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UncleHec

>The Berlin Gold Hat is the best preserved specimen among the four known conical golden hats from Bronze Age Europe so far. Of the three others, two were found in southern Germany, and one in the west of France. All were found in the 19th and 20th centuries. It is generally assumed that the hats served as the insignia of deities or priests in the context of a sun cult that appears to have been widespread in Central Europe at the time. The hats are also suggested to have served astronomical/calendrical functions.


DevryFremont1

Were the hats worn on the head or just ornamental?


CubitsTNE

“Wouldn’t a solid gold fiddle sound crummy and weigh hundreds of pounds?”


Decraniated

Not if you rosin up your bow.


frowawayduh

Umm. How does one play that fiddle hard? Asking for a friend.


Jesus_Is_My_Gardener

First you insert the bow.


ThatITguy2015

Go on…


Fast_Garlic_5639

Well it’s mostly for show


fluffybuffalo23

You hit a sour note about 200 years back, Doug.


tomqvaxy

Time for the drum solo.


fatguy19

Wikipedia says 490g


Internal_Lettuce_886

I’m gonna need that in American terms. What’s the equivalent weight in handguns/whoppers/wheatgrass


Falernum

4 quarter pounders


Internal_Lettuce_886

With or without cheese


Falernum

Hmm I'm not totally sure. I'd have to do the Muenster math.


SeefKroy

It was a gruyere graph


Hell_Mel

*Fucking Exceptional*


IncubateDeliverables

🎶 He did the math... 🎶


bingwhip

This should be the most upvoted comment ever.


runtheplacered

It took your comment for me to read it again and go "oooooooooooh". Yeah that's pretty good.


Teledildonic

That pun is an onion, it's got layers! A punion, if you will.


408wij

With cheese. You know why they call it the Royale with Cheese and not a quarter pounder, right? Because it's 490g.


Forya_Cam

So just a pounder


Jeramy_Jones

Pounder? I hardly know her!


jason_V7

Approximately four frozen, uncooked Whopper patties.


cocobisoil

2½ football fields


exipheas

The turf of 2.5 football fields would weigh about 10.6 million lbs.


IactaEstoAlea

That's the weight of a regular wooden violin No way it would weigh that if it was made out of gold. It would be over 20 times the weight (if it was made of an equivalent volume of mass)


NippleSalsa

Shut up and take my money.


Goshman77

They were probably worn by some high class individual only during ceremonial occasions, to show it to crowds. Thats also one of the reasons why they were so big


thisusedyet

I believe it was [the postmaster general](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Making_Money)


A_Ronin86

Appreciate the discworld reference. Gotta get back to those.


almostbutnotquiteme

GNU Sir Terry


middlemanagment

[Similar hats are still in use actually](https://ogden_images.s3.amazonaws.com/www.ljworld.com/images/2008/04/22174151/pwe_pope_attire_2k_col_4-16.jpg)


Beat_the_Deadites

Their king in the pointy hat what sits on his throne in Rome!


Itsjeancreamingtime

The hat is also a calendar > A detailed study of the Berlin example, which is the only one fully preserved, showed that the symbols probably represent a lunisolar calendar. The object would have permitted the determination of dates or periods in both lunar and solar calendars.[1][2] >The functions discovered so far would permit the counting of temporal units of up 57 months. A simple multiplication of such values would also permit the calculation of longer periods, such as metonic cycles. Each symbol, or each ring of a symbol, represents a single day. Apart from ornament bands incorporating differing numbers of rings there are special symbols and zones in intercalary areas, which would have had to be added to or subtracted from the periods in question.


Chilkoot

One prominent theory is that the hats served as a lunar/solar calendar conversion tool as societies moved to sun-centric time tracking.


phillybob232

They’re actually not hats but rather the game pieces for Cones of Dunshire


H_Katzenberg

The Four Conical Golden Hats from the Bronze Age, sound like legendary artifacts from a videogame. I bet they boost Magic and HP to the highest level.


