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I think they are all haters in general. My narc brother seems proud of his bigotry. The irony is, one time he met someone exactly like him, he hated him too lol! Helped me understand that that deep down they even hate themselves.
Oh the day I finally understood that all the vitriol my mother hurled at me growing up was actually stuff she hated about herself… what a healing moment that was.
The ones who aren't bigots, are most likely just pretending they aren't, in order to look good. My nmother has learned to keep a lot of her bigotry to herself, but I don't think it's gone. Now that acceptance of minority groups is the societally accepted approach to minority groups, it just makes her look bad to say bigoted things and she doesn't wanna look bad. Whenever I've explained in the past why her bigoted comments are wrong, she practically lights up at the new information I've just given her, that she can then use to lie to and manipulate the people around her.
I learned that explaining any part of human nature to her, gave her ammunition and tools to manipulate people who actually possess humanity. People like herself are easy to influence and be accepted by, but it takes a lot of work to fool decent people. At this point, if you ask her if there's anything wrong with any minority group, she'll act so over the top accepting and caring. In reality, she never says any of the positive things she says in public, in private. None of the "ism's" register with her. She's at best an apologist for all of the "____ism"s and "____phobia"s. But more likely, it's all an act and she thinks everyone other than herself is equally awful and that she's morally superior, despite having NO morals.
This is 100% the experience I've had with narcissists. Over the top, fake, self-serving "empathy" to cover their hateful heart. It's all just words though. Their actions indicate the exact opposite.
That’s my father! He claims he’s progressive yet he tells me every single time we talk that women are irrational, emotional, and constantly setting up traps in conversation. He loves to say “the blacks” and he told me he doesn’t know if he should address his lesbian cousin or her wife because he’s “not sure which one is the man”. It’s all about appearances for these bozos, but they can’t hide awful they are.
LOL YES.
I'm pretty certain Narc and Bigot go hand in hand.
They can be religious bigots,
They can be political bigots,
They are bigots, of many different shapes and sizes, but bigots nonetheless. lol
Yes on all of it. I was thinking about this this morning, on how much hate they instilled in me towards a lot of groups when I was a kid, so much so that I was scared of my own shadow, and that everything would be the “hand of the devil”. They were so angry when I started to open my views as a teenager and an adult, shocked that I would go against their beliefs. They’re Catholic, so their way of life is the only right one 🙄
It also conveniently serves as an excuse for treating others like garbage: I can lie to-, cheat, abuse, steal from these people because they are inferior to me. I am superior and therefore deserving.
This seems quite common. However, I'm not convinced my mum has any genuine political opinions aside from what is best to manipulate people in the moment. She is completely two faced and will say the n word and be a bigot around my bigoted uncle, but then be the most progressive feminist "girl boss" when my PolSci sister's friends are around. She often plays the invokes the feminist angle when accusing me of abuse after she abuses me, "you're setting a role model its okay to abuse women to your brother", etc. but then tells my sister to not be a whore. She also claims that any time she has to do any job around the house it is because she is a woman and we are abusing her, patriarchy, etc. There are no principles behind her behaviour, just what is convenient for her in the moment. Sometimes its bigotry, sometimes its progressive.
This seems to be really common with cluster b types in general because they have no true sense of identity. My sister and one of my close friends are diagnosed with BPD and another friend was recently diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder. None of them seem to have their own opinions on anything. They change day to day and can change depending on who they're talking to or the situation. My suspected narcissist grandmother is the same way. They all wait to see where the conversation is going before they chime in with their opinion. I've even called some of them out on this because their opinions will really change from one day to the next and they get offended and act like you're attacking them.
My mother thinks she is on the left but she’s a massive bigot, which is likely due to her projecting. She’s a huge racist. With lgbtq people she claims she’s supportive but says a bunch of bullshit and misgendered me and my sibling on purpose. She hates fat people, women, and poor people, all groups she is a part of. She is the most belligerent of the groups she is part of.
My nmom also hates fat people! And those she considers ugly. A neighbor got married to a man that my nmom deemed ugly and she said to me “It’s a good thing her mom is dead so she doesn’t have to see her daughter with that ugg”
My mom is exactly the same. Constantly brags about being progressive and enlightened, then drops casual bigotry. She'll go on about being tolerant of all ethnic groups than call my mixed race wife slurs. She'll go on about being a supporter of the LGBT community and than misgender trans people and accuse them of being driven insane by their transition when they complain. She'll go on about being a feminist then go on puritanical rants and spew casual misogyny and misandry alike.
Adding my mother to this thread. She's a democrat and rails against "Trump", wants people to think that she's so enlightened and smart. But privately she's majorly racist, ableist, etc. And I mean really racist. She's always dropped the mask around me when no one else is around, she feels confident that no one will believe me.
Same here. On the surface she says all the right things about accepting everyone. But she looks down on poor people and fat people, remarking that they're in their predicaments because they're lazy. She loves gay men, but is clearly disgusted by gay women. This really hurt me personally because I am bisexual. Every time I saw her acting disgusted she claimed it was because of something else ("I said eww at those women kissing because it was too much PDA! I am criticizing what you did with that other woman because it wasn't a committed relationship!") but she never had those reactions for gay men so I knew it was BS.
In my experience my nfamily is this to a t. I think they’re genuinely threatened when other people dare deviate from their narrow and unproductive beliefs about how everyone else “should” be. And interestingly everyone should conform to them. Funny how that works!
I think it’s their insanely fragile sense of self. Another poster also pointed out how they don’t seem to have personalities of their own. I think being bigoted gives them a sense of identity while also protecting their insanely fragile egos.
For my nparents they’re racist, sexist, political AND religious bigots. So glad I have nothing to do with them.
Nope. Some of them pretend to champion social causes for external validation. Causes they would not care about if they couldn’t post them online for attention.
(They privately might be culturally ignorant, too. So privately a bigot but publicly pushing social issues.)
I 100% believe bigoted people are Ns. Bigotry comes drenched in the ME-ME-ME mindset.
I can speak only from my own experience, but yes. nMom was an old school Southern racist, her father and brother were both klan members. She and GC Bro used to pinch me and call me "N-word Lover" because. eStepdad most particularly hated Latinos. They used to cry that "the Blacks and Mexicans" were responsible for all our social problems. Just fearful, hate-filled miserable people.
Mine styled herself a fashionable New York liberal, but was actually scared of Black people and other non-European ethnicities, going to huge lengths to avoid interacting with them, and later in life I realized she was a virulent antisemite too.
Fear is the nucleus of so much of their cruel, xenophobic, abusive behavior.
Probably many, but I also know one Narc who used critical race theory and LGBTQ+ rights to put me down, lecture me and in general present himself as some sort of savior of the oppressed. He’s a straight white male.
mine are, but not against the typical groups (poc, lgbt, etc), they get more creative. but they'll never pass on the chance to put down
- divorced, especially if parents
- fat people
- anyone middle class or lower
- people with only 1 kid
and more!
Well, not to be pedantic, but bigotry technically encompasses a staunch adherence to any strongly held opinion including *but not limited to* those you listed. So to answer your question (as asked), no. My dad is the biggest narcissist I've ever met. But he fancies himself a Liberal. He has very "progressive" ideas about all of those groups. HIS bigotry is more subtle. He doesnt care about anything anyone younger than him says because they can't possibly know more than he does about anything. He shuts down any opposition immediately and aggressively. It doesn't matter that I worked in banking for 11 years - he knows more about it than I do (according to him).
Let’s break down what bigotry is.
All bigotries at root are the same:\
Just another mask worn by pain.
It’s hate directed at a certain cohort which is deemed not fully human or not human.
And hate is merely another way pain enters the equation. It’s pain inflicted upon others.
Some choose to inflict pain on others and self. Some do not.
Some choose to view all humans as equally human. Some do not.
In an effort to end run the “and self” part of “inflict pain on others **and self**”, some choose to inflict pain on some group that is deemed as lesser, as less than human or not human.
And abusive parents? They already treat us as less than human.
If one can hate one human, as our NPs do, one can hate all humans, including themselves.
It’s not a great leap to go from hating their children to hating some definable group of humans.
Narcs live in a hierarchical system of punishment - they are constantly trying to place others or an 'other group' below them, because they don't have a healthy sense of self or self love, they have to live in comparison to others. Their substitute for healthy self love and sense of self is hatred, judgement and punishment for those they deem 'worse' than themselves.
Bigotry of any form is a really easy, stupid train to hop on (especially if you're part of the culturally oppressive group, so in the US, it's more tolerated for white wealthy men to behave in narcissistic ways because our society often places them 'above' everyone else by default anyway). It's impossible to argue with a narcissist about that false hierarchical logic when they choose to only see everything in their environment confirms their biases about themselves and others (that they are better and everyone else is worse).
This explains why they get so much out of entertainment news (like Fox News) that manipulates their feelings of superiority and so they continue to watch - it confirms their biases and makes them feel better than 'other' groups.
TLDR: Narcs are dumb and it's really easy to be a bigot
Yes, indeed. My mother, even more so as she aged. I feel like that's more rooted in ignorance and a refusal to change than narcissism. It doesn't have to go hand in hand. But i really hate hearing "I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally."
Narcs hate anything that doesn’t reflect their ideas and morals that don’t exist. They are constantly looking for someone to single out and make the odd one so no one can see that they are the problem and also to project their sinister self hate onto you. When a narc is a bigot, make sure you don’t show an ounce of fear, but also keep it causal. They are the real losers, we will continue living our lives and supporting others that are hurting no one!
my dad most certainly is. he doesn't like anyone other than himself, and this includes people of other races, other genders, other orientations, etc. it's no wonder that he's never had any friends and, probably as a result, tries to hyper-control the lives of his family members, many of whom can't even offer a pittance of sympathy towards him anymore.
not necessarily, a lot are, but there are those who are just too self-righteous to openly hate, for example my nmom is the least secure, least stable person I have ever known but she openly supports LGTB's as much as possible because she gets her supply from feeling like she's part of the "in group" and specifically the feeling she gets from manipulating people into thinking she's a good person (she likes to believe that she's a mastermind controlling everyone from behind the scenes but in reality she's just transparently unstable), narcissism and bigotry are natural bedfellows sure, but it's dangerous to lump all narcissists into that category because it gives them an avenue to be all "see? I support X group, therefore I must not be a narcissist!" except, you still are because narcissism isn't explicitly defined by bigotry
Yes majorly.
Funny thing is we’re ethnic so I didn’t understand the racism. Let’s add my mum hates muslims yet she married one, but christened me on the down low to orthodox.
All my closest friends are brown. I married a brown person it was the end of the world when I introduced him. She said he was handsome though.
The poor woman just seems stressed asf in the outside world. Has always something to say about someone.
HAH! There are narcissists who *aren’t* bigots? My narcissist is sexist (despite being a woman), racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, the whole nine yards!
Except she’s… not aware of it at all- she thinks she’s enlightened or some shit like that-
yes. people with higher than avg levels of narcissism and NPD have empathy meter issues, narcissism generally is characterised by a lack of empathy.
one can’t possibly have genuine compassion for others if their empathy meter doesn’t work correctly.
hence the fragile egos, superiority complex, lack of regard and respect for others etc
I've never thought that Narcs were particularly discriminating in their hatred of basically everyone. They are often racist and bigots because it *serves them*, but they save their particular special hatred and rage for anyone who hurts their poor little feelings, or someone they are profoundly jealous.
