taking that first step to get myself some help
Right? OP's buddy isn't employable. A high school dropout who smokes weed all day, has untreated anxiety, won't drive, won't do hard labor, and won't interact with humans? What job does the buddy reasonably think they can do when they likely spend most of their time being a recluse.
I had a friend years ago that had cerebral palsy. She ended up finding work transcribing closed captioning for the hearing impaired. She found that job through her disability case worker, so it's possible to find work that doesn't necessarily deal with the public. However, those jobs are highly sought after and most likely exclusive to people with preferential hire ( veterans, the disabled, etc).
OP's friend's only hope may be to say screw it and join the military. Then at least he would have a job, housing, food, and a clear career path. Even if he ended up getting out of the military, there are TONS of jobs that are preferential to veterans.
Edit: He would also probably get the opportunity to get his GED and some college credits or trade training in the military.
To be fair, your friend with CP had a legitimate disability. They just didn’t choose to stay at home all day, smoking weed and having untreated anxiety. There’s a difference there.
I hate to sound harsh, but the first step in this is him taking responsibility for where he is at in his life. Any help you give him is only going to fall flat until he changes the way he manages his life. It sucks, but you can’t solve his problems.
Hi. I'm in the same situation (minus the weed).
If he doesn't have the mental strength to accept responsibility, even if he gets a job, it probably won't last.
For me, it took some sort of dire wake-up call, and the support of my friends and family
It wasn't just the support though- in reality, they'd been supporting me the entire time. I just never felt comfortable accepting their help.
Does he have any dreams or aspirations? That was one of the biggest things holding me back- feeling like it was "too late" for me to achieve what I wanted to achieve.
If hes not able to muster the motivation to do something, life will force him to at some point. He’s not hit rock bottom yet, sadly some people need to hit that rock bottom before they make changes. His circumstances don’t afford him the luxury of not being responsible, unfortunately.
Desperation can be the purest form of motivation. Hope he’s able to dig himself out of this hole
It sounds like he needs counseling first. Would he go? The way things are now, he couldn't hold a job if he got one. You are a very good friend to try to help him!
This is a terrible justification. The mental strength to accept that it’s hard to get a job when you won’t get educated, won’t do anything physically demanding, won’t talk to more than 1 person and won’t have any ability to get to work?
Does he want a job? It doesn’t remotely seem like it. Ask him what he thinks he can do. You are doing too much for him already. Part of having a job is getting job.
The guy needs to start exercising, going for walks and challenging himself rather than leaning into his comfort zones and all his usually barriers he has gathered into his pets. Stepping out from his family’s ways is the first big step. So it’s not a lot of individuals that break this family of origins issue. He could volunteer to gain skills but he has to get over the need to be coddled at all aspects of his life.
And stop smoking weed. If he’s so anxious that he can’t interact with more than one person at a time, he needs to lay off the weed, go to a psychologist to learn management techniques, and see a psychiatrist to see if it’s a disorder that would benefit from medication.
Damn pushing mid to late 20s with no education, no social interaction skills, no transportation, and no experience is wild…
What has he been doing this whole time?! Lmao
Unless he has a disability, Bro needs to lock in or else he is lowkey kinda of cooked ngl 😭💀…
I believe at any age a person can make a change and earn a decent living. It all comes down to how bad do they want it. There are many people that started over at 40s.. This guy needs to quit smoking weed so he becomes bored af which will force his ass to take action
Your last sentence is exactly it.
Remove the crutches and coping mechanisms, and you're left with either doing or dying.
People need to understand how pain isn't inherently bad in itself but rather a signal that action must be taken in order to fox or improve an issue.
I don't like to put value on people's ability to work...because inherently, we are more than what we do... but yeah, unless disabilities are involved, this is a case of horrible self responsibility
step 1 for your friend: no weed
step 2:get out the house, do anything, walk outside every day, ride a bicycle outside every day.
step 3: after step 2, get a hobby other than smoking weed/doing drugs.
step 4: meet people through the hobby, overcome social limitations
step 5: head to the library or city hall and ask about GED programs
step 6: get a GED
step 7: get an entry level job such as a cashier, front desk, etc he WILL need some capacity to interact socially for almost any job
step 8: profit.
Your friend has limitations beyond a job that will stop him from getting one. His whole family is unemployed and it's going to take him discipline and learning healthy habits to get out of that life, especially when he's most likely surrounded by enablers. It's going to take motivation. And if he's spending what little money he's got on weed(which makes people lazy and could be contributing to his social anxiety), then he's not going anywhere in life.
I see his weed consumption as the first problem, and this is coming from someone who has used it recreationally before. It's an unnecessary expense and depending on how heavy his consumption is, weed is actually known to increase anxiety. If his fear of social interaction is this extreme, he also probably needs therapy. It has likely stunted him from developing necessary life skills. I'm assuming your friend receives financial assistance from the government, he may also receive medical assistance/aid and may have access to mental health help without even knowing it. Anyway, that's just my 2 cents and following these steps is what helped me get a job after high school when I was very depressed and didn't want to do anything. Your friend has an additional hurdle however and that's not having a GED so that should be on his to-do list.
This is almost exactly how I was going to respond. He needs to make changes to his life first, not apply to jobs right now. But he would need to take baby steps, making one change at a time, and replace bad habits while developing good ones
Many people work with the public despite social anxiety, sometimes severe. I suffered severe depression and panic attacks/anxiety in high school as a young adult, and my first job was at Starbucks. I didn't believe I could handle the high stress involved. But I adapted quickly, got promoted and stayed for 3yrs before I moved on to a new field.
I was also a pothead as a young adult, and I eventually decided to quit as it was holding me back from my goals. I use it very rarely now for severe migraines & I don't really like the feeling of being stoned anymore. And exercise does wonders for creating & boosting motivation to improve yourself. I was not in as such a low state as the guy described in this post, but I can certainly relate and affirm that is possible to change. But he would need to take it one step at a time so he doesn't give up and slide back into his old ways.
There are certainly jobs that have limited social interaction, but he's going to need to work on that to even get a job. I would list some, but applying is going to be a waste of time. How will he handle interviews? I still get massively nervous before job interviews, and I talk to people all day. I research and practice extensively. It never gets easier, but some things in life you just have to accept & find what works best for you. You need some level of social skills for any job.
I would definitely recommend he follow the steps here one at a time, and if possible, add that he should seek counseling from a therapist, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, etc. Therapy as a teen helped me immensely (esp looking back), and he may not have the right mindset to change unless he works through his mental heath illness. He needs a support system, and I dare say his family sounds like they really aren't one right now, or this list of issues wouldn't have gotten so long.
If this does not work and his anxiety is that severe, he should still seek mental health care and then apply for disability. There would need to be a history of treatment. But it may not be a lost cause yet if he's open to suggestions or is giving a cry for help.
I'm gonna be square with you. He is a product of his environment. That doesn't mean he is beyond help, but it is not an easy proposition to break a cycle like that, especially if they aren't interested in breaking the cycle.
He needs to stop smoking pot. He needs to get his GED. He needs to start taking care of his health. He needs to seek a shrink to figure out if he needs anti-anxiety meds or if it is purely psychological. He needs to start making small, positive changes in his life and the lives of those around him so that he can feel better about himself and to show himself that successes can happen.
I am not calling him a lost cause, but he has to want to get himself into a new frame of mind and understand that without being the fulcrum of change, the only thing that happens is more of the same and if he's never had a job and continues down that path, there's no social security, no social security disability, your housing situation becomes more and more shaky. He's also going to, at some point, lose what may be his only friend due to all of this, which isn't what anyone needs.
It's not your job to help him, it was his parents job to not raise a child who makes excuses for being lazy. I have a brother who's this way and it was because of my mom. My dad had full custody but when he turned 18 he went to live with her and had been unemployed for over 20 years now. Imagine being 40 and having your mom pay for everything, go out of their way daily to bring you food for every meal.
At the end of the day you should probably find a new friend. He's only going to drag you down as the years go by.
This condition sounds generational and you can't fix that as you already know. You as many of us have seen people who have limitations as you call them, working. Your friend puts more effort into doing nothing than trying to better himself. You need to focus on your own progress and expand your circle of friends.
The weed might be his biggest weakness. Smoking loads of pot actually induces anxiety and make you extremely unreliable. Get him clean from that garbage and he'll be a better person. Until then he actually is a bum in most people's eyes.
I have to disagree with a comment pot does not induce anxiety nor does it make ypu unreliable regardles of how much you smoke! I never stop moving or doin something, im never late early mostly, if i say ill be there ill be there, i help run a small company! And guess what i smoke a shit ton of weed every day for the last 30 years and not just weed but high powered concentrate no breaks. Im none of your reefer madness comments! You are wrong on every point you made against something you 9bviousily have no experience with.
I do fully agree with you that weed is number 1 problem for this dude . Weed does not cause problems unless ypur head is broken already and this dude needs professional help not self medicating.
