I’ve worked with kids for over 30 years. Everything about this situation is normal. He’s normal and your exhaustion and inquiry is totally normal too. This is a tough and tyrannical age for a lot of kids. Most of them are trying to find ways to assert themselves within a world they suddenly feel brave enough to be in. Doesn’t give them an excuse to be turds but it explains why they do it. But you’re likely at a peak and it might continue for a bit longer. Sometimes the influence of kids at daycare and nursery can make it harder. When I taught 2-3 yr olds in preschool, I would tell them that I didn’t understand them when they used their “noisy voice” (the whining.) And I’d literally pretend I could not hear or understand what they were asking for. Even those kids who were not as verbal, understood loud and quiet. I would explain that it would be helpful if they’d use their “helping voice” to explain what they needed. And if tantrums unfolded (which happens often when they are told no) I got good at a stare down or walking away. I left my 4 yr old in our entryway one time having a come-apart because I unbuckled his seatbelt in the car. It was one of the rare fits he ever had so it’s legendary in our family and a story we tell often now that he’s 17. He spent 10 minutes crying and wailing while I sat in the living room reading a magazine. All of a sudden I heard him stop crying and he stomped into the living room and looked at me and said “Some mom you turned out to be.” 😂 And I said “Yep.” He went back to his room and started playing with something and he never threw a single fit after that. And he’s the sweetest kid and still crawls in bed with me to watch tv every night.
I’m not saying these are the perfect answers or that I did everything right as a mother or as a teacher and caregiver. There is plenty you’ll get wrong. Just be patient with yourself and develop a bag of tricks to rely on when you need to shore up your defenses but also your abundance of grace and affection with him when you might not feel like dishing it out. And don’t you dare let a single person make you feel bad for how you’re doing it.
I did something similar with my own child as soon as she got some words. I would get down to her level, come close so she can hear me, and say for example 'I'd like to help you, but I don't understand you, can you say it with words?' And if she'd wail a reply, I would repeat it while mispronouncing: 'You want a hamama? We don't have it at home', sometimes several times. Half of the time she'd focus on pronouncing and forget to be upset. Sometimes my mispronouncing would even make her laugh. And when she got a bit older, I would also say my ears hurt from noise and I must leave the room. Just teach her that using words will get her there faster than crying.
I did this with my kid and she was also a day care kid. Daycare really forced use words.
If she threw a tantrum out of frustration, we would put her in her room and told her once she calmed down and used words, she could come out, we talk about it. It didn’t mean she got what she wanted.
We gave her as much freedom as possible like dressing herself and teach her that actions had consequences.
By age 3, she taught herself how to meditate and calm herself down. We respected she needed alone time. Her boundaries got respected if our boundaries got respected.
We also learned if crying was because of being tired and if so, we ignored it while getting her ready for bed.
The one thing I was against was coddling - my ILs tried that and it only fed the undesirable behavior / emotions. I am sure my ILs thought I was a mean mom but not feeding the negative emotions but yet handling the problem is what works for my kid and teaching my kid to handle it.
Now my kid is 12 and dealing with teen stuff and she’s doing awesome at it. I think we do a lot of positive reinforcement. She will come to us with issues, mainly to talk about them and we let her know if she needs help to let us know, but mostly she handles it.
Yesterday’s statement from her - Money can’t buy you love or happiness but it can buy you a big house as she was talking about how she wants to focus on her academics.
I think my main goal for her now is find her passion and I work to support what she’s in to.
4. Don’t get me wrong I always loved my kid, but hanging out with him involved constant effort and I always looked forward to nap time and bedtime. I actually enjoyed his company at aged 4.
I can’t even look forward to bed time anymore because our 2 year old son started having freak outs about being left alone in his room at night and bedtime is soooo long and exhausting 😩😫😫😖😖😭😭😭It started about 3 weeks ago after he was sick for a week. Prior to that he was a dream to put down for bed at night.
Really!?!? Oh shit. Well, I’m slightly glad to hear we aren’t alone but also NOOOO 😭😫 I don’t know what to do. To get him to settle down at all now we have to leave his bedroom door open so he can hear us. Usually 2-3 hours later, he wakes up. Then it goes on to be every 1-2 hours. He still has boundless energy too!!! I need advice!
We are going on seven months of this shit. Ours was a perfect sleeper until 32 months (I don't usually like counting in months once they're older than 2 but that's exactly when it happened for her). Ever since then, she pushes bedtime to 1030 pm, won't fall asleep unless my husband stays in her room and wakes up regularly. When the hell will this end!?!
Noooo!! Seriously?! So she/he still wakes up throughout the night? What do you do? My husband and I will go in our son’s room 3 total times. After that, we unfortunately let him cry it out. We weren’t doing it at first (cry it out) but after a week straight of getting up every single hour and being absolutely fucking wrecked, we couldn’t do it anymore. We need sleep to deal with him during the day (typical toddler behavior). When he was a newborn-27 months old (he is 28 months now) he went down easily and stayed down. Obviously when he was very young and needed every 3 hour feeds we’d get up, feed him and change him, and rock him back to sleep. It was quick though. I don’t even recognize this child anymore when it comes to bed time. Idk how he isn’t dead tired every day.
Yeah I could have written this paragraph myself. We also let her cry it out after a while. She's old enough now to express that she's scared of going to sleep by herself. We have no idea why though.
Yes. The cry it out is SO hard for my husband and I because we feel so bad. We never did CIO when he was younger. At this age we are able to explain that we are right nearby and he is safe. I have him repeating, “I’m okay” and “mama and dada love me” and he also knows how to do calming breathing techniques. It works for a bit but then he just starts freaking out again. He doesn’t say what has him worked up but I think it’s just the quietness and being “alone”. I’m a SAHM so IDK if that plays a part. There are so many things as a parent that my husband and I were not prepared for!!!
We went through this around 22 months. The one thing that helped the most was showing her I can see her and hear her through the baby monitor. Then at bedtime, telling her I would be sitting on the couch right outside her door watching her on the iPad. Now at bedtime she says “mama will go watch on the iPad” and it seems to give her a lot of comfort.
We do that too! It helps to get him to GO to sleep/bed but as far as staying asleep all night, it doesn’t work. We don’t show him the monitor or camera every night but every so often we’ll be like “we can see you, we can hear you. Look…see?” And every night before bed we tell him we can hear him and that we will leave his door open so he can hear us. he likes that. It just doesn’t work for keeping him asleep. I will start to do this every night though and see if it changes anything. 🤞🏽
He wakes up screaming yelling for mama and dada. He usually is shaking. He calms down once he hears us come in and we address him. We try to talk quietly and don’t say much. Just “you’re okay, we’re here” and “take a deep breath, it’s okay”.
Wow! So many people experiencing this. We started leaving his door open to (which we hate for safety reasons like if there was a fire) and it helps him to get to sleep again but it won’t keep him asleep. We haven’t done more nightlights though! Good idea. We’ll try that.
The other night after about an hour I thought she was asleep I closed the door and she just lost her shit screaming. I was like Omg OK I won't do that 😂. I got a little toy night light for the cot that turns off from Ikea and another one that's on a table that's dimmable. Really helps to just leave her and walk away but it's so weird that it's just started happening. She's still in the cot but I'll need to put a gate at her door when she's out of it I think, I also worry about her getting out.
Lol! Whoops! They scream like their little lives depend on it. My son is still in his crib because we have zero clue how to keep him in his room all night safely. Idk how other people do it 🤔
Yeh I have a feeling I'm going to face the same challenges very soon lol. Mines almost 19mo. I think I'll just put more gates in so far they work well at blocking stuff off. I think the retractable gates are a bit more stirdy I use it in my kitchen. My daughter figured out the oven lock..... 🫠 So I had to block the whole kitchen off.
Omg lol same (the oven)!! My son was probably the age of your daughter when he grabbed onto the top oven’s handle (it’s a dual oven) and flew back onto the floor 😳😑 Sooo there are ugly locks on them now haha I need a new gate for our kitchen too! We have an entrance from the living room that can’t be blocked but need the entrance from the kitchen to the front door/foyer blocked. He has pulled on the current gate so much that he tore it from the wall!😤😫😩 I haven’t considered a retractable gate though. Hmm!