They often hate or have no compassion for whoever isn't them. I met a trans male identifying as woman with NPD, they believed males identifying as women are superior to biological females and biological males who identify as men, so despite being trans the group they hated most were trans females who identified as men because they didn't match the narcissist's favorite sex or gender.
Covert narcissists will often virtue signal or play the victim to get better social standing by suddenly starting to white knight for or claim to be a part of whichever group is seen as most oppressed at any given time despite having shown no prior concern for people in that group and possibly even after having vehemently hated on that demographic when it was popular to hate that group.
Bigotry goes hand-in-hand with narcissism because narcissists value that which is similar to themselves/that which they can claim is similar to themselves, while hating that which they see as different and can turn into a scapegoat for everything that is wrong. Narcissists basically divide the world into those they love (like themselves/can benefit themselves), those they hate (those who they see as embodying the qualities they want to most distance themselves from or that they can use as a scapegoat), and those who don't exist (because they can't be used to benefit the narcissist or feed their narcissistic supply).
Yep. If you think about how low effort bigotry is, it makes sense that narcs would buy into it for the free “I’m superior to X” points that their egos so desperately crave.
Yes. My nmom has a hard time understanding anyone’s else perspective which inherently is needed to be anti-bigot. She insists that there is only “one reality” which apparently is hers. So yeah.
Yep. Racist and sexist primarily. Also a bit homophobic and transphobic. Also thinks their beliefs (even though they're not religious) and opinions (especially about politics) are above others.
It's hard to say because they often hide their real thoughts and actions. My Nmother is, but she pretends to be an enlightened liberal Democrat because she thinks that makes her look good. Bigotry is often like that, people don't admit their racist/sexist/homophobic etc but then privately discriminate and vote against the interests of minorities.
My nparents would claim themselves to be very open-minded liberal people. The reality was entirely different. Once my nmom had decided their new neighbors were evangelicals (i dont know if they actually were) so they could not speak to them. They proved to me that bigots are not always conservative.
Very true. My sister has BPD with a lot of narcissistic traits and she is what I would call a leftist bigot lol. If someone is openly Christian, she will not associate with them and will say horrible things about them. She's the same way about people who are even remotely more right-leaning than her, even if they're still considered left. She's also that way about people who choose to have children. She calls them breeders and just talks so much smack. It's so bizarre to be around.
I caught my mom telling my 6 year old racist things the last time she visited. She was going on a rant to him about how “black people only eat fried chicken and cream donuts and that’s why they’re all so fat”. She denies she racist, and that her beliefs are just facts.
She hasn’t visited or spoken to my children for over a year. I have set a major boundary.
My mother absolutely hated men and used feminism as a mechanic to 'right all these social wrongs' that basically meant grinding my nDad (who was her getaway driver) into the ground and was nothing more than a mask for her always being right and getting her way on everything. She was a female chauvinist.
Absolutely. My mum does the same to my dad. I think latching onto an identity that has genuine victhoomhood behind allows them to do their whole playing the victim schtick with an air of legitimacy.
my mom too. her and her sister hated men and would triangulate on my dad. i always wished her sister would get a life of her own and stop trying to break up my parents marriage
Yeah. If they do it, it is justified, if other people do it, they are bad people...
My father (morbidly obese) always tattles about people who are big.
My father (his father wasn't German) hates all foreigners.
My father (cheated on my mother) praised another man who killed the guy who fucked his wife.
My dad is racist. He will use the N word with a hard R when talking about black people. But if he is talking to a black person it's like they're best buds! Funny how that works. I would argue with him about systemic issues being apart of the reason things are and have been unfair and unjust for certain people(even as a middle schooler I understood this)and he would just keep saying the N word louder. We were once at a pool party and I think he was bothered by the fact that most people there were white collar type people. So he starts going on about how he is prejudice and proud of it. It's like he thinks being low intelligence is bravado. If something happens with a person he will say what are they? And if I say what they are he will call them their racial slur. "Ofcourse they're a x". It's so uncomfortable and it's insane to me that someone would say that kind of crap around thier own kid. Aren't you scared that I'll go say something racist and get punched in the mouth?
Absolutely. Religion gave my mother carte blanche to torment me under the guise of righteousness, while being a massive hypocrite privately. They’ll latch onto anything that reinforces their bullshit.
Oooh yeah. Both of them are. My dad is/was a paying member of the BNP as well. His name and our address were leaked when that was a thing. My brother has the same name as him too. He didn't give a shit at all that we were doxxed because of his unhinged behaviour.
Whats really interesting is that the BNP emulates some Nazi behaviour and rhetoric, but my dad makes a show of how proud he is of his ancestors who fought in WW2 against the same ideologies he supports.
I am sure people like this treat their race like some kind of participation trophy because they don't feel there's much else they can say they're proud of or have achieved. That would certainly apply to my dad.
NP was very chaste, prune and she was slutshaming other women **all the time** for things they have and haven't done. While praising her GC for his sexual exploits. While GC was lying all the time about sleeping with other women.
Later on I found out whole chaste thing was just an act, NP had a very rich sexual history.
So I guess that would make her a raging bigot and sexist.
My ex-friend was a well-masked narcissist. She was also very "liberal" ....except when it came to men. They were to blame for all her failed relationships, and she had GLARING double standards where that was concerned. I started showing vulnerability after a mental breakdown, and she started losing all respect for me. I told her how I was abused as a child, and she basically said that it didn't matter because I was a boy.
YES Homophobic and Misogynistic. He would consume thousands of Red pill videos and this is what caused my search for wth was going on and it led me to Narcissism. He would use word salads in debates that he would start. We went 2 years of 3 years of our relationship just debating about misogynistic/ Homophobic topics that I never really paid attention to before this relationship. It sucked me in and was very exhausting. But when I discarded him, he said I was the one addicted and obsessed with the content, imagine that.
mostly just misogynists and sexists. all the narcissists and abusers in my family, including my nfather and ngrandfather, are the biggest woman haters I know
One of my ex's was definitely a bigot too, aside from being a narcissist.
She was racist AF, and here's the kicker… she was mixed race herself - the very definition of bigotry.
I'm going to say no bc I'm queer and I've known many a queer narcissist to prey on their own community. Always the loudest ones about being kind to everyone, accepting of everyone, inclusive of everyone... and then you find out it's all talk for their image. Used to have a narcissist as a roommate who had either been manipulating their therapist or was enabled by her to use "therapy speak" to try and get their way, and I also helped a friend get his narcissist AND groomer ex banned from several local spots... that was a time.
Yup! Covert narc with covert racism, openly homo and transphobic and she is just an awful person. Even is mean as hell to other Christians behind their backs
I know one who acts like a stereotypical “Social Justice Warrior” where he constantly polices other people, but he’s a total hypocrite who abused all 3 of his wives and his children.
They just got hink they are better than anyone always and forever. Doesn't matter the race, ethnicity, sex. And they get so angry when anyone disagrees.
My nmother is racist and LGBTQ+-phobic. Every time she mentions my cousin M, whom I've never actually met, she lowers her voice and adds "He's gay, you know." Yes, I know, because you've said it every time you mention him. I don't see how that's relevant to what you're saying about him. And racist--she spent her entire 34 year marriage to my stepdad, who was Ecuadorian, calling Latinos "bongos." Once we were frantically looking for an open store on Xmas Day because we forgot to buy dinner rolls, and we passed a bakery with a neon "Open" sign, and I pointed it out to her and she just kept driving. It was a bakery in a majority Black neighborhood in the Crackerville town in which she lived, and she was afraid. Like there must be a gang war going on inside right at that moment and we'd both be shot if we went in for rolls. Idk. But it's just one of the unadmirable qualities she has.
Absolutely. My dad complains about the lgbtq+, BLM movement and he thinks my grandpa is crazy. They’re about the same in bigotry but at least my grandpa isn’t a raging narcissist.
Yes, definitely in my experience! My mom worried about what her grandchildren would look like before despite the fact that her kids are mixed. All I say is, “You can’t choose your family!”
But even if I do date someone that my mom would like, I wouldn’t feel comfortable introducing him to her. My sister once dated a black guy who cheated on her. My mom never liked him but when she found out he cheated on my sister, my mom sent him some awful messages on Facebook calling him some slurs. When that happened, I swore to never tell my mom about my partners no matter what race/color. I understand what he did was wrong, but the punishment does not fit the crime. My birther doesn’t care she looked for an excuse to behave that way. So I say, if this is what you think is appropriate then I don’t want you near my family.
Yes, but in weird roundabout ways in my case. My nparents are politically left of liberal, but my mom is a full-on transphobe and says really weird things about queer women specifically (despite outwardly supporting and voting for gay rights). She raised two deeply misogynistic sons. My dad has a lot of subtle misogynistic tendencies. And they both love openly bigoted, ostensibly "liberal" idiots like Bill Maher and Dave Chappelle.
Yes. I feel like because they already believe they’re just naturally superior to everybody else, they tend to grasp onto anything that “justifies” their world view.
Ironically, my parents claim to be liberals, feminists, etc. but their understanding of various issues comes across as lacking nuance, and they are incredibly classist. They just aren’t self-aware about it, so they tend to pat themselves on the back for being better than “stupid hicks” while also spouting misogynistic and hateful comments.
Absolutely!
They think EVERYONE is beneath them just because they are so perfect.
But people that you can other IN ANY WAY are much more likely to be treated worse than someone who has the same characteristics as the Narc.
I think Narcs are absolute experts at Othering anyone who crosses their path and use that as an excuse to unleash their venom and ugliness on everyone else.
My mother apparently was once with a girl but, hated that I was a lesbian, like I still feel guilty about being gay sometimes, and then when I was trying to figure out my gender it got even worse. She loved the trans and gay characters on tv and conveniently when I called her out on it forgot I had come out to her multiple times.
yes. from my experience, narcissists often have to have some sort of bigoted opinion or perspective that they can use to push people’s boundaries and limits.
the last narcissist i talked to was from a dating app. he was obsessed with the idea of outing people as autistic, because in his words, he could “always tell” when someone was autistic, and when he confronted them directly, they would then “open up to him more” and he liked that.
he also jokingly referred to himself as “autistic” whenever he would be analytical about something. and, since people are all “woke” these days, now he can’t say the r word anymore!!! sad 🥺😭
i got tired of telling him i thought he was being insensitive. and honestly, he probably already knew he was. he just enjoyed talking that way. so irritating.
when someone directly tells you that they “might be a narcissist,” run in the opposite direction.
Let's just say it's pretty good odds a narcisst is a bigot.
It's also not uncommon for narcissists to accuse others of bigotry, particularly people who don't fall for their bs.
We're black but that never stopped my parents to say ridiculously dumb and bigoted shit about others.
We have a cousin who has downs syndrome, he is an absolute delight and a joker xD.
My father, who is NOT the best "specimen" out there actually looks down on him!!! That fucking idiot!
Plus they've said dumb shit about jewish people, other africans, misogynistic shit....
