We had those few AMAs from the one old lady a while back. She was attacked by a bear and had her face basically ripped off, her large dogs fought the bear off (I believe one died) and she walked like 2 miles for help with her face in her hand.
Maybe I'm exaggerating after not hearing the story for about a decade, but I swear it was that serious.
Edit, I googled it to find the AMA from a decade ago - https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1byn1l/i_was_mauled_by_a_bear_fought_it_off_and_drove_4/
edit 2: Another bear attack AMA from around that time - https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1dv96o/i_was_blinded_and_severely_mauled_by_a_grizzly/
>Luck would have been the bear just leaving the area after seeing the guy.
Isn't that how most bear encounters go? Though they smell you, not necessarily see you.
When it comes to grizzlies, your options if you're already being mauled aren't great.
If you play dead it'll maul you until it is bored or full
If you fight back it'll keep trying to kill you until you stop fighting and are either playing dead anyway, or dead for real
Might as well skip to the part where you're just waiting for the bear to get bored
Can also try to set a new record for the most knife stabs to a bear. I think it's something like 45. But usually the people that set it only get the one attempt.
I actually teach dagger fighting, and even with several years of experience I get stabbed ALL THE TIME by beginner students. There's a martial artist youtuber who brought a bunch of expert fighters to practice knife defenses with a red marker, and the guy who got stabbed least still got it like a dozen times.
I'm not fully clear on bear fight rules but I thought bringing some type of weapon was optional and generally recommended? I'm just an amateur though and still working my way through simulations until I'm ready for the real thing.
If it’s brown- lay down, if it’s black- fight back, if it’s white- say good night.
You've got a chance of scaring off a Black Bear, they'll generally only hassle you if they think you've got easy food.
It's not really a chance of scaring black bears, it's almost a guarantee. They are incredibly skiddish and most will run away at the sign of any person. The ones that live on the edge of civilization become less deterred but are still generally skiddish. It's quite rare for black bears to attack or even approach a person of whom they're aware
Bears are not out there seeking to hunt and destroy humans, they really don't even hunt animals that much, they're scavengers.
this is probably true. black bears are generally scared of people and can be scared away pretty easily, so usually this is what is recommended if they are approaching you. If they attack you, you should fight them, because they are small enough you might scare it enough to stop.
brown bears are generally not as scared of people, so trying to scare them off MIGHT work, but if that works they probably were going to leave you alone anyway, and if it doesn't work they will maul you. So it's recommended to just be passive and hope it leaves you alone, and if they attack you it doesn't really matter that much what you do they're just gonna stop when they feel like it anyway and you're not going to meaningfully fight them.
Playing dead is your best chance against a brown bear because they're both faster and stronger than you. Also because they're animals, and animals will typically retreat from overly difficult kills because higher difficulty kills require greater energy expenditure, shifting the balance of "worth it" decision making. If you engage its predatory instinct, anger it, or engage its sense of play, you are formally and officially screwed.
But "playing dead" isn't a fully accurate explanation of what you should do. What you should do is:
* Lie down with your stomach to the ground with your backpack on if you're carrying one; do not remove your backpack
* Put your hands on top of the back side of your neck and interlock your fingers
* Spread your legs apart as much as you can
The increase in surface area from spreading your legs and your elbows with fingers interlocked will make it much harder for the bear to flip you over. The idea here is to bore the bear. If you don't fight back and can't be easily attacked, brown bears will typically lose interest.
HOWEVER. And this is a big however. THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DO when attacked by a brown bear. If a bear stalks you leading up to the attack or attacks you in your tent, it is intent on killing you. Fight back. And I mean really give it your all. It will not leave you alone, and fighting back gives you at least a slim chance if you can get some heavy hits in. Always aim for the face. And if a bear attacks you anywhere else and you play dead but the bear persists in trying to flip you over or grows increasingly aggressive, first say a prayer and then kick and hit the everliving shit out of that bear right in the nose and eyes.
The above advice applies to brown bears and grizzly bears. Black bears and polar bears are a lot easier to deal with. Black bears are super skittish and will run away if you make loud noises and strike at its face. Polar bears, on the other hand, are basically unstoppable. Your best bet is to avoid them. If you're ever attacked by a polar bear, I sincerely hope you are carrying a gun because that's your only hope of survival. If you don't have a gun or can't access it for whatever reason, then, welp, thank you for reading my advice about bears. Hope you lived a good life.
