T O P

  • By -

GuardianLexi

Yeah, I'm from the Betelgeuse system, this planet is easy to conquer. For your strategy you shouldn't even bother with weapons, just show up claiming that you're here to kill them all and enslave them, they'll go down without a fight, and you'll win easy this way.


sjqiaozbhfwj

Thanks!


SamePut9922

I thought yall evacuated cuz betelgeuse is gonna explode?


MR_DERP_YT

no they were just having a rave party


Valuable_Ant332

same thing


GuardianLexi

Yeah it's as that other guy said, rave party. We can actually just adjust the rgb settings of our star with those little rgb remotes humans have, it's a pretty normal occurrence for us.


omppelixx

Beetlejuice system⁉️⁉️


hornyboi_o

He doesn't plan to invade only France, though


yui_riku

France are the secret leaders of the world so it's fine


Beneficial-Range8569

Yeah earth is famously considered "Completely Harmless" in the number one bestseller, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


StrictlyInsaneRants

Nice try alien. But this planet is protected by America and Jesus.


sjqiaozbhfwj

Hehe, nice try at scaring me, I can see through your disguise, you are actually from the Polaris system, and this is my planet to conquer, not yours.


StrictlyInsaneRants

Curses! Foiled again. Muttlar. We must hurry up with our invasion plans.


Hamburger_Killer

Right away! Deploying our fleet in 30 minutes


killian1208

What's a minute? Who counts in minutes anyways? Why is it 30 minutes? Wouldn't 43 make more sense?


Hamburger_Killer

A minute it's a measurement tool used to calculate how much time spaghetti needs to boil, but can also be adapted to other processes that happen within the realms of time. Not 43 minutes, because that would take more time, and our enemies would invade earth first.


killian1208

Spaghetti doesn't boil, it's not a liquid, it's plasma!


Hamburger_Killer

My bad, im no expert on earth cuisine


qqqqqqqqqq123477322

We also have Santa Claus on our side bud. Lets just say, don’t come here unless you wanna get kringled 😈


sjqiaozbhfwj

Another day, another Person from the Polaris system trying to scare me. Dw I've seen [this video](https://youtu.be/5aGEHYeSaMk?si=yNGHnBsUEg1NJ0XN) so the Santa threat is just another poor attempt at scaring me. And Sol 3 will be ours, not yours.


Mikey9124x

Dont invade. it's a good trade planet. Simply remember the rules of acquisition and take over its economy. Advice brought to you by the planet Ferenginar.


Lost-Succotash-9409

Tell them you’ll give them a 4 day work week and they’ll join your without a fight


_Torens

We tell the truth here sir.


Lqmon_Square

I wouldn't


0rbitalys

Disguise yourself as a female of any mammalian species, but 8 foot tall, bipedal, and with every reproductive organ. They submit rather quickly to this according to my extensive research


Splurted_The_Gurt

Typical Andromedan, always thinking with your scrungis


4bsent_Damascus

in the club straight up thinking it. and by it I mean. haha. my scrungis


Xada_Nep_zealot

This was fact checked by ponies from planets Equus, Fequm VI, Acrab and Melosator.


QuaaludeConnoisseur

Make incredibly good drugs incredibly cheap and drop it in the inner-cities across the globe and wait for it to hit rural areas so you divide the population into the paranoid and the addicted


Far_Weekend_4956

Hi, Jupiterian here, the biggest obstacle, I’d say, is the continent they call “America”, due to all the people with weapons there, so I recommend destroying them first.


VexKeizer

I am from Uranus and I watched the documentary called "Independence Day" and I am here to inform you to destroy America LAST! Otherwise, you'll get wiped out before any substantial conquest.


AnComRebel

Yeah, sink a couple of their boats first! They tend to surrender right after that.


pipebombrater

zurp geep flort golp "We'll unite against you" 👩‍🦲👩‍🦲👩‍🦲. GORP SMEP PLORP ZIAUM 🤣🤣🤣👽👽


TheKingOfAllRats

Gloppgripp 👽: “Hitizn Zlorp mupp.” Golp 👨‍🦲: “Is this milk Gluten Free” 🤣🤣🤣


Dagreifers

https://preview.redd.it/9gpdoed8vi8d1.jpeg?width=524&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d02afe3610fd4351d4168bbdad7060215eefc4d


akinblack

Drop a nuke on one of the big countries and see them destroy themselves.


