I've never had a feeling of dread practicing because nobody ever in my life has ever been horrible like that. Not even when I was a kid playing badly in a literal tent with other tents all around me. Your family are being dicks.
There's being considerate and then there is being a people pleaser. Learning the difference will help you lose some of that anxiety.
You're being perfectly considerate and deserve to take up space in the world.
If you're not a teenager living at home, then your neighbors just need to cope. Daytime is totally reasonable and you won't be violating any noise ordinances. Don't use a mute.
I grew up in a family where I was both damned if I did and damned if I didn't. I learned that my dignity was a casualty either way, so I started disregarding their contrived disdain for all of my choices that weren't really harming anyone. It was a blessing in disguise in the long run. In the end it's their wasted effort in slamming doors and wasted breath dwelling on things they don't enjoy, and your limited time before the grave to spend with the violin. I hope I'm not overstepping, sorry if I am, and hope you find a way to grow despite these difficulties. Best of luck with your journey.
You are not rude, your family is rude. As someone else said, you deserve to take up space in the world. Just keep practicing because you are doing something that makes YOU happy and that's the only thing that matters. You're being considerate and doing it during daylight hours. If a neighbor has an issue, they can speak to you politely about it. If they hassle you, ignore that and resume business as usual.
This is YOUR LIFE. your neighbors can deal with a few hours of your practicing just like you'll deal with a few hours of your neighbors loud music or child cartoons. You got this
Honestly just own it. I know we trust our families, and automatically want to please them. I know it hurts when you feel like you're displeasing them, but your family is human too. It sounds like THEY'RE being inconsiderate. In this situation it sounds like you need to be a little bit more selfish. Hard to hear, I know. But they've already got a preconception of your playing. They've decided it's a bother. But just because THEY have doesn't mean you should feel the same.
I was in a similar but less extreme situation. Back when I just started playing I practiced in the shed in my back yard, so they didn't have to hear me. I turned it into my own private studio. I'm assuming you don't have any good place to practice, so as I said, be selfish. If you practice, love what you do, and get good at what you do your family will eventually be bragging to anyone who listens. (Like my father, who thought my playing was so bad he made me clear out the shed if I wanted to practice.)
Now I've played in huge concert halls with huge orchestras and my family gets to pretend they believed in me the entire time. You'll get to the point where you can do the same. Be proud of what you've accomplished in SPITE of your unsupportive family.
So my advice to you is be confident. Realize that you're practicing to improve. And if anything if you hear them turn the TV up just PLAY LOUDER. You're doing something 10 times more productive than them anyway. Don't let them get to you.
Is it possible to find some place that will not disturb others? I’m grateful that someone suggested the ground floor garage to me. Or could you talk it out, like, possibility to offer ear plugs to them so that everyone can feel comfortable?
Suggestions:
-Find another place to practice. Ask friends, neighbors, community center, parks, etc. YOU WILL find someone or some place that is accommodating. I have students that can't practice at home and I gladly let them use whatever available studio space there is where I work. Community centers are another good idea, they usually have rooms available. You would also be surprised to know that some people LOVE listening to practice. Find those people in your community, they may open up a room for you.
-Sound proof your area. Get a mute. Hang blankets.
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if you figure it out, let me know. I've been having that same feeling of trying to be overly kind and courteous to people who I know don't like my practicing for like 30 years. I don't have issues with my violin, but I love to play didgeridoo as well, and everyone hates it for some reason no matter what life situation I found myself. I've done a lot of hiking to play my didge in my life, and play it at home when my wife leaves the house for any reason. Sometimes I do just make people suffer though, I can't just go a week without playing my didge, you know?
I've joined a community orchestra, and I have problems picking up my violin to practise the pieces. I know I'm not fantastic, I've not been in an orchestra for decades. And I suffer from anxiety. It's a wonder that I can make it there at all.
When I do practise, I spend a lot of time with the sheet music, making sure I know what's going on, but it still sounds crap.
I guess my 2nd violins colleagues just accept that I'm not as good as them, but my butt is on that seat, and I enjoy being part of a team.
Hey I just want to let you know I relate a lot! I’m also playing in community orchestra after a long break and I feel like one of the least experienced players - a lot of others played in youth orchestra and college whereas all my prior experience was from high school (and I wasn’t a very good player then either).
