Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's so, so disappointing how often I hear a story like OP's. And how often I've had to break things off with adult men who decide brushing their teeth or showering or some other basic hygiene issue is now optional.
"Being messy doesn't bother me, I'm plenty messy, but being unhygienic/unclean does. Our relationship is in serious jeopardy because your unsanitary behavior is beginning to give me the Ick, at which point you would simply become a turnoff for me. Either you take this seriously and change things around or we need to reevaluate this relationship for incompatibility"
Unfortunately that sort of rational response usually gets nowhere. They'll say they are going to try harder and then don't, or they get upset that they will be facing the consequences of their actions. Sometimes both.
Or not wearing deodorant 🤢 I lost sexual attraction to a guy I was head over heels about because he REFUSES to wear deodorant. His pits smell ALL the time, and we live in a southern coastal climate where in the summer time it gets brutal with the heat index and humidity. He simply doesn’t believe deodorant or antiperspirant are good for you, says there’s too many chemicals and your armpits are full of lymph nodes (which is true). However, I’ve even tried to tell him to try using natural deodorants that don’t have the harsh chemicals, alcohols or aluminum that others do and he still won’t wear any. So yeah, to the men reading this, you cannot expect a woman to be ok with y’all being fucking gross and being lazy with basic hygiene. It’s a no dawg.
Not ever flossing. It's like they think it's not manly or something to spend time cleaning your teeth and mouth. So gross lolll like if I open your cabinet, floss should be immediately visible.
Cleaning your teeth is probably the best return in investment imaginable once you account for the fact that brushing your teeth appears to reduce your heart attack rate by a significant amount.
I watched a guy try to impress a pretty clerk by telling her he never brushed his teeth because the tarter provided a protective shell. (Edited for typo)
If that doesn't make someone want to stick their tongue in your mouth (or vice versa), what will?
I just thought about this. What if they had an awkward tooth bump, and she knocked off some of his "shell" 🤢
I was raised by my parents to be a gentleman. I brush my teeth, shower daily, brush my hair, wash my hands after using the bathroom, lift the toilet seat when I pee, and put it down again when I’m done. I wear clean clothes (at least change my t-shirt and underwear daily).
Yes, I’m still a human being. I burp, fart, but we laugh about it. If my girlfriend would comment about that being gross and respectfully ask me not to do that around her, I would do my best to honor that.
It’s about respect and courtesy to your family and your partner. If you hold yourself to a higher standard, it’s not a hard thing to do. I’m proud to be a civilized human.
Maybe go on a walk with your boyfriend when it’s private and there is no pressure, and just ask him to be more civilized around you. Ask him how he would feel if you were gross around him. It’s not an attack, it’s a request, because a civilized man is a sexy man.
For sure. Nothing you said in that first paragraph is even anything “extra”, that’s basic level every grown man (23 and up) should be on for sure.
It is about respect for your partner and your family. I honestly think that it’s more so though about respect for yourself, and I wonder if this isn’t coming from some low self esteem/ self worth stuff with him.
And that past injury, I could def see some internal struggle happening. Like I don’t buy that this guy actually believes what he is saying about “guys are just like that”. He’s gotta be struggling in his worth in some way, maybe just doesn’t think it’ll do him any good to admit it.
My husband and I laugh when one of us farts. But op been with guy for 6 years, it’s shitty the relationship went this long for op to find out her boyfriends traits.
He’s still sweet and thoughtful at least!
Sweetly waiting for her to nag him about brushing his teeth and then trying to get out of it
Thoughtfully leaving skid marks in the toilet. “I bet OP will love this!”
There have been many posts about unhygienic partners lately, OP I hope you can find some helpful advice or at least some commiserations with those folks. Screw his sensitivity - this is tough love territory & he should be embarrassed
My mom was quick to make me uncomfortable about my subconscious ball itch I picked up in middle school. While driving me somewhere I remember she asked if I needed to use the bathroom I told her no not at all. N she was like well then why do you keep itching your private parts… I got beet red and wasn’t sure what to say. But her approach definitely reminded me to keep it together in public
My mother was exactly like this and now I am too lol. Some cycles are worth repeating and sometimes you just need someone to say hey you gotta pee? No? Stop touching yourself in front of me.
I am sorry it’s toddler behaviour not a man. Being clean is not a gendered thing and if he does not understand this very simple fact, I would simply end the relationship.
I knew I would marry my husband when I visited his bachelor apartment and the bathroom was immaculate. The floor around the toilet was clean and smelled faintly of bleach. His toilet was sparkling. He keeps our bathrooms in our home the same.
Some of us can even scratch our balls without our hands coming out smelling like crotch cheese. It’s not difficult to wash the sack frequently, some might even say it’s pleasant.
I'll admit I've gone to town itching my nethers, but it's when I haven't showered for a week due to depression (and yes - I'm single and putting no one else through this), but I 100% wash my gross ass hands after doing so. And it motivates me to take a shower, too!
LOL "Itchy Nut Syndrome"... Let's call it what it really is - Jock Itch...a fungal yeast infection; basically Athlete's Foot, but on your ballsack. What they need is some fkin Miconozole and to make sure their wedding tackle is clean and dry and well ventilated (by wearing proper breathable underwear) instead of festering in sweat and funk.
Very true, but if your junk is so bad that scratching it makes your HANDS stink?? That’s a whole ‘nother issue!
OP’s boyfriend is a dirty skank and she needs to bounce *immediately.* He’s “sensitive” when she mentions how much his stink turns her off??? PLEASE.
Yeah, I have persistent eczema around my eyes and that's bad enough. Down there would be absolutely awful. The top comment was also a guy who had psoriasis there. I couldn't even imagine what that's like
Here's the link to that post if you're curious lol
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/YAooujPGNG
Right? Why is everyone ignoring that his hands smell after he scratches his balls? I’m not a man but I feel like that is a good indication you should wash your balls more often…
Thank you! If his hands smell after scratching then the logical assumption is that his balls themselves smell bad due to lack of hygiene. I’ve been with my husband 23 years and I’ve never seen him scratching his balls. I’m also up close and personal to them and there is no smell. Then again my husband showers daily.
Yes - there are fungi and sometimes little critters that can cause itchiness.
Or it can be allergies to something like soap (hair in the pubic area tends to collect a bit more residual soap than skin on the upper body).
It's not normal IMO. I would seek treatment for jock itch.
That is such an outdated cop out for being a smelly lazy clart that doesn’t respect there partner enough to keep their half of the intimate shared space clean. Fastest way to change your partners perspective of you negatively
I can’t stand not brushing me teeth and I’ve been a guy my whole life it’s definitely not just a dude thing, maybe being lax about it could be considered a dude thing but to need another adult to tell him to brush his teeth is not just not because he’s a guy
Yes sometimes guys are like this and need a mother to care for them. The real question OP is asking is if she wants to mother this man child or not because he’s accepted himself and can’t see him changing. Very difficult to change someone when they think what their doing is ok.
I don't get the extensive ball scratching at all. Have lived in a frat, had two husband, been a dorm supervisor, have worked in jails (where we do see such scruffiness), but have not seen the extensive ball scratching.
But wash your hands if you're doing it.
The not brushing teeth comes up all the time on this and other subreddits (it's almost always a guy).
The act of him scratching his balls wouldn't bother me, but she said his hands *smell* afterwards. I'm guessing it's more than just a normal skin smell
Ah. That's really tough.
I can't stand when people decide they have some "extra" hygiene that isn't scientifically verifiable.