Thank you for explaining *why* playing dead can help against brown bears, I really never knew that (am used to black bears which are kind of just large raccoons in terms of skittishness and general tendency to be found in and around dumpsters). Also holy shit bears are terrifying.
You've left out a very important thing. And it's scream, shout, curse make huge fucking noise throw things around. Animals are not used to that and it might scare them away. I've seen plenty of videos where wild and even zoo predators were scared away from confrontation by people making huge noise and fuss.
I live in a town with a lot of black bears around all the time, and to be quite honest bears are often indifferent to noise even in the dead of night IME. You can scream and holler at them and it might irritate them a bit but they wont really care that much, it certainly does not scare them off 99.9% of the time because it doesnt surprise them. Add to the equation something that they want to eat and it wont make any difference at all. A bear horn is significantly louder than you can make noise and probably hurts the bears ears, which you wont be able to do by screaming.
One thing that does scare off a bear reliably is a rock. Obviously it sucks to have to throw a rock at a bear, but if you ever needed to for your safety its good to know. You only need some pebbles that are about as big around as a quarter or so, very easy to throw and wont hurt the bear much. If you thump a bear with a small rock like that they get confused by it and run away immediately. If they get aggressive again then throw another rock. You can hit a bear with a small rock from a good distance if need be, another reason why small rocks are better
Its kind of like if you were going about your business and someone started blasting you with a paintball gun out of nowhere, your main concern would be to just run away. Not figure out where the paintballs are coming from and attack the source. I dont think a bear would even be able to put two and two together that a person they were aggressive towards is the same thing that caused them a random pain
> One thing that does scare off a bear reliably is a rock. Obviously it sucks to have to throw a rock at a bear, but if you ever needed to for your safety its good to know. You only need some pebbles that are about as big around as a quarter or so, very easy to throw and wont hurt the bear much. If you thump a bear with a small rock like that they get confused by it and run away immediately. If they get aggressive again then throw another rock. You can hit a bear with a small rock from a good distance if need be, another reason why small rocks are better.
On a similar, if less convenient, note my local animal control has been recommending shooting them with paintball guns to discourage them from getting comfortable near our houses. You’re not harming them or endangering anyone else. You’re just giving them a reason to think this is not a pleasant place to be.
I know you are joking, but bears generally go for the tasty face bits first.
Alot of animals will actually eat the asshole first, fastest way to get to the nutrient rich organs. If you've never seen a video of a hyenas eating a wildebeest buttfirst, it's a trip.
So basically 95% of us are dead when encountering any bears besides black bears. I dont see any of the choices being pulled off by me except for blowing the bears brains out.
Nah; grizzlies aren't especially aggressive, usually. They aren't as skittish as black bears, but unlike polar bears, they don't see humans as food unless something has gone wrong.
This is what people generally don’t realize. Bears are highly intelligent predators. They will avoid noisy humans if possible unless they’re fresh out of hibernation, with cubs, you’re close to a kill cache or food source (streams during salmon season), you happen to run up on and spook it, or you somehow manage to piss it off by being stupid, e.g approaching a wild animal and expecting to give it belly rubs.
At the end of the day, unless the bear has something wrong with it or you really fucked up, bears just want to be left alone to do bear things, with one exception: polar bears are like the honey badger; they don’t give a shit, at all. They’re the only bear species that views humans as prey and will eat you alive. Fortunately, they’re so elusive and few that encounters are rare, and maulings even more so.
My grandpa used to do work in the bush in polar bear country, and he said there was always one guy whose only job it was to carry a gun and scan the horizon for polar bears
🤓☝️ Grizzly bears and brown bears are the same thing, a grizzly bear is just a subspecies of brown bear living in North America. Examples of other subspecies: Eurasian brown bear (most widespread subspecies in Europe), Kodiak bear (found on the Kodiak archipelago in Alaska and is the largest subspecies), Gobi bear (critically endangered bear living in the Gobi desert, Mongolia), Tibetan blue bear and several others.
I know some people are really on the “oh you just need bear spray, a gun isn’t necessary” crowd, but honestly I am team “always have a gun” when in any wilderness that has animals that could easily kill me. (Luckily I’m from a state where the largest animal that would attack is a coyote). I’m not gonna shoot an animal immediately/on sight and would try to scare it/or possibly use bear spray first….. but why not have a 10mm handgun with ammo specifically designed to be able to blast a hole in a bear.