Wow it's so scary one second they're OK the next doing something they shouldn't. Yeh retractable gate has been good I hope she doesn't try climb it though. I've intentionally not kept steps around or toys she can use as a step lol because I know she will try hahahaha. I'll probably need ugly locks of she gets over it 🤔
I agree!! 4 was like a total turning point. My cranky AH of a toddler became a little person who could talk to me about his day, movies he likes, and participate in activities beyond being a little crazy destructive…toddler. He’s 5 now and I love hanging out with him! Though his energy still wears me out, and I still pass him off to his Dad at times.
A supportive partner is really important, not only during this time, but all times. It sounds like that may be lacking and I hope it improves if that’s the case.
Hey just my experience but my son turned 4 in Jan and that was a super hard month, but since March everything in general finally has become easier in everything.
yeah i don't know if you ever consistently do. haha
currently have a 12yo girl. teen years seems very similar to the toddler years. its just different things that annoy you and get under your skin. and now they can use words and weaponize them! i'm frequently reminded of how "old" i am. so i shouldn't have opinions on things related to younger people. i'm 37.
now if her and i go out somewhere fun, or go on a trip, i absolutely enjoy her company. we have a blast together most of the time. but i'm still not at the point where shes so pleasant that i enjoy clothes shopping with her. its an absolute nightmare actually. similar to taking a toddler into a toy store.
What I’m saying is, I feel like it waxes and wanes all the time!
i buy double of everything because she uses my stuff all the time and i never get it back!!! her and i share a bathroom - i had to hide my expensive make up and skin care products from her in my bedroom closet. now its getting to the point where i'm raiding her room for my clothing because again, she borrows and never returns!
i'm an only child myself. i kinda feel like i know what having a sibling is like now.
When it comes to pre teens and teens- no adult is safe. If I was 23 she would be calling me old. They will sniff out anything obvious they can to point out. They’re vicious. Haha
I stg it happened overnight when my son was 6, too! He just woke up one morning and was so much more pleasant to be around. A lot of things changed around that time and I can't put my finger on what did it exactly but I am so grateful.
Mine just turned 4 and we’re now able to have chill back and forth conversations. His questions about things are starting to be on the Kids Say the Darnest Things level so it’s entertaining to be around him. I wanted to walk into the ocean when he was 2.5. Hang in there!
5 years in… it’s more like moments. Some are great. I just had one last night where for the first time he talked to me about what’s going on with him at pre-k. Like 20 minutes of him telling me about how he’s doing and I can’t tell you how great it felt to have a conversation like that because he never tells me things about school.
3 years 7 months. So nearly four. It's recent, he has a big speech delay but he's been getting so much more independent and cooperative and better with learning words. He started drawing "tadpole people" and I love watching the enthusiasm and progress. Also he started accepting falling asleep in his room on his own, giving me loads more time to relax, read or get my last chores out of the way. Last few weeks I've found myself truly, FULLY, enjoying parenthood. It's been rough from the start for me, gonna be honest.
I feel like the trick is to find one thing you genuinely enjoy with your kid at the age they are at. Plus make sure you have a little child free time in your life on a regular basis (both to yourself and with your partner). That will really get you through all the rest of it. My 4 year old is getting easier over time but it really ebbs and flows. Also the challenges just change over time. I will say around 3.5 was when I started to feel like I didn't want her to keep getting bigger and I started to just want her to stay the way she is (rather than looking forward to being out of certain hard phases).
But for us, swimming is our pressure valve. I have never had a fight with my kid in the pool and we all just have the best time. It was the first thing I could easily take her to alone (without my spouse) and find relaxing start to finish. Often if we're just having a miserable day, we'll just go to the pool to right the ship. It's the way we really connect together and get through the rest.
The other thing that made a huge difference was when our kiddo was around 2, we started each getting a full weeknight off of parenting. I think that space really helped us both recharge and make it through the hard parts.
Thank you, he previously enjoyed walking but at the moment it feels like whenever we go for a walk he whines, complains and moans his way through it. Also this sudden thing of refusing to walk 😔 I am really hoping it’s just a phase because it feels like a protective factor has been taken away…
I feel very lucky, my boy is 2 years and 3 months and I feel like the past couple of months have been the best so far. Yes he can definitely be hard work sometimes but for us the tantrums and demanding-ness aren’t too bad at the moment (I hope I don’t regret saying that lol) I hope it gets easier for you soon.
I also agree that the baby stage sucked!
I don’t mean to scare you but I found 2-2.5 manageable but recently it’s gotten incredibly challenging, however that might not happen to you since every child is different! I still prefer having a 2.5 year old over a baby though. Lol.
Oh no please don’t say that 😂
Our neighbours are being bloody terrible when he does cry at the moment so if it gets worse my mental health is going to plummet 🫠
Yes the baby stage - nobody tells you how bad it is, you expect to be sleep deprived but I feel it’s on another level and you’re just expected to carry on and function like a normal human being.
I hope it gets easier for you
Ugh nothing worse than neighbours like that, as if you can stop a child from crying!
If it’s any consolation my 2.5 year old doesn’t cry much anymore but he whines non-stop (neighbours won’t hear it!)
Yes! Preach! Sleep #1. #2 terrible shock was how much the cry of my own blood kin made my bones hurt. (Nobody else’s kid has ever done that- but might also be connected to the sleep deprivation.) And number 3- do I want to hit the reset button on that amount of time years plus gestation of figuring out nonexistent childcare for my career again?
I’m a bit bitter about being shocked by theses things^
Yeah, I was going to say we're closing in on 2 years and I quite enjoy spending time with my child, but then I saw what age your kid is, and consider me scared!
Mine isn’t 2.5 until June but 18-24 months has been the worst for us so far. Her tantrums were OUT OF CONTROL during that time and sorry but there aren’t a lot of redeeming qualities for a holy terror who can barely speak lol. At least now she waffles back and forth between being a terror and hilarious/adorable
Something I had to keep in mind; we’ve had how many years to learn and be desensitized to the world? While everything, everyday, every adventure is new and exciting!
They can’t help but to soak it all in- and piss you off by accident! Just keep in mind we all acted that way as kids, and 10 years he will be a preteen PITA! My not so lil is 18, we have a blast together, but I’m now at the oh wow, you’ll be moving me soon mode
Edit a word
I have a few questions for you. Is your son in any kind of care? Having a break helps with my enjoyment of him. But I also need some of that time to be for me not just work. Find times to talk to your partner when your son is in care.
Do you have any kind of meditation/mindfulness practice? Buddhism for mothers book is helpful, Tara Brach podcasts and Janet Lansbury podcasts have helped me too as we try to encourage independent play and boundaries.
I find the guilt and mother load tend to overlap my ability to enjoy my kid. That’s something I’m still working on.
I lean on friends with kids around the same age a lot too, if our kids are playing we can talk.
I want to add that you don’t have to enjoy your kid, you just have to do your best to self-regulate. Don’t add the pressure of making it an authentically “joyful” moment.
So let me say the baby stage was 100% the hardest stage for us. We started enjoying the company of our child much earlier than now, but the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion is real.
We've started to feel less emotionally exhausted since our little one turned 3. Suddenly, there are requests that are met with an okay instead of a tantrum. There are still outbursts and lots of emotional regulation needed, but it is improving. And if what others have said on Reddit holds true - I bet that around 4 the clouds clear and we can expect more sun in the sky around 4. Hang in there!
I wouldn’t normally post this response in order to a post like this but since there are so many replies, I will post for balance -
I loved, adored, delighted in my son from the day he was born (and before, when we’d play silly “poke each other” games when he was in my stomach”. I experienced euphoria for many months after he was born. He never ever cried, and was mostly an easy baby, other than being difficult to get to sleep (but he’d sleep through anything when he was down).
He was an absolute joy til he turned 3. At 3 he became unrecognisable. I still loved hanging out with him when he was chill, but he was an aggressive 3yo and it sucked. We still had mostly great moments though. He leveled more by 4 and has been genuinely one of my favourite people to hang out with in the world. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved and appreciated, I love showing him the world and sharing experiences with him. Since he was young we’ve spent so many hours just hanging out talking about our thoughts on things. He’s 9 now and I get so excited when he comes home from school and we get to hang for a bit til we go do our own thing. And we always spend an hour chatting in bed before he sleeps.