Should I sterilize my contact lenses? Yes.
Should I sterilize my socks? Nope.
She never said skidmarks on the seat though? Skidmarks are in the bowl, why tf do I even have to tell humans on the internet this lmao ew. Y'all need to read things a couple times before replying
IKR?
I think they are lacking knowledge about words for the part of a toilet. It doesn't come up often in conversation unless one's parents fix things around the house or one is a homeowner who has to replace things, I guess.
IN THE TOILET.
The toilet is the fixture with a bowl and a tank. In the toilet means the poop marks are inside the toilet bowl.
The seat is a separate object affixed to the top of the bowl.
I'm not standing up for him in any way, but the brushing the teeth thing is hard if the person has depression/other mental health issues. If he does have depression, judging that won't help. But if it's not depression, if it's just laziness (which it sounds like it is), then yeah, we should be judging.
I’ve been married 9 years - my husband has never done one of these things. He’ll occasionally accidentally fart around me, and I’m pregnant now so I’m a gas monster, but that’s as far as we’ll take it.
These aren’t dude things. These are gross things lol.
Leaving skid marks is ridiculous. He needs to learn to look at the toilet after he goes. It’s not that much to ask for
Speaking of skid marks and not looking at the toilet after he goes: The FIRST time I've visited my ex's house (we were 2 months in) , I went to the bathroom and there are skid marks. I would think that inviting anyone , especially your romantic interest , to visit your home you would make sure everything is clean...
I remember my ex leaving a fucking tarmac inside my toilet bowl once and when I went out and scolded him to clean up after himself he was upset that I was upset. Forgive me for believing it’s common courtesy to make sure you don’t leave skid marks in a toilet when you’re a guest in their home.
If there's no brush and cleaner nearby, I am not going back.
As it stands, many people I know openly admit they do not go socialize if they think they'll have a bowel movement while there (regularity is great).
But for younger people who might be newly staying over at each other's houses and adapting to new schedule, it can be a nightmare.
People who haven't learned to check the toilet bowl (some avoid looking scrupulously, as if it's a horror show) aren't going to check when they're somewhere new.
Most people have the brush cleaner near the bowl… idk you’re typing up a whole novel for something inexcusable. If you have a nasty shit, check for skid marks after you flush. This is pretty basic.
Yeah for real... when I went to visit my now husband he cleaned his place every time, even tho we are both very comfortable with each other... there's a difference between wearing jogging pants and letting your hair down and being disgusting... also I feel like its so flattering that a guy puts in effort to impress you when you go visit the first time... so if I visited a guys home for the first time and it was filthy I'd feel like he wasn't that into me rly.
Unless you grew up in a home where things weren't clean.
My own family had a mix of...styles. My mom was regarded as the most obsessive, clean person of the group. Everyone was pretty clean except for one uncle (but I didn't think much about their toilet - despite the skid marks; the mom in that family was dying of cancer through everyone's middle school and high school years and I think such things fell by the wayside entirely).
Yes??? Dude come on! Always leave it clean. You might have a guest come over unexpectedly, or you might accidentally get into the habit of thinking this is okay to leave at other people‘s houses as well. If you’re unsure that you’ll do it, put some toilet paper down before you use the toilet.
But many people don't! I feel grateful I was brought up properly.
As was my husband (even more strict and cautious since they were 4 people with just one toilet).
The number of people who haven't been taught these rules of engagement with a guest toilet is significant. Maybe 20% of people aged 18-25 (judging from the discussions in my classes).
I mean at the end of a hot and busy day every man's genitals will have a smell. Same with women. Dude sounds gross but don't pretend that your genitals never smell bad.
What we are talking about in this case is our man scratching his balls inside his trousers, removing said hand, thus stinking up the room. This does not happen because you took a brisk walk or had a busy day.
Not saying what he’s doing is a-okay, but OP didn’t say that in the post, they just said “and it will smell”, never mentioned that it stinks up the room.
If you’re in the trades or otherwise doing physical labour all day, things get sweaty, and your junk might have a smell. Completely normal for that to happen.
For sure, but if the smell is noticeable to someone whose head is not right next to them it’s time for a wash. If I can smell my own genitals while being fully dressed then I know I need to shower asap and put on clean pants.
I highly doubt she’s taking his hand and sniffing it - sounds like the smell is pungent enough to waft.
Idk but I take a shower every morning and just a short walk in spring/summer will make me start sweating. Wait a couple hs and smell is right there. I guess it’s not that uncommon.
Make sure he understands that good hygiene is a non-negotiable for sex and don’t back down. A1 for attraction reasons and B2 for preventing UTIs, etc. Nails, hair, body, teeth. It’s honestly the least he could do.
He might adjust just long enough to get her used to him around.
I would bail out.
Cleanness is something that requires daily attention if not constant attention, this can't be changed by anyone but the person themselves and over time.
True, I was living with a male roommate that was pretty uncleanly but even he didn't leave skidmarks or have hands that stink of smelly balls... really not a high bar.
It’s so depressing because it’s the below bare minimum they can do in the relationship. Women are expected to do EVERYTHING- domestic labor, the child care and still work outside the home. The very least they can do is wash their fucking ass. I rather be single than live with a man who leaves a smell on his side of the bed when he’s not even in the house
I had a male roommate like this. Left skid marks on the toilet, only washed dishes with water (no soap), left muffin wrappers scattered on the bathroom floor, forgot to shut the balcony door and a fucking raccoon walked in shocking me. I confronted him and he just says nothing’s wrong with raccoons, they’re safe, I grew up with them. I lasted two months too long. We had several conversations but he couldn’t change his habits. Even would have half his bare ass on the dining chair so I stopped using it. I told myself I’ll never have a man for a roommate again, scared straight
Wow I completely feel you! This is exactly how my female roommate has been for the last 10 months. No raccoons but constantly closing the front door and rewashing her “cleaned” dishes, picking up for her after she cooks her meals and flushing the toilet before I go because she forgot to. Can’t wait til it’s all over and I’m in a new spot like tou
I’m living with my bf of 5 years, and he does not do this — he would describe your bf as a manchild. Good hygiene is part of being a functional adult. I’d have a real conversation with him, and be honest about how it’s making you feel.
Have a frank talk whitnhim about what you will accept, and what you won't. Be reasonable, but let him know your "deal breakers", and walk away if he keep breaking them, simple as.
"Guys" are not like that. Your guy is like that. I have lived with four men romantically in my lifetime, and none of them neglected their teeth, their hand hygiene, or left shit stains in the toilet (except in one case of the worst stomach ailment I have ever seen, it was honestly horrifying and awe inspiring that the human body could survive such a thing). I strongly recommend you tell him his lack of personal cleanliness is affecting the way you feel about him. You would not neglect your personal cleanliness and expect him to maintain the same level of respect and attraction to you, nor would any sane person. You are not asking too much.
Are you me 3 years ago? Because this is how my ex lost me. At some point, I got a skin infection because he touched me with dirty hands regularly.
"My love, the way you keep your hygiene makes me lose my sexual interest in you. If you want me to keep it, please raise your standards." - if that doesn't work, I am afraid nothing will.
These are not normal things. Skid marks? Unacceptable. Fingers smelling like balls? Nope. Set your hygiene standards. If he doesn’t accept them, maybe it’s not meant to be. My hubby is a slob but even he can adapt so there is literally no excuse.