I doubt there is a single person who has been mauled by a bear alive or dead, that wouldn’t have wanted to be carrying. (Of course I’m sure some people were and still got fucked up).
I’m all pro nature, not even a hunter really, but yeah I’m very much a carry a gun in wilderness guy.
Actually bear spray only works if the bear isnt too motivated to kill you.
A couple in Canada were mauled to death by a grizzly a few months ago. They both used bear spray to try and scare away the bear. Fact is when a bear really wants you dead, nothing short of a high caliber gun will stop it.
Nahhh. Strip naked, start helicoptering your dong, and screaming at the bear to establish dominance. You'll probably still die, but your friends will get a good laugh, and have time to run. Lol.
More then likely if I’m with a group of people in bear country imma be the fastest runner with the best endurance so I’m afraid that role would not be for me.
Glad to hear that they won’t harm the bear.
Glad the hiker is going to recover—as much as you can after getting munched on like he was. Sounds terrifying.
I'm there right now lmao, saw a moose charge some dude and heard this woman talking about a bear she saw on the trail. Every time a twig snaps on the trail I'm spinning around with my bear spray in hand.
Playing dead means not making a sound, like breathing. Which is probably pretty hard when you are being mauled by a bear. So I do question *how dead* he played. I wasn't there, but I am pretty sure this is not proof that *playing dead* doesn't work. So it's a dangerous title for people that live in bear country.
Still will never understand people who hike/camp in grizzly country without carrying a gun. Like, you clearly know you are wandering into the territory of a 1500lb territorial predator, why go unprepared?
What's oniony about this? You're supposed to play dead against a grizzly and hope it gets bored and runs off. And, if you read the article, (a tough task, I know) the bear ran off after accidentally pepper spraying itself when it bit into the hiker's can of bear mace
The person is going to make a full recovery the article says. Talk about lucky.
If being lucky means you get mauled by a bear, count me out. Luck would have been the bear just leaving the area after seeing the guy.
Lucky relative to the situation. He could've actually been lucky and been born a billionaire, but that's not the point.
The bear was born a billionaire, How else do you think this got settled so quickly?
That bear has great lawyers. "Get away with attempted murder" great.
"If the paw doesn't fit, you must acquit" type of lawyers
Ok! Same scenario, but Luck counts you out: you are mauled by a bear and end up blind, faceless, and paralyzed from the neck down!
Or worse, expelled!
Gotta have priorities.
Well done
We had those few AMAs from the one old lady a while back. She was attacked by a bear and had her face basically ripped off, her large dogs fought the bear off (I believe one died) and she walked like 2 miles for help with her face in her hand. Maybe I'm exaggerating after not hearing the story for about a decade, but I swear it was that serious. Edit, I googled it to find the AMA from a decade ago - https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1byn1l/i_was_mauled_by_a_bear_fought_it_off_and_drove_4/ edit 2: Another bear attack AMA from around that time - https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1dv96o/i_was_blinded_and_severely_mauled_by_a_grizzly/
Lucky in that it could have been worse, instead of a Grizzly, the Hiker could have instead encountered a Man.
Guy who got mauled by a bear: “Can you believe my luck? I’m still alive!?! Fuck this!”
No it means surviving a bear attack. Dont act dumb
>Luck would have been the bear just leaving the area after seeing the guy. Isn't that how most bear encounters go? Though they smell you, not necessarily see you.
If he had encountered a man it could have been a lot worse.
It doesn't sound like playing dead helped.. the article says the bear bit into a can of pepper spray and ran off
When it comes to grizzlies, your options if you're already being mauled aren't great. If you play dead it'll maul you until it is bored or full If you fight back it'll keep trying to kill you until you stop fighting and are either playing dead anyway, or dead for real Might as well skip to the part where you're just waiting for the bear to get bored
Can also try to set a new record for the most knife stabs to a bear. I think it's something like 45. But usually the people that set it only get the one attempt.
Sounds like any other knife fight. The winner usually dies in the ambulance.
This is a truth and a saying I’ve kept with me for a lot of years now. In the street or in the ambulance; only two ways out.