So yeah, I enjoy his company a lot and historically have :) We are freakishly similar though. One of the main reasons we’re OaD is because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to connect with his sibling the way I connected with him and didn’t want to risk that scenario of inadvertently making them feel left out/left behind.
I love this reason for being one and done! I've seen that being shamed on Instagram, like that it's a false belief and you shouldn't let that stop you from having more kids. But I can't even imagine having to split my love between my daughter and a second kid. She's a mini-me in so many ways and everything I ever wanted in one kid. So why would I have a second?
I feel like the odd one out but I’ve always enjoyed my child’s company since he was born. I wish I could spend more time with him since I work FT. He is 2 and sure some moments I feel like I’m losing my shit but our time together is so precious. I lost a baby brother as a child so I think that just taught me to appreciate these moments so much more because I know this is all temporary and a learning experience for both of us
Around 4 or 5 it became easier to go places and enjoy it rather than just worrying constantly about their safety or keeping them out of things. They start to understand reason & logic. They’re not as volatile emotionally, they’re not falling down and into everything that’s dangerous for them. They’re potty trained so no more packing a massive bag to go. You can have conversations with them, listen to music etc. I think they become fun around that age. Still enjoying my son at ten!
Around the age they start developing a sense of humour, so 3-4ish I reckon? My sprog is now seven and is quite proficient in zingers and accidentally insulting you (an example being making me, her dad and grandma 1st, 2nd and 3rd badges because we were doing a random quiz on YouTube. I came 3rd and mine said “at least you tried” and I’ve just noticed my husband has stuck it on the fridge 😂). She is awesome though when she’s not trying to make me watch some absolute shit on Netflix or YouTube
Around 3.5. She was a premie baby who didn’t feel good due to having silent reflux and dairy allergy. She was a sensitive, hard baby. I know we aren’t supposed to label children “hard”. But she was hard to care for. The first 18 months was just survival. 2-3 was a mess of big emotions and meltdowns. So from 2-3 she was doing early intervention. Then 3-4 she did OT, Speech, and PT. By 4yo she was FUN. We finally got our footing, her diagnosis and how to manage them, and how to thrive. I feel we got jipped on those first years, especially her. But it’s fun now. Sooo much joy that I was so scared would never come.
This is so relatable. My girl turns 4 in August. We're doing all the therapies too, and it's *hard* on all of us. She's doing so much better since her diagnosis, so this gives me hope.
Yeah mine was really hard to take care of the first year. So many sleep issues and doctor kept saying nothing was wrong. She was awake for 17 hours straight once at like 3 months old. I wanted to slam my head into a wall repeatedly. Like she’d clearly be really tired but just cried and refused to sleep. At 14 months she started sleeping through the night 10-12 hours straight and she’s been that way since. She’s 5 now and she is an amazing sleeper.
But yeah that first year was pure hell.
3.5. It’s been downhill since then and the best is after 3.5 years of going uphill the ride down is such a relief and makes life a little bit better everyday. It will happen, trust me!
My kid recently turned 3 and I think we’re nearly there! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and roses. But at 2.5 she was still super whiny and clingy and that has noticeably waned. I have a feeling 3-4 will be a huge change in the most positive ways! You’re so close!
My kid is starting to get into that phase of toddlerhood. I just try to get outside as much as possible. I go to a ton of local community events, the local kids gym, parks etc.. it’s exhausting on the one hand but LO is always in a better mood when we’re out and about.
I have a 3 yo and I'm really enjoying her company these days. Baby and early toddler phases aren't for me. Other people's 2 year olds are fun, mine was cute but still a bit potato-y. Lol. But at 3, for example, we read books and she asks questions and makes observations! It's so fascinating and wonderful to be able to see into her mind like that now. She can be reasoned with a lot better and she's just really wonderful company a lot of the time. She can also give me a bit of space when i ask for it, which is wonderful for my sanity lol.
It gets better, just you wait.
My daughter is 2.5 and honestly I love it all. I’m a SAHM and really enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong there are moments that are hard but it doesn’t last long and the good outweigh the bad by a lot.
Every stage I thought was my favorite haha each month, then once she turned 1 then 18 months then 2 and now 2.5.
I loved having fun with him at 3! 4-6 was rough as I was going through a divorce plus the added stress of starting public school. 7 was great again, he’s 8 now and it’s still great. We play football, basketball, monopoly, go for walks, go for drives, have dance parties, etc.
My son is 6 and I enjoy his company most of the time. But it still ebbs and flows. In hindsight he was/is always the most difficult and exhausting before making a serious leap - be it physically or mentally.
It truly is growing pains, lol.
4.5 for me (he’s about to turn 5). He was an incredibly high energy verbal/precocious boundary-pusher, particularly with me (mom) and seemed like he kind of hated me for a while (I know he didn’t…but he certainly told me he did, which hurt). I learned how to manage my reactions to that better and things improved, but from about 2.5-4.5 it was only love that kept that relationship going, not mutual enjoyment of spending time together.
Now he’s so fun though, I am starting to see the promised land of 5. I knew I wasn’t going to love being a toddler parent, and I didn’t, but I think I am going to genuinely enjoy parenting a kid.
About 6 months ago, so like a little over 2. I love her more and more everyday! She’s so fun and funny and sweet and we just hang out and watch her learn and talk and be excited! I’m gonna miss this so much. We do this thing every night where my husband and I say mommy daddy kiss and she says mommy daddy kiss baby. She giggles and laughs as we kiss her together and then She says hug daddy and then hugs him for a long time. I cry every time!!
I am so scared for the 3’s. I heard it gets way worse😭😭😭
I have seldom not enjoyed our 3.5 year old's company. As a baby, there were difficult days as I found my feet parenting on no sleep and no experience. I have generally found the toddler years to be bearable so far, but I have been helped by a good chunk of experience working with toddlers at my early years setting. If you have enough patience, can make the hard stuff fun and the fun stuff into great and lasting memories, you can foster a relationship where they want your approval more than they want whatever distraction is in front of them. I think I manage to achieve that and it has enabled us to enjoy one another's company - never 100% of the time, there are countless clashes - but we have secured a bond that I treasure. There is not much behaviour that I can't turn around with attention, physical comfort, a goofy game and a snack.
When she is ill and nobody gets enough sleep, we're all grouchy and then, yeah, it's tough.
Around 4. It was during the covid lockdown. We were stuck at home 24/7. This was also the time when he was being extra chatty. So, yeah. I actually really enjoyed the lockdown period because I spent most of my time with my son 🤎
4. For sure 4. Still have rough days but man I love being around him most of the time!!! I’m sick right now so I’m locked up in the main bedroom and I miss my little dude so much!!!
I’m here in solidarity, I don’t have an answer for you. My son turned three in March. There has not been a turning point yet. So far I feel like he has just gotten more bossy, opinionated, and reckless since turning three. 😬
My once super independent kid needs a lot more help and support now than he ever did. It’s definitely exhausting and I would be lying if I said I didn’t look forward to bed time and naps (when he decides to take them).
It’s really hard because I love watching the little human that he’s growing into but at the same time omg I’m super over stimulated and exhausted.
Mine is 28 months and we’re pretty much there! It wasn’t long ago she felt a lot moodier and was more defiant . I think she went through a lot of changes recently. Shes been so pleasant and awesome. It’s still a lot of work bc she likes pretty constant engagement and I wouldn’t mind a slightly earlier bedtime but I do enjoy her immensely now! So I think most kids have their turning point . Hang in there!
4. She’s really my favorite person. I actually like hanging out with her. We go out to lunch. Go shopping. Have long talks in the car. She’s also hilarious and becoming a complete badass (in a good way). She has such a strong confident personality.
4 is also sooo hard. So it’s a really good thing that I like her so much 😂
Looking back—I think the last age I enjoyed was 18 months. They are so cute and squishy then. The babbling and learning to talk. The fact that they are amazed by literally everything because everything is new.
But. That lasted like 5 min. Everything between 18m-3.5/4 was a struggle.