It's all down as to how.... dumb and ignorant they are, coupled with them thinking they're superior
Absolutely! The moral ground is so high that i almost could not breath around them. And i had to do with narcissists family wise and in an intimate relationship.
My ex was top of the league with praising the Song of Songs from Corinthians and being the most vindictive and brutal person I have ever met.
Lol so funny you ask this.
Emom is a very open minded human being.
Ndad *claims* he is, but he is insanely racist and homophobic. Emom tries to say he's grown since we were kids, but I've heard him make some comments since.
Hes incapable of growing so I'd call him a bigot. I remember back in the 2010s he threw a fucking hissyfit because my best friends (who happen to be gay) were holding hands. 🙄
It's because they want to promote a world where who you are matters rather than what you do. They know they can't compete in a world where you actually have to face the consequences of your actions.
I've seen other people complain about it, but my narcissist never exhibited any of these. The only bigotry they had was them vs everyone else. Perhaps it relates to how covert or overt they are - even if my narcissist was massively racist, they would probably never show it because they care too much about their social standing. To be homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc, in today's world will very quickly fuck up your social standing, and a type of narcissist who that wouldn't be world ending to must be very different from the one I had.
My parents, particularly my mom, fits this mold. She was very tribalistic (in her opinion, the only decent black or Hispanic people were Protestant Christians who voted republican), would occasionally use the n-word or not be bothered by other people saying it, and believed harmful and inaccurate stereotype. Her attitudes and behaviors basically boil down to diet white supremacism. And she was definitely homophobic as well, which is not uncommon amongst evangelicals unfortunately.
For those in my family, yes, but for the nex, she prided herself on being progressive and wanted to be different than her bigoted, also narcissistic, parents. I feel though that if it wasn’t for news media, she wouldn’t be able to form her own opinions and perspectives. She needed to constantly consume progressive media or else she wouldn’t have had any actual personal ideas or values to share.
Absolutely! My parents are the BIGGEST RACISTS ever! They openly use the N word and they've done it in front of my friends AND my husband (after I've repeatedly told them to STOP using that kind of language to me) and its just one of the many reasons we haven't talked to them in 4 years. They won't know their grandchildren because they'd rather be full of hate.
Totally. My Nmother presented herself as an open person, but treated service workers (especially POCs) like they were idiots. I was so ashamed to be in public with her
You have too understand that if they weren’t racist, xenophobic and bigoted then they would have to admire that in some point of their life they were wrong.
Yes, and it's not limited to right-wing politics, either. As a leftist I am constantly running into people who "believe in" social equality, but will still say and do bigoted shit when it's convenient for them, or who identify as leftists because they seek some form of social advantage among people in those circles (usually cis men trying to get laid, anecdotally). And then when they are called out, they double down, because ideology is not a cure for narcissistic tendencies.
It’s usually covert, but yes. They may present as “equality for all” but harbor secret bigotries against marginalized groups that come out in conversation.
For example, a narcissist in my life votes democratically and absolutely hates the orange dude, but also makes comments that are extremely offensive about basic human rights.
One time he was upset about a family member of ours having to go back to work after being off for a year while having a baby and said, “Women shouldn’t even be working. They were biologically built to be home with the kids.”
And whenever he is with our extended family which includes a trans cousin, he never uses their preferred pronouns and still calls them by their old name from childhood. They’ve been fully transitioned for 7 years now.
It’s so embarrassing and rude, we call him out and he sometimes apologizes, but he doesn’t stop.
Most of the ones I come across haven't held strong, constant beliefs for any ideology. I have a narc cousin who is homophobic through and through even though she claims she isn't. My narc father will talk down about darker-skinned people and he is homophobic. Other than that, they tend not to give a crap and go with whatever benefits them in the moment. My white sister will use the N-word and has said bigoted things, yet she only dates black men and has mostly black "friends". She will also talk about how she doesn't like most white people.
I think all bigots are narcissists but not all narcissists are bigots.
My Nmom for example is not someone I would describe as a bigot (if she is she does a very good job of hiding it). She supports women’s rights, Black Lives Matter, immigration, pride, trans rights, Palestine, etc.
But she does always somehow find a way to make these issues about herself, a 65-yo upper middle class heteronormative white woman living in a $700K home in an all-white neighborhood in a fairly liberal state 🙄
In my (thankfully) limited experience, yes. It seems that the more narcissistic you are, the more bigoted you are. Even people who aren't narcissists but have more narcissistic traits than the average person tend to be more bigoted than the average person.
My grandmother who raised me is a full-blown malignant narcissist and she is horribly bigoted. She says God-awful things about any gender, any race, immigrants, the poor, neurodivergent people, the mentally ill, people of different faiths, fat people, anyone. It's really weird because she was poor or working class most of her life. I think she just gets an ego boost from pretending to be above others.
On the flip side, she can very easily pretend to be this super tolerant person in the right audience if she knows it will get her praise. For example she pretends to be really pro-lgbt in public because people love to praise pro-lgbt elders. I know this is an act because she beat the hell out of my brother and I when we came out and she's never accepted my sexuality.
She's also 1/32 black and will tell this to people in public and pretend to be cool with black people and loudly talk shit about white people (which is mad embarrassing). In private she says she n-word, says horrible things about black people, is very against BLM and even supports segregating schools. She moved us out of predominantly black and mixed schools more than once.
My MIL is not a narcissist but was raised by one and has definitely taken on some narcissistic traits of her own. She's a sweet person in general and I generally like her, but she can be really tone deaf and just isn't as worldly and progressive as she thinks she is (which is true of most northerners, sorry). She prides herself in being very left and she's actually one of the DEI experts in her organization. Despite this, she's bigoted in a (relatively) covert way that I've noticed since she moved to the South which is far more diverse than where she previously lived. What made me realize she was bigoted was when we were helping her look for a new house. Any house that a black person owned was deemed 'dirty' by her even if it was in pristine condition. Keep in mind my MIL is a hoarder and has had a filthy house as long as I've known her, so for her to suddenly care about cleanliness was laughable. One lady even went as far as to share her cleaning schedule with us which was rigorous, but it still wasn't good enough. If the neighborhood visibly had other black people there, my MIL would say the neighborhood wasn't nice or didn't seem safe. She could never say why though. This was never the case when we looked at houses with white owners, even when the houses were visibly dirty or messy. She ended up moving into a house owned by a white person that had a ton of issues and was filthy upon move-in, but she didn't seem to notice or care. One of her neighbors across the street is black, and I've noticed she's quicker to complain about the height of her grass or the condition of her lawn when her other neighbors' (all white) lawns are worse.
yes. my ndad decorated the house with an actual lawn jockey in one room, and an old Budweiser ad with Shaka Zulu on it in another room, ostensibly cause he thought they were funny in an old-timey National Lampoon way where you put other people down to make yourself feel higher
Absolutely! They believe their opinion is the only correct opinion and anyone or anything that differs from their opinion must be horrible. The superiority complex is immense… just remember that it’s borne of insecurity and willful ignorance
Yes they turn their nose up at anyone different from them, be that race, sexuality, culture, disabilities, etc.
Their bigotry confused me, and I bet they hated me for having diverse friends all through my school years. My mom asked me one day if I was making friends with gay folk on purpose and no, it just so happens if you are open minded, supportive, and empathetic, people clock you as safe to be themselves around.
I think they want to consistently just be on the opposite end of what you believe. As a kid, I made a very stupid remark about the LGBTQA+ community. I was a kid and a lot of the jokes I made at home were what I heard at school. And my dad schooled me that day. Like really bad. Looking back, I was proud because I was shown right from wrong. I thought I have a progressive father. Apparently, however, he draws the line of empathy at Muslims so....
Here’s things my nmom has said to me
“Bisexuality isn’t real. You can be gay or straight but not bi.” This is when I was a young teen and wanting to come out to her.
“People from different cultures shouldn’t get married. They’re too different and it would be too hard.” Speaking about people with different skin colors. This was when I was a teen and had a crush on someone not white.
“I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT!” When talking about trans people. This was my best friend came out as trans. She loved that friend and had even asked to see her before this. After she yelled at me about it, she seemingly forgot I ever told her my friend is trans.
“It’s their yard, they can do whatever they want.” When someone hung a nazi flag facing their neighbors house (who has different colored skin that they do.)
So, yeah. They hate anyone who is different, at least from my experience. Thanks for this reminder of why I don’t speak to her anymore. If you tried to argue with her she would just yell and get super angry like you insulted her personally by not also being a bigot.
Mine specifically wasn’t racist towards black people but that’s it. I think it’s because he had a lot of black friends growing up and in college. I wonder though if he thought that made him “cool” or superior to other white people. He was really racist towards every other race though, along with being a homophobic misogynist
Yes, my brother, my SIL, and my MIL/FIL are very anti-queer and shamed me for my sexuality. My SIL is also very racist and constantly antagonized my fiancé and my BIL.
Pretty sure yes.
My mom has always been a borderline racist. Didn’t even try to hide it. Also posted some pretty trans- and homophobic stuff on facebook
She used to tell me even when i was like less than 10 that if i ever brought a black guy home she would never approve.
But despite her homophobic comments its was still fine for me to be gay for some reason. She also thought that it was fine that i had an openly trans woman as a fling during the summer. All the while she kept posting hateful stuff in facebook thinking i wouldn’t see them.
Shes confusing…
OMG YES!!!
My nmom refuses to vote but complains about the government, racist against people from India, was at one point against LGBT until my son came out and I came out as bisexual. When she was married to my ndad, I swore he had the white sheets in the closet.
my egg donor constantly said “i don’t care if you date a woman or a man, but i don’t want you dating outside our race (which is white)” and boy was she mad when my first bf was a korean guy.
There is no narcissism without contempt.
As soon as I see these symptoms:
1- Contempt
2- Smearing other people when they are not there
3- Lying
4- Walking fast in front of their "loved ones"
I immediately put that person as "strong chance of narcissism, best to avoid".
I think yes. My nparents are definitely bigots. If not the self-importance it brings them, then it’s the irrational, paranoid, delusional hatred and fear.
My in-laws were in agreement with my husband and me about progressive politics and not being a racist piece of shit. Thankfully, we never had any disagreement on that.
Everything else was a struggle.
They will use any tactic of oppression to control and abuse the victim and justify with any means available their control and abuse. They have no moral values or standings. Are sick hurt damaged people beyond recovery that thirst negative connection. The only kind they recognize to be available for them to resort. They feed of the tent ion and the drama. Their cycle is shame and guilt and over thinking and desire to be accepted and recognized as superior. They use people to destroy and validate themselves, in their sick logic if they shame and abuse someone admirable, they as a result are better, hence admirable. Is delusional and mentally ill. Do not try to find logic because it will make you sick. Just gray rock and avoid
For my Mom and her husband they actually make a massive show of how 'supportive' they are and it just seems very manipulative. Like she has pride flags hanging up at her workspace and would describe herself as a 'bleeding heart liberal'. Constantly shares shit on facebook that's super progressive.