TOOOPT_

/ul I now genuinely want a destruction movie with this plot lol


elgattox

Then every nation would disappear and humanity would be doomed like 100%. But what also serves as a sidekick is showing some of your advanced tech with some funny triangles or shit that represents one big eye, That'll help you too.


manfroze

Reverse Watchmen


You_are_reading_text

Viable if you want to exterminate life on the planet, but it unfortunately makes the planet uninhabitable without extensive protective gear


_Torens

L imagine having organs which don’t adapt to radiation


Trt03

Do something the "British", who are aliens of Mars, never did, and claim the land of them. They can't do anything, they have no weapons and could not destroy the planet at any second


popcorn_kurnal

Our main weakness is stripping down naked and screaming I like cheese 69420 times, if you do this all humans will do the default dance and then die


sjqiaozbhfwj

Nice try, Martian. we Proximians aren't stupid. I can tell that you're trying to give me bad advice cuz you want this planet for yourselves. yall are less slick then the people from the Polaris system. Well, to bad Tripod, cuz your planet is next on my list.


popcorn_kurnal

Well jokes on you, WE NOW HAVE QUADRIPODS


matt_Nooble12_XBL

Our basis of power is from a landmass called “France”. Destroying France should cripple earth’s defenses


UncIe-Ben

Representative from Viltrum here, Earth isn’t yours to conquer.


sjqiaozbhfwj

Fuck you, I'll conquer Viltrum after I'm done with Sol 3


UncIe-Ben

https://preview.redd.it/byd3gfozre8d1.jpeg?width=298&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bbbde6c291917ec3e21cce93fb04cbf9f23d33f4


Benney9000

Isn't that planet a wildlife reservoir ?


sjqiaozbhfwj

Yeah, but there is an intelligent invasive species that might cause all the wildlife on Sol 3 to go extinct, so we gotta "control" this invasive species


Bean_cult

well in that case just glass ShitOuttaLuck3. not worth saving allat lmao


BlueBozo312

Wait a few years. This planet's inhabitants will make everything will all go to crap for them before then and your job will be easy.


HkayakH

Oh that's the planet Urath. Yeah the dominant species that lives there are extremely hard to kill. To defeat them you need to do to the beings what they call "sloppy toppy"


Tight-Sir9813

Hi, from the Arcturus system, just send a message to them simply saying: # Oil up.


HkayakH

No you cant!!! That planet is off limits! It is home to a very endangered species called the mosquito! Invading it could risk killing the 500 remaining specimens that still exist!


Shadowolf75

https://i.redd.it/bde9mbk72f8d1.gif Sex us


sjqiaozbhfwj

Nah, I only have sex with Venucians, they're hot


AntiHero082577

Just show up and say you’re gonna overtake their government, they’ll just…let you?


carelessscreams

Start with the landmass known by the humans as "Greenland"


sjqiaozbhfwj

Hah, we studied Sol 3's history, we know what Greenland is, you can't fool us Epsilon Eridanian, this Planet is ours. I'm gonna start the invasion of the landmass called "Arstotzka"


ohno_buster

just go over to them, with your giant mothership and like, make sure you position RIGHT under their nuclear silos, there should be some in the country known as "the united states of america" you see earthlings are so fucking stupid their nukes cannot launch or activate if something is directly above them, and then you order the earthlings to surrender to slavery with now way to defeat you trust me this works! it even worked for me in the invasion of UI\*00\`--3i in the GLo-()349 system!


xandyjames

Start by abducting various world leaders, the humans will not retaliate and will instead happily bow down to your rule. But I recommend giving them cool stuff like lightsabers to keep them satisfied.


SamePut9922

[tutorial](https://youtu.be/tybKnGZRwcU?si=su9ESJXaLAYFws_U)


Hk901909

Dave? This is your manager. I thought we talked about taking over planets in struggling systems like the Terra Solar System. Don't do it without me 😡😡😠🤬🇺🇸


Relyk0

I’m from the rim of the galaxy, and in my opinion you should use a railgun the size of a star. That works on most planets.