To the op bro respect for having your boys back but there comes a time whem you did what you could, dude gonna lose a real friend. Thats will be a devestating lose that he will relaize to late
Nothing you can do here, the ball is in his court. He can either take control of his life and become a member of society or he can stay on the edge forever. However legitimate his issues may be life is hard and he’s gotta figure them out if he ever wants to make anything of himself.
Sounds like the only job he can really do would be something online. Idk what that would be since he doesn't want to deal with people. But if he can't get anywhere, that's the only avenue I can think of
Assuming you are in the US...
Because of his extreme health issues he might qualify for social security disability. But applying involves a lot of paperwork and they may ask that the person get vocational training or try few jobs before they'll even consider it. (I'd call it a long shot for most people depending on the health issues.)
Your county's adult social services office should offer more than food assistance in terms of outline available support and resources. He should look into vocational training or other support through the county. Or visit the local social security office to get information about the disability application process.
(Not saying any of this will work out. Our systems are not exactly designed to favor non-capitalistic pursuits, IMO.)
Face it, your friend is going to shoot down every suggestion you make. There will always be a reason it won't work. Stop making his problems your problems or he will just drag you down too.
If he has money to buy weed, presumably from the family's social security income, he should first make the step to quit smoking weed and save what money he can get to put towards transportation. Either public transportation, or Uber/Lyft.
AFAIK SSD (disability) benefits are calculated based on your lifetime income. But if someone has never worked or cannot work at all, they must have some other way of calculating it. Either he needs to make the first step to change by quit smoking & seek out necessary resources, or continue on this path.
If the wish is for a WFH/remote job, those are highly competitive & desirable, and without a diploma or GED, social skills, or experience that will be extremely difficult to get. Check out the state's employment assistance programs, mental health programs for low income families, and the local social security office for help. But if suggestions keep getting shot down & excuses are made, rather than looking for solutions, I would leave it alone. The desire to change comes from within.
He’s fucked.
I don’t say that lightly or with any meanness or judgment. I’m an older version of your friend. I’m 43 and homeless with no money, friends, or hope.
Sometimes people get broken in various ways: abuse, trauma, head injury, addiction, etc… These people, sometimes, just never get better.
This world is not set up for The Broken. You usually end up fucked, like I am. Sorry for your friend.
Not to hijack the comments, but absolutely all hope is lost. I haven’t eaten in two days and have no gas in my car. I’m going more insane by the day.
Some of us just get dealt shitty hands and then we suffer until we die. 🤷♂️
Hi! If you are in a really desperate and dire situation for extra change please look up "wahjobqueen.com" and sign up for the email listing (https://www.wahjobqueen.com/)
Every day she posts new listings of remote work whether it be call center or little cash gigs you could save. I got one from there before (Appen) which just pays for you to do little projects that add extra change
I didn't need it at the time, but the site IS legit and posts daily. Good luck, don't give up.
For food, go to dunkin right before closing. They throw out their remaining pastries and will most likely offer you one for free (happened to me the other day)
He could try some online work from home jobs. There are some that are no interview, no experience and just require you to do surveys online or take a test to qualify. Stuff like SEO evaluator or AI trainer. Survey sites require even less. Also, mystery shopping (they reimburse you for whatever they have you buy, but he would have to go into public and usually ask an employee a question to evaluate their customer service). Granted, these all pay very little, but maybe if he got a taste of having extra cash, he’d want to have more of it.
quite frankly, your friend is a lost cause. He is the stereotype that older people refer to about the younger work force.
maybe it's harsh to say but he's just a loser who will never do anything of value unless he gets his shit together first. No one in thier right would hire this guy
He could be a gardener like mowing grass instead of smoking it. Actually, being a landscaper could be a blessing in his life. It’s the only job my autistic brother could do.
I thought about jobs like this, or any kind of work "in the field," but he says "no hard labor." Just about anything I can think of there is a reason/excuse it's not possible, and OP is shooting down suggestions in the comments. He also says he has no transportation.
But, I will add my own suggestions anyway. Maybe it will help this person eventually, or someone else.
- Kennel attendant at a vet hospital, or an animal shelter. That requires minimal social interaction. I worked in the veterinary field for many years and have known many kennel attendants with little social skills and various mental or medical issues, but they were still great at taking care of the animals and keeping the hospital clean.
- Night stock clerk at a retail/grocery store
- Security guard
- Maintenance crew at an apartment complex
- Truck driver - level of labor involved varies, depending on who you work for. But you can make very good money & its in demand. My ex went this route and makes six figures. He would need to sort out whatever the transportation issue is first though and learn to be a safe driver.
- A janitor at a hospital or hotel
- Overnight shift at a bakery prepping bread/baked goods
- Work at a library as a librarians assistant
- Rover app for dog walking/pet sitting (if in a large enough residential area he may not even need a car)
- Online jobs/gigs such as transcribing/closed captions for hard of hearing and chat supprt exist but are highly competitive and difficult to get without meeting basic job requirements. Like another user mentioned, there is also paid work for writing reviews & taking surveys. Just do your research beforehand to make sure you're not getting scammed before taking an online "job" that doesn't even require an interview.
Most of these jobs would all require training of some sort. But again the guy *has to get to a place where he is employable first.*
Hell, even volunteer at a homeless shelter, if only once a month. It would be rewarding and give a sense of accomplishment, plus it may give him the boost of motivation to avoid ending up in a similar spot one day. And it will build social interaction skills. You're not interacting with high level business executives, or frustrated customers, but people who are suffering in a low place just like yourself. It could be really helpful in multiple ways.
He needs to quit weed. He is married to his limitations and anyone who says they have xyz wrong with them is normally overexaggerating, if he want to change bad enough he will do whatever means necessary. When he quit smoking, the fog will lift, and life will become boring which will motivate him to get a job.
If the guy isn't listening, take your attention away from him because right now with you around, weed and everything else, he is in comfort
It sounds like his anxiety is causing him to just not be productive in life. He needs to get that under control if he wants to have any success in life but if this is something he is never able to manage there is no shame in accepting he will never have a normal job in his life.
Needs a change of pace or something to reflect and improve on as he seems set in his ways. Writing a journal, blog or video diary, and reflecting on it is kind of a self help jargon that one needs to take for the first step of getting out of the comfort zone. However he has to want to change himself or he will revert back to his old ways.
If he has food stamps, he should have a case worker of some sort.
In my state, if you're on EBT and are unemployed, it qualifies them for Medicaid (which will arrange transportation to medical appts, either a bus pass or paratransit in rural service regions), job retraining funds including finishing a GED online/testing fees/a pathway into a trade or college, and more. Varies elsewhere as I admit I do not live in a place that has hacked at those benefits.
So without prodding too much, this seems like a dynamic he simply isn't willing at this time to change. Not without the medical issues documented. Wouldn't want to suggest the military as it's possible with the anxiety/socializing issues, service will eat him up and then eject him without any benefit if he resists anything there (likely an entry level separation but if he manages to get through basic, could be worse which would be carried through the rest of his life).
Tl;dr: If his health issues are truly that extreme, he won't get a job until those are diagnosed and treated. You can help get him in the door at a regional health clinic for low income individuals, but it's on him to follow through. If nothing comes from it, be prepared to either accept him as he is or...walk away as it's not your responsibility to be his parent.
Make sure his mental and physical health is in check before starting efforts. It will hinder from step 1.
First I’d attempt to get a GED.
Second, I’d get a permit at the very least, he needs a form of identification and somewhere to get him started.
Third, maybe… get a lindedin and indeed profile.
Having those two accounts won’t do anything if he has no experience and no skills. Dude needs to at least volunteer or something. Even retail won’t look at him at this point.
There are people who are on the spectrum but not enough to be regarded mentally disabled. It can be hard for them to get a job but nearly impossible to get a disability status.
--> So I am partially ok with these: 24 year old, doesn't want to drive, no high school diploma, can't do any social interaction, can't do hard labor, never has a job, extreme anxiety and health issues, very unreliable
all of the above are things a person on the spectrum could easily have.
--> I am absolutely not ok with this: "smokes a lot of weed"! If he wants to be a bum that is how you become a bum.
In the best case scenario he could do some part time job where he lives if it is available. So he can earn some money but not fully commit to a full time job that will work his anxiety up.
If you want to hurt your friend help him get disability. I once knew someone who said, why should I get a job when all I have to do is walk to the mail box.
What does your friend think of his situation ?
Does he feel the same urgency you do, to change his everyday life ?
Did he ask for help whether to you or anyone else ?
These questions are important, because you can't help someone who doesn't express the need to be helped or guided, and i don't mean express it vaguely, but clearly and is already trying and attempting to better his life.
I understand that relationships aren’t transactional, but ask yourself whether you should still be buddies with this guy. Good friends may go through tough times but ultimately lift each other up. Bad friends may be nice people but will consistently drag you down.
I actually wondered how comes they are buddies at this point.
Not to sound harsh, i commend him for trying to help his friend, but maybe it is also worth wondering why he is friend with this guy, does it say something about him ?
Maybe it's worth pondering on this question, this should probably more urgent for OP to think about.
