Every child deserves to have parents who are thrilled to have them. Every parent deserves to have the family size that’s right for their family.
I used to volunteer at a women’s clinic and for the women who came in for abortion care, the vast majority were women who already had families and couldn’t handle/didn’t want additional children and liked their family size the way it was.
Just so you know… most abortions are wanted by women who already have children. If you want to keep it bc you truly want to, that’s fine, but don’t have a baby just bc you feel like you have to. Either way it’s your feelings and your decision what matters. You have the right to grieve either way (either what your life was with just one child or the baby you decided not to have)
Thank you 💜 it’s definitely a grieving process for me. To be honest, even if this baby was planned I think I would still need time to grieve what was. Thank you for your comment
Having a baby is a grieving time regardless of the situation!! I love my daughter to bits but sometimes I still grieve the life I had before, the person I was before and the body I had. Being sad because a part of your life is over does not mean you’re not happy a new one is beginning ❤️
Yes. This happened to me and I chose to terminate. No regrets. I have a super supportive family and a strong feminist mother who has always told me abortion is an option.
Happened to me also i chose to terminate. However my mother wasn’t supportive and my father was depressed. When they rarely help me with the one i got.. so idk why they were so upset
Yep, I also chose to terminate.. my LO was 18months at the time. I shared my decision with friends but not with my parents as they would’ve also not been supportive. It sucks because I tell them everything else but the one thing I really needed support on, I had to hide from them.
Same here. When I found out I was pregnant my immediate reaction was to cry and be disappointed. I listened to that. Wasn't ready. It was the best choice for our family.
That’s amazing that you had the support you needed, I’m happy about that. My partner is also very supportive and made it clear if this wasn’t right for me, that it was ok.
Thank you for your comment 💜
Yes me too, I had to hide it from everyone though because of their nasty views.
My partner knows and deep down we both hurt and feel alot of pain. We just cannot have another.
Feel very fortunate to have my one!
A lot of these comments are about termination, which is of course 100 % okay and a choice you have to make. I just wanted to chime in and say that I do understand if you feel like you can't. Me and my husband are one and done by choice, we definetly do not want another, and I would not be immediately happy with a new pregnancy. BUT I also know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to terminate (although I'm 100 % pro-choice)... Keeping the baby and having to imagine your life all over again is okay too, even though it will be hard and could take some time. Talk about and think about what decision ultimately feels right to you, and feels right for your family. If that's termination, that's okay. If it's keeping the baby, that's okay too.
Good luck in your decision and whatever happens next. I can only imagine how much it sucks right now.
Thank you. We have similar thoughts, I am also pro choice but never personally saw myself choosing abortion. It’s definitely been a discussion I never thought I’d have. Thank you for your comment 💜
i know people are trying to help, but we also have to be very careful to understand that abortions can also mentally and emotionally destroy people. they aren't necessarily the quick solution they may seem to be. you have my utmost respect for making such a brave decision, i hope you get a lot more constructive advice on how to navigate your new landscape of two. im the younger sibling of my only sister, and she is my whole world.
so often things we can't even comprehend can become the best part of our lives. 🩵
Hello, you can check my profile, I posted a very similar post about 9 months ago.
My daughter is here and beautiful! I love her, but I would be lying if I told you everything is roses. I still feel guilt over not being able to just focus on my oldest. He loves his sister, but I also feel like I have to protect her from his ungentle toddler embraces. It's a struggle some days, for sure, especially with balancing attention and the need for them to interact with my need to protect this fragile being.
My choice may not be the best choice for you, but love does grow, and she's an irreplaceable part of our family now. It's also definitely really hard to juggle the needs of two, especially during this newborn phase.
So I guess it's going? Still in the thick of things, I think I really won't know for a couple of years. I think, having never met her, I still wouldn't have chosen to have a second child. But it's different now that she's here, if that makes sense.
Sorry - I guess it wasn't a super helpful response.
It's just really hard to know the path unchosen.