I tend to get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of music that I need to learn and get up to speed, and thinking about it all at once makes me not want to practice at all because it just seems futile, which of course doesn’t help. I’ve really figured out this year that it’s incredibly worth it to actually take my time and work on small parts of it and get them down. For example, with a tricky rhythm I slow the metronome all the way down to 40 and clap and count it out, then add playing to it and keep slowly incrementing the metronome. All the while my brain is screaming because the actual performance tempo is 130 and there’s no way I’ll have time to figure this out, and I’m spending so much time on only 10 bars in 20 pages of music, right? But it ends up that I only have to go super slowly in the initial step, and once I get that down confidently it’s much easier to get up to speed (and I’m always practising it correctly, rather than rushing through it and practising it wrong the whole time, which is what I've tried in the past). I've been able to make a lot of progress this way with much more challenging repertoire than I’ve ever played before, and feel like a fairly solid player even knowing there are some things I just don’t have enough time to work out.
I started keeping a practice journal and that’s also helped - I’ll track which metronome markings I’m practising different sections at, and write a little practice plan for the next day when I’m done practising for the day (it’s usually 3 specific sections from various pieces - if I get through those in 30 minutes and don’t want to keep practising, at least I’ve done significant work on those areas which is better than completely avoiding my violin because I’m panicking about how much I haven’t practised yet).
Also in case this helps ease your mind, most players are likely focused on their own playing, rather than hearing issues with yours. As long as you’re not constantly playing over rests or playing loudly a measure behind everyone else, you can hide a lot as part of a section. There have been so many times where I’ve been like “wow, I sucked at that” and my stand partner was also struggling and didn’t notice, or just didn’t notice regardless.
Sorry, that was a bit more of a ramble than I planned. Let me know if you have any strategies for motivating yourself to practice/keep practising too, I’d love to hear!
Yes you are definitely not the asshole, major red flags from an unsupportive family. Find another place to practice if you can. But never ever blame yourself for the treatment they’re giving you. That’s all them
I don’t get how some people are so reactionary. Don’t stop practicing, it’ll eventually sound better if you put in the effort. Always grab the time and practice when they are not home…
first of all, it's not your fault but theirs, they have no reason bitching about when you play at correct hours.
second, you can buy a cheap mute for 5$ on amazon if that bothers you.
Do not care.
Please, if people cannot realize the nature of the efforts you put not to disturb them do not overlook for their approval. First, people need to complain when they talk it's a social convention kinda. Secondly, people never happy, you could have 20 years of practice, they will complain about something whether it is your technic, your skill, your notes or whatever.
At what time is it legally allowed ? You're at your parents home ? They put violin in your hands probably ?
Anyway, in that situation I would stop playing nearby those persons until they realize they are not hearing anymore so they can see it is better to hear and live with music than live in the silent and loneliness (of pop songs). I would only play outside at school or any place where i feel people won't judge or at least tolerate other people than themselves.
Best moment in music are when you're surrounded of a lot of people but in the moment you're just alone with your instrument communicating your feelings and your soul. (I only started playing violin for 7months but been playing guitar for 20years and can already play stuff like czardas, some parts from Vivaldi or Vecsey and his Valse Triste, but even if people say i progress a lot I'm very exigent on myself, I hope my neighbours enjoy my two hours of violin everyday 😂)
Speaking of practicing elsewhere - if you're lucky enough to be near a college, in the music departments they often have practice rooms. Might also be able to use a study room at a library.
That said, you could always pick up an electric violin and headphone amp to practice on. Not exactly the same but it's a viable alternative. There are cheap ones out there, just make sure it has the equivalent of the body on the top right side so when you are doing different positions you have it as a spot of reference like on regular violins.
My sister used to complain the same, or she would warn people that “yeah it’s actually super loud and distracting” and that always made me feel terrible and like I had to apologize for practicing. One of my neighbors also complained - I apologized to her one morning when I saw her in the hall right after moving in, I told her I was a violinist and I was sorry but my job demanded I practice daily, but I would do my best to always be done at 10pm. She said “yeah, trust me, I already figured it out” and every time I practiced she would turn the tv up super loud.
Haha another person who always made me feel bad for practicing was my dog. Everytime I started he would instantly stand up and look at me annoyed, and then he would do the biggest groan ever and walk out of the room with his head down. Always wished my dog would at least like my playing!