NicotineCatLitter

don't


D4Dreki

https://preview.redd.it/hv5kh77y2g8d1.png?width=972&format=png&auto=webp&s=cfd915570119f14839f23635d8b75c849eb09ef7


EasyToRememberName5

Look, people have tried, but you're gonna need protection. The first time something tried to invade they all died off from their viruses... Now, these fatal diseases appear to have permeated their minds, and the nonsense they speak at you may very well be able to kill you just as easily. If they say anything related to a "Sigma" or "Gyatt", kill them before they can say anything more. If you let them finish these foul curses, who knows what untold damage it could cause to you and your people...


TheKingOfAllRats

Kepler-186f resident here, I’d recommend attacks on the Canada. From my research, they are ruthless in in war. Sorry for any spelling mistakes, my native language is Jlob-Wumbo.


SG508

The cats are the rulers of this planets and should be you main concern, assuming they'll even care


Orioniae

Hello from the Orioninoan province of Mintaka. Politics are heavily polarised and currently there is also a conflict in the most warm areas because of a interest conflict of religion. Degrade the politic scene, polarize the people by using infiltrative information about religion. Various Star Eras ago, we were able to take the planet, but humans can be efficient predators and are able to smell fear and feast on it.


ThecodytreeYT

unfortunately you cannot invade this planet, only become enslaved by the beings they call “cats”


FunGroup8977

Doesn't matter bro. We'll be destroying ourselves at some point anyways


Huge-Grand6726

Wait for a few years they will destroy each other


PersecondBOOM

Don't even bother invading this planet. It's just bad. It has almost no interesting or useful biological species variety and almost no actually useful natural resource. The total population of all beings on this planet, including small useless insects, is less than 100k, so invading this planet isn't even worth it for slave power. Almost all animals on this planet hate living and intentionally pollute it, and while humans try to combat this, they are too stupid and lazy to do anything meaningful about it. Also, by now, both air and water of this planet is poisonous to all species that aren't from this planet.


Arandomtuxedocat

"Just go. Humans weak" https://preview.redd.it/hmlaa83u8i8d1.png?width=2045&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72fdcbe7deb6dd189cf12ad537b4aabfbd6510a6


SekiTheScientist

Easy, just turn us against each other and we will be gone in a no time. Ps. We are are already half way there on our own.


DoritoKing48

[Don’t](https://youtu.be/OcPqk-O-fD4?si=VoUaDUegfrOn_Q5D)


Mkultra1992

Come and safe is from ourselves


Blahaj-Lover

It's easy bro the rest of the planet doesnt matter capture the country they call the USA and that's all you need according to every alien movie they've ever made


UnlivingSkunk

There is nothing worthwhile there, just mine the asteroid belt farther away from the star that one orbits


rhager8422

Resident of Sirius here. It really depends on your technological prowess.Theyre barely past nuclear weaponry, so it should be easy pickings.


dastebon

Wait for few decades and we probably will kill ourselves


GenesisAsriel

Just launch a broadcast claiming to be God. They will surrender faster than Space France.


Ronyleno

You need to attack Poland first.


Significant_Air7913

use an ultra blast or something, now


hoemuncher728

wait a few years then everyone there will have already killed eachother and you'll be good to take over only downside is that it will probably turn into a nuclear wasteland so if you wanna take over for the natural resources you're kinda screwed


OpoFiroCobroClawo

Put motherships over every major “American” city, they’ll be too busy filming and editing it into a montage to fight back


Luicide

Take their leaders, Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-un and wait a few years. The planet will have fallen and you can enslave everyone without a problem


Copperred_Snake

Go to a place called “america” first. They do it in all the instructional videos.


Tracker_Nivrig

Just wait a few decades, we'll be pretty much gone by then due to the climate problems


DraftyMamchak

I am from Epsilon Eridani and you just have to spread misinformation and use their media to get them to do what you want them to do and the rest will be easy.