My kid is 13 in 3 weeks. She’s NOT fun to be around right now! It’s all attitude and “skibidi toilet” and eye rolls. I’m apparently the oldest and uncoolest person in the world who doesn’t understand anything.
I have found each year better than the next. I will admit that at the late 2's I found myself trying to get away from my child and find alone time. Now at 3 I find her so much more enjoyable which is odd because she's not even that much older. Each kid is different of course but I find myself enjoying her so much more lately.
Love my 3 year old but I’m excited for 4th bday when the whining and experimental yelling and energy explosions settle a bit (according to many of you, thx!)
4.5 for me. I still find it exhausting sometimes but I finally find myself thinking “hey I am having fun too! Not just sacrificing my enjoyment for hers!”
I’ve never been a kid person, so I kinda knew I wasn’t gonna have an easy time. But it is getting easier and I am genuinely starting to enjoy her company, so I am ecstatic about that!
I know this is an unpopular opinion, I love the 6months-5 years old stage.. This is the phase that you are the world to them. It’s a different kind of innocence and curiosity that they could share with you.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the 6 and up stage as they can look after themselves with minor supervision, they are opinionated and sometimes they will correct you for the false information, which is a bit triggering for me(lol).
I guess I just miss my kid being tiny where I could put them in carrier and swoop them up for tickles..
Always remember **the days are long but the years are short**..
How much time do you spend with your child per day/week? Is he in childcare? If so, ask his teachers how he behaves when in kindergarten and ask them how they manage his tantrum. They might have found a method you haven’t experimented, yet.
If he is not in childcare and it’s just you and him for all day, try to find toddler activities to do, make him meet other children, girl é yourself a small break.
Said so, this is the phase of tantrum and it’s really hard to reason with them. When my son was 3 yo he started to hate nursery. The only way to convince him to go without tantrum was to take a bus to go there. The nursery is 10 minutes walk from our house, the bus took us there in 20-30 minutes. So it was longer way, it was a bit painful, but it helped to navigate a few rough months.
I choose my battles with my son. If something is important I put my feet down, if it’s a bit annoying for me but makes him happy and my day easier, I go with the flow.
Thank you for your post. Mine is about to be 2 and am wondering the same thing. The post and all these comments make me feel like I'm not alone in these feelings and I feel less guilty for not enjoying it too much yet. I mean, it's better than baby phase and there are moments of happiness, but I can't wait for activities and conversations. He's also speech delayed so that's another challenge. I've never been a baby/young toddler person either. Solidarity!
My kid had a rough first year because he had a hard time digesting solids related to his dairy allergy. Every new food caused serious stomach pain and no sleep. Then from 11 months til 22 months, his mouth was hurting from teething. It was nonstop. Now hes 23 months and finally not in pain. Its been amazing but Im now afraid for the future
Around 3 she started being really fun to be around and hang out time. She’s 5 now and I love spending time with her and taking her out places. She’s my little buddy. It’s easier when they don’t have to take naps anymore and can be independent. I’m not a baby/toddler person. I hate having to do every single little thing for them. I love the independence they start to gain.
I’m not sure when my son will become tolerable to hangout with but I feel this. My son is about to be three and he is in the whole evaluation process for ASD and other things but we know that he is autistic. He is overstimulating, doesn’t communicate well, throws tantrums often (not long ones though), is not sociable at all, and everything has to be his way or no way or else it’s a tantrum. It’s exhausting
At 2.5 I too dreaded coming home from work to my toddler lol she’s 3.25 now and even though she pushes my buttons even more now in very special calculated ways 🥴🙃 I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her more now. I’m sure there will be huge shifts in this throughout 3 but so far, 3 is actually proving to be easier (in most ways) than 2 for us!
Genuinely? Around 8-9 (he's 10 now). I've always enjoyed doing things with him, but now we can actually hold conversations bc he knows & understands things, lol. We have inside jokes, we make each other laugh, he's actually my little buddy now. I could go on & on, but the tantrums have finally stopped (though we're dealing with the pre-teen attitude sometimes 🙄) which is what I needed to happen for my sanity, lol. I picked him up from his dad's the other day and almost cried bc watching him walk to the car I was like "you look like a little man 🥹"
5/6, whenever he starts elementary school. Something about learning to read, learning to learn, learning to engage with the world around him more independently. My only is now 7 and I do not miss the toddler or infant years!! Hang in there!
Maybe I have an out of the norm kid or my expectations are just different, but I really enjoy spending time with my 7 month old. Perhaps he hasn't reached a "difficult" age yet tho lol
Depends on the kid. My son was a colicky baby, a decent infant (I just found it so boring), a difficult young toddler (on the go 24/7 and into everything). From 18 months to 2.5 I thought things were getting better but now we’re in the thick of the terrible 2s I feel disheartened again!
My son is 10 months old and has been an absolute joy most of life. Such a happy baby, has slept through the night since 3 months old, and just generally happy. My wife and I have gone on probably a dozen out of town vacations with him since birth and he’s just so chill. Hope it stays this way lol, but overall life is good.
Mine will be 2 in a couple of weeks and a month or two ago I started really looking forward to time with her. She’s crazy advanced with language and can have full on conversations. It’s so fun to hear what she thinks about and what she notices.
She is an intense kid in terms of needing constant interaction, but is also an easy kid in a way. She doesn’t have tantrums. Never has. She’s super flexible about what we do. Can transition from activities without any issues and goes along with whatever outing I need to do. As long as she’s with me and I’m paying attention to her, she’s happy so I’m not really limited in what I do when she’s with me
From birth.
I love every stage and every challenge
My kid is almost 18m now and is the most fun he’s ever been. We love hanging out with him and sometimes cut our tasks short to go and pick him up early from daycare because we can’t wait to see him. He is a busy vocal stubnorn independent and emotional little toddler but a happy little dude 99% of the time.
Edited to take out the advice y’all seem to think is unhelpful. I’m just answering at what age I enjoyed my kid.
Unless you have experience working with children, comments like this to people who have children older than your own (and are therefore facing challenges your kid isn't at yet) aren't generally going to be seen as helpful.
Strangers were always saying "oh 18 months is the cutest age" and now that my kid is squarely in the 2s, I get it. If your kid is still happy 99% of the time, then he isn't where OP's kid is yet.
I was a live in nanny for a family of 6 kids from birth to 6yrs old and worked at a summer camp for toddlers and preschoolers.
So I like to think I got experience and generally don’t find kids to be insufferable.
I know how to regulate myself and my child- I’m just looking for some hope that I won’t be having to do this 100% of the time for the rest of my life because it’s exhausting.
I’ve worked with kids for over 30 years. Everything about this situation is normal. He’s normal and your exhaustion and inquiry is totally normal too. This is a tough and tyrannical age for a lot of kids. Most of them are trying to find ways to assert themselves within a world they suddenly feel brave enough to be in. Doesn’t give them an excuse to be turds but it explains why they do it. But you’re likely at a peak and it might continue for a bit longer. Sometimes the influence of kids at daycare and nursery can make it harder. When I taught 2-3 yr olds in preschool, I would tell them that I didn’t understand them when they used their “noisy voice” (the whining.) And I’d literally pretend I could not hear or understand what they were asking for. Even those kids who were not as verbal, understood loud and quiet. I would explain that it would be helpful if they’d use their “helping voice” to explain what they needed. And if tantrums unfolded (which happens often when they are told no) I got good at a stare down or walking away. I left my 4 yr old in our entryway one time having a come-apart because I unbuckled his seatbelt in the car. It was one of the rare fits he ever had so it’s legendary in our family and a story we tell often now that he’s 17. He spent 10 minutes crying and wailing while I sat in the living room reading a magazine. All of a sudden I heard him stop crying and he stomped into the living room and looked at me and said “Some mom you turned out to be.” 😂 And I said “Yep.” He went back to his room and started playing with something and he never threw a single fit after that. And he’s the sweetest kid and still crawls in bed with me to watch tv every night. I’m not saying these are the perfect answers or that I did everything right as a mother or as a teacher and caregiver. There is plenty you’ll get wrong. Just be patient with yourself and develop a bag of tricks to rely on when you need to shore up your defenses but also your abundance of grace and affection with him when you might not feel like dishing it out. And don’t you dare let a single person make you feel bad for how you’re doing it.