NonbinaryYolo

I demand an Indiana Jones and the Four Golden Hats immediately.


giant_albatrocity

But in secret, another hat was made…


Thx4AllTheFish

Sun cult feels so pejorative, like if you have a four foot tall golden hat, then you have a religion on your hands.


hymen_destroyer

Sun Cult is pretty based actually, if you're gonna have a religion worshipping something, it might as well be the celestial body responsible for sustaining life on Earth. Almost a sort of proto-scientific naturalism. Always believed the same thing about Akhnaten. That guy was on to something, just the world wasn't ready for it


_PaddyMAC

My understanding is that many anthropologists don't really differentiate between a "cult" and "religion" other than "cult" is often used to refer to smaller, newer, less organized faiths, not as a pejorative. Some religious scholars even use the term "new religious movement" to refer to what we call "cults" in the modern world (scientology for instance), the implication being that every religion essentially starts as what we would consider a cult.


debonairmarmoset

Oh, the word “cult” in all is pejorative glory should be used on any group that has a motive other than an exploration of faith. Apply that notion to any established religions if you like.


DonarArminSkyrari

Modernity or how new a group is has nothing to do with if it's called a cult. The main difference between cult and religion is that cults claim secret knowledge that you have to join to gain such as ancient Mystery Cults, Scientology, or the Freemasons, though arguably all religions fall into this definition. The difference between cult and religion only serves for mainstream religions to put down other groups.


Epistemite

brb ordering a tall gold hat for my boss so our company can get tax-exempt status.


Thx4AllTheFish

That's the ticket! Don't forget the robes and the inexplicable bigotry!


debonairmarmoset

Is there explicable bigotry?


CentiPetra

The fourth was found in the U.S. by Joseph Smith. /s


eatmynasty

Nobody tell Matt Berry


CNpaddington

“You took it, by force, from me, in New York Citaaaay”


ABOBROSHAN

"The most deeviouus baaastaard in NNEEWWWW YOOORK CIIIITAAAAY"


n0vacs

FUCKS SAKE LAZLO THAT STUPID BLOODY HAT HAS A STUPID BLOODY CURSE ON IT


liquidben

FUH-KING GUY


hezdokwow

Fuck off, I have no need of your cheap sex potions.


tooobr

whats the reference? Fan of Matt Berry.


mendicant1116

What We Do in the Shadows


Conch-Republic

What's that puckering I feel back there? That's the witch's asshole.


P2029

Or the entirely separate person, regular human bartender Jackie Daytona from Tucson, Arizonya


apple_atchin

https://www.reddit.com/r/WhatWeDointheShadows/s/By05xeM0Gx We have this in Tucson at 191 Toole. Thought you might enjoy.


Icy-Zone3621

It belongs to my uncle Seamus. He drunkenly left it behind in a Munich beer garden 36 years ago.


Lyrolepis

Fancy hats must truly be some sort of innate human cultural universal. Hundreds of thousands of years from now, our descendants will live in ways that would be utterly incomprehensible to us; and yet, they will still give big, shiny head coverings to those they deem particularly worthy of honor.


Mr_Chubkins

I agree with your point, but I think even 500 years from now our descents will live in ways that are utterly incomprehensible to us. Maybe even less time. The world is changing so fast.


Lyrolepis

Yes, but fancy hats... fancy hats never change.


DonovanSpectre

Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HAT.


Baalsham

50 years from now we will all be old and cursing at the mysterious ways of the Beta boys -btw I really hope the generation after alpha gets called beta


Beat_the_Deadites

kids these days, amirite?


johnbarnshack

Some orcas apparently used to wear dead fish as hats for a while (although it's difficult to find the actual source for this story), so it's not just humans.


Darktider

Google 1980s orcas wearing salmon hats. You will find the info you're looking for.