But then... when I've been alone with her in the past she's done shit like call my bio father's (who she hates and hasn't seen in like 20 years btw) new wife a 'ladyboy' (just because she's thai) or tug at the corners of her eyes while making some racist joke that she hopes I'll laugh at? She even did a little 'reenactment' of dying to a stroke when she was sharing about someone she knew who's spouse literally had just died of a stroke. My bf was there when it happened and it really stuck with him that she did something so vile and was laughing like she was just so cute and silly "tehee".
Idk. She's disgusting, an embarrassment, and a shitty person. I'm not a great person myself but I just hate her over the top facade of pretending to just be the sweetest, most kindest, most progressive, most supportive person ever.
preach equality but pissed if i had a black person in the house while they werent. praised body positivity but would call people huge 5 feet away from them
My narc dad thinks being a bigot is cute. And he gets away with it because he’s a little old man.
It’s horrible and he’s been like this even when he was a little young man.
Both of my parents are racist. In high school I wasn't "allowed" to date or really even be friends with people of other races. They told me in 10 years I'd understand. I repeatedly heard this.
It's been more than 20 years and I definitely do not understand.
The ones I've met are only bigots when it suits their needs. Plenty of narcs I've seen jump the political correctness fence when it benefits them. They arent racist if all they have is minorities to give them the attention they require, and if they are outright bigots their source of power just up and leaves.
Yes, insecure people tend to take it personally when others don't adhere to societal standards, they also tend to get very upset and call it "unfair" when someone faces less barriers than they do
A narcissist can be of any political culture.
They are like changelings. They will always seek lost souls to feed off of in the dark from behind whatever mask is necessary to trick.
I wouldn’t say they’re all bigoted but most I’ve met usually are. It makes oddly sense if they act like that…either gaining acceptance or projecting their flaws onto others.
My mother was prejudice against interracial relationships....mostly when it came to me. When I was a teenager, I was in an interracial relationship with a guy I really liked who liked me back. Unfortunately, my hometown is racist when it comes to that sort of thing and his parents decided to move to another town.The guy was supposed to meet me on the last day of school so we could say goodbye, but he never showed. His mother had picked him up early to ensure we wouldn't see each other and deliberately kept me from contacting the guy. Instead of being angry that a grown woman was playing emotional games with a teenager, mom said she completely supported the mother's decision to break us up and never tried to comfort me. She said the mother had to protect her son and that she would NEVER accept a son-in-law of a different ethnic group. I never saw or heard from the guy again. After mom died, it came out that there is a very strong possibility that she herself played a role in the break up because she didn't appear surprised when the guy stood me up.
By the way, my brother married a woman of a different ethic group and mom didn't say crap to him about it.
Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. One narcissist I knew was an old, liberal, male professor who was also an avowed feminist. Problem was, he demanded respect from all women for sticking up for them.
He didn't fit the typical misogynist category. But he certainly was one.
Oh heck yes. Anything that props up the hollow eggshell they have for self esteem is fair game, even if it's totally insane. Racism, sexism, all of it's open season. It's not about improving who they are, it's about hating the world around them, even if they have to fabricate boogeymen in order to do it. Reality doesn't apply.
I'm not sure, as I used to think that, then I met toxic people from activist, leftists, queer, social circles... I've been in a lot of non profits and social organizations with a very open minded agenda, but they still had their own flavour of narcs POS. The thing is : they are more into covert abuse and DAMN are they good at it !
Still, maybe, just maybe, they still count as biggots because these narcs don't do what we do for the cause. They tend to be the few ones with a secure situation, with an actual income coming from the non profit/activism... Do they even believe in what they do ? Or was all of this just a big fat huge OPPORTUNITY for them to get what they want while passing for heros ?
Absolutely. I’ve learned my ndad just hates everyone. The only exception is older white men like him but only if they agree with him on his values, etc.
Ohhh yeah, Nmother is very much racist and xenophobic, also classist. She likes to think that she's not racist because her one daughter-in-law and grandchild aren't white, but she is! (She hates Black and Brown people, especially Middle Eastern people and Hispanics, thinks they're terrorists and trying to steal jobs, etc) To her there are "good" and "bad" minorities. She is very much anti-immigrant (hilarious since her ancestors were immigrants themselves). My open-mindedness confuses the shit out of her, to say the least.
Yes both my parents were taught they’re better than certain other demographics. When I started listening to rap and hanging out with Hispanic and black folks both my parents lost their minds even though were we lived was extremely diverse place Miami dade county. My mom lost everything and is a bum but to this day she’ll point out somebodies race if you go out to eat and try to put them down and she talks about other races or people being inferior or uncivil but sugar costs it to try to not sound racist and will outright deny racist allegations if I bring it up.
Moral of the story don’t do anything your narcissistic parents did. I believe I’m no better than anybody on this earth.
As a black person, BIG TIME.
And I also notice narcissists in the black community being racist toward whites. Also, EXTREMELY homophobic.
Of course, you see narcissists of all colors being hateful.
Weirdly enough my mom was a huge bigot in every sense but was more than accepting and supportive of the trans community.. refused to accept me when I came out as bi and always made racist comments toward my bio dad and his family (native) but when my cousin came out as a trans man it was accept them or get out (not that I didn’t gladly accept them)
See the thing is bigotry often works to signal you are one of the "good" people and you do not associate with the "bad and ugly". So as a personal tool it turns into a way to elevate the self. and that can be rabidly appealing to some people, esp narcs.
While they don't exactly go hand-in-hand, there's a LOT of overlap between the two. Not all narcissists are bigots and not all bigots are narcissists but there's no denying that most of them are.
narc boomer dad exposed himself as being racist not too long ago. my moms friend is dating a black guy. my parents have a condo and my mom invited her friend over to check it out then theyd go get lunch. mom gets home and she tells n dad ab it. n dad goes on to say “well i dont want a bunch of black people running around our condo.” only way it couldve been worse was if he used the n word… 🙄
My nmom maintains a facade of liberal tolerance, but is definitely bigoted towards LGBTQIA+ folks, unhoused people, folks with no/extremely low incomes, and disabled people.
My mom is weird when it comes to this. So I'm LGBT, and she's always been super openly supportive of LGBT
except for me. She'll even support my LGBT friends, befriend them, rally for them, sign petitions for their rights. But always makes a point to tell me how I am disgusting. How she can't stand that I "do that" and "live that lifestyle" and CHOOSE to be gay. She's outlined in graphic details how vile she thinks it is that I have same sex relationships and sex.
So outwardly, if you don't know her or how she treats me she seems super supportive and not bigoted at all! But as soon as i show anyone her texts and voicemails? She loses the buddy buddy friendships with any lgbt people.
This was at it's worst when my brother started dating a bisexual woman. She joined PFLAG. Outwardly was super supportive to my brothers girlfriend. Even asked to support her at pride. She ate this up because her own parents were bigoted and unsupportive. I wasn't even sure if she should know my mom's other views towards me. How disgusted she was that her own child was LGBT. It eventually came out because brothers gf asked me to come to a family pride event with my whole family. Mom couldn't help herself and said nasty homophobic things about me in the family group chat. It completely destroyed her relationship with my brother's girlfriend. 😬
Yeah.
Almost got disowned by my dad for wanting more feminine clothes for christmas as a man because he thought I was gay.
Really sad to see this narrow mindedness
YES
i’ve also grown to expect bigots to be narcs in return ? im sure it’s not always the case, however i can’t imagine someone that is SO afraid of others happiness/freedom not being a narc, as well as the fact that i can’t imagine a narc that supports anyone but themselves being happy/free.
Catholic Nmum forced CofE enabler dad to convert and change his religion to marry her 😭
When I met my partner from a Methodist background who’s mum is delightful, my Nmum hated them both, called her mother a ‘do gooder’ because she used to clean and help around the church and help out some of the vulnerable members of the congregation.
I mean is there anything more unchristian than hating on someone doing nice things for other people.
I still can’t get my head around it.
My Nmum was also a bigot/racist/fascist.
Had Irish grandparents but she hated the Irish and immigrants.
Called some black children at the back of her class ‘chimpanzees’
Despised fat people.
In fact despised everything and everyone.
nDad is extremely sexist, homophobic, transphobic...
He loves to quote a GoT scene from season 7(?), when Arya met those Lannister soldiers on her way north, and one of them says "daughters stay home to care for their fathers, while sons go out to fight on other people's wars."
The context in the scene is "I don't want my child to suffer what I suffered"
nDad uses it as "you *will* take care of me until I die because I'm your responsibility", as I have done for 15 years before cutting him off last year.
That, paired with absurd homophobic comments on me (pan/nb) and my uncle (his brother, gay, and another kind of narcissistic. All my grandparents kids are NPD, but that's a big ass tangent), mostly the "how will earth get more people if the gays don't breed?", as if straight people need to have kids in order to? Be a family? Be happy? It's not for everyone.
Man wanted 5 kids more kids, and as he only proclaimed that desire after I turned 15, said kids would be my monkeys in a circus that wasn't mine. Thank fuck I'm a single child and the closest I have to a sibling is my cousin on mum's side.
Entitlement is one of, if not THE core personality trait that defines narcissism. Bigotry is incredibly entitled. Imagine thinking you are entitled to discount an entire group of people based on your experience with a few (or even just what you hear from others/see in the news).
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I think they are all haters in general. My narc brother seems proud of his bigotry. The irony is, one time he met someone exactly like him, he hated him too lol! Helped me understand that that deep down they even hate themselves.
they hate what they can't control
Or understand, or doesn’t act like they want to. They will be nice to someone if they need something from them, but it’s mostly transactional.
Oh the day I finally understood that all the vitriol my mother hurled at me growing up was actually stuff she hated about herself… what a healing moment that was.
Me too. It was an incredibly freeing realisation 💓🫂
Yep, my nmom is the biggest hater I’ve ever encountered. And of course, she’s super racist and addicted to Fox News.
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Oh, of course she thinks that! My mom calls herself an “independent” but she has zero knowledge of real politics, just hate and fear mongering.
My father always BLASTED Fox News 24/7 in the kitchen at full volume.
Yeah, I can also vouch for that. My sibling used to love my uncle but now hates him. They're like twins in personality.
This is why mirroring doesnt work on narcs, as an autist i naturally mirror and if someone hates "me" i know they hate themselves
Yep absolutely. Not all bigots are narcissists but most narcissists are bigots
The ones who aren't bigots, are most likely just pretending they aren't, in order to look good. My nmother has learned to keep a lot of her bigotry to herself, but I don't think it's gone. Now that acceptance of minority groups is the societally accepted approach to minority groups, it just makes her look bad to say bigoted things and she doesn't wanna look bad. Whenever I've explained in the past why her bigoted comments are wrong, she practically lights up at the new information I've just given her, that she can then use to lie to and manipulate the people around her. I learned that explaining any part of human nature to her, gave her ammunition and tools to manipulate people who actually possess humanity. People like herself are easy to influence and be accepted by, but it takes a lot of work to fool decent people. At this point, if you ask her if there's anything wrong with any minority group, she'll act so over the top accepting and caring. In reality, she never says any of the positive things she says in public, in private. None of the "ism's" register with her. She's at best an apologist for all of the "____ism"s and "____phobia"s. But more likely, it's all an act and she thinks everyone other than herself is equally awful and that she's morally superior, despite having NO morals.
This is 100% the experience I've had with narcissists. Over the top, fake, self-serving "empathy" to cover their hateful heart. It's all just words though. Their actions indicate the exact opposite.
