The issue is telling someone "be a man" is very dismissive of their actual feelings. After all we are human. It's basically like saying "fuck you". It is saying, we don't care what your feelings are and that we don't care. I agree with you.
I've heard that quite a few times, including my own family, especially my mother. It is one of the most diminshing phrases I've heard. It's just a dismissal of a man's problems. Telling him to toughen up, get right and "fix" whatever problem there is. Like we're not human with feelings and problems of our own. And I have a feeling if I tell someone about this, they'll say "oh stop being a pussy" or something like that. And when you get this shit from everyone, even the people closest to you, it leaves you with no one to really turn to. And the anger and depression gets worse and you get taught that it's better off to keep your problems to yourself. That's why I barely talk to anyone even.
I think I found the episode you were talking about on H:BA and I couldn't watch it all the way through. A man has PTSD and his family and even the therapist just tells him to "fix" the problem and it's all his fault. That's not how mental illness works. I get why the hoarding would turn anyone away but still, it's too hard to watch that.
Yes, it does come across as very dismissive and insulting. Obviously it’s very triggering for you. I would say you need to dismantle the trigger. And it sounds like you’re already working on it.
Figure out what it actually means to you to be a man. Write it down. Think about that ideal. Model it. Hold yourself accountable when you fall short and always keep growing. This way when someone says you need to be a man you can calmly tell them that you are being a man, even if it isn’t what they think that should look like. I suggest watching Avatar the Last Airbender and listening to uncle Iroh.
Also, maybe exposure therapy in the form of watching Mulan. The original. The Be A Man sequence is extremely comical and should soften the blow. And ultimately you have a bunch of men who are all different but are working towards bettering themselves.
Well it seems you are sensitive to that outside suggestion. All it takes is to take responsibility and do the right thing. That’s all. Yes I see it every day and it hurts and I admit I have adjusted my action to fit the mold but I have a set of values that are more important to me.
Sure, it's understandable why that phrase would hurt you. It's adding insult to injury. It implies that if you have a struggle or problem, not only is it your responsibility to fix, but you must do it alone without support, *and* you're less of a man for having difficulty with it or feeling the struggle. It basically says "deal with it yourself, and you're a failure as a man for even bringing it up."
That said, I can't think of any advice or solutions for you. It's a shitty, meaningless phrase used only to manipulate people into behaving the way others want. It almost never serves any real purpose.
It's a wound you carry my dude, something around being worthless?
So every time those words are said or hinted at it hits you right in the pain point, and as a result you respond like a wounded animal.
It's a good idea to look into it further, to heal some damage and lessen the burden you carry.
Sure it's all psychological but it is a horrible statement and should be actively let go from daily speech...
The issue is telling someone "be a man" is very dismissive of their actual feelings. After all we are human. It's basically like saying "fuck you". It is saying, we don't care what your feelings are and that we don't care. I agree with you.
I've heard that quite a few times, including my own family, especially my mother. It is one of the most diminshing phrases I've heard. It's just a dismissal of a man's problems. Telling him to toughen up, get right and "fix" whatever problem there is. Like we're not human with feelings and problems of our own. And I have a feeling if I tell someone about this, they'll say "oh stop being a pussy" or something like that. And when you get this shit from everyone, even the people closest to you, it leaves you with no one to really turn to. And the anger and depression gets worse and you get taught that it's better off to keep your problems to yourself. That's why I barely talk to anyone even. I think I found the episode you were talking about on H:BA and I couldn't watch it all the way through. A man has PTSD and his family and even the therapist just tells him to "fix" the problem and it's all his fault. That's not how mental illness works. I get why the hoarding would turn anyone away but still, it's too hard to watch that.
Yes, it does come across as very dismissive and insulting. Obviously it’s very triggering for you. I would say you need to dismantle the trigger. And it sounds like you’re already working on it. Figure out what it actually means to you to be a man. Write it down. Think about that ideal. Model it. Hold yourself accountable when you fall short and always keep growing. This way when someone says you need to be a man you can calmly tell them that you are being a man, even if it isn’t what they think that should look like. I suggest watching Avatar the Last Airbender and listening to uncle Iroh. Also, maybe exposure therapy in the form of watching Mulan. The original. The Be A Man sequence is extremely comical and should soften the blow. And ultimately you have a bunch of men who are all different but are working towards bettering themselves.
Well it seems you are sensitive to that outside suggestion. All it takes is to take responsibility and do the right thing. That’s all. Yes I see it every day and it hurts and I admit I have adjusted my action to fit the mold but I have a set of values that are more important to me.
Welp... Part of life... Praying for you bro, may God bless you
Sure, it's understandable why that phrase would hurt you. It's adding insult to injury. It implies that if you have a struggle or problem, not only is it your responsibility to fix, but you must do it alone without support, *and* you're less of a man for having difficulty with it or feeling the struggle. It basically says "deal with it yourself, and you're a failure as a man for even bringing it up." That said, I can't think of any advice or solutions for you. It's a shitty, meaningless phrase used only to manipulate people into behaving the way others want. It almost never serves any real purpose.
It's a wound you carry my dude, something around being worthless? So every time those words are said or hinted at it hits you right in the pain point, and as a result you respond like a wounded animal. It's a good idea to look into it further, to heal some damage and lessen the burden you carry.