Things I miss:
My energy (I am dead tired all the time. If she sleeps well, he doesn't and vice versa, or sometimes both are up simultaneously).
My finances. Instead of one college fund, I need two. She's on hypoallergenic formula and we're using about $400 worth per month. It's another daycare slot. It's diapers and clothes and all the things, which now don't go to support experiences or things for our first.
Quality time with my oldest and my husband. There's a lot less of me to spread around and I am missing that time. I don't feel like a person with their own interests right now, but that could be newborn phase.
Things I unexpectedly love:
This little girl. I was a little worried I wouldn't, but I absolutely do. Her smiles fill me with that same joy.
The sibling dynamic. It's a tenderness I never got to see in my oldest until now, this is his baby too. I wasn't sure he'd even like or care about her, but he's as tender as a 3 year old can be. He wants to hug her and hold her, even albeit a little more roughly than I would like for a newborn.
This doesn't mean that you will have the same experience, but it's helpful to see someone else's I guess.
Thank you so much for your response. It is actually very helpful. I’m so glad it worked out for you. I am terrified to go through everything again with a toddler in tow. I am heartbroken for my little man (needing to split my attention between two etc.) even though I know there will be many good things that come out of this.
I am one of four siblings and it was chaos. I didn’t want that for my life, but two is manageable..right? I have thought (panicked?) for days and chatted with my partner..had many a break down (and many more to come I am sure) but ultimately I believe we have chosen to keep going with the pregnancy. I hope we are as lucky as you and it all works out :) How can it not with a tiny being that needs us..
Thank you for your response 💜
It is definitely much harder in some ways than just one, and easier in others (i didn't get hit as hard by the identity loss and baby blues like i did last time, maybe because i had fewer perfectionist expectations this time around. )
I have three siblings myself and actually loved growing up in that way, thought when I was young and naive that I wanted 4 kids when I was older. But now that thought absolutely exhausts me - I don't know how my mom did it. I was really in a place where I was very happy with our family of three.
I am not going to lie... there are and have been moments where I really miss just being mom to one. I went through a stage where i grieved the change in relationship with my older one - because it does change. Kind of similar to how i grieved the child free life i had before my first one when he was born. But if your partner is supportive and you decide together you want to keep this baby (we did!) It isn't the end of familial happiness, and there are plenty of sweet moments to be had in a family of four.
Ask me again when I am out of this newborn stage. I struggled, and very much still do struggle, with young babies. But I am so excited to experience young toddlerhood again, which I really enjoyed. Looking at old baby videos of my first helped get me excited to do this again, and maybe even do some things differently this time around.
I hope only happiness and peace for you guys, whatever you decide. I don't believe there is a wrong choice, just a different life. It's up to you which one you want to live.
We're doing it. We're surviving. Things get easier / different over time. And I am not as "perfect " of a mother as I was to my first, but in some ways I am enjoying her more because I have let go of some of that pressure? Don't get me wrong, I am dead tired. But this time around there's light at the end of this newborn tunnel.
I got pregnant at 5 months postpartum. I couldn’t handle it and terminated. I know it was the best decision for my mental health and for my family. I don’t know if my marriage would have survived a second child. It’s obviously up to you, but that was my experience. I don’t regret it at all.
I’m close to 40 and growing up it was common for my classmates to have siblings 12 months or less apart in age
In hindsight , I don’t know how moms did this back in the day . I could never (I’m a dad, BTW)
I applaud (and sympathize ) what they have gone through
Oh my, if I got pregnant at 5 months I would have also terminated. My recovery was 3 months though so I definitely wouldn’t have been ok! I’m
Glad everything worked out for you :)
Thank you so much for your response 💜
I’m sorry you’re in a situation like this. This is so hard. I’m assuming that for whatever reason abortion isn’t something you’re interested in because you seem to be planning to have the baby (though if I’m incorrect please know that there’s nothing wrong with termination), so I’ll just say that most people who have 2 seem to be happy with the decision. I’ve heard that the amount of love you feel multiplies when you have a second. I truly hope that you have a healthy pregnancy, easy delivery, and beautiful child with no regrets.