Like many others here, I do not want to sound mean or harsh, but honestly, all I am seeing is here is rationalization and reasons he “can’t” or “won’t” or “doesn’t want to”.
He needs the pipe down and start figuring out how he can and will. All of us have to do things we don’t want to do from time to time. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
People have to be willing to do the WORK to help themselves before you could even think about assisting. For some people, frequent weed use actually creates anxiety. The first step maybe to get a physical and get off of the weed..
The first start is the GED that does not require dealing with others & can be done online.
Next get him signed at healthcare.gov he needs to visit a doctor ask him to be honest in that appointment.
He needs to go to the career center at a technical college in your area.
Best of luck!
TLDR-He needs to work on completing 1 thing let him pick and commit.
You've done all you can. This friend sounds like he is unwilling to make any changes to his lifestyle. He's an adult. He needs to start acting like one and take responsibility. If he's truly socially crippled, then perhaps he should look into permanent disability.
Has he tried to file for disability, given he seems to have mental problems dealing with social activity? If he gets in with that, there are government programs that help people like him find work suitable to their needs.
He's been trying to for years but he only got his ID last month and hasn't been able to go to any government office to get the proper paperwork since no one can/will drive him there.
>He's been trying to for years but he only got his ID last month and hasn't been able to go to any government office to get the proper paperwork since no one can/will drive him there.
This is the best way you can help. By assisting him to reach the agencies that can guide him through the processes. Both the country case worker and the federal office.
Disability. His mental issues keep him from maintaining a job. Get him diagnosed with something, autism or agoraphobia or SOMEthing that’s causing all of this and then do disability
Neurodivergent perhaps self medicated with marijuana. He needs to see a doctor. ADHD paralysis, throw high functioning autism or general anxiety disorder and yep… frozen. Until he sees a professional to explore avenues and a medical plan with or without meds, it won’t change. My adhd meds changed my life and I didn’t go seek help till last year, I’m 43 and female so I present different but yeah. Sounds like a lot of ahdh audhd men I know and have done research about
Sounds like your buddy should try to get Medicaid and pursue disability. If these are sincere struggles he has to cope with, he probably had a mental health issue. If that’s not the case, he will change his tune when he doesn’t have food
Your buddy needs to change his mindset otherwise he will be in the same position or worst in 20 years.
Maybe he can find some volunteer work to build confidence and get some faith in himself.
But he really needs to take ownership of his own life, holding his hand won't be much help if he doesn't do his bit.
I’ve had friends like yours. I think a lot of the advice in this thread is good, and suggesting those to him are fine. But at the end of the day only he can make the necessary changes in his life. He has to be the one to take initiative.
What he is doing during the day? He could improve his chances of finding a job if he learned something; maybe a new language? Maybe some manual skill? Doing anything (even if it will turn out to be pointless) is better than not doing anything.
Though, does he want to change his life? 'Cause many people don't want to, but at the same time don't want to sound like a lazy bum, so they complain. Sadly, other than encouraging him and telling him that you believe in him, you can't do much more at the moment.
He sounds like he's the problem man not the jobs. He probably needs a serious change of mentality to be successful at anything.
With that being said hospitals are ALWAYS Hireing cleaning staff, especially for overnight. In times that iv needed an emergency job that's what iv done.. Yea its overnight but it's literally the easiest job on earth. Your push your cart around and clean stuff. No one to bother you or micromanag you. It usually even pays better then most other low skill jobs.
So here is a start: Stop smoking weed, stop playing video games, stop going on the phone. Instead, work out, eat right, and start going to clubs: Chess club, garden club, church, etc.
I suggest he go back to school and at least get a GED. There’s still lots of job opportunities but many require that minimum education. Especially if he wants to eventually have a long lasting career one day. If he can give up the weed, I suggest the military. Great start when you don’t know what you want to do.
Tell him to join the military. He’ll learn responsibility and be provided with some traction to get his life in order.
Think Coast Guard or Air Force. Tell him to stop smoking weed before he does though.
What he does with that, you’ll have to wait and see.
Harsh reality: he is for all intents and purposes, a bum. Doesn’t make him a bad person, but let’s call a spade a spade.
He is totally unemployable even for the lowest end minimum wage jobs, and in his state he will never hold down a job if he could get one. You can’t fix that, only he can.
He needs to learn how to suck it up and interact with people, at a minimum. Next step would be reliable transport, and a GED. Also he needs to quit smoking weed, or at least be able to not do it during the work day: very, very few jobs will tolerate a stoned employee.
UPS is not the place if your buddy won’t do labor, that’s all the job is, & you can’t just become a post office clerk, do you know how coveted office jobs are in the USPS? If your buddy is going to set these limitations for himself, his income is going to be limited, that’s all there is to it player. If he is unwilling to work on him self and continue to just say “I can’t” his options for making any sustainable income are going to continue to be quite limited.
He might be able to pull off overnight unarmed security for a warehouse or parking garage. I had a buddy just like this. Great guy but just had issues. I got him a job doing overnight parking garage security. All he had to do was walk around the garage and answer the occasional question. It's literally one of the easiest jobs on the market. Pretty much all he had to do was show up on time.
I think the blame is the internet addiction....forget weed or family. I would tell his friend to drop the weed and vices and try to face reality. Unless he wants to live like this....I guess he can.
Given his limitations, remote work online seems like the best option. They likely wouldn’t even do a drug screening, if so it’ll be a urine test at one of those labs places, which can very easily be passed using synthetic urine.
This is so extreme but like… is weed legal in your state? If not and he got caught with it then he’d likely have to do court ordered community service and go to like a drugs anonymous meeting which MAY help him get out of the house, get some much needed social interaction, and give him the opportunity to stop smoking weed. My brother stopped smoking weed after he got in trouble and was given the same punishment. I only bring this up because I don’t really think there’s any options for him other than hitting rock bottom and choosing to change. Other than that I think maybe cutting him off as a friend is the only other option since he doesn’t really seem to want to help himself and you seem like you’ve done a lot for him.
Join military. If he can go through first few weeks, he will be fine. I have a friend like that but after he joined Navy, his life changed. Within 3 years in Navy, he able to buy a house in San Diego.
Your buddy is a burden on society due to his self-imposed limitations. Let’s pray he, nor his brother, procreate & pass their shitty genetic coding to anyone else.
He needs to either get on disability or suck it up in regards to these limiting. Meter reader could be a good job but those are going away due to smart meters
Bro needs to get checked up with doctors and either get care and on meds or labeled with a disability or called out for being a bum. One of these three good luck. He ain’t trying or has something wrong with him it starts with him quitting weed and being seen by doctors to get help and figure out what’s up with that brain chemistry he is battling
He is a bum. He's a pot head too. Like ok we get it a lot of ppl are coming out with mental health related issues. Those are not excuses. Maybe do night shift at Tim Hortons. There's practically no one that goes to Tim's or the very least a lot less foot traffic compared to day shift. Get some exp and maybe then he can work at a warehouse overnight
My first thought is that he should probably see a psychologist to help him with his mental health if he is not already. Being unemployed should qualify for charity care. One time when I was unemployed, I saw a therapist for a year, free of charge to work through time management and relationship issues. He needs to get his GED otherwise it will be near impossible for him to get a job. UPS will not hire without HS or GED; the Post Office is a Federal job, which makes it more difficult to get hired. Being able to drive is equally important because jobs want to know that a person is reliable and has transportation.
While weed is now legal in many states and most employers can't refuse employment based on a positive drug test for THC, it is still a gray area. For example, Federal jobs can still refuse employment and require a clear background check because it is a government job. Jobs like UPS have machine operators and safety procedures. They may refuse employment for safety concerns seen as a liability. Most day jobs will require social interaction, not so much with overnight jobs stocking shelves at a grocery store. Not sure how he can afford weed, but it's likely that the weed isn't helping his mental state and motivation. If he is unable to make progress it will be complicated for him to get onto disability. It requires seeing many doctors and getting multiple diagnoses and documentation to prove that he is incapable of working, seeing as there are no physical limitations.
I am sympathetic to mental health because I have depression and a degree of anxiety that makes socializing difficult. I find it difficult to use the phone for calls as I can't make eye contact or hear clearly. As an introvert, I refrain from making plans like spending time with friends or family. Texting and forums are easy for me, and face-to-face communication is fine. Despite being in special education most of my life, I was grateful to finish high school. I attended a year trade institute for computer programming and science, which was a hobby and passion of mine. I started working at 16 in fast food, which is a decent first job that can help a person develop a work ethic. I didn't get my license until I was 22, despite owning a car that I paid cash for two years prior. I was motivated to get my license because I wanted the independence to come and go from my job without relying on or inconveniencing anyone.