I actually teach dagger fighting, and even with several years of experience I get stabbed ALL THE TIME by beginner students. There's a martial artist youtuber who brought a bunch of expert fighters to practice knife defenses with a red marker, and the guy who got stabbed least still got it like a dozen times.
One round of the Red Sharpie game was enough to teach me that no matter how much I trained, I wasn't good enough to fuck with real sharp things!
Knife fighting seems like alot of "get stabbed at the same time and hope your stab was deadlier"
“Losers gush and winners drip” was my instructors catch phrase. I’ll pick my running shoes over a knife fight any day.
Makes you wonder how many real knife fights he's been in.
Who brings a knife to a bear fight
I'm not fully clear on bear fight rules but I thought bringing some type of weapon was optional and generally recommended? I'm just an amateur though and still working my way through simulations until I'm ready for the real thing.
My uncle swears he got a black bear to leave him alone by going full chimp. Like screaming,hooting,and beating his chest
Your uncle is probably right, black bears will usually leave you alone
If it’s brown- lay down, if it’s black- fight back, if it’s white- say good night. You've got a chance of scaring off a Black Bear, they'll generally only hassle you if they think you've got easy food.
It's not really a chance of scaring black bears, it's almost a guarantee. They are incredibly skiddish and most will run away at the sign of any person. The ones that live on the edge of civilization become less deterred but are still generally skiddish. It's quite rare for black bears to attack or even approach a person of whom they're aware Bears are not out there seeking to hunt and destroy humans, they really don't even hunt animals that much, they're scavengers.
this is probably true. black bears are generally scared of people and can be scared away pretty easily, so usually this is what is recommended if they are approaching you. If they attack you, you should fight them, because they are small enough you might scare it enough to stop. brown bears are generally not as scared of people, so trying to scare them off MIGHT work, but if that works they probably were going to leave you alone anyway, and if it doesn't work they will maul you. So it's recommended to just be passive and hope it leaves you alone, and if they attack you it doesn't really matter that much what you do they're just gonna stop when they feel like it anyway and you're not going to meaningfully fight them.
And that’s what you’re supposed to do to keep bears away
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You mean a faux paw?
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Yeah, I learned that in cubs
Pretend I’m a bear, got it!
It would be unbearable.
Your pun is seriously pawesome!
Pretty sure it was a bear paw
I could go for a bear claw.
Bears are notorious theater critics. Anything less than an On-Broadway performance and they will maul you!
They hate dead plays.
This is getting oso stupid!
Ursa dumb!
Bears hate phonies.
Playing dead is your best chance against a brown bear because they're both faster and stronger than you. Also because they're animals, and animals will typically retreat from overly difficult kills because higher difficulty kills require greater energy expenditure, shifting the balance of "worth it" decision making. If you engage its predatory instinct, anger it, or engage its sense of play, you are formally and officially screwed. But "playing dead" isn't a fully accurate explanation of what you should do. What you should do is: * Lie down with your stomach to the ground with your backpack on if you're carrying one; do not remove your backpack * Put your hands on top of the back side of your neck and interlock your fingers * Spread your legs apart as much as you can The increase in surface area from spreading your legs and your elbows with fingers interlocked will make it much harder for the bear to flip you over. The idea here is to bore the bear. If you don't fight back and can't be easily attacked, brown bears will typically lose interest. HOWEVER. And this is a big however. THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DO when attacked by a brown bear. If a bear stalks you leading up to the attack or attacks you in your tent, it is intent on killing you. Fight back. And I mean really give it your all. It will not leave you alone, and fighting back gives you at least a slim chance if you can get some heavy hits in. Always aim for the face. And if a bear attacks you anywhere else and you play dead but the bear persists in trying to flip you over or grows increasingly aggressive, first say a prayer and then kick and hit the everliving shit out of that bear right in the nose and eyes. The above advice applies to brown bears and grizzly bears. Black bears and polar bears are a lot easier to deal with. Black bears are super skittish and will run away if you make loud noises and strike at its face. Polar bears, on the other hand, are basically unstoppable. Your best bet is to avoid them. If you're ever attacked by a polar bear, I sincerely hope you are carrying a gun because that's your only hope of survival. If you don't have a gun or can't access it for whatever reason, then, welp, thank you for reading my advice about bears. Hope you lived a good life.