It really sucks, but this is your chosen life, and the people in your life need to fucking deal with it. Let them be all pissy at you - you are the one who is getting to push yourself, getting to be your best self, and eventually getting to escape this toxic family environment. Never forget that music opens doors that most other professions don’t. You can get full-expenses paid scholarships to colleges, you can spend summers touring Europe without having to pay a dime, you get host families and fancy dinners in a beautiful mountain town hundreds of miles away from home all for free. You get to meet incredibly intelligent and smart and hard working people who root for you despite any failures and who will be there to pick you up when things get hard. By playing music, you’re creating a support system that is stronger than family.
It’s hard being a musician from a non-musical family. My family did shit on my playing a lot, they always believed my dreams were unrealistic, they were always waiting for me to quit and become a nurse or something, they were always waiting on me to fail. I told my mom I was applying to my current school with my current program and she laughed at me for “overreaching”, and then I got in with a full scholarship. She was so proud - but I was angry that she had doubted me so much.
Yeah I do feel guilty if I practice too loud for my neighbors - but once you are in school it gets better because you can use the practice rooms and go HAM in there. Or if you are working in an orchestra there may be some practice rooms backstage. If you are in school, you can often use an unused band room during lunch or something. Who cares. You are pursuing something really difficult and really INTERESTING, and it just so happens to make noise.
Of course the opposite thing that happens is you tell people what you do for a living and they are like: oh wow cool!! I always wished I could be a musician! That’s so interesting! And me and my bf swap glances - and I laugh and am like: I promise it’s not as interesting to my bf who hears the same 10 seconds of music over and over and over for weeks. People in the world respect musicians and want to be them, but they don’t understand the sacrifices. And part of that sacrifice is annoying your neighbors and family! Like: sorry guys!! But guess what, those same neighbors and family are telling people about you with pride. I’m serious. My family complains about me practicing at holidays and how loud it is and how long it takes, and then I catch them literally telling anyone who can hear how dedicated and hardworking I am and how incredible my career is.
And trust me, those neighbors are trying to complain to their friends “ugh, my neighbor plays the violin all day it’s so annoying”, and their friends is going, “oh what that’s so sick! I’d much rather hear that than the house music MY neighbor plays all day!” Or “oh wow, I played violin in high school I would love to live next door to a musician!”
So you know, there’s downsides to every job. This is ours. Own it! Stay within reasonable hours, but do your work unabashedly
Buy a METAL practise mute! This one is a very good dampener but also lets you find colours. It is great value and a great conversation starter too.
[https://www.concordmusic.com/products/animal-practice-mute-whale](https://www.concordmusic.com/products/animal-practice-mute-whale)
You are not being rude! I feel for you and I wish you were my neighbor so we could encourage each other in our practicing! You're not keeping up anyone at night, you're only playing during broad daylight. I say go ahead and play without a mute on. You're not breaking any rules. I practice with impunity as long as it's no later than 10 pm because that's when my city's quiet ordinance takes effect. I haven't gotten any complaints, but my neighbors have a lot of noisy kids so I imagine they've got too much chaos to mind.
I know exactly how you feel - my downstairs neighbor complains about my piano practice a lot, so there was a time when I couldn't think of anything else while trying to play, which did not have a positive effect. On the other hand, I used to have a roommate who was trying to learn the banjo, and while he played only during the daytime, there's only so many times you can hear the intro to dueling banjos without going postal.
The violin is not that loud and doesn't carry that much; I'd suggest putting a bit of cheap soundproofing foam on your walls and closing your windows when you practice. I don't think more consideration than that is warranted - you can make noise during the daytime; you wouldn't go complain to your neighbors every time they hang a painting.
If soundproofing won't alleviate your own anxiousness, following the advice of some of the other posters is probably best, there are usually lots of options to book a room for an hour or two at a music school or community center, and you can practice there - maybe even get the appropriate appreciation from other visitors.
I would definitely get a practice mute, the big kind that completely covers the bridge. You can get heavy duty metal ones that dampen the sound a lot, or rubber ones if you are worried about the weight of a metal one potentially warping your bridge. If you have hardwood floor or bare walls, adding carpets, tapestries, or sound proofing panels. Keep windows closed. I live in an apartment and do all these to minimize the bother to my neighbors.
If you can find a nearby school or music academy that has practice rooms, that might be a good option. I greatly prefer practice rooms because they’re private and heavily sound-proofed, so you can play as loud as you want and don’t have to worry about how a mute might affect your tone.