Unfortunately, He's going to have to decide between the things he CAN'T do and the things he doesn't WANT to do. Your post didn't say that he cant drive just that he doesn't (want) to. Unfortuntely, very few jobs meet all these requriements without requiring advanced education or knowledge of some sort
Here are his options if he (can't) have social interaction:
Amazon warehouse
Any warehouse job
Lyft
Doordash
Instacart
Options if he (can't) drive:
Medical billing
Daily WFH Email listings (Ratracerebellion.com/ WAH Job queen)
Insurance
Claims
His only other option is to go back to school or self study for certifications that could land him in tech or medical coding or something
Forgot to add, the work from home job listings (WAH Job queen) also have options for fully online roles that requrie no phone
(Think Telus, Liongate, Datacamp, transcripting etc.) I got approved for one before so it's legit. The catch is, the pay is not that great, unless he dedicates a significant amount of time to doing the projects, he won't make more than say $14 an hour
Everyone helping him is enabling him to stay that way. Make him fight to eat and he will survive or die. Put your resources into people that deserve it because he doesn’t.
Once I read the edit, it all made sense. I’ve known people like this before, and all of the bullet points you listed (for the ppl I know) were basically the same, but it all boiled down to them being lazy because they were raised to be lazy because their parents/guardians were. They never showed up to school, never put any effort into anything, and basically just did the bare minimum to exist. Of course, when your life has very little meaning and you have basically zero sense of accomplishment, mental issues are a byproduct of that. I would say the first thing your friend needs to do (other than actually have a desire to do something with his life) is to change his environment. If he tries to better himself then returns to a home full of people trying to do the bare minimum, he’ll fall right back into it. It’s really easy to do nothing, so the first step is to get into an environment that makes doing nothing a little harder. As far as a job with his current qualities, he's going to be extremely hard pressed to find anything that wont require some sort of motivation on his part.
People like this are a well you cannot fill. He has to help himself before you can help him. First off stop smoking pot. Unemployed and no job but he has money for pot. That’s a hard no for me.
A lot of these are fixable and 24 is still young. He has to want to fix these though…nobody can do it for him.
1. Quit the weed or at least reduce it
2. Learn to drive
3. Get a GED or go to a trade school. I don’t think all jobs require a diploma
4. Get therapy for social anxiety or other social issues
5. Find reliable transportation (maybe a buddy could chip in here)
Also sounds like he might have undiagnosed ADHD, autism, or depression etc…..those can be fixed with therapy and medication if needed…. Like glasses correct vision
All you can do is support and maybe nudge here and there.
He’s clearly disabled. It’s only the USA that seems really obsessed with the idea of a disabled person being a “drain on society” and forcing them to ‘know their place’ and do shitty menial minimum wage work.
No. Let’s let him be a free loader and everybody else can pay for it. Also let’s have him take somebody else’s benefits who actually needs them. Plenty of people who work hard and do their best can’t even get a little help to scrape by. The fact a loser like this gets anything is a joke.
If he has limitations legitimately, he needs to be on disability. Otherwise, if doctors say nothing is wrong, or nothing that explains the severity of symptoms, he can work and is being lazy. End of story.
You need to introduce your buddy to a military recruiter. It sounds like all of his issues are learned traits from his shitty home upbringing. Get him outta there.
He needs to get his health, mind, and priorities aligned, and in that order. If he's truly determined to be alone, being a developer would a suggestion. Lotsnof studies can be self taught through online courses or videos. And once they're working, rarely needing to socialize except to check in coding and project phases.
This is the new “American Dream” now, to live off of the backs of others and get to sit at home watching tv, scrolling through your phone, or playing video games. I didn’t even know about unemployment pay until I moved to Michigan where people were constantly trying to figure out how to get on unemployment or disability or scheme a lawsuit. No joke, I had numerous relatives trying to get on disability as soon as they turned 18. They think it’s a rite of passage now. It’s insane.
He clearly doesn’t give a fuck. There is a reason I lose thousands per year off my pay. It’s because of people like him. Somebody who can work but instead chooses to smoke weed all day and be a loser.
I am relaxed. I’m blaming a free loading loser who mooches off of everybody else. The only role the government has in that is tolerating his existence as menial as it is.
My friend is socially awkward never had a job eats off food stamps, oh yeah and his brother mother and grandmother? Oh yeah all the same boat. Oh did I mention FOOOD STAMPS AND SSI?
See if maybe he can grab jobs off fiver. There are things like a service where you get calls to help the blind (I can remember the name right now)
Maybe could volunteer at the aspca or something like that maybe?
Task rabbit might be a good way to go to start building some " work credits" ( I don't know what to call them but with a large enough 'portfolio' of jobs completed he could say he has been on contract work or maybe self employed?
There are things like Amazon mturk. It doesn't make alot but can be done from a computer.
Maybe make tik toks to try to help him " get out there?" Or a YouTube channel? These things can be turned to video creation.
Perhaps have him take some assement tests to see of he is geared toward something?
Can you help him learn to drive? (Not always an option I know)
Wag can pay you for walking dogs but there test is not forgiving. I made a single mistake and the page changed making me fail and they have refused for the last years to let me retake. They said their "policy" states that any applicant may only apply and test once so be aware.
I'm just throwing out ideas. He is going to need help to get out of the spot he is in. Might not be easy, but you seem like a good person who wants to help. Just try to brush off anger or anything and keep helping. Try to be supportive without enabling maybe? Stick to small places that need help, they might be more likely to give some one a chance.
You have good intentions, but your friend isn't employable in his current state and needs to want to change. He is not a competitive hire even for the most basic of jobs, nor does he meet most basic requirements (reliable transport, diploma or GED, etc). If he's receiving food stamps, he likely has a state case worker who can perhaps help evaluate what he needs to do to get his life on track. Living in abject poverty with other unemployed family isn't helping. Ultimately, something has got to give. The world won't bend around him and his issues.
I was thinking the same thing, I kept telling him that this is next to impossible in his current state/mindset
There is only so much you can do. I have a family member who has similar traits as your buddy and you can't let them bring you down or diminish your own accomplishments. In my experience, two things could happen: 1. Your friend reaches his late 20's, looks around, and sees his friends and peers advancing in their careers, having relationships, and starting legitimate families. That inspires your friend to take action and act mature. 2. Your friend sinks further into his ways, enabled by those around him, and gets a chip on their should about how unfair the world is. Protect yourself. Don't let him bring you down or waste your precious time.
This. My husband and I took in an old friend that was in his low 30s. Same traits but just a bit older and could drive. We were working at a community college so we immediately connected him with the free GED classes - but his mindset created a situation in which he took far too long to get the GED, then it turned into far too long to get a job after the GED, then it turned into where my husband batted for him for a job that turned sour cus of the friends actions (friend got fired and tarnished a bit of my husband's reputation). My husband and I finally said enough and gave him the boot. He's been able to pick up jobs and a place to stay now because of the industry (maintenance/facilities for apartments), but he still has no drive and has been fired multiple times from different places with a variety of excuses. When we gave him the boot, he was very quick to play the victim and cast us as the villains - a tune he's been playing all his life. It was a hard lesson to learn as we wasted our time, it cost us money, and what we thought to be a good friendship - some people can't and/or shouldn't be helped.
You did a good thing, it’s sad that it wasn’t appreciated.
It's nice of you to want to help, but you should evaluate the time and energy you're putting into this. If they don't wanna help themselves are they dragging you down more than you're trying to help raise them up?
I’ve kinda been through this, (anxiety) lack of work, etc. the only thing that helped me was the push to change my life and make a change for myself and help from my family and their understanding. I uprooted myself and by doing so I actually fell into a deeper hole thus making my anxiety worse. I went through the nessicary steps(psychology, quitting weed(for the time) and doing what was good for me). Went on anti depressants and came out of them and never felt better since. The level of anxiety from then to now is astoundingly less. But the first step was me taking that first step to get myself some help
Sounds like he should be on disability.
I said the same thing.
💯💯💯 Can drop the mic with this one.
I was thinking the same. Most jobs will require a GED and to pass a drug test, which he has/can do neither.
Right? OP's buddy isn't employable. A high school dropout who smokes weed all day, has untreated anxiety, won't drive, won't do hard labor, and won't interact with humans? What job does the buddy reasonably think they can do when they likely spend most of their time being a recluse.
I had a friend years ago that had cerebral palsy. She ended up finding work transcribing closed captioning for the hearing impaired. She found that job through her disability case worker, so it's possible to find work that doesn't necessarily deal with the public. However, those jobs are highly sought after and most likely exclusive to people with preferential hire ( veterans, the disabled, etc). OP's friend's only hope may be to say screw it and join the military. Then at least he would have a job, housing, food, and a clear career path. Even if he ended up getting out of the military, there are TONS of jobs that are preferential to veterans. Edit: He would also probably get the opportunity to get his GED and some college credits or trade training in the military.
To be fair, your friend with CP had a legitimate disability. They just didn’t choose to stay at home all day, smoking weed and having untreated anxiety. There’s a difference there.
100% agree, you're right.
I hate to sound harsh, but the first step in this is him taking responsibility for where he is at in his life. Any help you give him is only going to fall flat until he changes the way he manages his life. It sucks, but you can’t solve his problems.