This is beautiful advice and I love the description of your relationship with your son 💖 you sound like a great parent.
I did something similar with my own child as soon as she got some words. I would get down to her level, come close so she can hear me, and say for example 'I'd like to help you, but I don't understand you, can you say it with words?' And if she'd wail a reply, I would repeat it while mispronouncing: 'You want a hamama? We don't have it at home', sometimes several times. Half of the time she'd focus on pronouncing and forget to be upset. Sometimes my mispronouncing would even make her laugh. And when she got a bit older, I would also say my ears hurt from noise and I must leave the room. Just teach her that using words will get her there faster than crying.
I did this with my kid and she was also a day care kid. Daycare really forced use words. If she threw a tantrum out of frustration, we would put her in her room and told her once she calmed down and used words, she could come out, we talk about it. It didn’t mean she got what she wanted. We gave her as much freedom as possible like dressing herself and teach her that actions had consequences. By age 3, she taught herself how to meditate and calm herself down. We respected she needed alone time. Her boundaries got respected if our boundaries got respected. We also learned if crying was because of being tired and if so, we ignored it while getting her ready for bed. The one thing I was against was coddling - my ILs tried that and it only fed the undesirable behavior / emotions. I am sure my ILs thought I was a mean mom but not feeding the negative emotions but yet handling the problem is what works for my kid and teaching my kid to handle it. Now my kid is 12 and dealing with teen stuff and she’s doing awesome at it. I think we do a lot of positive reinforcement. She will come to us with issues, mainly to talk about them and we let her know if she needs help to let us know, but mostly she handles it. Yesterday’s statement from her - Money can’t buy you love or happiness but it can buy you a big house as she was talking about how she wants to focus on her academics. I think my main goal for her now is find her passion and I work to support what she’s in to.
Thank you for this very thoughtful response. ❤️
"Some mom you turned out to be" 😂 That's hilarious.
👏
4. Don’t get me wrong I always loved my kid, but hanging out with him involved constant effort and I always looked forward to nap time and bedtime. I actually enjoyed his company at aged 4.
I spent a not insignificant amount of time looking for points 1-3 lol
I can’t even look forward to bed time anymore because our 2 year old son started having freak outs about being left alone in his room at night and bedtime is soooo long and exhausting 😩😫😫😖😖😭😭😭It started about 3 weeks ago after he was sick for a week. Prior to that he was a dream to put down for bed at night.
SAME!! And every mom I talk to with a 2 year old is saying the same. When does this sleep regression from hell end???
Really!?!? Oh shit. Well, I’m slightly glad to hear we aren’t alone but also NOOOO 😭😫 I don’t know what to do. To get him to settle down at all now we have to leave his bedroom door open so he can hear us. Usually 2-3 hours later, he wakes up. Then it goes on to be every 1-2 hours. He still has boundless energy too!!! I need advice!
We are going on seven months of this shit. Ours was a perfect sleeper until 32 months (I don't usually like counting in months once they're older than 2 but that's exactly when it happened for her). Ever since then, she pushes bedtime to 1030 pm, won't fall asleep unless my husband stays in her room and wakes up regularly. When the hell will this end!?!
This happened for us when ours was 2.75 to be exact. I'll let you know when it ends. It's been seven months like this so far....
Noooo!! Seriously?! So she/he still wakes up throughout the night? What do you do? My husband and I will go in our son’s room 3 total times. After that, we unfortunately let him cry it out. We weren’t doing it at first (cry it out) but after a week straight of getting up every single hour and being absolutely fucking wrecked, we couldn’t do it anymore. We need sleep to deal with him during the day (typical toddler behavior). When he was a newborn-27 months old (he is 28 months now) he went down easily and stayed down. Obviously when he was very young and needed every 3 hour feeds we’d get up, feed him and change him, and rock him back to sleep. It was quick though. I don’t even recognize this child anymore when it comes to bed time. Idk how he isn’t dead tired every day.
Yeah I could have written this paragraph myself. We also let her cry it out after a while. She's old enough now to express that she's scared of going to sleep by herself. We have no idea why though.
Yes. The cry it out is SO hard for my husband and I because we feel so bad. We never did CIO when he was younger. At this age we are able to explain that we are right nearby and he is safe. I have him repeating, “I’m okay” and “mama and dada love me” and he also knows how to do calming breathing techniques. It works for a bit but then he just starts freaking out again. He doesn’t say what has him worked up but I think it’s just the quietness and being “alone”. I’m a SAHM so IDK if that plays a part. There are so many things as a parent that my husband and I were not prepared for!!!
We went through this around 22 months. The one thing that helped the most was showing her I can see her and hear her through the baby monitor. Then at bedtime, telling her I would be sitting on the couch right outside her door watching her on the iPad. Now at bedtime she says “mama will go watch on the iPad” and it seems to give her a lot of comfort.
We do that too! It helps to get him to GO to sleep/bed but as far as staying asleep all night, it doesn’t work. We don’t show him the monitor or camera every night but every so often we’ll be like “we can see you, we can hear you. Look…see?” And every night before bed we tell him we can hear him and that we will leave his door open so he can hear us. he likes that. It just doesn’t work for keeping him asleep. I will start to do this every night though and see if it changes anything. 🤞🏽
What happens when he wakes up at night?
He wakes up screaming yelling for mama and dada. He usually is shaking. He calms down once he hears us come in and we address him. We try to talk quietly and don’t say much. Just “you’re okay, we’re here” and “take a deep breath, it’s okay”.
Are you able to leave again before he’s asleep?
Mine started doing this, I have to keep the door open all night now. I also leave on night lights that turn off automatically.
Wow! So many people experiencing this. We started leaving his door open to (which we hate for safety reasons like if there was a fire) and it helps him to get to sleep again but it won’t keep him asleep. We haven’t done more nightlights though! Good idea. We’ll try that.
The other night after about an hour I thought she was asleep I closed the door and she just lost her shit screaming. I was like Omg OK I won't do that 😂. I got a little toy night light for the cot that turns off from Ikea and another one that's on a table that's dimmable. Really helps to just leave her and walk away but it's so weird that it's just started happening. She's still in the cot but I'll need to put a gate at her door when she's out of it I think, I also worry about her getting out.
Lol! Whoops! They scream like their little lives depend on it. My son is still in his crib because we have zero clue how to keep him in his room all night safely. Idk how other people do it 🤔
Yeh I have a feeling I'm going to face the same challenges very soon lol. Mines almost 19mo. I think I'll just put more gates in so far they work well at blocking stuff off. I think the retractable gates are a bit more stirdy I use it in my kitchen. My daughter figured out the oven lock..... 🫠 So I had to block the whole kitchen off.
Omg lol same (the oven)!! My son was probably the age of your daughter when he grabbed onto the top oven’s handle (it’s a dual oven) and flew back onto the floor 😳😑 Sooo there are ugly locks on them now haha I need a new gate for our kitchen too! We have an entrance from the living room that can’t be blocked but need the entrance from the kitchen to the front door/foyer blocked. He has pulled on the current gate so much that he tore it from the wall!😤😫😩 I haven’t considered a retractable gate though. Hmm!
Wow it's so scary one second they're OK the next doing something they shouldn't. Yeh retractable gate has been good I hope she doesn't try climb it though. I've intentionally not kept steps around or toys she can use as a step lol because I know she will try hahahaha. I'll probably need ugly locks of she gets over it 🤔
Me too!
I agree!! 4 was like a total turning point. My cranky AH of a toddler became a little person who could talk to me about his day, movies he likes, and participate in activities beyond being a little crazy destructive…toddler. He’s 5 now and I love hanging out with him! Though his energy still wears me out, and I still pass him off to his Dad at times. A supportive partner is really important, not only during this time, but all times. It sounds like that may be lacking and I hope it improves if that’s the case.
My son is 4.5 now and a joy to hold conversations with now, and he’s fucking hilarious! I can’t wait to talk to him at 5, I can only imagine…
4 has been good for us too. Best year so far. 2&3 were tough years- but 4 has been nice
Was it right when he turned 4? Mine turns 4 in July but he seems more whiney and clingy lol 🥲
Somewhere in the 4s it got better. I have my fingers crossed for you!