Accomplished-City484

In the spring time we’d make meat helmets


SquanchMcSquanchFace

I hope we get some wild spacesuit fashion once space travel becomes ubiquitous. I’m thinking space helmets with giant LED cowboy hats


CurlSagan

[Here's an artist's recreation of the hat's former owner.](https://i.postimg.cc/05VyGKLr/Ulqzhfv6j6g21.png)


RoyalYokel

Wow! Looks straight out of a sci-fi movie


heftybagman

Man the fact that i had to scroll to see his face made that way funnier


SeefKroy

Ah yes, Dieter Düsseldome, owner of the Düsseldorf Düsseldome


gloomy_stars

i laughed way too hard at this haha, thank you for that


MongolianCluster

Found in a place that was known as Dimagermany.


Zealousideal_Star252

Dimmadeutschland


NoYgrittesOlly

You just had to do it to ‘em didn’t you. Dumped that dude’s comment straight into a dimmaditch


zadtheinhaler

He don't give a dimmadamn.


lamented_pot8O

Is the artist proposing that the wearer is an ancestor of Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome; or that Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, is immortal?


lurker_cx

It said they found 3 of these hats.... these are the owners: https://static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Why-SNL-first-movie-failed-Coneheads.jpg?q=50&fit=contain&w=1140&h=&dpr=1.5


Mr_Abe_Froman

One *was* found in France.


IBJON

Lmao. I was hoping for this and would've been severely disappointed if you linked anything else. 


johnklotter

Oh sorry, that‘s mine! I lost it somewhere sometime ago.


sg490

That’s a common and enduring myth. It’s actually mine


asynqq

Private property? No, it's *ours*. That hat is a nationalized asset of *our* nation.


WingerRules

The fact this thing is preserved so well despite being made of gold leaf is insane. Would have been incredibly easy for it to end up crushed into something unrecognizable.


BoabHonker

From quite far down the wiki article - "The good preservation of the cone suggests that, like the Schifferstadt example, it must have been carefully filled with soil or ashes and then buried upright in relatively fine soil." Best guess is it was intentionally buried in a way that preserved it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RenterMore

It really is insane. It only we could tell that person they succeeded


Spamonfire

It's also not as thin of gold leaf as we would be able to make today (for fancy desserts) but still very impressive. I've seen it a few weeks ago in berlin, it's pretty interesting!


Fischli01

Kinda reminds me of Rennala's hat from Elden Ring


folkdeath95

Was gonna say the Gold Ardeo, Bloodborne


Sernpidal6

I think that is Doug Dimmadome’s hat. If you don’t already know, he is the owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome.


intendeddebauchery

The Doug Dimmadome owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome


JimboTCB

[DougsDaleDimmaDaleDimmaDimmsDomeDoDiDomeDimmsDimmaDimmaDome](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts5af0aFcuw)


waltjrimmer

I'm sorry, the fuck? I was able to watch that video just a couple of months ago, now someone has had the audacity to copyright strike it?


A_Doormat

Welcome to the death of creativity on the internet.


DrunkenIrishDog

No, I Dimmadidn't know that


KindAwareness3073

Just my luck! I get great seats for the annual human sacrifice and wind up sitting behind this guy!


Bebilith

Interesting that they were not crushed in accidents or melted down over the 3000 years they were just sitting around. Be they have some interesting stories to tell if they could.


BoabHonker

It mentions in the article it was probably intentionally buried in a way that preserved it. Maybe to avoid all the hat thieves.


lotsanoodles

All hat no cattle.


Neethis

... but what a hat.


WalkingCloud

I like that they know how old it is but not how long ago they found it


CakeMadeOfHam

What is this, the high hat? I'M SICK OF THE HIGH HAT! Youse fancy pants, all a youse.


TechSgt_Garp

I think it belongs to Moist Von Lipwig? ;-)


BoabHonker

Needs wings for him


AmbitiousTrader

Modern religions don’t want us to look at sun worshiping cults at all. The sun is the most powerful force in our solar system and and brought life to earth.