I understand that, I haven't given him money or anything but I don't think he has the mental strength to accept responsibility if that makes sense
I feel it’s not so much getting him to accept but getting him to understand that place he’s in isn’t ideal for anyone
Hi. I'm in the same situation (minus the weed). If he doesn't have the mental strength to accept responsibility, even if he gets a job, it probably won't last. For me, it took some sort of dire wake-up call, and the support of my friends and family It wasn't just the support though- in reality, they'd been supporting me the entire time. I just never felt comfortable accepting their help. Does he have any dreams or aspirations? That was one of the biggest things holding me back- feeling like it was "too late" for me to achieve what I wanted to achieve.
Tell him to be an adult and stop being a coddled little child. This is a grown adult.
If hes not able to muster the motivation to do something, life will force him to at some point. He’s not hit rock bottom yet, sadly some people need to hit that rock bottom before they make changes. His circumstances don’t afford him the luxury of not being responsible, unfortunately. Desperation can be the purest form of motivation. Hope he’s able to dig himself out of this hole
It sounds like he needs counseling first. Would he go? The way things are now, he couldn't hold a job if he got one. You are a very good friend to try to help him!
This is a terrible justification. The mental strength to accept that it’s hard to get a job when you won’t get educated, won’t do anything physically demanding, won’t talk to more than 1 person and won’t have any ability to get to work?
That list is the ultimate recipe for a bad employee.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves
Can you help me help myself (but I don’t want to do any of the work)? Asking for a friend
Does he want a job? It doesn’t remotely seem like it. Ask him what he thinks he can do. You are doing too much for him already. Part of having a job is getting job.
The guy needs to start exercising, going for walks and challenging himself rather than leaning into his comfort zones and all his usually barriers he has gathered into his pets. Stepping out from his family’s ways is the first big step. So it’s not a lot of individuals that break this family of origins issue. He could volunteer to gain skills but he has to get over the need to be coddled at all aspects of his life.
And stop smoking weed. If he’s so anxious that he can’t interact with more than one person at a time, he needs to lay off the weed, go to a psychologist to learn management techniques, and see a psychiatrist to see if it’s a disorder that would benefit from medication.
Damn pushing mid to late 20s with no education, no social interaction skills, no transportation, and no experience is wild… What has he been doing this whole time?! Lmao Unless he has a disability, Bro needs to lock in or else he is lowkey kinda of cooked ngl 😭💀…
I believe at any age a person can make a change and earn a decent living. It all comes down to how bad do they want it. There are many people that started over at 40s.. This guy needs to quit smoking weed so he becomes bored af which will force his ass to take action
At the bare minimum, the money for the weed should be used for other things, like food and transportation.
Your last sentence is exactly it. Remove the crutches and coping mechanisms, and you're left with either doing or dying. People need to understand how pain isn't inherently bad in itself but rather a signal that action must be taken in order to fox or improve an issue.
Exactly…it’s not over at least until one hits the grave…. Everyone ages differently and some hold jobs into their 70s
Entire Family is so useless…
I don't like to put value on people's ability to work...because inherently, we are more than what we do... but yeah, unless disabilities are involved, this is a case of horrible self responsibility
That is not your fight brother
Warehouse type jobs maybe? He's gotta learn to socialize with people first of all if he cant get past that he'll never get a job anywhere
step 1 for your friend: no weed step 2:get out the house, do anything, walk outside every day, ride a bicycle outside every day. step 3: after step 2, get a hobby other than smoking weed/doing drugs. step 4: meet people through the hobby, overcome social limitations step 5: head to the library or city hall and ask about GED programs step 6: get a GED step 7: get an entry level job such as a cashier, front desk, etc he WILL need some capacity to interact socially for almost any job step 8: profit. Your friend has limitations beyond a job that will stop him from getting one. His whole family is unemployed and it's going to take him discipline and learning healthy habits to get out of that life, especially when he's most likely surrounded by enablers. It's going to take motivation. And if he's spending what little money he's got on weed(which makes people lazy and could be contributing to his social anxiety), then he's not going anywhere in life. I see his weed consumption as the first problem, and this is coming from someone who has used it recreationally before. It's an unnecessary expense and depending on how heavy his consumption is, weed is actually known to increase anxiety. If his fear of social interaction is this extreme, he also probably needs therapy. It has likely stunted him from developing necessary life skills. I'm assuming your friend receives financial assistance from the government, he may also receive medical assistance/aid and may have access to mental health help without even knowing it. Anyway, that's just my 2 cents and following these steps is what helped me get a job after high school when I was very depressed and didn't want to do anything. Your friend has an additional hurdle however and that's not having a GED so that should be on his to-do list.
This is laid out perfectly
Yes. He should print out that comment, laminate it, and suggest his friend stick it to his fridge.
This is almost exactly how I was going to respond. He needs to make changes to his life first, not apply to jobs right now. But he would need to take baby steps, making one change at a time, and replace bad habits while developing good ones Many people work with the public despite social anxiety, sometimes severe. I suffered severe depression and panic attacks/anxiety in high school as a young adult, and my first job was at Starbucks. I didn't believe I could handle the high stress involved. But I adapted quickly, got promoted and stayed for 3yrs before I moved on to a new field. I was also a pothead as a young adult, and I eventually decided to quit as it was holding me back from my goals. I use it very rarely now for severe migraines & I don't really like the feeling of being stoned anymore. And exercise does wonders for creating & boosting motivation to improve yourself. I was not in as such a low state as the guy described in this post, but I can certainly relate and affirm that is possible to change. But he would need to take it one step at a time so he doesn't give up and slide back into his old ways. There are certainly jobs that have limited social interaction, but he's going to need to work on that to even get a job. I would list some, but applying is going to be a waste of time. How will he handle interviews? I still get massively nervous before job interviews, and I talk to people all day. I research and practice extensively. It never gets easier, but some things in life you just have to accept & find what works best for you. You need some level of social skills for any job. I would definitely recommend he follow the steps here one at a time, and if possible, add that he should seek counseling from a therapist, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, etc. Therapy as a teen helped me immensely (esp looking back), and he may not have the right mindset to change unless he works through his mental heath illness. He needs a support system, and I dare say his family sounds like they really aren't one right now, or this list of issues wouldn't have gotten so long. If this does not work and his anxiety is that severe, he should still seek mental health care and then apply for disability. There would need to be a history of treatment. But it may not be a lost cause yet if he's open to suggestions or is giving a cry for help.
i know you said he’s not a bad person or a bum, but he’s definitely a bum. he needs to sort his life out before getting a job.
I think he is happy sitting on his bum collecting like the rest of his family
your friend is a bum no matter what you say. he sounds unhireable.
I'm gonna be square with you. He is a product of his environment. That doesn't mean he is beyond help, but it is not an easy proposition to break a cycle like that, especially if they aren't interested in breaking the cycle. He needs to stop smoking pot. He needs to get his GED. He needs to start taking care of his health. He needs to seek a shrink to figure out if he needs anti-anxiety meds or if it is purely psychological. He needs to start making small, positive changes in his life and the lives of those around him so that he can feel better about himself and to show himself that successes can happen. I am not calling him a lost cause, but he has to want to get himself into a new frame of mind and understand that without being the fulcrum of change, the only thing that happens is more of the same and if he's never had a job and continues down that path, there's no social security, no social security disability, your housing situation becomes more and more shaky. He's also going to, at some point, lose what may be his only friend due to all of this, which isn't what anyone needs.
It's not your job to help him, it was his parents job to not raise a child who makes excuses for being lazy. I have a brother who's this way and it was because of my mom. My dad had full custody but when he turned 18 he went to live with her and had been unemployed for over 20 years now. Imagine being 40 and having your mom pay for everything, go out of their way daily to bring you food for every meal. At the end of the day you should probably find a new friend. He's only going to drag you down as the years go by.
Maybe he needs to see a therapist/psychiatrist
No health insurance
It really sounds like this guy has dug himself an immense hole and has no desire to get out of it
No jobs exist for him sadly. He needs psychological help and support.
This condition sounds generational and you can't fix that as you already know. You as many of us have seen people who have limitations as you call them, working. Your friend puts more effort into doing nothing than trying to better himself. You need to focus on your own progress and expand your circle of friends.
The weed might be his biggest weakness. Smoking loads of pot actually induces anxiety and make you extremely unreliable. Get him clean from that garbage and he'll be a better person. Until then he actually is a bum in most people's eyes.
I have to disagree with a comment pot does not induce anxiety nor does it make ypu unreliable regardles of how much you smoke! I never stop moving or doin something, im never late early mostly, if i say ill be there ill be there, i help run a small company! And guess what i smoke a shit ton of weed every day for the last 30 years and not just weed but high powered concentrate no breaks. Im none of your reefer madness comments! You are wrong on every point you made against something you 9bviousily have no experience with. I do fully agree with you that weed is number 1 problem for this dude . Weed does not cause problems unless ypur head is broken already and this dude needs professional help not self medicating. To the op bro respect for having your boys back but there comes a time whem you did what you could, dude gonna lose a real friend. Thats will be a devestating lose that he will relaize to late
You can only bring some up if they want to as well. Move on, sorry.