Thank you for explaining *why* playing dead can help against brown bears, I really never knew that (am used to black bears which are kind of just large raccoons in terms of skittishness and general tendency to be found in and around dumpsters). Also holy shit bears are terrifying.
I don't like camping and bears are the #1 reason for that. I find it difficult to relax.
Here, you'll love this: [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/EZ4Y19WZ0q0](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/EZ4Y19WZ0q0)
You've left out a very important thing. And it's scream, shout, curse make huge fucking noise throw things around. Animals are not used to that and it might scare them away. I've seen plenty of videos where wild and even zoo predators were scared away from confrontation by people making huge noise and fuss.
I live in a town with a lot of black bears around all the time, and to be quite honest bears are often indifferent to noise even in the dead of night IME. You can scream and holler at them and it might irritate them a bit but they wont really care that much, it certainly does not scare them off 99.9% of the time because it doesnt surprise them. Add to the equation something that they want to eat and it wont make any difference at all. A bear horn is significantly louder than you can make noise and probably hurts the bears ears, which you wont be able to do by screaming. One thing that does scare off a bear reliably is a rock. Obviously it sucks to have to throw a rock at a bear, but if you ever needed to for your safety its good to know. You only need some pebbles that are about as big around as a quarter or so, very easy to throw and wont hurt the bear much. If you thump a bear with a small rock like that they get confused by it and run away immediately. If they get aggressive again then throw another rock. You can hit a bear with a small rock from a good distance if need be, another reason why small rocks are better Its kind of like if you were going about your business and someone started blasting you with a paintball gun out of nowhere, your main concern would be to just run away. Not figure out where the paintballs are coming from and attack the source. I dont think a bear would even be able to put two and two together that a person they were aggressive towards is the same thing that caused them a random pain
> One thing that does scare off a bear reliably is a rock. Obviously it sucks to have to throw a rock at a bear, but if you ever needed to for your safety its good to know. You only need some pebbles that are about as big around as a quarter or so, very easy to throw and wont hurt the bear much. If you thump a bear with a small rock like that they get confused by it and run away immediately. If they get aggressive again then throw another rock. You can hit a bear with a small rock from a good distance if need be, another reason why small rocks are better. On a similar, if less convenient, note my local animal control has been recommending shooting them with paintball guns to discourage them from getting comfortable near our houses. You’re not harming them or endangering anyone else. You’re just giving them a reason to think this is not a pleasant place to be.
>Spread your legs apart as much as you can I'd rather not have the bear start by mauling my asshole
I know you are joking, but bears generally go for the tasty face bits first. Alot of animals will actually eat the asshole first, fastest way to get to the nutrient rich organs. If you've never seen a video of a hyenas eating a wildebeest buttfirst, it's a trip.
…I’m good
If engaging a Halsin bear’s playful mood, lay face down, remove backpack, lower trousers, then place hands on each butt cheek and spread wide
You’re confusing hiking with being in prison.
Would you rather it mail your asshole last?
Yes? Were you expecting me to answer no?
I was told that if you are ever confronted by a polar bear you should play dead: at least you get used to it
You are forgetting bear spray which is more effective than firearms against grizzly bear attacks in terms of leaving the encounter uninjured.
So basically 95% of us are dead when encountering any bears besides black bears. I dont see any of the choices being pulled off by me except for blowing the bears brains out.
Nah; grizzlies aren't especially aggressive, usually. They aren't as skittish as black bears, but unlike polar bears, they don't see humans as food unless something has gone wrong.
This is what people generally don’t realize. Bears are highly intelligent predators. They will avoid noisy humans if possible unless they’re fresh out of hibernation, with cubs, you’re close to a kill cache or food source (streams during salmon season), you happen to run up on and spook it, or you somehow manage to piss it off by being stupid, e.g approaching a wild animal and expecting to give it belly rubs. At the end of the day, unless the bear has something wrong with it or you really fucked up, bears just want to be left alone to do bear things, with one exception: polar bears are like the honey badger; they don’t give a shit, at all. They’re the only bear species that views humans as prey and will eat you alive. Fortunately, they’re so elusive and few that encounters are rare, and maulings even more so.
I also avoid noisy humans.
Grizzlies depending on context can also very much see you as prey and eat you alive
Polar bears are why people keep their cars unlocked in Alaska
Churchill, Manitoba as well
My grandpa used to do work in the bush in polar bear country, and he said there was always one guy whose only job it was to carry a gun and scan the horizon for polar bears
I didn't know this. Thanks for the great advice!