Acacona_yai

I don't recommend invading us, these are the things that will happened 1: you land in Oregon (land that we call The United States Of America, or Murcia for short) you will be greeted by black-suited ppl (and maybe the president) 2:you start invading countries and destroying cities and maybe at this time you captured Sacramento 3: the U.N gets mad at you because u are doing war crimes 4: they start doing a full-ass coalition against you (even mortal enemies such as Russia and the USA etc) 5: you conquer "South America" and for being a dum dum start doing more bad things 6: stalemate, you can't do more offensives, you are stuck in South America (to be more exact the Panama channel and the Amazonas). you open a new front on the old world and Africa and why not? all of the PSA putting Mexico in real danger 7: United Earth forms, prepare for the offensive that will violate all the things stated in the Geneva Convention (only applies to humans) 8: Mexico falls, the Panama channel falls, you try a new offensive in the USA, you conquer land to the Mississippi river, but...something feels off... the sites are desolated as ever, you have never seen that, but... you then hear a loud ***BOOM!*** A second sun appears in the sky, then three and four. 9: you are getting pushed back by the U.E forces, for some reason that you can't comprehend they somehow learned how to use your tech, you lost the old world, lost Asia, and then...in a desperate attempt to win the war you execute the largest offensive ever, hooray you managed to take out all of north and south America! now good luck trying to defend it from all the human landings you are gonna get + the radiation that kills you every second you breathe it! 10: you are losing Washington DC, Orlando,ottawa,brazilia, la Paz. Santo Domingo is now back in human control 11: you lose the war, they kick you out of the planet, and the winners are the humans (why tf did a whole ass essay 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮)


sjqiaozbhfwj

Yeah, but Earth is on their own, we just made an alliance with the Lunarians from Sol 3's moon, and the Venucians from Venus decided to help out. Your planet is done.


Acacona_yai

lmao the galactic council will get onto your asses the time you get near the moon


sjqiaozbhfwj

The Galactic Council fell apart after the 23rd Galactic war, get your history straight.


Acacona_yai

then I give you a straight tip to invade Earth: blow up the fucking white house and then land in conquer all of North America be careful on Vietnam and Afghanistan and do not, and I repeat **DO NOT** invade Russia during winter.


Ass_Spanking

You should know the natives of this planet does not have adrenaline, and definitely cannot stay fighting and alive after you shoot at them multiple times


sjqiaozbhfwj

Eh, it doesn't matter either way, we Proximians use wormhole blasters that immediately sends our enemies into the black hole Sagittarius A, so if our enemies got adrenaline then it's kinda useless. Anyways, thanks 4 the tip ig


Engineergaming26355

Don't mess with humans bro, it's not worth it. They breath oxidizers that slowly kill them from the inside every day and the atmosphere is made of rocket fuel


Agitated-Jackfruit34

Hey there buddy we all know that the section 3 of the Zhurenssta-Ct'zhr laws of life and the Universe makes so that we can't interact with any intelligent species that haven't reached civilization type 1 yet


that1dragonreddit

Hi, representative of Tau Ceti, you should start by invading the landmass they call Greenland since no humans live there anyways


timoromina

Go for france first, chances are they’ll just surrender


OutlandishnessAny492

Bring condoms just in case


WrightNottwell

Don't invade this planet, 71% of it's surface is covered in dihydrogen oxide, a dangerous liquid that has killed millions of earthlings throughout their existence


dickwizarde

I’m the creator of this planet if you even think if stepping foot on here you will regret it you clanker


lobreamcherryy

Just be yourself


Brilliant_Artist_851

Don’t, this planet sucks


corporealistic1

Don't, I'm an admiral from WISE 1049-5319 and I got my ass kicked by those heathens, it's better to have them as allies than enemies because they make quite good crew and shock troopers


KiaraMuller0511

yes you should do something humanity will not just destroy itself


TheMarketGardener_

Drop down directly on the peninsula on the eastern part of the so called ‘United states’. You will arrive in what is translated into ‘place of flowers’ so the locals will be very welcoming


Dabruhdaone

just send in a bunch of images of yourself, it worked yesterday when I did it


relentless_death

invade that big place called America first because they're the most intelligent and strongest


RecloySo

Always attack the US first. If that's too hard, head to Mexico


Rocket_of_Takos

Don’t everyone’s like worried about a thing, I don’t want you folks to go through the same thing.