Nothing you can do here, the ball is in his court. He can either take control of his life and become a member of society or he can stay on the edge forever. However legitimate his issues may be life is hard and he’s gotta figure them out if he ever wants to make anything of himself.
Just curious, how does he get the money for weed without a job?
I am sure at least one person in the family is on SSI, so the answer is: the government.
Sounds like the only job he can really do would be something online. Idk what that would be since he doesn't want to deal with people. But if he can't get anywhere, that's the only avenue I can think of
Assuming you are in the US... Because of his extreme health issues he might qualify for social security disability. But applying involves a lot of paperwork and they may ask that the person get vocational training or try few jobs before they'll even consider it. (I'd call it a long shot for most people depending on the health issues.) Your county's adult social services office should offer more than food assistance in terms of outline available support and resources. He should look into vocational training or other support through the county. Or visit the local social security office to get information about the disability application process. (Not saying any of this will work out. Our systems are not exactly designed to favor non-capitalistic pursuits, IMO.)
Yeah, tried suggesting it but disability seems like a hard thing to get at a bare minimum since transportation is a issue
He has to do something for himself at some point.
He does not deserve disability. Disability is for people with a genuine disability. Tax payers shouldn’t pay for his lifestyle because he’s lazy
Face it, your friend is going to shoot down every suggestion you make. There will always be a reason it won't work. Stop making his problems your problems or he will just drag you down too.
If he has money to buy weed, presumably from the family's social security income, he should first make the step to quit smoking weed and save what money he can get to put towards transportation. Either public transportation, or Uber/Lyft. AFAIK SSD (disability) benefits are calculated based on your lifetime income. But if someone has never worked or cannot work at all, they must have some other way of calculating it. Either he needs to make the first step to change by quit smoking & seek out necessary resources, or continue on this path. If the wish is for a WFH/remote job, those are highly competitive & desirable, and without a diploma or GED, social skills, or experience that will be extremely difficult to get. Check out the state's employment assistance programs, mental health programs for low income families, and the local social security office for help. But if suggestions keep getting shot down & excuses are made, rather than looking for solutions, I would leave it alone. The desire to change comes from within.
He’s fucked. I don’t say that lightly or with any meanness or judgment. I’m an older version of your friend. I’m 43 and homeless with no money, friends, or hope. Sometimes people get broken in various ways: abuse, trauma, head injury, addiction, etc… These people, sometimes, just never get better. This world is not set up for The Broken. You usually end up fucked, like I am. Sorry for your friend.
This is the most accurate and helpful answer.
Not all hope is lost. At least you're aware of your situation.
Not to hijack the comments, but absolutely all hope is lost. I haven’t eaten in two days and have no gas in my car. I’m going more insane by the day. Some of us just get dealt shitty hands and then we suffer until we die. 🤷♂️
Bro I'm relieved you're still here
I’m not. I pray for death everyday.
Hi! If you are in a really desperate and dire situation for extra change please look up "wahjobqueen.com" and sign up for the email listing (https://www.wahjobqueen.com/) Every day she posts new listings of remote work whether it be call center or little cash gigs you could save. I got one from there before (Appen) which just pays for you to do little projects that add extra change I didn't need it at the time, but the site IS legit and posts daily. Good luck, don't give up.
For food, go to dunkin right before closing. They throw out their remaining pastries and will most likely offer you one for free (happened to me the other day)
Sometimes you can’t help
He could try some online work from home jobs. There are some that are no interview, no experience and just require you to do surveys online or take a test to qualify. Stuff like SEO evaluator or AI trainer. Survey sites require even less. Also, mystery shopping (they reimburse you for whatever they have you buy, but he would have to go into public and usually ask an employee a question to evaluate their customer service). Granted, these all pay very little, but maybe if he got a taste of having extra cash, he’d want to have more of it.
quite frankly, your friend is a lost cause. He is the stereotype that older people refer to about the younger work force. maybe it's harsh to say but he's just a loser who will never do anything of value unless he gets his shit together first. No one in thier right would hire this guy
He could be a gardener like mowing grass instead of smoking it. Actually, being a landscaper could be a blessing in his life. It’s the only job my autistic brother could do.
I thought about jobs like this, or any kind of work "in the field," but he says "no hard labor." Just about anything I can think of there is a reason/excuse it's not possible, and OP is shooting down suggestions in the comments. He also says he has no transportation. But, I will add my own suggestions anyway. Maybe it will help this person eventually, or someone else. - Kennel attendant at a vet hospital, or an animal shelter. That requires minimal social interaction. I worked in the veterinary field for many years and have known many kennel attendants with little social skills and various mental or medical issues, but they were still great at taking care of the animals and keeping the hospital clean. - Night stock clerk at a retail/grocery store - Security guard - Maintenance crew at an apartment complex - Truck driver - level of labor involved varies, depending on who you work for. But you can make very good money & its in demand. My ex went this route and makes six figures. He would need to sort out whatever the transportation issue is first though and learn to be a safe driver. - A janitor at a hospital or hotel - Overnight shift at a bakery prepping bread/baked goods - Work at a library as a librarians assistant - Rover app for dog walking/pet sitting (if in a large enough residential area he may not even need a car) - Online jobs/gigs such as transcribing/closed captions for hard of hearing and chat supprt exist but are highly competitive and difficult to get without meeting basic job requirements. Like another user mentioned, there is also paid work for writing reviews & taking surveys. Just do your research beforehand to make sure you're not getting scammed before taking an online "job" that doesn't even require an interview. Most of these jobs would all require training of some sort. But again the guy *has to get to a place where he is employable first.* Hell, even volunteer at a homeless shelter, if only once a month. It would be rewarding and give a sense of accomplishment, plus it may give him the boost of motivation to avoid ending up in a similar spot one day. And it will build social interaction skills. You're not interacting with high level business executives, or frustrated customers, but people who are suffering in a low place just like yourself. It could be really helpful in multiple ways.
He needs to quit weed. He is married to his limitations and anyone who says they have xyz wrong with them is normally overexaggerating, if he want to change bad enough he will do whatever means necessary. When he quit smoking, the fog will lift, and life will become boring which will motivate him to get a job. If the guy isn't listening, take your attention away from him because right now with you around, weed and everything else, he is in comfort
It sounds like his anxiety is causing him to just not be productive in life. He needs to get that under control if he wants to have any success in life but if this is something he is never able to manage there is no shame in accepting he will never have a normal job in his life.
What kind of health issues?
Needs a change of pace or something to reflect and improve on as he seems set in his ways. Writing a journal, blog or video diary, and reflecting on it is kind of a self help jargon that one needs to take for the first step of getting out of the comfort zone. However he has to want to change himself or he will revert back to his old ways.
If he has food stamps, he should have a case worker of some sort. In my state, if you're on EBT and are unemployed, it qualifies them for Medicaid (which will arrange transportation to medical appts, either a bus pass or paratransit in rural service regions), job retraining funds including finishing a GED online/testing fees/a pathway into a trade or college, and more. Varies elsewhere as I admit I do not live in a place that has hacked at those benefits. So without prodding too much, this seems like a dynamic he simply isn't willing at this time to change. Not without the medical issues documented. Wouldn't want to suggest the military as it's possible with the anxiety/socializing issues, service will eat him up and then eject him without any benefit if he resists anything there (likely an entry level separation but if he manages to get through basic, could be worse which would be carried through the rest of his life). Tl;dr: If his health issues are truly that extreme, he won't get a job until those are diagnosed and treated. You can help get him in the door at a regional health clinic for low income individuals, but it's on him to follow through. If nothing comes from it, be prepared to either accept him as he is or...walk away as it's not your responsibility to be his parent.
Make sure his mental and physical health is in check before starting efforts. It will hinder from step 1. First I’d attempt to get a GED. Second, I’d get a permit at the very least, he needs a form of identification and somewhere to get him started. Third, maybe… get a lindedin and indeed profile.
Having those two accounts won’t do anything if he has no experience and no skills. Dude needs to at least volunteer or something. Even retail won’t look at him at this point.
Those 2 will help him see what’s in the area. See what requirements are needed for those types of jobs and see if it interests him.
There are people who are on the spectrum but not enough to be regarded mentally disabled. It can be hard for them to get a job but nearly impossible to get a disability status. --> So I am partially ok with these: 24 year old, doesn't want to drive, no high school diploma, can't do any social interaction, can't do hard labor, never has a job, extreme anxiety and health issues, very unreliable all of the above are things a person on the spectrum could easily have. --> I am absolutely not ok with this: "smokes a lot of weed"! If he wants to be a bum that is how you become a bum. In the best case scenario he could do some part time job where he lives if it is available. So he can earn some money but not fully commit to a full time job that will work his anxiety up.
If you want to hurt your friend help him get disability. I once knew someone who said, why should I get a job when all I have to do is walk to the mail box.