I had the same issue with my parents since I started the instrument. They hated it, but would like me to have extracurriculars, so they allowed it. Then, my sisters started playing instruments, and they realized they couldn’t do anything anymore, and I liked practicing again.
Please keep playing OP, it gets better and you will be able to do as you please. Your family doesn’t control you. I’d suggest trying to find practice rooms you can rent out, if available. Your excitement about the instrument is the most valuable thing of all, keep going! 😊
I am so sorry you are being treated so poorly by family. Can your instructor help you find a safe practice space (maybe once a week) where you can go without being bothered? They are being very immature and frankly a bit abusive. You are in no way being rude.
I’m so sorry you’re receiving this kind of treatment. It took me years to be willing to practice if anyone was around, just because my inner critic is a jerk, but I cannot fathom having people actively saying the crap aloud that I think in my head about my own playing, let alone people who should be supporting my efforts. Please please please engage with other musicians IN PERSON as much as possible and find your community and encouragement from them and build up your self-confidence. One thing I’ve learned, as great as mutes and practice rooms and electric (“silent”) violins are, if you are always thinking about playing quietly or trying not to disturb others, you can never fully play your instrument. Quiet should be purposeful, not perpetual, and anyone who has sh** to say about your playing should pick up that bow and give it a go first.
That said, I’m always trying to find ways to make my instrument quieter for ME so I can hear other acoustic players when I’m jamming, because most other instrumentalists do NOT understand how loud a violin right next to your ear can be lol. And I get tired of telling acoustic guitarists to PLAY LOUDER. I sometimes resort to sticking my head right by their instrument so it’s playing directly in my ear. That reminds them 😂 sorry…off topic a bit.
My point is, you’re gonna sound louder to yourself than anyone around you, no matter what you do. Bear that in mind, when jerks start saying you’re oh so terribly loud. They’re exaggerating. You’re not playing electric guitar through an amp turned all the way up. Yes, the violin is a naturally loud instrument by design, but it’s not ear drum shattering loud.
Heavy practice mutes are pretty good, but some work better than others. You can also use binder clips on either side of your bridge if you don't have a practice mute…just make sure they don't touch your strings. This is a good tutorial https://youtu.be/amW3_Shn5tw?si=b2UZw9crDQ8ELphp
To your primary question about dread…the only fix is positive interactions and experiences associated with practice, which will eventually nudge out the awful experiences you’ve had so far. To that end, practice around people who are kind, who want to hear you, and who need a little bit of extra joy in their lives. Kids, shut-ins, random people on the internet, whoever. That dude with the guitar at the park…go play with him. Ask your friend who’s always singing if she wants to try a duet. People who will see and hear you playing anything and just think it’s the most amazing thing, because it is. It’s a hard instrument, and it’s lovely, even played simply.
Remember that any time with your instrument is practice, so in order to get past the dread, you might have to dedicate time to “practice loving to practice” (stick with simpler things that you feel confident playing around people), as well as “practice to work on the stuff I’m trying to play” where you struggle through wrong notes and other mistakes as you learn something new.
Sending you fierce hugs and your bullies the middle finger 💪
In terms of family, it sounds like the issue is a) they're bitter about you working and succeeding at something so difficult when they can't or won't bother b) they're assholes. Anything that's worth doing is going to be a little inconvenient, and if they're not doing anything worth doing themselves, of course they won't get that.
On the other hand, this might not quite be what you want to hear, but: neighbours are narky. They'll always find something to give out about, so it may as well be the thing you love that you know is good for you. Your joy and your passion in playing is far more valuable to you than their gripes are to them.
I remember feeling like that when I first moved in with roommates, and they used to make fun of me "skinning the cat". I know it was supposed to be a joke but it made me feel really anxious cuz I felt like I was bothering everyone. That feeling has unfortunately stayed with me and it is hard to shake.
Please don't let them get to you. You should be allowed to practise as long as you want, without checking the time. One needs to practise until one accomplishes certain goals, not according to a clock. Your family and neighbors are being controlling and unfair, they only have a right to complain if you are making noise after 11 pm. If you are practising during the day then you have every right and should ignore them. Do it FULL ON and irritate them, I dare you!
I've never had a feeling of dread practicing because nobody ever in my life has ever been horrible like that. Not even when I was a kid playing badly in a literal tent with other tents all around me. Your family are being dicks.