That’s my father! He claims he’s progressive yet he tells me every single time we talk that women are irrational, emotional, and constantly setting up traps in conversation. He loves to say “the blacks” and he told me he doesn’t know if he should address his lesbian cousin or her wife because he’s “not sure which one is the man”. It’s all about appearances for these bozos, but they can’t hide awful they are.
This right here is my nmom also
LOL YES. I'm pretty certain Narc and Bigot go hand in hand. They can be religious bigots, They can be political bigots, They are bigots, of many different shapes and sizes, but bigots nonetheless. lol
yeah, the whole concept of bigotry is just the golden child / scapegoat dynamic applied to categories of people
so so happy knowing i’m not the only one who was beginning to realize this
Yes on all of it. I was thinking about this this morning, on how much hate they instilled in me towards a lot of groups when I was a kid, so much so that I was scared of my own shadow, and that everything would be the “hand of the devil”. They were so angry when I started to open my views as a teenager and an adult, shocked that I would go against their beliefs. They’re Catholic, so their way of life is the only right one 🙄
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It also conveniently serves as an excuse for treating others like garbage: I can lie to-, cheat, abuse, steal from these people because they are inferior to me. I am superior and therefore deserving.
Exactly
Exactly this 💯. Spot on.
This seems quite common. However, I'm not convinced my mum has any genuine political opinions aside from what is best to manipulate people in the moment. She is completely two faced and will say the n word and be a bigot around my bigoted uncle, but then be the most progressive feminist "girl boss" when my PolSci sister's friends are around. She often plays the invokes the feminist angle when accusing me of abuse after she abuses me, "you're setting a role model its okay to abuse women to your brother", etc. but then tells my sister to not be a whore. She also claims that any time she has to do any job around the house it is because she is a woman and we are abusing her, patriarchy, etc. There are no principles behind her behaviour, just what is convenient for her in the moment. Sometimes its bigotry, sometimes its progressive.
This seems to be really common with cluster b types in general because they have no true sense of identity. My sister and one of my close friends are diagnosed with BPD and another friend was recently diagnosed with histrionic personality disorder. None of them seem to have their own opinions on anything. They change day to day and can change depending on who they're talking to or the situation. My suspected narcissist grandmother is the same way. They all wait to see where the conversation is going before they chime in with their opinion. I've even called some of them out on this because their opinions will really change from one day to the next and they get offended and act like you're attacking them.
Yes. My nMom is a massive racist. My nDad is a massive bigot. My abuser is both.
God!
My mother thinks she is on the left but she’s a massive bigot, which is likely due to her projecting. She’s a huge racist. With lgbtq people she claims she’s supportive but says a bunch of bullshit and misgendered me and my sibling on purpose. She hates fat people, women, and poor people, all groups she is a part of. She is the most belligerent of the groups she is part of.
My nmom also hates fat people! And those she considers ugly. A neighbor got married to a man that my nmom deemed ugly and she said to me “It’s a good thing her mom is dead so she doesn’t have to see her daughter with that ugg”
My mom is exactly the same. Constantly brags about being progressive and enlightened, then drops casual bigotry. She'll go on about being tolerant of all ethnic groups than call my mixed race wife slurs. She'll go on about being a supporter of the LGBT community and than misgender trans people and accuse them of being driven insane by their transition when they complain. She'll go on about being a feminist then go on puritanical rants and spew casual misogyny and misandry alike.
Adding my mother to this thread. She's a democrat and rails against "Trump", wants people to think that she's so enlightened and smart. But privately she's majorly racist, ableist, etc. And I mean really racist. She's always dropped the mask around me when no one else is around, she feels confident that no one will believe me.
Ugh. My mom too. She's a nurse as well and I am sad to think of whatever subtle awful things she does to patients who are transgender or non-white.
Same here. On the surface she says all the right things about accepting everyone. But she looks down on poor people and fat people, remarking that they're in their predicaments because they're lazy. She loves gay men, but is clearly disgusted by gay women. This really hurt me personally because I am bisexual. Every time I saw her acting disgusted she claimed it was because of something else ("I said eww at those women kissing because it was too much PDA! I am criticizing what you did with that other woman because it wasn't a committed relationship!") but she never had those reactions for gay men so I knew it was BS.
>She loves gay men, but is clearly disgusted by gay women This is my mom to a T! She's also a transphobe.
In my experience my nfamily is this to a t. I think they’re genuinely threatened when other people dare deviate from their narrow and unproductive beliefs about how everyone else “should” be. And interestingly everyone should conform to them. Funny how that works! I think it’s their insanely fragile sense of self. Another poster also pointed out how they don’t seem to have personalities of their own. I think being bigoted gives them a sense of identity while also protecting their insanely fragile egos. For my nparents they’re racist, sexist, political AND religious bigots. So glad I have nothing to do with them.
Yes. It taught me to be the opposite because it never made sense that they had so much hate and outrage of other people "not like them".
Nope. Some of them pretend to champion social causes for external validation. Causes they would not care about if they couldn’t post them online for attention. (They privately might be culturally ignorant, too. So privately a bigot but publicly pushing social issues.) I 100% believe bigoted people are Ns. Bigotry comes drenched in the ME-ME-ME mindset.
I can speak only from my own experience, but yes. nMom was an old school Southern racist, her father and brother were both klan members. She and GC Bro used to pinch me and call me "N-word Lover" because. eStepdad most particularly hated Latinos. They used to cry that "the Blacks and Mexicans" were responsible for all our social problems. Just fearful, hate-filled miserable people.
Mine styled herself a fashionable New York liberal, but was actually scared of Black people and other non-European ethnicities, going to huge lengths to avoid interacting with them, and later in life I realized she was a virulent antisemite too. Fear is the nucleus of so much of their cruel, xenophobic, abusive behavior.
Probably many, but I also know one Narc who used critical race theory and LGBTQ+ rights to put me down, lecture me and in general present himself as some sort of savior of the oppressed. He’s a straight white male.
mine are, but not against the typical groups (poc, lgbt, etc), they get more creative. but they'll never pass on the chance to put down - divorced, especially if parents - fat people - anyone middle class or lower - people with only 1 kid and more!
Well, not to be pedantic, but bigotry technically encompasses a staunch adherence to any strongly held opinion including *but not limited to* those you listed. So to answer your question (as asked), no. My dad is the biggest narcissist I've ever met. But he fancies himself a Liberal. He has very "progressive" ideas about all of those groups. HIS bigotry is more subtle. He doesnt care about anything anyone younger than him says because they can't possibly know more than he does about anything. He shuts down any opposition immediately and aggressively. It doesn't matter that I worked in banking for 11 years - he knows more about it than I do (according to him).
Sounds like he's a bigot and a liar about it
100%
They’re multi dimensional monsters.
Let’s break down what bigotry is. All bigotries at root are the same:\ Just another mask worn by pain. It’s hate directed at a certain cohort which is deemed not fully human or not human. And hate is merely another way pain enters the equation. It’s pain inflicted upon others. Some choose to inflict pain on others and self. Some do not. Some choose to view all humans as equally human. Some do not. In an effort to end run the “and self” part of “inflict pain on others **and self**”, some choose to inflict pain on some group that is deemed as lesser, as less than human or not human. And abusive parents? They already treat us as less than human. If one can hate one human, as our NPs do, one can hate all humans, including themselves. It’s not a great leap to go from hating their children to hating some definable group of humans.
Narcs live in a hierarchical system of punishment - they are constantly trying to place others or an 'other group' below them, because they don't have a healthy sense of self or self love, they have to live in comparison to others. Their substitute for healthy self love and sense of self is hatred, judgement and punishment for those they deem 'worse' than themselves. Bigotry of any form is a really easy, stupid train to hop on (especially if you're part of the culturally oppressive group, so in the US, it's more tolerated for white wealthy men to behave in narcissistic ways because our society often places them 'above' everyone else by default anyway). It's impossible to argue with a narcissist about that false hierarchical logic when they choose to only see everything in their environment confirms their biases about themselves and others (that they are better and everyone else is worse). This explains why they get so much out of entertainment news (like Fox News) that manipulates their feelings of superiority and so they continue to watch - it confirms their biases and makes them feel better than 'other' groups. TLDR: Narcs are dumb and it's really easy to be a bigot
Yes.
Yes, indeed. My mother, even more so as she aged. I feel like that's more rooted in ignorance and a refusal to change than narcissism. It doesn't have to go hand in hand. But i really hate hearing "I'm not racist, I hate everyone equally."
Narcs hate anything that doesn’t reflect their ideas and morals that don’t exist. They are constantly looking for someone to single out and make the odd one so no one can see that they are the problem and also to project their sinister self hate onto you. When a narc is a bigot, make sure you don’t show an ounce of fear, but also keep it causal. They are the real losers, we will continue living our lives and supporting others that are hurting no one!
my dad most certainly is. he doesn't like anyone other than himself, and this includes people of other races, other genders, other orientations, etc. it's no wonder that he's never had any friends and, probably as a result, tries to hyper-control the lives of his family members, many of whom can't even offer a pittance of sympathy towards him anymore.
not necessarily, a lot are, but there are those who are just too self-righteous to openly hate, for example my nmom is the least secure, least stable person I have ever known but she openly supports LGTB's as much as possible because she gets her supply from feeling like she's part of the "in group" and specifically the feeling she gets from manipulating people into thinking she's a good person (she likes to believe that she's a mastermind controlling everyone from behind the scenes but in reality she's just transparently unstable), narcissism and bigotry are natural bedfellows sure, but it's dangerous to lump all narcissists into that category because it gives them an avenue to be all "see? I support X group, therefore I must not be a narcissist!" except, you still are because narcissism isn't explicitly defined by bigotry
Yes majorly. Funny thing is we’re ethnic so I didn’t understand the racism. Let’s add my mum hates muslims yet she married one, but christened me on the down low to orthodox. All my closest friends are brown. I married a brown person it was the end of the world when I introduced him. She said he was handsome though. The poor woman just seems stressed asf in the outside world. Has always something to say about someone.
HAH! There are narcissists who *aren’t* bigots? My narcissist is sexist (despite being a woman), racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, the whole nine yards! Except she’s… not aware of it at all- she thinks she’s enlightened or some shit like that-
yes. people with higher than avg levels of narcissism and NPD have empathy meter issues, narcissism generally is characterised by a lack of empathy. one can’t possibly have genuine compassion for others if their empathy meter doesn’t work correctly. hence the fragile egos, superiority complex, lack of regard and respect for others etc
Yeah they are.
I've never thought that Narcs were particularly discriminating in their hatred of basically everyone. They are often racist and bigots because it *serves them*, but they save their particular special hatred and rage for anyone who hurts their poor little feelings, or someone they are profoundly jealous.
A lot of them are, my mother for example. Drives me nuts
Yes. Using RELIGION to justify their bad intentions hahahaha!!!
They often hate or have no compassion for whoever isn't them. I met a trans male identifying as woman with NPD, they believed males identifying as women are superior to biological females and biological males who identify as men, so despite being trans the group they hated most were trans females who identified as men because they didn't match the narcissist's favorite sex or gender. Covert narcissists will often virtue signal or play the victim to get better social standing by suddenly starting to white knight for or claim to be a part of whichever group is seen as most oppressed at any given time despite having shown no prior concern for people in that group and possibly even after having vehemently hated on that demographic when it was popular to hate that group.