Hey just my experience but my son turned 4 in Jan and that was a super hard month, but since March everything in general finally has become easier in everything.
yeah i don't know if you ever consistently do. haha currently have a 12yo girl. teen years seems very similar to the toddler years. its just different things that annoy you and get under your skin. and now they can use words and weaponize them! i'm frequently reminded of how "old" i am. so i shouldn't have opinions on things related to younger people. i'm 37. now if her and i go out somewhere fun, or go on a trip, i absolutely enjoy her company. we have a blast together most of the time. but i'm still not at the point where shes so pleasant that i enjoy clothes shopping with her. its an absolute nightmare actually. similar to taking a toddler into a toy store. What I’m saying is, I feel like it waxes and wanes all the time!
My kid turns 10 this summer, and so many times I feel more like the annoyed older sibling rather than his mother.
i buy double of everything because she uses my stuff all the time and i never get it back!!! her and i share a bathroom - i had to hide my expensive make up and skin care products from her in my bedroom closet. now its getting to the point where i'm raiding her room for my clothing because again, she borrows and never returns! i'm an only child myself. i kinda feel like i know what having a sibling is like now.
Yikes, I’ll be 53 when my now toddler is 12 😭 I’ll have to get ready for this.
When it comes to pre teens and teens- no adult is safe. If I was 23 she would be calling me old. They will sniff out anything obvious they can to point out. They’re vicious. Haha
This just made me realize I’m gonna be 44 when my girl is 12 🥲
2.5-3.5 was horrible, hang in there. We’re at 4 and it’s still hard but a little less hard than a month or two ago.
Same for us. We are at 3.25 years right now and it's the hardest it's been to date. Ours was the easiest kid ever until just before she turned 3.
Speaking HONESTLY as a father. 6. BUT! It changed SO radically. Like 180. Very powerful when it all does come online more, at least in my case.
I stg it happened overnight when my son was 6, too! He just woke up one morning and was so much more pleasant to be around. A lot of things changed around that time and I can't put my finger on what did it exactly but I am so grateful.
Mine just turned 4 and we’re now able to have chill back and forth conversations. His questions about things are starting to be on the Kids Say the Darnest Things level so it’s entertaining to be around him. I wanted to walk into the ocean when he was 2.5. Hang in there!
Mine is 2.5 and I want to walk into the ocean also
The walking into the ocean bit made me laugh so hard…thank you!
5 years in… it’s more like moments. Some are great. I just had one last night where for the first time he talked to me about what’s going on with him at pre-k. Like 20 minutes of him telling me about how he’s doing and I can’t tell you how great it felt to have a conversation like that because he never tells me things about school.
3 years 7 months. So nearly four. It's recent, he has a big speech delay but he's been getting so much more independent and cooperative and better with learning words. He started drawing "tadpole people" and I love watching the enthusiasm and progress. Also he started accepting falling asleep in his room on his own, giving me loads more time to relax, read or get my last chores out of the way. Last few weeks I've found myself truly, FULLY, enjoying parenthood. It's been rough from the start for me, gonna be honest.
I feel like the trick is to find one thing you genuinely enjoy with your kid at the age they are at. Plus make sure you have a little child free time in your life on a regular basis (both to yourself and with your partner). That will really get you through all the rest of it. My 4 year old is getting easier over time but it really ebbs and flows. Also the challenges just change over time. I will say around 3.5 was when I started to feel like I didn't want her to keep getting bigger and I started to just want her to stay the way she is (rather than looking forward to being out of certain hard phases). But for us, swimming is our pressure valve. I have never had a fight with my kid in the pool and we all just have the best time. It was the first thing I could easily take her to alone (without my spouse) and find relaxing start to finish. Often if we're just having a miserable day, we'll just go to the pool to right the ship. It's the way we really connect together and get through the rest. The other thing that made a huge difference was when our kiddo was around 2, we started each getting a full weeknight off of parenting. I think that space really helped us both recharge and make it through the hard parts.
Thank you, he previously enjoyed walking but at the moment it feels like whenever we go for a walk he whines, complains and moans his way through it. Also this sudden thing of refusing to walk 😔 I am really hoping it’s just a phase because it feels like a protective factor has been taken away…
Sounds entirely normal to me!
I feel very lucky, my boy is 2 years and 3 months and I feel like the past couple of months have been the best so far. Yes he can definitely be hard work sometimes but for us the tantrums and demanding-ness aren’t too bad at the moment (I hope I don’t regret saying that lol) I hope it gets easier for you soon. I also agree that the baby stage sucked!
I don’t mean to scare you but I found 2-2.5 manageable but recently it’s gotten incredibly challenging, however that might not happen to you since every child is different! I still prefer having a 2.5 year old over a baby though. Lol.
Oh no please don’t say that 😂 Our neighbours are being bloody terrible when he does cry at the moment so if it gets worse my mental health is going to plummet 🫠 Yes the baby stage - nobody tells you how bad it is, you expect to be sleep deprived but I feel it’s on another level and you’re just expected to carry on and function like a normal human being. I hope it gets easier for you
Ugh nothing worse than neighbours like that, as if you can stop a child from crying! If it’s any consolation my 2.5 year old doesn’t cry much anymore but he whines non-stop (neighbours won’t hear it!)
That’s a bit of a relief! The whining is still insufferable lol
Yes! I was shocked how bad the sleep deprivation was… like I just don’t know why anyone would want to do that again 😂
Pretty much the main reason I can’t decide if I am OAD or not. To do this level of sleep deprivation again… (She’s 2 now.)
Yes! Preach! Sleep #1. #2 terrible shock was how much the cry of my own blood kin made my bones hurt. (Nobody else’s kid has ever done that- but might also be connected to the sleep deprivation.) And number 3- do I want to hit the reset button on that amount of time years plus gestation of figuring out nonexistent childcare for my career again? I’m a bit bitter about being shocked by theses things^
Yeah, I was going to say we're closing in on 2 years and I quite enjoy spending time with my child, but then I saw what age your kid is, and consider me scared!
Mine isn’t 2.5 until June but 18-24 months has been the worst for us so far. Her tantrums were OUT OF CONTROL during that time and sorry but there aren’t a lot of redeeming qualities for a holy terror who can barely speak lol. At least now she waffles back and forth between being a terror and hilarious/adorable
Something I had to keep in mind; we’ve had how many years to learn and be desensitized to the world? While everything, everyday, every adventure is new and exciting! They can’t help but to soak it all in- and piss you off by accident! Just keep in mind we all acted that way as kids, and 10 years he will be a preteen PITA! My not so lil is 18, we have a blast together, but I’m now at the oh wow, you’ll be moving me soon mode Edit a word
I have a few questions for you. Is your son in any kind of care? Having a break helps with my enjoyment of him. But I also need some of that time to be for me not just work. Find times to talk to your partner when your son is in care. Do you have any kind of meditation/mindfulness practice? Buddhism for mothers book is helpful, Tara Brach podcasts and Janet Lansbury podcasts have helped me too as we try to encourage independent play and boundaries. I find the guilt and mother load tend to overlap my ability to enjoy my kid. That’s something I’m still working on. I lean on friends with kids around the same age a lot too, if our kids are playing we can talk. I want to add that you don’t have to enjoy your kid, you just have to do your best to self-regulate. Don’t add the pressure of making it an authentically “joyful” moment.
So let me say the baby stage was 100% the hardest stage for us. We started enjoying the company of our child much earlier than now, but the mental, physical and emotional exhaustion is real. We've started to feel less emotionally exhausted since our little one turned 3. Suddenly, there are requests that are met with an okay instead of a tantrum. There are still outbursts and lots of emotional regulation needed, but it is improving. And if what others have said on Reddit holds true - I bet that around 4 the clouds clear and we can expect more sun in the sky around 4. Hang in there!