>sometimes guys are just like this
No, they are not. Daily toothbrushing is basic hygiene. Washing hands after touching genitals or using the bathroom is basic hygiene. For the sexual intimacy, it doesn't really matter if the toilet is sparkling clean first, but keeping one's body clean is absolutely necessary. There's a difference between cleaning up the home and doing chores vs personal hygiene. Separate those topics, and only address the personal hygiene.
I’ve been a man for many years, as long as I can remember. I brush my teeth twice a day, wipe my own ass thoroughly, refrain from scratching my balls, routinely wash my hands, and consider myself generally hygienic.
Your boyfriend is gross, and needs to get his shit together.
No man is worth putting up with stank booty nonsense! There is not one single excuse for a grown ass man to not practice basic kindergarten hygiene! None!! Ladies! Raise the bar!
Tell him you don’t find toddlers sexy. At all.
If you need to nag him about his teeth - you are his mom and that’s killing an attraction. If you see him being gross and need to remind him wash hands - again not sexy.
He can choose how he wants to be perceived by you.
When my husband and I were first dating he started ripping ass and belching loudly in front of me and it wasn’t ok with me. I told him,
“I understand humans have bodily functions and that’s fine, but blatantly and intentionally being gross makes me feel like you’re treating me like ‘one of the guys’. I assume you are dating me because I’m a feminine woman and *not* one of the guys, and you hold more influence than you realize in how feminine I feel. Please treat me like the lady you fell in love with.”
He totally got it and it hasn’t happened since.
I love this! Thank you for putting language to something that may be common in many dating/marriage relationships.its easy to "let things go" in marriage and see general self presentation standards slip over time. I appreciate this.
My poor boyfriend never farted in front of his deceased wife, his kids, or me. He would simply disappear from the room. Sometimes he was off doing other things, but he never ever farted in front of people.
Neither did my dad, nor most of my male relatives. Nor my husband.
My dad would say, "Well, I gotta go see a man about a dog" and go outside.
Which is what all of us (women or men) still do today - all of my uncles did that. The ladies were more discreet and didn't announce (and my mom admitted that she sometimes held farts in).
OP, you are still with him.
You are showing him what you are willing to put up with. How many more years do you want to be with a man who doesn't take personal responsibility for his own hygiene?
Being long distance protects you from his personal habits, but if you dream of ever living together, this is what you will get.
This is his version of how a man should be. Do you accept that?
Since you recoil from him touching you....this might be past saving as your mindset has shifted. Maybe a separation/space and discuss why, but if you've already discussed this multiple times I would just think you're incompatible and move on
If his hands smell after he scratches his balls then he’s not washing properly down there.
I think he’s reverting to his natural behaviour. People act nice and clean and tidy and normal for awhile while in a relationship and then gradually regress to their normal default state and I think this is what you are seeing. This is who he is.
“He’ll scratch his balls for minutes at a time and not wash his hands after and it will smell”…WHAT?! SMELL LIKE WHAT FUCKING SMEGMASMOOTHIE?…that’s foul. Start sending him YouTube videos on how to properly clean himself… for the sake of your nose getting used to agitated ball cheese in the air…SHEEESH!
You're dating a 6th grader. It's not your job to be his mommy and tell him to brush his teeth before bed and wash his hands before eating and clean the toilet if you poop on it. Tell him straight forward. You either fix your hygiene or I'm moving out. I can not tolerate this any longer. Tggn do it if he refuses. He's taking you for granted right now.
My partner of 5 years will sit there on the couch with his hand down his pants while he is "chilling" it knocks me absolutely sick. Never known a woman to sit there fondling her flaps while she's decompressing from work. Ew
Actually, it's not uncommon! As a lesbian, I've had two girlfriends do that. Have talked to other women who do too. Didn't bother me since they were both very clean, I just thought it was funny.
Sounds like the honeymoon phase has worn off. He more than likely did these things before and. Is you’re out of the honeymoon phase you both are putting it on less. He’s letting loose and you’re noticing more.
I had to have a conversation with an ex-boyfriend. He consistently failed to wash his hands after using the restroom and then would engage in intimacy.
No matter the reason, if you are repulsed by someone, you should not be sleeping with them. That will only spell trouble in the long run.
I think you should approach the topic. You understand that you are messy in some ways too- why not come up with a solution that benefits you both? You agree to work on tidiness, he agrees to prioritize hygiene. That would be a win-win.
Check the amount of clear water in the toilet. It may be low. Newer toilets tend to have an issue if the bowl pan is long and the water filling the bowl is too low. The result is that excrement can hit the porcelain, not the water, and not fully remove itself when flushed.
If the water is too low, that's a fixable problem.
Source: Lived in a fairly new apartment, have this problem in one bathroom commode, but not the other.
you KNOW he is touching everything in the kitchen with his unclean penis fingers
Oh honey. Not all men hate washing their hands or caring for themselves. He can't really be trusted to wash his own balls.
I bet your "personal" health is doing great since you've been basically celibate, because of the lack of bacterial contamination
The whole time I read the post, I visualized a grown-up version of a guy in school who stole my custom pencil with my name etched on it, and shoved it down his pants and rubbed it on himself. It smelled foul and I told the teacher so I didn't have to touch it. I feel like he grew up to become OP's boyfriend.
Edit: accidentally said "grew up to be OP" but I meant OP's boyfriend.
I have been with my husband for going on 7 years, living together for 6. He brushes his teeth twice a day (and flosses) and I have never once had to ask him to do it. I have NEVER seen him with his hands down his pants or scratching his balls. He doesn’t do any “gross guy things”, so it’s bullshit that “something guys are just like this”. Men are just as capable of being as polite and hygienic as women are expected to be. It’s a choice to be gross and disrespectful towards you.
I could get scratching balls. But not brushing teeth or skid marks on toilet is weird. That is not husband material. All guys and girls have flaws but if I couldn’t see myself marrying him/her I wouldn’t continue the relationship.
If I were you, I would tell him either you stop these behaviors or we are done. I’m your girlfriend. Not your mother and I won’t be cleaning up after you. I won’t be telling you to brush your teeth. If you need to scratch yourself at least wash your hands afterwards.
These aren’t “dude” things this is dirty ass mofo things. Even if he was in environment living with only men, they would call him out on his behaviors that affect them like the poop marks. You have to tell him the truth. If he wants the relationship bad enough he will change.
I am going to focus on your last paragraph. I too have ADHD and am a very scattered messy person. I also have OCD (When my therapist first mentioned I might have OCD, I was like “haha, no. I’m so messy.” But it doesn’t always equate to a neat freak.)
My partner is tidy around the house and my messy lifestyle is a constant struggle with living together. I try to organize and clean things to meet his needs, but usually fail.
Now an example of something that I find completely unacceptable is putting a utensil in a condiment jar after it has touched anything else. If I am making a sandwich, I will use 2+ knives. He doesn’t agree that if he spreads mayo on his bread and needs more mayo that he should get a new knife because the first one has touched the bread. He doesn’t agree, but he tries to accommodate my need to keep the jar just so. It’s tricky because I know my messiness makes him stressed out, and I often fail to meet his need for maintaining a tidy bedroom to relax in (his side of the room is tidy, but mine…not so much). So how can I demand he use 6 knives to prepare lunch? But it’s what I need, and he values that. Sometimes he might forget and contaminate the mayo with a bread knife 🤮, but he always *tries* to accommodate my needs.