Oh, like when my nmom argued with me when I pointed out to her that “retarded” is not an appropriate word to use in conversation? So gross.
In my family, certainly, yes.
Bigotry goes hand-in-hand with narcissism because narcissists value that which is similar to themselves/that which they can claim is similar to themselves, while hating that which they see as different and can turn into a scapegoat for everything that is wrong. Narcissists basically divide the world into those they love (like themselves/can benefit themselves), those they hate (those who they see as embodying the qualities they want to most distance themselves from or that they can use as a scapegoat), and those who don't exist (because they can't be used to benefit the narcissist or feed their narcissistic supply).
Yep. If you think about how low effort bigotry is, it makes sense that narcs would buy into it for the free “I’m superior to X” points that their egos so desperately crave.
Yes. My nmom has a hard time understanding anyone’s else perspective which inherently is needed to be anti-bigot. She insists that there is only “one reality” which apparently is hers. So yeah.
Yep. Racist and sexist primarily. Also a bit homophobic and transphobic. Also thinks their beliefs (even though they're not religious) and opinions (especially about politics) are above others.
It's hard to say because they often hide their real thoughts and actions. My Nmother is, but she pretends to be an enlightened liberal Democrat because she thinks that makes her look good. Bigotry is often like that, people don't admit their racist/sexist/homophobic etc but then privately discriminate and vote against the interests of minorities.
They’re every fucking phobic in the dictionary
My nparents would claim themselves to be very open-minded liberal people. The reality was entirely different. Once my nmom had decided their new neighbors were evangelicals (i dont know if they actually were) so they could not speak to them. They proved to me that bigots are not always conservative.
Very true. My sister has BPD with a lot of narcissistic traits and she is what I would call a leftist bigot lol. If someone is openly Christian, she will not associate with them and will say horrible things about them. She's the same way about people who are even remotely more right-leaning than her, even if they're still considered left. She's also that way about people who choose to have children. She calls them breeders and just talks so much smack. It's so bizarre to be around.
oh not racist it's life experience /s made me cringe as a 7 year old, makes me gringe as a 27 year
I caught my mom telling my 6 year old racist things the last time she visited. She was going on a rant to him about how “black people only eat fried chicken and cream donuts and that’s why they’re all so fat”. She denies she racist, and that her beliefs are just facts. She hasn’t visited or spoken to my children for over a year. I have set a major boundary.
My mother absolutely hated men and used feminism as a mechanic to 'right all these social wrongs' that basically meant grinding my nDad (who was her getaway driver) into the ground and was nothing more than a mask for her always being right and getting her way on everything. She was a female chauvinist.
Absolutely. My mum does the same to my dad. I think latching onto an identity that has genuine victhoomhood behind allows them to do their whole playing the victim schtick with an air of legitimacy.
my mom too. her and her sister hated men and would triangulate on my dad. i always wished her sister would get a life of her own and stop trying to break up my parents marriage
Yes, not just my nMother but other narcs as well.
Correct.
Every. Single. One. Every. Single. Time.
Yeah. If they do it, it is justified, if other people do it, they are bad people... My father (morbidly obese) always tattles about people who are big. My father (his father wasn't German) hates all foreigners. My father (cheated on my mother) praised another man who killed the guy who fucked his wife.
Well .. some are very “kind to the misfortunate” .. in a patronising superior way.
YES
My dad is racist. He will use the N word with a hard R when talking about black people. But if he is talking to a black person it's like they're best buds! Funny how that works. I would argue with him about systemic issues being apart of the reason things are and have been unfair and unjust for certain people(even as a middle schooler I understood this)and he would just keep saying the N word louder. We were once at a pool party and I think he was bothered by the fact that most people there were white collar type people. So he starts going on about how he is prejudice and proud of it. It's like he thinks being low intelligence is bravado. If something happens with a person he will say what are they? And if I say what they are he will call them their racial slur. "Ofcourse they're a x". It's so uncomfortable and it's insane to me that someone would say that kind of crap around thier own kid. Aren't you scared that I'll go say something racist and get punched in the mouth?
Absolutely. Religion gave my mother carte blanche to torment me under the guise of righteousness, while being a massive hypocrite privately. They’ll latch onto anything that reinforces their bullshit.
Oooh yeah. Both of them are. My dad is/was a paying member of the BNP as well. His name and our address were leaked when that was a thing. My brother has the same name as him too. He didn't give a shit at all that we were doxxed because of his unhinged behaviour. Whats really interesting is that the BNP emulates some Nazi behaviour and rhetoric, but my dad makes a show of how proud he is of his ancestors who fought in WW2 against the same ideologies he supports. I am sure people like this treat their race like some kind of participation trophy because they don't feel there's much else they can say they're proud of or have achieved. That would certainly apply to my dad.
NP was very chaste, prune and she was slutshaming other women **all the time** for things they have and haven't done. While praising her GC for his sexual exploits. While GC was lying all the time about sleeping with other women. Later on I found out whole chaste thing was just an act, NP had a very rich sexual history. So I guess that would make her a raging bigot and sexist.
My ex-friend was a well-masked narcissist. She was also very "liberal" ....except when it came to men. They were to blame for all her failed relationships, and she had GLARING double standards where that was concerned. I started showing vulnerability after a mental breakdown, and she started losing all respect for me. I told her how I was abused as a child, and she basically said that it didn't matter because I was a boy.
YES Homophobic and Misogynistic. He would consume thousands of Red pill videos and this is what caused my search for wth was going on and it led me to Narcissism. He would use word salads in debates that he would start. We went 2 years of 3 years of our relationship just debating about misogynistic/ Homophobic topics that I never really paid attention to before this relationship. It sucked me in and was very exhausting. But when I discarded him, he said I was the one addicted and obsessed with the content, imagine that.
mostly just misogynists and sexists. all the narcissists and abusers in my family, including my nfather and ngrandfather, are the biggest woman haters I know
Yes. They hate everything that isn't them.
One of my ex's was definitely a bigot too, aside from being a narcissist. She was racist AF, and here's the kicker… she was mixed race herself - the very definition of bigotry.
I'm going to say no bc I'm queer and I've known many a queer narcissist to prey on their own community. Always the loudest ones about being kind to everyone, accepting of everyone, inclusive of everyone... and then you find out it's all talk for their image. Used to have a narcissist as a roommate who had either been manipulating their therapist or was enabled by her to use "therapy speak" to try and get their way, and I also helped a friend get his narcissist AND groomer ex banned from several local spots... that was a time.
Yup! Covert narc with covert racism, openly homo and transphobic and she is just an awful person. Even is mean as hell to other Christians behind their backs
I know one who acts like a stereotypical “Social Justice Warrior” where he constantly polices other people, but he’s a total hypocrite who abused all 3 of his wives and his children.
They just got hink they are better than anyone always and forever. Doesn't matter the race, ethnicity, sex. And they get so angry when anyone disagrees.
My nmother is racist and LGBTQ+-phobic. Every time she mentions my cousin M, whom I've never actually met, she lowers her voice and adds "He's gay, you know." Yes, I know, because you've said it every time you mention him. I don't see how that's relevant to what you're saying about him. And racist--she spent her entire 34 year marriage to my stepdad, who was Ecuadorian, calling Latinos "bongos." Once we were frantically looking for an open store on Xmas Day because we forgot to buy dinner rolls, and we passed a bakery with a neon "Open" sign, and I pointed it out to her and she just kept driving. It was a bakery in a majority Black neighborhood in the Crackerville town in which she lived, and she was afraid. Like there must be a gang war going on inside right at that moment and we'd both be shot if we went in for rolls. Idk. But it's just one of the unadmirable qualities she has.
Absolutely. My dad complains about the lgbtq+, BLM movement and he thinks my grandpa is crazy. They’re about the same in bigotry but at least my grandpa isn’t a raging narcissist.
Yes, definitely in my experience! My mom worried about what her grandchildren would look like before despite the fact that her kids are mixed. All I say is, “You can’t choose your family!” But even if I do date someone that my mom would like, I wouldn’t feel comfortable introducing him to her. My sister once dated a black guy who cheated on her. My mom never liked him but when she found out he cheated on my sister, my mom sent him some awful messages on Facebook calling him some slurs. When that happened, I swore to never tell my mom about my partners no matter what race/color. I understand what he did was wrong, but the punishment does not fit the crime. My birther doesn’t care she looked for an excuse to behave that way. So I say, if this is what you think is appropriate then I don’t want you near my family.
Mine definitely looks for excuses to act out. Doesn't care that it makes her look bad or who she hurts.
Yes. There is also a correlation between male narcissists and misogyny.
They are certified bullies so any perceived weakness gets targeted. My nfather was an absolute pig behind his mask.
Yes, but in weird roundabout ways in my case. My nparents are politically left of liberal, but my mom is a full-on transphobe and says really weird things about queer women specifically (despite outwardly supporting and voting for gay rights). She raised two deeply misogynistic sons. My dad has a lot of subtle misogynistic tendencies. And they both love openly bigoted, ostensibly "liberal" idiots like Bill Maher and Dave Chappelle.
Yes. I feel like because they already believe they’re just naturally superior to everybody else, they tend to grasp onto anything that “justifies” their world view. Ironically, my parents claim to be liberals, feminists, etc. but their understanding of various issues comes across as lacking nuance, and they are incredibly classist. They just aren’t self-aware about it, so they tend to pat themselves on the back for being better than “stupid hicks” while also spouting misogynistic and hateful comments.
Absolutely! They think EVERYONE is beneath them just because they are so perfect. But people that you can other IN ANY WAY are much more likely to be treated worse than someone who has the same characteristics as the Narc. I think Narcs are absolute experts at Othering anyone who crosses their path and use that as an excuse to unleash their venom and ugliness on everyone else.
My mother apparently was once with a girl but, hated that I was a lesbian, like I still feel guilty about being gay sometimes, and then when I was trying to figure out my gender it got even worse. She loved the trans and gay characters on tv and conveniently when I called her out on it forgot I had come out to her multiple times.
yes. from my experience, narcissists often have to have some sort of bigoted opinion or perspective that they can use to push people’s boundaries and limits. the last narcissist i talked to was from a dating app. he was obsessed with the idea of outing people as autistic, because in his words, he could “always tell” when someone was autistic, and when he confronted them directly, they would then “open up to him more” and he liked that. he also jokingly referred to himself as “autistic” whenever he would be analytical about something. and, since people are all “woke” these days, now he can’t say the r word anymore!!! sad 🥺😭 i got tired of telling him i thought he was being insensitive. and honestly, he probably already knew he was. he just enjoyed talking that way. so irritating. when someone directly tells you that they “might be a narcissist,” run in the opposite direction.
Let's just say it's pretty good odds a narcisst is a bigot. It's also not uncommon for narcissists to accuse others of bigotry, particularly people who don't fall for their bs.