There's being considerate and then there is being a people pleaser. Learning the difference will help you lose some of that anxiety. You're being perfectly considerate and deserve to take up space in the world.
If you're not a teenager living at home, then your neighbors just need to cope. Daytime is totally reasonable and you won't be violating any noise ordinances. Don't use a mute.
You are not rude. Stop caring about what others think and you'll be much happier. It is your right to play the violin.
I grew up in a family where I was both damned if I did and damned if I didn't. I learned that my dignity was a casualty either way, so I started disregarding their contrived disdain for all of my choices that weren't really harming anyone. It was a blessing in disguise in the long run. In the end it's their wasted effort in slamming doors and wasted breath dwelling on things they don't enjoy, and your limited time before the grave to spend with the violin. I hope I'm not overstepping, sorry if I am, and hope you find a way to grow despite these difficulties. Best of luck with your journey.
This is horrible to hear. I’m so sorry they’re unsupportive. I promise things do get better as you get older and get chosen family
You are not rude, your family is rude. As someone else said, you deserve to take up space in the world. Just keep practicing because you are doing something that makes YOU happy and that's the only thing that matters. You're being considerate and doing it during daylight hours. If a neighbor has an issue, they can speak to you politely about it. If they hassle you, ignore that and resume business as usual. This is YOUR LIFE. your neighbors can deal with a few hours of your practicing just like you'll deal with a few hours of your neighbors loud music or child cartoons. You got this
Honestly just own it. I know we trust our families, and automatically want to please them. I know it hurts when you feel like you're displeasing them, but your family is human too. It sounds like THEY'RE being inconsiderate. In this situation it sounds like you need to be a little bit more selfish. Hard to hear, I know. But they've already got a preconception of your playing. They've decided it's a bother. But just because THEY have doesn't mean you should feel the same. I was in a similar but less extreme situation. Back when I just started playing I practiced in the shed in my back yard, so they didn't have to hear me. I turned it into my own private studio. I'm assuming you don't have any good place to practice, so as I said, be selfish. If you practice, love what you do, and get good at what you do your family will eventually be bragging to anyone who listens. (Like my father, who thought my playing was so bad he made me clear out the shed if I wanted to practice.) Now I've played in huge concert halls with huge orchestras and my family gets to pretend they believed in me the entire time. You'll get to the point where you can do the same. Be proud of what you've accomplished in SPITE of your unsupportive family. So my advice to you is be confident. Realize that you're practicing to improve. And if anything if you hear them turn the TV up just PLAY LOUDER. You're doing something 10 times more productive than them anyway. Don't let them get to you.
Is it possible to find some place that will not disturb others? I’m grateful that someone suggested the ground floor garage to me. Or could you talk it out, like, possibility to offer ear plugs to them so that everyone can feel comfortable?
Suggestions: -Find another place to practice. Ask friends, neighbors, community center, parks, etc. YOU WILL find someone or some place that is accommodating. I have students that can't practice at home and I gladly let them use whatever available studio space there is where I work. Community centers are another good idea, they usually have rooms available. You would also be surprised to know that some people LOVE listening to practice. Find those people in your community, they may open up a room for you. -Sound proof your area. Get a mute. Hang blankets. -
if you figure it out, let me know. I've been having that same feeling of trying to be overly kind and courteous to people who I know don't like my practicing for like 30 years. I don't have issues with my violin, but I love to play didgeridoo as well, and everyone hates it for some reason no matter what life situation I found myself. I've done a lot of hiking to play my didge in my life, and play it at home when my wife leaves the house for any reason. Sometimes I do just make people suffer though, I can't just go a week without playing my didge, you know?
I've joined a community orchestra, and I have problems picking up my violin to practise the pieces. I know I'm not fantastic, I've not been in an orchestra for decades. And I suffer from anxiety. It's a wonder that I can make it there at all. When I do practise, I spend a lot of time with the sheet music, making sure I know what's going on, but it still sounds crap. I guess my 2nd violins colleagues just accept that I'm not as good as them, but my butt is on that seat, and I enjoy being part of a team.