So I suggest you just tell him, “I am glad we are able to spend this time together. In living with you, I have noticed some of your habits that I am struggling to tolerate, and I am hoping you can work on them for me. Since we are sharing a restroom, if your poop leaves streaks in the bowl, please flush again and maybe even do quick scrub with the toilet brush and cleaner.
Also since we’re together in person we are able to actually kiss, but when I know that you aren’t regularly brushing your teeth, I don’t want to.”
Since lack of hygiene can sometimes be due to executive dysfunction from ADHD or depression, you can also get him Colgate wisps, and mouth wash to make *some* dental hygiene attainable.
“Lastly, if you have an itch on your privates, please excuse yourself and make sure to WASH YOUR HANDS.
A relationship works best when we listen to each other’s needs so I appreciate you listening to what I need you to work on. I know I am a messier person than you; it’s there anything that I can work on to make you happier?”
Good luck. Your expectations are INCREDIBLY REASONABLE. You are allowed to have and communicate your standards even though you are a messy person that doesn’t keep everything pristine all the time. I repeat YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE AND COMMUNICATE STANDARDS even though you are a messy person.
I know lots of clean guys. This isn’t cool. Normalize having icks and leaving. You don’t have to be ok with everything he does just to be in a relationship. Trust that if he gets the ick from you, he’ll be out of there before you know it. Don’t put up with this. The ball scratching and no brushing his teeth is so gross and it should be a dealbreaker. Have dealbreakers, girl! You’re not obligated to stay. Especially when you asked him to stop and he didn’t care.
Bad hygiene is absolutely not a man thing and this stereotype needs to stop. If your partner has bad hygiene, it doesn't matter what gender they are, it's not normal and it's not ok.
Do not excuse your bf because he's a man, that's insane.
Omg I swear you just described my ex (we just broke up 2 weeks ago). I delt with the same thing allllll the time, among many other issues. I started putting toothpaste on his toothbrush in the morning when I brushed mine, and then I whenever it was still there when I got home from work I’d remind him and it helped him get better about it for a little while. But not much. The ball itch and stink- I got him ball deodorant but it didn’t stop him from messing with them. That goes to say, he’s not respecting your needs for hygiene nor himself and it only gets worse from there.
If you ignore it it will get worse! I ignored this gross crap from my ex and then one day he crapped his pants at work, drove home, took them off, showered, but left the shit filled pants in a back bedroom we weren’t using and I didn’t know or find them until I broke up with him and was gathering my things to move out. Quit before it gets worse 😅
Him saying guys are just like this is such a pathetic excuse lmao. My boyfriend is one of the tidiest & most hygienic person I know. Yours is just gross
Thanks for correction. From what I observed, in our culture nagging has a negative connotation and it often is associated with women asking their male partners doing basic things like throwing the trash out, washing their hands… brushing their teeth. Which basically transforms this word into a weapon used by lazy men against their wives/girlfriends.
yeah, they lack any self reflection
take care of your shit! don't turn me into your mommy cuz you won't get off your ass and take care of your responsibilities 🙃
Having skid marks in your underwear isn’t normal, at least not for a 27 year old. I mean yeah itching balls are sometimes needed but I wouldn’t say it should be a regular occurance - unless there’s something wrong down there… the smell also indicates that he has hygiene issues that probably needs addressing.
Overall, it sounds like you probably should have noticed all of this stuff a lot sooner than 6 years
The first thing I thought about was, 6 years together and u don’t have a ring yet? Girl, what is he waiting for? Men know when they know. He is wasting ur time…run!!
The only thing I’ll defend is the ball-scratching, but I stop there and do not condone dirty balls.
I wonder if you’ll show your boyfriend this thread and whether or not it will spark any motivation for improvement. I haven’t read many comments, but I’m sure they’re plenty ripping him apart over the absurd notion that being a man prohibits you from being hygienic or considerate of the people you’re sharing space with.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
« Sometimes guys are just like this » lol tons of men are not like this, I get scratching his balls but not brushing his teeth ?
Once again begging women to not just accept this is some sort of inherent baseline for men. The bar is in hell.
It's so, so disappointing how often I hear a story like OP's. And how often I've had to break things off with adult men who decide brushing their teeth or showering or some other basic hygiene issue is now optional.
"Being messy doesn't bother me, I'm plenty messy, but being unhygienic/unclean does. Our relationship is in serious jeopardy because your unsanitary behavior is beginning to give me the Ick, at which point you would simply become a turnoff for me. Either you take this seriously and change things around or we need to reevaluate this relationship for incompatibility"
Unfortunately that sort of rational response usually gets nowhere. They'll say they are going to try harder and then don't, or they get upset that they will be facing the consequences of their actions. Sometimes both.
And that's perfectly fine. This communication will be the path to change one way or the other as long as OP enforces things.
Or not wearing deodorant 🤢 I lost sexual attraction to a guy I was head over heels about because he REFUSES to wear deodorant. His pits smell ALL the time, and we live in a southern coastal climate where in the summer time it gets brutal with the heat index and humidity. He simply doesn’t believe deodorant or antiperspirant are good for you, says there’s too many chemicals and your armpits are full of lymph nodes (which is true). However, I’ve even tried to tell him to try using natural deodorants that don’t have the harsh chemicals, alcohols or aluminum that others do and he still won’t wear any. So yeah, to the men reading this, you cannot expect a woman to be ok with y’all being fucking gross and being lazy with basic hygiene. It’s a no dawg.
People that smell like they want to be alone should stay alone.
Not ever flossing. It's like they think it's not manly or something to spend time cleaning your teeth and mouth. So gross lolll like if I open your cabinet, floss should be immediately visible.
Cleaning your teeth is probably the best return in investment imaginable once you account for the fact that brushing your teeth appears to reduce your heart attack rate by a significant amount.
I had someone serve me at a shop yesterday and the plaque build up was so thick it just about covered the whole bottom teeth.
I watched a guy try to impress a pretty clerk by telling her he never brushed his teeth because the tarter provided a protective shell. (Edited for typo)
That nearly made me throw up in my mouth.
The young lady he was attempting to flirt with actually froze in horror and her eyes got huge. He just kept yapping. It was unreal.
If that doesn't make someone want to stick their tongue in your mouth (or vice versa), what will? I just thought about this. What if they had an awkward tooth bump, and she knocked off some of his "shell" 🤢
Ew, god, shut up lolol
I was raised by my parents to be a gentleman. I brush my teeth, shower daily, brush my hair, wash my hands after using the bathroom, lift the toilet seat when I pee, and put it down again when I’m done. I wear clean clothes (at least change my t-shirt and underwear daily). Yes, I’m still a human being. I burp, fart, but we laugh about it. If my girlfriend would comment about that being gross and respectfully ask me not to do that around her, I would do my best to honor that. It’s about respect and courtesy to your family and your partner. If you hold yourself to a higher standard, it’s not a hard thing to do. I’m proud to be a civilized human. Maybe go on a walk with your boyfriend when it’s private and there is no pressure, and just ask him to be more civilized around you. Ask him how he would feel if you were gross around him. It’s not an attack, it’s a request, because a civilized man is a sexy man.
For sure. Nothing you said in that first paragraph is even anything “extra”, that’s basic level every grown man (23 and up) should be on for sure. It is about respect for your partner and your family. I honestly think that it’s more so though about respect for yourself, and I wonder if this isn’t coming from some low self esteem/ self worth stuff with him. And that past injury, I could def see some internal struggle happening. Like I don’t buy that this guy actually believes what he is saying about “guys are just like that”. He’s gotta be struggling in his worth in some way, maybe just doesn’t think it’ll do him any good to admit it.