We're black but that never stopped my parents to say ridiculously dumb and bigoted shit about others. We have a cousin who has downs syndrome, he is an absolute delight and a joker xD. My father, who is NOT the best "specimen" out there actually looks down on him!!! That fucking idiot! Plus they've said dumb shit about jewish people, other africans, misogynistic shit.... It's all down as to how.... dumb and ignorant they are, coupled with them thinking they're superior
Absolutely! The moral ground is so high that i almost could not breath around them. And i had to do with narcissists family wise and in an intimate relationship. My ex was top of the league with praising the Song of Songs from Corinthians and being the most vindictive and brutal person I have ever met.
Lol so funny you ask this. Emom is a very open minded human being. Ndad *claims* he is, but he is insanely racist and homophobic. Emom tries to say he's grown since we were kids, but I've heard him make some comments since. Hes incapable of growing so I'd call him a bigot. I remember back in the 2010s he threw a fucking hissyfit because my best friends (who happen to be gay) were holding hands. 🙄
It's because they want to promote a world where who you are matters rather than what you do. They know they can't compete in a world where you actually have to face the consequences of your actions.
I've seen other people complain about it, but my narcissist never exhibited any of these. The only bigotry they had was them vs everyone else. Perhaps it relates to how covert or overt they are - even if my narcissist was massively racist, they would probably never show it because they care too much about their social standing. To be homophobic, transphobic, racist, etc, in today's world will very quickly fuck up your social standing, and a type of narcissist who that wouldn't be world ending to must be very different from the one I had.
My parents, particularly my mom, fits this mold. She was very tribalistic (in her opinion, the only decent black or Hispanic people were Protestant Christians who voted republican), would occasionally use the n-word or not be bothered by other people saying it, and believed harmful and inaccurate stereotype. Her attitudes and behaviors basically boil down to diet white supremacism. And she was definitely homophobic as well, which is not uncommon amongst evangelicals unfortunately.
For those in my family, yes, but for the nex, she prided herself on being progressive and wanted to be different than her bigoted, also narcissistic, parents. I feel though that if it wasn’t for news media, she wouldn’t be able to form her own opinions and perspectives. She needed to constantly consume progressive media or else she wouldn’t have had any actual personal ideas or values to share.
I have never met one who doesn’t fit into one of those categories..
My abusive ndad was a horrible virulent racist and homophobe so yeah I think so.
Not all but probably a solid 60%-70% of them.
Yup
Absolutely! My parents are the BIGGEST RACISTS ever! They openly use the N word and they've done it in front of my friends AND my husband (after I've repeatedly told them to STOP using that kind of language to me) and its just one of the many reasons we haven't talked to them in 4 years. They won't know their grandchildren because they'd rather be full of hate.
Yes. To further expand YES!
Oh yeah My father is a douche, he thinks anybody not like him is a hillbilly(exact words), treats service people like shit. Shall I keep going?
Totally. My Nmother presented herself as an open person, but treated service workers (especially POCs) like they were idiots. I was so ashamed to be in public with her
You have too understand that if they weren’t racist, xenophobic and bigoted then they would have to admire that in some point of their life they were wrong.
Yes, and it's not limited to right-wing politics, either. As a leftist I am constantly running into people who "believe in" social equality, but will still say and do bigoted shit when it's convenient for them, or who identify as leftists because they seek some form of social advantage among people in those circles (usually cis men trying to get laid, anecdotally). And then when they are called out, they double down, because ideology is not a cure for narcissistic tendencies.
It’s usually covert, but yes. They may present as “equality for all” but harbor secret bigotries against marginalized groups that come out in conversation. For example, a narcissist in my life votes democratically and absolutely hates the orange dude, but also makes comments that are extremely offensive about basic human rights. One time he was upset about a family member of ours having to go back to work after being off for a year while having a baby and said, “Women shouldn’t even be working. They were biologically built to be home with the kids.” And whenever he is with our extended family which includes a trans cousin, he never uses their preferred pronouns and still calls them by their old name from childhood. They’ve been fully transitioned for 7 years now. It’s so embarrassing and rude, we call him out and he sometimes apologizes, but he doesn’t stop.
Most of the ones I come across haven't held strong, constant beliefs for any ideology. I have a narc cousin who is homophobic through and through even though she claims she isn't. My narc father will talk down about darker-skinned people and he is homophobic. Other than that, they tend not to give a crap and go with whatever benefits them in the moment. My white sister will use the N-word and has said bigoted things, yet she only dates black men and has mostly black "friends". She will also talk about how she doesn't like most white people.
I think all bigots are narcissists but not all narcissists are bigots. My Nmom for example is not someone I would describe as a bigot (if she is she does a very good job of hiding it). She supports women’s rights, Black Lives Matter, immigration, pride, trans rights, Palestine, etc. But she does always somehow find a way to make these issues about herself, a 65-yo upper middle class heteronormative white woman living in a $700K home in an all-white neighborhood in a fairly liberal state 🙄
My NMom is mildly racist, but oddly sexist. It's weird to be bigoted against your own gender.
In my (thankfully) limited experience, yes. It seems that the more narcissistic you are, the more bigoted you are. Even people who aren't narcissists but have more narcissistic traits than the average person tend to be more bigoted than the average person. My grandmother who raised me is a full-blown malignant narcissist and she is horribly bigoted. She says God-awful things about any gender, any race, immigrants, the poor, neurodivergent people, the mentally ill, people of different faiths, fat people, anyone. It's really weird because she was poor or working class most of her life. I think she just gets an ego boost from pretending to be above others. On the flip side, she can very easily pretend to be this super tolerant person in the right audience if she knows it will get her praise. For example she pretends to be really pro-lgbt in public because people love to praise pro-lgbt elders. I know this is an act because she beat the hell out of my brother and I when we came out and she's never accepted my sexuality. She's also 1/32 black and will tell this to people in public and pretend to be cool with black people and loudly talk shit about white people (which is mad embarrassing). In private she says she n-word, says horrible things about black people, is very against BLM and even supports segregating schools. She moved us out of predominantly black and mixed schools more than once. My MIL is not a narcissist but was raised by one and has definitely taken on some narcissistic traits of her own. She's a sweet person in general and I generally like her, but she can be really tone deaf and just isn't as worldly and progressive as she thinks she is (which is true of most northerners, sorry). She prides herself in being very left and she's actually one of the DEI experts in her organization. Despite this, she's bigoted in a (relatively) covert way that I've noticed since she moved to the South which is far more diverse than where she previously lived. What made me realize she was bigoted was when we were helping her look for a new house. Any house that a black person owned was deemed 'dirty' by her even if it was in pristine condition. Keep in mind my MIL is a hoarder and has had a filthy house as long as I've known her, so for her to suddenly care about cleanliness was laughable. One lady even went as far as to share her cleaning schedule with us which was rigorous, but it still wasn't good enough. If the neighborhood visibly had other black people there, my MIL would say the neighborhood wasn't nice or didn't seem safe. She could never say why though. This was never the case when we looked at houses with white owners, even when the houses were visibly dirty or messy. She ended up moving into a house owned by a white person that had a ton of issues and was filthy upon move-in, but she didn't seem to notice or care. One of her neighbors across the street is black, and I've noticed she's quicker to complain about the height of her grass or the condition of her lawn when her other neighbors' (all white) lawns are worse.
yes. my ndad decorated the house with an actual lawn jockey in one room, and an old Budweiser ad with Shaka Zulu on it in another room, ostensibly cause he thought they were funny in an old-timey National Lampoon way where you put other people down to make yourself feel higher
Absolutely! They believe their opinion is the only correct opinion and anyone or anything that differs from their opinion must be horrible. The superiority complex is immense… just remember that it’s borne of insecurity and willful ignorance
Mine parents are homophobic and say slightly racist sht.
Yes they turn their nose up at anyone different from them, be that race, sexuality, culture, disabilities, etc. Their bigotry confused me, and I bet they hated me for having diverse friends all through my school years. My mom asked me one day if I was making friends with gay folk on purpose and no, it just so happens if you are open minded, supportive, and empathetic, people clock you as safe to be themselves around.
It’s pretty on brand for a self obsessed idiot to be racist. I wouldn’t expect anything less from a braindead, emotionally blind five year old
I think they want to consistently just be on the opposite end of what you believe. As a kid, I made a very stupid remark about the LGBTQA+ community. I was a kid and a lot of the jokes I made at home were what I heard at school. And my dad schooled me that day. Like really bad. Looking back, I was proud because I was shown right from wrong. I thought I have a progressive father. Apparently, however, he draws the line of empathy at Muslims so....
I'll just say narcs love to feel superior, and there's no easier/lazier way than bigotry
Here’s things my nmom has said to me “Bisexuality isn’t real. You can be gay or straight but not bi.” This is when I was a young teen and wanting to come out to her. “People from different cultures shouldn’t get married. They’re too different and it would be too hard.” Speaking about people with different skin colors. This was when I was a teen and had a crush on someone not white. “I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT!” When talking about trans people. This was my best friend came out as trans. She loved that friend and had even asked to see her before this. After she yelled at me about it, she seemingly forgot I ever told her my friend is trans. “It’s their yard, they can do whatever they want.” When someone hung a nazi flag facing their neighbors house (who has different colored skin that they do.) So, yeah. They hate anyone who is different, at least from my experience. Thanks for this reminder of why I don’t speak to her anymore. If you tried to argue with her she would just yell and get super angry like you insulted her personally by not also being a bigot.
Mine specifically wasn’t racist towards black people but that’s it. I think it’s because he had a lot of black friends growing up and in college. I wonder though if he thought that made him “cool” or superior to other white people. He was really racist towards every other race though, along with being a homophobic misogynist
Yes, my brother, my SIL, and my MIL/FIL are very anti-queer and shamed me for my sexuality. My SIL is also very racist and constantly antagonized my fiancé and my BIL.
Pretty sure yes. My mom has always been a borderline racist. Didn’t even try to hide it. Also posted some pretty trans- and homophobic stuff on facebook She used to tell me even when i was like less than 10 that if i ever brought a black guy home she would never approve. But despite her homophobic comments its was still fine for me to be gay for some reason. She also thought that it was fine that i had an openly trans woman as a fling during the summer. All the while she kept posting hateful stuff in facebook thinking i wouldn’t see them. Shes confusing…
OMG YES!!! My nmom refuses to vote but complains about the government, racist against people from India, was at one point against LGBT until my son came out and I came out as bisexual. When she was married to my ndad, I swore he had the white sheets in the closet.
my egg donor constantly said “i don’t care if you date a woman or a man, but i don’t want you dating outside our race (which is white)” and boy was she mad when my first bf was a korean guy.
There is no narcissism without contempt. As soon as I see these symptoms: 1- Contempt 2- Smearing other people when they are not there 3- Lying 4- Walking fast in front of their "loved ones" I immediately put that person as "strong chance of narcissism, best to avoid".
When it is convenient to them, yes.
I think yes. My nparents are definitely bigots. If not the self-importance it brings them, then it’s the irrational, paranoid, delusional hatred and fear.
My in-laws were in agreement with my husband and me about progressive politics and not being a racist piece of shit. Thankfully, we never had any disagreement on that. Everything else was a struggle.
Sure have in my experience. Biggest one being misogyny.