Hey I just want to let you know I relate a lot! I’m also playing in community orchestra after a long break and I feel like one of the least experienced players - a lot of others played in youth orchestra and college whereas all my prior experience was from high school (and I wasn’t a very good player then either). I tend to get overwhelmed with the sheer amount of music that I need to learn and get up to speed, and thinking about it all at once makes me not want to practice at all because it just seems futile, which of course doesn’t help. I’ve really figured out this year that it’s incredibly worth it to actually take my time and work on small parts of it and get them down. For example, with a tricky rhythm I slow the metronome all the way down to 40 and clap and count it out, then add playing to it and keep slowly incrementing the metronome. All the while my brain is screaming because the actual performance tempo is 130 and there’s no way I’ll have time to figure this out, and I’m spending so much time on only 10 bars in 20 pages of music, right? But it ends up that I only have to go super slowly in the initial step, and once I get that down confidently it’s much easier to get up to speed (and I’m always practising it correctly, rather than rushing through it and practising it wrong the whole time, which is what I've tried in the past). I've been able to make a lot of progress this way with much more challenging repertoire than I’ve ever played before, and feel like a fairly solid player even knowing there are some things I just don’t have enough time to work out. I started keeping a practice journal and that’s also helped - I’ll track which metronome markings I’m practising different sections at, and write a little practice plan for the next day when I’m done practising for the day (it’s usually 3 specific sections from various pieces - if I get through those in 30 minutes and don’t want to keep practising, at least I’ve done significant work on those areas which is better than completely avoiding my violin because I’m panicking about how much I haven’t practised yet). Also in case this helps ease your mind, most players are likely focused on their own playing, rather than hearing issues with yours. As long as you’re not constantly playing over rests or playing loudly a measure behind everyone else, you can hide a lot as part of a section. There have been so many times where I’ve been like “wow, I sucked at that” and my stand partner was also struggling and didn’t notice, or just didn’t notice regardless. Sorry, that was a bit more of a ramble than I planned. Let me know if you have any strategies for motivating yourself to practice/keep practising too, I’d love to hear!
Buy a new family. My god…
Yes you are definitely not the asshole, major red flags from an unsupportive family. Find another place to practice if you can. But never ever blame yourself for the treatment they’re giving you. That’s all them
I don’t get how some people are so reactionary. Don’t stop practicing, it’ll eventually sound better if you put in the effort. Always grab the time and practice when they are not home…
first of all, it's not your fault but theirs, they have no reason bitching about when you play at correct hours. second, you can buy a cheap mute for 5$ on amazon if that bothers you.
This is emotional abuse.
Do not care. Please, if people cannot realize the nature of the efforts you put not to disturb them do not overlook for their approval. First, people need to complain when they talk it's a social convention kinda. Secondly, people never happy, you could have 20 years of practice, they will complain about something whether it is your technic, your skill, your notes or whatever. At what time is it legally allowed ? You're at your parents home ? They put violin in your hands probably ? Anyway, in that situation I would stop playing nearby those persons until they realize they are not hearing anymore so they can see it is better to hear and live with music than live in the silent and loneliness (of pop songs). I would only play outside at school or any place where i feel people won't judge or at least tolerate other people than themselves. Best moment in music are when you're surrounded of a lot of people but in the moment you're just alone with your instrument communicating your feelings and your soul. (I only started playing violin for 7months but been playing guitar for 20years and can already play stuff like czardas, some parts from Vivaldi or Vecsey and his Valse Triste, but even if people say i progress a lot I'm very exigent on myself, I hope my neighbours enjoy my two hours of violin everyday 😂)
Speaking of practicing elsewhere - if you're lucky enough to be near a college, in the music departments they often have practice rooms. Might also be able to use a study room at a library. That said, you could always pick up an electric violin and headphone amp to practice on. Not exactly the same but it's a viable alternative. There are cheap ones out there, just make sure it has the equivalent of the body on the top right side so when you are doing different positions you have it as a spot of reference like on regular violins.