What does your friend think of his situation ? Does he feel the same urgency you do, to change his everyday life ? Did he ask for help whether to you or anyone else ? These questions are important, because you can't help someone who doesn't express the need to be helped or guided, and i don't mean express it vaguely, but clearly and is already trying and attempting to better his life.
I understand that relationships aren’t transactional, but ask yourself whether you should still be buddies with this guy. Good friends may go through tough times but ultimately lift each other up. Bad friends may be nice people but will consistently drag you down.
I actually wondered how comes they are buddies at this point. Not to sound harsh, i commend him for trying to help his friend, but maybe it is also worth wondering why he is friend with this guy, does it say something about him ? Maybe it's worth pondering on this question, this should probably more urgent for OP to think about.
I would get him to relocate to a city. More opportunities. Sounds like he's living semi-rural? With no reliable transport.
Doesn't have enough funds to even move to a city, plus he can't do with the sounds and people that come with living in a city
Like many others here, I do not want to sound mean or harsh, but honestly, all I am seeing is here is rationalization and reasons he “can’t” or “won’t” or “doesn’t want to”. He needs the pipe down and start figuring out how he can and will. All of us have to do things we don’t want to do from time to time. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.
People have to be willing to do the WORK to help themselves before you could even think about assisting. For some people, frequent weed use actually creates anxiety. The first step maybe to get a physical and get off of the weed..
He needs to work on himself. Any employer willing to take a chance on him will give up after he misses his 3rd day in his first week.
The first start is the GED that does not require dealing with others & can be done online. Next get him signed at healthcare.gov he needs to visit a doctor ask him to be honest in that appointment. He needs to go to the career center at a technical college in your area. Best of luck! TLDR-He needs to work on completing 1 thing let him pick and commit.
You've done all you can. This friend sounds like he is unwilling to make any changes to his lifestyle. He's an adult. He needs to start acting like one and take responsibility. If he's truly socially crippled, then perhaps he should look into permanent disability.
Has he tried to file for disability, given he seems to have mental problems dealing with social activity? If he gets in with that, there are government programs that help people like him find work suitable to their needs.
He's been trying to for years but he only got his ID last month and hasn't been able to go to any government office to get the proper paperwork since no one can/will drive him there.
>He's been trying to for years but he only got his ID last month and hasn't been able to go to any government office to get the proper paperwork since no one can/will drive him there. This is the best way you can help. By assisting him to reach the agencies that can guide him through the processes. Both the country case worker and the federal office.
You can start the application process online. Is there a deeper level of paperwork needed for him?
Disability. His mental issues keep him from maintaining a job. Get him diagnosed with something, autism or agoraphobia or SOMEthing that’s causing all of this and then do disability
Neurodivergent perhaps self medicated with marijuana. He needs to see a doctor. ADHD paralysis, throw high functioning autism or general anxiety disorder and yep… frozen. Until he sees a professional to explore avenues and a medical plan with or without meds, it won’t change. My adhd meds changed my life and I didn’t go seek help till last year, I’m 43 and female so I present different but yeah. Sounds like a lot of ahdh audhd men I know and have done research about
Sounds like your buddy should try to get Medicaid and pursue disability. If these are sincere struggles he has to cope with, he probably had a mental health issue. If that’s not the case, he will change his tune when he doesn’t have food
He should go to the military.
A lot of that is completely changeable for him.
Your buddy needs to change his mindset otherwise he will be in the same position or worst in 20 years. Maybe he can find some volunteer work to build confidence and get some faith in himself. But he really needs to take ownership of his own life, holding his hand won't be much help if he doesn't do his bit.
Poor loser needs a role model.
I’ve had friends like yours. I think a lot of the advice in this thread is good, and suggesting those to him are fine. But at the end of the day only he can make the necessary changes in his life. He has to be the one to take initiative.
You’re putting too much energy on someone that might just be quitting a job.
What he is doing during the day? He could improve his chances of finding a job if he learned something; maybe a new language? Maybe some manual skill? Doing anything (even if it will turn out to be pointless) is better than not doing anything. Though, does he want to change his life? 'Cause many people don't want to, but at the same time don't want to sound like a lazy bum, so they complain. Sadly, other than encouraging him and telling him that you believe in him, you can't do much more at the moment.
He sounds like he's the problem man not the jobs. He probably needs a serious change of mentality to be successful at anything. With that being said hospitals are ALWAYS Hireing cleaning staff, especially for overnight. In times that iv needed an emergency job that's what iv done.. Yea its overnight but it's literally the easiest job on earth. Your push your cart around and clean stuff. No one to bother you or micromanag you. It usually even pays better then most other low skill jobs.
He needs to lay off the weed. That shit is terrible for anxiety and depression. I bet some of his issues resolve just doing that.
Get him a referral to a disability support worker. He should apply.
You can lead a horse to water... At the end of the day, your buddy has to want to work.
Where does he get the money for that much weed? Hopefully not from poor grandma
Try disability. Nothing else comes to mind. There are people who for a myriad of reasons are just unemployable.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 seriously? He sounds like a bum.
You've told us all the bad things about your friend. What are the good things about your friend?
So here is a start: Stop smoking weed, stop playing video games, stop going on the phone. Instead, work out, eat right, and start going to clubs: Chess club, garden club, church, etc.
I suggest he go back to school and at least get a GED. There’s still lots of job opportunities but many require that minimum education. Especially if he wants to eventually have a long lasting career one day. If he can give up the weed, I suggest the military. Great start when you don’t know what you want to do.
Tell him to join the military. He’ll learn responsibility and be provided with some traction to get his life in order. Think Coast Guard or Air Force. Tell him to stop smoking weed before he does though. What he does with that, you’ll have to wait and see.
Harsh reality: he is for all intents and purposes, a bum. Doesn’t make him a bad person, but let’s call a spade a spade. He is totally unemployable even for the lowest end minimum wage jobs, and in his state he will never hold down a job if he could get one. You can’t fix that, only he can. He needs to learn how to suck it up and interact with people, at a minimum. Next step would be reliable transport, and a GED. Also he needs to quit smoking weed, or at least be able to not do it during the work day: very, very few jobs will tolerate a stoned employee.
Dog walker or pet sitter.
UPS is not the place if your buddy won’t do labor, that’s all the job is, & you can’t just become a post office clerk, do you know how coveted office jobs are in the USPS? If your buddy is going to set these limitations for himself, his income is going to be limited, that’s all there is to it player. If he is unwilling to work on him self and continue to just say “I can’t” his options for making any sustainable income are going to continue to be quite limited.
Does your friend have any interest in the arts? Maybe he can try monetizing videos or doing commissions, or even streaming.
You can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you. Look out for a new friend otherwise he will drag you too.
He might be able to pull off overnight unarmed security for a warehouse or parking garage. I had a buddy just like this. Great guy but just had issues. I got him a job doing overnight parking garage security. All he had to do was walk around the garage and answer the occasional question. It's literally one of the easiest jobs on the market. Pretty much all he had to do was show up on time.
I think the blame is the internet addiction....forget weed or family. I would tell his friend to drop the weed and vices and try to face reality. Unless he wants to live like this....I guess he can.
Given his limitations, remote work online seems like the best option. They likely wouldn’t even do a drug screening, if so it’ll be a urine test at one of those labs places, which can very easily be passed using synthetic urine.
Suggesting work is pointless until the real issue, lack of motivation, is resolved.
This is so extreme but like… is weed legal in your state? If not and he got caught with it then he’d likely have to do court ordered community service and go to like a drugs anonymous meeting which MAY help him get out of the house, get some much needed social interaction, and give him the opportunity to stop smoking weed. My brother stopped smoking weed after he got in trouble and was given the same punishment. I only bring this up because I don’t really think there’s any options for him other than hitting rock bottom and choosing to change. Other than that I think maybe cutting him off as a friend is the only other option since he doesn’t really seem to want to help himself and you seem like you’ve done a lot for him.
Join military. If he can go through first few weeks, he will be fine. I have a friend like that but after he joined Navy, his life changed. Within 3 years in Navy, he able to buy a house in San Diego.
Your buddy is a burden on society due to his self-imposed limitations. Let’s pray he, nor his brother, procreate & pass their shitty genetic coding to anyone else.