They will use any tactic of oppression to control and abuse the victim and justify with any means available their control and abuse. They have no moral values or standings. Are sick hurt damaged people beyond recovery that thirst negative connection. The only kind they recognize to be available for them to resort. They feed of the tent ion and the drama. Their cycle is shame and guilt and over thinking and desire to be accepted and recognized as superior. They use people to destroy and validate themselves, in their sick logic if they shame and abuse someone admirable, they as a result are better, hence admirable. Is delusional and mentally ill. Do not try to find logic because it will make you sick. Just gray rock and avoid
Racist or very woke/overcompensating. Even if it wasn't eace, they'll look for some criteria to judge others.
Ye my parents homophobic and religious.
For my Mom and her husband they actually make a massive show of how 'supportive' they are and it just seems very manipulative. Like she has pride flags hanging up at her workspace and would describe herself as a 'bleeding heart liberal'. Constantly shares shit on facebook that's super progressive. But then... when I've been alone with her in the past she's done shit like call my bio father's (who she hates and hasn't seen in like 20 years btw) new wife a 'ladyboy' (just because she's thai) or tug at the corners of her eyes while making some racist joke that she hopes I'll laugh at? She even did a little 'reenactment' of dying to a stroke when she was sharing about someone she knew who's spouse literally had just died of a stroke. My bf was there when it happened and it really stuck with him that she did something so vile and was laughing like she was just so cute and silly "tehee". Idk. She's disgusting, an embarrassment, and a shitty person. I'm not a great person myself but I just hate her over the top facade of pretending to just be the sweetest, most kindest, most progressive, most supportive person ever.
Yep, my Nmom is evenly racist and incredibly sexist to herself. Narcs have so much (self-)hatred in their hearts.
preach equality but pissed if i had a black person in the house while they werent. praised body positivity but would call people huge 5 feet away from them
My narc dad thinks being a bigot is cute. And he gets away with it because he’s a little old man. It’s horrible and he’s been like this even when he was a little young man.
Both of my parents are racist. In high school I wasn't "allowed" to date or really even be friends with people of other races. They told me in 10 years I'd understand. I repeatedly heard this. It's been more than 20 years and I definitely do not understand.
No. They hate everyone equally.
Yes.
Yea my mom said she's sapiosexual then a couple days later said that queer people are going to suffer in the afterlife.
The ones I've met are only bigots when it suits their needs. Plenty of narcs I've seen jump the political correctness fence when it benefits them. They arent racist if all they have is minorities to give them the attention they require, and if they are outright bigots their source of power just up and leaves.
Yes
Yes, insecure people tend to take it personally when others don't adhere to societal standards, they also tend to get very upset and call it "unfair" when someone faces less barriers than they do
In my experience, yes.
A narcissist can be of any political culture. They are like changelings. They will always seek lost souls to feed off of in the dark from behind whatever mask is necessary to trick.
I wouldn’t say they’re all bigoted but most I’ve met usually are. It makes oddly sense if they act like that…either gaining acceptance or projecting their flaws onto others.
My mother was prejudice against interracial relationships....mostly when it came to me. When I was a teenager, I was in an interracial relationship with a guy I really liked who liked me back. Unfortunately, my hometown is racist when it comes to that sort of thing and his parents decided to move to another town.The guy was supposed to meet me on the last day of school so we could say goodbye, but he never showed. His mother had picked him up early to ensure we wouldn't see each other and deliberately kept me from contacting the guy. Instead of being angry that a grown woman was playing emotional games with a teenager, mom said she completely supported the mother's decision to break us up and never tried to comfort me. She said the mother had to protect her son and that she would NEVER accept a son-in-law of a different ethnic group. I never saw or heard from the guy again. After mom died, it came out that there is a very strong possibility that she herself played a role in the break up because she didn't appear surprised when the guy stood me up. By the way, my brother married a woman of a different ethic group and mom didn't say crap to him about it.
Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes. One narcissist I knew was an old, liberal, male professor who was also an avowed feminist. Problem was, he demanded respect from all women for sticking up for them. He didn't fit the typical misogynist category. But he certainly was one.
Oh heck yes. Anything that props up the hollow eggshell they have for self esteem is fair game, even if it's totally insane. Racism, sexism, all of it's open season. It's not about improving who they are, it's about hating the world around them, even if they have to fabricate boogeymen in order to do it. Reality doesn't apply.
In my experience, no, not at all, but it seems like I'm the outsider on this
Yep!!! my parents are
I'm not sure, as I used to think that, then I met toxic people from activist, leftists, queer, social circles... I've been in a lot of non profits and social organizations with a very open minded agenda, but they still had their own flavour of narcs POS. The thing is : they are more into covert abuse and DAMN are they good at it ! Still, maybe, just maybe, they still count as biggots because these narcs don't do what we do for the cause. They tend to be the few ones with a secure situation, with an actual income coming from the non profit/activism... Do they even believe in what they do ? Or was all of this just a big fat huge OPPORTUNITY for them to get what they want while passing for heros ?
Absolutely. I’ve learned my ndad just hates everyone. The only exception is older white men like him but only if they agree with him on his values, etc.
IMO they live to hate. If my parents can turn on their own children, why not everyone else?
YES. Against anything that is not who/what they are
They are proud too. Especially against Jewish people like me!
Ohhh yeah, Nmother is very much racist and xenophobic, also classist. She likes to think that she's not racist because her one daughter-in-law and grandchild aren't white, but she is! (She hates Black and Brown people, especially Middle Eastern people and Hispanics, thinks they're terrorists and trying to steal jobs, etc) To her there are "good" and "bad" minorities. She is very much anti-immigrant (hilarious since her ancestors were immigrants themselves). My open-mindedness confuses the shit out of her, to say the least.
Yes both my parents were taught they’re better than certain other demographics. When I started listening to rap and hanging out with Hispanic and black folks both my parents lost their minds even though were we lived was extremely diverse place Miami dade county. My mom lost everything and is a bum but to this day she’ll point out somebodies race if you go out to eat and try to put them down and she talks about other races or people being inferior or uncivil but sugar costs it to try to not sound racist and will outright deny racist allegations if I bring it up. Moral of the story don’t do anything your narcissistic parents did. I believe I’m no better than anybody on this earth.
As a black person, BIG TIME. And I also notice narcissists in the black community being racist toward whites. Also, EXTREMELY homophobic. Of course, you see narcissists of all colors being hateful.
Weirdly enough my mom was a huge bigot in every sense but was more than accepting and supportive of the trans community.. refused to accept me when I came out as bi and always made racist comments toward my bio dad and his family (native) but when my cousin came out as a trans man it was accept them or get out (not that I didn’t gladly accept them)
Mine are every -ist under the sun. Seems like a superiority complex?
See the thing is bigotry often works to signal you are one of the "good" people and you do not associate with the "bad and ugly". So as a personal tool it turns into a way to elevate the self. and that can be rabidly appealing to some people, esp narcs.
While they don't exactly go hand-in-hand, there's a LOT of overlap between the two. Not all narcissists are bigots and not all bigots are narcissists but there's no denying that most of them are.
Yes, my Nfather will act great to their face then back talk them the second they can't hear.
Both my parents are narcists. All the flaws my mom has, she is bigot. My dad, on the other hand, is very much what you expect out of a bigot.
narc boomer dad exposed himself as being racist not too long ago. my moms friend is dating a black guy. my parents have a condo and my mom invited her friend over to check it out then theyd go get lunch. mom gets home and she tells n dad ab it. n dad goes on to say “well i dont want a bunch of black people running around our condo.” only way it couldve been worse was if he used the n word… 🙄
My nmom maintains a facade of liberal tolerance, but is definitely bigoted towards LGBTQIA+ folks, unhoused people, folks with no/extremely low incomes, and disabled people.
Short answer. Yes. Its one thing they can get people on their side about and get a following. See example joe rogan.
My mom is weird when it comes to this. So I'm LGBT, and she's always been super openly supportive of LGBT except for me. She'll even support my LGBT friends, befriend them, rally for them, sign petitions for their rights. But always makes a point to tell me how I am disgusting. How she can't stand that I "do that" and "live that lifestyle" and CHOOSE to be gay. She's outlined in graphic details how vile she thinks it is that I have same sex relationships and sex. So outwardly, if you don't know her or how she treats me she seems super supportive and not bigoted at all! But as soon as i show anyone her texts and voicemails? She loses the buddy buddy friendships with any lgbt people. This was at it's worst when my brother started dating a bisexual woman. She joined PFLAG. Outwardly was super supportive to my brothers girlfriend. Even asked to support her at pride. She ate this up because her own parents were bigoted and unsupportive. I wasn't even sure if she should know my mom's other views towards me. How disgusted she was that her own child was LGBT. It eventually came out because brothers gf asked me to come to a family pride event with my whole family. Mom couldn't help herself and said nasty homophobic things about me in the family group chat. It completely destroyed her relationship with my brother's girlfriend. 😬
Yeah. Almost got disowned by my dad for wanting more feminine clothes for christmas as a man because he thought I was gay. Really sad to see this narrow mindedness
YES i’ve also grown to expect bigots to be narcs in return ? im sure it’s not always the case, however i can’t imagine someone that is SO afraid of others happiness/freedom not being a narc, as well as the fact that i can’t imagine a narc that supports anyone but themselves being happy/free.
Catholic Nmum forced CofE enabler dad to convert and change his religion to marry her 😭 When I met my partner from a Methodist background who’s mum is delightful, my Nmum hated them both, called her mother a ‘do gooder’ because she used to clean and help around the church and help out some of the vulnerable members of the congregation. I mean is there anything more unchristian than hating on someone doing nice things for other people. I still can’t get my head around it. My Nmum was also a bigot/racist/fascist. Had Irish grandparents but she hated the Irish and immigrants. Called some black children at the back of her class ‘chimpanzees’ Despised fat people. In fact despised everything and everyone.
In my experience, absolutely. They feel superior so there are many different groups of people that they hate.
My mother preached a lot of shit but fuck was she a fucking racist.
nDad is extremely sexist, homophobic, transphobic... He loves to quote a GoT scene from season 7(?), when Arya met those Lannister soldiers on her way north, and one of them says "daughters stay home to care for their fathers, while sons go out to fight on other people's wars." The context in the scene is "I don't want my child to suffer what I suffered" nDad uses it as "you *will* take care of me until I die because I'm your responsibility", as I have done for 15 years before cutting him off last year. That, paired with absurd homophobic comments on me (pan/nb) and my uncle (his brother, gay, and another kind of narcissistic. All my grandparents kids are NPD, but that's a big ass tangent), mostly the "how will earth get more people if the gays don't breed?", as if straight people need to have kids in order to? Be a family? Be happy? It's not for everyone. Man wanted 5 kids more kids, and as he only proclaimed that desire after I turned 15, said kids would be my monkeys in a circus that wasn't mine. Thank fuck I'm a single child and the closest I have to a sibling is my cousin on mum's side.
Entitlement is one of, if not THE core personality trait that defines narcissism. Bigotry is incredibly entitled. Imagine thinking you are entitled to discount an entire group of people based on your experience with a few (or even just what you hear from others/see in the news).
Mine very much was but also couldn't bear to see herself as any of these things. Very performative allyship and a lot of shit behind closed doors