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My Nmother was hitting me in a store for some reason, (it was the 80s) and a lady came up and told her to stop it. My mother started arguing with the lady, but I was shocked. No one ever stood up for me before. I said to the lady, “can I come home with you? She is going to beat me.” The woman said “I wish I could take you home” and then called my mother a monster. She perfected her public persona after that.
Abusers are such chickens. Me and my sis went to a fair once and we were in line for a ride. There were fences and park was crowded anyway cuz it was a holiday, so there’s no way we’d be able to get out of there until we went on that ride. As we were standing there, we noticed a pretty big guy beating his daughter, she was like 10-12yo, and he was screaming at her in our native language. So we started yelling at him in our language, like wtf are you doing etc. First, he pretended like he didn’t hear us, but then we started describing his looks in a snarky way, and he yelled at us to stfu. We yelled back at him, so he grabbed his daughter and ran away. Bear in mind we’re just small girls, slightly bigger than his daughter that he was beating. We later complained about it to the security and idk how it went from there, since it was so crowded.
Thank you for standing up for those girls. Maybe you were the only ones who ever did. And the fact that I still remember her with such gratitude meant her help meant the world to me.
Yeah. I got ripped into verbally quite often for things that my sister escaped penalty. Be it looking the wrong way at her, or speaking too hastily or not deferentially, or speaking at all, or not speaking. We were at a group campsite where she pinned me down in the back of the car and punched me in the head and chest in rage and not one person said “whoa, what?”
She snarled at me at her work one day when i dropped by as asked and it was between dinner rushes and she stood there tearing into my existence, my clothes, and then turns around and her boss was just staring at her like “WTF”.
but no one ever directly confronted her on it, and the why of that is either they too were terrified of her or afraid for me or cowards and maybe its all three but yeah, no one ever told her to stop.
No. But they talked about it. Dad used to say that my mom stopped him from beating me because I might have turned out better if he had. They used to jeer at me in front of other people and express their sadness and frustration that I didn't have any awards or prizes from school, no trophies, no top marks, nothing. Then other people would step in and talk about how I should do better for my parents' sake after everything they had done for me.
I could have always brought up the fact that my dad was an absent father and mom was an enabler but I didn't know then that those things could be mentioned and I didn't have the language to express it.
Anytime I would bring friends over to our house, my narc mom would mention humiliating things I've done and how "she does everything for me." She never wanted me to have friends and resented me for having them.
Sadly, one of my first memories is nmother beating me when I was about 5. We rarely had company over. One day her good friend came over and I was excited. In my excitement I showed her the $5 bill my grandparents had recently given me (that was a lot for a little kid back then).
Nmother proceeded to hit me, and knock me down and scream that I should not show people my money.
First, that’s a dumb thing to get mad about.
Second, how could I have possibly known not to do it before that?
Yep, 7 years ago, she ripped me a new asshole cuz I dared to hang my curtains with push pins. We were standing in line for a movie, and it was public and brutal. Remembering that, should have cut contact right then. Vicious and evil to someone you supposedly love.
The best I could tell you was to just avoid social situations with them or in some cases stand your ground and stand up to them. It often has them flustered or draws out the worst in them for everyone to see.
Other than that, the best thing i could do was to leave. Until you get to that point, your options for handling this instead of taking it aren't particularly high.
If anything, try to have people in your corner who can stand up with you if you have any of them. It's just unfortunate that in family gatherings especially, they have lots of flying monkeys.
I think I might just start leaving the room tbh. But the worst part about this is despite them being the ones screaming and yelling and making a scene it’s always you as the kid that gets humiliated
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My Nmother was hitting me in a store for some reason, (it was the 80s) and a lady came up and told her to stop it. My mother started arguing with the lady, but I was shocked. No one ever stood up for me before. I said to the lady, “can I come home with you? She is going to beat me.” The woman said “I wish I could take you home” and then called my mother a monster. She perfected her public persona after that.
Abusers are such chickens. Me and my sis went to a fair once and we were in line for a ride. There were fences and park was crowded anyway cuz it was a holiday, so there’s no way we’d be able to get out of there until we went on that ride. As we were standing there, we noticed a pretty big guy beating his daughter, she was like 10-12yo, and he was screaming at her in our native language. So we started yelling at him in our language, like wtf are you doing etc. First, he pretended like he didn’t hear us, but then we started describing his looks in a snarky way, and he yelled at us to stfu. We yelled back at him, so he grabbed his daughter and ran away. Bear in mind we’re just small girls, slightly bigger than his daughter that he was beating. We later complained about it to the security and idk how it went from there, since it was so crowded.
Thank you for standing up for those girls. Maybe you were the only ones who ever did. And the fact that I still remember her with such gratitude meant her help meant the world to me.
Thank u! I should’ve filmed it. Next time I see smth like that, I’m gonna film it and press charges.
Yeah. I got ripped into verbally quite often for things that my sister escaped penalty. Be it looking the wrong way at her, or speaking too hastily or not deferentially, or speaking at all, or not speaking. We were at a group campsite where she pinned me down in the back of the car and punched me in the head and chest in rage and not one person said “whoa, what?” She snarled at me at her work one day when i dropped by as asked and it was between dinner rushes and she stood there tearing into my existence, my clothes, and then turns around and her boss was just staring at her like “WTF”. but no one ever directly confronted her on it, and the why of that is either they too were terrified of her or afraid for me or cowards and maybe its all three but yeah, no one ever told her to stop.
No. But they talked about it. Dad used to say that my mom stopped him from beating me because I might have turned out better if he had. They used to jeer at me in front of other people and express their sadness and frustration that I didn't have any awards or prizes from school, no trophies, no top marks, nothing. Then other people would step in and talk about how I should do better for my parents' sake after everything they had done for me. I could have always brought up the fact that my dad was an absent father and mom was an enabler but I didn't know then that those things could be mentioned and I didn't have the language to express it.
Anytime I would bring friends over to our house, my narc mom would mention humiliating things I've done and how "she does everything for me." She never wanted me to have friends and resented me for having them.
Sadly, one of my first memories is nmother beating me when I was about 5. We rarely had company over. One day her good friend came over and I was excited. In my excitement I showed her the $5 bill my grandparents had recently given me (that was a lot for a little kid back then). Nmother proceeded to hit me, and knock me down and scream that I should not show people my money. First, that’s a dumb thing to get mad about. Second, how could I have possibly known not to do it before that?
Yep, 7 years ago, she ripped me a new asshole cuz I dared to hang my curtains with push pins. We were standing in line for a movie, and it was public and brutal. Remembering that, should have cut contact right then. Vicious and evil to someone you supposedly love.
So as an adult, anyone have tips for dealing with this behavior?
The best I could tell you was to just avoid social situations with them or in some cases stand your ground and stand up to them. It often has them flustered or draws out the worst in them for everyone to see. Other than that, the best thing i could do was to leave. Until you get to that point, your options for handling this instead of taking it aren't particularly high. If anything, try to have people in your corner who can stand up with you if you have any of them. It's just unfortunate that in family gatherings especially, they have lots of flying monkeys.
I think I might just start leaving the room tbh. But the worst part about this is despite them being the ones screaming and yelling and making a scene it’s always you as the kid that gets humiliated