My sister used to complain the same, or she would warn people that “yeah it’s actually super loud and distracting” and that always made me feel terrible and like I had to apologize for practicing. One of my neighbors also complained - I apologized to her one morning when I saw her in the hall right after moving in, I told her I was a violinist and I was sorry but my job demanded I practice daily, but I would do my best to always be done at 10pm. She said “yeah, trust me, I already figured it out” and every time I practiced she would turn the tv up super loud. Haha another person who always made me feel bad for practicing was my dog. Everytime I started he would instantly stand up and look at me annoyed, and then he would do the biggest groan ever and walk out of the room with his head down. Always wished my dog would at least like my playing! It really sucks, but this is your chosen life, and the people in your life need to fucking deal with it. Let them be all pissy at you - you are the one who is getting to push yourself, getting to be your best self, and eventually getting to escape this toxic family environment. Never forget that music opens doors that most other professions don’t. You can get full-expenses paid scholarships to colleges, you can spend summers touring Europe without having to pay a dime, you get host families and fancy dinners in a beautiful mountain town hundreds of miles away from home all for free. You get to meet incredibly intelligent and smart and hard working people who root for you despite any failures and who will be there to pick you up when things get hard. By playing music, you’re creating a support system that is stronger than family. It’s hard being a musician from a non-musical family. My family did shit on my playing a lot, they always believed my dreams were unrealistic, they were always waiting for me to quit and become a nurse or something, they were always waiting on me to fail. I told my mom I was applying to my current school with my current program and she laughed at me for “overreaching”, and then I got in with a full scholarship. She was so proud - but I was angry that she had doubted me so much. Yeah I do feel guilty if I practice too loud for my neighbors - but once you are in school it gets better because you can use the practice rooms and go HAM in there. Or if you are working in an orchestra there may be some practice rooms backstage. If you are in school, you can often use an unused band room during lunch or something. Who cares. You are pursuing something really difficult and really INTERESTING, and it just so happens to make noise. Of course the opposite thing that happens is you tell people what you do for a living and they are like: oh wow cool!! I always wished I could be a musician! That’s so interesting! And me and my bf swap glances - and I laugh and am like: I promise it’s not as interesting to my bf who hears the same 10 seconds of music over and over and over for weeks. People in the world respect musicians and want to be them, but they don’t understand the sacrifices. And part of that sacrifice is annoying your neighbors and family! Like: sorry guys!! But guess what, those same neighbors and family are telling people about you with pride. I’m serious. My family complains about me practicing at holidays and how loud it is and how long it takes, and then I catch them literally telling anyone who can hear how dedicated and hardworking I am and how incredible my career is. And trust me, those neighbors are trying to complain to their friends “ugh, my neighbor plays the violin all day it’s so annoying”, and their friends is going, “oh what that’s so sick! I’d much rather hear that than the house music MY neighbor plays all day!” Or “oh wow, I played violin in high school I would love to live next door to a musician!” So you know, there’s downsides to every job. This is ours. Own it! Stay within reasonable hours, but do your work unabashedly
Buy a METAL practise mute! This one is a very good dampener but also lets you find colours. It is great value and a great conversation starter too. [https://www.concordmusic.com/products/animal-practice-mute-whale](https://www.concordmusic.com/products/animal-practice-mute-whale)
You are not being rude! I feel for you and I wish you were my neighbor so we could encourage each other in our practicing! You're not keeping up anyone at night, you're only playing during broad daylight. I say go ahead and play without a mute on. You're not breaking any rules. I practice with impunity as long as it's no later than 10 pm because that's when my city's quiet ordinance takes effect. I haven't gotten any complaints, but my neighbors have a lot of noisy kids so I imagine they've got too much chaos to mind.
I know exactly how you feel - my downstairs neighbor complains about my piano practice a lot, so there was a time when I couldn't think of anything else while trying to play, which did not have a positive effect. On the other hand, I used to have a roommate who was trying to learn the banjo, and while he played only during the daytime, there's only so many times you can hear the intro to dueling banjos without going postal. The violin is not that loud and doesn't carry that much; I'd suggest putting a bit of cheap soundproofing foam on your walls and closing your windows when you practice. I don't think more consideration than that is warranted - you can make noise during the daytime; you wouldn't go complain to your neighbors every time they hang a painting. If soundproofing won't alleviate your own anxiousness, following the advice of some of the other posters is probably best, there are usually lots of options to book a room for an hour or two at a music school or community center, and you can practice there - maybe even get the appropriate appreciation from other visitors.
I would definitely get a practice mute, the big kind that completely covers the bridge. You can get heavy duty metal ones that dampen the sound a lot, or rubber ones if you are worried about the weight of a metal one potentially warping your bridge. If you have hardwood floor or bare walls, adding carpets, tapestries, or sound proofing panels. Keep windows closed. I live in an apartment and do all these to minimize the bother to my neighbors. If you can find a nearby school or music academy that has practice rooms, that might be a good option. I greatly prefer practice rooms because they’re private and heavily sound-proofed, so you can play as loud as you want and don’t have to worry about how a mute might affect your tone.