Good luck. 🍀
Thank you so much 💜 termination was definitely a discussion (though it’s not one I ever thought I’d have). We have decided to go through with the pregnancy, I think I just need time to mourn what could have been and change my view point. It’s really difficult thinking of doing it all over again with a toddler along for the ride, but I do have family in my life that would be able to help out here and there. I didn’t really extend much of an arm the first time around (a bit stubborn like that I suppose) but I am happy they are there to help me now.
You’ve made an incredibly difficult decision and that’s something to be proud of. Congratulations on deciding your way forward. Take all the time to mourn that you need. Doing so is natural when there’s a big change to your future plans.
I am so sorry you’re going through this.
I am going through the same thing right now. Was very happy being OAD, especially because it took IVF to get her and now surprise pregnant. We have an abortion scheduled but this has been the hardest decision and I’m still not totally sure what to do. Especially feel the guilt with having gone through fertility treatment and now having this just “fall into our lap.”
Edited: fixed a typo
I understand where you’re coming from, but you never ever have to feel guilty for choosing the family you have now. You went through a lot to get where you are now. Give yourself some grace and do what you feel is best for you guys. As so many people have said to me today- do what’s best for you and your family.
Thank you for your response, I wish you luck on your journey 💜
Obviously this metaphor is on a completely different scale, but…. If you go into an ice cream shop and buy an ice cream cone, then they offer you a second one for free on your way out the door… it’s okay to be full and say no.
I just found out yesterday I'm pregnant again. My daughter is 10 months old. I know I cannot do two under two, I would not be happy with that life and neither would my husband. Everything in me says NO, I want to enjoy motherhood not just survive it. I'm going to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of myself, my relationship, and so I can provide the best for my daughter both financially and emotionally. Make the decision that is best for yourself and your family OP, whatever that may be
Are you me? I haven't gotten a positive pregnancy test but husband has been acting sterile after his vasectomy and I recently found out you can still get pregnant the first 6 months or so! Yikes! And I’m starting to have physical symptoms so I’m in a bit of a pickle.
Happened to me earlier this year. Terminated. Zero regrets. Feel free to message me if you need support during. I never doubted my decision but I did question what had led me to be so sure, it has been emotional but has always felt right.
Listen to your heart and your brain, generally you have a gut feeling pretty much immediately. Listen to yourself. No matter what decision you make, it'll be the right one.
From someone who’s not oneanddone by choice, it’d be so amazing if we ever naturally and spontaneously conceived on our own! So, I’m impressed with you for that reason. However, it’s not the main reason to have a second child…one should do so because you and your partner want to grow your family and truly desire another child. Best wishes for you 💞
So many children are unplanned and once the shock and stress wears out, everything works out just fine. I think any unexpected life event causes stress and anxiety. But I can't think of anyone I know who has regretted their oopsie baby. We are an adaptable, resilient species who love our children.
My friend had her second kid at almost 40. Large age gap between her two kids. Baby was definitely not planned but she's happy.
I definitely have an anxious mind in general without any help from things unplanned. love hearing about positive unplanned pregnancies, Thank you for this 💜
There's absolutely no shame in looking into your options. My husband got a vasectomy 5 years ago and we came to agreement that if the vasectomy ever failed that I would get an abortion, we decided what was best for our family and I know what my personal limits are as a parent and I know that I would not be as good of a mom if I had more than one child. You aren't selfish for making that choice.
My first pregnancy is currently having the best sleep of his life next to me . I love him but I can't do another one . On top of still having to take care of my first .if I was to get preggy again I'll terminate for sure . I am strictly one and done . Do what is best for you 💕🌺
Thank you for your response, I’m glad your little one is sleeping well! Mine has been doing better with sleep lately and here is hoping that continues!
TLTR and TRIGGER WARNING.
Hi! I was in the same situation a few weeks back. It was a 6 week pregnancy. We heard clear heartbeats and the same day, we made a heartbreaking decision to not go ahead. Currently, I am going through the abortion process. Will have to get a D&C done at the earliest. I went ahead with the termination because of multiple reasons.