Right around the time she stopped enjoying mine
I wouldn’t normally post this response in order to a post like this but since there are so many replies, I will post for balance - I loved, adored, delighted in my son from the day he was born (and before, when we’d play silly “poke each other” games when he was in my stomach”. I experienced euphoria for many months after he was born. He never ever cried, and was mostly an easy baby, other than being difficult to get to sleep (but he’d sleep through anything when he was down). He was an absolute joy til he turned 3. At 3 he became unrecognisable. I still loved hanging out with him when he was chill, but he was an aggressive 3yo and it sucked. We still had mostly great moments though. He leveled more by 4 and has been genuinely one of my favourite people to hang out with in the world. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved and appreciated, I love showing him the world and sharing experiences with him. Since he was young we’ve spent so many hours just hanging out talking about our thoughts on things. He’s 9 now and I get so excited when he comes home from school and we get to hang for a bit til we go do our own thing. And we always spend an hour chatting in bed before he sleeps. So yeah, I enjoy his company a lot and historically have :) We are freakishly similar though. One of the main reasons we’re OaD is because I was worried I wouldn’t be able to connect with his sibling the way I connected with him and didn’t want to risk that scenario of inadvertently making them feel left out/left behind.
I love this reason for being one and done! I've seen that being shamed on Instagram, like that it's a false belief and you shouldn't let that stop you from having more kids. But I can't even imagine having to split my love between my daughter and a second kid. She's a mini-me in so many ways and everything I ever wanted in one kid. So why would I have a second?
I feel like the odd one out but I’ve always enjoyed my child’s company since he was born. I wish I could spend more time with him since I work FT. He is 2 and sure some moments I feel like I’m losing my shit but our time together is so precious. I lost a baby brother as a child so I think that just taught me to appreciate these moments so much more because I know this is all temporary and a learning experience for both of us
Around 4 or 5 it became easier to go places and enjoy it rather than just worrying constantly about their safety or keeping them out of things. They start to understand reason & logic. They’re not as volatile emotionally, they’re not falling down and into everything that’s dangerous for them. They’re potty trained so no more packing a massive bag to go. You can have conversations with them, listen to music etc. I think they become fun around that age. Still enjoying my son at ten!
Around the age they start developing a sense of humour, so 3-4ish I reckon? My sprog is now seven and is quite proficient in zingers and accidentally insulting you (an example being making me, her dad and grandma 1st, 2nd and 3rd badges because we were doing a random quiz on YouTube. I came 3rd and mine said “at least you tried” and I’ve just noticed my husband has stuck it on the fridge 😂). She is awesome though when she’s not trying to make me watch some absolute shit on Netflix or YouTube
Around 3.5. She was a premie baby who didn’t feel good due to having silent reflux and dairy allergy. She was a sensitive, hard baby. I know we aren’t supposed to label children “hard”. But she was hard to care for. The first 18 months was just survival. 2-3 was a mess of big emotions and meltdowns. So from 2-3 she was doing early intervention. Then 3-4 she did OT, Speech, and PT. By 4yo she was FUN. We finally got our footing, her diagnosis and how to manage them, and how to thrive. I feel we got jipped on those first years, especially her. But it’s fun now. Sooo much joy that I was so scared would never come.
This is so relatable. My girl turns 4 in August. We're doing all the therapies too, and it's *hard* on all of us. She's doing so much better since her diagnosis, so this gives me hope.
Yeah mine was really hard to take care of the first year. So many sleep issues and doctor kept saying nothing was wrong. She was awake for 17 hours straight once at like 3 months old. I wanted to slam my head into a wall repeatedly. Like she’d clearly be really tired but just cried and refused to sleep. At 14 months she started sleeping through the night 10-12 hours straight and she’s been that way since. She’s 5 now and she is an amazing sleeper. But yeah that first year was pure hell.
3.5. It’s been downhill since then and the best is after 3.5 years of going uphill the ride down is such a relief and makes life a little bit better everyday. It will happen, trust me!
5
My kid recently turned 3 and I think we’re nearly there! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and roses. But at 2.5 she was still super whiny and clingy and that has noticeably waned. I have a feeling 3-4 will be a huge change in the most positive ways! You’re so close!
My kid is starting to get into that phase of toddlerhood. I just try to get outside as much as possible. I go to a ton of local community events, the local kids gym, parks etc.. it’s exhausting on the one hand but LO is always in a better mood when we’re out and about.
5 to 9 are the best ages imo
I have a 3 yo and I'm really enjoying her company these days. Baby and early toddler phases aren't for me. Other people's 2 year olds are fun, mine was cute but still a bit potato-y. Lol. But at 3, for example, we read books and she asks questions and makes observations! It's so fascinating and wonderful to be able to see into her mind like that now. She can be reasoned with a lot better and she's just really wonderful company a lot of the time. She can also give me a bit of space when i ask for it, which is wonderful for my sanity lol. It gets better, just you wait.
Last week. He's 4.5.
There were always bright spots but we really became besties when she was 7.
5 was the turning point for me and each year, it has gotten more enjoyable (my daughter is 8 now)
My daughter is 2.5 and honestly I love it all. I’m a SAHM and really enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong there are moments that are hard but it doesn’t last long and the good outweigh the bad by a lot. Every stage I thought was my favorite haha each month, then once she turned 1 then 18 months then 2 and now 2.5.
I loved having fun with him at 3! 4-6 was rough as I was going through a divorce plus the added stress of starting public school. 7 was great again, he’s 8 now and it’s still great. We play football, basketball, monopoly, go for walks, go for drives, have dance parties, etc.
My son is 6 and I enjoy his company most of the time. But it still ebbs and flows. In hindsight he was/is always the most difficult and exhausting before making a serious leap - be it physically or mentally. It truly is growing pains, lol.
4.5 for me (he’s about to turn 5). He was an incredibly high energy verbal/precocious boundary-pusher, particularly with me (mom) and seemed like he kind of hated me for a while (I know he didn’t…but he certainly told me he did, which hurt). I learned how to manage my reactions to that better and things improved, but from about 2.5-4.5 it was only love that kept that relationship going, not mutual enjoyment of spending time together. Now he’s so fun though, I am starting to see the promised land of 5. I knew I wasn’t going to love being a toddler parent, and I didn’t, but I think I am going to genuinely enjoy parenting a kid.
4-5 but mine is 7 now and has some annoying days as well.
About 6 months ago, so like a little over 2. I love her more and more everyday! She’s so fun and funny and sweet and we just hang out and watch her learn and talk and be excited! I’m gonna miss this so much. We do this thing every night where my husband and I say mommy daddy kiss and she says mommy daddy kiss baby. She giggles and laughs as we kiss her together and then She says hug daddy and then hugs him for a long time. I cry every time!! I am so scared for the 3’s. I heard it gets way worse😭😭😭
I have seldom not enjoyed our 3.5 year old's company. As a baby, there were difficult days as I found my feet parenting on no sleep and no experience. I have generally found the toddler years to be bearable so far, but I have been helped by a good chunk of experience working with toddlers at my early years setting. If you have enough patience, can make the hard stuff fun and the fun stuff into great and lasting memories, you can foster a relationship where they want your approval more than they want whatever distraction is in front of them. I think I manage to achieve that and it has enabled us to enjoy one another's company - never 100% of the time, there are countless clashes - but we have secured a bond that I treasure. There is not much behaviour that I can't turn around with attention, physical comfort, a goofy game and a snack. When she is ill and nobody gets enough sleep, we're all grouchy and then, yeah, it's tough.
I think it will really show when she turns six or seven. I think that will be peak bond.
Around 4. It was during the covid lockdown. We were stuck at home 24/7. This was also the time when he was being extra chatty. So, yeah. I actually really enjoyed the lockdown period because I spent most of my time with my son 🤎
4. For sure 4. Still have rough days but man I love being around him most of the time!!! I’m sick right now so I’m locked up in the main bedroom and I miss my little dude so much!!!
I’m here in solidarity, I don’t have an answer for you. My son turned three in March. There has not been a turning point yet. So far I feel like he has just gotten more bossy, opinionated, and reckless since turning three. 😬 My once super independent kid needs a lot more help and support now than he ever did. It’s definitely exhausting and I would be lying if I said I didn’t look forward to bed time and naps (when he decides to take them). It’s really hard because I love watching the little human that he’s growing into but at the same time omg I’m super over stimulated and exhausted.