Tot_danub3473

gnarp gnarp


Yamama77

AI of the planet is bad but since they are newer content they have broken shit like nukes and centipedes


Icy_Knee1437

Please don't invade that would make me unhappy


kai_ken_

As chief strategist for the military force of Kepler-22b, I can confidently assure you that the takeover of the planet shown can be performed with great ease considering your military might as allies to our planet. May I suggest the use of the isotope-316, 123rd element Axacreid (Ax) Particle Cannon to quote "blast the hell of out them?" If need be I would even be willing to assist so long as the spoils of war were to be distributed accordingly.


Sunfurian_Zm

Try destroying it from a distance, I'm afraid humanity might be contagious.


MEMESTER80

Disguise yourselves as the dominant species on the planet (Homospaians) and then turn all the billboards and signs to say things like "Obey" and "Consume"


Brendan765

Hi, Kakar’ranth from the Alsafi system here, so I believe this planet is Tatarino in the Titilian system, correct? I’m not too familiar with the geography there but the continents look quite similar! Tmk there’s no easy way to do it, they’ve allied with much of the Hasandr region, so you’d need to take down the others first. Now.. this may be another planet too, I lost my glasses, but I believe this to be the right one!


thingmaster_redit

I'll be safe from invasion as im on super earth. That planet is lame. They dont even follow managed democracy.


The_Random_Introvert

Piss off the state known as “The United States of America” people will immediately help you. Trust me bro


timotius_10

i agree 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥


the_RiverQuest

You truly are a fool. This planet has the greatest weapon of them all in their side: plot armour! You will never defeat us!


redbl00d

do not bro. here we have psychotic teens with guns they kill people. alot


haikusbot

*Do not bro. here we* *Have psychotic teens with guns* *They kill people. alot* \- redbl00d --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")


Sure-Scene-3972

Definitely start with France🙏


Ak_1213

Just keep in mind that only America exists


Piyush452412006

Ofcourse don't dare you try to divide us in the name of Religion, it would help you a lot.


CosmoShiner

Martian here, bro don’t, we got plans, plots and schemes we’ve been working on for millennia. Please don’t take this away from us


thomasfan2060

cant give you any advice cause im also an alien and ive also never been to earth, ive been to Uranus tho


Wonderful_View_2268

So when they point there weird metal sticks put your head on the hole (they cant whack you to dearth with it then)


EndyEnderson

Don't spend your time invading,just drop a bomb that destroys the planet immediately


yohan02kim

You won’t need any.


Twitzale

Start with this place called Dayton Ohio


AutomaticAccident

Don't bring any food at all. It won't help you at all.


epic_man169

The ocean is full of humans go send nukes there


Traditional_Sail_213

I somehow went back to 2024 from 2290c I shall not let you attack


Saif10ali

Hi, I am from this planet. The capital of this planet is India. Please do not destroy it. The entire defence of Earth will collapse if you do that and people would surrender to your glorious alien civilization w/o even giving a fight which you absolutely do not want as you are an honorable alien civilization.


freddinhogamer

Don't invade it, it's one of the only planets with a rare material called "wood", not only that, the intelligent organism that lives there has "adrenaline" and claims that "we were born to conquer the stars", I would proceed with the trade with caution


MusicalTechSquirrel

Do you see the one area with an excessive amount of flags with red and white stripes and a blue square with Star symbols on it? That’s called America, don’t touch it unless you want your head to be full of lead.


Rainie_Daye

Melt the ice caps, we aren’t doing that fast enough


Soggy-Class1248

Its not worth it were all brainlets


Outrageous_South4758

Eat cats


RecklessSavage_Novel

Just scream "skibibi toilet" and they all will bow down to your rule.


Valuable_Ant332

1000 ton block of parmesan and a river of apple juice


Particular_Use8251

try somewhere else, this world is fucked up


EatenFries

dont even bother its not worth it


lool8421

don't worry, you won't find any intelligent life there


Puzzleheaded-Ad-4176

here's an amazing tip: DON'T INTERACT WITH THAT PLANET. YOU WILL REGRET IT.