Mentally, I am not ready for a second child, I do all the parenting work of my daughter throughout the weekdays because husband's work timings are either late or super late, I just started focusing on building a new career after nearly a 3 year career break, we have zero support from both sides of families and we are not financially (not even anytime soon) stable.
I have accepted this loss and moved on. My husband is a bit still emotionally healing from this loss but understands and supports my decision and our life's situation.
This was my third pregnancy. The first one was ectopic and it happened at a time when I was unmarried + at the peak of my career. It was a life and death situation and my left fallopian tube was removed. Second one is my 3 year old loving and caring girl. I felt happy and ready to have her in my life when I saw my positive pregnancy test during her time. It was a HELL YES!!
This time around it was a straight forward HELL NO!!
I would say if your mind is already giving you clear signals in various ways to not go ahead with the pregnancy then please don't. You know your situation best. If this would have been a right decision for you to go ahead, nothing in this world will give you second thoughts.
I can imagine all your worries and fears are not just for your current situation but also for your future. They are real and practical.
If you decide to go ahead with termination, I hope your partner understands you because abortion is more of an emotional pain than physical. You both will deal with grief in different ways. Sending you love, strength and hugs!
So...yes and no. We were leaving towards trying for a second, and last August, I strongly suspected that I was pregnant (based on symptoms). My reaction was not at all what I expected. I wasn't happy at all, just anxious and scared. I did have two losses before our daughter, so I did expect some anxiety, but this was a bit different. I got up the nerve to take a test the same day I started to bleed. I was pregnant, but had a very early miscarriage. Again, this wasn't my first loss, but my reaction this time was very different. Instead of sorrow, I just felt relief. This kicked off a conversation with my husband where we realized we were probably OAD. We weren't quite ready to totally close the door, but since then, we haven't been actively trying.
Time will tell, but there's a nonzero chance I'm pregnant now (realized that we were intimate right on when I usually ovulate, though it does vary by a day or two and i wasn't tracking). When I realized the timing, I also had negative feelings about it. If I'm not pregnant, I'm going back on birth control next month. If I am pregnant, however, we'd keep it (assuming all goes well...again, I don't have a great track record). If you choose to terminate, that is absolutely your decision, and I don't intend to imply that it's in any way wrong. I completely understand why others choose to do so, and support their decision. In our case, while we've finally settled on one, I know we have the room for a second.
My daughter was 1.5 at the time. My marriage wasn’t in the best place. I had such severe HG so that’s why I terminated and I wasn’t in a good place mentally or emotionally. I had really bad PPD. I’m convinced the HG would have killed me if I continued and I was also really suicidal. I would have absolutely loved for my daughter to have a sibling so close in age but I just couldn’t do it. My mental well being had to come first. Sorry you’re going through this I know it’s tough.
I do not regret my decision at all. It was the right decision at the time. It does still make me sad my kid doesn’t have a sibling though.
While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child.
The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.
Every child deserves to have parents who are thrilled to have them. Every parent deserves to have the family size that’s right for their family. I used to volunteer at a women’s clinic and for the women who came in for abortion care, the vast majority were women who already had families and couldn’t handle/didn’t want additional children and liked their family size the way it was.
Guttmacher says 2/3 of abortion patients are already moms.
I read that statistic and I was surprised but once I thought about it for a moment, I understood
I agree completely. We would never bring a life into this world that was unwanted and wouldn’t be loved. Thank you for your comment 💜
Yeeepppp. I had ab abortion in March. I’m already a happy mother and did not want another.
I wish more people know this.
I learned something new - thanks for sharing
Love that first part. So true.