Everybody burps and farts, and it can be very funny -----woman who apparently thinks like a dude
My husband and I laugh when one of us farts. But op been with guy for 6 years, it’s shitty the relationship went this long for op to find out her boyfriends traits.
He’s still sweet and thoughtful at least! Sweetly waiting for her to nag him about brushing his teeth and then trying to get out of it Thoughtfully leaving skid marks in the toilet. “I bet OP will love this!” There have been many posts about unhygienic partners lately, OP I hope you can find some helpful advice or at least some commiserations with those folks. Screw his sensitivity - this is tough love territory & he should be embarrassed
He needs a mom lol
My mom was quick to make me uncomfortable about my subconscious ball itch I picked up in middle school. While driving me somewhere I remember she asked if I needed to use the bathroom I told her no not at all. N she was like well then why do you keep itching your private parts… I got beet red and wasn’t sure what to say. But her approach definitely reminded me to keep it together in public
My mother was exactly like this and now I am too lol. Some cycles are worth repeating and sometimes you just need someone to say hey you gotta pee? No? Stop touching yourself in front of me.
Happy cake day 😊 I dunno why I laughed so hard at this comment from that username but here we are lol
I’m laughing so hard at this.
I am sorry it’s toddler behaviour not a man. Being clean is not a gendered thing and if he does not understand this very simple fact, I would simply end the relationship.
Right. My husband is the cleanest person I’ve ever known. These posts are just making me more grateful.
Same. I never knew having a man who like... washes himself and doesn't leave skidmarks for me to clean was such a rarity.
If my husband ever left a streak in his underwear, I would never know. He would have taken care of it himself.
Right? My husband even insists on deep cleaning the bathroom once a month.
I knew I would marry my husband when I visited his bachelor apartment and the bathroom was immaculate. The floor around the toilet was clean and smelled faintly of bleach. His toilet was sparkling. He keeps our bathrooms in our home the same.
His balls stink so bad, his hands stink after he scratches them. Thats just fuckin nasty.
What’s making them itch so bad? Fungus?!
That's disgusting
Some of us can even scratch our balls without our hands coming out smelling like crotch cheese. It’s not difficult to wash the sack frequently, some might even say it’s pleasant.
lol , agreed !!
Dude here. I’ve never scratched my balls for minutes at a time like OP describes.
If I had balls and needed to scratch them for more than 2 seconds, I'd do it privately.
Yeah like if scratching takes more than like 30 seconds at most then he should get checked out prob tbh
It’s probably from not showering. He’s a pig.
Very possible also
I'll admit I've gone to town itching my nethers, but it's when I haven't showered for a week due to depression (and yes - I'm single and putting no one else through this), but I 100% wash my gross ass hands after doing so. And it motivates me to take a shower, too!
I swear, some people just have itchy balls. I've known a couple guys who are like this. I call it Itchy Nut Syndrome
The scratching is less the problem than the not washing your hands. Either scratch over your clothes or wash your hands after scratching.
I mean, you scratch long and hard enough through clothes and you're still gonna wanna wash your hands. The downstairs can get *stanky*.
I will not argue with this.
LOL "Itchy Nut Syndrome"... Let's call it what it really is - Jock Itch...a fungal yeast infection; basically Athlete's Foot, but on your ballsack. What they need is some fkin Miconozole and to make sure their wedding tackle is clean and dry and well ventilated (by wearing proper breathable underwear) instead of festering in sweat and funk.
Or that one guy the other day who didn't go to the doctor until after a year of itchy balls and it was eczema
OOF. Can you imagine, Eczema on your nads?? I have eczema but I've *never* experienced a breakout/flare up on my lady bits. How fucking awful...
Very true, but if your junk is so bad that scratching it makes your HANDS stink?? That’s a whole ‘nother issue! OP’s boyfriend is a dirty skank and she needs to bounce *immediately.* He’s “sensitive” when she mentions how much his stink turns her off??? PLEASE.
Agreed. I'm about 99.99998% sure it's a yeast infection, and he doesn't wash his balls in the shower to boot.
Yeah, I have persistent eczema around my eyes and that's bad enough. Down there would be absolutely awful. The top comment was also a guy who had psoriasis there. I couldn't even imagine what that's like Here's the link to that post if you're curious lol https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/YAooujPGNG
My balls just shriveled up thinking about it and I don’t even have a pair. Ouch a whole fucking year?!
Wedding tackle! Lmao!!!!
There’s definitely something a lot more going on for the ones that do this. More than likely poor hygiene and washing habits (or lack there of).
Right? Why is everyone ignoring that his hands smell after he scratches his balls? I’m not a man but I feel like that is a good indication you should wash your balls more often…
Thank you! If his hands smell after scratching then the logical assumption is that his balls themselves smell bad due to lack of hygiene. I’ve been with my husband 23 years and I’ve never seen him scratching his balls. I’m also up close and personal to them and there is no smell. Then again my husband showers daily.
Most likely a fungal infection. Due to poor hygiene. NO rinse - but it still repeats.
Yes - there are fungi and sometimes little critters that can cause itchiness. Or it can be allergies to something like soap (hair in the pubic area tends to collect a bit more residual soap than skin on the upper body). It's not normal IMO. I would seek treatment for jock itch.
No. Guys are NOT like this. Nasty , gross guys are like this.
I was like wtf when I read that part lol. Most men aren’t like this and it’s insane to me that OP thinks it’s normal and not lack of basic hygiene.
That is such an outdated cop out for being a smelly lazy clart that doesn’t respect there partner enough to keep their half of the intimate shared space clean. Fastest way to change your partners perspective of you negatively
I can’t stand not brushing me teeth and I’ve been a guy my whole life it’s definitely not just a dude thing, maybe being lax about it could be considered a dude thing but to need another adult to tell him to brush his teeth is not just not because he’s a guy
Yes sometimes guys are like this and need a mother to care for them. The real question OP is asking is if she wants to mother this man child or not because he’s accepted himself and can’t see him changing. Very difficult to change someone when they think what their doing is ok.
I think it's very few. At least, among those without some functional neurological or other problem.
I don't get the extensive ball scratching at all. Have lived in a frat, had two husband, been a dorm supervisor, have worked in jails (where we do see such scruffiness), but have not seen the extensive ball scratching. But wash your hands if you're doing it. The not brushing teeth comes up all the time on this and other subreddits (it's almost always a guy).
The act of him scratching his balls wouldn't bother me, but she said his hands *smell* afterwards. I'm guessing it's more than just a normal skin smell
My boyfriend makes me feel like I’m a slob and I’m a very clean/hygienic person. Not as in he makes me but just his level of cleanliness does
Ah. That's really tough. I can't stand when people decide they have some "extra" hygiene that isn't scientifically verifiable. Should I sterilize my contact lenses? Yes. Should I sterilize my socks? Nope.
I’d tell him if he wants to act like a kid that I’d be glad to call his mom and have her come over and help him sort out his hygiene issues.
and leaving POOP on the toilet seat!!!!!! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP.
I thought she meant skid marks inside the toilet bowl.
I probably misunderstood it but I’d rather have them in the bowl than on the seat, if I had to pick.
She said skid marks "IN" the toilet not poop on the seat..geesh
Where did she say poop on the seat 🧐
[удалено]
She never said skidmarks on the seat though? Skidmarks are in the bowl, why tf do I even have to tell humans on the internet this lmao ew. Y'all need to read things a couple times before replying
IKR? I think they are lacking knowledge about words for the part of a toilet. It doesn't come up often in conversation unless one's parents fix things around the house or one is a homeowner who has to replace things, I guess.