I had the same issue with my parents since I started the instrument. They hated it, but would like me to have extracurriculars, so they allowed it. Then, my sisters started playing instruments, and they realized they couldn’t do anything anymore, and I liked practicing again. Please keep playing OP, it gets better and you will be able to do as you please. Your family doesn’t control you. I’d suggest trying to find practice rooms you can rent out, if available. Your excitement about the instrument is the most valuable thing of all, keep going! 😊
I know what you're talking about, it's so annoying that I wish I could connect headphones to my violin.
I am so sorry you are being treated so poorly by family. Can your instructor help you find a safe practice space (maybe once a week) where you can go without being bothered? They are being very immature and frankly a bit abusive. You are in no way being rude.
I’m so sorry you’re receiving this kind of treatment. It took me years to be willing to practice if anyone was around, just because my inner critic is a jerk, but I cannot fathom having people actively saying the crap aloud that I think in my head about my own playing, let alone people who should be supporting my efforts. Please please please engage with other musicians IN PERSON as much as possible and find your community and encouragement from them and build up your self-confidence. One thing I’ve learned, as great as mutes and practice rooms and electric (“silent”) violins are, if you are always thinking about playing quietly or trying not to disturb others, you can never fully play your instrument. Quiet should be purposeful, not perpetual, and anyone who has sh** to say about your playing should pick up that bow and give it a go first. That said, I’m always trying to find ways to make my instrument quieter for ME so I can hear other acoustic players when I’m jamming, because most other instrumentalists do NOT understand how loud a violin right next to your ear can be lol. And I get tired of telling acoustic guitarists to PLAY LOUDER. I sometimes resort to sticking my head right by their instrument so it’s playing directly in my ear. That reminds them 😂 sorry…off topic a bit. My point is, you’re gonna sound louder to yourself than anyone around you, no matter what you do. Bear that in mind, when jerks start saying you’re oh so terribly loud. They’re exaggerating. You’re not playing electric guitar through an amp turned all the way up. Yes, the violin is a naturally loud instrument by design, but it’s not ear drum shattering loud. Heavy practice mutes are pretty good, but some work better than others. You can also use binder clips on either side of your bridge if you don't have a practice mute…just make sure they don't touch your strings. This is a good tutorial https://youtu.be/amW3_Shn5tw?si=b2UZw9crDQ8ELphp To your primary question about dread…the only fix is positive interactions and experiences associated with practice, which will eventually nudge out the awful experiences you’ve had so far. To that end, practice around people who are kind, who want to hear you, and who need a little bit of extra joy in their lives. Kids, shut-ins, random people on the internet, whoever. That dude with the guitar at the park…go play with him. Ask your friend who’s always singing if she wants to try a duet. People who will see and hear you playing anything and just think it’s the most amazing thing, because it is. It’s a hard instrument, and it’s lovely, even played simply. Remember that any time with your instrument is practice, so in order to get past the dread, you might have to dedicate time to “practice loving to practice” (stick with simpler things that you feel confident playing around people), as well as “practice to work on the stuff I’m trying to play” where you struggle through wrong notes and other mistakes as you learn something new. Sending you fierce hugs and your bullies the middle finger 💪
In terms of family, it sounds like the issue is a) they're bitter about you working and succeeding at something so difficult when they can't or won't bother b) they're assholes. Anything that's worth doing is going to be a little inconvenient, and if they're not doing anything worth doing themselves, of course they won't get that. On the other hand, this might not quite be what you want to hear, but: neighbours are narky. They'll always find something to give out about, so it may as well be the thing you love that you know is good for you. Your joy and your passion in playing is far more valuable to you than their gripes are to them.
I remember feeling like that when I first moved in with roommates, and they used to make fun of me "skinning the cat". I know it was supposed to be a joke but it made me feel really anxious cuz I felt like I was bothering everyone. That feeling has unfortunately stayed with me and it is hard to shake. Please don't let them get to you. You should be allowed to practise as long as you want, without checking the time. One needs to practise until one accomplishes certain goals, not according to a clock. Your family and neighbors are being controlling and unfair, they only have a right to complain if you are making noise after 11 pm. If you are practising during the day then you have every right and should ignore them. Do it FULL ON and irritate them, I dare you!