I have nothing to add except thank you for posting this, really needed to read it (& the comments) today 💙
You’re very welcome! Glad I can help out :) I wish you luck in your journey 💜
Just so you know… most abortions are wanted by women who already have children. If you want to keep it bc you truly want to, that’s fine, but don’t have a baby just bc you feel like you have to. Either way it’s your feelings and your decision what matters. You have the right to grieve either way (either what your life was with just one child or the baby you decided not to have)
Thank you 💜 it’s definitely a grieving process for me. To be honest, even if this baby was planned I think I would still need time to grieve what was. Thank you for your comment
Having a baby is a grieving time regardless of the situation!! I love my daughter to bits but sometimes I still grieve the life I had before, the person I was before and the body I had. Being sad because a part of your life is over does not mean you’re not happy a new one is beginning ❤️
Yes. This happened to me and I chose to terminate. No regrets. I have a super supportive family and a strong feminist mother who has always told me abortion is an option.
Happened to me also i chose to terminate. However my mother wasn’t supportive and my father was depressed. When they rarely help me with the one i got.. so idk why they were so upset
Yep, I also chose to terminate.. my LO was 18months at the time. I shared my decision with friends but not with my parents as they would’ve also not been supportive. It sucks because I tell them everything else but the one thing I really needed support on, I had to hide from them.
I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you needed and deserved 🖤
Thank you! I do atleast have a supportive husband who supported me through the whole thing
Same here. When I found out I was pregnant my immediate reaction was to cry and be disappointed. I listened to that. Wasn't ready. It was the best choice for our family.
That’s amazing that you had the support you needed, I’m happy about that. My partner is also very supportive and made it clear if this wasn’t right for me, that it was ok. Thank you for your comment 💜
Same. I have no regrets.
Yes me too, I had to hide it from everyone though because of their nasty views. My partner knows and deep down we both hurt and feel alot of pain. We just cannot have another. Feel very fortunate to have my one!
A lot of these comments are about termination, which is of course 100 % okay and a choice you have to make. I just wanted to chime in and say that I do understand if you feel like you can't. Me and my husband are one and done by choice, we definetly do not want another, and I would not be immediately happy with a new pregnancy. BUT I also know myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to terminate (although I'm 100 % pro-choice)... Keeping the baby and having to imagine your life all over again is okay too, even though it will be hard and could take some time. Talk about and think about what decision ultimately feels right to you, and feels right for your family. If that's termination, that's okay. If it's keeping the baby, that's okay too. Good luck in your decision and whatever happens next. I can only imagine how much it sucks right now.
Thank you. We have similar thoughts, I am also pro choice but never personally saw myself choosing abortion. It’s definitely been a discussion I never thought I’d have. Thank you for your comment 💜
i know people are trying to help, but we also have to be very careful to understand that abortions can also mentally and emotionally destroy people. they aren't necessarily the quick solution they may seem to be. you have my utmost respect for making such a brave decision, i hope you get a lot more constructive advice on how to navigate your new landscape of two. im the younger sibling of my only sister, and she is my whole world. so often things we can't even comprehend can become the best part of our lives. 🩵
Thank you for this. That’s really nice, I’m glad you two have eachother 💜
Hello, you can check my profile, I posted a very similar post about 9 months ago. My daughter is here and beautiful! I love her, but I would be lying if I told you everything is roses. I still feel guilt over not being able to just focus on my oldest. He loves his sister, but I also feel like I have to protect her from his ungentle toddler embraces. It's a struggle some days, for sure, especially with balancing attention and the need for them to interact with my need to protect this fragile being. My choice may not be the best choice for you, but love does grow, and she's an irreplaceable part of our family now. It's also definitely really hard to juggle the needs of two, especially during this newborn phase. So I guess it's going? Still in the thick of things, I think I really won't know for a couple of years. I think, having never met her, I still wouldn't have chosen to have a second child. But it's different now that she's here, if that makes sense.