In the toilet, not the seat. In other words, skid marks INSIDE the bowl. Very different lol
IN THE TOILET. The toilet is the fixture with a bowl and a tank. In the toilet means the poop marks are inside the toilet bowl. The seat is a separate object affixed to the top of the bowl.
lmaoooo. i thought skid mark was the universal term for "poop mark".
The fact that this thread turned into a debate about skid marks and what they are and where they were in this scenario perfectly sums up Reddit lol
I'm not standing up for him in any way, but the brushing the teeth thing is hard if the person has depression/other mental health issues. If he does have depression, judging that won't help. But if it's not depression, if it's just laziness (which it sounds like it is), then yeah, we should be judging.
Yes but it’s not « something men do », it’s an issue
Respectfully, these aren’t “dude” things, they’re slob things.
I’ve been married 9 years - my husband has never done one of these things. He’ll occasionally accidentally fart around me, and I’m pregnant now so I’m a gas monster, but that’s as far as we’ll take it.
Farting around each other is fine imho, just make sure to open a window if it smells xD
A GAS MONSTER I cracked up bc I am five apparently lol
Yeah we don’t claim him lol
These aren’t dude things. These are gross things lol. Leaving skid marks is ridiculous. He needs to learn to look at the toilet after he goes. It’s not that much to ask for
Speaking of skid marks and not looking at the toilet after he goes: The FIRST time I've visited my ex's house (we were 2 months in) , I went to the bathroom and there are skid marks. I would think that inviting anyone , especially your romantic interest , to visit your home you would make sure everything is clean...
I remember my ex leaving a fucking tarmac inside my toilet bowl once and when I went out and scolded him to clean up after himself he was upset that I was upset. Forgive me for believing it’s common courtesy to make sure you don’t leave skid marks in a toilet when you’re a guest in their home.
If there's no brush and cleaner nearby, I am not going back. As it stands, many people I know openly admit they do not go socialize if they think they'll have a bowel movement while there (regularity is great). But for younger people who might be newly staying over at each other's houses and adapting to new schedule, it can be a nightmare. People who haven't learned to check the toilet bowl (some avoid looking scrupulously, as if it's a horror show) aren't going to check when they're somewhere new.
Most people have the brush cleaner near the bowl… idk you’re typing up a whole novel for something inexcusable. If you have a nasty shit, check for skid marks after you flush. This is pretty basic.
>The FIRST time I've visited my ex's lol first impressions are lasting! Idk why some people can't do better
Yeah for real... when I went to visit my now husband he cleaned his place every time, even tho we are both very comfortable with each other... there's a difference between wearing jogging pants and letting your hair down and being disgusting... also I feel like its so flattering that a guy puts in effort to impress you when you go visit the first time... so if I visited a guys home for the first time and it was filthy I'd feel like he wasn't that into me rly.
Unless you grew up in a home where things weren't clean. My own family had a mix of...styles. My mom was regarded as the most obsessive, clean person of the group. Everyone was pretty clean except for one uncle (but I didn't think much about their toilet - despite the skid marks; the mom in that family was dying of cancer through everyone's middle school and high school years and I think such things fell by the wayside entirely).
Yeah, agreed. That’s not just dude things, some are borderline but skid marks on the toilet? That’s really gross.
Pretty sure she means in the toilet…. Do u scrub the toilet after every single time going to the bathroom?
if there is VISIBLE SHIT left in the bowl, YES?
Yes??? Dude come on! Always leave it clean. You might have a guest come over unexpectedly, or you might accidentally get into the habit of thinking this is okay to leave at other people‘s houses as well. If you’re unsure that you’ll do it, put some toilet paper down before you use the toilet.
okay look i really didnt know this... uhm yall taught me how to be a better person today
But many people don't! I feel grateful I was brought up properly. As was my husband (even more strict and cautious since they were 4 people with just one toilet). The number of people who haven't been taught these rules of engagement with a guest toilet is significant. Maybe 20% of people aged 18-25 (judging from the discussions in my classes).
I thought she meant skid marks on the toilet seat, but that’s what a toilet brush is for lol. To get the skid marks off of the bowl!
WHY DO HIS BALLS SMELL?
If he can't be bothered to flush the toilet to get rid of skid marks, do you really think he washes his ass? Scent travels 🤢
That's so wrong! 🤣
THAT'S the million dollar question. I mean, something's going on down there.
And why are they so itchy
EXACTLY.
I mean at the end of a hot and busy day every man's genitals will have a smell. Same with women. Dude sounds gross but don't pretend that your genitals never smell bad.
What we are talking about in this case is our man scratching his balls inside his trousers, removing said hand, thus stinking up the room. This does not happen because you took a brisk walk or had a busy day.
Not saying what he’s doing is a-okay, but OP didn’t say that in the post, they just said “and it will smell”, never mentioned that it stinks up the room. If you’re in the trades or otherwise doing physical labour all day, things get sweaty, and your junk might have a smell. Completely normal for that to happen.
For sure, but if the smell is noticeable to someone whose head is not right next to them it’s time for a wash. If I can smell my own genitals while being fully dressed then I know I need to shower asap and put on clean pants. I highly doubt she’s taking his hand and sniffing it - sounds like the smell is pungent enough to waft.
Idk but I take a shower every morning and just a short walk in spring/summer will make me start sweating. Wait a couple hs and smell is right there. I guess it’s not that uncommon.
Make sure he understands that good hygiene is a non-negotiable for sex and don’t back down. A1 for attraction reasons and B2 for preventing UTIs, etc. Nails, hair, body, teeth. It’s honestly the least he could do.
UTIs are such an important consideration here! He is being gross.
He might adjust just long enough to get her used to him around. I would bail out. Cleanness is something that requires daily attention if not constant attention, this can't be changed by anyone but the person themselves and over time.
“Very dude things.” No. Most men aren’t disgusting like this.
True, I was living with a male roommate that was pretty uncleanly but even he didn't leave skidmarks or have hands that stink of smelly balls... really not a high bar.
The amount of women who come on Reddit complaining about their man’s disgusting hygiene habits is so sad.
Stay single ladies
It’s so depressing because it’s the below bare minimum they can do in the relationship. Women are expected to do EVERYTHING- domestic labor, the child care and still work outside the home. The very least they can do is wash their fucking ass. I rather be single than live with a man who leaves a smell on his side of the bed when he’s not even in the house
I had a male roommate like this. Left skid marks on the toilet, only washed dishes with water (no soap), left muffin wrappers scattered on the bathroom floor, forgot to shut the balcony door and a fucking raccoon walked in shocking me. I confronted him and he just says nothing’s wrong with raccoons, they’re safe, I grew up with them. I lasted two months too long. We had several conversations but he couldn’t change his habits. Even would have half his bare ass on the dining chair so I stopped using it. I told myself I’ll never have a man for a roommate again, scared straight
Wow I completely feel you! This is exactly how my female roommate has been for the last 10 months. No raccoons but constantly closing the front door and rewashing her “cleaned” dishes, picking up for her after she cooks her meals and flushing the toilet before I go because she forgot to. Can’t wait til it’s all over and I’m in a new spot like tou
I was very lucky to have be a monthly lease. Two more months! I hope you never experience this again.
…Why was he eating muffins in the bathroom?