Broccoli-Trickster

It does seem like a pretty solid candidate for worship


CruisinForABrewsin

It is one of the few things I can actually wrap my head around why it would have been worshipped.


RandomPlayerCSGO

I mean, we can see it and it doesn't tell us we can't fuck before marriage, so praise the sun.


walterpeck1

If only *I* could be so grossly incandescent.


Unique-Ad9640

Joe Pesci is on par. At least according to George Carlin.


j33205

"I worship the sun. But I don't pray to the sun...I pray to Joe Pesci. He's a guy who can get things done"


MrMangoTango22

Is this why I go to the beach more than church?


mxmsmri

It giveth, it taketh away.


j33205

and I think most importantly...I can see it


cloudofevil

Praise Sol


FillThisEmptyCup

Starting at 13:10 should be interesting to you: * https://youtu.be/LPhANpsR1gM?si=0jADAwG01yM00XSL&t=790


rockerscott

You are kind of blowing my mind right now (I am a little high though so not too difficult)…but what if the Sun is God.


AmbitiousTrader

That’s IS what all ancient peoples revelation they came too. The sun is the source of all the energy and gravity. It IS god. The sun the flying through space around the Sagittarius A and we’re all following it.


Whalesurgeon

A lesser god then, but orbiting the greater god, Black Hole, the god of destruction.


HughJorgens

All praise the Holy Hole.


twoinvenice

Vagittarius A


UncleYimbo

All you have to do is spend one cold, sleepless night in the woods. Shivering, too cold to do anything but shiver. Wide awake. Hearing all the strange noises, whatever goes bump in the night in the immense yawning darkness that stretches around you in every direction.. then, eventually, the sun emerges, giving you both the heat and the light. It's not hard to see why ancient people worshipped the sun.


Beer-survivalist

> The sun is the source of all the energy and gravity. The sun is not the source of all gravity, it's not even the source of the majority of the gravity acting on you right now--that's the Earth. It's not even the second greatest source of gravity acting on you, individually, right now--the Moon. Gravity falls off dramatically over distance. The Newtonian equation is Fg=G(m1m2)/r^2. Even though the Sun is huge, the distance is even greater than that. It's why lunar tidal differences are so much greater than solar tidal differences (which do exist). Apologies for the sloppy formatting of the equation.


Cpt_Chuckles

Chaos Dwarf vibes.


mint-man

HASHUT! HASHUT! HASHUT!


mendicant1116

It's funny because it's bigger than a normal sized hat


BoabHonker

Great reference. Now I'm going to have to go and watch all the SNL celebrity jeopardy eps on YouTube.


Cracklin0atBran

That’s not a hat….


SnuggleBunni69

Magic Man


tauslb

Hey, I saw that hat a couple of days ago! Apparently it has a bunch of mathematical and astronomical information encoded in the patterns


NarcissisticCat

Bronze Age Northern Europe had very advanced and rich metallurgy traditions for the time, the Nordic Bronze Age culture being the most prominent example of this. These golden hats are attributed to the Urnfeld(or late Tumulus) culture though. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urnfield_culture Fun read.


kingOofgames

Phallic symbols, phallic symbols everywhere!!


vishalb777

Flared bottom too 👀


Hakairoku

>Berliner Goldhut Forget the hat, that's a banger name.


IwishIhadntKilledHim

Oh I don't have a big enough helmet to negotiate with this guy


InvestigatorNo3564

This thing’s existence just *screams* for an appropriately zany villain to come steal it and then wear it while taunting a gathering of world leaders at the UN via video feed.


Hunter_Ahab

Praise the sun


EVIL-EAGLES

There is a whole episode of Ancient Aliens dedicated to this hat and other objects.