Sorry - I guess it wasn't a super helpful response. It's just really hard to know the path unchosen. Things I miss: My energy (I am dead tired all the time. If she sleeps well, he doesn't and vice versa, or sometimes both are up simultaneously). My finances. Instead of one college fund, I need two. She's on hypoallergenic formula and we're using about $400 worth per month. It's another daycare slot. It's diapers and clothes and all the things, which now don't go to support experiences or things for our first. Quality time with my oldest and my husband. There's a lot less of me to spread around and I am missing that time. I don't feel like a person with their own interests right now, but that could be newborn phase. Things I unexpectedly love: This little girl. I was a little worried I wouldn't, but I absolutely do. Her smiles fill me with that same joy. The sibling dynamic. It's a tenderness I never got to see in my oldest until now, this is his baby too. I wasn't sure he'd even like or care about her, but he's as tender as a 3 year old can be. He wants to hug her and hold her, even albeit a little more roughly than I would like for a newborn. This doesn't mean that you will have the same experience, but it's helpful to see someone else's I guess.
Thank you so much for your response. It is actually very helpful. I’m so glad it worked out for you. I am terrified to go through everything again with a toddler in tow. I am heartbroken for my little man (needing to split my attention between two etc.) even though I know there will be many good things that come out of this. I am one of four siblings and it was chaos. I didn’t want that for my life, but two is manageable..right? I have thought (panicked?) for days and chatted with my partner..had many a break down (and many more to come I am sure) but ultimately I believe we have chosen to keep going with the pregnancy. I hope we are as lucky as you and it all works out :) How can it not with a tiny being that needs us.. Thank you for your response 💜
It is definitely much harder in some ways than just one, and easier in others (i didn't get hit as hard by the identity loss and baby blues like i did last time, maybe because i had fewer perfectionist expectations this time around. ) I have three siblings myself and actually loved growing up in that way, thought when I was young and naive that I wanted 4 kids when I was older. But now that thought absolutely exhausts me - I don't know how my mom did it. I was really in a place where I was very happy with our family of three. I am not going to lie... there are and have been moments where I really miss just being mom to one. I went through a stage where i grieved the change in relationship with my older one - because it does change. Kind of similar to how i grieved the child free life i had before my first one when he was born. But if your partner is supportive and you decide together you want to keep this baby (we did!) It isn't the end of familial happiness, and there are plenty of sweet moments to be had in a family of four. Ask me again when I am out of this newborn stage. I struggled, and very much still do struggle, with young babies. But I am so excited to experience young toddlerhood again, which I really enjoyed. Looking at old baby videos of my first helped get me excited to do this again, and maybe even do some things differently this time around. I hope only happiness and peace for you guys, whatever you decide. I don't believe there is a wrong choice, just a different life. It's up to you which one you want to live. We're doing it. We're surviving. Things get easier / different over time. And I am not as "perfect " of a mother as I was to my first, but in some ways I am enjoying her more because I have let go of some of that pressure? Don't get me wrong, I am dead tired. But this time around there's light at the end of this newborn tunnel.
I got pregnant at 5 months postpartum. I couldn’t handle it and terminated. I know it was the best decision for my mental health and for my family. I don’t know if my marriage would have survived a second child. It’s obviously up to you, but that was my experience. I don’t regret it at all.
I’m close to 40 and growing up it was common for my classmates to have siblings 12 months or less apart in age In hindsight , I don’t know how moms did this back in the day . I could never (I’m a dad, BTW) I applaud (and sympathize ) what they have gone through
My little man is just over two and I’m having a hard time. I cannot imagine what women go through with pregnancies so close together.
Oh my, if I got pregnant at 5 months I would have also terminated. My recovery was 3 months though so I definitely wouldn’t have been ok! I’m Glad everything worked out for you :) Thank you so much for your response 💜
Yeah I don’t think my marriage would have survived a second. Our 3 person family has brought us so close together.
I understand. And if I fell pregnant RIGHT NOW, I’d be absolutely upset. 100%, and I would probably terminate to be honest.