Mine is 28 months and we’re pretty much there! It wasn’t long ago she felt a lot moodier and was more defiant . I think she went through a lot of changes recently. Shes been so pleasant and awesome. It’s still a lot of work bc she likes pretty constant engagement and I wouldn’t mind a slightly earlier bedtime but I do enjoy her immensely now! So I think most kids have their turning point . Hang in there!
4. She’s really my favorite person. I actually like hanging out with her. We go out to lunch. Go shopping. Have long talks in the car. She’s also hilarious and becoming a complete badass (in a good way). She has such a strong confident personality. 4 is also sooo hard. So it’s a really good thing that I like her so much 😂 Looking back—I think the last age I enjoyed was 18 months. They are so cute and squishy then. The babbling and learning to talk. The fact that they are amazed by literally everything because everything is new. But. That lasted like 5 min. Everything between 18m-3.5/4 was a struggle.
My kid is 13 in 3 weeks. She’s NOT fun to be around right now! It’s all attitude and “skibidi toilet” and eye rolls. I’m apparently the oldest and uncoolest person in the world who doesn’t understand anything.
I have found each year better than the next. I will admit that at the late 2's I found myself trying to get away from my child and find alone time. Now at 3 I find her so much more enjoyable which is odd because she's not even that much older. Each kid is different of course but I find myself enjoying her so much more lately.
Solidarity
Omg this is me too - your situation sounds almost identical to mine
Honestly, ours turned 3 in January and we have LOVED 3 so far.
Love my 3 year old but I’m excited for 4th bday when the whining and experimental yelling and energy explosions settle a bit (according to many of you, thx!)
4.5 for me. I still find it exhausting sometimes but I finally find myself thinking “hey I am having fun too! Not just sacrificing my enjoyment for hers!” I’ve never been a kid person, so I kinda knew I wasn’t gonna have an easy time. But it is getting easier and I am genuinely starting to enjoy her company, so I am ecstatic about that!
I know this is an unpopular opinion, I love the 6months-5 years old stage.. This is the phase that you are the world to them. It’s a different kind of innocence and curiosity that they could share with you. Don’t get me wrong, I love the 6 and up stage as they can look after themselves with minor supervision, they are opinionated and sometimes they will correct you for the false information, which is a bit triggering for me(lol). I guess I just miss my kid being tiny where I could put them in carrier and swoop them up for tickles.. Always remember **the days are long but the years are short**..
5
and every year just gets better
How much time do you spend with your child per day/week? Is he in childcare? If so, ask his teachers how he behaves when in kindergarten and ask them how they manage his tantrum. They might have found a method you haven’t experimented, yet. If he is not in childcare and it’s just you and him for all day, try to find toddler activities to do, make him meet other children, girl é yourself a small break. Said so, this is the phase of tantrum and it’s really hard to reason with them. When my son was 3 yo he started to hate nursery. The only way to convince him to go without tantrum was to take a bus to go there. The nursery is 10 minutes walk from our house, the bus took us there in 20-30 minutes. So it was longer way, it was a bit painful, but it helped to navigate a few rough months. I choose my battles with my son. If something is important I put my feet down, if it’s a bit annoying for me but makes him happy and my day easier, I go with the flow.
Once he was a year old he became so much more fun. I genuinely enjoy everything about him and he’s 20 months now
Thank you for your post. Mine is about to be 2 and am wondering the same thing. The post and all these comments make me feel like I'm not alone in these feelings and I feel less guilty for not enjoying it too much yet. I mean, it's better than baby phase and there are moments of happiness, but I can't wait for activities and conversations. He's also speech delayed so that's another challenge. I've never been a baby/young toddler person either. Solidarity!
My kid had a rough first year because he had a hard time digesting solids related to his dairy allergy. Every new food caused serious stomach pain and no sleep. Then from 11 months til 22 months, his mouth was hurting from teething. It was nonstop. Now hes 23 months and finally not in pain. Its been amazing but Im now afraid for the future
Around 3 she started being really fun to be around and hang out time. She’s 5 now and I love spending time with her and taking her out places. She’s my little buddy. It’s easier when they don’t have to take naps anymore and can be independent. I’m not a baby/toddler person. I hate having to do every single little thing for them. I love the independence they start to gain.
I’m not sure when my son will become tolerable to hangout with but I feel this. My son is about to be three and he is in the whole evaluation process for ASD and other things but we know that he is autistic. He is overstimulating, doesn’t communicate well, throws tantrums often (not long ones though), is not sociable at all, and everything has to be his way or no way or else it’s a tantrum. It’s exhausting
My almost 2 year old LOVES going outside and to the park. Leaving them is the hard part.
Ours is 2.5, I will let you know when it happens. For every hour I spend with her, I enjoy about 5 minutes. Even though I love her to death.
At 2.5 I too dreaded coming home from work to my toddler lol she’s 3.25 now and even though she pushes my buttons even more now in very special calculated ways 🥴🙃 I genuinely enjoy hanging out with her more now. I’m sure there will be huge shifts in this throughout 3 but so far, 3 is actually proving to be easier (in most ways) than 2 for us!
Genuinely? Around 8-9 (he's 10 now). I've always enjoyed doing things with him, but now we can actually hold conversations bc he knows & understands things, lol. We have inside jokes, we make each other laugh, he's actually my little buddy now. I could go on & on, but the tantrums have finally stopped (though we're dealing with the pre-teen attitude sometimes 🙄) which is what I needed to happen for my sanity, lol. I picked him up from his dad's the other day and almost cried bc watching him walk to the car I was like "you look like a little man 🥹"
5/6, whenever he starts elementary school. Something about learning to read, learning to learn, learning to engage with the world around him more independently. My only is now 7 and I do not miss the toddler or infant years!! Hang in there!
4 years old for me
Maybe I have an out of the norm kid or my expectations are just different, but I really enjoy spending time with my 7 month old. Perhaps he hasn't reached a "difficult" age yet tho lol
Depends on the kid. My son was a colicky baby, a decent infant (I just found it so boring), a difficult young toddler (on the go 24/7 and into everything). From 18 months to 2.5 I thought things were getting better but now we’re in the thick of the terrible 2s I feel disheartened again!
My son is 10 months old and has been an absolute joy most of life. Such a happy baby, has slept through the night since 3 months old, and just generally happy. My wife and I have gone on probably a dozen out of town vacations with him since birth and he’s just so chill. Hope it stays this way lol, but overall life is good.
Why is my comment getting downvoted? lol.
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Not for a lot of parents. Other parents have an easier time once the kid is a toddler. Every kid is different.
Mine will be 2 in a couple of weeks and a month or two ago I started really looking forward to time with her. She’s crazy advanced with language and can have full on conversations. It’s so fun to hear what she thinks about and what she notices. She is an intense kid in terms of needing constant interaction, but is also an easy kid in a way. She doesn’t have tantrums. Never has. She’s super flexible about what we do. Can transition from activities without any issues and goes along with whatever outing I need to do. As long as she’s with me and I’m paying attention to her, she’s happy so I’m not really limited in what I do when she’s with me
From birth. I love every stage and every challenge My kid is almost 18m now and is the most fun he’s ever been. We love hanging out with him and sometimes cut our tasks short to go and pick him up early from daycare because we can’t wait to see him. He is a busy vocal stubnorn independent and emotional little toddler but a happy little dude 99% of the time. Edited to take out the advice y’all seem to think is unhelpful. I’m just answering at what age I enjoyed my kid.
Unless you have experience working with children, comments like this to people who have children older than your own (and are therefore facing challenges your kid isn't at yet) aren't generally going to be seen as helpful. Strangers were always saying "oh 18 months is the cutest age" and now that my kid is squarely in the 2s, I get it. If your kid is still happy 99% of the time, then he isn't where OP's kid is yet.
I was a live in nanny for a family of 6 kids from birth to 6yrs old and worked at a summer camp for toddlers and preschoolers. So I like to think I got experience and generally don’t find kids to be insufferable.
I know how to regulate myself and my child- I’m just looking for some hope that I won’t be having to do this 100% of the time for the rest of my life because it’s exhausting.
lol I thought the same thing when mine was 18m.