Would fire work? If you light something on fire and throw it at/near the bear would it stop?
Push it on his nose is your chance
🤓☝️ Grizzly bears and brown bears are the same thing, a grizzly bear is just a subspecies of brown bear living in North America. Examples of other subspecies: Eurasian brown bear (most widespread subspecies in Europe), Kodiak bear (found on the Kodiak archipelago in Alaska and is the largest subspecies), Gobi bear (critically endangered bear living in the Gobi desert, Mongolia), Tibetan blue bear and several others.
1. Play dead 2. Shit your pants He forgot second part.
Idk, that might not help.
If it’s brown, lie down If it’s black, fight back, If it’s white, you're dead
If it's white, good night* (keeps with the rhyme)
Wow, interesting! I’m both impressed and being eaten!
I know some people are really on the “oh you just need bear spray, a gun isn’t necessary” crowd, but honestly I am team “always have a gun” when in any wilderness that has animals that could easily kill me. (Luckily I’m from a state where the largest animal that would attack is a coyote). I’m not gonna shoot an animal immediately/on sight and would try to scare it/or possibly use bear spray first….. but why not have a 10mm handgun with ammo specifically designed to be able to blast a hole in a bear. I doubt there is a single person who has been mauled by a bear alive or dead, that wouldn’t have wanted to be carrying. (Of course I’m sure some people were and still got fucked up). I’m all pro nature, not even a hunter really, but yeah I’m very much a carry a gun in wilderness guy.
Word is the Grizzly has been suspended and will be transferred to another park.
Allowed to resign and pursue work at a different park in another county.
As per policy, his salary will *not* be suspended.
he will, though, be demoted to Junior Assistant in sales.
Junior Assistant TO sales
Wait, is that bear a cop?
if you ask they have to tell you, it's like, the law. right?
Between this grizzly and your username, there has to be a honey pot joke in there somewhere
I don't think the suspension will stick. I'm pretty sure it has been established in constitutional law that they have a right to bear arms.
https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/hw09wz/in_soviet_russia_we_have_right_to_whole_bear/
Only in an organized maul-litia.
Well, that's coffee out my nose. Best way to start the day. Lol. Thanks for that one.
AGAB
All grizzlies are bears?
But not all bears are grizzlies!
What about the Memphis Grizzlies?
What they do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is none of my business.
Currently on paid hibernation
The grizzly investigated himself and found he did nothing wrong .
The bear has qualified immunity, no one has been mauled in that exact spot previously
He's done good work otherwise. He's a good Catholic. He will remain in a leadership role.
I just spit out my coffee
I just spit out your coffee and my beer!
ABAB
I heard he is doing administrative work for Papa Bear Berenstain.
"I guess I'll just have to be a predator somewhere else."
Traded for cash considerations.
*with pay
[Relevant Mike Birbiglia](https://youtube.com/shorts/n6jazAfAD-U?si=vs5pgOEHo7CYcv25)
With pay
Yogi!
Was the hiker black or something?
Suspended and fined 50k.
50k and a suspension!? Doug, kick him off the tour!
He wants to resign to spend more time with his family.
The GrizLeague intends to file an appeal
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Did he eat a blind deaf dog too?
He’ll be spending some time with his family, before he figures out what’s next.
If it's brown, lie down. It checks out.
If it's yellow, let it mellow.
And, of course, in Canada, the whole thing's flip-flopped.
Damn that metric system
You can stay, but I’m leaving.
I like the full saying we have here in Canada. If it’s Brown, lie down. If it’s Black, fight back. If it’s White, you’re fucked.
I'm also from Canada and the last line for me was always "if it's white, goodnight"
I just thought of a new one: If any bear gets its teeth into you, you're fucked.
Tardigrade Time™
And if it's red and white you're dessert
If it's white, kiss your ass goodnight.
Sounds like playing dead didn't work. The article says it bit into a can of pepper spray and ran off.
He needs to press charges against the bear
Bear should sue for capsaicin poisoning and mental trauma.
Not oniony. Playing dead is better than running.
Better? Playing dead or falling unconscious are your only real chances 😂
Bear spray can work pretty well.