We definitely talked about it, now that’s a conversation I never thought I’d have. Thank you for your response, I appreciate you taking the time 💜
Life is full of unexpected things. You got this. I send you healing whichever direction you take :)
Thank you
I’m sorry you’re in a situation like this. This is so hard. I’m assuming that for whatever reason abortion isn’t something you’re interested in because you seem to be planning to have the baby (though if I’m incorrect please know that there’s nothing wrong with termination), so I’ll just say that most people who have 2 seem to be happy with the decision. I’ve heard that the amount of love you feel multiplies when you have a second. I truly hope that you have a healthy pregnancy, easy delivery, and beautiful child with no regrets. Good luck. 🍀
Thank you so much 💜 termination was definitely a discussion (though it’s not one I ever thought I’d have). We have decided to go through with the pregnancy, I think I just need time to mourn what could have been and change my view point. It’s really difficult thinking of doing it all over again with a toddler along for the ride, but I do have family in my life that would be able to help out here and there. I didn’t really extend much of an arm the first time around (a bit stubborn like that I suppose) but I am happy they are there to help me now.
You’ve made an incredibly difficult decision and that’s something to be proud of. Congratulations on deciding your way forward. Take all the time to mourn that you need. Doing so is natural when there’s a big change to your future plans.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I am going through the same thing right now. Was very happy being OAD, especially because it took IVF to get her and now surprise pregnant. We have an abortion scheduled but this has been the hardest decision and I’m still not totally sure what to do. Especially feel the guilt with having gone through fertility treatment and now having this just “fall into our lap.” Edited: fixed a typo
I understand where you’re coming from, but you never ever have to feel guilty for choosing the family you have now. You went through a lot to get where you are now. Give yourself some grace and do what you feel is best for you guys. As so many people have said to me today- do what’s best for you and your family. Thank you for your response, I wish you luck on your journey 💜
Obviously this metaphor is on a completely different scale, but…. If you go into an ice cream shop and buy an ice cream cone, then they offer you a second one for free on your way out the door… it’s okay to be full and say no.
This is a great metaphor 💜
I just found out yesterday I'm pregnant again. My daughter is 10 months old. I know I cannot do two under two, I would not be happy with that life and neither would my husband. Everything in me says NO, I want to enjoy motherhood not just survive it. I'm going to terminate the pregnancy for the sake of myself, my relationship, and so I can provide the best for my daughter both financially and emotionally. Make the decision that is best for yourself and your family OP, whatever that may be
Thank you so much for telling me your story. I appreciate your insight
Are you me? I haven't gotten a positive pregnancy test but husband has been acting sterile after his vasectomy and I recently found out you can still get pregnant the first 6 months or so! Yikes! And I’m starting to have physical symptoms so I’m in a bit of a pickle.
Ahh yes, I have heard that! I hope whatever you are hoping for works out for you 💜
Happened to me earlier this year. Terminated. Zero regrets. Feel free to message me if you need support during. I never doubted my decision but I did question what had led me to be so sure, it has been emotional but has always felt right. Listen to your heart and your brain, generally you have a gut feeling pretty much immediately. Listen to yourself. No matter what decision you make, it'll be the right one.
Thank you so much for telling me your story and offering to chat. I appreciate that a lot 💜
From someone who’s not oneanddone by choice, it’d be so amazing if we ever naturally and spontaneously conceived on our own! So, I’m impressed with you for that reason. However, it’s not the main reason to have a second child…one should do so because you and your partner want to grow your family and truly desire another child. Best wishes for you 💞
Thank you very much 💜I hope you get your spontaneous bundle of joy 💜
So many children are unplanned and once the shock and stress wears out, everything works out just fine. I think any unexpected life event causes stress and anxiety. But I can't think of anyone I know who has regretted their oopsie baby. We are an adaptable, resilient species who love our children. My friend had her second kid at almost 40. Large age gap between her two kids. Baby was definitely not planned but she's happy.
I definitely have an anxious mind in general without any help from things unplanned. love hearing about positive unplanned pregnancies, Thank you for this 💜
There's absolutely no shame in looking into your options. My husband got a vasectomy 5 years ago and we came to agreement that if the vasectomy ever failed that I would get an abortion, we decided what was best for our family and I know what my personal limits are as a parent and I know that I would not be as good of a mom if I had more than one child. You aren't selfish for making that choice.