I’m living with my bf of 5 years, and he does not do this — he would describe your bf as a manchild. Good hygiene is part of being a functional adult. I’d have a real conversation with him, and be honest about how it’s making you feel.
Have a frank talk whitnhim about what you will accept, and what you won't. Be reasonable, but let him know your "deal breakers", and walk away if he keep breaking them, simple as.
"Guys" are not like that. Your guy is like that. I have lived with four men romantically in my lifetime, and none of them neglected their teeth, their hand hygiene, or left shit stains in the toilet (except in one case of the worst stomach ailment I have ever seen, it was honestly horrifying and awe inspiring that the human body could survive such a thing). I strongly recommend you tell him his lack of personal cleanliness is affecting the way you feel about him. You would not neglect your personal cleanliness and expect him to maintain the same level of respect and attraction to you, nor would any sane person. You are not asking too much.
I think when your boyfriend stops trying to impress you it’s the beginning of the end
Are you me 3 years ago? Because this is how my ex lost me. At some point, I got a skin infection because he touched me with dirty hands regularly. "My love, the way you keep your hygiene makes me lose my sexual interest in you. If you want me to keep it, please raise your standards." - if that doesn't work, I am afraid nothing will.
You forgot, OP already lost attraction. Her relationship is done. She should've said that months ago!
These are not normal things. Skid marks? Unacceptable. Fingers smelling like balls? Nope. Set your hygiene standards. If he doesn’t accept them, maybe it’s not meant to be. My hubby is a slob but even he can adapt so there is literally no excuse.
>sometimes guys are just like this No, they are not. Daily toothbrushing is basic hygiene. Washing hands after touching genitals or using the bathroom is basic hygiene. For the sexual intimacy, it doesn't really matter if the toilet is sparkling clean first, but keeping one's body clean is absolutely necessary. There's a difference between cleaning up the home and doing chores vs personal hygiene. Separate those topics, and only address the personal hygiene.
I’ve been a man for many years, as long as I can remember. I brush my teeth twice a day, wipe my own ass thoroughly, refrain from scratching my balls, routinely wash my hands, and consider myself generally hygienic. Your boyfriend is gross, and needs to get his shit together.
You have no obligation to stay with a man who is not fully housebroken. There are plenty of men who are.
This made me proper cackle 🤣
No man is worth putting up with stank booty nonsense! There is not one single excuse for a grown ass man to not practice basic kindergarten hygiene! None!! Ladies! Raise the bar!
You'd think it would be easier to raise the bar with it being literally IN HELL 😭
YOU WOULD THINK!!!
Guys aren't just like that. Most of us practice proper basic hygiene. If you have to mommy a man into doing the bare minimum he's not worth keeping.
Tell him you don’t find toddlers sexy. At all. If you need to nag him about his teeth - you are his mom and that’s killing an attraction. If you see him being gross and need to remind him wash hands - again not sexy. He can choose how he wants to be perceived by you.
Your mom should not be telling adult you not to do these things either!
When my husband and I were first dating he started ripping ass and belching loudly in front of me and it wasn’t ok with me. I told him, “I understand humans have bodily functions and that’s fine, but blatantly and intentionally being gross makes me feel like you’re treating me like ‘one of the guys’. I assume you are dating me because I’m a feminine woman and *not* one of the guys, and you hold more influence than you realize in how feminine I feel. Please treat me like the lady you fell in love with.” He totally got it and it hasn’t happened since.
I love this! Thank you for putting language to something that may be common in many dating/marriage relationships.its easy to "let things go" in marriage and see general self presentation standards slip over time. I appreciate this.
My poor boyfriend never farted in front of his deceased wife, his kids, or me. He would simply disappear from the room. Sometimes he was off doing other things, but he never ever farted in front of people.
Neither did my dad, nor most of my male relatives. Nor my husband. My dad would say, "Well, I gotta go see a man about a dog" and go outside. Which is what all of us (women or men) still do today - all of my uncles did that. The ladies were more discreet and didn't announce (and my mom admitted that she sometimes held farts in).
OP, you are still with him. You are showing him what you are willing to put up with. How many more years do you want to be with a man who doesn't take personal responsibility for his own hygiene? Being long distance protects you from his personal habits, but if you dream of ever living together, this is what you will get. This is his version of how a man should be. Do you accept that?
Since you recoil from him touching you....this might be past saving as your mindset has shifted. Maybe a separation/space and discuss why, but if you've already discussed this multiple times I would just think you're incompatible and move on
If his hands smell after he scratches his balls then he’s not washing properly down there. I think he’s reverting to his natural behaviour. People act nice and clean and tidy and normal for awhile while in a relationship and then gradually regress to their normal default state and I think this is what you are seeing. This is who he is.
That isn't a man thing, he's just being lazy and gross. You have to live with him, he needs to act like that matters.
“He’ll scratch his balls for minutes at a time and not wash his hands after and it will smell”…WHAT?! SMELL LIKE WHAT FUCKING SMEGMASMOOTHIE?…that’s foul. Start sending him YouTube videos on how to properly clean himself… for the sake of your nose getting used to agitated ball cheese in the air…SHEEESH!
You're dating a 6th grader. It's not your job to be his mommy and tell him to brush his teeth before bed and wash his hands before eating and clean the toilet if you poop on it. Tell him straight forward. You either fix your hygiene or I'm moving out. I can not tolerate this any longer. Tggn do it if he refuses. He's taking you for granted right now.
I’m glad I left my ex who was like this *shudders*
My partner of 5 years will sit there on the couch with his hand down his pants while he is "chilling" it knocks me absolutely sick. Never known a woman to sit there fondling her flaps while she's decompressing from work. Ew
Actually, it's not uncommon! As a lesbian, I've had two girlfriends do that. Have talked to other women who do too. Didn't bother me since they were both very clean, I just thought it was funny.
Sounds like the honeymoon phase has worn off. He more than likely did these things before and. Is you’re out of the honeymoon phase you both are putting it on less. He’s letting loose and you’re noticing more.
I had to have a conversation with an ex-boyfriend. He consistently failed to wash his hands after using the restroom and then would engage in intimacy. No matter the reason, if you are repulsed by someone, you should not be sleeping with them. That will only spell trouble in the long run. I think you should approach the topic. You understand that you are messy in some ways too- why not come up with a solution that benefits you both? You agree to work on tidiness, he agrees to prioritize hygiene. That would be a win-win.
Check the amount of clear water in the toilet. It may be low. Newer toilets tend to have an issue if the bowl pan is long and the water filling the bowl is too low. The result is that excrement can hit the porcelain, not the water, and not fully remove itself when flushed. If the water is too low, that's a fixable problem. Source: Lived in a fairly new apartment, have this problem in one bathroom commode, but not the other.
Those aren't dude things- they're just gross things. This guy has awful hygiene habits. He's too old to be this way.
I read this to my husband and he said " that's disgusting " so no, thisnis not just a man thing. But you have to tell him.
That’s what one unfortunately gets when in a relationship with a manchild. Call his mom and tell her to teach him basic hygiene.
I have lived with two boyfriends before and neither one did these things. This isn’t normal op
you KNOW he is touching everything in the kitchen with his unclean penis fingers Oh honey. Not all men hate washing their hands or caring for themselves. He can't really be trusted to wash his own balls. I bet your "personal" health is doing great since you've been basically celibate, because of the lack of bacterial contamination
The whole time I read the post, I visualized a grown-up version of a guy in school who stole my custom pencil with my name etched on it, and shoved it down his pants and rubbed it on himself. It smelled foul and I told the teacher so I didn't have to touch it. I feel like he grew up to become OP's boyfriend. Edit: accidentally said "grew up to be OP" but I meant OP's boyfriend.