Actually bear spray only works if the bear isnt too motivated to kill you. A couple in Canada were mauled to death by a grizzly a few months ago. They both used bear spray to try and scare away the bear. Fact is when a bear really wants you dead, nothing short of a high caliber gun will stop it.
Speaking of I watched this video of a grizzly charging. The guy shot it with a shotgun and it kept going after him.
Yeah a shotgun with buckshot wont do much you need slugs.
It's what saved this guy's life. The bear accidentally sprayed itself when it bit into the hiker's can of bear mace
Nahhh. Strip naked, start helicoptering your dong, and screaming at the bear to establish dominance. You'll probably still die, but your friends will get a good laugh, and have time to run. Lol.
More then likely if I’m with a group of people in bear country imma be the fastest runner with the best endurance so I’m afraid that role would not be for me.
Well, then your mission, is to plant the idea in the head of your slowest friend. Lol
I think OP just had some beat jokes saved up
Did you read the article? It says that the bears only ran off because one bit into a can of pepper.
Glad to hear that they won’t harm the bear. Glad the hiker is going to recover—as much as you can after getting munched on like he was. Sounds terrifying.
Yay…i’m going there tomorrow.
No way it happens two times in a week, amirite?
I'm there right now lmao, saw a moose charge some dude and heard this woman talking about a bear she saw on the trail. Every time a twig snaps on the trail I'm spinning around with my bear spray in hand.
Finished a 30 hour shift and read it as "Hitler mauled" was pleasantly surprised but still confused. I should go sleep
Now, I want to see a what-if scenario where a bear attacks Hitler before he takes over Germany.
What the hell is a bear going to do with Germany?
Not start a world war. Which makes the bear a significant improvement over Hitler.
Dang, the women were right again!
I did the same, but without 30 hour shift. Guess I'm just dumb :)
I'm just happy I'm not not only one.
Looks like the bear is part of the Police Union....
> CBS News reached out to the bear's legal team for comment but they have not responded.
Didn't he know that you're supposed to [clap at it or do karate yelling?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRrjxG-J1VI)
I thought you were supposed two bang to sticks together
[удалено]
That's black bears.
Black bears are like raccoons and that is the best strategy. Grizzly bears are alpha motherfuckers that you don't want to make eye contact or provoke.
So basically act like Steven Segal.
How much cocaine was involved?
“Normally he’s a pretty good bear”
bear rolled a critical miss on its attack and bit into the bear spray
Ursa posed to think about the crime.
Sprinkle some crack on him johnson!
I think the police should at the very least bring the bear in for questioning. What if it was premeditated?
Ursa posed to think about the crime.
Bet he wished he'd rather met a man in the forest.
Oh boy, here we go. 🍿
Depends. What was the hiker wearing?
They had some skin showing in 80 degree weather! Clearly they asked for it! Probably enjoyed it too >!sarcasm in case it isn’t obvious!<
lmao, that’s good😅😂
There it us. No low hanging fruit for me today someone already got it
Thank god it wasn't a man he found...
I am in Grand Teton right now....
Are you a bear?
Just Blame It On The Tetons.
They were just using their right to bear arms.
Should have brought the bear a picnic basket….
CBS news needs to chill with the ads. I was so bombarded that I could barely finish the article lol
He should have picked the man
I bet he would have rather been in the woods with a man.
Playing dead means not making a sound, like breathing. Which is probably pretty hard when you are being mauled by a bear. So I do question *how dead* he played. I wasn't there, but I am pretty sure this is not proof that *playing dead* doesn't work. So it's a dangerous title for people that live in bear country.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. If the bear is hungry itll just eat you tbh.
Needed a Russian there to wrestle with the bear.
Blame it on the Tetons
Grizzle, grizzle
I seriously thought it said that Hitler was mauled by a grizzly, and assumed this was a TIL history story that I’d actually read.
Just tell the police to rescue the bear... that should do it
Still will never understand people who hike/camp in grizzly country without carrying a gun. Like, you clearly know you are wandering into the territory of a 1500lb territorial predator, why go unprepared?
What's oniony about this? You're supposed to play dead against a grizzly and hope it gets bored and runs off. And, if you read the article, (a tough task, I know) the bear ran off after accidentally pepper spraying itself when it bit into the hiker's can of bear mace
Why should a wild animal be pursued for doing what wild animals do?