Thank you 💜
My first pregnancy is currently having the best sleep of his life next to me . I love him but I can't do another one . On top of still having to take care of my first .if I was to get preggy again I'll terminate for sure . I am strictly one and done . Do what is best for you 💕🌺
Thank you for your response, I’m glad your little one is sleeping well! Mine has been doing better with sleep lately and here is hoping that continues!
TLTR and TRIGGER WARNING. Hi! I was in the same situation a few weeks back. It was a 6 week pregnancy. We heard clear heartbeats and the same day, we made a heartbreaking decision to not go ahead. Currently, I am going through the abortion process. Will have to get a D&C done at the earliest. I went ahead with the termination because of multiple reasons. Mentally, I am not ready for a second child, I do all the parenting work of my daughter throughout the weekdays because husband's work timings are either late or super late, I just started focusing on building a new career after nearly a 3 year career break, we have zero support from both sides of families and we are not financially (not even anytime soon) stable. I have accepted this loss and moved on. My husband is a bit still emotionally healing from this loss but understands and supports my decision and our life's situation. This was my third pregnancy. The first one was ectopic and it happened at a time when I was unmarried + at the peak of my career. It was a life and death situation and my left fallopian tube was removed. Second one is my 3 year old loving and caring girl. I felt happy and ready to have her in my life when I saw my positive pregnancy test during her time. It was a HELL YES!! This time around it was a straight forward HELL NO!! I would say if your mind is already giving you clear signals in various ways to not go ahead with the pregnancy then please don't. You know your situation best. If this would have been a right decision for you to go ahead, nothing in this world will give you second thoughts. I can imagine all your worries and fears are not just for your current situation but also for your future. They are real and practical. If you decide to go ahead with termination, I hope your partner understands you because abortion is more of an emotional pain than physical. You both will deal with grief in different ways. Sending you love, strength and hugs!
So...yes and no. We were leaving towards trying for a second, and last August, I strongly suspected that I was pregnant (based on symptoms). My reaction was not at all what I expected. I wasn't happy at all, just anxious and scared. I did have two losses before our daughter, so I did expect some anxiety, but this was a bit different. I got up the nerve to take a test the same day I started to bleed. I was pregnant, but had a very early miscarriage. Again, this wasn't my first loss, but my reaction this time was very different. Instead of sorrow, I just felt relief. This kicked off a conversation with my husband where we realized we were probably OAD. We weren't quite ready to totally close the door, but since then, we haven't been actively trying. Time will tell, but there's a nonzero chance I'm pregnant now (realized that we were intimate right on when I usually ovulate, though it does vary by a day or two and i wasn't tracking). When I realized the timing, I also had negative feelings about it. If I'm not pregnant, I'm going back on birth control next month. If I am pregnant, however, we'd keep it (assuming all goes well...again, I don't have a great track record). If you choose to terminate, that is absolutely your decision, and I don't intend to imply that it's in any way wrong. I completely understand why others choose to do so, and support their decision. In our case, while we've finally settled on one, I know we have the room for a second.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I cannot imagine. Thank you so much for telling me your story 💜
My daughter was 1.5 at the time. My marriage wasn’t in the best place. I had such severe HG so that’s why I terminated and I wasn’t in a good place mentally or emotionally. I had really bad PPD. I’m convinced the HG would have killed me if I continued and I was also really suicidal. I would have absolutely loved for my daughter to have a sibling so close in age but I just couldn’t do it. My mental well being had to come first. Sorry you’re going through this I know it’s tough. I do not regret my decision at all. It was the right decision at the time. It does still make me sad my kid doesn’t have a sibling though.
It's OK to not feel super excited right away. Just take some time, in fact, take it one day at a time. Wishing you all the best! 💜
change your mind, be positive
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While we strive to remain open for everyone, we are focused on parents who have decided, or had the decision made for them, to only have one child. The post or comment that was made doesn't fit with the general scope of this sub, and therefore was removed.