I have been with my husband for going on 7 years, living together for 6. He brushes his teeth twice a day (and flosses) and I have never once had to ask him to do it. I have NEVER seen him with his hands down his pants or scratching his balls. He doesn’t do any “gross guy things”, so it’s bullshit that “something guys are just like this”. Men are just as capable of being as polite and hygienic as women are expected to be. It’s a choice to be gross and disrespectful towards you.
OMG sis, pick your standards up off the floor. Don't be with nasty men.
These are not dude things, they are nasty things
I could get scratching balls. But not brushing teeth or skid marks on toilet is weird. That is not husband material. All guys and girls have flaws but if I couldn’t see myself marrying him/her I wouldn’t continue the relationship. If I were you, I would tell him either you stop these behaviors or we are done. I’m your girlfriend. Not your mother and I won’t be cleaning up after you. I won’t be telling you to brush your teeth. If you need to scratch yourself at least wash your hands afterwards.
Ya majority of dudes are not like this. He’s clearly not wiping his ass properly and he doesn’t care enough about you to fix anything. UPDATEME
I’ve been married 19 years and my husband does none of these things. It’s not a guy thing, it’s a disgusting person thing.
These aren’t “dude” things this is dirty ass mofo things. Even if he was in environment living with only men, they would call him out on his behaviors that affect them like the poop marks. You have to tell him the truth. If he wants the relationship bad enough he will change.
I am going to focus on your last paragraph. I too have ADHD and am a very scattered messy person. I also have OCD (When my therapist first mentioned I might have OCD, I was like “haha, no. I’m so messy.” But it doesn’t always equate to a neat freak.) My partner is tidy around the house and my messy lifestyle is a constant struggle with living together. I try to organize and clean things to meet his needs, but usually fail. Now an example of something that I find completely unacceptable is putting a utensil in a condiment jar after it has touched anything else. If I am making a sandwich, I will use 2+ knives. He doesn’t agree that if he spreads mayo on his bread and needs more mayo that he should get a new knife because the first one has touched the bread. He doesn’t agree, but he tries to accommodate my need to keep the jar just so. It’s tricky because I know my messiness makes him stressed out, and I often fail to meet his need for maintaining a tidy bedroom to relax in (his side of the room is tidy, but mine…not so much). So how can I demand he use 6 knives to prepare lunch? But it’s what I need, and he values that. Sometimes he might forget and contaminate the mayo with a bread knife 🤮, but he always *tries* to accommodate my needs. So I suggest you just tell him, “I am glad we are able to spend this time together. In living with you, I have noticed some of your habits that I am struggling to tolerate, and I am hoping you can work on them for me. Since we are sharing a restroom, if your poop leaves streaks in the bowl, please flush again and maybe even do quick scrub with the toilet brush and cleaner. Also since we’re together in person we are able to actually kiss, but when I know that you aren’t regularly brushing your teeth, I don’t want to.” Since lack of hygiene can sometimes be due to executive dysfunction from ADHD or depression, you can also get him Colgate wisps, and mouth wash to make *some* dental hygiene attainable. “Lastly, if you have an itch on your privates, please excuse yourself and make sure to WASH YOUR HANDS. A relationship works best when we listen to each other’s needs so I appreciate you listening to what I need you to work on. I know I am a messier person than you; it’s there anything that I can work on to make you happier?” Good luck. Your expectations are INCREDIBLY REASONABLE. You are allowed to have and communicate your standards even though you are a messy person that doesn’t keep everything pristine all the time. I repeat YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE AND COMMUNICATE STANDARDS even though you are a messy person.
Give to him straight, honey not to burts your balls but the following actions are giving me the ik. You like my beaver, you better clean your wood
this is literally just him being disgusting. nothing to do with being a "dude".
“Dude things”? Maybe you need to date cleaner dudes.
I know lots of clean guys. This isn’t cool. Normalize having icks and leaving. You don’t have to be ok with everything he does just to be in a relationship. Trust that if he gets the ick from you, he’ll be out of there before you know it. Don’t put up with this. The ball scratching and no brushing his teeth is so gross and it should be a dealbreaker. Have dealbreakers, girl! You’re not obligated to stay. Especially when you asked him to stop and he didn’t care.
Omg I can’t get over all people trying to make excuses a baby this fuckin pig of a guy. I’m disappointed
Bad hygiene is absolutely not a man thing and this stereotype needs to stop. If your partner has bad hygiene, it doesn't matter what gender they are, it's not normal and it's not ok. Do not excuse your bf because he's a man, that's insane.
Omg I swear you just described my ex (we just broke up 2 weeks ago). I delt with the same thing allllll the time, among many other issues. I started putting toothpaste on his toothbrush in the morning when I brushed mine, and then I whenever it was still there when I got home from work I’d remind him and it helped him get better about it for a little while. But not much. The ball itch and stink- I got him ball deodorant but it didn’t stop him from messing with them. That goes to say, he’s not respecting your needs for hygiene nor himself and it only gets worse from there.
There is a difference between messy and unclean
If you ignore it it will get worse! I ignored this gross crap from my ex and then one day he crapped his pants at work, drove home, took them off, showered, but left the shit filled pants in a back bedroom we weren’t using and I didn’t know or find them until I broke up with him and was gathering my things to move out. Quit before it gets worse 😅
Ngl these aint “dude” things he just nasty 💀
These aren’t dude things lol these are just nasty dude things. Has he ever lived alone?
Him saying guys are just like this is such a pathetic excuse lmao. My boyfriend is one of the tidiest & most hygienic person I know. Yours is just gross
Why does his hand smell after scratching his balls?
I'm a man and I find this disgusting. It's not what "men" do it's proper basic hygiene. Your "boy" is a plain old slob.
>Just very “dude” things OP this shit is offensive and is a gross generalization. These are NOT dude things, these are gross ass slob things.
Asking someone to respect basic hygiene standards isn’t « nagging ». Is it him who’s calling this nagging?
nag, not neg nagging someone is persistent urging or admonishing about a perceived fault or action you want them to do
Thanks for correction. From what I observed, in our culture nagging has a negative connotation and it often is associated with women asking their male partners doing basic things like throwing the trash out, washing their hands… brushing their teeth. Which basically transforms this word into a weapon used by lazy men against their wives/girlfriends.
yeah, they lack any self reflection take care of your shit! don't turn me into your mommy cuz you won't get off your ass and take care of your responsibilities 🙃
Start leaving your used tampons all over the place. He’ll get the message.
Having skid marks in your underwear isn’t normal, at least not for a 27 year old. I mean yeah itching balls are sometimes needed but I wouldn’t say it should be a regular occurance - unless there’s something wrong down there… the smell also indicates that he has hygiene issues that probably needs addressing. Overall, it sounds like you probably should have noticed all of this stuff a lot sooner than 6 years
The first thing I thought about was, 6 years together and u don’t have a ring yet? Girl, what is he waiting for? Men know when they know. He is wasting ur time…run!!
The only thing I’ll defend is the ball-scratching, but I stop there and do not condone dirty balls. I wonder if you’ll show your boyfriend this thread and whether or not it will spark any motivation for improvement. I haven’t read many comments, but I’m sure they’re plenty ripping him apart over the absurd notion that being a man prohibits you from being hygienic or considerate of the people you’re sharing space with.