UnderwaterDialect

Fuck, the line from wiki saying that there were sun cults in Central Europe at the time just got me so excited. What’s a good book, for a casual history fan, about Europe during the Bronze Age??


ubittibu

Bronze age really fascinates me. Many things happened before the greek and roman civilizations and besides the egyptians


kennytheguat7

Deutsch Dimmadome, owner of the Deutschland Dimmadome?


Toe_slippers

look more like mobi dick


LittleMlem

I feel like there's a Mormon joke in here somewhere


purlgraytea

I love this!!


Ok-Lengthiness4557

Anythings a dildo if your brave enough.


FartTassles

Hypothetically how much could the hat sell for?


monchota

Ancient astronaut theory suggests it was ALIENS!


Big-Red-Rocks

One hat to rule them all.


rara_avis0

That's a gold hat, cool cat.


IncorporateThings

Dawi Zharr are from Germany?? That makes a lot of sense, actually, damn.


heichwozhwbxorb

Are they sure it wasn’t a trophy earned for beating your rivaling neighbor in some annual sporting event?


gamenameforgot

TIMMY TURNER, MY NAME IS


Public_Peace6594

Thats clearly slash's first hat


Starfire-Galaxy

I remember hearing about this from [The Pharoah Nerd](https://www.youtube.com/@thepharaohnerd7235).


SuperCyberWitchcraft

And yet they say wizards aren't real


SparkyMountain

Oh, and it might track astronomical events.


VegeoPro

Hmmm, double king anyone?


Mando_The_Moronic

Ancient Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Ancient Dimsdale Dimmadome


Neither_Cod_992

Maybe it was like the Stanley Cup of priestly hats. Every time they successfully predicted something they got a new hoop added on.


joofish

Der Dimmsdale Dimmadome


MyCleverNewName

1) that's not a hat 2) wash your hands


Professional-Cap-495

butt plug


doomgiver98

It's funny that if we don't know what something is for we just default to religion. Maybe it was just a status symbol or fashion, you know?


BoabHonker

"ritual purposes" doing a lot of work


Spamonfire

The thing is, this hat would be so insanely difficult to make at the time, and with the symbolism engraved in it as well as the way it was carefully preserved and buried and also hidden, it is pretty likely that it was used for religious purposes


Epistemite

It wasn't a default. Read the general "gold hats" article. There's a lot of reasons why scholars think it was associated with a sun cult.


jmarcandre

well, what you call "religion" was what these guys thought about daily. "who am I and why is any of this happening to me?" was a constant question and the use of "religion" was their way to rationalize it.


Ulfurson

It’s a calendar


cjaccardi

Gandalf has returned 


Jumpsuit_boy

Oh that is where I left that.


PoutinePirate

Gryffindor!


sacredblasphemies

My bad... that's mine. I completely forgot that I left it in Germany. 3000 years ago.


omnimodofuckedup

Gee, thanks guys, that's mine. Family heritage. Now kindly return it to me.


DweadPiwateWoberts

Beldar


tooobr

so sick


theorys

Drip


HughJorgens

You not give smoked fish to lovely lady even though you say you pay for sex? Maybe Rabbit-fur Grak bash you with rock!


Jimbocalypse

This was awarded to the best ice hockey team every year


Worried_Archer_8821

Guess they found it some time LESS than three thousand years ago…


DaglessMc

Looks like a Item you would get in Elden ring that would give you extra runes. your head would be completely covered by the bottom bit.


EDNivek

It couldn't be more than 3,000 years let's start there


Ashrok

Btw. It looks like a rocket ship …


bradiation

That def [boosts your magic](https://eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com/Queen%27s+Crescent+Crown).


rtopps43

NWH is gonna have to bust a cap in someone’s ass


Greene_Mr

...did F. Scott Fitzgerald know about this?


Batman_with_preptime

Joyboy...


SunflaresAteMyLunch

745mm tall and an average material thickness of 0.6mm That's impressive!!


realfakejames

Magic man!