He needs to either get on disability or suck it up in regards to these limiting. Meter reader could be a good job but those are going away due to smart meters
Bro needs to get checked up with doctors and either get care and on meds or labeled with a disability or called out for being a bum. One of these three good luck. He ain’t trying or has something wrong with him it starts with him quitting weed and being seen by doctors to get help and figure out what’s up with that brain chemistry he is battling
He is a bum. He's a pot head too. Like ok we get it a lot of ppl are coming out with mental health related issues. Those are not excuses. Maybe do night shift at Tim Hortons. There's practically no one that goes to Tim's or the very least a lot less foot traffic compared to day shift. Get some exp and maybe then he can work at a warehouse overnight
My first thought is that he should probably see a psychologist to help him with his mental health if he is not already. Being unemployed should qualify for charity care. One time when I was unemployed, I saw a therapist for a year, free of charge to work through time management and relationship issues. He needs to get his GED otherwise it will be near impossible for him to get a job. UPS will not hire without HS or GED; the Post Office is a Federal job, which makes it more difficult to get hired. Being able to drive is equally important because jobs want to know that a person is reliable and has transportation. While weed is now legal in many states and most employers can't refuse employment based on a positive drug test for THC, it is still a gray area. For example, Federal jobs can still refuse employment and require a clear background check because it is a government job. Jobs like UPS have machine operators and safety procedures. They may refuse employment for safety concerns seen as a liability. Most day jobs will require social interaction, not so much with overnight jobs stocking shelves at a grocery store. Not sure how he can afford weed, but it's likely that the weed isn't helping his mental state and motivation. If he is unable to make progress it will be complicated for him to get onto disability. It requires seeing many doctors and getting multiple diagnoses and documentation to prove that he is incapable of working, seeing as there are no physical limitations. I am sympathetic to mental health because I have depression and a degree of anxiety that makes socializing difficult. I find it difficult to use the phone for calls as I can't make eye contact or hear clearly. As an introvert, I refrain from making plans like spending time with friends or family. Texting and forums are easy for me, and face-to-face communication is fine. Despite being in special education most of my life, I was grateful to finish high school. I attended a year trade institute for computer programming and science, which was a hobby and passion of mine. I started working at 16 in fast food, which is a decent first job that can help a person develop a work ethic. I didn't get my license until I was 22, despite owning a car that I paid cash for two years prior. I was motivated to get my license because I wanted the independence to come and go from my job without relying on or inconveniencing anyone.
He needs treatment for the anxiety. The he can hopefully he in a better place to Get a diploma or GED & gain some skills
Perhaps he can become a shepherd 🐑
Unfortunately, He's going to have to decide between the things he CAN'T do and the things he doesn't WANT to do. Your post didn't say that he cant drive just that he doesn't (want) to. Unfortuntely, very few jobs meet all these requriements without requiring advanced education or knowledge of some sort Here are his options if he (can't) have social interaction: Amazon warehouse Any warehouse job Lyft Doordash Instacart Options if he (can't) drive: Medical billing Daily WFH Email listings (Ratracerebellion.com/ WAH Job queen) Insurance Claims His only other option is to go back to school or self study for certifications that could land him in tech or medical coding or something
Forgot to add, the work from home job listings (WAH Job queen) also have options for fully online roles that requrie no phone (Think Telus, Liongate, Datacamp, transcripting etc.) I got approved for one before so it's legit. The catch is, the pay is not that great, unless he dedicates a significant amount of time to doing the projects, he won't make more than say $14 an hour
Security guard. Those things you listed are practically required.
Everyone helping him is enabling him to stay that way. Make him fight to eat and he will survive or die. Put your resources into people that deserve it because he doesn’t.
Once I read the edit, it all made sense. I’ve known people like this before, and all of the bullet points you listed (for the ppl I know) were basically the same, but it all boiled down to them being lazy because they were raised to be lazy because their parents/guardians were. They never showed up to school, never put any effort into anything, and basically just did the bare minimum to exist. Of course, when your life has very little meaning and you have basically zero sense of accomplishment, mental issues are a byproduct of that. I would say the first thing your friend needs to do (other than actually have a desire to do something with his life) is to change his environment. If he tries to better himself then returns to a home full of people trying to do the bare minimum, he’ll fall right back into it. It’s really easy to do nothing, so the first step is to get into an environment that makes doing nothing a little harder. As far as a job with his current qualities, he's going to be extremely hard pressed to find anything that wont require some sort of motivation on his part.
People like this are a well you cannot fill. He has to help himself before you can help him. First off stop smoking pot. Unemployed and no job but he has money for pot. That’s a hard no for me.
A lot of these are fixable and 24 is still young. He has to want to fix these though…nobody can do it for him. 1. Quit the weed or at least reduce it 2. Learn to drive 3. Get a GED or go to a trade school. I don’t think all jobs require a diploma 4. Get therapy for social anxiety or other social issues 5. Find reliable transportation (maybe a buddy could chip in here) Also sounds like he might have undiagnosed ADHD, autism, or depression etc…..those can be fixed with therapy and medication if needed…. Like glasses correct vision All you can do is support and maybe nudge here and there.
Where does he get the money for the weed from & maybe that is contributing to his problems
sounds like a giant baby
sounds like undiagnosed autism to me
He’s clearly disabled. It’s only the USA that seems really obsessed with the idea of a disabled person being a “drain on society” and forcing them to ‘know their place’ and do shitty menial minimum wage work.
No. Let’s let him be a free loader and everybody else can pay for it. Also let’s have him take somebody else’s benefits who actually needs them. Plenty of people who work hard and do their best can’t even get a little help to scrape by. The fact a loser like this gets anything is a joke.
So should he just starve to death? Or do you think that by not letting him have anything, he will suddenly from one day to another become employable?
I wouldn’t be opposed to him starving to death. If he has money for drugs he can figure out how to get food without the governments help.
Feel superior yet? Haha
That’s your government’s fault, not a random disabled person’s
If he has limitations legitimately, he needs to be on disability. Otherwise, if doctors say nothing is wrong, or nothing that explains the severity of symptoms, he can work and is being lazy. End of story.
You need to introduce your buddy to a military recruiter. It sounds like all of his issues are learned traits from his shitty home upbringing. Get him outta there.
He needs to get his health, mind, and priorities aligned, and in that order. If he's truly determined to be alone, being a developer would a suggestion. Lotsnof studies can be self taught through online courses or videos. And once they're working, rarely needing to socialize except to check in coding and project phases.
Market is bad for developers atm, let alone one like OP’s friend.
Uncle Sam and the US military can help you
This is the new “American Dream” now, to live off of the backs of others and get to sit at home watching tv, scrolling through your phone, or playing video games. I didn’t even know about unemployment pay until I moved to Michigan where people were constantly trying to figure out how to get on unemployment or disability or scheme a lawsuit. No joke, I had numerous relatives trying to get on disability as soon as they turned 18. They think it’s a rite of passage now. It’s insane.
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I said the same thing. What a loser.
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Been friends since middle school and I love him and I care about him even though i've moved far away?? Why are you so bitter?
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Very good chance this guy has a disability. No need to be a prick especially when you’re not even providing advice.
If he can sit home and smoke weed he can get off his lazy ass and get a job. Contribute to society instead of being a drain on it.
Her friend didn't ask to be apart of this shitty society , who gives a fuck what he does if his family enabled it
He clearly doesn’t give a fuck. There is a reason I lose thousands per year off my pay. It’s because of people like him. Somebody who can work but instead chooses to smoke weed all day and be a loser.
Relax buddy maybe blame the government while you're at it , blaming an individual and not seeing the bigger picture
I am relaxed. I’m blaming a free loading loser who mooches off of everybody else. The only role the government has in that is tolerating his existence as menial as it is.
Idk man a lot of vulgar insults towards someone who is not directly in your life. The government is the one transferring your money to him 🤔
You mean OUR money. It isn’t just mine. A lot of people end up paying for these losers.
Well I'm upset about it too, but I can't complain about things outside of my control. Can't hate the player, hate the game (capitalism)
Dang had to throw mom his brother and his grandmother under the bus two I know he’s got no support but jeeze 1 rock 4 kills
Too
You got it, I just don’t understand OP supposedly trying to help his friend but just shit on his family’s hole existence.
My friend is socially awkward never had a job eats off food stamps, oh yeah and his brother mother and grandmother? Oh yeah all the same boat. Oh did I mention FOOOD STAMPS AND SSI?
To be honest, I was just making you aware that the word you were looking for was T-O-O not T-W-O
Yea thanks I know there’s a difference I just suck at remembering the differences. 
Sometime you just gotta tell em to buck the fuck up and quit being a bitch. Worked for me when I was in that situation.
Disability
See if maybe he can grab jobs off fiver. There are things like a service where you get calls to help the blind (I can remember the name right now) Maybe could volunteer at the aspca or something like that maybe? Task rabbit might be a good way to go to start building some " work credits" ( I don't know what to call them but with a large enough 'portfolio' of jobs completed he could say he has been on contract work or maybe self employed? There are things like Amazon mturk. It doesn't make alot but can be done from a computer. Maybe make tik toks to try to help him " get out there?" Or a YouTube channel? These things can be turned to video creation. Perhaps have him take some assement tests to see of he is geared toward something? Can you help him learn to drive? (Not always an option I know) Wag can pay you for walking dogs but there test is not forgiving. I made a single mistake and the page changed making me fail and they have refused for the last years to let me retake. They said their "policy" states that any applicant may only apply and test once so be aware. I'm just throwing out ideas. He is going to need help to get out of the spot he is in. Might not be easy, but you seem like a good person who wants to help. Just try to brush off anger or anything and keep helping. Try to be supportive without enabling maybe? Stick to small places that need help, they might be more likely to give some one a chance.
How does he afford to smoke a lot of weed?
He is both a bad person and a bum
Sounds like a remote job will work best for your buddy
He should be trying to get on social security disability